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SEPTEMBER 2013

SMARTER, SHARPER MEN

VOL. 6 - ISSUE 8

SEPTEMBER 2013

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re you a Johnny Manziel fan? We only ask because lately he’s been known more for arrests, drunken parties and scandals than his record-breaking 2012-13 onfield performances. Will he be able to turn a corner this season and put the off-field antics to rest? Or better yet, does he even care to remove his name from the negative spotlight? Watching a talent turn into a legend often is a difficult process that yields a debate from all corners of the sports world. But that doesn’t mean that the rise to greatness and fall from grace isn’t entertaining. Even we can admit to rooting for Scarface, knowing that things won’t end well. But maybe we’re not actually talking about Manziel. The case can be made that the perpetrator of all this bad behavior actually is Johnny Football. Mr. Football is in the same league as Ziggy Stardust, Sasha Fierce and Lady Gaga. The story and the legend are built upon the alter ego. Manziel scores big on the field and is expertly guided by Texas A&M University head coach Kevin Sumlin, but Johnny Football annoys fan bases, picks fights on Twitter, and parties with Mark Cuban and the guys from Duck Dynasty. Johnny Football is a name that evokes memories of the quarterback as a Captain America-type who has moxie and a moral code, not a punk kid who spends his time trolling rivals. In March of this year, a photo surfaced online of a shirtless Mr. Football wearing a henna TX Longhorns tattoo. A&M diehards weren’t happy, and even the most casual of UT’s fan wanted blood. In June, Mr. Football starred in a music video for Granger Smith’s “Silverado Bench Seat.” He attempted a little satire and was featured signing autographs in what may be one of the most incriminating cameos ever. Later that month he discovered his new black MercedesBenz had been keyed, and proceeded to tweet: “Bull$#!* like tonight is the reason I can’t wait to leave College Station...whenever it may be.” The tweet was promptly deleted and followed with a declaration of love for A&M and asking us all to “...please, please walk a day in my shoes.” It may be difficult for you to keep reading while constantly rolling your eyes, but hang in there.

Publisher Kelly G. Reed Editor-in-Chief C. Patterson Creative Director Jette Stephens Cover Story Photos Darryl Briggs, AJ Guel, Scott Mecum Photo Editor Darryl Briggs Cover Design Darryl Briggs, Jette Stephens Staff Photographers Gregg Case, Steven Hendrix, Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, Chuck Majors

Staff Writers Arthur Bellfield, Geoff Case, Steven Doyle, Peter Gerstenzang, Ethan Harmon, Keysha Hogan, Amber LaFrance, Will Martin, Mark Miller Contributing Photographers: ABC Dunhill, Paul Figura, AJ Guel, Paul Ladd, Scott Mecum, Mike Nowak, Dom Savini, Jason Vinlove, Dolce Vita, Lies Thru A Lens Contributing Writers: Brian Beard, Jay Betsill, Gary Dowell, Andrew J. Hewett, Karina Manlove

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VOL. 6 - ISSUE 8

Maybe

Johnny Manziel Needs to

ditch his Alter Ego

The sometimes-childish side of Johnny Football is making him look like a brat! BY KEYSHA HOGAN – @THEKEYSHA Starting with the new season Mr. Football has a golden opportunity to be the good guy. He was set to be a big star at the Manning Passing Academy where he was an advisor and coach to kids from around the country. But instead of playing the role of mentor, or at least faking it for some good press, he came late to practices and then just stopped showing up. Some say he was partying too much, others say he was sick, but the result was his expulsion from the program. And all those kids who were neglected by their hero had to watch as he showed up, on time, for the ESPY awards in Los Angeles. At the beginning of this month, just one day before A&M opened camp, reports surfaced that Mr. Football was under investigation by the National Collegiate Athletic Association for receiving a flat fee for autographing hundreds of items back in January. Allegedly memorabilia broker Drew Tieman met with Mr. Football at his home in a closed-door meeting and paid him for services rendered. The next day Coach Sumlin and the A&M higher-ups made the executive decision that Mr. Football would not be making any statements to the press. And just like that Mr. Football is harnessed and Manziel is back on the field practicing with teammates, striving to have a another record-breaking season.

Now that Manziel is back, everything from this summer seems like actions of a cocky and childish adolescent who can’t juggle fame and responsibility. Unfortunately for him this investigation won’t fade away so easily. The NCAA is going to be rummaging through Manziel’s bank accounts looking for a paper trail to back up the claims. And remember the NCAA’s standard of proof is only “clear and convincing evidence,” there’s no room with them for reasonable doubt. If found guilty, it’s likely he’ll be deemed ineligible and would miss quite a few games before he could be reinstated. This wouldn’t be the first time that the Manziel family would suffer public prosecution. Deadspin recently chronicled its past and it read like a mafia history built on cockfighting, match-fixing, big oil, cocaine-trafficking and murder. What’s a little autograph scandal when stacked up next to that? We are just days away from the start of the 2013 season and the Aggies are betting on Southeast Conference and national championships this year. Millions will visit the expanded Kyle Field, and when they look to the field who will show up? For their sake, let’s hope Mr. Football is missing for awhile or baby faced junior Matt Joeckel may take his place.

6 KIDS WORSE THAN MANZIEL:

1. Chucky 2. Eric Menendez 3. Lyle Menendez

4. Eric Cartman 5. Honey Boo-Boo 6. Damien Thorn

VOL. 6 - ISSUE 8

SEPTEMBER 2013

FedEx Cup Playoffs Bring Meaning to Fall PGA Season BY JAY BETSILL – @THEFAMOUSJAY The Professional Golfers Association Tour Playoffs are here.

n the past – well prior to 2007 when the PGA Tour first awarded the trophy with a system very similar to NASCAR’s Sprint Cup format – most sports fans simply tuned out pro golf after the PGA Championship (the season’s final major event). They began to focus on the Major League Baseball playoff stretch run and the beginning of the college and National Football League football seasons.

30 players after the third playoff event qualify for the Tour Championship, with a $10 million prize going to the FedEx Cup winner. The top 125 PGA Tour players in FedEx Cup points qualify for the first stage of the FedEx Cup playoffs, The Barclays Championship. Winners of FedEx Cup regular-season events receive 500 points, with players making the cut receiving points on a diminishing basis. Winners of the Masters, Players Championship,

After The Barclays, points are updated, with only the top 100 players advancing to the second leg of the playoffs, the Deutsche Bank Championship played at the TPC Boston in Norton, Mass. Rory McIlroy won the 2012 Deutsche Bank, earning $1.44 million and 2,500 points. Yet another points reset takes place after the Deutsche Bank event, with only the top 70 players in points advancing to the third leg of

Other than the week of the Ryder Cup or President’s Cup team competitions that alternate years and the season-ending Tour Championship, most of the marquee names were absent from the fall events. The FedEx Cup not only made each week on Tour significantly more important, it all but guaranteed the game’s biggest attractions, including Tiger Woods, would be on hand for these big events strategically located in big markets.

The playoffs then begin, with fields reset by points as the size of the fields dwindles after each of the first three tournaments. The final

The FedEx Cup annually culminates in the Tour Championship at East Lake. After the BMW Championship, the top 30 players in points advance to the Tour Championship. The Tour Championship winner in 2012 was Snedeker, who won a playoff and earned $1.44 million for the title. His Tour Championship victory also earned Snedeker enough points for the FedExCup title and the $10 million top prize. Of that amount, $9 million was in cash and $1 million in an annuity. Adding to the importance of the FedEx Cup, beginning this year, FedEx Cup points will determine the 125 golfers who retain their PGA Tour playing privileges – known as “tour cards” – for the following season. Previously, this was determined by position on the tour’s money list at the end of the year.

In case you are not familiar with the FedEx Cup, here is a basic rundown of last year’s competition: The FedEx Cup is a season-long competition in which players accumulate points to reach a four-tournament playoff that culminates in the Tour Championship. The FedEx Cup season (including the HP Byron Nelson Championship in Las Colinas and the Crowne Plaza Invitational at Colonial in Fort Worth) begins in January and runs through mid-August. The players’ last chance to get in the mix this season came the week following the PGA Championship in the Wyndham Championship at Sedgefield Country Club in Greensboro, N.C.

million bonus. The other four seeds were Tiger Woods, Nick Watney, Phil Mickelson and Brandt Snedeker.

British Open and PGA Championship each receive 600 points; winners of the first three World Golf Championships events get 550 points apiece; and events played opposite World Golf Championships events or majors receive 250 points for first place. Nick Watney won The Barclays in 2012, earning $1.44 million and 2,500 points. Last year’s tournament was played at the Black Course at Bethpage State Park while this year’s contest will take place at Liberty National in New Jersey City, N.J.

the playoffs, the BMW Championship, which is usually played at a course in the Midwest, this year at Conway Farms Golf Club in Lake Forest, Ill. McIlroy continued his hot streak and won the 2012 BMW Championship at Crooked Stick Golf Club in Carmel, Ind., a victory worth $1.44 million and 2,500 points. McIlroy was the No. 1 seed going into the FedEx Cup finale two weeks later at East Lake Golf Club in Atlanta, but any of the top five seeds could have won the Tour Championship and captured the FedEx Cup with its $10

Going into The Barclays, Tiger Woods had the top spot in the FedEx Cup standings, 766 points ahead of Matt Kuchar and 841 points ahead of defending FedEx Cup champion Snedeker. While he did win five events this season, including two World Golf Championship tournaments and The Players Championship – widely regarded as the best field in golf – Woods’ season is viewed by some as a disappointment due to his lack of success in the majors. In the six-year history of the PGA Tour playoffs, Woods is the only player to win twice. A third FedEx Cup title, while not getting him any closer to Jack Nicklaus’ record of 18 majors, would cap off a great year by most any standards. The Barclays (Aug. 22-25) aired on CBS with the remainder of the FedEx Cup playoffs televised by NBC and the Golf Channel.

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SEPTEMBER 2013

VOL. 6 - ISSUE 8

The Long and Winding Road Matt Hicks takes unusual route to Rangers broadcast booth BY MARK MILLER

ever in his dreams could Matt Hicks imagine working at baseball’s highest level and while his chance came under difficult circumstances, fate had to be why he’s now in the Texas Rangers radio booth. When Dave Barnett couldn’t return to television following stroke-like symptoms last June and radio analyst Steve Busby switched sides, Hicks was summoned from the minor leagues. Though in the middle of the season, the director of broadcasting and media relations and radio voice of the Corpus Christi Hooks, the Class AA affiliate of the Houston Astros, was on a planned vacation with wife Estelle and 10-year-old son Nathaniel. “I was at the Ramada Inn in Carlsbad, Calif., getting ready to go to Legoland when I got the call,” said Hicks, 52. “Obviously I wasn’t expecting any kind of phone call.” On the line was his boss, Reid Ryan, then the chief executive officer of Ryan-Sanders Baseball, owner of the Hooks and Round Rock Express, the Rangers’ Class AAA affiliate. The oldest son of Texas Rangers chief executive officer Nolan Ryan now is president of the Houston Astros. “He didn’t know that was my one series vacation so since the club was in Frisco, he thought I was in Frisco and could just drive over,” Hicks said. “I said, ‘hey Reid, it’s my one series vacation, I’m in California’ and he said fine and just wanted to know the earliest I could get back to Corpus so I could get up here. “When Reid first called me, he said ‘I don’t know how long they’re going to need you. He said it might be a week. It might be two weeks, but the sooner you can get here the better.”

“Chemistry is something you can’t talk about,” Hicks said. “You just have to sort of experience it on the air. That’s something that also is an ongoing process. I’ve got a better idea when I can talk, when to be quiet. I try not to step on his toes and vice-versa. I get upset at myself when I do.” The Washington, D.C, native called baseball, football, basketball and lacrosse action at the University of Maryland and wanted to work his way into the National Hockey League, preferably with his hometown Washington Capitals. While he’s broadcast minor league hockey and college basketball, it’s been baseball that’s been his ticket to the majors. “I didn’t have in mind any major league baseball or any particular team,” he said. “But once I got into baseball and was in it for a number of years, I got encouragement and support from a lot of people who told me they really enjoyed my baseball work. I never really thought about having a realistic shot of being a major league broadcaster.” He broke into baseball broadcasting in 1989 when he started a five-year stint with the Carolina League’s Frederick Keys, Class A farm club of the Baltimore Orioles. He later spent eight years with the former El Paso, Texas, Class AA team in the Texas League before joining the Hooks in 2005. With more than a year in the majors, he can easily tell the differences between levels. “No. 1 here everything at the major league level seems geared to winning,” he said. “That’s not to say teams don’t try to win in the minor leagues but in the minors, a move might be made based on development where a move here is made to win the game.”

The call came on a Monday and by Saturday, Hicks was sitting next to Rangers Hall of Famer Eric Nadel at Rangers Ballpark in Arlington. Their meeting in the press box was the first time they ever spoke.

Another difference is being part of a 60-station network versus one. And he gets to travel to much larger and farther away cities where he can visit his many friends in the business and work on improving his broadcasts.

“It was a little bit intimidating, no question,” Hicks said. “And not truly knowing a whole lot about this club and in general not a whole lot about the American League because for many years the teams I worked for were National League affiliates.”

“It’s a constant process because I don’t think I’ve walked away from one broadcast where I felt like ‘whew’ that was really good,” he said. “And I may never have that feeling. Don’t think you can strive for the perfect broadcast just strive to be better.”

Not only did Hicks need to quickly learn about the team and league but also how to work with Nadel.

Hicks hopes his mix of statistics and stories informs and entertains his listeners.

“What I’ve learned from being here a little more than a year is there’s so many Ranger fans and so many people who listen to the broadcast that the toughest part was figuring out how to fit in the broadcast,” said Hicks, who does play-by-play in the third, fourth and seventh innings. “I didn’t want to be the anvil bringing it down and that I guess is what’s always motivated me is to do what can I do to make the broadcast as good as possible. I still think about that every day.”

“Some days I enjoy it more than others but that’s probably one of the major goals of all of this is to try to have as much fun as possible,” he said. “It’s baseball. It’s not real estate tax or heart surgery. It’s baseball. If you can’t have fun with this you probably shouldn’t be doing this.”

Hicks has had plenty of time to mesh with Nadel this year after the Rangers hired him full-time in October. SMARTER, SHARPER MEN

Photo Courtesy: Darryl Briggs

As his family prepares to move to North Fort Worth, he can finally have fun at and away from work. “One of the reasons I’m looking forward to this off-season I will have finished this transition to the Metroplex and can concentrate on preparing for next season,” he said.

VOL. 6 - ISSUE 8

SEPTEMBER 2013

FIGHT CLUB

KNOCK’ EM OUT!

UFC Previews BY BRIAN BEARD – COMMENTS@BLITZWEEKLY.COM

Heading into the next issue of Blitz there are a ton of UFC matches going on. As the organization continues to grow in popularity there are pay-per-views as well as cable only fights available for fans to take in. I’ve previewed the best fights for these upcoming battles. UFC FIGHT NIGHT 27 Carlos “The Natural Born Killer” Condit (28-7-0) vs. Martin “The Hitman” Kampmann (20-6-0) One thing these cats have in common is that they are both coming off of a loss to Johnny Hendricks. Nothing to be ashamed of there! Condit lost a unanimous decision while Kampmann was KTFO in just under a minute. Don’t let that fool you. Kampmann is one of the best in the world at welterweight and this fight will not disappoint. Both of these guys are very well rounded and will not shy away from a war. I think that Condit may be a little more technically sound and that will be the difference here. He will use his outstanding footwork to stay out of trouble. My Prediction: I look for Condit to win a unanimous decision. UFC 164 Benson “Smooth” Henderson (18-2-0) vs. Anthony “Showtime” Pettis (16-2-0) This could be the fight of the year in the UFC! These are two of the most exciting fighters in all of MMA and they both come to battle with bad intentions. If you haven’t seen their fight in the WEC, watch it. Pettis landed a crazy, flying round house kick off of the cage to drop Henderson late in the fight, which secured a decision victory in a very close war. Look for Henderson to be much more cautious in this one. Henderson is simply on another level these days. My Prediction: These guys are very close in skill and talent, but I look for Henderson to be the better athlete here and to bully Pettis to a stoppage in the fourth round. Who will stop this cat?

PRESENTED BY

UFC 165 Jon “Bones” Jones (18-1-0) vs. Alexander “The Mauler” Gustafsson (15-1-0) I tend to think of Jon “Bones” Jones in the same light as Anderson Silva or GSP. He isn’t quite there yet, but he be creepin’. Gustafsson has remained relatively quiet but has climbed his way to a title shot by beating some of the best in his weight class. The thing that makes this fight exciting is that they are both HUGE light heavyweights. Jones is used to being the bigger, taller fighter and really uses that to his advantage. He loses that in this one. Gustafsson is actually taller than Jones. The problem for Gustafsson here is that is going to want to get the fight to the ground to use his submission skills. That simply isn’t going to happen unless it is advantageous for Jones. Although not quite as decorated as a wrestler as some in the UFC, Jones is one of the absolute best, and putting him on his back will be no easy feat. There will be a feeling out process and it will be a slow fight until Jones gets off and lands an unorthodox, brutal shot to send Gus to the mat. My Prediction: I look for Jones to finish via TKO late in the third. Bones will have yet another successful title defense.

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VOL. 6 - ISSUE 8

onder any sport where there is an athlete of the superstar genre or classification. Ask yourself if there is a certain intangible said performer possesses. Is it a genetic disposition for the ultimate in physical battle? Is there a distinct advantage in overall speed? Perhaps a thinking-manâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s kind of individual? Is the athlete a take-charge kind of player when the game is on the line a-la Kobe Bryant or LeBron James? Or do we pander to that 10-letter word that has been the expectation of others when the best has not been achieved? If you are Dez Bryant the latter two categories may very well be applicable. First, however, I wish to backtrack a little to May 2010 to a charity basketball event with (at the time) current and old school Dallas Cowboys. There were about 25-30 players there who don or have donned the Silver and Blue. Tony Dorsett, Drew Pearson, Michael Irvin, and Marcus Spears were among the many who attended this event in Coppell. Tashard Choice, Orlando Scandrick, Thomas Everett, and Everson Walls were part of the meet-and-greet before the game began. And then there he was... Fully aware of what I had read and what was said, this 21-year-old from Oklahoma State University happily was signing autographs to fans while donning the No. 88 uniform. It occurred to me in that moment that there were three generations in attendance of receivers who wore that jersey number. The first two made it prestigious to wear. If things happen in threes would Dez Bryant be next? This I pondered. All the speculative talk about character issues, an upbringing you would not wish on anybody came to mind. The line of questioning the one-time Cowboys general manager asked before going to Miami â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Mr. Israel and Dez were okay with all of that. Getting in trouble with the National Collegiate Athletic Association for having a discussion with Deion Sanders while in Stillwater. That character issue...code for maturity at a certain age or being a problem child.

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SEPTEMBER 2013

a musician he’d make an arpeggio on guitar look like something painfully pentatonic in a diminished fashion. Next, we fast forward to Week 2 of the 2010 season, a home game inside the Jones-Mahal, now referred to as AT&T Stadium as in Amen Tom and Tex as I like to say. It was Year 2 in the new digs after 38 years in Irving. The Chicago Bears were the opponent and they would jump out to an early and win going away 27-20. Tony Romo with two picks and Bears tight end Greg Olsen played havoc with the Cowboys defense.

It really doesn’t matter if you had Cowboys playing football or curling, fans will come out to watch as the Cowboys in Texas are like a religion unto themselves. That being said I noticed early in the day of this scrimmage that Irvin was defending against Bryant. Irvin was forever known as a hard-working fiery leader in the clubhouse back in the 90s and a master motivator to those he thought needed it. Irvin rode Bryant unmercifully. I don’t recall if there were references made to ‘paying respect to the number he is now wearing’ in referencing No. 88. I just remember that they went at it for a good 30 minutes or so. In between three pointers being made by Spears a play was made toward the end that had the crowd of close to 2,000 whooping and hollering. Bryant made a nice rebound of a missed shot and I noted how he went coast-to-coast west to east and proceeded to do a 360 AND THEN a twohanded power slam of a jam! Right after that jam I noted how he displayed an element of swagger and attitude. Frankly, I liked seeing that. The irony was that it had been reported that Bryant was out of Cowboys practice due to a hip pointer. I can’t speak to that story but I know what I witnessed as a fan/media for said charity basketball game. The one additional impression that stayed with me was the size of Bryant’s hands. They are like two magnets able to catch anything like a web. If he were

In the first quarter there was the play. After hearing so many complaints about how Jerry World lacks the acoustic stones to place the fear of God into an opponent there came a moment when the Bears had to punt. The punt went straight to Bryant who would then elude the first wave of tacklers before going left and up the sidelines east to west. The 62-yard scamper good for a Cowboys touchdown and a 7-3 lead provided a temporary lift on that Sept. 19 day. It wasn’t until Nov. 4 that the second time that ‘It’ factor would occur from the kid from Lufkin, Texas, who hadn’t yet turned 22. Bryant’s big hands and elusive lightning-fast breakaway speed in the open field provided another electric moment that people responded to and that stayed with me. Once again there were the questions and prognostications of ‘just how special can this Dez kid be?’ sometimes complimentary kudos, otherwise perceived as mean-spirited and petty to those who were not fans of the Silver and Blue. I seem to recall the 93-yard punt return for a score despite an injury. From Day 1 it seemed like Bryant had his fans and detractors. If he shined you could circle the bandwagon from here all the way to Oxnard and back with room to spare. Once a problem flared you’d think Jerry Springer was about to appear. He finished 2010 with 45 receptions and 561 yards, a nice average of 12.5 yards per catch. Ah yes, then there was that incident at the shopping mall where apparently the

pants were a little too low for some. At the behest of not offending the people who like to wear pants in a manner where we can see how BVDfriendly you are, this story didn’t bother me in the least. In 2011 it seemed there were many instances of Bryant starting strong but not finishing strong in games. Opening Day 2011 in New Jersey with the Jets comes to mind. It was a game Dallas gave away late. Bryant was a factor in the first half but shut out in the second half. Despite that little trend his numbers improved as he was more locked in on receiving with 63 receptions for 928 yards, an average of 14.7 yards each. His average yards per game also improved from 46.8 to 61.9 yards per game and he had a 50-yard touchdown catch. Still, 2011 ended on the same down note as it began with a loss in New Jersey to the Giants 31-14 and an 8-8 record. For Bryant it was 12 games played in 2010 and 15 in 2011.

that 38-31 loss. It just so happened that his birthday, Nov. 4, was the night the Cowboys lost a 19-13 heartbreaker in Atlanta on Sunday Night Football. Bryant had one catch for 15 yards. From that night to the end of the season the numbers read 51 receptions for 904 yards. For the season, he had 92 catches and 1,382 yards. Ten of his 12 touchdowns happened in the final eight games, including a 224-yard performance in Week 16 in a home loss to the Saints. The offseason of 2012 into 2013 has been quiet, serene, even incentive laden. On a talk show someone asked Bryant if he could produce numbers that would be ‘Tron Like’ (reference to Detroit’s Calvin Johnson) and he was not afraid to say 1,900 yards is indeed doable. Bryant caught hell for that. Hmm, if I check the math...doubling up what the latest No. 88 did the latter half of 2012 over a full season then I count 102 catches, 1,808 yards, and 24 touchdowns.

Then there were reports of an altercation in the offseason between Bryant and his mother with differing accounts as to what actually happened. Was a blow struck? Was it more pushing than shoving? Media overblown? Problem scenario and a problem player? Remember how both Jones and Jason Garrett were quick to defend and show support to Bryant and family to right the ships, so to speak. As 2012 came to begin Bryant was about to turn 24 in November. That same month we saw a glimpse as to what could be in the future. Shutting out all the distractions, he answered all the critics who questioned his ability to run precise routes, be a team guy, be in the game 60 minutes at a time, protect the ball, and produce results whenever he caught the ball. Fans of pro football, the Cowboys, and of statistics had to really appreciate what he did the final seven games of 2012. Sure, that loss to the Redskins on Thanksgiving Day was frustrating as all hell but man what a sweet 85-yard touchdown from Tony Romo to No. 88 in

Photo Courtesy: AJ Guel Photography WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM

SEPTEMBER 2013

VOL. 6 - ISSUE 8

Photo Courtesy: Scott Mecum Since the beginning of training camp this writer has harped on what has impressed me from the defensive side of the ball with all things 4-3. Yes, it’s true the Dallas Cowboys have not seen a 1,000-yard rusher since Tony Romo played a full season in 2007. That is a source of concern for the offensive line.

so strange...when you don’t know...your destination unknown.’

Where Dallas’ receivers are concerned, if there is a healthy trio of Jason Witten, Miles Austin, and Bryant one can count the double teams and open man in the flat or on a fly pattern. Let’s borrow from a phrase Jones liked to invoke during training camp 2012 – “2013 may be the glory hole for Dez Bryant finally getting his comeuppance as a player and receiving his due as a person off the field.”

Slogan time:

Attention Calvin Johnson, word to you both, Irvin and Pearson, No. 88 is primed and ready to meet, greet, and shatter the Cowboys record book for catches, touchdowns, and yards per catch if healthy in 2013. To say nothing about his prowess on special teams.

Or simply the redemption and DEZurrection of one Cowboy who has improved incrementally year after year after year?

Back in the early 80’s the rock band Missing Persons once remarked, ‘Life is SMARTER, SHARPER MEN

Dez Bryant is not a missing person. The National Football League has found him to which the mantra might become, ‘What are words for...when no one listens anymore.’

A man of DEZtiny? DEZtination unknown? DEZolation boulevard? Eve of DEZtruction? DEZpicable DEZplay of prowess? DEZignated for assignment?

Potential is someone else’s expectation. I’ll anticipate the best. Dez Bryant has come full circle in my book.

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SEPTEMBER 2013

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SEPTEMBER 2013

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Shelby

esy: Court Photo hru A Lens Lies T

BY SHEL F O ORE SEE M THERS AT M O LY.CO AND K E E W BLITZ

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SEPTEMBER 2013

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GUYS THAT EAT LIKE MEN

BY C. PATTERSON – CPATTERSON@BLITZWEEKLY.COM noun \’fwä-’grä\: the fatted liver of an animal and especially of a goose usually served as a pâté

kay, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way it’s time to learn more of the awesome tastes and rewards of finetuning your palate.

Sure we as descendants of cave-dwelling heavers of pointed sticks at saber-tooths want to sit around and eat things with our bare hands while being serenaded by the sweet analysis of Chris Berman but alas we must evolve. Fear not, brave carnivores, the world beyond wings and nachos is a great one filled with the beef, poultry, fish, and some amazing thing called a fondant. The change comes in upgrading from simply eating to dining. There is no downside to being able to impress your in-laws by knowing how to pronounce the 1982 bottle of Château Haut Brion Pessac-Leognan and why it’s worth every penny of its $600 price tag, but if you’re in a pinch a Silver Oak 2002 Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon will due. Also brush up on which wines go with which meals to enhance the flavor. We all love steak right? Now take a moment to chew on this – the nicer restaurants actually try extremely hard to make sure that they cook the absolute best steaks imaginable, which translates more times than not to a better tasting steak for you. Seasoned, seared, and served to perfection with your total satisfaction in mind. Sure, the plate may be intimidatingly decorative, but they are artisans of their craft and want to impress you. It just so happens that they

thought topping it off with a bit of the aforementioned foie gras would make you truly understand that you were about to partake in a culinary masterpiece. Think of it as an end zone dance on your plate. Don’t shy away from the unknown either; however, take calculated risks if the menu is new to you. If you like chicken and don’t mind a bit of spice find a dish like a Tikka Masala. This way you are out of your comfort zone yet still in the realm of your toleration range. Should you be dining with a table full of guests (especially ones that either control the fate of your relationship and/or employment) avoid being so adventurous that you order something containing an ingredient that you dislike – for the sake of this argument let’s say goat’s milk. You order said dish with goat’s milk even though your entire life you have done nothing but hate the very existence of the secretion of that four-legged creature. Now that look of disgusted dread will be on display and broadcast on your face for the whole world to see. Always put your self in a position not only to win but also to enjoy what you are having.

Names clockwise: Gordon Ramsay, Aziz Ansari, Bear Grylls, Anthony Bourdain

GUYS THAT EAT LIKE KIDS

So go forth and live my friends. Explore the earth with your taste buds, have gelato instead of ice cream, tartare tuna instead of tacos, crepes instead of cakes and digest life that way it should be.

RESTAURANT NEWS: VILLAGE KITCHEN

Names clockwise: Adam Richman, Guy Fieri, Homer Simpson, Lil Wayne, Charles Barkley

t’s out with the old and in with the new at Highland Park Village, as Village Kitchen gets comfortable in their new digs that coincidently was the home of the defunct Village Marquee. The restaurant’s sophisticated take on the overworked genre of home cooking gives diners new renditions of familiar favorites like their Loaded Baked Potato Gnocchi and Grandma Sarah’s Pasta. The concept provides an upscale atmosphere while maintaining its comfort factor. Its Hamptons in DFW feel is the perfect backdrop to indulge in the creations of Executive Chef Andre Natera. The buzz on the Kitchen’s Pecan Lodge Smoked Brisket Flatbread is that it’s worth its weight in gold. Expect dinner for two to hit somewhere in the range between $40-60 (including ordering one of their signature $7 milkshakes…think Vincent Vega’s reaction in Pulp Fiction).

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VOL. 6 - ISSUE 8

SEPTEMBER 2013

Down With Barefoot Rock

The DOs & DON’Ts of:

Blurred Lines

BY PETER GERSTENZANG – PZANG7@OPTONLINE.NET

s I’m sure you’re aware by now, the different types of rock have now surpassed the number of people living in Turkmenistan. And that doesn’t include metal. Which, by itself, has 22,000 sub-genres. But the music I’d like to touch upon today, is truly evil, because it actually causes allergic reactions to the listener. Meaning, the minute you hear the first few bars, you must grab two antihistamines. And stick them in your ears. I refer to it as “barefoot rock.” The sort of stuff played by everybody from Jimmy Buffett to Michael Franti, which is soft, warm and unsettling, all at once. Like being approached by a guy in a Hawaiian shirt. Who then proceeds to hock a loogie right in your face.

footwear. He even walks barefoot, when trodding the needle-strewn streets of big cities. Still, taking no chances, he does it on stilts. Franti seems to have one mode. A shingle-inducing mix of folk and reggae that ultimately says that love is where it’s at, things are cool and the sun is really keen. I think one of the lyrics I heard implied that Jimmy Buffett isn’t positive enough. But that might just be me and my uptight, shoe-centric personality. How optimistic is Franti? Put on a John Denver record right after. He sounds like he’s playing Death Metal. Other members of this shoeless group would be that walking Walter Keane painting, banjo-eyed, Jason Mraz, insufferable surfer

BY KARINA MANLOVE – COMMENTS@BLITZWEEKLY.COM

o, you’re seeing someone new. How long before one of you asks the other to be exclusive? Is it one person’s responsibility over the other’s? I’ve never asked a guy out. I don’t think that’s strange, but it’s definitely not common. It seems many women wait for men to ask that question. I’m not referring to the question of “do you want to go out sometime” but the question of making the relationship official. It’s true, I’ve never said “will you be my boyfriend?” It’s not the sexiest thing one can ask, and let’s be honest, “boyfriend” is a term that doesn’t really apply to men. It seems very juvenile, almost diminutive, to call a man my boyfriend. We’re not in eighth grade anymore and we’ve all gone through puberty. I thought “manfriend” would be more appropriate, but it sounds like a term used on that Showtime reality show “Gigolos” (which I’ve watched in awe and disbelief).

Photo Courtesy: ABC Dunhill There’s no question that it started with Buffett. The man who took Key West and turned it from the quietly poetic home of Ernest Hemingway, into combination theme park, fast food franchise and Jiffy Lube. Buffett plays barefoot rock. Meaning, there isn’t the slightest hint in any of his 213,000 songs that anything evil, greedy or horrifying has ever happened in human history. In his case I understand this. Since he’s responsible for many of these things, I can’t blame him for not mentioning them. In Jimmy’s world, you drink margaritas, nobody dies, and cheeseburgers don’t cause arteriosclerosis. Michael Franti is the New Face of barefoot rock. In fact, he goes everywhere without

dude, Jack Johnson and Colbie Caillat. None of whom has yet to acknowledge that life is more than doing some macrame, smoking a spliff and feeling that life is so adorable, they want to give it a big hug. Still, Mraz has come closest to acknowledging the darkness, with his album, We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things. I’ll admit it, it brought me face-to-face with some of the horrors of existence. My reaction to this record? I Bought, I Listened, I ProjectileVomited. So, maybe I’m wrong about this genre. It may be bleaker than I first thought. It’s been five years since I heard the Mraz thing and my lunch came back up. And I can’t forget it. So maybe the barefoot rockers have a secret plan. You stay tuned. I’ll keep you posted.

“So me and my manfriend have been together for four months now” just sounds like I’ve been paying for intimacy, and “manfriend” sounds like the name “Manfred.” Maybe my reluctance to use the word boyfriend and lack of a synonym has made me less likely to ask a guy to be with me, but I digress. (If anyone knows of a term better than “significant other,” please let a girl know).

and apparently convinced her boyfriend at the time to be intimate with her, leather pants and wig included. As to when “making it official” should occur, there is no “right” time. Every relationship is different. I’ve used various points in relationships, from as early as two weeks to as late as three months. Sometimes one or both parties are just testing the waters, so to speak, discovering shared interests, introducing the person to friends and family (I’ve done that just to see if others thought the guy was weird or a little off, because the crazy ones are frequently the ones you don’t expect), etc. The last relationship I had we made official a little too early. It’s difficult to gauge when going up a step is a good move, and I’m still a little lost. I don’t think enough of the “getting to know each other” bit happened, and so, eight months in I was wondering where the relationship was headed and I didn’t feel like we really meshed well at all. We wanted different things. Maybe it was loneliness on both of our parts, perhaps it was just a mutual attraction that fizzled, but it’s over now, and I’m still puzzled by it. I think two weeks is sometimes enough time and maybe not quite enough. It depends. At the time, I thought, sure, why shouldn’t I go out with him?

Whomever first realizes that a future with the other person is possible, I’d say. In my experience, that usually isn’t me, but maybe I’m old fashioned to some degree. I prefer to open doors and pull out chairs myself, hate being called “ma’am,” and feel like I should be knighting somebody when I say “sir.”

But looking back, I see that I didn’t really think about it. I didn’t assess what I wanted, and that wasn’t fair to him in the end. He wanted kids and a mortgage and I wanted suitcases and frequent flier miles. So if you ask a woman to be your girlfriend after two weeks and she hesitates, don’t be upset. She may just need a day or two (or less) to figure out what she wants so she doesn’t let you down. And maybe you will, too.

There is no directive that says it has to be men and that women should wait for guys to initiate. My roommate is a great example. She has a commanding personality and would definitely ask someone to be her whatever, whether it’s friends with benefits or a boyfriend or something else. She also dressed up as Rick James one Halloween

I’m seeing someone new now, and we are trying out the “no labels” thing, which means we are exclusive but I don’t call him my boyfriend. I think he says I’m his girlfriend, but I don’t mind that term so much. Don’t hurry to the top stair of Mr. and Mrs., and you’ll save yourself the grief and the money.

So who should ask the question first?

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SEPTEMBER 2013

VOL. 6 - ISSUE 8

Most Space Movies More Fiction Than Science BY GARY DOWELL – WWW.MOVIEINK.NET

he stunning trailer for Alfonso Cuaron’s Gravity (opening in theaters this month) has shaken up audiences for a few weeks with hair-raising footage of Sandra Bullock and George Clooney as astronauts cast adrift during a disastrous spacewalk. The Final Frontier captures the human imagination like nothing else, but often we forget it is the harshest and most unforgiving environment there is. Fortunately, Hollywood is there to remind us, though the folks there don’t always get the details right. Here are some notable entries from what has become a sub-genre in its own right. Remember: In space no one can hear you scream, but Houston knows when you have a problem.

Destination Moon (1950) The first major American film to (more or less) realistically explore the inherent dangers and difficulties of space exploration, produced by legendary George Pal (The War of the Worlds and The Time Machine) and co-written by science fiction author Robert A. Heinlein. When government funding collapses, an engineer, industrialist, and Air Force general unite to build the Luna rocket and launch a privately-funded expedition to the moon. A mishap leaves crew members facing the very real possibility of having to leave one of them behind to return to Earth. This classic heralded the dawn of the Space Age, though its notion of space travel driven by the private sector is still in its infancy.

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) Sure, the first half takes place in the prehistoric era, and the finale is an extended, ambiguous psychedelic sequence, but the Jupiter Mission portion is a chilling look at what equipment SMARTER, SHARPER MEN

failure means to space travel. The ship’s HAL 9000 artificial intelligence (voiced superbly by Douglas Rain) is designed to mimic human thought processes and have a personality of its own, something it does a little too well, to the point that it begins to make errors and exhibit erratic – and possibly homicidal – behavior.

Marooned (1969) Known mostly for his westerns and action movies (The Magnificent Seven, The Great Escape), John Sturges dabbled in science fiction for this drama released just four months after the Apollo 11 mission put a man on the moon for the first time. Richard Crenna, Gene Hackman, and James Franciscus star as astronauts who become stranded in orbit while on their way to an orbital space station, and the mission to rescue them is hampered by setbacks up to and including a hurricane. The movie won the 1970 Academy Award for Best Visual Effects and is believed to have in part inspired the Apollo-Soyuz Test Project.

SpaceCamp (1986) Four teens, a 12-year-old Joaquin Phoenix, and a flight instructor attending NASA’s Space Camp are launched into space for real when a systems failure threatens the Space Shuttle Atlantis, and returning to Earth becomes a life-or-death struggle. A box-office bomb, the movie became a public relations nightmare when the Challenger exploded after take-off just five months before the film’s release.

Apollo 13 (1995) Ron Howard’s award-winning docudrama of the ill-fated lunar mission raised the bar for realistic action-dramas. Tom Hanks, Kevin Bacon, and Bill Paxton star as the crew of titular spacecraft, on what had become

another routine NASA moon landing when an explosion cripples their vessel and puts their lives in jeopardy. Howard went to great lengths to achieve accuracy, arranging NASA training for the cast and shooting scenes aboard an aircraft that simulated zero gravity.

Mission to Mars/The Red Planet (2000) Released just months apart, these big budget flops fueled the conventional wisdom that movies about the Red Planet tend to suck. The first is a 2001: A Space Odyssey Lite tale of a manned mission to Mars. Gary Sinise, apparently having learned nothing from Apollo 13, leads a mission to rescue a stranded Don Cheadle, and in the process discovers the origins of life on Earth. The second covers a mission to Mars undertaken in a bid to save a dying Earth. Of course, all goes to hell and the crew (Val Kilmer, Tom Sizemore, CarrieAnne Moss, Terence Stamp, Benjamin Bratt, and Simon Baker) are systematically done in by a solar flare, crash landing, infighting, and a robot run amok. (It was so full of scientific inaccuracies that NASA refused to serve as a technical advisor.) Both are disasters in their own right.

Space Cowboys (2000) It’s Grumpy Old Men in Space when Clint Eastwood, Tommy Lee Jones, James Garner, and Donald Sutherland star as four aged ex-test pilots and engineers lured out of retirement to repair a Cold War-era Soviet satellite in a decaying orbit. It turns out to be a treaty-violating orbital nuclear weapons platform, and some shady shenanigans leave it and their shuttle both on the verge of flaming re-entry. A bizarre combination of geezer buddy-comedy and disaster-in-space drama

directed by Eastwood, it manages to be as much entertaining as it is preposterous.

Sunshine (2007) British director Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, 127 Hours) sends an international ensemble cast on a mission to re-ignite the Earth’s dying sun in the year 2057. A side trip to examine the remains of the failed mission that preceded them proves to be fateful. Though riddled with scientific inaccuracies, it does succeed in capturing the psychological rigors of extended space travel, and explores some weighty metaphysical implications.

Astronaut: The Last Push (2012) This obscure gem by Dallas native Eric Hayden features Khary Payton as an astronaut forced to endure a three-year journey in solitude after an accident damages his vessel and kills his crew mate during a botched voyage to Jupiter. Impressively realized on a miniscule budget, it’s currently making the festival circuit and can be tricky to find, but is worth seeking out. Plus, a big-screen viewing is not to be missed.

The Europa Report (2013) Yes, it’s a found-footage flick, but this tight little indie production is no Apollo 18. Six astronauts – including Sharlto Copley (Elysium) and Michael Nyqvist (the original The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo) embark on a privatelyfunded mission to one of Jupiter’s moons, Europa, the place in our solar system most likely to have extraterrestrial life. Cue a series of malfunctions, environmental hazards, and strange encounters. The movie was shot on an appropriate landscape – a sound stage in Brooklyn – with some impressively rendered CGI landscapes.

VOL. 6 - ISSUE 8

Hilarious Advice From This Guy Never make eye contact while eating a banana Don’t tell people hello while at a urinal. If you meet her in a bar you can’t be mad if she’s a drunk.

SEPTEMBER 2013

If you have sex with her three times it’s a relationship.

GOPHER FEET? FOR WHAT USE? Tina Marie Garrison, 37, and her son Junior Lee Dillon, 18, of Preston, Minn., were charged with stealing almost $5,000 in frozen gopher feet from the freezer of a gopher trapper in Granger, Minn., then selling them for $3 each pair.

Don’t pay $200 for vintage jeans. Levi’s are 40 bucks and dirt’s free. You don’t know what type of man you are until you’ve been punched in the face. If you cry like a girl, well… When not on home turf, check for toilet paper before you poop. Fart quietly. A man without a mustache is not a man. No girl likes a lip nudist.

Virgo August 23 – September 22 This weekend your favorite bar is having a 2-for-1 special…on VD.

Libra September 23 – October 22 On Monday your ass will decide it’s a perfect day to display the diarrhea sideeffect of the medicine your taking. This leaves quite the impression at your job interview. Scorpio October 23 – November 21 The GPS tracker in your car is quite helpful for hunting down car thieves. It’s also helpful to psycho exes who can use it to track you down.

By Andrew J. Hewett • www.chewednews.com SQUIRMY WORM NO SOLUTION

MAYBE A SENIOR DISCOUNT?

Aug. 19, 2013 - According to the Des Moines Register, Dr. Patricia Quinlisk, medical director at the Iowa Department of Public Health, remembered a woman from her state who decided to lose weight by buying and swallowing a tapeworm; warning, one tapeworm can’t absorb enough food to make much difference, but the parasite can cause anemia and malnutrition.

Larry Collum, 63, was pulled over and arrested by Greenwood, S.C., police Aug. 15, 2013, riding along with known prostitute Rhonda Kelley, 41. At first, Collum told police he was just giving Kelley a ride home, but later admitted having sex with her in exchange for the $10 roll of quarters they found in possession of Ms. Kelley.

Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 This weekend your spouse will ask if you can transfer some of the passion that you have for Buffalo wings into your relationship.

Pisces February 19 – March 20 Your girlfriend will send you a text saying, “I think we should move in.” Ten seconds later you’ll receive another text saying, “Sorry typo. Move on.”

Gemini May 21 – June 21 You will learn three important lessons this week. One: Your friends are assholes. Two: Never close your eyes when asked. Three: Getting kicked in the balls hurts.

Capricorn December 22 – January 19 While discussing career prospects with your mom, she’ll suggest that you become a penis puppeteer, because “Let’s face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career of it?”

Aries March 21 – April 19 At the company meeting on Friday you will be touched inappropriately by the creepy guy in accounting.

Cancer June 22 – July 22 Your girlfriend will inform you that the only sexual activity that she is interested in is foreplay and that she doesn’t want to go any further than that anymore.

Aquarius January 20 – February 18 On Thursday you will receive a phone call that will end with, “…I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”

Taurus April 20 – May 20 This Thursday you’ll come home from work a little earlier than usual only to see your dad removing a ball gag from your mom’s mouth. Some things can’t be unseen.

Leo July 23 – August 22 You will soon find out that your wife used to strip in college at the company party because your boss recognized her from the club.

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SEPTEMBER 2013

t To Wan I t a s Wh Dalla : n I o D th Mon This

VOL. 6 - ISSUE 8

September’s To-Do List

ues & rd Bl ival o f d e q B sic Fest ga Mu e To Hous l a m i q An ty est ped F Par p a t n U st ste’s berfe q Pa Okto n o s di q Ad Fest est rger u sic F q B y Mu a w a t i eak Exhib q Br Rabb s i r n h r q C Lante inese q Ch tival Fes

What: Bedford Blues & Music Festival When: August 30 - September 1 (various times) Where: Bedford, across from City Hall Okay, I know this is coming up, like this weekend, but I had to put it in here. BBQ and blues is a match made in heaven. This three-day BBQ cook-off and music festival draws close to 20,000 brisket-loving fans. Judged by the finger-lickin’ Kansas City Barbeque Society, a nonprofit dedicated to all things tasty, and the general public, pit masters from across the country will compete to win up to $2,000, a seriously awesome trophy and a Grand Champion Banner. They also serve up a serious portion of blues with performances by Josh Weathers, Jimmie Vaughan, Buddy Guy and more. What: Animal House Toga Party When: September 5 (7 p.m.) Where: Alamo Drafthouse Richardson How can you not be excited about Alamo Drafthouse coming to Dallas? Really, I have been waiting for Dallas to

BY AMBER LAFRANCE catch the Drafthouse fever for years. The new location in Richardson is full of movie-loving fun, themed parties and quote-alongs. It’ll be a “full on party experience”, equipped with a toga fashion show, Shout dance party and free paddles! Grab an old sheet and fashion it into a makeshift toga and invite your rowdiest friends to join in on the fun. What: Paste’s Untapped Fest When: September 7 (3-10 p.m.) Where: Gilley’s on South Side and surrounding areas Check out tons of local brews from Lakewood, Community, Deep Ellum Brewing Co., Peticolas, Denton’s Armadillo Ale Works and more at this all-day drink-a-thon. The line-up is pretty killer too, with acts like Delta Spirit, Freelance Whales, Cults, Blackalicious, Leagues, Dead Flowers, Dark Rooms and Larry g(EE). It’s the perfect opportunity to find your new favorite beer, while discovering a few bands in the process. They’ll be offering a hefty dose of national brews too, like Chimay, Brooklyn Brewery and Oskar Blues. What: Addison’s 26th Annual Oktoberfest When: September 19 - 22 (various times) Where: Addison Circle Park Every year I can’t resist grabbing a group of friends and immersing myself in the Bavarian tradition of drinking excessive amounts of beer, stuffing myself with German sausages and sauerkraut, and dancing like an idiot in Oktoberfest’s Draught Haus. Enjoy a

dachshund parade and sign up for what they like to call “German Idol”, which is seriously a yodeling competition where 25 bold souls will brave the stage and battle for prizes. Bavarian cheesecake anyone? What: BurgerFest When: September 21 (11 a.m. - 5 p.m.) Where: Deep Ellum Outdoor Market on Main Street Get ready to slip into your Beefsquatch outfit for this one (Bob’s Burgers fans, anyone?) The crew that puts on the Deep Ellum Market and the North Texas Taco Festival is inviting burgerloving fans to stuff as many mini-sliders in their mouths as possible. I don’t know about you, but anything that brings Maple & Motor, Whiskey Cake and 20 other burger joints together sounds like a winner. Sink your teeth into a hefty dose of burgers, ice cream and live music as you enjoy a brew at their “beer garden” in Deep Ellum. What: Breakaway Music Festival When: September 21 (11 a.m. - 11:30 p.m.) Where: FC Dallas Stadium in Frisco Have you ever been to a music festival in a soccer stadium? Me neither. With one in Columbus, Ohio and one here in Dallas (well, Frisco), this new fest brings together a mix of indie, EDM, pop, hiphop and other styles and aims to highlight the thriving local music scene. Who you can expect to see: Wu-Tang Clan, Matt & Kim, Empire of the Sun, Big Gigantic, Explosions in the Sky, Ra Ra Riot, Booty Fade, Oil Boom and more.

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What: The Amazing Memorable Thing by Chris Rabb When: Artist Reception September 21 from 6-9 p.m. (on view August 3 September 22) Where: Life in Deep Ellum Mokah Gallery Created over the last two years, Christopher Rabb’s recent exhibition will be on view at Life in Deep Ellum’s Mokah Gallery until late September. Graffiti-esque and expressive, his work uses layers of multimedia and visually appealing colors to draw the eye in. His muse: the never ending inflow of information from various sources, from news to the internet, roadside billboards to TV and even everyday conversations. Bring a date and come check out the free and open-to-the-public exhibition in the heart of Deep Ellum. What: Chinese Lantern Festival When: September 27 - January 5 (various times) Where: State Fair of Texas Tap into your inner child and see a different side of the State Fair, on crack. This trippy neon hued light-filled exhibit looks awesome. This year’s theme “Light a New Dream” boasts a dragonshaped boat you can ride on and an enormous porcelain castle that’s over 50 feet tall made out of 68,000 pieces of porcelain dishes (tied by hand!) I have to see this. There will also be acrobat shows, arts and crafts, 17 new scenes this year to ogle at and greasy Chinese food for all.

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SEPTEMBER 2013

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