Blitz April 2014

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APRIL 2014

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7 Things Every Man Should Know This Month Bruce Springsteen drops his highly anticipated EP American Beauty on April 19. He will be performing in Dallas for free on April 6 for the Final Four

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Euphoria Music Festival invades Austin April 25-26

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The Masters April 7-13

Captain America, Lemurs of Madagascar, and Kevin Costner as a football exec all hit theaters this April

Make sure to say thank you…National Administrative Professional’s Day is April 23

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Publisher Kelly G. Reed Editor-in-Chief C. Craig Patterson Creative Director Jette Stephens Cover Design Jette Stephens Photo Editor Darryl Briggs Staff Photographers Dominic Ceraldi, Bruce Chandler, Jarrod Fresquez, Jonah Gilmore, Steven Hendrix, Michael Kolch Rick Leal, Chuck Majors

Staff Writers Arthur Bellfield, Peter Gerstenzang, Ethan Harmon, Keysha Hogan, Frank LaCosta, Amber LaFrance, Will Martin, Mark Miller, Hannah Allen White Contributing Photographers/Artists: Brett Affrunti, Yasmine Altawell, Matthew D. Britt, Eleanor Hasken, Steve Lovelace, Renton1313, Johnny Ranger McCoy Contributing Writers: Gary Dowell, Andrew J. Hewett, Lance LeVan, Trey McLaughlin, Alan Sculley

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April is Mathematics Awareness Month

Brooklyn Decker will be blowing out birthday candles on April 12


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BASEBALL’S UNITED NATIONS

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Play of International and American Players Alike Will Determine Rangers’ 2014 Fate BY MARK MILLER – MMILLER@BLITZWEEKLY.COM

Baseball is the ultimate American sport, even being called our national pastime. In the 155 years since the Cincinnati Red Stockings became the first professional team, it has grown into perhaps the most multicultural sport in the world. Players today represent nearly every race, creed, color and nationality. No better example of that uniqueness may exist than the 2014 version of the Texas Rangers who once all their players are healthy will feature athletes from nine countries and Puerto Rico from North and South America and Asia. The international flavor touches all aspects of the team from catchers, infielders and outfielders to starting and relief pitchers. “It’s pretty weird to see that on one team,” said starting pitcher Matt Harrison before the March 27 exhibition game at the newly-named Globe Life Park in Arlington. “But you’re seeing more and more international players these days and it’s just baseball becoming more of a world-wide sport. I think it’s good for the sport.” “I think it’s kind of the way the game’s going,” said designated hitter Mitch Moreland. “There’s a lot of guys from different places and it broadens the spectrum a little bit and makes it more of an international sport rather just in the United States. It’s fun.” “To have people from different cultures and learn from them is a good thing,” said outfielder Alex Rios, though born in Alabama was raised in Puerto Rico. “This may be the team with the most cultures that I’ve been on. I’ve never had that before. I think it’s something that is going to be seen more because baseball is trying to branch out internationally.” Besides the United States, the Rangers have athletes from Canada, Dominican Republic, Mexico, Cuba and Puerto Rico in North America, Venezuela and Curacao in South America, and Japan and Korea from Asia. That means a lot

When everyone is healthy, the infield will be as good a representation of the United Nations as there in in baseball. At first base will be newcomer Prince Fielder from California. By mid-season the second baseman will be Curacao’s Jurickson Profar (out until June with a slightly torn right teres major muscle). At shortstop will be Venezuela’s Elvis Andrus with Adrian Beltre of the Dominican Republic will be at third base. The starting outfield also features Korea’s ShinSoo Choo in left field, Cuba’s Leonys Martin in center, and Rios in right. University of TexasArlington product Michael Choice will be the fourth outfielder with Canada’s Jim Adduci a possible fifth.

of interpreters are needed with native English, Spanish, Japanese and Korean languages spoken. “We definitely have a few more people in here to help you communicate a little bit but most of the guys have really worked hard to learn English and it’s going well so far,” Moreland said. “It will be a good group. We’ve all got the same goals. It doesn’t affect us we’re from different areas.” Manager Ron Washington agrees. “I really haven’t paid much attention around baseball and haven’t paid much attention to the fact we have that,” Washington said. “I have only paid attention to the fact they can play. That’s all that matters.” If such an international mix alone determined success, the Rangers will have a great shot at winning that elusive first World Series. Instead, they’ll just need the best performances possible from all their players to extend their streak of 90plus win seasons to five. “I’m very optimistic because I believe we have what it takes to compete in this division and to compete in any other division,” Rios said. “We went through ups and downs in spring training but I

believe those in there can do the job that others aren’t currently able to do because they are down. I believe in our offense and pitching is going to come around and we’re going to be fine.” It’s possible that about half of the Rangers’ 25-man team could be from the nine countries and Puerto Rico. That’s even more diverse than a Dallas-Fort Worth area that prides itself on its varied ethnic makeup. According to 2010 Census figures, of the 6.3 million people living in the Metroplex, more than 1.7 million are of Hispanic descent with 1.4 million of those from Mexico. Another 33,000 were born in Puerto Rico, 11,000 in Cuba, 102,000 in Central America and nearly 34,000 from South America. Asia, which continues increasing its American baseball representation, had 341,000 DFW residents including nearly 29,000 from Korea and 5,500 from Japan. The Rangers initially will count plenty on American J.P. Arencibia and Venezuela’s Robinson Chirinos until Puerto Rico’s Geovany Soto returns from a torn lateral meniscus cartilage in his right knee.

On the mound, starters Yu Darvish (Japan) and Martin Perez (Venezuela) will join an American group consisting of some combination of Nick Martinez, Robbie Ross, Joe Saunders, Colby Lewis, Matt Harrison and Derek Holland. Darvish will miss some time to start the season while Harrison and Lewis are expected to return sometime in April and Holland by the All-Star break. In relief, closer Joakim Soria (Mexico) will be set up by a committee including Alexi Ogando (Dominican Republic), Neil Cotts (United States), Jason Frasor (United States), Michael Kirkman (United States), Pedro Figueroa (Dominican Republic) and others. “We obviously have a lot of injuries,” Harrison said. “Losing a lot of guys for long periods of time in spring training allows other guys to step up, keep us afloat and when we get those guys back healthy those guys will be fresh and hopefully we can finish strong.” “I think it will be a fun year,” Moreland said. “We’ve got a great good of guys. We’ve got a bunch of guys who got hurt in spring training but that’s something you have to fight through and the good teams always do and it will be good for us to get those guys back down the road and get going.”

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FIGHT CLUB

UFC 172 Preview BY LANCE LEVAN – @LANCELEVAN1

( C) Jon “Bones” Jones (19-1-0) vs. (#2) Glover Teixeira (22-2-0) This is a light heavyweight title fight and it is going to be a battle. Everyone knows how athletic and versatile the Champ (Jones) is. He throws elbows and knees from all kinds of angles and positions. And these are the kinds of elbows and knees that will destroy your face and end the fight. But…Teixeira is a 2nd degree black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and an accomplished wrestler. Not to mention that he spent several years training with Chuck Liddell, so I’m fairly sure he has heavy hands and knows how to use them. This is going to be an awesome battle…but I don’t think it will go all five rounds. My prediction: Teixeira gets the TKO in the fourth round. (#4) Phil “Mr. Wonderful” Davis (12-1-0, 1 NC) vs. Anthony “Rumble” Johnson (16-4-0) This is not a title fight but it is going to be a fight to watch at light heavyweight. Davis is returning to the UFC after some time off and riding a six-match win streak in other organizations. At the same time, Davis is coming off an impressive win over Lyoto Machida. Johnson used to fight at middleweight but had issues making weight. He has since moved up to light heavyweight and has even fought at heavyweight recently. Both of these guys are fast…but I give the speed to Johnson. In the submission department, I have to give Davis the nod here. Both of these guys like to bang and throw punches-in-bunches. But in the end, I think this fight will be decided on a submission. My prediction: Davis wins this fight by rear naked choke.

(#6) Luke Rockhold (11-2-0) vs. (#11) Tim “The Barbarian” Boetsch (17-6-0) This middleweight fight is going to be extremely entertaining. Rockhold is an extremely athletic and quick fighter who is very intelligent (which is dangerous). Boetsch is an animal in the octagon. Like his nickname, “The Barbarian,” he fights with reckless abandon. Boetsch is a wrestler, Rockhold is a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu fighter. This fight will most likely go to the ground. Neither of these fighters are likely to stall, since they both like to maintain the action every single round. But since there can be only one prediction… My prediction: Rockhold wins by submission.

Disagree with me? Let me know via twitter @BlitzWeekly and we’ll see who has better picks the night of the fights.

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M

ichael Jordan and his sneakers. David Beckham and his briefs. George Foreman and his grill.

Over the years we have witnessed legendary athletes step back from the game and become eclipsed by the products they pushed. There is no doubt that the lonely and grueling years of dedication to their chosen sport sometimes is worth the hefty salaries these players earn. But the payday doesn’t end with just a salary. There’s money that comes to those with a name and face synonymous with winning.

When it comes to endorsement marketing, companies rely upon the theories of product match-up, source attractiveness, and source credibility. If a brand combines credibility with trustworthiness, the audience is far more likely to respond positively to an ad. Couple that with the likeability of an attractive face, and it’s basically money in the bank. A young, fresh-faced, prescandal Tiger Woods pushing golf clubs just made sense. But when that marriage of attributes is forced, the ads seem sinister and disjointed.

APRIL 2014

BY KEYSHA HOGAN – @THE KEYSHA

THE RISE OF THE

CORPORATE ATHLETE

So why would companies subject us to these type of ads? Because they work. In your brain you have some cells that are called mirror neurons.

For example, let’s take Floyd “Money” Mayweather. In 2013 he brought in a staggering $90 million in salary and earnings. He does have business dealings but he made nothing in endorsements for other outside companies. He’s basically 100 percent an athlete. LeBron James earned a $17,545,000 paycheck from the Miami Heat and other earnings, and $39 million in endorsements. So he’s about 31 percent athlete and 69 percent pitchman. Large endorsement contracts for athletes are usually based on rankings and are packed full of performance bonuses. But golfer Phil Mickelson is a bit older and doesn’t win much any more, and he is extremely well liked. He often plays with logos for Callaway, Barclays and KPMG on his shirts and visors. Last year he earned $3,528,000 in earnings and $36 million in endorsements. He’s 9 percent athlete and 91 percent Don Draperapproved ad man. We know they always say it’s the journey that counts, but for those with talent and popular face and name sometimes the money counts far more. Even Charles Barkley knows a hustle when he sees it. A few years ago Barkley was announcing a game on TNT. An open mic caught him breaking down the rules of his recent Weight Watchers deal.

For the past few years, health researchers have become increasingly critical of the unhealthy food and drinks marketed to us by the most physically fit people in the world. AdScope, an advertising database, named the top 100 athletes and monitored their combined 512 paid endorsements. Of that group, there were 62 food products, of which 49 were low in nutritional value and high in calories. Watching the Adonislike Olympians bite into chicken nuggets as if they were gold medals caused more than a few eye rolls. Even when there isn’t a dubious motive behind an endorsement deal sometimes they just don’t make sense. Remember when Joe Namath was on TV representing the Beautymist Pantyhose empire? Or when Hulk Hogan was pushing a gadget called Pastamania? Then there’s the ad where Jimmy Johnson is all dressed up next to a race car telling you about how Extenze changed his life. The ad harkens back to the stomach sinking feeling of walking in on your parents in a compromising situation.

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“I have to lose two pounds a week,” he said. “I’m at 38 pounds now. They come and weigh me every two weeks. I ain’t never missed a weigh-in. Never going to.”

Remember last year when University of Louisville basketball player Kevin Ware’s leg gruesomely snapped during prime-time television? Well you probably flinched in sympathy, your body recoiled, and you got a little rush of sickness. These mirror neurons are activated by simply seeing someone else in action. When Serena Williams scores a point, the same neurons light up as if you actually hit the ball.

When we see something disjointed like Woods in a Buick, it breaks the mirror and the deeply entrenched connection our brain has made. The brands that craft these connections know exactly how much they are worth, that’s why billions are spent to make sure each of us tries to be like the cool kids. Yet dollar for dollar, your most beloved athletes are becoming more comfortable in a Madison Avenue boardroom than in the gym.

Then he explained, “I thought this was the greatest scam going; getting paid for watching sports. This Weight Watchers thing is a bigger scam.” After he made all of his apologies, he can now be found on the Weight Watchers website touting the complexity and versatility of broccoli. In the world of sports, empires and legacies are built upon the hope that joints and ligaments can withstand years of abuse and transform the body into a machine that is unstoppable. It seems players have wised up to this fact, and will continue to auction their names off to the highest bidder, knowing that nothing lasts forever.

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BY MARK MILLER – MMILLER@BLITZWEEKLY.COM Exactly what does it take to transform one of the world’s largest football stadiums into the planet’s biggest basketball arena? Fans attending the National Collegiate Athletic Association Final Four will be able to see the results of the makeover at Arlington’s AT&T Stadium. If they believe they’ve walked into a bigger version of the American Airlines Center, those involved have done their job. Their goal is to design and build a configuration mimicking traditional hoops emporiums while providing space and sightlines for 80,000 people. Here’s some of the facts and figures in a nutshell:

Time to Remove Football Turf

10-12 hours LAYOUT

Number of Parts

20,000

Installation Size – About

Court in middle below big screen, seating all around

Number of Workers

112,000sq. ft.

60

Number of Trailer-Trucks Holding the Installation

50-52

Floor Height

29 inches above stadium floor

Transformation Began – March 17 Transformation Ended – March 31 Seating Installation Began – March 20 Seating Installation Finished – March 31 Seating Installation Removed – April 11

Football Capacity

Teams Arrive – April 2 Team Practices – April 3 (closed to public); April 4 (free to public) National Semifinals – April 5 National Final – April 7 Next Final Four in DFW – Sites for 2017-2020 to be announced in November

Seat Width

20 inches

80,000

Basketball Capacity

80,000 - 85,000 depending on standing room which will depend on the traveling ability of the teams involved

Basketball Floor Design – Connors Sports Flooring, Elk Grove Village, IL Seating Owner – NCAA, Indianapolis Seating Designer – HKS, Dallas Seating Installer – The Colonnade Group, Birmingham, AL

Outside Signage Temporary Seats

16,600 Blind Spots Corners in Lower Bowl SMARTER, SHARPER MEN

NCAA Final Four banners on north and south glass doors, Final Four words on east and west, team logos after First Year of Current System

2009, FORD FIELD, DETROIT


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APRIL 2014

#7 Connecticut Huskies vs. #1 Florida Gators Saturday – April 5 – 5:09 P.M. AT&T Stadium TV: TBS

Matthew D. Britt

Players to Watch

P

REVIEW

#8 Kentucky Wildcats vs. #2 Wisconsin Badgers

Shabazz Napier (UConn, Sr.): Shabazz Napier is the heart and soul of this UConn team, leading them in points (17.4), assists (4.9), Saturday and rebounds (5.9) in the – April 5 – regular season, 7:49 P.M. and in the AT&T tournament he’s been Stadium even more TV: TBS impressive, This Final Four bringing his matchup features scoring average ey r o Mc up to 23.3 points per two very different p s L au um contest. He can score and teams with the secondh ghlin d n – www.rattlea create in a number of ways seeded Wisconson Badgers whether it’s driving to the basket, coming in as the experienced shooting jump shots, or finding the open bunch and the eighth-seeded Kentucky man. He has presented problems for defenses Wildcats led by five freshman starters. The Badgers all tournament long, and if the Huskies want to are coached by Bo Ryan who comes into his first advance past a strong Florida team, Napier will Final Four appearance ending his reign as the have to continue to play at a high level. coach with the most wins and zero Final Four Scottie Wilbekin (Florida, Sr.): While Scottie appearances. He’s definitely looking to make the Wilbekin may not be someone who blows you most of his first chance. He brings with him the away on paper, averaging just 13 points and 3.8 most dynamic Wisconsin team that he’s had in assists per game, he makes this team go. He is years. This team can not only defend (ranking a relentless defender and a playmaker on the 37th in scoring defense), but score at an efficient offensive end with a knack for making key shots rate, averaging 73.5 points per game. Led by and high difficulty layups. There’s no doubt that senior guard Ben Brust and junior forward Frank the elevation of his play this year has been a major Kaminsky, Wisconsin has a versatile offense that factor in the success of the Gators. As they get features shooters at every position, helping spread going against the Huskies, Wilbekin will be asked the floor. Kentucky, on the other hand, finds itself to help slow down Napier and Ryan Boatright. The in the paint a lot with two sizeable guards in Aaron amount of success that he is able to have in doing and Andrew Harrison and freshman forward Julius that may very well be the determining factor in Randle. The Wildcats feature the more athletic this game. players, and they will have to look to use that Prediction to their advantage. The Wildcats had an up and With both of these teams ranking in the top down season dealing with inexperience issues all 40 in defense, there’s no doubt we’ll see a year, but they continue to improve each game in hard-fought, physical game when they tip off. their maturity and willingness to play as a team. Florida comes in as a favorite, but UConn comes John Calipari might have done his best work with in with confidence, as the last team having beaten this bunch in developing such young talent all the Gators. It’s no doubt that Napier is playing the season, getting them to play their best basketball best individual basketball right now of anyone at tournament time. With impressive wins over in this game, and he will cause problems for the three of last year’s Final Four teams (Wichita State, stingy Florida defense. However, Florida has been Louisville, and Michigan) it’s hard to bet against the more experienced, complete and consistent the Wildcats going forward. team all year. The Gators have great guard play led by Wilbekin as well as good interior play Players to Watch with Patric Young, giving them good balance Frank Kaminsky (Wisconsin, Jr.): Frank Kaminsky offensively. For that reason, I believe Florida will averaged just a mere 4.2 points and 1.8 rebounds take care of business and head to the National last season, but his averages have improved to Championship game to try and secure its third national title under Donavan. 14.4 points and 6.4 rebounds this season. There’s no doubt that his improvement has helped lead Florida wins 64-58

Tr By

This Final Four matchup between the expected and the unexpected features the Florida Gators, who came into the tournament as the top overall seed, and the seventh-seeded University of Connecticut Huskies. Nobody is shocked to see Florida headed to Arlington with the third-best scoring defense in the nation and a 30-game win streak. They feature four starting seniors who have been to the Elite Eight each of the last three years, but are now headed to their first Final Four. There’s no doubt that Billy Donavan’s squad is on a mission to finish things off this year. They have playmakers at every position and don’t rely on any one player to make things happen. They’re defined by their defensive grit that is known for suffocating the opponent’s offense. On the other side, we see a coach in Kevin Ollie who is making it to the Final Four in his first ever NCAA Tournament appearance and he has his Huskies playing their best basketball down the home stretch. They overcame a late deficit to beat St. Joseph’s in overtime in the second round and went on to upset Villanova, Iowa State, and Michigan State. Led by senior guard Shabazz Napier and junior guard Ryan Boatright, the Huskies are the Cinderella story of the Final Four, and with each game they look more and more confident. To make things even more interesting, the last loss that Florida suffered, back on Dec. 2, came at the hands of a Napier buzzer beater. This will be a big confidence boost for the Huskies, but both teams know this time there’s a lot more at stake. For Donavan, he looks to get back to the National Championship for the first time since 2006-07 when his Florida Gators won back-to-back titles. Meanwhile, Ollie is looking to take UConn back to the National Championship for the first time since they won it all back in 2011.

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ts. com

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FINAL GAME

to the success of the Badgers this season, and he’s definitely been a massive reason for them reaching the Final Four, averaging 22 points and nearly 7 rebounds over their last three games. At 7 feet tall, Kaminsky is a massive matchup problem as not only can he play down on the block, but he can also shoot the three ball and put the ball on the floor. He is going to make Julius Randle and the other Kentucky frontcourt players defend. If he continues his success, the Badgers will have a great chance of advancing once again. Julius Randle (Kentucky, Fr.): The Kentucky Wildcats are led by many good freshman, but Julius Randle sticks out in the midst of them all. He leads the team in both points and rebounds per game with 15.0 and 10.5, respectively. In the tournament he has been even more of a factor, averaging 15.8 points and 12.0 rebounds per game. If they are to have a chance at beating Wisconsin in this game, Randle must be an effective scorer and defensive force as he will be responsible for helping slow down Kaminsky. Prediction: There’s no doubt that the young Kentucky Wildcats are on some roll, and they are surely playing their best basketball this season as they head to AT&T Stadium, but Ryan’s team is also playing at a very high level as well. The key for Kentucky will be taking away the three ball from Wisconsin and finding a way to slow down Kaminsky, while the key for Wisconsin will be keeping the Wildcats out of the paint and off the glass. In this game, I believe that Wisconsin will be able to make life hard on Kentucky. Kaminsky will continue the roll that he’s on, and the Wildcats won’t have life easy in the paint as they are used to in their success. Therefore, I believe Wisconsin will take care of business and take Ryan to his first national championship. Wisconsin wins 73-65

Eleanor Hasken

#2 Wisconsin Badgers vs. #1 Florida Gators It’s never a surprise to see two experienced teams and two experienced coaches playing for the title at the end of the year. The key to this matchup will be the ability of Florida to defend against a team that spreads the floor as well as Wisconsin. Wisconsin will be able to knock down some shots and make plays offensively, but at the end of the day the Florida defense will be too much for the Badgers to overcome. Florida wins 68-61 SMARTER, SHARPER MEN


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THE

GREATEST

FINAL

4

BEST

PLAYERS EVER

STARTS WITH

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ONES YOU

MIGHT EXPECT

BY WILL MARTIN – MRWILL316@BLITZWEEKLY.COM As the biggest weekend in college basketball approaches, I’m hopeful that the Wisconsin Badgers are preparing for the chance to win their first National Collegiate Athletic Association men’s championship since 1941 over the Florida Gators. And while basketball is a team game where one player can carry the load during a rough stretch, the question that has to be asked is who are the best four players in NCAA Finals history?

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Lew Alcindor (The Artist Soon To Become Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, UCLA)

Voted by many as the greatest ballplayer of all time his pedigree is such that you have to respect the 71-game win streak his New York City high school happened to possess. Yes he was a 19-time National Basketball Association all-star, six-time NBA champ, and six-time NBA most valuable player. But did I tell you how Abdul-Jabbar also was your back-to-back-to-back MVP when the Bruins were rolling in the NCAAs from 1967-69? Indeed that was a no-brainer. To say nothing about that ‘Sky Hook’ creation. No argument on this one.

3

Bill Walton (UCLA)

By now hopefully you have read my interview with Bill Walton from last October and how he overcame lifelong severe back pain due to injuries sustained as a kid. His college time at UCLA was indeed truly amazing. Back-toback titles in 1972 and 1973 over Florida State and Memphis State. In that 87-66 victory over Memphis State, Walton would go 21 for 22 shooting and account for more than half of the Bruins’ point total during a span that UCLA went 30-0 in back to back seasons. An unheard of win streak reached 88 games before a stunning 71-70 loss to the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame in 1974. It also was in 1974 that seven straight titles ended when the Wolfpack of North Carolina State upended UCLA in double overtime 80-77. Long before all the congenital defects of birth would come to affect his many injuries and setbacks the ultimate Deadhead truly knew how to perform and get the job done when the lights shined brightest within the Madness.

2

Earvin ‘Magic’ Johnson (Michigan State)

Dear Youngins: This is the 35-year anniversary of the birth of one of the greatest rivalries ever created from an NCAA game between two programs – one still thriving today under Tom Izzo – and two players who took their passion and talent to the next level. We didn’t know it then but the NCAA was about to cure the NBA of its biggest ills of a poorly-divested decade with rampant drug use and Finals placed on tape delay. Magic Johnson’s rivalry with Indiana State’s Larry Bird with this one game in 1979 prepared the world for three rematches with these two warriors over time. Everything about this kid from the city of truth said, ‘Superstar’ and his style of play was so unselfish it was depressing to not see him perform live. Also a Top 50 hall of famer, we saw this coming.

4

Jerry Lucas (THE Ohio State)

This has to be some kind of a first. Lucas won consecutive Ohio high school state championships in 1957 and 1958 and helped the Buckeyes to a collegiate national title in 1960. Later that year he was the youngest player to earn an Olympic gold medal. That in itself is impressive. He added an NBA title with the New York Knicks in 1973 alongside such luminaries like Walt Frazier, Earl Monroe, Bill Bradley, and Dave DeBusschere. Later, he was voted onto the Sports Illustrated All-Century team. And he was inducted into the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame TWICE – as an NBA all-star and Olympian 30 years apart.

Any questions? This is all arbitrary of course. While the rest of the nation now sets its eyes on the beginning of the NBA and National Hockey League playoffs and baseball’s new season it seemed worthwhile to just pick a Final Four of athletes who shined the brightest during what we now refer to as ‘March Madness.’ WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM


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Rebecca

Model: Rebecca Johnny Ranger McCoy

SMARTER, SHARPER MEN


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WHERE TO STOP WHILE THE

FINAL FOUR IS HERE BY AMBER LAFRANCE – ALAFRANCE@BLITZWEEKLY.COM Need to kill some time before, between, or after the Final Four games at AT&T Stadium? Looking for cool places to eat and drink? This area is full of great spots to visit that aren’t at all lame. I’ll do you a favor and recommend four of my favorites, from Arlington to Fort Worth to Dallas, that you can visit during your stay.

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01

Home Of The

“Hot Sub Sandwich”

HOURS

04

MON-THUR: 11AM-7PM FRI-SAT: 11AM-9PM Closed On Sunday

01 Deep Ellum – Get Weird at the Deep Ellum Arts Festival

03 Lakewood – Channel Your Inner Steven Tyler at The Goat

Deep Ellum Entertainment District (2600-3100 block of Main Street, Dallas)

7248 Gaston Avenue, Dallas

April 4-6, Friday-Saturday, 11 a.m.-11 p.m.; Sunday, 11 a.m.-8 p.m. This fest is in its 20th year and truly represents all that is awesome in Deep Ellum. An adult-oriented festival with dozens of street vendors, food from local Deep Ellum hotspots, 200 juried fine artists displaying and selling their works of art, and more than 100 musicians rocking out simultaneously on five open stages, it sure is a party. I’m especially excited about checking out this year’s headliner, an alternative hip-hop artist named Astronautalis from Minneapolis and the 2014 “Artist Underground” where three very unique art groups will collaborate and create live. If anything, the fest proves that Deep Ellum is far from dead; it’s alive and well – thriving in fact at this massive community block party. Did I mention it’s free to attend? Heck yes. 02 Arlington – Clog Your Arteries at Babe’s Chicken 230 North Center Street, Arlington Monday-Friday, 11 a.m.-2 p.m., 5-9 p.m. Saturday-Sunday, 11 a.m.-9 p.m. Who doesn’t love fried chicken, mashed potatoes, chicken fried steak…mac ‘n cheese, rolls, gravy… oh sorry, was I still going? This place is just ridiculous, in a good way. Imagine yourself eating endless servings of carbs on carbs on carbs, and meat of course – are you drooling yet? Definitely worth the drive to come here, but not if you’re on a diet. I would recommend saving your appetite for this place and maybe even coming prepared with elastic pants on, but it’s so worth it. Don’t ask for the menu, because there isn’t one. The waitress will tell you what’s cookin’ in this rustic 1920s restaurant. Prepare yourself for fat-kid food heaven.

Monday-Saturday, 7 a.m-2 a.m. Sunday, Noon-2 a.m. You NEED to go here on Sunday. Why? It’s karaoke time! I guess if you want to go there other days (and if you have to go back to your 9 to 5 on Monday) you can, but on Sunday all the crazies come out. I mean that in the best way. It’s totally grimy and weird but utterly charming in its own way. Rock out to a random local band on the weekend or take the stage and act a fool on karaoke Sundays. So you’re over the age of 30, a man and want to belt out Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” – who cares. Or maybe you’re a 20-something white girl like me and you feel like recruiting backup dancers for your rendition of “Baby Got Back.” The Goat does not judge. Also, the drinks are super cheap and strong as hell.

1104 South Elm Historic Downtown Square Carrollton – 75006 972-245-7900

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04 Fort Worth – Yeehaw at the Fort Worth Stockyards 500 NE 23rd Street, Fort Worth I know it might sound touristy, but I definitely think you should visit the Stockyards if you’re an out-of-towner. I know, I know…Texas is full of cows, well that’s not entirely true, but Fort Worth in the Stockyards will remind you that true cowboys are still alive and out there. There’s bars and other attractions around this area, so you definitely won’t run out of places to see and things to do. It’s part of this city’s heritage and what Dallas-Fort Worth is essentially rooted in as a metroplex. If there’s a show going on that night, make sure to check it out, but if for some reason there isn’t I can assure you you’ll still have a great time hootin’ and hollerin’ around town.

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R– BY MARK MILLE WEEKLY.COM MMILLER@BLITZ

I

t was the dawn of the National Collegiate Athletic Association’s Final Four as we know and love it today.

The scene was the Louisiana Superdome in downtown New Orleans. Four storied teams coached by four true legends were there. The rosters included nearly two dozen players who later became employed by the National Basketball Association, a handful of whom would become hall of famers. This was before bracketology became a household name and Jim Nantz would be the voice of the event. Gary Bender and Billy Packer were the broadcasters for the first tournament aired on CBS. The studio host was Brent Musburger. It was March 27 and 29, 1982 and I was there. Not by myself, mind you. There were 61,611 of my closest basketball-crazy friends with me. And we all had a blast. Growing up in Milwaukee, my friends and I always had followed the NCAA Tournament. Even before March Madness became a well-known phrase, we would gather at someone’s house to draw teams from a hat. Each of us received one team from each regional. If any of your teams made the Final Four, or if you were first one out, you made money. It was a right of March. Being the sports fans we were, we always dreamed of attending the Final Four. We just had to wait until we had jobs to have the money to cross it off our Bucket List. My traveling group included best friends Dave Markson and John Catalano from Milwaukee. It also featured a guy named Bo Ryan, then an assistant coach at the University of Wisconsin and since 2001 the head coach of the Badgers. Also with us were Ryan’s father Butch, plus Stu Heifetz and Todd Kukkhahn, who like Markson had been basketball team managers at Wisconsin.

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Let The Good Times Roll Jordan’s Shot Just the Climax of Greatest Final Four Ever

Working as a sportswriter in Bloomington, Ill., I met the rest after flying down from Peoria. We knew the trip could be something special just because it was being held in New Orleans. Add in teams like North Carolina, Houston, Louisville, and Georgetown, and we knew no matter who won, it would be great.

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“It was a cool trip. I really enjoyed it. The weather was nice and of course Bourbon Street was fun.”

(Rodney and Scooter), they were far from only talent on the court. Consider these sidekicks:

The Venue

Georgetown also had Eric (Sleepy) Floyd and Bill Martin. Houston featured Michael Young, Larry Micheaux, and Robert Williams. Louisville could brag about Lancaster Gordon, Jerry Eaves, Milt Wagner, Charles Jones and Derek Smith. North Carolina had Matt Doherty and Jimmy Black.

The Louisiana Superdome (now the MercedesBenz Superdome) was less than seven years old when the Final Four came to town. Though it was not the first Final Four in a dome (Houston’s Astrodome hosted in 1971), the attendance nearly doubled the previous record. It was the first stadium to open up the majority of its seats and the venue that truly started the trend toward domed stadiums. It was one of the defining moments that elevated the Final Four to status just behind the Super Bowl and the Olympics. “I remember the electricity in the building which was amazing given the size of the Superdome,” said Heifetz, now a senior director in New York for Irving-based Learfield Sports.

The Schools Both academically and athletically, the collective prestige of the four competing schools was apparent. There was the University of North Carolina from Chapel Hill. There was the University of Houston from Texas. There was Georgetown University from Washington, D.C. And there was the University of Louisville from Kentucky.

Little did we know the ultimate hero would be a then 19-year-old freshman named Michael Jordan. It was his basket that lifted his North Carolina Tar Heels over the Georgetown Hoyas 63-62. While Jordan’s shot may be the most remembered moment of a memorable weekend, it was just one reason why this should be classified as the greatest Final Four ever even 32 years later.

Need we say more?

“It was quite an experience,” said Catalano, who works at his family’s warehouse food store in Milwaukee. “It was special without a doubt. There may not have been a better one that I can remember.”

For North Carolina’s Dean Smith (879 wins, 11 Final Fours, 2 titles), Louisville’s Denny Crum (675, 6, 2), Georgetown’s John Thompson (596, 3, 1 title), and Houston’s Guy Lewis (592, 5, 0), this was the ultimate meeting of college basketball’s braintrust.

Here are more reasons why:

“I remember thinking how I wanted UNC to win because I thought it was so unfair that people slammed Dean Smith for never having won a national championship,” said Markson, a guidance counselor at Homestead High School in Mequon, Wis., and interim girls basketball coach at his alma mater, Whitefish Bay High School. “It’s so hard to get there, much less win it.

The City Sorry DFW but there may be no finer place to host a party like the Final Four than New Orleans. With the French Quarter just blocks away from the venue and the city’s all-night “Let the Good Times Roll” attitude, places like Pat O’Brien’s, Café du Monde and Preservation Hall, how can anyone argue? Plus any town where people are buried above ground, music and drinks come pouring out from the open door establishments and Chinese fast-food restaurants are called “Takee Outee,” what more could a bunch of single, 20-something males (back then) want. “It’s a very interesting town,” Catalano said. “There’s a lot of charm. There’s a lot of risque things. It was quite an experience.

The Coaches They combined for 2,742 wins, 25 Final Fours, 5 championships and 4 spots in the James Naismith Memorial Hall of Fame. No other quartet before or since has matched this collective array of coaching talent.

“I was a college coach at the time (an assistant at the University of Wisconsin-Parkside) and had so much admiration and respect for him. I just wanted that all to end.”

The Players While the big names were North Carolina’s Jordan, James Worthy and Sam Perkins, Georgetown’s Patrick Ewing, Houston’s Akeem Abdul Olajuwon (later Hakeem Olajuwon) and Clyde Drexler, and Louisville’s McCray brothers

“I remember enjoying UNC’s talent,” Markson said. “Perkins’ long arms, Doherty’s blue collar game, Worthy was just good and tough, and Jordan was so smooth, he glided around the court like no other player I had ever seen.” With collective talent like that, we knew the games would be good.

The Games Nothing about the action disappointed us as all three games were close until the end. In the first semifinal, North Carolina beat Houston 68-63. In the second, Georgetown topped Louisville 50-46. That set up the dramatic championship game capped by Jordan’s 16-foot corner jumper. “If I remember correctly, Patrick Ewing purposefully goaltended the first couple of UNC shots, probably in an attempt to intimidate North Carolina,” Heifetz said. “I was amazed by his athletic ability for a guy that size, but I was also alarmed by how often he just went up and clearly goal tended,” Markson recalled. Also memorable was the sound the crowd made when Georgetown’s Freddie Brown made the pass that Worthy found to seal the outcome. There was almost like a 60,000 person gasp.... then cheers or moans depending on the rooting interest, Heifetz recalled. “I felt sorry for Fred Brown,” Markson said. “Basketball players make a lot of mistakes, but in that setting it was magnified so much.”

The Celebrations Led by the light-blue clad Tar Heel faithful, fans spilled out from the Superdome and quickly spread to the French Quarter. While nothing like Mardi Gras, to the outsider it was just as hard making your way around the crowded streets. “I remember seeing Matt Doherty in the French Quarter and congratulating him,” Markson said. “He had two girls with him.” Both Heifetz and Markson recalled encountering Worthy on an escalator in the Hyatt Regency next door to the stadium and where both the teams and we stayed. “I asked him if he was going pro,” Markson said. He said ‘what you think?’ I remember saying ‘take the money and run.’ “ “He just smiled,” Heifetz recalled after someone else asked him if he’d be returning for his senior year. “But he was gone.” The next day, March 30, 1982, nearly everyone who witnessed the greatest Final Four of them all would too be gone. Fortunately, the memories remain with us all more than three decades later.


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Up the Game by Saying NO to the Chain BY HANNAH ALLEN WHITE – COMMENTS@BLITZWEEKLY.COM good rule of thumb when it comes to dinner and dating is to avoid chain restaurants. Whether you’ve been married for a decade or only been out a few times this is solid advice. Chains have their place, they do. Mostly for family-style gettogethers with mixed company, for safe bets when in a new place, or on a road trip but not a date night.

A

chains, I’m talking about the staples – the equivalent of big-box retailers – do I really need to name them here? Those Southwest Eggrolls and Bloomin’ Onions are wonderful, they are, but when you’re going out to celebrate, even if it’s to celebrate a moment alone together, just take one tiny step up the restaurant food chain and take the platform of “No Chains on Date Night.”

Here’s the thing, chain restaurants do have consistency on their side. Your favorite appetizer and entrée is going to taste the same every time you go and that is invaluable to you, the hungry consumer. But they also consistently have balloons, obnoxious birthday sing-alongs to whatever poor soul chose to celebrate there and are basically just this side of McDonald’s.

Don’t become intimidated by this ideal. There are all kinds of ways to find a place to fit the relaxed and no fuss atmosphere of a chain (Yelp, Urban Spoon, etc.) if that’s your thing. You don’t have to adjust your budget most of the time either. It’s just a way of shaking up the status quo without doing anything drastic. In a metroplex like ours you’ll find so many new options that’ll keep things interesting or set a nice precedence. Trust me on this.

Now, when I say chains I’m not talking about locally-owned and operated

Steve Lovelace

RESTAURANT NEWS: THE BLIND BUTCHER BY HANNAH ALLEN WHITE – COMMENTS@BLITZWEEKLY.COM he resurrection of Lower Greenville continues with a new and highlyanticipated meat-lover’s restaurant going by the name of The Blind Butcher. Recently picked by Zagat as one of the best restaurant bars in the U.S. and debuting a new Irish red from Peticolas brewery called Irish Goodbye, these guys already have made a splash in the few weeks they’ve been open.

T

With adventurous sides like duck fat French fries and hand-cranked sausages it’s not difficult to see why. Entrees include things like Poutine, big meats priced on daily market value, and killer charcuterie boards and bacon caramel popcorn for desert. This is a carnivore’s dream come true! SMARTER, SHARPER MEN

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APRIL 2014

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BY ALAN SCULLEY – ALANLASTWORD@GMAIL.COM

THINGS THAT MILEY CYRUS’ PUBLICIST WOULDN’T ALLOW US TO TALK ABOUT

WE DARE YOU TO IGNORE MILEY

A

s anyone who has followed Miley Cyrus since last summer, when she began promoting her new album “Bangerz” knows, she has generated a lot of interest for how she has presented a far more adult version of the actress/singer the world first knew through her Disney television series “Hannah Montana.” She especially raised eyebrows by appearing nude in her video for her song “Wrecking Ball” and for a racy performance on the MTV Video Music Awards that seemed to startle even that envelope-pushing network. But organizers for this teleconference requested that writers limit questions to the “Bangerz” tour itself meaning Cyrus’ behavior and the recent controversies she has generated would not be addressed. Writers were required to submit questions via a website before and during the 30-minute teleconference, and her publicist selected which questions actually were presented to Cyrus. Here are highlights from what Cyrus said during the teleconference:

> The Fire on Her Tour Bus

> Q: What was your goal when it came to creating this tour?

> Her new lip tattoo. > Her feud with Katy Perry over Cyrus’ attempting to slip Perry some tongue during a kiss. Perry spoke to reporters afterwards telling them, “God knows where that tongue has been. We don’t know. The tongue is so infamous!” > What it was like to smoke a joint with Flaming Lips lead singer Wayne Coyne while remaking the Beatles’ classic “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds.” (Probably because her publicist is still in denial that Cyrus smokes weed despite the fact that a promo item for her tour is rolling papers) > How’s Billy Ray doing? > Her liberation through nudity and why we love her for it. > Her dating life. > Her love affair with female strippers, which was a shame because she’s pretty vocal about it. > Any sentence that contained the words Liam Hemsworth or Robin Thicke in them. > The role that “twerking” will have on her legacy.

Cyrus: I just want to make it something that is really fun. And like with everything I do, I don’t want there to be anything about (the show) that’s unoriginal or seems fake in any way. So the whole thing is really, it’s got a good energy about it. And my goal was really to keep it really fun. For me I think the best thing for an artist is to see people sing along to your songs, and also to have people participating in your show. Sometimes that’s hard. There are just people in the front row with their cell phones in front of their face and not really getting involved. And this show is a really hard show to not want to get up and be involved, like set your phone down and actually dance and be a part of the show a little bit. So it’s very interactive for my fans. > Q: Are there any cool props or stunts that you could preview? Cyrus: Kind of the stuff that I’m really excited about, for one, our show is completely live. So it’s hard to do as many stunts as, like I got to do on other tours because I’m really focused on like people being as excited about me as a singer than kind of me for what I did to shock people. I want people to walk around being like ‘OK, she did some things that were crazy, but at the end of the day, it was really about her voice.’ So I really want to stay focused on that, so there’s not too much going around. But I definitely have some crazy props to enter and exit on. That’s all I really want to tell you. But I think that’s probably my most exciting part. So I’m really excited for the intro. And exiting is pretty amazing, too. I’m excited for both of those parts. > Q: What tours have you seen in the past that have given you inspiration for the “Bangerz” tour? Cyrus: Obviously, I’ve watched a lot of tours now trying to get inspired for mine and also just seeing how people do things because I wanted everything

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I do to be different. Obviously, I watched a lot of the Madonna tours, not only because I’m a fan of Madonna, but because you know how I said a lot of my show is built a lot around content and I think she had a really beautiful stage and the way that it looked and everything that was played on all the screens was shot beautifully...So I’ve definitely watched a lot of Madonna’s tours. > Q: People might not have expected you to work with Future, but he’s featured on the “Bangerz” song “My Darlin’” and you’re featured on his track “Real and True” and in the video for that song. Can you talk a little about how you two know each other? Cyrus: Future and I know each other through Mike Will. They grew up together in Atlanta, and me and Mike are like family. And so anyone who’s really close to Mike I’ve gotten really close to. He was just someone, he wanted to work with me because of my voice, not because, this is before I had kind of started working (on what) I’m working on now. Really he just wanted to work with me because, not because of what he knew. He knew of me. It’s not like he was a fan of me really before he really started getting in the studio with me. He just became a fan of me and my music, so that’s why I really wanted to work with him. I just want to surround myself with people that really, what they care about is me as a real artist. So him and I are really close. I’m super stoked for him and everything. I mean, everything in his life, I love working with people that are new. It’s the same thing with Icona Pop, and they are a little bit more like mainstream. But I like working with people like that, and he’s had platinum records, but for me, introducing him to kind of my group of fans that wouldn’t necessarily be Future fans. And he does the same thing in his world. > Q: We only have time to wrap up. Is there anything you would like to tell the journalists about the tour that maybe we haven’t covered here and how excited you are to go out on the road? Cyrus: I’m just thankful for the people that have really like (decided) to come to my show because I know sometimes people they like to make me seem like I’m one thing, and all that I know how to do is like shock people and that’s kind of my only purpose in the industry. That isn’t what it is. What my show (is), and what I think girls see kind of through is there’s an energy and there’s a feminist energy there, and if people enjoy taking a chance and coming to a show that’s a little bit different, I really appreciate that. I’m excited for the people that want to express kind of like freedom, and they can relate to my music because of that. And I think a lot of my fans, I think that’s why we’re kind of so close because when they look at me and they feel like can be really like truly who they are, and I hope my fans are kind of inspired by my show to take that to the next level. It’s just (about) being true to who you are and what makes you feel good, and I think there’s something good for girls especially that get to come see this show. I’ve made that really important in what we’re building, me and (creative director Diane Martel) together. It’s just a show that builds up every type of human being on the planet, and a real show that we put a lot of love into it. I just believe it has a good energy about it.


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Blitz Takes You To the Movies

BY GARY DOWELL – WWW.MOVIEINK.NET

T

he highly anticipated Captain America: The Winter Soldier is upon us, and part of its copious positive buzz centers on the old-school ‘70s political conspiracy-thriller vibe that it taps (hence the casting of Robert Redford in a significant role). We here at Movie Night are a paranoid bunch, and have a fondness for 70s-era film – the greatest decade for American filmmaking. Here are some of our favorite ‘70s thrillers, as well as some important precursors and one latecomer. Remember: We may be paranoid, but that doesn’t mean you’re not out to get us.

The Manchurian Candidate (1962) John Frankenheimer’s chilling adaptation of Richard Condon’s novel has influenced conspiracy thrillers for decades. Frank Sinatra stars as a soldier who investigates a Medal of Honor winner and rising political star (Laurence Harvey) who may be a brainwashed communist assassin. An amazing blend of suspense and satire has kept it fresh for 50 years.

Seven Days in May (1964) Frankenheimer also helmed this military thriler, shot from a script by Twilight Zone creator Rod

Serling, based on the novel by by Fletcher Knebel and Charles W. Bailey II. Burt Lancaster plays an Air Force general who leads the Joint Chiefs in an attempted coup d’etat over a controversial peace treaty; Kirk Douglas stars as the USMC colonel who uncovers the plot. Not surprisingly, the Pentagon did not want the film to be made, while President John F. Kennedy actively supported the production.

Z (1969) Greek director CostaGavras’ adaptation of Vassilis Vassilikos’ thinly-veiled satire of the assassination of an influential prodemocracy Greek politician. Released at time of global political activism and turmoil, it became the first film to be nominated for Academy Awards for Best Picture as well as Best Foreign Language Film. (It won the latter.)

Part of Alan J. Pakula’s “Paranoia Trilogy,” starring Warren Beatty as a newspaper reporter who investigates the assassination of a presidential candidate and finds more than he expected. Dark and cynical, it is a chilling depiction of an America in which corporations muzzle citizens and manipulate the political process with impunity – far-fetched then, it’s now everyday life 40 years after the fact.

The Conversation (1974) Oft overshadowed by the Godfather films, this gem is easily one of Francis Ford Coppola’s best, as well as one of the greatest films of the 1970s in general. Gene Hackman stars as a privacy-obsessed surveillance expert tasked with a challenging assignment that hints at a

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to Nixon’s fall from grace. A gripping look at the power of the press versus the corrupting effect of absolute power.

Marathon Man (1976) William Goldman adapted his own novel for this classic about a Ph.D. student (Dustin Hoffman) whose secret agent brother (Roy Schieder) draws him into a plot involving a Nazi war criminal (Laurence Olivier) and stolen diamonds. An interesting exploration of Nazism and McCarthyism, usually remembered for its notorious torture scene.

Three Days of the Condor Capricorn One (1978) (1975)

The late, great Sydney Pollack’s adaptation of James Grady’s tense novel about a bookish CIA analyst unexpectedly thrust into a fight for his life with no idea as to how or why. Robert Redford stars opposite a fine cast that includes Faye Dunaway, Max Von Sydow, Cliff Roberts, and John Houseman. Its final scene has since proven to be eerily prophetic.

Written by blacklisted author Dalton Trumbo (Roman Holiday, Johnny Got His Gun), this controversial, fictionalized take on the Kennedy assassination centers on the conspirators and openly challenged the findings of the Warren Commission, pre-dating JFK by 20 years. It was pulled from theaters within two weeks, and didn’t surface on video until the 1990s.

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conspiracy. An atmospheric character study soaked in paranoia.

Written and directed by Peter Hyams (Outland) and starring James Brolin, Sam Waterston, and O.J. Simpson as three astronauts who partake in a faked Mars landing and find their lives in danger when the conspiracy goes awry. A cult classic, and a rarity that portrays NASA as the evil government agency.

The China Syndrome (1979) Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas star as TV news reporters who investigate safety hazard cover-ups at a nuclear power plant after a near-meltdown is exposed by an employee (Jack Lemmon). Douglas served as producer on the film, which paved the way for Silkwood and others in the 1980s.

Missing (1982)

All the President’s Men (1976) Pakula’s masterpiece, as well as arguably the film that defined the 1970s. Redford and Dustin Hoffman star as Washington Post reporters Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein in a stunning adaptation of their book of the events that led

Also directed by Costa-Gavras, based on the true story of an American journalist who disappeared during the bloody, U.S.-backed Chilean coup of 1973, starring Jack Lemmon and Sissy Spacek as grieving parents seeking the truth. Oddly – and rather tellingly – the film was banned in Chile during Augusto Pinochet’s dictatorship, even though neither Chile nor Pinochet are ever mentioned by name.


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I DO DECLARE!

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Brand Development and Creative Marketing

WHAT MUSICIANS CAN AND CAN’T WRITE OFF

469-877-1533 info@culture-hype.com

BY PETER GERSTENZANG – PZANG7@OPTONLINE.NET

D

espite the glamorous images you see on television, most musicians have difficult lives. There’s the endless touring, bad food and the drug problem. Nobody knows where to buy them anymore!

Adding to this misery, musicians also have to pay taxes. On things like royalties and session work. To help out, I’ve compiled a list of deductions that might lighten their load. This just in. It’s now okay to write off your therapy. If you can prove your emotional problems stem from anyone shouting “Free Bird” during your show. Travel – It’s important that we define “travel.” Younger musicians know you can only claim it if you’ve left the house. Guys from the 60s? Just because you found some old Owsley acid in your guitar case and tripped for a week, doesn’t mean anything to the IRS. However, if these ‘journeys’ get scary and Thorazine is involved? I smell medical expense. Just make sure you’re straight when you prepare the tax form. Don’t turn it into an origami bird and throw it through the IRS’s window. It’ll be a disaster. Don’t ask me how I know. I just do. Reimbursements – Musicians need to report all reimbursements. Which is so time-consuming to obtain, you can actually report this as a reimbursement. Mostly, the form is for such per diems as food and lodging. Meaning, it won’t pertain to working for Prince. I hear it’s impossible to shake a nickel out of that guy. In fact, Morris Day still is trying to get reimbursed for meals he paid for on the Purple Rain tour. Lodging – It’s okay to write off hotel and motel bills. Just be smart if you have to itemize. Ordering inroom movies is one thing. Telling everyone you watched Naughty Student Nurses can get an entirely different branch of the government on your case. And you’ll be watched closely for months. Again, don’t ask me how I know this. At least, not until my case is dismissed.

You can also: Write Off Demos – An area where Young has again been very cagey. Because of their sound, he’s been able to deduct his last 10 official album releases as ‘demos.’ Write Off Rehearsal Space – Give it a try. But keep in mind how this affected Bob Dylan. He keeps writing off ‘rehearsal.’ And everybody who sees him live calls the IRS, begging them not to allow this deduction. So far, 50,000 cases have been settled out of court. Tuxedos and Concert Wear – Don’t try this if you play Rock and Roll. Unless you also include a note from your tailor. Or your psychiatrist. Again, don’t ask me how I know this. I just do.

Laundry and Dry Cleaning – This is one of the surest way to reduce your taxes. It’s also one of the surest ways to tell everyone you’re a failure. For example, Neil Young does not have his flannel shirt dry-cleaned. Even though he should. He’s been wearing it since Harvest came out. WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM


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Motorcycles APRIL 2014

VOL. 7 - ISSUE 3

What Men Should Know About

OVER THE YEARS US GUYS HAVE COME TO ACQUIRE A PLETHORA OF INFORMATION AND OPINIONS ON MOTORCYCLES. HERE IS AN OVERVIEW OF THAT KNOWLEDGE.

49

No.

Owning a Harley-Davidson instantly makes you a better-looking guy.

2014 Harley-Davidson Street 750 Dark $7,500

No.

845

6

Marlon Brando in The Wild One made motorcycles the coolest mode of transportation.

Not respecting the power of your bike has immediate consequences.

No.

No.

607

No.

28

No.

Deep down we’re all afraid of bumping into the Hell’s Angels, Bandidos, Mongols, Outlaws at a bar.

You should date a girl with a motorcycle at least once.

No. No.

294

385

Not that they were made exclusively for them, but a lot of guys with Ducatis are douches.

We assume the guy on a motorcycle in a high-speed chase is going to get away.

SMARTER, SHARPER MEN

No.

311

We still can’t figure out how Batman’s bike in The Dark Knight worked.

1,071 Sons of Anarchy is a pretty good depiction of how guys in corporate America think it must be like to own a motorcycle.


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APRIL 2014

No.

12

The Isle of Man race is as terrifying as fighting a blindfolded MMA match with Bruce Lee.

No.

4 Evel Knievel was the greatest man to ever touch a bike.

No.

No.

No.

4,026

508

We all would ride a Tron light bike.

As cool as you think you look on a Vespa, trust us…you do not.

16

No.

Indian Motorcycles are top tier taste.

Cops on motorcycles get way more respect than cops on bicycles.

4.1 Robbie was a disappointment.

Suzuki makes really-fast bikes. Hayabusa $15,000

722 All the coolest guys on the planet had motorcycles; James Bond, James Dean and Steve McQueen just to name a few.

No.

37

No.

No.

Wild Bill Egger’s custom 1930 Indian 4 $65,000

No.

79

25

14

No.

91 Scorpio Rising… can’t un-see that.

Yamaha is one of the most recognizable and trusted names in the business.

Yamaha Super Ténéré ES $16,500 WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM


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APRIL 2014

8 Shows To Binge-Watch BY ETHAN HARMON – EHARMON@BLITZWEEKLY.COM You may have heard about people binge-watching shows on Netflix, Hulu or HBOGo. If you don’t know what that means, essentially it involves watching every episode of a show over the course of a day, or several days. It may seem like a huge undertaking, but there are certain shows that you simply must watch all the way through because of how incredible they can be. Here are eight shows you need to binge-watch right now:

True Detective Available on: HBOGo There has been a lot of hype surrounding this show. It revolved around two detectives, portrayed with great depth by Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson, as they investigate a very disturbing case. More character study than crime-solving-drama, True Detective is an engrossing experience.

SMARTER, SHARPER MEN

VOL. 7 - ISSUE 3

Game of Thrones Available on: HBOGo This show is now a household name. Everyone has either watched the show, read the books, or both. The first two seasons are crafted with insane detail and precision, with great characters that make up a world-expanding story. Although Season 3 was not as good as the first two, you should definitely watch all three seasons and prepare for the upcoming fourth.

Yasmine Altawell • Brett Affrunti • Renton1313


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Community Available on: Hulu Dan Harmon’s show about a bunch of outcasts in a community college not only is funny, but heart-warming. With an incredible cast, and some very crazy episodes (who has seen the paintball episodes?), Community is well worth your time.

Battlestar Galactica Available on: Netflix Battlestar is a show that hits the ground running. After years of peace, the evil Cylons return to their home-world and immediately destroy it, leaving the human race to seek refuge amongst the stars. This show gets very philosophical, but also builds each character as the story progresses. Highly recommended.

Trigun Available on: Netflix Trigun is simply amazing. It’s part sci-fi, part steampunk, part western and all awesome. It follows a legendary outlaw named Vash the Stampede, who may or may not be as bad has his name implies. It’s wonderfully written and animated, and if you haven’t watched an anime before, this is a great one to start with.

Doctor Who

House of Cards

Available on: Netflix Yeah, this show has been unfortunately labeled as a “nerdy” show, but hear me out. I watched it after a friend recommended it, and I wasn’t able to stop after the first few episodes. It’s wonderful, amazing, fun, happy, sad, sci-fi, fantasy…almost everything wrapped into one show. Start with the newer seasons (which came out in 2005).

Available on: Netflix Of course you have heard people talking or Tweeting about House of Cards. There’s a reason for that. Kevin Spacey plays the wonderfullysinister Frank Underwood, a senator who will do anything and everything to get what he wants. The first two seasons are on Netflix, and you need to watch both right away!

Sherlock Available on: Netflix (you may have to rent the latest season) There have been threads on Reddit trying to figure out the cliffhanger on Season 2. Theories were posted and analyzed, obsessively trying to figure out how it went down. And that was just for one episode! Sherlock is just that good. It’s a beautifully written and acted modern-day take on the classic character.

WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM


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APRIL 2014

VOL. 7 - ISSUE 3

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VOL. 7 - ISSUE 3

APRIL 2014

Hilarious Advice From This Guy Stay away from any woman whose friends call her princess. If you’re not ready to be in a relationship and you sleep with a girl who is, guess what? You’re in a relationship. Everyone you date is going to have baggage. You just have to pray that it’s a locked Samsonite and not an open duffle bag. If you can still drive safely while kissing a beautiful woman… you ain’t paying enough attention to that woman. Don’t pet porcupines against the grain and don’t challenge guys with nicknames like “big fist,” “Butch” or “Mad Dog” to a fight. Always be a glass is “half-full” type of guy. Most of those “half-empty” guys are alcoholics.

Andrew J. Hewett – www.chewednews.com BRA/IQ SAME NUMBER? A 38-year-old California woman has changed her name to Blondie Bennett (concealing her real name) to sell provocative “Barbie doll” photos of herself, showing new 32JJ breast implants. And, to become as Barbie-dollbrainless as possible, taken 20 hypnotherapy sessions to “help” become more confused and vacant; claiming she recently got lost driving to her own mother’s home.

Aries: March 21 - April 19 You will soon realize how sad your life really is when you decide to celebrate by going to a strip club by yourself.

Cancer: June 22 - July 22 Soon you will learn that no matter how badly you want Nutella, it’s never good to deep throat a knife.

Taurus: April 20 - May 20 Fed up with your nerdy appearance you will shave your head to get the Walter White look. You will soon be compared to a freshly circumcised penis.

Leo: July 23 - August 22 Your store manager an attempt to improve employee morale will start talking in hashtags.

Gemini: May 21 - June 21 While waiting at a red light, some random drunk guy will limp in front of your car, unsheathe his manhood and piss all over your windshield.

Virgo: August 23 - September 22 At a family get together your mom will let everyone know about how you were conceived in a Disney Land toilet.

29

BLAME THE “ONE” IN THE MIDDLE After watching a Volkswagen swerve, increasing and decreasing speeds and brake suddenly over a seven-mile stretch, Florida Keys deputies pulled it over. This caused Steffany Miranda, 18, and her sister, Vanessa Miranda, 24, to jump from the car, run around and swap seats; causing both to be arrested under the influence of alcohol. NOT BY THE HAIR OF HIS... Jack Harvey, 42, told a Truro Crown Court (UK) they were wrong, wrong, wrong, finding him guilty of drug possession, claiming police planted the drugs they found in his car and home. Not only that, he said a stranger, maybe “some filthy woman,” owned the cocaine and heroin police found taped to his testicles.

Libra: September 23 - October 22 While suffering with satanic gastric distress you will amaze your co-workers by farting the intro to “Smoke on the Water.” Scorpio: October 23 - November 21 Newsflash: Saving the condom from the first time you had sex isn’t a good idea. Sagittarius: November 22 - December 21 While doing some spring cleaning at your girlfriend’s house you will find a jar containing her collection of toenail clippings.

Capricorn: December 22 - January 19 Your new roommate will ask you about your policy on hookers as your doorbell rings.

Aquarius: January 20 - February 18 Thanks to Axe shampoo, body wash and deodorant a girl will finally notice you. That girl is grandma.

Pisces: February 19 - March 20 After going down on the girl of your dreams she’ll let you know that she can’t cheat on her boyfriend.

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APRIL 2014

VOL. 7 - ISSUE 3

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