VOL. 2 - ISSUE 23
3
Proposes Robotic Groundhog
BLITZ News Shorts 3 Hollywood Profile / Movie Reviews 4 Interview with Danny Balis 5 Mavs and Stars News 6 UNT / SMU / TCU Previews 7 The Harlem Globetrotters 8 COVER STORY: Super Bowl Preview Funniest Super Bowl Commercials 9 A Look at Saints vs Colts 10-11 BLITZ BABE: Erin 12 UFC 109 Preview 13 Restaurant Review: Sweetwater 14 Blitz Toys 15 The Fan Top 10 with Sybil 16 Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes 17 Last Call: Who’s at Your Party? 18 PUBLISHER Kelly G. Reed EDITOR Jennifer Wayne CREATIVE DIRECTOR / WEBSITE / GRAPHIC DESIGN Damien William Mayfield COVER: Image: Joe Lorenzini Cover Design: Damien William Mayfield CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Sgt. Thomas Day, Craig O’Neal, Ed Westerman PHOTOGRAPHERS Ronnie Baker, Darryl Briggs, Gregg Case, Manny Flores, Kent Gilley, Steven Hendrix, Matt Pearce, Jason Ryan CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Brian Beard, Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Rich Hancock, Andrew J. Hewett, Eric Kendall, Peggy Kilpatrick, Frank LaCosta, Jayson Larson, Pat Moran, Richard S. Pollak, Craig Smith, Joe Stumpo, Sybil Summers, Jennifer Wayne, Ed Westerman and Jesse Whitman ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Kelly G. Reed SALES REPRESENTATIVES Edward Andrion, Johnny Horton and Patrick Marshall CONTACT US MAIN NUMBER 214-529-7370 FAX NUMBER 972-960-8618 kreed@blitzweekly.com www.blitzweekly.com
-- Drew Brees
Photo Courtesy: Sgt. Thomas Day
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“I’m not trying to make this game any bigger than it is, and I’m certainly not trying to make it quarterback against quarterback.”
Woman Pleads No Contest In Rat Meal Scheme
An Appleton, Wisconsin woman who tried to extort money from an upscale restaurant by putting a rat in her lunch has entered no-contest pleas to two criminal charges. The Appleton Post-Crescent reported 43-year-old Debbie R. Miller was found guilty after she entered the pleas to a felony extortion charge and a misdemeanor for obstructing police. Prosecutors said Miller planted the rat at The Seasons on April 17, 2008, and then demanded $500,000 from the owners. She threatened to alert the media. Instead of
Tastes like Chicken! paying, the owners turned the rat over to investigators for their insurance company. They determined it was a domestic rat that had been cooked in a microwave. The restaurant doesn’t use microwaves. Miller was arrested about three months later.
Boulder Barely Misses Woman
BLITZ Weekly P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
An animal rights group wants organizers of Pennsylvania’s Groundhog Day festival to replace Punxsutawney Phil with a robotic stand-in. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals says it’s unfair to keep the animal in captivity and subject him to the huge crowds and bright lights that accompany tens of thousands of revelers each Feb. 2 in Punxsutawney, a tiny borough about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh. PETA is suggesting the use of an animatronic model. William Deeley, president of the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, says the animal is “being treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania.” The groundhog is kept in a climate-controlled environment and is inspected annually by the state Department of Agriculture. Deeley says PETA isn’t interested in Phil from Feb. 2 on, and is looking for publicity.
Emergency officials say a boulder about the size of a compact car crashed into an apartment in eastern Tennessee, barely missing a woman sleeping in her bedroom. Fire Chief David Jackson in Rogersville says 75-year-old Elizabeth Allred was lucky that the 10-foot-wide boulder didn’t hit her bed straight on. Instead, it crashed nearby and the imploding wall sent her hospital bed rolling across the room. She was at home recovering from a broken hip when it happened Monday morning. The Kingsport Times-News reported that Allred was listed in good condition at a hospital on Tuesday.
Andrew J. Hewett
www.chewednews.com
HOW ABOUT: “100% DISCOUNT ON SIX TOTALLY DESTROYED CARS” From the book Not A Good Word About Anybody, Riverside Chevrolet in Jacksonville, Florida, began a new sales campaign with large white banners proclaiming, “Look for it! Something BIG is going to happen.” A few hours later their showrooms ceiling collapsed, destroying six new automobiles. MORE FUN TRIVIA In 1889, two entrepreneurial thinking men, Chris L. Rutt and Charles G. Underwood of St. Joseph, Missouri, began making and selling “Self-Rising Pancake Flour,” naming it “Aunt Jemima,” after a song in a minstrel show. (A year later they sold this product to R.T. Davis Milling Co., who hired a black woman named Nancy Green from Chicago to represent their product at the 1893 Columbian Exposition in Chicago.) HIS TEETH ADMITTED A MOUTHFUL A man police dubbed the “bumbling bank robber” entered a Wachovia Bank in Miami, Florida, pulled a gun and robbed the teller of $16,000. But, while running from the bank, stuffing the gun in his waistband, it accidentally fired. Luckily, no harm was done. Next, he stepped off the curb just in time to be hit by a truck. The robber, addled by the impact, still managed to get back on his feet and stagger to a getaway car, leaving behind his hat, gun and two gold teeth. The teeth were tested by the FBI for the owner’s DNA, it matched that of a felon on file, and the case was solved.
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HOLLYWOOD PROFILE
BLITZREVIEWS By: Joe Stumpo - www.darthstumpo.com
Wa s t i n g o u r m o n ey s o yo u d o n ’t h a ve t o !
with Josh Duhamel
by: Vivian Fullerlove
“Enterainment’s Real Critic”
I will sound the alarm right off the bat… CHICK FLICK ALERT! Every once in a while, I ask you guys out there to bite the bullet and take your special someone to a good old fashioned romantic comedy. And no Hollywood Hottie will get your sweetie’s heart pounding like the loveable Josh Duhamel. He began stealing hearts in the soap “All My Children” back in 2002, and fortunately, for us, and for him, he has made his way to the big screen in a big way. In his new movie, When in Rome, Josh plays one of many suitors trying to win the attention of Beth (played by Kristen Bell), who is apparently as unlucky in love as he is. We talked with Josh about the film and why he loves making us laugh! Your character has an interesting back story in the film. Tell us about him. My character is Nick Beeman. He grew up in Minnesota and, at the age of 12, moved to New York. He was always a football player and ended up playing college football at Syracuse and was about to be drafted in the first round when he got struck by lightning in a football game. Obviously he has a change in the course of his life and he winds up meeting Beth, played by your co-star Kristen Bell. What is their relationship in the movie? They really hit it off in the beginning. It seems like it’s almost love at first sight. It’s going that well and then something happens, and she doesn’t want to talk to him again. And he doesn’t know why. Then it becomes about trying to get her back. A lot of it is
about trying to figure out what happened. He thought everything was perfect, and then all of a sudden it wasn’t. Then he finds out why, and also that he’s competing with all these other guys [for her attention], and he has no idea what that is all about either. So, it’s pretty chaotic. What was it like working with Kristen? Some girls can just turn it on, and some girls are just natural, and she’s got it. She’s able to be right there, and it makes it a lot easier whether it’s a funny scene or a scene where it’s pivotal to the movie that’s more of a romantic part than a funny part; she can do them both. She’s good. She’s very good. You really seem to have a natural flair for comedy. Do you prefer action packed roles we’ve seen you do in the past? I love doing the stuff that’s silly. It actually drove the director crazy because I was always trying to make it goofier, and he was like, “No, no, no, you’re the straight guy in this movie.” So, we created a happy medium there, but they allowed me to do a lot of things physically that I wasn’t allowed to do before. You can check Josh out, or take your girlfriend to check him out, right now! When in Rome is playing in theatres nationwide and is rated PG-13 for some suggestive content. For all of this week’s new releases and more of your favorite celebrities, check out my show Reel Critics on Time Warner Cable Video on Demand under the North Texas programming tab.
Dallas Polo Club
LE A R N
TO
P L AY P O L O
NO RIDING EXPERIENCE NECESSARY WWW .DALLASPOLOCLUB.ORG
C ALL 214-979-0300 ext.1
Legion: God decides He’s had it with mankind’s immorality and plans on sending his
top angels out to unleash the apocalypse. Michael the Archangel (Paul Bettany) takes it upon himself to save humanity, claiming mankind’s future rests in the birth of a waitress’ son, who might be the next Jesus Christ. The final standoff takes place in the middle of nowhere between Michael and his band of non-believers and the angel Gabriel and his band of human zombies. After sitting through last year’s Knowing and this year’s Book of Eli, which evoked intriguing religious ideas, and the silliness of Roland Emmerich’s 2012, where Mayan prophecies are the reason for the world’s destruction, I suppose it was only a matter of time before we’d see another apocalypse film where the war between good and evil is predictably fought by a rogue angel carrying lots of machine guns.
PICK OF THE WEEK
Airplane (1980): More than a handful of memorable movies worthy of owning
on DVD and eventually Blu-ray celebrate their 30th anniversary this year. Among them is director Jim Abraham’s and Jerry Zucker’s Airplane, a clever spoof of the Airport disaster movies of the 1970s, or any movie for that matter where the plane’s crew and passengers face catastrophe. “Surely you can’t be serious,” you ask. Yes, “I am serious…and don’t call me Shirley.” When the plane’s crew falls ill, the passengers’ fates lie in the hands of Ted Striker (Robert Hays), a former World War II pilot with a drinking problem.
Photo Courtesy: Ed Westerman
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MUSIC: The King Bucks 1. No More Fatties
The King Bucks – The King Bucks
2. If You’re Trying To Kill Me
One-On-One withDanny Balis by: Ed Westerman
www.edwesterman.com
O
n-air ruminations on existential minutia, yelling at irate callers, telling Corby to “just shut up, and finish E. News” or impersonating the elderly flatulent foibles of the Old Gray Wolf are the stuff of Danny Balis’ day as producer at 1310 AM The Ticket – but he’s really just a slob like one of us (with a microphone). He’s also in a band. A kick-ass band. The King Bucks are a collection of talented dudes: Big Joe Butcher/pedal steel, guitar and vocals; Chris Carmichael/drums; Keith Kiloren/guitar, mandolin and vocals; Chad Stockslager/piano, organ and vocals; and Danny on bass, guitar and vocals. When you see them, have boots on to move appropriately to some kick-ass honky-tonk jams, but you’ll also hear Bob Dylan and Little Feat thrown in. When a bunch of people scream out in unison,“Weed, Whites and Wine…,” I get college flashbacks. Danny was kind enough to answer three weird questions: 1. I thought King Buck was a dog, but I had to ask: Who is/was King Buck? “I have no idea. The band was named before I was asked to join. I know what a king is, and I know what a buck is. I guess the name infers that we are the leaders of all bucks. I thought it was Bill Gates though. He has all the bucks.” 2. The King Bucks tee-off first at the Dunham & Miller Open. What are your handicaps: Danny - caddy Keith - +20 Chad - (-4...same as tiger) Joe – has no idea what golf is. Chris – scratch 3. Six months since the release of your solo album, “Too Much Living,” how do you feel about these songs, and, knowing who (the late Carter Albrecht, a close friend to Danny) inspired them, how do you move forward artistically/creatively? “Great question. I really don’t know...I have about three new songs written...they are somewhat residual to the climate of the last record, but I don’t want to go to that well too much. It’s been said and done and time to move on. Having said that, I don’t like to write about things that I have not felt or experienced, and the bulk of my solo material borders on the negative and melancholy. With things kinda coasting along now personally, I have to dig deeper and find more intricate aspects of personality and flaws to expound on, and work the language and melody. It has to mean something. If it doesn’t, I won’t waste the time. It may be hard for me to come up with material for another record, but I’m gonna give it my best shot.” Balis’ solo work is old-school country, beautiful and painful. The mechanic that keeps the King Bucks machine moving forward, though, is the mellifluous and sometimes laugh-out loud funny Stockslager. You might literally do a beer-raspberry at some of the subtly funny things he says between songs while the other guys are switching instruments. For upcoming shows, go to www.kingbucks.com or www.dannybalis.com.
The King Bucks – The King Bucks
3. Dead By Morning
The King Bucks – The King Bucks
4. Drunken Arms
The King Bucks – Live
5. Girl From The City
The King Bucks – The King Bucks
6. Autumn Leaves
The King Bucks – The King Bucks
7. It’s Over
The King Bucks – The King Bucks
8. Between The Lines
The King Bucks – The King Bucks
9. Abilene
The King Bucks – The King Bucks
10. My Baby’s Gone
The King Bucks – Live
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MAVS:News
STARS:News
by: Geoff Case
“Mavericks Analyst”
The Mavericks have begun to flame out on defense lately, dropping games back-to-back to the Suns and Blazers. The fourth quarter defense that the Mavs have relied on all season has been non-existent. “The toughmindedness we exhibited the first portion of the season, I happen to believe is still there,” coach Rick Carlisle said. “I don’t believe it was fool’s gold...The team was energized by defense. Repeatedly, on nights we weren’t shooting it well, we were hanging around and finding ways to win.” The Mavericks have surrendered 101.5 points per game in January, after giving up just 96.5 points on average in the first two months. The first answer might be to get their best defenders some extra time on the court. Quinton Ross, who was a starter early in the season before getting injured, plays great defense. Another factor is Erick Dampier’s left knee keeps acting up. When Damp is missing defensively for the Mavericks, it’s almost impossible for the perimeter players to stay up on shooters. There are only a few nights on this schedule that the Mavs have less talent than the opponent and it needs to start reflecting that. “We can’t be adrenaline junkies and take it
“That Hockey Guy”
Is Mo Back? Photo Courtesy: Gregg Case
January Blues
by: Richard “Rocket” Pollak
down to the last possession every night,” coach Rick Carlisle said. “We should be a better basketball team than that.” Upcoming Opponents: 2/5 vs Minnesota Timberwolves – The young team lacks experience, but they’ve started giving more minutes to former Mavs Ryan Hollins and it’s made them tougher defensively. 2/8 at Golden State Warriors – This team beat the Mavs with six players and no head coach. Anything is possible. 2/9 at Denver Nuggets – If the Nuggets can get Carmelo Anthony healthy then this should be a tough game. My prediction for this stretch: 2-1
Mike Modano scored 6 points (5 goals and 1 assist) in his last 6 games. His sudden burst of youthful energy comes right after he was not selected to play on his 4th USA Olympic Hockey Team. I believe that Modano was pacing himself the first half of the season hoping to still have enough punch to make it through the grueling Olympic schedule and still be able to contribute to the Dallas Stars’ end of the season run. According to Modano, “It’s all because Marc (Coach Crawford) has let me rest, pace me in spots all season long and now I am just feeling really well-rested and looking forward to the Olympic break.” The other answer is that Modano has once again stepped forward to take up the slack for center Mike Ribeiro, who is out indefinitely with a severe throat injury. Speaking of Ribeiro, the most talk around trade deadline involved a $5
million dollar forward leaving Dallas for a $5 million dollar defenseman who may be the one who just got traded to Toronto (not in the same Western Conference). Thursday, the Stars face the Blue Jackets in Columbus (6 p.m. on FS-SW). On January 30, Columbus tried starting Goalie Mathieu Garon to break an eight-game losing streak and it worked. The Blue Jackets aren’t the greatest team, but the Stars can’t be lazy here. Saturday, they have a rematch with Dave Tippet’s Coyotes in the AAC (5 p.m. on FS-SW). The good thing is the Stars are at home and Mo is doing awesome in the AAC. Hopefully, the Stars will feel like they have something to prove to their ex-coach who defeated them just last week. Tuesday, the Stars are back out on the road to meet with the Blackhawks (7:30 p.m. on FS-SW).
Photo Courtesy: Manny Flores
7 - Craig Smith
- Tony Barone
- Jayson Larson
Last Thursday, North Texas played at Western Kentucky-a game between the two preseason favorites in the Sun Belt Conference. It was a great game to watch, with 16 ties and 15 lead changes. The game went to overtime when Steffphon Pettigrew of Western Kentucky sank a 3-pointer from 40 feet with .10 left on the clock. But North Texas’ Eric Tramiel was in a groove making eighty percent of his shots for 25 points, including hitting the game winning basket with ten seconds left in overtime of this 84-83 thriller. George Odufuwa once again had a double-double with 15 points and 16 rebounds. Saturday, the Mean Green were in Middle Tennessee where they never seemed to get on track. They lost 69-64 and shot a paltry 37.5% from the field, but Odufuwa got his usual double-double with eleven points and 13 rebounds. The Mean Green are now 13-8 and two wins back in the Sun Belt-West behind Arkansas State. They will be home Thursday to play Florida Atlantic, who is tied for first in the Sun Belt-East. Saturday, they will travel to Florida International (coached by Isiah Thomas), who have had seven losses since their win over North Texas in December.
Coach Matt Doherty, in his fourth season, can finally put a significant victory on his Mustang resume. Saturday, his team defeated the defending conference champion Memphis Tigers 70-60 at home. The last time SMU beat Memphis was December 14, 1953. Derek Williams continued his impressive play with 25 points for the game. The senior guard, playing in front of his mom visiting from Queens, sealed the victory at the charity stripe at the end of the game, finishing 11 of 12 from the line. Papa Dia had a career high 23 points and a careertying 14 rebounds. Earlier in the week, SMU easily defeated UCF 65-43 behind Robert Nyakundi’s 18 points. The Mustangs led 41-16 at the half and held at least a 22-point lead the entire second half. Derek Williams had his first career double-double, tallying 12 points and 10 assists. SMU has won half of their 20 games this season, and half of their 6 conference games. They get a good chance to improve on those records next week as they hit the road to play conference foes Southern Mississippi and Tulane. Those two teams have a dismal combined record in conference play, having won only 3 of 13 opportunities.
It was a tough week for the TCU Horned Frogs as they fell to Colorado State and New Mexico. Colorado State snapped a three-game losing streak with a 63-57 victory on January 27. Sophomore guard Ronnie Moss led the Horned Frogs with 21 points, but only managed two points in the second half. TCU played without second-leading scorer Zvonko Buljan, who didn’t make the trip to Fort Collins due to personal reasons. New Mexico, No. 23, came to Fort Worth on January 30 and stretched its winning streak to six games with a 73-57 victory over TCU. Ronnie Moss led TCU with 30 points, on 12-of-17 shooting with five 3-pointers, and eight assists. Zvonko Buljan, who is from Croatia and one of five international players on the roster, finished with 11 points after not making the trip with the team for Wednesday night’s loss. TCU was plagued by turnovers throughout the game. The Lobos scored 19 points off 16 TCU turnovers. TCU travels to Air Force on Saturday February 6 for an afternoon game at 3:00 p.m. The game will be broadcast on ESPN radio 103.3 FM. These teams previously met in Fort Worth, with the Frogs winning 59-50 on January 6.
Wannabe All-Stars All-Star Games in professional sports have lost their luster. I’m tired of seeing guys make the team that have no business being an “All-Star.” Growing up, I couldn’t wait to watch All-Star Games, but now it’s been ruined by letting fans do the voting. Would you want the coach of your favorite team to start the fan favorites instead of the best players? Allen Iverson was named a starter for the upcoming NBA All-Star Game. Are you serious? He’s not even the best player on his team, which is a bottom feeder in the Eastern Conference. Then again, you can have a losing record in the East and still make the playoffs. Tracy
McGrady only played in six games this year and finshed fourth in voting for guards, doubling-up votes for Jason Kidd and Chauncey Billups. Major League Baseball always has their share of All-Star snubs, usually because players in smaller markets never get seen. Popularity wins out over skill. The good thing is, at least one player from every team is selected. In last summer’s game, Josh Hamilton was named a starter after missing most of the season before the break with an injury and struggling at the plate. I’m a big fan of his, but he didn’t belong
by: Craig Smith “Sportsologist” - csmith@blitzweekly.com
on the All-Star Team last year. Ichiro Suzuki is one hell of a baseball player and deserves to be an All-Star. He will be voted a starter the rest of his career no matter how he plays because the whole country of Japan gets online and votes for their hero. The NFL has the best way to elect starters of the three. Players are voted on by players, coaches and fans. Each group’s votes count for one third of votes. The problem is most players who make the team don’t even play due to injuries, being involved in the Super Bowl or just don’t care to play in the game. Hopefully, one day these games will get their appeal back. I think to get the most talented players involved, only coaches and players should vote. They need to get it right so these games will be worth watching.
NBA: Nuggets vs Lakers Friday, Feb 5 – 9:30 PM – Staples Center – ESPN The Lakers will host their trailing competitors for the West, the Nuggets, who just came off of a red hot 9 game winning streak. Denver has their eyes set on the #1 spot and are just 4 games back. The Lakers are nearly unstoppable at home, so you can expect a great Friday night game.
NHL: Dallas vs Phoenix
Sat, Feb 6 – 5:00 PM – American Airlines Center – FS SW Dallas Stars fans may get a taste of their favorite thing – victory. Although the Stars have been lackluster this season, they have an impressive record at home. It will also be interesting to see the return of Dave Tippett since his firing from the Stars. It could turn out to be an emotional game.
Super Bowl XLIV: Saints vs Colts
Sunday, Feb 7 – 6:00 PM – Sun Life Stadium – CBS The last time the No. 1 seeds reached the Super Bowl was back in ’93 when the Cowboys blew out the Bills. The Saints are playing for the gold, as this is their first Super Bowl appearance in their 43-year history. Manning is playing for his 2nd Super bowl ring. It’s going to be a showdown.
SUPER BOWL LINE San., Feb. 7 Indianapolis
LINE -5.5
Underdog New Orleans
TIME 5:25pm
8
The Number One Sports Entertainment Value The Harlem Globetrot“That Hockey Guy Goes B-Bell” ters have been entertaining fans around the world since 1926. They are still the best family entertainment value in sports. Over the years, they’re always led on the court by a loudmouth playing Center, which is always the focal point of their famous Globetrotter pass-the-ball offense. Over the years, billions of fans have been entertained by Goose Tatum, Wilt Chamberlain, Meadowlark Lemon, Geese Ausbie and now, Nate “Big Easy” Lawson. The only difference from the old days is that now all of the players, referees and basketball sideshows use cordless microphones. This probably could have kept Meadowlark’s voice playing for another 10 years. It has been 52 years since I, myself, was pushed onto the basketball court as a wide-eyed 5 year-old sitting on the front row at the old Philadelphia Civic Center with the Harlem Globetrotters, running around during the game as part of the entertainment. Wilt Chamberlain and I were chased all around the basketball court by Meadowlark Lemon with a bucket of what we thought was water, just as it was done at the American Airline Center in 2010 with Nate “ Big Easy” Lawson. Many of the antics are still the same as I remember to this day. It is truly a “Lifetime of memories.” The Trotters today are still beating the Washington Generals as they did for over 84 years. WFAA Channel 8’s own Rob McCallum by: Richard “Rocket” Pollak
got to dress up for the all-time longest losing team and be a part of all the pull down the basketball shorts, chase the dribblers all over the court and get interrupted shooting your fouls shots, just like they have always done. I really enjoyed sitting on the fifth row behind the basket with Mark Jackson, ESPN NBA Basketball Analyst and his family. It’s great to look at a former NBA star and then roll your eyes along with him, as we both yell in amazement at every dunk and laugh hard out loud at every prank. Jackson especially liked what the Trotters were able to do with the referees and when Nate “Big Easy” Lawson yanked off one of the Washington Generals entire uniform! It was an honor to spend a few moments with Harlem Globetrotter Legend Charles “Tex” Harrison from Houston, who spent over 18 years playing and 20 years coaching the Globetrotters saying, “I really miss making all the kids so happy.” Harrison took over the Trotters and kept them afloat after it was sold by the Saperstein Family and the infamous split of Meadowlark Lemon and Marques Haynes to their own Wizards Basketball Entertainment Organization. Fortunately, he also was there when the two merged back together again under foreign ownership. But, who cares, as long as the kids are entertained and we remember our youth, running around with them on the court avoiding a bucket of water and still being able to have “A Lifetime of Memories.” by: Geoff Case
For NFL fans, the Super Bowl is the best excuse of the year to host a party and booze it up. It’s hard to resist the excitement and anticipation that surrounds the biggest day in sports. It’s not a party to get stressed over, but by considering a few details in the party planning, you can add to the fun of the day. These rules will help you pull together a sensational Super Bowl party year after year.
The best size is at least 42 inches and it must be high definition. If you don’t have the game in HD, people will find the party that does.
Always have cold drinks as close to the viewing area as possible. Place a cooler with ice or small fridge next to the couch; it saves anyone from multiple trips to the kitchen. However, my wife has informed me that placing a temporary restroom device near the television, like a horse trough, is still off-limits.
If not everyone is a football fan or the game becomes a blow-out, always have a back-up activity planned, like a Texas Hold’em tournament or Madden Xbox tournament. If anything, it will give the women a reason to move girl talk into another room.
It is imperative that your food selection is a good one. Let’s face it, one of the reasons we love the Super Bowl is it gives us an excuse to chow down on junk for four hours in a guilt-free environment. Finger food is the key, food that can be picked at all evening. Think grazing, rather than feasting. If you’re on a budget, ask every guest to bring a dish and call it a “potluck” party.
Depending on your house, you’ll want to limit the party so there are not people standing watching the game. In a normal situation, 8-13 people is about the limit before seats start becoming an issue. If you do, however, run out of seats, offer the most attractive female a spot on your lap. It is your duty as a good host.
Go ahead, try and serve these bad boys and see what happens. There will need to be proper ventilation around the couch and maybe some gasmasks. Remember, the game lasts over three hours, so plan accordingly. Don’t watch your buddy punish the pregame bean dip and cringe at the couch cushions. Hide the explosive snacks for halftime and save yourself the smell.
Photo Courtesy: Craig O’Neal
“NFL Party Animal”
9 by: Peggy Kilpatrick
“Girl that can Laugh”
In the last decade, Super Bowl commercials have become a new reason to look forward to the big game. Here are some of the Blitz picks for funniest Super Bowl commercials in the last decade: E Trade – “Talking Baby” (2008) Although the talking baby on the web cam has made many more appearances in commercials sans Super Bowl, the original one where he spits up never gets old. Career Builder – “Working With Monkeys” (2005) This hilarious commercial says it all too well to the people who work in an office. After showing one annoyed human in the work place with a bunch of wild monkeys bouncing around, this commercial advertises a need to get a new job. Bud Light – “Rock, Paper, Scissors” (2009) This one shows two guys at a backyard BBQ both reaching into the cooler for the last Bud Light. They play rock-paper-scissors to duel it out and one guy throws a beer at the other’s head. “What? I threw a rock,” is the punch line. Sprint – “Men’s Locker Room” (2006) Set in what looks like a fancy clubhouse locker room, two businessmen who just got done working out are comparing their new phones. The man with the Sprint one says, “Well mine has theft protection. Try to take my wallet.” The other reaches for the wallet and the Sprint guy chucks his phone at the “thief,” hitting him straight in the head. T Mobile – “Are You His Dad” (2009) The Charles Barkley/Dwayne Wade commercials made for a good laugh, but the winner is where they are eating lunch at a restaurant when the young naïve waitress walks up ecstatic to Wade telling him how much of a fan she is. She then looks at Barkley and says innocently “Oh I’m sorry. Are you his dad?” Tide-to-Go – “Loud Stain” (2008) It’s simple. A man is interviewing for a job, and wearing a white shirt with a big orange stain on the front. As he starts telling the interviewer about himself, the stain starts speaking loud gibberish over the interviewee, making it really awkward for both the characters and the audience. Bud Light – “Magic Refrigerator” (2006) Once again Bud Light came through with the guy who has a stocked fridge of Bud Light. When the guys are about to come over, where will he hide it? He pulls a hidden lever, which produces a revolving wall. The fridge spins to the apartment next door, where a bunch of dumb guys yell, “Hurry! The magic fridge is back,” quickly grabbing as many bottles as they can before it disappears. Snickers – “Accidental Kiss” (2007) Two men are working under the hood of a car in a garage. Both leaning over the engine, one guy puts an entire Snickers bar in his mouth, in which the other guy puts his mouth on the other end. They do a “Lady and the Tramp” move and end up kissing on accident, letting their lips touch a little too long. After freaking out, one man goes, “Quick! Do something manly!” Meanwhile, the other one takes off his shirt and rips a handful of chest hair out.
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his has the potential to be the highest scoring Super Bowl ever. To see the offense that could/ should be on display in Miami, one would have to go back to the days of Troy Aikman, Michael Irvin and Emmitt Smith, as they led the Dallas Cowboys against Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas, Andre Reed and the Buffalo Bills. This game is loaded on offense! The NFC Champion New Orleans Saints were on their way to a perfect season when it was derailed by the Dallas Cowboys in week 15. The main reason for the Saints success is their high-powered offense, led by quarterback Drew Brees. Brees threw for a league-leading 34 touchdown passes, while possessing the fourth-ranked aerial attack in the NFL. He has a plethora of weapons in his arsenal from wide receivers Marques Colston and Deverey Henderson, running backs Pierre Thomas and Mike Bell, tight end Jeremy Shockey and all-everything weapon Reggie Bush. Wide Receiver Marques Colston had a great season with 70 receptions for 1,074 yards. His success has rubbed off on the speedy wideout Deverey Henderson, who caught
51 passes for 804 yards. Robert Meachem, the team’s third receiver, caught 45 for 722 yards. Tight end Jeremy Shockey battled through an injury-plagued season, catching 48 passes for 569 yards. Reggie Bush could very well be the key to the game. He rushed 70 times for 390 yards, an average of 5.6 yards per carry. He also caught 47 passes for 335 yards. Bush even returns punts. His long this season was 23 yards, so he may be due for a breakout game, such as the one Desmond Howard had for the Green Bay Packers in Super Bowl XXXI, when he became the only special teams player to win the Super Bowl MVP. This may very well be the toughest game for New Orleans Saints defensive coordinator Gregg Williams to call this season. They have faced two legendary quarterbacks in Kurt Warner and Brett Favre in their first two playoff games. Warner’s beating paled in comparison to the bruises they gave Mr. Favre. Translation: They can get to the quarterback and lay some serious hits without mercy. Peyton Manning is not the most mobile quarterback in the NFL, so he may be hearing footsteps. A staple of the Saints defense has
been its ability to force turnovers. New Orleans has seven takeaways in the post-season after getting 39 in the regular season. Five of these turnovers came in the NFC Championship against the Minnesota Vikings. Linebacker Jonathan Vilma had an interception and forced a fumble in the game. While they are in the process of getting the ball back to their offensive juggernaut, the Saints resilient defense has become extremely physical. Playmakers on the Saints defense include cornerback Tracy Porter, safety Darren Sharper, and defensive end Will Smith. Defensive end Bobby McCray has developed a reputation for bone-crunching hits on quarterbacks, and would love to add a big hit on Peyton Manning to his resume. While the Vikings dominated the NFC Championship statistically, the Saints defense managed to step up and make the key plays at the right time. The Colts offense is a force to be reckoned with, so if the Saints have any hope to win the Super Bowl, their offense may get all of the pub and the glory, but their defense will need to set them up again. They will be ‘aints no more.
by: Jayson Larson
By: Jennifer Wayne - “The Foxie Couch Potato”
“Man on the Inside”
Super Bowl XXV, 1991
The New Kids on the Block performed “Step By Step” along with Disney characters. The halftime presentation wasn’t shown live, though. ABC News cut to coverage of Operation Desert Storm. It was instead shown “hi-light” style during the post-game show.
Super Bowl XL, 2006
The stage was in the form of the Rolling Stones’ trademark iconic tongue logo. The group’s performance included “Start Me Up” and “Satisfaction” on the largest stage ever assembled for a halftime show -- 28 separate pieces were assembled in 5 minutes by a 600 member stage crew.
Super Bowl XXIII, 1989
The halftime show included a 3-D commercial for Diet Coke and 3D effects during the show itself. Leading up to the game, CocaCola distributed special 3-D glasses to be worn during the performance. The set included 1950s doo wop-style songs. Despite an Elvis impersonator as the star, no Elvis songs were included, but it was in 3-D, so…
Super Bowl XLI, 2007
Prince performed a twelve-minute medley of songs, including “Let’s Go Crazy,” “Purple Rain” and covers of Bob Dylan’s “All Along the Watchtower” and the Foo Fighters’ “Best of You.” The random song selection kept our attention.
Super Bowl VIII, 1974
This was the first time the Super Bowl came to Texas and, gosh darn it, we were going to showcase our prettiest girl. The University of Texas Band with Judy Mallett (Miss Texas 1973) on fiddle did a musical tribute to America.
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he Indianapolis Colts return to Miami, the site where they won the 2007 Super Bowl over the Bears, 29-17. Peyton Manning is the straw that stirs the drink for this team. He was named this year’s NFL Most Valuable Player. It was his third one, tying him with Brett Favre for most ever. He spends countless hours watching films, preparing for each game, and has two weeks to prepare for the Saints. He will walk to the line and change plays if he doesn’t like what he sees. He’s probably the smartest quarterback in the league and will be ready to dissect the Saints defense. In the AFC Championship, he threw for 377 yards with 3 touchdowns and no interceptions. I find it a little ironic that just a few years ago he was labeled as a quarterback who couldn’t win the big game. With a second Super Bowl win this weekend, he will be placed among the best ever. He already is best ever in the league in commercials. He was only sacked 10 times in the regular season playing behind a solid offensive line. Manning has a plethora of receivers to throw to. He’s been with his favorite target Reggie Wayne for nine years. Wayne
had 100 catches this year for 1,264 yards and will exploit the 26thranked pass defense of the Saints. Dallas Clark is one of the best tight ends in the league and finished the regular season with 100 receptions, which was highest among all tight ends in league. Joseph Addai is a capable running back who can also catch passes out of the backfield. The Saints will have their hands full with these guys but there are more weapons at Manning’s dispense. Pierre Garcon set a record for most receptions in an AFC Championship game with 11 catches for 151 yards and a touchdown. Garcon, of Haitian descent, is a great representative of Haiti and has used the earthquake as motivation. Austin Collie may be the key as he will get less coverage and is the new Brandon Stokley of the team. He just seems to get open quietly and makes catches. The Colts started this season 14-0 and are hard to beat when they are on their game, but they say defense wins games. The Colts defense doesn’t get the respect it deserves. They’re small by NFL standards, but fast. In two playoff games so far, they have only given up 20 points
and less than 150 yards rushing. They were eighth in the league in points allowed. The truth is this is a very good unit that doesn’t give up big plays. “We like to let our play on the field do the talking,” linebacker Gary Brackett said. The high-powered Saints offense will not be easy to contain, playing in their first Super Bowl in franchise history. Dwight Freeney will play a huge part in disrupting the gameplan and by putting pressure on Drew Brees. He’s explosive off the line and could cause problems all game if not double teamed. They held the Jets who had a top five running game in the league to 86 yards on 29 carries in the AFC Championship game. Free Safety Antoine Bethea is a playmaker in the secondary and one of the best in the league at his position. He is a good physical run stopper. They won’t keep the Saints off the scoreboard, but will keep them in the game. I look for Manning to finally earn his elite status among top NFL quarterbacks ever as the Colts win another Super Bowl.
Super Bowl XXVII, 1993
Super Bowl XXXVI, 2002
by: Craig Smith “Sportsologist” - csmith@blitzweekly.com
Super Bowl XXXVII, 2004
The show featured six star performers, but you probably don’t remember four of them. To end their duet -- on live TV – Justin Timberlake ripped away part of the bustier on Janet Jackson, exposing her right breast. Now we’re stuck with “safe” performers from now until eternity. Thanks a bunch. And nice nipple shield.
Super Bowl XLII, 2008
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers performed “American Girl,” “I Won’t Back Down,” “Free Fallin” and “Runnin’ Down a Dream.” This is one of the few classic rock bands that still sound coherent live.
Super Bowl XXXV, 2001
MTV presented “The Kings of Rock and Pop.” The show concluded with ‘N Sync, Britney Spears, Nelly and Mary J. Blige joining Aerosmith on stage for “Walk This Way.” It was a parade of eye candy for young and old.
Up until this time, it was rare to have just one star performer, but they couldn’t have picked a more stand-alone performer--Michael Jackson. The finale featured a choir of 3,500 Los Angeles children joining Jackson for his single “Heal the World.” SNL will parody this as long as we all shall live.
U2 did a tribute to 9/11 victims. A heart-shaped stage featured a banner scrolling the names of the nearly 3,000 victims of September 11. U2 performed “Beautiful Day” and “Where the Streets Have No Name.” ‘Nuff said.
13 by: Brian Beard
“Ultimate Fighter”
by: Jesse Whitman
“A Woman’s Perspective”
You might be college-educated, well-traveled, or even have read Dickens or Proust. But regardless of how many irrelevant cultural references you can drop at a cocktail or keg party, we must be honest with ourselves. This may shock you, may even insult you (which is a red flag, by the way), but we’re all white trash. Some of us just have better outfits. “Au contraire,” you may shout indignantly. “I laugh at people with mullets. I don’t drive a pick-up truck. I watch foreign films with subtitles.” Although you might not own a gun rack or have teardrop tattoos, your life still closely parallels with white trash rednecks. The real question is: “What kind of redneck are you?”
Randy Couture “The Natural” vs. Mark Coleman “The Hammer”
Two MMA legends will go toe to toe in this fight. Both are extremely strong wrestlers that have past their prime. Coleman has never evolved into a complete fighter and that will cause his demise here. Although he has the rawest tan in the game, it will not be enough to get past Couture. He has become a well-rounded fighter and will come in with a game plan to beat Coleman. It is very likely that this will go to a decision, but I will call Coleman’s gas tank running empty late in the 2nd and Couture will pound his way to victory early in the 3rd.
Nate Marquardt “The Great” vs. Chael Sonnen
Nate the Great has been on a tear lately and should be close to a rematch with Middle Weight Champion Anderson Silva. He will first have to get past Sonnen, a very strong wrestler who has also won his last two fights over very good opponents. Sonnen keeps a really good pace and is tenacious, but it won’t be enough here. Marquardt is an absolute beast and will KO Sonnen in the 1st round. Silva will be next and he may very well have a shot to win that one. RAW CAT.
Mike Swick vs. Paulo Thiago
Swick will be favored in the striking game while Thiago will be favored on the ground. I see Thiago trying to get this fight to the ground as soon as he can, but it won’t be easy. Swick is very athletic and will be able to fend off the takedown for a while. I think Swick is a more well-rounded fighter, but I think Thiago is dangerous. He did TKO Josh Koscheck and that sh!t is not an easy task. He also has a good chin, which may allow him to withstand some punishment. I see Paulo catching Swick by surprise in the 2nd and knocking him out. Presented By: The Gym • 921 West Mayfield #112 • Arlington, Texas 817-652-1555 • www.thegym.org
They’ve upgraded from Nattie Ice to boxed wine and prescription pills. They have lasered off the last of their faded tattoos from 1987, but the NASCAR on their movie-theater-sized flat screen TV and cheese whiz on saltines is a dead giveaway. They wear distressed Abercrombie & Fitch jeans and live in a suburban McMansion full of made-in-China country décor. They have a vacation home on Hilton Head Island, but you can’t mistake their distinct smell of too much expensive perfume/cologne mixed with cigarette smoke and four-wheeler fumes. You can usually find the self-proclaimed hippie—who’s in denial about being a redneck— dancing in a dive bar to the random jam-band that sounds to them like the Grateful Dead, thanks to lots of Budweiser and good weed. They may smell like patchouli and have sweaty, unkempt dreadlocks, but who are they kidding? A true hippie knows that a tie-dyed t-shirt and hemp jewelry doesn’t mix with Wrangler jeans and cowboy boots. The answer to most medical emergencies or general problems in life for the true redneck is, “Just pour some beer on it.” You can typically spot one buying beer and diapers at a gas station and wearing a shirt with stains. Their motto is “get ‘r done,” which, unfortunately, doesn’t involve the motivation to replace a few missing front teeth. They don’t deny or hide their white trash ways. They feel not a hint of shame in letting their rapscallion children run amok through Wal-Mart with no shoes on. And that mullet glistening with White Rain Hairspray is not ironic, but worn proud, flying in the wind like a Confederate flag. An undercover redneck is a real redneck who tries to hide it during certain social situations, especially when trying to impress the opposite sex. In their attempt to appear cultured, they confuse the bartender by asking for “pinot de greezio.” When asked what kind of white wines they like, they go blank and then finally say, with a combination of panic and embarrassment, “Sutter Home?” When back in their natural habitat, they easily revert back to their redneck ways, kicking back with a beer and watching the fluorescent bug-zapper. Having been the party animal during the Rave scene of the mid-90’s, the “Rollneck” can commonly be spotted in his beat-up Ford truck, chain-smoking, jamming out to techno music and thinking that those skirt-like JNCO jeans are still in style. They dream of dancing all night with glow-sticks and rubbing vapor-rub on a woman in pig-tails with a teddy bear backpack at a “rolling” party, but a typical night out usually involves excess beer and cigarettes at the local watering hole. They’ve been using the pick-up line “Do you like house music?” for years, even though it never works, not even with the big-boned woman in the leopard print moo-moo. They sigh, “If only it were 1995.”
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FOOD REVIEW
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Solʼs Nieto Mexican Grill is a fun friendly place with a jukebox atmosphere, neighborhood feel, amazing food and great margaritas.
6434 E.MOCKINGBIRD DALLAS, TX 75214 214-826-5564
by: Peggy Kilpatrick “Girl with Taste”
One block southwest of the Denton’s Historical Square is a small building on the corner that resembles an old auto-garage. It is in fact, not a garage, but a casual restaurant and bar that serves every meal with a taste of Southwestern flair. Established in 1996, this weekend spot welcomes families, college students, as well as anyone who is hungry and thirsty for drinks and a good time. Their motto: “Mind Your Belly!”
The Feel The restaurant has both an indoor patio and an inside dining area where the bar is located. When the weather is bearable, the garage doors on the patio open up, making your dining experience even better and the picnic tables give it more of a park-type atmosphere. The place is very casual as you walk in and seat yourself and the menus are right there on the table waiting for you.
The Food
They pride themselves on having the freshest ingredients. Appetizers include Peel ‘n Eat Shrimp, Fried Shrimp Stuffed Jalapeños and Fried Pickles and Portobello ‘Shrooms. It is mostly American food with a taste of Tex-Mex. Nothing on the menu is over ten bucks, unless you order a bottle of champagne, but it is more of a beer place than a champagne one. For the main course, Sweetwater offers everything from nachos (try ‘em with tenderloin) to salads to sandwiches (fried bologna like when you were a kid) or burgers (available with a veggie patty upon request). Don’t forget to order a batch of their sweet potato fries. If you are in the mood for regular fries with a twist, ask them to put a dash of their seasoning on them. For desert, they have Cobbler, Bread Pudding with Whiskey Sauce and Carmel Pecan Cream Pie.
The Fun
This is a great place to go to after a long day of work for happy hour. They have a different drink special almost every day of the week. Sunday, Bloody Marys are just $2 all day. Monday is Margarita Monday and you can partake for $2 a pop. Tuesday is the day to get a little crazy with $2.50 Quervo shots. For more drink specials, plus their daily food special ($6.99 on generous portions of goodness, like the Chicken Fried Chicken and Pot Roast), check their website. The music is fun and loud, as well as the atmosphere and they offer a wide variety of drinks, including all kinds of beer. They even offer catering for your own personal meetings or parties. Chef Jimmy has over 30 years of experience in this realm, so you’ll be in good hands.
The Final Word
This casual dine-in restaurant is great for a quick bite and/or a few drinks with your friends and for a small price; it definitely hits the spot. Sweetwater Grill & Tavern 115 N. Elm St. • Denton, TX 76201 940.484.2888 • sweetwaterdenton.com
15 Courtesy of: www.uncrate.com
The granddaddy of all Apple rumors finally came true. It’s not going to change the world, but it might get you reading more books. The Apple iPad is the now-not-so-mythical tablet God King, featuring a 9.7-inch Multi-Touch LED-backlit display with IPS technology that’s packed into a half-inch thick piece of aluminum that weighs just 1.5 pounds. Shipping with slick apps for web, email, photos, videos, music, and eBooks, the iPad can also run most current iPhone apps, small or up-scaled in full screen. Thanks to a new iBook Store (goodbye Kindle, nice knowing you), you’ll be able to buy and download books to read, just like you do music and movies on your iPhone. The iPad is powered by a custom 1GHz Apple A4 chip and offers an insane 10-hours of (video watching) battery life and a month of standby time. The iPad comes in two versions — one with Wi-Fi and one with both Wi-Fi and 3G. Get your iPad in late March. Price - $499-$829
Available in Japan for some time now, the Nintendo Wii Classic Controller Pro, a more advanced version of the original Classic Controller, is finally making its way stateside. Available in Wii white or a striking black, the Classic Pro features double trigger buttons on the right and left for more control options, Playstation-style integrated bottom grips and will also be bundled with the Capcom title Monster Hunter Tri for $60. Price - $20 when released in April
We the People of DFW, Inc. By Rich Hancock rich@rationalradio.org
The United States Supreme Court has ruled in a 5-4 decision that corporations deserve the same rights as individual citizens in federal election campaigns. Why? Are DFW mega-corporations like Exxon Mobil somehow being oppressed by you and me, the carbon-based life forms? According to the decision, it’s because restricting the rights of corporations to flood the airwaves with private advertising in favor of, or in opposition to, a candidate for federal office infringes on their right to free speech. Texas Instruments has a voice! They must be allowed to speak! But who are the “they” in question? Are they the chairmen of the board? Nope. Their right to buy advertising to say what they want with their own money is already protected under existing law. Is it the shareholders? Nope. Chairmen of the board? Nope. So whose individual rights are being in-
fringed upon? Not one single soul’s—and that’s precisely the point. The Supremes decided that incorporated entities like Mary Kay Cosmetics are people, and while Mary Kay Ash passed away in 2001, the construct that is Mary Kay Inc. lives on. On that basis, I believe that corporations are both immortal and immoral. I say they’re immortal because a corporation does not have a life expectancy, unlike every living thing. Corporations live on until the money runs out. They’re immoral because they operate independent of any specific moral compass like, “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you” or “Hey! Don’t dump that sludge in the river!!!” Let me go on record…I do not regard corporations as evil. Lockheed Martin and Bell Helicopter may employ many fine people, but when defense contractors can spend exorbitant amounts of corporate money on electing whichever candidate will authorize which aircraft or weapons to use, then you’re not acting on any basis other than your own bottom line. So, how is it that an entity which is immortal and immoral is regarded by the Supreme Court as deserving of the rights of a person? That just beats the hell out of me…might it have something to do with our collections of fine, former corporate lawyers on the court? Chief Justice John Roberts rep-
Cut down on your electronics’ energy usage with the iGo Green Power Smart Tower. This smart surge bar offers eight outlets, four of which stay on in a fixed position, and four that feature iGo Green technology and also rotate 360 degrees to accomodate a number of differently-shaped plugs. The iGo Green technology automatically powers down outlets that aren’t currently in use and powers them back up when devices need power, reducing standby power usage by up to 85%. Other features include a towerstyle design with integrated cable management and dual front-mounted USB ports for charging portable devices. Price - $80
resented the coal industry against the mine workers, for Pete’s sake! Dallas oil and gas man T. Boone Pickens spent tens of millions of his own private dollars trying to convince us that his natural gas, wind and solar power were the answers to the foreign oil problem. He advertised “The Pickens Plan” in print, TV and radio commercials with lots of money out of his pocket. If he had tried spending his corporate holdings, though, he would’ve violated the law. Now we see that a future full of paid advertising on behalf of—or in opposition to—Belo or News Corp. candidates will rule the election cycle. The movie buff in me wonders which corporation-driven future nightmare my kid can look forward to: Soylent Green or RollerBall? Both portray a world where individuals mean nothing, and the corporation is everything. Both characterize the futility of an individual’s desire for justice…and one suggests that when the food runs out, the corporations will happily feed us to each other. Remember: “Soylent Green is People,” and Soylent Green Inc. of DFW will gladly serve it up. Bon Appétit. Rich Hancock is the host of Rational Talk with Rich Hancock on rationalbroadcasting.com.
By: Sybil Summers
sybilsummers.com
10. Coca-Cola: Mean Joe Green (1979) Gives kid jersey in exchange for a Coke. Turns out he’s not so mean afterall. 9. McDonald’s: Jordan vs. Bird (1993) Battle of the titans turns ridiculously impossible, yet still retains humor and likability. Nothin’ but net. 8. Doritos: Checkout Girl (2007) Checkout Girl was Flo from Progressive before Flo was Flo. Giddyup! 7. Godaddy.com: Candice Michelle (2006) Hot chick + stiff suits + not-sosubtle “wardrobe malfunction” = One of the sexiest SuperBowl ads of all time. 6. Ameriquest: Cat Killer (2005) Guy makes dinner for girlfriend. Cat jumps into red sauce, spilling it onto the floor. Guy has knife in one hand, cat in other. Girl walks in. Tagline: “Don’t judge too quickly.” Brilliant. 5. Pepsi: Cindy Crawford (1991) If only we could remember Cindy as a young, smokin’ supermodel. But then they had to do a remake featuring her as a mom. Meh. 4. Budweiser: Wassup (2000) Paving the way for the catchphrase of the decade and thankfully shutting the door on “Show me the money!” 3. E-Trade: Talking Babies (2009) I’m not usually a fan of talking babies, but when he breaks out into Mr. Mister, I can’t help but chuckle. Party on. 2. Budweiser: Donkey and Clydesdales (2004) Maybe it’s because I have a soft spot for animals, but I thought this commercial was historic, heartfelt and humorous all at the same time. 1. Miller Lite: Catfight (2003) Because as we’ve learned from Cindy Crawford and Candice Michelle...sex sells.
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ACROSS 1. Dogfish 5. Sword 9. Flower feature 14. Curse 15. Hindu princess 16. Without company 17. ___-friendly 18. Wall support 19. Tart citrus fruit 20. Abnormal narrowing of a passageway 22. Catkin 23. Aromatic compound 24. Chip away at 26. American Dental Association 29. Lime tree 33. Indoor footwear 38. The whole thing 39. Sharpen 40. Any factual evidence 42. Affirm 43. Enclose in 45. Bald 47. A church elder 48. Registered nursing assistant 49. Deacon 52. Lava 57. Outer or exterior 60. Athletic supporter 63. Exculpation 64. Decorative case 65. Pledge 66. French for “Room” 67. Maize 68. Fifty-seven in Roman numerals 69. “Come in!” 70. Arduous journey 71. Give temporarily
DOWN 1. Bad treatment 2. Sail supports 3. Lifeless 4. Eagle’s nest 5. At one time (archaic) 6. Maori club 7. Habituate 8. Sea duck 9. Someone who fights for a cause (archaic) 10. Primary 11. Hefty volume 12. Auth. unknown 13. The period preceeding Easter 21. Crummy 25. Any unsaturated aliphatic hydrocarbon 27. Rely 28. Arranger (abbrev.) 30. Plunge 31. God of love 32. Current event information 33. Small storage structure 34. Solitary 35. Ancient Peruvian 36. Unaggressive 37. Fifth note in do-re-mi 41. Paddle 44. Warrior 46. Male sheep (plural) 50. Expel 51. Turbine part 53. Coral island 54. Tomb 55. French for “Morning” 56. Plant louse 57. Lack of difficulty 58. Tribe 59. Slant 61. Remedy 62. An eccentric idea
Blitz Weekly Funnies for the Week Q: What’s a blonde’s idea of safe sex? A: Locking the car door. Q: What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A: A Doberman pinscher. Q: What do West Virginians call a pretty woman? A: A tourist. Q: How do you know when it’s going to be a good day at work? A: When you see your boss’ picture on the side of the milk carton.
A Bar Owner A bar owner locked up his place at 2 a.m. and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang. “What time do you open up in the morning?” He heard from an obviously inebriated man. The owner was so furious; he slammed down the receiver and went back to bed. A few minutes later there was another call and he heard the same voice ask the same question. “Listen,” the owner shouted, “There’s no sense in asking me what time I open because I wouldn’t let a person in your condition in.” “I don’t want to get in,” the caller interjected. “I want to get out.”
Horrorscopes
Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
Gemini (May 21 - Jun. 21)
Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)
Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
Cancer (Jun. 22 – Jul. 22)
Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)
Gossip hounds are going to sniff your butt this weekend. Play dead. Say nothing.
Bad television tempts you on Sunday. Fall into its trance without guilt. It is your destiny.
Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19)
Leo (Jul. 23 - Aug. 22)
Sagittarius(Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
Taurus (Apr. 20 - May 20)
Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)
Hasty decisions turn out fabulous. Friday is a great day to gamble.
On Tuesday, your waiter/waitress will be having a bad day and will screw up your order. Just embrace your order as a surprise and move on.
Your popularity is on the rise. You will be invited to some place fabulous and feel awkward once you get there, but that’s another day. Enjoy your invitation and brief feeling of being accepted.
Put your best foot forward. You are being judged by everyone this week.
Stressful week ahead. Take a couple of deep breaths and put on a few extra strokes of deodorant.
Lines will be unbearably long on Friday. Procrastinate errands or practice zoning out.
Your personal space bubble will burst. Avoid crowds on Saturday or get cozy with smelly strangers.
What you formerly thought was a good idea, now blooms into total disaster. Avoid fast food and blind dates.
Self-destructive tendencies are running high. Check your garbage disposal for errant utensils before turning it on.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
Your bargain star is in perfect alignment. Be on the look out for cheap thrills on Harry Hines!
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Five People At Your Super Bowl Party Every year, people from all walks of life tune in to watch the Super Bowl. Having the two best teams, regardless of fan base, play in the Championship game brings the most casual of all football fans to the TV. Most people throw or attend a party on Super Bowl Sunday and have to deal with an incredibly random assortment of people. Here are five types of people who you will probably see at your Super Bowl Party: 1. The Bandwagon Bandit – This person is easily spotted wearing the colors of the favored team, this year, probably wearing a Colt’s jersey. Although they have never mentioned their undying love for the team before, they shout loudly about how much they love the team and how they’ve said all along this would be the big year. This person also hopes you don’t remember the past years in which they have said the same thing about the Steelers, Patriots, Giants, etc. Feel free to ignore their sadness when the team loses. 2. The Sports Radio Genius – In every city in America, a sports radio channel plays 24 hours of continuous sports talk. Hour after hour of game breakdowns by “experts” brings the most ridiculous of stat knowledge to everyday people. The Sports Radio Genius will be the guy so ready to analyze each play with some obscure and uncheckable bit of knowledge. A typical quote will be something like, “The Saint’s will be all right if Brees’ Passing Rating stays above his normal 91, but they’re sunk if the defense runs the nickel with a 4-4 no-look rush (which everyone says they can’t contain, except in December) and blah blah blah ....” Feel free to tune him out every time he opens his mouth.
by: Pat MoranThrone”
“Man on his Throne” - pmoran@gmail.com
3. The Ad Loving Ball and Chain - This person is found in both genders. They aren’t fans of sports in general, let alone football. They come to the party because they want to be involved in their partner’s life and to keep an eye on them. They choose the team with the best uniforms or most famous player. They refuse to cheer and spend most of the game trying to start conversations about anything BUT football. To them, the best thing about the game is the ads that run during the break, where they will laugh incredibly loud and make everyone regret getting married. 4. The Over-Emotional Loser - At the beginning of the game, this person is on cloud nine. Their favorite team, the one they followed their entire life, is finally playing in the Super Bowl! All the years of watching them set up shop in the bottom of the standings has finally paid off! But at the end of the game, when their team will inevitably lose (it happens to us all), they’re crying their eyes out all over their custom jersey and foam finger. They see the loss as a metaphor for their entire sad sack life. Seeing a grown man cry is always awkward, but seeing a grown man cry over a football game is the worst. Avoid unless they act suicidal. 5. The Drunk Narcoleptic - It’s never a good idea to get drunk before noon and plan on being ready to go for the game. The Drunk Narcoleptic is the guy who gets plastered off of cheap beer and gorges on every type of junk food in sight, only to pass out by halftime, missing the rest of the game. Wakes up sleepy-eyed every time a big play happens, but passes out moments later. Feel free to sharpie their face with insults.
Crossword Solution