Blitz Weekly

VOL. 3 - ISSUE 4

3

Man Crashes 2 cars, Then Tries to Tow Them

BLITZ News Shorts 3 Sick Curiosity Factor/Movie Review 4 Music: Meet The New Pornographers!

5 Rangers News/TMS “Cuts to the Chase” 6 Jimmy Johnson Is Back In The Game 7 Cowboys Previews 8 The Top College Movies 9 COVER STORY: Iron Skillet 2010 TCU Preview 10 SMU Preview 11 BLITZ BABE: Sarah 12 Real Men Don’t Tweet 13 Food Review: Lonesome Dove 14 Blitz Toys 15 Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes 17 Last Call: Shut The HELL Up! 18 PUBLISHER Kelly G. Reed EDITOR Jennifer Wayne CREATIVE DIRECTOR / WEBSITE / GRAPHIC DESIGN Damien William Mayfield COVER Steven Leija/Sideline Pros and Matt Pearce Cover Design: Damien William Mayfield STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS Darryl Briggs, Gregg Case, Nathaniel Chadwick, Kent Gilley, Tim Gravens, Steven Hendrix, Matt Pearce, Jason Ryan, Ed Westerman CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Kelley Boone, Steven Leija, Joe Lorenzini, Jack L. Pier, Jamie Ohnoits, Chris Rasmussen, Sythas STAFF WRITERS Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Eric Kendall, Frank LaCosta, Pat Moran, Richard S. Pollak, Craig Smith, Jennifer Wayne and Jesse Whitman CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Joe Avezzano, Brian Beard, Adam Bruster, Dennis Hambright, Andrew J. Hewett, Jayson Larson, H. Todd J. Moore, Jack L. Pier, Joe Stumpo ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Kelly G. Reed CONTACT US MAIN NUMBER 214-529-7370 FAX NUMBER 972-960-8618 kreed@blitzweekly.com BLITZ Weekly P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK “When they have their hands on their knees, that’s when they’re tired.”

-- Eric Dickerson

A tow truck driver has been arrested after police say he crashed two cars while intoxicated — then got in his truck and tried to move the vehicles. Tommy Ryser, 54, was booked in jail on three counts of driving under the influence last Monday, the Bellingham Herald reported.

Ryser crashed his pickup truck and trailer into a utility pole Monday night, abandoned that vehicle and got in his wife’s Volkswagen but crashed that car into a guardrail, the Whatcom County Sheriff’s office said.

Sgt. Larry Flynn said Ryser then got his privately owned tow truck and, even with a bloodied forehead, pulled up to the scene of one of the crashes while police were investigating.

He apparently had planned to tow his other two vehicles to his home. Instead, his bloodied forehead drew the interest of police. That and comments made by Ryser indicated he was driving both cars before they crashed, Flynn said.

Seattle’s KING 5 News reported that police said he reeked of alcohol and failed all of the field sobriety tests.

171 Animals Seized From Arizona Family’s Home

Authorities say 171 animals were seized from an Arizona trailer home that had no running water or litter boxes.

Authorities say a couple and their two teenage children were living in the home with the 152 cats and 19 dogs.

The Pinal County Animal Care and Control director says there were layers of feces on the floor throughout the trailer in the Hidden Valley community just south of Maricopa. With help from the sheriff’s department, the animals were taken in a horse trailer to an Animal Care and Control facility.

The owners last Tuesday signed all of the animals over to the agency. Authorities say the healthy animals will be put up for adoption. It’s not immediately clear whether the owners will be charged with animal cruelty.

Sea Burial Botched as Man’s Body Resurfaces

Authorities suspected foul play when the body of a North Carolina man surfaced near a South Florida beach — until they found his obituary. Daniel Scott Lasky, 48, had died from A.L.S., or Lou Gehrig’s Disease, on Sept. 8. Authorities said his family placed his body on dry ice, loaded him in a van and drove from Hickory, N.C. to Florida to honor his dying wish to be entombed in the depths of the sea.

Lasky’s widow, Sharon, his pastor and several family members stopped overnight in Daytona Beach before continuing on to Fort Lauderdale, The Miami Herald reported. The group then boarded the charter boat Mary B III with the body last Friday. The boat’s captain and crew took family members out to sea to say their final goodbyes, The Miami Herald reported, citing the Broward Sheriff’s Office.

The next day, a fisherman saw the body floating on the surface about 4 1/2 miles offshore from Port Everglades, the Herald report said. The Sun Sentinel newspaper reported that the body’s wrappings had come undone and marine deputies from the sheriff’s office and U.S. Coast Guard personnel rushed to the scene, while homicide detective kept tabs on the situation from land.

“Clearly what they were doing was trying to honor the wishes of their loved one,” Broward Sheriff’s Office spokeswoman Veda Coleman-Wright told the newspaper.

Coleman-Wright told The Sun Sentinel that Sharon Lasky did consult with a company in North Carolina about the burial and subcontractors in Florida ultimately handled it. “The burial would have been successful if Lasky’s body hadn’t floated back to the surface,” she said. The Herald said it reached Sharon Lasky at home last Tuesday night, but she declined to comment on the incident.

Andrew J. Hewett

www.chewednews.com

THANK YOU, MOM, FOR THE GREAT TRIP, NOT

News services reported September 13, 2010, from Ninoy Aquino International Airport, Manila, Philippines, a passenger with no passport was found inside a garbage sack being unloaded after a flight from the Middle East. Reason he had no passport? The newborn had begun his trip inside his mother’s body, whoever she was, authorities were still searching for her the following day.

IF BEE STINGS CURE ARTHRITIS, THIS OLD MAN MAY-BE PAIN-FREE

September 15, 2010, the San Marcos Daily Record told of Lamar LaCaze, 65, of Kyle, Texas, who’d gotten a “buzz-on” the hard way. While mowing his lawn, he’d bumped an abandoned water heater, turned beehive, containing thousands of bees, which stung him on all his exposed body skin, while entering and filling his ears, nose and mouth with their anger. Later, after emergency room doctors tweezed over 1,200 stinger-needles from his body, LaCaze spent a week hospitalized.

PERHAPS HE THOUGHT IT MADE HIM LOOK OLDER?

News from Jakarta, Indonesia, September 5, 2010, concerned a male by the name of Aldi Rizal, who’d given up a two-pack-a-day cigarette smoking habit, after going to live with a psychologist, Dr. Seto Mulyadi. Young Aldi had taken up smoking because virtually every man in his fishing village smoked.

How old was Aldi Rizal when he quit?

Twenty-four-months-old.

4

by: Joe Stumpo www.darthstumpo.com

“It’s just torture and murder. No plot, no characters. Very, very realistic. I think it’s what’s next.”

So said Max Renn, the sleazy cable TV programmer as played by James Woods in director David Cronenberg’s Videodrome (1983), who stumbles upon a phantom satellite signal that shows young women being tortured 24/7 by men in leather masks.

The comment Woods’ character says seems certainly appropriate in today’s movie world unfortunately. Over the past few years filmmakers have attempted to pass their sick works showing innocent characters in despicably unthinkable predicaments as so called “entertainment.”

Watching them go through such imaginative acts of masochism, the only hope I could have for the characters is that death comes quickly, even if it’s just a movie.

Films like the Saw franchise, which has been going strong at the box office since the first one was released in 2004, P2 (2007), Captivity (2007), Eli Roth’s Hostel (2005) and Hostel: Part II (2007) and The Disappearance of Alice Creed, currently in limited theatrical release, all feature characters, women in particular, being brutally terrorized. Perhaps a new category should be created. Instead of a horror or psychological section, these movies, some of which boast unrated extended versions when released on DVD and Blu-ray, should be placed into a category called “Torture Porn.”

I came to that conclusion after reading an article on cnn.com about the most recent horror film, The Human Centipede, which received a lot of attention last spring after being granted a limited release in theaters showing independent movies. The controversy over the film was far from the positive word-of-mouth last October’s unexpected supernatural box office hit, Paranormal Activity (2009), received.

The highest amount of praise The Human

Centipede received came from Entertainment Weekly movie critic, Owen Gleiberman, who awarded it a B+. Gleiberman opened his April 30 review saying how certain horror-film junkies, which he calls himself, “craves the extreme and the dosage of awesome ickiness has to keep getting upped.”

The worst review came from Chicago SunTimes movie critic Roger Ebert who gave it no stars in his May 5 critique saying, “the star rating system is unsuited to this film.”

“Is the movie good? Is it bad? Does it matter? It is what it is and occupies a world where the stars don’t shine,” Ebert wrote.

For those not familiar with the neverbeen-done before premise which on that level I do give Centipede director Tom Six a small miniscule of credit, let me enlighten you. Two American women on vacation overseas are kidnapped by a brilliant yet demented German surgeon (Dieter Laser) who has plans of connecting their digestive tracts from mouth to anus to a male victim he’s already imprisoned in his secluded home, hence “the human centipede.” Just try watching that as you and your significant other are munching down on your popcorn in the privacy of your own home as the first victim in the chain has to defecate, as described in the CNN article.

Don’t lie. I know for a fact just reading that description is enough to peak your grim curiosity. You know you want to watch. I don’t mind controversial movies so long as the filmmaker is trying to make a point with the unpleasant subject matter. If there is any point in making graphically violent movies today like The Human Centipede or the upcoming remake of I Spit On Your Grave due out this October, I suspect it’s to see how far a filmmaker can go in grossing out their viewers. There is no entertainment in that.

by: Jennifer Wayne “Foxie Movie Maven”

Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D When I first saw the trailer for Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D, I had mixed feelings. I love Resident Evil, the game and the movies, but how many Resident Evil installments can be made before it is a beat down (this is the fourth)? And why did my beloved franchise have to take part in the 3D fad that, other than Avatar, has been just so-so and not as futuristic cool as it is played up to be?

Well, I will put it out there up front; this movie is a must-see for Resident Evil fans, but if you haven’t taken a liking to the series already, I am afraid that it might be a little hard to follow if you start now. Plus, there are subtle references to the other installments that you won’t pick up on unless you have seen them, of course. And that is part of the fun!

The movie is definitely up there with Avatar in terms of the quality of the 3D effects.

The opening seen takes place in a Tokyo with the rain falling all around an overpopulated crosswalk. You’ll swear that the plump drops are about to hit your face and a Japanese citizen is about to knock into you as they scatter away from a “zombie” attack. There are many scenes that are visually stunning and the 3D puts you right into the middle of them.

This installment picks up shortly after where the third Resident Evil left off. Alice clones (Milla Jovovich), which are more flawless and beautiful than in past installments, attempt to kill Albert Wesker (Shawn Roberts),

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the CEO of the evil Umbrella Corporation at his underground headquarters. All the clones are killed in an explosion as Wesker escapes in a helicopter. Then emerges the “real” Alice for a surprise attack, but Wesker injects her with a serum that neutralizes the T-virus in her system, eliminating her superhuman strength.

I don’t want to give away all of the plot, but I will tell you that Ali Larter’s character, Claire, returns and she makes a great sidekick to help the now human Alice. I do have to give this installment just four stars, however.

One thing that really bothered me was how “glammed up” Alice and Claire are. If you are fighting the undead, swimming through storm drains and sliding through mud, your eyeliner is going to smear and the lipstick is going to fade. Alice wasn’t this prissy before and it’s definitely noticeable. Sex sells, but Resident Evil has already sold itself time and time again.

Secondly, the music was kick a$$, but sometimes overpowering or unfitting to the scene. I’m sure it’s a substitute for crappy dialog, and I appreciate that, but gun shots, blood splatters and knife wounds sound good, too. Other than those two minor issues, the plot was intense and surprising. Alice, though “glammed up,” still kicked major butt. Look for an awesome addition to the zombie clan (gamers will recognize him) and monsters scarier than ever.

5

The New Pornographers - Together

2. Moves

The New Pornographers - Together

3. If You Can’t See My Mirrors

The New Pornographers - Together

4. Failsafe

The New Pornographers - Challengers

5. Adventures In Solitude

The New Pornographers - Challengers

6. Mass Romantic

The New Pornographers - Mass Romantic

7. Letter From An Occupant

The New Pornographers - Mass Romantic

8. Unguided

The New Pornographers - Challengers

9. Valkyrie In The Roller Disco by: Jack L. Pier

The New Pornographers - Together

10. Silver Jenny Dollar

The New Pornographers - Together

Moon Viewing Celebration Dallas Arboretum This would definitely impress a date. Not only is it romantic, but you’ll seem hip to other cultures.

Celebrate the full moon in the beautiful setting of the Arboretum with traditional Japanese music performances and Bon Odori folk dancing.

Thur 9/23 Stephen Sondheim

Nasher Sculpture Center – Dallas Sondheim wrote numerous famous lyrics such as Send in the Clowns, West Side Story, Gypsy…

He’s won the Pulitzer Prize, two Grammys, an Oscar and eight Tonys. When it comes to composers…he’s a total badass. 8 p.m.

Fri 9/24 Thrillvania Thrill Park – Terrell

Photos Courtesy: Jack L. Pier

“An Ear for Music”

Wed 9/22 Otsukimi - 11th Annual Japanese

MUSIC: Porn Mix 1. Crash Years

Be there when the gates open on the most decorated haunted attraction in the United States!

Thrillvania is housed on almost 50 acres and takes at least two hours to experience the entire park. Open Fridays-Sundays only.

Sat 9/25 All About Uptown Festival:

A Celebration of Art & Living McKinney Avenue and Routh Street – Dallas This is a one day festival exploring the best of Uptown from live music, food & drink, legendary chefs cooking demonstrations, artisans, historic tours of the areas Victorian homes, trolley system and cemeteries. Of course, a festival isn’t complete without activities for the little ones and four legged friends. 11 a.m. until 10 p.m.

Sun 9/26 The State Fair

Fair Park – Dallas After you get your corn dog, head to the Century in the Making pavilion and check out the top 250 moments in North Texas football history as selected by local media. Then check out the new 8,000 square foot green house while munching on some fried beer.

Mon 9/27 The Cult

together since 1997.

They were all either members of other bands, or solo artists looking to expand their horizons. Keyboardist Kathryn Calder, who happens to be A.C.’s niece, was recruited to be a live replacement for Neko Case and became a full-fledged member in 2006. The rest of the band plays a variety of instruments beyond the normal keys, guitar, bass and drums. Including, but not limited to: vibraphone, violin, cello, banjo, trumpet, flute, and tenor and baritone saxophone.

With all this at their disposal, they’re able to produce a very rich sound. Power pop tends to be very up-beat with few, if any ‘solos’ and it steers clear of any blues riffs.

What’s nice about this is the music isn’t predictable. It can go off on a dozen small tangents in three or four minutes.

One of my favorite songs off Challengers is called “Failsafe.” It starts out with guitar reminiscent of Johnny Marr on “How Soon is Now” by The Smiths (an Alternative Rock band from the early 80’s). But it quickly turns into a toe-tapping, hand clapping, mellow ‘60s groove that fades out at a quick 2:37.

On Together, they combine a heavy string and distorted guitar that grabs you on the opening song: “Moves.” But if you’ve heard this band on the radio recently, it was probably “Crash Years,” which includes a ‘whistle track’ and a great bass line that prove to be very catchy. Many of the songs have a simple, almost nonsensical air about them lyrically, e.g. “Valkyrie in the Roller Disco.” Or, the song: “Silver Jenny Dollar,” which “just sounds cool when you sing it.” So…if that was my teenage daughter, I don’t think I’d worry.

I’d thank her for turning me on to The New Pornographers.

House of Blues – Dallas Yeah…it’s that Cult…the one from the ‘80s.

Over the years the band have had various lineups; the longest serving band members are vocalist Ian Astbury and guitarist Billy Duffy. The show starts at 8 p.m.

Tue 9/28 Disqo Disco

So picture this…your daughter, who recently joined the world of teenagers, walks into the house bouncing her head to a song she’s listening to on her iPod. “Who are you listening to?” you innocently ask, and she replies, “The New Pornographers!”

Eh..hmm…“Excuse me, what was that you said?” It’s doubtful that anyone would blame you for doing a double take on that answer. However, in this case your concerns would be for naught. No, they’re not a “Gansta’ Rap” group or a “Death Metal” band that’s going to warp your offspring’s mind. They’re just a group of talented musicians from Canada that were looking for a side project in 2000; and somehow, ten years and five albums later, they find themselves known as one of the premier Power pop bands in the world.

Their latest release, Together, came out in May and it clearly became my favorite in short time. Followed by 2006’s Challengers and 2003’s Mass Romantic, you can hear the band getting tighter from one record to the next.

So, I trekked to The Palladium Showroom in Dallas on July 24th to see the band perform. It was a Saturday night, the crowd was in a great mood and fans of all ages were in attendance. You could tell these people were fanatics, as most of them sang along with every song. Co-leader of the band, A.C. Newman (he and Dan Bejar do the writing), has talent all around him. He’s got a great falsetto and the years of harmonizing with vocalist Neko Case bring a high level of confidence on stage.

With a total of eight “official” band members and “additional help” from another nine, many of whom are multi-instrumental, you can tell they enjoy mixing it up and keeping their sound fresh.

Some of the band mates have been

Fallout Lounge – Dallas Sydney Confirm is a DJ trio that rocks the house at Fallout every Tuesday. We personally have not seen them, but we heard that if you are going to go to Fallout, this is the night to be there. What else do you have going on a Tuesday?

If you know of a cool event or concert coming up, send some info our way at editor@blitzweekly.com

6

“Sportsologist”

The first place Texas Rangers continue to ahead of the Angels. How sweet will it be to inch closer to clinching a playoff berth. put them out of their misery? The Rangers In fact, they appear to be follow that up with four games the only professional team in Oakland before heading in Arlington playing with home for the final home stand any purpose or desire. They of the regular season. They take are winners and the other on the Mariners on Monday for team across the parking lot a three-game set. If they take is....well, I can’t print what care of business this week they they are. The Rangers have will clinch and be able to rest a thirteen games left and a few guys. eight game lead on Oakland.

Josh Hamilton, who is the They would have to have a most important player on the complete meltdown now to team, is closer to returning. He not be playing in October. is still recovering from bruised The people who have doubted ribs but is starting to feel better. them all year have now been He has started running and silenced. Playoff tickets went swung the bat a little bit. He on sale last weekend. It’s did receive a cortisone shot last Vlad and his bat can help the time. week. The good news is that Rangers this postseason.

By this time next week, they probably do not even need I think we will be saying “the him until the playoffs begin. playoff” bound Rangers. This week, they The bad news is there is no guarantee he play three games against the Angels who will even be back then. just aren’t the same old Angels anymore.

Being a long time Ranger fan, I am Vladimir Guerrero got out of there at the not used to this whole magic number right time and came to the right team. The countdown but I am starting to like it. Let’s Rangers are currently ten and a half games Go Rangers!!

TMS Ready to “Cut to the Chase”

by: Tony Barone

“The Senior Sports Authority”

Texas Motor Speedway (TMS) Head Honcho Eddie G o s s a g e recently held a media luncheon to kick off the seventh season of the 10-race Chase for the Sprint Cup, which began September 19 in New Hampshire and includes a stop at TMS this fall. The luncheon was held on the back patio at Tim Love’s Lonesome Dove restaurant, located in the Fort Worth Stockyards. The event was highlighted by a live video satellite interview with fourtime Cup Champion Jimmie Johnson.

Prior to the interview, there were other key announcements made by Gossage.

TMS recently unveiled its 2011 marketing campaign “No Limits” and season ticket sales for the opening three week period are the best since 2007. The schedule for this year’s NASCAR Sprint Cup race, the AAA Texas 500, was also released. The race activities, which culminate with the green flag dropping at 2 p.m. on November 7, includes an Asphalt Chef cooking

competition on Saturday evening to benefit local charities. Contestants include superstar celebrity chef Mario Batali, culinary rock star Guy Fieri, Iron Chef champion and local resident Tim Love, and Foreigner’s lead singer Kelly Hansen.

The interview with Johnson focused on talk surrounding the need to tweak the Sprint Cup to appease a growing number of NASCAR fans who are getting increasingly agitated with Johnson’s dominance of the event (“King Jimmie” has won it each of the past four years). He was accommodating during that portion of the interview, stating that whatever changes might be announced, his goal would be to show up at each race and continue to do his best to win it. He went so far as to say that NASCAR needs to do everything it can to make sure it has the largest viewing audience, both in the grandstands and on TV.

Gossage probably summed it up best stating that the Chase had not really connected to the NASCAR fan base and that if it’s not working for them…“We’ve got to find something else.” Stay tuned, NASCAR loyalists!

Photo Courtesy: Texas Motor Speedway

Photo Courtesy: Matt Pearce

Let’s Go Rangers!!!

by: Craig Smith

RANGERS:News

7

by: Craig Smith “Sportsologist”

Jimmy Johnson is Back in the Game...Kinda Jimmy Johnson is a Dallas Cowboys legend (at least in my mind), part of the Fox NFL Sunday crew and now you can add reality TV star to his resume. I never saw that one coming. He is on Survivor which started September 15th on CBS. He is a big fan of the show and had actually tried three times to get on. The show, in fact, may have saved his life. The first time he tried to get on he was simply turned down. The second time he made it through the whole screening process, but the Survivor doctor told him he couldn’t approve him to go. He had blockage in his arteries. He went to a cardiologist and had a stent put in the following week. He then literally changed his lifestyle. He began to workout, changed the way he ate, and also lowered his cholesterol. “In some ways Survivor might have saved my life,” said Johnson.

On the first episode, he said he has watched every episode since the show began in 2000. He had a rough first night and threw up after saying he overworked him-

self. “Zero sleep, sick throwing up, ants and mosquitoes biting me everywhere, and cold and shivered until the sun came up. I don’t think I’ve ever had a twenty four period where I was in that much discomfort and that miserable.” The next day is the first time I can EVER remember seeing his hair messed up. He tells his tribemates he is there for the adventure and not the money.

Some of them don’t believe him and I think he is there to win. I am pretty sure he doesn’t care about the money. He makes

plenty working for Fox. The two tribes consist of “young” (all under thirty years old) vs. “old” (all over forty). He is a proven leader having won two Super Bowls and a college National Championship, but this may put a target on his back.

He knows he must contribute everyday or he won’t be around long.

At 67, he is the oldest contestant this year. I don’t know how long he will make it because there already is some resentment towards him. He made it through week one, but whatever happens he already is a winner. By his own admittance, he might not even be alive if it weren’t for the show.

by: Craig Smith – “Sportsologist”

Photo Courtesy: Joe Lorenzini

UNT vs. Florida Atlantic

Dunbar has become the focal point of the Mean Green offense.

Sat. Sept. 25 – 6:00PM – Lockhart Stadium The Mean Green went to play Army at West Point with a new quarterback and seeking their first win of the season. Derek Thompson was the new starter after losing Nathan Tune the previous week for the season with a dislocated hip. The position became thinner as Thompson broke his leg in the second quarter. Riley Dodge, who was the quarterback last year, but moved to receiver this year, is back where he started. The Mean Green came into the game with the 23rd best passing attack in the country but only managed 106 yards against the Black Knights. Lance Dunbar who always puts up good numbers was pretty much the entire offense as the Black Knights defeated the Mean Green 24-0. Dunbar had 42 yards rushing and was the leading receiver with five catches for 44 yards. UNT has now lost nine starters since the season began. This week they travel to play Florida Atlantic who is coming off a bye week. This will be a tough one as the Owls have already beaten UAB this season and lost at Michigan State by 13. They have a high powered offense and things could turn ugly for North Texas.

MLB: Athletics vs Rangers Fri. September 24 – 9:05PM – Oakland Coliseum – KTXA-21 Is this the game that puts the Rangers closer to clinching? It’s the second game in a four-game set. The series is the last of their long road trip.

Tommy “Big Game” Hunter takes the mound and has the opportunity to drive another nail in the coffin. The A’s would like to continue to be a thorn in the Rangers side.

College Football: (1) Alabama vs (10)Arkansas Sat. September 25 – 2:30PM – Razorback Stadium – CBS A premier SEC match up pits two great schools vying for the National Championship. The Crimson Tide has Heisman Trophy winner Mark Ingram back and hoss RB Trent Richardson for a two-headed rushing attack. Their defense has only given up 19 points after three games. The Tide will be tested in a hostile environment. The Razorbacks are lead by junior QB Ryan Mallett and his strong arm.

College Football: (24) Oregon St. vs (3)Boise St. Sat. September 25 – 7PM – Bronco Stadium – ABC The nation will be watching this prime time battle between these two teams. Oregon State comes in with helmsman Ryan Katz, who hasn’t had an interception all season. Native Texan RB Jacquizz Rodgers looks to control the pace on the ground.

Boise State QB Kellen Moore is a machine and throws laser like passes. Martin and Harper are the RBs. WR Austin Pettis is something special. If Boise State wins they’re in the drivers seat for the National Title.

NFL: Cowboys vs Texans Sun. September 26 – NOON – Reliant Stadium – FOX State bragging rights are on the line when these two teams faceoff. The Cowboys, who are off to a miserable start, have to right the ship or their dream of playing in a Super Bowl in their own stadium will be over. The Texans are a good team. QB Matt Schaub has great targets in Andre Johnson and Kevin Walter. RB Arian Foster will keep the defense honest. Look for a shoot out!

8

by: Joe Avezzano “The Coach”

No one and I mean no one on the planet said the Cowboys were going to be 0-2 to start the 2010 season! Why are they? When there is frustration and expectations that are not met, there are so many to blame. But be careful to realize that the line between victory and defeat can be very small.

Offensively there are good things being done by Miles Austin. He received a new contract and is delivering on the promise. Witten, while being underused is again effective and very competitive. Tony Romo is not the reason for the Cowboys being winless but he also has been off just enough to not deliver the big plays so much in need. The high passing yards are somewhat hollow as they have been playing from behind so the attempts and yards are up. There are way too many attempts. That brings us to the running game of which there is none. Colombo and Kosier being back help solidify the protection but did nothing for the running game. After a good first quarter start, there was absolutely nothing for the rest of the game. It doesn’t matter which back is in the game if there is little room to run. It’s hard to blame play calling when plays are called and nothing is delivered.

Defensively it is fashionable to say they have played well enough to win.

But in the Chicago game, mental mistakes were made that allowed receivers to run free. Pressure was applied to Cutler early but then it disappeared. Ratliff made a big play on third and one but that’s it. No turnovers again.

The kicking game was highlighted by Dez Bryant and a 62-yard TD punt return. It doesn’t surprise me that he contributed to the kicking game early in the year. His natural talent will show up earlier than the learning curve at receiver. Buehler missed another key field goal and now the first two games have been affected by missed makeable field goals. There could be a difficult decision coming at the kicker position in the next few weeks. Miss a crucial kick against Houston and that could be it.

So you can see that there are mistakes on offense in the form of turnovers. There are no turnovers forced by the defense and the kicking game is shaky. Therefore, you are 0-2.

Houston is now 2-0 and can’t wait for the more highly publicized Cowboys to come to town. The game has always meant more to Houston. Not this time because a 0-3 start makes for the potential monumental collapse. Can Dallas stay together as a team? Can they not point fingers and place blame?

Can they correct mistakes which are mainly making meaningful plays? Does the organization stay the course and totally support the coaches? Can the team withstand the incredible attack by the media and the public? The Cowboys will have trouble winning this game not because they have not won in that building but because Houston and Staub, Johnson, Williams and friends are a good team that looks like they are ready to take the next step. This whole thing is very, very disappointing!!!!!! by: Jayson Larson “Man On the Inside”

This week the Cowboys will travel down I-45 to take on the unbeaten Houston Texans at Reliant Stadium. Houston is coming off two big wins over quarterbacks named Peyton Manning and Donovan McNabb. DeMarcus Ware and the defense are going to have their hands full with the Texans offense as they are loaded with weapons. In Week One, stud running back Arian Foster rushed for a franchise-record 231 yards and three TDs to lead the Texans to a 34-24 over the defending AFC champion Indianapolis Colts. Week Two belonged to Texans QB Matt Schaub as he completed 38 of 52 passes for 497 yards -- a franchise-record -- to rally from a 17-point third quarter deficit to give Houston its first ever overtime victory, 30-27 over the Redskins. This is the same vaunted Redskins defense that held the Cowboys offense to seven points.

While the Texans’ offense is ranked first in points per game and second in yards per game, their defense is not quite as formidable. Defensive end Mario Williams is the one to keep an eye on. Through two games, he already has eight tackles and four sacks. Williams, in his fifth season out of North Carolina State, was the controversial choice as the top pick in the draft over Reggie Bush and Vince Young. He has arguably been the best player to emerge from that class after the Texans were second-guessed by nearly every football expert. After seeing the play of the Cowboys offensive line, Williams has to be excited about the prospects of padding his stats.

One can only imagine the pressure the Cowboys would face if they fell to 0-3 with a loss to their in-state rival Houston Texans. And we all know how bad Jerry Jones wants his team to play in the Super Bowl that he is hosting.

9 In college, you watched movies and probably remember them with some nostalgia. There are different kinds of college movies. There are the obvious movies set on college campuses. An important part of these are college sports movies. But there are others, as well.

It was in college you saw all those movies set in high school, but meant for older audiences. You saw current theatrical releases with friends, maybe some of those bizarre cult films (just so you knew what people were talking about) and the historically important movies you kept hearing about.

The most obvious connection to “college movies,” are movies set in college. Old School, Back to School, PCU, Revenge of the

by: H. Todd J. Moore “Freelance Hubrist”

Nerds and Van Wilder are a few. One film keeps recurring in everyone’s recommendation for “college movies,” however: National Lampoon’s Animal House. John Belushi was disturbingly brilliant as a party animal. Animal House is still hilarious. Bellushi alone makes the film worth watching at least once.

Van Wilder is also from National Lampoon, and will make you cry from laughing too hard. PCU makes fun of the political correctness in general and for that reason should be seen at least once.

Of course we cannot leave out the great

college sports movies. Rudy, The Express, Glory Road, The Program, Blue Chips, The Waterboy (very funny), We Are Marshall, The Sixth Man, Final Shot: The Hank Gathers Story and the recent The Blind Side will get you started. Then there are those high school movies we somehow relate to college and beyond. Movies such as Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Porky’s, The Breakfast Club, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and Pretty in Pink are just a few.

The theatrical releases you saw in college depend on your college years. If that time was the ‘70s, you will remember Rocky, Apocalypse Now, JAWS, and of course Star Wars (Episode IV), The Outlaw Josey Wales, as well as many others.

If you attended in the ‘80s, you may remember Highlander, Princess Bride, Labyrinth, Willow, Terminator, Star Wars, both The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, First Blood and Rambo: First Blood II. If you were in college in the ‘90s you may remember True Romance, Slap Shot, Devil’s Advocate, FaceOff, Point Break and Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring.

It was in college that I became fascinated in “cult films.” Through the websites IMDB. com, wikipedia.com, and Google, we discov-

er a vast trove of cult films and their creators in just a few minutes of investigation. The comedy group Monty Python created Monty Python and the Holy Grail, the most wellknown and quoted of their films. Monty Python’s Terry Gilliam went on to create even more zany films (Time Bandits, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, and the recent Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus). David Lynch (Eraserhead, Blue Velvet, Lost Highway, etc.), Stanley Kubrick (Dr. Strangelove, 2001: A Space Odyssey, A Clockwork Orange, The Shining, Full Metal Jacket), Akira Kurosawa (Seven Samurai, Yojimbo, RAN, and Runaway Train, sort of), The Coen Brothers (long list!) and Wes Anderson (Royal Tenenbaums, The Life Aquatic with Stephen Zissou, Bottle Rocket) are just a few of those who have added to this group.

Finally, there are the historically important films. The American Film Society and British Film Society are where we start here – just watch the first ten of each. What’s at the top of my list? Casablanca. I recommend looking at the AFI’s top 100 lists.

College movies mean different things to different people. Thank you for remembering with me.

10 Frank LaCosta

“College Football Fan”

by: Tony Barone

“The Senior Sports Authority”

Photos Courtesy: Matt Pearce, Texas Christian University

One of the greats at TCU. Commonly referred to as “Slingin’ Sammy” and achieved greatness as a two-time All-American in 1935 and 1936 respectively. To wrap up the 1935 season, TCU played LSU in the Sugar Bowl. It ended in a Horned Frog victory and set the standard for the following season. In 1936 the Iron Skillet ended in a tie but the reward for the season was an appearance in the first ever Cotton Bowl. It was in this game the “Slingin’ Sammy” would lead TCU in a victory over Marquette to the tune of 16-6 and would be named the game’s MVP. Baugh would end the season ranked fourth in voting for the Heisman Trophy. His professional career would see him drafted by the Washington Redskins where he is credited for making the forward pass an integral part of the NFL.

Commonly referred to as L.T. and credited with helping bring TCU back to prominence, he has in many ways become the face of TCU to a younger generation of football fans. In 1999, his junior year, L.T. set an NCAA record for yards in a game with 406 against UTEP. 2000 was a good year to L.T. as he was a finalist for the Heisman Trophy. He finished fourth in the Heisman race, but L.T. did win the Doak Walker Award as the nation’s best running back. While at TCU, Tomlinson and the Horned Frogs took three out of four against SMU for the Iron Skillet. The 2000 game was a 62-7 slaughter of the Mustangs!

The Horned Frogs have one of the most prolific offenses in college football. They average just under 500 yards per game which ranks 14th in the NCAA. That entire yardage has produced just over 45 points per game, 9th best in the nation. The Frogs offense has been a model of consistency thus far this season. This offensive juggernaut is led by quarterback and Heisman Trophy candidate Andy Dalton. Dalton has more wins (32) than any active QB in college football and is rewriting the record books at TCU. He is one of the best passers in college football with an efficiency rating of over 150 which ranks in the top 10 in the nation. One of the keys to Dalton’s success is his ability to distribute the ball to a variety of receivers. He has completed 52 passes to 10 different receivers thus far this season, and a different receiver has led the team in receiving yardage in each of its three games this year. But what makes this offense click is its running game. This is highlighted by their total rushing yardage in their first three games. They amassed 278 yards in their opener and followed that up with 270 and 291 in the second and third game, respectively. That’s good enough for the 10th best running game in college football.

The TCU rushing game is led by redshirt sophomore running back Ed Wesley who has taken the clear lead in the backfield and just recently surpassed 1,000 career rushing yards. He has been the Frogs leading rusher in each of its games this season and gained a career high 165 yards against Big 12 opponent Baylor. This potent offense keeps the chains moving in their direction. TCU has more than twice the number of first downs as compared to its opposition this season, having garnered 80 first downs to only 39 for their foes. They have converted their third down plays 66 percent of the time which is good for third best in the nation. TCU’s offense scored touchdowns in each of its first 17 scoring drives this season. They did not kick a field goal until the third quarter of their third game of the year against Baylor. The offensive line has been a wall to the opposition this year, allowing only two sacks on Dalton so far this season.

It’s no secret that TCU has the best defense in college football and that head coach Gary Patterson remains one of the best defensive minds in football period. Remember he was TCU’s defensive coordinator before being named head coach at the end of the 2000 season. They have led the nation in defense four of the 10 seasons Patterson has been head coach. That ain’t luck. The Frogs’ defense has allowed just 222 yards per game this season and they rank in the top 10 in the nation in that category. The defense has allowed just 39 first downs through three games this season. Last season, they were first in the nation allowing just over 12 first downs per game. TCU’s opponents are just 11 of 37 (29.7%) in first down conversions this year.

Last season they finished fourth in the nation in that category at 26.8%. In its last game against Baylor, the Frogs sacked QB Robert Griffin three times and were in his face for much of the game. They have 10 sacks for the season which is 10th best in the nation and have recorded a sack in 37 of its last 40 games. Linebacker Tanner Brock and safety Alex Ibiloye lead the team in tackles.

TCU will have its hands full with the SMU offense led by quarterback Kyle Padron who averages over 200 yards per game passing. TCU has been susceptible to the long ball and TCU cornerbacks will need to be on their toes to keep Padron’s passing in check. Offensively the Frogs should be able to move the ball on the ground against the Mustang’s defense. Consider this, the Frogs are averaging 270 yards on the ground this season and have rushed for more yards than passing in each of their three wins. The Frogs have won 34 straight games when rushing for more yards than passing. Further they have won 43 straight when rushing for more than 167 yards per game.

If the Frogs offensive line dominates the way it has all season and allows Andy Dalton and Ed Wesley to orchestrate the offense, it’s a TCU victory!

11 Frank LaCosta

by: Craig Smith

“College Football Fan”

“Sportsologist”

The defense will have their hands full with TCU. Linebacker Pete Fleps is the leader of this defense. He has played in every game since he was a freshman and is the leading tackler on the team this year. Chris Banjo is the top playmaker in the secondary. Last season he was second on the team in tackles with 86. Margus Hunt, a defensive end from Estonia is a difference maker with an interesting story. He came to SMU on a track scholarship to throw the shotput and discus but the track program was discontinued so he decided to give football a chance. He has only played in fifteen football games in his life but already holds a SMU single season record and tied for second in NCAA history with seven blocked kicks in a season. He had another block in the first game this season.

This game may finally have its swagger back after being meaningless for years. Both teams are coming off bowl games. This will be a packed house. SMU has won five straight at home which is their longest streak since 19851986. If the game is close, kicker Matt Szymanski could be a factor. He has a strong leg and already kicked a school record 61 yarder earlier this season. The Mustangs will have to play a perfect game to get the upset. I think they come up around thirteen points short.

Doak Walker could do it all. While playing at SMU, he was a running back, defensive back and the place kicker. In 1948, the Iron Skillet ended in a 7-7 tie against TCU and the previous year also ended in a 19-19 tie. However Walker and the Mustangs did win the 1945 and 1946 games, 34-0 and 30-13 respectively. Walker took home the hardware in 1948 by winning the Heisman Trophy. In 1947, he won the Maxwell Award. His influence on SMU and football here in the metroplex led to the Cotton Bowl commonly being referred to as “The House That Doak Built.”

Initially this was set up to be a three running back system with Eric Dickerson, Craig James and Charles Waggoner. All three were blue-chip recruits in 1979. Charles Waggoner was injured returning a kickoff their freshmen season. It soon became a twoback system with Dickerson and James. They struck fear in the hearts of opposing defenses.

Dickerson soon took a liking to the system and the results were incredible. He would tie Doak Walker’s SMU record for career scoring.

In 1982, despite sharing carries with James, Dickerson would end up third in the Heisman Trophy voting his senior year. To top things off, he was named a First-team All-American in 1982. Craig James also had his moments of greatness. In the 1980 Holiday Bowl, he rushed for 9.9 yards per carry. In 1982, he set a Southwest Conference record by with a 96-yard touchdown reception as the longest scoring play. SMU defeated TCU four years in a row during the reign of the “Pony Express.”

Photos Courtesy: Darryl Briggs, Southern Methodist University

The SMU Mustangs will look to avenge the 39-14 loss last season at TCU. This year, the game is on Friday night at SMU. Last year was the best year for the Mustangs in 25 years as they were the most improved team in the nation in 2009. They went from 1-11 in 2008 to 8-5. They were Conference USA Western Division Co-Champs and were a surprise winner in the Sheraton Hawaii Bowl over Nevada 45-10. This year’s team is relatively young as they only start four seniors, but 82% of last year’s starters are back. Kyle Padron, a sophomore from Southlake Carroll, became the first quarterback since 1980 to win his first three starts as a Mustang. He passed for 354 yards in his first start which is a school record for a first start. He made the Conference USA All Freshman Team. In the Hawaii Bowl, he passed for a school record 460 yards and was named MVP. He was fifth in the nation with a 159.9 passer rating. Shawnbrey McNeal, the leading rusher last year with 1,188 yards, is gone. Sophomore Zach Line is now the starter. He was recruited as a linebacker but last year became the goal-line specialist. He scored on seven of his 49 carries. He finished last season with three touchdowns in the bowl win. In the second game this season, he ran for a career high 122 yards on 16 carries and two touchdowns. He is the ultimate workhorse and has the size to carry a load at 6-1 and 235 pounds. Senior WR Aldrick Robinson is part of school history as one of only four players to have a 1,000 yard season to his credit. He also can lay claim to two of the three longest plays in school history. Last week against Washington State, he had a 67 yard touchdown reception. He currently ranks in the top ten in four receiving school career categories. The most consistent and reliable hands on the team is receiver Cole Beasley. He is a poor man’s Wes Welker. He had two touchdowns in the season opener against Texas Tech. Last week in a 35-21 win over Washington State, Padron had a career high four touchdown passes with Robinson catching three of them.

13 by: Jesse Whitman “A Woman’s Perpective”

Photo Courtesy: Twitter

www.dennishambright.com

Listen up, you digital darlings. Real men don’t Tweet or Twitter or sync their social networks or see how many sheep they can gather in some fairy-land farm game or send out requests to see if somebody likes them or not. It’s just not right, and truth is, it’s embarrassing as hell!

When I hear a guy (and I refuse to call him a man) talk about how many followers he’s got on his Twitter account, it makes me want to punch him in the kidney, but I’m afraid I might miss and damage his ovaries and then he’d start crying and might throw an empty Tampon tube at me (which he happened to have in his hip-hugging jeans pocket).

Don’t get me wrong, social networks are fine, to a point. Sure, they’re nice to keep up with family and friends, but when guys start sending out random “friend requests” to people they don’t even know, just to see if they might “accept” them, I think that’s pretty pathetic. When I was in junior high, kids used to do that too. You know, the ones that wrote little notes that said, “Do you like me?”, and then folded them up and passed them across the lunch room to girls they were afraid to talk to in person. Okay, for a 12 year old prepubescent boy with bad skin and a squeaky voice, that might be tolerable.

But for a grown man to be skittering around trying to find “friends” in an online social network, well, that’s just pitiful.

For you guys that Tweet, I bet you wax your nether regions and buy skin moisturizer at the women’s cosmetic counter, too.

Do you really think anybody cares what you had for lunch or the movie you saw over the weekend? If you do, here’s a news flash: No, we don’t care!

I remember the days when men stood around in the garage and drank Pearl beer because it was cheap and came in steel cans and tasted like stagnant ditch water filtered

through old gym socks, but that was okay because they were real men. They didn’t have time to Twitter or Tweet or play Farmville, because they were busy changing the oil in their cars or mowing their lawns.

On weekends, they’d go hunting for dove or quail or go fishing for largemouth bass or spend time teaching their sons how to make that critical “first move” when they were old enough to date. Young men-in-training threw “heaters” to each other in back yards to fine tune their baseball pitching technique or “went long” for that perfectly spiraled pass or shot BB guns at tin cans and occasionally at the neighbor’s cat, because that’s what real boys did when learning to be real men.

I don’t know what happened, but somewhere along the road to becoming a more civilized nation we got blindsided into believing that men needed a more gentle nature, and not to be so rough around the edges.

Knowing how to properly use a firearm and double-up your fists to protect yourself and your family suddenly became a bad thing.

What the hell? If we’re going to buy that nonsense, we might as well start eating goat cheese and baguettes for breakfast and call ourselves French.

So come on brothers, let’s get back to being flag waving, mother loving, apple pie eating, Harley riding, a$$ kicking, REAL AMERICAN MEN! Let’s let Pierre and Francois have the wool berets and neck scarves and shaved armpits and let them Tweet and Twitter to their hearts content.

The Only Guideline You Need for a Healthy Relationship When we first fall in love, we free-fall happily into a world without obligations, incompatibilities or the stress of reality. We are consumed by feelings of endless joy, a wonderfully effortless give and take, and mind-altering infatuation. But that will never last, as we all know, so enjoy it to the fullest until it passes.

So, the honeymoon phase is over, the obligations start piling up, along with fighting over little domestic differences—your dirty socks all over the floor, her 20 perfume bottles crowding the sink counter. But no person is ever the perfect one for anybody and it is naive and dangerous to even think that is possible.

And then the struggle we all know too well begins in finding a healthy balance between meeting our needs—and we humans are a selfish bunch, don’t try to deny it—and the needs of our significant other. We do what we want, which is what most of us have been doing all our lives so it feels natural, and so the situation gets more tense and dysfunctional. We seek the counsel of our friends—much to their chagrin—and they give us bad but good-intentioned advice, which makes us feel even crazier.

But here is the solution to all this madness and a way to return to the peaceful loving relationships we all want so badly. Christine Meinecke, author of Everybody Marries the Wrong Person, breaks down all these complications into one simple guideline for a happy, long-lasting relationship—self-responsibility, the one marital obligation that will solve any of the worst domestic dys-

functions. In her book, Meinecke challenges us to emotionally grow up, meaning that we focus our energy on managing own emotions, which involve expectations, disappointment, bad moods, and insecurities, just to name a few.

This may be hard, but the outcome will be worth it. A truly self-responsible person no longer scrutinizes, criticizes, blames or puts impossible demands on their partner to be the “right person.” When both partners practice self-responsibility, no one will feel the need to keep track of what one gives up or what is owed. The relationship will naturally be balanced once both partners grow themselves up.

But don’t marriages fail because someone isn’t trying hard enough, you may ask?

Of course, work is required, but problems arise when one doesn’t take responsibility for his or her actions and then comes to the conclusion that either their partner isn’t trying hard enough or he or she must not be the right person.

What will ruin a marriage is clinging to the belief that we should not be expected to manage our own negative emotions. If you have realistic expectations, emotional maturity, and accept responsibility for yourself in all aspects of life, your marriage will be sure to thrive.

After all, the sun never expects the earth to owe it anything, but instead illuminates the sky selflessly and with love. And there is no reason our relationships can’t exist in the same way.

Photo Courtesy: Kelley Boone

by: Dennis Hambright

14

by: Tony Barone

“The Food Police”

by: Brian Beard “Ultimate Fighter”

“Cowboy Up” at Lonesome Dove Bistro

Lonesome Dove Western Bistro

2406 N. Main Street • Fort Worth (817) 740-8810 www.lonesomedovebistro.com

Opened in 2000, The Lonesome Dove Western Bistro, located in Fort Worth’s Historic Stockyards District, has quickly become the city’s premiere dining establishment. Chef/ Owner Tim Love has designed a menu influenced by all of the ingredients and cultures that have been a part of the West since the first adventure began on the GoodnightLoving and Chisholm Trails—with an added level of modern sophistication.

Chef Love’s dinner menu is presented as 1st Course, 2nd Course and Main Course. But before ordering you have to sip on a signature Jalapeno Margarita made with tequila, jalapeno and cucumber muddled in Cointreau and fresh lime juice shaken and served with salt and a fresh lime wedge. Or since you are wearing your boots and chaps, you can do your Matt Dillon impression and order a Sarsaparilla Old Fashioned made with Bourbon and mixed with Angostura Bitters, Orange Slices, Maraschino Cherries and topped with Sarsaparilla Soda. Now that you are relaxed, for starters, how does Rabbit-Rattlesnake sausage with spicy manchego rosti and crème fraiche sound? Or maybe Kangaroo Tenderloin Nachos with avocado salsa and habanero-fig sauce?

If that doesn’t warm you up, Round 2 includes such delicacies as Pork and Hatch Green Chili with Oaxaca and cheddar cheese. Main Course items on the menu range from an inventive selection of steaks (including various Wagyu cuts) and seafood to dishes such as grilled Texas Quail Quesadillas, American Lamb Saddle and Buffalo Rib Eye. Sides include White Truffled Mac and Cheese, Citrus Broccolini and Sautéed or Fried Spinach. Afraid you might nod off on your date after all those western-influenced vittles? Top off the meal with a little caffeine and sweetness from the Dessert Menu. How about a Tuaca-Cappuccino Flan with Chocolate Espresso Beans or a Warm Ancho Chile Chocolate Cake with a Fried Plantain and Roasted Pepita Ice Cream.

There are background items you need to know about Chef Love before you say adios to Lonesome Dove and head to the Stockyards. He is a native Texan and Fort Worth’s first chef invited to cook at the famed James Beard House in New York, which is dedicated to furthering the practice and appreciation of the culinary arts.

In October 2006, he was invited to cook on the hit Food Network series “Iron Chef America” which premiered on May 20, 2007. In Kitchen Stadium, Love challenged the original “Iron Chef” Masaharu Morimoto to a culinary battle with the episodes secret ingredient being chiles. Having an hour to prepare a five course meal, Love created a unique menu that wowed the judges with it’s creativity and originality and helped Chef Love defeat Morimoto, only the 7th loss in his distinguished career.

Now get your Cowboy groove on and head to the White Elephant Saloon in the Stockyards for a little live music and two-stepping. On the wall in the saloon are the tombstone rubbings from two of Fort Worth’s more famous sons, Long Hair Jim Courtwright and Luke Short. Also on the wall is the saga of what happened to that duo almost 125 years ago right out in front of this very saloon. It’s something you don’t want to miss and the perfect bedtime story as you jump on your ride and head home, topping off a perfect wild, wild, west evening.

Matt Serra (17-6-0) vs. Chris Lytle (39-17-4):

This is a rematch of The Ultimate Fighter finals in 2006 where Serra etched out a split decision. Let’s face it, these two cats are getting older and nearing their last run at a title shot. This fight will be pivotal to both of their careers.

Both of these guys are extremely tough and this should be a great war. Lytle is a frequent winner of the fight of the night bonuses and has won it in seven of his last nine fights. I think he will have a chip on his shoulder from the finals and will win this fight in a close decision, but it will be unanimous.

Antonio Nogueira (19-3-0) vs. Ryan Bader (12-0-0):

This is the tale of an old dog fighting a new pup and it is a tough one to call! Nogueira’s resume includes a who’s who in MMA and he has been extremely successful. Bader on the other hand is a phenomenal wrestler with ever improving striking that is an absolute beast. He has been extremely impressive in the UFC and is consistently getting better.

As much as I love the Nogueira brothers (no homo), I am going to go with Bader by TKO (referee stoppage) in the 2nd round. It could be a decision but I think Bader has the explosiveness to get this one stopped.

Frank Mir

(13-5-0) vs. Mirko Cro Cop (27-7-2): This is the main event? Actually, it’s not as bad as some people may think. When Cro Cop came to the UFC, he got off to a less than stellar start. Mir on the other hand was on a tear, beating C*ck Chestner in his first fight and picking apart Big Noguiera before losing a rematch with Chestner. Cro Cop has seemed to find his grove again and has looked pretty damn good lately. Mir is a wizard on the ground and if he can get the fight there, and keep it there, he will win. Cro Cop is not easy to get to the ground and he is deadly on his feet. I am afraid that Mir will have too much confidence in his new found stand up game and will get the meat knocked out of his taco. The key is for Mir to push Mirko into the fence and take him down over and over and over until he gets a submission. I believe he will do this and be the winner. Mir by submission, round 3.

Presented By: The Gym • 921 West Mayfield #112 • Arlington, Texas 817-652-1555 • www.thegym.org

15

Yes, it’s ridiculously expensive, but the Ciclotte Exercise Bike is also the only piece of exercise equipment we’ve seen that screams to be seen instead of hidden in a bunker-like home gym. The Ciclotte features a complex dual satellite epicycloid transmission, a carbon-and-alcantara adjustable saddle, a touch-screen display, pedals placed closer to the saddle for correct biomechanics, a slender, unicycle-style frame and unique carbon handlebars. Getting in shape never looked so good. Price: $10,700

It might be missing Master Chief, but that really doesn’t matter. Halo Reach is the final chapter - as far as Bungie’s concerned - in the Halo saga, serving as a prequel to the existing games, and building upon the franchise’s legendary FPS gameplay with grittier visuals, new abilities, and of course, unbelievable online multiplayer that will keep the game in your 360 until it literally falls apart.

Available in standard, Limited and superfan Legendary Editions. Price: $60-$150

Unleash pure office supply hell with the Rubber Band Gatling Gun. Far from a child’s toy, this 15-20 lb. shooter is made from powder coated solid billet aluminum, and holds up to 100 standard office rubber bands that come flying out as fast as you can crank it. Perfect for ambushing co-workers who take the rest of the week off due to an “illness” yet amazingly appear on Xbox Live every evening in the Halo Reach matchmaking lobby. Price: $500

5 Tips: How to Drop a Few Extra Pounds Most people would be happy to see a lower number on the weight scale. The good news: weight loss is not as hard to achieve as most people think. Exercise does not have to be formal and complicated. Weight loss/gain boils down to two things: calories in and calories out. Weight gain occurs when we consume more calories than our body burns up or requires to survive.

If an individual frequently eats high-calorie fried foods, pizza buffets and consumes sugary drinks, regular gym workouts will not come close to putting a dent in the calories taken in from poor nutritional habits. Weight loss occurs when the number of calories burned/utilized is higher than calories consumed. This does NOT mean starve yourself and exercise until you pass out-strive for a healthy balance of proper nutrition and physical activity. Here are five tips to help lose those unwanted pounds:

2) Start the day off with a quality breakfast.

• A protein-based meal kick starts the metabolism, keeps you satisfied for hours and does not create the rapid blood sugar highs and lows that take place with a pure carbohydrate meal (donuts, cookies, muffins).

• After 7 or 8 hours of sleep, the body is ready for a hearty meal. During the day, you would not go without eating from 10 a.m. until 6 p.m., would you? I hope not.

• Eating a good breakfast will help you start the day off in a better mood and with more energy.

1) Don’t be lazy…walk.

• Park your car further away at the grocery store or at

3) Move around any chance you get.

• Walk around the hallways

• •

work.

Stop using the elevators and take the stairs.

As simple as it may be, this extra activity adds up at the end of the week.

• •

•

•

at work whenever you have a few minutes of free time.

Moving around and performing any type of physical activity elevates the metabolism.

Take a quick walk outside and get out of the cubicle for a few minutes.

Walking around will give your compressed spine a break from sitting in a chair all day.

If you are watching television, walk around or do some type of agility or exercise during the commercials.

Do 5 or 10 bodyweight squats 3 or 4 times a day at home or work.

4) Eat 5-6 small meals a day, not 2 or 3 • Plan on having your first meal at breakfast and then eating every 3-4 hours.

• Eating smaller meals more frequently keeps the metabolism elevated and reduces the cravings for unhealthy food choices.

by: Adam Bruster “Health Guru”

•

Eating only 2-3 meals a day slows down the metabolism and leaves us low on energy, which usually leads us to the couch instead of the gym.

5) Resistance Train!

• Resistance/weight training strengthens bones, muscles, tendons, ligaments, and elevates the metabolism more than anything else we could possibly do. So why would anyone skip this? Resistance training helps to make our bodies a more efficient fat-burning machine--transforming us from a slow car with a weak engine to a high performance race car, burning fuel (calories) at a high rate.

• Start with these 3 basic exercises: Pushups, seated row and squats. *Consult physician before beginning an exercise routine

JOKES

17

HORRORSCOPES

FUNNIES

Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde’s eyes?

A: The back of her head.

Q: What do you call a block of cement containing ten lawyers?

A: A waste of cement.

Q: What do you get when you cross a hit of acid with a birth-control pill?

A: A trip without the kids!

The War Is Over The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

“Of course, my son,” said the priest. “Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her.” “That’s a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess,” said the priest. “It’s worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors,” continued the old man.

“Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly,” said the priest. “Thanks, Father,” said the old man. “That’s a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?” “Of course, my son,” said the priest. The old man asked, “Do I need to tell her that the war is over?”

ACROSS: 1. Take place 6. Small herring processed like a sardine 11. Biblical first woman 14. Hangman’s knot 15. A yellow-green color 16. Girl 17. Unexploited 19. Old age 20. Run off to marry 21. Publish 23. Tropical vine 26. Abnormally enlarged thyroid gland 27. Boisterous 31. Sufficient 32. Cousins of ospreys 33. Dined 36. Approximately 1.6 km 37. Long narrow openings 38. Grasp 39. Foot the bill 40. Donnybrook 41. Lacquer ingredient 42. Theatrical 44. A small handbook 47. Wearied 48. Set straight

49. Heathen 53. Brooch 54. Out of order 59. Away from the wind 60. Like the Vikings 61. Implied 62. N N N N 63. Hellenic language 64. Bowel cleasing DOWN: 1. Burden 2. Not pro 3. Atlantic food fish 4. Anagram of “Sue” 5. Income 6. Alone 7. With a short hollow thud 8. Pickable 9. Blvd.

10. Tiresome 11. Discharge 12. Worth 13. Deacon 18. Distinctive flair 22. Female sib 23. Female demon 24. Suggest 25. Competent

26. Comes and ____ 27. Incline 28. A large stringed instrument 29. Attempted 30. ___ alia 33. Mountain crest 34. Shy 35. Very imposing or impressive 37. Peddle 38. Happy 40. The idea that is intended 41. Give forth 42. Cup 43. Slightly open 44. Official tree of Canada 45. Unearthly 46. 9 9 9 9 49. Minute opening 50. Basilica area 51. Nerd 52. Prefix meaning “After” or “Beyond” 55. Neither ___ 56. A browning of the skin 57. Frozen water 58. Vitality

18 by: Pat Moran

Shut The HELL Up!

Photo Courtesy: Sythas

“Man on His Throne”

I’m just going to come out and say it...

If you talk during the movie, you should be kicked square in the most tender part of the nuts.

You should be thrown in a trunk of a car, driven to some distant parking lot and left in the sunniest space for a month. If you answer your phone during a movie, it better be a call from the President needing your immediate help in saving the world, otherwise you should be totally fine with everyone else in the theater dumping their $100’s worth of candy and popcorn all over you.

I mean, really people, are we that stupid? Are we such a douche-filled country that we think, hey, why not just pay twenty bucks for movie tickets and then

ruin an entire theater’s worth of peoples evenings.

Even worse, why the hell do we put up with it? At any other time in our history, if some fool ruined a movie by talking on the phone they would get the sh!t kicked out of them. Why are we so passive?

It’s not the political climate that is ruining our ethical integrity.

It’s not the damn economy. It’s the fact that we think it’s acceptable to annoy the crap out of a room full of people that is both grating as hell and completely ridiculous.

So I say we do something about it. I say we take it in to our own hands... Wait... screw our hands. Let’s take it into our own fists and make sure that these a$$holes learn to shut the f up until the credits role.

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