blitzweekly.com
VOL. 3 - ISSUE 39
June 1- 7, 2011 3
Send an ambulance, I’m thirsty
BLITZ News Shorts Hollywood Profile/Movie Review Music: So Beautiful Or So What Music: Jazzfest 2011 Vigilantes News Rangers News COVER STORY: 2011 NBA Finals The Best Of The Aughts Then & Now The Rematch Preview BLITZ BABE: Brianna Yin And Yang America’s Celebrity Obsession Can This Job Be Saved? The Jettstream Blitz Toys Health & Fitness Food Review: Rex’s Seafood Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes
3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 13 14 14 15 15 16 17
PUBLISHER Kelly G. Reed EDITOR Jeff Putnam PHOTO EDITOR Darryl Briggs COVER Cover Photography: Keith Allison & Gregg Case Cover Design: Damien William Mayfield STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS John Breen, Gregg Case, Steven Hendrix, Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, Joe Lorenzini, Chuck Majors, Matt Pearce CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Keith Allison, Eric Draper, Bronte Erwin, Manny Flores, Milton H. Greene, Ilmari Karonen, Staci Kramer, Gabriel Li, Magnus Manske, Hamid Mir, Cody Mulcahy, Brian Solis, Pete Souza, The Bum, Fastily, kid_diver_chick, Mono STAFF WRITERS annah Allen, Kris Boudreau, Adam Bruster, Raymond Bloomquist, Bronte Erwin, A. Faulkner, Jim Hanigan, Andrew J. Hewett, Tennessee Chris, The Bum CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Hannah Allen, Brian Beard, Raymond Bloomquist, Andrew J. Hewett, Jon Sullivan, Ethan B. Szatmary CONTACT US MAIN NUMBER 214-529-7370 FAX NUMBER 972-960-8618 kreed@blitzweekly.com
BLITZ Weekly P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029
www.blitzweekly.com
Copyright 2011 YK Publishing, LLC. No portion of BLITZ Weekly may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without the express written permission of the Publisher. BLITZ Weekly is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. BLITZ Weekly may be distributed only by BLITZ Weekly’s authorized independent contractors or BLITZ Weekly’s authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of BLITZ Weekly, take more than one copy of each BLITZ Weekly issue. Articles printed in this publication may express opinions or views not necessarily the opinions of BLITZ Weekly. The BLITZ Weekly is not responsible for the content or claims of advertisements or editorial in this publication. Story reprints are available for $1 plus postage; call the office at 214-529-7370 to place an order or check our archives at www.blitzweekly.com.
Probably there are scores of reports like this in the course of a year in a city the size of Bridgeport, Connecticut. Some drunken nutjob named Raymond Roberge, 65, calls 911 and when paramedics arrive, informs them that his need for beer has reached emergency levels. Would they mind running to the store for him? Once a factory town, life in Bridgeport reached upscale levels in the last thirty years. Have the police gone soft in the process? Yes, they charged Roberge with misusing the emergency system, all very well, but then we learn that he has made false 911 calls before—something like 80 times before, according to The Connecticut Post. Who are the idiots here? In trying to understand why Roberge hasn’t yet been given a lethal injection by civic-minded paramedics, we should perhaps consider that he didn’t try to drive to the liquor store while under the influence. And who knows, perhaps it would be cheaper to maintain him at home with all the beer he can drink than to support him in a jail cell. After all, this is the state that gave us Mr. Practical himself, Joe Lieberman.
More Kindergarten Cops
SANTA ANA, Calif. The Orange County Register – a sober and reliable publication – informs us that a 20-year-old woman named Leann Arriaga was arrested last month while driving with a .30 blood-alcohol level. Ho-hum. Well known to us at the Blitz Weekly is the case of a drunk who once drove from San Francisco to the town of Lompoc, nearly three hundred miles away – at night – while in a coma. Prior to his midnight ride, during which he was quite sure his eyes were closed, all he had known of Lompoc was its mention by W. C. Fields in The Bank Dick. He’d come to the right place, for though he was sprawled in his badly-parked car as Lompoc came to life in the morning, not one of Lompoc’s finest had anything to say to him.
Andrew J. Hewett
www.chewednews.com
AN ALL-WET ATTITUDE
When we came across the article here about soft police work in Bridgeport, Conn., it occurred to us that we might be experiencing a viral epidemic of police naïveté. Evidence of sappy police work abounds in the Santa Ana case. The arresting officer, a Cpl. Anthony Bertagna, had “never seen anybody that drunk,” and was “surprised that she was still functioning.” Apparently he was also surprised that Arriaga claimed to be trying to reach her home in Placentia after dropping her boyfriend at work in L.A. County, but when he stopped her in Santa Ana she was driving in the wrong direction to reach Placentia. Well, duh. Anyone with moderate experience of alcohol abuse knows that our roads are full of drunk drivers who possess an “automatic pilot” mechanism that enables them to drive in a safe manner without the use of their eyes, though they have no idea where they are until someone runs into them or they are stopped by overzealous patrolmen of Cpl. Anthony’s stripe. The picture of Arriaga accompanying the article reveals that she is a fox, by the way, which may partly exonerate Cpl. Anthony of the charge of naïveté. Had she been a dog he would might well have allowed her to euthanize herself with a few more swigs of the open bottle of alcohol found in her car.
Flooding from heavy rains did not stop Grace Nash, 20, and Bruce Crawford, 22, from rafting down a swollen Ohio river without wearing life preservers, then lying to rescuers. Later, according to news reports: “A judge sentenced them to stand in a tiny swimming pool while wearing life jackets and handing out water safety brochures at a festival in Painesville, 30 miles north of Cleveland.”
HE LIT UP HIS COFFIN
The Associated Press reported May 23, 2011 that Joseph Brooks, 73, was found dead in his New York apartment, a plastic bag over his head, attached with a hose to a helium tank. Perhaps, because, according to the AP, “Brooks was awaiting trial on allegations that he molested 13 women who were lured to his apartment for supposed acting auditions.” What was Brooks’s claim to fame? In 1977 he won the Academy Award for best original song, the Debby Boone hit “You Light Up My Life.”
IT REALLY SUCKED
Philadelphia osteopath J. Brendan Wynne in the Journal of the American Medical Association (March 6, 1987, page 1177) tells of being on a cruise ship when he responded to an emergency call over the ship’s loudspeaker. In response he found a 70-year-old, slightly obese woman in a cabin lying on her bunk. “Protruding behind her on the bed were several feet of (her) small intestine...” Evidently her large bottom had completely sealed the toilet opening and the strong flushing suction had “pulled everything out.” The woman kept repeating, “Why didn’t they warn me?”
QUOTE OF THE WEEK “All I can tell everybody is, we ain’t done yet.” – Mark Cuban Photo Courtesy: Staci Kramer
blitzweekly.com
4 JUNE 1 - 7, 2011
HOLLYWOOD PROFILE with Kevin Bacon
by Vivian Fullerlove
Let’s go back in time...to 1963 when it all began. Dr. Charles Xavier has just begun his school for humans with superhuman abilities with his best friend Erik Lehnsherr. Before Xavier and Lehnsherr took the names Professor X and Magneto, they were two young men discovering their powers for the first time. Before they were archenemies, they were closest of friends, working together, with other mutants, to stop the greatest threat the world has ever known. In the process, a rift between them opened, which began the eternal war between Magneto’s Brotherhood and Professor X’s X-MEN. I sat down with one of my favorite, favorite actors and interviewees, Mr. Kevin Bacon, who plays Sebastian Shaw in the film, to talk about his character and some of the special effects that blew him away during the making of X-Men First Class. Tell me about your character. Sebastian Shaw was a millionaire by the time he was thirty and a billionaire by the time he was forty. He is an extremely powerful man and wants to rule the world. He feels very strongly that regular humans who are not mutants are the enemy, and that what we need to do is create a world that is run by and populated by mutants. Like any decent bad guy, you want to help annihilate the human race. Most interesting, though, is how the plot of this film is woven into actual historical events. Tell us about that. The bad guys have a plot to destroy the world or take over the world or whatever, but it’s not that often that you come across a plot device driven by actual historical events. My idea, my plan is to escalate the
“Entertainment’s Real Critic”
Cuban missile crisis to get Russian ships and submarines into the Bay of Pigs and have the Americans and Russians fire on each other and create nuclear war. Then we will survive; the humans will wipe each other out, the mutants will survive and take over the world. It’s great because it already was an incredibly tense moment in human history; so you already have that built-in tension, and you lay onto it this crazy idea that it was actually my idea, and I think it’s a really cool way in. I heard there were some moments on set that really left you just awestruck. What was one of the things that really amazed you that moviegoers can look forward to? In the doctor’s office, my first scene in the film, young Erik starts bending metal and there’s a filing cabinet in the corner, and they’d shown me on a computer how this filing cabinet was going to start to vibrate and then it would crumble in on itself and melt to the ground. I assumed that was going to happen in post [production] and that it was going to be a digital effect. Then they said we’re going to shoot the filing cabinet, and it actually did that in life, live and in person. I still don’t know how they did it, and it was unbelievable; so my reaction to that is what I call NAR, no acting required, it was just spectacular. It was what I was hoping for as a character and as an actor, and it was a lot of fun. So if you want to see how it all began, check out X-Men: First Class when it opens in theaters nationwide this week. The film is rated Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of action and violence, some sexual content including brief partial nudity, and language.
A. Faulkner
HESHER
If you’re not careful, the thrash metalplaying, pornography-loving, and in all ways preposterous and unfiltered Hesher will leave a sentimental mark on you. As a twenty-something homeless squatter who crashes the house of TJ Forney, the thirteen-year-old who accidentally busted Hesher’s cover when he lived in an empty show home, Hesher bluntly breaks into audience’s hearts thanks to Joseph GordonLevitt. Far from the cute, good-guy roles he played in (500) Days of Summer or Inception, Gordon-Levitt’s spot-on performance as a lost and alternately childlike and terrifying loner feels authentic. As the first full-length film by writer/director Spencer Susser, this darkly humorous script gives flight to a world of wrongs and psychological crossroads. But this isn’t actually a film about Hesher; his antics are just the means of getting to the moral fiber of the story. TJ’s world is falling apart. He lost his mother in a car wreck two months earlier. He’s living with a shell of a father (Rainn Wilson) cloaked in depression, and a bully at school who likes to shove his face into the urinal. So the way Hesher elbows his way into the Forney family is often damning and dangerous, but absurdly hilarious all the same. And there has probably never been a character so outrageous. A day in the life of Hesher involves blowing up cars, setting diving boards on fire, smoking ganja with Grandma Forney (Piper Laurie), and
Dallas Polo Club
L E A R N T O P L AY P O L O NO RIDING EXPERIENCE NECESSARY WWW.DALLASPOLOCLUB.ORG
C ALL 214-979-0300 ext.1
EXAM, X-RAY & CLEANING
$50.00
1614 E. Beltline Rd. Carrollton, Texas 75006 972-466-0077 www.beltlinesmilecenter.com
playing a well-disguised guardian angel. Just when you think Hesher is taking the plot too far with the title character’s vehement outbursts, TJ deepens the film and becomes its anchor. As TJ, Devin Brochu gives the best performance by a young boy since E.T. The grief-stricken, motherless child learns to let go of the anger and meekness that has stopped him from standing up to the snakes around him, including Hesher. Concomitantly, TJ is falling in love for the first time with Nicole, a young grocery clerk who also defended his honor against bullies in her store parking lot. Played by Natalie Portman (who also co-produced the film), Nicole adds just enough hormones to the plot to make things interesting. TJ’s two new friends are helping him move forward in his life, although not in the way he would have planned. This is not a movie for everyone. Obscenity, bad language, and immature sexual jokes abound—it’s just plain crass—but ace performances give it heart. What could you possibly learn from Hesher? I won’t spell out everything for you because this award-winner (2nd place at the SXSW Festival in Austin) is worth your (very) open-minded viewing, but keep in mind that sometimes life gives you the finger, and sometimes life gives you Hesher. As TJ’s grandmother says, “Life is like walking in the rain…You can hide or take cover, or you can just get wet.”
June 1- 7, 2011 5
So Beautiful or So What
3. Dazzling Blue
So Beautiful or So What
4. Rewrite
So Beautiful or So What
5. Love and Hard Times
So Beautiful or So What
6. Love is Eternal Sacred Life
So Beautiful or So What
7. Amulet
So Beautiful or So What
8. Questions for the Angels
So Beautiful or So What
9. Love & Blessings
So Beautiful or So What
10. So Beautiful or So What
So Beautiful or So What
Hydrogen Jukebox Sanders Theatre – Fort Worth A marriage of Alan Ginsberg’s poetry with Philip Glass’s music, this is a rigorously avantgarde production with fresh young voices from Fort Worth Opera. Inspired.
Thur 6/2
2. The Afterlife
Wed 6/1
Jason Isbell and Maria Taylor Belmont Hotel – Dallas Stay at the hotel, full of architectural interest, dine at Smoke (adjoining) and hear two up-andcoming musicians, barefoot if you wish, on a lawn with a view of downtown Dallas.
Fri 6/3
So Beautiful or So What
Girls from Girdleville Hip Pocket Theatre – Fort Worth The full title of this saga by Johnny Simons says it all: Girls from Girdleville Defend Men in BVD’s from Bullies in Briefs. The first two installments ran in 1994 and 2004.
Sat 6/4
Jockeys and Java Lone Star Park – Grand Prairie Five bucks gets you in and the continental breakfast is complimentary. Watch the horses from the Courtyard of Champions and learn about them from jockeys and trainers.
Sun 6/5
MUSIC: Paul Simon 1. Getting Ready for Christmas Day
Face to Face Granada Theater – Dallas You may not be aware of this punk rock band’s prior appearances, but Strung Out, Blitzkid and The Darlings are on the bill also. Perfect for our own strung out, blitzed darlings.
Mon 6/6
most moving piece, Simon softly sings out a rambling, slow-burning melody, as piano and strings swell and dip beneath him, around the story of God’s “courtesy call on Earth.” This God is almost ruthlessly pragmatic, the consummate politician. “If we stay,” he says to Jesus, “it’s bound to be a mob scene. But disappear, and it’s love and hard times.” The song then slips into a smaller story, a tender monologue, which I believe is one of the only points on the album where Simon shows his hand, and speaks from his heart. “Loved you the first time I saw you. Can’t describe it any other way.” He has told us time and time again that love is man’s greatest and most redeeming virtue, and he puts all his faith behind the final line: “thank god I found you in time.” His voice quavers over the words as he repeats them, wonderstruck. “Thank God I found you.” So Beautiful or So What is Paul Simon at his best, a surprising, unique and entirely modern work of art. It isn’t any kind of creative recovery, because all his work is of equal value. But its careless, effortless transcendence of genre and time make it special—the convergence, for the first time, of all his influences in one place. And the stories he tells, similarly, transcend his own concerns. They are, like the best folk music, universal, and ours to interpret and inhabit. Ultimately, for me, it is proof that Simon remains one of the best song-writers of an era. Good luck and good listening.
Times New Viking Club Dada – Dallas The group bills itself as a “sh!t pop” trio that has abandoned the “pi$$y histrionics of the past” in favor of “bright, beautiful traits.” Purses will be checked for rotten fruit and excrement.
Tues 6/7
So Beautiful or So What, Paul Simon’s first release in five years and his 12th album since 1986’s Graceland, is both a triumph and showcase of Paul Simon’s best lyrical and musical work in the past 20 years. Surprise, Simon’s 2006 album produced by the adventurously experimental Brian Eno, is in the top three as my third favorite Paul Simon record, with Rhythm of the Saints and Graceland contending for first and second place. So Beautiful or So What continues the conversation Simon started in Surprise about God, Love, and The Meaning of Life but he does so here with an even lighter touch. The same is true of the production; whereas Eno (legendary producer for U2, Talking Heads, Coldplay, etc.) daringly created a fury of sound and texture with a melodious mélange of synths and loops, Simon has re-teamed with legendary producer Phil Ramone and in a more modest, gentle way, limiting the sonic landscape to a palette of mostly organic instruments and sounds. This tapestry weaves into an intangible joy that keeps rising to the surface throughout the record. Though he’s pushing 70, Simon is in full possession of his gift and clearly enjoying himself. How many other popular music artists do you know who are still making relevant (not to mention arguably their best) work in their mid 60s to early 70s? The record kicks off with the gospel exuberance of “Getting Ready for Christmas Day.” The background texture for this song is a sample of a 1941 pre-war speech by preacher and gospel singer Reverend J.M. Gates. The play of Simon’s wry lyrics about war, the economy, and Christmases past combined with Gate’s unusual stump preaching about who all is getting ready for Christmas (“the jailer, the police force, the undertaker is getting ready for you!”) make for a delightful and unlikely duet. Each of the songs Simon presents here is a piece of a puzzle, yet each is selfcontained, as a good song should be. Each is a glimpse into someone’s story, but it’s hard to say which of them, if any, is his own. He isn’t the “working man” in “Getting Ready for Christmas Day,” or the embittered veteran in “Rewrite,” or even the ragged pilgrim in “Questions for the Angels.” And what does he think of these people? In “Rewrite,” the narrator finds God and confesses to his sins, whistling merrily at the prospect of his new beginning. In “Love and Hard Times,” the album’s central and
“Music Snob”
Mötley Crüe, Poison, NY Dolls Gexa Energy Pavilion – Dallas The Crüe may be sober but will never look, act or sound as if they are. Go see what’s left of four original members. Poison and NY Dolls also appear, offering a retrospective bonanza. If you know of a cool event or concert coming up, send some info our way at editor@blitzweekly.com
blitzweekly.com
by Tennessee Chris
blitzweekly.com
6 JUNE 1 - 7, 2011
I
f all the world’s a stage and we are merely players, then the people of New Orleans must be the stagehands preparing an infinite festival for us all. Who else could take an old horse track and create the New Orleans Jazz Fest? Two full weekends of music featuring twelve acts each hour from 11am – 7pm. I’m allowed to take my beer on the bus. Hypocritical alcohol laws are not on the books here. Get too drunk and you might meet Mr. Bojangles, but otherwise—drink ’em if ya got ’em. My two female friends are happy the nearest stage is Mumford & Sons. I stay for a song or two, but the crowd is bulging out of the barrier nets, so when my drink is gone one of my buddies and I head off to find the great guitarist, Jeff Beck. The layout of the converted track is simple with most of the stages on the infield and tents lining the grandstands. Incredibly, the music never seems to overlap. We could hear Mumford and Sons clearly until we walked up onto the next stage. Then, like switching to the next station, the audio tunes in. Beck is airing his chops on a cover of “Little Wing.” My friend and I follow each other into the crowd and are separated within seconds. Beck breaks into an awesome version of “A Day in the Life” and then into a jamming “Higher” by Sly and the Family Stone. As he heads off stage I reach for my phone and realize I left it at the hotel. As a flood of people walk by me I realize the odds of me running into any of my companions is about 4 in 60,000. After picking up my press credential near the “Gin Teal Stache” (Gentilly Stage) I go check out Justin Townes Earle—the son of Steve Earle, named after Townes Van Zandt—at the Sheraton New Orleans Fais Do-Do Stage, one of the secondary stages. Switching between solo acoustic guitar and a three-piece band of fiddle and stand-up
Story and Photos by Bronte Erwin
bass he sounds great. There is good vibe going when the couple in front of me sparks up a monster joint. Describing the “skunk smell” later I realize that one of my lost friends could not have been more than ten yards from me when the “can I get a hit?” parade started to form. Bright feathers catch my eye so I grab a beer and walk over to the Native American folk dancers. A cool Cajun breeze, beer in hand, Justin Townes Earle in the background—I am in total bliss. Better still, when the set ends, Robert Plant will be playing on the main stage. Before Plant and the Band of Joy even take the stage the fairground is packed. I duck behind the stage and start looking for a press entrance. Walking behind the stage to the photographer pit, I run smack into Brad Pitt. He is talking to two people and I think about taking a picture but he seems so serene without the lights glaring at him I just flip him a quick salute and keep going. Plant is still cool, a little more bohemian than in his bulging-pants rocker days but his long hair seems appropriate. And as he goes in and out of Led Zeppelin covers, splattered with his Alison Krauss, Band of Joy stuff, assorted blues covers and a hot “In the Mood,” I realize this is as close as I am going to get to seeing Zeppelin. Plant is playing with us, pausing slightly before igniting the crowd with a few gut-busting howls he might have left in the 70s. During the encore of “Gallows Pole” I head for the exits and am chatting with some concertgoers when I see the friend I’d lost during Jeff Beck with an inebriated smile on his face. Recapping our solo adventures while waiting in line for the buses, the Jazz Fest stagehands begin preparing for tomorrow. It’s only seven o’clock and the world’s stagehands are getting Bourbon Street ready now as well.
June 1- 7, 2011 7
Vigilantes News
blitzweekly.com
by Raymond Bloomquist
Crossword Solution
“Arena Football Fanatic”
LB Steve Watson Returns
The last six weeks have certainly been challenging for Dallas Vigilante All-Arena veteran linebacker Steve Watson, to say the least. Back in Week Six, Watson suffered a foot injury, similar to the one that sidelined Vigilante All-Arena quarterback Shane Stafford in 2010, and what made matters worse at the time, early reports were unclear if Watson would be back for the late season playoff push, if at all. But through rehabilitation, determination, and sheer will, Watson returned Saturday night, recording six total tackles in the Vigilantes’ one-point, last second loss to the Pittsburgh Power. Getting back in the swing of things, the Mac linebacker and his Vigilante teammates now have their eyes on the next challenge in front of them: the San Jose SaberCats. And for Watson, this is his first shot at the team that he knows so well, having won an ArenaBowl championship with the club in 2007. “This game with San Jose has always been the barometer,” Watson said. “This one was the game that, if all else fails, I had to be back for, because a win against them late in the year can go a long way in the playoff hunt. I love the organization, and I love the owners, but on a personal level, I would like nothing more than to get on the field and beat them in front of 10,000 strong at the American Airlines Center.” For the Vigilantes, Watson gives an added boost to the pass rush, which is something Dallas will have to do well to stop veteran quarterback Mark Grieb and company come Saturday night. “Grieb is smart,” Watson said. “He’s that type of quarterback who is not going to take
a lot of hits, and if he gets time, he will pick you apart, so we will have to be in his face all night long. San Jose also has an established, veteran receiving corps, so it will be up to our defense front to bring the pressure and help take the pressure off of our secondary.” The SaberCats will come into the June 4, 7:30 p.m. contest with a 5-6 record, but Watson knows all too well that anything is possible in the Arena Football League, citing his championship season with San Jose in ’07. “Them coming into this game 5-6 is somewhat reminiscent of my last season with them,” Watson said. “We started off the 2007 season at 3-3 and then went undefeated the rest of the way to win the ArenaBowl, so regardless of their record and knowing the personnel that they have, I know they are very capable of turning it on at any time. But I see the same possibilities with this Vigilantes team. We definitely have all of the pieces. I think our struggles to date haven’t been because of personnel, but because of communication and not being on the same page week to week. I believe we can get back on the right track, and I think a win against a competitor like San Jose is the catalyst to do it.” Come Saturday, the outcome when the dust settles is obviously uncertain, but the one thing that is for sure – beyond a doubt – is that Steve Watson and the Dallas Vigilantes will be ready. It is starting to approach the time of year when it is “Do or Die.” This team has too much fight left in them for the latter.
MLB: Giants vs. Cardinals Wed. June 1 – 7:05PM – Busch Stadium – ESPN
“The Freak” and the Giants are the main attraction on Wednesday night to take on Albert Pujols and the Cardinals. Tim Lincecum is a much better pitcher than his record would indicate. Will they be able to muster enough power with starting catcher Buster Posey out for the season? Manager Tony La Russa is back and he will play match-ups. This will be a close one.
MLB: Rangers vs. Indians
Fri. June 3 – 6:05PM – Progressive Field – FSSW
Game Two of the four-game set has hard throwing RHP Alexi Ogando on the mound for the Rangers. He was roughed up in his last outing and will look to right the ship. The Indians will send RHP Justin Masterson to the mound. The Indians look like the “turn around team” of the Central Division. Should be a great match-up!
NHL: Bruins vs. Canucks Sat. June 4 – 7:00PM – Rogers Arena – NBC
The season continues in hockey as these two battle for the Stanley Cup. This should be a fun series and the match-ups are great. The Canucks have much depth and might wear down the Bruins third and fourth line. Canuck Center Henrik Sedin is a beast and worth watching.
NBA: Heat vs. Mavericks
Sun. June 5 – 7:00PM – American Airlines Center – ABC
The series heads to Dallas for Game 3 of the series. The Mavericks will look to take care of business and defend home court. The fans should be “rowdy, loud and proud” in this one. Lots of star power here with Dirk, Jason Kidd and Jason Terry taking on Lebron, Wade and Dallas native Chris Bosh.
RANGERS
MAVS
blitzweekly.com
8 JUNE 1 - 7, 2011
RANGERS News
by Mark Miller
“The Dallasite from the North”
Hamilton, Cruz return Exactly how important are Josh Hamilton and Nelson Cruz to the Texas Rangers? Simply compare this past week with the previous seven days. Since their stars returned May 23, the Rangers scored 36 runs in six games after managing just 17 runs in seven games the week before. The team won four of six games following a 3-4 record. And it won back-to-back series for the first time since opening week when guess who played together? “We got our lineup back,” Rangers Manager Ron Washington said after a 2-1 victory Wednesday against the Chicago White Sox. “It still may take a few more games to get really going the way we want to still.” It didn’t even take that long as the Rangers scored at least seven runs in each of the weekend games against Kansas City when they took two or three. Cruz played a major role in the finale as his home run tied the game in the ninth inning. Soon after, the Rangers won 7-6.
was waved home from first base on Elvis Andrus’ hit, eluding catcher Brayan Pena’s tag. “Sometimes you take a chance and it works. Sometimes you take a chance and it doesn’t work,” Washington said. “This time it worked in our favor.” June is for the road The Rangers hope the home momentum carries them into June when they play 18 of 27 games on the road. That includes 17 of 20 away from Rangers ballpark in Arlington through June 19. “We played a great game today and are playing good baseball lately,” Washington said. “Make no mistake the Texas Rangers are a tough team. We’re not concerned with who we play.” After finishing three games at Tampa on Wednesday, the Rangers play four at Cleveland. The Indians have the best record in the American League at 31-19, percentage points behind Philadelphia for best in the major leagues. Leading the Indians offensively is shortstop Asdrubel Cabrera with 10 home runs, 35 runs batted in and a .302 batting average. While starters like Josh Tomlin (6Upcoming Schedule: 6/1 @Rays 12:10 p.m. 6/2 @Indians 6:05 p.m. 6/3 @Indians 6:05 p.m. 6/4 @Indians 6:05 p.m. 6/5 @Indians 12:05 p.m. 6/6 Tigers 7:05 p.m. 6/7 Tigers 7:05 p.m.
“We’ve been waiting for that,” Washington said Sunday about the offense’s return. “It’s a huge lift as we get ready to go on the road. We want to keep it going.” Although the pitchers gave up 28 runs last week, 13 more than the week before, there were good starting outings from Alexi Ogando (4-0 win) and C.J. Wilson (2-1 win) to open and close the Chicago series and Matt Harrison last Saturday (101 win) against the Royals. And the Rangers returned to their resilient ways Sunday, overcoming a 5-3 deficit in the eighth inning and a 6-5 deficit in the ninth. They won when Mike Napoli
2, 2.74 earned run average) and Justin Masterson (5-3, 3.07) have pitched well, it’s the relievers who have been stellar, led by closer Chris Perez (14 of 15 saves, 2.66 ERA). Cleveland has shined despite veteran Travis Hafner missing 18 games. The Rangers then return for their only home games in the first half of June against Detroit. The Tigers entered this week at 26-26 after a double-header split Sunday with Boston. Miguel Cabrera leads the Tigers on offense with nine homers, 36 RBI and a .315 average while the pitching staff is anchored by Justin Verlander (5-3, 3.12) who threw his second career no-hitter earlier this year. Texas then returns to the road at Minnesota, the New York Yankees and Atlanta Braves.
June 1- 7, 2011 9 blitzweekly.com
First team Center: Shaquille O’NEAL The Diesel was perhaps the most dominant center in the NBA during the prime of his career in the early 2000s. Game plans have rarely been altered so much because of one player. During the Lakers three-peat from 20002002, Shaq was at his peak, averaging almost 36 points, 15 rebounds, and three blocks per game in their Finals. PF: Tim Duncan - Listed as a “power forward,” Tim Duncan was by far the most versatile power forward during his era. His
superb fundamentals and classic jump shot off the glass brought you back to an earlier time in the NBA. His record as a three-time champion with two Finals victories and League MVP awards solidifies Timmy’s position. SF: Dirk Nowitzki - To put it simply, the best shooting big man in NBA history, and maybe the most unblockable jump shot as well. Seven-footers simply aren’t suppose to be able to post-up centers with power moves, have a silky smooth fade-away jump shot in the paint, and drain threepointers with the best of them. The 2006-2007 league MVP is again showing in these playoffs why he is on this list.
SG: Kobe Bryant - The black mamba may be on a list similar to this when making a starting five for the history of the NBA. When not drawing constant comparisons to MJ, Kobe was busy leading his team to five titles, a finals MVP award in 2009 and 2010 and league MVP in 2008. Kobe also had the most amazing personal feat when he dropped 86 on the Raptors in 2006. PG: Steve Nash - Without question the best point guard of this decade. The two-time MVP spent most of the decade with the Suns, which may be why he still does not get as much credit and renown as he deserves. Many may drop him for not even making a finals appearance and losing the conference finals twice, but Steve was
the most crafty and best passer of an era. Second team C: Dwight Howard - Currently the only truly dominant center in the league right now. They do not seem to make centers like they used to, so currently the field of centers is a little watered down, but that does not take anything away from this true great. PF: Kevin Garnett - KG single-handedly lifted the TWolves to a conference Finals appearance in his MVP year of 2004, and finally got his ring while being the heart and soul of the ’08 Celtics. SF: LeBron James - The 2009 and 2010 MVP was drafted in 2003 and is therefore the only player on the list not playing in
every year of the decade. However, if he wins the seven NBA titles he promised, he may crack the next all-decade team. PG: Jason Kidd - The tripledouble master led the Nets to two straight Finals appearances in 2002 and 2003. Maybe his most impressive run as a player was in the 2002 Eastern Conference Finals against Boston when Kidd average a triple-double for the series; 17.5 points, 11.2 rebounds, and 10.2 assists. SG: Allen Iverson - The 2001 league MVP led the Sixers to the Finals that same year against the Lakers. The undersized Iverson (listed generously at 6-foot) may be the best small man in NBA history. Iverson, as well, made the All-Star Team in every year of this decade and won four scoring titles, three in this decade.
blitzweekly.com
10 JUNE 1 - 7, 2011
by Jim Hanigan - “Basketball Enthusiast”
The Dallas Mavericks became the first team to advance to this year’s NBA Finals by defeating the Oklahoma City Thunder last Wednesday to represent the Western Conference. The very next night the Miami Heat took care of business in Chicago to wrap up the Eastern Conference, thus setting up a rematch between the two teams from the 2006 NBA Finals. A lot has changed since then. Let’s jump in our Hot Tub Time Machine and take a look from back then versus now. 2006 2011 U.S. President George W. Bush Barack H. Obama II NBA Commissioner David Stern David Stern Miami Heat Coach Pat Riley Erik Spoelstra Dallas Mavericks Coach Avery Johnson Rick Carlisle Series Nickname American Airlines The Rematch Rate of U.S. Unemployment 5.1% 9% Minimum Wage $5.15/hour $7.25/hour Gallon of Gas $2.84 $3.64 Billboard #1 Hit Ridin’ by Chamillionaire Rolling In The Deep by Adele Top Grossing Movie The Break-Up Pirates of the Caribbean 4 Cool Clothing Trend Crocs Lacoste Social Media Myspace Facebook Pluto’s Status Planet Dwarf Planet Cool Apple Technology iPod iPad 2 Osama bin Laden Alive Dead
June 1- 7, 2011 11
Mavericks Offense versus Heat Defense: The Mavericks have one superstar player but he remains one of the only un-guardable players in the NBA. The Heat’s main focus will be sending a bunch of different looks at Nowitzki, including double teams forcing the ball from his hands. It’s debatable whether the Heat have the pieces to really do anything to stop Dirk. Udonis Haslem did a great job on Nowitzki in the 2006 Finals but even he recognizes that the big German has added a few tricks to his bag. “He’s so much more advanced than he was [in] ’06,” Haslem said. “I don’t think anything from ’06 comes into play in this series… People tried some of the same things we used in that series and he’s torched them. His post game has come along a lot since then. You can’t really be as physical with him. He’s taking on the contact. A lot of those tactics we used in ’06, we can’t use them now.” Another big question is whether the Heat will throw LeBron James at Nowitzki. He’s their best defender but using him this way risks hampering
him with foul trouble. He’s got the size and athleticism to give Dirk problems but time and time again Nowitzki has been able to figure out how to beat guys this postseason. The Mavericks don’t have an official numbertwo option and rely on a multitude of guys to step up depending on match-ups and who has got the hot hand. While this is kind of strange for a playoff contender it has proven to work this postseason. “It’s been an ebb-and-flow type of thing,” coach Rick Carlisle said. “In the playoffs, we’ve gotten some traction. But again, we’re never quite sure who are going to be our top three or four scorers. And often times we’re going to need six guys scoring seven or more points.” The biggest question is whether the bench of the Mavs will continue to dominate. Miami always has one of the big three on the court but the Mavericks should have the edge if/when they are resting LeBron James. The Miami Heat have been playing some of the best defense we’ve seen in this postseason thanks to LeBron but they’ve been able to focus on a few key guys for every team. The Mavericks are the first team the Heat will face that can have a multitude of guys score 20+ points on a given night. The Heat will need a team-wide defensive effort to beat the Mavericks, not just from their superstars. Edge: Mavericks Heat Offense versus Maverick defense The Heat built a monster in one off-season by signing LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh in a polarizing move. There were many struggles during the season stemming from chemistry issues and getting everyone on the same page. The Heat needed time for their superstars to figure each other out and where to get each other the ball. The last two months the Heat have finally done that and have been torching the NBA. They usually will have the 6’8 LeBron James taking the ball up the court and the Mavericks will need to play some major minutes in the zone defense to limit the penetration. In fact, the biggest key to the Mavericks giving the Heat problems is executing that zone defense. The zone gave Miami problems during the regular season and frustrated the Heat to no end. The ability to have Tyson Chandler and
blitzweekly.com
The Mavericks have accomplished the unthinkable, getting back to the NBA Finals by steamrolling through the Lakers, Blazers, and Thunder. Those teams all had more talent and upside but the Mavericks’ sheer determination and veteran experience kept shining through. Dirk Nowitzki and Jason Kidd, the team’s leaders, are at the point in their careers where the only thing they care about is finally winning a championship. Kidd, who has been considering retirement in the next seasons, has said that winning a championship is what keeps him going. Lucky for him and Dirk, the entire roster feels the same way. The Dallas Mavericks are a collection of guys who’ve made a ton of money in the last decade but have failed to win a title. The entire roster has embraced sacrifices: a willingness to accept the playing time they’re given and the sacrifice of other individual stats. “This is a bunch of veterans who want to play and are unselfish,” Nowitzki said. “I think that’s what makes this group special. I mean, everybody sacrificing for each other and we just want to win. It’s been fun to play with these guys all season long, so hopefully we can have a great series.”
Brendan Haywood on the floor at all times protecting the rim is a huge advantage for Dallas. The Mavericks must force Wade, James, and Bosh to become jump-shooters by restricting access to the paint, and playing zone is the easiest way to do that. Miami has Mike Miller and Mike Bibby to try and bust the zone with three-pointers and both have been playing well in the last few rounds. It will be up to them to hurt Dallas from deep and force the Mavericks to go to man on man. If the Mavericks’ zone becomes effective, the game suddenly becomes a jump-shooting contest and Dallas will have a great chance of winning. The Miami offense also gets a lot of production from getting steals and forcing turnovers leading to easy buckets for Wade and James. Dallas has proven it can take care of the ball in the postseason but Miami is so quick and athletic it will be interesting to see how that aspect plays out. There is no one in the league that can stop LeBron James or Dwyane Wade but the Mavericks have some guys that can at least slow them down. Shawn Marion’s defense of Kevin Durant the last two games of the Western Conference Finals was awe-inspiring. It will be on him to slow down the 250-lb. James from attacking the basket at will. Marion had the weight advantage against Durant but not against LeBron who might weigh more than anyone on the Mavericks roster. Edge: Heat X-Factors: Officials/Wade It’s strange that the Mavericks are facing the Heat in the Finals again and we are just now mentioning Dwyane Wade. His ability to slash into the paint and draw fouls was the reason the 2006 Heat were able to steal the championship after Dallas took a 2-0 lead. How the officials call this series will be a huge factor in the outcome as it was in the last meeting. With that said, the Dallas interior and perimeter defense is light years ahead of where it was back then. Tyson Chandler and Brendan Haywood are both better interior defenders than anything Dallas had on the roster and the ability to have DeShawn Stevenson, Shawn Marion, and Jason Kidd come into the game at any time is a huge luxury. Coaching This advantage is one that isn’t getting a lot of play in the national media. Rick Carlisle is thought of as one of the smartest coaches in the NBA by his peers regardless of what you may think of him and by comparison Erik Spoelstra is still very green when it comes to coaching an NBA team. The Heat haven’t needed to make the huge strategic adjustments that will be needed against Dallas. Whether or not the Heat will rally around Spoelstra if things start to go south is an open question. Prediction: Mavericks win 4-2 The zone defense is too strong for the Heat and they will have to wait another year before they start collecting hardware. There is a feeling around this Mavericks team that I’ve never seen or felt before. We’ve outlined the X’s and O’s of the series but the most important factor isn’t on paper. This is the last opportunity for two transcendent players (Nowitzki, Kidd) to get a ring before heading off into the sunset and their determination will be the deciding factor.
Photos Courtesy: Eric Draper, Pete Souza, Cody Mulcahy, Keith Allison, NBANets, Gregg Case, Brian Solis, Magnus Manske, Fastily, Ilmari Karonen, Mono, Hamid Mir, Matt Pearce, Manny Flores, Gabriel Li
blitzweekly.com
GOIN’PLACES
June 1- 7, 2011 13 Out and about in DFW with Hannah Allen
Yin and Yang
I found myself sitting at the bottom of the Hughes-Trigg Student Center on the SMU campus waiting for a movie to start. Not a blockbuster or one of those dark and edgy indie joints but a PBS documentary about the scientific explanations surrounding dream interpretation. No, PBS isn’t my typical weekend fare – my editor asked me to cover the Dream Awareness Weekend hosted by The School of Metaphysics and the screening of this film was the second in a series of three events they put on. Frankly, I was pretty convinced the heated debate I’d had with my husband about where we were allowed to park on a campus the size of Nebraska would be the highlight of the evening. In college I had roomed with a girl who told me once, after having dreamed about someone I knew who had died, that it didn’t mean anything. She said the reason insomniacs go crazy is because they don’t experience the resolutions of dreaming. Since then I haven’t had a dream about that person who died. Weird. I didn’t think too much of it until I took part in this Dream Awareness thing. I always assumed the School of Metaphysics was run by a bunch of hippies in Lakewood but it’s a pretty big deal on a national level. All the teachers are volunteers who manage to function in their day jobs while trying to achieve levels of consciousness most of us need psychotropic substances to understand. Sitting in the actual space of the school, teachers expound on concepts easily accepted at face value and spin them into intricate ideas about the realm we exist in. What I realized was that dream interpretation isn’t so much tarot cards or crystal balls but a useful analysis of the concrete life you’re walking around in. Contrast this with my last assignment at Trident Response Group. After doing some research I was pretty annoyed to find that there wasn’t much in the way of information online. Their press release talked about how it was this huge opportunity since they’d never let any media through the doors. I sent a text message to my brother, Joe, who is training to be a firefighter and EMT,
asking if the name of this “elite training facility” meant anything. His response: “Is this a trick question? No…” Not sure what to expect I drove to the address, surprised by the nondescript office suites and ordinary cars. The press release did say a former Navy SEAL had founded the company and most of the instructors were also former SEALs. Okay, and anonymity is their strong point, right? Up front, the military gig is not my thing. I’m not into guns or war movies or guys in uniform. My comfort zone lies somewhere between dreaming hippies and gun-slinging special ops guys with 20-inch necks. Double-checking for any peace signs attached to my person I walked up to the building and was greeted warmly by a huge bearded man with fiercely blue eyes. He explained the mission of Trident was to educate people in things like safety, security, emergency medicine, self-defense. With three fight labs and instructors offering a combined 100 years of military, intelligence and field experience, clients are in exceptionally capable hands. The training center has opportunities for lay people to go and take classes but the rumor is that on some days the parking lot is full of black SUVs favored by the secret service and FBI. I pulled the owner aside for a few questions specific to my publication and was surprised at the humility and philosophy of this giant of a man I had pegged for Rambo in a suit. He seemed to speak in parables and brushed off the prestige of his organization, encouraging families to come and participate in the classes. What struck me was the calm energy surrounding this former SEAL. He talked with a smile on his face, boiling the big concepts in life down to one-sentence explanations. Leaving the location, press people were asked to keep thinking in secret about how Yin and Yang find you in interesting places. You can contact the Trident Response Group at 866-535-3889 and follow the prompts to the training extension. The School of Metaphysics also offers classes to the public and can be accessed online at www.som.org
A
merica is obsessed with celebrities. Everybody knows the basic details of the American Idol finalists, and if you don’t you will most likely get strange looks. But does this obsession affect young and impressionable youth and their often fragile selfesteem? When I watched the profile of Scotty returning to his hometown—and if you don’t know who that is you must have been living under a rock for the last few months—and saw his crazed fans screaming, they reminded me of young girls who may have escaped an inpatient psych ward. So my question is, do shows like American Idol invigorate angsty, impressionable teens or do they set them up to dream of a life of stardom and glamour that has a one percent chance of coming to pass? Mr. Rogers’ and Barney’s intentions were nothing but pure and sweet when they told five-yearolds that they could do and be anything they wanted when they grew up. But what good are these empty words of self-help when they are in their twenties, assessing massive student loan debt and entering the bleakest job market since the 1930s? Perhaps this is why self-help is one of the most profitable industries, along with alcohol and pharmaceuticals. But the groupies aren’t the only ones that can be damaged by American’s celebrity obsession. Americans may be obsessed but it is hard to feel sympathy for the star who is enjoying praise and accolades, the mansions and maids, executive assistants, and yachting vacations at exclusive islands in St. Bart’s. And by the way, my deepest gratitude to Ricky Gervais for putting their egos in check during his opening monologue at the Golden Globes. But these stars will also eventually fall from the top, and the fall can be their ultimate downfall, especially with their inflated egos. During the prime of their career their
by Jesse Whitman
“A Woman’s Perspective”
egos are swelling and feeding their insatiable narcissism. It’s no wonder then, when the stage lights go dim, that many fall into a deep depression and self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. Then they reach a new low: a stint on Celebrity Rehab or an interview with Maury Povich. While people are fascinated by the illusion of glamour, I must admit that I derive a guilty pleasure from watching a spoiled starlet fall from the top, and I’m sure I’m not the only one, since tabloid fodder is a multimilliondollar industry. But still, a small part of me wishes Lindsay Lohan would stop mainlining battery acid and injecting Drano gel into her trout/baboon lips. And what about true artistic expression? Can it survive in all this mess? If you have ever seen a movie that has moved you so much that you thought about it for days, maybe even weeks afterward, then the answer is yes. But I can make a good guess that it doesn’t happen that often. Still, whenever there is a minus, no matter how great, it is always accompanied by a plus, especially in the case of Kelly McCormick, a hermaphrodite and the subject of the documentary I Think We’re Alone Now. He/she awoke from a coma to the sound of Tiffany’s famous song and from then on the singer became his/her only hope for love. Sadly, he/she probably won’t be getting any charity action in the bedroom, but at least McCormick has Tiffany, if only from an idolizing distance. Whether we like it or not, celebrities shape society and ourselves. I am still awestruck every time I see Marilyn Monroe in film or in photographs, and even if most of us will never achieve such star status, perhaps it can inspire a little bit of happiness and sweet adoration along the way.
blitzweekly.com
14 JUNE 1 - 7, 2011 by Jack E. Jett
“Jett Streams”
Family Biographer Dear BLITZbudsman: Six months ago I was hired to do the life story of this guy’s mother. I’ve been doing these bios of old folks for years now and am on call at seven extended-care facilities in my part of the state. I may not be a great writer but I don’t charge much and I have a special feeling for old people. My employer’s mother is a peach. We’re only halfway through her life story – it’s slow going, she has memory problems – but her early life will surely interest social historians. As for the recent years, living as an invalid in her son’s house, the less said the better. She hates the son of a b!tch, that covers most of what she feels. My own feelings may be even more extreme. When he hired me I was promised: an office, an assistant who could type and fact-check, and more than my usual asking price upon completion of the project. Other than its location in the basement I don’t have major complaints about my office. The boiler is a little noisy, but one gets used to it the way one gets used to snoring. I have to work in the evening and it’s lonely when there are a hundred invited guests clomping around upstairs, but I’m used to that, too. As for the assistant, he built her a huge office and insulated it, gave her the latest equipment and she even has plants. Trouble is, she doesn’t work for me. Every once in a great while she’ll do me a little favor, but she’s really his secretary and always has been. He probably pays her extra to work in the basement. I know it pi$$es her off to have to walk up the stairs every time he wants her to take dictation or she has to go pick up his dry-cleaning. About a month ago Mr. Big told me I was doing so well with his mom’s biography that he wanted me to do one of him. As soon as I was finished with his mother’s I could start on it. One of the main reasons he wanted me to do a book about him was so he could tell his friends I’m his “editor.” That’s right, I’m ghosting both books so he can pretend to be the author. Maybe it embarrasses him to have someone associated with his mother working away down in the basement, but it gives him a thrill to tell his friends, on the way to show off his wine cellar, “Oh, that’s my editor.” His temperature-controlled wine cellar
is his pride and joy. He’s got bottles worth fifty thousand dollars in there. His least expensive wines from the Médoc are worth more than I could ever afford to pay. I like wine, too, and I have to admit that I’ve been thinking about that wine cellar ever since I started. It’s not under lock and key, that’s how much he trusts me. My problem is: I want to drink some of his wine. But he’d know right away if a bottle went missing. This is the most money I’ve ever made as a writer and I’m willing to throw it all away for a chance to taste his Chateau Mouton-Rothschild, 1929. Am I losing my mind? –Tormented by Thirst
Dear Tormented: A good friend of mine is a retired CIA operative. What if you were to write up his life story? He’s a patient man and I’m sure he’ll let you finish up with Mr. Big before you begin. Whether or not you choose to work for him, my friend would be glad to tell you – or show you – how to extract the contents from a bottle of wine and refill it with a certain shade of India ink, leaving the metal wrapper and cork intact. Presumably you will be far away when the first draughts of ink cross the lips of Mr. Big’s guests. Pursuit will be out of the question when he learns of the high level of security you’ll be enjoying with your new employer. Prosit! Write to the BLITZbudsman at blitzbudsman@blitzweekly.com
Henry, you’ve been over [in the Middle East] talking to some of the soldiers. At the age of 17 and 18 when these guys are making this decision to join up to go to war, do you think they have a full understanding of what they’re getting into? Good question. I meet people… “Hey, I just joined the Army.” “Wow, do you understand where you’re going?” “Yeah…” “Is that what you want?” “I guess…” “You guess?” I’d really like to work a little harder on my decision on something like that. But when you were 17 or 18, did you know what the hell you were doing? Well, my dad wanted me to go into the Navy, and I said no, even though I went to a Naval prep school. I just knew that the military was not for me. I’m not putting it down, I just didn’t want it. I just figured, I’d get out into the minimum-wage working world that I knew very well and start making my own way. If you found yourself in Iraq at
18 because of economic reasons,
would you know what you were doing? Or should be doing? This is what I’m getting at… I’ve met people in Iraq and Afghanistan and Kuwait and places like that, and they’re very, very young. And it’s the big story of their young lives. There is no Lollapalooza, there is no Woodstock, there is no, “Oh, yeah, I backpacked through Europe.” Uh-uh. The backpack they first put on had U.S. Army on the back of it, and they’re in a hot, sandy, very dangerous place, and making such big-boy decisions. You know, it is very dangerous out there. Then they are going to come back and the problems are just starting. Well, they have to become socialized in such a way that they are not a dan-
ger to themselves, to relatives, employers or any cop who pulls them over. And that might be difficult. Integrating into the working world might be hard. It sounds like disaster, right? Unless you run Blackwater. You have lots of kids coming home with nowhere to go and you go, “Hey, you know how to shoot, right? How’d you like to make 75 thousand dollars a year doing what you used to do for 25 thousand? And all you have to do is go back to the same place.” I really like Jeremy Scahill’s book Blackwater because he kind of forecasts that and that’s the thing I’ve been thinking about all along, like here’s the start of the privatizing of the military. Some people really want that. What responsibility do you think the media had in the lead-up to this war? They knew better. They knew what they should have done. And at the end of the day all of this is just business. It’s not aggression. That’s for suckers. They get you all ginned up and they send you out there, but really it’s about selling overpriced cheese sandwiches. There are people who are angry about public wealth—who want nothing more than to take Central Park and turn it into real estate. And they have nothing but howling contempt for the fact that I pay taxes and there’s a park I can walk in. There should be a gate and I should be paying to walk in there. It should be privatized. And the fire department should come to your house if you can pay. If you can’t pay then maybe you shouldn’t have had the house in the first place. Or anything. You should have been in the Army or in jail. We’re all better off if you’re robbing a liquor store because we make money on the cheese sandwich, KBR bills the Supermax, and if you choose the Army, well, we’ll sell you the gun, too. Disaster is what a lot of these guys trade in and the only thing that threatens them is peace… As soon as you start seeing these things as profit and money, then all the dots connect and you see why we are everywhere we are, and doing what we’re doing, and saying what we’re saying. You’ve saved yourself all the emotion and you’re just looking at the cold business angle, and you say to yourself, “Oh, these guys are making money! Why would they want it to stop?” [JETT STREAMS airs on Wednesday and Friday from 4 to 6 p.m. on rationalbroadcasting.com]
June 1- 7, 2011 15
Gas grills have the benefit of instant, no-fuss ignition. Charcoal grills impart more flavor. Luckily, you don’t have to choose between the two, thanks to the Weber Performer Grill. With Touch-NGo gas ignition system, the Performer starts up in no-time, and offers a 363 sq. in. cooking surface, a heavy-duty metal cart with built-in charcoal storage container, a lid-mounted thermometer, a plated steel hinged cooking grate to make adding extra briquettes easier, two Char-Basket charcoal fuel holders, and a large thermoset work table to keep your tools, spices, and other necessities within arm’s reach. (Price – $330)
Google Wallet
We’re already living in the future, so why is it we still need silly things like cash and credit cards? Google Wallet is aiming to get rid of those relics from a bygone era by connecting your credit card – Citi MasterCards or Google Prepaid cards only, to start – with your NFC-capable Android phone to let you pay at any PayPass-capable terminal, and also letting you take advantage of exclusive Google Offers to help you save money at the same time. Next up? The flying car. (Price – Free)
2011 Kawasaki Vulcan 1700 Vaquero
Melding classic cruiser feel with sharp, fighter-jet looks, the 2011 Kawasaki Vulcan 1700 Vaquero looks like a fine summertime ride. Powered by a liquidcooled, fuel-injected 1,700cc V-twin engine, it’s got plenty of oomph to get you around, and also boasts a six-speed transmission, a fully electronic throttle actuation system, a steel frame, air-adjustable shocks, 9-spoke cast aluminum wheels, a LED taillight, cruise control, and killer custom-style bodywork that will draw just as much attention as its rumbling exhaust note. (Price – $16,500)
by Adam Bruster
What red-blooded American doesn’t enjoy scarfing down a cheeseburger once in a while, other than vegetarians? Enjoying a burger at a cookout with family and friends is a national pastime. With the InN-Out burger craze sweeping across Texas, people are flocking to the drive-through windows. We all know that burgers aren’t the healthiest food choice, but sometimes we just crave a good old-fashioned cheeseburger. I have some good news: you can enjoy an occasional burger without gaining weight. There are many instances in life where the key word, or answer, is MODERATION. Burger consumption dictates the practice of moderation. If a person eats a cheeseburger or steak most days of the week, he or she will most likely gain weight, elevate cholesterol levels, and increase the risk of heart disease. Here are some tips on how to enjoy a burger without gaining weight:
“Health & Fitness Guru”
Follow a healthy lifestyle that includes regular exercise and healthy food choices Regular exercise that includes weight training and cardio-respiratory activities (walking, jogging, cycling, swimming) improves your overall health and helps your body’s metabolism to burn off excess calories that come from unhealthy, high-calorie meals. Basically, exercise helps to regulate bodyweight. Following a healthy nutritional plan on a regular basis allows you to indulge in a few “cheat” meals without seeing a noticeable weight gain. Remember that MODERATION is key, and you can’t eat high-calorie meals like pizza and burgers on a daily basis without gaining weight, even if you exercise five days a week. You can’t out-exercise a bad diet. If you burn up an additional 500 calories in a one-hour workout, it still won’t put a dent in a 5,000 calorie a day diet. Alternatives to high-fat burgers You can find low-fat meat selections if you go to the grocery store. Most stores sell ground beef that is 93% lean with only 7% fat content. This is a much healthier choice than what you get at most fast food places, where the content is around 70% lean meat and 30% fat. Get a few friends together and enjoy a cookout with a leaner beef that doesn’t leave you feeling guilty. When cooking at home, drain out the excess fat into a can or a grease catcher, and then put the meat in a strainer. Try a turkey burger Turkey burgers can be a healthy alternative for someone who likes to have a burger more than once a week. They are lower in fat, and if you add some onions and tomatoes, they taste pretty close to a typical burger. My favorite burger joint in Dallas, Twisted Root, has an amazing turkey burger, which I order every single time I go there. I am a guy who loves a good cheeseburger, but their turkey burger is more than satisfying, and to me, tastes just as good as a beef burger. You can be a healthy individual who has a good nutritional plan, exercises regularly, and enjoys a cheeseburger once a week. You don’t have to be too extreme one way or the other. I don’t recommend eating cheeseburgers seven days a week with a milkshake after each meal, and I don’t believe you should eat chicken and broccoli seven days a week, while never allowing yourself to indulge in a meal such as a pizza, steak, or a burger. Try following a lifestyle that includes regular exercise, a healthy nutritional plan (which includes fruits and veggies), and an occasional “cheat” meal, and you should have a long, happy life! Consult physician before beginning an exercise program
•
blitzweekly.com
Weber Performer Grill
blitzweekly.com
16 JUNE 1 - 7, 2011
Rex’s Seafood 5200 West Lover’s Lane • Dallas – 75209 PH: (214) 351-6363 • www.rexsseafood.com
by The Bum
dallasrestaurantreviews.com
Rex’s Seafood is a lively, semi-casual seafood place with a menu that can challenge the big dogs – and for less money.
SETTING
A café on a busy street on the edge of the pricey Park Cities in central Dallas. The immediate surroundings vary from aging 1940s strip retail to shops that are new or have been stylishly renovated. The commercial neighborhood is a transitional stew, but in this part of town, you’re not exactly slumming.
FOOD
Walk in the front door and their seafood market is on the right. The dining area is straight ahead, and if you don’t like fish or shellfish, you’re out of luck, except in the evening when they do offer a prime Filet Mignon. Daily “catches” and sides are chosen from the wall-length blackboard. Nothing is over-the-top exotic, but everything I’ve tried has been outstanding. The first time it was the pan-seared scallops drizzled with a light lemon-butter sauce – probably the best I’ve had. Another time, at lunch, it was a slab of sautéed redfish on a roll, done to perfection. The sides are nicely done, too – try the cheese grits. Appetizers run $10-$12. Entrees are $10-$16 at lunch, $15-$23 at dinner. The filet is higher.
WINE
A short list but adequate. Prices are reasonable.
AMBIANCE
Part deli, part seaside oyster bar. Casual and bright, clientele tends toward affluent. The floors are hard and when it’s busy, the noise level is boisterous, to say the least. It’s a lively place.
RESERVATIONS
They don’t take them except for parties of 6 or more. But the tables turn efficiently, so I’ve never had a long wait. There’s not much of a parking lot, so plan on using the valet.
BOTTOM LINE
The atmosphere is understated, but the seafood at Rex’s excels. Reasonably priced for what you get; very popular in the neighborhood. I like it better every time I visit.
HORRORSCOPES
Gemini (May 21 – Jun. 21)
FUNNIES
You’ll be damned if you know what those guys on 105.3 The Fan are talking about, but they’re definitely having a much better time than you are.
Cancer (Jun. 22 – Jul. 22)
Q: What is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons? A: You can also sit upright in a car. Q: Why did the woman cross the road? A: That’s not the point, what’s she doing out of the kitchen? Q: Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund? A: Someone told him to get a long little doggy. The Nurse The nurse was walking down the hospital corridor when her supervisor spotted her. The supervisor couldn’t believe it. The nurse’s hair was unkempt, her dress wrinkled, and to top off her overall dishevelment, one of her breasts was hanging out of the open front of her uniform! “MISS JENNINGS! How can you parade around this hospital not only looking like a derelict, but with your breast exposed!” “Oh,” said the nurse, as she stuffed her breast into her uniform, “It’s those darn interns! They NEVER put anything back when they’re through using it!”
blitzweekly.com
JOKES
June 1- 7, 2011 17
You know sometimes there are things a friend is too nice to tell you and will hold back. Unfortunately, you don’t have any friends like that.
Leo (Jul. 23 – Aug. 22)
ACROSS:
1. Departed 5. Washed-out 10. Basilica area 14. Cain’s brother 15. Bowel cleasing 16. A leguminous plant 17. Gratuitously new 19. Territory 20. Girl 21. Contemptuous look 22. Visages 23. Pettifogger 25. Cheesecloth 27. Snake-like fish 28. Sink in 31. Transparent 34. Anxious 35. Tavern 36. Ancient Hebrew units of liquid measure 37. Elegance 38. Countertenor 39. Anger 40. Apprehensive 41. Conjecture 42. Thick-billed North American finch
There’s nothing wrong with bartending while waiting for your big break, unless of course you work at Redneck Heaven in Lewisville. 44. Merriment 45. Agile Old World viverrine 46. Not brothers 50. Refine, as metal 52. Choral work 54. A parcel of land 55. Maori club 56. Unselfishness 58. In the center of 59. Shenanigan 60. Graven image 61. Ceremonial staff 62. Rock 63. Arid
DOWN:
1. Mobs 2. A religious cult 3. Very recently 4. Imp 5. Leaves used for seasoning 6. Ire 7. Expunge 8. A sudden unforeseen crisis 9. Father 10. On fire 11. Unaggressive 12. Rational
13. Concludes 18. Flower with a showy head 22. Smoke 24. Oceans 26. Backside 28. A white gem 29. Makes lace 30. Greek god of love 31. Fashionable 32. Former Italian currency 33. Not lethargic 34. Remedy 37. Heredity carrier 38. Parental sister 40. Fluff from a dryer 41. Enthusiasm 43. Deceive 44. Marked by extreme intensity 46. Mug 47. Leave out 48. Turbine part 49. Elan 50. Unwanted email 51. Not Papa 53. Not tricked by 56. Petrol 57. Not bro
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
You have many thoughtful questions about fate, destiny, and the future. It’s a shame so many concern the Texas Rangers.
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
Things suddenly get awkward when your coworkers notice your resemblance to the bobble-head dolls in your cubicle and put two and two together.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
Stop telling everyone you are popular with the ladies. We know you frequent Silver City.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
You will abandon your attempt to make the world’s largest cheeseburger after finding out how depressingly serious other people are about it.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)
This weekend’s events will give you cause to reconsider the wisdom of the phrase “Never give up.”
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
Remember the phrase “take baby steps?” There’s no reason for you to rush something major like that trip to Canada you’ve been planning.
Pisces (Feb. 19 – Mar. 20)
Whatever happens this week, you should not miss this summer’s Big Blowout Sale at New Fine Arts!
Aries (Mar. 21 – Apr. 19)
This week you’ll discover a great new diet that allows you to eat anything you want at the Heart Attack Grill while transforming your body to a new 355 super-sexy pounds.
Taurus (Apr. 20 – May 20)
Your last remaining sexual fantasy is shattered this weekend when you finally stop to think about how old the Olsen Twins really are.