It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No. It’s... a Donkey
BLITZ News Shorts 3 Hollywood Profile/Movie Review 4 Music: Le Cure is The Cure 5 Rangers/AirHogs/Vigilantes News 6 The Decision Two 7 Marquez vs Diaz II 8 COVER STORY: Guide to Metroplex BBQ Barbecue Must Haves 9 Our Favorite Restaurants 10-11 BLITZ BABE: Paige 12 Summer Movie Playlist 13 Food Review: Brownstone Restaurant 14 Blitz Toys 15 The Fan Top 10 with Sybil 16 Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes 17 Last Call: Weddings & Funerals 18 PUBLISHER Kelly G. Reed EDITOR Jennifer Wayne CREATIVE DIRECTOR / WEBSITE / GRAPHIC DESIGN Damien William Mayfield COVER Cover Photography: Matt Pearce Model: Lauren Harris Special Thanks to Longoria’s BBQ STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS Darryl Briggs, Gregg Case, Nathaniel Chadwick, Kent Gilley, Tim Gravens, Steven Hendrix, Matt Pearce, Jason Ryan, Ed Westerman CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Keith Allison, Brad Barton, Abdoulaye Diallo, Joe Lorenzini, Jerome Patrick, Jauerback, Shleiderbmx, Vramdal STAFF WRITERS Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Eric Kendall, Frank LaCosta, Pat Moran, Richard S. Pollak, Craig Smith, Joe Stumpo, Jennifer Wayne and Jesse Whitman CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Fil Chapa, Cassie R. Cullins, Dennis Hambright, Andrew J. Hewett, Ed Westerman ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Kelly G. Reed CONTACT US MAIN NUMBER 214-529-7370 FAX NUMBER 972-960-8618 kreed@blitzweekly.com BLITZ Weekly P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029
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Photo Courtesy: Shleiderbmx, Vramdal
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VOL. 2 - ISSUE 48
July 28 - August 3, 2010 3
QUOTE OF THE WEEK “BBQ’ing is one percent inspiration, and ninety-nine percent perspiration” -- Thomas Edison
Authorities in Russia are opening an animal cruelty probe into a weekend stunt on a beach in southern Russia in which a donkey parasailed high over the surf. Amateur video footage showed men attaching a parasail harness to the trembling mule. The English-language Kremlin news channel Russia Today reported that sunbathers were distressed at the sight of the flying donkey, which brayed in fear as it glided above the bay for half an hour. Russia Today reported the donkey was shell-shocked but survived. Reports said the donkey flight was a promotional stunt. Employees of a leisure firm in the village of Golubitskaya on the Azov Sea could face two years in prison if they are charged and convicted of animal cruelty.
Andrew J. Hewett
www.chewednews.com
CITY’S SIGNS’ WORDING WOULD’VE EXTENDED ONTO THE HIGHWAYS
The original name of Los Angeles was: El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles del rio Porciuncula, translating to, The Village of our Lady the Queen of the Angels of the Porciuncula River.
1-man rodeo: NYC’s Naked Cowboy sues Naked Cowgirl
It’s not exactly the gunfight at the O.K. Corral. New York City’s famous Naked Cowboy is headed to court to protect his trademark from the Naked Cowgirl. Robert Burck says Sandy Kane is damaging the brand he built through more than a decade of strumming his guitar wearing only briefs and a cowboy hat. He’s earned as much as $1,000 a day working Times Square from about 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Kane wears a bikini, cowboy hat and guitar in her role as the Naked Cowgirl. The federal suit filed last Wednesday asks the court to keep Kane from doing anything that would violate Burck’s trademark. Kane is a former stripper who’s now a fixture of the city comedy scene. Her attorney says he hasn’t seen the lawsuit, but Kane has the right to do what she’s doing.
NOW WE KNOW
Thrift Store Gets Laptop Back After Mistaken Sale
An Idaho thrift store manager has her laptop back after it was accidentally sold for $5 last week. Sandra Bechthold says she was stunned when a customer returned the computer to the store last Tuesday. The man refused her offer of a reward and wouldn’t even give them his last name. The man explained that his wife had heard about the mistake through the news and he decided to return the computer to the Women’s Center Thrift Store. Bechthold told the Coeur d’Alene Press she didn’t know how her laptop ended up among the items in the donation receiving room or how it ended up being sold without having a price tag. She ran a classified ad in the paper seeking its return but had nearly given up when the man returned the computer.
The wettest spot on earth is Mt. Waialeale, Hawaii, with an average annual rainfall of 460” (38.3 feet). Least recorded moisture, liquid or frozen, is found (not found) in the dry valleys of Antarctica. There, evaporation (more accurately sublimation) overpowers snowfall, leaving nothing but dry barren land.
DON’T YOU LOVE A SELF STARTER...THANKS TO HIS WIFE?
The American novelist, James Fenimore Cooper (1789-1851), was kicked out of Yale University for setting fire to a classmate’s door as a prank. And, even by age 30, he’d given no thought to writing. But, that changed one evening while he read an English novel aloud to his wife, Susan Augusta De Lancey (17921852), exclaiming he could write better than that. When she dared him, he wrote Precaution, later considered one of the worst books ever written. That made him angry, so he wrote another book, The Spy, which is regarded as one of the better books written by an American.
blitzweekly.com
4 July 28 - August 3, 2010
HOLLYWOOD PROFILE
by: Fil Chapa
“One Film at a Time”
with Zac Efron
by: Vivian Fullerlove “Entertainment’s Real Critic”
He sang and danced his way into the hearts of millions of tween-age girls in Disney’s High School Musical franchise, but these days Zac Efron is taking on some legitimately juicy film roles. The young actor has definitely emerged as one of Hollywood’s newest leading men, and has proven in films like Me and Orson Welles that he is much more than just another pretty face. In his latest movie, Charlie St. Cloud, Efron plays a young man overcome by grief at the death of his younger brother. So much that he takes a job as caretaker of the cemetery in which his brother is buried. Charlie has a special lasting bond with his brother though, that cannot be broken even in death. Then, a girl comes into Charlie’s life and he must choose between keeping a promise he made to his brother, or going after the girl he loves. I talked with Efron about the film and about the power of love.
You play the title role in the film, Charlie St. Cloud, and your life is devastated by the death of your younger brother. Can you explain the relationship shared by the two characters? Charlie is more than an older brother to Sam. He’s almost like a father figure, a mentor. He takes good care of him. He’s trying to groom a strong younger brother and make him a kid who can fight for himself and stand up for himself in a world where opportunities aren’t handed to you. There is some pretty heavy subject matter in this film. What attracted you to the project? The story is very different. It’s not like anything I’ve ever done before. It was a lot more dramatic, a lot more
serious, more adventurous, I think. It was also very real and emotional and that was incredibly exciting. You make a promise to your brother that you keep for many years. Then of course comes the girl. How does that relationship change the dynamic of your character’s relationship with Sam? It’s too much. He tries to get away from her as much as possible and shut her out of his mind but he can’t. It gets completely out of hand and it’s uncontrollable, I guess that’s love. I don’t think you can take on a role like this and not be affected on a number of levels. What was the best part of this experience for you as an actor? The coolest part of the
movie for me was connecting with the character on a whole different level. It was fun stepping into Charlie’s shoes and playing a guy who’s down and out and down on his luck and doesn’t really have much to live for and who is numb. That was interesting for me. I tend to play characters who are more energetic and full of life. Charlie St. Cloud opens nationwide this week. The movie is rated PG-13 for language including some sexual references, an intense accident scene and some sensuality. For all of this week’s new releases and more of your favorite celebs, check out my show Reel Critics on Time Warner Cable Video on Demand under the North Texas programming tab!
Inception
Leonardo DiCaprio plays a security specialist that helps uncover deep dark secrets by entering the dreams of power players in the corporate world. He brings along some young hipsters to help him (Joseph GordonLevitt and Ellen Page). Christopher Nolan (“The Dark Knight”) directs this smart, stylish thriller. Dom Cobb (DiCaprio) is torn between spending all of eternity with his wife (Yikes!) and helping the heir to a corporate fortune find redemption with his father. Leo comes back strong after the disappointing “Shutter Island.” While his character is similar, going into a strange environment with a trusty sidekick searching
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for secrets and being haunted by memories of mysterious wives that have past on. This story is not nearly as predictable and the special effects are approaching “Star Wars” level. There are several twists and turns, globetrotting, and characters going from one level of dreams to the next. The film moves extremely fast at times and can be a bit difficult to follow; it’s best not to over think this one. You should just sit back and let the dreams fall where they may. Trust me, there are enough Brooks Brothers suits and mindbending special effects to keep us all fat and giggly.
July 28 - August 3, 2010 5 blitzweekly.com
story/pics by: Ed Westerman www.edwesterman.com
The Cure - Disintegration
4. Lullaby
The Cure - Disintegration
5. Just Like Heaven
The Cure - Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me
6. Close To Me
The Cure - The Head on the Door
7. The Hanging Garden
The Cure - Pornography
8. In Your House
The Cure - Seventeen Seconds
9. A Night Like This
The Cure - The Head On the Door
10. High
Go to www.tribute-band.com and just check out the 21 pages of cover bands listed. There is somebody out there paying tribute to pretty much every stripe and type of music (and Harvey’s recently. “Just Like some of the names are pretty Heaven”? Check. “Lovesong”? funny): Alyson Chaynes… Check. “Lullaby”? Check. “In hahaha…and, of course, the Between Days”? Check. “Close ubiquitous Zeppelin, Beatles, To Me”? Check. But, again, Journey, Hendrix and Stones you have to go deep to be a – plenty of those. I guess, I was good tribute band. Deep cuts, not surprised to see multiple no problem: “A Forest” (from Tim McGraw, LadyGaGa… Seventeen Seconds, 1981), but what about “Manna” as “Fire in Cairo” (from a tribute to Bread, and Three Imaginary Boys, some guys in the UK “It has always been my contention 1979), and “Siamese are called: KINGSO Twins” (Pornography, FLEON. Guess who? that to be a gigging cover band, It was written which accepts a paycheck and wants 1982). That’s deep. Sure, you can bang recently that Dallas has ALWAYS been a the tip bucket to be filled, you got to out some cover songs at a crappy little bar, play for really BE IT.” “haven” for cover bands beer and try to not suck, – 400 or so in the area. or you can take it to this No surprise – in Big D, people like to get their drink on, have a good level and master some great music and have time, and if they have to listen to live music, fun doing it. it might as well be songs they have known and loved from some era or another of their Le Cure is: Mark Hernandez - Vox life. Well, riding that (new) wave for the Brian Miller - Guitar past few years is Dallas’ own Le Cure, Bobby Hoke - Keyboard paying homage to who else but - The Cure. Doug Grabowski - Bass It has always been my contention that to Alan Mouradian - Drums be a gigging cover band, which accepts a paycheck and wants the tip bucket to be Upcoming: July 29th Le Cure plays filled, you got to really BE IT. And if you Black Thursday at Lakewood Bar and Grill have ANY passing knowledge of The Cure, – 9 p.m., $5.00 cover (don’t forget the great you know there are multiple phases of their LBG wings). August 6th at Wizard’s Sports history, and some DEEP DEEP cuts that Café, on Central Expressway in Richardson, need to be handled with care and precision and August 12th, Le Cure will be playing Nou Wave Thursday at W Hotel’s Ghost to not suck. Le Cure handles that like pros. I caught Le Cure for the first time at Lee Bar.
The Cure - Wish
Thur 7/29
The Cure - Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me
3. Pictures of You
Fast Lane - Cool Thursdays Concert Series Dallas Arboretum Fast Lane recreates all the classic hits from The Eagle’s extensive catalog. Grab a blanket and pack the beer for a night under the stars. For more information, call 214-515-6500.
Fri 7/30
Ringling Brothers & Barnum & Bailey Circus AAC—Dallas The Greatest Show on Earth returns to Dallas. Get ready for some Alpaca action! For tickets, call 214-222-3687. In town until August 8th.
Mesquite Championship Rodeo Resistol Arena—Mesquite Log onto mesquiterodeo.com for tickets starting at $7. If you sit in a suite or the 8-Second club ($50), for you can chow down on some of the best BBQ in the area, including smoked ribs and brisket, BBQ baked beans and cobbler!
Sat 7/31
2. Why Can’t I Be You
Wed 7/28
The Turquoise Pontiac Bath House Cultural Center—Dallas One Thirty Productions presents The Turquoise Pontiac, a companion piece to Mr. Schave’s Under a Texaco Canopy. The play tells the tale of a traveler on his way to the newly opened Disneyland in the summer of 1955.
Sun 8/1
The Cure - Disintegration
Red Bull Art of Can Exhibition Galleria—Dallas The exhibition features more than 50 unique pieces-a wide variety of art made from recycled cans, digital media, paint and more.
Mon 8/2
Anniversary Celebration Baby Dolls 10250 Shady Trail–Dallas The Legend Lives On at Baby Dolls! Join them as they entertain guests with free lunch and dinner buffets, casino games and drink specials.
Tue 8/3
MUSIC: Best of The Cure 1. Lovesong
Universoul Circus Southwest Center Mall—Dallas Clowns, trapeze, acrobats, magical illusions, lions, tigers, elephants, stilt walkers, daredevils, dancers, and more! Bring the whole family and watch performers from around the world.
If you know of a cool event or concert coming up, send some info our way at editor@blitzweekly.com
RANGERS:News
by: Craig Smith
“Sportsologist” - csmith@blitzweekly.com
Rangers Round Up Angels!
The first place Texas Rangers continue football. A friend of mine, Kenny Bybee to extend their lead in the division. As of put it in perspective when he told me, “I’m Monday night, they were 7.5 games up on still riding a Rangers high, Cowboys can the second place Angels in the division. wait on the backburner for a bit longer. It’s That is the biggest lead in any division in time!” all of baseball. The fans and all of baseball On Thursday, Cliff Lee got his first win is starting to believe in the Rangers. They as a Ranger. He pitched 8 1/3 innings giving just won three out of four up two runs on five hits home games against the and no walks. Friday, C.J. Angels who have won Wilson was phenomenal five of the last six division pitching eight shutout titles. They did it with innings as Texas won 1-0. solid pitching which has He held the Angels to four seldom been something singles with no walks and associated with the no batter reached second Rangers. Huge crowds base. On Sunday, “Big (170,848) over the series Game” Tommy Hunter got filled the stadium in a the win pushing his record playoff-like atmosphere. to 8-0. His eight game As a long time Rangers winning streak is already fan I couldn’t get enough the longest ever by a Feliz closed the door on the Angels of the chant this weekend, Ranger starting pitcher to “Beat LA, Beat LA.” It isn’t very often that begin a season and is now tied for the fifth the Cowboys training camp begins and local longest by a starter in team history. TV and sports radio stations are talking This week they are home for a three more about the Rangers. This is usually game series against Oakland and then off the time of the year the Rangers usually to Los Angeles for a three game series with fall out of the race and local fans focus on the Angels.
VIGILANTES:News
by: Craig Smith
“Sportsologist” - csmith@blitzweekly.com
Photo Courtesy: Joe Lorenzini
Vigilantes Play Final Home Game
The Dallas Vigilantes played their last I’m excited to be here.” I asked him if he had home game of the season this past Saturday a chance to watch the team play this year and against the Utah Blaze. The biggest home he said, “Just a little bit. There are several crowd (9,123) of the year guys I would definitely saw Collin Drafts hit Derek want back for sure. There Lee on the first drive for are a lot of good players out a 20-yard touchdown but there.” I wondered if he had the extra point was missed. thought about returning as a Later in the quarter, Drafts player this year at the age of hit Lee again to put Dallas 40. “I talked about it. This up 13-6. In the second opportunity was just too quarter, Drafts threw two good to pass up as far as the touchdown passes to Larry coaching opportunity. I still Brackins. In the final two feel like I can play at a high minutes of the half, Drafts level.” Arena Football is a coughed up two fumbles “quarterback’s game” as that were recovered by he told me and who better Utah and they scored both to coach than the most times. Dallas trailed at the successful quarterback in half 34-27. arena history. The halftime festivities Daniel Raudabaugh from were all about former Dallas Coppell got his first action Desperados quarterback of the season as he played Clint Dolezel who had his Lee had two touchdowns in the final home game quarterback the entire number retired and unveiled second half. He looked in the rafters. It was also announced that he strong throwing two touchdowns passes and will be the head coach of the Vigilantes next tied it up at 41-41 but the Vigilantes came year. He told the crowd, “This is the start of up short 51-41. This week they travel to play something good. I hope to be here for a long Bossier-Shreveport for the final game of the time back home in Dallas where I belong. season.
AIRHOGS:News
‘Hogs at the All-Star Break
by: Cassie R. Cullins AirHogs Media
It was another rough stretch for the AirHogs, league top ten (Porter, Espinosa). Not who have gone 2-8 in their last ten games. so positive has been the fielding, as the Luckily, the much needed All-Star Break AirHogs tie for third in the league with occurs this week which will hopefully errors—accumulating 82 on the season provide the respite needed to get the team thus far—and the team pitching staff whose on track. Five AirHogs were named to ERA has increased from 4.73 in the month this year’s American Association All-Star of June to 6.61 in July. Game held in Wichita, Kansas, including With the three-day refresher of the Allpitchers Geivy Garcia and Luke Prihoda, Star Break under their belts, the AirHogs infielder David Espinosa, will kick-off their next outfielder Robert Perry series on Thursday with a and infielder/outfielder four-game series against powerhouse Greg Porter. the El Paso Diablos, Porter—who has followed by a threehovered near the top of game series against the the batting leader board Pensacola Pelicans. all season and is currently The AirHogs batting .376—is closing Greg Porter will soon reach 100 hits on the season will have two notable in on his 100th hit of guests in attendance this the season (he sits at 99) and is expected week to toss the ceremonial first pitches— to reach the milestone at home during the Dallas Cowboys great Drew Pearson AirHogs upcoming seven-game homestand, (Saturday, July 31st), and just announced— which starts Thursday. Meanwhile, he’s New York Times best-selling author Tucker also leading the ‘Hogs with 60 runs batted Max (Sunday, August 1st). Max, who will in and 12 homeruns. be accompanied by his dog “Murphy” Despite the recent downturn, the for the AirHogs’ last “Dog Day” of the AirHogs sit a respectable fifth in the league season, is making his second appearance at in batting, with two players listed in the QuikTrip Park.
Photo Courtesy: Brad Barton
Photo Courtesy: Jerome Patrick
blitzweekly.com
6 July 28 - August 3, 2010
July 28 - August 3, 2010 7
by: Jennifer Wayne “Foxie and Fired Up!”
of the team when he rejoins the Cubs on Friday to play the Colorado Rockies. Personally, I don’t know why Zambrano got all bent out of shape. I mean, if I had a $91 million contract, I think little would upset me. He should try to get a real job in this economy. You’re lucky to get $10/hr even with a college degree. Sure, he was pulled from the starting rotation earlier in the season and spent five weeks pitching out of the bullpen, but I am pretty sure he still got paid just the same. In fact, if I were him, I would just being laying low. He really isn’t doing too well this season (3-6 with a 5.66 ERA this season), so I am sure ol’ Lou isn’t saying hi with a smile when he passes him at the water cooler.
The Decision Two Everyone knows by now about LeBron James and The Decision. Almost ten million viewers tuned in to watch the debacle on ESPN. LeBron was supposed to announce in the first ten minutes of the show where he would be playing next year. It took 27 minutes of boredom to finally get the answer. How can it take that long to get a two second answer? One word: DIVA. LeBron handpicked Jim Gray to interview him for the one hour show. Gray asked over ten questions before he got to the only one people wanted the answer to. The only excitement of the night came when Dan Gilbert, the owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers, had a temper tantrum. He published a
He took a beating last year against the Saints in the NFC Championship. He was knocked to the ground too many times. He hurt his ankle in that game and required surgery. He could join the Miami Heat like all the other old guys. He wouldn’t have to do much with their abundance of talent. He could be the all time quarterback. All he would have to do is inbounds passes. After the inbound pass, just stay out of the way and let the big three do all the scoring. Can you imagine a full court alley oop to LeBron? He could sign for cheap and probably win an NBA ring to go along with his Super Bowl Ring. He and Pat Riley could hang out on the road since they are close to the same age. Odds are that he waits until August to announce he will be back in Minnesota.
Fri. July 30 – 6:10PM – Tropicana Field – Extra Innings The push for the postseason is starting to heat up and these two teams represented the AL in the last two World Series. By Friday, they could be even in the standings. The Yankees will send out homegrown talent Phil Hughes. The Yankees have the bats and the experience. The Rays answer with Wade Davis who has won his last three starts.
MLB: Rangers vs Angels Fri. July 30 – 9:05PM Angel Stadium – KTXA-21 The battle between these two teams continues to capture national attention. This is a rematch from last Saturday’s game. The Angels have Ervin Santana on the mound. He limited the Rangers to two runs over eight innings. The Rangers will have Scott “Scooter” Feldman. Vlad “The Impaler” returns to the field where he spent six seasons destroying other teams.
NASCAR: Pennsylvania 500 Sun. August 1 – NOON – Pocono Raceway– ESPN Jamie McMurray won last Sunday at the Brickyard but this is a different race at a more difficult track. Its triangular shape provides different challenges at each turn. The lengths of the straight track are different, too. Speeds won’t get over 200 mph. This track will require much more of the drivers and their respective teams. Denny Hamlin has done well here in the past but Jeff Gordon is starting to heat up.
Photo Courtesy: Keith Allison
“Sportsologist” - csmith@blitzweekly.com
letter on the team site in all caps about how LeBron betrayed the city of Cleveland. I think ESPN should run another episode this summer called The Decision Two. Sometime this summer Brett Favre will be announcing if he is going to play this year. He has been known to drag out his decision. It will probably be after most of training camp is over and he doesn’t have to participate. He has pulled this trick off for years. The show could be sponsored by Just for Men and, hopefully, not an hour long this time. The Vikings are a Super Bowl level team if the forty-year-old quarterback returns. They will have a whole different outlook with Sage Rosenfels taking the snaps from center.
by: Craig Smith
MLB: Yankees vs Rays
MLB: Dodgers vs Giants Sun. August 1 – 7:05PM – AT&T Park – ESPN Two former New York teams play on national TV as they vie for positioning for a wild card spot. Both teams have been on a bit of a hot streak winning a few in a row. Will Manny be back for this one? RHP Chad Billingsley pitched a complete game in his last outing for the Dodgers. Giants starter Matt Cain has won last two starts.
Photo Courtesy: Matt Pearce
these days. I’m going to call the outbreak “man baby blame-osis.” “It was a moment of frustration,” Zambrano said Monday in an interview with ESPN. “I was trying to fire up the team. Lee told me to shut up, and I got more excited. I apologize from the bottom of my heart…I was just mad at myself.” And like any respectable person does these days, Zambrano texted an apology to Lee. “I texted Lee two days after it happened, and we talked after that,” Zambrano said. “I apologized to him, and he responded well. He’s a professional. He’s one of the best teammates you can have.” Zambrano plans to apologize to the rest
Photo Courtesy: Jauerback
We have all heard the famous Tom Hanks movie quote a million times…or at least, I think we all have. Maybe not Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano who had to apologize last Monday for his dugout temper tantrum on June 25th. In the same breath, he also thanked the team for helping him (read: making him) undergo anger management therapy. Zambrano has been on the restricted list since June 29th following a threegame suspension for an emotional tirade he spewed all over his teammates. During the game against the White Sox, Zambrano, who gave up four runs in the first inning, screamed at teammate Derrek Lee, who snapped back before manager Lou Piniella and a couple coaches had to pull them apart. Why was he yelling at D-Dog for his sucky pitching. I am noticing a trend in baseball
blitzweekly.com
There’s No Crying in Baseball
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8 July 28 - August 3, 2010
A
fter a heated battle that received “Fight of the Year” honors in 2009, reigning and defending Ring Magazine, WBA and WBO Lightweight World Champion Juan Manuel “Dinamita” Marquez and former three-time Lightweight World Champion Juan “Baby Bull” Diaz will face off in a highly anticipated rematch on Saturday, July 31st. The fight will be broadcast in high definition LIVE from Mandalay Bay Resort & Casino in Las Vegas to more than 270 movie theaters nationwide. The heated February 2009 battle between Marquez and Diaz was one to remember. Marquez fought back from an early deficit to defeat Diaz via a ninth round TKO. The Boxing Writers Association of America (BWAA), ESPN.com and the Ring Magazine all named the MarquezDiaz match-up “Fight of the Year.” Marquez vs. Diaz II “Fight of the Year: The Rematch” will be shown live in 274 select movie theaters, including AMC Entertainment, Cinemark USA, Clearview Cinemas, Marcus Theatres, Rave Motion Pictures and Regal Entertainment movie theaters through NCM’s exclusive Digital Broadcast Network. Marquez (50-5-1, 37 KOs) is a fighter from Mexico City who has achieved worldwide recognition as one of the best Mexican fighters of all time in his 17-year professional career. With world titles in the featherweight, junior lightweight and lightweight divisions, Marquez has been hailed as a future Hall of Famer. Marquez has
by: Tony Barone
“The Senior Sports Authority”
won six of his last eight bouts and, never one to shy away from a challenge, has expressed his eagerness to take on Diaz again. In September 2009, Marquez battled Floyd “Money” Mayweather in the first fight to be shown in movie theaters in over 20 years. Diaz (35-2, 17 KOs), the fighting pride of Houston, made his professional boxing debut at the age of 16. He held the lightweight world title for over three years from 2004 to 2007. Known as the “Baby Bull” for his hard charging style in the ring, outside the ring he recently graduated from the University of Houston - Downtown with an eye on enrolling in law school in the near future. With a Las Vegas record of 4-0, Diaz is hopeful that he will regain the title in July. “Seeing a battle like this on the big screen is an incredible front-row experience for fans who love to experience the thrill of boxing matches in their local movie theater,” said Dan Diamond, vice president of Fathom, which is one of the promoters of the fight. “This rematch between two great champions on 40-foot screens and in HD is as close to being ring-side as you can get!”
Tickets for Marquez vs. Diaz II “Fight of the Year: The Rematch” are available at participating theater box offices and online at www.FathomEvents.com. For a complete list of theater locations and prices, visit the Fathom website (theaters and participants are subject to change).
July 28 - August 3, 2010 9 “The Traveling Gourmet”
Here in Texas, Barbecue means Brisket! When the Travel Channel traveled all over the U.S. looking for the Best Barbecue, they came here to Texas first! They discovered the nuisances of Texas Barbecue when they enlisted the expertise of former Dallas Morning News, Food Critic, Dottie Griffith, who belted out, “It’s low and slow, that’s how you make Texas Barbecue, low and slow and the most popular meat is Brisket, which used to be the cheapest cut practically given away by the butchers in Texas.” It isn’t Pork, Sausage or Ribs. You barbecue it for hours slowly on a low fire, Griffith boldly added, “fast and high heat is grilling, not barbecuing. You grill a steak with high heat, charring it on the outside and then letting it rest so the inside stays juicy.” For Texas Brisket, you dry rub, then marinade before long hours over the low fire. In Memphis where they say, “Elvis is King and Memphis Barbecue reigns supreme!’’ They serve their ribs dry with a secret dry rub of seasoning. The most famous Dry Rub Rib is at the Rendez-Vous Restau-
The Bar-B-Q Shack Are you homeless but still love to barbeque? Is it a mobile home that comes with a BBQ grill or is it a BBQ grill that comes with a house? Who cares! It’s awesome and you could totally take a nap after eating massive amounts of barbeque. Actually, it’s a Bar-B-Q Shack Concession Trailer with a Cabin and 4 ft. Smoker, built by Southern Yankee Bar-B-Q. The unit comes with everything you could possibly need to satisfy a large group of pigskin crazed fans. Each trailer comes equipped with 3 sliding windows, storage areas and drawers for utensils, 2 Wet/Dry Hot Food Wells, Range Hood, 2 door under counter stainless 12 cu ft refrigerator with cold storage, one hand sink, one 3-compartment sink, hot and cold water, air conditioning, stereo speakers, shelves and counters, 110 volt water pump, fresh water tank, waste water tank and electric water heater. Want a place to stick that nosey mother-in-law and a BBQ Grill? www.sybbq.com Price – $36,000
rant where Greek immigrants added some of their native Greek spices to the rub for a one of a kind taste. Their cross city rivals Neely’s Interstate BBQ rivals the Rendez-Vous with a Wet Rib and their famous their Barbecue Spaghetti. In North Carolina, it’s pork. They pull their pork off the bone before putting it on a bun with a spicy vinegar based barbecue sauce and their slaw is on the side. Just across the state line in Virginia, they roast whole pork in a pit, then finely chop up the meat, almost pressing it into a patty before smacking it on a hamburger bun, topped with sweet cabbage slaw and mild vinegartomato based barbecue sauce. In Kansas City, it’s the sauce! While K.C. MASTERPIECE may be the largest retail provider of Barbecue Sauce in the U.S. if not the world with its unique molasses based thick and dark consistency. It still must battle K.C.’s legendary Arthur Bryan’s vinegar based barbecue sauce on their home turf. Across the state in St. Louis, their ribs are a special larger cut of the spare rib in barbecue
Briefcase BBQ? Looking like a cross between the Starship Enterprise and a jet engine, the Q BBQ can be carried around like a briefcase, but opens up Transformer-style to become a stylish, stand-alone, gas-powered grill. Crafted in durable steel, the Q uses inexpensive little propane tanks that fit right inside the grill. You’ll get hours of cooking time from just one tank. It also has dual gas controls with a full range of temperatures, so you can sear burgers on one side of the grill and gently toast buns on the other, just by adjusting the flame. www.qgrill.us Price – $999 Talos Outdoor Cooking Suite The Talos Outdoor Cooking Suite by Frontgate is the ultimate permanent grill installation for your poolside cabana. This sprawling behemoth of a grill has a 42” grill with 800 square-inch of grilling area, 16,000 BTU ceramic infrared rotisserie, 2 side burners, a warming drawer, searing station with griddle, bartender module and sink. If you like to have parties at your casa and
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by: Richard S. Pollak
sauce than the Asian style spare rib we are more accustomed to with Chinese takeout. Asian Spare Ribs were well known along the West Coast after being imported from the Far East to San Francisco. Now California is also recognized for its own barbecue. Famed Chef extraordinaire Wolfgang Puck first created the Barbecue Chicken Pizza craze. Now the beach towns all along the West Coast boast some of the best barbecue in the land. Their secret is in their sauce which all have different unknown spices and a fruity based sauce. Today, Wolfgang Puck’s Five-Sixty Restaurant in Dallas, serves some of the best barbecue meat in town. Executive Chef Sara Johannes’s American Style “Kobe Prime Beef Short Ribs” are five-star rated among Dallas restaurants. In Cleveland, where they invented Barbecue Beef Jerky, and perfected Barbecue Beef Tips, one of my best friends in sports, former Cleveland Cavaliers Center Elmore Smith manufacturers an All Natural Spicy Barbecue Sauce. In Chicago, which is famous for Hot
Dogs and Deep Dished Pizza, there is a melting pot for ethnic foods and barbecue. The Pit masters take the best of Texas Brisket, Carolina Pulled Pork, Memphis Dry Rubbed Ribs and Kansas City Wet Rub Ribs and try serving all of them. Their Asian Spare Ribs rank second best only to New York according to Food & Wine magazine in all of the United States. The best barbecue sauce in America also comes from Chicago, where an old secret family recipe for a molasses based sauce is made famous in Dallas at Baker’s Ribs BBQ. The “Battle for Barbecue” supremacy will never end, just like in sports. Where many a famed sports figure has successful turned their sports fame into the BBQ business such as football’s Earl Campbell, baseball’s Boog Powell, basketball’s Elmore Smith and hockey’s Reggie Fleming. There will never, ever be a clear cut champion for the best BBQ in the United States. Can you believe the battle over burning the cheapest cuts of meat over a fire could create such a national wide competition!
you are serious about grilling this is the way to go. www.frontgate.com Price – $35,000
The Tools The Fiero Platinum Collection contains the essentials you will need to prepare a phenomenal barbecue feast. The Fiero barbecue tools set features an attractive aluminum carrying case with faux leather interior, a comfort-grip handle, and elasticreinforced hook and loop closures to keep tools secure while in transit. It includes five aluminum-handled tools with safety thumb grips and large eyelets to allow you to hang the BBQ tools. The Fiero makes a perfect gift for those who takes their grilling seriously and is even available with your favorite collegiate team on the display case. www.picnicproductsgalore.com Price – $65
Tabletop Grilling With the Cook-n-Dine flameless cooking grill/table, you can cook and eat at the same place. The center of the table heats up and bends to form a cooking pit and then you simply place your food and cook it there without the use of any pots or pans (the heated portion will turn into a concave pit). The price is pretty reasonable since you’re getting a dining room or patio table at the same time and will be worth it considering you will have fewer dishes to wash. www.cook-n-dine-usa.com Price – $1,600
Pizza on the Grill Enjoy brick-oven style pizza on your gas grill (or kitchen oven) using this remarkable pizza baking stone. Made of porous clay, the pizza-que pizza stone is the ideal way to cook pizza on the grill. It features a handsome stainless steel base with a built-in thermometer on the front, so it’s easy to get the temperature just right, and the removable ceramic pizza stone ensures crisp pizza crusts and perfect brick-oven style pizzas, calzones and homemade breads every time. www.homewetbar.com Price – $85
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10 July 28 - August 3, 2010
Barb
July 28 - August 3, 2010 11 blitzweekly.com
becue and Texas go together like Autumn and football. We sent our scouts to discover what they liked and they reported (by the way a lot of them smelled like smoked hickory) back with a higher level of cholesterol, bigger guts and this compiled report. These 10 venues made our list. Don’t waste your time or money going elsewhere. That’s the fact…Jack!
July 28 - August 3, 2010 13
I
f there’s one phrase I hear women say that makes me want to run screaming into the woods and gnaw the bark off trees, it’s this one: “I wish I could meet a nice guy.” Really? Is that really what you want, or do you just say that to convince yourself and anyone listening that you’re not the shallow, insecure, materialistic, bottom-feeder that you really are? Okay, I know that sounds a little harsh, but it’s true. Women say they want to meet a nice guy, and then they do everything possible to make sure they don’t, and then try to blame it on the “bad boys” they end up with. I’ve got to take the side of the “bad boys” on this one. It’s not their fault. If a woman knows she’s running naked through the roaring flames of bad dating choices, then she shouldn’t be surprised when she gets the peach fuzz singed off her butt. The truth is, most guys that fit into that “bad boy” category know exactly who they are, and what they are and they like themselves just fine. No matter how hard a woman tries, she’s not going to change him, fix him or save him from his wayward ways just because she wants to. He’s not going to magically transform into a nice guy just because you twitch your nose and click the heels of your ruby red slippers three times and wish that he would. Nice guys are out there and they want to meet a nice girl just as much as you want to meet them. If you really want to find one, here are a few hints to help you along the way: Stop Trolling the Bar Scene: When I worked as a bouncer, I’d see women go beboppin’ out of the club, hand in hand with some dude she’d just met, and then come
back the next weekend crying the blues and saying, “He got what he wanted and dumped me.” Well DUH! Guys don’t go trolling through the bar crowd looking for nice girls to take home to meet Mama. They’re usually on hump-and-dump patrol and then fist-bumping their buddies all week, bragging about how many they bagged. Bad lighting, loud music and cheap drinks are not a recipe for meeting nice guys. No Sleaze, Please: Nice guys appreciate beautiful, intriguing women, but they aren’t going to be interested if you if you look like a round-heeled Rent-A-Date ready for her next customer. If your dress is so tight that they can determine if you’ve got an innie or an outie, and so revealing that you’ve got more hanging out the bottom and pushing out the top than you have covered up, then chances are, nice guys will be scared that your bite really is worse than your bark, and steer clear of you. Trash-Talkers: Nice guys don’t want to hear women slinging foul language that would make a drill sergeant blush. They don’t want to hear how proud you are that Viagra was invented so men could finally keep up with you or that you’ve mastered the art of using the same vulgar word as a verb and an adjective in the same sentence. The Duck Rule: There’s an old saying: If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it’s probably a duck. Same goes for what nice guys want. If it walks like lady, talks like a lady, and acts like a lady, then it’s probably a lady. And you know, that really is what a nice guy wants.
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www.dennishambright.com
by: Dennis Hambright
Summer Movie Playlist by: Jesse Whitman “A Woman’s Perspective”
T
he midst of summer heat can cause the doldrums, so what better way to survive the sweaty dog days than watch movies in cold air conditioning. Thank you, Netflix. Here is a list of movies that will leave you pondering for days... Brazil — Terry Gilliam of Monty Python fame directed this 1985 masterpiece of a futuristic British dystopia. It’s funny in a twisted way and Robert DeNiro’s cameo is one of his best performances. Summer Lovers — This movie is the ultimate fantasy—spending the summer in the Greek Islands and falling in love with two gorgeous women. The Life of Brian — Monty Python’s funniest and possibly most offensive film to date. Whether or not you’re offended or find it hilarious, the satire of the Roman Empire is a rare treat. The Blues Brothers — It’s hilarious, the kind of cult classic you’ll want to quote from. Plus, you’ll get to rediscover all of
that great rythym and blues from the 60’s. Wall-E — A biting jab at our lazy, disposable society and a sweet love story. WallE just wants someone’s hand to hold. Isn’t that what we all want? The Misfits — Clark Gable, Marylin Monroe, and Montgomery Cliff play drifters lost in the world and clinging onto each other in their own dysfunctional way, while their own lives are just as hauntingly tumultuous. This film also shows Monroe’s amazing acting talent, which was often overshadowed by her sex appeal in her other films. Waking Life — Have you ever wondered how people have lucid dreams where they can realize they’re dreaming and control everything? This documentary is a very interesting, thought-provoking journey into the subconscious. You’ll want to hurry up and sleep after you watch it. Annie Hall — Diane Keaton is adorable in her signature tie and Woody Allen is in classic form with all of his neurosis and hilarious one-liners. Blazing Saddles — Mel Brooks makes being politically incorrect fun again in this satirical western comedy.
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14 July 28 - August 3, 2010
by: Jennifer Wayne
“Foxie Foodie”
Brownstone Restaurant and Lounge
A Southern Treat in Ft. Worth
840 Currie Street • Fort Worth Texas www.brownstonerestaurants.com 817-332-1555
A lot of Dallas-ites make fun of Fort Worth. Many refer to it as “taking a trip to the boonies.” If you haven’t been there in awhile, you may have visions of the longhorns in the stockyards and boarded up buildings, but I promise you that is not the case as of late. The West 7th development in Fort Worth has just as many chic boutiques and hip lounges to offer as Dallas’ Uptown. One of the latest editions to the area is Brownstone, a restaurant from Sam Sameni (Dallas’ Wish Ultralounge) and Executive Chef Casey Thomson.
The Atmosphere:
To me, this is a great date place. It is comfortable yet classy. You’re taking a girl to a nice dinner, but you will fit in wearing jeans and cowboy boots. The restaurant features an open-air, fenced-in patio that greets you when you arrive, a private dining room and an intimate library bar with big cozy chairs and a fireplace (I know that doesn’t sound appealing in July). The library also features ottomans and cocktail tables so patrons have a place to put their appetizer plates while they mingle. And what is a library without books? A wall of built-in bookcases is filled with antique books and knick knacks that will remind you of grandma’s house…with more booze. The main dining room features brown leather banquettes and wooden tables and chairs. It kind of reminded me of a hunting or ski lodge. Very manly and very sexy. Just off the main dining room, separated by wood panel doors, is a private dining room that also doubles as the wine room. The private dining room seats up to 20 guests and offers full audiovisual capabilities. Great for entertaining out-of-town business associates. The Chinese love Western stuff.
The Cuisine:
To put it simply: Southern. Chef Thompson’s menu features the south’s wild culinary flair while using the freshest local ingredients. Chef Thompson says, “It’s the food you grew up loving.” And she makes good on that promise. One of the features of the small plates section is Grandmother’s Biscuit Pan. And these aren’t biscuits that they make in the morning and they sit around until you order them. They are made when you order them in a wood-burning oven and served with fruit preserves and juicy, tender venison sausage. Another small plate is the Pork and Peppers made with blistered baby bells, ricotta, slab bacon, Texas honey and jalapeno oil. It’s sweet and spicy and meaty…very Texan. They also do fire-baked Chicken Pot Pies and Texas BBQ Smoked Pork “Rib-lets.” The BBQ sauce is housemade, not out of a bottle. Diners wanting something more than a “small plate” can go for more sizeable dishes such as the Buffalo Skillet Steak served with rosemary-thyme roasted mushrooms and creamed spinach or Cherry- and Wine-Braised Pork. So tender, no knife needed. Sides include pickled vegetable jars (something I notice popping up on several upscale menus, but I have never tried), waffle fries and mayonnaise (I thought I was the only person who dipped my fries in mayo) and slow-cooked pinto beans and bread. I am going into a carb coma just thinking about this yummy stuff.
The Drinks:
Brownstone offers an extensive list of specialty cocktails and martinis made with local ingredients ranging from agave nectar to tarragon and thyme to peppers. The wine list consists of moderately priced eclectic wines with both local and global selections.
July 28 - August 3, 2010 15
Not content to simply let its nearly pocketsized NEX-5 Camera shoot 1080p video, Sony’s taken the next step and built an actual camcorder around its 14.2 megapixel APSC sensor. The result is the Sony NEX-VG10 Handycam, which Sony claims is the “world’s first consumer interchangeable lens camcorder.” Powered by the aforementioned Exmor sensor, the VG10 sports a camcorder-like body, with a Quad Capsule Spatial Array Stereo Microphone, 3-inch LCD, dual accessory shoes, a high-res traditional viewfinder, Memory Stick and SDXC storage, and an included E-Mount 18-200mm Optical SteadyShot lens that’s augmented by compatibility with all EMount lenses, as well as most A-mount glass via an optional adapter. Oh, and it also shoots full 14-megapixel stills, just in case you’re wondering. Price: $2,000
Want to see how the cleanup is coming along up close and personal? Hop aboard your Personal Submarine. This two-person submersible vehicle features a transparent, climatecontrolled acrylic pressure sphere, a 120- and 24-volt battery bank good for up to six hours of adventuring, two 3-hp main thrusters, two 3-hp vertical thrusters, four external halogen lamps, upright seating, a VHF radio for communication with the surface, GPS and the license to descend up to 1,000 feet under the sea. Price: $2,000,000
Ways to Piss Off Your Girlfriend
Talking About Her Friends Sexually It is fine to make jokes about your GF’s friends (of course, only if she has done it first), but when you make sexual jokes about them, the little gears in her head are going to start a’ turnin’. She will probably get the idea that you think about her friend in a sexual way, even if you’re only making a joke. Say your GF made a joke about how huge your friend’s package must be. How would that make you feel? Inadequate, I am sure. So don’t joke about your GF’s friend’s ridiculously oversized breasts or ass, unless you want a fight.
Visiting Strip Clubs as Frequently as Drive Thrus There are some acceptable occasions when an attached guy might find himself in a strip club: a bachelor party, lunch with the boss and clients or sometimes just because the drinks were flowing and the other guys in the group wanted to stop by. She should understand peer pressure, business, etc. But she most definitely will not understand if it is a daily/weekly habit. She will probably think you have a thing for one of the dancers or you are a sex addict. Besides, why would you throw away your hard earned cash when you can look at a nakie girl at home for free?
by: Jennifer Wayne “Foxie and Fired up”
Is your girlfriend mad at you and you don’t know why? Here is a list of reasons you may be getting the silent treatment:
Asking About Her Past “Conquests” Couples talk about their pasts. We tell each other who has hurt us or maybe we have an awkward memory with an ex-partner at the restaurant we are dining at…bringing up exes just happens. And we girls know that talking about what a guy has done wrong in the bedroom is a way for you to find out our likes and dislikes. Just don’t seem too interested or grill us to death about his size, his abs, etc. You don’t need to know every graphic detail or how many times. And we definitely don’t what to hear about the time you banged Mitzy and you will never forget it.
Keeping a Porn Stash Go to any search engine right now and type in “hot naked chick” and you will uncover thousands of pictures. For this reason, a guy doesn’t need a “reserve” anymore. There is no need to have a special hidden file on the computer or a hidden shoe box in the closet. If she finds your stash, she is going to think that you need to look at dirty pictures so badly that you can’t wait while the search engine does its job or you are so 1980s that you are technologically retarded. Both things are turn offs. Or she could think that she is not enough for you. Imagine finding a folder on her laptop filled with pictures of giant wieners.
Letting Your Friends Trash Talk in Front of Her If your guys get out of hand with the oogling of hotties or the nasty jokes in front of your GF all too frequently, she is going to start to question whether you are a stand-up guy or not unless you start, well, standing up for her. She may smile and giggle when your friend talks about the time he got crabs from a hooker in East Jesus China, but your GF is probably uncomfortable. Know when to make a quick subject change or tell your buddies to shut their pie holes.
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Like a rollable Dave & Busters, the Pinel & Pinel Arcade Trunk is a retro arcade powerhouse on wheels. Featuring a 1080p LCD screen, a high-def sound system with integrated iPod/iPhone dock, and sixty built-in titles include Pac-man, Space Invaders and 1942, this high-end gaming cabinet comes clothed in your choice of one of 51 colors of calfskin, which works with the chromium-plated dashboard and aluminum wheels to add a touch of class to your man cave or game room. Price: ($13,700 and up)
By: Sybil Summers
sybilsummers.com
Top 10 Hottest Imports 10. Estelle - Kickass style. Even better voice. 9. Samantha Ronson - Not really. I’m just making sure you’re paying attention. Does she get any points for having Lindsay Lohan stink on her, though? No? Okay. 8. Kelly LeBrock - I know she’s damn near 50, but when Wyatt & Gary got to create the ideal woman--this is what came out. “She burps and it’s like charming.” 7. Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham - Two words: sexy robot. 7b. Catherine Zeta-Jones - Two words: sexy mom. 6. Cheryl Cole - She’s famous for singing in a contrived-for-television bubblegum pop band, but take a look at her pictures, and you’ll forgive her too. 5. Keira Knightley - Could stand to gain a few pounds, but I’d rather see a Keira-sized British chick than a Winsletsized British chick. 4. Layla Kayleigh - She gained my attention as the backstage hostess of America’s Best Dance Crew. She has since married a radio jock (bonus points) and is now pregnant with his child (minus points). 3. Emily Blunt - Got on my radar in Devil Wears Prada and hasn’t let me down since. She makes the accent look good. 2. Kate Beckinsale - Remember the leather bodysuit in Underworld? ‘Nuff said. 1. Abbey Clancy - She was runner-up in England’s version of Next Top Model, but she later starred in a U.S. reality show on VH1. Google her. With lotion.
HORRORSCOPES
FUNNIES
Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair? A: Last year’s hide-and-go-seek winner.
Q: How are an apple and a lawyer alike? A: They both look good hanging from a tree. Q: How do you fix a woman’s watch? A: You don’t. There is a clock on the oven. Q: What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex? A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak. The Cleaning Bill A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she’s gonna kill me.” “Not to worry,” says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.” So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks. The drunk replies, “Oh, yeah, he crapped in my pants, too.”
ACROSS: 1. Lose traction 5. To and ___ 8. General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade 12. Not there 13. African antelope 15. Certain something 16. Very impressive 17. Devilfish 18. Mix 19. Interruptions 22. Choose 23. East southeast 24. Serene 26. Bright and pleasant 29. Asteroid 31. Muhammad ___ 32. Soiled 34. “Come in!” 36. Focusing glass 38. The remains of destroyed structures 40. An indefinite period 41. Deadly 43. League members 45. Very Important Person 46. Really enjoy 48. Head protector
50. Not fake 51. Deception 52. Petroleum 54. Unfortunate 61. Between black and white (US spelling) 63. Run off to marry 64. Cog 65. Solitary 66. A bagpipe player 67. Acquire deservedly 68. Concludes 69. Honey insect 70. Impolite DOWN: 1. Small storage structure 2. Yachting cap 3. Colored part of an eye 4. Edict 5. Bland 6. Hindu princess 7. Not tricked by 8. Petrol 9. Pertaining to cars 10. Journey 11. Wench 13. Kind of penguin 14. Move in a
rhythmical way 20. Purposes 21. Fill to excess 25. Gave temporarily 26. Transparent 27. Backwoods 28. A young person 29. Indian grackle 30. Send, as payment 31. Alien Life Form 33. Neckwear 35. Representative (abbrev.) 37. A period of discounted prices 39. An ore refinery 42. Teller of untruths 44. Narrow opening 47. Nap 49. Inadequate 52. Gawk at 53. Weightlifter’s pump this 55. Smooth-tongued 56. A strong line 57. Sword 58. Boyfriend 59. Piecrust ingredient 60. Coastal raptor 62. Not no
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JOKES
July 28 - August 3, 2010 17
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18 July 28 - August 3, 2010
Crossword Solution
by: Pat Moran
Photo Courtesy: Abdoulaye Diallo
“Man on His Throne” - pmoran@gmail.com
Last week, I was groomsman in one of my college friends’ wedding. It was fine; a decent day all together, but it really proved to me that I will never understand weddings. I get why they happen, of course, but what the hell is the point with all the hype? Granted I am a twenty-something single guy, but someone really has to explain all of this to me. What the hell is the point? First off, why the hell does it cost so much to get married? I mean, all you really need is a couple of rings, someone who can legally marry you and that’s it. It seems to me that you can pretty much do it for under twenty bucks. My friend spent thousands of dollars on his wedding. So much money that every time it was mentioned, his face would turn a shade of pale green. But for what? A sh!t load of flowers? Buckets of mildly unappetizing buffet food? Ridiculous looking tuxedos? And, holy crap, a mind blowingly expensive dress that the bride will only wear ONCE in her damn life? Yeah, no thanks.
It’s last’s a single day. It’s like having a twenty thousand dollar kegger with all your friends and family and you end up with a table full of toasters and silverware. If marriage was really about love, wouldn’t it be something fun? I love an open bar, but if you have to get your best friends and loved ones absolutely sh!t faced to have fun, then you know you are doing something wrong. When you think about it, marriages and funerals have a lot in common. Nobody wants to go to either, and at the end of the day, someone’s life is over. At least at funerals you don’t have to get worried about being set up with one of the drunken and obese bridesmaids.