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Texas vs. Oklahoma Saturday, October 12 Four Steps to a Great Game Day! 1. Download the GoPass app! 2. Buy your DART pass! 3. Ride DART to the AT&T Red River Rivalry! 4. Enjoy the game! Fans: Be sure to allow plenty of travel time so that you arrive by kickoff. Also, sign up for text alerts so you’re in the know, on the go! Just text DARTTXOU to 41411. Full color
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VOL. 6 - ISSUE 9
OCTOBER 2013
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OCTOBER 2013
VOL. 6 - ISSUE 9
The Meaning Of Clutch S
BY WILL MARTIN – MRWILL316@BLITZWEEKLY.COM
eptember is without a doubt a month that can best exemplify a moment or place in time for allowing a person, group, or team to shine, overcome, persevere, and perhaps even defy the odds when least expected. Of course if you look up a word to best exemplify this you discover it has more than one meaning. As a noun, verb, or adjective, this six-letter word is applicable to a scenario. Think ‘clutch’ as a noun and here’s the short version of what you are told: “Device for quickly and easily connecting or disconnecting a pair of rotatable coaxial shafts (cars and trucks immediately come to mind)… also used for a group of chickens. In this same dictionary you have ‘clutch’ as a verb: “To hold onto (someone or something) tightly with your hand…to try to hold onto someone or something by reaching with your hand” as the dictionary says. Yes, I know that for most of you clutch has an entirely different meaning, as an adjective: “Happening during a very important or critical time especially in a sports competition or able to perform well in a very important or critical situation especially in a sports competition.”
This is the definition that can define a moment, person, team, or incident. It is the very fiber or fabric that fully envelops the fans who live for such moments for good or bad, better or worse, in sickness and in health, ‘til death do you part. We do! Wow, we take a vow for sport more seriously than we might compared to that other institution we call marriage. So what makes for a clutch person? Tiger Woods winning tournament after tournament early in his career before the fallout from 2009? His ability to always be lurking among the leaders on any given Sunday? I’d say that’s clutch!
Publisher Kelly G. Reed Editor-in-Chief C. Craig Patterson Creative Director Jette Stephens Cover Design Jette Stephens Cover Photo Jonah Gilmore Photo Editor Darryl Briggs Staff Photographers Gregg Case, Jarrod Fresquez, Jonah Gilmore Steven Hendrix, Kevin Jacobson, Rick Leal, Chuck Majors
Staff Writers Arthur Bellfield, Geoff Case, Steven Doyle, Peter Gerstenzang, Ethan Harmon, Keysha Hogan, Frank LaCosta, Amber LaFrance, Will Martin, Mark Miller, Hannah Allen White Contributing Photographers: Collin Harvey, Joe Lorenzini, Jeff Sandquist Contributing Writers: Samantha Alexander, Gary Dowell, Rodney Fisher, Jarrod Fresquez, Andrew J. Hewett, Karina Manlove, Wendy Wyatt
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Michael Jordan in his heyday helping and leading the Chicago Bulls to many a title alongside Phil Jackson, assisted by people like Scottie Pippen, Horace Grant, and Dennis Rodman? How many times did we witness the inevitable moment of ball in hand, tongue about to wag, a slam dunk coming while airborne from the foul line, or better yet, as Cavalier fans will attest, the three-pointer to defeat Cleveland in that 1989 playoff game? Talent notwithstanding, that was clutch! All that talk about muscle memory and the ability to make a certain shot over and over again in a given situation is applicable here. I wanna be like Mike (smile). Despite losing a World Series in seven games to the Arizona Diamondbacks in 2001, who remembers that Derek Jeter, Scott Brosius and Tino Martinez each hit home runs to propel the New York Yankees to a 3-2 series lead? That my friends is clutch! Red Sox fans always will be quick to remind the world of how an 86-year drought was forever removed when Dave Roberts and David Ortiz helped extend what many thought would be a four-game sweep by the Yankees to win in seven games? Curt Schilling, Johnny Damon, and idiots all around – YOU WERE CLUTCH! This is not to be confused with numerous instances of teams that have played well or started off strong only to collapse in a heap in the end. You can pick your word choices from these: 1. Meltdown; 2. Choke; 3. Collapse; 4. Epic Failure; 5. Fold. Already 10 years have passed since the night the world pondered the end days and the Lord’s return when both the Red Sox and Chicago Cubs were five outs away from meeting in the World Series. Fans were becoming giddy about revisiting 1918 after 85 years and ending a dry spell of biblical proportions. Remember? I know you do.
ON DECK Pedro Martinez stay in a game that the Yankees ‘became his Daddy.’ Five innings later the name ‘Aaron F-ing Boone’ became an epithet and a symbol for coming through on a big stage in the…wait for it…clutch! For some people the word clutch might be overused or improperly placed. You will have instances when a performance of an individual truly is what it is meant to be – destiny: 1. Peyton Manning throwing for seven touchdowns in a game – expected. 2. Adrian Peterson one year removed from major knee surgery runs for 2,000 yards – inspirational and against all odds. 3. Kobe Bryant – time and again the go-to guy in the fourth quarter of a game to help lead Los Angeles to victory or overtime – fun to watch. 4. Game 6 of this year’s NBA Finals when the Spurs were 21 seconds away from a title. Bandwagoning fans already having left the Miami AAA building. Enter Ray Allen with a dagger of a trey to send the game to overtime and a win and force a Game 7 – no one saw that coming. 5. Seeing the 2012 Oakland A’s not lead the American League West for 161 games only to win on the final day of the season over the Texas Rangers and therefore won the West dramatically.
It started with that foul ball at Wrigley Field that will forever (wrongly) immortalize Steve Bartman for a catch Moises Alou may never have made and the Marlins scored eight runs that changed a series. Never mind the Cubbies’ errors that allowed for this.
Remember the 1964 Phillies, 1978 Red Sox, 1995 Angels or 2006 Mets? Recall the 1978 Redskins and 2003 Vikings going 8-8 after 6-0 starts? Those are collapses, the direct opposite of clutch. Meltdown also may be applied as a term. We’re seeing it happen in Arlington as I type, sadly.
In New York it was a five-run lead erased when Grady Little went against his instincts and let
So what’s in a word, sports fan? How about you tell me?
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OCTOBER 2013
State of the Fair
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The Biggest Draw to the Fair Grounds Isn’t the Corny Dogs
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BY KEYSHA HOGAN – @THEKEYSHA
aturally, any event that bears the name
game to frivolously blow their tickets on those
“Texas” must include livestock, deep
shaky Midway rides and cotton candy.
fried everything or football. Lucky for us
the State Fair ropes this sacred southern trinity together for only three days during its entire run and invites visitors to bask in the massive medley of all things Big Tex. On these three days, teams
No matter how this game shakes out, plenty of soldiers and veterans will show up to watch. Make sure you shower them with tickets to make sure they enjoy every minute.
embarrass themselves on a national stage. This
Saturday, Oct. 5, Southwest Airlines State Fair Classic® featuring Grambling State vs. Prairie View A&M
year’s matchups will be no different as storied
Usually the biggest conflict on the field
gather upon the hallowed football grounds of the Cotton Bowl and fight desperately not to
teams offer up their best shot at a piece of State Fair history.
Saturday, Sept. 28, Louisiana Tech vs Army You can be sure that there have been plenty of push-up punishments doled out at the Army football practice field. Last season Army finished 2-10 and this year is already off to a tough start. The Black Knights of West Point, N.Y., are struggling to prove that the inconsistencies of the past two years
during the State Fair Classic is between two of the hardest-working and soulful marching bands in the business. This year’s festivities may be dampened by the recent and sudden firing of Grambling coach Doug Williams. The awkwardness of this game will fully set upon the crowd when it watches Williams’ son, quarterback D.J. Williams, take the field. Some say Coach Williams is out due to giving away some free
aren’t haunting their future. And anyway, who can
tickets others say it’s because the school is having
stand to root against Army against a backdrop of
financial problems. The most likely reason is that
red, white and blue at the Cotton Bowl?
the Tigers just lost too much.
At odds with America’s most honored
Unfortunately Prairie View A&M isn’t looking
institution is Louisiana Tech University. First-year
much better. Honestly, the Panthers are probably
Coach Skip Holtz has started his era rebuilding a
just glad to be able to practice regularly. During
team that lost 31 seniors from a 9-3 team. Holtz
the 2012 season they missed the academic
has recently said that he wants to give his players
mark and received a Level One penalty from
a “maturity pill” to get them ready for prime-time
the NCAA. They may have traded field time for
play. So be on the look out for players leaving the
library time, but there is still potential there. The
offense recently led the conference in total yards, averaging 416.6 per game. And a new defensive coordinator has been brought on to bring back the dominance this team once had.
Longhorn fans are having a rough start.
Just remember that if even if both of these teams bring in lackluster performances, you’ll probably see a halftime show that rivals the Super Bowl.
hasn’t been enough to secure enough time in the
Saturday, Oct. 12, AT&T Red River Rivalry® as Oklahoma takes on Texas
the heat.
Fun Fact: Did you know that the Red River Rivalry was named after the 1931 Red River Bridge War which was just bunch of politicians fighting over collecting tolls on a bridge? After the Texas Rangers were called out and martial law was in full effect, Adolf Hitler heard about the dispute and was certain that this was a prime example of a weakening union.
showing. Dealing with new quarterbacks has
That international news event has spiraled into the bastion of tailgating debauchery we know today. Each year fans and alumni gather to wear the most revealing fan wear, drink beer, talk a little trash and drink some more. But this year let’s hope they don’t hit the bottle too hard, ‘cause
things ended last season.
UT will need to deal with the sloppy defense we’ve seen so far. Being ranked 30th in total offense and averaging 493.3 yards per game win column. Add the recent rumors about two Texas regents speaking to Alabama coach Nick Saban, and you’ve got coach Mack Brown feeling OU has started out the year with a strong been a challenge but the Sooners utilized their running game, and improved their passing game to still come out on top. During the first three games, their defense has given up only nine points per game, including shutting out the University of Louisiana-Monroe in their first game of the season. This is a huge jump from how The Longhorns must use the upcoming weeks to steady their game, or the Sooners will be celebrating their fourth Rivalry win in a row. And there’s just no amount of funnel cake that makes up for OU fans celebrating at the Texas State Fair.
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OCTOBER 2013
VOL. 6 - ISSUE 9
RISE OF THE
T
RefHERee
hese days, women seem to be intruding on every male-dominated sphere of the universe, to the dismay of some. They have roles as politicians, movie directors, and now, even football officials. National Football League representatives recently announced that 39-year-old Sarah Thomas is “on the radar” to become the league’s first full-time female official. With 16 years of experience including working as an official with Conference USA and training in this year’s officiating development program with the Indianapolis Colts, Thomas now is eligible for a spot on the big field as early as the 2014 season.
Landing on the league radar has taken years of training and knowledge gained from officiating games at the grade school, middle school, high school, and, finally, college level. It’s an accomplishment that has taken strength, nerve, and an open-mindedness to learning new strategies and adapt to the challenges of games at different levels. Yet, Thomas’ recent interviews with NFL.com and CBS Sports among other media outlets show that she’s taking this promotion for exactly what it is. It’s easy to get carried away in the hoopla and inevitable pressure that being a “first” brings, but Thomas remains cool and collected, contending that she is most excited to get out and enjoy being a frontline participant in the adrenaline rush that marks the start of football season. But what exactly does it mean for the NFL to take on its first female official? It’s important to point out that Thomas will be the league’s first “full-time” official when she is officially hired on. Last year, Shannon Eastin broke barriers by officiating in both pre-season and regular-season games during the officials lockout. Perhaps as a matter of course, she was laid off once an agreement was reached between the disgruntled NFL Referees Association and the NFL. Thomas
will be considered the “true first” by many, as her contract will be more than merely a begrudged stint on the field. It’s safe to say that referees may just be the most disliked people at almost any sporting event, and sometimes not the safest. This past May, a soccer official in Utah named Ricardo Portillo died from swelling in his brain a week after being punched in the head by an angry high school player. Considering that American football players have even more stereotypes of being pigheaded steroid-drones than their futbol playing cousins, this could prove a challenge to any official. And it’s not just physical wounds that plague many officials in professional games. Verbal harassment is common from not only players, but also coaches, and even overzealous fans. That type of treatment may be somewhat commonplace, but will there be a difference when a 200-pound linebacker shoves his finger in the face of a woman half his size? Some may question what the repercussions could or perhaps should be for such behavior. Do the same rules apply? As of yet, there really are no rules. If Pacman Jones decides to step to Thomas’ face and angrily dispute a call, how will Thomas react? More important, what will be the public’s reaction to his dispute? Much of the talk surrounding the announcement of a female NFL referee has to do with the idea that Thomas is breaking down the glass ceiling, which has for so long invisibly prevented minorities from obtaining certain positions of authority. Thomas, in an interview with CBS, said “I know a lot of females are maybe inspired that there’s a gender-barrier about to be broken. But I never set out to shatter the glass ceiling.” Her goal has always been to enjoy the game of football through participation. Still, it can’t
Themes of this NFL Season
The NFL’s $765 million concussion settlement SMARTER, SHARPER MEN
The first full-time female referee
Manti Te’o’s love life
BY MATEEKA LANEE’ – COMMENTS@BLITZWEEKLY.COM be denied that the role she’s about to play in sports history is nearly as exciting for women’s rights as Hillary Clinton’s running was in the 2008 presidential primary elections. Well, at least for football fans. Many look forward to 2014 as a season of change not ushered in by President Barack Obama. Some, however, believe the waters must be treaded very carefully looking into the future. Just reading through the forbidden comments sections of many articles on the subject puts a dark cloud over the situation. Anonymous American misogynists seem to have reached a general consensus: women are trying to ruin football by making it a pansy game, where men can’t release the necessary amounts of testosterone to make it through all four quarters. It’s safe to assume that the mere presence of a woman on the field won’t cause mayhem – at least it hasn’t in Thomas’ career thus far. Still, what arguments will arise when she makes her first “bad” call? Will fans, lounging on their couches, throw half-full bottles of Heineken up into the air, screaming that she shouldn’t have been allowed on the field in the first place?
Tim Tebow’s unemployment
What’s worse, will women’s rights groups look to Thomas as a sort of sacrificial lamb, to be used as a mascot and then thrown viciously to the Chicago Bears? (There are no wolves in the NFL, turns out). What may be most interesting will be to see to what standards of excellence Thomas will be held. The NFL clearly believes she is more than up to par. They’ve already chosen her, the same way Illuminati chooses its members (well, we’re not sure how that actually plays out, but it takes years and secrecy and extensive preparation as well). It’s the coaches, players, and fans who will, somewhat unfortunately, make the ultimate decision on her value to the NFL. Public opinion holds almost more weight than official scores in many cases. Public opinion, along with some pretty massive errors in judgment, killed Chad Ochocinco’s career. Public opinion, and Jesus Christ, made Tim Tebow a superstar. What will it do for Sarah Thomas? By the time football season rolls around again next year, will this discussion even still be relevant? Only time will tell. In the meantime, Sarah Thomas is focusing on doing her job, excited to be the one calling the shots.
RGIII’s knee
How bad the Jaguars suck
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OCTOBER 2013
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FIGHT CLUB
UFC 166 Preview BY FRANK LACOSTA – FLACOSTA@BLITZWEEKLY.COM
Cain Velasquez (12-1-0) vs. Junior “Cigano” dos Santos (16-2-0) The main event pits two heavyweights who will get after it. Both fighters know each other well and this will be the rubber match. Dos Santos took the first match with a knockout that aired on FOX and a highly-motivated Velasquez won their UFC 155 rematch with a unanimous decision. Velasquez will look to defend his title (again) against Cigano by starting off with lots of jabs and uppercuts and move in for the takedown. Cigano will stand and bang and if Velasquez wants a ground war he’ll get it. My prediction: If Cigano takes one on the chin in the early going it’s over, but I don’t think he does. Cigano will hang in there and win via submission in the fourth round. Velasquez loses his belt (again) setting up fight No. 4 between the big bruisers. Daniel “DC” Cormier (12-0-0) vs. Roy “Big Country” Nelson (20-8-0) Battle of the big dogs leading up to the main event. DC is a bit lighter and in better shape than Nelson. This will work to his advantage as the rounds go on. He is a wrestling beast but don’t let his UFC record fool you, he’s a serious bet to dominate. Big Country is every redneck’s hero with his beard and girth. He does have muscle hidden under his fat. He lost to Miocic back in June. He has a new contract with the UFC and perhaps he’ll be rejuvenated. This will come down to boxing vs. wrestling with Nelson coming out swinging for the fences. My prediction: Cormier withstands the early onslaught and by the third round will impose his will on Nelson. Cormier wins via decision. Nelson will be seen later that night chowing down at a Vegas-style buffet in Houston.
Sarah Kaufman (16-2-0) vs. Jessica “Evil” Eye (10-1-0) Even though this will be a preliminary fight on FOX Sports 1 it’ll be worth watching for no other reason than two female fighters getting down. Kaufman has a lot of experience under her belt. She is the only Hardcore Championship Fighting Women’s Bantamweight Champion. Her background is in kickboxing and BJJ. She packs quite a punch. Evil Eye is more of an orthodox fighter and lacks ring presence. She only has a puncher’s chance in this one. Here’s how I see it going down: they’ll dance around the first round feeling each other out with a few punches thrown here and there but in the second it’ll get serious as Kaufman being the bigger, stronger fighter will become more aggressive and bring her BJJ skills. My prediction: Evil Eye will take some blows and will be taken down and tap out shortly after. Kaufman wins with Rogan asking her to rub his bald head for good luck.
Disagree with me? Let me know via twitter @BlitzWeekly and we’ll see who has better picks the night of the fights.
PRESENTED BY
THE GYM 921 West Mayfield Road Arlington, TX 76015 (817) 652-1555 WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM
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OCTOBER 2013
VOL. 6 - ISSUE 9
More Than a Game: Red River Rivalry Weekend BY RODNEY FISHER – WWW.RFSPORTSRADIO.COM
Photo Courtesy: Collin Harvey
W
ith Texas vs. Oklahoma weekend quickly approaching, a native Dallas resident like myself can’t help but to feel nostalgic about the upcoming event. While the Longhorns already have two losses and might be on the way down this season, the Sooners may be looking for other quarterback options. But the Red River Rivalry is still the signifying moment that the fall season is upon us. Not because of the game itself, but for the weekend that will come. The weekend crosses alumni lines more than any event in the country. It doesn’t matter if you went to North Texas like me or attended Northwest Oklahoma, the red line at the Red River is real. You are Team Texas or Team Oklahoma by geography alone. If you lived in either state you felt obligated to scream at the enemy and throw horns up or horns down. You may have never strolled down 6th Street in a drunken haze or exited I-35 to go to Norman, but you knew where your allegiance was. I can vividly remember a carload of Mean Green including myself, patrolling the outskirts of the West End to yell at every person in Sooner Red for no reason other than to represent the state of Texas. As I got older the zany antics may have been put on hold until after the game, but I still feel the need to pick a side. My father attended East Texas State University in the late 70s. He felt the same obligation to root for Texas to defeat our neighboring rival. Ironically, the same draw to the game was based on the events surrounding the entire weekend. He retold stories of block parties in downtown Dallas before they made all the streets “one ways.” The watch parties for everyone who did not have a ticket was just as popular then as they are now. My father, like me, also saw the significance of having the backdrop of the State Fair as the biggest appeal to the weekend. The thousands of people walking the fair grounds before, during, and after the game meant you were a part of a big party no matter if you wanted to be or not. The State Fair is the biggest outdoor party in the world on that day (sorry Alabama vs. Auburn fans). No other college football game can have a better backdrop than the sights, sounds, and smells of the Fair.
SMARTER, SHARPER MEN
Photo Courtesy: Jeff Sandquist
Don’t have a ticket to the game and don’t want to watch it alone at home then let our list be your guide. Wear your colors, support your team and hook up with a girl from the opposing school. Sound advice right?
Angry Dog – Close enough to the stadium without actually having to be there. Get fired up eating the“superhot” wings then cool off with some cool brews. Barcadia – If the game ends up being a blowout at least you can chill on the patio or hangout inside and play video games from the 80s. Christies Sports Bar – Old school bar with tradition. Not a bad seat in the place. After the game wander up and down McKinney Avenue like you’re on a quest. Ginger Man – Truly a cool hangout and an awesome selection of beer to choose from. Plus you might meet someone richer than yourself. Cougars? Granada Theater – Watch the game on a giant screen and get that stadium seating feel. Berate your opponent. Then come up back for some live music that night. San Francisco Rose – If you’re going to watch a historic game then why not go to Dallas’ first sports bar. Good drink prices and hot co-eds will be there for the taking. Texas Station Sports Bar & Grill – Big game. Big ass hotel. Big 30-by-52 foot screen. Get blitzed and then check into the hotel to sleep for three days. Big bill at the end of it all.
VOL. 6 - ISSUE 9
OCTOBER 2013
Unbreakable Man
BY MARK MILLER – MMILLER@BLITZWEEKLY.COM
A
s an avid baseball fan from way back, I vividly remember all the hype heaped upon one Alexander Emmanuel Rodriguez. After all, when he debuted with the Seattle Mariners on July 8, 1994, he was just the third 18-year-old starting shortstop in modern Major League Baseball history. The others were Tony LaRussa with the Kansas City Athletics in 1963, and Robin Yount with my Milwaukee Brewers in 1974. LaRussa ended up as a multiple-World Series champion manager and Yount finished as a Hall of Fame player. I saw the player better known as Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod for short) in person a number of times early in his career when the Brewers still were in the American League. A business trip to the Pacific Northwest even afforded me the chance to watch him once in the old Kingdome. He more than lived up to his advance billing in his first full year in 1996 with a .358 batting average with 36 home runs and 123 runs batted in, earning him some Player of the Year honors. Four ensuing seasons in Seattle produced four more similar years. Yet for most of his time in Seattle, he was simply one of the sport’s brightest stars on the field with no signs of any trouble off it. Nobody at that time had any inkling of the many personal and professional controversies and scandals with which he’d later be associated. We figured outstanding statistics like his only could be produced by pure talent. Never did it cross our minds that foreign substances might be the cause. Remember, this was before the uncovering of the steroid era that has tarnished the game ever since. Perhaps we should have seen trouble coming the moment former Texas Rangers owner Tom Hicks handed out the now-famous 10-year, $252 million contract entering the 2001 season, and again in 2007 when the New York Yankees beat
that with a 10-year, $275 million deal. Money has a funny way of changing too many people and perhaps earning such exorbitant sums was a ticket to controversy and problems both between the white lines and outside the stadiums. Another factor the second half of A-Rod’s career was playing in the bright lights and media scrutiny that is New York City. While signing Rodriguez to that fat contract may have been the worst move ever during Hicks’ tenure as Rangers’ owner, trading him to the Yankees in 2004 very well may have been his best. It’s interesting that so much of A-Rod’s negative publicity has surfaced during his 10 years in the Big Apple. Remember in 2008 when he was linked to Madonna and rumored to be why she filed for divorce from husband Guy Ritchie and Rodriguez from wife Cynthia? Former Chicago White Sox and Miami Marlins Manager Ozzie Guillen recently said on Twitter that Madonna caused A-Rod to go bad. Guillen fails to mention the problems sprung up long before that. In 2009, when after initially denying performance enhancing drug use, including in a 2007 interview with Katie Couric on 60 Minutes, Rodriguez finally admitted that he used steroids when with the Rangers. He said it was because of
the enormous pressure he felt to perform. Maybe it was trying to live up to the weight of his hefty contract. It certainly helps explain years with 52, 57 and 47 home runs, numbers normally reserved for first or third basemen or outfielders. One would think telling the truth would be the end of Rodriguez’s lies. But there’s an old saying that once a liar, always a liar. So it should not be a surprise about his alleged involvement in the Biogenesis scandal that has him currently appealing a 211-game suspension by Commissioner Bud Selig, the longest suspension in baseball history without a lifetime ban. The potential money he would lose by not challenging the ruling also explains his role in the feud with his team to come off the disabled list this summer. Interestingly, the same New York Yankees who seemed to try their best to keep him off the field, devoted 18 pages in their 2013 Official Media Guide & Record Book to what he had done. There’s plenty of separate boxes within the section to note his numerous achievements, many of which rank among the best in the sport’s history. They include: • S urpassed Lou Gehrig for the most grand slams ever with 23.
9
Can A-Rod Keep It Together? •5 th on the all-time home run list with 647 behind only Barry Bonds, Hank Aaron, Babe Ruth and Willie Mays. • Tied with Stan Musial for the most runs batted in with 1,950. • Youngest player to hit 600 home runs. Naturally, there’s not one word about anything controversial. Perhaps the reaction he’s received upon finally playing this year from home and road fans alike says it best: Alex Rodriguez may be the most polarizing player in baseball. Love him or hate him, you can’t ignore him. And that and the money are the key reasons he continues to play. Whether he plays or not soon may not be in his hands. Those in A-Rod’s camp think the Yankees and baseball are trying to keep him off the field to rid themselves of his contract and his controversies. There’s also concern he’ll receive little help from the Major League Baseball Players Union in fighting his suspension. While union chief Michael Weiner has said his group agrees with the decision to fight the suspension, he’s also made statements that if anyone is guilty, they should negotiate a settlement. A great example is Milwaukee’s Ryan Braun who after denying his Biogenesis involvement, accepted a 65-game suspension and apologized to Brewers’ fans for his mistakes. A recent New York Times story said Rodriguez and his people are worried the union will not do everything it can to help him as it weighs what’s good for all players over the good of one player whether the suspension was fair or not. So are we close to seeing the last of Alex Rodriguez on the field? The answer will be decided over the offseason. Whatever the outcome, we’ll pay close attention because we’re hard-wired to watch the rise and fall of celebrities like Alex Rodriguez .
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OCTOBER 2013
VOL. 6 - ISSUE 9
Season Potentially
Lost in the Wash BY WILL MARTIN – MRWILL316@BLITZWEEKLY.COM
Wash has had more on his plate this season than expected. Photo Courtesy: Joe Lorenzini
T
ime and time again one tries to tell the youth of the world that when you avoid your past you are doomed to at some point repeat it. Do not ask for an explanation. Rather, let this be a lesson in humility in which you never, ever take anything for granted when things are going well. Nor do you ease up on the pedal when the motion tells you to ponder hitting the cruise control button. Entering this final week of the season the Texas Rangers were on the outside looking in for a wildcard spot. If they fail to make the playoffs for the first time in four years, there will be enough finger pointing and blame to go around. Already the bandwagoners have begun with the ‘how can this happen, we were just in a World Series two years ago? I did the trendy thing and for what? To not spend money in October? Back to the Cowboys for they’re my team anyway.’ Bandwagoners, you gotta love ‘em. They’re right there with you when the final out is recorded and the pennant is hoisted and they’re the first to go when the buffet tray goes empty. Damn phonies.
The Rangers have definitely missed Nellie’s bat recently. Photo Courtesy: Darryl Briggs
Darvish has fallen victim to the Rangers inconsistent bats. Photo Courtesy: Darryl Briggs SMARTER, SHARPER MEN
better position three or four weeks ago, but it’s baseball. It’s a tough time. We’ve lost a lot of games and we have to find a way to get out of it ourselves.” Even skipper Ron Washington is perplexed. “I can’t put my finger on it,” he said. “I don’t know...the past four years, we have played extremely well there. That doesn’t mean in the last seven games we can’t get that back.” Well Wash allow me to help fill in some blanks. In no particular order what happened to the 2013 Rangers’ came to be because: 1. WE GOT NO HITTING: For the first time in a long time, maybe ever, Texas had a plethora of pitching. The kind Washington wanted when arriving in Arlington seven years ago. The defense also was equal to the task. But if you take away all the wins against the A.L. West, you were merely a .500 team. There was some great pitching but no timely consistent hitting. One day they plate seven runs then score three over two games. That’s not a formula for winning. 2. INJURIES: It definitely decimated the ballclub from Neftali Feliz, Alexei Ogando, Matt Harrison, Colby Lewis, even the lefty Martin Perez. Even with all the boo boos the Rangers played quality baseball through the month of August.
Think Josh Hamilton won’t be enjoying the last laugh for what he said about Texas not being a baseball town? As the Angels finish 2013 with a chance at a .500 record it certainly will make owner Artie Moreno happy if his team can have a hand in keeping the Rangers from a playoff spot.
3. WHOA NELLIE: Sorry, but if you want to lay the blame for this collapse on the feet of Nellie Cruz you are sadly mistaken. One bat does not speak for the other eight that have sleep-walked for the last six weeks. It was a nice seven-year run for the right fielder. Expect Nellie to go elsewhere in 2014, perhaps back to Milwaukee.
If there is a bright side at least the team didn’t wait until the 162nd game to lose first place like last year. The 2013 Oakland Athletics fell behind, caught up and then just pulled away while never looking back. So this begs the question: Texas Rangers...What the hell happened?
4 . BELTRE: He was the team’s player of the month in July and August but has all but disappeared in September. Going 19 for 75, he’s homerless since Aug. 28, with a .280 slugging percentage compared to .670 and .577 in the preceding months.
Let’s begin with a nice case of road rage. The last couple of years the Rangers usually were good for a 50-win season at home along with whatever they did on the road. This year with six home games left their home record is a paltry 40-35 but 45-36 on the road, best in the American League. This will be the least amount of home wins for the Rangers since 2008.
5. DRY COUNTY: You have the most important six-game homestand of the year when the Pirates and A’s come to town and...at no time do you have a lead and...at no time do you hit a home run? THAT is a first since Texas left Washington in 1972!
“It has not been easy, but we put ourselves in this situation,” third baseman Adrian Beltre told mlb.com. “We have to win every game. It’s something we put ourselves in. We were in a
5a. Starting pitching that gets no decisions for close to a month and for teams to now have figured out Yu Darvish...avoid the changeup he gets frustrated. Derek Holland despite no run support may be worthy of being called the team’s ace.
Let’s add a little simple arithmetic to this bad collapse. Michael Young (clubhouse leader) now back to the postseason with the Dodgers. His bat would have helped. Mike Napoli as a first baseman and DH did wonders as a Beantown acquisition. He too is playoff-bound. His numbers would have helped Texas win the West and handle the pitching. Oh yes, Josh Hamilton...He’s right in that this month’s collapse once again makes Texas think football and not baseball. He isn’t playoff-bound but that’s okay. He found the Lord and all is well in his world. Three players, two of whom weren’t wanted and one who was perceived as too injury prone only to have success elsewhere in the majors. Old-time Ranger fans will scratch their heads and now wonder how long it will take to get back to the World Series? Probably a while, make that a long while! Will Ron Washington be back in 2014? My guess is probably not. Maybe an argument can be made that the team tuned out Wash or that the skipper’s hands were tied with what he had to work with. Dave Magadan the batting coach also will be shown the door I am sure. In the mindset of ‘what have you done for me lately?’ the bandwagoners will now disappear and wait for the next big thing to happen and to jump on and roll on. Cypress Hill indeed was sage with that mindset in ‘Rock Superstar.’ There is one stat that truly is amazing. The Rangers are hitting .265 with a .410 slugging percentage at home. Both are the lowest in the 20-year history of the Ballpark. Former Ranger Mike Bacsik hit the nail on the head that the reason Texas has played better on the road is because there is no one to help take advantage of the Ballpark’s wind tunnel for power bombs. Whether the Rangers miraculously rally this week or not, expect a busy off season for the front office of Jon Daniels and the Arlington brass. Expect quite a few changes for 2014. More than anything if they don’t make the playoffs and fans ask ‘what if?’ ponder who was your leader? Your heart? Your soul? Your warrior? Your non producer? Who overachieved? Who failed? Who and what needs to come here to shore up a better lineup? Your minor league talent was gutted. If there’s no October baseball, enjoy an offseason of discontent. One where despite the horrific finish this Rangers team did a lot to keep things interesting.
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Belinda
gs l Brig Darry : y s e Court By: Photo vided o r P robe ique Ward ique Bout A r t c Ele ELIND
B E OF T R O SEE M THERS A M O LY.CO AND K E E W BLITZ
SMARTER, SHARPER MEN
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How to Survive Being a
k c o R Writer
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BY PETER GERSTENZANG – PZANG7@OPTONLINE.NET
eciding to become a rock writer makes about as much sense as sleeping with a hooker. You usually wake up broke. And feeling so ill and feverish, you’re sure you’re having your first outbreak of Herpes Simplex 2. However, hypochondria aside, it’s a good gig. If you love music. And don’t mind a lifestyle similar to a character in The Grapes Of Wrath.
Obviously, the job has numerous difficulties starting with editors. These folks control your life. Meaning, things can go either way. In Godfather terms, you’re always praying for someone as loyal as lawyer Tom Hagen. But you usually end up with the mentally-challenged Fredo Corleone.
There also are dangerous guys. I actually hung out once with a musician who carried a handgun. This affected the profile. Because even though this guy knew only two chords, twice in the piece I compared him to Shostakovich. Trying to make a living as a music scribe, you’ll sometimes have to write about musicians whose work you despise. However, if you’re lucky, they’ll also possess the brain of a newborn chicken. So you can say their new album is “unintentionally funny” or “lacking any thematic coherence” and they write and say thanks for the great review.
It’s important to cultivate a good relationship with the editor. After all, they’re responsible for the way your sentences look when they finally appear. So, this person can make you look brilliant. Or, like a stroke victim re-learning basic motor skills. Pray for the former. Although the latter may just prove to the government that you really are handicapped. And that first disability check is on its way.
Finally, there’s the most important person in the rock writer’s life. Right, the head of accounts payable. Befriend her. Even if all she’s mailing you is just enough money to buy your hamster food pellets and an exercise wheel. With enough left over to get yourself a dinner of Wrigley’s gum and Yoo Hoo. Still, whatever else you do, make friends with the accounts person. Forget literature, music and becoming famous. As you age, you come to understand that the most important thing to a writer is getting paid.
The next obstacle? The rocker. I sometimes get to talk to smart ones. But diplomacy is required if your subject has the IQ of a softball. For instance, a guitarist recently told me he was reading a book on agriculture. I had to keep myself from asking, ‘When you open it, do little farm animals pop up in the middle?’ I didn’t. And the piece came out smoothly.
Besides, things improve over time. Eventually, your profile gets higher and you start making more money. After no more than 10 years. And you know what that means. More pellets for your hamster and a better dinner for you. See, I’m an optimist. I’m the kind of guy who sees the Yoo Hoo bottle as half-full. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Am I right?
R
ecently, I had to break things off with a guy I was seeing for a few months.
Almost two months ago, I told him that I wasn’t looking for anything serious and I did not want to be exclusive. I was worried because he told me relatively quickly that he loved me. Well, that’s certainly flattering, I thought. Then later – whoa! What? I can understand saying the ‘l word’ after a few months, but a few weeks is a little hasty! You gotta warm me up before you start saying ‘I love you.’ I’ve had some long-term serious relationships that lasted for a few years and it was probably four or five months before those dudes said they loved me. Nevertheless, he kept texting me, asking why and wondering if we could “just be friends.” I heard through mutual acquaintances that he had been calling me his girlfriend for some time, which bothered me a bit. When I mentioned him calling me his girlfriend, he said he thought it was okay because we had been seeing a lot of each other. Well...not anymore, especially after I said I found it difficult to “just be friends” with someone I’ve dated. When I told him this, he asked me why, and when I told him it was because I didn’t want any awkwardness between us, he drove to my house, uninvited, to talk to me about my decision. Sure, I might sound rude or even mean for telling a guy who was obviously very interested in me to leave me alone. After all, he just wanted to get to know me and see what, if anything, transpired between us. But that wasn’t the issue. I asked my housemate if she’s had a guy do something similar with her, and she told me she has a guy right now who’s practically knocking down her door with text messages.
SMARTER, SHARPER MEN
“I had to ask him to stop,” she said. “He was sending me six or seven messages in a row, pictures of stuff at his job...it was too much!” I asked if she thought he was clingy and she agreed he was, just like the guy I’d been fending off. Kind sirs, please don’t overload us ladies with tons of texts and pictures or insist upon seeing us when we say we’re busy or not interested. It’s clingy, scary, and off-putting. Case in point: even though I told him nothing was going to happen between us anymore, he continues to send me messages on Facebook. Yes, on Facebook, even though he has my phone number and I did not block his number. I can’t even upload a picture of freshly baked homemade cookies without a comment like “can you save me some???” Really bro? We aren’t together. And I know that sounds really Taylor Swift of me. Then he told me one thing that really made me squirm. Y’all, please, no matter how frank you want to be with your wife, girlfriend, friend with benefits, significant other, etc., please don’t say what he told me. Trust me, they don’t want to know. I got a text from him that said “so I have a skin tag by my junk, and the doctor just told me today it’s a wart.” That’s never something I expected to hear, nor wanted to know. If you get a wart on your nether regions, have it removed, quietly! Please don’t text people you have a wart, especially someone you are attracted to. That’s no way to get a woman’s attention. In fact, as soon as I got that message, I couldn’t believe it was real – I had to reread it a few times before it sunk in – and then I laughed in disbelief.
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Where you can find her I bartend at Concrete Cowboy in Uptown. On being the 2013 Hottest Bartender I really was flattered by how many people got behind me so quickly. On her biggest tip We [the bartenders] got $1,000 on a $2 soft drink. DEFINITELY made our night!!
“I really was flattered by how many people got behind me so quickly.” – Courtney Ellis
On lingerie… It isn’t just for the brave. You’d be surprised how much confidence a really sexy set of lingerie can give a girl!
How to get on her bad side at work When I’m really busy, wave your arms, then yell/scream like you’re at a Nickelback concert to get my attention. After you have it, tell me “just a second, umm....” and turn around to ask your friends what they want. Get it together!! Her go-to drink Shot-wise, I’m a whiskey drinker. I like the straight stuff! (I do dabble in tequila when I am feeling frisky, though.) But nothing beats a good cold draft beer.
Random Bar Fact #1 “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” – Henny Youngman
On how to land a beautiful woman MAKE. US. LAUGH. (Not at you, either! *WITH* you.) Nothing is more attractive to me than when a guy can truly make me laugh. Her guilty pleasure It’s going to sound totally boring, but there is something about lying on the couch ALL day watching Netflix that makes me SO happy. I’m talking full-on don’t move, lazy, fat-kid snacks, procrastinate on all responsibilities kind of day.
Photo Courtesy: Jonah Gilmore WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM
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5 Drinks For Him 5 Drinks For Her
Women Who Could Drink You Under The Table
BY JARROD FRESQUEZ WITH ASSISTANCE OF THE FEMALE PERSPECTIVE FROM SAMANTHA ALEXANDER Driftwood (642 W. Davis St., Dallas) HIS: Cocktail a’ la Louisiane – Rye, Benedictine, vermouth, orange, bitters
Some things change, and some don’t have to. Being a gentleman is one aspect of your life that doesn’t, and shouldn’t, ever change. So here is a tip to young men looking to grow into that title, and mature men who never did: women are intrigued by a well-spoken, aware, cultured and knowledgeable man. Confident but not cocky, astute but not arrogant. I have brought you this quick guide of the five best venues for his and hers craft cocktails in Dallas.
Sundown at The Granada (3520 Greenville Ave., Dallas)
HERS: Lemongrass Gimlet – New Amsterdam gin, fresh lime, lemongrass infused simple syrup
HIS: Money Manhattan – Bulleit Rye whiskey, Carpano Antica, cherry bitters, Angostura bitters and house made fig syrup
Five Sixty (300 Reunion Blvd. E., Dallas)
HERS: Ginger Not Maryann – Ketel One Citron vodka, ginger liquor and white cranberry juice
HIS: Adios Nonino – Buffalo Trace Bourbon, aperol, amaretto HERS: Xiang Li “Fragrant Pear” – Absolut Pear Vodka, Canton ginger liquor, pear puree, lemongrass ginger syrup Rare (8052 Park Lane, Dallas) HIS: Ron Burgandy – organic Texas honey, Dewar’s Honey, fresh squeezed lemon, stirred
Victor Tangos (3001 N. Henderson Ave., Dallas) HIS: Red Hook – rye whiskey, punt e mes, luxardo maraschino, angostura and orange bitters HERS: Passionfruit Gimlet – vodka, fresh thyme, passionfruit, freshly squeezed lime juice and extracted pineapple juice
Image Courtesy: Rad
Amy Winehouse
HERS: Passion X – lychee fruit infused vodka, X-rated liquor, peach schnapps, lemon juice, pineapple juice, grapefruit juice
Tara Reid
What Your Bartender Should Be BY WENDY WYATT – BLACKTIPSANDREDLIPS.WORDPRESS.COM
Courtney Love Paula Abdul Diana Ross Samantha Goudie The University of Iowa student who recently blew a .341 at a football game before being taken to jail.
Image Courtesy: Paris
T
he definition of “bartending” is a description for a professional individual whose responsibilities are making drinks and cocktails according to Ask.com. Well … Ask. com, where is the mention of the people these bartenders are tending bar to exactly? Maybe that’s why bartenders suck these days, there’s no mention of people!
I am not a professional bar fly, nor am I the gal who knows everyone running the bar. Well, that’s the old me. I am now a gal who is married to a fella who enjoys whisky, and we have a spawn we nicknamed “Hoo.” We like the occasional date night and no, they are not some romantic dinner with candlelight, they’re spent at a bar – complete with beers and shots.
Random Bar Fact #2 “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.” – Frank Sinatra SMARTER, SHARPER MEN
Over the years, we’ve shared convos about the “good ole years.” In other words, when the person behind the bar actually gave a shit.
So, here’s my advice to all you aspiring “Flanagans:” 1) Talk to everyone who is ordering a drink from you. Not just your fellow bartenders who are out on their night off or people you feel who look like you so they must be your friends. Everyone. Patrons make a choice to go to your bar, the least you could do is have a conversation. And I am talking more than “what are you drinking?” 2) D on’t judge a book by its cover. Remember who I am? The gal who is married. You know what else? We’re the couple who tip and tip maja’. It’s a simple math equation. Piece of advice No. 1 + advice No. 2 = more dollars for you. It’s a win-win for all.
3) And lastly, fake it. Fake it ‘til you make it. I don’t expect you to remember everyone’s drink orders (the Sally Albright’s of the world will screw you), but remember something. If you see the same person at your bar more than twice you better remember a fact – the exact drink order, the last time he/she was there, or Christ, the name of a pet. Something.
Now, go on little grasshopper… be the best you can be. Oh wait, that’s the Army.
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Good
Why Every Guy Should Date a Sommelier,
19
Bad
Bartender, Cocktail Waitress, or Hot Brew Master
at Least Once in Their Life odrying s o G en t res e h p th
od Go king
o Be d Best po ing ba lite Knowing the t rte nd o T h e difference be ey ca rs. between w the n ing bes relaxing me t n. and binge drinking.
Go Having said that it’s time to rethink the dating pool and do something that every man should do at least once in their lives; date a sommelier, bartender, cocktail waitress, or any of the smoking hot brew masters occupying our local taverns and wine bars. Why? Because honestly where else are you going to find a beautiful woman with the wit and sass to give you the intellectual challenge you’ve been wanting? Someone who knows her way around a Hayman’s Old Tom Gin. If she pours you a glass of Angel’s Envy, even better. No longer should you waste your time dating random college girls making twerking videos on Vine, or bored soccer moms. Dating a sommelier is like dating a fine glass of wine that you gently kiss at just the right moment to make it count. Going out with a bartender is akin to dating a hot Maxim model, who really likes to get you drunk. And, of course going out with a cocktail waitress or brew master is like having the ultimate drinking buddy who can please you in more ways than one. You get the triple threat combo – the buddy, brew, and the booty! If the above mentioned benefits haven’t convinced you, here are the top three reasons why you should date a sommelier, bartender, cocktail waitress, or brew master: 1) Unlike most women she knows her limitations when it comes to drinking. This knowledge comes in handy on Friday and Saturday nights, no sloppy drunk chicks allowed. 2) She will introduce you to top-shelf level drinks. 3) She’s hot! If you haven’t noticed already the Dallas area hosts some of the sexiest bartenders and waitstaff in the country. Now go forth and conquer!
B
St a at and d t h in wh unsu e b g Ba a Brin d is e at t re o r g qu o o f bee ing you to iv rd r in r restr to the up pull alen er o d to ing t Sham om. an rive- the e on d you “g sa thru . iv y m e m ing inu e te. a ”
The Unofficial Guide to
BAR ETIQUETTE
Social Media Intoxicated BY ETHAN HARMON – EHARMON@BLITZWEEKLY.COM
W
eekends are the universal way of unwinding after a long week of work. Paychecks are cashed, plans are made, bars are filled and drinks are poured. And, of course, most nights spiral out of control, with too many screwdrivers consumed topped off with a half-dozen beers. The morning after always is a blur, and follows the ritual of checking texts, phone calls and surfing Facebook and Twitter to see what stupid decisions were made the night before. But, hey, it’s harmless, right? Actually, no, it’s not. Though it may seem like a fond remembrance of a fun night partying with friends, the cataloging of
“Trust me, you CAN dance.” – Vodka
If this is the type of woman you’re craving than your average barfly simply won’t do. There’s nothing romantic about a chick who can only order a jäger bomb or the colorful mixed drink of the night. By the way, the words “Long Island Iced Tea” should forever be banned from a woman’s lips.
Tipping the bartender in cash.
Worst
T
here’s something a bit sensual and chic about a woman who knows her way around a good bottle of wine and can order a great jerepigo at just the right moment to give your taste buds a transcendental orgasm. Of course said woman would have to be a liquor snob and could instantly tell if you were the Dean Moriarty-type who craved a cheap whiskey or wanted something a bit more company-friendly like a refined brandy.
Random Bar Fact #3
BY ARTHUR BELLFIELD – ASKARTHUR@BLITZWEEKLY.COM
Middle Ground
Rooting for d the wrong Ba king team at a w n Dri a stra it hometown o m bar. May God fro n’t d ur o o have mercy – d less y and ss un on a y l rh your ba nd on iña soul. a es p .” v ser ladas co
W o im l at ng a r t gir yi he a r bu for less ba rink her ive d nd act s. a ttr nd a rie f
ta Only gram Insta that pics ruin ’t won life r you ow. orr tom
pictures, videos and activities of a drunken rampage actually is detrimental to multiple facets of your social and professional life. Though it seems obvious at this point, many seem to forget that most employers periodically check the various social media profiles of their employees. That means that your boss will see the pictures of you vomiting on the bartender on your Facebook wall, and your co-workers will see the video of you streaking on your Twitter feed. Clearly, that will not reflect well around the office. Employers even go as far as to fire employees who do not represent some sort of normal, professional persona on their social media profiles. And if you lose your job, how do you expect to find a new one? The next potential boss won’t check, right? Wrong again. Good luck with that job hunt.
Of course, the images plastered all over your Instagram feed don’t present the best side of your vibrant, intelligent personality, particularly when you are partying and acting like an ass in the photos. Expect judgments all around. Have fun trying to explain the “fun and games” to those who are un-friending you and un-following you. Do you think deleting the images will help? Not likely. Instagram – which is owned by Facebook – caches all information processed through the site and app, just as Facebook is prone to do. Sure, the picture is not on your feed, but it is still stored on the site. Don’t deny yourself fun, but party responsibly. You never know where your face might end up and what it might mean for you later.
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Angry Dog 2726 Commerce St.
You go to a bar to have fun, watch a game, or meet a girl Neighborhood Services 5027 W. Lovers Lane
Your Facebook friends… and real ones too Standard Pour 2900 McKinney Ave.
You have no clue who Salvatore Ferragamo is and it doesn’t bother you one damned bit Scotty’s Elm St. Saloon 1608 Elm St.
You’ve punched someone before Bowl & Barrel 8084 Park Lane #145
You have never had a conversation about Game of Thrones
Photo Courtesy: Jonah Gilmore
SMARTER, SHARPER MEN
Belly & Trumpet 3407 McKinney Ave.
You go to a bar for meetings, dates, to network, or to bump into someone to get the edge on the competition Smyth 4513 Travis St.
Your underwear has another guy’s name on them Cedars Social 1326 S. Lamar St.
You don’t freak out when your friend buys a $150,000 car...and they don’t freak out when you buy yours Prohibition Dallas 1404 Main St.
You order wine at a bar Boulevardier 408 N. Bishop Ave. #108
You don’t split checks
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A WORKING KNOWLEDGE OF FOOD TRENDS
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MAN.EAT.FOOD
BY HANNAH ALLEN WHITE – COMMENTS@BLITZWEEKLY.COM
WHISKY STRIP
Photo Courtesy: Lark On The Park
I
f you’ve been alive for more than about a week you’ve probably picked up on these really annoying fluctuations in popular cuisine casually referred to as “Food Trends.” It seems like they not only are amplified but glorified by the Food Network a.k.a. “The Most Ridiculous “Network” Ever.” Since its regrettable inception in the 1990s, Food Network’s insertion of the term “Foodie” into everyday vocabulary has convinced a host of otherwise burgers-and-fries Americans to consider themselves master chefs since now they know about sundried tomatoes and chili-laced dark chocolate (both the pinnacle of 1990s food trends). In the 2000s we saw the ushering in of douchey coffee-snobbery and the cutesy cupcake craze, both of which are disappointingly still going strong today. But what really left its mark was the “Low Carb” movement where American’s decided that eating grain, fruit or potatoes was bad for them. Things like mashed cauliflower as opposed to mashed potatoes was plated next to chicken or steak and burgers wrapped in tortillas were capitalized on by supermarkets and restaurants alike and damn, was it annoying.
In this day and time we’ve got food trends like salted-caramel everything, Doritos Locos Tacos from Taco Bell and a compulsive organic habit. But the sincerely infuriating trends are the vegan, selfdiagnosed gluten intolerant. You’ve probably encountered one. God help you if it’s an otherwise interesting woman you’d like to take out to dinner because, with absolutely no animal byproducts, including eggs or honey, and no gluten – wheat, rye, barley or oats or the tasty alcoholic beverages that begin with those ingredients being strictly off limits you’re sort of wondering what options might be left? As this dietary trend spreads it gets scarier for us conventional omnivores and at times we may feel isolated as friends and family members succumb to these self-imposed dietary restrictions. If history has taught us anything though, it might be best to bear it all with a grain of salt – wait, is that vegan and gluten-free? – and have faith that this insanely annoying trend will go the way of fat-free and low-carb as soon as possible.
RESTAURANT NEWS: LARK ON THE PARK BY HANNAH ALLEN WHITE – COMMENTS@BLITZWEEKLY.COM
L
egendary Dallas restauranteur and night-club owner Shannon Wynne recently opened a New American spot downtown called Lark on the Park which conjures a busy Manhattan Bistro – a novelty in our notoriously laid-back Texan culture.
1/4 cup Hudson Manhattan Rye Whiskey 1/2 teaspoon sea salt 1 tablespoon raw sugar 1/2 garlic clove, thinly sliced 3 teaspoons minced parsley 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger 1 beef top grade New York Strip (1 inch thick and 1 pound) In a large re-sealable bag, combine the first six ingredients; add the beef. Seal bag and refrigerate for 10 hours or overnight. Drain and discard marinade. Place beef on a broiler pan coated with cooking spray. Broil 4-6 in. from the heat for 7-8 minutes on each side or until meat reaches desired doneness (for medium-rare, a thermometer should read 145°; medium, 160°; well-done, 170°).
Floor-to-ceiling windows give the best possible view of Klyde Warren Park and downtown Dallas and outdoor seating will make it perfect for autumn. The menu offers both exotic favorites, such as lamb shanks with couscous, and refined hometown staples such as grilled hanger steak with sorrel mushrooms and fingerling potatoes. Arrive a little early, pull up a barstool and check out the cocktail menu featuring the ever-relevant twists on a margarita! Lark on the Park is located at 2015 Woodall Rodgers Freeway. You also can check it out at larkonthepark.com.
Photo Courtesy: Lark On The Park
blitzweekly.com
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Disturbing Facts You’ll Never Be Able To Forget The mask that Michael Myers wears in Halloween is actually a Halloween mask of William Shatner spray-painted white. The 1977 version of The Hills Have Eyes was actually based on real life sicko Alexander “Sawney” Bean, who with his band of merry cave-dwelling whack jobs killed and digested more than a 1,000 extremely unlucky people over a 25-year time span. In 1974 Texan Ronald O’Bryan poisoned his own kid’s Halloween candy by putting cyanide in their Pixy Stix killing his son. Screenwriter Melissa Mathison was hired to turn E.T. from a horror movie about alien abduction into a flying bike, cute kiddie flick. While filming The Omen in 1976, animal handlers were eaten alive by lions and immediately after production wrapped a special effects artist was in a car accident that decapitated his passenger. The pretend lunatics Norman Bates (Psycho), Leatherface (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), Jame Gumb (Silence of the Lambs), and Bloody Face (American Horror Story: Asylum) are all modeled after real life deranged killer Ed Gein. Nine Inch Nails recorded their album The Downward Spiral in the house where actress Sharon Tate was murdered by the Manson Family. Tarantulas migrate in swarms that can number in the tens of thousands. Yep, that’s gross. The last person to be photographed with John Lennon wound up being his future killer, Mark David Chapman. People have been horrified of man-eating undead dating back to the 18th Century B.C. when they were brought up in the Epic of Gilgamesh. During the filming of The Exorcism of Emily Rose, the crew was horrified that the radio continually turned itself on and played Pearl Jam’s “I’m Still Alive.”
SMARTER, SHARPER MEN
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BY GARY DOWELL – WWW.MOVIEINK.NET
D
The Love Bug (1968)
Death Race 2000 (1975)
Days of Thunder (1990)
The first in the beloved comedy series flicks starring ubiquitous Disney hero Dean Jones as the owner and driver of an apparently sentient Volkswagen Beetle named Herbie, a duo that proves to be unbeatable on the rally circuit. Disney went so far as to hold a casting call of sorts to “audition” the best car for the movie; the pearl white Beetle beat out Toyotas, Volvos, MGs, and others because it was the only one to inspire the crew to pet it, making the already popular model even more iconic.
Produced by the King of the B-Movies, Roger Corman, this cult classic stars David Carradine as Frankenstein, the reigning champion driver in the state-sponsored Annual Transcontinental Road Race, a three-day rally that scores bonus points for killing pedestrians. Opposite him is Sylvester Stallone in one of his earliest performances as rival racer “Machine Gun” Joe Viterbo. Bizarre and in borderline bad taste, even Roger Ebert revoked his original zero-star review to acknowledge its satirical merits.
Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and Don Simpson, directed by the late Tony Scott, and starring Tom Cruise, this audience favorite is basically Top Gun Goes NASCAR. Cruise is a hot-shot stock car driver who dreams of the big-time, and Nicole Kidman is the hot neurosurgeon who helps him through his crisis of confidence. The race footage is, of course, over the top but aptly so (though supposedly Scott & Co. forgot to film Cruise’s car actually crossing the finish line for the climax).
Two-Lane Blacktop (1971)
Fast Company (1979)
Hot off the successes of back-to-back Pink Panther movies, Blake Edwards followed-up with this slapstick comedy about competing daredevils The Great Leslie (Tony Curtis) and Dr. Fate (Jack Lemmon) who duel it out in a globetrotting auto race circa the early 1900s. This live-action cartoon of a film actually inspired an animated series – Hanna-Barbera’s Wacky Races – and features both one of cinema’s greatest fencing duels as well as one of the greatest pie fights.
One of the great art-house flicks of the ‘70s. Monte Hellman’s existential road trip movie inspired the Cannonball Run (the actual race that is, which inspired the subsequent movie; see below). James Taylor (yes, that James Taylor) and Beach Boys drummer Dennis Wilson star as itinerant drag racers who drift from town to town, until a rivalry with a GTO driver (Warren Oates) has them racing cross-country for pink slips. The metaphors get heavy and the leads border on inert, yet the whole is beautiful and unsettling.
Grand Prix (1966)
Le Mans (1971)
Directed by secret gear-head and sometimesracer David Cronenberg (A History of Violence, Crash) and -- as an non-horror, non-psychological drama – it’s something of a rarity in his filmography. Former Marlboro Man William Smith stars as a drag racer, former Playmate Claudia Jennings as his love interest, and John Saxon as the manager out to exploit him. A B-grade classic, the movie put Cronenberg in contact with cinematographer Mark Irwin and others who became regular crew members on his films. It was the final film for Jennings, who died in a car accident soon after.
The movie that launched an unlikely franchise that just won’t quit, as well as the careers (such as they are) of Vin Diesel and Paul Walker. In what amounts to Point Break with hotrods, Diesel stars as a street racer suspected in a series of high-speed heists, and Walker is the cop sent to bust him. The level of character complexity is ambitious if predictable, and the rubber-burning street race scenes set the tone for the sequels and knock-offs that followed. Ironically, co-stars Jordana Brewster and Michelle Rodriguez were unlicensed when cast, and had to take driving lessons.
irector Ron Howard’s latest project Rush, a dramatization of the tempestuous rivalry between Formula 1 racers James Hunt and Niki Lauda in 1976, is burning up the track at the box office. The movie was something of a passion project for Howard, himself a racing fan and sometimes driver. (His directing debut was Roger Corman’s Grand Theft Auto.) The first major film about auto racing in some time, it’s put the adrenalin junkies and grease monkeys here at Movie Night in the mood for more vehicular mayhem; here’s some of our faves (including some guilty pleasures:
The Great Race (1965)
Veteran action director John Frankenheimer and an international ensemble cast that includes James Garner, Yves Montand, Toshiro Mifune, and Eva Marie Saint take part in arguably the greatest auto racing movie ever filmed. The pic follows four racers -- and the women who love them -- through a turbulent Formula One season fraught with peril and controversy, and features hair-raising race footage, cameo appearances by well-known drivers, and impressive use of splitscreen editing. A must-see.
Steve McQueen’s passion project about the world’s longest-run enduring race, featuring footage filmed during the 1970 competition. McQueen, an experienced racer, turned down the lead role in Grand Prix in order to pursue this project, and did some of his own driving. A box office failure upon release due to its sparse narrative (McQueen’s first line of dialogue occurs 36 minutes in) and American disinterest in foreign auto racing, it has since earned a strong reputation with racing fans.
The Cannonball Run (1981) Inspired by the cross-country race of the same name, this hit ensemble comedy makes up for cheap gags and low artistic merit with some “who’s who” stunt-casting that includes Burt Reynolds and perennial sidekick Dom DeLuise, Roger Moore (parodying his James Bond status), Farrah Fawcett, Sammy Davis Jr. and Dean Martin (one of his last roles), Adrienne Barbeau, Jackie Chan, and Peter Fonda.
The Fast & The Furious (2001)
Talledega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby (2006) Will Farrell puts the pedal to the metal as the titular driver, whose need for speed knows no bounds. The gags vary widely in quality, but Farrell’s knack for improv and Sasha Baron Cohen’s performance as a flamboyant French F1 driver elevate this comedy above mediocrity. It’s as popular with NASCAR drivers as it is with fans, and in an instance of life imitating art Kurt Busch borrowed Bobby’s “ME” paint scheme during his controversial 2011-12 season. WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM
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OCTOBER 2013
Hilarious Advice From This Guy
HANG THE *ASTARDS!
When going in for a prostate exam avoid Dr. Big *&%#ing Hands. Don’t choose your own nickname – it makes you look like a schmuck. A trash bag is not a type of luggage. If you’re ugly you better at least be handy around the house. There is no worse betrayal than a fart trusted. Every chance you get shower with a beautiful woman.
Libra – September 23 – October 22 Your girlfriend will break up with you through a birthday card!
Scorpio – October 23 – November 21 Never again will you eat cottage cheese after your grandmother models her “sexy nurse” Halloween outfit before the family dinner.
Sagittarius – November 22 – December 21 You will find a pamphlet on alcohol counseling on your front door. It’ll be from the guys who pick up your recycling.
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By Andrew J. Hewett • www.chewednews.com WHAT A TRUE BLUE PURE SOUL What if you lived in a homeless shelter, had nothing but change in your pocket, then one day found a backpack containing tens of thousands of dollars in cash and traveler’s checks? Would you still “do the right thing?” That’s the same choice Boston vagrant Glen James had. He who also suffered medical problems. Turning in the money, he told police, “Even if I were desperate for money, I would not have kept even a penny.”
Capricorn – December 22 – January 19 You will come home to find your home broken into. After assessing the loss, you’ll see a note on the fridge saying, “Locks work best when the door is shut.” Aquarius – January 20 – February 18 After starting your car, you will hear the most horrific sounds in the world coming from the engine. After popping the hood you’ll see the remains of your neighbor’s cat. Pisces – February 19 – March 20 Your grandmother will walk in on you in the bathroom while you’re sitting on the toilet eating Nutella. She’ll tell everyone that you like eating your own shit.
After trial in February 2013 on fraud charges, the Iranian judiciary sentenced four bankers and their collaborators to death and several others to public floggings for forging loans to buy government property. Total funds lost about the equivalent of $2.6 billion. Yet, that was only a drop in the bucket compared to what investors and customers of large American banks have lost illegally since 2008 through money-laundering and corner-cutting, while not one person has been prosecuted, according to Tehran’s PressTV.ri. BUT DID HE/SHE RAISE THE LID? The New York Post (8-6-13) told of ABC News editor Don Ennis, who surprised his colleagues last February by showing up at work one morning wearing a little black dress and a red wig, declaring he had begun hormone therapy and wanted to be called Dawn Ennis. By July, though, she blamed it all on “transient global amnesia,” brought on by marital difficulties, and returned to being Don Ennis. (Hormone-induced hooters and all.)
Aries – March 21 – April 19 You know your life has hit rock bottom when you start trying to huff cans of spray paint.
Cancer – June 22 – July 22 While at the zoo with family you will discover that rhinos can actually pee backwards.
Taurus – April 20 – May 20 You will make history later this month when you become the first person ever to be fired from a volunteer job.
Leo – July 23 – August 22 This month, your colleagues and you will discover that your boss has been taking business advice from an astrologer as well as a soothsayer.
Gemini – May 21 – June 21 Later this month you will find out the hard fact that your girlfriend and your father have been sending each other sexually explicit pictures.
Virgo – August 23 – September 22 Your wife will appropriate your savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos.
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Girl Crush: Ducati’s Italian Masterpieces BY AMBER LAFRANCE – ALAFRANCE@BLITZWEEKLY.COM and other street bikes because they make it possible for your ankles and heels to be aligned while riding. Basically they make it easier for a woman to use her hip and leg power to maneuver the bike, rather than her arms. I guess there’s still hope! Marty Scribner of AMS Ducati Dallas and Steve Nash, the company’s president and founder, gave me the scoop on some of the 2014 models and what’s coming up next for the brand here in Dallas.
The 2014 Ducati 899 Panigale This superbike has been causing a flurry of rumors on the internet since the unveiling of the 1199 model pictured at left. Unveiled on Sept. 9 in Frankfurt, Germany, during the IAA International Motor Show, this model is designed to “provide the thrill of the new generation flagship model with the refined character of an everyday streetbike,” according to Cycle News.
Here’s a pic of me, Jarrod Fresquez, Jeff Nash and from AMS Ducati Dallas and of course, the lovely 1199 Panigale.
I
have to admit, I didn’t know too much about motorcycles before I was lucky enough to work on the North American launch of Ducati’s 1199 Panigale last February. We threw an awesome party at Jorge’s to celebrate the arrival and unveiling of the new “Superbike.” I was floored to see nearly 50 Ducati riders arrive all together in one big Ducati happy family. It was seriously amazing.
After hearing rumors that Ducati would be releasing a lineup of new 2014 models, I became a tad excited. Okay, so I don’t own a Ducati…but what girl doesn’t like a man on a bike? The adventurous side of me secretly wants to own one, or maybe just go for a joy ride. After doing some research, I found that women actually find it easier to ride Ducatis
Expect nearly 150hp in this baby. It has the same wheels as the 1199, but its “unique technological features and exceptional design sets it apart from any other motorcycle manufacture, creating the most thrilling motorcycle experience on the planet,” said Nash. It boasts a frameless design, doublesided swing arm and lower-spec suspension and brakes. Are you drooling yet? Available in Ducati red with black wheels or arctic white with red wheels for around $15K, it’ll be on the market this November.
The 2014 Ducati Scrambler Ducati went out and trademarked the name for this new hipster bike a few months ago. Since then, the Internet has been buzzing with rumors of the new model and what
CultureHype Public Relations and Marketing 469.877.1533 SMARTER, SHARPER MEN
features it has in store. In one corner, it’s said to be an air-cooled single-cylinder smaller machine. Call it a gateway bike if you will. Other sources claim this new model will be based off of the Hypermotard bike with a modular internal framework. Though he hasn’t released many details, CEO Claudio Domenicali told “Ask Men in September that the new bikes will be “premium products” to attract high-end buyers. “We’re not looking for low cost and low capacity motorcycles,” he said. Unfortunately, we won’t know all of the details on the full range of new 2014 Ducati models until the EICMA, short for the most awesome international bike convention ever, this November in Milan, Italy. Domenicali did confirm that the brand plans to add four premium bikes for 2014 though. Until then, you’ll just have to see if Nash or Scribner will give you the scoop.
Where can you find them near you? AMS Ducati Dallas is teaming up with Boardwalk Ferrari Maserati to show off their in-stock new 2014 models. Ride on over and join the crew at Aria Stone Gallery in the Dallas Design District on Friday, Oct. 25 from 6 to 9 p.m. for some fun. Did I mention Boardwalk will be unveiling the brand new 2014 Maserati Quattroporte Q4? Talk about eye candy.
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