Blitz Weekly by Blitz Weekly

Man Sets Home Ablaze With Pot Bong

BLITZ News Shorts 3 Hollywood Profile/Movie Review 4 Music: Soulhat 5 Mavs and Rangers News 6 Most Valuable or Most Liked? 7 Cowboys Draft Needs 8 COVER STORY: Buffets Eating: A Sport? 9 Our Favorite Buffets 10-11 BLITZ BABE: Kristy Ann 12 Worst Ways to Cheat 13 Restaurant Review: Blue Mesa Grill 14 Blitz Toys 15 The Fan Top 10 with Sybil 16 Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes 17 Last Call: We Are Fat! 18 PUBLISHER Kelly G. Reed EDITOR Jennifer Wayne CREATIVE DIRECTOR / WEBSITE / GRAPHIC DESIGN Damien William Mayfield COVER: Cover Photography: Tim Gravens Cover Model: Madison Alexandra CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Keith Allison, Rita Molnar, Bobak Ha’ Eri PHOTOGRAPHERS Darryl Briggs, Gregg Case, Nathaniel Chadwick, Kent Gilley, Tim Gravens, Matt Pearce, Jason Ryan, Ed Westerman CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Tony Barone, Kristopher Boudreau, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Dennis Hambright, Andrew J. Hewett, Eric Kendall, Peggy Kilpatrick, Frank LaCosta, Pat Moran, Tundee Obazee, Richard S. Pollak, Craig Smith, Joe Stumpo, Sybil Summers, Jennifer Wayne, Ed Westerman and Jesse Whitman ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Kelly G. Reed CONTACT US MAIN NUMBER 214-529-7370 FAX NUMBER 972-960-8618 kreed@blitzweekly.com BLITZ Weekly P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029

www.blitzweekly.com Copyright 2010 YK Publishing, LLC. No portion of BLITZ Weekly may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without the express written permission of the Publisher. BLITZ Weekly is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. BLITZ Weekly may be distributed only by BLITZ Weekly’s authorized independent contractors or BLITZ Weekly’s authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of BLITZ Weekly, take more than one copy of each BLITZ Weekly issue. Articles printed in this publication may express opinions or views not necessarily the opinions of BLITZ Weekly. The BLITZ Weekly is not responsible for the content or claims of advertisements or editorial in this publication. Story reprints are available for $1 plus postage; call the office at 214-529-7370 to place an order or check our archives at www.blitzweekly.com.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK Photo Courtesy: Rita Molnar

blitzweekly.com

VOL. 2 - ISSUE 34

Apr. 21 - 27, 2010 3

“I love food and feel that it is something that should be enjoyed.” -- Tyra Banks

Authorities said a 30-year-old man was arrested for allegedly using a marijuana bong to set his mobile home on fire. Dona Ana County investigator Lindell Wright said in court documents that the man was using alcohol to clean the pot smoking instrument last Sunday when he purposely ignited the alcohol and set fire to curtains in his San Ysidro, NM, home. Wright said an off-duty deputy sheriff spotted the man driving away from the burning home and alerted authorities. He was arrested after a police chase through the community. Lindell said no one else was home when the suspect allegedly set the blaze, which destroyed the home but caused no injuries. He said the man acknowledged being distraught and suffering from a drug addiction.

Andrew J. Hewett

www.chewednews.com

A PAID POLITICAL ANNOUNCEMENT, NO DOUBT

On April 7, 1927, Commerce Secretary Herbert Hoover’s voice and moving image was transmitted live from Washington to New York in the first successful long-distance demonstration of television.

HUH?!

Deputies Find Cocaine Posing As Spud

Limestone County, TX, authorities have have arrested a man they say tried to disguise five ounces of cocaine as a baked potato. Sheriff’s Lt. Lance Royals said they got a tip last Monday afternoon that a man in a silver Mustang had cocaine. When investigators approached the man in a parking lot outside a restaurant, he said he had nothing illegal. Investigators searched the car and found a carryout plate with chicken, rice and what looked like a foil-wrapped potato. The foil contained five ounces of cocaine. The 21-year-old originally gave a false name and said he lived in Huntsville but couldn’t remember the address, but Royals found out his real name. The man was being held without bail on the trafficking charge and on $2,500 bail on a charge of giving a false name.

Dallas Man Jailed For Weighting Fish

A suburban Dallas man must serve 15 days in jail after admitting to stuffing a lead weight into a bass he caught during a fishing tournament. A Texas Parks and Wildlife Department spokesman told The Dallas Morning News that Robby Rose must also surrender his fishing license. That’s after the 45-yearold man pleaded guilty to felony attempted theft after admitting to rigging his fish. The felony charge relates to the bass boat Rose hoped to win with the rigged fish at a bass-fishing tournament on Lake Ray Hubbard last October. Rockwall County District Attorney Kenda Culpepper told the newspaper that her office considered the issue one of a $55,000 bass boat, not a 10-pound fish. The newspaper reported fishing contest officials became suspicious after feeling a lump inside the fish and confronted Rose.

Wire services reported April 5, 2010, authorities were searching for a suspect who had shot and killed four men at a San Fernando Valley restaurant. One good thing, according to Los Angeles Police Deputy Chief Kirk Albanese, the four dead men were most likely pretargeted. Meaning, he said, “We don’t have a crazed gunman running around North Hollywood that presents an immediate threat to public safety.” (Repeat question: HUH?!)

WOULD CAPITAL PUNISHMENT BY ANOTHER NAME BE MURDER?

Britain’s last and most famous executioner, Albert Pierrepoint, hung 450 murderers and traitors during his 25year career. After retiring he wrote, “I do not believe any of the hundreds of executions I have carried out has in any way acted as a deterrent against future crimes. Capital punishment achieves nothing but revenge.” His fee for executing Ruth Ellis, the last woman to die by rope in Britain (July 13, 1955), was 15 guineas (about $24).

blitzweekly.com

4 Apr. 21 - 27, 2010

HOLLYWOOD PROFILE

BLITZREVIEWS By: Joe Stumpo - www.darthstumpo.com

with Zoe Saldana

by: Vivian Fullerlove “Entertainment’s Real Critic”

Sam Worthington wasn’t the only bonafide action hero to emerge from the mega blockbuster Avatar. His co-star in the film, Zoe Saldana, is heating up the screen as the fierce leading lady in the new action adventure movie The Losers. When five CIA agents are betrayed and left for dead, they set out on a mission to find out who targeted them for assassination. Saldana’s character is the woman with the way to help them get their man. We talked with Saldana about being the only kick-butt chick in the movie and her sexy fight scenes with co-star Jeffrey Dean Morgan. Tell us about your character. Aisha is sort of like this person that appears to them out of nowhere and just when they think there’s no hope for them to find a way back home, she makes them an offer that sounds too good to be true, but it’s also an offer that they can’t refuse; so, they go ahead and take it, but there’s a lot of mistrust from the beginning because you don’t know what this woman is hiding up her sleeve. You had some major action scenes in this movie. Was it tough getting ready for the film from a physical aspect? Training for an action movie is definitely something I haven’t been estranged to these past two years; so, it was pretty awesome. We worked with the same stunt coordinator that I worked with on Avatar; so, there was a sense of familiarity with the stunt coordinator, who I respect and love dearly, and he knows how my body operates; so, he immediately went back to our standard training. That was pretty cool.

You got to put that training to good use in some pretty intense scenes with Jeffrey Dean Morgan. How fun was that? Fun. It was tons of fun. They [the two characters] meet and it’s very misleading. You think they’re about to hook up and have the steamiest adventure ever, and they end up kicking the crap out of each other. Realizing that it’s kind of hot, they become business partners after that. The one thing I loved about how this fight scene was designed is that it was very playful. There are moments when they are looking at each other, and you can see this ascending stimulation that they’re having as the scene grows and it definitely keeps you going. If you want to check out all the sexy excitement of The Losers, the film opens nationwide this week. The movie is rated PG-13 for sequences of intense action and violence, a scene of sensuality and language. For all of this week’s new releases and more of your favorite celebs, check out my show Reel Critics on Time Warner Cable Video on Demand under the North Texas programming tab!

Date Night “I want this night to be different.” So says Phil Foster (Steve Carell) to his wife, Claire (Tina Fey), as they wait for a table at one of Manhattan’s expensive seafood restaurants that is so popular with the upper class city folk, reservations have to be made at least one month in advance. Who says couples can’t use some spontaneity in their marriage? As a means to keep from waiting for a table, the Fosters double as a couple who already had reservations, but never showed up. What’s the worst that could happen to someone who steals another couple’s reservation; perhaps an argument with the restaurant staff or with the actual people who showed up? The Fosters probably wish that was the case when the two are confronted by a couple of police detectives at gunpoint demanding they turn over a flash drive. Of course, the Fosters have no idea what they are talking about. “The Tripplehorns” do, the couple the Fosters stole their reservation from. What follows is a chase involving the crooked detectives, a local mobster (Ray Liotta) and a crusading district attorney (William Fichtner) as the Fosters search for “The Tripplehorns” (James Franco and Mila Kunis) throughout the Big Apple. The idea of casting comics Carrell and Fey in what is a story about a case of

mistaken identity probably sounded much funnier on paper. On film, however, the laughter is much more restrained, if not cliché ridden. I don’t know how many times must one film a shot of Fey’s Claire banging her leg against either an open drawer or a filing cabinet as though the audience is going to laugh every time that happens. Then there is the scene where Claire turns to a former security expert (a shirtless Mark Walhberg) for help in tracking down the Tripplehorns. I just know that any time a wife or girlfriend in a movie says of all the clients or boyfriends they ever known, there is only one person they most remember, chances are I suspect it may have to do with how much better looking, in particular physically, that person is than their current husband or boyfriend. I didn’t care for any of the villains, much less the situation. What I did cherish were the often tender, quiet moments in between evading the villains as the hero and heroine argue about their ordinary everyday lives working and taking care of the kids, and asking if either of them ever thought about leaving the other for fear the two are growing apart. Thankfully, Date Night is a movie where the real focus is on marital relationships and rekindling that romantic spark.

Apr. 21 - 27, 2010 5 blitzweekly.com

Words & Pics by: Ed Westerman

MUSIC: Soulhat 1. Neighbor

Live at the Black Cat

2. Mailbox

Experiment on a Flat Plane

3. BoneCrusher

The Original Texas jam -band?

Good To Be Gone

4. Here

Outdebox

5. Garbageman

Live at the Black Cat

Les Claypool Lakewood Theater, Dallas Claypool is best known as the bassist for Primus. The intimate setting of the Lakewood is perfect for checking out his solo work. 7 p.m.

Thur 4/22

Wed 4/21

www.edwesterman.com

Good To Be Gone

8. Barely

Live at the Black Cat

9. Alone

“Blurry” best describes the early ‘90s scene in Austin for me, struggling to get that frameable Longhorn sheepskin, and resist the lure of all things Sixth Street. The music venues of that time, however, were clear and memorable – Liberty Lunch, Mercado Caribe, Maggie May’s and, of course, Paul Sessum’s Black Cat Lounge. Although it helped, it wasn’t the great free hot-dogs or bad Pabst Blue Ribbon that was the draw to the Black Cat…it was Soulhat. During the days of some bad music, Soulhat really stood out, and along with Spy vs. Spy, The Killer Bees, Ten Hands (remember “the stick”?), The Presidents, Little Sister, Joe Rockhead, Ian Moore and Two Hoots and a Holler (among others), characterized a musical microcosm during that time. I would argue (and even fight with you) that Soulhat is the original Texas jam band. THEY might not even agree with that, but being a fledgling guitar-hack at the time myself, watching Billy Cassis and Kevin McKinney mix it up really inspired, and made me go “whoooaah” sometimes…(but that also could have been the one-hitter in my pocket). Melodic and often amusing lyrical work, long tight-grooves and dual-leads a la the Allman Bros…to me that’s a jam band. But they can do it both ways. Ask me my fave songs of all time, and two of this little band from Texas’ songs will be on the list: “Here” (Outdebox, 1992) and “Neighbor” (Live at the Black Cat, 1991/2009). Completing the foursome is Brian

EXAM & X-RAY

$29.00 1614 E. Beltline Rd. Carrollton, Texas 75006 972-466-0077 www.beltlinesmilecenter.com

Walsh on Bass, and Texas music legend, drummer Barry “Frosty” Smith. Soulhat’s history is a long and winding one - up and down I-35, and an interesting study in Texas music history. The stylistic evolution kind of moved to a harder edge in the later work – see: “BoneCrusher” and “Psychological Bone” both on 1994’s Good to Be Gone. In August 1991, at the end of my last, long, hot summer in Austin, Soulhat recorded the straight to two-track Live at the Black Cat. Having long since divested myself of all things “cassette,” I held onto my copy of this gem as if it were an original Microsoft stock certificate. I knew the original master recordings of this had to be in a box or attic somewhere, to be released again at some unknown future date, but I was taking no chances. And I couldn’t play the dang thing because we all know what eventually happens to cassettes…an un-salvageable mess of tape slowly spooling out of the player. Thankfully, Live at the Black Cat has finally been re-mastered and was released last December. In support of the release, they’ve played some dates, including the final slot of Granada’s St. Patrick’s Day showcase -- which started at 11 that morning. Not a good slot, buddy. I felt bad for them because by that time of that day, Lower Greenville was partied-out, and most people were home passed out in bed. Especially anybody old enough to have seen Soulhat live…at the Black Cat Lounge.

Dallas Polo Club

L E A R N T O P L AY P O L O NO RIDING EXPERIENCE NECESSARY WWW.DALLASPOLOCLUB.ORG

C ALL 214-979-0300 ext.1

Outdebox

10. Find The Time

Live at the Black Cat

Fri 4/23

A Toast To Texas International Wine Shop, Plano The toast includes: Mulderbosch Rose, Indaba Chenin Blanc and Rustenberg Chardonnay. Chicks dig it if you know a good wine for them to try. www.atoasttotexas.com.

Sat 4/24

7. Big Nose

Frisco Rough Riders vs The Corpus Christi Hooks Dr. Pepper Ballpark, Frisco Dr. Pepper Ballpark has comfy stadium seating from foul pole to foul pole. So you can either sit on your ass in a comfy chair at home and stuff your face or get a nice tan while doing both of those things. 7 p.m.

Green Living Festival Heard Natural Science Museum & Wildlife Sanctuary, McKinney This outdoor festival will feature “green” vendors and live entertainment. Guests can enjoy the Heard’s hiking trails and the butterfly garden. $8.

Sun 4/25

Good To Be Gone

VideoFest Angelika Film Center, Dallas The Angelika describes VideoFest as “both a first stop for artists who will go on to great things, and a last stop for many works, a chance to be shown before a public audience before slipping off into the vast online ocean of unwatched media.” www.angelikafilmcenter.com.

Mon 4/26

Andy Warhol: The Last Decade Modern Art Museum, Fort Worth Andy Warhol: The Last Decade is the first U.S. museum exhibition to explore the work that this American artist produced during the last eight years of his life.

Tue 4/27

6. Psychological Bone

Back 2 Basics Wish Ultra Lounge, Dallas This industry night is turning into a Welcome to Dallas CD Release Party this week. DJs Marvel, Billy the Kidd, Joe Vega, Rev and Droz will all take a turn at the tables. www.wishultralounge.com.

MAVS:News

by: Geoff Case “NBA Analyst”

Picture Perfect Seeding? The Dallas Mavericks look superior to the San Antonio Spurs once again and if they can figure out how to dispatch the former champs, then the rest of the post-season is set up perfectly for the Mavs. Let’s just take a quick look at the bigger picture playing out in the landscape that is the NBA playoffs. Looking at how the final seeding shook out it was fortuitous for Dallas to claim the second seed for three reasons. The first being that the Mavs’ second round opponents will be the winner of the Phoenix and Portland series, both are favorable match-ups in wake of the Brandon Roy injury. Roy had surgery this week and thinks he might be able to play in the second round, but I doubt he’ll be anywhere near the top of his game. It leads me to the second point which is who they’re not playing in the next round, the Lakers or Nuggets. The Lakers are the clear favorite to win the West and using the eyeball test it looks like Denver is right up there. Those two teams will most likely slug it out in an extended series in the second round. Not having to go through Denver and L.A. is a great luxury for the Mavericks. Those were the two toughest teams the Mavs could potentially face in the Western Conference.

Now, they get to watch them beat each other up for a series and won’t have to play the winner until the Conference Finals. The third reason was the Mavericks missed Oklahoma City or Portland (pre-injury) in the first round avoiding horrible match-up issues. While they most likely would prevail over those teams, it would have taken huge efforts. If the Mavs can get past the Spurs, the other pieces are falling in place for an extended run that should be very exciting. The roster the Mavericks have assembled is very versatile and allows Rick Carlisle to contemplate numerous options. Looking ahead, the Mavs won’t really face any monumental personnel issues until the Lakers and that is a huge advantage when navigating in the playoffs. If the Mavs keep playing defense and get to the free-throw line then they could potentially beat any team in the West. Upcoming schedule: 4/23 – Dallas at San Antonio 8:30 pm TV: ESPN, KTXA 4/25 – Dallas at San Antonio 6:00 pm TV: TNT, KTXA 4/27 – San Antonio at Dallas (If Needed) TV: KTXA

RANGERS:News Highs and Lows

The Texas Rangers started off last week playing very well. They won their first two games on the road in Cleveland aided by a home run in each game by red hot Nelson Cruz. Thursday, they looked to sweep the Indians as they rode a 2-0 lead into the eighth behind a Michael Young 2-run homer and a strong pitching performance from Matt Harrison. The Tribe got two runners on base after errors by Young and Elvis Andrus, which proved to be costly as Shin-Soo Choo blasted a three run homer and the Rangers lost 3-2. On Friday, they started a three-game series against the New York Yankees (the best team that money can BUY). It was a hard three games to watch for Ranger fans as there was very little to talk about since they were outscored 17-6 in the series. Cruz did hit another home run on Saturday, his only hit of the series, but also struck out six times. Four of his five career hits at the new Yankee Stadium have been homers. He now leads all of the majors in home runs and the American League in RBI’s. Cruz is the second Major Leaguer since 1952 to homer in seven different games in his first 11 games of the season.

by: Craig Smith “Sportsologist” - csmith@blitzweekly.com

Photo Courtesy: Keith Allison

blitzweekly.com

6 Apr. 21 - 27, 2010

There is a glaring weak spot in the Rangers offense. Taylor Teagarden has become an automatic out, going hitless in 18 at bats with 13 strikeouts. He has the most at bats of anyone in the league this season without a hit. Jarrod Saltalamacchia is set to report to Triple-A Oklahoma City this week to begin a rehab assignment. Good news is backup catcher Matt Treanor is batting .333. This weekend the Rangers will be back home against Detroit for Elvis weekend. On Saturday, they will be giving out Elvis Andrus bobbleheads; and Sunday, its red Andrus jersey night for the kids.

Apr. 21 - 27, 2010 7 “The Senior Sports Authority”

Monday Double Matinee at TMS If you were wondering whether the person in the cubicle next to you was really sick last Monday, chances are they were hanging out at the TMS in Fort Worth watching some awesome NASCAR racing. After two days of dismal weather over the weekend, TMS hosted it’s version of a sports doubleheader that would shame major league baseball. The skies were still gray and the temperature never got out of the 60s, but that did not damper the spirits of an incredibly large fan base that hung around to cheer on their favorite driver. Pit row was hopping at breakfast time as the crews made sure every detail was synched up for their respective drivers. Blurry eyed fans posed for pictures, and one middle-aged female pleaded with a crew member for a lug nut from one of her hero’s wheels. After local

treasure Charley Pride sang the National Anthem, it was finally time to burn some rubber. The Sprint Cup race was first up and proved to be a thriller providing fans of numerous drivers with plenty to cheer about. A dozen drivers led at some point during the race and there were 29 lead changes, tying a record for a single Cup race. There were plenty of ironies in this race. The winner was Denny Hamlin, driving the number 11 FedEx car. He started 29th in the field and did not take the lead until a crash took out the leaders with just 17 laps left. Jimmie Johnson, who dominates this sport, would have won the race had he not been clipped by his teammate Jeff Gordon. And Gordon would have won the race had he not been taken out in that late crash by pole sitter Tony Stewart, who later admitted the mishap was his fault.

Most Valuable or

Most Liked?

The NBA regular season is now over and it’s time to see who wins this year’s MVP Award. This is usually awarded to a player on one of the best regular season teams, who, by the way, is usually surrounded by other great players. “Most Valuable,” to me, means they did the most to improve their team and did it without a lot of big names around them. This year for the first time fans were allowed to vote, but their vote only accounts for 1 of the 125 votes. LeBron James is the likely winner this year, which would make it two years in a row for him. King James can do it all and can take over a game at any time. The Cavs finished the regular season with the best record in the NBA. This year, he was selected to his sixth All-Star game in a row. Last month, he became the youngest player in NBA history to score 15,000 regular season points. Kobe Bryant led the Lakers to the best record in the Western Conference, but he’s surrounded by great players. He is probably the best all around player in the league, which is hard to say for this Laker hater. He fractured his index

In the “nightcap,” Kyle Busch won his fifth consecutive Nationwide race at TMS. He joins Jack Ingram and legend Dale Earnhart Sr as the only drivers to accomplish such a feat. Busch had earlier finished 3rd in the Sprint Cup race going the entire 501 miles, before completing the 300 mile Nationwide event. And for the irony of all ironies, the winners of both races are teammates of the Gibbs Racing Team. It’s the first time teammates have won separate NASCAR races on the same day at the same track. Gibbs (Joe) also happens to be the former coach of the hated NFL’s Washington Redskins. by: Craig Smith “Sportsologist” - csmith@blitzweekly.com

finger in December and, instead of missing time, chose to play through injury (which is still nagging him). He is Mr. Clutch hitting five game-winning shots this season. His value to the Lakers was shown earlier this month when he signed a 3-year extension for $87 million through 2013-2014 season. Kevin Durant, to me, should be the easy winner of this award. Though, I doubt it will happen. There is no player more valuable this season than Durant. Last season, the Thunder won 23 games and this year they have more than doubled their win total to 50. Need I say more? How many guys can you name on the Thunder, if any? He led the NBA in scoring with 30.1 per game, becoming the youngest player in NBA history to do it. He had 29 consecutive games with at least 25 points. He had 47 games of at least 30 points and eight games of at least 40 points. He led the league with 10.3 free-throw attempts per game and has made a league-high 741 free throws. The winner of the MVP Award should be a no-brainer, but I think, unfortunately, James will be the one to end up with the award, once again.

NBA: San Antonio vs Dallas Wed, April 21 – 8:30 PM – American Airlines Center – TNT Now is the time for Dallas to shine. Nowitzki & Kidd have both stepped up in classic fashion to show that they are leaders and they’re going to take this Mavs team all the way. The Spurs are looking mighty good, though, and even with an injury-laden Tony Parker, are always a threat for the Mavs.

NBA: Los Angeles vs Oklahoma City Thur, April 22 – 8:30 PM – Oklahoma Ford Center – TNT With an impressive run by OKC and their leagueleading scorer, Kevin Durant, the Thunder have a tough task ahead of them. They held their own despite a low-scoring loss in game one. Kobe will be sure to be playing just like we’d expect him too. However, if anyone seems to have a crack at beating LA, it’s a young team like OKC.

MLB: Texas vs Boston Thur, April 22 – 3:30 PM – Fenway Park – FS SW The Rangers finish up their road trip and could end up facing a monster…and not a green one. However, with the Red Sox off to what appears to be a pretty lame start - maybe not. Both Josh Beckett & John Lackey were pulled early in the debacle versus the Rays who outscored them 16-7 in the series. Things are looking good for this one.

MLB: Detroit vs Texas Fri, April 23 – 7:05 PM – Rangers Ballpark – FS SW The Rangers host the Tigers and their red hot first baseman, Miguel Cabrera. Cabrera is off to a hot start with 4 homers and a very hefty .357 average. Rangers pitching has been so-so and any hitting threat will always be a threat. Let’s just hope Vlad or Nellie can answer back with a pop over the centerfield fence.

Photo Courtesy: Gregg Case

by: Tony Barone

blitzweekly.com

Photos Courtesy: Matt Pearce

8 Apr. 21 - 27, 2010 blitzweekly.com

How About A Heisman? by: Kristopher Boudreau

“The Voice Out West”

Winning a Heisman Trophy very rarely equates to success in the NFL. With this draft, Sam Bradford and Tim Tebow hope to buck the trend of recent Heisman-winning quarterbacks to fail in the NFL. Often what makes a great college quarterback is the ability to thrive in a particular system specific to that team. There is a short list of great NFL quarterbacks who were able to make the transition of winning a Heisman and continuing success to the next level. Many are unable to live up to the level in which they performed in college, which makes this list of Heisman winning quarterbacks who had success in the NFL so impressive. My criterion for this list is a combination of overall success, expectations and longevity. Top 5 Heisman Trophy Winning Quarterbacks to Play in the NFL 1.) Roger Staubach (1963, Navy) - Staubach’s illustrious career started five years after his original 10th round selection by the Cowboys in 1963. His 6 Pro Bowl sections, two Super Bowl victories, and Super Bowl VI MVP are the most accolades of any Heisman-winning quarterback and helped him make the NFL’s 1970’s All Decade Team. 2.) Jim Plunkett (1970, Stanford) - The Boston Patriots selected Plunkett first overall in 1971, after winning the Heisman the previous year. After mild success for the Patriots and 49ers, he led the Oakland Raiders to become the first Wildcard team ever to win a Super Bowl while earning MVP of that game along with Comeback Player of the Year.

4.) Vinny Testaverde (Miami, 1986) - Vinny’s 21-year career with 8 different teams with his inconsistency towards a specific team, but more impressively showed his longevity which is rarely seen. His best year occurred with the Jets, where he made 2 Pro Bowls and orchestrated “Monday Night Miracle.” 5.) Doug Flutie (Boston College, 1984) Flutie initially signed with the UFL’s New Jersey Generals after being selected in the 11th round of the 1985 NFL Draft. Most of Flutie’s success during his eight year career came in the CFL, where he won three Grey Cups and a record six MVP’s. His best NFL year was in 1998 with the Bills where he became Comeback Player of the Year and his only Pro Bowl.

3.) Carson Palmer (USC, 2002) - Palmer has established himself as one of the top quarterbacks in the NFL since being drafted in 2003 and reviving the Bengals franchise. When all is said and done, if healthy, I expect Palmer to be statistically at the top of this list.

Five Heisman Quarterbacks who did the least in the NFL 5.) Jason White (Oklahoma, 2003) - Was not even selected in the 2005 NFL draft. He eventually signed as an undrafted free-agent with the Titans, but never saw the field and quit shortly thereafter due to a knee injury. 4.) Eric Crouch (Nebraska, 2001) - The Rams drafted Crouch as a wide receiver but he injured his leg before the season causing him to get cut from the team. 3.) Chris Weinke (Florida State, 2000) Drafted in the fourth round by the Panthers and was the quarterback when they went 115, losing their final 15 games. 2.) Gino Torretta (Miami, 1992) - A 7th round journeyman who accumulated 1 touchdown, 1 interception and 41 yards during a five year career with 5 different teams. 1.) Terry Baker (Oregon State, 1962) - Perhaps the original ‘bust’ was selected with the first overall pick in 1963. He played only three years where he had no touchdowns and three interceptions.

“Cowboys Fanatic”

Feeling A Draft?

by: Geoff Case

Photo Courtesy: Bobak Ha’ Eri

The Dallas Cowboys are headed into the upcoming draft needing to find players that can contribute next year. In the past few seasons, the team has had the luxury of having their starting line-ups shored up before the drafting even started. This season will be different as the Cowboys may need some of these new players to come in and fill roles immediately. In the wake of the departures of Ken Hamlin and Flozell Adams, there is a definite need for some new blood to take up some slack.

Offensive Line: The Cowboys believe that Doug Free can take over at left tackle for Flozell Adams after filling in for Marc Columbo during his injury last season. The move makes the team incredibly thin on the depth chart, so they’ll need to draft some linemen in the upcoming draft. The general con-

sensus is that this is where the Cowboys will use their first round pick. There are several players that are intriguing prospects, but the real question is whether they draft for potential or versatility. They could go after a player who could develop into a dominating player or someone who lacks the top-end potential but could fill in immediately if one of the starters gets injured. This is where the lack of depth on the offensive line could have the Cowboys going with the latter. Possible targets: C. Maurkice Pouncey, Florida; Mike Iupati, G, Idaho; T. Bruce Campbell, Maryland; T. Charles Brown, USC Safety:

Ken Hamlin

and Gerald Sensabaugh were the starters last season and were pretty solid for the most part, but failed to get interceptions despite having one of the best pass rushes in the league. Hamlin was released and the Cowboys now have to figure out who can fill the void left by his departure. The rumblings from the inside suggest that the team really likes how Michael Hamlin has progressed this off-season and has become the favorite to win the position in camp. However, if a top safety falls in the draft, expect, the Cowboys to be first in line. There are several young prospects in the draft that have the range

and play making ability to potentially upgrade this position. If the team does take a safety in the 1st or 2nd round, this will be a great battle in training camp. Possible targets: Taylor Mays, USC; Earl Thomas, Texas; Morgan Burnett, Georgia Tech Kicker: The fallout from Nick Folk’s surprising decline is still being felt around Valley Ranch, but that shouldn’t stop them from pursing a kicker in the latter rounds of the draft. I never understand why teams don’t place a greater importance on securing a great kicker, especially if you are looking like a contender. In the salary cap era, games are constantly coming down

to the wire and finding a capable kicker might win you 3-4 games a year. The Cowboys need to find an adequate kicker in the draft or free-agency to compete with David Buehler in camp. Possible targets: Garrett Lindholm, Tarleton State; Leigh Tiffin, Alabama; Brett Swenson, Michigan State X-Factor: If Dez Bryant, the controversial wide receiver from Oklahoma State, falls near the Cowboys pick at #27 there is speculation that Jerry Jones would make a play for him. I believe Bryant to be one of the elite players in the draft but his work ethic and judgment are questionable. Either way, it’s something to keep an eye on.

Apr. 21 - 27, 2010 9 “Foxie and Fired Up”

blitzweekly.com

by: Jennifer Wayne

Man vs. Food is one of my favorite shows. I have no idea how that dude hasn’t had a heart attack or a stomach explosion yet. I literally watched him eat like 10 pounds of pizza. That’s an entire baby! Here are a few of the food challenges you can attempt in our state, where everything is bigger…and hotter:

by: Peggy Kilpatrick “With a Hot Dog and a Stop Watch”

Challenger: Little Bitty Burger Barn, Houston The Challenge: The Double Dare Burger It will set you back about $20, but if you finish it, you get a t-shirt and your picture on the wall, so everyone can see what a fat ass you are. What exactly is “it”? Eight 1/4 lb. patties, eight slices of cheese, bacon, jalapenos and BBQ sauce…and, of course, a bun. Challenger: The Big Texan Ranch, Amarillo The Challenge: The Texas King Steak This only-in-Texas gem is 72 ounces of steak (four pounds). It will run you $72, unless you can finish the entire meal – the steak, a buttered roll, shrimp cocktail, a salad, beans and a potato – in which case, it’s on the house. Before time starts, you are allowed one bite to make sure that the steak is cooked to your liking, after you approve, the steak time begins. Once time has started, you cannot stand up and nobody else can touch your meal. You don’t have to eat the fat and official judges will determine what is “fat.” You must pay for the steak before starting the contest and sit at a table that the judges specify. If you don’t finish the challenge, you can take the steak home with you, but you cannot share the steak with anyone in the restaurant after attempting. More than 7,000 people have succeeded at the challenge since it started in 1960. Frank Pastore, pitcher for the Cincinnati Reds, finished the entire meal in nine and a half minutes in 1987, which is the record. It wasn’t his first finish, though, just the fastest – he had completed the challenge six times prior to that. Challenger: Mel’s Country Café, Tomball The Challenge: Mega Mel Burger Is $19.95 a huge price to pay for a burger? Yes. But it is a small price for fame. For this nominal fee, you can get your name on the wall at Mel’s, if you can finish the Mega Mel Burger in two hours. The Mega Mel Burger is comprised of 1.5 pounds of beef, 1 pound of bacon, a quarter pound of American cheese and lots of lettuce, tomatoes, onions & pickles. The rules are: if you leave anything on your plate, you will be disqualified; if anyone takes anything off your plate, you will be disqualified; you must be able to walk and talk after eating the Mega Mel; and, if you get sick at any time, you will be disqualified. Challenger: Grapevine Diner, Grapevine The Challenge: Texas-Size Chili Dog The 1/2 lb. all-beef Angus dog part doesn’t sound so bad, but they load it up with ladles of Chef Karl’s Homemade Chili, gobs of cheese, mustard and onions and a side of fries. If you finish it all, you get your picture on the “Hot Dog Wall of Fame.” Challenger: Burger Central, Leander The Challenge: Ghost Pepper Burger This burger is so hot it requires latex gloves to be served! The “bhut jolokia” (English: king cobra chile), aka ghost chili, is a chili pepper. At one million Scoville units, it’s the hottest pepper in the Guinness World Records book. This burger boasts two 4 oz. patties with lettuce, tomato, pickles and onions topped with their ghost pepper sauce. There are also 8 oz. of fries in the basket. You got 10 minutes to eat it all to get the $12.95 meal free, plus your name on the “Wall of Flame.” Oh yeah, and you must sign a waiver prior to eating the burger. Nervous?

Let’s face it. Everyone likes to eat more than they should. But what if you could eat AND get paid for it (only if you eat the most, of course)? Well, believe it or not, competitive eating has become a growing “sport” in America. Competitive eating in America originated at county fairs, which usually involved pies, but because of the Famous Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, held on July 4th every year since 1916 on Coney Island, competitive eating has grown rapidly. In fact, the International Federation of Competitive Eating (IFOCE) hosts more than 100 Major League Eating events every year after they established competitive eating as a sport in the ‘90s. So how does one become a professional eater? Just the same as any sport…with lots and lots of practice. Professional eaters undergo rigorous training in order to increase their stomach capacity, speed and efficiency with various foods. Competitive eating contests started with pies, then hot dogs, and now there are hundreds of eating contests with all kinds of foods, from jalapeños to curly fries. The competition itself usually only lasts around 10 to 15 minutes, with judges, a commentator and an audience just like any other competitive sport. There are various sets of rules depending on the competition, such as “dunking” or dunking the food in water to soften it, and “chipmunking,” allowing the competitor to stuff as much food in their mouth as they can with a minute or two to chew it and swallow it. But no matter the competition, one rule remains the same: no vomiting during or immediately after the contest, or you are disqualified. Perhaps the most famous American competitive eating contest is the Famous Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. From 2001-2006, Takeru Kobayashi had been the reoccurring winner, but in 2007, Joey Chestnut dethroned him. In 2008, both men tied at 59 hot dogs in 10 minutes and went into overtime. In the end, though, Chestnut ate five more hot dogs, winning the title once again. According to the Major League Eating website (www.ifoce.com), some past competitive eating events have a range from all kinds of foods, even liquids. Just last week, the Isle of Capri Lula Rib-Eating Championship took place in Lulu, Mississippi, where the winner took home $3,000 cash. Competitive eating contests are not just an American sport; contests are held worldwide. Also last week, in Brisbane, Melbourne, and Sydney, Australia, the 7-Eleven Sport Slurping Time Trials took place where “The Ice Man” Pat Bertoletti showed off his slurping skills and competed against Slurpee-loving Aussies. Future events include the National Sweet Corn Eating Championship in West Palm Beach, FL on 4/25/10; Niko Niko’s World Gyro-Eating Championship in Houston, TX on 5/15/10; the World Curly Fries Eating Championship in Wildwood, NJ on 5/21/10; and a plethora of Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest all over the country. Check the MLE website for a list of dates and make your training calendar accordingly.

blitzweekly.com

10 Apr. 21 - 27, 2010

Café Greek

12817 Preston Road – Ste. 115 – Dallas – (972) 934-9767

Why It’s a Blitz Pick!

This family run establishment offers a great selection of Greek dishes that taste authentic for an affordable price. The buffet is divided into sections for hot foods, salad bar and dessert bar. They have the best Hummus and Falafel in DFW. The Pastitso is excellent. 2nd Helping: We recommend the Dolmas, Greek Salad, Lamb Souvlaki and great desserts. BYOB is a really nice option. Did we mention the gyro meat? It’s awesome!

Celio’s Chicago-Style Pizza 104 Navajo Dr – Keller – (817) 431-6400

Why It’s a Blitz Pick!

This is truly a mom and pop pizza joint. Celio’s granddaughters work behind the counter! At lunch, they have a $6.99 buffet with oodles of deep dish pizza, pastas and a salad bar. This is way better than…umm…certain corporate pizza buffets. The buffet is Monday through Friday, 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., and you don’t have to pay extra for the fountain drink! 2nd Helping: Monday night is poker night. Chicago-style hot dogs, pasta dishes and delectable deserts are on the regular menu.

India Palace

indiapalacedallas.com 12817 Preston Road – Ste. 105 – Dallas – (972) 392-0190 Why It’s a Blitz Pick!

The spot for Indian cuisine! The pleasant ambiance is a plus. The “L” shaped buffet tables are more than an adequate offering a nice array of dishes. Both Northern and Southern fare is offered. Vegetarians will also be satisfied. They have an extensive sauce and salad bar as well. The sweet rice pudding is a must. 2nd Helping: Try the Chicken Tandoori, Vegetable Koftas, Gulab Jamun, Saag. Try the upstairs bar for a few cocktails, if time permits.

Japan House

japanhouseplano.com 300 W. Plano Parkway – Plano – (972) 633-8000

Why It’s a Blitz Pick!

As soon as you step in you are greeted by a smiling hostess. The spacious building accommodates the largest of parties. Their massive buffet offers a variety of dishes ranging from Sushi to Shabu Shabu (hot pot) to Teppanyaki. They even offer Sashimi! Their chefs use the finest ingredients and prepare their cuisine daily. Enjoy today. 2nd Helping: Over 40 kinds of fresh Sushi and Sashimi everyday, Udon and Soba noodles, fresh Crab Legs, Shabu Shabu

Mama’s Pizza

mamaspizzplano.com 2130 W. Parker Rd. – Plano – (972) 596-3303

Why It’s a Blitz Pick!

At $6.47 a person, this is the place to bring the family or a date for a fun and affordable night out. But we promise you’ll feel like you should’ve paid more because the food is outta this world. The pizza has a garlicky-buttery crust and the salad bar selections are fresh and crisp. 2nd Helping: Make sure you save room for the cinnamon rolls at the end because they are moist and covered in icing. TVs to watch the game and beer on tap!

Apr. 21 - 27, 2010 11

310 Terrace Drive – Richardson – (972) 231-6371

Why It’s a Blitz Pick!

We really love the name of this place! You can’t miss the giant building on Greenville Avenue near Belt Line. They offer the usual items you’d look for, such as: fried rice, sweet & sour dishes, various noodle dishes and Kung Pao Chicken. Parking is plentiful and since we know Chinese people eat here, we know it’s legit! 2nd Helping: The Dim Sum menu is also offered daily til 3 p.m., from egg rolls to stir fry they have it all, private banquet rooms, friendly and attentive staff.

Midori Sushi

(2 locations)

4020 N. MacArthur Blvd., Ste.114 – Irving – (972) 887-1818

Why It’s a Blitz Pick!

The most affordable sushi buffet has been doing it right for 10 years. This hot spot is a favorite among Dallas Cowboys players and fans. Pleasant environment and fast, cordial service are top notch. If you can’t make it for lunch, try the happy hour sushi prices or new bento box choices! 2nd Helping: Great lunch buffet with a wide selection (32 kinds) of items to choose from, fried rice to Rainbow Rolls. The fresh made rolls and chef specials will make you want more. For dinner, you should try the authentic chef specials, such as the Ranger Roll, Burrito and the Spicy Tuna Tower. These will indulge your senses and save your wallet!

Ole Whiskers

9170 Lyndon B. Johnson Frwy. – Dallas – (214) 575-8552

Why It’s a Blitz Pick!

The service is amazing at this catfish/fried chicken buffet. The staff is very courteous. The food is attended to and fresh, so you never get the stale stuff at the bottom or have to wait forever for another batch of gumbo to be put out. Chicken tenders, fried crabcakes, hushpuppies and okra is just the beginning of what you’ll find here. 2nd Helping: Some of our favorites here include the hot cinnamon rolls brought out regularly, the fall-off-the-bone ribs and dirty rice. If you’re in to pickled okra, they have that, too!

Sweet Georgia Brown BBQ Buffet 2840 E Ledbetter Dr. – Dallas – (214) 375-2020

Why It’s a Blitz Pick!

This is a soul food buffet…We don’t think we need to say much more. Beef tips, cabbage, broccoli and cheese casserole, mashed potatoes and cornbread…the buffet is filled with all sorts of comfort food. It’s definitely a one-of-a-kind spot and a Dallas must. 2nd Helping: You have to try the sweet and probably not very low-fat yams, the shredded beef and pulled pork and the mac-ncheese. There are chunks of cheese in it AND on top.

Thai-Rrific Cuisine & Deli

3068 Forest Ln. – Farmers Branch – (972) 241-2412

Why It’s a Blitz Pick!

Thai-Rrific is a cozy little place with a very friendly staff. Great for bringing a date! For just $7, you can get your fill of dozens of different soups, noodles and stir-fry. You can smell the exotic lemongrass, ginger and basil as soon as you walk in. With seafood, beef, chicken or tofu, there is something here for everyone. 2nd Helping: The spring rolls filled with glass noodles, green onions and shredded carrots are a must-have. Mamma’s stuffed chicken wings are delicious, too. And they are very accommodating to large groups and celebrations.

blitzweekly.com

Maxim’s Chinese Restaurant

www.dennishambright.com

n my younger days, I was a bouncer in topless clubs. I say “topless clubs,” instead of “gentlemen’s clubs,” because back then, there was absolutely nothing “gentlemanly” about those places. There were no scantily-clad ladies gyrating around shiny poles on mirrored stages that bordered elaborate lunch buffets in multi-million dollar “pleasure palaces.” No limos parked out front, or sports icons and Hollywood celebrities that bragged publicly about being there. When customers got unruly, we banged their heads on the bar, hauled them out front and handcuffed them to a post. When we had at least three, we called the police and they’d come to pick up a load. Nobody called lawyers or sued for “excessive force,” and most times, the “unruly ones” would be back the next week, dollar bills in hand, laughing about it all. We didn’t have “exotic dancers”…we had strippers. And brother, let me tell you, they knew their business! The point of strolling down memory lane is, these days, even though most erotic establishments might be more luxurious, and the clientele better behaved, it’s still the same basic business. Men come in droves, waggling folded up dollar bills, and all for the same reason…the allure of a stripper. The Stripper. Scorned and ridiculed by suspicious wives and pissedoff girlfriends, who all ask the same question: “Why do men go to strip-clubs?” Well ladies, I’ve said it before, men are simple creatures. And the answer to “why” is also pretty simple. Sure, an incredible set of glitter-speckled ta-ta’s, and a neon green thong on an unbelievably sexy woman is a plus, but there really are other reasons for the stripper allure:

The Allure of a

Stripper

The Top Rated

Worst Ways to Cheat by: Jesse Whitman “A Woman’s Perspective”

Would you forgive these cheaters? Most women would probably say “no,” but although cheating is bad enough, it can only get worse. I’ve ranked the following public scandals— there has been such a rash of them lately, it’s difficult to keep up—from the least to the worst on the scandal-o-meter below. But please feel free to rank them as you see fit:

Falling in love with someone - Gov. Sanford,

II.

The Intern - This is a bit worse because it’s an

III.

Multiple cocktail waitresses - You’ve been

IV.

Prostitutes - Track marks and STD’s, anyone?

Porn Stars - Well, at least they get paid better

VI.

Nazi Porn Stars - Now, things are getting

Attention:

Men love the attention of a woman. How many men work all day to pay the rent and the electric bill and car payments, and still get the “cold shoulder” at home? Ladies, men enjoy that same attention they got back when you first started dating, and you treated him like he was the “special one,” not someone you only tolerated. Sure, he might have to throw a few dollars to his favorite stripper to get that attention, but at least he doesn’t have to feel like he has to earn it.

No Judgements:

Sometimes a man likes to tell a woman his deepest, darkest, secret fantasies, without hearing “You’re sick” or “Something’s wrong with you” or “You need sexual rehab.” He can “tuck-a-dollar” and tell a stripper his most intimate desires, and she’ll just giggle and laugh and make him feel normal about himself. Absolutely, he knows it’s just a fantasy, but it’s still nice, sometimes.

No-Expectations Listening:

I’ve seen men open up and be more honest with a stripper he’s known for 45 minutes, than he can with a woman he’s been with for years. Why? Because he can tell her anything and everything he wants to. It’s just someone who’ll listen to what he really has to say. No brow-beating or criticisms…and no expectations. Communication: it’s a wonderful thing, and if it was always easy to do at home, the phone book wouldn’t be filled with page after page of counselors who specialize in helping couples communicate.

Fantasy:

Yes, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that having a woman dress and act ultra-sexy isn’t a fantasy-come-true for a lot of men. And as long as women turn up their noses, and tell men, “If that’s what you want, you’ll have to get it somewhere else,” then there’ll never be a shortage of men who fall victim to the “allure of a stripper.”

shame on you. Your soulmate? Please, you just make it worse when you add those sentimental clichés. Yeah, I know it’s a terrible way to be cheated on, but wait ‘til you hear the rest of the awful ways (in)famous men have been caught cheating. Read on. It gets much, much worse.

obvious abuse of power, which is probably part of the turn on. But it is one way to multi-task. The men are at work, they are the most powerful person there and they see an attractive woman. They don’t have time to seek out prostitutes or fall in love with exotic women. drinking, and you happen to be rich and famous like, say, Tiger Woods, and you sleep with every cocktail waitress you come across. So what?

And what’s with all these crazy governors? Spitzer, you’re telling me that you have to pay someone to sleep with you? than prostitutes, but chances are they are doing some kind of hard drugs and they have slept with as many people. The person getting cheated on may have to do some de-lousing after their tears dry up. interesting. Just a plain porn star is boring compared to a neo-Nazi with “white power’’ tattooed on her wrists.

VII. Having an affair with an unpaid assistant while your wife is battling cancer and then getting her pregnant - This is getting

pretty ugly. Still it’s not the last on the list, because at least you might have a chance at a little shred of sympathy for a man who’s emotionally drained from having a wife with a serious illness. Or maybe not? It all depends on how bad you think the next one is…

VIII. Having an affair with a sister or close relative - That’s just too close to home. You have to keep the toilet separate from the kitchen. Now that brothel doesn’t look so bad, does it?

blitzweekly.com

by: Dennis Hambright

Apr. 21 - 27, 2010 13

blitzweekly.com

14 Apr. 21 - 27, 2010

by: Richard S. Pollak

“The Traveling Gourmet”

Blue Mesa Grill Five DFW Locations www.bluemesagrill.com

How to Buffet Surf: Blue Mesa Grill Blue Mesa Grill owners Jim and Liz Baron celebrated the 20th anniversary of their New Mexicostyle restaurant chain by giving out over 10,000 enchiladas to their Chilihead Club members at a free buffet at their 5 restaurants back in October. I was invited back on Valentine’s Day to once again feast on what I think is the best food special in town. As a buffet aficionado and card carrying, non-participating member of the IFOCE (International Federation of Competitive Eating), I have mastered the navigating of a food spread. I call it “Buffet Surfing.” Normally, everyone follows the person in front of them and goes directly to the first buffet table as they enter. The Valentine’s Day Buffet was packed and, as always, the Blue Mesa staff was handling it without a flaw. I skipped the start of that first table where Blue Mesa’s delicious sweet potato chips with freshly-made guacamole are stationed. There was no one at the other end of the same table where there was a beautiful display of Southwestern Caesar Salad with a sweet/hot New Mexico chili kick. The buffet featured a continuous circular table of Blues Mesa Grill signature delights. My plan of action was to survey the entire setup, then attack, station by station where no one stood. I decided to first head to their great bar area and see what was being grilled up at the complimentary happy hour quesadillas station. During the week, from 47:30, BMG offers specially-priced Mar-

garitas and Mexican beers with complimentary quesadillas. The chicken and beef quesadillas are the best in Texas. As the bar was more crowded and busier with cocktail purchasers and escapees to the side patio outside, I was able to quickly fill my plate with a huge ½ of a quesadilla before approaching the custom omelets and waffle station. The key to successfully maneuvering around an all-you-can eat buffet is to always have food on your plate while you are in line to munch on and to bypass the line that has jammed itself at the start of any one table and casually proceed to plant yourself towards the second or third item being displayed where no one is waiting. The mini tortillas cups filled with a scoop of mushroom mixture and Adobe pies that were served at the buffet are two of their signature dishes. It’s really amazing how people will stand in line not even knowing what they are waiting for when they could move on to the next item unchallenged. In the front dining room, servers were placing bite size portions of shredded chicken or pork in pancakes then topping them with a special BMG mole sauce and smoked chicken enchiladas and garlic Chile green beans. Blue Mesa created the best patio in Addison where guests can enjoy a plate full of food and their favorite beverage. Blue Mesa does their buffet for lunch on Wednesdays and on the weekends for brunch. There are several metroplex locations. Call the one nearest you for various happy hour specials and buffet times.

Apr. 21 - 27, 2010 15

If you need post-activity reenergizing and don’t mind looking like a cut-rate superhero, the Under Armour Recharge Energy Suit can help. Made from Armour Stretch material, the recharge is designed to reduce swelling, soreness and fatigue by applying strategic compression to help target and stabilize muscles. In addition, it offers 30+ UPF for protection from the sun and a working fly for easy drainage. Price - $130

Bosch Power Box 360

Nothing makes a job more dull than a lack of background music, but unfortunately most job sites aren’t really boombox-friendly. Luckily, the Bosch Power Box 360 isn’t your average boombox. Inside its rugged aluminum and rubber roll case, the 360 packs full 360-degree speakers for all-around sound, a weather-sealed media bay for your iPod, a powered USB port for charging your cell phone, MP3 and WMA support for the SD card slot, external auxiliary ports, a built-in battery bay for either charging your tool batteries or powering the Power Box itself, an illuminated LCD display and a remote control for cranking up the music while you crank up the saw. Price - $200-$250

Mitsubishi Diamond 82-Inch 3D HDTV

It used to be that 80-inch TVs were the stuff of CES displays and rich folks’ home cinemas. Not so with the Mitsubishi Diamond 82-Inch 3D HDTV. Beyond the obvious 3D chops, this mammoth monitor also features an integrated 16speaker, 5.1 channel Dolby Digital surround sound system, StreamTV for on-screen access to web services like Pandora, Flickr and Facebook, Wi-Fi with an optional adapter and the Plush 1080p 5G 12-bit video processor for smooth action and upscaling. Price - $3,800

Who Said Men Don’t Cry

am still trying to wipe my tears as I write this. It is not over the loss of my job, not because I am broke or still can’t find an FM station to broadcast my shows, but because of the pain I feel inside. In previous rants, I pride myself as a die-hard Dallas Cowboys fan that came to know and understand the American football by watching the Dallas Cowboys every weekend. Watching them play inside what I called “God’s Playground” made it even more special. Apart from the Reunion Tower in downtown Dallas, the almighty Texas Stadium was my only recognizable landmark when I traveled around the DFW metro area. For a twentysomething-year-old newly-arrived student from Africa, Texas Stadium represented the biggest tree in this concrete jungle. It did not quite register in my mind when I first read that Texas Stadium, “God’s Playground,” would be demolished. I was hoping that a rich Dallas Cowboys fan would put up the money to keep it as a monument of our glorious days. Like corporations too big to fail, Texas Stadium was too big to fall. I passed by the stadium just about every day in the last few weeks. I pretended to be visiting my very good friends Hadi and Hashim at Forklift Express across the highway from Texas Stadium as an excuse to take a few last looks at the mighty Home of the Dallas Cowboys. I promised them that I would be back

that early morning to witness the attempt to demolish the indestructible Texas Stadium. With all my video cameras ready and all batteries fully charged. I took one last look at the stadium at about 11:53 p.m. and drove home to rest. I slept like never before. I jumped out of my bed the next morning, looked at the clock on the wall and realized it was too late. I over slept. I franticly searched for my television remote. As I turned on the television, I could hear the explosions. The first few went off without shaking the Great Texas Stadium. Then the unthinkable began to happen. “God’s Playground” took the last bow. I yelled, “Nooooooo!!!” But no one seemed to be listening. More explosions followed and the “Great One” fell and disappeared in it’s own concrete dust. I couldn’t look any longer. I laid back down with my head buried in my soaked pillow. The next time I looked, it was gone. “Oh Texas Stadium, how the Mighty have fallen.” My little girl, Akugbe, born eight years ago and today my personal Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader asked why I was crying. I was only able to reply with a whisper. “…It is because of the pain I feel inside…memories before your time, my dear… someday I will

by: Tundee Obazee www.rationalbroadcasting.com

tell you all about it.” As usual, she put her arms around me. It was comforting, but still did not dry my tears. “Big boys don’t cry, daddy,” she said quietly. This time, she was so wrong. Tunde Obazee is the host of the radio show Point Blank Monday through Friday, 10:00 a.m. until noon, at www.rationalbroadcasting.com.

blitzweekly.com

Under Armour Recharge Energy Suit

By: Sybil Summers

sybilsummers.com

Worst Celebrity Baby Names 10. Reignbeau Rhames - Really, Ving? As if “Rainbow” wasn’t a bad enough name, you had to jack it up with tricky spelling? 9. Bluebell Madonna - I guess we should expect it coming from someone named Ginger Spice. 8. Tallulah Belle - It does have a ring to it, but who in this century would willingly name a kid “Tallulah”?! Methinks Bruce Willis lost a bet. 7. Seven Sirius - I’d rather see Erykah Badu naked at the grassy knoll than have that name! Er, wait a minute... 6. Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q - It’s like Bono couldn’t decide on just one, so they threw all the names in the pot, and this is what came out. 5. Indio Falconer - At least Robert Downey, Jr., can blame this one on a drug-induced haze. 4. Moxie CrimeFighter - Penn Jillette should’ve pulled another name out of the hat. 3. Magnus Paulin - Will Ferrell’s hilarious, but he took this joke too far. 2. Zuma Nesta Rock - Gwen Stefani & Gavin Rossdale should’ve saved this for an album title-not a baby title. 1. Pilot Inspektor - Jason Lee’s poor kid has a funky-ass name. And they

HORRORSCOPES Taurus (Apr. 20 – May 20)

You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a damn communist.

Gemini (May 21 – Jun. 21) You’re a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you’re bisexual. You’re inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you’re a cheap bastard.

FUNNIES

Cancer (Jun. 22 – Jul. 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people’s problems, which makes you a sucker. That is why you will always be on welfare and won’t be worth a sh!t. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Q: What happened to the blonde ice hockey team? A: Drowned in spring training.

Leo (Jul. 23 – Aug. 22)

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech? A: When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off. Q: How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, let the b!tch cook in the dark.

A Letter to Jesse James You Stupid Bastard! You cheated on Sandra Bullock? How in the world can you be so stupid? You are married to one of the most beautiful women in the world. She has a body to die for and her current wealth shadowed only by Oprah. Your wife, recently beat out Julia Roberts in the polls and is now named “America’s Sweetheart.” You also remember, she just won an Oscar and praised you up and down in front of the world while you were porkin’ away. You are really a piece of work! You are the most hated a$$hole cheater on the planet! How can you live with yourself! I only have one thing to say to the despicable, miserable, cheating piece of sh!t that you are: Thanks for taking the heat off of me. Let’s do lunch. – Tiger

blitzweekly.com

JOKES

Apr. 21 - 27, 2010 17

You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards! ACROSS: 1. Feudal lord 6. Proprietor 11. 180° from NNW 14. An analytic literary composition 15. Hesitate 16. Skillet 17. Enforced 19. Computer key 20. Territories 21. Bend 23. Attack 27. Laborer 28. Nordic 32. Preserves, as pork 33. Take as one’s own 34. Pea container 37. Website addresses 38. Overact 39. Seaweed 40. Deli loaf 41. Diving bird 42. Braid 43. Not liberal 45. Pretense 48. Worn away 49. Prize

50. Unprecedented 53. A scientific workplace 54. Instructive 60. Schuss 61. Apostle Peter 62. Humiliate 63. Poetic time of day 64. Piddle away 65. Not dark DOWN: 1. Floral necklace 2. Any doctrine 3. Extra Sensory Perception 4. Girl 5. What we blink 6. Not closed 7. Baton 8. Cashews and pecans 9. East southeast 10. British soldier 11. Incite 12. Soothing ointment 13. Come in 18. French Sudan 22. Ashes holder 23. Ancient Assyrian city 24. Frightening

25. French for “Room” 26. Picnic insects 27. Squeegee 29. What we’re called 30. Sun-dried brick 31. Elector 34. Tartan 35. Pointed arch 36. Old hat 38. Coastal raptor 39. Countertenor 41. A female deity 42. Unfair 43. Automobile 44. Sleeveless garment 45. Bogus 46. Not asleep 47. Log home 50. Smoke 51. Computer symbol 52. South African monetary unit 55. Downturn 56. Japanese sash 57. Henpeck 58. Residue from a fire 59. Permit

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22) You’re the logical type and hate disorder. Your sh!tpicking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You’re cold and unemotional. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22) You’re the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21) You’re the worst of the lot. You’re shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) You’re optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chicken sh!t. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you do not pay attention to anyone or anything. Everyone thinks you smoke a lot of dope.

Pisces (Feb. 19 – Mar. 20) You’re a pioneer type and think most people are d!ickheads. You are full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with.

Aries (Mar. 21 – Apr. 19) You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipsh!t.

blitzweekly.com

18 Apr. 21 - 27, 2010

Let’s Be Honest Here, Folks...

by: Pat Moran

We Are Fat!

Fat, fatter and fattest. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have to be comfortable. Everywhere you turn, someone is talking about how obese our country is. It’s pretty obvious that we are growing out, rather than up. It’s becoming a culture of paranoid self-consciousness, where we are trying to be someone we are not. Everyone is trying to lose weight; everyone is trying to get to some sort of validation. But if you are fat, you are fat. You are not skinny. I never understand why people think they can get away with wearing really tight clothes when they have the body type that would suggest layering. But people! IT’S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL. Don’t try to be skinny if you are not. Who gives a crap? If you are big and you put on a skinny shirt, you do not all of a sudden become

“Man on his Throne” - pmoran@gmail.com

a model. You become a fat person in a small shirt. You become something that people look at oddly. Especially for the larger women out there, you are not ugly because you are bigger. If you want to lose weight, lose weight. Otherwise, don’t try to fool yourself into feeling like sh!t because you aren’t like magazine girls. You are who you are and as soon as you realize that, your life will be better for it. And fat guys. Come on. You aren’t keeping the weight on to play tackle for the Cowboys. Don’t wear a medium when you need an XL. It looks weird. And it makes people uncomfortable. It’s not the size of the shirt that is going to get you laid or make you happy. Remember that next time you are eating a burger while struggling to button your pants.

Crossword Solution