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October 26 – November 1 , 2011 VOL. 4 – ISSUE 8
Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com
VOL. 4 – ISSUE 8 october 26 – november 1, 2011
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SPORTS NEWS
Ron Washington’s Dance Off
SPORTS NEWS On Deck 3 Must See TV 3 UFC 137 Preview 4 Stars News 5 TCU Preview 6 SMU Preview 6 UNT Preview 7 Big 12 Game Of The Week 7 Prepare for “Dream Team” 8 A Great Day in Arlington 8 World Series Coverage 9 Cover Story Haunted House Guide 10 Last Minute Costumes 11 Halloween Survivors Guide 11 Blitz babe of the week Melissa 12 Local Entertainment Delish at Galleria Dallas 13 7 Things in 7 Days 13 Halloween Playlist 14 Movie Review 14 Battle of the Horror Flicks 15 Misadventures of the Manic Optimist 15 Man world 2012 Chrysler 300 SRT8 16 Gadgets 16 The Joystick 16 Blitz Funnys Jokes/Horrorscopes/Weird News 17 The CLOSER Weekend Relaxer 18 Dealing with the Supernatural 18 Publisher Kelly G. Reed Editor C. Patterson Food, Entertainment and Lifestyle Editor Judy Chamberlain Photo Editor Darryl Briggs Cover Photography: Darryl Briggs Models: Amanda Prizzo Lauren Gagliardino Make Up Artist Credit: Christa Vaznis Wardrobe Provided by: Electrique Boutique Cover Design: Damien Mayfield
STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS John Breen, Gregg Case, Steven Hendrix, Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, Joe Lorenzini, Chuck Majors STAFF WRITERS Hannah Allen, Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, David Goodspeed, Jack E. Jett, Frank LaCosta, Mark Miller, Richard Pollak, Jesse Whitman CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Robert Bejil, Matt Correia, Julia Dewolf, Joseph Dowling, Thomas Faivre-Duboz, Manny Flores, Brian J. Matis, Kevin McShane, Matt Pearce, Jason Pier, James D. Smith, Jeff Stvan, Flavia, Sheri, Watch Mojo, CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Joe Avezzano, Cote Bailey, Brian Beard, Jay Betsill, Sonny Capps, Andrew J. Hewett, Keysha Hogan, Johnny Reeves, Tommy Smith, Joe Stumpo, Jonathan Sullivan
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By Keysha Hogan keysha.hogan@gmail.com
Leave Ron Washington alone! Even though our boys of summer are entrenched in a battle for the World Series, everyone wants to bring up his dance moves and his robust love of sunflower seeds. “The Wash” is not shucking and jiving for the masses; this man is a living baseball legend and should be treated as such. Have any of you seen Moneyball yet? Well, I haven’t either but I heard Ron is featured and helped Brad Pitt become slightly more rich and handsome. That alone speaks to his love of team and work ethic. It seems this is the cutesy way of undermining the Rangers’ organization. The big news outlets are always looking to take focus off of their skills. Why spend time highlighting these relatively normal baseball activities? Who amongst us has not YMCA’d or battled through a platter of nachos in the All-You-Can-Eat seats? I realize there are many quips to be had over the drug use and the 70’s half ‘fro and the pinky rings. Wait, does he wear pinky rings? I feel like he does. Anyway… when will the networks and fans treat him as an effective manager? During Game 1 of the World Series (when we could have used his focus), Fox’s play-by-play men asked Ron about his dance moves and his preferred snack of choice. Did they ask Cardinal’s Manager, Tony La Russa, about his alleged vegetarianism? I mean, c’mon if sunflower seeds are fair game then I want know if La Russa headed to the State Fair to have a deep fried animal on a stick. Now the paranoid fan in me thinks this is a symptom of the anti-Texas sports establishment across the country. A close personal friend of mine that I haven’t spoken to since high school lives in New York and here is what he posted on Facebook. Michael C’s info has been redacted for safety, but it goes to show I’m not the only casual sports fan that feels this is going on. ANECTDOTAL DATA! Those of us that lived during the Cowboys’ renaissance remember the equal parts of love and hatred that poured in from around the country. Yankee fans, you know what I’m talking about. I
just don’t want our man, Ron, to carry the brunt of these bad sentiments. He has really played an integral role in building the team into the World Series contenders they are today. Is he perfect? Nope. Was allowing German to pinch-hit against Rzepczynski with two outs and two runners on base a good call? In retrospect, no it wasn’t. But, can we be certain he will take that lesson and do better next time? Heck yes, he will. He is a leader who is taking the lessons and course correcting every step of the way until he brings home the Commissioner’s Trophy. All I’m saying is, Ron Washington is fun, he’s lively, and he’s enjoying every inning of baseball being played. His players have been quoted in major publications stating what a benefit it is to have a manager that is emotional and lives and dies by every pitch that is thrown. Let’s not buy into the easily digestible blurbs about who eats what in the dugout. We are in the push for a World Series title; don’t waste time analyzing every shuffle step he makes. I’ll make a deal with you. Give Ron a break, and when the Rangers’ bring this one home, I’ll set up a challenge with a St. Louis dance crew and battle this thing properly on MTV.
MUST SEE TV
@SteveMartinToGo Steve Martin
Lunch with Gadhafi, cancelled. @michaelianblack Michael Ian Black
If anybody steals my slutty zombie Gadhafi costume idea, I’m going to be pissed.
S av i n g y o u f r o m c a r pa l T H UM B s y m p t o m s !
MLB: World Series Rangers vs. Cardinals
NFL: Cowboys vs. Eagles
Wed. October 26 – 7:05PM – Busch Stadium – FOX
Sun. October 30 – 7:20PM – Lincoln Financial Field – NBC
Game 6 of the World Series returns to St. Louis with the Texas Rangers still seeking their first ever title. This has been a series that has more than lived up to expectations. A rematch between Colby “Bonsai” Lewis and Jaime Garcia should be a close one. Will the Rangers big bats prevail? Will Cardinal skipper Tony La Russa win the chess match with Ron Washington?
The Cowboys take on NFC East foe the Philadelphia Eagles on NBC Sunday Night Football. Dallas took care of the St. Louis Rams with ease while the Eagles were on a bye. The “Dream Team” Eagles are sitting at the bottom of the division and would love to pull the Cowboys down to their level. Can the Cowboys defense keep Michael Vick in check? Will DeMarco Murray run wild again? Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook
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October 26 – November 1 , 2011 VOL. 4 – ISSUE 8
SPORTS NEWS
UFC UFC 137 Preview
By Brian Beard comments@blitzweekly.com
Mirko Cro Cop (27-9-2) vs. Roy “Big Country” Nelson (16-6-0): Mirko Cro Cop has been less than stellar since moving to the UFC but let’s not forget that this guy is one of the best strikers to ever step in the cage. He is explosive, technical and athletic. Big Country on the other hand looks like a poster boy for Burger King with his big belly and lack of any muscle definition. Don’t let that fool you, this guy is good! He is also at a desperate point in his career having lost his last two fights. This could be do or die for him. Cro Cop is absolutely on his way out and I am surprised he is still fighting. Roy likes to stand and bang, but I look for him to try for the take down here. He will not be successful and Cro Cop will get the TKO in the third round. Book it! Cheick Kongo (26-6-2) vs. Matt Mitrione (5-0-0): Mitrione has exploded onto the scene in the UFC rattling off five consecutive wins. He has great speed has great speed and quickness for a heavyweight. Kongo has not been quite as hot lately but this is one large, athletic dude that has good ground and pound, as well as, a good stand up game. His reach can also be a problem for opponents. He definitely has the upper hand in the experience department as he has been training since he was five-years-old. Mitrione is a former NFL player who is still fairly raw. Matt has improved tremendously in each of his five fights and I look for him to win via TKO in the second round. This will be his biggest challenge yet and Congo Kongo will have him in trouble at least once early on.
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UFC 136 Saturday – Nov. 5 – 8pm
Watch it at: BJ “The Prodigy” Penn (16-7-2) vs. Nick Diaz (26-7-1): GSP had to pull out of this fight card due to injury, so this fight has moved to the main event. This is a tough one for me. Nick Diaz is my absolute favorite fighter of all-time. If you have never seen him fight before, you are in for a treat! This guy brings it every single time he steps inside the cage. Penn is a top five favorite of mine as well and he will certainly scrap. This fight will feature great MMA boxing, as well as world class Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I really think Diaz wins on his feet due to his reach and in-yourface style. Penn will look to get the fight to the ground where he was once the best in MMA. There, Diaz will be able to control the fight and get back up. I don’t see either guy submitting the other but, I do see Diaz winning a bloody decision. Stockton b!tch!
VOL. 4 – ISSUE 8 october 26 – november 1, 2011
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SPORTS NEWS
STARS Stars Continue Hot Start
By Tony Barone tbarone@blitzweekly.com
The way last season ended for the Dallas Stars left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth throughout the organization, and they’re determined not to let it happen again. The Stars are 6-2-0 this season after missing the playoffs in each of the previous three campaigns. It’s their best start since 2006-07, when they won eight of their first nine and finished 5025-7 before losing in the first round of the playoffs. Prior to losing on the road to the L.A. Kings 1-0 to end the week they were 6-1, their best start since going 6-1 to begin the 1996-97 season. The Stars have never missed the playoffs in four consecutive seasons. “We set a goal to make the playoffs. And I think what happened last year gives us more [incentive],” said goalie Kari Lehtonen who is off to a perfect 6-0 start this season. “We started very well last year, too, but then we faded away when other teams started getting better. We remember
how hard it was to miss the playoffs, so we don’t want that to happen again. Hopefully, we can work and get better as a team and keep playing well and getting these wins.” Lehtonen has a 1.48 goals-against average during his six-game winning streak. “We’re kind of getting used to it from Kari, and we’re relying on him to make a lot of those saves,” left wing Brenden Morrow said. “We’ve been getting outshot almost double some nights, and he’s been huge for us. We’re a team in transition. We’ve got a new coach and six or seven new faces. But the success that we’re having now is something we can build on.” Lehtonen has faced at least 37 shots in five of his starts. Since the start of last season, he is 143-2 when facing 35 or more. Had Dallas won its final game last season, the Pacific Division would have become the first to put five teams in the playoffs since 1997-98, when the Northeast Division had five of six teams get in. The following season, the NHL went from four divisions to six to accommodate the addition
Upcoming Schedule: Oct. 27 vs. Kings 7:30pm Oct. 29 vs. Devils 7:00pm Nov. 4 vs. Avalanche 7:30pm Nov. 6 @ Hurricanes 12:30pm Nov. 8 @ Capitals 6:00pm of the Nashville Predators to the league. “It’s a very tough division, and there’s a lot of parity,” defenseman Stephane Robidas said. “We lost our last game last year, and that’s why we didn’t make the playoffs. So every point that we can get is huge. So early in the season, we’ve got to take advantage and make sure we’re ready to play every night.” The Stars loss to the L.A. Kings overshadowed a solid effort from back up goalie Andrew Raycroft. Here’s what coach Glen Gulutzan had to say after the game, “I thought this was our best game all year from start to finish.” The Stars continue their mastery of games when leading late in the contest. They haven’t lost a game in regulation when leading after two periods since Oct. 31, 2009, when they lost at Nashville 4-2.
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October 26 – November 1 , 2011 VOL. 4 – ISSUE 8
SPORTS NEWS
TCU Scores Record 69 Points TCU rushed for 264 yards and Casey Pachall threw for two touchdowns in a record shattering shutout win over New Mexico 69-0 Saturday. TCU (5-2, 3-0 Mountain West) broke the school record for most points scored in a single game, topping the previous high of 68 scored against Austin College in 1932. Scoring touchdowns on three of their four possessions in the second quarter TCU led 41-0 at halftime, missing the school record of most points scored in a half by one. In the second half, TCU reached the end zone three times rushing. The Horned Frogs broke the school record for points when Ross Evans kicked the extra point following a 9-yard touchdown run by Rick Settle with 52 seconds remaining. With two nonconference losses, the Frogs are focusing on claiming their third consecutive Mountain West title. That will involve winning at Wyo-
ming and taking care of business at home in the last two games of the regular season against Colorado State and UNLV. There’s also a potentially tough challenge against BYU at Cowboys Stadium next Friday. But there’s one game remaining on the schedule that could change the complexion of the season, that being on Nov. 12 at Boise State. Patterson and his players aren’t looking past any opponents, but it is safe to say they are treating their upcoming games like important steps to that showdown. “We have to be playing our best football by the time we meet Boise,” Patterson said. “We’re still a long way from where we want to be, but you don’t climb to the top unless you start at the bottom. At least we’re not where we were when we started this season.” Recent history shows that Patterson’s teams have turned it up a notch in the second half. Since 2005, the Frogs have lost only three times in the second half of the regular season, with two of those coming in a three-week span in 2007. “Good teams get stronger the last half of the season,” he said. “That’s what we’ve done here in the past. We’ve got six games to win.” The Frogs know if they can take care of business and continue to improve, especially on defense, then they have a legitimate shot at upsetting the No. 5 Broncos and claiming another MWC championship in their final year in the league – that is what motivates them. BYU vs. TCU FRI. OCT. 28 - 7:00pm ESPN 3 COWBOYS STADIUM
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By Tommy Smith tsmith@blitzweekly.com
By Tony Barone tbarone@blitzweekly.com
On the Road Again The SMU Mustangs vaunted offense was shut down for the first time in five games Saturday as the Golden Eagles of Southern Miss ended the ponies five-game winning streak 27-3 in Hattiesburg, MS. SMU’s “Run & Shoot” seemed to be rounding into form, rolling up nearly 2,000 yards of
total offense over the last four games. In the four contests, Zach Line has rushed for 10 TDs and the SMU passing attack thrown nearly 1,500 yards. SMU had scored at least 28 points in five straight games, winning all five and posting its longest win streak since 1997. After the loss, SMU fell to (5-2, 3-1) While Southern Miss improved to (6-2, 2-1). Trailing 13-3 at halftime, the Mustangs drove into Southern Miss territory twice in the second half. The Mustangs were forced to punt once and then Golden Eagles cornerback Markese Wheaton intercepted a J.J. McDermott pass in the end zone for a touchback. He intercepted McDermott again on the next SMU drive and returned it 41 yards for a touchdown with 6:54 left. Things do not get any easier for the ponies this week as the team travels to Tulsa to take on the (43, 3-0) Hurricane. Tulsa remained undefeated in Conference USA play last week with a 38-20 victory in front 17,314 fans at Rice Stadium. Tulsa’s G.J. Kinne completed 21-of-34 passes for 318 yards and three touchdowns, while Willie Carter caught nine passes for a career-best 160 yards. Trey Watts gained 100 total yards, with 68 on the ground and 32 receiving. Don’t let Tulsa’s 4-3 record fool you. The Hurricane proved to be no slouches when it comes to scheduling tough non-conference opponents. The team opened the season this year with games at Norman and Boise State while facing Oklahoma State and Tulane at home. After starting 1-3, the Hurricane will look to win their fourth straight against SMU Saturday in Tulsa. In order to prevent that the Mustangs will need to bring a better offense and defense with them to Oklahoma. SMU vs. TULSA FRI. OCT. 29 - 2:30pm CHAPMAN STADIUM
VOL. 4 – ISSUE 8 october 26 – november 1, 2011
By Sonny Capps hhhup88@gmail.com
By Frank LaCosta flacosta@blitzweekly.com
WOW! The Mean Green pulled to 2-2 in conference play with a dominating win over ULM last Saturday. UNT muddled around the first quarter before getting on track, and when they did, they didn’t let off the gas. Topping things off was a 60yard TD bolt from running back Lance Dunbar late in the fourth quarter. Quarterback Derek Thompson had a great afternoon completing 23 of 39 passing attempts for 332 yards. Wide outs Brelan Chancellor and Christopher Bynes both saw the end zone and Dunbar started another 100+ yard streak with 139 yards. Coach McCarney should
be pleased with the way this game unfolded; execution throughout, the defense never let up, and there weren’t any turnovers by the offense. More times than not, this formula for success will give a football team a win. The tools McCarney had at his disposal turned into weapons last week and he will need them again as he turns his sights on Sun Belt conference leader Arkansas State squad this weekend. The Red Wolves of ASU have started off 3-0 in conference bringing their overall record to 5-2. The losses they have were against the bigger schools and were routes. The Wolves have a decent offensive attack, but they will let you score as well. If UNT is in form, ASU may be trying to figure out whom to defend. UNT comes in with a bye week following this game, and ASU has Florida Atlantic on deck. No one should be looking ahead, so this may be a good spot for UNT to hand Arkansas State its first conference loss. Watching UNT’s games up until this point you could see the possibilities and the game prep that McCarney has put in place. This really seemed to be the first game it all came together. If this is the stone McCarney can sell to the team as a sign of things to come, the Mean Green very well may have found the corner to turn. Even a close repeat of last week’s game strategy and execution will produce another win, against ASU who may think they have arrived due to some wins against less than prepared opponents. What a great feeling it would be to get above .500 in conference play going into a bye week. To equate this into college terms... this is the mid-term. NORTH TEXAS vs. ARKANSAS STATE SAT. OCT. 29 – 6:00pm ASU STADIUM
BIG XII Game of the Week
UNT Answers the Call
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The Big 12 has certainly experienced all sorts of twists and unexpected turns so far this season. From the restructuring of the conference to 10 teams, to the announcement of Texas A&M departing, to the surprise season being put together by Kansas State. This Saturday’s match up of Oklahoma and Kansas State looms large with title implications for the Big 12. The Oklahoma Sooners appeared destined to remain undefeated through their remaining games this season after handling the Texas Longhorns at the Red River Rivalry game. Many pundits figured that the season finale with Oklahoma State would be the deciding game for the Big 12 title. Texas Tech threw a wrench in those plans. Now Bob Stoops has to get the team focused on beating the upstart Kansas State Wildcats. Expect the Sooners to come out swinging and throwing their best punches. It all starts with quarterback Landry Jones, who performed well enough against the Red Raiders. He threw for five touchdowns, but did have one interception. For the season, the Heisman hopeful has amassed 21 touchdowns through the air and a couple on the ground. His only drawback has been in the decision-making department with seven interceptions this season. The Sooners were without walk on running back Dominique Whaley who was out with flu-like symptoms against Texas Tech. Expect him back and to run hard. The receiving tandem of Ryan Broyles and Kenny Stills will present problems for the Wildcats. Tight end James Hanna is the security blanket for Jones on passing downs. The surprising Kansas State Wild Cats have been just that. With a couple of easy wins to start the year, K-State got down to business by defeating Miami (FL), a ranked Baylor Bear team and nemesis Missouri. If they can withstand the early onslaught of the Sooners they could escape victorious. To do so the offense must play with authority and have a breakout performance by quarterback Collin Klein. The dual threat QB has an accurate arm for short to mid-range pass plays. It’s his running ability that keeps defenses honest. So far this season he has rushed for almost 700 yards. When Klein isn’t on the run look for running back John Hubert to handle the rushing duties. Hubert is the featured back that despite his short stature is plodding and methodical. Wide receiver Chris Harper is Klein’s favorite target, hauling in five passes per game. #11
OKLAHOMA vs. #10 KANSAS STATE SAT. OCT. 29 – 2:30pm / ESPN BILL SNYDER STADIUM
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October 26 – November 1 , 2011 VOL. 4 – ISSUE 8
SPORTS NEWS
COWBOYS PREPARE FOR “DREAM TEAM”
By Jay Betsill Twitter @thefamousjay
While the St. Louis Cardinals were in town to battle the Texas Rangers in the World Series at the Ballpark, the Dallas Cowboys welcomed the winless St. Louis Rams across the parking lot at Cowboys Stadium. The Cowboys were coming off consecutive heartbreaking losses to both the Detroit Lions and New England Patriots. With starting running back Felix Jones out with a high ankle sprain, it was assumed that DeMarco Murray and Tashard Choice would split the bulk of the ground game. While Choice started the game, Murray wound up the feature back after an early firstand-19 from the Dallas 9, the rookie out of Oklahoma broke free for a 91-yard touchdown run. Murray ran for the most yards in an NFL game this season (253) and the ninth-most in league history. His touchdown was the second-longest run in Cowboys history, topped only by the NFL-record 99-yarder by Hall of Famer Tony Dorsett in January 1983. “I never thought in a million years that I’d ever have a day like this,” Murray said. “This is what I’ve been working hard for since my Pop Warner days.” Quarterback Tony Romo completed 14 of 24 pass attempts for 166 yards, with two touchdowns including one to wide receiver Dez Bryant in the second half. More importantly, Romo did not turn the ball over. Rookie kicker Dan Bailey made two field goals, including a career-best 51-yarder, giving him 16 in a row. While it appears the Cowboys may have found a winning formula by focusing on the running game, it is important to remember this was all accomplished against the lowly Rams who had A.J. Feeley at the helm with starting quarterback Sam Bradford out with a high ankle sprain. Next up is a trip up to Lincoln Financial Field for a NBC Sunday Night Football contest with the division rival Philadelphia Eagles. The Eagles should be fresh coming off their bye week, which followed their ‘season-saving’ 20-13 victory over the Washington Redskins. Eagles quarterback Michael Vick completed 18 of 31 passes for 237 yards with one touchdown and one interception. He also ran for 54 yards on seven carries, including a 31-yard rush to improve Philadelphia’s record to 2-4 and keep their playoff hopes alive. Talk of the Eagles being a “Dream Team” following the team’s busy off-season that saw them acquire cornerbacks Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie and Nnamdi Asomugha, backup quarterback Vince Young, running back Ronnie Brown and defensive tackle Cullen Jenkins has halted after their slow start. However, the Eagles still have wide receiver DeSean Jackson and his explosiveness that has burned the Cowboys in the past. LeSean McCoy is fourth in the league in rushing with 569 yards and is on pace to break the Eagles’ single-season record for rushing yards (1,512 by Wilbert Montgomery in 1979). With a soft schedule over the next six weeks, the Cowboys are primed to make a move in the NFC East.
Upcoming Schedule: 10/16 @ New England 16-20 loss 10/23 St. Louis 34-7 win 10/30 @ Philadelphia 11/6 Seattle 11/13 Buffalo 11/20 @ Washington
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By Joe Avezzano www.hattricksdallas.com
COWBOYS
A Great Day in Arlington It was a very unusual sight on Sunday as the city of Dallas (by way of Arlington) played against St. Louis in both football and baseball just yards from each other. The Rangers beat the Cardinals 4-0 to even the World Series at 2-2 and the Cowboys defeated the Rams 34-7, in record setting fashion, to even their record at 3-3. Record setting? Yes. On this day DeMarco Murray broke Emmitt Smith’s single game rushing record as he carried the ball 25 times for 253 yards. Remember Murray? This third round draft choice from Oklahoma didn’t have the advantage of OTAs to learn the offense and he was injured in preseason and didn’t play until the last preseason game. Now with the injury to Felix Jones he has been thrust into the starting role. One of the things a rookie back has to learn is the blocking schemes and how they potentially unfold. That takes time and it appears DeMarco has begun to relax and let his talent take charge. With his emergence you can expect to see more of him and Phillip Tanner and less of Tashard Choice who has put the ball on the ground way too much. Don’t give me the “It was against the lowly Rams” argument. There have been thousands of games played in the NFL and bad teams played in a lot of them but records weren’t set. Congratulations on an outstanding day! Period! There were other bright spots. Dez Bryant is getting healthier and caught five balls for 90 yards and shows his promise. Montrae Holland at left guard came off the living room couch and played a solid game, as well as, the rest of the offensive line. Tony Fiammetta’s return at full back aided the running game and gives the Cowboys more flexibility. Defense again was excellent as they got another sack from DeMarcus Ware, and he was close on numerous others and an outstanding game from Abram Elam. This safety addition has solidified the secondary because of his play and knowledge of Rob Ryan’s system. He caused and recovered a fumble and had some key tackles. Dan Bailey again showed consistency in kicking field goals and is good on his kick offs. Sean Lee again is the leader of the pack at linebacker quickly becoming a star. What do the Cowboy’s have to deal with now? Well, now at 3-3 they travel to Philly to play the 2-4 Eagles. This is a whole different test, as they must focus on containing Michael Vick and his dangerous receivers. If the Cowboys defense can do a good job on Macklin and Jackson and keep Vick in the pocket, the game can swing in Dallas’ favor. That’s easier said than done but this defense has been up to the task so far. Given that taking place, the offense will have the capabilities to score enough points to win. I know this is a “Dream Team,” but as the great Jimmy Johnson (two time Super Bowl winning coach of the Cowboys) said, “It’s not the team that has the best players that win, it’s the team whose players play the best win.” The Eagles have not been playing to their talent level, especially on defense. This game could be pivotal for the season as there are games coming up against teams that are not good and the Cowboys could put together a run with a win in Philly. So again congratulations to DeMarco Murray on your record setting day! It was a great day in Arlington! Joe Avezzano can be heard Tuesday nights at 7pm on 95.3FM and on all Cowboy postgame shows on 105.3 The Fan. He can be seen on Channel 21 on Wednesday nights at 7:30pm. Join him for great food, sports, music and his TV show on Wednesday nights.
VOL. 4 – ISSUE 8 october 26 – november 1, 2011
By Mark Miller mmiller@blitzweekly.com
Eerily mirroring the Dallas Mavericks, the Texas Rangers need to win just one of their final two games of 2011 on the road to capture their first world championship. After losing Game 1 of the World Series, Texas pulled out Game 2 near the end just like the Mavericks. Following a Game 3 loss at home, the Rangers responded by taking the next two in Texas just like the Mavericks. So if history repeats itself, the Rangers will win it all Wednesday night at Busch Stadium against the St. Louis Cardinals. Otherwise, they‘ll get another chance Thursday at the same venue. The Rangers put themselves in a 3-2 series lead for four major reasons: • They mostly stopped Albert Pujols. • They literally stole Game 2. • Derek Holland pitched the game of his life. • Mike Napoli shined with his bat and his arm. Pujols went hitless in three atbats in Games 1 and 2, four times in Game 4 and twice with three intentional walks in Game 5. That‘s 0-12 around an historic Game 3 when he had five hits in six at-bats with three home runs and six runs batted in. Ironically, it was his error that helped the Rangers win Game 2. After Ian Kinsler stole second base, Elvis Andrus hit a single and hustled to second base when Pujols mishandled the cutoff throw. That allowed sacrifice flies by Josh Hamilton and Michael Young to overcome a 1-0 deficit for a 2-1 win. Saturday night‘s barrage by Pujols and three errors by the Rangers sparked the Cardinals to a 16-7 victory and put the pressure on young Holland to perform the next night. The left-hander responded with 8 1/3 innings of two-hit ball in a 4-0 victory aided by a three-run
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home run by Napoli. That helped Napoli drive in nine runs from the No. 7 and 8 spots while his teammates collectively knocked in 10. No hit was bigger than the two-run double that provided the winning margin in Game 5. ‘‘I was just trying to get something to the outfield, get a sacrifice fly,” Napoli told Fox‘s Ken Rosenthal of his Game 5 hit. ”It was in the middle of the plate and I was able to put the bat on it.” In the ensuing inning, Napoli threw out Allen Craig trying to steal second base for the second time in the game, this time as Pujols struck out. Two batters later, Neftali Feliz closed out the game. For someone like third baseman Adrian Beltre, who made his major league debut at age 19 in 1998, it meant being close to his first World Series title in his first Fall Classic appearance. “I just can‘t explain it,“ said Beltre, whose homer tied Game 5. ”We‘re one win away. I‘ve been waiting a long time for this.” “They‘ve all been good games. Both teams have played well. I hope the last one standing is us.” Another reason the Rangers are standing where they are is Manager Ron Washington‘s decision to split left-handed batters David Murphy and Mitch Moreland around Napoli in Games 4 and 5. “I decided with the lefties [St. Louis Manager] Tony [LaRussa] has in the bullpen he had to go through Napoli,“ Washington said. Now the Texas manager, who has outsmarted the veteran LaRussa for most of the series, just needs to do it again once more. He has Colby Lewis, who was strong in Game 2, on the mound for Game 6. “I trust my players. I try to put them in a position where they can be successful,“ Washington said. And the players are ready to achieve that ultimate success. “We‘re a focused group; we‘re hungry. We‘re looking forward to Game 6,“ well said Michael Young. Well said.
World Series Schedule (All Games on Fox)
10/26 @Cardinals, 7:05 p.m.* 10/27 @Cardinals, 7:05 p.m.* *If necessary Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook
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October 26 – November 1 , 2011 VOL. 4 – ISSUE 8
By Blitz Weekly comments@blitzweekly.com Ghouls, goblins, gremlins, and ghosts would all like to welcome you to some of the most hair-raising and unholy grounds of Texas. Whether you are looking for small boos or big gasps this list will have you shaking in your casket. And should the fright become too much for you to bear I’m sure our friendly zombies will be more than willing to lend you a hand. Beware of the werewolves, I can’t say for sure but I think they have fleas. Do keep a flask of holy water with you in case you run into one of those unsavory vampires along the way. And steer clear of any spot with hills…I hear they have eyes.
Zombie Manor
7501 US 287 Hwy., Arlington • zombiemanor.com It’s good to see zombies with manners. Oh, they mean manor like really big house full of zombies, well that’s reassuring. Known as DFW’s Top Rated Zombie Experience…wait people are rating zombie experiences? Well if you’re the type of guy that likes to grade your encounters with the undead this place has your name all over it.
Dripping Springs Haunted Forest
7555 Dripping Springs, Denison • slaughterhousesherman.com Ok, so Denison may be a bit of a drive to make only to be scared so bad you have to go all the way home to change your pants. But who could resist a haunted forest? There are no scary manors or morgues here, just miles and miles of pitch black forest and no one to hear you scream or yell sternly “please don’t dismember me!”
Dr Haunts Chamber of Fear
2235 N. I-35 (Exit 499 Northbound), Gainesville After leaving the haunted forest the only next logical step is into the chamber of fear. At least that’s what that wellmannered zombie told me. You have to respect a Halloween experience that comes with disclaimers. Nationally recognized as one of the 31 Scariest Haunted Houses in America (I hear that the little girl from the Exorcist voted for it).
Terrorplex Midnight Manor
6921 Bennett Lawson Rd., Mansfield • terrorplex.com With haunted attractions named Colonel Clucker’s Chainsaw Shack, Van Helsing’s House of Wax, Infected (hmmm…think I’ll skip that one) and a dementia inducing outdoor maze Terrorplex will leave you crazy enough to feed Gizmo after midnight. This one features something for the whole family. I recommend taking grandma through the Chainsaw Shack…she’ll love it.
The Parker House
8550 West University Dr., Denton • dfwfrightnights.com Let the good times roll at Parker’s Funeral Home. Apparently the former owner had a hankering for chopping up townies and selling their organs (and I ain’t talking church pianos either). And what better way to pay your respects than to take the wife and kids on down to the place of their final refuge for some good ol’ all hollows eve shenanigans. Do me a favor and tell Mary we sent ya.
Six Flags Fright Fest
Six Flags Over Texas, Arlington • Sixflags.com/overtexas Enjoy all your Halloween scares with the little ones at Six
Flags. The rides are the fright deliverers here and aside from the occasional Wizard of Oz inspired witch you should be relatively safe. This is the perfect place to go if all the other places on this list made you wet your pants just reading about them.
Dallas Scaregounds
2001 Irving Blvd. Dallas • dallasscaregrounds.com They have Walking Dead laser tag. How awesome is that? Completely awesome. Now the zombies can shoot you back. You can check out the Necrotorium, the Terrortorium, and the Hallucinatorium with clowns in 3-D. And as if that isn’t enough, you can get a tasty frozen treat from the zombie driven Pop Sickle Night Scream truck.
Hangmans House of Horrors
2300 West Fwy, Ft. Worth • hangmans.com This half-hour long scare-a-thon includes The Haunted Library that I’m guessing is haunted by some poor soul who returned a book late. After you’re done being chased by the Liberian and everything else that goes bump in the bookbin hang around and enjoy some karaoke…wait… what? Cutting Edge Haunted House 1701 Lancaster, Ft. Worth • cuttingedgehauntedhouse.com The Guinness World Record holder for the Largest Walk Through Haunted House, Cutting Edge gives you a long time to be scared out of your wits. Located in a centuryold abandoned meat package plant affectionately called “Hell’s Half Acre,” this place is a multi-level monster Heaven. Known for their attention to dead tails…err I mean details, this promises to be an intense experience and for the price it better be.
Tayman Graveyard
4721 Cecilia Ave., Midlothian • taymangraveyard.com Feeling overly lucky? Try passing through the gates of Tayman Graveyard whose residents are known to roam the lands, are thirsty for blood, and hungry for flesh. Located in Midlothian this haunted locale may be a bit out of the may but you can’t expect the real ghosts to deal with the hustle and bustle of the big city.
13th Street Morgue
410 Houston School, Red Oak •13thstreetmorgue.com Not quite sure what’s more disturbing, the fact that it’s a morgue or that it’s on Houston School Rd. Let’s say this, after reading the backstory I am thoroughly creeped out. But don’t let that stop you from strolling through the Dungeon of Doom and the morgue. Just in case you were wondering the boys and ghouls there can and may touch you.
Slaughterhouse 2011
2615 Elm St. Dallas • weslaughter.com Ok kiddies this will be one that you better sit out since you can’t get in anyway (10+ only). A study showed that 3rd graders are less likely to be traumatized. The longest running haunted house in downtown Dallas will also keep you running the longest. You know when your in an IMAX movie and they tell you if you get scared, “close your eyes and the feeling shall pass?” Don’t try that here something’ll be waiting for you when you open them. I recommend bringing a defibrillator and working on a buddy system. Expect to pay around $18 or more for these haunted treasures and the privilege of having the dickens scared out of you. For “Fast Passes,” “Speed Passes,” or combo packages be sure to check the websites of these fine eSTABlishments. And as always boys & ghouls, Happy Hauntoween. Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com
VOL. 4 – ISSUE 8 october 26 – november 1, 2011
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By Blitz Weekly - comments@blitzweekly.com Dwaine Caraway - Walk around the party giving away a ceremonial key to the city of Dallas. And make sure to not get invited to the next party. Most importantly master the art of looking confused. Tom Hicks - Charge guests for parking at a party that you have no intention of actually intending and when trick or treaters arrive pretend to fill their bags with candy while actually filling there bags with Vitamin King cereal that cuts through your mouth like chewing shrapnel…because you’re a mean old man. A Real Housewife of Dallas - Pull up to each house that you intend to trick or treat at in a car you couldn’t possibly afford wearing clothes that you will return tomorrow. And when the door is answered by any female use this catch phrase, “B!tch!” After that throw a glass of water in her face and begin to fight her on the porch. Erykah Badu - Wander around the party aimlessly while shedding one article of clothing at a time. Once in your birthday suit, fall to the ground.
Creepy High School Teacher Break out the khakis and dress shirt while having a ruler stuffed in your front pocket. Look lustfully into the eyes of any party-goer wearing a school girl outfit. Zombie Justin Bieber - Why not? His career is pretty much dead anyway. Though the Biebs is back from the grave he should still keep perfectly styled locks. Step into the party showing off your dance moves then start chewing on the Closets person to you…they’ll get the point. Occupy Dallas Protester - Pitch a tent in the middle of the party, complain that the wealthy get all the beer and that you were robbed by Wall Street. Maybe you’ll mate with something there! Derek Holland – This last minute costume execution is simple; buy a Ranger’s hat and jersey, grow a peculiarly enticing porn’stache that could put Tom Selleck to shame, and perfect your Harry Caray and Governator impersonations. After that all you have to do is win the World Series.
By Blitz Weekly - comments@blitzweekly.com
Photos Courtesy: Diane Bradley, Kevin Trotman, Sean MacMacEntee
Halloween Bash w / Sno White & Dj Yosh Cowboys Dancehall - Dallas 2540 E. Abram Dallas TX Thur., October 27 GGW Halloween Party | Lingerie & Masquerade At Thrive – Dallas 1015 Elm Street Dallas TX Thur., October 27 IMAGINE: Masquerade Party The Apartment - Dallas 1444 Oak Lawn Avenue, Suite 206 Dallas TX Fri., October 28 A Dallas Candyland Halloween The Pads at the Aloft Hotel Basement Downtown Dallas - Dallas 1013 Young Street Dallas TX Fri., October 28
Halloween Rocky Horror Repo The Genetic Opera Double Feature Lakewood Theater – Dallas 1825 Abrams Parkway Dallas TX Sat., October 29 Trees Halloween Party Trees in Dallas Sat., October 29 2nd Annual Halloween 80s BandSquarade LaGrange - Dallas 2704 Elm Street Dallas TX Sat., October 29
Absinthe Lounge Halloween Party Absinthe Lounge in Dallas Sat., October 29 Halloween Karaoke & Costume Party Double Wide Bar - Dallas 3510 Commerce St Dallas TX Sun., October 30 Dragons Halloween Ball 2011 Decompression Party Plush - Dallas 1400 Main St Dallas TX Mon., October 31 Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook
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October 26 – November 1 , 2011 VOL. 4 – ISSUE 8
Blitz babe of the week
Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com
VOL. 4 – ISSUE 8 october 26 – november 1, 2011
Restaurant review
13
Photo Courtesy: Jason Voorhees
Delish at Galleria Dallas
Haute Dallas turns out for a great pairing of culinary treats and philanthropy!
By Judy Chamberlain jchamberlain@blitzweekly.com
The Ice Rink at Galleria became a food-lover’s paradise one night last week – and for a very good cause. Make that four very good causes! For Galleria’s one-night dining phenomenon, Delish at Galleria Dallas: A Celebration of Cuisine, which benefitted Paws in the City, the Children’s Advocacy Center of Collin County, the North Texas Food Bank and the Suicide and Crisis Center of North Texas, Galleria restaurants were most generous with their resources -- not the least of which included smorgasbords of beautifully-presented edibles. Elegant foodstation staging, courtesy of the mall and its expert party planners, added to the fun as the hottest of Dallas’ foodloving A-list turned out for an evening of gastronomic camaraderie. From the minute we arrived at the entrance to Galleria, a jovial and hospitable climate was very much in evidence. This is a nice mall, one that cares about social issues and wants everyone who frequents this shopping destination to have a great time. The stores! Galleria has something for everyone, from the wonderful cosmetics, luggage, clothing and candy shops and major department stores to a terrific variety of restaurant fare, plenty of which was shown off at Delish. It’s clear that Galleria “gets it” about how important the dining experience is to the shopping experience. The mall’s owners and management have gone out of their way to attract and hold the best of the best. Yes, there are lots of great restaurants in Dallas.
To find so many under one roof truly differentiates Galleria from the flock of nameless food court-oriented competitors. More good news: The excellent offerings the restaurants presented for
Delish are available all year-round here. Mi Cocina showed off their delicious shrimp ceviche, something I’d previously overlooked on the restaurant’s menu. Smart. I give them credit for putting out the “good stuff,” as they have surely attracted favorable attention for all of their locations in doing so. The Grill on the Alley served, among other things, some very tasty endive spears with a sweetly savory filling. We enjoyed the exquisitely fresh crab cakes from Oceanaire and Grand Lux Café’s powdered sugar-dusted New Orleans beignets. Townhouse Kitchen and Bar, which will open at the Galleria in late November, turned out thyme-infused white wine-poached pears over prosciutto and lovely black mission fig wholegrained mustard-topped roasted garlic flatbread crisps. Welcome to Dallas; we’ll be back!
A star among stars, the Westin Hotel’s Second Floor Bistro presented a pair of generously plated, entrée-worthy offerings – salmon croquette “sliders” and duck confit pot pies – along with uber trendy bacon peanut butter brownies. Triple yum! It is this kind of skill and generosity - that defines the restaurant industry at its best. Lingering over a lemon ricotta cookie from Nordstrom Marketplace Café, one had the distinct impression that Delish was a huge success. Kudos to Galleria, the participating restaurants and the charities that benefitted from this marvelous event! Guests at Delish at Galleria Dallas received a Delish voucher. From October 20–November 20, voucher holders can further benefit the charity of their choice by redeeming that Delish voucher at a selection of participating restaurants for a complimentary dessert with the purchase of an entree. At the end of the promotional period, the charity with the most vouchers redeemed will receive an additional $5,000 donation from Galleria Dallas. Additional donations, ranging from $2,500 to $1,000, will be presented to the remaining charities.
Delish at Galleria Dallas
Dallas Polo Club
www.galleriadallas.com
L E A R N T O P L AY P O L O NO RIDING EXPERIENCE NECESSARY
find more Restaurant Reviews on our website at: www.Blitzweekly.com
WWW.DALLASPOLOCLUB.ORG
C ALL 214-979-0300 ext.1
Photos Courtesy: Brian J. Matis, Watch Mojo, Jeff Stvan, Kevin McShane, Sheri, Thomas Faivre-Duboz, Flavia
WED. 10/26
Halloween Devil Beer Dinner Libertine Bar - Dallas Put on your favorite costume (we recommend one from our list) and come in and sip brews fit enough for the horned one himself. Start your beer-induced coma at 7pm.
thurs. 10/27
No Reservations: Anthony Bourdain Majestic Theatre – Dallas Meet the Travel Channel chef and author as he chats about all things Bourdain. But despite what the title says you may want to reserve your seat for this one. Curtains up at 8pm.
fri. 10/28
‘Til Midnight at the Nasher Nasher Sculpture Center - Dallas Tired of the regular old Friday night debauchery, how about perusing around the Sculpture Center, seeing a movie, and enjoying a meal all at one place. 6pmMidnight.
sat. 10/29
Halloween Party at the Ginger Man The Ginger Man – Dallas Speaking of debauchery, assume that will be the main ingredient of this party. Expect to find plenty of hidden talents on display at this costume shindig. Light the jacko-lanterns at 8pm.
sun. 10/30
Fall Block Party at One Arts Plaza One Arts Plaza – Dallas Celebrate Halloween a bit more refined this year with the artists of Deep Ellum, vendors from the farmers market, and enough live music to make you have Cottoneyed Joe stuck in your head for a month. 12pm.
mon. 10/31
Herbie Hancock Meyerson Symphony Center – Dallas The man is Michael Jordan on a piano, he’s the Muhammad Ali of jazz, he’s the Margret Thatcher of music…too far? Well one thing he is – is here in Dallas and ready to rock. Show starts at 8pm.
tues. 11/1
The Wombats Granada Theater – Dallas Stop me if you’ve heard this before. An awesome band from Liverpool has been making quite a name for itself across the pond. Next stop the Granada. I got the fever, the Wombat fever! 7pm.
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October 26 – November 14 Local Entertainment
1 , 2011 VOL. 4 – ISSUE 8
By Cote Bailey - comments@blitzweekly.com
Planning your own costume party? Well your gonna need to have the right mix of tunes to keep people in the Halloween mood. Remember vampires, werewolves, trolls, and all that other scary stuff, after all ‘tis the reason for the season! Fear not my Kruger-free dj, BLITZ has you covered with our Halloween playlist. Our monster mix is sure to have everyone walking like an Egyptian, wearing tight red zipper-laden jackets and doing that strange Captain Jack Sparrow hand thingy. All you have to do now is find the perfect costume. I got dibs on Ex-Cony Smurf.
Norman
Michael Jackson Thriller
Boris Pickett The Monster Mash
Fresh Prince & DJ Jazzy Jeff Nightmare on My Street
White Zombie I’m Your Boogie Man
Ray Parker Jr. Ghostbusters Theme
Korn Sandy Claws
Panic at the Disco It’s Almost Halloween
Marilyn Manson I Put A Spell on You
Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com
By Jonathan Sullivan jonathanpsullivan.wordpress.com
Coming of age movies, especially an independent one, tends to be a dicey proposition; for every one that feels authentic, there are at least a dozen more that are simply going through the motions. Norman, from director Jonathan Segal, fits somewhere in the middle. There are some truly effective moments and performances strewn throughout, but at the same time it follows the blueprint of an indie flick a little too closely. The plot is as follows: Norman (Dan Byrd) is a sullen high schooler who is trying to deal with the death of his mother six months prior while at the same time caring for his cancer-stricken father Doug (Richard Jenkins). When his best friend James (Billy Lush) snaps at him for always being negative, Norman lies and tells him he has cancer to regain the sympathy. Naturally this news spreads around school really quickly, but instead of denying it, Norman chooses to instead go along with it (going so far as to shave his head to make it look like he’s going through chemo). Norman ends up using his fake illness as a way to cope with the pain in his real life, finally breaking out of his depression and even falling for a new girl named Emily (Emily VanCamp). This plot sounds like it was lifted out of “Quirky Indie Dramedy 101,” but Norman has the power of a great cast to keep it afloat. Separately Byrd and Jenkins give truly heartbreaking and deep performances, but together they shine as well, with a very good father and son chemistry that makes for an especially painful third act (spoiler if you’ve never watched a movie before). VanCamp avoids being the “Manic Pixie Dream Girl” that indie movies love, instead playing it low-key and making Emily feel authentic. Adam Goldberg also shows up as Norman’s English teacher Mr. Angelo in a small role, but is the source of most of the laughs and possibly the most touching scene in the whole movie. But good performances can only do so much, and Norman falters nearly everywhere else. There are no real surprises to the story. If you’ve seen a movie like this before, you can guess what will happen with ease. And while the dramatic moments work, the comedy doesn’t, being a little too dry. Subplots like Norman making a video about his illness and his desire to hurt himself at a certain time every day don’t really add much to the story, although the former is especially guilty of being pointless. Then there’s the Andrew Bird soundtrack, which may have a big name attached but is ultimately generic indie acoustic background noise. Norman is made up of good elements, but doesn’t come together in the end. It should be commended for the wonderful performances and a heart wrenching third act, but I’d be lying if I said it was particularly memorable. In a herd of indie coming of age stories, Norman ends up being just another member of the pack.
15 Local Entertainment
VOL. 4 – ISSUE 8 october 26 – november 1, 2011
By Johnny Reeves comments@blitzweekly.com
The best horror movies and their “not-so-much” counterparts Possession Horror Movie The Exorcist 1973 Hey, when demons start jumping into 8th graders and pimp slapping priests its time to start bathing in holy water. I’d even suggest tapping the church’s reservoir into your sprinkler system. What the Hell moment: Linda Blair levitating to the soulful chant of “the power of Christ compels you.” Not even padre could escape the goblin living in this little girl. Eh, Not-So-Much The Convent 2000 College students find a convent that’s been abandoned after a ticked off kid decides to flambé Mother Superior. Despite the plot being the wet dream of any Catholic schooler, this horror movie stars Coolio…yeah that Coolio. Ghost Horror Movie The Devil’s Backbone 2001 So you think life sucks because you’ve been thrown into an orphan-
age in the middle of the Spanish Civil War? Tsk-tsk, I haven’t even told you about your new roommate…the ghost of former orphan Santi. Pee your pants moment: The basement scene. Fear the basement scene. Eh, Not-So-Much One Missed Call 2008 I didn’t even know they got cell phone service in Hell. This is one of the worst movies ever that you just have to see to believe. I think the only person this movie could scare is the Verizon guy. AT&T customers would probably drop the call anyway. Zombie Horror Movie 28 Days Later 2002 I can’t wait to read all the emails in all caps reading, THOSE ARE NOT ZOMBIES. Though they may not be the traditional undead 28 Days Later pushes the envelope in the ‘Oh Sh!t What Do We Do?” genre. Cry like a schoolgirl moment: The opening scene, waking up from a
coma and staggering outside only to see no one. Not one damn person. Eh, Not-So-Much Gangs of the Dead / Last Rites 2006 What would happen if you were a gang member in LA and a meteorite crashes down and releases spores turning everybody into zombies, all while you trying to increase your turf? Ooh-Ooh I know this one…a crappy movie happens. Vampire Horror Movie Bram Stoker’s Dracula 1992 This film presented Dracula on a much more personal level. Yeah, that’s what we all want, to get to know the Count on a buddy-buddy basis. Even the guy’s shadow is alive. The devil is most certainly in the details of this movie. Guaranteed creepfest. Clutch a crucifix moment: Abraham Van Helsing and his pals bust in to find Winona Ryder and Dracula having an “inappropriate” relation-
ship. At this point not only is Dracula an 8 foot tall “bat-man,” but he also spits fire at crosses. Great. Eh, Not-So-Much Anything that begins with Twilight Alien Horror Movie (Sci-Fi) Alien 1979 The benchmark for all movies that dare venture into outer space, this movie changed my 4-year-old delusional career goal of wanting to be an astronaut. Possibly have to battle acid spewing, double mouth, and egg laying extraterrestrials while wearing only a pair of Reeboks, no thanks. Sleep with every light in the house on moment: The iconic chestburster scene is still one of the most gruesome, hand-over-mouth, scenes in all of film 32 years later. Eh, Not-So-Much Killer Klowns from Outer Space 1988 I couldn’t think of a faster way to
global domination than to have circus-tent-shaped spaceships and rayguns that turn townsfolk to cotton candy. And believe me there’s no better disguise than a team of large, small, old and young overly creepy clowns. Down Right Demented Horror The Strangers 2008 This completely disturbing film follows a couple at a remote vacation home on a night they will never forget. A family of potato-sack-mask wearing loonies decides to have a little fun. Re-think your positive outlook on humanity moment: Every time you hear the door knock you think, “how well do I know my neighbors?” Eh, Not-So-Much The Human Centipede 2010 Yeah you read the title right. This steaming pile of cinematic garbage is about a German doctor who kidnaps tourists and joins them together mouth to anus…there is actually a sequel. Seriously.
The Misadventures of the Manic Optimist The world can be a bewildering place for the manic optimist but also a very exciting one because they are always seeing the inexplicably good in everything. Unlike the normal optimist who relies on some shred of basic logic, the manic optimist goes through life in a haze of frenzied, unrestrained hope. What makes life difficult for the manic optimist is the constant shock caused by their manic hallucinations. While a normal optimist will see their interest rate on their investments as 2 percent, the manic optimist will see 20 percent and then flop around their house, drool on themselves like they just won the lottery, make calculations with more bad math for all the things they can buy off their accumulated wealth, and concoct wild plans for a luxury vacation in Tahiti. When they finally come to the realization that it will take most of their adult life
to make enough interest on their savings to buy a used waterbed off Craigslist—a somber fact brought to life by their bank manager— the manic optimist will usually fall into deep depression. The manic optimist can usually be spotted staring at the wall for several hours while mumbling inaudibly to himself. The manic optimist also has hallucinations in other aspects of life including personal maintenance. For example, while the manic optimist may have a back that rivals a hairy gorilla, he only sees maybe five or six stray hairs. What he thinks needs a little minor plucking with tweezers will actually involve several very painful waxing sessions or months of industrial strength laser hair removal. Job searching is also very precarious for the manic optimist, especially in a job market that turns respectable, well-educated people into blubbering, pathetic Oliver Twists begging for jobs where they will be overworked and underpaid and with hundreds of other
By Jesse Whitman jwhitman00@gmail.com
hapless applicants fighting over the same position. In their manic, hyper, and feverish job search they will also fail to see where the job posting says no pay/internship and competitive pay rates will look like a six digit salary. When the manic optimist finally gets a job offer of 31,000 a year, they will see 61,000 and not factor in the income tax garnished from their wages. Then they will fall into a deep depression again, realizing that they will barely have enough money for an overpriced studio off the interstate and that their hairy gorilla back will most definitely cause them to die a virgin. Relationships can be even more dangerous for the manic optimist, who will see an alcoholic with bad teeth and a penchant for internet gambling as a beautiful Scarlett Johanssen look-alike who will become famous
for her bestselling novel that will be made into a movie starring Brad Pitt. What she actually said in a drunken slur of words was that she always wanted to be a writer and that Brad Armpitt is her favorite actor. However, the manic optimist sees the world through a fog of delirious expectations that often causes visual and audible hallucinations. Even with the sad smell of defeat coupled with a dash of lowered expectations, the manic optimist always finds a way out of a funk caused by huge miscalculations. The clouds eventually lift and the manic optimist will find another unbelievable bit of good luck—“Wow! I can’t believe they’re selling that brand new Audi convertible for 2500 (25,000) hundred!!!”
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16
October 26 – November 1 , 2011 VOL. 4 – ISSUE 8
Man world
Photos Courtesy: Chrysler Group LLC
The SPECS
2012 Chrysler 300 SRT8:
0-60 mph 4.6 seconds
Going Fast in Style
By David Goodspeed dgoodspeed@blitzweekly.com
Some things in life just don’t live up to the hype. Take, for instance, the much anticipated iPhone announcement a few weeks ago. For many it was a disappointment. Fortunately, not all things fall into this category of “much ado/much a didn’t.” The new Chrysler 300 SRT8 is a shining example of “delivering the goods.” I was all set to be underwhelmed with this latest overhyped made in Detroit machine. When first seeing the redesign of the model line last year my reaction was melancholy at best and to be perfectly honest I never quite got all the popularity of the 300 since reintroduction several years ago. Sure, I had driven different iterations of the previous model but it never really did much for me and don’t get me started on that interior again. Fast forward to delivery of the new 300 SRT8. Here is a true wolf in sheep’s clothing and thank goodness the Chrysler Group team chose to
stay the course with rear wheel drive in its large sedan models. There are many performance vehicles available and they all perform as expected but slipping into this belle of the ball one would be tempted to anticipate a snobbish attitude and that is totally not what the 300 SRT8 delivers. Stomp the gas and it is as if lightning strikes the Frankenstein laboratory and brings the monster to life. I could almost hear a mad scientist yelling, “It’s Alive!” in the background. Alive it is – all 470 horsepower of its 6.4-liter HEMI V-8. And get this, the new motor features fuel saver technology to improve fuel efficiency to 23mpg highway. That’s the same highway figure as the new small crossover from Cadillac with a six-cylinder engine. And yes, the 5-year/100,000mile powertrain warranty applies to SRT products. Best of all is more torque is available over a wider range for some very exhilarating launches. All the power is delivered to the rear wheels via a five-speed automatic gearbox
play screen. Sport mode also modifies transmission shift points for an enhanced driving experience as well. And then there are the brakes. I made the mistake of aggressively stomping them once. ONCE. Never did that again. While SRT does give the new Chrysler 300 some styling upgrades they did so conservatively – I would call it understated, as in street sleeper. And despite this being a large sedan its looks are deceiving when it comes to the feel from behind the wheel. The bulk disappears and the 300 SRT8 feels like you are driving a fine European luxury sport sedan. Think “AMG” or “M.” Want to share your favorite tunes with all those on the road around you? Just crank up the 900-watt Harmon/Kardon audio system with its 19 speakers. That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout. Base pricing for the 2012 Chrysler 300 SRT8 begins at $47,170 with our tester rocking a $55,635 final sticker and that includes the humorous $1,000 gas guzzler tax. So while
with center console Autostick or new steering wheel paddle shifters. Taking advantage of the new 300s larger center dash monitor screen, the SRT team adds a host of features available digitally including multiple gauge setups and a dyno wheel showing torque and horsepower output in real time. Trouble is the driver needs to keep his/ her eyes on the road so only passengers can enjoy the display. I did hear straight from SRT’s Ralph Gilles that they are exploring new technologies to possibly providing similar information in a head’s up display arrangement. The sport seating inside the new 300 SRT8 is a comfortable surprise. It is supportive where it needs to be but easily adapts to everyday life in the vehicle. Chrysler’s new monster rides on 20-inch SRT design wheels with performance rubber at each corner and in addition to all of the standard safety equipment the 300 SRT8 adds sport tuned steering and a two mode adaptive damping suspension that changes from normal to sport at the push of an interactive button on the center dis-
Top Speed 175 MPH Engine 6.4 liter V8 Horsepower 470 @ 6000 rpm Torque 470 @ 4200 rpm Drive Type: rear wheel drive Transmission: 5-speed shiftable auto Gross Weight: 5350 lbs. Fuel Tank Capacity: 19.1 gal. EPA Mileage Est.: 14 city/23 hwy mpg Apple may have let me down Chrysler and the SRT team certainly did not.
The Difference Between a Man and a Boy is the Price of his Toys! these are for sure to make your want list! Motorola Droid Razr And you thought the RAZR was dead. Google’s latest acquisition has dug its most famous moniker out of the recycling bin and slapped it on its latest and greatest Android handset. The Motorola Droid Razr sports a shockingly-thin 7.1 mm thin body, and boasts a Kevlar build and Gorilla Glass for added strength, and water repellent nanocoating all over — including the internal components — for protection against spills. Of course, it’s a screamer on the technical side, too, with a dual-core 1.2GHz processor, support for Verizon LTE, 1GB of RAM, a front-facing HD camera, a rear-facing eight-megapixel shooter with 1080p video capture, Bluetooth 4.0, and 16GB of onboard memory. Available early next month. Price: $300
Numark DJ2Go Throwing an impromptu rave has never been easier. The Numark DJ2Go is a small — think keyboard-sized — DJ controller that connects to your laptop over USB, letting you DJ an entire set using real controls while carrying nothing more than your laptop bag. Features include two platters, a crossfader, pitch and level, Deck A, Deck B, Master, and Headphone gain controls, and compatibility with nearly any MIDI-compliant software. Finally, a reasonable excuse to bring your laptop with you to the club. Price: $60
8 out of 10 Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com
Console: PC, PS3, Xbox 360, iOS Rating: M Developers: EA Digital Illusions CE
the bad guy’s suppressive fire takes you from 0-60 in a hurry. The co-op mode listed some solid features, such as mission selection options and opposing AI’s anticipation of your moves and choices. Strategy will be key. Also make note of Battlefield 3’s multiplayer functionality with players being responsible for their role as Recon, Support, Engineer, or Assault. No role should be taken lightly and each is integral to the missions. The introduction of cross platform “Battlelog” will also be appearing in this 11th installment of
By Cote Bailey comments@blitzweekly.com
Battlefield 3 Honesty Hour: As a Call of Duty fanatic I must admit that Battlefield 3 had an uphill battle to win me over or to even properly gain my attention for that matter. EA’s example of a “shock and awe” campaign just so happens to hit the target and they do so from the get-go. Intense gameplay that’s heavily focused on teamwork, vanquishing all enemies, and resisting seemingly never-ending rain of
the Battlefield family. This will allow players to use VOIP, check statistics, link up with other players, and text all for free (with minimal caveats). With all the great things EA’s shiny new ball has to offer, ultimately, it’s not C.O.D. However it doesn’t need to be, while no Call of Duty, Battlefield 3 is one hell of a Battlefield 3 and that’s more than good enough. The game will take you to combats in Sarajevo, Paris, Wake Island, New York, and more, but the most important place this game needs to be…is in your console.
VOL. 4 – ISSUE 8 october 26 – november 1, 2011
Q: Why do pedophiles love Halloween so much? A: Free delivery.
Blitz Funnys
Pretty, Pretty Good Kicker Pinckney, Michigan - Friday night, October 14, 2011, Pinckney Community High School’s Pirates football team beat the Grand Blanc Bobcats 9-7. So what, you say? Because Brianna Amat kicked the winning field goal, that’s why. Who is Brianna Amat? She’s the young lady, who, earlier that same day, was voted and crowned Homecoming Queen.
The Much Lesser of Two Evils The Merced Sun-Star reported Kraig Stockard, 54, of Delhi, California, was burglarized September 12, 2011, and then later arrested. The thieves, a 19-year-old and a juvenile, thought they’d stolen blank CDs... until discovering them filled with images of child pornography. And, since the boys “did the right thing” by calling police, no charges were filed against them. Big Butt Burgers Stockbroker Martin Kessman said he loves White Castle hamburgers, and has eaten them for 50-plus years. Unfortunately, according to The (Westchester, N.Y.) Journal News, he now weighs 290-pound and can’t fit into the booths at his local restaurant. So, he filed a federal lawsuit in September 2011 against the fast-food chain, claiming the small seating violated his rights under the Americans with Disabilities Act.
Taurus April 20 – May 20 Prepare for the unexpected when your irritable bowel syndrome decides to go off at the meeting on Tuesday.
Scorpio October 23 – November 21 You never really thought of yourself as the military type even though you’ll be recognized as the unsung hero in next week’s Burger Wars.
Aquarius January 20 – February 18 That new app you downloaded will not actually help you attract members of the opposite sex. Continue your single ways this weekend!
Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 The events of next week will closely mirror all of the other mundane events in your life. Expect more of the same.
Pisces February 19 – March 20 You will be mortified on Halloween when you discover that the kids down the street dressed up like you and were rejected while trick or treating.
Gemini May 21 – June 21 Despite several reassurances by email the deposed Nigerian dictator has no real intention of splitting the millions he lost with you even though you’ve wired him several thousands of dollars.
Aries March 21 – April 19 They say that behind every successful man is a woman. Yours just so happens to be the blow up type.
Cancer June 22 – July 22 Even with your best intentions at heart, calling your best friend a “total asswipe” will fail to bring his spirits up.
Capricorn December 22 – January 19 With fall in full effect you’ll find yourself in a quandary, do you wear those white khakis or not to the ballgame?
ACROSS: 1. Strip of wood 5. Marsh plant 10. A daring exploit 14. Stow, as cargo 15. A white gem 16. Wheel shaft 17. Of no importance 19. King of the jungle 20. Consumer Price Index 21. Holdup 22. Drugged 23. A platform or dais 25. Fool 27. No particular one 28. Game plan 31. Flake 34. Having the same value 35. Prefix meaning “New” 36. Greasy 37. Tastelessly showy 38. Cicatrix 39. C 40. Film 41. Cubic meter 42. Having a disposition to 44. P
Leo July 23 – August 22 Your experience and knowledge of interpreting Tarot cards will finally be put to good use in finding the lost remote control for your television. Virgo August 23 – September 22 You are shocked to find out what the “World’s Largest Sausage Fest” is all about! Libra September 23 – October 22 Your beloved parrot will receive a recording contract after a talent agent learns of your last words at your crime scene.
45. Grasping tools 46. A relationship of mutual trust 50. Not dead 52. Hindu loincloth 54. Average for a hole 55. Farewell gesture 56. Make insignificant 58. Not under 59. Interlaced 60. Dwarf buffalo 61. Not more 62. Classical music theatre 63. Vivacious DOWN: 1. Piece of cake 2. Lights 3. Acknowledge 4. Orange pekoe or Earl Grey 5. Quick 6. Creepy 7. Speaker’s platform 8. A feeling of thankfulness 9. L 10. A clumsy man 11. Being 12. Gin flavor
13. Be inclined 18. Express gratitude to 22. Found on a rotary phone 24. Piquant 26. Heavy cart 28. Calamari 29. Cog 30. Bygone time 31. Central points 32. Security for a debt 33. Non-mandatory courses 34. Listen in 37. A large chime 38. Stair 40. Not yours 41. Old photo color 43. Paramours 44. A fine coating of oxide 46. Vagabond 47. Express a thought 48. It cuts whiskers 49. Delicacy 50. Absent without leave 51. Wash 53. Home for bees 56. Pair 57. One circuit around a track
Solution on Page 18
Q: How is anal sex like a microwave? A: Both can brown your meat without cooking it.
The Pickle Slicer Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he’d be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. “What’s wrong, Bill?” she asked. “Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?” “Oh, Bill, you didn’t.” “Yes, I did.” “My God, Bill, what happened?” “I got fired...” “No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?” “Oh...she got fired too.”
Q: What did the blonde say about blonde jokes? A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
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October 26 – November 1 , 2011 VOL. 4 – ISSUE 8
The CLOSER
Dealing with the Supernatural Despite my growing fascination with supposedly real-life supernatural events thanks to such magazines as Fortean Times and Paranormal and watching various weekly documentaries on the Discovery, History and Travel channels, I continue to remain skeptical on whether ghosts exist. That’s not to say I don’t believe in the afterlife. On the other hand, however, I still don’t believe the story my grandfather told me a few years ago where he awoke early one morning to see his bedroom completely illuminated with a very bright white light that lasted for several minutes. No lamps were on, he said. He told me he thought it was my late grandmother trying to tell him something. I still say it was probably a porch light from next door that was on and it shined through the bathroom window right across the hall from his bedroom. I have had a few strange things happen to me at work when I am alone but in my three years so far there, the occurrences haven’t bothered me to the point I think the place is haunted. A couple co-workers have, however, told me when they’ve been alone working in the building they have felt like they heard voices.
Cain Daytona 646 Wrapper: Nicaragua Habano Binder: Nicaragua Habano Filler: Nicaragua Strength: Medium The Cain brand over the years has built up a reputation of having some strong cigars. To address this issue, Studio Tobac released the Daytona line. The 646 gets it’s name from the 6 x 46 measurements. Once lit there is some spice present and red pepper through the nose, but nothing too strong. This medium bodied smoke has a nice subtle complexity and is extremely smooth. Incredible Hulk Ingredients: 1/2 oz Hennessy cognac 1/2 oz Hpnotiq liqueur
By Joe Stumpo www.darthstumpo.com
60 Minute IPA Brewed by: Dogfish Head Craft Brewery ABV: 6.00% The folks at Dogfish Head will surprise you with this brew. It pours a crystal clear light copper color with a nice creamy white head. The aroma of sweet malts and light piney hops comes through. Initially has a nice citrus taste, then the pine hops come through. Not your typical American IPA. Good carbonation throughout. This one does not disappoint!
Really is Green!
Mixing Instructions: Stir the Hennessy cognac and the Hypnotic tropical-fruit liqueur together to make a green incredible hulk color. Serve.
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I can explain every occurrence that’s happened. The ticking noise I hear coming from one side of the office sometimes is probably some computer or alarm system resetting itself. The reason I heard a loud bang points to my manager’s metallic name tag hitting the floor one night because most likely the plastic clip holding it finally just broke on its own. Although, I could not find what it was that fell on the desk of one of my co-worker’s one Saturday afternoon seeing since my cubicle is in the opposite direction of the office. I assumed whatever it was rolled under the desk somewhere and I wasn’t about to go looking for it as I am not maintenance. Granted when I am in the men’s restroom I have sometimes heard the woman’s restroom door open up like someone was in the building. I continue to assume security was there at the time and used the restroom before leaving, though, I never bothered once to see if their police car was parked outside. Even if I had learned there was no one in the building at the time and that door opened up on its own I still wouldn’t believe the place is haunted. I can understand though how some could make that assumption like my dad did back on Nov. 1, 2009. It was one month after my grand-
father passed away. My dad awoke to find the living room in disarray like maybe the house was robbed. The lounge chair my grandfather sat in when he came over was in an upright position, as though someone sat in it and was facing the television. On the right side arm of the chair was the remote. The television was set to a Christian cable station my grandfather watched in the early morning hours. Several pictures were lying face down while in the kitchen one of the chairs my grandfather sat in was now on the table like in that kitchen scene in Poltergeist (1982). Cabinet doors were also opened. That moment my dad was convinced my grandfather had come back as a spirit and was trying to tell him something. He even spoke to a priest at church about the “supposed” supernatural events he saw over the past two days. The priest gave him some special leaves that are used to calm spirits. My sister contacted one of her friends who knew a psychic because they had a problem with an “actual” ghost. Damned if I couldn’t keep a straight face when my parents questioned me on whether or not I had something to do with it. After all, it’s always the quiet ones people have to suspect.
VOL. 4 – ISSUE 8 october 26 – november 1, 2011
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