Blitz Weekly by Blitz Weekly

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 2

September 14 – september 20, 2011

SPORTS NEWS

The NFL and the Economy

Publisher Kelly G. Reed Editor Chris Patterson Food, Entertainment and Lifestyle Editor Judy Chamberlain Photo Editor Darryl Briggs Cover Photography: Darryl Briggs STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS John Breen, Gregg Case, Steven Hendrix, Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, Joe Lorenzini, Chuck Major STAFF WRITERS Hannah Allen, Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Dennis Hambright, Jack E. Jett, Frank LaCosta, Mark Miller, Jesse Whitman

CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Miles Bintz, Yu-Ping Chen, Joe Duty, Manny Flores, Steve Floyd, Melissa Howard, KT King, Noelle Noble, Matt Pearce, Clyde Robinson, Laura Seewoester, John Silks, James D. Smith, Enrico, The Seg STAFF WRITERS Hannah Allen, Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Dennis Hambright, Jack E. Jett, Frank LaCosta, Mark Miller, Jesse Whitman CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Joe Avezzano, Cote Bailey, Jay Betsill, Sonny Capps, David Goodspeed, Andrew J. Hewett, Damien Mayfield, Tommy Smith, Joe Stumpo, Jonathan Sullivan

BLITZ Weekly

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Recently there was a story on Yahoo courtesy of the Associated Press describing how the start of the new NFL season would “jumpstart” the economy. Apparently the NFL itself will take in approximately $9.5 billion this season. Of that number, about $5 billion is spread to NFL cities. According to the league, about 110,000 jobs will be sustained. From hotel workers to sports-bar owners to veteran beer vendors working at the stadium on game day to everyone in between, those dollars are divvied up locally. How exactly will the NFL season take the economy out of the doldrums? Jerseys and other memorabilia certainly aren’t made in America. Everything else seems to be service based. While the NFL is the most popular sports league in the country, how about taking a look at it’s little brother NCAA Football. College football can make many of the same claims and there are definitely more college campuses across the country than NFL cities. The NCAA didn’t have a threat of a lockout either. The NFL has the Sunday Ticket and NFL Network, but with the Longhorn Network, the Big Ten Network, the NBC contract for Notre Dame football and CBS’ SEC contract, the NCAA certainly trumps the NFL. This doesn’t include the regional cable networks with their broadcasts. The NFL has an edge over the NBA, NHL and MLB at this time. Is it because the latter has longer seasons and more games spread throughout the week? Could these other leagues influence the economy as well? 9/11 Weekend Everyone will agree that September 11, 2001 is one of the darkest days in the history of our country. The NFL and MLB held emotional ceremonies league wide to mark the 10th anniversary this past Sunday. As fans united with moments of silence the two leagues moved forward with their games. For those who lost friends and family hopefully the tributes will help with the healing process. For the city of New York and for our nation’s capital the Jets and the Redskins won their games. Currently the economy is in financial pain. The unemployed are trying to scrape by day-to-day. The choice of purchasing tickets to the game or

SPORTS NEWS On Deck 3 Must See TV 3 Texas Rangers 4 TCU Preview 6 SMU Preview 6 UNT Preview 7 Big 12 Game of the Week 7 Meet Justin Blackmon 7 So You Want To Be A QB? 8 Cowboys Head West 8 Blitz babe of the week Ava 9 Cover Story Burrito 6-Pack 10-11 Blitz Fashion Jersey Sure… 12 The Bundy Effect 12 Local Entertainment My Red Dirt Experience 13 7 Things in 7 Days 13 Hollywood Profile 14 Movie Review 14 Is The Boob Tube Dead 15 Jedi: The New Religion 15 Man world Auto Review 16 Gadgets 16 The Joystick 16 Blitz Funnys Jokes/Horrorscopes/Weird News 17 The CLOSER Weekend Relaxer 18 The Little Blue Pill 8 That Just Ain’t Right… 18

By Frank LaCosta flacosta@blitzweekly.com

putting food on the table is a simple one. Can a three-hour game alleviate the pain that they are going through? Does going to a sports bar and spending time with friends and family help? Will all of this help “jumpstart” the economy? The “Halo Effect” For Networks The NFL is big business. Bud Light spent $1.2 billion to be the NFL’s official beer sponsor over the next six years. Look at the price tag for a commercial to run during the Super Bowl. Last year Fox set a record by attracting 111 million viewers for the big game. The pregame and postgame shows are big time too. Its simple economics: more viewers equates to more demand, which in turn has a higher price tag. According to Rick Burton, a sports marketing professor at Syracuse, “For advertisers that are targeting men — and increasingly targeting women — the NFL provides great demographics.” Again this is great for a service-based economy if advertisers are confident that consumers will spend their hard earned dollars. The Super Bowl is one game played once a year. The NFL season is just that: seasonal. To “jumpstart” the economy much more must be done than just entertaining the masses. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has done an excellent job bringing back this year’s NFL season. Can he influence the economy to the point where big businesses decide to hire more employees and consumer confidence will improve? Only time will tell…

MUST SEE TV NCAA: #1 Oklahoma vs.

Terence Newman [Dallas Cowboys]

we just need to win games.

S av i n g y o u f r o m c a r pa l T H UM B s y m p t o m s !

Florida St.

Sat. September 17 – 7:00PM – Doak Campbell Stadium – ABC

Oklahoma coming off a bye is the first team ever to hold the top ranking 100 times since the poll began in 1936. The Sooners have plenty of weapons on offense and a stacked defense. This week though they face a formidable opponent with the Florida State Seminoles. The Seminoles playing at home will have a loud and rowdy crowd. This one could go down to the wire.

@terencenewman1

NFL: Eagles vs. Falcons Sun. September 18 – 7:20PM – Georgia Dome – NBC

Photo Courtesy: Manny Flores

Michael Vick’s homecoming will have NFL fans glued to their TVs. The Eagles had their way with the Rams this past Sunday. Emotions will run high for Vick but he has the moxie to pull it off. The Falcons are coming off a road loss to the Bears and will be looking to regroup. “Matty Ice” will need to remain cool to lead the Falcons to victory against an impressive Eagles defense. Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

September 14 – september 20, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 2

SPORTS NEWS

RANGERS Rangers riding ace Wilson

There should be no doubt C.J. Wilson is the ace of the Texas Rangers pitching staff. The left-hander proved that twice last week by following team losses with nearly identical flawless performances. At Tampa Bay last Tuesday and home against Oakland on Sunday, he yielded no runs on five hits while his teammates scored eight runs. The former outing netted him his first career complete-game shutout while the latter would have been another had he needed to pitch the ninth inning. Those outings came after he gave up five home runs in a critical loss to archrival Los An-

geles Angels of Anaheim on August 27, his only loss against six wins since August 1. And his 11 strikeouts Sunday gave him six double-digit strikeout games this year, the most by a Ranger since Nolan Ryan in 1991. “He’s our No. 1 guy and we expect our No. 1 guy to do that,” said Rangers Manager Ron Washington. “He’s working a lot of quick innings pounding the strike zone and getting ahead of hitters.” “My mechanics have been good and everything is just coming together,” said Wilson, who raised his record to a career-best 16-6. “All the preparation and conditioning I’ve been doing is paying off. I just feel good.” Four hits by Adrian Beltre and three each by Ian Kinsler and Craig Gentry against the Athletics aided Wilson. Beltre hit his 300th and 301st career home runs while Kinsler tied his own team record with his 23rd consecutive stolen base without being caught. Beltre was happy with his performance after a slow return the weekend before from the disabled list. “I made an adjustment in my swing,” Beltre said. “The first four or five games back I wasn’t Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

doing anything. I took a lot of pitches to get my timing back.” Is his timing back? “If I stay the way I was hitting today, it is,” he said. Coupled with the Angels loss Sunday to the New York Yankees, all the Rangers had reason to feel good. They ended the week with a 2½ game lead in the American League West division with

By Mark Miller mmiller@blitzweekly.com

Upcoming Schedule: 9/14 Indians 6:05 p.m. 9/15 Indians 7:05 p.m. 9/16 @Mariners 9:10 p.m. 9/17 @Mariners 6:10 p.m. 9/18 @Mariners 3:10 p.m. 9/20 @Athletics 9:05 p.m.

the same 147-game record (83-64) as last year, they only hope that translates into another chance to play in the World Series. “This is what it’s all about,” Wilson said. “The rest of the season comes down to who plays better between us and Anaheim. We’ll see what we’re made of.” “This is the way we expected it,” Washington said. “We just want to play our game and win series with the opportunity to sweep series. They have to catch us. We don’t have to catch them.” Clear Vision Ahead If the Rangers keep winning series, they’ll likely render the final three games in Anaheim meaningless. To do that, they must lead by at least four games after play Sept. 25. They can start by beating the Cleveland Indians in a three-game home series that ends Thursday. They then go to Seattle for the weekend before heading to Oakland and back home for Seattle. Meanwhile, the Angels have a 10-game road trip at Oakland, Baltimore and Toronto before returning home against Oakland.

September 14 – september 20, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 2

Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

September 14 – september 20, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 2

SPORTS NEWS

SMU Prepares for Family Weekend

UP & UP

TCU successfully clipped Air Force’s wings last Saturday in a 35-19 romping that avenged their previous loss to Baylor. The win improved TCU’s Mountain West Conference win streak to 18 straight – matching the record set by the ‘06-08 BYU squads. Building up an early 21-0 lead in the first half fueled by two quick scores by Matthew Tucker, the Horned Frogs seemed to have demoralized the Falcons. Air Force finally got on the board with

a second quarter 37-yard field goal by Parker Herrington. TCU’s Casey Pachall had two touchdowns while gaining 206 yards through the air and 37 by ground warfare. The Horned Frogs defensive front was more impressive against the Falcons than it had been against Baylor, holding them to only 416 total yards. The boys in purple now have to set their #25 sites on the Warhawks of Louisiana-Monroe. Although ULM had a convincing win against visiting Grambling State, they are still nursing their wounds from the 34-0 scalping they received from #6 Florida State in week 1. Make no mistake about it, they’re going to have to take some long hits on the peace pipe if they think they’re just going to waltz into Amon G. and not get the same treatment. This is how ESPN breaks down the Team Leaders

The Mustangs took care of business this past Saturday by defeating conference opponent UTEP 2817. The C-USA West Division Miners fell behind early in the first quarter of the game as Zach Line scored on a 1-yard TD run. The Miners were able to take a 10-7 lead, but with 30 seconds left in the first quarter Kyle Padron scored on a 12-yard run to regain the lead 14-10. In the second quarter, Line scored again to extend the Mustang lead to 21-10. UTEP scored midway through the third quarter to make the score 21-17 in the Mustangs favor. The game remained close until the Mustang defense recovered a fumble in the end zone to put away the game towards the end of the fourth quarter. The Hilltop might have a quarterback controversy brewing as senior quarterback J.J. McDermott won his first game as the starter. Kyle Padron saw action in the game with two carries but

Notice anything familiar in ULM’s section? 0 TDs from the team leaders. Don’t expect much to change this coming Saturday other than Warhawks becoming cooked geese.

had no passing attempts. Running back Zach Line had 20 rushing attempts for 114 yards and two touchdowns. Senior wide out Cole Beasley from Little Elm led all receivers with 10 receptions for 99 yards. The Mustangs should be able to ground and pound their way to another victory as they celebrate Family Weekend against the Northwestern State Demons. The Demons have a 1-1 record with a 24-23 victory over Delta State while losing this past Saturday on the road to LSU 49-3. The Southland Conference team will have their hands full again when they take on the Mustangs. Quarterback Brad Henderson leads the Demons. The pocket passer simply doesn’t possess the speed to be a legitimate rushing threat. Look for Sterling Endsley from Carrollton to handle the bulk of the carries. Tight End Justin Aldredge is clearly Henderson’s go-to receiver. The Mustangs will take a page from LSU and try to be physical with the Demons. Expect them to control the clock behind the running of Zach Line with a few passes for a change of pace. The Mustang defense should dominate the line of scrimmage and keep Henderson in check. By following this formula the Mustangs will find success on the field.

ULM VS. TCU SAT. SEPT. 17 - 1:00PM / THE MTN. HD AMON G. CARTER STADIUM

NORTHWESTERN ST. VS. SMU SAT. SEPT. 17 - 7:00PM GERALD J. FORD STADIUM

LA-Monroe Passing: Browning - 11-19, 85 yds, 0 tds Rushing: Browning - 11 car, 28 yds, 0 tds Receiving: Hamm - 2 rec, 22 yds, 0 td TCU Passing: Pachall - 25-39, 251 yds, 4 tds Rushing: James - 6 car, 64 yds, 0 tds Receiving: Boyce - 9 rec, 96 yds, 1 td

Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

By Tommy Smith tsmith@blitzweekly.com

By Cote Bailey comments@blitzweekly.com

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 2

September 14 – september 20, 2011

SPORTS NEWS

OKLAHOMA VS. FLORIDA STATE

By Sonny Capps hhhup88@gmail.com

By Frank LaCosta flacosta@blitzweekly.com

This will be a true test of a quality mind set for the Mean Green to keep their heads in the game and provide an effort until the buzzer. Thompson showed good selection in spreading the ball around last week and will need to do the same again. This could set Dunbar up for some nice gains, but again he is going to have to be given more carries to become effective. If UNT can keep the turnovers to a minimum, put up some form of defensive stance, and get more than one half of production on offense the score could be kept within reason. Points will be scarce, so any opportunity must be taken advantage of. Don’t think the #2 team in the country can’t get caught looking ahead to the following game against Arkansas, and if they do Coach McCarney and his troops must punch in any and all points they can get. If UNT can perform any kind of run stoppage against this team it should be viewed as a sign of good things to come. I don’t foresee a victory here, but good experience, game management and getting out injury free should provide a good set up for the first possible win at Apogee Stadium when Indiana comes to town. UNT VS. #2ALABAMA SAT. SEPT. 17 - 6:00PM / FSN Bryant-Denny Stadium

I’m sure they had something in mind when they set this schedule; but picking up a win wasn’t a top priority. Coach McCarney did an excellent job taking advantage of the early mistakes Houston presented them. The problem was UNT had a few of their own that Houston answered with. The Mean Green held on until the second half started when the Cougars got on track and it was over. As UNT makes their way into the hostile setting in Tuscaloosa, this will give the squad good experience of playing with the SEC boys. Alabama is one of the most controlled, disciplined teams in the nation. Coach McCarney will have to make use of the entire offense to give the Tide a run for their money. UNT’s defense will have to step up its effort even more than last week to keep McCarron and Richardson from making an early exit.

When Osceola throws the spear in the ground the game will be on between two storied universities. Doak Campbell Stadium will be rocking and loud as ever and that could cause some headaches for the Sooners. The top ranked team in the country had a bye this past week giving them two weeks to prepare for one of their tougher tests this season. “Big Game” Bob Stoops ended his curse of losing important games that matter with victories last season over Texas, Nebraska (Big 12 Title Game) and UConn (Fiesta Bowl). The Sooners have had to overcome tragedy within the program with the death of Austin Box. Expect the team to come out

If you haven’t heard of Justin Blackmon and what he has accomplished at Oklahoma State then you are either a) not a college football fan or b) just now waking up from a deep twoyear hibernation. The Cowboy wide receiver has been on fire since his breakout season in 2010. Last year he was named the 2010 Big 12 Offensive Player of the Year, quite a feat since he is the first receiver ever to earn the honor. He was also awarded the Fred Biletnikoff Award for being the best receiver in the country. Justin Blackmon also holds NCAA records for the most consecutive games gaining 100 yards or more and for most games gaining 200 yards or more. The pride of Ardmore, Oklahoma is a Heisman hopeful and with quarterback Brandon Weeden tossing him the ball is off to a great start to this season. We caught up with the business management major recently. Read on... How’s Stillwater treating you these days? Up until lately it’s been really, really hot. Not treating me too well. You wrapped up last season with a bowl win over Arizona. What are your thoughts on how it went? I thought we finished well. We won our bowl game and it gave us that “up” going into this year. As you know we’ve started off this season with a couple of wins.

focused. The Landry Jones/Ryan Broyles combo will certainly have their opportunities. Their first game together this season produced 158 yards and a touchdown. Jones though will distribute the ball to several receivers including up and comer Trey Franks. Running back Dominique Whaley carried the ball 18 times in the season opener for 131 yards and four TDs. He’ll split some time with Brennan Clay. The Sooner defense will be challenged this week. Look for defensive end Ronnell Lewis to bring the hammer with some serious hits. Florida State has had easy victories over LAMonroe and Charleston Southern this season. Oklahoma will be a tougher test. Home field advantage will play in their favor, but the Seminoles will still have to execute on offense. EJ Manuel is the helmsman and he could be rattled if the Sooners get to him. James Wilder Jr. has been the most productive running back so far though he did not play in the season opener. Wide receiver Rodney Smith is a beast and a game changer. Look for him to make big plays. The defense is well seasoned with experience now. They’ll give Landry Jones some headaches. Defensive end Brandon Jenkins is the star of the defense. The secondary is the most improved group on defense. If the game comes down to a field goal, the Seminoles are confident that Dustin Hopkins can deliver the win. If Florida State can pull off the upset, the program will have the confidence needed to make it to the BCS Title Game. OKLAHOMA VS. #5FLORIDA STATE SAT. SEPT. 17 - 7:00PM / ABC DOAK CAMPBELL STADIUM

As a team, the immediate goal is to win the Big 12 Conference title. What are your personal goals for this season? You know I don’t have too many personal goals. My goals are about the team. Team first. I want to win the Big 12 [title]. I want to have a chance to battle for a BCS Championship.

As They Roll To The Tide

By Frank LaCosta flacosta@blitzweekly.com

Y K

ippee i Y ay

ation meet

B l i t z :

When you look down the road with the upcoming games against the Texas Longhorns and Oklahoma Sooners, is there a difference in the level of intensity? Of course the stage is bigger when you go up against OU or Texas, especially when both are having good seasons. The stage is definitely higher up, but you got to look at it just like any other game. That’s hard to do though. You’ve got a week to prepare and you’ve got to prepare and you’ve got to do it. You got to go in there and play on Saturday. As far as you and Brandon [Weeden] go, what type of rapport have you built from last season and into this season? I think we’ve built a nice strong rapport. We’re on the same page. We practice together a lot. We’ve got the same goals. We really need each other to reach those goals. It’s something that we’re both fighting for and something that we want to get. Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

September 14 – september 20, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 2

SPORTS NEWS

COWBOYS

By Joe Avezzano www.hattricksdallas.com

There are a lot of potential riches and glamour involved when you’re the quarterback of an NFL team and there are the pitfalls of playing maybe the hardest position in all of sports. There is an old Cowboy axiom first expounded upon by Jimmy Johnson that says, “It’s not how many great plays that matter, its how few bad plays you make.”

Upcoming Schedule: 9/11 @NY Jets 24-27 Loss 9/18 @San Francisco 3:05 p.m. 9/26 Washington 7:30 p.m. 10/2 Detroit Noon 10/9 BYE WEEK

rookie. The secondary needs to put out a help wanted sign. With Newman out, Scandrick out and Jenkins nicked and playing tough all game, it was up to fourth-string corners and back up safeties playing a lot of the second half. Jet quar-

COWBOYS HEAD WEST

Tony Romo played a very good football game in his return from his shoulder injury of a year ago. Until the fourth quarter when he made two mistakes that ultimately lead to the 27-24 defeat by the New York Jets. With the Cowboys leading 24-14 Romo scrambled and attempted to score at the two-yard line. FUMBLE. No points. Then, with less then a minute left and a potential game winning FG in his sights Tony threw an INTERCEPTION that led to the game-winning field goal for the Jets. Football is the ultimate team sport and no one player loses a game but the quarterback will get too much credit for a win and too much blame for a loss. There were fascinating plays and aspects of this game that for a neutral fan made it a fantastic game to watch. Against the backdrop of remembering the 9/11 tragedy and being in New York, the Ryan brothers having their father Buddy in attendance before returning home for cancer treatment, this game had so many twists and turns. The young offensive line handled themselves well, all things considered. Perfect? Far from it but they were really solid against one of the toughest defenses in the NFL. At no time did the focus become Smith, Nagy or Costa as they made their NFL starting debut. The stage did not seem to be too big for them. Encouraging. The lack of depth at receiver was apparent as the Cowboys chose to play an ineffective and hampered Bryant instead of a healthy reserve. Bryant was brilliant in the early stages of the game and then cramps limited him to no catches after the first quarter. My experience is that a hampered veteran does not out perform a healthy

terback Mark Sanchez was not very impressive against Rob Ryan’s pressure until the third/fourth quarter when the Cowboys had to play so many reserves. Admirable effort but they need help. The defense gave up 17 points and that should be good enough to win a game like this. The play of the game was in the fourth quarter with the Cowboys leading 24-17, with five minutes left and the Cowboys needing to punt the ball, get field position and play tough and win the game. A BLOCKED PUNT returned for a touchdown, tied the score and the rest is history. If there was not this play then it’s unlikely Romo would have been in the position to throw the interception. Without watching the tape it’s impossible to know who was responsible for the block. So instead, we must blame the one person that we know and can see make mistakes. The quarterback. Now you know you didn’t think the Cowboys were going to win this game prior to the game and then you were excited because they played well and were in position to win. Then mistakes were made and you were devastated. The Cowboys showed the ability to do some very nice things as we go along but I’m just wondering, “So you want to be a Quarterback?” Joe Avezzano can be heard Tuesday nights at 7pm on 95.3FM and on all Cowboy postgame shows on 105.3 The Fan. He can be seen on Channel 21 on Wednesday nights at 7:30pm. Join him for great food, sports, music and his TV show on Wednesday nights.

Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

The injury-riddled Dallas Cowboys opened the season on the road at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey against the New York Jets. The nationally televised NBC Sunday Night Football extravaganza featured story lines galore from the tenth anniversary of 9/11 to the battle of the Ryan brothers (Jets head coach Rex and Cowboys defensive coordinator Rob). Then there’s the injuryriddled Cowboys team. And don’t forget the return of wide receiver Plaxico Burress, who had missed over two years since accidentally shooting himself in a nightclub and the subsequent time he spent in prison. In the end, it was an all too familiar outcome as the Cowboys thoroughly outplayed the Jets but ended up on the short end of a 27-24 score by virtue of several blunders. Adding insult to even more injuries, former Cowboys kicker Nick Folk got sweet revenge when he nailed a 50-yard field goal to capitalize on the Darrelle Revis interception of Tony Romo. The Cowboys face another road game in Week Two as they travel up to the Bay Area to do battle with the San Francisco 49ers. While this match-up lacks the sexiness of the teams’ classics in the 90s, it is shaping up as an important game for Dallas. The 49ers are coming off an opening win, as they

By Jay Betsill Twitter Me @THEFAMOUSJAY

defeated Seattle 33-17, behind an efficient performance by QB Alex Smith (15-of-20, 124 yards and one rushing TD) in head coach Jim Harbaugh’s debut. The star of the game for San Francisco was Ted Ginn, Jr., as he became the first player in NFL history to return two kicks for a TD (punts or kickoffs) in the final five minutes of a game. Ginn returned a kickoff (102 yards) and a punt (55 yards) for touchdowns in a minute’s span late in the fourth quarter to give Harbaugh a win over Seattle in his much-hyped debut and renewed coaching rivalry with former USC and current Seahawks coach Pete Carroll. Dallas will look to contain the 49ers passing game with tight end Vernon Davis and wide receiver Braylon Edwards as Smith’s primary targets. Led by DeMarcus Ware and Sean Lee, the Cowboys patchwork defense more than held its own with four sacks and forced two turnovers against the Jets. Rob Ryan’s unit will have to step up again while dealing with multiple injuries to the secondary. The Cowboys will have to minimize its mistakes, as the loss to the Jets made its dramatic turn beginning with Romo’s fumble on the two-yard line. Look for Romo to bounce back and have a big game as Dallas hopes to avoid beginning the season 0-2.

SO YOU WANT TO BE A quarterback?

9 Blitz babe of the week

September 14 – september 20, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 2

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September 14 – september 20, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 2

Cover Story

According to Wikipedia, “a burrito consists of a wheat flour tortilla wrapped or folding around a filling.” Silly little makeshift Angeles café owner has become our own little hunger-silencing mainstay, as much a part of our culture as longhorns and big ha specialize in the handheld cuisine. So we here at BLITZ decided to give you a quick rundown of so Perhaps the “King” of the big burrito circuit, Chipotle has dominated the market place since opening their first location in 1993. The chain is traded publicly on the New York Stock Exchange and has expanded their reach into other countries with locations in the United Kingdom and Canada. Here in the Metroplex, diners can expect long lines at peak times. The chips and guacamole (hand mashed) are excellent when accompanied by beer and friends. The stainless steel table tops and lack of TVs present a pleasant dining room. The artwork leaves much to be desired. The patio when the weather permits is a must. At times the music can be annoying but is usually tolerable. Choices of beans, salsas and vegetables are standard. The rice is the best in the world of big burritos. Meat selections are standard with grilled chicken or steak (fajita style), braised carnitas or barbacoa. With the amount of traffic that Chipotle receives the toppings are pretty much guaranteed to be fresh. Another perk is that Chipotle carries three different Tabasco sauces: The Original, Chipotle and Green Jalapeno Pepper. So mixing and matching with the different meats is always exciting. If you’re lucky they’ll roll it up tight and you’ll enjoy from start to finish. Although burritos are not the only thing on their menu Fuzzy’s offers a superb one. Their signature Jumbo Burritos pack a punch and offer a decent enough selection of “Eat Me” options. The atmosphere is one of hanging out with the buds, kicking back and annihilating a heaping helping of burrito torpedoes. The laid back vibe makes for a pleasant dining experience. Grilled Shrimp on my burrito? Sign me up! Even though it has a smaller range of options for the burritos Fuzzy’s chose them carefully: garlic shredded beef, grilled chicken and veggies, tempura fish, and spicy pork. The flavorful options widely reflect the eclectic variances of people you can find there on any day. Also, make sure you try the butt-burning hot sauce to make your Fuzzy’s experience authentic. One size fits all burritos are a drawback. Perhaps being spoiled by the option to change my burrito size to correspond with stomach grumbling volume has made this a big deal to me. Most importantly, ignorance of the menu is no excuse. I suggest thoroughly knowing what you want and what comes on it and with it before ever attempting to venture near the cash register…seriously. Planet Burrito has the big burrito concept down pretty well. They offer 11 variations to choose from that can be served as a taco or tostada, small or big burrito, or in a bowl. Planet Burrito’s innovative menu offers a meal for everyone. Try the Ah-Chee-Wawa for a bratwurst sausage burrito or the Cajun, which has crawfish tails. For the traditionalists the Texas Heat Wave delivers a burrito with grilled fajita steak and avocado sour cream spice for that extra punch. If your girl is vegan let her enjoy the Surfer Babe. Unlike many of the restaurants in this section Planet Burrito lets you “Build Your Own” burrito. Choose the ingredients that you like and the kitchen staff will assemble and deliver. Starters are simple for the most part, the standard chips and salsa/queso is available. However you will have to try the Dante’s Inferno during your next drinking binge. They’re French fries covered in spicy Diablo sauce topped with seasoned beef, queso, pico, jalapenos and shredded cheese. Enjoy four flat screen TVs for your sports viewing pleasure. They also have affordably priced adult beverages in draft or bottled servings. Not the hard stuff unless you like Mike’s Lemonade, but rather domestics and imports. Get retro and play the tabletop Galaga while waiting on your meal. Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Several Metroplex Locations • chipotle.com

Several Metroplex Locations • fuzzystacoshop.com

Southlake Location • planet-burrito.com

September 14 – september 20, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 2

By C.Patterson cpatterson@blitzweekly.com

encyclopedia, a burrito here in DFW is so much more. The euphoria filled phenomenon brought to the United States by a Los air. Burritos reign supreme here. Think about it, you can’t drive in a five-mile radius without passing three restaurants that sell or ome of the many burrito havens Dallas has to offer. So sit down, unfasten that top button and enjoy. Well its safe to say in the world of Freebirds size matters. Offering a selection ranging from the average burrito (Hybird) to the gargantuan Super Monster every appetite is welcome. Artisans of the hunger busting, handcraft each level of burritosity right before your very eyes, as if you had a chance to sit and watch Michelangelo paint the Sistine Chapel and afterwards you got to eat it. The staff: tattooed, pierced, and knowledgeable offering suggestions and recommendations to make sure you get exactly what you are craving…Burrito Bliss. Offering carnitas, steak, chicken, and veggie burritos with your choice of rice and mounds of extras there is no way not to fill that hole in your belly. The atmosphere is quirky yet comfortable boasting handmade aluminum foil characters throughout the building (no doubt crafted by artistic and full patrons). Above all else Freebirds is fun, delicious, and affordable. Unless you are a master of self-control your eyes are sure to order more than your stomach can endure. Also, there isn’t a mountain of options in the sauce category – not a deal breaker just something to be aware of. Lines tend to get long; don’t be afraid in my experience they moved quickly. This massive behemoth could humble even the most colossal of appetites. Authentic and flavorful Chuy’s burritos are a force to be reckoned with. Make no mistake about it this is not a journey for the timid or the “kinda hungry.” My friends this is the real deal. Location, Location, Location; the atmosphere here almost becomes an extra spice for the food. Prepare for an overload of the senses with a variety of sauce options from Boom Boom to Deluxe Tomatillo and every stop in between. Chuy’s stays true to its Fullosophy by serving up dishes that reach the very edges of the plate and that’s pretty much the main recipe for awesomeness and they pull it off nearly flawlessly. Truly it’s hard to go wrong with a Harley riding Elvis statue in the middle of your restaurant. If you don’t have the appetite of a lumberjack you may want to steer clear of this border and opt for something more take home friendly, like Domino’s. Also at times Chuy’s can be loud and a bit crowded because of its popularity, consequently sometimes service suffers. It’s up to you to decide whether or not the burrito is worth the busyness. Brightly colored pastel walls greet you at Chiloso, a small but growing restaurant chain in the big burrito market. At their Richardson location, the dining room is large enough to seat large parties but divided for a relaxing setting. The flowers in vases are certainly a woman’s touch and the TVs on the walls showing sports will appeal to the sports fan in all of us. Similar to other burrito chain stores, the customers form a queue to place their order. The process is fairly simple, choose a burrito and add the filling. Your choice of: roasted pork, traditional taco meat, chicken or beef fajita meat, barbacoa or grilled veggies. Then as you go down the line you make it yours by selecting the toppings such as jack cheese or queso, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, jalapenos etc. The complimentary chips and salsa are greatness. The different types of salsa that are offered are also welcome. Ranging from mild to very hot there is something for everyone’s palate. Also on the menu at Chiloso is tortilla soup but you’ll have squeeze your own limes. Save room for dessert as their Grilled Vanilla Cake with sweet whipped cream and blended Serrano – strawberry sauce is delicious. Sadly, Chiloso only offers sodas, tea and lemonade. Now if only they had alcohol…

Several Metroplex Locations • freebirds.com

Several Metroplex Locations • chuys.com

Several Metroplex Locations • chilosomexicanbistro.com Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

September 14 – september 20, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 2

Blitz Fashion By Cote Bailey comments@blitzweekly.com

When is the appropriate time to don your mustard stained, hasn’t been washed since the last time your team made it to the playoffs, blood, sweat and tear soaked favorite jersey? Sporting events, doing yard work, and laundry day for all other times check out these items and show your lady friend that you still have some style. Ben There and Back Again Look deep enough into your closet and I’m sure you will find a staple of every man’s wardrobe; a Ben Sherman shirt. Well, its time to dust it off and bring it back into rotation. That’s right; Benny is coming out of retirement. If you have to jog a little or do a few sit-ups to get back into it that’s even better, that will impress her even more. Most Ben Sherman’s are a definite go-to move when you are trying to spruce yourself up in the style department. So go ahead, break out the iron and starch and put the jerseys away at least until kickoff.

You Ol’ Softy Nothing says ‘feel me’ like cashmere. Make her touch inevitable by slipping into this Brunello Cucinelli v-necked cardigan. The flawless blend between style, color, and cashmere will make her forget all about you wearing that Cowboys jersey to her best friend’s wedding, promise.

Platoon Leader She is sure to want to join you in the foxhole with the Kenneth Cole Reaction Military Polo Shirt. It has that “hey I seem casual, but I may be Jason Bourne” type of feel to it. This imported cotton will take you from classic to cool in an instant – their words not mine.

The Bundy Effect Take it from our friend Al your high school glory days are over. Here are some ways to know for sure your hopes of being a pro one-day are behind you. By C. Patterson cpatterson@blitzweekly.com 1. Any random highlight on SportsCenter triggers a trip down memory lane about a play you made that was just like that. 2. Your high school jersey and letterman jacket are in your closet perfectly placed in dry cleaner plastic to protect them from any dust that may attempt to rest upon your greatness. 3. You totally identified with Uncle Rico in Napoleon Dynamite. 4. Your life is chronicled in BTG and ATG. Before the Game and After the Game 5. You still go by the nickname your high school teammates gave you in ‘86: Lightning, Crusher, Magic Hands, or Psycho…wait Psycho kind of makes sense. 6. At bars you use the phrase “I use to play football…” as a pick-up line. You’re an accountant, you’ve been one for ten years, live with it. 7. All of your friends gather around the goalpost once a year for a moment of silence to commemorate “the kick.” 8. You give impromptu pep talks at work complete with anecdotes about how “If we would have given up against Groveville Prep when things got tough we would’ve never made it to state!” 9. You’ve memorized the dialogue to Rudy. 10. The term “Let it go” seems like something only losers do. We salute you, ye who make bar stories memorable, ye of by-gone athletic prowess, holder of Division 4 A records. Without you there would be no Bundy Effect.

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Whistle Blower The French design of the Thomas Pink ‘Slim Fit’ Dress Shirt will show her that you use your clothing for more than a makeshift napkin for buffalo wing sauce. Fear not gridiron gladiators, the bold striped pattern is eerily reminiscent of a referee so you are still in the game. Your new look is tied together with French cuffs and a cutaway spread collar.

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 2

September 14 – september 20, 2011

Local Entertainment

My Red Dirt Experience

Once upon a time, I went to Billy Bob’s in Ft. Worth to see Cross Canadian Ragweed. A waitress friend had first introduced me to this band, forerunners in the Red Dirt Country movement. Initially, I wasn’t interested because they were tagged as “country music” and I thought of all its big haired, Nashville connotations. Upon listening to a song about joint rolling and a love song about California I decided maybe these guys in their hole-y jeans and beautiful Gibson’s were a band I could love. I listened to them over the years and came to feel like they were part of my own story. I took them with me all over the country. People in other places seemed to politely acknowledge that it wasn’t terrible music, but I could tell they’d never seen Red Dirt or lived through a Texas summer. After a former college roommate of mine dropped out of law school in the Midwest, she told her besotted parents she had decided to move to Texas and would live in a box. She found a nanny gig instead and set up shop here in Dallas. While she was living here I discovered that this friend also had amazing skills at finding and buying killer seats at live music events. She took to Cross Canadian Ragweed pretty quickly, thrilled to finally find a musical genre we could enjoy together. As a surprise she bought great tickets to see them at Billy Bobs. I was stoked. Now, I rarely go to Ft. Worth. In fact, the only time I ever find myself there is for music related events and, inevitably, I get lost on the way. This time was no different. Already flustered I finally stepped out of the car in well-worn American Eagle jeans and Chuck Taylors feeling incredibly underdressed. Every woman I saw was dressed to the nines and every man I saw was in a Polo

shirt and designer jeans. We were totally at the wrong concert, right? Wrong. This is how the Billy Bob’s crowd does it, I discovered. But, I was there for the music so I couldn’t let my inappropriate choice of attire ruin the evening. The “awesome” seats my friend had procured were a nightmare to get to and since we were late CCR was already on stage. I settled down on my wooden bench, and tried to enjoy what was left of the show with a giant floor to ceiling support beam in my line of vision. My friend, furious that she had bought seats that had said “impeccable” with regard to sight lines, said she was unimpressed with the historic venue and probably wouldn’t ever want to go back. The band played a few more songs and left the stage, audience stomping in their cowboy boots for more. Then they spinelessly sent a roadie out to beg us off saying, “The guys have to get up real early tomorrow to drive to Oklahoma City so, they just want to sign some autographs and

hit the hay.” This had to be a joke. After some general booing and more foot stomping all the poor roadie could muster was, “Sorry y’all.” I looked around, prepared for the riot that would follow any normal rock concert to discover luke-warm resentment and eye rolling. Though there was a noticeable surge of eager bleachblonde, boot-wearing cowgirls to the merchbooth most everyone lingered, still not convinced this was happening. When the house lights came up I asked my friend if she was going to get the band’s autograph. She looked at me and said, “I paid $40 a pop for those horrible seats and they won’t give me an encore? Who do they think they are? Led Zeppelin?!” I laughed she even knew to reference Led Zeppelin but assured her, “Zeppelin ALWAYS played an encore – sometimes they played two. True Story.”

By Hannah Allen hallen@blitzweekly.com

Dallas Polo Club

L E A R N T O P L AY P O L O NO RIDING EXPERIENCE NECESSARY WWW.DALLASPOLOCLUB.ORG

C ALL 214-979-0300 ext.1

Photos Courtesy: Noelle Noble, Laura Seewoester, Steve Floyd, Miles Bintz, Clyde Robinson

WED. 9/14

FC Dallas vs. Tauro FC Pizza Hut Park Frisco Are you ready for some football? No not that football…FC Dallas takes on Tauro FC in Champions League competition. Start getting your kicks at 7pm.

thurs. 9/15

Grapefest Downtown Dallas Celebrating 25 years of bringing the best wines and winos from all around Texas to one place, Grapefest will give you chance to sip and socialize. Opening pour at 8am.

fri. 9/16

Fight Night QuikTrip Park Grand Praire 4th Annual Fight Night features Abie Han (14-0) vs. Eloy Suarez (11-12-1). Make sure to stick around for the Fireworks Show after the event. 7:30pm

sat. 9/17

Deep Ellum Open Market Deep Ellum Dallas The artistically inclined of DFW come out to show and sell their work. Find everything from paintings to jewelry, vintage and otherwise. 11am

sun. 9/18

Encountering Space Dallas Museum of Art Dallas Want to make an impression on the first date? DMA’s interactive exhibit makes visitors ponder on how space affects them physically and emotionally…deep. 11am

mon. 9/19

International Talk Like A Pirate Day Blue Mesa Grill Fort Worth Come down to the Blue Mesa you scurvy sea dog and bring your inner swash-buckler with ya. This is your chance to experience Networking for No Reason. 5pm

tues. 9/20

Knife Skills Central Market Fort Worth Become a pro at chopping, slicing, and mincing as Central Market’s Cooking School staff shows you the ropes. Let’s hope you get the point. 6:30pm

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September 14 – september 14 Local Entertainment

20, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 2

HollywoodProfile with Evan Glodell

Where did you get the idea for this film? The idea for the film came as a result of a really bad break up that I went through, and it’s based on a lot of my own experiences. You started production on BELLFLOWER in 2008; so,

Did you ever just consider walking away? Daily. But we had invested everything; so, we just had to keep pushing forward and get it finished. Then things took an upswing once the film was complete. Definitely. What happened? We got the call that BELLFLOWER had been accepted into the Sundance Film Festival. Overnight, things changed tremendously. Suddenly, we were getting calls from people who wanted to

By Jonathan Sullivan jonathanpsullivan.wordpress.com

Warrior

invest in the movie and give us the money we needed to make a film print of the movie. We had people in-

terested in distributing the movie; so, Sundance really turned things around for us. So what’s next for you guys? Right now, we just want people to go check out the film, and support the movie. It’s a wild ride. I literally risked life and limb in some of the scenes; so, there’s lots of action and we just really want folks to come along for the ride.

BELLFLOWER is playing in limited theatrical release; so, check your local listings for showings at a theatre near you. The film is rated R for disturbing violence, some strong sexuality, nudity, pervasive language and some drug use.

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Warrior is not a movie that thrives on originality, a big bag of sports movie clichés with a shiny Mixed Martial Arts coat on top of it. However, despite the fact that any discerning movie patron who has seen more than one sports movie will be able to accurately predict almost every story beat, Warrior still manages to be worth the watch thanks to some brilliant performances and some excellent MMA sequences. Tom Hardy and Joel Edgerton star as two estranged brothers who live in different towns nearby Philadelphia; Brendan (Edgerton) is trying his best to support his wife and two daughters on a teacher’s salary after having quit the fighting game years before. Tommy (Hardy) has returned from his tour in Iraq without direction at the doorstep of his father (Nick Nolte), a recovering alcoholic who is seeking forgiveness from his two boys. Tommy enlists him to be his trainer for “Sparta”, an upcoming 16-man MMA tournament with a five million dollar prize, while Brendan decides to enter the contest himself and come out of retirement once he’s faced with the threat of home foreclosure. All the resentment, anger, and hurt feelings come to ahead at the tournament as the two fight for the money and fight to eventually forgive one another for what happened in their past. A tremendous cast helps the movie rise above its clichés; Hardy is brilliant as the sullen and troubled Tommy, once again showing his range and playing a character completely unlike his other roles. Edgerton, perhaps best known as Uncle Owen in the Star Wars prequels, is great as well as the vulnerable and well-intentioned Brendan. But the true star of Warrior is Nick Nolte, who brings a sadness and desire for redemption in his role as the patriarch of the family. He’s very dialed down, but he delivers and gives a truly great performance that should earn him some award love next year. The cast gives their characters an added dimension, and they feel authentic, but as a whole it’s hard to forgive just how generic it gets at times. It doesn’t really go out of the box in terms of its storytelling, being very reminiscent of Rocky and last year’s The Fighter almost ‘to a t.’ Some of the dialogue is a little cheesy and awkward as well, and while the MMA fight sequences will get your blood pumping, anyone who’s ever actually watched an MMA event will probably roll their eyes at how theatrical it is. It’s not exactly a 100% accurate reenactment. Warrior suffers mightily for being somewhat generic in its storytelling, not taking many chances and essentially following the blueprint of the movies that came before it. However, thanks to a tremendous cast and an interesting, and at times heartbreaking, story, it’s still worth watching especially for Hardy and Nolte. It’s very rare we get a good movie in September, so take advantage and see this whenever you get the chance.

any of their apocalyptic fantasies. I talked with Glodell about the film and the phone call that took him from lowbudget obscurity to emerging Hollywood phenom!

it was quite a process and labor of love. What was the toughest part of just completing the film? The money. It’s always the money. We started with $5000 and there were eleven of us total working on the movie including the cast. We spent every dime we had making the movie. There were times when we didn’t even have money for gas to get where we needed to go for filming. No money for the cast or crew, or food sometimes. I sold everything I could to get more money for the film; so, by the time filming was over 90 days later, we were all just beat.

Sundance darling Evan Glodell is celebrating the release of his directorial debut feature film BELLFLOWER. Glodell wrote, directed, co-produced and stars in the film about best friends, Woodrow and Aiden (Glodell and Tyler Dawson) who spend all their free time building MAD MAX-inspired flamethrowers and muscle cars in preparation for a global apocalypse. But when Woodrow meets a charismatic young woman and falls hard in love, he and Aiden quickly integrate into a new group of friends, setting off on a journey of love and hate, betrayal, infidelity and extreme violence more devastating and fiery than

By Vivian Fullerlove vfullerlove@blitzweekly.com

15 Local Entertainment

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 2

September 14 – september 20, 2011

Is the Boob Tube Dead? Dead one of these days but not now. That’s what DVD/Blu-ray season box sets are for. As I read through the list of new shows for the Fall 2011-2012 season, I can’t say I am terribly excited about any of the major network’s offerings either. NBC dropped Wonder Woman and the other two shows I have a vague interest in watching like Pan Am, a drama about female flight attendants set during the airline’s early days and The Playboy Club, about the bunnies in their skimpy outfits back in the 1960s will be nothing more than eye candy. The truth is television today has changed. There is no such thing anymore as “Must See TV” on Thursdays like in the mid-1980s when shows like The Cosby Show (19841992), Cheers (1982-1993), and Night Court (19841992) were on. There are no worthy dramas out there like Hill Street Blues (1981-1987), St. Elsewhere (1982-1988) or Dallas (1978-1991). Most everything in terms of award winning dramas (and I can’t really say any of them are “award winning”) has gone to the cable networks, if for no other reason are that they are cheaper for the studios since they don’t always have to churn out a full season of 20 plus episodes. I got quite a few books and magazines all sitting in storage that I hope to get to one of these days. I have often considered just turning “The Boob Tube” off and doing just that. There lies the problem. I like to read where I know I won’t have any distractions. I don’t have that luxury right now. Sitting in bed at night trying to read George W. Bush’s Decision Points, I find it hard to not be drawn to picking up that remote on my nightstand. Like everything else, looking to see what’s on television is like an addiction. No matter how much I complain about how there’s nothing worthy of my time on, I just can’t bring myself to leave that damn remote alone. Excuse me now while I go look for something to watch.

By Damien Mayfield - damienmayfield@gmail.com There is a new movement in the air. People from all over the world, mostly in Englishspeaking countries, are being urged to record their religion as ‘Jedi’ or ‘Jedi Knight’. It is reported that on the 2001 census in Australia more than 70,000 people declared themselves members of the Jedi Order. In Canada it was around 21,000, New Zealand 53,000, and over 390,127 in England. This is believed to be a grassroots movement initiated to poke fun at the government, protesting against the religion question on the census form. Could this really be something more? Could Jedi really be a religious movement? What would be the beliefs of the Jedi Religion? According to www.jedichurch.org, the Jedi Religious Faith believes there is one all powerful force that binds all things in the universe together. The Jedi religion is something innate inside each of us, and the Jedi Church believes that our sense of morality is innate. Is this any different from other cultural or belief systems? Religion is derived by ideas, stories, faith, and even thoughts of how people should live and treat their fellow man. Morality, ethics, and religious laws are all ideas about the cosmos and human nature put into place to help us to live a life with meaning, letting us believe that there is more out there, something bigger than ourselves. There is a “Force” that moves us. Jedi faith is based on individual responsibility and an internal moral compass, not lightsabers and telekinesis. Just look at the movies, comics, and TV shows of Star Wars. Jedi are keepers of the peace, priests, and spiritual leaders. In Buddhism, spiritual leaders are individuals who have attained a high level of spiritual awareness. Those spiritual teachers guide followers of their faith toward spiritual enlightenment. So what stance would a Jedi religion have on some of our world views today?

“Joe, step away from the TV.” That was a comment Heather Pritchett, a former co-worker, posted on Facebook back in December after reading a few comments I posted on her page referencing various television shows. Although I am 110 percent certain she was joking, I admit I was a little offended at first as she made it sound as though all I do on my time off is watch television when in fact, that’s far from it. To be precise, ever since I got hooked up with AT&T U-verse back in 2007 my attitude has been that I’ve got 400 plus cable stations here (I don’t have the movie stations) and I can’t find ANYTHING to watch. Truth be damned, I sit on my ass enough as it is between working in front of the computer and blogging and going to see movies that the last thing I truly want to do when I get home is watch television. In fact, I am not the least bit sorry I haven’t kept up with a majority of what today’s viewing audience watches. I have no idea the dirty laundry the women of Wisteria Lane on Desperate Housewives have been up to for a few seasons now. I can’t remember what the last episode of The Simpsons I saw. I don’t know why viewers love Modern Family nor am I interested in finding out. I am not sorry I missed the several train wrecks on Dancing With the Stars seeing various celebrities prove to audiences they’ve got rhythm. Though I did catch five minutes of reality star Kate Gosselin dancing last season and agreed she can’t dance - this is coming from someone who has no rhythm either. Nor am I upset to have missed Simon Cowell belittle more than hundreds of contestants on American Idol now X Factor. I am literally bored to death (no pun intended) of all the Law & Order, CSI, NCIS spin-offs and forensics shows like Bones. I am interested in seeing AMC’s The Walking

By Joe Stumpo www.darthstumpo.com

Gay Marriage: Jedi wouldn’t have any issue with gay marriage. After all in a “Jedi World” aliens are able to marry within and outside of their own species. Why would it matter if they wanted to marry someone of the same sex? Abortion: Having an abortion would disrupt the force, the balance of light and dark sides. The execution of abortion would be painful to a Jedi. They would feel the life force and death of young ones. Jedi wouldn’t support abortion. Legal/Illegal Aliens: Jedi wouldn’t see the world this way. We would all be living beings, part of the force, equals. Borders would be in place to protect not divide us. Plus, we would all have those cool universal translator ear pieces. So what would be the issue or problem of Jedi as a recognized religious faith? If you take away the movie references and just look at it as a system of ideas and beliefs, is it really any different from other current recognized religious beliefs? Maybe the problem is that the Jedi church has no official doctrine or scripture. Does this make their ideas or beliefs any less valuable? Maybe it is because it’s just “too far” out there, being a religion based on a modern medium, motion pictures, as opposed to the ancient medium of papyrus scrolls. Why not let the Jedi have their church? The reason is because it would undermine the ideas and beliefs of other churches and religious faiths, not to mention it would cut into the pocket book of most modern churches. Religion is big business, and, like anything else, the rich want to stay rich. So maybe it is time to quiet your mind and listen to the force within you, to take a look at the world around us from a different point of view. Who are we to say that people can’t believe in an all-powerful “force?” Is it really any different than an allpowerful God or could they be one in the same? Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

September 14 – september 20, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 2

Man world

Photo Courtesy: Ford Motor Company

The SPECS

2011 Ford Taurus SHO:

VEHICLE TYPE: All-wheel-drive sport sedan Engine: Twin-turbo 3.5L DOHC V6

A SHO-wy Ride For Sure the flagship Lincoln luxury sedan and now with the next-generation Explorer (also in line for police duty with an Interceptor SUV). While the base V-6 backed by a six-speed automatic gearbox does just fine, it is the new SHO package that thrusts Taurus into the spotlight. Underpinned with all-wheeldrive the sedan loses that “land yacht” feeling found in the Crown Vic and offers an exhilarating driving experience. Sitting inside the vehicle one gets the feeling of space and comfort but when behind the wheel you are not constantly reminded of just how much acreage the car actually occupies. Athletic would best describe this driving experience, but not running back or defensive back-like – rather more like a finely tuned linebacker. Five adults ride in full comfort in the Taurus and the trunk will hold like eight golf bags (eight

By David Goodspeed dgoodspeed@blitzweekly.com

Power: 365 hp @5500 rpm; 350 lb-feet of torque @ 3500 rpm

Every time a co-worker of mine logs on to a computer at work I see his wallpaper map of a place called “The Tail of the Dragon.” “Hey, I’ve been there,” I tell him. “What kind of bike were you riding?” he queries. “Bike? We were testing the new Ford Taurus SHO – and it rocked.” Yes, add taming “The Tail of the Dragon” to the list of things the new Ford Taurus – in SHO trim – can do. It is also the next Police Interceptor sedan package. Will it work as the next workhorse for the men and women in blue? If the reaction from a couple of high-ranking local law enforcement officials is an indication, it will do nicely thank you very much. They even wanted to know how they could purchase the test unit I was reviewing to place in service in their fleet ASAP. (No word back from Ford yet on that one). The new Ford Taurus shares its platform with

Transmission: Six-speed manumatic Brakes: Four-wheel disc with ABS Tires: P245/45R20 bodies if you use the statistical measurement my northeastern colleagues apply). And of course all of the latest amenities abound including SYNC and Sirius Travel Link, adaptive cruise control with collision warning and heated and cooled front seats. At the heart of the powertrain is the 365hp twin-turbo 3.5-liter EcoBoost engine backed by six-speed SelectShift automatic transmission complete with steering wheel paddles shifters – all backed by the torque-sensing all-wheel-drive running gear. The SHO also benefits from enhanced suspension tuning and an advanced electric

Fuel Economy: 17 MPG city, 25 MPG highway

power assist steering system that offers better feel and tighter steering response. Fuel economy is rated at 17 mpg city and 25 mpg highway. Pricing for the SHO begins at $37,770 but models like our loaded tester come rolling in around 44 grand. The new Taurus SHO is a great sedan and anchors the good things Ford has done in recent years and as the next Interceptor it will have the bad guys shaking in their boots.

The Difference Between a Man and a Boy is the Price of his Toys! these are for sure to make your want list! Brennwagen Grills Grills are better on wheels — and we’re not talking about those flimsy things on the side of your stack. Brennwagen Grills sport thick, sturdy wheels on all four corners, as well as a handle for easy pulling and a host of high-end features like fully isolated drawers for meat and drinks, stainless steel construction, integrated thermometers, drum brakes, and height-adjustable grill units. It’s German engineering at its tastiest.

Samsung MV800 Camera Say what you will about social networking, but one thing’s for sure — it has spawned a generation for whom the self-portrait is essential. For this new band of self-shooters, we present the Samsung MV800 Camera. It packs plenty of the tech you’d expect; a 16.1 megapixel CCD sensor, 720p movie recording, a Schneider 5x optical zoom lens, standard and live panorama 3D shooting modes, HDMI output, and microSD/ SDHC storage, and a three-inch flip-out touchscreen display for those self portraits. Price: $280

Price: $725 - $6,300

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

9 out of 10 Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Console: 360 , PS3, PC Rating: Mature Developers: Activison & Treyarch

Eidos Montreal brings back the critically acclaimed series Deus Ex for another go-round in this prequel set in the year 2027, 25 years before the original. This single-player shooter game follows Adam Jensen, the cyborg hero, through his career as a S.W.A.T commander, then as a security specialist for Sarif Industries the company that gave

him the robotic arms after an attack on the company left him disfigured. Adam then seeks to find out exactly why the attack took place. Human Revolution forces gamers to fight, shoot, sneak, and hack their way through levels. Because of the heavy lay on trans-humanist theme Adam often gets to exercise his superhuman abilities, but the game leaves it up to the player most of the time whether or not you actually need to kill your enemy. Adam’s abilities are brought about by augmentations to his body bringing

By C.Patterson cpatterson@blitzweekly.com

elevated skill level as the player sees fit. In the realm of weaponry, Adam must seek specific ammunition and not just rely on a singular type of ammo. Weapons, like Adam’s body, can be suited to meet the whims of the player depending on what they are needed to accomplish. With mind-blowing graphics, an intriguingly complex storyline, and enough combat melees to make Gadhafi blush. Deus Ex: Human Revolution is an absolute must have for any game junkie…expect to need rehab.

Q: Why do people who like to have sex with animals prefer deer? A: You get the most bang for your buck.

Virgo August 23 – September 22 While in a drunken stupor at Dick’s Last Resort it suddenly dawns on you that it is you they really are making fun of. Libra September 23 – October 22 Since you have the social life of a slug the weekend will seem to go by ever so slowly. Scorpio October 23 – November 21 Not everyone can be Michael J. Fox but you can try to be the first!

Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 Your world will fall apart when the greeter at Walmart doesn’t acknowledge you. Capricorn December 22 – January 19 This weekend you’ll remember your Boy Scout training when three sex starved men corner you in a tent. Aquarius January 20 – February 18 A woman never forgets her wedding day, which is exactly why you are going straight to Plan B.

ONE TOUGH LADY According to The Dallas Morning News, Sept. 4, 2011: “A woman charged with assaulting two police officers on Sunday is accused of taking weapons from one and biting the other.” A police report said Tiffany Renee Jones, 22, of the 3600 block of Chicago Street, was eventually restrained, and: ”The two officers arrested Jones before they were transported to the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries.” UPSET NO MORE On Saturday, Aug. 27, 2011, Parsons, Tenn.- Instead of being a happy father of the bride, 58-year-old Joseph Tucsnak became upset with Reverend Chris Warren, causing police to be called twice during the ceremony. Then, the following Monday, Tucsnak returned to the church with his hand “suspiciously” in his pocket and

Pisces February 19 – March 20 You surprise yourself and your loved ones when you get the bright idea to start your own free weekly publication. Your cash cow awaits! Aries March 21 – April 19 You are going to have sit down and ask yourself some important questions. Start off with “Why me?” Taurus April 20 – May 20 Like the car you were named after you need a complete overhaul.

ACROSS: A grownup 6. The shoulder of a road 10. Whimper 14. Female demon 15. Found in skin lotion 16. Purposes 17. Diplomat 19. Peewee 20. Athletic competitions 21. East southeast 22. A spread of liver or fowl 23. Bakery supply 25. Hue 26. Footwear 30. Womb 32. Designate 35. German measles 39. Mysterious 40. Challenged 41. A breed of dog 43. Trimmed 44. A geographical area controlled by a distant country 46. Not more 47. Ordinary 50. Visitor

53. Flaccid 54. Can 55. Showy 60. Dwarf buffalo 61. Once in a while 63. Copper 64. Expressed 65. Smells 66. Border 67. Gin flavor 68. Detect DOWN: 1. “Oh, my!” 2. Humid 3. Eardrum 4. Teller of untruths 5. Yummy 6. Sheep sound 7. Not the youngest 8. Male chicken 9. No more than 10. Goal-directed 11. Normal 12. Slowly, in music 13. Aromatic compound 18. 180° from NNW 24. Diving bird

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lunged at the pastor, who knocked him to the concrete, causing a head injury … which killed him. WHAT’S IN A NAME? DEATH With a Los Angeles jury unable to reach a decision, on murder vs. manslaughter, in late Aug. 2011, Judge Charles Campbell declared a mistrial in the case of Brandon McInerney. The defendant had been charged with murdering his classmate, 15-year-old Larry King, an openly gay teenager. According to a news brief, “Defense attorneys do not deny McInerney killed King, but they said their client snapped when he heard moments before the shooting that King wanted to change his first name to Latishha.”

Gemini May 21 – June 21 You’ll be at the wrong place at the wrong time at the office on Monday when the sh!t hits the fan! Cancer June 22 – July 22 That annoying neighbor will disrupt your weekend football watching plans when he suggests putting his meat on your wife’s grill. Leo July 23 – August 22 When asked where you see yourself in five years do all you can to hold the tears back and from putting a gun to your head.

25. Raised to the third power 26. The Caribbean and Adriatic 27. Angelic instrument 28. Killer whale 29. Liberate 31. Impolite 33. Negatively charged particle 34. Anagram of “Leer” 36. Cooties 37. Bottom of the barrel 38. Tallies 42. Rational 43. Deli loaf 45. Diplomatic representative of the Pope 47. Location 48. Delineated 49. In the midst of 51. Mayday 52. Threesomes 54. Throw 56. Connecting point 57. Any minute 58. Thick bituminous liquids 59. If not 62. Summer refresher

Solution on Page 18

Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb? A: Wanna go bike riding?

Stomach Pains A man with stomach pains goes to the hospital. The doctor tells him it’s constipation and that he’ll need to use suppositories. The man is instructed to drop his pants and bend over, whereupon the doc shoves the tablet up his behind. “You’ll have to do the same thing every six hours for a week,” says the doctor. Later that evening, the man is having difficulty inserting another suppository and decides to ask his wife for help. He tells her what to do, then drops his pants and bends over. She proceeds to put one hand on his shoulder and with the other shoves the suppository home. “Damn!” screams the man. “What’s the matter?” she asks. “Did I hurt you?” “No,” he replies, “but I just realized that the doctor had both hands on my shoulders.”

Q: Why are blondes so easy? A: Who cares?

September 14 – september 20, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 2

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September 14 – september 20, 2011

The CLOSER

The little blue pill that is undoing civilization

La Aroma De Cuba No. 5 Figurado Wrapper: Ecuador Binder: Nicaragua Filler: Nicaragua Strength: Full This well made cigar has a tawny-colored wrapper and blunted belicoso head. Enjoy the spice flavors on the front and back of your palate. Perfectly balanced by its wheat and floral notes.

There are many benefits of Viagra, especially reinstilling confidence in men. I can only imagine that there are few things more humiliating for men than a flaccid penis. It’s like a mediocre movie—you appreciate what it could do, but it’s just not doing anything for you right now. In the right circumstances and at the right dosages Viagra has probably saved a few marriages and maybe even some porn star careers. When used recklessly and inconsiderately, it can ruin marriages, increase STD’s, and generally disrupt the natural order of things. In fact, STD’s are on the rise in nursing homes in the last decade because eighty-year olds on Viagra have been picking up prostitutes and having unprotected sex when they should be at home playing bingo and reflecting warmly on their glory days. One retirement community in South Florida had more cases of herpes and human papillomavirus (HPV) virus than a Tijuana whorehouse. The resident gynecologist blames it on Viagra, lack of sex education, and no pregnancy risk. Even though one resident, Franklin, 83, knows there are things going around, he claims that his dating life has been the best it has ever been. “All I have to say is ‘should I bring the little blue pills over tonight?’” Octogenarians running wild in nursing homes

Mixing Instructions: Pour all ingredients except the 7-Up into a chilled glass filled with ice cubes. Top with 7-Up and stir gently.

aren’t the only problems that this drug has instigated. For one thing, adultery has been a problem for marriages since the beginning of civilization and Viagra is only adding artificial fuel to the fire. Gluttony with junk food can wreak all kinds of havoc— heart disease, diabetes—just as it can in relationships, and now levelheaded family men are crazed nymphomaniacs with four-hour boners. When they cheat on their wives they don’t even think about covering up their tracks since their only concern is gratifying the insatiable sexual desires brought on by unnatural over-stimulation by chemicals. Like crackheads, these men lose their wives, their homes, custody of their children, and are lying in gutters with nothing to show for their lives but a case of herpes and a prolonged erection. Larry King claims he never uses the stuff, but I find that hard to believe when the allegations came out that he had been cheating on his wife

with her younger sister even though he’s pushing 80 and looks like an embalmed corpse. Hugh Hefner is having a great time thanks to Viagra, but how many people do you know have eight Barbie doll girlfriends and walk around all day in a luxurious gold-trimmed bathrobe? Like any drug with chemically altering effects, there is always a minus for the plus and Viagra is no exception. When used responsibly it restores men’s confidence and saves sex lives but when used recklessly you have 80-year olds with boners and married men breaking bread with strippers. Viagra can be a good thing, but only when used for the right reasons.

That Just Ain’t Right By Dennis Hambright dennishambright@hotmail.com

Adios Motherf*cker Ingredients: 1/2 oz vodka 1/2 oz rum 1/2 oz tequila 1/2 oz gin 1/2 oz Blue Curacao liqueur 2 oz sweet and sour mix 2 oz 7-Up

By Jesse Whitman jwhitman00@gmail.com

Beck’s Oktoberfest Brewed by: Brauerei Beck & Co ABV: 5.00% Produced by the little brewery in Bremen, Beck’s Oktoberfest is the perfect beer for autumn afternoons and evenings. The golden color pour has a nice head that fades into thin lace. It’s easy to drink and lightly carbonated. The aroma hints of caramel and apple. The taste is nice and malty.

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 2

I don’t know what’s going on these days, but there used to be a distinct line between what was socially acceptable…or at least tolerable, and those things that made us say, “That just ain’t right.” Come on guys, I know you see it too; all those things that make you just want to gag with frustration. Well, if you don’t speak up, it’s just like putting your stamp of approval on them. You don’t have to be rude, but at least shake your head in disapproval, click your tongue, and then mutter those truthful words, “That just ain’t right.” Be a man, stand up, and let’s get that line drawn back in the sand between what’s right, and what ‘just ain’t right’. Hemingway said, “Most of the world’s ills could be corrected with a three day open season on people.” I bet when he came up with those words of wisdom he was sitting at his favorite bar, sipping a tasty beverage, and looking at the knuckle-heads that should have just stayed locked in the house, and said to himself, “That just ain’t right.” Here are a few things that make my list: 1. Fat People: Calm down. I’m not talking about that one-millionth of one-percent that actually have a valid medical metabolism problem. I’m talking about the lazy lard-asses that blow so far out of physical control that they can’t even fit into an airplane or movie theatre seat without spilling over into half of mine. Those are the same ones that run over my toes with Rascal scooters in Wal-Mart,

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while racing to load their basket with Twinkies and Yoo-Hoo and double-stuff cookies. And if you pour yourself into white spandex pants and a hot pink T-shirt that says ‘SEXY’ on the front and waddle into the coffee shop, then you better not look my way or you’ll see me shaking my head and saying, “That just ain’t right.” 2. Gender Confused Men: Any man that claims to be ‘straight’, but does any of the following: Uses the word ‘fabulous’ while waving his hand in the air. Says he ‘accessorized’ any part of what he’s wearing. Talks about the choreography of a Cowboy or Maverick cheerleading routine instead of how hot the girls are. Or utters the abbreviations “OMG’ or ‘LOL’ in an actual conversation. Guys that do those things should just buy a big pack of pink panties and join the ‘other team’, because ‘that just ain’t right’. 3. Stores That Won’t Take Cash: I tried to make a purchase with a hundred dollar bill in a major store, and the clerk actually wrinkled up her nose and said, “We don’t take those,” like it was radioactive dog poop. Are you kidding me? It’s CASH! After tactful reasoning with a pimply-faced assistant manager, they

finally agreed to accept my legal tender. But really, stores that don’t take cash? Well, ‘that just ain’t right’. 4. Support Reps That Don’t Speak English: I understand trying to save a buck, but I don’t care if a company can hire twelve overseas employees who’ll work twenty hours a day and live on crackers and goat milk, for the same price of one good English-speaking tech support worker here. I’d rather wait on hold for an extra thirty minutes and at least be able to understand what the hell they’re saying when they try to help me with my problem. Having to ask, “Is there someone there who can speak English?” and then being told, “I am speaking English,” like I don’t know the difference. Well, that ‘just ain’t right’.

September 14 – september 20, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 2

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