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6 Shaquille O’Neal shares his thoughts on today’s NBA, his spot on TNT as an NBA analyst and what fans really want to see. 7 An NFL player’s contract isn’t all that simple. Break out a pencil and pad because it’s time to learn some new math. Let’s see how it all adds up. 8 Is this really the end of Kobe Bryant’s NBA career? The Black Mamba might not be ready to call it quits after all. 14 When it comes to pancakes, Steven Doyle shares his 10 favorite venues in Dallas for this breakfast treat. 16 Our very own Amber LaFrance discovers what Burlesque & Brunch is all about and all that it implies. 19 America has it all wrong when dealing with the Millenial Generation and Chris Sick informs us why the kids are alright.
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{In-depth}
BY KENDRICK JOHNSON – @KENDRICKJOHNSO
The Man With An MMA Plan: CHRIS BRENNAN
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UFC 193
Preview BY LANCE LEVAN – @LANCELEVAN1 Ultimate Fighting Championship 193 is being held in Melbourne, Australia, on Saturday, Nov. 14. Once again, the women dominate two of the top three spots on the main card. Not to mention that the top two fights are title fights. I can’t wait to watch this entire fight card.
CHRIS BRENNAN MIGHT NOT BE A BIG NAME IN THE PUBLIC’S EYE, BUT HE IS IN THE WORLD OF MIXED MARTIAL ARTS. Brennan is an MMA veteran who has competed in the Ultimate Fighting Championship circuit and once won a lightweight title in the now extinct PRIDE organization. In the MMA world, many people who have followed the sport since its inception in the late 90s consider Brennan a pioneer. After watching UFC 1, Brennan was motivated by the dominating performance of UFC Hall of Famer Royce Gracie. He would eventually train with Gracie himself and received his Brazilian jiujitsu black belt in only seven years. Thanks to using an outside-the-box jiu-jitsu style, Brennan acquired the nickname of the “West Side Strangler” since he originally is from California and possessed a high-level ground game. In fact, of Brennan’s 21 career victories, 19 have come via submission due to his superior black belt jiu-jitsu skills. For someone who has been around since it was cool to fight in a cage, Brennan has witnessed a lot of change in the sport as it constantly develops. “There’s definitely been a lot of rule changes and a lot of time changes over the years to get to this point,” Brennan said. “The judging has been the biggest change because these days you get guys watching the same fight but one has it (30-27) one way and the other has it (30-27) another. So that’s something they need to clean up as the sport improves and gets better, but overall things are heading in the right direction.” The 5-foot-8-inch fighter once did something unheard of in the world of MMA today. He took on UFC future Hall of Famer Pat Miletich three times in a six-month period where two of the three fights were fought in 20- and 30-minute rounds. Although UFC has regulated things for the better, Brennan feels today’s fighters would be well-served to have their own union if applicable.
“I think getting a fighter union would be cool and definitely help out the current fighters,” Brennan said. “Fighters wouldn’t be so much under the thumb of the UFC and you would be able to fight back in an argument. Because the way things are structured today the fighters can’t even argue back if they disagree with something and I feel a union would give them a leg to stand on.” Brennan is the first no-gi Brazilian jiu-jitsu instructor in the United States. Now basically retired, Brennan is happy and very content running his Next Generation Mixed Martial Arts gym in Frisco where he has 300 students and counting signed up to take classes. The Next Generation gym offers everything from $50 a month cardio classes, high-level Brazilian jiu-jitsu and even has four professional fighters. For Brennan, what makes Next Generation special is that it caters to everyone no matter the skill level or background and can help students improve in multiple facets of the game of life. “We been here for four years and our goal is to have close to 500 students and more classes and instructors by the end of the year,” Brennan said. Despite receiving several lucrative offers to open multiple gyms across the Metroplex, Brennan is content on focusing only on the Frisco gym to give students the personal touch which has made Next Generation become so successful. “It’s not like I’m teaching everyday basic Brazilian jiu-jitsu,” a reflective Brennan said. “I took my gi off 16 or 17 year ago and haven’t put it on again. My style is created around that – my no-gi is completely different from everybody else’s and I think that’s the catch because people want to learn it from me and I’m more than willing to give them the personal touch they are looking for to make Next Generation successful.” For more information on Next Generation Gym visit nextgenerationmma.com or call 940-224-3698.
(C) Ronda “Rowdy” Rousey (10-0-0) vs. No. 8 Holly “The Preachers Daughter” Holm (9-0-0) This is going to be a five-round women’s bantamweight (135 pounds) title fight. This will be Rousey’s third fight of 2015. Her last fight was three months ago. I won’t spend a lot of time telling you about Ronda’s resume as a mixed martial arts fighter. Google it. Over her 12 professional fights, she averages approximately 1.3 minutes per fight. She’s THAT good. Holm is an extremely decorated boxer and former World Boxing Federation women’s champion in two weight classes. Not to mention she is 9-0 in her MMA career. Of all the female fighters who Ronda has fought, I think Holly has the most impressive resume. However, I think that it is too early in her UFC career for Holm to fight someone of Rousey’s caliber. If this was a boxing match, then yes, I think Holm could possibly win. But MMA is different. Maybe in another year or two, she could be a contender. My prediction: Rousey wins via submission in the first round. (C) Joanna Jedrzejczyk (17-3-0) vs. No. 9 Valerie “Trouble” Letourneau (8-3-0) This is going to be a five-round women’s strawweight (115 pounds) fight. This is the second women’s title fight of the night. Joanna just took the title in March. She is a Muay Thai and kickboxing champion. Valerie is a purple belt in BJJ and is a very scrappy fighter, but doesn’t have much in the way of a pedigree in any specific form of fighting. On paper, both of these fighters look very similar. Letourneau has a slightly higher KO/TKO percentage. Jedrzejczyk has had more of her fights go to a decision. Neither of these fighters has ever been to the “championship” rounds (rounds 4 and 5). It will be interesting to
see what happens when or if it goes that far. My prediction: Jedrzejczyk wins via TKO in the third round. No. 8 Mark “Super Samoan” Hunt (10-9-1) vs. No. 11 Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva (19-7-0, 1NC) This is a three-round heavyweight (265 pounds) fight. These two fighters met in the Octagon in December 2013. I saw this fight and I have to admit, that was the best heavyweight MMA fight I have ever seen. The fight ended in a draw, but it won “Fight of the Night” honors and the UFC gave both fighters their winning bonuses. I am hoping that this will be a continuation of that fight. It was not very technical and it did not go to the mat, but both guys stood and threw punches and kicks for the entire fight. I suspect that both fighters will have similar game plans for this one. I think they are going to want to stand and trade shots. Both of them hit incredibly hard, have iron jaws, and have incredible will power/heart. Neither will quit nor go down easily. I can see this fight winning “Fight of the Night” honors again. My prediction: Hunt wins by split decision.
Disagree with me about the UFC 193 matches? Let me know via Twitter @BlitzWeekly and we’ll see who has better picks the night of the fights.
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TODAY’S PRO BASKETBALL IS JUST NOT THE SAME FOR SHAQ Early in his 19-year National Basketball Association career, Shaquille O’Neal had plenty of opponents he could at least look in the eye.
It was the tail end of the big man era that had its roots with Wilt Chamberlain, Bill Russell and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
Night after night, the 7-foot-1-inch, 325-pounder would go against great centers like Hakeem Olajuwon, Patrick Ewing, David Robinson and Dikembe Mutombo. Even lesser talents like Shawn Bradley, Eric Dampier (or Erica as Shaq said), and Bryant Reeves attempted to stop the man with nicknames like The Big Aristotle, The Diesel and Superman.
“When I was playing, I killed all the guys off so nobody wanted to come inside,” O’Neal said before his Oct. 21 appearance as featured guest at the PwC/SMU Athletic Forum at the Hilton Anatole. “Everyone wanted to shoot jumpers so you got the kids watching them and they feel that’s how you play. “It is where the game is going and for me it’s not fun to watch. I do like watching Steph Curry. I haven’t seen a small guard dominate like he did. (Steve) Nash did it every now and then but Steph Curry has taken over the game. And if you look at him, I saw him a couple of weeks ago in New York and no offense to him but he looks like a little baby. He has no arm muscles, no chest muscles. But the guy just took over the game.” Though he’s not fond of today’s NBA, O’Neal watches the action as part of his role on the highly-popular Inside the NBA on TNT. How else is he supposed to trade barbs with Charles Barkley, Kenny Smith and Ernie Johnson on a show he says is as fun to do as it is to watch? “The good thing is our producer just lets us go,” he said. “I think our show has a little bit of credibility because you have a hall of famer in Charles Barkley who played at a high level. I played at a high level. I don’t know what level Kenny played at. And you’ve got Ernie. “Sometimes I’m sitting there and laughing so hard I don’t believe the FCC (Federal
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Communications Commission) is allowing us to say this and do this. It’s like a comedy basketball show.” O’Neal’s work on TNT is among his many endeavors since retiring from the league in 2011. He’s a minority owner of the Sacramento Kings and a businessman who is part-owner of 24-Hour Fitness Centers in Florida and Houston. He has endorsement deals with products he uses like Icy Hot, Gold Bond skin care products (“all black people love lotion”), Fruity Pebbles cereal, and Arizona Beverage Company. He’s been an active investor in stocks plus real estate in Florida and his native Newark, N.J., and also does a weekly podcast. In the past, O’Neal composed rap music, acted in movies (remember Blue Chips, Kazaam, and Steel?), and served in law enforcement. He also earned his Bachelor of Arts degree in General Education from alma mater Louisiana State University in 2000, a Master of Business administration from the University of Phoenix in 2005, and an Education Doctorate in Human Resource Development from Barry University in 2012. So what does Dr. Shaq look for in his business ventures? “I look at things that I think will make an impact; things that I think will change the world; things that will help people,” he said. O’Neal also is following and offering advice to his 15-year-old son Shareef, a 6-foot-8-inch sophomore at Windward High School in Los Angeles. Shaq has told him to watch New Orleans Pelicans’ star Anthony Davis whose game more mirrors Shareef’s than his dad. “I tell him the two most important things my father (Phillip Harrison) told me,” the father of five said. “One is you don’t know pressure until
BY MARK MILLER @MARKMYWORDSTEX
you don’t know where your next meal is coming from. The other is a John Wooden quote ‘don’t worry about being better than anyone else; just be the best you can be.’ If he’s fortunate to make it to the next level, they’ll try to compare him to me. I tell him just go out and have fun.” Shaq hopes his son shoots free throws more like dad did at San Antonio Cole High School (72.9 percent) than in the NBA (52.7). Despite that liability, O’Neal won NBA four titles – three consecutive with the Los Angeles Lakers in 2000-2002, and one with the Miami Heat in 2006 against the Dallas Mavericks. He was a 15-time all-star, 2000 Most Valuable Player plus a 1996 Olympic gold medalist. He won scoring titles in 1995 with the Orlando Magic, the team that drafted him, and in 2000 with the Lakers. While he would have loved to have played for the Mavericks, coaches like Phil Jackson in Los Angeles and Pat Riley in Miami knew better than to trade him to Dallas. So he played his final three seasons in Phoenix, Cleveland, and Boston before retiring in June 2011. Who was his toughest foe? “I could never guard David Robinson,” he said. “He was fast. He could make the jump shot and everybody loved him. He was the American-type guy. I really had troubles with him. “The Georgetown boys (Ewing and Mutombo) I never had a problem with. I never had a problem with Erica Dampier. But I always got killed by Big Country Reeves. He used to kill me, destroy me.” His goal throughout his playing career – entertain the fans. “My father told me that these hard-working people are paying top dollar so give them a show and that’s what I always tried to do,” he said.
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GUARANTEED OR NON-GUARANTEED BY DARIUS WILLIAMS @BLITZWEEKLY
NFL Player Contracts Aren’t Exactly What You Think
Somewhere around the fourth grade, the basic division of numbers is learned in arithmetic. That’s when 10-year-old kids always have been able to take a number like 126 and divide it by 6. It’s simple mathematics, with a simple answer of 21. This answer is universally correct in every walk of life, in every corner of the world…except the world of the National Football League player contract. You see in this world, 126 divided by 6 could possibly equal 10.17 or even 2.17. Allow me to explain the complex nature of what is called ‘NFL Contract Mathematics’ to you.
The Contract of Colin Kaepernick During the 2014 off-season, the San Francisco 49ers inked their young promising quarterback Colin Kaepernick to an eyebrow-raising six-year, $126 million deal. Those like me who are pretty good with numbers were quickly able to average out his annual take by that simple division we learned back in fourth grade.
on guaranteed contracts for its players. In the sport with the shortest player life span, due in part to its physicality and the ensuing injuries, contracts basically are written in invisible ink. A New York-based financial firm reported that the average guaranteed money for all players in 2014 was only 57 percent. That number didn’t take into consideration all the “partially-guaranteed” deals players will find hard to see the end of before being released to the streets. The Collective Bargaining Agreement (CBA) has a ‘fully-funded’ rule that has been retained for years. Guaranteed contracts were never negotiated when owners and the NFL Players Association came together to iron out labor issues. “Many of the teams cite that rule in their unwillingness to put the full amount (of the player’s contract) in escrow,” said NFLPA Executive Director DeMaurice Smith. Nothing in the CBA as currently written either requires or prohibits guaranteed contracts. NFL owners always have just opposed the idea so demonstratively that attempts to bring it into talks now are futile.
Colin Kaepernick will be making an average of $21 million a year by that equation. Well, hold your horses right there. He really won’t average that hefty sum. You see, only $61 million of that $126 million is “somewhat guaranteed.” With annual roster bonuses and assumed attainable performance incentives, he just might see that $61 million.
Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger’s recent extension of $64 million guaranteed over four years is the largest amount in league history. The Miami Dolphins signed Ndamukong Suh away from the Detroit Lions for a cool $114 million over six years, with $60 million guaranteed, the largest guarantee given to a nonquarterback in league history.
After that simple division is done, you come up with an annual average of $10.17 million. Again I ask you to pause because there’s more to this contract. If the 49ers decided today to cut ties with Kaepernick based on performance, the “somewhat-guaranteed” $61 million is reduced to its “fully-guaranteed” $13 million. Apply fourthgrade division again and it averages to $2.17 million annually.
Owners became weak in the knees upon learning of these massive guaranteed contracts. Fear of it being the start of a negotiating trend among looming high-end free agents, they are hoping those two are isolated situations. The idea of tying up millions in a player who could blow out a knee or who no longer can play due to a decline in ability. That’s why they always have favored contracts with a stimulated “signing bonus,” the only amount the player is guaranteed to earn. The common practice of then structuring the contract with an array of incentives, escalators and
Unlike its brethren in other American professional sports, the NFL has never operated
de-escalators makes up the remainder of all future monies the player could earn. Anything but a large sum of guaranteed cash works for the owners.
How About the NBA? The National Basketball Association opened its free agency period on July 1. Within the next 24 hours, $1.4 BILLION in GUARANTEED money was tentatively agreed upon between players and teams. With that came the realization that an average NBA player like Robin Lopez, who signed with the New York Knicks, would make the same guaranteed salary ($54 million) as perhaps the NFL’s best player in Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers will deposit into his account. Why is it NBA owners don’t have the same reluctance to guarantee deals like their NFL brothers, knowing the same chances of injuries and decline in play exist in their sport? It is said the life expectancy for basketball players extends well beyond that of a football player. Signing a 28-year-old running back, a position of quick flame out, to a long-term huge deal could be the beginning of ‘salary cap Hell’ for an NFL organization. Meanwhile, the San Antonio Spurs just handed over $80 million to 30-year-old LaMarcus Aldridge. NFL owners will make the point that the NBA can afford to guarantee contracts due to rosters with only 13 players per team, about one quarter of their 53-man roster. Also the revenue generated by 41 home games makes those deals doable they would say, way more than the eight regularseason and two preseason games they generate to make money to cover contracts. Quite frankly, it would take the Dallas Mavericks until around Christmas to make what the Dallas Cowboys make off of a single home game so NFL owners could easily guarantee their players’ deals. There are those who side with the owners that guaranteed contracts would have a negative effect on the game. Before 2011, it was the rookie deals that irked veteran players. They balked at giving huge amounts of guaranteed money to unproven players, leaving the teams with less to pay them.
Since the CBA capped rookie deals in 2011, opponents of guaranteed deals feel like it would be an inverted effect of the old rookie contracts. If a player is signed to a huge guaranteed deal and toward the end he is a shadow of his former self, it still would be unfair. Would it be fair to the young player contributing more to the team to be unable to receive pay commensurate to their abilities because money is tied up in the 35-yearold veteran he has replaced? It is believed owners like having non-guaranteed contracts so veterans continue to work hard to ensure their high production levels so the team keeps them around.
What to Expect With the looming lawsuits from former players, moving toward guaranteed deals as a valiant attempt at making amends for how retired players were treated could be on the horizon. Maybe shorter-term guaranteed deals would address the problem. This would allow ownership the luxury of getting out of a deal quickly if the player gets hurt or fails to live up to the contract. They won’t have to deal with “dead money” consuming cap space for very long should that happen. It also would allow players more financial flexibility to reach free agency more often in their prime years to take advantage of their greater earning potential. Indianapolis Colts quarterback Andrew Luck is approaching free agency. He is the league’s poster child and will be for the next decade at least. I will be curious about how much money he is guaranteed with his next contract. Could it be 100 percent? Probably not, this is the NFL. Luck will be a wealthy man nonetheless, we just won’t know how wealthy based off what will be guaranteed. Just know that the division you learned in your adolescence won’t apply to what you read his contract to say. Understanding high school calculus has proven to be easier than figuring out NFL contract mathematics. WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM
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IS THIS REALLY THE END FOR KOBE BRYANT? BY CRAIG FIELDS @CRAIGFIELDS2
Comparisons to Michael Jordan are inevitable when you mention two superstars in the National Basketball Association. And those demigods are LeBron James and Kobe Bryant. Depending on which side of the debate you fall, one thing that cannot be argued is the greatness factor of all three. But of the two currently still in the NBA, the closest one to hanging up the Nikes for good is Kobe Bryant aka “The Black Mamba.” After struggling to stay healthy the past two
seasons and only playing 41 out of a possible 164 games, many fans have started speculating as to whether or not it was time for the future hall of famer to retire. The 37-year-old Bryant really does not have anything left to prove in the game of basketball. A five-time NBA champion, two-time NBA finals Most Valuable Player, one-time league MVP, 17-time all-star, and a three-time Olympic gold medal champion with Team USA are just some of Bryant’s achievements and accomplishments during his storied career. So close to the end of such a decorated run, what else is there to prove? Well in one word, nothing. There is nothing left to prove for Bryant, except that he can still do in his late 30s what he could do in his mid-20s. In the 41 games he played over the past two seasons he led the league in shots taken. But only in shots taken. He did not lead in points, field goal percentage, or any other stat that might constitute being a good teammate. Basically, he was taking a lot of shots and missing a lot of shots. When asked about retiring, Bryant alluded to the injuries that have slowed him down in recent years. “Yeah, as soon as the doctor told me, I was like, Jesus Christ, man, I don’t know if I can do another nine months,” he said.
Bryant was referring to the surgery and rehab it would take to fix a torn right rotator cuff that Bryant sustained in the 2014-15 NBA season. That, of course, is in Bryant’s shooting arm. Coming back from such a long layoff can have some adverse effects. An injury to your shooting arm can sometimes change a scorer’s mechanics because of the long layoff. However, with the 2015-16 preseason wrapped up, Kobe has looked pretty good. Did anyone really expect anything different from the destined top-10 all-time player in NBA history? The Lakers did decide to rest Bryant the last part of the preseason because of a leg bruise he sustained during a game. And that precisely is the issue with the 20-year veteran continuing to play in the NBA.
Gregg Case
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According to Sportingnews.com, Bryant knows that he can’t control the fact that time is beginning to take its toll on his body.
“After playing so many years (I know that), I could play 10 minutes and hurt some other (stuff ). You know what I mean?” he said of the upcoming season. “At this stage all I can do is try whatever I can and be as healthy as possible, and if something goes, it goes. Father Time got me.” Yep Father Time is undefeated. Just ask Jordan, Shaq or even LeBron who was playfully warned by Kobe that he is now an “old head” in the league and he better take care of himself. Speaking of Jordan, the comparisons between him and Kobe are undeniable. However, one thing continues to elude Kobe and that is that alldefining sixth championship ring; that qualifying ornament that says, “See Jordan, I am every bit as good as you if not better.” Allow me, if you would, to play devil’s advocate for a second. Now we all know that Kobe was a part of one of the best NBA drafts ever. The 1996 draft is widely considered by many to be one of the top three drafts in the history of the NBA, along with the 1984 and 2003 drafts.
Kobe was traded to the Los Angeles Lakers after being drafted by the Charlotte Hornets. Most people think that he was drafted by the Lakers but that was not the case. But he has spent all 20 seasons in the NBA with the Lakers. Now, what if, for Kobe’s swan song, he decided to leave the Lakers to go pursue a sixth ring somewhere else. I know it sounds a bit sacrilegious but it is quite apparent that the Lakers are going to be bad again. Even with the addition of Roy Hibbert, rookie D’Angelo Russell, and Lou Williams, this team is still looking like a bottom dweller in the very tough Western Conference. So, with that being said, if Kobe left the Lakers to go pursue another ring somewhere else, there is no doubt that the long-time Laker would be vilified, at least by the Los Angeles media and fans. However, if he does want another ring, he just might have to leave the city that has helped to make him who he is. There was a time in the 2007-08 season when Kobe actually demanded a trade so he could leave the floundering Lakers. But, he had a change of heart after meeting with the late Dr. Jerry Buss. That was a trade, by the way, that might have changed the entire landscape of the NBA.
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Bryant was going to be traded to the Detroit Pistons, who at the time were one of the best teams in basketball. They also were one of the only teams capable of taking on Bryant’s contract. But as we all know, it didn’t happen. The Lakers went on to win two of the next three championships.
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Of course all of this trade and free agency talk is a moot point if Bryant retires.
Shea Huening
According to Lakers General Manager Mitch Kupchak, after Bryant signed the two-year extension in the 2013-14 season, he said that he thought Bryant would retire at the end of the 2016 season.
However, if he did decide to demand a trade this season let’s look at a few of the teams that just might come knocking at the door to employ the services of the 37-year old.
“All indications are, to me, from him, that this (two-year contract extension) is going to be it,” Kupchak said. “If somebody’s thinking of buying a ticket three years from now to see Kobe play, I would not do that. Don’t wait. Do it this year.”
The Portland Trail Blazers have about $16 million in cap space, the most in the NBA at the moment, and at one time I actually thought that this might be a decent fit for the two-guard. But since the major overhaul of the Trail Blazers, losing four of their five starters, they do not look like a very sexy team for which to play.
This is coming from a GM who knows Kobe rather well and has been with him for the last 15 years in the Lakers organization. Stepping away from the game that you love and occupying that time with something else entirely can be a little intimidating or scary for some.
General consensus around the league is that head coach Terry Stotts is a heck of a guy to play for, so that wouldn’t be the problem for an aging superstar like Bryant. Stotts definitely would be an upgrade from current head coach of the Lakers, Byron Scott. Lack of talent would probably be the ultimate reason that this trade would not go through. The Trail Blazers pretty much have one budding superstar on the team, and no one else. Damian Lillard is a highly-talented point guard, but it remains to be seen if he can actually carry a team by himself. With Robin Lopez, Wesley Matthews, LaMarcus Aldridge and Nicolas Batum all leaving to go to other teams, Lillard is the only starter returning this year to a hodge-podge type of roster. So no, I do not think that this one suits Bryant’s criteria of a championship ready team. The next team on the list are the woefully untalented Philadelphia 76ers. No. Just no. The 76ers are so far from being a championship contender that a trade or even signing to the team in 2016 as a free agent for the 2016-17 season seems more far-fetched than the most ridiculous tall tale.
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“You really have to lean on muses and mentors going forward, just as I did as a kid,” he said. “It’s about having that next wave of things, which is scary as hell, but it’s fun at the same time.” Being a professional athlete, the game pretty much encompasses your entire life. Even during the offseason, you are often thinking about the game. You eat, sleep and breathe the sport that you are making a living by playing.
THE RESUME • 5x NBA Champion (2000-2002, 2009-2010) • 2x NBA Finals MVP (2009-2010) • NBA Most Valuable Payer (2008) • 17x NBA All-Star (1998, 2000-2015) • 4x NBA All-Star Game MVP (2002, 2007, 2009, 2011) • 11x All-NBA First Team (2002-2004, 2006-2013) • 2x All-NBA Second Team (2000-2001) • 2x All-NBA Third Team (1999, 2005)
•9 x NBA All-Defensive First Team (2000, 2003-2004, 2006-2011) • 3x NBA All-Defensive Second Team (2001-2002, 2012) • NBA All-Rookie Second Team • 2x NBA Scoring Champion (2006-2007) •N BA Slam Dunk Contest Champion (1997) • L os Angeles Lakers All-Time Leading Scorer • Naismith Prep Player of the Year (1996)
However when that sport is gone, it becomes imperative, almost mandatory to replace that time used on thinking about the game, with something else entirely. Some people make the transition well, others do not. Who knows, maybe Bryant’s extensive knowledge and love for the game will lead him to coaching like the current head coach of the Milwaukee Bucks, Jason Kidd. As soon as he retired, he earned his first coaching job with the Brooklyn Nets and never looked back. One thing that is certain is that one of the most storied careers in all of sports is coming to an end soon. Regardless of where you fall on the supportive or unsupportive side of Bryant, one thing that remains true is Bryant forever changed the way the game has been played and definitely has placed his stamp in the history books.
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THE ODDS ARE EVEN LESS IN YOUR FAVOR BY LANCE RINKER – @LANCEMRINKER
DraftKings and FanDuel have been battling it out for fantasy sports supremacy for years now, but now both are battling possible government regulation. From the beginning of each company’s existence, they maintained a model of ‘self-regulation’ meant to prevent employees from using information not available to the public to game the system in a sense. That model of selfregulation is likely gone for good as the New York Times revealed that a DraftKings’ employee, Ethan Haskell, admitted to “inadvertently releasing data” and winning $350,000 on FanDuel.
is a serious threat to the integrity of daily fantasy sports.
unknown, but industry experts agree there is an advantage and it does make a difference.
Daily fantasy sports already are difficult to win. If there is anyone misusing insider information at any company offering consumers a way to bet on their skill at constructing a winning fantasy lineup, it only adds to the difficulty level.
To their credit, FanDuel and DraftKings have proactively addressed the situation and have not shied away from answering questions on the matter. The two companies issued a joint statement to address the claims that their employees are using insider info.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say FanDuel or DraftKings were doing enough of their own selfregulating to prevent this sort of thing, or to prevent it from ever happening again. They are doing plenty to save face and attempt to avoid full-on federal regulation like casinos currently ‘enjoy.’
Maybe you’re wondering why this is such a big deal. You just want to keep on being able to cash in on your sports knowledge. Think of it in terms of insider trading. The fact that this DraftKings’ employee has access to information that shows what players are being chosen and at what rate would provide the opportunity to gain a decided edge in fantasy contests.
FanDuel asked a former federal judge to evaluate its internal controls and practices. Granted, they also contracted a law firm to give them ongoing advice internally – likely meant to ensure they continue to do and say all the right things publicly. DraftKings took things just a tiny step further by contracting a legal team to conduct an internal investigation as well, except they plan to release the findings once the probe wraps up.
“It is absolutely akin to insider trading,” said Daniel Wallach, a sports and gambling lawyer at Becker & Poliakoff told the New York Times. “It gives that person a distinct edge in a contest.” Knowledge of the type of information daily fantasy sports betting sites deal in every day could be used by perceptive players to gain an advantage over others, especially when there is real money on the line. As of now it’s all speculation regarding whether Haskell intentionally used the information to gain an edge on rival site FanDuel, but it still doesn’t look good even if he didn’t. Between the timing of the leak of information, Haskell’s winnings, and researchers and journalists of the daily fantasy sports industry saying studies show he had a decided advantage – a fear is gripping the young industry that players aren’t being given a fair shake when they put their money on the line. Simply put – early access to the type of information employees of these sites have, coupled with using it to create their own lineups SMARTER, SHARPER MEN
What each company has also done is permanently ban their employees from playing daily fantasy games for money, on any site. They have also banned their employees from any other daily fantasy sports sites from participating on their platforms. This is all good and well when it comes to saying the right things and offering up quality lip service. How well can this even be monitored or regulated though? No specific plans for doing so have been offered up as of yet.
“This is about statistics and probability and trend analysis and patterns,” said Seth Young, chief operating officer of Star Fantasy Leagues, a smaller daily fantasy sports site. “But it’s also about feel – who you want to pick, who you want to root for. You can play the game effectively if you’re just a huge fan, and you know everything there is to know about the sport.” A spokeswoman for DraftKings said Haskell mistakenly released the information but the company is absolutely certain he did not use it improperly. Again, regardless of intention, the information daily fantasy sports site employees have access to provide them with advantages the rest of us don’t currently enjoy and it costs us money. How large of an advantage it provides is
Regarding the potential for fraud, the statement says: Both companies have strong policies in place to ensure that employees do not misuse any information at their disposal and strictly limit access to company data to only those employees who require it to do their jobs. Employees with access to this data are rigorously monitored by internal fraud control teams, and we have no evidence that anyone has misused it. The statement also notes that the companies aim to review internal policies and “work with the entire fantasy sports industry” on the issue in question.
Industry insiders are unsure whether the industry can successfully self-regulate, though it’s apparent it can’t well enough to avoid major controversy. Some say it can self-regulate and this controversy is just a small bump in the road. Others aren’t so sure and look to what happened with online poker and casinos that were accused of stealing millions of dollars from players several years ago. It’s clear something should be done, but players and the companies themselves hope any new rules made by outsiders who don’t understand the industry on any level and are unlikely to have a firm grasp on what actually did happen don’t make rules that negatively impact the industry instead of moving it forward in a progressive and responsible manner.
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THE TIMES ARE A-CHANGIN’ WITH PLAYBOY BY PAUL ESQUIVEL – @SOAPMANSUPREME
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s many of you already know, the popular men’s lifestyle and entertainment magazine Playboy made a huge announcement recently that it no longer will include nude female images in its print format starting with its March issue. Now everyone who used the excuse of reading it for the articles can say it and mean it. Founded by Hugh Hefner, Playboy always has been a part of American pop culture since its controversial debut in 1953. Breaking boundaries in a time when female nudity was considered a bigger taboo than it is now. Playboy’s answer to everyone asking about the change in format is simple: “times change” and boy have they. Playboy Chief Executive Officer Scott Flanders mentioned that Playboy is getting back to its “roots” as the No. 1 mainstream lifestyle brand. Like many magazine publications, reality is, Playboy is reacting to the way the Internet has changed the playing field. Consider Playboy’s 5.6 million circulation in 1975 and compare it to now, with tremendous fall to just 800,000 in a report from The Times. Whether it’s digital-news outlets like Vice Media or sites like PornHub that give almost every sexual category imaginable at just the click of a button, Playboy recognizes the need to change its dynamic. By dropping the nude images, Playboy hopes not only to appeal to a broader and younger audience but also not be banned from access in the work place. In August of last year Playboy stopped including nude images on its website and traffic increased 250 percent. Playboy still will include a Playmate of the Month just with “PG-13” pictures and less produced aimed at the “sex-positive female.” All these reasons make sense both financially and when it comes to relevance but a few quotes make me sad and no not the “Paul wants to see boobies” way sad, but when you realize certain things. Scott Flanders told The Times: “That battle (making the female body non taboo) has been fought and won… you’re now one click away from every sex act imaginable for free.” While it’s true we have come a long way, the battle hasn’t been won, not by a long shot. Sites like Instagram take down pictures of women if their nipples are exposed and ban hashtags
“Curvy” or whatever deemed too risqué. In the age of social media where everyone has a camera on their phone, almost anyone can be a porn star. All you have to do is record a video of you and your partner in the act of coitus and upload it to PornHub, YouPorn, or any site (the lists go on) like that for everyone to see. Unfortunately, many of these videos or pictures are uploaded without the female partner’s consent or knowledge a majority of the time. There is no denying that Playboy at this point feels like your grandpa’s answer to porn, but that is where I say is the difference, it wasn’t just porn. Again these decisions all make perfect sense, but at the same time it feels like there was a battle lost too. My point really is that anyone can fuck on camera, but not everyone can be a centerfold. It’s funny when you think about the fact that violence and gore is perfectly fine but almost everyone shudders when even speaking about sexuality unless it sells something. I get it though, maybe Playboy wants to separate itself from the label of pornography so when the people there say it is “classier” they can mean it. My point is that Playboy was classier than most magazines and websites before this change. I’m not acting like there are no upsides to this like how people will be able to pull out an issue of Playboy in public just like someone reading a Maxim magazine in public, but I wonder if this is taking away female empowerment in a way. I know that sounds like a stretch, but hear me out. If sites like PornHub have a constant flow of traffic for the content it has and Playboy saw an increase in traffic for the content it got rid of, it almost feels our society is saying, either lay it out with hardcore fucking and all or don’t bother showing anything period. It never made sense to me when a well-known celeb would pose for Playboy and you’d hear “I’ve lost respect for her” from both men and women, but someone like Kim Kardashian can release a sex-tape, be a “reality-star” and break the Internet, while Playboy is still looked at as smut even though it has well-written pieces and advice articles. Whether or not this is a win for women only time will tell, but when it comes to Playboy, this isn’t an identity crisis as some have said so much as it is just a case of “adapt or die.” WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM
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THREE BOUT A S G THIN TIFUL U A E B A N WOMA
OUR PEDIGREE D MAGAZINE READERS CHOICE “BEST HOT DOG” 2014 BLITZ WEEKLY BLITZIE AWARD “BEST HAMBURGER” 2014 URBAN SPOON “MOST POPULAR HOT DOG” 2013 D MAGAZINE READERS CHOICE “BEST HOT DOG” 2013 BLITZ WEEKLY BLITZIE AWARD ‘BEST HOT WINGS” 2013 DALLAS OBSERVER READERS CHOICE “BEST HOT DOG” 2013 DALLAS MORNING NEWS “BEST BURGER IN DFW” 2013 BLITZ WEEKLY “BEST SPOTS TO WATCH THE SUPER BOWL” 2013 HOW ABOUT WE “TOP DALLAS DATE SPOT” 2013 CRAVE DFW “BEST DOGS OF DALLAS” 2012 DALLAS MORNING NEWS “BEST BURGER IN DFW” 2012 DALLAS OBSERVER “BEST BURGER” 2010 DALLAS OBSERVER “BEST GREASY SPOON” 2009 DALLAS OBSERVER “BEST NACHOS” 2009 D MAGAZINE “D-BEST HAMBURGER” 2006 DALLAS OBSERVER “BEST BURGER” 2006 AOL CITY GUIDE “BEST CHEAP EATS” 2006 AOL CITY GUIDE “BEST LATE NIGHT DINING” 2005 AVID GOLFER MAGAZINE “BEST WINGS” 2004 DALLAS OBSERVER “BEST HANGOVR THERAPY” 2003 DALLAS OBSERVER “BEST HOT DOG” 2002 DALLAS OBSERVER “BEST HAMBURGER” 2002 DALLAS OBSERVER “BEST PLACE TO BUY A DOG” 2001 D MAGAZINE “BEST HANGOVER HELPER” 2001 THE MET “BEST BAR FOOD” 2000 D MAGAZINE “BEST WINGS” 2000 DALLAS OBSERVER “BEST WINGS” 1998 DALLAS OBSERVER “BEST HOT DOG” 1994 DALLAS OBSERVER “BEST WNGS” 1992
Jarrod Fresquez Model: Melissa Meaow Make-Up: J ai Okoli – Makeup Junkies, INC. Hair: George Graham – Makeup Junkies, INC. SMARTER, SHARPER MEN
MELISSA MEAOW What are you doing or wearing that makes you feel the sexiest? Burlesque dancing always makes me feel sexy and keeps my body looking sexy. Have you ever gotten something for free, or out of a ticket, because of your gorgeous looks? I do not question kind gestures; I just smile, and say thank you! The perfect Saturday night ends with… A nightcap, a fine gentleman and a comfortable bed.
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TEN BEST PANCAKES IN DALLAS BY STEVEN DOYLE – CRAVEDFW.COM
Steffany Z Photography
Coffee House Café Relegation to the suburbs feels a little breezier with super savvy hot spots like this cafe. Besides having some of the best coffee around, the Lemon Riccotta Pancakes are the real deal. Be sure to also check out the beignets and the breakfast flatbreads that are topped with eggs and other breakfast fare. coffeehousecafe.com.
Jonathon’s Oak Cliff This is another Oak Cliff morning staple operated by the gravy king of Dallas, Jonathon Erdeljac. Of course this makes the grade for his light and fluffy
try the apple pancake made with a single large pancake smothered with sautéed apples and cinnamon sugar baked, then given a treatment of a rich cinnamon sugar glaze. For a real treat go for the Dutch Baby which is a giant air-filled delight that is oven baked and served with lemon, whipped butter and powdered sugar. Nothing else quite like this. originalpancakehouse.com.
Henk’s European Deli and Black Forest Bakery At Henk’s you get a lot of love, and a lot of pancakes for a great bargain at $5.25 for a full meal
AllGood Café There is nothing in Dallas as good as the chicken fried steak at AllGood Cafe. The menu is literally all good as well. Sure you can select from a short of full stack of the pancakes, and add a myriad of toppings such as fresh fruit or pecans. There are a few other options here you might try to slide the pancakes in for a heartier choice. The Hat Trick comes with huevos rancheros, peppered bacon and a short stack. But if you feel up to it, order the chicken fried steak and eggs, and ask to substitute grits for a short stack. Pay whatever extra they want to charge you. You will not need to eat again for a few days. allgoodcafe.com.
Crossroads Diner Here you will find a large selection of pancakes, from the very plain yet delightful buttermilk variety, to one laced with pecans, or stuffed with caramel apples. Save room for the very best corned beef hash in the county, but always start with the insane cinnamon sticky bun. Freaking cinnamon sticky bun. Then be prepared to finish your breakfast later that day at home. One of the very best breakfasts in Dallas. crossroads-diner.com.
T
here is nothing more satisfying in the morning than a few slabs of terrific pancakes and a perfect cup of steaming hot black coffee to set your day in motion. Go for an entire stack and a pot of coffee for a more extreme perpetual motion. We have been scoping out some of the top spots in the Dallas area for pancakes, and hope you enjoy them as much as we have. We know there are many more that we enjoy, but we had to limit this list to 10. Here they are in no particular order.
Ellen’s Southern Kitchen Grits really do rule here. Especially when infused with copious amounts of cheddar. But we are here for the pancakes, and Ellen’s does them very well. Choose the big pancake breakfast which comes with two pancakes, two eggs, two slices of bacon, two sausage links and hash browns. There are plenty of additions for the pancakes including roasted figs, fresh strawberries, blueberries and more. See if you can manage a side of those grits, too. gritsrule.com.
Oddfellows
So & So’s The brunch at So & So’s brings with it a splendid stack of blueberry pancakes laden with fresh blueberries, lemon curd and Fernet Branca-spiked maple syrup. The pancakes are feathery light but hold up well to the additions prepared by this chef-driven bar. It is the perfect example of the elevation of brunch in Dallas. soandsosdallas.com. SMARTER, SHARPER MEN
Malloreigh Dan Lacey
Oddfellows is located in the Bishop Arts District in Oak Cliff, and enjoys a steady clientele of happy guests who frequent more than often. The food is hearty, inexpensive, and screams Texas. Here you will find a fantastic example of chicken and waffles served with pepper gravy, but also a duck confit chilaquiles and pretty damned good Benedict with wilted spinach, country ham, a tomato, an herbed potato hash and hollandaise. But the pancakes are unreal. You can find your buttermilk variety, but also a red velvet pancake. Each day there will be something different in the pancake category which can keep things exciting. oddfellowsdallas.com.
pancakes, but there are other breakfast items needing your attention including his danger dogs, which resemble corn dogs, but made with sausages and pancake batter. Chicken and waffles also are a hit. jonathonsoakcliff.com.
The Original Pancake House With many locations across Dallas, The Original makes insanely good pancakes. After all, it is in the name. Pancakes. We love that the blueberry pancakes are wonderful, but you also should
deal. Henk’s also features a German and Polish breakfast where you can order a great schnitzel in the morning. henksblackforestbakery.com.
Garden Café
The pancakes here are large and fluffy, just as you would hope. This is a crazy-good, off-thebeaten-path-type of restaurant that forages from its own huge garden in the back of the house. Choose from buttermilk, whole wheat, or the sweet potato pancakes, all topped with organic Vermont syrup. This is real food made by a pretty cool real chef. gardencafe.net.
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Brand Development and Creative Marketing 469-877-1533 info@culture-hype.com
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BURLESQUE AND BRUNCH? ...Why the Hell Not!? BY AMBER LAFRANCE – @AMBERLAFRANCE
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rarely go to brunch without one thought in mind: where are the mimosas? Brunch should not be eaten with calories in mind. It’s the one occasion, outside of Thanksgiving, that I dive head first into 2,000 calories of gravy. The thought of egg whites and avocados at brunch makes me want to cry. Where else can you play power hour with orange juice and champagne? I mean, isn’t that what else those tiny glasses are for? Well, you’re in luck, because Dallas is full of pretentious overpriced brunches and I’ve found the perfect alternative: Texas Tapas and its “Bottoms Up Burlesque Brunch,” a new monthly series at Deep Ellum’s favorite music venue The Prophet Bar.
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and we are thrilled to be bringing it to Dallas, especially Deep Ellum.
Tell me about your burlesque troupe and what made you choose burlesque as a career. I was a ballerina as a kid and I had to stop because I grew boobs and hips! I found burlesque when I was in college and come to find out, those things are very, very celebrated. It’s an adult, sexy version of the dance I’ve always enjoyed, just a lot more naked.
What makes Broads & Panties unique? We are composed of performers of all ages, genders, and backgrounds. I believe in having a buffet of performers, so we can offer sexy to everybody. We have fire performers, belly dancers, aerialists, burlesque performers, and more.
Tell me more about your plans this fall with Texas Tapas and The Prophet Bar. We have quite a lineup planned for the next two months – we are creating a 1920s speakeasy, full of lewd women and dapper gents for our Nov. 15 brunch and on Dec. 20 we are creating a winter
The over-the-top Sunday brunch features the Dallas burlesque troupe, Broads and Panties, tasty brunch specials by Texas Tapas and, of course, bottomless mimosas. The first Halloween-themed brunch was pretty awesome. Hosted by Lillith Grey, I was wowed by aerial performances by Chess Shires as I enjoyed my first mimosas. After I started buzzing, I was in for a treat with mini-burlesque shows by Ella Ardour, Shelbelle Shamrock, Janie Slash, Kitty Martini and Broads and Panties’ founder and producer herself, Vivienne Vermuth. For $30, I saw an eerie performance inspired by the Black Dahlia herself, topless hula hooping, flaming booby tassels and more!
What do people love about your infamous shows around town? Broads and Panties Burlesque focuses on creating a sexy theatrical show. We want to elevate burlesque beyond just the strip – we want to tease your other senses too. “Nearly Naked Nutcracker” and “Heavy Metal Burlesque” take
classic ballet and mix in a little rock and roll, add the element of sex and the result is raw, powerful, quirky, and sensual. We combine acrobatics, comedy, burlesque and more to create a world that you literally disappear into!
You lit your pasties on fire at the first brunch, what’s it like to have flaming breasts – literally? It’s intense, scary, and exhilarating every single time! I have specially-created pasties that allow for the reaction to occur and not burn through and hurt me, although I have had “fire kisses” before (slight up curl of fire that nicks the skin above the pasty). The audience reaction is so great though – they have no idea what’s happening until it does and then they don’t know how to react except scream!
I wish my yellow and orange hair were natural, I’d spend way less time on it for sure! It’s been my signature for three years now, in fact I get stopped constantly when I’m out as my “muggle self” because it’s so recognizable. It makes people happy; they can’t help but tell me how much it made their day. The Sunday afternoon “Bottom’s Up” series features a special brunch menu that includes several items off of the restaurant’s regular menu. There’s also new breakfast items including Breakfast Tacos, a juicy Waffle Burger, Chicken and Waffles, Eggs Benedict, French Toast, buttery pancakes and, of course, The American Dream hot dog/donut hybrid.
Tell me more about the Burlesque Brunch. Burlesque Brunch is a sexy way to enjoy brunch. It’s Cirque du Soleil-inspired theater-in-the-round. We feature the finest of strip teasers, aerial circus performers, and ambient entertainment to bring your Sunday to a whole other level.
For more info on the series and to purchase tickets, visit thedoordallas.com.
Is this something new for the burlesque scene?
SMARTER, SHARPER MEN
wonderland with a “Nearly Naked Nutcracker” inspired brunch affair. We aim to create an amazing dining and entertainment experience like none other.
Tell me more about your fiery locks. Are you a natural redhead?
Here’s why burlesque brunch is something you don’t want to miss, from the mouth of the burlesque queen herself, Vivienne Vermuth:
Miami, Seattle and Las Vegas are the only cities that I know of doing this unique type of show,
Thomas Garza
Shoshana Portnoy of Dallas Pinup
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CHRIS CORNELL INTERVIEW BY ALAN SCULLEY – ALANLASTWORD@GMAIL.COM
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Jeff Lipsky
INTERVIEW
Chris Cornell is perhaps best known as the lead singer of Soundgarden which was formed in 1984 as well as for the supergroup Audioslave. He also has had several solo albums to boot. Cornell was voted “Rock’s Greatest Singer” by the readers of Guitar World. Soundgarden has had a reunion of sorts and should have a new album out next year but in the meantime Cornell is on a solo tour. He’ll be in Dallas on Nov. 1 to perform at the Majestic Theatre. Many people associate Chris Cornell for big-riffed, fully plugged in, wall-shaking hard rock, thanks to his role as singer in the recently-reunited Soundgarden, and for a time, the now-disbanded Audioslave.
translate to the studio, and Cornell and producer Brendan O’Brien (known for his work with Bruce Springsteen, Pearl Jam and many other highprofile rock acts) had some give and take on the parameters of the Higher Truth project.
But as a solo artist, Cornell has put himself in an almost polar opposite musical setting, performing on recent tours essentially solo acoustic.
One reason Cornell selected O’Brien for the project was because he knew he would be great at recording his vocals – a big issue on an instrumentally spare album featuring one of the most powerful vocalists in all of rock.
Billing his 2011-12 outing as his “Songbook” tour, Cornell documented his acoustic performances on the 2011 “Songbook” concert release. “The Songbook tours, that’s really sort of all bets off, 30 years of Chris Cornell songwriting in context, before (being in) any band, distilled into a guy standing in front of you with an acoustic guitar singing and playing,” he said in a late August interview. “It’s kind of done what I hadn’t been able to do in any other way. It’s connected the dots between all of my bands and all of my different projects and all the different periods of my career under one umbrella that makes perfect sense. “That’s sort of what did it. I wasn’t thinking about that necessarily when I started out, but after the first North American tour, when I got done with that, I felt like OK this is sort of who I am. This incorporates everything I’ve ever done, but it doesn’t sound schizophrenic when it’s in this context – and these songs work in this context.” Having found his acoustic tours so satisfying and enjoyable, Cornell decided the next logical move in his solo career would be to make an album in the sound and spirit of the acoustic shows. That album, Higher Truth, has now been released. “I wanted to write new material that specifically was written for that (acoustic format), almost in respect to that, or out of respect to that,” Cornell said. “Like this deserves to have its own record, its own voice. And that’s what Higher Truth became.” Doing an acoustic studio album did present some questions about how the format would
“Brendan is kind of one of the only guys I’ve met in my 30 years that I trust (recording vocals),” Cornell said. “He just can do it. And not only can he do it, but he gets that extra 20 percent better than I could ever do on my own.” What Cornell had to settle was whether he and O’Brien had the same vision for how everything besides the vocals would sound. “My only question really was the idea of keeping it small, the idea of it not sounding like a band,” he said. “So needing it to be simple, needing it to be percussion and loops as opposed to full drum kits, needing it to sound like a singer-songwriter album, meaning it sounds like its more or less one guy’s record, how was that going to work?” Cornell said. “My first concern was I knew he was going to be reluctant to strip things down entirely to just singing and an acoustic guitar. “He said ‘I love your demos, I love your songs,’” Cornell recalled. “‘I love the idea of making an acoustic record, but I’m scared of the idea of it just being singing and one acoustic guitar. But if you’re open to adding different textures and different things here and there to just kind of keep the songs going, then I think we can make a great record.’ “Then he also said, ‘I don’t think anybody but you or I should play on it. I think that will keep the innocence of the album sort of where we want it to be and keep it sort of with the feel of the demos.’ And that was it.”
Cornell said he and O’Brien followed through on those intentions, and Higher Truth turned into exactly the album Cornell had envisioned.
with its fourth full-length album, the 1994 release Superunknown. But after one more album, 1996’s Down on the Upside, the group disbanded.
“I think from Day 1, everything worked out perfectly,” Cornell said. “I think all of the things that I wanted to get out of it came, and any stresses I might have had, any concerns I might have had, just never materialized.
Cornell went on to release his first solo album, Euphoria Morning, in 1999 before joining the supergroup Audioslave (which also included Tom Morello, Tim Commerford and Bard Wilk of the recently-disbanded Rage Against The Machine). Audioslave lasted three albums before splitting. Cornell then resumed his solo career, releasing Carry On in 2007 and Scream (whose electronic/ synthy musical setting generated considerable criticism).
“Then there’s a whole bunch of other bonus stuff. His bass playing, for example, the way we kind of did it was I would play the guitar of the song. He would play bass underneath that, and then I would sing it. And that would be sort of the basic song. Then we would start trying to add things to where we thought they might need to be. But his bass playing was amazing. It just really elevated everything, and created a scenario where it didn’t really need so much else.” What Higher Truth reaffirms is that Cornell’s songwriting is strong enough to stand up in the spare acoustic format. Most of the songs are augmented by judiciously-chosen additional instrumentation, such as orchestration, washes of synthesizer or, as on “Nearly Forgot My Broken Heart,” an electric guitar solo. But Cornell’s vocal melodies and singing are the stars of virtually every song. Making Higher Truth and scheduling his first tour behind the album for this fall aren’t the only projects Cornell has had on his plate this year. He’s also been working on a new Soundgarden album, which figures to be released next year. One of the early grunge bands, Soundgarden broke through to massive commercial success
Then in 2010, Soundgarden regrouped, playing that year’s Lollapalooza before releasing a strong studio album, King Animal, in 2012. A new Soundgarden album may be on the horizon, but Cornell will be busy touring behind Higher Truth this fall. Cornell said he’ll have a cello player join him on perhaps a handful of songs, otherwise it will just be him on stage. He doesn’t use a set list, but plans to play not only some Higher Truth songs, but other material that didn’t make earlier Songbook shows. “(I’m) going to be trying to go sort of deeper catalog, doing some songs that were written for different bands at different points in my life that I haven’t done yet,” Cornell said. “Some of that is based on requests that I see online or I’ve seen during shows. (I’m) wanting to do as much of my new album as I can get away with, you know, seeing how well that works and wanting to bring in cover songs I’ve never done before, some of which is also based on requests I’ve seen or just weird ideas I’ve had.”
“I think that will keep the innocence of the album sort of where we want it to be and keep it sort of with the feel of the demos.” WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM
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Rock Movies So Awful They’re Great BY PETER GERSTENZANG – @HAPPYSPAPPY
Social scientists call it the Law of Unintended Consequences. It can be something good, like a sudden rainstorm making crops grow. Or something bad, like hearing George Zimmerman is going on a lecture tour. Instead of being sent to the violent offender’s ward at the Okeechobee Correctional Facility. The same goes for rock and roll movies. Good ones are okay. But awful ones are so much better. I’m not talking sort of bad, like Hysteria: The Def Leppard Story. But the kind of horror the New Testament describes as “an abomination in the sight of God.” Here are some truly unspeakable rock movies, should you need a laugh.
Eddie and the Cruisers (Aurora Productions 1983) The entirely plausible story of how a 60s rocker, with a single-digit IQ, makes the first concept album, inspired by French Symbolist Poetry. Made by the same director who did that biopic of Beethoven, starring Andrew Dice Clay. Still, this film is sublime. Because it’s so inaccurate about the music scene, it makes Valley of the Dolls look like a prize-winning documentary about the movie business. High praise, by the way.
Rock Star (Warner Bros 2001) The story of long-haired photocopier, Mark Wahlberg, who goes from being in a metal tribute band that imitates a supergroup, to actually being in that famous band. Then things get really implausible. Watching SMARTER, SHARPER MEN
miniature muscleman Wahlberg, you’ll feel the need to look up the term “Dwarf” on The Net. Not only does it seem to describe him, but on the same page you’ll also see the definition for “Cretinism.” Which strangely enough, was the movie’s original title.
Hard To Hold (Universal Pictures 1984) Rick Springfield plays a rock star who falls in love with a female doctor who only listens to Tony Bennett. I know, it does sound suspiciously like Birth of a Nation. This film is so completely wrong when it comes to rock and roll details, it makes you long for the blazing honesty of Eddie and the Cruisers. Rick’s bandmates look a little like rockers. But more like middle-aged dudes who hang around for the buffet at The Golden Corral. Nobody does drugs. The guys eat pizza during band breaks. This was the 80s, man! Nursery school teachers, nuns and Wall Street brokers were all doing coke. As was Stevie Nicks. Who went so crazy she claimed she’d been a member of all those professions. Not to mention, the Queen of Spain.
Purple Rain (Warner Bros 1984) It has the plot a soap opera writer would reject as too melodramatic. The dialogue is so awful, it would’ve made Ed Wood take his name off the credits. And at the center is a performance by a guy whose acting teacher was caught and immediately returned to Bellevue. Add great songs, stir thoroughly. And you have a movie so cheesy, it actually performs the unprecedented feat of getting worse every freakin’ time you watch it. Don’t ask me how I know. I just do.
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THE KIDS ARE BY CHRIS SICK – @CHRISSICK
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t h g i r l A
ave you seen the Internet lately? Turns out, it’s mostly horrible. True, a lot of it is pornography, but not nearly enough of it to offset the staggering number of largely useless opinion writing. In any given 24 hours, you can find a near infinite amount of breathless analysis and opinion about something happening in the world that is, most likely, nowhere near as important as the author is going to attempt to tell you it is. A favorite topic of many of these writers is the vagaries of the Millennial generation. Aged 18 to 34, Millennials now outnumber Baby Boomers, the dominant generation in the U.S. for the last 40 or so years. At 75 million strong the Millennials, significantly more than the slightly-stunted Generation X, are now becoming the dominant force driving economics, policy, and culture in the U.S.
Which means a lot of people are spilling a lot of ink and wasting a lot of time trying to explain who they are, what they want, and how to get their money. The Millennials think piece is a genre unto itself, so prevalent that it’s quickly become easy fodder for parody from the parts of the Internet that still have a sense of humor. Which seem fewer every day. Millennials – marketing companies and reporters alike insist – are very, very different from past generations. They don’t want cars and houses, they prefer cities and care about the environment. At work they are entitled, needy, and demanding, expecting everything and bringing nothing to the table. They’re politically confused. Hell, Millennials are so widely reviled that they don’t even like themselves very much. Let’s start with a simple bit of clarification to make sure we’re all on the same page moving forward: Millennials, turns out, are people. They’re, ultimately, just like everyone else. They’re not some special subspecies of unique American the likes of which has never existed before and needs to be deeply examined by science. And anyone trying to tell you otherwise is either willfully obtuse, an idiot, trying to sell you something, or a combination of all of three. In fact, as the Millennial cohort has begun to age into its 30s, what’s become most noteworthy is how frighteningly similar to previous generations they are. To the extent that it was noteworthy that Millennials were not buying houses as young as prior generations had, and eschewing other large purchases like cars, it’s far more important to consider the incredible economic hardship that this generation came of age in. Much of the Millennial generation was entering the workforce at a time when the entire global economy was metaphorically burning to the ground. In fact, let’s go a step further and, just for a second, recognize that what we explain as the behavior or characteristics of a given “generation” is generally a shitty
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sort of shorthand to answer the question of “what are middle class white dudes up to?” Which, for most of this country’s history was a pretty important question. By design and intention, no one else really mattered, and that structure has misshaped the ways we think about generational age cohorts. Our current understanding of studying generations is largely attributable to the work of William Strauss and Neil Howe. The two highly-accomplished men used their own model of generational cohorts to explain the history of the United States back to the 1500s and into the future in their seminal book, Generations. This bit of pop-sociology maps a narrative arc onto the history of the U.S. and, attempts to plot that arc into the future. But the problem with this sort of thinking is that it tells us there’s an easily discoverable “story” behind each generation; that once understood helps contextualize and explain their actions. But we’re talking about 75 million American citizens. There’s no single story that’s going to make sense of them. And when your job is to hit word counts and generally know what the fuck you’re talking about – I can tell you firsthand – the impulse always is to oversell a conclusion and undersell the confusion. Which is why you can chart the aging of the Millennial cohort by the speed at which the media and analysts revise their previous opinions as to how remarkably different this generation really is. The truth is, if you’re trying to understand why Millennials are moving to cities and not buying cars and houses or starting families, look at the unprecedented amounts of student debt they’re carrying. Examine how many of them are still struggling to find early employment and how that can damage workers’ earning potential well into their future. The kids are alright, generally speaking, or at the very least they’re no more horrible than any other prior generation of Americans. However, unlike prior generations of Americans, they face a structure that leaves them inherently disadvantaged: encouraging them to undertake crippling debt to attain an education that comes with no guarantee of gainful employment. It would be ideal to think that this next generation of Americans is somehow uniquely special, that they don’t want good jobs, nice homes, and families. It would excuse a country that is failing the promise to its youth to give them – at the very least – the opportunities to achieve more and live better than their parents. It would excuse the Baby Boomers, as they retire to their golden years supported by younger workers, for the world they’ve left behind. Making it a tempting excuse, and a pleasing fantasy, but no more true than any of the other bullshit we’ve been telling ourselves about the new generation. Turns out they’re alright, it’s the system that’s the problem. WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM
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SMARTER, SHARPER MEN
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Bits of Wisdom…Norm MacDonald There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion. With the computer and stuff, the difference between a rich guy and a poor guy, to me, is nothing. Note to self... Sex with blow-up doll is not as good as advertised. You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh? Alec Klickesess
Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
Scorpio: October 23-November 21 You’ll have a sinking feeling when you’re shown what actual hand-ball is and realize you have to call the cops on your uncle because the version of the game he taught you. Sagittarius: November 22-December 21 With Facebook getting a “dislike” button soon, your death next week is still going be “liked.” Capricorn: December 22-January 19 In our ever-progressing society you needn’t worry, your Rape-esq vibes and approach to dating are still accepted if you join a fraternity.
Andrew J. Hewett chewednews.blogspot.com HOW ABOUT: “SEX! SEX! Western Europe’s post-war cradle-to-grave welfare state spending often means cutting costs even in the military. An example occurred in August 2015, when Dutch soldiers were told when/if possible to stop wasting ammunition during training by simply shouting “Bang!-Bang!”
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NICE “BUSH” Stratford, Texas – Neighbors called police to the home of Wallace Berg, after seeing him in his yard doing something unusual. And, when officers arrived to find the naked 81-year-old making love to a bush, they arrested and charged him with second-degree breach of peace and public indecency. GOD SAYS NO TO STUPID While John D. Brock stood before the congregation at Mossie Simpson Pentecostal Church in Jenson, Ky., he quoted the Bible, saying “take up serpents.” At the same time he also held a venomous snake, which bit him. But, to prove his faith, Brock refused all treatment and went home with his brother, where he died.
Aquarius: January 20-February 18 Your parents use to secretly hope you would be kidnapped while you were growing up, but now that you’re an adult they just hope you get stabbed so they can have something for which to be thankful.
Taurus: April 20-May 20 Hindsight is 20/20 but you probably shouldn’t have answered the Craigslist ad promising the “authentic” 50 Shades of Gray Experience. A sore butthole will pass, but the scars will remain.
Pisces: February 19-March 20 Keep posting on Facebook that being single is your choice and fun. No one’s buying it.
Gemini: May 21-June 21 If you ever feel like the universe is against you, that’s because it is. In fact it’s been harboring a pretty intense grudge since you were conceived.
Aries: March 21-April 19 Your friends don’t invite you out because just like Kim Davis you make anyone you are seen with less cool.
Cancer: June 22-July 22 Some people see the glass as half-full or half-empty. You on the other hand just assume you’re going to choke on the water.
Leo: July 23-August 22 Everyone thinks you’re a part of the protest after your dildo fell out of your bag, but they don’t know it’s just business as usual for you. Celebrate the small victories. Virgo: August 23-September 22 Waking up in a Batman suit made of trash-bags behind a Panda Express would be alarming to most, for you it’s a good Monday morning. Libra: September 23-October 22 Food Porn hashtags will continue to frustrate you after your cake-sitting fetish fails to gain popularity. WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM
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IT’S NEVER TOO EARLY FOR THE BLACK FRIDAY INSIDER’S GUIDE BY TAYLOR C. BERRIER – @THEGALAXY89 IT’S RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER. The scent of pumpkin spice lofting in the air on cooler nights and shorter days. Many have come to know this time of year to be one of infinite specials and spending opportunities, as custom to our capitalist traditions. I’m not just talking about Christmas or Single’s Day. Many have spent most of the year putting their money away just for this occasion when supply is at its highest, prices are at their lowest, and retailers are at their greediest.
watches should drop much closer to the $100 price range. Unless you are Karl Malone, now is a great time to pick up a smartphone, if not for you, then for your 2-year-old or any child with fingers and enough dexterity to play Angry Birds 2. Look
THAT IS WHAT BLACK FRIDAY HAS BECOME. If you need a television for your tailgate, go with something that’s not John Henderson going to break your back, anywhere between 40 and 50 inches will come in under 30 or 35 pounds. Keep an eye out for 29 inchers for around $75, 32 inchers for under $90, Powhu and compared to what sku we saw last year, 40-inch TVs for around $110. If you’ve got a senior in high school, snag one of these for their new dorm next fall. They also are for no-contract phones at Best Buy, Target, and perfect for tailgating. Wal-Mart, and even RadioShack (if they’re still But if size matters to you, look out for 45 inchers for $150 or 50 inchers for $175. You might have to post up in line for a few hours, but if you do breakfast or lunch as your Thanksgiving meal, you should be golden in getting your hands on the best deal. Look for 15-inch displays to drop as low as $50 from retailers like Fry’s Electronics and Best Buys. 19-inch displays under $70, and 24-inch displays under $100. I won’t endorse any one wearable, because they all will jump into the limelight of retailers’ ads before Black Friday. I also won’t tell you which one is best for you. As long as you have one, you are trying, and that’s all that counts. There will be deals even at the higher price points. Apple Watch has been on shelves for a year and Apple hasn’t exactly seen the success it wanted from its first make and model. Let’s see if Black Friday can stir the pot of sales for what are actually stylish watches. If you are on a budget and looking for something that can also “do it all,” Android Wear SMARTER, SHARPER MEN
in business), as they will be well under $50 for models that do pretty much everything every other phone can do. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Android phones for as low as $10. But the golden price point from last year was $30. Best Buy had an HTC Desire 510 for $30, Target had the Kyocera Hydro Vibe for $30, and Wal-Mart had a Samsung Galaxy Ace Style II for $30, and LG’s were across the board. Walgreens, Rite Aid, CVS, who sell phones, other electronics and occasional some cool off-branded deals, like Polaroid tablets or RCA mp3 players are usually worth checking out, especially the 24-hour locations. Special mention to power tools, though anybody buying power tools probably knows what they’re doing when buying them. You still can count on some big markdowns on these, because sure enough, Sears, Home Depot, and Lowe’s can set you right on Black Friday. Clothes shoppers are best to lurk the shopping malls since they have multiple clothing retailers
in walking distance of each other. But now found in malls across America are Microsoft stores, and Microsoft’s own smartphones being sold in them! Just a couple more things to remember: WalMart will match its competitor’s prices any day of the week, including Black Friday deals on Black Friday. RadioShack continues to honor the student/college and military discounts with valid identification, an additional 10 percent off pretty much anything, and this too applies on Black Friday.
djLicious
For member’s only: check out Sam’s Club and Costco. These places have their dedicated followers but in my opinion are one-stop shop places void of the joy of hopping from venue to venue.
It all takes a little bit of time and planning, but anybody can walk away a winner, especially if you come prepared, like having all of your rewards cards and info together in one place. Online-specific retailers will start their deals Nov. 1 if they so choose. Some will wait until a week before Black Friday, and some will go on through all of December. Best advice: just keep your eyes peeled. Proceed with caution on cameras, batteries, drones, shoes, scooters, bikes, camping, streaming media boxes and gaming systems. Many of these items come in bundles. Bundles are hard to estimate because any location can have any version of any given bundle. Many bundles ultimately can save you money if you had planned to purchase all included items anyways. One more helpful tip for those who have made it to the end of this guide. I would never tell someone not to buy a warranty, but be warned: these can break the bank. Music lovers should check out their local record stores for huge markdowns on their used items including phones, CDs, vinyl, movies and video games.
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