Blitz February 2014

Y T I L E D I F IN S T R O P S N I T S R O THE W ECRET KEPT S

G N I V L O S Y JOH N N IEL Z N A M e for Tim ban Mark Cpuen to O let His Wal

L IS F N E H T TO ABOUTONE HAVE VA HELLU Y PAYDA

SXSW R U O Y IS G U I DE E I NS I D

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FEBRUARY 2014

VOL. 7 - ISSUE 2

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VOL. 7 - ISSUE 2

COST OF THE SOCHI OLYMPIC GAMES MAKING THEM THE COSTLIEST EVER WITH 2008 BEIJING BEING SECOND AT $43 BILLION.

Publisher Kelly G. Reed Editor-in-Chief C. Craig Patterson Creative Director Jette Stephens Cover Design Jette Stephens Photo Editor Darryl Briggs Staff Photographers Jarrod Fresquez, Jonah Gilmore, Steven Hendrix, Kevin Jacobson, Rick Leal, Chuck Majors

Staff Writers Arthur Bellfield, Peter Gerstenzang, Ethan Harmon, Keysha Hogan, Frank LaCosta, Amber LaFrance, Will Martin, Mark Miller, Hannah Allen White Contributing Photographers/Artists: Geoffrey Raymond, Archer FX, Illusive Photography Contributing Writers: Cory Carlyle, Gary Dowell, Rodney Fisher, Andrew J. Hewett, Wendy Wyatt

SMARTER, SHARPER MEN

NUMBER OF MEDALS MADE FOR THE SOCHI OLYMPICS.

85

1,300

NUMBER OF COUNTRIES VYING FOR THOSE 1,300 MEDALS AT 98 MEDAL-WINNING EVENTS.

FEBRUARY 2014

$50,000,000,000

4

17

DAYS OF COMPETITION FOR THE XXII OLYMPIC WINTER GAMES AND AN ESTIMATED 3 BILLION PEOPLE WILL VIEW THE MORE THAN 1,539 BROADCASTING HOURS OF COVERAGE THAT NBC WILL AIR.

37,000

AMOUNT OF SECURITY PERSONNEL ON HAND FOR THE GAMES DUE TO HIGH THREAT OF TERRORISM.

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SHIRTLESS MARSHALS

313

NUMBER OF MEDALS HELD BY NORWAY, WHICH IS THE MOST OF ANY COUNTRY DESPITE THE FACT THAT THEY ONLY HAVE 200,000 MORE PEOPLE THAN THE STATE OF ALABAMA. THE U.S. IS SECOND WITH 274 MEDALS EVEN THOUGH WE HAVE 63 TIMES MORE PEOPLE.

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BONUS FACT

9,000

AMOUNT OF CALORIES TEAM U.S.A. BOBSLEDDER LOLO JONES CONSUMED DAILY TO BULK UP FOR THE GAMES MOST OF WHICH WERE DOUBLE BACON CHEESEBURGERS FROM MCDONALD’S.

VOL. 7 - ISSUE 2

Death of a Salesman

Are Fans Buying What Mark Cuban is Selling?

Geoffrey Raymond

BY RODNEY FISHER – WWW.REALFANSSPORTSNETWORK.COM

H

ow long does the feel of victory last?

Sunday, June 12, 2011 is cemented in the memory of Dallas Mavericks fans as the day it finally happened. After wallowing in National Basketball Association obscurity, losing in the playoffs, and even losing in The Finals in 2006, the little Mavs won it all. Add the fact they beat LeBron James and the Miami Heat and victory tasted 10-times sweeter.

The following Thursday the entire city celebrated in Victory Plaza, as well it should. Nobody thought at the time that the championship that for so long seemed like a pipe dream would be so out-ofreach only one season later.

Most championship teams in the sport of basketball, like the game itself, go on runs.

Since that epic day in June, the Mavericks have not won a single playoff game. They have not been able to secure the next superstar to play with Dirk Nowitzki that we hope for each year.

The new approach to building the team is in complete contrast to before they won the title.

It’s a new style of basketball that Dallas does not understand.

“The lockout was tough,” one anonymous ticket sales employee said. “We were told to prepare to miss the whole season and I couldn’t make it not making any money. We don’t get paid on the sales until the season starts.”

Mark Cuban unquestionably is a smart businessman. In preparation for the potential NBA lockout, the ticket sales office began to renew season ticket holders and solicit new fans during the 2011 Finals. Why not? The fandom was at an all-time high and you have to strike while the iron is hot.

“Losing Tyson (Chandler) did not really affect much, people could understand not paying him a lot of money. Losing (Jason) Kidd and (Jason) Terry was hard, because people loved them. They knew who they were,” he continued.

According to NBA.com, after the championship season, Dirk’s No. 41 jersey sales ranked seventh and the team merchandise ranked fifth. It was the first time any Mavericks player or team merchandise cracked the Top 10 list since 2008.

By the end of the next season, both had dropped out of the Top 10.

In the 2011-12 lockout shortened season, the Mavs biggest draw may not have been a player on the court.

“People would call up and ask for tickets to sit next to Khloe,” the employee said referring to reality star Khloe Kardashian, then-wife of Mavs player Lamar Odom. Also the promise to be there Christmas Day to watch the banner go up in the American Airlines Center against the Miami Heat was a big incentive.

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The only takers of this option were B-level players who had flashes of greatness in the past, but no other team wanted long-term, the O.J. Mayos, Chris Kamans, Darren Collisons, and Elton Brands of the basketball world. The team had a total of 23 players that season that made up the 15-man roster throughout the year.

The Mavericks biggest on-court threat also might be their biggest weakness. Nobody can doubt the greatness of Nowitzki, but the reality is most NBA players in the prime of their years don’t find playing with a 35-year-old aging superstar as a viable option. The attitude of NBA players now is different than it was even in the 2000s. Players don’t just make decisions on where to play based on a coach or roster, but they want to know how they will be marketed. Anyone coming to Dallas to play pro basketball knows that this is Dirk’s playground, and you have to wait until he gets tired before you can use the swing.

The result of the sports experiment was a 41-41 season, missing the playoffs for the first time since 2000.

Players now don’t have rivalries like the old NBA. They want to align themselves with stars versus beating them to make their own name.

“I was done,” one season ticket holder said following that season. “I am not going to pay to watch a bunch of nobodies that don’t care.” In full disclosure, he never really gave up his tickets, but he did move to a cheaper section.

For Mavs fans, they simply want to get back to the winning ways. Not having basketball downtown after mid-April seemed foreign to the entire region. It also has changed the mindset for Cuban and team president and general manager of operations Donnie Nelson. The quest to get back to the playoffs has rekindled the fire in the entire organization. Instead of signing players to one-and-done deals, they signed three-to-four year deals to start developing a core group. It doesn’t matter if the team ends up in the eighth and final seed in the playoffs, they just want to get in. The pain of not making the playoffs was a huge reality check for everyone.

In the 2012-13 season, after not being able to attract Deron Williams, Chris Paul, or Dwight Howard in free agency, the front office tried one of the most radical moves ever in sports – bring in a bunch of players with one-year deals.

In contrast, the team the Mavericks beat in the championship has gone in an opposite direction. Even with the salary cap restraints that all teams have to face, the Miami Heat get stronger every year. Historically, the stage was set for the Mavericks and Heat to become the next great rivalry in basketball. They met in The Finals in 2006, again in 2011. The Mavs have not been able to attract the next great free agent, unlike the Miami Heat that took the ultimate prize of wooing King James from hometown Cleveland and Dallas native Chris Bosh away from the Toronto Raptors.

From a business perspective, the Mavericks’ moves make sense. They never had the opportunity to operate under the salary cap before. Cuban’s fan-like approach to building a team has cost millions in the past to try to surround Dirk with the right mix for no profit.

They say trial and error is the best teacher, and Cuban has never shied away from failure. His opportunity to rebuild outweighed bringing back Chandler on a max deal, or Terry and Kidd on extensions.

The philosophy only works if you can get a superstar free agent. In the 2011-12 season the Mavericks, like most teams, tried to go after Chris Paul and Dwight Howard with no success. The bright lights of L.A. combined with playing with Blake Griffin and Kobe Bryant were more attractive than coming to North Texas. That offseason, the Mavs set their sights on The Colony’s Deron Williams. It is debatable as to why that did not work out, but Cuban not attending the meeting probably did not help move things along.

The following year, it was all systems go for the pursuit of Dwight Howard. Nowitzki was making phone calls to free agents and attending trips, as the competition from other NBA teams was greater.

Howard chose to go to Houston instead to play with James Harden, another young star on the rise.

“Our goal is to get to the playoffs”, says head coach Rick Carlisle. “That is what we have to do.”

Nowitzki and Shawn Marion, the only remaining players from the championship team, echo the same sentiment.

While the Mavericks take a more businesslike approach to rebuilding, other DFW area sports franchises have taken advantage of the opportunity to build their fan bases. No matter how mediocre the Dallas Cowboys are, making the pilgrimage to the AT&T stadium will always be on the to-do list. The Texas Rangers have spent more money on players in the last five years than any other area franchise to keep them competitive. Attendance and merchandising have grown in the process.

The Mavericks may not have their next NBA superstar on their current roster to take over for Dirk when he retires and they may not be able to attract one either. But fans have to remember why they fell in love with this franchise in the first place.

The Mavs were the little team that could never overcome the odds. People thought Dirk was too soft to win a championship before he won one.

We thought Kidd and Terry were too old before they won one. People thought that Cuban was just a rich brat with a basketball team that would never be a champion. We never expected the Mavericks to win, but they did. Now we all get to watch them try again. Isn’t the chance to defy the odds why we fell in love with them?

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FEBRUARY 2014

VOL. 7 - ISSUE 2

The Same ol’ Song & Dance Culture of Adultery Is A Tradition in Pro Sports, But When Will We Cry Foul?

BY CORY CARLYLE – COMMENTS@BLITZWEEKLY.COM

I

Infidelity is defined in Webster’s Dictionary as ‘the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner.’

Being a professional athlete is defined by yours truly as being someone who has gotten away with everything they have done throughout their lives and either had people look the other way or simply changed the rules to accommodate said person. This is due in no small part to their superior athletic ability.

It really makes no sense that we as a society idolize these athletes from the time they are deemed ‘Blue Chippers’ while actually holding them to a lower moral standard because of the pleasures they can deliver as we live vicariously through them. This seems true whether they drain the last-second shot in the National Basketball Association playoffs, hit the big home run in the bottom of the ninth inning in the World SMARTER, SHARPER MEN

Series or, of course, chip in on the 16th hole at the 2005 Masters to basically win the green jacket.

The fact that pro athletes spend so much of their time on the road makes their philandering that much easier with their spouses thousands of miles away at home. The upscale hotels where many professional teams stay pride themselves on guest privacy, thereby (consciously or not) acting as an accessory to the act simply known to many as “cheating.”

Is it the money? The fame? Maybe it’s simply the opportunity. According to ESPN The Magazine’s “Player X’ column, there are NBA players ‘working’ more than 15 girls in different cities at the same time.

“I’m telling you, the temptations we players face are crazy,” one anonymous player told the Worldwide Leader in Sports. “You’re seeing things

you’ve never seen before; experiencing things you’ve never dreamed of. And the caliber of these women? They’re damn gorgeous. They do up their hair and get their makeup going, they look fine as hell. Our natural instinct is not to grab lunch with her.”

Basically what the Diesel is saying is that as

Then there are athletes who go on the record like the Big Aristotle, aka the Shaq Daddy.

to Essence Magazine, blaming Miami groupies,

“With so many options, a man is likely to sample,” said former NBA star Shaquille O’Neal in his book Shaq Uncut, ironically co-written by a woman, longtime Boston Globe and current ESPN.com columnist Jackie MacMullan. “For many women, outside of that whole, “being faithful” thing, the biggest issue with cheating is the public humiliation of it all. The guys that learn how to keep those indiscretions in the dark usually keep all parties happy.”

long as the Big Aristotle or any pro athlete whose combination of confidence and talent does not embarrass his significant other, everything will be Shaqtacular. It came as little surprise when his marriage to Shaunie ended and she spoke whom she says are the most “aggressive” she has even seen, and Shaq’s inability to resist temptation.

After Shaunie hired a private investigator to get the dirt on Shaq, they had a very public and very messy divorce. The man who nicknamed himself ‘Superman’ reportedly is on the hook for $10,000 per month in alimony and another $10,000 per month in child support and admitted in his book that he was not the ideal husband.

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Steven M. Ortiz, an assistant professor of sociology at Oregon State University, told the audience at the American Sociological Association that a “culture of adultery” permeates professional sports today.

“The majority of the new wives truly didn’t know what they were getting in for,” said Ortiz, who interviewed the wives of 47 different professional athletes in the four major team sports over a four-year period during his 1990s doctoral candidate study at the University of CaliforniaBerkeley. “Often they have to learn the ropes from the veteran wives. The wife of a baseball player who has been married and ‘in the league’ for 15 years can be fairly hardened. She has seen, or heard, it all.

“It may be that women who marry the ‘athlete’ more than the ‘man’ tend may be more accepting of their husbands’ affairs,” Ortiz continued.

“Not only do they fear losing financial security and the affluent lifestyle, they often possess low self-esteem.”

The Co$t of Cheating While it is likely the majority of professional athletes are honest and faithful to their wives, it is the perception that most of them are cheaters because many of those who have been caught are some of the most well-known celebrities in the world.

Michael Jordan, he of the six-time National Basketball Association champion Chicago Bulls, star of the 1996 hit film Space Jam, pitchman for products including Nike, McDonald’s, Hanes, Gatorade, Upper Deck, Presbyterian Healthcare and Five Star Fragrances, and 80 percent owner of the NBA Charlotte Bobcats, (quietly - at least compared to many others celebrity splits) and wife Juanita divorced in 2006 to the tune of more than $150 million. The settlement even topped those of film director Steven Spielberg ($100 million) and actor Kevin Costner ($80 million).

Jordan, as bulletproof as any pro athlete of this generation, still pulled in an estimated $80 million in 2013 according to Forbes.

Pro wrestler Hulk Hogan (real name: Terry Bollea) saw his divorce details in the press with anyone and everyone learning that ex-wife Linda Hogan pocketing $7.44 million of the couple’s $10.41 million that was held in bank and investment accounts in their divorce settlement. The Hulkster, known for his days as a World Wrestling Entertainment and World Championship Wrestling competitor and roles in movies such as Rocky III, Suburban Commando and No Holds Barred, was left with the remaining $2.97 million. Rumors abound that the reason for the split was Hogan being a ‘serial cheater’ with, according to E!, the final straw being an affair with daughter Brooke’s best friend Christiane Plante.

FEBRUARY 2014

Los Angeles Lakers guard Kobe Bryant managed to rehabilitate his image following being charged with the rape of a 19-year-old employee at a Colorado resort and remain married to wife Vanessa. But it did not come cheap as he presented her with a stunning 8-carat purple diamond ring worth in the neighborhood of $4 million.

Fast forward to 2011, Vanessa filed for divorce amidst rumors that Kobe had slept with 105 different women during their marriage. She reportedly planned to divorce him four years ago but allegedly was advised by her mother to wait until the 10-year mark to receive half of Kobe’s earnings by state of California law.

ESPN Los Angeles reported Vanessa would have received the couple’s three California houses in the divorce. The couple that married in April 2001 miraculously reconciled and announced in January 2013 that they were indeed staying together. By announced, I mean they both took to their social media platforms and literally announced to their fans that everything was going to be all right.

“I am happy to say that Vanessa and I are moving on with our lives together as a family,” Kobe said on his Facebook page.

“When the show ends and the music stops, the journey is made beautiful by having that someone to share it with. Thank you all for your support and prayers! Much luv, Mamba out.”

smarter in his personal life as his straying from his wife included one of the most famous pop stars in the world.

Every baseball fan in North Texas (OK, every baseball fan in America) is well aware of the 10 year, $252 million (exactly double the amount of the previous richest sports contract, the $126 million deal Kevin Garnett signed with the NBA’s Minnesota Timberwolves) deal Rodriguez signed with the Texas Rangers in 2000. Many forget he opted out after the seventh season and signed an even larger deal with the Yankees (10-years, $275 million that was incentive laden to add even more cash based on achieving certain benchmark numbers).

Cynthia Rodriguez’s petition for dissolution of marriage said it “is irretrievably broken because of the Husband’s extramarital affairs and other marital misconduct.”

Her lawyer said Rodriguez had a series of affairs and had an “affair of the heart” with pop star Madonna that was the “last straw.” However, A-Rod claimed that whole cheating thing is “immaterial and impertinent and should be stricken.”

They would end up with a private settlement.

“Los Angeles Lakers guard Kobe Bryant managed to rehabilitate his image following being charged with the rape of a 19-year-old employee at a Colorado resort and remain married to wife Vanessa.

But it did not come cheap as he presented her with a stunning 8-carat purple diamond ring worth in the neighborhood of $4 million”.

Former Texas Rangers and (sort of ) current New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez has become synonymous with cheating by virtue of his battle with Major League Baseball over his alleged use of performance-enhancing drugs that landed him a 162-game suspension from arbitrator Fredric Horowitz. A combination of the testimony of Anthony Bosch, the notebooks documenting Rodriguez’s drug protocols, and hundreds of text messages exchanged between the two men were enough to convince Horowitz that Rodriguez “clearly and convincingly’’ committed “multiple violations’’ of baseball’s Joint Drug Agreement.

While A-Rod apparently left a paper trail a mile long for MLB to use in defense of its original 211game ban, it does not appear that he was much

For as bad as Rodriguez came across in this entire ordeal, his punishment was getting to date film star Cameron Diaz and have her feed him popcorn in front of the entire world during the telecast of Super Bowl XLV played at Arlington’s Cowboys Stadium.

San Antonio Spurs point guard Tony Parker saw his marriage to Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria come to an end amid rumors of his infidelity that compounded when the stories began to include the possibility that he cheated with the wife of Spurs teammate Brent Barry. In these days of TMZ, that is a tale of such scandalous proportions that it is impossible to keep it under wraps. The Parker-Longoria divorce was finalized in January 2011.

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got married in the church, and so it’s a pretty sacred sacrament, and so I wouldn’t take it lightly.

So to go, ‘Yeah, I’ll get married again.’ …I can’t say that.” Since the split, the actress has dated football hunk Mark Sanchez, reality star Ernesto Arguello and musician Eduardo Cruz. Meanwhile, Parker is engaged to French journalist Axelle Francine. Parker announced on Twitter that the couple is expecting a baby.

All that being said, the face of infidelity among pro athletes remains Tiger Woods. His welldocumented flings came to light on that fateful 2009 Thanksgiving weekend when the world’s greatest golfer was exposed as a serial cheater.

Names like Rachel Uchitel, Devon James, Jamie Jungers, Holly Sampson, Joslyn James, Jaimee Grubbs and Cori Rist among many others became almost as well known as his wife, Elin Nordegren.

“Hey, it’s, uh. . . it’s Tiger,” Woods infamously said on Grubbs’ voice mail. “Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and, uh, may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that. And, um . . . just have it as a number on the voice mail. OK? You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. All right, bye.”

Earlier that year, Forbes had named Woods as the first athlete to earn $1 billion and by the holiday season, the talk was all about whether or not his wife had tagged him with his 9-iron while he was in an Ambien-induced haze and trying to escape his enraged wife in his Cadillac Escalade.

“I know I have bitterly disappointed all of you,” Woods would say in a press conference at TPC Sawgrass in February 2010. “For all that I have done, I am so sorry. ...I had affairs, I cheated.

What I did was not acceptable, and I am the only person to blame.”

For those keeping score at home, Woods (while reportedly $110 million lighter) had little trouble finding companionship after his inevitable divorce as he has been dating pro skier Lindsey Vonn.

The simple answer to why pro athletes stray?

Because they can.

“I don’t know about the marriage thing. We’ll see if there’s somebody there. I’m not in a rush,” Longoria told Good Morning America. “I take, and I took, marriage very seriously. I am Catholic and WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM

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FEBRUARY 2014

VOL. 7 - ISSUE 2

The Riddle of Johnny Football T

he announcement was made January 8 this year causing the media world to go crazy.

College football’s first freshman Heisman Trophy winner declared himself eligible for the National Football League draft in May.

BY WILL MARTIN – MRWILL316@BLITZWEEKLY.COM

The status and popularity with the guys and the ladies is at an all-time high. We are drawn to perceived bad boys or a potential car crash in the making. Call it Breaking Bad meets Making Good.

Jerry Jones loves any kind of attention brought to his team. The rock star perception that Johnny Football potentially brings is at the very least intriguing. Old-time Cowboys fans would despise and not like the continued breakaway from old school discipline and tradition.

Dubbed “Johnny Football” in 2012 when winning said Heisman, Johnny Manziel threw for 68 touchdown passes and 7,820 yards in just two seasons at Texas A&M University. He also rushed for 2,169 yards and 30 touchdowns.

To say that Manziel means excitement would be an understatement. The NFL now gets to be treated to his maverick brand of play, we believe.

With the paperwork filed in the proper channels, Manziel’s last message was placed on Texas A&M’s website:

The Perfect Fit? If this is a fad may Johnny keep reinventing himself like Madonna does every 3-5 years. My guess is that the public will eat up this person until his troubles off the field supersede any superhuman act on the playing field. In football we like a little bit of nasty to match wits with a violent sport.

“After long discussions with my family, friends, teammates, and coaches, I have decided to make myself available for the 2014 NFL draft,” the note said. “The decision was not an easy one, but we all felt this was the right time to make the next step toward a professional career.”

Johnny on the spot. Still a kid but oh so fun to watch make the transformation to a man. Place me on the side of the aisle that says Johnny Manziel makes it, and gets represented by Drew Rosenhaus while playing for Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys in 2014. That is, if Houston decides to pass on him.

While there are many people who wish Johnny well in his new venture there are those in the haters camp who want to see him fall flat on his face. Not so much for what he did on the field but for what he did off it.

Francis Scott Fitzgerald once said, “Show me a hero and I’ll write you a tragedy.”

Johnny Be Good Versus Johnny Be Bad Winning the Cotton Bowl over Oklahoma at Cowboys Stadium one year ago. Oversleeping and missing out on a football camp hosted by Peyton Manning. Did Manziel only oversleep or did he party it up the night before?

move watched, scrutinized, discussed, prodded, applauded, dissed, loved, hated, but never ignored.

Such is going to be the world of Johnny Football in the NFL. After all, it’s what fans like you and I wanted.

Which NFL Team Fits Best?

Winning big at a casino and being boastful with a Twitter pic. Having a huge game at home on September 14 against Alabama putting up 42 points despite a defeat. Sitting out half a game to start the 2013 season for signing jerseys and allegedly getting compensated.

The Houston Texans are on the clock with the first pick in the 2014 NFL Draft. Does Johnny go there? Great defense, a new coach who will run a system Manziel is familiar with, a running game with Arian Foster when healthy. That would be a good fit in theory. To hear the experts speak, Manziel will wind up with the Oakland Raiders or the Cleveland Browns.

The hype of Johnny Football continues to grow like an urban myth or legend take your pick.

This football quarterback who fuels an anti-hero, anti-establishment, goes down his own path demeanor slowly is gaining steam with each passing day.

I say no to Cleveland, maybe to the Raiders, as that would elicit memories of Kenny Stabler and a Southeastern Conference of years past.

Of late, quarterbacks essentially wither away in Cleveland...unless their last name is Kosar, Sipe, or Graham.

It’s like a cross between Joe Namath, Ken Stabler, and John Daly with TMZ en route. Every

To those of you who don’t think Johnny Football gets drafted in the first round how about

SMARTER, SHARPER MEN

moments of stupidity and making comments weird enough to make you scratch your head and say, ‘huh?’

this scenario? If Manziel gets overlooked in the first 30 picks or is picked late would anyone be surprised if the kid from College Station wound up as a Dallas Cowboy?

Before you react angrily consider some scenarios, pro and con. Time and time again Jerry Jones has shown an ability to defy the odds and buck the trend. A .500 record since 1997 and a perfect 24-24 since 2010 despite record ratings each time the Cowboys are on in Prime Time.

Imagine having a Johnny Manziel to back up an aging Tony Romo with a bad back.

Imagine the extra number of cameras in the locker room when Manziel appears after a game win or lose. You hear that term”It Factor” at times to describe a player and Johnny Manziel certainly appears to match that criteria.

The Entourage Add to that the dysfunctional family that Johnny’s entourage provides one can envision a day Dez Bryant resembles a patron saint. Heck, you might even want to change his last name to MAN-ZEAL. Mom and Dad have had their

There would be the extra attention, the added distraction, the marketing of No. 2, filling AT&T Stadium with upwards of 95,000 people, and an ever present presence on ESPN with visits by Ian Rappaport, Albert Breer, Babe Laufenberg, Steve Dennis, and of course Dale Hansen!

It’s a long way to May and anything can happen. We currently assume that Johnny Manziel is going to make it. He possesses the off-the-field aura of a Leonardo DiCaprio, George Clooney, Babe Ruth, John Daly, a big man on Wall Street so to speak. A gunslinger who isn’t afraid to take a chance and willing to risk it all.

We felt the same way about Vince Young in 2005 as a Longhorn. Young’s pro career didn’t pan out. Johnny Manziel turned 21 on December 6. Is there a chance he simply burns out from the ever-hot eye of the camera and media scrutiny? Or will the demands of the NFL and the responsibilities of adulthood get in the way of moving on from a period of life that we think of as the “college phase”?

Houston, you’re on the clock!

VOL. 7 - ISSUE 2

FEBRUARY 2014

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UFC 170 Preview

BY FRANK LACOSTA – FLACOSTA@BLITZWEEKLY.COM The month of February has two UFC pay-per-views. Each one has some great fights going on.

Here’s a quick breakdown of the fights with predictions.

Renan “The Baron” Barao (33-1-0) vs. Urijah “The California Kid” Faber (30-6-0) The main event and bantamweight title fight will be a rematch between two fighters weighing in at 134 pounds. Think about that. Lots of striking, action on the ground and high energy. Faber has a shot with punches but more than likely it’ll be a game of submission. Prediction: This one goes the distance and Barao wins via decision.

Jose “Junior” Aldo (23-1-0) vs. Ricardo “The Bully” Lamas (13-2-0) This featherweight title fight should take “Fight of Night” honors. Lamas has a significant edge when it comes to submission and takedown offense, but Aldo is no stranger to the game and will be prepared. Aldo is younger and has more experience. Prediction: Aldo plants one on the button in the third round and wins by knockout.

Frank Mir (16-8-0) vs. Alistair “The Reem” Overeem (36-13-0) No titles on the line here. Just a battle between the big boys. Mir is the blue collar, working man’s fighter who packs a punch and has takedown skills. Overeem is a beast (chemically enhanced?) who will prefer to stand and bang. Prediction: This one could be over in the first round if one of the two connects early on. That probably won’t happen, so look for Overeem to deliver the knockout in the second round.

Ronda “Rowdy” Rousey (8-0-0) vs. Sara McMann (7-0-0) Dana White is getting his wish of having a female bout as the main draw. Two undefeated fighters come in which means a winning streak will come to an end. These ladies will throw a few punches early on but don’t look for a knockout. They just don’t have the power. They’ll have to take it to the mat and get it on. Prediction: Rousey has too much experience and the better skill set. She’ll win in the second via submission.

Rashad “Suga” Evans (24-3-1) vs. Daniel “DC” Cormier (13-0-0) No title fight for this one, but Suga has been surging forward as of late. He has the reach advantage which always helps and better ground game. Cormier can stand and battle with the best of them. He can also handle the punches thrown by Evans. Prediction: This one will go the distance with Evans winning by decision.

Rory “Ares” MacDonald (15-2-0) vs. Demian Maia (18-5-0) This one has “Fight of the Night” written all over it. MacDonald has a lot going for him since he is significantly younger, has the longer reach and packs more punch these days. Maia though is a warrior and will look to utilize his wrestling game.

Prediction: At the end of the day MacDonald wraps it up with a submission. Take it to the bank.

Disagree with me? Let me know via twitter @BlitzWeekly and we’ll see who has better picks the night of the fights.

PRESENTED BY

THE GYM 921 West Mayfield Road Arlington, TX 76015 (817) 652-1555 WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM

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Moneyball

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BIG BUSINESS DOESN’T CARE ABOUT WHO WINS THE SUPER BOWL

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BY KEYSHA HOGAN– @THEKEYSHA

will be cutting prices to lure you in just in time for kickoff. And once that new TV is nestled in your living rooms the real cash bonanza will be on full display.

hile you pine away every season reading statistics, listening to your favorite analysts, and ordering expanded cable packages, the National Football League sits back in quiet comfort knowing that you are hooked. The three goals of any business are to generate visibility, opportunities and cash flow. And at this point they could pit the worst teams of the NFC and AFC against each other just for the spectacle and collectively we would declare it a second tier national holiday.

This year’s ad space went for $4 million/30-second spot. During the game the NFL limits the networks to around 65 total ads, which comes out to about 32 1/2 minutes worth of time costing about $260 million. This year, crowd favorite Stephen Colbert will star in a few pistachio commercials, and his fee isn’t a drop in the bucket either. Marketing and advertising firms, production studios, and talent stand to make a killing.

But exactly how much cash exchanges hands in preparation and on the evening of the most holy night of football? Allow us to break down the numbers on how this annual tradition provides a worldwide surge to the economy.

Fox had sold out of ad space around Thanksgiving, but since then they’ve been counting on many of you having a short attention span.

Nielsen recently concluded that nearly 80 percent of you use a tablet or smartphone to enhance your viewing. So, online ad space within related apps and streaming video are going for a price in the high six to low seven figures.

The Local Boom In 2013, New Orleans enjoyed a whopping $480 million in increased spending during the Super Bowl. This spending came in many forms; more than 5,000 temporary full-time and part-time jobs were created, millions were spent on infrastructure improvements and hotels, restaurants and stores invested private money to make their locations a desirable tourist spot.

Eat, Eat, Eat We don’t want to cause a riot, but our country is currently under a Velveeta cheese shortage. And each day as we approach Super Bowl Sunday the odds of your party running out of queso increases. The night of the big game currently ranks number 2, behind Thanksgiving, for “Heavy Food Consumption Rank.” #Murica

If you remember, New Orleans had a good break by enjoying a bit of good weather that fateful Sunday. When the nation’s attention turned to Dallas back in 2011 for Super Bowl XLV things went a bit differently. It was estimated that $600 million would be pumped in the DFW economy but after the icemageddon rolled in, the city saw only about a $200 million increase in spending.

Everyone in the food chain (pun intended), sees a substantial uptick in profits on the weekend of the game. Roughly 49 million cases of beer, 53.5 million pounds of avocados, and between 90 million and 1 billion chicken wings will be scarfed down on sofas across the country.

Nutritionists can’t even seem to hold their tongues about the 27 billion calories we’ll be munching on. 7-11 even reports that there is a 20 percent increase in antacid sales on the Monday after the game.

Why does our sad Super Bowl history matter now? Because thankfully we had a dome. MetLife Stadium in New Jersey doesn’t and if another polar vortex sweeps through this will definitely affect everyone’s bottom line.

The 82,000 ticket holders who spent an average of $3,380/seat may brave the weather until we get into hypothermia territory. The view from local bars and hotels isn’t the best, but it is warm.

So, once you account for fans dropping about $100 for a jersey or a couple of hundred on a new recliner you can easily see how the Super Bowl may be the lifeblood that gets our economy back on track after the holiday season. It’s estimated that 75 percent of the country will watch the game, and spend around $69/person to party in style. And after the few tough years we’ve all had, all we can say is...Game on!

First & Second Screens Each year retail and marketing groups try to estimate where all the hard earned dollars will end up. About seven million of you are planning to purchase a television for the big game. Struggling retailers like Best Buy

IT WAS ESTIMATED THAT $600 MILLION WOULD BE PUMPED IN THE DFW ECONOMY BUT AFTER THE ICEMAGEDDON ROLLED IN, THE CITY SAW ONLY ABOUT A $200 MILLION INCREASE IN SPENDING. PURSUE AN EXCITING CAREER IN

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Brittany

Model: Brittany Illusive Photography SMARTER, SHARPER MEN

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DICK’S LAST RESORT’S SUPER SEXY STEAMY VALENTINE’S NIGHT!

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 14TH

WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM

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#

Has Never Been So Sexy

PowerRankings:

Valentine’s Day Restaurants

10

Café Izmir

This Lower Greenville favorite exudes the casual warmth of the Mediterranean with playful tapas and succulent family-style platters. House-made Sangria and an incredibly friendly staff set a beautiful mood and the hummus is, no joke, the best you’ll ever have. Funds go pretty far at this place so if you’re celebrating on a budget this is a great bet. If forced to choose between wine or dessert opt for desert – the baklava is unbelievable.

9

Bijoux

There is no better bet for a Valentine’s Day dinner than French cuisine, French cuisine on Lovers Lane is the most romantic homerun there is. Bijoux’s dining room draws on the French archetypal tradition of understated elegance with delectable contemporary food and wine.

Their typical weekend tasting menu is priced at just under $100 and, no doubt, they’ll have some super sensuous tasting options for the holiday so, plan accordingly. It’ll undoubtedly be worth it.

8

Dragonfly

Located inside Hotel ZaZa in the Uptown neighborhood with a high-impact visual aesthetic. This eclectic restaurant is perfect for an adventurous pair seeking the decadence that always goes so nicely with romance. The Valentine’s Day menu is already up on the website for your perusing pleasure so you can best decide how to enjoy the $75 a guest four-course meal. Go ahead and splurge on the Veuve Cliquot, Brut Rose` because, why not?

7

Mister G’s

A decidedly warm masculine energy dominates this super-exclusive dining room lined with book cases and no shortage of mahogany. Schedule a flight to Mexico around the dinner service of this decidedly Texan restaurant tucked away in the Hyatt Regency near DFW airport. If you’re lucky enough to score a table prepare to go crazy on $100 center-cut prime beef tenderloin for two. If the evening goes well forget Mexico and just book a room!

6

The Cedars Social

Start the evening by driving downtown and ordering New Orleans style oysters just to see if they really are the aphrodisiacs they’re said to be. Enjoy some romance that’s akin to a cold night in front of a roaring fire with classy twists on comfort food and inventive cocktails that cleverly manage to avoid the “fru-fru” label or pony up for a bottle of Dom!

BY HANNAH ALLEN WHITE – COMMENTS@BLITZWEEKLY.COM

5

The Mansion Restaurant

This is the Valentine’s Day equivalent of the phrase “go big or go home.” Arguably the most romantic restaurant in this town it actually brags on the frequency of marriage proposals seen here on their website. The three-course Valentine’s Day menu comes in at $125 and has offerings of pheasant, oysters, and caviar. Compared to the every day menu it’s a steal.

4

Sublime Chocolate in Allen

Normally chocolates are a tiny yet traditional token compared to the big fancy main event dinner on Valentine’s Day. This year exercise your adult right to skip dinner and go straight for dessert! The only bean to bar chocolatier in the metroplex also has a counter where you can pull up a stool and drink a killer mocha with some handmade truffles and then wrap some to go.

3

Fearing’s at the Ritz-Carlton

Describing the setting at this uber upscale restaurant is damn near impossible since it can offer five different experiences from enchanting al fresco to a bewitching wine cellar with vaulted ceilings. This is a Valentine’s Day gold mine. There are no prices listed on the online menu – take that to mean what you will - and the wine list is extensive but, if you’re looking for the ultimate in romance this is a sure bet.

2

Mi Piaci

For lovers of contemporary Italian cuisine this place is blissfully spaghetti and meatball marinara free but chalk full of handmade pasta and exceptionally fresh seafood. The Valentine’s Day menu is up on the website and definitely affordable at $55 a guest for a three-course meal but ordering off the regular menu wouldn’t be a bad idea – everything is good here. Ask your server to suggest a wine regardless of what you order!

1

Bolsa

For some laid back romance head to the Bishop Arts district for some earthy and delightful dinner choices in what used to be an iconic garage – a true urban romantic’s dream. Bolsa’s menu allows you to indulge a little or a lot with interesting things like quail, kohlrabi, hanger steak and goat cheese cake. With crazy delicious alcoholic concoctions complete with botanical syrups made in house and a nice wine list.

For More Ways To Eat Like An Adult Go To

www.BlitzWeekly.com SMARTER, SHARPER MEN

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Home Of The

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A

s a live-music enthusiast for practically a lifetime, March in Austin, Texas, is one of my favorite months of the year all because of South By Southwest (SXSW), the music industry’s most epic and grueling annual music festival.

Twenty-five North Texas bands already have been confirmed for the latest SXSW line-up including hometown rock heroes Air Review, Oil Boom, and the Quaker City Night Hawks. I was lucky enough to speak with all three bands about their favorite, and least favorite, SXSW moments, and a few other things.

QUAKER CITY NIGHT HAWKS

BY AMBER LAFRANCE – ALAFRANCE@BLITZWEEKLY.COM

How would you define your sound to someone who has never heard your music?

Indie pop with an electronic-folk mix.

What area in the DFW are you from?

We all live in Fort Worth proper.

How many times have you been to South by Southwest?

We’re pretty excited because 2014 will be our first year to play official SXSW shows, but we played a bunch of unofficial shows the last two years.

How would you define your sound to someone who has never heard your music?

American rock n roll music.

Do you even have any idea how many shows total you’ve played down there?

Umm…I think like 10ish. We love to play during SXSW, but we like to leave room to see other bands.

How many times have you been to South by Southwest?

We’ve been down there I guess three times previous now although last year was our first official showcase.

What is your favorite part about SXSW? There is some great people-watching all over Austin during Southby, but more than that, it’s a blast to be around so many people who love music.

What is your least favorite part about SXSW? We love that there’s so much to do and see, but it can be really tough to choose where to spend your time and money.

What is your favorite part about SXSW? Seeing our good buddy Aaron Haynes, who we have affectionately crowned the King of South-By Southwest (KOSXSW for all online/ texting purposes). He just walks in anywhere, no questions asked, and grabs his drink. Truly inspiring.

Are there any bands or acts you’re hoping to see while you’re down there?

Typhoon, Phantogram, Diarrhea Planet, S. Carey.

We’re also excited to discover some new bands.

What is your least favorite part about SXSW? Having feet. Unfortunately that’s how we’ve evolved so really no getting around it. In hindsight though, a few blisters is a small price to pay for the amount of fun you can wring out of a SX trip.

How did you come up with your band’s name?

We can’t be too specific, but it has to do with a tree house and rare South American plant.

What’s the best food you’ve had in Austin and why?

We’re big fans of Kebabalicious.

What are hoping to get out of your upcoming official showcase?

I don’t know. Maybe a boat. Y’know like a really nice yacht or something similar. But seriously a distribution deal would be nice too.

So far have you had any “weird” SXSW experiences?

I think pretty much the whole SXSW experience is weird in general.

What’s up next for you after SXSW? We’re smack dab in the middle of recording on our third full-length record so that will be a No. 1 priority along with playing as many shows on the road as humanly possible. We’re trying to keep the wheels greased so we can keep this thing moving forward and having fun.

SMARTER, SHARPER MEN

Dallas band Air Review is rapidly gaining attention for its cool, exquisite pop harmonies. Band members have managed to crank out a variety of melodies and tones, resulting in an ambientfolk sound that gives them an unparalleled musical identity.

What area in the DFW are you from?

We all live in Dallas proper.

These Funkytown rockers have been tearing it up on the DFW music scene since 2009 with their rich, gritty blend of country, southern rock, and blues.

What’s the best food you’ve had in Austin and why?

We ate at a mean little Thai food truck off South 1st called Little Thai this last month before we played at Antone’s.

AIR REVIEW

How does/should a musician pack for SXSW? Just make sure you bring a toothbrush, you’ll be talking to lots of new people.

What’s up next for you after SXSW? Can’t say (we have no idea).

OIL BOOM Garage rockers Oil Boom, consisting of guitarist and vocalist Ryan Taylor of Oak Cliff, drummer Dugan Connors of Carrollton and bassist Steve Steward of Fort Worth, are known for their epic rock tunes.

What area in the DFW are you from?

We are from the spot where Oak Cliff, Carrollton and Fort Worth intersect, roughly around Hurricane Harbor in Arlington.

Do you even have any idea how many shows total you’ve played down there?

I don’t even have an idea. Two times maybe?

What is your favorite part about SXSW? Getting signed by a major label.

What is your least favorite part about SXSW? Getting reined by a major stable.

How did you come up with your band’s name?

Through careful deliberation, vigorous debate, and a Major League Baseball arbitrator.

How does/should a musician pack for SXSW? You’ll definitely want to bring a friendship bracelet, some POGs, and the cassette soundtrack to Flashdance for bartering purposes. And your thirst for adventure.

What’s up next for you after SXSW? A critically-dismissed greatest hits collection, rapid descent into local obscurity and a police standoff.

OTHER NORTH TEXAS ACTS TO CHECK OUT: A.Dd+

Micah P. Hinson

Complete

Norris J

Conner Youngblood

Sarah Jaffe

Cymien Hughes and The God Phaktorr

SoMo

DJ Sober Dorrough Dustin Cavazos Ethan Kent

Seryn Son of Stan The Cush The Outfit, TX The Unlikely Candidates

Ice Eater

Whiskey Folk Ramblers

Kristy Kruger

Yung Nation

Larry g(EE)

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BY PETER GERSTENZANG – PZANG7@OPTONLINE.NET

YOU CAN STILL ROCK AFTER 40…RIGHT?

A

lthough it’s just a hobby, I’ve been known over the years, to get up onstage and rock.

Bang my guitar and sing as intensely as Elvis Costello. However, in recent years, I began to gain weight and started lumbering around up there. Until the only Costello I resembled was Lou. Around this time, I took stock of myself. I wasn’t 19. My waistline was nearly the same size as my IQ. So, was it time to stop rocking? Or take desperate measures before hitting the stage. Like putting on a pair of pajama jeans?

I didn’t have to choose. There was a way I could age gracefully and still rock. Instead of acting the crazy frontman, strutting and howling like a rooster on Methamphetamine, I could play bass, stay in the back and keep the groove. As well as my dignity. The bass has always struck me as something made to be played by older guys.

Heck, this big, ungainly instrument looks like it was born middle-aged. It’s the Charles Durning of musical instruments.

So, I decided to buy a bass and teach myself to play it. It felt right. As if I’d acquired a new hobby and a way to keep rockin’. As hobbies go, that’s pretty good. You don’t get the same feeling learning how to play Yahtzee.

Once I’d learned a little bass, other wonderful benefits accrued. I made new friends. I found two other ‘older’ guys who also played for fun. We got

together and jammed. Admittedly, at this point, my skills were pretty rudimentary, so we wound up playing “Louie Louie” six times that first day.

But the real boon? Because of our collective fear of tinnitus, we kept the volume low. When we were done playing, we weren’t so deafened, we didn’t have to sign to each other. And look like the road company of Children of A Lesser God. Time has gone by. I’m still plunking away. And it suits me. Sure, I’m no longer the frontman, jumping and shrieking like Richard Simmons hawking Deal-A-Meal. Instead, I’ve bowed to time and allowed younger guys to front the band. This is so good, I think it’s written in the Book of Ecclesiastes. It’s time for the kids to take over.

PURSUE AN EXCITING CAREER IN

As time passes, I think this decision will go down as one of my best. Like eating more fiber.

Or not voting for Chris Christie. Clearly, this aging thing is going to continue. As other, clueless frontmen get older, they’ll all eventually end up in the ER and have to be cut out of their leather pants. And not even Obamacare will cover that.

Us bass players? We’ll be alright. Okay, we won’t be as sexy as Billy Idol. Then again, neither will Billy Idol. Still, we’ll be keeping the beat. I’ll still be rockin’. And, sure, some folks will be mumbling, ‘He’s hot! But what’s with those pajama jeans?’

Still, If that’s the worst thing they say about me?

I’ll live with it.

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e’ll be honest with you: the pastyfaced film nerds at Movie Night could care less about football. We view it with the same degree of indifference that we view lattes, daytime television, and anything named Kardashian. We gave up on the Cowboys years ago, and moved on to other things.

BEST FOOTBALL W FILMS…EVER

Oddly enough, we love good football movies though, because they often deliver the Cinderella victories that our favorite teams usually don’t.

While Super Bowl XLVIII may be over and done by the time you read this (we’ll have watched it for the commercials), here is some suggested viewing to tide you over during the offseason:

THE FRESHMAN (1925)) This classic silent film stars legendary comedian Harold Lloyd as a hapless geek who tries out for a college football team in a quest for popularity.

Relegated to serving as a tackle dummy and water boy, he gets his chance, though, when a rival team injures so many players that Lloyd has to be put in the game. One of the actor’s best, it birthed the college comedy sub-genre.

KNUTE ROCKNE, ALL AMERICAN (1940)) A much-loved biopic about the player-turnedcoach (portrayed by Pat O’Brien) who put the Notre Dame football team on the map, this one’s as American as apple pie, Chevrolet, and, well, football itself. Ronald Reagan briefly appears as the ill-fated George “The Gipper” Gipp, as do many Hall of Famers and future movie stars (including George Reeves of The Adventures of Superman).

THE LONGEST YARD (1974)) This cult classic stars Burt Reynolds as a disgraced, incarcerated professional football player who leads a team of hardened inmates against a team of prison guards in a smashmouth “tune-up” game that makes the average Cowboys/Redskins game look like a slap fight.

Rough and tumble, it spawned two remakes: a forgettable one starring Adam Sandler in 2006, and a quirky UK version starring Vinnie Jones and substituting their brand of football for ours.

NORTH DALLAS FORTY (1979))

BY GARY DOWELL – WWW.MOVIEINK.NET

Based on the best-seller by former Cowboys wide receiver Peter Gent, this comedy-drama-satire stars Nick Nolte as a fading pro player for the North Dallas Bulls (loosely based on the ‘70s era Cowboys) who is reduced to pumping his body full of painkillers to stay on the field. At times grotesque and farcical, it was also the first film to take a look behind the scenes of pro ball.

RUDY (1993)) Renowned hobbit Sean Astin earned his acting cred in this biopic about Rudy Ruettiger, a young steel mill worker who pursues his dream of playing for Notre Dame’s Fighting Irish despite SMARTER, SHARPER MEN

the fact that his size, grades, and funds are all on the short side. Directed by David Anspaugh (Hoosiers), it’s inspirational and emotional without be sappy or cliched.

ANY GIVEN SUNDAY (1999)) Jamie Foxx scored one of his first high-profile roles here, as a mediocre ball player who gets a second chance when an aging QB (Dennis Quaid) is sidelined by an injury. Oliver Stone’s football expose is populated by character types and is a little too broad at times, but it does dig into the uglier, business-driven side of the game to chilling effect. The cast includes Al Pacino, LL Cool J, James Woods, Charlton Heston, and a particularly ferocious Cameron Diaz.

THE REPLACEMENTS (2000)) Inspired by the 1987 NFL strike and the Redskins’ wildly successful replacement team at the time.

Ordered to hire scabs during a players’ strike, coach Jimmy McGinty (Gene Hackman) convinces a has-been quarterback (Keanu Reeves) to lead a team of scabs that includes a Welsh soccer player with a gambling addiction (Rhys Ifans), a SWAT cop with anger issues (Jon Favreau), a sumo wrestler (Ace Yonamine), a deaf tight end (David Denman), and other assorted washed-up former players. Wackiness ensues.

REMEMBER THE TITANS (2000)) Denzel Washington stars as Herman Boone, a high school football coach hired to lead a recently-integrated team in Alexandria, Va., in 1971. Equal parts sports movie and social commentary, it sometimes veers toward maudlin cliche but mostly delivers a slick, feel-good football drama. This and the subsequent Training Day provided a career boost for Denzel following a brief late-’90s slump.

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS (2005)) Arguably the best football movie ever made, and easily the best modern one, this adaptation of H.G. Bissinger’s book by Peter Berg (Lone Survivor) perfectly highlights Texas’ obsession with high school football. Billy Bob Thornton stars as the coach of the Permian High Panthers during a fierce season in the economically-depressed town of Odessa circa the late ‘80s. Berg’s directing is occasionally heavy handed, but he nails the minutiae when it comes to tensions within the team, and small-town life.

INVINCIBLE (2006)) Another great football biopic, starring Mark Wahlberg as Vince Papale, a 30-year-old bartender from South Philadelphia who attended open try-outs for the Eagles during a losing season and made the team as a wide receiver.

It’s a bit of a softie, but strong performances

by Wahlberg and Greg Kinnear (as coach Dick Vermeil) and a degree of earnestness makes for an endearing chump-to-champ story.

VOL. 7 - ISSUE 2

e v o it Wrong LGets FEBRUARY 2014

Sometimes

BY ANDREW J. HEWETT – WWW.CHEWEDNEWS.COM

19

she would even serve them homemade cake afterward. Of course she said all this after sentencing Desbrow to a 53-year-to-life term for first-degree murder and threatening a witness.

BRAVO! WHAT AN AUDIENCE!!!

NBC Philadelphia tells of lovers Jennifer Harvey, 41, and Richard McBride, 37, who were caught making love on a bench near a baseball field at Naylors Run Park in Upper Darby. What’s unusual is the passionate couple was arrested by a total of 25 policemen, all riding bicycles.

ALL IN THE FAMILY…SEX? Wang Pai, 57, of Muling City, China, could hardly wait to meet a woman known to him only as “Lili, age 28”. After chatting with her on a website designed for men and women wanting unobligated sex, they both rushed to meet at a hotel for some quick, lusty fun. Problem was, Lili was shocked to meet Wang, and Wang was shocked to meet Lili, because he was her father-in-law, according to the Daily Star. And, when Lili’s husband, Wang’s son, found out, he knocked two of his wife’s teeth out and beat up his dad.

HE PUMPED UP THE PRICE FOR SEX A New Jersey lawsuit claims Robert Lindsay, a former Coldwell Banker real estate agent and past president of the Passaic County Board of Realtors, listed a North New Jersey home far above market value. Why? A hidden security camera showed his reason to slow sales. It was a nice place to often go and have sex with fellow agent Jeanne Marie Phelan.

STRAINED LOVE STAINS TEETH After Amanda Pollard, 28, was evicted by her boyfriend, Joshua Brewster, on December 1, 2013, she decided to get even. And …was later arrested for putting rat poison in his coffee maker, an uncoated electric blanket wire cord under his mattress and peeing in his mouthwash bottle.

“YOU WANT CREAM IN YOUR ‘TEA’?”

In September, Gwent, Wales, police officer Shaun Jenkins, 36, was reinstated after being fired in 2010 for having sex with a woman while on duty. The court decided Jenkins was on authorized break while “banging away” …which was no more important than stopping for “a spot of tea.” (Investigators fought the appeal, saying Jenkins was out of uniform while on duty. But he swore his gun was still around his ankles while his pants were down.)

HOPE THEY DON’T BUTT HEADS The London Evening Standard tells of 74-year-old Aparecido Castaldo, who planned to marry at midnight, October 13, 2013, in Brazilian’s city of Jundiai at the Igreja do Diabo. Asked why he was marrying at his age, Castaldo gave several reasons, (1) No sex and she can’t get pregnant. (2) She (Carmelita) doesn’t speak and can’t ask for money to go shopping. (3) Carmelita is a goat.

AND, HE GOT SEVEN YEARS IN PRISON Soraida Hicks met Bruce Stimon on a flight from Boston to D.C. in late 2011. First friends, then lovers, Stimon gave Hicks an iPhone on his family plan, which allowed him to contact all her friends...telling them she had an STD. Next, he sent videos of them having sex to her Twitter followers; even placing her daughter’s address on prostitute and pornographic websites. Finally, caught slashing Hicks’ tires, he was arrested by Arlington police, his laptop full of evidence inside his car.

HONEYMOON SOAKING THEIR TEETH Are you a procrastinator, keep putting off something needing done? A couple living north of Asunción, Paraguay, finally got married on October 15, 2013. Odd thing is, it took Martina Lopez, 99, and Jose Manuel Riella, 103, 80 years of “living in sin” to make up their minds to finally tie the knot. (The couple has eight children, 50 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren and 20 great-great grandchildren).

NO “FUN-AND-GAMES” AFTERWARD San Diego Superior Court Judge Patricia Cookson must have felt romance in the air during court in September. That’s when she volunteered to marry Mr. Danne Desbrow to his fiancée, Destiny, adding WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM

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VOL. 7 - ISSUE 2

You Ol’ T Romantic, You

BY WENDY WYATT – COMMENTS@BLITZWEEKLY.COM

he beloved National Hearts and Chocolate Day is right around the corner. You know what that means, fellas? To quote Pink, “R-O-M-A-N-C-E, you can do it babe.” The other 364 days you can go back to your usual self. I’m here to ensure you don’t screw up the weeks leading up to “V-Day”, here are a handful of pointers.

4. Chores. “Look, I did the dishes!” You want

a damn medal? Wow, I washed and folded your skid-filled underwear, I cleaned your leftover beer cans off the kitchen table, I vacuumed the whole entire house, I….birthed a baby for shits sake. Ahem, sorry, that might be a more personal, but you get the drift.

1. Ask “You fine” with a question mark, not

an exclamation mark, and I’ll reply with the same “you,” but with a more colorful four-letter “F” word. And no, not that one, it’s not an invitation, you fool.

5.

Affection. It’s more than an “I’d hit it” mentality.

Woo us. Snuggle. Twirl our hair. A peck on the back of the neck. It’s the little things that get you far.

2. Dinner. The meal which boasts the most

arguments. Do not, I repeat, do no ask, “What’s for dinner?” … on your damn day off while your girl has been sitting in traffic for 47 minutes. Make a freakin’ PB&J sandwich.

Throw some baked chips on a plate and you’ll be compared a knight in shining armor riding in on a white horse.

3. A random “I love you” text usually means

you want/did/need something and the request is followed in another text in 3 …

2 … 1 … seconds. And guess what, the jig is up, we know. Just send the sentiment.

Geeze.

Remember, you catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar.

Now, go get her you love bug, you.

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VOL. 7 - ISSUE 2

FEBRUARY 2014

Hilarious Advice From This Guy

PARANOIA CRIPPLES FREEDOM

By Andrew J. Hewett • www.chewednews.com

During a football game in Fox Chapel, PA., a 16-year-old boy realized he’d left a pocket knife in his pocket and wanting to follow all rules, gave it to a security guard. But, due to a “zero tolerance” rule, the boy was suspended from school for 10 days anyway.

CELEBRATE ON HER OWN REWARD

NO EXTRA TOAST ORDERED EVEN?

The Dayton News tells of 23-year-old Abigail Miller, who, when her dog disappeared, offered all the reward she could with her limited budget, a case of beer and a pack of cigarettes. And it worked. The man who returned her pooch Zoro, even refused the reward.

After Jim Andrews and his wife finished breakfast and he’d paid the bill at a Waffle House in Piedmont, SC., he realized the charge receipt showed not the $16.61 charge, but $1,666.61 instead. And, when the manager refused to correct the error, Andrews was forced to contact Waffle House headquarters in order to get back the $1,650 overcharge.

Don’t exercise, just date someone fatter.

If it takes you more than 8-seconds to unhook a bra you probably don’t deserve to.

Remember in Russian Roulette there’s no best out of three.

The difference between sluts and hot chicks is that sluts don’t get nothing on Valentine’s Day. If you get a flat and your girlfriend has to change the tire just go ahead and drop her off at a better guy’s house on the way home.

First time you get invited to her apartment raid the medicine cabinet. If there’s ointments you can’t pronounce...leave.

Aquarius – January 20 – February 18 While going through your wallet you’ll find an unused condom that’s past its expiration date. What’s worse is the telltale ring that’s worn in.

Pisces – February 19 – March 20 After taking a nap in your car after work you’ll be woken up by a hobo sitting in the passenger seat asking for money.

Aries – March 21 – April 19 While enjoying your sixth beer with your dad, he’ll look you in the eye and say, “I’ll never forgive you for what you did to your mother’s vagina.”

21

Taurus – April 20 – May 20 Your boss will hang a new dartboard on the wall in his office with your employee picture taped to it.

Gemini – May 21 – June 21 You will soon realize that you have unknowingly supported your girlfriend’s problem with alcohol for years since the only time she says “I love you” is when she is blind drunk.

Cancer – June 22 – July 22 You’ll be in for a big surprise when you introduce your girlfriend to your parents and they pretend to be nudists.

Leo – July 23 – August 22 Your claim to fame will be the fact that you gave that guy a blow job before he got famous. Sadly no one will believe you.

Virgo – August 23 – September 22 The stars foresee your girlfriend sending you a link to a Vine video in which she dumps you.

Libra – September 23 – October 22 So you lost a bet to your grandma, now you’ll have to take her with you on your next date.

Scorpio – October 23 – November 21 Your wife will proudly inform you that of all of your friends you still have the biggest cock.

Sagittarius – November 22 – December 21 It’s true: love can be a mystery, but those semen stains on the back of your shirt are a clue.

Capricorn – December 22 – January 19 While enjoying your third homemade brownie at your best friend’s house his wife will mention that they were made with breast milk.

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Brand Development and Creative Marketing 469-877-1533 info@culture-hype.com

BY ARTHUR BELLFIELD – @ALBELLFIELD

D

epending on whom you ask, the universe of superheroes and heroines should expand far beyond the realm of Iron Man, Superman and Wonder Woman. Bj Lewis of Taurian Films wants to convince us that imagination and creativity aren’t trademarks of Marvel and DC. After years of writing and embedding himself within the local film community, Lewis channeled his passion and decided to brush off an old concept and recreate it for the digital age. The end result is Party Girl, a web-series that chronicles the origin of would-be superhero Rachel Buchanan – a story that he thinks will resonate with all of us. With the February debut upon us, can this Denton, Texas-bred Stan Lee shake up the industry’s superpowers?

BLITZ: How would you describe the overall journey that Rachel Buchanan aka Party Girl is on in her quest to find out if we truly decide our own destinies?

BJ: It’s a journey to find out who she wants to be. Our parents have our lives mapped out for us as soon as they know we are coming along in the womb. Hell, I did that with my sons, when they were coming along. And to that end we try to steer our children toward activities or sports or certain academics because that’s how we see their lives going. Not everything every really goes to plan which causes us to clash with our parents.

You see that with Rachel, who in an effort to get out from under her mother trying to relive her

SMARTER, SHARPER MEN

gymnast past through Rachel, becomes Party Girl. It’s rather insane on the one hand to put on a mask and think that you’re going to be some superhero, but for Rachel it isn’t about that. Party Girl is something she chose to do for herself.

Does she have any superpowers? If not, how does she fight her war on crime?

She has no superpowers, unfortunately for her, given some of the threats she encounters.

Will she team-up with any other superheroes in the series?

In the eighth episode a vigilante from Angel City comes to Party Girl’s stomping grounds looking for someone. He’s a bit of an elitist douchebag and he and Party Girl clash at first before working things out.

How did you end up casting Jeanne Lampley for the role of Party Girl?

Jeanne is amazing. She actually read for another character I was casting. The role was to be one of the Hell Sisters and while she did not gel with the actress I already had to be one of the sisters, there was something about her that I liked. She has a bit of a swagger about her and some attitude, that I find makes her believable when it comes time for her to put the mask on. She jokes that it was the leather jacket she wore to the audition, and that maybe it helped.

I’ve also seen the teasers with Giovannie Cruz who plays Red/and White Rose and she pulls off the duality of the characters perfectly, how would you describe her role in the series?

Giovannie is amazing as the Rose Sisters from her preparation for the roles to her execution when we filmed. The Rose Sisters are major players when it comes to crime in Pyramid City and it’s often their plans that bring about some of the problems Party Girl encounters.

What can people expect from this series over the course of the first season and how will the second season differ?

From a storytelling standpoint, I have a better handle on the characters and so do the actors, so they can turn in even better performances and I can do more with the characters since they have been established. And I can and plan to have some fun expanding the universe.

The trailer can be seen at http://www.filmbreak.com/projects/party-girl

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FEBRUARY 2014

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