VOL. 2 - ISSUE 27
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Love Handles Save Lives
BLITZ News Shorts 3 Hollywood Profile / Movie Reviews 4 Blitz Music: The Voodoo That You Do 5 Mavs and Stars News 6 UNT / SMU / TCU Previews 7 Texas Motor Speedway Media Day 8 COVER STORY: Gadgets Guide Then & Now 9 The Newest Toys 10-11 BLITZ BABE: Lexi 12 7 Traits of Successful People 13 Restaurant Review: Vineyard 14 Blitz Toys 15 The Fan Top 10 with Sybil 16 Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes 17 Last Call: The Lions Suck… 18
A Florida woman said her love handles saved her life when she was shot entering an Atlantic City bar. Samantha Lynn Frazier said she heard two pops when she walked into Herman’s Place early Saturday. The 35year-old then felt pain and saw blood on her hand after she grabbed her left side. Atlantic City police said Frazier was an innocent bystander. Detective Lt. Charles Love said the gunman was aiming for a man who escaped with a bullet hole in his down jacket. The suspect remains at large. Frazier told The Press of Atlantic City that “I could have been dead. They said my love handles saved my life.” Frazier also told the newspaper that she had been wanting to lose weight. She now said, “I want to be as big as I can if it’s going to stop a bullet.”
Tampa Man Arrested For Clowning Around
PUBLISHER Kelly G. Reed EDITOR Jennifer Wayne CREATIVE DIRECTOR / WEBSITE / GRAPHIC DESIGN Damien William Mayfield COVER: Damien William Mayfield CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Gloria Brumagen, Manny Flores, Kevin Jacobson PHOTOGRAPHERS Darryl Briggs, Gregg Case, Nathaniel Chadwick, Kent Gilley, Tim Gravens, Matt Pearce, Jason Ryan, Ed Westerman CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, David Goodspeed, Dennis Hambright, Andrew J. Hewitt, Eric Kendall, Peggy Kilpatrick, Frank LaCosta, Pat Moran, Richard S. Pollak, Craig Smith, Joe Stumpo, Sybil Summers, Jennifer Wayne, Ed Westerman and Jesse Whitman ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Kelly G. Reed CONTACT US MAIN NUMBER 214-529-7370 FAX NUMBER 972-960-8618 kreed@blitzweekly.com BLITZ Weekly P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK “Very learned women are to be found, in the same manner as female warriors; but they are seldom or ever inventors.” -- Voltaire
Bikini Barista Charged With Public Exposure
Pierce County prosecutors filed a charge of unlawful public exposure against a 19-yearold barista accused of wearing only a thong bottom and X-shaped pasties on her nipples. Prosecutors filed the misdemeanor charge Tuesday against the woman who worked at the Bikini Bottoms espresso stand in Puyallup. A passer-by had complained last October about seeing the woman topless. When a sheriff’s deputy went to investigate, the woman went to the back of the stand, took off the pasties and put on a bikini top. The deputy confiscated the pasties as evidence.
A Tampa man faces charges after a deputy spotted him walking in a clown mask. According to jail records, the man was arrested Tuesday and charged with wearing a mask or hood on a public road over the age of 16 and resisting arrest without violence. The man, who turned 19 on Wednesday, has been released from Hillsborough County Jail on $750 bond. The St. Petersburg Times reported that a deputy saw the man wearing a clown mask and bright wig as he walked down a street with two other people. The group fled when deputies tried to question them, but were later located.
Bandits Rob Delivery Man Of Chicken Wings
Police in Georgia are searching for a pair of hungry bandits who stole an order of chicken wings from a pizza delivery driver. Columbus Police say the 19-year-old Domino’s driver was approached outside a home Tuesday night by two men who asked for money. One of the men pointed a chrome pistol. Police say one of the men then said, “give me the wings.” They fled the scene with the $36 order. No cash was taken and the driver was not injured.
Andrew J. Hewett
www.chewednews.com
WIPE AWAY YOUR TEARS… IT’S PARTY TIME! In 1995, mourners at All Saints Church, Perry Street, Northfleet, Gravesend (UK) were startled when the church’s PA system inadvertently played Rod Stewart’s song “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy,” including the line, “If you want my body...” A TEENY-TINYHORNEY-DEVIL Extremely ugly, standing 4-feet 6inches tall, Attila the Hun had 12 wives. On his wedding night with his 12th bride, this ego-driven dwarf became so aroused that he burst an artery and died. (Wonder where this artery was located?) HIS SWEET TOOTH ROTTED HIS CHANCE OF FREEDOM Oscar Martinez, 41, of Richmond, Texas, was arrested by police for driving with a suspended license. Sitting handcuffed in a patrol car, Martinez asked Officer David Bentley if he would mind bringing him his unfinished banana split from his car. Officer Bentley agreed. He then discovered the melting banana split was topped with rocks of crack cocaine. (How do you spell “dumb butt,” d-u-mb b-u-t-t? Yep.)
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HOLLYWOOD PROFILE
BLITZREVIEWS By: Joe Stumpo - www.darthstumpo.com
Wa s t i n g o u r m o n ey s o yo u d o n ’t h a ve t o !
with Kevin Smith
by: Vivian Fullerlove
“Enterainment’s Real Critic”
Kevin Smith changed the filmmaking game in the mid 90’s with indie hits like Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy and Jay and Silent Bob. He proved that it didn’t take big budgets or big stars to create big box office hits. He’s been writing and telling his stories his way ever since. His new project, Cop Out, starring Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan is a huge departure from the indie spirit that made him famous, but he says it was a move he felt like he had been being groomed for since he began watching movies as a little kid in Jersey. Tell me about Cop Out.
Basically, it’s the story of these two cops, Jimmy and Paul, longtime partners who wind up having to chase after this stolen baseball card. So that Jimmy, played by Bruce Willis, can pay for his daughter’s wedding. Along the way, they run afoul of this burgeoning Mexican mafia in Brooklyn, and they find this woman in the trunk of a car. There’s a lot of intrigue and whatnot. It’s weird. It was so strange working on a film where people would flash badges and pullout guns and everyone once in a while, someone would have to be like, “This gun’s clean or gun check.” Gun check? On a Kevin Smith film? It was weird. This movie is unlike any other project you’ve worked on in the past. How did you get involved with it?
When they approached me [writers and executive producers John and Mark Cullen] I was like, “do you want me to re-write this or something because it’s pretty funny, and it doesn’t need any help.” And they were like, “No, we want you to direct it.” I was like, “Dude, I don’t do that. You’ve seen my pictures. I direct what I write.” They said, “No, I think Zach and Miri Make a Porno was a big step up for you, and I think if you took that sensibility and that look and that craftsmanship and put it onto this script, I think we might have something.”
Had you ever even thought about making a film of this genre, a buddy/cop movie?
This was totally like the buddy/cop movie I would have written if I ever would have thought about writing a buddy/cop movie. Like Dante and Randall (from Jay and Silent Bob) as cops. When I was a kid, that’s all I watched, those types of movies. Like I was raised on a study diet of big studio fare before I found indie film. Lethal Weapon, Beverly Hills Cop, The Last Boy Scout, the Die Hard films, all those movies in the ‘80s, the big bombastic ‘80s, kind of cop movies. Suddenly, cops were like the most interesting things on the planet, not the ones in blue mind you, they were all in the background, but the ones in plain clothes, the Mel Gibson ones. So that was a genre I knew really well.
Shutter Island: On the surface, the journey to Shutter Island is supposed to be a
routine investigation for U.S. Marshalls Teddy Daniels (Leonardo DiCaprio) and Chuck Aule (Mark Ruffalo). Their investigation, however, into the disappearance of a female murderer who escaped from the remote mental hospital for the criminally insane takes a darker turn, in particular for Daniels. What follows is a story that could well come from an intriguing Twilight Zone episode, but with a deeply disturbing, if not, tragic twist. Instead of Rod Serling, we got director Martin Scorsese behind the camera acting as our host. If I were to reveal anything more, you’d accuse me of giving away spoilers. You have to see the movie, or ask someone who has read author Dennis Lehane’s book or the graphic comic on which this film is based.
PICK OF THE WEEK
So you felt somewhat prepared when presented with the opportunity to direct this movie?
When you’re watching that your whole life you’re not thinking I’m training to do this one day. You never in a zillion years imagine it, but when it suddenly presented itself, it was like whoa man, this is interesting. I mean, I had fifteen years worth of tools necessary to know how to make a flick, marry that to an affection for and lifelong connection with the study of this particular genre, it was worth a shot. I thought I might be able to handle this. Cop Out is rated R for language, violence and brief sexuality. Email me your favorite Kevin Smith film at trivia@reelcriticstv.com for a chance to win a pair of movie tickets to the Studio Movie Grill! For all of this week’s new movies and more of your favorite celebrities, check out my show Reel Critics on Time Warner Cable Video On Demand under the North Texas Programming Tab.
Clint Eastwood: 35 Films 35 Years at Warner Brothers: Sorry, Blu-ray lovers. For DVD owners, Christmas comes early this year for Clint Eastwood fans with this 35 film box set (35 movies on 19 discs and 16 two-sided discs). Beginning with Eastwood’s Where Eagles Dare (1968) and ending with last year’s Gran Torino, the DVD collection captures some of the Oscar winner’s best films as either actor/or director (Dirty Harry, Unforgiven, Mystic River), including those misfires we’d love to forget (City Heat, Pink Cadillac).
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5 Pics & Story: Ed Westerman www.edwesterman.com
Travis kick out Double Trouble that I’m sure Tommy Shannon and Chris Layton are proud of (not easy rhythm-shoes to fill). And maybe Randy gets tired of singing the same songs over and over, but you can’t tell when he’s on stage channeling the great one, and he doesn’t take his gift for granted. Not to be the techno-geek that put Yngwie in his top ten, but watching Voodoo Blue, I am struck by the LACK of equipment on stage. Casey plays most nights through a sweet little Egnater 22-watt combo amp, with variable wattage that he usually sets at TWO. Although he does have a cockpit of about thirty pedals he runs through, so the tone is juuust right. Steve plays his bass only through a directbox, but closing your eyes, you’d swear he had a double stack of 4x12’s, and a thousand watts behind him…. who needs roadies? Casey and Travis also host an entertaining Blues Jam at Dodie’s in Frisco on some Tuesday nights at 7:30 p.m. Tolbert’s is always on their calendar, as is Dodie’s, and Sambuca Uptown, but on April 17, you can get out and support these hard working local guys at a great venue: Plano Stages. For more information, visit www.myspace.com/texasvoodoo Photos Courtesy: Ed Westerman
e’ve all done it…played the bargame “What’s your favorite movie of all-time?” or “Who’s the best college quarterback of all-time?” and the inevitable “Who is the best guitar player of all- time?” Possibilities include: Eric Clapton, Jimmy Page, Pete Townshend, Eddie VanHalen, Carlos, BB or The Edge--maybe even a Steve Vai, Satriani or God-forbid some technical homer tosses out an Yngwie Malmsteen? But no one could have a top ten that didn’t include Hendrix, and somewhere close by, his devoteddisciple Stevie Ray Vaughn. If right here in your own back yard you had a guy that not only played like SRV note-for-note, but more importantly felt like SRV note-fornote, couldn’t he then be described as one of the best ever? Maybe. What I do know is that Casey James scorches up the fret-board of his Strat most nights of the week playing lead for Voodoo Blue right here in North Texas. Voodoo Blue formed in 2002 (22 years after Stevie’s tragic death) to pay homage to the greatness that is SRV. They have made a cottageindustry out of being an SRV tribute band without succumbing to the copy-cat cheese factor of other so-called “tribute bands.” These guys bring it: Steve Buckner on Bass, Randy Rodriguez on Vocals, Casey James on Guitar and Travis Montoya on Drums. And you can’t forget that behind Stevie was Double Trouble. In VooDoo Blue, Steve and
MUSIC: Great Guitar Solos 1. Crazy Train (Randy Rhoads)
Ozzy Osbourne – Blizzard of Ozz
2. One
(Kirk Hammet)
Metallica – And Justice for All
3. Hotel California
4. Crossroads
(Joe Walsh)
The Eagles – Hotel California
(Eric Clapton)
Cream – Wheels of Fire
5. Black Star
Yngwie Malmsteen – Double Live
6. Stairway to Heaven
(Jimmy Page) Led Zeppelin – Led Zeppelin IV
7. The Reaper (Buck Dharma)
Blue Oyster Cult – Agents of Fortune
8. Sails of Charon
(Uli Jon Roth) Scorpions – Taken By Force
9. Mr. Scary (George Lynch)
Dokken – Back for the Attack
10. Red House
(Steve Vai)
G3 – Live in Concert
6
“Mavericks Analyst”
Photo Courtesy: Gregg Case
Defense Makes a Comeback The Mavericks have sent a message to the rest of the NBA with their recent win streak. The new trade additions have made them a dangerous contender. The biggest reason is team defense. The Mavs have been holding a majority of their opponents under the century mark. The lynch pin in this defensive revelation has been the interior defense of Brendan Haywood. His inside presence is basically a stop sign for the quick penetrators. When a team improves its defense in multiple areas, it’s not unusual that the threat of a shot-blocker has been added. The second reason is the play of the wing defenders in Shawn Marion and Caron Butler. They are both big athletic defenders that can make you pay on both
ends of the court. These guys make it so whenever Jason Kidd gets one of his timely steals, it’s almost an automatic score on the other end. Those easy buckets end up being the difference in close games and have really paid off during the win streak. The defensive potential of this team also has the Mavs veterans re-energized on that side of the ball. “We can match up with pretty much anybody,” Dirk Nowitzki said. “We’re long now.” Upcoming Opponents: 3/5 vs Sacramento Kings – The Kings are a young team with a rising star in Tyreke Evans, but Forward Jason Thompson will still be out for this one. 3/6 at Chicago Bulls – Derrick Rose might drop 50 on the Mavs but they should still win this one. 3/8 at Minnesota Timberwolves – The Mavs should be looking to get some revenge on the Timberwolves after beating them in Dallas earlier this year. My prediction for this stretch: 3-0
STARS:News
by: Richard S. Pollak “That Hockey Guy”
USA VS CANADA I was all set to sit in my teal leather recliner in the comfort of my own den and watch the Olympic Hockey Gold Medal Championship game last Sunday night. Instead, I sat in Vancouver’s Canadien Hockey Center. Thanks to my hockey writing buddy Gary Mandel (Dallas Stars Correspondent for the Soviet Sputnik Sports Weekly), I sat front row in the media seating. Because the Russians were blown out of the medal round by Canada, his fellow Soviet Sputnik Sports Weekly Reporter left Vancouver early, leaving me his seat. Now I know what it feels like to be a “D” list celebrity. You’re in the building, but far away from the real stars. Fortunately, I strung up a tremendous friendship with Chef Carbonneau from Quebec City, who imported Hebrew National All Beef Hot Dogs from the US and grilled them with my sautéed onion recipe. Dallas Stars Captain Brendan Morrow is selected the unofficial Third Star of the Vancouver Olympic Hockey Series. His name is mentioned 67 times during the 3-2 final victory over the US, which is 6 times more than Crosby’s name, despite Syd the Kid scoring the winning goal. This is by
Photo Courtesy: Manny Flores
MAVS:News
by: Geoff Case
far the second best hockey game I have witnessed all season. The US, lead by former Dallas Star Center and US team Captain Jamie Laggenbrunner, easily outplayed the Canucks for 3 periods and overtime, despite falling short on the score board. The Gold Medal Game was everything that anybody could ask for. From the Start, the Canadiens, led by our own Dallas Stars Captain Brendan Morrow, were playing the body and blocking the vision of US netminder and Olympic Hockey MVP Ryan Miller.
7 - Tony Barone
- Tony Barone
UNT clinched their fourth straight twenty win season Thursday at home on Senior Night. They beat Louisiana-Lafayette 6557 to maintain their first place lead in the Sun Belt-West. Tristan Thompson led the Mean Green in scoring with 16 and Josh White chipped in 14. After the game, the players showed their appreciation for the fans at the Super Pit by exiting through the stands to celebrate. Saturday, they played at Louisiana Monroe and won 74-71, making them undefeated in the month of February. They clinched the Sun Belt-West for the first time since joining the conference, finishing with a record of 21-8. They tied a school record for conference wins in a season with 13 (set in the 1926-1927 season). The game was a little tougher than expected after they beat ULM by 17 in December. Josh White had 18 and George Odufwa got his 13th doubledouble of the year with 10 points and 16 rebounds. They earned a first round bye in the Sun Belt Conference Tournament in Hot Springs, Arkansas. Their first game will be Sunday against the winner of the LouisianaLafayette and Louisiana Monroe winner.
The Mustangs improved their Conference USA record to 7-7 with two conference wins last week. Derek Williams scored 13 points to lead Southern Methodist to a 5954 victory over East Carolina Wednesday night. Papa Dia added 10 points and SMU held East Carolina to 38.8 percent from the floor (19-for-49). Brock Young scored 14 points to lead East Carolina. Papa Dia had a career-high 31 points while Robert Nyakundi and Derek Williams added 18 points each as SMU defeated Houston 9483 on Saturday night. The Mustangs beat Houston for the first time in eight games since joining C-USA in 2005-06. Aubrey Coleman, the nation’s leading scorer, had 30 points and nine rebounds for the Cougars. SMU trailed 39-33 at halftime but shot 66.7 percent (16 of 24) with nine 3-pointers in the second half. SMU closes out its regular season schedule this week against two teams which have posted 20 plus wins for the season and are vying for post season consideration. The Mustangs travel to Tulsa to take on the Golden Hurricane and then return home to finish the regular season against the Marshall Thundering Herd.
TCU continued their quest to earn respect in Mountain West conference play with mixed results. Tre’Von Willis and Chace Stanback scored 16 points each to boost UNLV to a 78-62 victory over TCU Wednesday night. The Rebels secured the win with a 24-8 run following halftime. They built on a 40-25 halftime lead and were up by 31 midway through the second half. Defensively, UNLV stood out by forcing 21 turnovers. Ronnie Moss scored a gamehigh 25 points and Zvonko Buljan had 21 points and 11 rebounds for the Horned Frogs. Buljan scored 17 points and had 11 rebounds as TCU rallied past Colorado State 73-67 Saturday night. Trailing 61-53 with 8:02 to play, the Horned Frogs went on a 20-6 run and scored the game’s final seven points. Andy Ogide finished with 19 points and 15 rebounds to lead the Rams, who lost their fourth straight. TCU will finish its regular season schedule against the two best teams in the Mountain West conference who also are nationally ranked in the polls. The Horned Frogs play at number 10 New Mexico on Wednesday and then finish the regular season at home against number 13 BYU.
The Face of Courage Cancer is a word you never want to hear come out of your doctor’s mouth. Denver Nuggets head coach George Karl beat prostate cancer in 2005. In January of this year, he had a lump on his neck checked out by a doctor. Karl had ignored it for a while, thinking it was just fatty tissue. A biopsy uncovered that it was neck and throat cancer. His form is very treatable, but will entail an aggressive schedule of radiation and chemotherapy. He will have 35 treatments over six weeks. The last two weeks will be the most rigorous, making his throat so tender; he will have to be fed through his stomach in the last weeks. As he informed his team of his illness, he had to fight back emotions several times. His players looked numb as they
listened. A basketball team is like a family, you spend a lot of time together and Karl will need them. He had the option of going away for awhile to receive the best treatment possible, but he chose to stay with his team. He says going away would drive him crazy and be depressing. He enjoys being in the gym with his team and says basketball gives him energy. Basketball is his passion. He vows to not walk away from it unless he has to and will do whatever it takes to be with them through their playoff run. He feels a championship is within their reach and wants to make sure they get there. You have to admire a man who risks his own health
NHL: Dallas vs St. Louis
Thur. Mar. 4 – 7:30 PM – Scottrade Center – FS-SW With the Olympics over, the Stars welcome back Gold winner Brendan Morrow to help lead them on a last chance rally to be playoff hopefuls. The Stars recently sent Alex Auld packing to the Rangers and will have to face a St. Louis team in similar circumstances, who won 3-straight before the Olympic break.
NBA: Minnesota vs Dallas
Wed. Mar. 3 – 7:30 PM – American Airlines Center – FS-SW With the Mavs on a tear and big man Brendan Haywood making his mark already, this game will be nothing more than pure domination. The Timberwolves have a losing streak and star Al Jefferson is now suspended for a DUI. The Wolves are more than likely to be the prey for the Mavs.
Photo Courtesy: Gregg Case
- Craig Smith
by: Craig Smith “Sportsologist” - csmith@blitzweekly.com
for the good of the team. It speaks volumes for his character. To me, he is a face of courage who won’t let anything stop him from being himself or chasing his goals. His heart and mindset are as important as any treatment. He also reminds me the importance of a regular checkup. His leadership will teach his players about the meaning of commitment. That’s what it to takes to win championships. He doesn’t want them to worry about him but to focus on winning. Karl said in a recent interview, “I love great challenges and great adventures and this is going to be a great challenge.”
NBA: Dallas vs Chicago
Sat. Mar. 6 – 7:00 PM – United Center – FS-SW The Mavs are firing on all cylinders heading into the United Center to take on a 2nd place Bulls team. With the newly acquired players clicking with their new team and veterans Dirk, Kidd and Jet stepping up their game, the Mavs seem to be on pace to take on the disbelievers.
NBA: Los Angeles vs Miami
Thur. Mar. 4 – 7:00 PM – American Airlines Arena – TNT Nothing beats a good game to wrap up a week. Grab a cold one, an order of wings and take a seat. D-Wade vs. Kobe; that’s probably all there is to say. However, after D-Wade’s offensive assault at the All-Star Game, we might see Kobe answer back with a show of his own – a showdown of egos & skills.
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Photos Courtesy of: Gloria Brumagen
Texas Motor Speedway’s Red Carpet
T
exas Motor Speedway President Eddie Gossage rolled out the red carpet for members of the media this week as he kicked off the 2010 racing season. Gossage, who never misses an opportunity to promote TMS, hosted the annual event at the Speedway Club. Media Day included a lavish buffet (three types of salad, two soups and dozens of sandwich choices), high profile guests and a goodie bag second to none in the Metroplex. In his opening remarks, Gossage was upbeat about the state of NASCAR racing in the DFW area despite the tough economic times, telling media members that ticket sales were strong for the upcoming Samsung Mobile 500 on April 18. He predicted the live attendance at the race would be the largest to ever see a sporting event.
Time To Give Up
by: Jennifer Wayne
“Foxie and Fired Up”
Bridgestone Tires was announced as the title sponsor for the annual IZOD IndyCar Series event scheduled at the speedway June 3-5 with the main event on June 5 being re-titled the Firestone 550K. AAA Texas takes over the title sponsor for the fall NASCAR Sprint Cup Series race at TMS. That race scheduled for November 7 will be re-titled the AAA Texas 500. Media Day guests included 2009 IZOD IndyCar Series Champion and 2007 Indy 500 winner Dario Franchitti. The 36-yearold from Edinburgh, Scotland, had 5 wins in 2009 and still found time to remain married to actress Ashley Judd. Also appearing was 2006 Indy 500 winner Sam Hornish, Jr., who moved to the Sprint Cup Series in 2008 after an eight year career in the IZOD IndyCar
L
by: Tony Barone
“The Senior Sports Authority”
Series. Upstart drivers James Buescher and Joey Logano, both 19-years-old, also appeared. Buescher, from Plano, will compete full-time in the Nationwide Series in 2010. Logano, nicknamed “Sliced Bread,” is the youngest winner in Nationwide Series history having won at the Kentucky Speedway at the ripe old age of 18 years 21 days. There were several other exciting announcements made by TMS at Media Day. Legendary rock-n-roll guitarist Peter Frampton will perform at the pre-race show for the Samsung 500 on April 18. TMS will implement a text-messaging communications system that will provide immediate assistance to fans both in the grandstands and campgrounds. The system will allow fans to reach a command center for a variety of needs in-
ast week, the Texas Rangers voided the contract of infielder Khalil Greene. He didn’t report to his first day of camp because he was having “personal issues.” The Rangers were okay with him having the day off, but when Greene couldn’t tell them when he would be ready to play, they decided it was best to terminate his contract (a one-year, $750,000 contract to replace Omar Vizquel). Was this a surprise to the Rangers? Do they not watch ESPN or have news headlines on their Internet home page? There really hasn’t been anything positive on the wire about Greene since his 2007 season (.254, 27 HRs). Right now, you’re thinking I’m insensitive. I am intolerant of people with disabilities. As someone with their own anxiety issues, I’m not. Greene has been battling a social anxiety disorder, a.k.a. SAD, his whole life, according to Greene himself. If this is true, Greene should know how to deal with his anxiety at this point. Meaning, he shouldn’t be playing Major League Ball. Baseball fans have heard of his disorder since July of 2008 when he broke his hand after
cluding medical, security, lost children and customer service issues. And TMS is partnering with LKCM Radio Group to search for talent to perform the National Anthem at events on April 16-17. Beginning March 6, several stations in Texas and Oklahoma will host qualifying events culminating with 20 finalists coming to TMS on April 10 to perform for judges who will pick a winner and runner up. Media Day was broadcast live via a free USTREAM web cast link located on www.texasmotorspeedway.com. Those fans unable to watch the web cast live can check out the replay at www.ustream.tv/channel/ texas-motor-speedway-ustream-welcome.
punching a storage box in frustration after striking out for the 100th time that year. He did not play for the rest of the season. During his next season, with the Cardinals, he continued to be on the “disabled list” over and over. So why do I think he shouldn’t play baseball professionally? Should a person afraid of reptiles work in the snake house at the zoo and get paid disability leave when they don’t show up for work? Let me tell you the medical meaning of Greene’s disorder. People with social anxiety disorder “have an irrational fear of being watched, judged or evaluated.” Let’s see here…in MLB, you are watched by thousands of people each game. You are judged by your playing ability and the score evaluates your performance. For people who aren’t even in the national spotlight, the anxiety and discomfort become so extreme that it interferes with daily functioning. I can only imagine that being famous would magnify the anxiety. Oh wait…it does. In interviews with the St. Louis PostDispatch, Greene admitted that
once he does something to himself in a form of self-punishment, his anxiety goes away. This was after he was put in rehab for hurting himself. Most of my frustration is not towards Greene. I do think he needs to come to terms with his disorder and realize playing professional baseball is not improving his circumstances, however, there are other players with the same condition that don’t cause such a stir over it. I’m mainly frustrated with the organizations that keeping throwing money his way despite knowing the problems he will bring to the team. People want to pay him to sit on the bench and I don’t get that. Imagine if someone who missed hundreds of days of work with their previous employer beat you out for a job making $750,000 a year. There were hundreds of people the Rangers could have put in that spot in the first place--people who wouldn’t have thrown it away. Maybe next player-pickin’ time, they will try harder to do their fans proud with their decisions.
9 by: Peggy Kilpatrick
A lot has changed in the past few decades, but technology has especially rapidly progressed. Let’s take a look at the most popular electronic items we take for granted in our daily life and see their past.
Cell Phone: Then - Motorola introduced to us the infamous “Zack Morris phone” in 1984 for a whopping $3,995, a brick-sized phone that only made phone calls (what?!) and a large black permanent antenna on top. Now - The iPhone and Blackberry, priced between $200 -$500, also called “smart phones,” are lightweight, sleek, touch screen and making a phone call is the most insignificant thing it can do compared to email, Internet, videos and well you know…
Music Player: Then - Sony created the Walkman in the 1980s, a mobile audio cassette player that could be purchased for $150. Technology evolved only a decade later, and in the ‘90s, Sony upgraded to the Discman, a mobile CD player and could be bought for between $20 and $40.
Television: Then - In the 1950s, if you had a television in your house, you were rich. A color television, you were really rich. For a huge box with 2 dials, no remote, only a few channels and a noisy picture, you could buy for $249.95, but this is back when the annual family income was only $3, 300.
Computer: Then - Do you remember your parent’s first computer? Chances are it was a big box with a pretty small screen that was black and white and had no graphics at all. During the 1980’s-1990’s, Windows was invented, the computer for even bigger, but was color screen.
Now - Apple seems to be taking over the world of mp3’s all because of a little thing called the iPod, a digital, mobile music player with smaller headphones and now, touch screen with Internet, email and basically everything--all for the low price of $150-$300.
Now - TV’s now are not a luxury, but a required piece of entertainment in our every day lives. They have evolved to a flat screen that can be hung on the wall, and are HD with built in Internet, and coming soon, 3D features and a crisp picture. Oh don’t forget surround sound all for a cheap price of $2-5,000. Our generation is pretty spoiled.
Now - The new millennium brought us better computers, and Apple once again brought us a new toy, the iMac. Laptops made computers become convenient and the Internet became the death of us all. Now a computer costs us from $1,000 to $3,000 ($3,749 to be exact…for the new Alienware M17X), but it does way more than just type documents.
by: Eric Kendall
Motorola Devour
What Rocks: The Motorola Devour is sturdy with practical features and a spacious keyboard for those with meat hooks for fingers. Thanks to Android platform, it operates as smooth as butter also. What Bites: Despite coming equipped with Android, it’s running one of the quirkiest versions - 1.6. Some of the controls could be improved, and like many super phones…it’s lacking in the camera department. The Skinny: The Motorola Devour is a solid phone made to impress with its features and performance. It could use some usability changes, and more than Android 1.6, but overall Moto makes another smart move.
Google Nexus
What Rocks: Visuals. Nexus One has a mesmerizing display, a processor that delivers info like a bolt of lightning, and is one loaded baked potato when it comes to features. The voice capabilities worked perfectly and left a lasting impression. What Bites: The Nexus One wastes storage by making you place apps on internal memory like most Android phones. Bluetooth features are lacking, particularly hands-free dialing. Currently, Outlook Calendar syncing is not available either. The Skinny: Despite a few flaws, the Nexus One overall adds panache to the Google Android family with a swift processor, excellent call clarity, and solid voice control features.
Palm Pre Plus
What Rocks: The Palm Pre Plus has double the storage capacity and double the RAM of its predecessor. It has an inductive back cover for nifty Touchstone charging and has an improved QWERTY keyboard for workaholics on the go! What Bites: Better hope your hearing isn’t shot, cause the speakerphone volume is way too soft. Despite being a smartphone, it doesn’t have support for V-Cast Music or Video. The Skinny: The Palm Pre Plus definitely gets a trophy for its WebOS device, with improvements in design and performance, and upgraded features. If you are looking for a balanced smartphone to have some Facebook fun and still get some work done, look no further.
Movie Player: Then - In the 1970’s and 80’s the VCR was a luxury which played movies on tape in the privacy of your own home, but for a price of $5,000. Now - The VHS tape retired and DVD’s took its place, along with the DVD player, a thinner, sleeker version of the VCR that played discs instead of tapes. They are much cheaper, $100 or less, and a requirement in your home. The past few years, Blu-Ray players and DVD’s (basically a crisper picture) made its debut and some think will soon take over the DVD.
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Compiled by: Tony Barone, Robin George and Jennifer Wayne
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Hangin’-N-Bangin’
N
ope, it’s not the title of an explicit rap song or a porn movie. Hangin’-nBangin’ is what hard core gym rats use to affectionately call working out: Hangin’-n-Bangin’ some steel. But, like most testosterone-laden bastions of real men, when gyms morphed into fitness clubs and exercise studios, Hangin’-n-Bangin’ became a nasty, politically incorrect term. Back before the pencil necks and powder puffs moved in with their chrome-plated exercise machines, spinning classes and Pilates studios, real men ruled the fitness domain with stacks of rusty free-weights and squat racks and posters of bikini-clad babes on the walls. I remember when gyms were where men went to build muscles, not to look for dates and socially network. Guys wore gym shorts or baggy gray sweatpants, ripped t-shirts with ragged tennis shoes or scuffedup construction boots. Rock-androll blasted out of a cheap stereo in the corner. If a man screamed some random obscenity at the top of his lungs to give him a little extra boost while he tried to lift the weight of a school bus, then other gym rats cheered him on, instead of complaining to management that he was acting inappropriately. ‘Outfits’ were what women wore to clubs at night in order to lure a muscle-bulging Hanger-n-Banger into her feminine web, not something any real man would dare wear to the gym. If a so-called man wore spandex shorts and a matching tank top to a ‘real gym’ and asked if anyone wanted to know where he got his “outfit,” he’d surely get his ass kicked, have his membership revoked, and be summarily skipped across the asphalt parking lot like a flat rock across a pond.
by: Dennis Hambright
www.dennishambright.com
Real men don’t do balancing exercises on big pink balls or carry around fancy floor mats. If a real man needs a ball for anything, he’ll take one that’s black or blue, and if he needs to lie down on the floor, he won’t complain about dirty carpet or cold cement. Working out is supposed to be tough…that’s why it’s called WORKING out. Tough workouts are what make tough men. Old ladies and nursing home residents need soft carpet and elevator music and colorful balls to play with because they’re just trying to keep all their parts working and not falling off, not bulking up and getting ‘jacked-n-dieseled.’ Real men need real exercises, like bench presses, dead lifts, squats and clean-and-jerks. That’s the kind of workout that builds real muscle and Popeye-strength. A real man doesn’t call the auto club when he gets a flat tire. He opens the trunk and yanks out a full-size spare like it was a sack of feathers, just like he yanks around barbells at the gym. And if he needs to hauls stumps or an old engine block out to the curb, he doesn’t need to call some ’lawn guy’ to round up his cousins and come do it, because he can do it himself-he works out like a real man at the gym. Sure, core exercises and stretching regimens are good things, but that’s the warmup stuff, not the meat-and-potatoes of a real man’s workout. Real men want bone-crushing power and strength and pumped-up bulk so they can walk down the street or a dark alley with confidence. So come on you ‘light weights,’ pop that spandex in the trash where it belongs and wander over with the big boys and Hang-n-Bang a little steel. It’ll do you good!
The Seven Traits of Highly Successful People
W
hile I was thinking about what to write for this week’s column, I couldn’t get one thought out of my mind, even with the birds were chirping and the spring flowers beginning to bloom: money, how to get it, especially during a recession with 1 out of 10 people unemployed, is no doubt on everybody’s mind. The wheel of Fortuna may have stuck a fork in the world economy, but like failure, success is also no accident. You can turn the wheel forward by developing these seven simple traits: 1. Imagination — Albert Einstein, one of the most brilliant scientists in history, once said that imagination is more important than knowledge. Because we only see a limited view of the world around us, we need our imagination to reach into the places that are invisible to us. Einstein would never have realized his theory of relativity if he hadn’t used his imagination. The more you use your imagination, the more of the invisible you will be able to see, which can lead to an amazing discovery or idea and the starting off point for success. 2. Perseverance — Coco Chanel, one of the most powerful and influential designers in history, first started out with a hat company, which quickly went bankrupt. But Chanel didn’t quit. She loved her work and picked herself up and tried again, this time knowing the mistakes to avoid. Failure, as much as it hurts our fragile egos and ever-delicate bank accounts, can give you great insights into how to achieve success. Knowing what not to do is just as important as knowing what to do. 3. Love Your Work — 95 percent of Americans hate their jobs, but keep going back because they have kids to support and a mortgage. Perhaps supporting a household could be seen by many as a success, but what is success if one isn’t happy? Dale Carnegie said of success, “people rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing,” which leads me to the next trait…
13 by: Jesse Whitman
“A Women’s Perspective”
4. No Procrastination — Procrastination usually is a symptom of having to do something we don’t enjoy, which is why it is no surprise that the majority of successful people don’t procrastinate. They love their work. Instead of thinking, ‘when is this day going to be over,’ they think, ‘wow, where did the time go? There aren’t enough hours in the day.’ But finding what makes you happy can be a challenge. Sometimes you just have to do what you love, work hard, and the money will come, although you might have to eat Ramon noodles for a couple years and live in a walk-in closet for awhile. 5. Have a Support Group — Every successful person has several coaches on call to give advice and mentoring. A strong support group can also keep your resume out of the shredder and onto the top of the slush-pile. Don’t hesitate in using any networking you may have. Know what you want and then get the word out. 6. The Ability to Adapt — This trait is even more important in the current economic environment. Mary, 32, from North Carolina, had a thriving real estate career that tanked when the housing bubble burst. With two children to support and a mortgage, Mary didn’t have time to wallow in defeat. She promptly turned her office into a flower shop and has been thriving ever since in her new business. Apparently people can still afford flowers but not houses. 7. Self-Esteem — Successful people usually feel good about themselves, which further fuels their motivation to work hard. They always think win/win, a powerful thought that keeps them going further than their competitors. “If A equal success, then the formula is A equals X plus Y and Z, with X being work, Y play, and Z keeping your mouth shut.” – Albert Einstein
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FOOD REVIEW The Pick of the Week:
by: Richard S. Pollak
“The Traveling Gourmet”
The Most Casual
Fine-Dining Experience In DFW
It is a known fact that in Dallas, the dining scene is much more informal that most major cities around the world. Though, we have our Hotel St. Germain, Mansion on Turtle Creek and Wolfgang Puck’s Five Sixty where diners are still expected to dress to dine. Now, I have discovered BB & Luigi’s Vineyard Steak House, a hidden gem of fine dining tucked away in Grapevine. General Manager “Big Bob” Williams and Luigi ensured that our dining experience was one of the best ever. Each course was prepared and personally served by their Executive Chef Aurora Smith and then perfectly paired with the recommended wine selection from Master Sommelier Luigi. The private wine closet and tasting room already boasts over 300 selections of fine wines and Champagnes from as far away as Australia to the more familiar Italians and Californians. We were greeted at an intimate table for two in the main dining villa by our Server, Denver, who was attentive and informative. Our first course of Warm Bucheron Goat Cheese and Lavash bread was paired with a sparkling glass of complimentary house Champagne (every guest gets a free glass). The second course featured one of the best Lobster Bisque in Dallas and a Blue Cheese Salad with Australian’s Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc. I ate it and I don’t even like blue cheese. Chef Aurora is a master when it comes to grilling beef with over 25 years at the grill. She presented me with a 14 oz. Bone in Prime Filet perfectly cooked with light Rossini Sauce and accompanied by Crabmeat Mashed Potatoes. My wife’s Grilled Sea Bass with crabmeat and grilled shrimp came in a lemon butter sauce, sided with grilled asparagus and sautéed mushrooms along with a bold J. Lohr Cabernet Sauvignon. For Dessert, we had a desert made for two: a heart-shaped White Marscarpone Cheesecake snuggling with a heart-shaped Chocolate Sambuca Cake covered with red berries and rose petals. Try it with Quinta Do Noval Porto Port. I have to thank Rebecca Hackl, owner of Rebecca Hackl Events, for introducing me to the Vineyard Steak House. Her invitation gave me an opportunity to experience the whole ambiance of the Steak House at a Holiday Reception in their spacious private dining room. Their catering services are excellent from an intimate private family dinner for 6 to a full-blown dining affair for 180.
BB & Luigi’s Vineyard Steakhouse 1000 Texan trail, suite 130, Grapevine (817) 328-6111 • vineyardsteakhouse.com
15 by: David Goodspeed “A Heavy Foot and High Opinion”
Kickin’ It Old Skool I admit, I am old school and I apologize ... for nothing. I learned to type on a manual typewriter and perfected that craft on an IBM Selectric. I learned to drive in the family station wagon (before I had to wear a seatbelt). I get my hair cut by a barber. And I still LOVE Camaros. Sure, I have adopted modern technology into my current lifestyle and life stage, and Camaro has “matured,” as well. Deep down inside, though, resides a beating heart yearning for excitement and the ever-fleeting adrenaline rush. If you are asking am I describing myself here or the automobile, the answer is “Yes.” Since its comeback this past year, the new-generation Chevrolet Camaro has graced my driveway in several forms. I drove a slick black SS model with automatic gearbox and V-8 engine in the July 4th parade last summer. I zipped around town in the 426hp manual transmission hotrod this past fall and, most recently, enjoyed time with a V-6 powered RS model in blazing Inferno Orange. I was unsure how I would receive the smaller powertrain after already being
spoiled with the V-8 experience, but I quickly discovered I was not disappointed. Chevy has proven it can deliver fun and fuel economy in an extremely handsome package. GM began using direct injection technology on a V-6 engine a couple of years back with their newest Cadillac CTS offering, providing enhanced performance without the need for engine add-ons such as supercharging. These new six-cylinder engines produce as much power as the last generation V-8s were delivering to driving enthusiasts – 304hp in the case of the new Camaro. The perfect partner for this V-6 is the six-speed manual gearbox Chevy offers. While I was not blown away with the sixspeed manual behind the V-8 Camaro I drove last fall, I was very content during my week behind the wheel of the “six-with-asix” combo. Most of my driving was concentrated near the 17 mpg city end of the fuel economy rating scale, but the V-6 Camaro is capable of up to 29 mpg on the highway. The RS package with interior colors to match the loud exterior paint scheme was added on top of the 2LT trim level our tester began with so this was no bargain basement ride. In addition to dual exhaust tips, sport suspension,
Are Movies Still For Entertainment? What do 2012, Star Trek, Up, Zombieland, Paranormal Activity and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen have in common that this year’s Best Picture/Best Director nominees The Hurt Locker and Avatar do not? I found most of them to be enjoyably fun popcorn movies. I saw them as the chance (to quote Sigourney Weaver’s character from Avatar) “to just relax and let my mind go blank.” Such was not the case when I saw director Kathryn Bigelow’s anti-Iraq war film, The Hurt Locker, last summer, which got enough accolades from critics to earn nine Oscar nominations. Yet, it only grossed about $13 million at the box office. Nor did I find it the case with Cameron’s Avatar which also reeked of anti-American/anti-war sentiments. This may come as a shock to those who know me personally and find me way too critical, but I do see movies in hopes that I will be entertained for a few hours and get away from the reality. I’m finding, however, the older I get, the more I don’t want to be pummeled by controversial filmmakers who want to fool the viewer into thinking, “Yes, capitalism really is evil. At least that’s what Michael Moore says.” Believe it or not, there are movies out there based on current events where directors have successfully not put in their two cents. In the case of 9/11, director Paul Green-
grass’ gripping United 93 (2006) captured what was happening on both the ground and aboard the ill-fated hijacked flight in real time. By comparison, Oliver Stone for once didn’t incorporate his personal opinions about 9/11 in World Trade Center (2006) about two port authority officers trapped under the ruins of the twin towers. United 93, however, snagged just two Oscar nominations World Trade Center, although a box office hit, got zero nominations. I have to wonder if both 9/11 films had blamed former President Bush for not stopping the nation’s worst terrorist attack to date, if they would have gotten the same Oscar-worthy attention as The Hurt Locker and Avatar? After all, controversy sells. The problem I had with Bigelow’s film is for every scene that made me want to admire what these bomb disposal experts went through in Iraq, I saw a number of scenes that painted the American troops in a negative light. It’s like listening to the good angel on one shoulder telling me to say thank you to the next soldier I see on leave for putting their life on the line defending our country. Then I get the devil on my other shoulder feeding me scenes of disenfranchised military men questioning why
front, side and head curtain airbags, ultrasonic park assist, four wheel disc brakes with ABS, Stabilitrak stability and traction control and a great Boston Acoustics sound system with Sirius/XM satellite radio, Chevy adds 20inch sport wheels, rear spoiler, RS unique tail lamps, HID headlamps with cool halo ring, inferno orange accents on the front and rear leather seats along with accent stitching. The ambient lighting at night is sweet. The body paint trim panel inserts in the doors glow along the length of the top of the panel. Gorgeous. I just wish I could dim the dash panel lighting separately from the ambient lighting. A 2010 Chevrolet Camaro begins at $22,995 in pure base form. Our loaded RS tester comes rolling in at just over 30 grand, but if you want to retain luxury without loud, the 2LT V-6 Camaro will run you in the mid20s and you have a choice of six-speed manual or automatic transmissions. Do yourself a favor and opt for the manual gearbox, you won’t be disappointed.
by: Joe Stumpo www.darthstumpo.com
our government sent them there in the first place. Then there is Avatar, where in a futuristic society centuries from now, gun-happy marines and corporate executives from Earth are out to plunder the planet Pandora’s precious energy resource and if the tall blue-skinned digitized natives don’t move quietly, the evil military is going to step in. As a possible next project, Cameron may do a film about Hiroshima and what happened after America dropped the bombs in 1945 to end World War II. The film will be told from the survivor’s perspectives. Somehow, I have a feeling America is going to be made out to be the bad guy. Bigelow and Cameron are entitled to their opinions. That’s what makes America great. They should, however, be thankful to live in a country that allows them to make anti-American films critics and audiences embrace.
By: Sybil Summers
sybilsummers.com
Top 10 Sexiest Celebrity Siblings 10. Paris and Nicky Hilton - They’ve been (surprisingly) out of the headlines recently, but remember how hot they were before partying got a hold of them? 9. The Shannon Twins - Karissa and Kristina aka: Hugh Hefner’s ex-girlfriends recently left the mansion to “pursue other opportunities.” I got twenty big ones saying they’ll replace the Ikki Twins in Double Shot at Love: 3. Who’s with me? 8. Zooey and Emily Deschanel - The eyes have it. 7. The Dahm Triplets - I know they’ve been irrelevant for a while, but there hasn’t been another hot trio of sisters to take over the crown. 6. Heidi and Holly Montag - Plastic surgery, Spencer Pratt and all, Heidi is still a hottie. And her big sis ain’t too shabby either. 5. Penelope and Monica Cruz - They look alike, but Monica is a younger, hotter version of Penelope. Ole! 4. Beyonce and Solange Knowles - Both these sisters are bootylicious. 3. Hilary and Haylie Duff - Bonus points for the pictures that recently surfaced of Hilary...uh...pleasing...her fiance. Now, if only he could work Haylie into the mix... 2. Jessica and Ashlee Simpson - These Texas babes are easy on the eyes. If you don’t believe me, just ask their creepy father Joe. He agrees, and he’ll talk about their boobs with ya. 1. The Kardashians - Take big, brown eyes, add some curvy butts and multiply by three. Top with whip cream and serve. Enjoy!
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ACROSS 1. Stiff hair 5. Male sheep 8. Astringent 12. October birthstone 13. Majestic 15. Tableland 16. Movie 17. Swelling under the skin 18. Matures 19. Lodge 22. Perturb 23. Our star 24. Where the sun rises 26. Not flotsam 29. Lady-slipper 31. Prom rental 32. Make into law 34. “To err is _____” 36. Ancient Peruvian 38. Undeniable fact 40. Container weight 41. Mixes 43. Angler’s basket 45. Golf ball support 46. Affix 48. Elevated 50. Feudal worker 51. Tear 52. Leg (slang) 54. Instructive 61. 1 1 1 1 63. Do penance 64. A Roman emperor 65. Not a single one 66. A radioactive gas 67. Bearing 68. Box office take 69. Female chicken 70. Historical periods
DOWN 1. Couch 2. Very imposing or impressive 3. After-bath powder 4. Nearly 5. Start over 6. Matured 7. Not Papa 8. American Medical Association 9. Valid 10. Utilizer 11. A facial disguise 13. Leftover 14. Not now 20. Ponder 21. Apiece 25. Close 26. Clique 27. Exhilaration 28. Walk in military formation 29. Playful aquatic animal 30. Challenged 31. “___ the season ...” 33. Mongrel 35. Born 37. Products of human creativity 39. Give encour agement to 42. Rational 44. Fifty-three in Roman numerals 47. Fragrant wood 49. Mooch 52. A large chime 53. Dwarf buffalo 55. Mormon state 56. Cypher 57. Any minute 58. Close 59. Operatic solo 60. Parcels of land 62. Behold
Blitz Weekly Funnies for the Week Q: What do UFO’s and smart blondes have in common? A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
The Bullfrog
A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, “I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget.” Q: What’s the difference “No worries,” replies the clerk. “We’ve just between an attorney and a ordered in a very large bullfrog that can give pit bull? blow jobs.” A: Jewelry. “Blow jobs,” says the woman, buying the frog, thinking it would be a great gag gift. So she goes home and gives the frog to her Q: What’s worse than a male husband explaining the frog’s talent. With a chauvinistic pig? laugh the husband walks off leaving the frog A: A woman that won’t do in the kitchen. In the middle of the night the what she’s told. woman wakes up to the sound of pots and pans flying around in the kitchen. She goes Q: What’s the difference down to find her husband and the frog reading between a car and a golf ball? cookbooks. “What are you two doing?” she A: Tiger can drive a ball 400 asks. “Well,” says the husband. “If I can teach yards. this frog to cook, you are outta here.”
Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
While your claims of being a self-made woman are valid, everyone’s still a little distracted by all the purplish-black scars and amateurish stitching. Nice skirt, Nancy!
Horrorscopes
Cancer (Jun. 22 – Jul. 22)
Ever since you can remember, you’ve always been the curious sort, forever asking about the accident you were in, how many months have passed since, and when, if ever, your long-term memory will return.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)
You will fly into a blind, towering, destructive, psychotic, and ultimately murderous rage this week over the excessive use of adjectives in the Blitz Weekly.
Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19)
Leo (Jul. 23 - Aug. 22)
Dead bodies, stumbled upon at regular intervals, will help you to keep track of your progress while hiking. Note to self…E means empty.
You may be dishonest, deceitful and even untrustworthy, but the one thing you’re not is someone who tells the truth. Way to go, Tricky Dick!
Taurus (Apr. 20 - May 20)
Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)
Your paranoid ramblings will once again give the seven government agents who gather each morning at a subterranean, state-of-the-art civilian surveillance facility a good laugh.
While your dream of opening your very own coffee shop will ultimately fail, you’ll still succeed in doing what few ever could by opening your very own wrists.
Gemini (May 21 - Jun. 21)
Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)
Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
Confirming your suspicions, a study this week will reveal that 86 percent of all human suffering takes place while waiting in line at the Wal-Mart selfcheckout registers.
It’s been years since you last spoke to your father, but with the game going into double overtime, you have no other choice but to wait a little longer.
Although you often say that suffering a stroke is nothing to laugh about, the way your tongue swashes about helplessly as you struggle to form the words only hurts your case.
Sagittarius(Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) You’ve never really imagined yourself as the committed type, but a state-appointed psychiatrist will soon prove you wrong.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
You’ve gone to great lengths to get out of jury duty before, but falsely confessing to three counts of vehicular manslaughter will top all previous efforts.
18 by: Pat MoranThrone”
The Lions Suck…Curling Doesn’t Well, as quickly as they started, the Olympics have come to an end. Every year I feel the same way... At first I could care less about the meaningless sports that come around every two years, but by the end of the games, I find myself inches away from the TV rooting at the top of my lungs for some tiny country (who I would have trouble picking out on a map) playing some sport I would never care about, caring as much as if it was the Super Bowl and the Stanley Cup mixed. It’s strange. What other time of the year would you care about Curling? I mean, how crap... A sport that even fat dudes who drink beer and smoke can be elite athletes? Sign me up! Some European team had a 5 month pregnant lady play for their team. You think Snowboarding and Skateboarding is extreme? They have nothing on that Nordic cross thing, where you cross country ski while shooting a rifle. That is as extreme as it comes. It’s like they thought,
“Man on his Throne” - pmoran@gmail.com
“well, what is the one way you can make skiing more dangerous?” Why don’t we give them guns and make them shoot while they ski. Count me in on that one... I understand the reasons why they alternate the games every two years, but call me crazy if I find it easier to empathize with a small town nobody who has spent most of his life competing to get the gold, rather than some over paid NBA/NFL/MLB player whose ego is bigger than the stadium. I wish we lived in a society where these small stories, these compellingly average athletes were given a regular forum to compete, and not just show up four years later. I mean, we have to see the Lions suck every year, and we have to wait years to see another gold medal? It’s never going to change, but next time I flip the channel and I land on the CBC channel or ESPN Channel 900 and I see fat people curling or ski jumping or whatever, I’ll do my damnedest to try to care.
Crossword Solution