blitzweekly.com
VOL. 3 - ISSUE 7
October 13 - 19, 2010 3
BLITZ News Shorts 3 Hollywood Profile/Movie Review 4 Music: Deerhunter’s Halcyon Digest 5 Stars News - TCU/SMU/UNT Previews 6 Horns vs Huskers: The History 7 Cowboys Previews 8 COVER STORY: Guide to Mediterranean Cuisine Hookah Hook-Ups 9 Our Favorite Restaurants 10-11 BLITZ BABE: Alicia 12 Vote For A Biker! 13 Food Review: Keller’s Hamburgers 14 Blitz Toys 15 Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes 17 Last Call: Customer Service? 18
Andrew J. Hewett
www.chewednews.com
HE BROUGHT HIS WORK HOME WITH HIM MONEY TOPPLES FROM ARMORED CAR INTO INDY TRAFFIC
Money doesn’t grow on trees, but it seemed to fall from the sky in Indianapolis. Police said three bundles of money fell off the back of an armored car Wednesday near an intersection in the heart of downtown Indianapolis. A car hit one of the bundles and sent bills blowing into the breeze. Witnesses told The Indianapolis Star how 10 people or so stormed through traffic into the intersection to fill their arms with cash. Two others stopped to help collect the money and guard it until police and the armored car company arrived. It’s not immediately known how much money went missing, but WTHR-TV said most of the blown cash was recovered.
PUBLISHER Kelly G. Reed EDITOR Jeff Putnam CREATIVE DIRECTOR / WEBSITE / GRAPHIC DESIGN Damien William Mayfield COVER Cover Photography: Noumenon Cover Design: Damien William Mayfield STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS Darryl Briggs, Gregg Case, Nathaniel Chadwick, Steven Hendrix, Matt Pearce, Jason Ryan, Ed Westerman CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Manny Flores, Joe Lorenzini, Jerzy Strzelecki, Quatro Valvole, The Bum, Dori, Noumenon, Pepso2 STAFF WRITERS Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Sam Chase, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Eric Kendall, Frank LaCosta, Pat Moran, Richard S. Pollak, Jennifer Wayne and Jesse Whitman CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Joe Avezzano, Jay Betsill, Kris Boudreau, Dennis Hambright, Andrew J. Hewett, Ryan Maffei, Tennessee Chris, The Bum ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Kelly G. Reed CONTACT US MAIN NUMBER 214-529-7370 FAX NUMBER 972-960-8618 kreed@blitzweekly.com BLITZ Weekly P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029
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Photo Courtesy: Pepso2
QUOTE OF THE WEEK “Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing.” – Walt Kelly
Massachusetts WOMAN THREW DOG POOP IN DRIVER’S FACE
A Massachusetts woman faces assault charges after Belmont police said she hit a motorist in the face with a bag of dog feces. Police said Tuesday that the woman, whose name has not been released, admitted tossing doggie dung at the driver because she believed he was speeding. Belmont Lt. Rick Santangelo said the woman initially contacted police last week and reported that she was walking her dog when she saw the motorist nearly hit a man on a bicycle. Santangelo said the motorist contacted police the next day to report being struck in the face with dog feces. The woman was charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, vandalism to property and disorderly conduct.
LAST PUFF: South AFRICAN FAMED SMOKING CHIMP DIES
Charlie the smoking chimpanzee has died. Qondile Khedama, a spokesman for the central South African city of Bloemfontein where Charlie had been a fixture at the small zoo, said the chimp died Tuesday, apparently of old age. Charlie was believed to be 52. Khedama says zoo officials noticed about five years ago that visitors were tossing Charlie cigarettes, and he was mimicking smokers. Khedama says zookeepers tried to stop visitors from encouraging Charlie in a habit many humans are trying to quit. Newspapers picked up the story. Charlie featured in a U.S. TV news report, and became the first animal visitors would ask to see. Khedama says Charlie’s body will be mounted and displayed in an area featuring other preserved, popular zoo residents.
October 3, 2010, the Southwest Times Record reported from Fort Smith, Arkansas, the U.S. Postal Service would apologize to residents living in Johnson County…because it had taken more than six months to deliver some of their mail. Why? Because their postmaster, Merlin Walters, 89, had died, and it had taken that long to find 500 pieces of mail inside his home. (Lost under a couch cushion?)
NOW IT’S THE I & S AGENCY (MEANING: ITCH AND SCRATCH)
No matter how tight the security “in and around” the Ronald Reagan Building and International Center in Washington, D.C., late September 2010 juveniles were discovered inside the U.S. Agency for International Development. Quote: “USAID officials told employees this week that juvenile bedbugs had been found...”
HERE’S A NO-BRAINER USING A BRAIN
Wire services reported October 3, 2010, a Staten Island couple, the parents of Jesse Shipley, 17, killed in an auto accident in 2005, were suing the New York City morgue for removing, pickling in a jar, then displaying their son’s brain for visitors to see. Agreeing to drop their lawsuit if their son’s brain were returned to them, Andre and Korisha Shipley had young Shipley’s body disinterred, his brain returned, his remains returned to rest.
blitzweekly.com
4 October 13 - 19, 2010
HOLLYWOOD PROFILE with Morgan Freeman
by: Vivian Fullerlove “Entertainment’s Real Critic”
As all of you know, few things excite me cinematically as much as a comic book come to life on the big screen. The big screen adaptation of the D.C. Comic RED hits theatres this week, and it has one of the best ensemble casts I’ve seen in a long time. Bruce Willis, Helen Mirren, John Malkovich and Morgan Freeman headline this action-packed adventure about a group of former CIA agents whose secrets just made them the Agency’s top targets. Now framed for assassination, they must use all of their collective cunning, experience and teamwork to stay one step ahead of their deadly pursuers and stay alive. To stop the operation, the team embarks on an impossible, cross-country mission to break into the topsecret CIA headquarters, where they will uncover one of the biggest conspiracies and cover-ups in government history. I sat down with Morgan Freeman who gave us a little insight on the movie and his character Joe Matheson in RED. Set the stage for us. What’s the movie about? These guys were on a special black ops assignment in Guatemala, and something went wrong. Someone went bananas and killed a bunch of people, and these guys were left to clean up the mess. That was in 1981. Now today, those people have become a liability for someone high up in government, and they need to be terminated. But your character wasn’t involved in the operation, so why
is he on the run? Joe has been targeted simply because of his association with Bruce’s character Frank Moses. When we meet Joe he is in an assisted living situation, and I get the feeling he’s kind of incognito and hiding out. Earlier in his day, he was probably a sector chief or something like that. So basically he’s minding his own business, and then… Frank shows up and tells him what’s happening, and he needs some information. Joe knows how to get that information, and once he steps forward to help him, he becomes a target. Because of the danger of the situation, he walks away from it, but winds up deciding that he needs to find Frank because now he knows that they need to be together in order to defeat the situation. It sounds like RED is full of danger and intrigue. Well, in their kind of work often you don’t retire; you are retired. That way you don’t have to worry about anything you know. It’s not like being put into witness protection. These people are termed dangerous, meaning they were dangerous in a lot more ways than just being able to kill you. Will they survive the government plot to destroy them? You’ll just have to see for yourself! RED opens nationwide this week. The film is rated PG-13 for intense scenes of action and violence and brief strong language.
by: Ryan Maffei “Perspectives on Film”
THE SOCIAL NETWORK Marc Zuckerberg’s well-reported fortune has been competing for headlines with a wealth of hype surrounding The Social Network, an intermittently suspenseful and dramatic new comedy that envisions the genesis of a nifty modern convenience as the result of privileged kids playing mind games with each other. Varied and entertaining accusations have been hurled since the film’s release, but director David Fincher (Fight Club) and writer Aaron Sorkin (The West Wing) have justified their filmification of history as a matter of nobody knowing who screwed whom. The Social Network makes no comment on Facebook’s confounding impact on our society, and none of its protagonists, locked in a tense but civil courtroom battle for website revenue, are allowed a majority stake in right or wrong. The film has nothing profound to say about concepts that remain illdefined historically – it’s simply an entertaining character study from a brilliant director and an adept writer who rarely disappoint. The film can be enjoyed without trying to link the reality of Facebook’s tumultuous legal history with the goings-on in the film. Did Facebook founder Zuckerberg steal his billion-dollar concept from a trio of Harvard big shots? Cheat his partner and co-founder out of the credit and funds he deserved? The legal exchanges are merely an excuse for compelling banter. If the film has a point, it’s that the way this unlikely group of youngsters came up with modern technology’s most significant triviality is no more substantial or organized than the
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way the youngsters who use it go about their business. The drama thus resembles a series of angry traded wall posts, made more fun by Sorkin’s trademark literary dexterity. From the dense opening exchange between Zuckerberg and his inamorata to a surreal balletic moment involving ex-Harvard president Larry Summers, the dialogue soars—somewhat compensating for the slow-burning non-plot. Fincher started his career layering a compelling technical gloss on thin permutations of various genres (the brooding murder mystery Se7en, the shallow Hitchcock riff Panic Room) without adding much depth of feeling or new dimension. But though he has a cyborg’s level of human insight, his every turgid mistake (Benjamin Button?) is counterbalanced by a sharp glimpse of our hopelessness as a species (The Game, Zodiac). In The Social Network, a bunch of technology-savvy college kids fool around and get along as you’d expect, yet their casual-to-sociopathic transgressions of basic decency are fascinating to watch. We never sense that Marc, played with steely grace and minimal sympathy by the great Jesse Eisenberg (Zombieland), really means to take advantage of the Winkelvoss twins (Arnie Hammer), or leave his fatally un-crafty best friend Eduardo Saverin (a magnetic Andrew Garfield, the next Spider-Man). But we do suspect that such a revolutionary new method of communication as Facebook could only have sprung from the mind of somebody who wasn’t all that typical a communicator in the first place.
October 13 - 19, 2010 5
Photo Courtesy: Quatro Valvole
DEERHUNTER - HALCYON DIGEST
2. Don’t Cry
DEERHUNTER - HALCYON DIGEST
3. Revival
DEERHUNTER - HALCYON DIGEST
4. Sailing
DEERHUNTER - HALCYON DIGEST
5. Memory Boy
DEERHUNTER - HALCYON DIGEST
6. Desire Lines
by: Tennessee Chris
“Music Snob”
Atlanta’s Deerhunter Execute Lovely Psyche-Pop on Halcyon Digest With one official full-length, two stop-gap EPs, and another two Atlas Sound albums since 2007’s Cryptograms, Atlanta’s Deerhunter has transformed shockingly into a fully fledged pop group. There’s an ongoing progression toward accessibility, though the trajectory remains the same as it was two years ago. However, with their newest excursion, Halcyon Digest, the band fully embraces this new sound and creates a memorable album from start to finish. One thing you can’t say about Halcyon Digest is that it’s surprising. Because it’s less abrasive and dissonant than Deerhunter’s past, the boundaries between Deerhunter and Cox’s formidable side project Atlas Sound are starting to blur. The template — bedroom renditions of 1950s pop melodies, soft walls of sound, unshakable pangs of desire, longing, and regret — is precisely what you would expect from the no-longer-fringe Atlanta band. There are new variations on these recurring themes: whereas Microcastle’s (last issued EP) strongest tracks built toward urgent, electric catharsis, Halcyon Digest is all pent-up, without even momentary release. This reserved emotional consistency makes for a more placid experience than expected, perhaps, but Deerhunter more than compensate for the lack of squalor with an expanded range of instrumentation and refined, emotional articulation. It’s convenient to ascribe these changes to maturity, but is that assumption correct? Bradford Cox used to thrive on shock value; noise is an easy metaphor for frustration or anger, but confusion is far more difficult to convey in either text or music. Halcyon Digest might be an easy listen, but it takes effort to digest the brief moments of transcendence that break through the album’s cracked, depressed façade. The final three minutes of “Desire Lines” build majestically, swelling and sinking with increasing urgency, yet before the emotional apex it eventually crashes into the ether of fades and guitar scribbling. Within the first seconds of the echoic, submerged-sounding “Basement Scene,” it’s obvious that emotional relief will continue to be just beyond reach. Even the upbeat songs sway melancholically. “Coronado,” brassy with “Young Americans”-style saxophone, deals with loss and reckoning in stirring, meaningful ways. The contrast between the scintillating exteriors of “Coronado” and “Memory Boy” and the interior thematic concerns is effectively dissonant, but never jarring or unsatisfying. And that duality seems to be the key to the current output by Deerhunter. One would be hard-pressed to call Halcyon Digest ambient, but there’s a spare economy reflected in the album’s emotional ambivalence. Deerhunter is less confrontational, less challenging than they once were, but they never fail to engage their listeners on a personal level. Whether encouraging fans to street-team for new songs or writing space for individual associations into their music, Deerhunter treats music as a collective experience, an attitude that recalls pre-digital fandom as much as post-blog interconnectivity. Even at their most aloof, they dare us to feel something, to break through the confusion and the drugged-out, dreamy reveries, to find still multiple interpretations of the song’s context. They succeed at making us feel something, and on Halcyon Digest they do it via indirect means. Is that more mature? Perhaps it’s more a significant but subtle development. As difficult as it might be to find fresh accolades with which to laud Deerhunter, they continue to deserve every single redundant bit of acclaim. Good luck, and good listening!
DEERHUNTER - HALCYON DIGEST
7. Basement Scene
DEERHUNTER - HALCYON DIGEST
8. Helicopter
DEERHUNTER - HALCYON DIGEST
9. Fountain Stairs
DEERHUNTER - HALCYON DIGEST
10. Coronado
DEERHUNTER - HALCYON DIGEST
Wed 10/13
Remembering Tom Landry: The Personal Collection Fair Park - Hall of State Sure, the Cowboys turned 50 and we’re hosting the Super Bowl, but it’s Tom Landry, the man in the fedora, who set the bar for the team’s success. Check out the photographs, trophies and some of his personal affects on display. Best part, it’s free with your State Fair ticket!
Thur 10/14
Pauly Shore Improv - Arlington Pauly was funny on MTV where he rose to fame but flopped as a big-name film star. He’s on the comeback trail and found his sense of humor. Drink a lot before going to the show and have a good time with the Weasel.
Fri 10/15
Red Light Red Night The Lizard Lounge - Dallas A burlesque show for adults. $10 for those over 21 and the show starts at 11pm. Red attire is encouraged. Performances by the Lollie Bombs, Audacity Leigh & her serpent, electric vaudevillians and our favorite: Whitemeat the Clown!
Sat 10/16
Rocktoberfest The Bone - Dallas The Backsliders are sure to rock. Break out your makeup and costumes for the pre-show Zombie Walk. Zombies who donate a can of food get in for only half price. Long live the dead.
Sun 10/17
Dia de los Muertos ofrenda Modern Art Museum -Ft. Worth This literally translates to Day of the Dead. You probably already knew that, but for the rest of us that sounds pretty dark. However, for our Mexican friends it’s a celebration and a festive way to remember the dead with food, storytelling and art. Parking and admission is free.
Mon 10/18
Deftones Palladium Ballroom - Dallas You know you’ve heard their music over the years and if you don’t remember then download “Change (In the House of Flies).” They’re on tour to promote the release of their newest album Diamond Eyes. The show starts at 8 p.m.
Tue 10/19
WPT Poker Night Arena Sports Bar - Carrollton Nothing to do for rounds at 7 p.m. and another at 10 for night owls. Best part is you can win some great prizes. If you know of a cool event or concert coming up, send some info our way at editor@blitzweekly.com
blitzweekly.com
MUSIC: HALCYON DIGEST 1. Earthquake
STARS:News
by: Tony Barone
“The Senior Sports Authority”
by: Tony Barone – “The Senior Sports Authority”
Stars Start Season with 2 Road Wins Losing a future Hall of Fame player hasn’t prevented the Dallas Stars from surging to their best start in four years. Despite losing Mike Modano to the Detroit Red Wings in free agency, the Stars won their first two road games for the first time since 2006, defeating the New Jersey Devils and the New York Islanders in consecutive night overtime victories. Both games were opening night tilts for the opposing teams and played before fired-up crowds. Loui Eriksson scored two goals, including the game winner 1:36 into overtime, to give the Stars a 4-3 overtime victory over the New Jersey Devils on Friday night. Eriksson’s winner capped a spirited effort by the Stars who battled hard after falling behind 2-0 early. Brenden Morrow scored twice, and Jamie Benn and Stephane Robidas added goals for the Stars in their 5-4 overtime shootout victory against the New York Islanders. Mike Ribeiro had the only
shootout goal of the contest to go with two assists. Kari Lehtonen posted 43 saves and was perfect in the shootout to secure the victory The Stars are rebuilding, having missed the playoffs the last two seasons. The team is up for sale and is on a tight budget. The team president bailed out and took a job with the Nashville Predators over the summer, leaving the position vacant. Stars GM Joe Nieuwendyk has been a beacon of optimism, spending most days with the team and trying to create an environment of hard work and belief. The Stars opening home game of the season against Modano and Detroit on October 14 promises to be one of the most emotional games in the franchise’s history. The 40-year-old Modano spent the last 15 years with the Stars and was the “face” of the organization. For Stars fans to see him in the American Airlines Center playing in a Red Wings jersey will likely boggle their minds.
BYU vs. #4 TCU
Sat. Oct. 16 – 3PM – Amon Carter Stadium - Versus HD The TCU Horned Frogs, ranked number four nationally, recorded consecutive shutouts for the first time in 55 years in a 45-0 victory over Wyoming on Saturday. TCU (6-0, 2-0) took a 31-0 lead at halftime, led by quarterback Andy Dalton who finished the game completing 14 of 17 passes for 270 yards and three touchdowns. He’s now 50 of 61 for 719 yards with six touchdowns and no interceptions in three home starts. “There’s no magic here,” Wyoming coach Dave Christensen said. “They’re a great football team, and we’re a rebuilding team. It showed today.” The back-to-back shutouts were the first for TCU since 1955, when the Frogs had three straight shutouts against Texas Tech, Arkansas and Alabama. Struggling BYU (2-4, 1-1), which defeated San Diego State 24-21 on Saturday, visits Fort Worth this week. The Cougars changed defensive coordinators last week after giving up more than 400 yards per game. Last year TCU routed the Cougars 38-7 in Provo, scoring on their first three possessions. Andy Dalton passed for 241 yards and had three TD passes against BYU, which was ranked 16th in the nation before that game.
by: Frank LaCosta - “College Football Fanatic”
SMU vs. Navy
Sat. Oct. 16 – 2:30PM – Navy Memorial Stadium – CBS-C The Mustangs took care of business last Saturday against Tulsa by winning 21-18. As the game entered the fourth quarter, SMU was up 21-10. Tulsa scored their final TD on a G.J. Kinne 3-yard run with a little under seven minutes left in the game. The Golden Hurricane had a successful two-point conversion. SMU slowed the tempo, milked the clock and won the game. Highlights of the game include QB Kyle Padron passing for 381 yards, WRs Aldrick Robinson and Darius Johnson each had 100+ yards receiving and DE Margus Hunt blocked a 45-yard field goal attempt. This week SMU travels to Annapolis to take on a 3-2 Navy team that is struggling offensively. Their two losses are to Maryland and Air Force. The Midshipmen are led by senior QB Ricky Dobbs who has more interceptions than TDs this season. He is not a huge passing threat. He does most of his damage on the ground and will rush at least 20 plays per game. Senior FB Vince Murray will split carries with RB Gee Gee Greene as well. WR Greg Jones is the lone wide-out to be considered a threat.
by: Frank LaCosta - “College Football Fanatic”
FIU vs. UNT
Sat. Oct. 16 – 6:30PM – Fouts Field – Sun Belt Network The Mean Green had another rough outing this past Saturday, coming up short against Arkansas State. The Red Wolves led 21-3 in the early part of the second quarter before the Mean Green mounted a comeback. After the fourth quarter began the score was 21-19 in favor of Arkansas State. They would add a field goal to seal the 24-19 win as UNT would drive no further than midfield on their final two possessions. The only highlights from the game worth mentioning are: Sophomore QB Chase Baine made his first start of the season going 9 for 17 for 77 yards with no turnovers. RB Lance Dunbar once again eclipsed the century mark on the ground and had a TD. This week UNT hosts Florida International. The Golden Panthers won their first game of the season last week beating Western Kentucky 28-21. QB Wesley Carroll is the FIU helmsman and isn’t the most accurate of passers. He also has more interceptions than TDs this season. The FIU receiving corps is in poor shape. The team relies heavily on the three-headed rushing attack of Darrian Mallary, Darriet Perry and Kedrick Rhodes.
Photos Courtesy: Matt Pearce, Darryl Briggs, Joe Lorenzini
Photo Courtesy: Matt Pearce
blitzweekly.com
6 October 13 - 19, 2010
October 13 - 19, 2010 7 blitzweekly.com
“Voice Out West”
by: Kris Boudreau
“Wait a minute. Did the game end? Nebraska thinks it’s over. McCoy may have run the clock out!” Brent Musburger was looking for an answer and Texas fans were praying for just one more snap. One second. That’s all Texas was asking for at the end of the Big 12 Championship game last year in Arlington to assure them a spot in the BCS National Title Game in Pasadena. After reviewing the play and giving Texas that cherished one second, Hunter Lawrence made the 46-yard game-winning kick that ended the hopes of the underdog Huskers and sent the Longhorns to the Rose Bowl. Texas will face Nebraska at Memorial Stadium this Saturday in Lincoln in a game that will have a hard time living up to last year’s dramatic contest. Diminishing the buzz, no doubt, are Texas’s back-to-back losses against an unranked UCLA team that came into Austin and just embarrassed the Longhorns, followed by the close loss in Dallas to OU that decided the Red River Rivalry. Regardless, the revenge factor will
be huge in this game with Nebraska, a team that is having the same national championship dreams that Texas had last year. Since the formation of the Big 12, Texas has dominated the series with a record of 81 against the Huskers, with each winning a Big 12 Championship game head to head. The first matchup as Big 12 foes came in 1996 at the first Big 12 Championship game. Priest Holmes’s three touchdowns led the way for the 21-point-underdog Longhorns as they pulled off the upset after then Texas QB James Brown famously “rolled out” to find TE Derek Lewis and set up Holmes’s third touchdown of the game. The first regular season game came on Halloween night in 1998 in Lincoln. The “black shirts” looked scared as Heisman Trophy Winner Ricky Williams ran for 150 yards and current Texas Coach Major Applewhite helped snap Nebraska’s 47-game winning streak at home. On October 23, 1999, a record crowd in Austin watched Texas get back on track and mount a comeback to defeat Nebraska 24-20. This time Applewhite, with two touchdowns and 213 yards, led the Longhorns back from a 13-3 halftime deficit in front of over 85,000 fans. The fourth meeting and second confer-
ence title game match up in 1999 is where Nebraska got some revenge, winning their second Big 12 Championship in San Antonio as Nebraska’s defense stifled Major Applewhite, while Correll Buckhalter led the Huskers with 120 yards rushing. Records for Texas were set in 2002 at both the quarterback and receiver position as Chris Simms threw for 419 yards and Roy Williams had 13 receptions. This was the first home loss for Nebraska since 1998 as Texas won 27-24 that day. In 2003 Vince Young and Cedric Benson helped the Horns breeze by the Huskers 31-7 in Austin as Young threw for 172 yards and three touchdowns with Benson contributing 163 yards and a touchdown. In 2006, a great game in Lincoln came down to a 22-yard field goal by kicker Ryan Bailey with 23 seconds left as Texas survived a scare from the number-17-ranked Huskers in front of another crowd over 85,000 at Memorial Stadium. Perhaps the best comeback in the series by the Longhorns came in 2007 when they fought back from being down 14 points at the end of the 3rd quarter behind Jamaal Charles and scored 25 unanswered points in the fourth quarter to sneak by Nebraska 28-25, this time in Austin. Even with Texas’s two losses this season taking away some of this game’s allure, Nebraska will treat it as payback for Texas having cost them a chance at a BCS bowl game last year. With a win against the 5th ranked Huskers, Texas’s season could turn around in an instant and get them back on track for a BCS game and Big 12 Championship. Regardless of the circumstances, this game, already one of the most-anticipated of the year, is sure to be one of the most-watched.
NHL: Red Wings vs. Stars
Thur. Oct. 14 – 7:30PM – American Airlines Center – FSSW The first home game of the season is this Thursday night. The hated Red Wings will stir mixed emotions when they come to town on a two-game road trip with former Dallas Star legend Mike Modano. The Stars have won their first two games of the season on the road.
MLB: Giants vs Phillies
Sat. Oct. 16 – TBA – Veterans Stadium – FOX The Giants come to town off of their Game 4 series victory over the Braves. Young phenom Tim Lincecum will start, winner of 16 regular season starts and a great game against the Braves last week. The Phillies will have 21-game-winner Roy Halladay on the mound. He pitched only the second no-hitter in MLB postseason history last week against the Reds. This NLCS game should be a pitcher’s duel worth watching.
College Football: (1) Ohio State vs. (18)Wisconsin
Sat. Oct. 16 – 6PM – Camp Randall Stadium – ESPN Ohio State is in the driver’s seat after watching Alabama fall to South Carolina. But the Buckeyes face a challenge on the road against the Badgers. Other than first-half trouble with Miami, the Buckeyes have been steamrolling opponents. The Heisman campaign is on if star QB Terrelle Pryor wins here. The Badgers have one loss and that was to undefeated Michigan State. If the Badgers win there’ll be a reason to jump around and create mayhem.
NFL: Cowboys vs. Vikings
Sun. Oct. 17 – 3:15PM – Metrodome – FOX The Cowboys find themselves in another “make or break” game. After losing to the Titans last Sunday they must focus all efforts on the Vikings. The Vikings have reacquired Randy Moss. He could have a field day, it all depends on the Favre factor. Favre might not play due to an NFL investigation regarding him sending inappropriate messages and photos to a former Jets employee. Then there is the fact that Adrian Peterson may just run wild. The only hope for the Cowboys is that the Vikings might have a MNF hangover and won’t be ready to play on a short week.
blitzweekly.com
8 October 13 - 19, 2010
DAMN!
by: Joe Avezzano
Battle for A 2nd Win
by: Jay Betsill
“The Coach”
This Cowboy football team has been regarded as the most talented team they have had since the Super Bowl early 90’s teams. (Statement made by Jerry Jones). Well, if that’s true then it is obvious talent alone doesn’t win games. This team has found numerous ways to lose and now it’s getting to a point where the players are dumbfounded and don’t know what to say and the coaches don’t have anything but standard replies to hard questions... A team that looked so motivated and prepared against Houston opened this game against Tennessee giving up huge chunks of yards on defense, a lot of which were penalty yards, and the offense couldn’t protect the quarterback at all. After only one sack in the previous three games they gave up five in the first half. Tony Romo threw for 406 yards, Felix Jones ran for over a hundred, and Miles Austin had more than 150 yards receiving. Who cares? The object is to win, not accumulate yards. Turn the ball over three times, create no turnovers, have 12 penalties, miss a key field goal again, give up a 73-yard kickoff return and you will lose! Now the key word thrown around will be discipline. Because when you’re frustrated and don’t know what to say you use lack of discipline as a reason. This team is supposed to be very talented but every week they play a team that also has talent and if the Cowboys don’t play fundamentally sound football they have a chance to, and have, found ways to lose. Jimmy Johnson once said, “It doesn’t matter how many great plays you make, it matters how few bad plays you make!” Nobody is coaching the team to create penalties; no one is playing to make game killing mistakes. But bad plays are becoming a norm for this team. Can they play better? Absolutely!! Will they? Oh, and by the way, when will the NFL have enough sense to not call an excessive celebration penalty on an offensive lineman who loses his balance and falls down? I criticize the league for that penalty more then I do Columbo. Can the Cowboys dig themselves out of this hole? Damn, there are so many questions. Talent-wise they can but we’ve already seen that talent isn’t the answer. They travel to Minnesota to play another talented team that’s not living up to expectations. The plays won’t change dramatically, the coaching won’t change dramatically (don’t even go there, you’re wasting your time) and there will not be dramatic personnel changes—which simply means that this team is going to have to figure it out internally and play well enough to win. This is not a simple fix, there are many moving parts, but I’m sure the experts will be out full force this week. DAMN! “Man on the Inside”
Both Cowboys and Vikings are a disappointing 1-3 out of the gate following last season, when the Vikings eliminated the Cowboys from the playoffs in a second-round game at the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome. The Cowboys are one of only four teams ranked in the top 10 in total defense and offense, but all they have to show for it is a huge helping of turnovers and penalties. The Vikings, for their part, have made big headlines off the field. In addition to the ongoing Brett Favre-Jenn Sterger text message controversy, the addition of Randy Moss has bolstered their receiving corps. Favre has looked lost at times this season with his security blanket from a year ago, Sidney Rice, out following surgery. And don’t forget that Moss has put up better numbers against the Cowboys than any other team after Dallas passed on him in the 1998 NFL Draft. In addition, the Cowboys have shown a tendency to give up the big play, allowing nine passes of 20 yards or more—which might be just what the Vikings need to jump-start their season. Should the Cowboys decide to double-team Moss, the Vikings have superstar running back Adrian Peterson, who no doubt realizes Dallas has surrendered 12 rushes of over 10 yards. Not only do both teams in this marquee match-up have identical 1-3 records, both ended their last games with late interceptions that killed any chance of a rally. In their losing efforts, Brett Favre became the first NFL player to throw for 500 TDs and reach 70,000 yards, while Tony Romo threw for a career-high 406 yards. If Favre avoids suspension, he will have to deal with DeMarcus Ware, while Romo (and Doug Free) will be busy with Vikings DE Jared Allen. According to NFL.com, 22 teams have made the playoffs after a 1-3 start. If either of these teams has hopes of salvaging its season, calling this week a “must-win” is not an exaggeration.
October 13 - 19, 2010 9 “Culture Warrior”
Sessions
The Name
In English, “hookah” comes from the Hindustani huqqa(h), picked up by the Brits during the Raj and perhaps easier for them to say than “narghileh,” itself derived from the Sanskrit word for coconut, narikela. The molasses/tobacco or fruit/tobacco mixture was once smoked in the bowl of a coconut shell… In most countries the term for the mixture is some variant of shish.
History
Literary evidence points to a possible Persian origin for the hookah, which found its way into Northern India at the time of the Mogul conquest by Babur in 1526. From India hookah-smoking spread through the Arab world, and Arabs became serious devotees, refining the apparatus. The coconut shell was replaced with a marble bowl or with imported glass. The outside of the bowl and pipe (stem) was elaborately carved or embossed with Byzantine designs. The apparatus—with its bowl or head, a coal screen and windscreen, a stem protruding down into a water jar, and a suction tube ending above the water-surface—have been around since the beginning. At some point a purge valve was created to get rid of stale smoke.
Hookah-smoking, like sex, can be a solitary activity, but it’s much more fun with a significant other or several others who want to know each other better. In the West, college students and singles are the most likely patrons of hookah parlors. Devotees carry their own mouthpieces, but hookah bars supply them—in plastic. Hookah smoke may be safer than tobacco smoke as long as the smoker in question indulges no more than once a day. A typical session is 45 minutes with 50 to 200 inhalations (more, of course, if the pipe is shared). Hookah bars are for relaxing. Loud talk is out of place. If you have a bleating laugh, go to a tavern. In short, a hookah bar is like an opium den without the opium—a place of dreams.
Hookahs for Hook-ups
With cigarette-smoking becoming more and more a furtive activity for addicts who hate themselves, hookah smoking is a kind of communal meditation. With smokers recumbent on a plush sofa or a pile of cushions, sucking harder than a babe at the breast, storytelling is out of the question. The complex, musical apparatus gets all the attention. Its history and traditions lend mystique and those who know enough to help (with or without pay) endow the session with importance in the way a complex drink recipe is realized with a flourish by a bartender. Ideally, partakers should have the feeling they’re escaping their hectic lives in slow motion. Great care should be taken upon returning to the world of those-not-blissed-out, especially if the way home puts you on Central, Stemmons or LBJ.
Hubble-bubble Toil and Trouble
Smoking at home is a pain in the a$$. Manufacturers recommend cleaning their equipment after every use—and rightly, because the residue of tobacco smoked this way is a bitter contaminant. A special brush is needed to clean the pipe, while the hose must be washed out with lukewarm water. No trace of chemical cleaner should remain when the next clouds of cool smoke arrive.
Why
Type A people with a lot to say when they’re not buzzing around should probably stay away, or at least not wear their watches. Stoners should probably stick with their bongs. “Clean all that stuff? Later, man.” Nonsmokers won’t bother unless the hookah is something a woman wants to try. Admittedly, the health arguments of hookah-fanciers sound a little phony. True, tars aren’t getting through to you, or the harmful gases of combustion, but then few people smoke cigarettes for 45 minutes straight. The ones who aren’t already down in the ground must have the decency to hide.
Where
Open your eyes! It’s a sure thing you pass at least one hookah parlor on the way to work each day. When hookahs are being smoked in places like Richardson, in strip centers where church ladies are out shopping, you know this craze isn’t about to die. The crazed aren’t about to die either—it’s something about the way they’ve got all the time in the world and the willingness to go wherever their dreams will take them.
blitzweekly.com
by: Sam Chase
blitzweekly.com
10 October 13 - 19, 2010
AFRAH
314 E. Main St. (Belt Line Rd.) • Richardson – 75081 972-234-9898 • www.afrah.com
Why It’s Blitz-Worthy: Afrah is a clean, cafeteria-style eatery with great pictures of a bygone Beirut. There is ample parking in front and a terrace. There is a lunch buffet, but dinner is the time to visit. The Afrah sampler for two starts with a bowl of hummus and baba ghannouj, each with a good-sized puddle of olive oil, followed by a plate of three other specialties. Order the fattoush salad with any of the kebabs or other meats. A miracle! Known For: Hummus, fried kibbe, lamb kabab, salmon kabab, shish tawook, shawarma combo, kabab combo, salad with shawarma. On the Side: Baba ghannouj, tabbouli, fattoush, stuffed grape leaves, falafel basket (6 pcs.), rice, warbat.
ALI BABA
2103 N. Central Expy. • Richardson – 75080 972-437-1222 • www.alibabacafe.com
Why It’s Blitz-Worthy: Those who remember the old Greenville Ave. spot will be surprised: where the old place was cramped, this one offers a soaring interior space—with an efficient floor plan in spite of its size. There is ample parking all around and they need it for the vast lunch buffet—the best time to visit. Service is nonexistent and you pay on the way in, but there are entrees worth coming back for and most of the sides are first-rate. Known For: All chicken dishes, sautéed cauliflower, mousaka, cabbage rolls, chicken curry, shrimp kabab, gyros plate, lamb chops. On the Side: Tabouli salad, lentil soup, garlic sauce (with egg whites), hummos, fried kibbi, lebni, stuffed squash.
BEIRUT ROCK CAFÉ
Known For: Desserts included, gr with yoghurt, grilled chicken, k On the Side: Fine-diced cucumbe yoghurt, fava beans, okra, egg
FADI’S MEDITERRANEAN
14902 Preston Rd. • Dallas – 7 972-934-8500 • www.fadiscu Why It’s Blitz-Worthy: With thr Dallas and one in Frisco, Fadi attention to food and large s than the best owner-operated get the best of both worlds: a b piping hot soup, lamb shank a order The salads are very lem fish filet, the vegetables, or fre Known For: Kababs and lamb sh hot lentil soup ladled from a cr On the Side: Creative salads couscous salad; vegetable c eggplant and Italian green bea
1201 S. Cooper St. • Arlington – 76010 • 817-860-5499
KING TUT
DIMASSI’S MEDITERRANEAN BUFFET
KOSTAS CAFÉ
Why It’s Blitz-Worthy: This is the best food of any kind to be had for miles around UTA and some of the best Lebanese food in the Metroplex. It is also some of the cheapest. The exterior is very humble but the interior is pleasant and so is the staff. Everything on the menu is cooked to perfection. The falafel, hommous, shish kafta and fried kibbee will remain in your dreams. Known For: Gyros plate with yoghurt sauce, fattoosh with chicken or added shrimp, sampler plate for two. On the Side: Fresh-squeezed juices (or smoothies with same), crushed lentil soup, hommous to die for, grape leaves with meat or veggies. 5220 Belt Line Rd. • Dallas – 75254 972-458-1100 • www.dimassisbuffet.com
Why It’s Blitz-Worthy: Dimassi’s is unique in offering baklava (both walnut and pistachio, cylindrical and trapezoidal), along with several teas—and great coffee—included in the price of the buffet. The surroundings are cool and spacious, there’s plenty of parking, and the buffet itself is loaded with salad specialties, well-prepared vegetables and well-cooked meats.
Photo Courtesy: Jerzy Strzelecki
1512 Magnolia Ave. • Ft. Worth 817-335-3051 • www.kingtuteg Why It’s Blitz-Worthy: In the hos chains here—this unassuming forever, as have its loyal custo way to sample the fare is to o chicken, lamb—lamb is best) an stupendous, and so are the sal Known For: Egyptian pizza, fre cous, mossaca (moussaka), hug On the Side: Yoghurt-cucumber d home-made salad dressing, un
4914 Greenville Ave. • Dallas – 214-987-3225 • www.kostasca Why It’s Blitz-Worthy: The stan feel at home as you enter the a cup of Avgolemono (egg an go wrong. The flaming sagana dolmas are appetizing as well. of lamb chops, broiled scamp recommended. For date night
N GRILL
75254 uisine.com ree stores in Houston, two in i’s has become a chain, but its selection make it no different places in its class. At Fadi’s we buffet deep in salads and dips, and various kababs cooked to mony and best eaten with the esh pita. hank right off the grill, fish filet, rockpot, vegetable stews. s like cranberry/mushroom, casseroles like pomegranate ans.
h – 76104 gyptian.com spital district of Ft. Worth—no restaurant has been around omers. The best (and cheapest) order a shawarma plate (beef, nd split a meza plate. Sides are lads—but pricy. eekah soup, beef or lamb cous ge meza assortments. dip, great hommus and tabbuli, nusual Egyptian sauces.
– 75206 afe.com nd-alone building makes you e dining room. Start off with nd lemon soup) and you can’t aki is always entertaining. The . The Athenian combo consists pi and souvlaki and is highly try the Kosta combination for
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reat salads, lentil soup, chicken kafta, falafel, fresh fruit. er/tomato salad, hummus, dry gplant, baklava.
October 13 - 19, 2010 11
two, trust us; you’ll leave sated. Compliment your meal with an Aegean. Known For: Avgolemono soup, veal lemonato, S.S. Kosta, flaming saganaki, Athenian combo. On the Side: Three Metroplex locations, nice list of Greek red and white wines, chocolate cheesecake, taramosalata.
O’live Lebanese-Fusion Cuisine
580 W. Arapaho Rd. Suite 130 • Richardson – 75080 • 972-480-8200
Why It’s Blitz-Worthy: This is the only Lebanese-fusion cuisine restaurant to open in the Metroplex that we know of. They utilize Lebanese family-style recipes to create delicious entrees. All dishes are cooked to order with the freshest ingredients. They are open daily with late night hours on Fridays and Saturdays till 2 a.m. We recommend you try the kabobs and the falafel is to die for. When you are here you will feel like you are at home. Known For: Lamb chops, O’live mezza platter, falafel, salmon horra (spicy), lamb and beef gyros. On the Side: BYOB, catering, private party room (up to 30 guests), baklava, lebneh.
STRATOS GREEK TAVERNA
2907 W. Northwest Highway • Dallas – 75220 214-352-3321 • www.clubstratos.com Why It’s Blitz-Worthy: This trend-setting, pet-friendly establishment recently opened their new second floor patio. We recommend that while the weather is pleasant you check it out. The Stratos calamari is delicious and we really like the Greek pizza here. When it comes to gyros, Stratos offers five options to choose from: Stratos gyro sandwich, meat lovers’ gyro plate, Stratos gyro combo, chicken gyro sandwich, chicken gyro plate. The pastitsio allows you to indulge in a traditional Greek lasagna and is complimented with veggies, grilled pita bread and a dolma. Known For: Gyros, Max’s Greek burger, chicken lemonatto, Mom’s moussaka, Grecian god plate. On the Side: Kastro baklava, pet friendly, belly dancing six nights a week, Greek white, red and port wines, huge patio space.
TASTY GREEK
1906-A Belt Line Rd. • Carrollton – 75006 • 972-416-7884 Why It’s Blitz-Worthy: This family friendly restaurant has been at the same location since 1980. That’s 30 years of greatness. All meals are cooked to order and on Tuesdays and Thursdays they have a great lunch buffet. Selections include: gyros, hummus, tabbouli, baba ghanouj, mousakka and more with fresh vegetables. This BYOB establishment is open Monday – Saturday serving lunch and dinner from 11 a.m. – 9 p.m. They also offer some “Tasty” Lebanese dishes such as: falafel, kabobs and stuffed or baked kibbie. Known For: Gyros, kabobs, falafel, kibbie, Greek combo plate, baklava. On the Side: BYOB, catering, Tuesday/Thursday lunch buffet, daily lunch specials, Turkish Coffee.
Photos Courtesy: Dori
I think we need to start electing bikers to public office. I don’t mean ‘weekend wannabes,’ but honest to goodness, Harley-riding, leather-vest-wearing, no-filter cigarettesmoking, stripper-dating, tattooed bad-a$$es who carry a ball peen hammer through their belt instead of a cell phone or a clip-on bottle of hand sanitizer. No kidding, I’m ready to see campaign signs in yards across America with slogans like, “Bad Bob For Congress” or “Let Renegade Ron Bust Some Heads For Freedom!” I read about some animal rights activists who got tired of harassing little old ladies for wearing leather and fur coats, so they got the bright idea to hitch up their big boy britches and protest a biker rally. As the organizer said, “Motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them…ergo, they should stop.” (Note: Anybody that uses the word ergo when trying to talk you into doing something, don’t do it! It won’t end well.) Needless to say, things didn’t go so well for the activists, some of who ended up with their high-and-mighty butts kicked up between their shoulder blades and others who got ducttaped to trees or tossed in restaurant dumpsters. So I got to thinking… Maybe an analogy could be made between biker mentality and how this great country of ours got started. A ‘gang’ of outlaw bros with such deep religious and political convictions that they stepped outside the boundaries of the popular consensus, and struck off to start their own little club called The United States of America.
That was back when “Don’t Tread On Me” still meant something, and if someone was willing to get up in our face, they knew they would suffer some serious consequences. And I don’t mean that sissified ‘shame-onyou’ finger shaking most politicians deal out these days when someone breaks a law like…well, I don’t know…maybe like illegally crossing our borders. See, bikers have a little tradition known as “stomping.” When you mess with one of them, you end up with a face full of boot leather from them all. Now really, does that sound like such a bad idea? Sounds to me like a bunch of guys who know what it means to “have your brother’s back” no matter what—something that, sadly, we’re losing sight of far too often these days. If we had a biker in office, and some south-ofthe-border politician came up here and started criticizing how we handle our business (the way the president of Mexico did), there wouldn’t be hushed whispers of “I
by: Dennis Hambright
www.dennishambright.com
blitzweekly.com
VOTE FOR A BIKER!
October 13 - 19, 2010 13
can’t believe he said that,” or hordes of spineless politicians too afraid to stand up for Old Glory and tell him to shut his mouth and go home and fix his own country’s problems. Nope, if a biker was in office, he’d probably just grab an axe handle and whip that politician’s butt like a cheap piñata, until Chiclets and churros started shooting out both his ears and he understood that he was in our backyard now, and we don’t appreciate, or tolerate any of that nonsense. Yeah, I know, it’s not politically correct and maybe it is a little insensitive and inhospitable and all that other touchyfeely hogwash, but I don’t care. And truthfully, I don‘t think you should care, either. It’s high time we quit worrying about offending the delicate sensibilities of everyone else and be more concerned with having our own brother’s back. So come on brother, vote for a biker! “A Woman’s Perspective”
by: Jesse Whitman
The Road to Hell is Paved with Annoying Travelers After traveling from San Francisco to Florida on a six-hour flight every couple of months for several years, the number of irritations caused by other travelers has begun to pile up like Great Dane dog sh*t. Now I can understand why Steven Slater, the former Jet Blue flight attendant finally went postal by way of airmail. If I had to endure so many annoying passengers every day all week, I might grab two beers and head for the plane’s emergency exit too. It’s one thing to torture an innocent bystander out in public with any of the following bodily odors, namely farts and bad perfume or cologne. At least you can make a graceful getaway if you’re in the supermarket or park. But on a plane you’re trapped, and for some reason people think it’s okay to let one rip right in your face as they walk
Crossword Solution
down the aisle. The typical savage reasoning is that we’re all stuck on the plane, what else can be done? The general poor health of Americans and the bad airport food is a recipe for a plane that smells like an erupting sewer line. And while it is not as bad as farts, strong cologne or perfume is offensive enough on its own. I don’t want to smell some stranger, especially their toxic chemicals of choice that make my eyes water. But to force my lungs to be engulfed by these putrid fumes on a plane is just sadistic. I’m trapped in a cloud of nauseating fumes for six hours and there is nothing I can do about it but just remind myself to breath through my mouth. Freedom also means the right to fresh air and there is no freedom on planes. We passengers are crammed in like sar-
dines and space is limited, I get it. But when the already small allocated space in my coach seat is encroached upon... The random elbow or foot, that is irritating, but what is unforgivable is when someone’s leg and a$$ fat spills out onto my leg. The fat is taking up my seat and touching me! I know they can’t help it, at least not at the moment, but still, if they knew the torture they’re making the rest of us endure, maybe some of them would opt for the big first class seats. I even had a woman sitting in front of me flip her giant mass of curly hair over the back of her seat, and it was just dangling there right in my face for the entire flight. Do these people have no regard for personal space? Clearly their disregard carries over to the space efficiency of the overhead compartments. I once had a man get openly of-
fended when I put my carry-on suitcase in front of the blazer with which he’d taken up more than half the storage space. People with kids? I know the kids will cry. That’s what kids do on flights. But don’t sit there and do nothing. Feed them a banana, give them a binkie, be a parent. And if I had a dollar for every time someone banged my knee really hard as they pushed back their seat I’d be able to play a few games of Pac Man. Okay, so it hasn’t happened that often but it’s still annoying enough to mention. I know I can only grin and bear it and hope I get to my destination safely. But now, thanks to my hero Steven Slater, every time I get annoyed on a plane I can fantasize telling everybody to f*ck off, grab two beers, and take the emergency exit.
by: The Bum
www.dallasrestaurantreviews.com
A Pre-Historic Drive-in Burger Joint 6537 E. Northwest Hwy., Dallas 214-368-1209
Keller’s Hamburgers
Keller’s Hamburgers & Beer is a throwback to the “American Graffiti” days of the 1950’s drive-in hamburger stands – with beer. And not much has changed since the 1950’s. Not even their vintage neon signs. SETTING There are two of these joints, one in a gritty industrial district on charming Harry Hines Blvd. and another on East Northwest Highway on the other side of town. APPETIZERS Several flavors of cold beer. FOOD Great hamburgers, made just the way they ought to be at an old-time burger place. And the #5 Special (double meat with everything, plus Keller’s special sauce) pre-dates the Big Mac by probably 20 years—a juicy handful. And be sure to order the Tater Tots, not the french fries. You’ll need to sprinkle a little salt on them, but then you’ll want another order. Re-ordering them, of course, will require another beer. The car hops are worldly girls and women with a sprinkling of tattoos who will never be mistaken for Hooter’s girls, but they’re down-home friendly and will ask you to raise your car window two inches so they can hang
And Also At: 10554 Harry Hines Blvd, Dallas 214-357-3572 the tray of burgers on it. The food is so cheap, I usually tip them at least a third of the bill, and it’s still only $2. COLD & WET Ice cold beer – by the bottle to drink onsite, and by the 6-pack or the case to-go. Keller’s does a brisk business, selling cases to a steady line of pickup trucks that pull up to the front door. The car hops take their order and bring the beer to the vehicle. AMBIANCE Old and slightly seedy (I give extra points for that). Very 1950’s. At the Keller’s on East Northwest Highway (how many points of the compass can you work into a single street name?), there are usually half a dozen motorcycles parked on the side, their riders swapping tales over cold beer. On nice weekends, there will probably be some old hot rods and muscle cars congregated in the parking lot. At the Keller’s on Harry Hines, you are more likely to hear the strains of mariachi music coming from some open car windows. Either place, it’s the same good food and cold beer. BOTTOM LINE There are not many drive-ins left, and Keller’s is a classic
Photos Courtesy: The Bum
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14 October 13 - 19, 2010
October 13 - 19, 2010 15 blitzweekly.com
GRILL ’N CHILL TAILGATER
Forget bringing a simple grill — you can bring the equivalent of an entire bar to your next tailgate outing with the Grill ’N Chill Tailgater. It includes the obvious 24,000 BTU infrared grill, but steps things up a notch with a 50 qt. ice chest, a chrome tower draft system to keep the booze flowing, an included Go! Chassi for easy portability, and a built-in 210-Watt stereo with dual marine-grade speakers. Add in a TV, some chairs, and some companions, and you’ve got the makings of an all-star sports day, even if never leave the driveway. Price - $3,000 - $3,500
SAMSONITE MICRO SUITCASE SCOOTER NBA 2K11
Apparently unable to find any fitting opponents for the new-and-sure-to-dominate Miami Heat, 2K Games decided to shake things up by bringing back one of the game’s icons for a stroll down memory lane. NBA 2K11 lets you play as any of Jordan’s title-winning Bulls teams, reenact 10 legendary games from MJ’s career, take control of a newly-drafted rookie Jordan and craft his career from scratch, and also features Playstation Move compatibility, new dribbling and shot controls, and a killer hip-hop soundtrack. Price - $50 - $60
We somehow can’t see the myriad of security guards roaming our international airports being too happy about it, but you can now cruise past your fellow flyers aboard the Samsonite Micro Suitcase Scooter. This crazy contraption converts from a carry-on bag or rucksack into a kickboard with front-mounted case thanks to an integrated running board, handlebars, and wheels. Layovers have never been so much fun. Price - $400
THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS AT THE STATE FAIR OF TEXAS For the past two years, I have provided a behind-the-scenes tour of the Great State Fair of Texas with my Fanatic Fantasy Food Tour. My favorite is still the deep-fried Barbecue Ribs inside the food pavilion of the Tower building. The breaded pork immediately falls off the bone and into your arteries, harking back to Abel Gonzales Jr.’s gourmet-breaking tradition of “fried coke.” A pound cake soaked in Coca-Cola is then deep-fried before being placed in a large soda glass, drowned in Coca-Cola syrup,
smothered in whipped cream, cinnamon, sugar and topped with a cherry. This year, the Fried Food Capital of the World had eight new contenders for the BEST OF SHOW featuring: Fried Beer, Fernie’s Fried Club Salad, Fried Chocolate, Fried Lemonade, Texas Fried Caviar, Deep Fried S’mores Pop-Tart, Deep Fried Frozen Margarita and the Big Tex Best Taste Awardwinning Texas Fried Frito Pie. It’s chili that is encased with Fritos with a hint of sharp cheddar, battered and then deep-fried. Each year in the Daily State Fair Guide you will find a special map of where to find all of these new creations. Last year, one booth at the Fair served all of that season’s contestants’ fried entries in one spot near Big Tex. What could be better than Fried Beer, which the won Most Creative award, or a Deep-Fried Frozen Margarita? But you’ll have to show them your ID because you have to be 21 years old to eat or drink or in any way consume the fried alcohol. To cre-
by: Richard S. Pollak
“The Traveling Gourmet”
ate Fried Beer, creator Mark Zabel filled a pretzel-like dough pocket with beer before deep frying the ravioli shaped creation. My advice is to take a bite in the corner, letting the beer flow out and into your mouth before downing the rest of the deep-fried pocket of goodness. The Deep-Fried Frozen Margarita is much more sophisticated: served in a margarita glass, the funnel cake batter is combined with margarita mix and tequila before frying. Before serving, the salt-rimmed glass is dusted with a lemon-lime powder. Last year, Oprah scarfed down the 2009 Big Tex Choice Award-winning “Fried Butter” during her visit, saying that “it was good.” A very reliable source, who asked not to be identified, told me that Oprah said she could have had two more! Both Al Roker of the Today Show and lapband surgery fame and the Travel Channel’s Bizarre Foods Show host, Andrew Zimmern, filmed at the Fried Food Capital of the World in South Dallas. This year, I am hoping we will have one of the Travel Channel’s Man vs. Food challenges at the State Fair.
HORRORSCOPES Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
Guys: You will have no more worries about losing your hair. Especially when it’s a full moon. Owwwww! Ladies: Shaving your legs is gonna be a b!tch.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21) Sunday you will enjoy a nice long nap. In dirt. Forever.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) Trick or treat? You’re actually both. By this time Monday you’ll be working the streets wearing 4 inch heels and spandex pants, going by your new name, Candi.
FUNNIES
Q: What do you call a redhead with an attitude? A: Normal.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) You promised yourself it wouldn’t be boring. Up till now, you’ve been able to hold yourself to that promise. But lately things have felt a little stale. Take the head out of the fridge!
Q: Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? A: It’s called, Sosumi. Q: Why does every man need a woman? A: Because the dishes would get too piled up without one. Q: What’s the difference between onions and prostitutes? A: I cry when I cut up onions... Reverse Psychology A woman’s husband comes home hammered every night and she always yells at him before going to bed alone. One day she decides to try some reverse psychology. When her husband staggers in that night, she’s waiting for him in her best lingerie. She sits him in an armchair and gives him a backrub. “It’s getting late, big boy,” she says after a few minutes. “Why don’t we go upstairs to bed.” “We might as well,” slurs the husband. “I’m going to be in trouble when I get home, anyway.”
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JOKES
October 13 - 19, 2010 17
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) ACROSS: 1. Throat-clearing sound 5. Diplomacy 9. What we chew with 14. Part portrayed 15. Look at flirtatiously 16. Audio transmission 17. Violent disturbance 18. Thug 19. Impulses 20. Certain edible young shoots 22. Cubic meter 23. Inscribed pillar 24. The end of life 26. Finish 29. Remove the triggering device 33. Atomic number 81 38. Listener 39. Angelic headgear 40. Stop 42. Security for a debt 43. Assault 45. Fighter of the skies 47. Snuggle 48. Colloid
49. Abandoned ships 52. Beginning 57. Accumulate 60. Leeway 63. Swivel 64. Precipitation 65. Bit 66. Gunk 67. 5280 feet 68. Wander 69. Deacon 70. Picnic insects 71. Tallies DOWN: 1. Wall hanging 2. Lift 3. Run off to marry 4. Steel or tin 5. Roman robe 6. All excited 7. Overcast 8. Anxious 9. Member of a governing board 10. Landslide 11. Border
12. Level 13. A flexible tube 21. Whirl 25. Stick 27. 5 cents 28. Payable 30. Murres 31. Caught in the act 32. Coastal raptor 33. Comparative word 34. Despise 35. Anagram of “Salt” 36. Offensive 37. Mouth 41. Droop 44. Bunch 46. Turn over earth 50. Fate 51. Killed 53. Nigerian monetary unit 54. Hair net 55. Outer or exterior 56. League members 57. Basilica area 58. Grind 59. Keen 61. A jaunty rhythm 62. 1 1 1 1
It was something in her eyes that tipped you off. It was something in the pause between one word and the next that let you know…she can’t breathe under water after all.
Pisces (Feb. 19 – Mar. 20) How did you expect it to look from the other side? Now that you’ve arrived, you’ll have to reframe your understanding and your expectations. Your girlfriend is a mortician!
Aries (Mar. 21 – Apr. 19) You will soon come into a good deal of money. Spend it wisely. Or not. Doesn’t matter. Because you’re about to be skinned alive by flesh-eating zombies.
Taurus (Apr. 20 – May 20) You burn with a terrible passion and a horrid impatience. Both might be useful if you had any control over the larger timelines in play. But you don’t. Get back to burying that body!
Gemini (May 21 – Jun. 21) You will have good luck in romance. In fact, you’ll get a love bite on your neck that will drain your soul and turn you into a vampire... or CEO of a credit card company. Same difference.
Cancer (Jun. 22 – Jul. 22) Saturday is your day to shine. Mostly because you’ll be set on fire.
Leo (Jul. 23 – Aug. 22) Be ready to embrace change. Loose change. Because soon you will be homeless and begging for coins. But the good news is: people will feel sympathy for you being that you have no legs and half a face.
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22) Your planets have aligned in your favor! Unfortunately, it’s your spine that needs alignment as it will become horribly twisted after you fall down a flight of stairs fighting off a swarm of bees that were stinging your genitalia.
blitzweekly.com
18 October 13 - 19, 2010 by: Pat Moran
CUSTOMER
We live in a world that is based on the consumer. Every company on the planet is trying to be perceived as customer-friendly as possible, especially when it comes to telemarketing and customer service. Everything is based on the notion that we, the people, have an inherent right to be treated with respect by the shiniest, happiest people on the planet whenever we need customer service. Only, that’s never the case. Companies don’t care about you. The employees don’t care about you. A customer is nothing but a profit to these people. You can tell this by the morons they hire to “help” you when you have a problem. Ever wonder who the dumbest people on the planet are? Call your bank to fix a
“Man on His Throne”
SERVICE?
problem with your account and you will find out. Ever wonder what happened to that kid from first grade who used to sniff glue in the back of the classroom? Call up the cable company to try and figure out your statement and you two will be reconnected. It takes only a mild effort to not be a douche. You’d think that somewhere along the way people would have figured it out by now... but that would be assuming that customer service actually existed. It’s more like customer servitude, actually. Thanks, customer service representatives, for making life so wonderful. Please get drunk and drive home. Oh, and have a nice day.
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