VOL. 3 - ISSUE 51
3 by Andrew J. Hewett - www.chewednews.com
Burglars Beware!
BLITZ News Shorts 3 Hollywood Profile/Movie Review 4 Music: Christina Perri 5 Cowboys News 6 Rangers News 7 COVER STORY: NFL Cheerleader Preview NFL Cheerleaders 8-12 BLITZ BABE: Diedre 13 UFC 134 Preview 14 Blitz Toys 15 The 13th Century Marriage 15 STP All Grown Up 16 Blitz Restaurant Review: Fireside Pies 16 Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes 17 This Summer’s Movie Season 18 Last Call: Nothing Too Brutal… 19 PUBLISHER Kelly G. Reed GRAPHIC DESIGNER Damien Mayfield PHOTO EDITOR Darryl Briggs Food, Entertainment and Lifestyle Editor Judy Chamberlain COVER Cover Photography: Matt Pearce Cover Design: Damien William Mayfield STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS John Breen, Gregg Case, Steven Hendrix, Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, Joe Lorenzini, Chuck Majors CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS onnie Baker, Paul Figura, Justin Hammond, Gen Nishino, Richard Norton, Francis Orante, Matt Pearce, Paul White, Tobyotter STAFF WRITERS Hannah Allen, Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Dennis Hambright, Jack E. Jett, Frank LaCosta, Mark Miller, Jesse Whitman CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Brian Beard, Jay Betsill, A. Faulkner, Andrew J. Hewett, Jack L. Pier, Joe Stumpo CONTACT US MAIN NUMBER 214-529-7370 FAX NUMBER 972-960-8618 kreed@blitzweekly.com
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News from our friends in Berlin inform us of a story that is Blitz-worthy. A 90-year-old German woman chased off three burglars from her rural farmhouse armed with nothing more than a cane on Monday. She’s a retired farmer who gets around her house with a walking frame and spotted the intruders. She then went into attack mode. She grabbed her cane and started beating the
two men and woman. The end result being that the trio fled the scene in a town just outside of Muenster, Germany. The police admire her courage and noted that it was dangerous and that she was fortunate that nothing serious had happened.
Red Tail Boa Up For Adoption
Have a desire for your own red tail boa constrictor? If so, fly up to Pennsylvania asap. Back in May at the Hershey Cemetery a 6-foot long boa constrictor attended a funeral as guests were arriving. It was found in a parking area nearby and wasn’t aggressive. The snake was handed over to Forgotten Friend, which happens to be a reptile sanctuary. The boa constrictor was suffering from a respiratory ailment likely due to the cooler temperatures outdoors. After dining on many frozen rats the snake has been nursed back to good health and is up for adoption.
Tourist Ferry Runs Aground in Helsinki
Last Friday a Finnish ferry slammed onto a rock near the shore of Helsinki while the captain was stuck in the restroom. Some passengers suffered bruises and tableware was broken during the incident. You might ask how this all happened. Apparently the captain got stuck in the restroom and in a predicament when the lock jammed. He yelled for help and by the time a crew member was able to get the door open, it was too late. The Finnish coastguard is currently investigating whether the captain’s actions could amount to criminal endangerment. The ferry had 54 passengers aboard at the time.
Bizarre Dating Attempt Gone Wrong
A little advice for single women: do not date or work with a man who has two first names. In Ringgold, Georgia, Taco Bell employee Jason Dean went to extremes to spend time with his 18-yearold co-worker Rebecca. He had approached her several times and was rejected to the point that the young woman even tried to work different shifts to avoid him. Jason apparently showed up after one of her shifts recently and handcuffed himself to her as she tried to get to her car. She yelled and her co-workers came to her aid. Jason fled and the cops were called. He was arrested two days later by Dalton State College campus police. Jason has been charged with false imprisonment and is being held on a $2,500 bond.
NO ABE LINCOLN HERE On August 13, 2011, the 47th Governor of Texas, James Richard “Rick” Perry, announced he’d run for President of the United States in 2012. Mixed facts about Perry: (1) Attending Texas A&M University, he received a C in U.S. History, a D in Shakespeare, a D in the principles of economics, a D in veterinary anatomy, an F in a second course on organic chemistry and a C in animal breeding. (2) During this time, he dropped M-80 firecrackers into second floor toilets, so they’d blow sewage out (onto) the first floor ..and once put live chickens in a classmate’s closet. GUESS WHO SAID: “My factories may make an end of war sooner than your congresses. The day when two army corps can annihilate each other in one second, all civilized nations, it is to be hoped, will recoil from war and discharge their troops.” This quote was said directly to a world peace advocate, Bertha Sutter, by Alfred Bernhard Nobel (1833-1896), inventor of dynamite. FALLING ON HARD TIMES Nigerian dictator Sani Abacha (1943-1998) apparently died the hard way. Though no autopsy was allowed, thanks to the fact he used Viagra and was in the company of six teenage Indian prostitutes, imported from Dubai, it is possible he died of a heart attack. WHAT A NUMBER… While William Symmes (Bill) Voiselle (19192005) pitched for the New York Giants, he got permission from the National League to wear jersey number 96, which, at the time, was the highest number of any pro baseball player. Why number 96? Voiselle wanted to advertise the town where he grew up, Ninety Six, North Carolina.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK “No eyes that have seen beauty ever lose their sight.” - Jean Toomer Photo Courtesy: Richard Norton
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HOLLYWOOD PROFILE with Jesse Eisenberg
By Vivian Fullerlove vfullerlove@blitzweekly.com
Now, one minute your character is a regular working guy and the next, he’s been forced into this bank robbery scheme. How does he deal with this crazy set of circumstances? My character kind of dropped out of school a few years ago. He is stuck in this job that he hates and in love with this girl who he has kind of never told, and when he has the bomb strapped to him and knows that he has a finite period of time to live, he quits his job, he confesses his love to this girl, he kind of tries to mend the relationship with his best friend that has been strained over the past several years. So, it really is ironically kind of the best thing that could ever happen to him. Among your many adventures in this movie, is a pretty over the top car chase, and you had to do a lot of the driving yourself. What was that like? We had a long strip of road and twenty stunt drivers, and we had a scene where I had to weave in and out of them. The crew was often times fearful for their lives because I’m not such a great driver, but they allowed me to drive. I guess sometimes they needed to see me personally driving; so I got to drive in a lot of the scenes, and no one was injured.
By A. Faulkner editor@blitzweekly.com
The Devil’s Double
How was it working with director Ruben Fleischer (Zombieland) who is a relatively new film director? Ruben has a really great sense of maintaining what seems honest for the characters even set against the back drop of a very broad movie, and as an actor that the most important thing you want from a director is someone who can account for what your character is going through and deal with it in a way that both serves the story and is in line with what you’re bringing to it. Having said that, he also has a great sense of what’s cinematic and what’s funny and what looks great in terms of the way the movie is shot; so, it ends up being entertaining as well without compromising character. Why should audiences go check out 30 Minutes or Less? I think the movie tells a very provocative and interesting story but in the real way; so, even though it’s funny, it’s got this great high concept to it. There’s the chase and a countdown to it literally with the bomb. I think the characters are real and the emotions are real and their relationships are dealt with honestly, and it’s a very entertaining story that never compromised the people that are inside of it.
You can check out 30 Minutes or Less tonight. The film is open nationwide and is rated R for crude and sexual content, pervasive language, nudity and some violence.
For the average film fan, watching The Devil’s Double is, at the least, disturbing. Director Lee Tamahori’s melodrama unveiling the true crimes of a psychotic sociopath on the silver screen isn’t for the squeamish. Indeed, you must have a strong stomach to be exposed to such extreme and recent violence. The film follows the infamous Uday Hussein, the oldest son of the Saddam, and his childhood friend Latif Yahia, an Iraqi army lieutenant forced into becoming Uday’s royal fiday, or body double. The brilliant dual performance by Dominic Cooper literally carries the film. Cooper first plays Uday, then Latif, and then Latif playing Uday with such tremendous force that he will undoubtedly garner notice from critics who failed to see him as the great actor in his softer supporting roles (Mama Mia! An Education). Cooper captures the real Uday: the sadistic, spoiled Black Prince whose tantrums give new meaning to the word immoral—raping a woman on her wedding day, murdering school girls snatched from the streets, and even gutting his father’s friend over a disagreement. Part of the fun for the boy who loved to play god was the fact that he could not only take life, but also create it. “I made you, Latif. I made you.” As Latif, Cooper’s approach is so pitch-perfect, it’s as if two different actors are playing these two characters. Raised a peace-loving man with strong family values, Latif fears his life and those of his family if he fails to live up to the expectations
In the hilarious new action comedy 30 Minutes or Less, Jesse Eisenberg plays a pizza delivery guy who is kidnapped by two fledgling criminals (Danny McBride and Nick Swardson) who strap a bomb to his chest and inform him that he has mere hours to rob a bank or else. I sat down with Eisenberg to discuss the film and his daredevil antics behind the wheel!
of a royal fiday. Latif literally gives up his life to be sidekick to a monster, something he does not take lightly. (“You are asking me to extinguish myself?”) Part of his training in becoming the devil’s double requires watching footage of countless hours of torture, memorizing films of Uday to capture his essence, and undergoing surgery to perfect his likeness. Latif had to be the perfect replica in every way. While the film is glossy and engaging thanks largely to the exuberance of wealth, luxurious parties, plus sex and more sex, it can seem to lack structure, which only seems to further strengthen the edge of darkness of which Uday constantly lives. The film is written with the help of the real Latif Yahia, increasing intensely the credibility that Uday Hussein is an utterly perfect and horrific real-life villain, and Latif, while enjoying the perks of his lavish lifestyle, was certainly disgusted and left wondering when Uday will tire of him, and if he will be fatally tossed aside like countless others. The film feels like a roller coaster ride with enough danger to make the faint feel sick and the action loving to feel intrigued. There are no apologies for showing the wealth and corruption of Baghdad that spawned Uday as an immoral child with unlimited power and money to harm whatever and whomever he pleased without reprimand. Final word: History is worth knowing, despite the violence we must learn.
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By Jack L. Pier editor@blitzweekly.com It was a show on the third Thursday night in July and the House of Blues in Dallas was packed! Alexandra, a publicist from New York, called the week before and asked if I’d heard of a relatively new artist, Christina Perri. I had to admit that I hadn’t, but promised to check her out and get back to her. After listening to a couple of her songs on YouTube, it didn’t take me long to recognize the talent and accept the invitation. A 24 year old, petite, brunette with tattoos and a wicked smile, she pulls off a modern Joan Jett look that’s all her own. Residing in Los Angeles via Philadelphia and vacationing in Italy, this is no country girl. Based on the number of guys in the audience singing along to every song (girlfriend in tow); it’s hard to classify her music as “chick music”. It’s contemporary with an edge. Most comfortable behind a piano, the girl’s got chops! It was hard to believe she just started her first headlining tour (they kicked off in Las Vegas before heading to Texas). With the help of her drummer, who doubled as the evening’s M.C., she looked like a seasoned pro to me. Her shot to stardom is a great story too. One of her homemade videos featuring her song: “Tragedy”, caught the eye of Bill Silva Management who promptly signed on to represent her. After her song “Jar of Hearts” appeared on the Fox show: “So You Think You Can Dance?” back in July of 2010 - it’s been a roller coaster ride Hollywood couldn’t have written better. The song received such a great response they invited her to play it live. Once Atlantic Records noticed the 200,000 downloads in three weeks, they signed her, put her on the road supporting James Blunt and got her into the studio. Fast forward to May 10, 2011 when she released: Lovestrong., her twelve song debut LP. Followed by (a more professional) video of her song “Arms”, which features her love interest and his tattooed biceps. Now she’s on the road wowing audiences and living her dream. While on stage, she really connects
Silver and Blue Debut Cowboys Stadium – Arlington The annual “Silver and Blue” debut is your chance to take in practice. In addition to watching the team there will be performances by the Cowboys Cheerleaders and the Rhythm and Blue team. Starts at 7pm and it’s free!
Thur 8/25
Steak and Sauces Central Market – Plano You know you like to eat meat! Now is your time to get some hands on training and become skilled at grilling and pan searing steaks as well as getting sauced. Be sure to enroll online and pay the tuition fee.
Fri 8/26
Bob Schneider The Kessler – Dallas Bob has graced our pages and that makes him Blitz-worthy. He is eclectic and will incorporate funk, country, folk and rock. This time however Bob is taking the acoustic route. We know this, where Bob goes a bevy of women will follow.
Sat 8/27
Ted Nugent Billy Bob’s Texas – Ft. Worth Uncle Ted has released more than 34 albums and sold over 30 million records. Kick back with a few cold ones as he belts out “Cat Scratch Fever”, “Dog Eat Dog”, “Free-forAll” and “Stranglehold”.
Sun 8/28
Keith Urban American Airlines Center - Dallas This one is for the ladies and country fans! Enjoy the hits of this New Zealand-born Australian. It took him a while to find success but since 2001 he has produced 12 number one singles.
Mon 8/29
Geeks Who Drink Pub Trivia West End Pub – Dallas Like to drink? Like trivia? This is the event for you. The West End Pub has a ton of great drinks. Trust us. Test your knowledge. Everyone who plays is a winner! Cash prizes for first and second place teams.
Tues 8/30
with her audience. At one point, mentioning that “Most penguins mate for life”, but that her song “Penguin” …was “about one that didn’t”. Then, later in the show as a familiar bass line started playing, she offered her interpretation of Tom Petty’s “Breakdown”. Explaining that we all have that old love that we fall back on… and that we all ‘break down’ and go back to them when we get lonely. Finally, she graciously invited Suzanne Santo, from the opening act: honeyhoney (who were also very good) to join her on stage and play violin during her encore. In closing, I have to say I like what Christina Perri has accomplished so far and where she seems to be going. She’s selling out shows wherever she goes and based on her Facebook posts, is loving every minute of it. Following young talent is one of my favorite things to do and it’s going to be a lot of fun watching this young lady mature and her music evolve. Don’t take my word for it though, check her out on YouTube and if you like what you hear – buy a ticket and see her live!
Wed 8/24
Red Hot Chili Peppers Live Cinemark Megaplex 17 – Dallas In support of their new album I’m With You, buy tickets and enjoy a special screening at 8pm. Get their early. They’ll be performing select tracks as well as some of their classic hits. Let us know what you think about this article or to find more music news visit our website at: www.Blitzweekly.com
If you know of a cool event or concert coming up, send some info our way at editor@blitzweekly.com
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Cowboys News
Ring’s Newest Members
By Jay Betsill Twitter me: @THEFAMOUSJAY
As the Dallas Cowboys prepare for their third season at Cowboys Stadium in Arlington, the team announced that three of its legends are set to be enshrined as new members in the Ring of Honor. The newest members to be inducted on November 6 into this exclusive club are Drew Pearson, Larry Allen and Charles Haley. They will be the first additions since Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith and Michael Irvin went in together in 2005 on a Monday night game against the Washington Redskins at Texas Stadium. This takes the membership to 20 -- 18 players, plus longtime head coach Tom Landry and club president Tex Schramm who started the Ring in the early 1970s. “We have a storied franchise and we have a lot of people you’d say they deserve to be there,” Jerry Jones said. “But to make it special and to keep it special, I’m going to go back to Tex again. He said, ‘Make it very exclusive, make it very exclusive.’” Drew Pearson’s omission from the Ring of Honor has long been considered its biggest oversight, but heavy lobbying by Staubach finally persuaded Jones. Jones gave Pearson the choice of which side of the stadium his name would hang. He opted for the side behind the Cowboys’ bench that already features Schramm, Landry and Staubach. “Roger Staubach recently told me ... ‘What Michael Irvin was for Troy, well that’s what Drew Pearson was for me,’” Jones said. “That was good enough for me right there.”
There is little doubt that Larry Allen and Charles Haley will go on the opposite side along with Aikman, Irvin and Smith. Haley, who won two Super Bowls with the 49ers, is the first player who started his career with another team to make the Ring of Honor. Allen, coincidentally, finished his playing career with the 49ers after playing from 1994-2005 with the Cowboys. Jones noted that he hopes this honor will help Haley earn a sixth ring, the one given to members of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. He was a finalist for induction earlier this year. Allen is up for Hall of Fame induction in 2013 and is widely regarded as a sure-fire first ballot entry. “We have a storied franchise and we have a lot of people you’d say they deserve to be there,”
The Ring of Honor announcement is big news on several fronts. The wrong of Schramm passing over Pearson in the late 1980s has been fixed. Haley’s inclusion also opens up the door for other Jones-era favorites who starred on other teams such as Deion Sanders to be given the Cowboys most prestigious honor.
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RANGERS News
Successful Road Trip Three outs from sweeping their arch-rivals and one win short of equaling their best 10-game road trip, the Texas Rangers found themselves exactly where they were one week earlier. The team that entered the week four games ahead of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim entered this week in the same spot as both teams went 4-3. Despite losing three of their final four games, the Rangers went 7-3 on the road trip, their final long time away from home this season. Even though they didn’t gain ground for the week, they did on the road trip putting two more games between them and the Angels. Texas won the first three in Anaheim before losing on a ninth-inning home run by Mark Trumbo. The Rangers then lost two of three in Chicago including a 10-0 finale while the Angels swept the Baltimore Orioles. “We’re a good baseball team,” Texas Manager Ron Washington told mlb.com. “One loss is no different than the others. It’s not going to knock us down just because they beat us 10-0. You’ve got to show back up. And good teams do. We’re a good team. We’ll show up on Monday.” Texas scored 38 runs in their first five games of the trip but just 14 in their last five. Still, they outscored Oakland, Los Angeles and Chicago 52-37. Among last week’s highlights: • Second baseman Ian Kinsler went four-for-five in the opener in Anaheim, won the game Wednesday with a late two-run single and had two home runs Saturday against the White Sox.
By Mark Miller mmiller@blitzweekly.com
Long home stand continues Texas continues its final long home stand of 2011 with Wednesday and Thursday games against the Boston Red Sox. This is the first time the teams have met since Texas swept Boston to open the season. The Red Sox continue their battle with the New York Yankees in the American League East entering the week onehalf game back. Even if they lose that fight, they should be the wild card and probably would face the Rangers. Boston entered the series with third baseman Kevin Youkilis on the disabled list and outfielder Jacoby Ellsbury and designated hitter David Ortiz having missed recent games. Following the Red Sox are the Angels likely for the final time in Texas this season. Then the Tampa Bay Rays begin a three-game series Tuesday, the only time they are scheduled to play in Arlington this year. The Rays are a different team from the one the Rangers faced in the playoffs last year but are still playing respectable at 69-56 through Sunday. But with the Yankees and Red Sox ahead of them, it seems unlikely Tampa Bay will be in this year’s postseason.
NFL: Redskins vs. Ravens Thu. August 25 – 7:00PM – M&T Bank Stadium – ESPN
Through the pre-season the Redskins have taken care of business against the Steelers and the Colts. That probably isn’t saying much at this point. Perhaps John Beck will solidify his position as starting quarterback for the Redskins. The Ravens are looking to win this “Battle for the Nation’s Capital” in convincing style. Many new faces for both teams and well worth your time.
NASCAR: Irwin Tools Night Race Sat. August 27 – 6:30PM – Bristol Motor Speedway – ABC
This is the first of three night races that will air on ABC and it’s 500 laps of fun. This race began back in 1961 and has had several memorable finishes. Kyle Busch took home the checkered flag last year. He currently has a hot hand and is the favored driver in this one. The NASCAR regular season is beginning to wind down so expect everyone’s best efforts.
NFL: Cowboys vs. Vikings Sat. August 27 – 7:00PM – Mall of America Field – CBS
Dallas Polo Club
L E A R N T O P L AY P O L O NO RIDING EXPERIENCE NECESSARY WWW.DALLASPOLOCLUB.ORG
The third preseason game for both teams will be as close to a real game simulation as possible. Look for the starters on both teams to play close to three quarters. The Cowboys defense stunk it up against the Chargers. Romo again left the game in one piece. For the Vikings it’ll be interesting to see how Donovan McNabb performs.
MLB: Angels vs. Rangers Sun. August 28 – 7:00PM – Ballpark in Arlington – ESPN
The “Game of the Week” for ESPN pits two AL West Division foes in this one. Depending on how the first two games of this series goes the Rangers could be trying to put the nails in the coffin. The Angels are hanging on for dear life and will send out youngster Jerome Williams to take on Colby “Bonsai” Lewis.
RANGERS
• Alexi Ogando pitched well twice, earning a win against the Angels (four runs in 6.1 innings) and a no-decision against Chicago (two runs in seven innings). • Derek Holland came within one out of his sixth complete game of the year Tuesday at Anaheim although he lost for the first time in nine starts Sunday. If the Rangers continue to hold serve like last week, they should be in great shape for the rest of the season.
C ALL 214-979-0300 ext.1
COWBOYS
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Shamea
erin
heather
lindsay
KELLY
kelsey
Jessie
Adriene
SHELBY
Geraldine Brandy Christina
Special thanks to: Atlanta Falcons, Baltimore Ravens, Buffalo Jills, Carolina Topcats and Seattle Sea Gals
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Michelle and Rachel
Special thanks to: Cincinnati Ben-Gals and Houston Texans
Sarah G.
kimberly
maria
Sarah K.
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maigan
kelli
Lindesy Samantha
Marissa
lindsey
tatiana kellie
paige
lauren
sabrine
Kember
soldenise
kelly
Special thanks to: Indianapolis Colts, Jacksonville Roar/Paul Figura, Miami Dolphins Cheerleaders, Patriots/Gen Nishino & Justin Hammond, Philadelphia Eagles, San Diego Charger Girls, Washington Redskins
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casey
brianne
emily
kathryn danae
Danni-Lynn
casey
tanzye
ashley
stefanie
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aleena
janae
paige
carmen
angie
holly
brooke
ashley
milly
meghan
grecia
Special thanks to: San Francisco Gold Rush, St. Louis Rams, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Tennessee Titans
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UFC 134:
Silva vs. Okami
By Brian Beard “Ultimate Fighter”
Brendan “The Hybrid” Schaub (9-1-0) vs. Minotauro Nogueira (32-6-1): Here we have old school vs. new school fight number one on this card. Nog is a legend and has fought and defeated some of the best of all time. His boxing is decent and his ground game is top notch! In fact he has a huge advantage over the up and comer Schaub if this fight goes to the ground. Schaub is incredibly explosive and has a good stand up game. He has made a name for himself by beating some very legit fighters. He will be much quicker than Nog on the feet and this will be the difference. The former NFL player will win this via first round TKO. Schaub will continue to climb the ladder with another impressive victory. Mauricio “Shogun” Rua (19-5-0) vs. Forrest Griffin (18-6-0): There aren’t many fighters on the planet with a more impressive resume than Shogun Rua. This cat has walked through many great fighters in his career and the guy is only 29 years old! Across the cage will be one of the biggest hearts in MMA. Griffin is an absolute warrior that will not ever quit and always comes to fight. He hasn’t been too active lately and this will be his first fight in over six months. The last time these two met, Griffin got the better of it. This time around I think we will see the same. Rua was obliterated in his last fight with Jones and I’m not sure he has recovered. I think we will see Forrest win via unanimous decision.
Anderson “The Spider” Silva (28-4-0) vs. Yushin “Thunder” Okami (27-5-0): Silva comes into this fight riding high on a 14 fight win streak. In fact, his last loss was in ’06 to none other than Yushin Okami. He hasn’t even had a real challenge (minus Chael Sonnen) since that loss. Okami has won his last three but has not been very active. This will be his first fight of ’11. That being said look for Silva to come out wearing his grape smuggler shorts and completely dominate this fight. Okami is strong but Silva will toy with him for a couple of rounds and then land a shot that will end the fight via KO late in the second. Not much of a fight here I’m afraid. The only threat I see for Silva, within reason, would be Jon Jones. If they met at a catch weight, I think Jones would walk through Silva.
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The Gym • 921 West Mayfield #112 • Arlington, Texas 817-652-1555 • www.thegym.org
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When you first saw the Chevy Volt, did you think “man, that’d make for a nice Cadillac coupe”? If so, give yourself a pat on the back because that’s very much what the Cadillac ELR is. Details are currently scarce, but rest assured it’ll be built using the same electric propulsion system as the Volt — which means a lithium-ion battery, an electric drive unit, and a four-cylinder gasoline engine for extended range — as well as a sleek body and what’s sure to be a well appointed interior. (Price – TBA)
Desktop-sized fish tanks are pretty common. Desktop-sized jellyfish tanks are not. This Jellyfish Tank was developed from the ground up specifically for Medusozoa by the experts at Jellyfish Art, and features full-spectrum energy efficient LEDs for illumination, an air diffuser for maximum oxygenation, built-in biological, chemical, and mechanical filtration, a bubble channel to shield the jellyfish from the air, and an included voucher good for three of the little menaces as well as a pack of food. (Price - $350)
By Jesse Whitman jwhitman00@gmail.com
When your life — or livelihood — depends on correctly identifying your prey over sniper-like distances, you want the very best binoculars you can buy. Which aptly describes these Brunton Icon Binoculars. Packing high-end features like SK nano-coated prism glass, ED objective lenses, super-fast focusing, shock, water, and fogging resistance and a true grip rubber-coated magnesium alloy frame in brown or gray, they’re the closest thing you can get to bionic vision. (Price - $2375)
Prior to the 13th century all marriages were arranged. It was a business transaction and the families would either gain a few goats and a cow or a villa and a shipping company, depending on the country and income bracket. In fact, marriage for love was strictly forbidden and if two lovers dared to get married it was considered heresy and punishable by law. The true romantic in all of us, even if hidden behind decades of rejection and heartbreak, will probably immediately dismiss this idea of arranged marriage as barbaric and even sadistic by the monsters who perpetrated the tradition. However, as divorce rates stay at a steady 51 percent and everyone I know is unhappily in a relationship, I can’t help but consider the 13th century marriage. But not marrying for love? That seems really depressing. However, consider this. While most relationships, married or not, begin with that fire in the blood, butterflies in the stomach, can’t stop thinking about each other feeling, it doesn’t last. The relationship usually turns into a comfortable partnership, a companion to have dinner with, to be your arm at a party, to put on their insurance plan. Maybe there’s no passion but if the relationship is solid, there will be a different kind of love,
one that springs from mutual respect one would get from a close friend or business partner. It may have started out as true love, but eventually it will turn into what an arranged marriage starts out as. True love also sets people up for a big disappointment, especially since most partners have reported cheating, or at least have thought about it. In an arranged marriage, having a side piece—a lover or mistress—was part of the deal, a silent agreement, that way no one got hurt, especially since it was already expected and there was no true love in the first place. At least with an arranged marriage you know right from the beginning what you’re signing up for. And even in an arranged marriage, one can get their true love on the side, a love that will probably last longer because you won’t be fighting over dirty dishes or who picks the kids up from school. While the patriarchs of the European Renaissance weren’t exactly pillars of freedom and human rights, they were realists when it came to marriage. For example, if two people are in love, that’s really sweet and wonderful, but if they are both broke, how is that helping anybody? Microwave dinners and apartments without proper heating systems get old really fast, even if you are in love. And if you’re both below the poverty line, you better be happy having your vacation at the local park. Not that money can buy
happiness, but there are some practicalities that can’t be ignored, namely food and shelter. In this way, by finding a husband or wife for their sons and daughters, the families could rest assured that at least the one they chose would be in a similar income bracket. All systems have their flaws—communism, capitalism, arranged marriages—but I’m starting to think the 13th century marriage is not such a bad idea. At least at the end of the day you’ll have health insurance and a nice place to live, so long as you have more than a goat and some cows for your dowry.
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By Hannah Allen “Out and About in DFW”
Let us know what you think about this article or to find more music news visit our website at: www.Blitzweekly.com
Maybe…could this be…the best pizza in
Dallas? By Judy Chamberlain jchamberlain@blitzweekly.com
As an aspiring rock writer my first major label review took the form of Stone Temple Pilots at the Palladium last week. After working the local circuit and falling in love with so many new projects and people the prospect of reviewing a band that was both background music and soundtrack to my post-grunge adolescence was less intimidating and more of an exciting mile marker. In all the years I’ve been going to concerts I missed, rather narrowly in some cases, the giants of the movement that spawned thousands of imitators and spoke to the flannel-wearing-lumberjacks in so many of us; Soundgarden split just as I came of age, Lane Staley died just as I entered college and I never seemed to be in the same city as STP for the better part of a decade. Scott Weiland, notorious front man and propellant of the iconic four-piece was noticeably healthier last Wednesday than he was ten years ago when the band took an informal hiatus and pursued various solo and super-group projects. Like so many bands of the time period 1992 was the year of wonders. Atlantic records signed them; they released Core and rose to the top with their mega-hit “Plush.” True to form fans loved them and Rolling Stone Magazine hated them. By 1994 they had been nominated for a Grammy and won an American Music Award. Their second album, Purple debuted at No. 1 and they opened for the Rolling Stones. Weiland’s dissent into darkness became public knowledge after an arrest for heroin and cocaine possession in a Pasadena Motel in 1995. By 1996 his band-mates were forced to cancel shows because of his dependency on drugs and he began a monotonous cycle of rehab, relapse and jail time, which didn’t stop until 2002. With some hesita-
tion based on his chemical dependency Weiland was invited by older and wiser former members of Guns n’ Roses to front a project eventually titled Velvet Revolver. After two albums and tremendous success Weiland reconciled with the other three members of STP in 2008, an almost unthinkable feat, and they released a selftitled album, which they produced. In a recent interview with the Chicago Tribune Weiland was asked about making another record with STP in the near future. He made no bones about his position as a straight-up rock star by saying, “There’s really not much money to be made in making albums anymore.” A subject he made sure to touch on in the banter between songs last week here in Dallas. I can’t say that my expectations were met entirely at the Palladium show. Much of the performance on Weiland’s part seemed phoned-in as his serpentlike movements have tempered over the years. After “Interstate Love Song” midset he seemed to gain momentum and carried the show in the manner I had initially expected. The highlight of the whole show was the consistent tone of their guitarist, Dean Deleo. Never one of my idols I found handing solos and signature riffs with an energy that made me feel like I’d never so much as noticed them on the recorded versions. The audience was also less receptive than I ever would have imagined. Nodding along and taking out cell phones to video their bigger hits. I expected at least jumping and fist pumping at minimum. The encore was less chanting and stomping as texting and waiting around in the dark for the band’s obligatory re-emergence.
Pear and gorgonzola pizza, I’m so over you. Smoked salmon pizza: you’re so…well, so ‘eighties. And I’ve moved on. I’ve found a new love. The California pizza craze of the past thirty years that spawned the first nouvelle variations on the traditional tomato-sauced pie is no match for what’s going on 1250 miles to the east of Los Angeles, right here in Dallas. Much has been written about who makes the best pizza in the Dallas area. Everybody has their favorite. While the same pizza chains that we left behind in California are here, too - they’re everywhere – Dallas, like anyplace else, has a few “originals.” One such group features dreadfully loud “live music” (your musicians are playing along with tracks; you know who you are) while another does a lot of advertising, specializes in takeout and is absolutely horrible. Neapolitan, schmeapolitan…. And then there’s Fireside Pies, a group of boutique pizzerias with several locations in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area. Each of the Fireside restaurants is slightly different, with its own dough maker. The menus vary. I’m a big fan of the delicious Hatch chili pizza that’s a seasonal special in Grapevine right now. Here’s what’s on it: Shiner Bock barbecue sauce, smoked mozzarella, red onions, bbq-rubbed chicken, freshly grated parmesan and, of course, Hatch chilies.
For the Hatch pizza, the chilies are pre-roasted in the restaurant’s open hearth wood burning oven. The chicken is free-range. The extraordinary artisan cheese is from Paula’s. Everything is sourced as locally as possible. The pizza dough is made from scratch with good yeast and semolina flour. It takes a nice rise, and puffs up so artistically that it might just serenade you with a song or two. Bruschetta piled high with goat cheese, pinon nuts, chopped tomatoes and roasted crimini onions - and any of the salads on the menu - will easily feed two people. The pizzas – each is about twelve inches in diameter – are big enough to be shared, as well…unless you’re dining with me. When ingredients are this fresh and so lovingly curated, it’s no surprise that - despite the nearby freeway construction and off-the-beaten-path location - there’s already an SRO crowd at the bar and not an empty seat in either of the spacious, connecting dining rooms by 5:30 p.m. on a Saturday evening. Perfect food – and perfect service – can make that sort of thing happen. The first time I wandered into Fireside in Grapevine, the person working on the line stretching dough and tossing large rounds of it into the air – and catching them, too – turned out to be Managing Partner Kristin Wisniewski. The third time, she was out on the floor, expertly seating guests. Wisniewski and her finely-tuned team of hospitality industry veterans are major league players who know exactly how to foster customer loyalty. This is high praise, especially coming from me. Yes, I’ve had Fireside’s Hatch chili pizza three times in the last week. And no, I am not their publicist. Desserts get the same freshly made, it’s-in-thedetails treatment here as the rest of the menu. I’ve especially enjoyed the rich, dark chocolate fudge brownie with vanilla bean ice cream and salted caramel sauce -- and fabulous New York-style cheesecake But the pizza here is clearly the star. I doubt I’ve ever had better, not in California, or Chicago, Pennsylvania, New Jersey…or New York. It’s that good.
Fireside Pies
1285 S Main St. • Grapevine, TX 76051 (817) 416-1285 • firesidepies.com Mon-Thu, Sun 5 pm - 10 pm Fri-Sat 5 pm - 11 pm
find more Restaurant Reviews on our website at: www.Blitzweekly.com
17
HORRORSCOPES
FUNNIES
(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
You reach the height of embarrassment when you are informed by local arresting officers that cockfighting is supposed to involve chickens.
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal? A: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.
(Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
At the weirdest moment in your life it will finally dawn on you that the old saying about cowards dying a thousand deaths might be true.
(Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
Sagittarius is proud to introduce this week’s horrorscopes, boasting 15% more horsepower and more storage space.
(Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)
When your plane crashes in the Rockies next weekend you’ll be forced to eat the flight crew, making you glad that you chose Hooters Air. (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
The gods of justice will hear your pleas as soon as they are finished discussing the use of instant replay in Major League Baseball. (Feb. 19 – Mar. 20)
Though there is a patron saint for finding one’s way out of a shopping mall, you remember his name far too late. (Mar. 21 – Apr. 19)
You’ll be at a loss when you discover that there is nothing else on this planet that you want to buy.
DOWN: 1. Central points 2. Any minute 3. Partiality 4. Misplaced 5. Implore 6. Cease-fire 7. Male deer 8. Pearly-shelled mussel 9. Echinoderm 10. Unbelievable 11. Anklebone 12. A serious accident 13. Hoopla 21. Ashes holder
25. Resinlike substance 26. Channel 27. Double-reed woodwind 28. Money lent 29. Evil 30. A freshwater fish 31. Rodents 33. Weightlifters pump this 34. Fiber source 35. Passion 36. Pitcher 38. Inclined to believe 41. A club or stick used in baseball 42. Not brothers 44. Be victorious 45. King 46. Fertile areas in deserts 47. What we pay the government 48. To fake an opponent out of position 50. Found in skin lotion 51. Repose 52. Distinctive flair 53. 57 in Roman numerals 54. Give temporarily 55. Backside
(Apr. 20 – May 20)
You will undergo some personal changes that result in your finally paying your cable bill, if you know what’s best for you.
48. Twofold 49. A whirling Italian dance 56. Alternatively 57. Holly 58. Young eel 59. Avid 60. It smells 61. Showers 62. Formerly (archaic) 63. Obtains 64. Malicious
(May 21 – Jun. 21)
You will soon be judged by a jury of your peers. Do note that finding 12 equally drunk cab drivers won’t be that easy.
ACROSS: 1. A short moral story 6. As a result 10. Skin irritation 14. Cutting this can make you cry 15. Rave 16. Not 17. Seashore 18. Murres 19. Applaud 20. Teacher 22. Feint 23. Before 24. The body 26. A woman’s cloak 30. Threesome 32. German submarine 33. Hot-tempered 37. Fossil fuel 38. Engagement 39. The peak of a hill 40. Dark and gloomy 42. Drudge 43. Boast 44. Hotdog 45. Parts of a plant in the ground 47. “___ the season ...”
(Jun. 22 – Jul. 22)
You continue with your destructive pattern of behavior this week when you discover how much fun it is to destroy things.
The Plastic Surgeon A woman goes to a plastic surgeon. She says, “I want to tighten the skin on my face.” The surgeon says, “Well we have a new device called the knob. We attach a knob to the top of your head and any time you want to tighten your skin, just turn the knob and you’ll look 10 years younger instantly.” Years pass and the knob works perfectly for the woman. Everytime she notices wrinkles, she twists the knob and tightens her skin. However one day the woman comes back to the surgeon with some problems. She says, “I’ve used the knob for years and I’ve never had any complaints with it, but I have two problems. Firstly, I can’t seem to get rid of these bags under my eyes…” The doctor examines the bags closely and says after a few minutes, “Hmmm those bags under your eyes are in fact your breasts.” After a minute the woman sighs and says, “well I guess there’s no point asking about the goatee then…”
Q: Why won’t sharks attack lawyers? A: Professional courtesy. Q: Where’s the quietest place in the world? A: The complaint department at the parachute packing plant!
(Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
While you wait patiently in your car, powers beyond your control will soon determine your fate. Oh and keep listening to 105.3 The Fan!
(Jul. 23 – Aug. 22)
Feel free to drink and drive this weekend. Your new Gaydar Detector will help you to avoid those burly, mustachioed state troopers!
18
By Joe Stumpo www.darthstumpo.com
Early on in Thor, King Odin (Anthony Hopkins) strips his egotistic warrior son (Chris Hemsworth) of his superhero powers and casts him from the kingdom of Asgard, located where I can safely assume is in “a galaxy far, far away”, to Earth to live as a mortal. I could just as easily apply that scene to what studios do now with these comic book movies. By comparison, the studios are the gods who cast these long awaited big budget adaptations from their back lots in hopes of making millions the first few weeks before slowly dropping off the top ten. The audiences are the earthlings who shell out their hard earned money in hopes of being entertained. Now I understand why when I come across an entertainment article that lists the top “Summer” movies a film critic is most excited about seeing, chances are he or she is not going to be listing movies like Thor or Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides on their must-see list. The reason is obvious. These movies are not “Summer” movies. They are franchise movies, or to put more simply “Franchises.” As I look back on all these comic book movies and sequels released the past four months, I have come to the conclusion that the hottest time of the year should not be called “Summer Movie Season” but “Summer Movie Franchises.” Like Dr. Frankenstein who created a monster, I believe now that director George Lucas created both a good and bad thing when he made a little science fiction movie with a $13 million dollar budget called Star Wars in 1977. Star Wars changed the way movies are now marketed, I am beginning to wonder if filmmakers and studios today are not as much concerned about churning out a good movie with a great story and memorable characters as they are in mass marketing it as a toy product. Call me a party pooper or for that matter, “a critic” before sending me to the depths of Hell for peeing in your Cheerios and ruining your fun. There was a time when the “Summer” movie season began and I actually got excited about the upcoming films. I saw a few of them as “event movies” like Batman (1989). This Summer’s offerings included Captain America, Cowboys & Aliens, Green Lantern, X-Men: First Class and needless sequels like Transformers: Dark of the Moon were not event movies. They were all onehit wonders. Many debate that George Lucas’ focus was not gearing the Star Wars prequels to the older
audiences who fell in love with the original trilogy. He was more concerned with appealing the prequels to the younger generation, or “younglings” as they are called in the Star Wars universe. The same could well apply to all these formulaic, predictable superhero movies and sequels. They are for eager die-hard fans of the comic books who hope the filmmakers will be faithful to the material. Then they can debate with other fellow geeks and nerds at comic book stores about what they did and didn’t like about the adaptations while marveling at the character tie-ins to other soon to be made superhero movies. I suppose if there is any consolation in being subjected to all these “franchise” movies on a yearly basis now it is that studio gods will not tolerate a big budget, mass marketed financial failure. To them, who cares what the critics think. Movie critics don’t much matter anymore, if at all. As long as audiences walk out satisfied, they got their money’s worth and that’s all that matters. When it comes to giving thumbs up or thumbs down to a movie, the audiences have as much power to dictate a film’s success as we do in deciding who to vote for president. Like Odin in Thor casting his son into exile, we earthlings have as much power to send a superhero back to the drawing board if the film fails to deliver the goods. Hell hath no fury like a Hollywood studio scorned if the first installment in what is hoped to be a lucrative franchise fails to bring in millions to warrant a sequel. As the saying goes though, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again,” the same could apply if a superhero film adaptation fails. At that point, the film is no longer called a “franchise.” They call them “reboots.”
19
Nothing Too Brutal, But Fun…
By Dennis Hambright www.dennishambright.com
It’s seven o’clock in the evening and still 103 in the shade. My air conditioner is cranking like crazy and I’ve been having nightmares that my electric bill is going to be higher than Keith Richards at a Willie Nelson picnic. I looked out the window and saw a neutered dog humping on a ragged old stuffed penguin that he drug out of the trash bin. I had to smile at his optimism. I don’t think there’s any chance that the a/c or the dog is going to accomplish anything worthwhile. I’m still hot and the dog is still horny. And now I’m bored. I think my new neighbor might be a Nazi. Either that or he’s a refugee from a prison gang. He’s got an ugly swastika tattoo on the side of his massive neck and sacks of fertilizer stacked to the rafters in his garage. Curiously, his yard looks like a lunar landscape covered with scorched weeds and dead spots. I don’t think fertilizer will help, and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen him choking kittens out in the alley late at night. Whatever his political proclivities, I don’t’ think he’s going to be good for neighborhood harmony. I mention my neighbor because I said I was bored, and I promised myself I was going to give up violence this year, and that resolution has severely limited my normal diversionary options. Don’t get me wrong. I was never a participant in anything brutal, but just violence of a sporting nature. You know, like chunking D-size batteries at cars speeding through the neighborhood when kids are playing out in the yard or riding their bikes on the sidewalk. Never anything criminal, but just something to get their attention before they run over one of our little angels. Or maybe a friendly game of pick-up football over at the park. A busted lip or
a bloody nose, but nothing serious. No ambulance rides or police reports…that takes all the fun out of it. Unfortunately, everybody doesn’t feel that way these days. There are guys like my new neighbor…spineless thugs that carry pistols like fashion accessories and really do want to hurt someone. Then there’s the other group…human sacks of useless sludge that just hope you cause them to break a nail or twist a neck so they can clog up the court calendars with frivolous lawsuits and take their shot at the litigation lottery. Either way, they’re ruining it for the rest of us. I think it’s all causing us to lose a little of our creative edge. Everything has to be pop-top, or click-n-pick, or instantly downloadable. It all has to be safe, or we think something’s wrong with it, and that surely makes Jack a dull boy. We’ve got to get back out there and learn how to entertain ourselves again with real things in the real world…simple fun that makes us smile…things we can tell our friends and coworkers about that make them smile too. I flashed my anti-Semitic neighbor the peace sign and yelled, “Don’t forget that Seinfeld reruns start at 10:30,” and kicked my imagination into gear and went out to find some simple fun. Somebody…I can’t imagine who…but somebody let the air out of the right front tire on one of those fat ass scooters Walmart provides for customers that are too lazy to push a cart. Serendipitously, I was stationed in just the right spot to watch the action when a Twinkie-challenged blob of humanity climbed aboard the little red rocket ship, and then proceeded to drive in right-turn circles for half an hour, because it was just too much work to get another scooter. He kept shifting his massive bulk to the left, thinking it would correct his path, but it didn’t. Every time he whizzed by the front door, a geriatric greeter in slate-gray Naturalizer shoes said, “Welcome to Walmart…Welcome to Walmart…Welcome to Walmart.” The whole scene was like a demented cuckoo clock in action. See, life is still full of simple little diversions that can make you smile, if you just get out there and find them. visit our website at: www.Blitzweekly.com