blitzweekly.com
VOL. 2 - ISSUE 30
Mar. 24 - 30, 2010 3
Errant Spike Strip Leaves Drivers Flat
BLITZ News Shorts 3 Movie Review: Green Zone 4 Music: Know Bob Schneider 5 Mavs and Stars News 6 A Woman’s HSO 7 UFC 111 Preview 8 COVER STORY: Guide to Pubs & Taverns Taverns That Made History 9 Our Local Favorites 10-11 BLITZ BABE: Malysa 12 Boys Are Nasty 13 Restaurant Review: Bangkok City 14 Blitz Toys 15 The Fan Top 10 with Sybil 16 Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes 17 Last Call: Traveling Sucks 18 PUBLISHER Kelly G. Reed EDITOR Jennifer Wayne CREATIVE DIRECTOR / WEBSITE / GRAPHIC DESIGN Damien William Mayfield COVER: Photographer: Nathaniel Chadwick Special Thanks to: Fry Street Tavern CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Manny Flores PHOTOGRAPHERS Darryl Briggs, Gregg Case, Nathaniel Chadwick, Kent Gilley, Tim Gravens, Matt Pearce, Jason Ryan, Ed Westerman CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Brian Beard, The Bum, Geoff Case, Robin George, Dennis Hambright, Andrew J. Hewett, Eric Kendall, Peggy Kilpatrick, Frank LaCosta, Pat Moran, Richard S. Pollak, Craig Smith, Joe Stumpo, Sybil Summers, Jennifer Wayne, Ed Westerman and Jesse Whitman ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Kelly G. Reed CONTACT US MAIN NUMBER 214-529-7370 FAX NUMBER 972-960-8618 kreed@blitzweekly.com BLITZ Weekly P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK “Taverns are places where madness is sold by the bottle” – Jonathan Swift
Burglar Checks MySpace On Store Computer A burglar who spent about five hours on a store’s computer after breaking into the business gave police all the clues they needed to track him down. Investigators said the 17-yearold logged into his MySpace account while at Bella Office Furniture and that made it easy for them to find him. He also spent time looking at pornography and trying to sell stolen items, all while using the business’ computer. He was arrested Tuesday and charged with first degree burglary. Kennewick Police said he helped officers recover a cell phone stolen in the break-in.
How Big is The Health Care Reform?
Some drivers in Newport Beach said they were left flat after a spike strip fell out of a police car and punctured their tires. A police report said the strip, which is designed to slow down fleeing drivers, fell out of a police officer’s Chevy Tahoe on Feb. 27. The report said the officer had checked out the vehicle but forgot to close the back door before leaving the police station. At least three motorists had several tires flattened and two have filed claims with the city. One is asking the city for $221 to cover repairs and towing fees while another wants $870 because of two flat tires on his Jaguar.
Ezra Klein of the Washington Post says, “Opponents and supports of the bill have both profited immensely from exploiting the average person’s inability to put billions and trillions into context.” Let us break down the numbers. The $900 billion price tag is repeated with the regularity of a rooster’s crow, but the number is somewhat misleading in both directions. On the one hand, that $900 billion -- or, more precisely, $940 billion in the final legislation -- is stretched over 10 years. But people don’t think in 10-year increments. They don’t pay taxes once a decade. Simply, the bill will cost an average of $94 billion a year over the first 10 years. That’s not quite right either: The bill wouldn’t really kick in until 2014. To get a more accurate annual figure, look at a year in which the bill is fully operational. In, say, 2016, the bill’s spending will be about $160 billion. According to the Center for Medicare and Medicaid Services, total health-care spending that year will be about $3.7 trillion. In other words, the bill’s spending is equivalent to about 4 percent of what we’ll spend in health care in a year, and it will be covering 30 million people. So that’s really what we’re talking about here -- a large health-care expansion that’s a slight fraction of overall spending.
Andrew J. Hewett
www.chewednews.com
MALPRACTICE ANYONE? The third-century Greek anatomist Galen, personal physician to the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius, helped kill probably more people than any other “doctor” in medical history. Thanks to Galen, generations of medical students learned the brain was a large clot of phlegm, and the best way to cure headaches was to cut holes in the skull, while the quickest way to cure a cough was to amputate the uvula at the back of the throat...and all post-operative wounds should be dressed with pigeon’s blood. WHAT THIS FOUNDING FATHER REALLY FELT Thomas Jefferson, American president, author, scientist and architect (17431826) quotes: (1) I do not find in orthodox Christianity one redeeming feature; Religions are all alike - founded upon fables and mythologies. (2) The authors of the Gospels were unlettered and ignorant men and the teachings of Jesus have come to us mutilated, misstated and unintelligible. (3) The Christian God is a being of terrific character - cruel, vindictive, capricious and unjust. SHE ONLY HAD A GUMMY SMILE AFTER THAT Saint Apollonia is the patron saint of dentists. She achieved martyrdom (according to legend) after running into a mob of Egyptians, who yanked-out her teeth, one-by-one, because she refused to renounce her Christian faith.
blitzweekly.com
4 Mar. 24 - 30, 2010
What’s S On Joe’s
Mind This We e k by: Joe Stumpo - www.darthstumpo.com
Editor’s Note: Our very opinionated movie reviewer, Joe Stumpo, often ponders things that the rest of us only giving a passing thought to. It’s because of his intelligent ponderings that I can often sound more “in the know” about pop culture than, well, the average Joe. Here’s what he has brought to my attention this week:
o why was actress Farrah Fawcett omitted from the memoriam sequence at the 2010 82nd Academy Awards? That was the surprise that occurred at this year’s ceremonies. The reason, as inexcusable as it sounds, is because Fawcett was best known for her “remarkable television work,” according to Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences executive director Bruce Davis. “In every category, you’re going to miss some wonderful people,” Davis told the Associated Press. I suppose I could accept that in the cases of actress Bea Arthur (Golden Girls, Maude) and actor Edward Woodward (The Equalizer), who also passed away in 2009, who were more known for their television work than their contribution to motion pictures. Granted, I am the only one in America who loathed The Cannonball Run (1981), there is still no disputing it was a box office hit for Fawcett along with her brief appearance in the sci-fi film, Logan’s Run (1976). She received a Golden Globe nomination as a woman who exacts revenge on a rapist in Extremities (1986) in 1987, and had supporting roles in such notable independent films as The Apostle (1997) and Robert Altman’s Dr. T. and the Women (2000). If there is one thing I can say about the Oscars every year, it is how remarkably consistent they have been in delivering at least one unexpected surprise like the Fawcett omission that gets everyone talking the next day, if not, hours after they’ve aired. People were already talking about the Fawcett snub on the web while the Oscars was still being televised. Therein lies the problem I continue to have with these yearly ceremonies. I thought the Oscars was about getting excited that your favorite film was nominated though the odds were against the picture that it would sweep all categories. The last time I got excited about a favorite film of mine being nominated was James Cameron’s Titanic (1997) back in 1998. Despite the Motion Picture Academy’s attempt at upping the Best Picture number to 10 films in hopes of winning over more viewers, there was not a single movie in that category I was rooting for. Avatar had great effects. It was NOT a great film. Today, the Oscar nominations and the awards shows are still more about who the Motion Picture Academy thinks should be recognized versus what audiences want to see nominated and win. Very few people saw The Hurt Locker. Critics loved it. Audiences embraced Avatar, but it didn’t win Best Picture or Best Director. Until another multi-nominated film that I personally enjoyed like Titanic comes along again that I can root for, I’m always going to watch the Oscars looking for something unexpected to happen that gets everyone talking the next morning. That’s not what the Oscars should be about.
BLITZREVIEWS By: Joe Stumpo - www.darthstumpo.com
Wa s t i n g o u r m o n ey s o yo u d o n ’t h a ve t o !
Green Zone: After already having sat through two
Oscar nominated anti-American movies, The Hurt Locker, which is said to honor the nation’s military and Avatar which bashes capitalism and the military and pushes for us to stop destroying Mother Earth, I was not in the mood for another anti-American war message. That negativity was immediately erased within Green Zone’s first half hour as I watched Chief Warrant Officer Roy Miller (Matt Damon) grow tired of leading his officers into dangerously armed territories of Iraq where intelligence says there are weapons of mass destruction only to come up empty every time. Miller realizes that maybe the reason American forces were sent into Iraq the second time around was not because Saddam Hussein had WMDs as the world was told. From a personal standpoint, I didn’t agree with Gulf War I back in the early ‘90s and whenever I get into an argument with some hard line Christian neo-con telling me the reason for Gulf War II after 9/11 was because there WERE “WMDs,” my response is, “Show me.” Like Miller, I get no proof. By film’s end, not only was I convinced there weren’t any WMD’s to begin with, but that maybe the reason why so many American servicemen’s lives were lost since the war started was not to restore democracy back to a country, and get Hussein out of power, and keep the world safe from WMD’s. It was all about getting our hands on the oil. As Miller says to the film’s resident villain – the State Department operative played by Greg Kinnear responsible for pulling the wool over everyone’s eyes, “Who’s going to trust America again the next time we have to go war?” No wonder some people these days get a little apprehensive when the neo-cons suggest the United States has got to do something about Iran’s nuclear program. With the war over and most of the troops coming home, Green Zone begs the question, “Do we want to risk another Iraq?”
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Mar. 24 - 30, 2010 5 blitzweekly.com
“I will rock your
Story & Pics: Ed Westerman www.edwesterman.com
muthaf&*#@ ass off…”
Yea,Yea…
all the chicks dig him. His musical gatherings are a virtual cross-section of the Carnivora – Felifornia - Felidae areas of any local municipal zoo. In other words – cubs, pumas, cougars, jaguars and panthers are in abundant attendance and on display. Cunning linguist that he is, he gets to say things on stage about women (and have them fervently cheering it on) that regular dudes would be fired, punched, arrested or at least slapped with a restraining order for saying. Genius. We’re talking about Austin resident, and Texas’s own, Bob Schneider. It’s quite difficult to sum up the Bob Schneider Experience in the small space I have here without sounding overly generic or missing the flavor entirely. “Eclectic” just seems so wornout. So I go to my friend and resident authority on Bob for the female point-of-view, Lindsey X (name changed). She predictably swoons…then proceeds in a single-breath with one woman’s perspective: “I mean, each day my fave song changes, depending on my mood. He has so much stuff-- from dirty to funky, happy, feel good stuff, but I mean, each day my fave song some (songs) are so honest, you could just cry. I think personally, he is an insecure and changes, depending on my mood. melancholy artist, but his stage persona is He has so much stuff-- from dirty to the total opposite…I’m just sayin’…” I tend to think it’s natural evolution funky, happy, feel good stuff, but artistic maturity and all that. You can only some (songs) are so honest, you go so far with songs about “eating pu**y.” And even though they are fun to play, and could just cry. I think personally, he great to hear live, the pendulum eventually is an insecure and melancholy artist, swings and forces you to explore the other end of the musical spectrum – thus we get but his stage persona is the total the great 2009 release Lovely Creatures with opposite…I’m just sayin’… its popular single “40 Dogs (Like Romeo and Juliet).” Look at his (award-winning) resume: The Scabs, Joe Rockhead and Ugly Americans, not to mention multiple side-projects. Styles? Funk, hip-hop, country, bluegrass, pop, folk, jazz and some Latin-flavor. So, bottom-line for me personally is, the boy has got mad skillz, and surrounds himself with some funky and talented musicians. That equals a great night of diverse music, no matter the venue. The rest of the crew includes: Conrad Chouchrou on drums, xylophone, vocals, and human beat box; the lovely and talented Harmoni Kelly on bass and vocals (there’s just something about a chick bass player!); Billy Cassis (original and longtime SOULHAT member) on guitar and vocals; and the multi-talented Oliver Steck on trumpet, accordian, baritone horn, harmonica, vocals, pocket recorder, bass, penny whistle and keyboards. I think he’s working on the zither and pan-flute. Hundreds of shows a year, material in movies and television, and in control all the way. And, oh by the way, Bob’s doing a blog for the hip Austin culture magazine Tribeza. Currently, he shares some of his poetry and mixed media artwork (yes, a painter, too): www.tribeza.com/blogs.html A final shout out to the smoking hot, and very talented, Jencey Hirunrusme and partner Ryan Hamilton of the folk/ pop-duo Smile Smile. Fellow Kirtland Records artists, they appeared last Friday at Granada with Bob. You can check them out at www.smilesmilemusic.com.
MUSIC: Lindsey X’s Faves 1. 40 Dogs (Like Romeo & Juliet)
Bob Schneider – Lovely Creatures
2. Ass Knockin’
Bob Schneider - Live show Album
3. The World Exploded Into Love
Bob Schneider – Lonelyland
4. Capn Kirk
Bob Schneider – I’m Good now
5. Tarantula
Bob Schneider – Lovely Creatures
6. Big Blue Sea
Bob Schneider - Lonelyland
7. Metal & Steel
Bob Schneider - Lonelyland
8. I Fed Your Daugther
Bob Schneider/TheScabs
9. Flowerparts
Scott McCurry – Like The Sun
10. The Californian
Bob Schneider – The Californian
Photo Courtesy: Gregg Case
blitzweekly.com
6 Mar. 24 - 30, 2010
MAVS:News
by: Geoff Case NBA Analyst
The Final Push
The Mavericks have entered the final stretch of the season and are locked into a heated race for the second seed with the Denver Nuggets. The good news is that everyone is finally healthy and they’ve been playing some really good basketball since acquiring the new guys at the trade deadline. They’ve also got much more favorable opponents than the rest of the contenders with half their final games at home. There’s a lot to be gained by beating out the Nuggets for the second seed, specifically home court advantage if they were to meet in the playoffs. Denver has been nearly unbeatable at home this season 30-6, while only logging a 17-17 record on the road. That is a huge discrepancy that shouldn’t be ignored while the Mavericks are strategizing whether or not to rest key starters down the stretch. The Mavericks will need to get Jason Kidd some well deserved
STARS:News
by: Richard “Rocket” Pollak “That Hockey Guy”
Last Stand Home Stand rest during this last stretch. Rick Carlisle has got to start using the rookie Rodrique Beaubois to spell Kidd’s marathon minutes at guard. It will provide some extra scoring off the bench and allow Kidd to save some juice for the final minutes of the game when his leadership is needed to lock down these games. The idea of using a rookie in an extended role can sometimes lead to a disaster, but Beaubois has shown some great poise and ability thus far. Upcoming Opponents: 3/27 @ Golden State – Stephan Curry is playing solid minutes at the point guard and the team has much better ball movement. This is a must win for the Mavs. 3/29 vs Denver Nuggets – Winning this game would be a huge step for the Mavericks getting the #2 seed in the West. This is by far the most important game before the playoffs. 3/31 @ Memphis Grizzles – Zac Randolph is playing at an All-Star level this season and it still a force to be reckoned with. They still have a very slim shot at a playoff spot so they will be playing tough. My prediction for this stretch: 2-1
With around a dozen games left in the 2009-2010 schedule, the Stars struggled to collect 1 win and 2 ties for 6 points out of a possible 12 at home and a 2-6-2 record since the Olympic break. According to postgame Stars Radio broadcast commentator, Bob Sturm, “I already gave up on the Stars and counted them out of the playoffs a week or so before the 6 game home stand. They played some nice hockey that has been great fun to watch...” Sturm added, “They were done after that extended road trip back East against Pittsburgh, Washington and Buffalo, they were really done when Ribeiro went out with the neck injury against the New York Rangers.” Sturm read my thoughts and we’re both waiting to see Dallas Stars first year Coach Marc Crawford shows his infamous anger enough to get thrown out of a game for once. Speaking of Stars coaches… Former Dallas Stars Head Coach Dave Tippett is a shoe-in to win Jack Adams Trophy as NHL Coach of the year. Tippett, who had every intention of taking a couple of years off and just collecting the remaining balance of his contract with the Dallas Stars, instead dove into the Arizona heat taking over the disastrous Phoenix Coyotes from
the greatest player of all time, their lame duck coach Wayne Gretzsky. And speaking of Wayne, March 23 marked the 16 year anniversary since Gretzky beat Vancouver goalie Kirk McLean for his for his 802nd career goal, putting him past Gordie Howe for the all-time record. Coming up this week with the Stars: The Stars leave the snowy plains of North Texas and once again head out to the wild Western Conference of the NHL. After stops in Nashville and San Jose, I will be joining the Stars on the road in LA-LA Land for a sun and fun extended weekend in Los Angeles against the playoff bound Kings and the Anaheim Ducks, who are looming around the Stars in the standings trying to stay out of the bottom fourth of the Western Conference. I need to see for myself why the Stars have played so poorly on the road. The Kings are going to be tough take down. They do excellent at home. They recently took the Avalanche into overtime and Drew Doughty knocked in a 40-foot slap shot FTW--a goal that gave the Kings two points in the Western Conference playoff race.
Mar. 24 - 30, 2010 7
“Shut Up!”
by: Jennifer Wayne “Foxie and Fired Up”
Durant is Due! Kevin Durant is the best player in the “league you never see.” The Oklahoma City Thunder will double their win total from last year, but they’re never nationally televised. They are the most improved team in the league. This year, Durant will make his first appearance in the playoffs. Durant is having a phenomenal season. He had a streak of 29-straight games in which he scored at least 25 points—a feat only outdone by Michael Jordan and Wilt Chamberlain. He has made more free throws than anyone in the league and is in a tight race with Lebron James for the overall scoring title. On Sunday, he became the second youngest NBA player to reach 2,000 points behind Lebron. His goal isn’t to win a scoring title, though; it’s to win a champion-
that he used cocaine once last summer at some point before the All-Star break. Immediately thereafter, he was told that he was up for a random drug test. How weird, right? How crappy can your luck be? At that point, Washington told club president Nolan Ryan and general manager Jon Daniels what he had done and that his pee was going to light that drug test up like homerun fireworks. I do think that this was a good choice. Tell ‘em you’re an F-up and hope they forgive you. But really, Ron, did you have to make the Rangers look like they employ drug addicts by admitting to repeated drug use? Was it really necessary…wait…did you think that people were actually going to care, too? I don’t care what Ron did 20 years before I was born! Sorry, I didn’t even know you existed until you signed on with the Rangers. I only care what Ron does now. As in, I only care if he helps his team win some games. “I can only keep repeating,” Washington said. “I made some mistakes in my younger days. I want to get past it, move forward and start winning ballgames.” Yeah, thanks, Ron. Glad the media could be your therapist and now we can move forward. That will be $250, please.
NBA: Denver vs Dallas Mon, Mar. 29 – 7:30 PM – AAC – TXA-21 The game to see – Denver invades Dallas in a battle to firmly secure their hunt of the 2nd place seed in the Western Conference. Not only is this a battle for the playoffs, but it’s also our chance to see how the post-trade team Mavs take on the Nuggets, who normally give them more than enough trouble.
NBA: Dallas vs Portland Thurs, Mar. 25 – 9:30 PM – Rose Garden Arena – TNT The Mavs still have a commanding lead over the Spurs in the Southwest, and a win over the Trailblazers would just make it that much stronger. They’ll have to play with determination to win though, as Portland has been hot as of late but should still be no match for Dallas.
Photo Courtesy: Manny Flores
Long ago, I dated this guy, who cheated on me and then proceeded to tell me all about it because his guilt was “killing him.” After the conversation, he added that he had actually done it several times. This may just be my personality-type, but once you have told me about the one time you messed up, you don’t need to keep getting things off your chest…damage already done…I know you’re an idiot… don’t dig the hole deeper. Why do I bring this up…because Ron Washington is doing the same moronic thing. One day after admitting that he used and tested positive for cocaine ONE time last summer, Washington admitted to several news outlets that he used marijuana and amphetamines on occasion during his playing career, as well. “When you’re young, you make mistakes,” Washington said. “I wish I could take back the mistakes I did, but I can’t. You make mistakes. But the mistakes you make when I was young have nothing to do with what I’m facing today.” Ummm…yeah…no crap, Captain Ron. So why did you even need to bring it up? Washington admitted last Wednesday
blitzweekly.com
A Woman’s HSO: Ron Washington…
by: Craig Smith “Sportsologist” - csmith@blitzweekly.com
ship. Durant is the ultimate team player who doesn’t relish the limelight. He is happy to be playing in Oklahoma City--the nation’s 45th TV market. Oklahoma City is a city he considers to be like himself: quiet and calm. He has already indicated he wants to sign a five-year extension with the Thunder that he will be eligible for this summer and has no desire to shop himself with other teams for that big contract. It’s an honor to him just to be in the league. He embraces his teammates at the start of each game as if they are family. In the video played before lineup is announced, he says “together we win” and he truly believes that. He is sincere
when says, “I know I’m not going to go out and play well if I don’t tell myself to stay humble and work hard every day.” Durant is only 21 and we will be seeing much more of him in the future. I think you will see lots of Thunder games next year on national TV. He wants to be able to say he helped turn Oklahoma City into a big city. I like his chances. I was at the game against Utah on March 14th and as he shot free throws at the end of the game, the crowd chanted, “MVP, MVP, MVP.” He may not win the award this year, but his trophy case should have a few in it before his career is over.
NHL: Dallas vs Los Angeles Sat, Mar. 27 – 9:30 PM – Staples Center – FS SW Seems like the last time the Stars went into the Staples Center, it was just another walk in the park. 5 goals later, it was more like being hit by a truck. Then when the Kings came to the AAC the Stars held strong until losing on the 11th shot of a shoot out. Third time’s a charm, right?
MLB: Chicago vs Texas (Pre-season) Wed. Mar. 24 – 3:05 PM – Surprise Stadium – TXA-21 Now that we have had scandals and major team movement during the pre-season, attention is starting to come full circle on the Rangers team for 2010. The Cubs will visit the Rangers at Surprise Stadium in Arizona. Hopefully, the Rangers can give us something more to look forward to than just gossip.
blitzweekly.com
8 Mar. 24 - 30, 2010
by: Brian Beard “Ultimate Fighter”
2361 Fabens Rd. Dallas - 75229 972-406-1933 southwestsuperbikes.com
Georges St-Pierre (19-2-0) vs. Dan Hardy (23-6-0):
Hardy is undefeated in the UFC and has really looked good lately. Let’s face it, the Brit is a monster and he means business. The guy can stand up with anyone in the UFC at 170 and his attitude and cockiness are really raw! We all know St-Pierre has been unstoppable lately; many deem him the best pound for pound fighter in the world. He damn well could be and he will win this fight. He will not want to stand with Hardy, so he will use his unbelievable wrestling to get this fight to the ground and will pound Hardy’s face into hamburger meat. Hardy is tough as hell and will last to the decision but will lose unanimously. Frank Mir (13-4-0) vs. Shane Carwin (11-0-0): Mir better duck! Carwin packs a sh!t load of power in his right hand. The problem for Carwin in this fight is that is the only shot he has at winning. Don’t get me wrong here, he is a badass and is capable of knocking out almost anyone. Not to mention his wrestling is supposed to be very good (we haven’t really seen it yet). He hasn’t had a fight in the UFC go past 2 minutes. I believe that Mir is more of a well-rounded fighter. His striking has really improved and he’s very good on the ground. I still believe Carwin will land a big shot in the first that will daze Mir and he will finish the fight from there via ground and pound. Carwin “THE HAWK” by TKO in the first. Jon Fitch (24-3-0) vs. Thiago Alves (22-5-0): This is a tough one to pick! Fitch won via TKO in their first meeting but Alves is NOT the same fighter. His nuts have officially dropped and he is an animal! He is huge for the weight class (if he can make weight) and his striking is incredible. Fitch is an awesome wrestler and is as tough as they come (see his fight with St-Pierre). I believe this could be fight of the night and I think Alves may just take it this time. I am going with Alves via split decision.
Presented By: The Gym • 921 West Mayfield #112 • Arlington, Texas 817-652-1555 • www.thegym.org
Affordin’ the Good Life I know I don’t have to tell you that the economy is bad. And I know that a good many of you reading this can raise your hand in agreement that you have had to put some dreams on hold because of a lack of excess green. And you and I both know I am not talking about that dream of having the pitter patter of little feet or a brownstone in Southlake…I am talking about toys that make you live for the weekend—such as motorcycles, ATVs and dirt bikes. There is a bike shop in Dallas, however, that is helping to keep people’s Road Warrior dreams alive even in a dismal economy. Southwest Superbikes’ founders have been in the motorcycle business for over 21 years. To hear owner Mark Peterson talk about going from a tiny space with two bikes to the warehouse-sized space they are in now is nothing short of inspiring. On top of tons of business experience is a passion for bikes out of the store, as well. Each employee rides and some even enjoy racing in their free time. They have even broken three world records attained at the legendary Bonneville Salt Flats in Wendover, Utah. Along with setting these records their bikes, they have currently put five people over 200 miles per hour. That means when you stop by Southwest Superbikes someone is always ready to talk about bikes with you and is very equipped to help you choose the right one for you, whether it be a cruiser or “crotch rocket.” There’s no cheesy salesby: Jennifer Wayne
“Foxie and Frugal”
man around here! So here’s what makes Southwest Superbikes even more unique. They have layaway. You can take up to 2 months to pay for your bike (with a minimum down payment). They also have financing available with approved credit or you can bring your own financing and they will work with your lenders. How is that for customer service? Have a bike or two you don’t want? They pay cash for used bikes or you can trade that sport bike from your youth for a more appropriate cruiser to take out with your corporate buddies. They offer the largest pre-owned sportbike selection in Texas and pretty much, if you are looking for it, they have it or know how to help you get it. And yes, they even sell pre-owned Ducati. If you already have a bike, Southwest Superbikes also has a full service machine shop on site with a DYNOJET dynamometer and machine shop capabilities. Whether you have a bike now or are looking to get one, you definitely need to check out Southwest Superbikes’ Spring Open House on March 27 from 10 a.m. until 5 p.m. One thing I know I am looking forward to are the Dyno runs. This is where they put a bike on a machine to test the horsepower by running a bike at speed. So maybe this is your chance to prove to your buddy that your bike really is better than his. Doing the test normally costs upwards of $150, but for this event, it is absolutely free. They’ll also have free food and prizes, like gloves and helmets.
Mar. 24 - 30, 2010 9
Pubs and taverns
are often associated with loud, raucous beer-drinking, bar maidens and gun fights, but many important things in America’s history happened in taverns.
And my mom
says, “Nothing good happens after midnight…” Ok well, some of these events weren’t good, but they were important.
by: Jennifer Wayne “Foxie with a History Book”
Fraunces Tavern
New York City, New York It was here, on December 4, 1783, George Washington said “so long” to his officers following the Revolutionary War. Afterwards, Washington resigned as commander-in-chief and returned to Mount Vernon to enjoy retirement. Fraunces Tavern is still open, serving up food and beer. It also boasts an official historical marker and museum to explore, as well.
Heinhold’s First and Last Chance Saloon
Oakland, California Built in 1880 from the timbers of an old whaling ship, this gem is situated right on the waterfront. It got its name because back in the day, sailors would make this the last stop before heading out to sea and the first stop when they got back. One man who found a lot of inspiration here was writer Jack London. He used stories overheard in this tavern in his books. It’s mentioned a total of 17 times in his novel “John Barleycorn.”
Conkey’s Tavern
Pelham, Massachusetts In 1786 Daniel Shays, a decorated Revolutionary War veteran, planned his famous Shay’s Rebellion here. He organized about 800 Massachusetts farmers to protest several farm policies which were bankrupting farmers. Talk about a bar fight!
Sprague’s Tavern
Chepachet, Rhode Island I’m guessing beer or pubs or both make people feel a little rebellious. The Dorr Rebellion of 1841 started out at Sprague’s. Dorr was rebelling against Rhode Island laws limiting the vote to landowners, which disenfranchised many urban laborers. Both Dorr and the incumbent governor claimed to have won the gubernatorial election of 1842, resulting in Dorr convening the Rhode Island general assembly at Sprague’s Tavern. Although Dorr was found guilty of treason, his revolt was successful in that voting requirements were soon liberalized. Now known as Tavern on Main, it’s still open for business. I heard it’s not a great place to hold meetings, though!
The Billy Goat Tavern
Chicago, Illinois This tavern’s owner is said to be responsible for the Chicago Cubs not appearing in the World Series for the 63 years following their 1945 collapse against the Detroit Tigers. The tavern owner was ejected from a key World Series game with his pet goat during one of the 1945 World Series games. It is said he put a hex on the Cubs as he left the stadium gates, a.k.a “The Curse of the Billy Goat.” The same tavern is also famous as the inspiration for John Belushi’s famous Saturday Night Live sketches in which he yelled, “Cheeseburger, cheeseburger; no fries, chips; no Coke, Pepsi!”
Gadsby’s Tavern
Alexandria, Virginia This spot was popular with many U.S. Presidents. Andrew Jackson liked it so much that he spent the first night of his presidency here. He reportedly snuck out through a window of the White House and walked six miles to the tavern to avoid the overly “crunk” inaugural party his supporters were throwing at the White House.
Nuttal & Mann’s Saloon No. 10
Deadwood, South Dakota It was here that Wild Bill Hickok was shot dead on August 2, 1876, holding the now-famous “dead man’s hand,” Aces and eights. I guess you could say he is now dead…wood???
A Guide To Ale Traditional British Pub Grub
This is a stronger beer with much more body than the “lagers” we mug down with in the United States. And we think we are so tough with our boots of beer at Oktoberfest in Addison! There are many varieties of ales, such as pale, bitter or porter. It’s served in half-pint and pint sizes. Don’t go and order “beer” anywhere in Great Britain - they’ll If you go to a pub or tavern just stare at you and you’ll be emacross the pond, don’t expect barrassed! to see cheese sticks and potato skins on the menu. Below is Bangers and Mash just a sampling of “bar food” Sounds like a duo of ‘70s male porn found in other lands. Some stars, but really it’s just mashed sound a little X-rated…some potatoes (“smashed potatoes” as sound a little disgusting…but the Brits say) with sausages. Some now you’ll be ready for your places serve it with a delicious savory brown gravy while others do pub crawl world tour. spicy mustards, either way, it’s fab.
Butties
Laverbread
A “butty” is a very simple sandwich made from two slices of white bread or hamburger buns (“baps”) both bathed in tons of butter, with something between them. Some bloaks also like to spread salad cream (a spicy dressing similar to tartar sauce) or ketchup on top of the butter. The most popular butty is the bacon butty with fried bacon in it. Nothing says love to your arteries like fried bacon, butter and salad dressing!
This is a popular Welsh dish made of boiled, edible seaweed called “laver.” It is served rolled with oatmeal and fried into crispy little patties with eggs, bacon and cockles for a traditional Welsh breakfast.
Cockles
Imagine a poor chap going into Hooters and ordering some pasties…I think he would promptly be kicked out on his arse. Pronounced “pah-sties” for the plural and “pahstee” for just one, these are meatfilled pastries baked golden in the oven. They were created by coal miners’ wives to take to work for lunch. The story goes that the wives
These are a type of shellfish widely enjoyed in Wales. I wonder if our Welsh buddy Christian Bale enjoys cockles in his mouth.
Drippings on Toast
This is a traditional snack made by pouring pan drippings, preferably beef drippings, over toasted bread.
Pasties
would etch and bake their husbands’ names into the edges of the pies so they could tell whose was whose in the dark mines!
Spotted Dick
This is probably the most unhealthy thing you can put in your mouth--currants or raisins and other spices in a sweet suet “pudding”- i.e., beef lard. It’s eaten as a dessert. Beef…it’s what’s for dessert!
Yorkshire Pudding
A batter made with flour, eggs and milk, baked in the oven. You usually eat it with roast beef all covered with gravy. The story behind it goes that, during the lean years of the Middle Ages, Yorkshire pudding was eaten to fool one’s stomach into thinking it had eaten more meat than what was available to be served.
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Taverns: Where History Is Made
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10 Mar. 24 - 30, 2010
Brick House Tavern + Tap
4900 West Park Boulevard • Plano – 75093 972-596-0916 • www.brickhousetavernandtap.com Why It’s Blitz Worthy: This place is actually set up to be a “man cave” with cozy couches and recliners and TVs at every possible angle. Their motto: “Dispensing Happiness to the Common Man.” They even get hot chicks to do it, a.k.a BH Girls. Known For: Table side micro-kegs, 40 ounce bottled beers, 100 ounce beer bongs, handpulled cask beer, affordable wines, deviled eggs with smoky bacon and Tabasco, Fondue Mushroom Burger: Swiss cheese, sautéed mushrooms, caramelized onions & garlic-mayo. On the Side: You can get PBR or Schlitz in a can, beer cocktails and fabulous chocolate desserts (handy if you bring along your PMSin’ lady friend).
Fillmore Pub
1004 East 15th Street • Plano – 75074 972-423-2400 • www.thefillmorepub.com.dnnmax.com Why It’s Blitz Worthy: Located in Plano’s historic downtown, this joint is always hoppin.’ If you love a busy nightlife scene, you have to check them out. You can always count on the wait staff to give you a good recommendation delivered to you with a smile. You’ll also hear “Ya want another,” before you hit the end of your pint glass. Known For: A big selection of beer by the liter, one of the most comprehensive whiskey and scotch menus in the area, delectable desserts like the Flourless Chocolate Cake and Baked Cinnamon Apple, unique starters like the Mozzarella-stuffed Olives. On the Side: Reverse Happy Hour 11pm-2am Sunday & Monday, Monday is Also $3 Pint Night from 7pm-Close, brunch served Saturday & Sunday 10:30 a.m. until 2 p.m.
Fox and Hound
7 Metroplex Locations www.foxandhound.com Why It’s Blitz Worthy: With seven locations in the metroplex it’s easy to see why Fox and Hound is successful. Once inside patrons know they are in for a good time as they have several choices for fun such as playing pool, throwing darts, catching the big game on their new HD TVs. Beer, Sports and Fun – they’ve got you covered. Known For: Newcastle Fish & Chips, Rib-N-Chicken Platter, Grand Champion Wings, awesome burgers. On the Side: All the UFC fights, $2 Tuesdays (every draft beer featured at $2 all day), All Star Brew Club, HH Monday to Friday 40 featuring $2 domestic drafts and $4 select UCall Its.
Fry Street Tavern
121 Avenue A • Denton - 76201 940-383-2337 • www.thefrystreettavern.com Why It’s Blitz Worthy: Neon and framed beer signs don every wall, as well as the ten flat screen TV’s. There are two pool tables, cozy booths (but no food served, only alcohol), dart boards and old school-esque arcade games (Big Buck Safari, anyone?). There’ s a ton of standing room, which is convenient for the very busy Friday and Saturday nights and the bar has drink specials on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Known For: Their most popular day of the year is UNT’s homecoming, when not only the current students go out to party, but the alumni do as well…there are “mini” reunions with all different classes. On the Side: Friendly service: When asked what made the place different from other bars on Fry Street, Chuck the bartender declared, “This place is so successful and so well known because of the bartenders. We get to know the patrons and they get to know us.”
Holy Grail Pub
8240 Preston Road • Plano – 75024 972-377-6633 • www.holygrailpub.com Why It’s Blitz Worthy: The Holy Grail Pub is an Old World European-style pub just like you would find across the pond with influences from authentic Irish, German, Belgian, and British pubs. No travel reservations needed! Known For: A diverse range of hand-crafted imported and domestic micro-brews on tap, Hard-to-find specialty beers are available int eh bottle, Food includes imported artisanal cheeses, juicy burgers and freshwater mussels. On the Side: Covered outdoor seating on a breezy patio, rotating menu of seasonal specials.
Mar. 24 - 30, 2010 11
8250 Gaylord Parkway • Frisco – 75034 PH: 214-618-6222 • www.irishroverpub.com Why It’s Blitz Worthy: The venue to visit after an FC Dallas or Frisco RoughRiders game. They have a great selection of beers with various Belgian and German breweries represented as well as some English ales. The pool tables are nice and the jukebox is greatness. Pet friendly establishment adds a unique twist. Known For: One of the largest beer and ale selections north of Addison, Rover’s Nuts, Shepherd’s Pie, Scotch eggs, Guinness stew, Haddock and Chips. On the Side: Live music on weekends, two patios to choose from, great venue for soccer fiends.
Malarkey’s Tavern
4460 Trinity Mills Road • Dallas – 75287 PH: 972-931-7300 • www.malarkeystavern.com Why It’s Blitz Worthy: Malarkey’s Tavern is founded on one of the strongest Irish principles, having fun. They serve twenty beers on draft and eighty in a bottle. However, there is more to them than just beer. They highly recommend you their our food. Whether it be lunch, dinner, late night, or somewhere in between, their kitchen is open! Known For: 100 Different Beers, McLuvin, Irish Trash Can, Irish Tacos, Malarkey Nachos, Soon To Be Famous Ribs. On the Side: 120” Projector Screen, great lunch menu under $7.
TimeOut Tavern
5101 West Lovers Lane • Dallas – 75209 PH: 214-956-9552 • www.totdfw.com Why It’s Blitz Worthy: The TOT is a welcoming, relaxed, low-key establishment. When the door opens, a bell rings which in turn causes the patrons to see who is coming in. Brilliant! The well stocked bar will keep you busy as you decide your next drink. The TOT keeps our Highland Park friends in check. Known For: Making sports a priority, great sense of humor, the place to grab a drink before going to Love Field or after picking someone up at Love Field On the Side: The Shuffleboard, the jukebox, great appetizers such as peanuts, Cheetos and Pork Rinds, the regulars.
Trinity Hall
305 Central Expressway N • Allen – 75013 469-854-6810 • www.trinityhall.tv Why It’s Blitz Worthy: This is a great place to meet with friends or family. Trinity Hall is laid out with a range of seating types, including formal tables & straight backed chairs in the Provost’s Corner, comfortable bench seating in the Library, casual stools and leather banquettes in the Student Union, and a 32-foot long mahogany bar. Known For: Blue Moon, Spaten, Cillkenny and five to six rotating weekly drafts, 200 beers on the beer list, wine by glass or bottle, about 150 Irish & Scotch Whiskeys, variety of food from Pork Loin to Filet Mignon, Fish & Chips to Lamb Stew On the Side: delicious margaritas, authentic Irish music Thursday through Sunday, delicious deserts, Saturday and Sunday breakfast menu (light or full), original location is conveniently located near the Angelika in Mockingbird Station—perfect combo for a date night.
West End Pub
1801 N. Lamar Street Ste. 100 • Dallas – 75202 PH: 214-748-5711 • www.westendpubdallas.net Why It’s Blitz Worthy: The “Neighborhood Pub without a Neighborhood” has been a Dallas tradition for 22 years. A fantastic view of the Downtown Dallas skyline, a friendly relaxed atmosphere with TVs viewable from every table and their “Living Room,” and their “Pet Friendly” patio makes the Pub the perfect place for the local and traveler alike. Known For: Largest selection of Craft Beers on tap, which includes Dallas’ first “Dead Lift”, double IPA, tap. On the Side: “Double Martini” guaranteed to stay cold through the entire drink, Pub Pie, World Famous Chicken Salad, imported cigars for sale from their built-in humidor, Downtown’s first free shuttle to Stars and Mavs games.
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Irish Rover
Mar. 24 - 30, 2010 13 soned gentlemen sporting the time honored geriatric uniform of plaid Bermuda shorts and leather sandals, with black over-the-calf nylon socks. It was the ideal ‘cradle to almost-to-the-grave’ test group, including the appropriate clan of female companions. Then, the catalyst (aka: gas on the fire) strolled in to make it truly a cataclysmic social event. It was as abnormal as coming home to a wildebeest sitting on your sofa watching Seinfeld reruns. That rarest-of-rare exotic creatures normally witnessed only
when soaking wet, after a huge meal and holding an overweight puppy. And lest I forget, about 30 pounds of that was an impressive set of surgically engineered ‘tatas.’ Her makeup was bold and slutty, nails long and bedazzled, and jeans so tight you could see the shape of an Energizer Bunny tattoo on her left butt cheek. I bet every twenty dollar bill in the restaurant magically changed into piles of ready-to-tuck singles. Forks clanked on plates, jaws dropped open, necks craned for a better peek, and even the rug rat
in captivity, bathed in a rainbow of neon lights and twirling on a brass pole. Yep, it was a stripper in public, sporting her version of appropriate dinner attire. She was a delicate specimen, maybe five foot tall, and that included her spike-heeled acrylic ‘hump-me-pumps.’ If she weighed 95 pounds, it was only
quit kicking the back of my seat. If she had an American flag on her shirt, I’m sure every male there would have bolted upright and saluted. Then, the female attitudes kicked into high gear in amazing choreographed unison, with a whoosh of sighs that blew napkins
BOYS Are NASTY
The Classiest Bar in San Fran.
by: Jesse Whitman “A Woman’s Perspective”
S
by: Dennis Hambright www.dennishambright.com
erving up drinks since 1917, surviving through Prohibition, WWII and the Great Depression, Tosca is truly a San Francisco institution that should be cherished by both tourists and locals. It’s classy, old school atmosphere will make you feel like you’ve traveled back in time to the days of Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack. On any given night, their house special—a yummy, steaming cappuccino with brandy—are lined up in glasses waiting to be freshly-steamed by the two industrial strength espresso machines that bookend the bar. You can feel the history just by glancing at the battered piano, the smoke-tainted ceilings and listening to the voice of Pasty Cline crooning with sad nostalgia on the jukebox. Perhaps this is why Tosca is rumored to be a favorite hangout of Sean Penn and Bono when they are in town. It’s a place where you can be cool without trying. The bar is also unique because it is a welcoming place to hang out and have conversation, not a place to be seen and to strut around with too much perfume like at most modern bars. It’s also rare to find a bar equipped with high quality espresso machines. The spacious and comfy red booths and tables in the back evoke the ‘50s diner style and make it an inviting place not just for a cocktail, but perhaps a coffee or espresso. The North Beach neighborhood—San Francisco’s Little
off tables and flapped the drapes. The whisper stream buzzed with, “How disgusting,” and “Can you believe that?” One blue-haired granny slapped her husband on the back of his head. One lady ‘accidentally’ jabbed a fork in her man’s hand, and I saw a young mother pinch her son’s arm so hard he actually yelped. And then I heard it: “That’s just nasty!” I’ll say it for men everywhere. Yes! It’s ‘nasty’, and that’s why we look. But come on ladies, we look at car wrecks too. And sometimes, if she’s ‘circus ugly,’ we’ll stare at a hideous woman, and that’s really ‘nasty,’ but you don’t complain about that. Face it. Sometimes we dribble barbeque sauce on our shirt, and don’t care, or kick a candy wrapper under the sofa, or heaven forbid, track a little mud on the carpet. And if ‘Striparella’ strolls into the restaurant, we’re going to stare. We’re REAL MEN…and yes, we’re ‘nasty.’ And you know what? That’s not a bad thing.
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That’s right. Boys are nasty, and grown men are even worse. And guess what? That’s not a bad thing. Somewhere along the daisylined road to our current state of what’s socially acceptable, real men got thrown under the bus and branded as ‘nasty’ if we dare proclaim our appreciation for what we’re naturally hard-wired to enjoy. I think it’s time we quit worrying about offending the delicate sensibilities of panty-waist do-gooders and be proud of what we are. Bring on the ‘Proud To Be Nasty’ t-shirts! I’ve got an extra sharp thorn in my saddle over this, partly because of an incident I recently witnessed, where once again, men were chastised for doing what Mother Nature intended…being real men. I was at a Chinese buffet in South Texas and got to do some serious scientific social observation. The crowd was a perfect range of manliness, from the pre-pubescent rug rat that continually kicked the back of my booth, to the well-sea-
Italy--may not have an actual beach, but you will find tons of street cafes, Italian restaurants, and Tosca. One of their creations is the French 75 made with gin, lemon juice, fresh berries, and topped with sparkling wine. Another one to try is the tasty gin martini made with fresh berries and a splash of chartreuse or the strawberry mint mojito. The drinks are strong, but time seems to slow down at Tosca, so it’s easy to spend several hours and pace yourself with a few rounds. A nice evening in North Beach starts off with an evening meal at one of the many Italian restaurants, then a stop at City Lights to browse the collection at the famous bookshop, and then to Tosca for a nightcap, which you’ll find on Broadway between Jack Kerouac and Pacific. Tosca’s historical quality keeps North Beach authentic among its rash of nightclubs and strip joints that have permeated Broadway. If you’re out club-hopping and need a break from the scene, this is a perfect place for a respite and if you’re meandering down the street after a nice Italian meal, it’s a pleasant spot for a nightcap. Also known for being a nightly hangout for Italian gangsters, you may feel like you’re in a movie. In fact, a scene from Basic Instinct was filmed here and perhaps in one of these red booths, someone’s fate was also decided over cigars and strong drinks.
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14 Mar. 24 - 30, 2010
by: The Bum
www.dallasrestaurantreviews.com
Bangkok City 4301 Bryan • Dallas, TX 214-824-6200 • bangkokcityrestaurant.com
I first noticed Bangkok City restaurant when it made D Magazine’s honor roll of “Best Neighborhood Restaurants.” It didn’t take me long to figure out why.
Setting
This restaurant’s renovated 1930’s building is in a funky old East Dallas neighborhood, almost in the shadow of downtown. Bangkok naturally specializes in Thai food, and right across the street is a Vietnamese restaurant.
Food
Bangkok City says their goal is to provide authentic Thai cuisine. The clientele is mostly American, but the food is the real thing. There are many great choices, including a lot of stuff you won’t see at a run-ofthe-mill Asian restaurant. I love the flat noodle dishes, but the seafood and meat entrées are good, too. When I order a “hot” item – marked with a red star – I order it “medium” heat, which is hot enough for me to break a sweat without reaching the threshold of pain. But suit yourself. The food is authentic, but not too much so. Sometimes when a dish is first set in front of me, I momentarily get a whiff of an unfamiliar spice, but I invariably love it and finish every bite. Prices are inexpensive – entrées typically around $11-$12.
Drinks
There’s no bar, but they do have 8 or 10 adequate wines (inexpensive and better than you’d expect). Also some American and imported beers. I like the Singha beer, brewed in Thailand. It’s like a smooth
European beer, or maybe one of the best Mexican brews. They serve it in a frosted mug.
Amabiance
The interior is bright and charming with exposed beams and vintage light fixtures. The furnishings are eclectic, as is the slightly offbeat East Dallas clientele – a mix of casual business people, 20somethings on dates, and guys on cell phones who haven’t shaved in a couple days – so I fit right in. The service is very friendly.
Conclusion
There are several other excellent Thai restaurants in town, but you won’t find better authentic Thai food than at Bangkok City restaurant. You’ll be warmly welcomed.
Mar. 24 - 30, 2010 15 blitzweekly.com
Snapper NXT Mowers
Normally when we hear “NXT,” we think of impossibly thin speakers that produce equally thin sound. Instead, Snapper NXT Mowers are designed to deliver thinly-cut lawns. These nextgeneration lawn tractors and walk-behind mowers sport a host of cool features, including push button start systems, multi-surface cutting blades and Briggs & Stratton engines. Plus, they boast LED headlights, an ultra-tight turning radius and digital display on the lawn tractors. Price - $500 and up
Delegate Pocket Knife
NES Harmonica
If you’re old enough to have owned an NES, you no doubt have memories of foolishly blowing into game cartridges in the hopes that it would allow them to play without forcing some sort of improvised wedge into the console. NES Harmonicas take advantage of this nostalgia by installing Hohner harmonicas in the cartridges themselves, letting you play music while reminding you of your wasted youth. As an added bonus, you also get the game’s circuit board in the package, so you can actually play the copy of Zelda that sacrificed its housing for your harmonious enjoyment. Price - $20-$35
Need to carry a pocket knife, but don’t want to look like you’re getting ready to field dress a wildebeest when you whip it out of your pocket? The Delegate Pocket Knife is a good choice. With black anodized aluminum bolsters, inlaid cocobolo wood scales, and a black oxide-coated stainless steel blade, the Delegate looks fittingly civilized, while the Fire Safe release mechanism and OutBurst opening assist makes sure the blade opens quickly when you need it and stays shut when you don’t. Price - $60
A Taste for Adventure…and Beer
G
ot a taste that can’t be cured by watered down $2 domestic drafts at your local bar? Want to get out and see the world with your pal Frodo? You’re in luck; Ft. Worth is the destination you desire. It’s not as dangerous as trekking through Middle Earth and it’s a lot more rewarding too! Your final destination - Rahr & Sons Brewery. Rahr & Sons Brewery (www.rahrbrewing.com) is located in Ft. Worth not too far from most in the DFW area. A visit on Saturday around 1 p.m. or on Wednesday at 5 p.m. will get you a golden ticket of sorts…one that would include your very own pint glass & 3 tasty beers. The entry fee is relatively cheap too – between $5 and $7. Once inside, not only to you get to sample the nectar that Rahr produces, but you can also tour the museum, gift shop, and get a guided tour to see how your delicious brew is made. Hope you are hungry too…cause there is usually some delectable food ready for consumption, provided by some of Ft. Worth’s best family owned restaurants. Not only is this a great experience, but it’s also a top notch brewer with some very impressive and respectable beers that would make any beer knurd blush.
Some of the beers you may sample are:
Blonde Lager
Munich Helles Blonde Lager was the first beer to come out of Rahr & Sons Brewing Company. It is a medium-bodied lager that features a rounded maltiness without being too heavy. And like every proud Texan, it has a good head, is pleasant – but not overly sweet.
Ugly Pug
Schwarzbier (Black Lager) Unlike most dark beers that are often described as “heavy” or “chewy,” Rahr’s Ugly Pug has a surprisingly light body. Pug is often referred to as “nirvana in a bottle” because it combines their three favorite flavors, coffee, hints of chocolate and, of course, BEER!
Buffalo Butt
Amber Lager Rahr & Sons Brewing Co. created a rich, amber lager that doesn’t require months on a dusty trail, gazing at a buffalo’s hindquarters to be enjoyed. It has a nice hint of
by: Eric Kendall “The Brewmaster”
caramel, light malt sweetness, and spicy hops.
Rahr’s Red
Amber Lager The notes of caramel and its sound malt character are perfectly balanced with just a bit of hops. This is a supersmooth, very drinkable beer.
Iron Thistle
Scotish Style Ale (seasonal) This is Rahr’s first National Grand Champion winner. A dark, Scottish ale with a bold taste dominated by a smooth, sweet maltiness balanced with a low, hoppy bitterness. So don your kilts and enjoy. Currently, Rahr Brewery is closed for construction. The crazy unexpected snow in February made their roof cave in. If you check out their website, they have hilarious videos that show what happens when the brewers are bored. They also put the progress of the roof rebuilding on there, so you’ll know when you can plan to round up the guys and head out there. You can still pick up some of these beers at local beer stores and try them for yourself.
By: Sybil Summers
sybilsummers.com
Most Sexually Liberated Cities 10. Warsaw, Poland - Sure, it’s famous for the Warsaw Ghetto, but it’s also home to the world’s biggest sex-expo Eroticon AND Polish sausage--which might be directly-related. 9. Ibiza, Spain - Well-known for all night parties, nude beaches and sex with strangers, it’s no surprise Ibiza is AKA: The Party Capital of the World. Don’t forget the Spanish Fly! 8. Bangkok, Thailand - It’s so fitting for a city that thrives on sex tourism to be called Bangkok. 7. Tijuana, Mexico - Where teenage prostitution and donkey shows are the norm. ¡Olé! 6. San Francisco, California - Home of LovEvolution, the annual tranny parade and girl-on-girl shower shows, you can lose a lot more than your heart in San Francisco. 5. Rio de Janeiro, Brazil - Swingers and nudies are encouraged to strut their stuff at Carnaval-- the annual weeklong festival that encourages nude swinging and dancing. 4. Prague, Czech Republic - I know a girl-- let’s call her “Sable”-- who visited a sexual device museum and witnessed a live masturbation show while on a trip to Prague. She, uh, told me about it later. Yep. 3. Las Vegas, Nevada - From the legal whorehouses to the annual Adult Expo and porn awards, Sin City is definitely worthy of the nickname! 2. Amsterdam, Netherlands - Sure, Amsterdam is famous for it’s coffeehouse/weed brownies, but it also exemplifies the Red Light District: live sex shows, hookers dancing in windows and sex shops on every corner. 1. Anywhere in Japan - The country that brought us hentai, bukkake and hostess bars comes out on top. Or on the bottom. Whichever you prefer, really.
HORRORSCOPES Aries (Mar. 21 – Apr. 19)
Why don’t you stop stuffing your face and buy yourself a full length mirror so you can witness how disgusting you are. You’re a pig. The hotter it gets, the worse you look. Go find some mud somewhere.
Taurus (Apr. 20 – May 20) Dreams can come true. Sometimes it takes planning and hard work. Sometimes it takes money and power. You don’t have any of these things, so forget it and get back to your cubicle before you get laid off.
FUNNIES
Gemini (May 21 – Jun. 21) You’re a godless savage. You’re no better than any other filthy animal. You’d probably eat your young — if you could find anyone dumb enough to breed with you, that is.
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? A: Frosted Flakes.
Cancer (Jun. 22 – Jul. 22)
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? A: A gigolo only screws one person at a time. Q: What do you call a woman that wants sex as much as you do? A: A dream. Family A guy came into a bar one day and said to the bartender, “Give me six double vodkas.” The barman says, “Wow! You must have had very bad day.” “Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.” The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay, too!” On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, “What the hell? Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?” “Yes, my wife…”
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JOKES
Mar. 24 - 30, 2010 17
Go take a shower or at least go out in the parking lot and roll around in the dirt to lessen your stench. You’re killing all the plants around here.
Leo (Jul. 23 – Aug. 22) ACROSS: 1. Anagram of “Sail” 5. Exchange 9. Gorge 14. Agitated state 15. Duo 16. Eagle’s nest 17. Head 18. Cancel 19. Sometimes it’s “pennies from heaven” 20. Embolden 22. Garbage 23. Requires 24. Storehouse 26. Tease 29. Ladened 33. Helped 38. A call for more 39. Not fat 40. Faint 42. Sharpen 43. In great numbers 45. Worn to shreds 47. Stellar 48. Deli loaf 49. Presents 52. First Greek letter
57. A woman of refinement 60. Morally justified 63. Without company 64. A Central American sloth 65. A friendly nation 66. Street urchin 67. Phone 68. Rice beer 69. Construct 70. Slay 71. At one time (archaic) DOWN: 1. Colorado resort 2. Silly 3. Willowy 4. Horse 5. Egg on 6. Desire 7. Helped 8. Lying facedown 9. Animation 10. Intense sorrow 11. Operatic solo 12. Transgressions 13. Net 21. Inquires 25. A full supply
27. Anagram of “Stifle” 28. Morning moisture 30. A swinging barrier to a room 31. Sea eagle 32. Accomplishment 33. Seaweed 34. The Caribbean and Adriatic, for example 35. Sodium chloride 36. Mineral-based 37. A very small circular shape 41. Paddle 44. Attire 46. Nipple 50. In England, it’s a lorry 51. A peninsula in northeastern Egypt 53. Rent 54. A type of bear 55. Abandoned ships 56. Heretofore (2 words) 57. Magician 58. Winged 59. A hemispherical roof 61. Effrontery 62. Body of a ship
You’ve got big plans this weekend, and it looks like this could be the night you’ve been waiting for! Too bad you also have herpes. Maybe by next weekend, it will be in remission.
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22) Someone else has all sorts of ideas about how you should spend your time. It may be a bit uncomfortable to squeeze into the old routine. You’ve grown. Get a bigger routine, you slob.
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22) If there’s one good thing that people say about you, it’s that you’re a proud and majestic creature. No, wait. That’s what they say about zebras. They say that Libras are cheap, penny-pinching jerks.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21) Don’t you love those Coke commercials? “There’s nothing like the real thing, baby. There’s nothing like the reeeall thing...” Keep humming that tune to yourself while you sit home alone tonight (again).
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) If you don’t already have a good partner, get one. You’re obviously going to have to pay for her, and since you have no cash, it’s probably going to be the one with the least amount of teeth.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) You should have your routine pretty well memorized by now. That makes it pretty easy, but don’t doze off. Something you hadn’t expected could throw a wrench into the machinery. Later this week, you’ll lose an eye.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) You walk down stairs. Alone or in pairs and make a slinky sound. A spring, a spring, a marvelous thing, everyone knows you’ve got bad breath. Seriously. Buy some mints. Or gum. And go to the dentist.
Pisces (Feb. 19 – Mar. 20) You are the best person in the world. Really. You are. Now would be a great time to get a better haircut. You are stuck in the 1980’s.
blitzweekly.com
18 Mar. 24 - 30, 2010
Traveling Sucks
by: Pat Moran “Man on his Throne” - pmoran@gmail.com
It sucks to travel. It really does. Now when I say, “traveling,” I don’t mean vacation. Let’s make that clear...I have nothing against a vacation. Vacations are all about relaxing, having a good time and doing exactly what you want at all times. That sounds great. But traveling is a whole different beast. It’s a nightmare, pure and simple. To begin with, there is no vacation on the planet that can be enjoyed over a weekend.
travel has become. For starters, everything costs 10 times as much as it should. Who wants to pay 700 bucks to fly to Iowa? I sure don’t. And now you have to pay for their sh!tty food? Who wants to pay $7 for the right to test out the new chemical toilets in the plane? And don’t get me started on the Security. So, in the sense of national defense you are going to take my shampoo and give me sh!t about it? You’re going to make me take off
Maybe camping, maybe for a game, but you can’t really enjoy a Friday to Sunday vacation. Too much hassle, money and stress to get enjoyment out of it. But we try anyways. It doesn’t work. You need at least a week, but these days you are hard pressed to get that much time off. The worst part is flying. It’s not about anything to do with the plane; it’s the airport that’s the problem. Now, I’m not denying that the world has changed in the post 9/11 world, but it’s just assinine how terrible air
my belt and shoes, throw away all the sh!t that doesn’t make me smell like I’ve been traveling and then you are going to search through my stuff and give me sh!t? Yeah, no thanks, I’ll take the train. It’s as if we WANT to be stressed out. We only have a small amount of time every year to relax. Why do we waste so much of our vacation time being treated like crap? I say “screw it.” This year, I’m going to do it my way or nothing at all.... Either way I win.
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