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december 5 - 11, 2012

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VOL. 5 - ISSUE 12

On Deck

december 5 - 11, 2012

the ballad of bobby costas By Keysha Hogan - @TheKeysha

SPORTS NEWS On Deck 3 A Very Costly Lesson 4 UFC on FOX 5 Preview 5 Fourth Time A Charm? 5 Jerry’s World 6 Hoop Dreams 7 Going For Goal 8 Cover Story Let’s Go Bowling 9 Rose Bowl 10 Sugar Bowl 10 Fiesta Bowl 10 Orange Bowl 10 BCS Title Game 11 BLITZ Entertainment Veronica Van Dine 12 Little Bummer Boy 13 Crave DFW 14 Hollywood Profile 15 Book Review: The Blinding Knife 15 Drink It. Wear It. Go There. 16 Honey Badger Don’t Give A Sh#t 16 Blitz Funnys Jokes/Horrorscopes/Weird News 17 The CLOSER Pocketful of Peens 18 The Answer Guy 18

Publisher Kelly G. Reed Editor-in-Chief C. Patterson Creative Director Michael H. Lee Photo Editor Darryl Briggs Cover Design Michael H. Lee Staff Photographers Gregg Case, Steven Hendrix, Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, Chuck Majors

Staff Writers Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, David Goodspeed, Ethan Harmon, Keysha Hogan, Frank LaCosta, Mark Miller Contributing Photographers Jesse Blanchard, Gregg Case, Steven Doyle, Jonah Gilmore, Denis Zilber Contributing Writers Arthur Bellfield, Jay Betsill, Steven Doyle, Stephen Evans, Jason Fleck, Vivian Fullerlove, C.J. Gardner, Peter Gerstenzang, Andrew J. Hewett, Jan Hubbard, Stephen Kelley, Pocket Posie, Melissa Smith

oo soon, Costas…too soon. When tragedy meets the sports world, it’s normal for sportscasters to govern themselves with respect, reverence, and overly cautious condolences. But this Sunday, Bob Costas took things too far when he attempted to drop some knowledge on viewers during halftime on Sunday Night Football. The circumstances surrounding the murdersuicide of Kansas City Chiefs linebacker, Jovan Belcher and his girlfriend Kasandra Perkins are chilling to say the least. Perkins was slain in full view of her mother and child, and then Belcher drove 15 minutes to Arrowhead Stadium, thanked the general manger and head coach and fatally shot himself. After roughly 38 years in this business Costas knows better than to look America in the face and offer his view on our current gun laws. And despite popular belief, gun laws do not fall under sacred and holy texts that we must never speak of. But Costas connected the dots on few different crimes and went way too far too soon. If he sincerely felt that he needed to state his platform during this time of grieving, he would have better served the debate by speaking about the violence that can accompany weekly doses of drugs and painkillers while suffering from concussions. In his speech Costas referenced an article by Kansas City sportswriter Jason Whitlock. He said, “If Jovan Belcher didn’t possess a gun, he and Kasandra Perkins would both be alive

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FREE SHUTTLE TO ALL MAVS today.” His comments were insulting, overreaching and at best uninformed. But, honestly if you look back over Costas’ career there is a history of less than stellar moments. He has played himself in guilty pleasure films like Pootie Tang and BASEketball. Now I’m not judging, we’ve all seen the movies, but why Bob? Why?! Earlier this summer, Costas was the lead anchor during the Parade of Nations during the Olympic Opening Ceremony. Remember when he started insulting countries as they marched through the crowd? His performance was embarrassing on a global stage as he took shots at North Korea, Pakistan and Idi Amin. NBC would have been better off just cutting his microphone and letting viewers at home play “guess the nations by flag.” There is no way to diminish the journalist contributions that Costas has made to the sport. It’s a mystery how he sits before us today, a fresh-eyed, never aging super fan of the sports world. His interview where he confronted Jerry Sandusky on his attraction to and luring of young boys was the most poignant, bold and nauseating segment we’ve ever seen. But with all of his experience and dedication to the field, it seems as though Costas is losing his gravitas by the moment. In the future, when heartache and overwhelming news floods the airways, no one wants to hear social agendas and political posturing during halftime. Hopefully Costas will continue to speak his mind on important causes and issues, but next time to more appropriate audiences at more opportune times.

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uncle walter

on College Bowls

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VOL. 5 - ISSUE 12

a very costly lesson stern fines the spurs

By jan hubbard - comments@blitzweekly.com ith four NBA championships since 1999, Gregg Popovich would seem to be an expert on exactly what it takes to win a title. But anyone who made the mistake of thinking that found out last week that official league policy was that Popovich did not know what he was doing.

A Stern look On the last game of a brutal four-games-infive-nights-in-four cities road trip, Popovich did something he did at least three times last season and sent Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili and Tony Parker back home to San Antonio. Duncan is 36, Ginobili is 35 and Parker, 30, play big minutes (25-year-old swingman Danny Green was also sent home because he had been playing a lot). Now if this had been a game in Sacramento, Popovich would have never heard a word from the league office. But this was a nationally televised game against the Miami Heat on TNT and Popovich’s good intentions were apparently contrary to good TV. NBA commissioner David Stern issued a hand-wringing statement, apologized to fans everywhere. Stern went on to fine the Spurs $250,000. For Stern, the slope he jumped on is very slippery. Anyone who has spent any time around Popovich is 100 percent certain that every decision he makes is designed to enhance his team’s chances of winning a championship. The reason he rested players was because the Spurs’ next game after the road trip was against Memphis and it was a far more important game than the Heat game (but, of course, not on TNT). The Grizzlies are a Western Conference opponent. Two years ago, they beat the Spurs in the first round. The last scenario Popovich wants is to lose the home court advantage by one game to the Grizzlies and have to play a second or third round series with Memphis

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holding home court. So he chose to rest his players against Miami so they could be more competitive against Memphis. And maybe it worked. The Spurs won the game 99-95. The question we are left with is who is better equipped to guide a championship team? A man who has four rings, or a commissioner who has never coached? It seems pretty obvious. Mark Cuban had one of his usual interesting responses, but he was more honest about it than Stern. “Recognize who pays your check,” the Mavericks owner said of the $930 million the NBA gets from TNT and ESPN. Jesse Blanchard 48OH “The amount at stake is enormous... “I’m not saying I wouldn’t do the same thing if coach [Rick Carlisle] came to me and said we should rest these guys, but I’d willingly pay the fine knowing what’s at stake. Rest your starters for the long haul? One game earlier, one game later? Sure. Rest them when you’ve got our biggest customer at stake? That’s a whole different animal.” Oddly, the decision Stern made is at odds with a statement made in April by future commissioner Adam Silver. When Popovich employed a similar strategy last season, Silver was asked about it and he said: “The strategic resting of particular players on particular nights is within the discretion of the teams, and Gregg Popovich in particular is probably the last coach that I would second-guess.” Give Silver credit for a common sense reply. You have to wonder what the conversation was between Stern and Silver when discussing what to do about the Spurs. If Silver was consistent, he argued against it. But if that was the case, obviously he lost. And now it seems that Stern has limited a coach’s ability to do what he thinks is best for the team. This decision may seem like a one-time thing, but it’s much more. It could have a big impact on how a champion is decided this season because it will have an impact on how elite coaches approach their job.

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 12

ufc on Fox 5

By stephen kelley – stephenjkelley@me.com

Mauricio “Shogun” Rua (21-6-0) vs Alexander “The Mauler” Gustafsson (14-1-0) While looking at each fighter’s record the answer would be clear in this fight: Gustafsson. I don’t see it so one sided, Rua is a devastating monster that I feel still has his killer instinct as he did in Pride. This fight is the underrated fight of the night and has highlight reel written all over it. Rua’s back is against the wall and he has a chance to make a statement Saturday with a win over Gustafsson. Shogun comes in with a rubber band record going 3-5 while losing after each win. Rua I feel will display his striking dominance of old as when he won his UFC and Pride belts. Gustafsson is no slouch either- winning in all three areas: subs, K.O’s., and decisions. I see this scrap going to the third round and fireworks will be popping with these giants. My Pick: Mauricio “Shogun” Rua in the third round with a K.O. B.J. “The Prodigy” Penn (16-8-2) vs Rory “Ares” MacDonald (13-1-0) Many believe this fight will out shine all others and certainly looks to become the strong fight of the night winner. So much controversy has come from this fight with B.J. urging fans he’s back and Rory declaring it doesn’t matter and he will still bash Penn’s face in. B.J. has done this to the

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fourth time a charm? pac man and dinamita stage set

By frank lacosta - flacosta@blitzweekly.com

eld in Seattle Washington, UFC on Fox 5 will showcase great fight match ups, intriguing storylines and hopefully devastating finishes. The upcoming card UFC on Fox 5 will be the best live Fox presentation yet. The marriage of the two lovebirds started on rocky grounds with quick knockouts and uncontested belt cards, but this card is great culmination of talent and hype potentially making spectacular fights. Ben “Smooth” Henderson (16-2-0) vs Nate Diaz (16-7-0) The Lightweight Championship belt is finally granted the main stage in the night’s main bout. Henderson, the current UFC Lightweight Champion is coming in with a perfect record in the UFC at 5-0 while opponent Nate Diaz is coming off a three fight win streak in his last five bouts. The Champion will need to watch out for Diaz not only on the ground where Nate is known for his Gracie Jiu-Jitsu, but up top as well where his old school boxing hands can do damage. Henderson has the ability to knockout and submit, but his bread and butter comes from takedowns and going long in to rounds. Henderson will need to out wrestle Diaz. Clay Guida fought Diaz and kept him on his back and used his “ground and pound” to frustrate and ultimately beat him. If Henderson can stick to his game I don’t see the belt changing hands. My Pick: Ben “Smooth” Henderson in five rounds via unanimous decision.

december 5 - 11, 2012

aving their best for last in this final showdown between Manny Pacquiao and Juan Manuel Marquez is what will be needed to keep boxing fans happy. The two fighters know each other quite well from their previous three matches. It will take a spectacular effort from one of them to win this fight in a convincing manner. In theory a fourth fight between two good fighters is a good thing but many of the talking heads believe that this is nothing more than sloppy matchmaking.

UFC faithful so many times but do we buy it? I say yes, he looks like he has actually trained, sparred and shredded weight. However, the unwavering Rory MacDonald looks determined as ever and ready to win. Penn and Rory are equally proficient in their ground games and both of their takedown defenses are impeccable. If it’s the Penn of old, I want to see his amazing boxing and his beautiful Jiu-Jitsu. Rory needs to come in unemotional, unlike his fight against Carlos Condit where he had his only loss. He has the tools and Rory just needs to use them correctly. My Pick: Rory MacDonald in the second round- TKO. Mike “Quick” Swick (15-4-0) vs Matt “The Immortal” Brown (17-11-0) Mike Swick and Matt Brown are UFC journeymen who have had their ups and downs throughout their separate careers. This fight I feel could spell the beginning of the end for one, and a jumping off point for the other. Each fighter is in their thirties and both have at least 15 wins to their name. Matt Brown however has increasingly more losses than Swick’s four. Swick’s downfall is his health. He has been in and out of injuries from esophageal surgeries to hand ligament damage. Each fighter will look to stay on their feet, keep their bases and swing away. Swick has had multiple Knockout Honors from the UFC and Brown is devastatingly accurate when it comes to his striking. This fight is evenly matched, but for Swick to have an upper hand he should wait for an opportunity to submit Brown if possible, most of Brown’s 11 losses have been submissions. My Pick: Mike Swick with a submission choke in the first round.

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A Match Made for Old Men For Marquez who is well past his peak, if he defeats Pacquiao it will be the signature win that he has been searching for. But how long will he be able to bask in the glory of the victory if he is successful. The man is 39 years old. If Pacquiao dominates this fight it will be nothing more than a good win, perhaps an expected win. However with Pacquiao’s loss against Timothy Bradley many experts have dropped him significantly in the rankings. The dream match-up with Floyd Mayweather may be out of reach. This fight might not have been in Pacquiao’s best interest. He is 33 years old with not many years left in the tank. So let’s face it, both fighters are past their prime. Neither has had a free fall from the top, rather each one has clung onto a slow downward slide. Unlike other rivalries, this fight figures to resemble the previous matches since both fighters have maintained their basic skill set (rumor has it that Pacquiao has lost a step recently). Their first fight goes back almost a

decade ago. Expect a lower quality of fight since they are so familiar with each other and the match-up remains the same. The Prediction It’s only been about a year since their last fight and the playing field hasn’t really changed much. Marquez brings his superior skill and craftsmanship to the ring pitted against Pacquiao’s athleticism and explosiveness. Like the previous bouts, Pacquiao will be the more flashy, eye-catching boxer who leads with his left. Marquez like a robot will stand his ground and counter with calculated composed punches. This will happen round after round. Both camps have announced that they’ve changed strategies and to expect the unexpected. Sure there will be a few wrinkles but leopards don’t change their spots as the saying goes. Both fighters have a ton of experience and are set in their ways in the ring. Since they’re so familiar with each other expect a similar fight to their last one. The only advantage here that could go Pacquiao’s way is that the fight will be a full welterweight limit of 147 pounds. The judges are human and could be influenced from their knowledge of the previous fights between the two. Will the Pacquiao/Bradley fight weigh in? Will the fact that Marquez was shortchanged previously in a fight he should have won over Pacquiao? Perhaps ever so slightly. Expect more of the same with Pacquiao winning another close one.

Tale of the Tape Manny Pacquiao 54-4-2 (38 KOs) vs

Juan Manuel Marquez 54-6-1 (39 KOs)

Age: 33 Age: 39 Stance: Southpaw Stance: Orthodox Height: 5’6.5” Height: 5’7” Reach: 67” Reach: 67” Nickname: Pac Man Nickname: Dinamita (Dynamite) Country: Philippines Country: Mexico Record Against Marquez: 2-0-1 Record Against Pacquiao: 0-2-1 Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

december 5 - 11, 2012

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 12 Dez was the recipient of touchdown pass number 166 from Romo

Darryl Briggs

By Jay Betsill – @thefamousjay

“

cowboys bounce back with win

Not only should the Cowboys win,” Dallas Cowboys Hall of Fame quarterback and current FOX NFL analyst Troy Aikman said on The Dan Patrick Show. “To me they have got to be able to dominate the game. It’s an Eagles team that is obviously in disarray. They’ve got a number of big players that are out like Michael Vick, LeSean McCoy, DeSean Jackson and they just released their best pass rusher (Jason Babin). If Dallas goes out and wins the game, but they win like they did against Cleveland two weeks ago, I don’t think anybody feels good about that.” The Dallas Cowboys (6-6) kept their slim playoff hopes alive by defeating the Philadelphia Eagles (3-9) 38-33 in a game that was much closer than it probably should have been. The Cowboys are back to .500 and are one of four NFC teams -- along with the Washington Redskins, Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Minnesota Vikings -- at 6-6. The Cowboys finally snapped an eight-game losing streak on NBC’s Sunday Night Football, but it was hardly in dominating fashion. Dallas trailed 27-24 when Tony Romo hit Dez Bryant for a 6-yard touchdown pass that culminated an 86-yard drive. Then it was the defense’s turn as rookie cornerback Morris Claiborne returned a Bryce Brown fumble 50 yards for a touchdown to put Dallas up with what appeared to be a comfortable lead. The Eagles Damaris Johnson returned Bryan Moorman’s booming punt 98 yards for a touchdown with 31 seconds remaining in the contest. Following a failed 2-point conversion that kept the score at 38-33, the Cowboys recovered the onside kick to hand Philadelphia its eighth straight loss. Running back DeMarco Murray returned after a six game absence due to a sprained left foot. He finished with 83 yards on 23 carries and

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one touchdown. For those keeping score at home, the Dallas offense had 52 straight pass plays from the second quarter to the end of a Thanksgiving loss to Washington prior to three consecutive hand-offs to Murray to start the game. Next up for Dallas is a trip up to Cincinnati to battle former TCU Horned Frogs quarterback Andy Dalton and the Bengals. The Bengals (7-5) are tied with Pittsburgh in the race for the AFC’s second wild-card berth after their 20-13 win over the San Diego Chargers. “We kept overcoming adversity and we didn’t flinch,” Bengals coach Marvin Lewis said. “We just went out there and went back to work. ...We weren’t perfect. But we had to keep playing and make adjustments and keep coming.” Dalton has plenty of weapons in his offensive arsenal including running back BenJarvus Green-Ellis fresh off his 118 yard performance in San Diego and wide receiver A.J. Green, who has 10 touchdown catches on the season. If Rob Ryan’s banged-up defensive unit has the same type of showing as it did against the Eagles, expect the Bengals offense to have a field day. Big Night For Tony Romo With Tony Romo’s 23-yard pass to Dez Bryant with 11:18 left in the third quarter, he became the Dallas Cowboys all-time leader in touchdown passes. That gave Romo 166 career touchdown passes, surpassing Troy Aikman, who had 165 touchdown passes from 1989-2000. Fittingly, the second half of the game featured Romo’s best showing of the season. He completed a perfect 10-of-10 passes for 169 yards and three touchdowns. “It’s about winning games,” said Romo. “We desperately had to have this win tonight, and our team fought like heck to get a win.”

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 12

december 5 - 11, 2012

By Geoff Case - gcase@blitzweekly.com

mavericks skid finally ends, sign derek fisher The loss of Jason Kidd has arguably been Upcoming schedule: one of the toughest Mavericks’ roster transitions 12/6 @Phoenix Suns: in recent history. They could always depend The Suns are in a complete rebuild mode on Kidd to run the offense efficiently and limit costly turnovers. These are things that ultimately following the departure of Steve Nash to the Lakers but that won’t stop them from offer elite lost Darren Collison his starting role in the first quarter of the young season. In fact, the newly customer service. The Suns organization is offering a money back refund for any fans that signed veteran Derek Fisher got the start a day purchase tickets to a game and are unsatisfied. after the 16-year veteran’s first practice with This is a game the Mavericks need to win. the Mavs. While Fisher’s stat line was modest - two points on 1-of-8 shooting and three assists 12/8 @Houston - in his first action Rockets since helping The Rockets Oklahoma City finally got their reach the NBA superstar in James Finals last year. Harden and will To Rick Carlisle be looking to build and Collison’s a roster around credit, he has him. They are an looked much exciting team to better coming watch because off the bench. a backcourt Collison, who featuring Jeremy missed a game Lin and James with a sprained Harden is finger, said he absolutely electric wasn’t thrilled to and anything be coming off can happen. The the bench after Mavericks couldn’t starting the first 14 stop Harden in games. Collison the playoffs last however seems year so don’t to be taking his expect them to benching with figure it out now. professionalism However, Dahntay for the most part. Jones might have He repeatedly something to say says that he’ll about that. do whatever the team needs him 12/10 to do. The Mavs Sacramento are likely going Kings to keep their eye Derek Fisher is Cuban’s early Christmas gift DeMarcus on other options Cousins might at the position but have 20+ they can’t expect rebounds this game with the way the Mavericks the 38 year-old Derek Fisher to realistically have been hitting the glass. On paper the play a major role. He did seem to calm the Mavericks should have a chance to steal this seas a bit in crunch time that is something the one sans Nowitzki but if Cousins is motivated, Mavericks desperately needed after basically watch out. giving away a few games in the fourth quarter this season with unforced turnovers. Right now, 12/12 @ Boston Celtics Darren Collison has the sheer talent and ability Jason Terry’s new home is treating him nicely to be a better player than Derek Fisher. It’s but the absence of Ray Allen is something that almost like Collison is trying so hard to live up that even Terry can’t replace. They are a salty to that potential he’s been forcing shots and veteran team that should take care of the Mavs. passes. The Mavericks need a steady hand I will be watching to see if the new Mavs guiding this roster and someone that can help respond to the evitable intimidation tactics the with the rebounding. If the Fisher promotion Celtics will throw their way. It should tell us a remains permanent and Collison’s struggles lot about how these young guys will respond to continue, it’s hard to see the Mavericks making a pressure intense playoff atmostphere. much noise this season.

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going for goal

he Dallas Sidekicks have soared to 4-0 in their comeback season, recently defeating the Rio Grande Valley Flash and Texas Strikers by margins of five and seven goals. This marks the team’s best start since 1994. The team’s third game of the season on November 30 was an action-packed 7-3 home win against Rio Grande Valley. The Allen Event Center hosted 5,606 fans, an anomaly in the PASL. Franck Mbemba and Shaun David scored in the first quarter, David with the Sidekicks’ first shorthanded goal of the season. Rio Grande

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 12

sagu helps sidekicks to 4-0 start By melissa smith - @blitzweekly

Valley put themselves on the board at the end of the quarter, but when play resumed, Jamie Lovegrove struck back. Shortly after, Robert Luevano scored from a distance, followed by Ricardinho, who intercepted a pass in Rio Grande Valley’s territory and went 1-2 with Patrick Shamu to score. A breakaway from Luevano put the Sidekicks up 6-2. The win was cemented in the fourth period when Michael Uremovich scored on the powerplay. Goaltender Sagu was credited with nine saves. On December 1, the team traveled to Beaumont and defeated the Texas Strikers 10-3. Franck Mbemba scored the team’s first hat trick of the season. Lovegrove opened up scoring in the first quarter, followed shortly by Mbemba. Texas answered back just 22 seconds later. This was the only first quarter goal the Sidekicks have allowed so far this season. The Sidekicks took a season-high 11 shots on goal in the second quarter, and managed to capitalize on five of them. Uremovich struck first just 2:35 in. Goals from Mbemba, Renato Pereira, Lovegrove and David followed. Later in the game, Mbemba secured his hat trick. Both Uremovich and David both scored in the fourth quarter, cementing the win for the Sidekicks. Mbemba has scored six goals in four games, moving him to the top of the team in both points and goals scored. Sagu was credited with three saves for the night. He has amassed 59 saves so far this season. Veteran goaltender

Sagu has been a major driving force behind the team’s success so far this season. He was eager to return to the team where he got his start thirteen years ago. “My career began in Dallas. I have fond memories of my days there, and that’s where I always wanted to end my career,” Sagu said. After playing his first two U.S. professional indoor seasons with the Sidekicks, Sagu, a Dallas Sidekicks native of Sao Paulo, Sagu has returned to where it all began Brazil, spent the last eight seasons with the younger generation. I look forward to teaching Baltimore Blast of the MISL. In Baltimore, younger goalkeepers and I want to coach after he was named All-League seven times, was my playing days are over.” Goalkeeper of the Year five times and helped The Sidekicks will take on the Texas Strikers the Blast win three championships. again in their next match on Saturday, “Every good team starts with a great December 15 at 7:00 p.m. at the Allen Event goalkeeper, so we are thrilled to welcome Center. Sagu back to the Dallas Sidekicks organization, Head Coach Tatu said. “He brings experience Individual and season tickets are on sale now and leadership to our team.” Sagu expects to through Ticketmaster or the team website. For spend several more seasons with the Sidekicks, more information, visit www.dallassidekicks. as both player and coach. “Goalkeepers are net or call 214-550-6130. like fine wine—they get better with age,” he said. “Now that I am in the later stages of my playing career, I want to give back to the

EXPOSED! Rapid Injury Recovery Secrets of 18 NFL Pro Bowl Players The question a lot of football fans are asking nowa-days is “HOW are some of these NFL players coming back from injuries so fast and better than they were before, while others are struggling to just stay on the field?” (Two returning players of which are in the Top 5 for MVP balloting and 16 others going to the Pro Bowl!) Well, the answer is simple; Utilization of the FDA approved, ARP Wave System. Unlike the antiquated treatment and rehabilitation that has been used for the past 2,000 years that treats the PHYSICAL SYMPTOM of a problem, we treat the NEUROLOGICAL ORIGIN of the symptom and when we do, we ELIMINATE the pain and the symptom 99% of the time. You see, ALL physical pain and injury is caused by the body’s inability to absorb force in a certain area. Hence the reason for hip, back, neck, knee and joint pain. We are able to locate the origin of that problem from a neurological standpoint with our ARP Wave System, treat it, and when we do, the muscle that was not absorbing force is now firing properly, taking the force AWAY from the injured or painful area and the physical symptom disappears. NO SURGERY NEEDED. NO HARMFUL DRUGS NEEDED. There is a reason the top NFL Players trust their multi-million careers to our system of injury prevention and rehab… because it works and NO ONE can do what we can do in terms of elevating their performance and keeping them on the field.

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FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS My son had an ACL tear & was out 6 months. How quick would he have returned with the ARP? On the ARP Wave System, we can rehab an ACL injury in 6 weeks. We got NFL Pro Bowler Dwight Freeney back in 12 days from three torn ankle ligaments for his last Super Bowl along with a clean MRI. It’s criminal that some trainers and doctors keep players out so long when they can be back in 6 weeks as opposed to 6 months to a year! There is absolutely NO reason an athlete should be out longer than 6-8 weeks for a tear.

I have major back pain and have tried everything. When would I see results with the ARP System? You will see results on your VERY FIRST VISIT. From there we put you into a 20 session program that takes less than 4 weeks and at the end of 4 weeks you will be pain free and have the range of motion of that of an 18 year old.

I was thinking about having hip surgery. Can I avoid it with the ARP Wave System? DO NOT HAVE ANY FORM OF JOINT RELATED SURGERY until you visit with us! Your hip is in pain because of a muscle not absorbing force. We will find the origin of the problem, treat it, strengthen it and 90 times of 100 allow you to AVOID surgery. The ARP Wave saved Stanley Cup Champion Tim Thomas career, recovering his hip to play at an elite athletic level.

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There is no such thing as a “season ending injury” There is absolutely NO EXCUSE for anyone to be living in pain or taking excessive time to rehab an injury. No excuse whatsoever. We cringe when we see an NFL, NBA or MLB player go down with a “season ending injury” when we know full well we can have them back in 6-8 weeks at MAX SPEED! And we can point to several NFL clients right now that are having MVP seasons as testament to this. IF YOU’RE LIVING IN PAIN, have limited range of motion or considering joint related surgery, your NEXT STEP should be to call us. We will demonstrate results in your very first visit and th have you pain and injury free in 1/10 the time as normal treatment and rehab. Without drugs… without surgery.

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december 5 - 11, 2012

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VOL. 5 - ISSUE 12

JAN 1 - 4:10PM - ESPN

Jan. 2 - 7:30PM - ESPN

rose bowl WISCONSIN VS. #6 STANFORD

By Mark Miller

n paper this matchup made more sense last year when Heisman Trophy winner Andrew Luck was Stanford University’s quarterback and Russell Wilson was leading the University of Wisconsin. Both are now in the National Football League. Instead, it’s redshirt freshman Kevin Hogan and fifth-year senior Curt Phillips who will go under center for the Cardinal and Badgers, respectively. It will mark the first time the teams have met since the 2000 Rose Bowl when Wisconsin won 17-9. While that was the last time Stanford played in the granddaddy of bowl games, Wisconsin (8-5) is making its third straight appearance equalling Michigan in the late 1970s. The Badgers lost 21-19 to Texas Christian University two years ago and 45-38 to the University of Oregon last year. Hogan led the Cardinal (11-2) to their seventh straight win Friday night in a 27-24 decision over the University of California-Los Angeles

in the Pacific-12 Conference championship game. Phillips, the Badgers’ third quarterback of 2012 who missed much of his career with knee injuries, spent most of Saturday night handing off to running backs who gained 539 yards in a 70-31 victory over the University of Nebraska in the Big Ten Conference championship game. The Badgers played in the Big Ten title game because Ohio State University and Penn State University were ineligible and took full advantage to wipe out the frustration of four losses by three points and three in overtime. Both teams feature strong running games. Senior Stephen Taylor already is Stanford’s career rushing leader with 4,212 yards. Wisconsin senior Montee Ball has run for 5,040 yards and an National Collegiate Athletic Association-record 76 rushing and 82 overall touchdowns. Junior James White has rushed for more than 2,500 career yards and scored 29 touchdowns. Stanford scores an average of 28.5 and gives up 17.5 points per game. While Wisconsin averaged 30.7 points, that included games of 62 against Indiana and 70 against Nebraska. It was consistent on defense yielding just 19.1 points per game. The kicking game could decide the outcome as Stanford’s Jordan Williamson missed 10 of 25 kicks this year while Wisconsin’s Kyle French failed on five of 15 tries.

sugar bowl #21 Louisville vs. #3 florida

By Stephen Evans hey’re going to need some extra sugar to remove the sour taste of the 2013 Sugar Bowl. The Florida Gators, ranked third in the BCS, will take on the 21st-ranked and Big East co-champion Louisville Cardinals in one of the most lopsided bowl match-ups of this year’s college football postseason. In college basketball, Florida-Louisville is a compelling match-up. In college football, in a BCS bowl game … let’s just say it’s a far cry from must-see-TV. The Gators figured to be prepping for the Big XII runner-up Oklahoma Sooners. But a stunning Nebraska loss to Wisconsin in the Big Ten championship game and a Northern Illinois MAC championship game upset victory put the wheels into motion that would ultimately bounce the Sooners from the BCS and instead send Louisville to the Sugar Bowl. At least one team will be excited to be playing

in the game. But even Louisville’s emotions will likely be tempered, as their head coach Charlie Strong is a candidate for openings at a number of schools and will very likely be either coaching his final game at Louisville, or worse, will have already split town by the time the game rolls around. In an ironic twist, Strong was the Gators’ defensive coordinator the last time Florida went to the Sugar Bowl, but did not coach in the game after taking the Louisville head coaching job. On the field, this has all the makings of a mauling, unless Florida just decides to mail it in. The Gator defense is truly elite, and though Louisville’s offense has put up a pile of yards and points, the Cardinals have not gone against a defense the caliber of Florida’s. Will Muschamp promises his team is “jacked up” to be playing in the Sugar Bowl. But do we even care enough to watch and find out?

bowl games • bowl games • bowl games • bowl games • bowl games • bowl games • JAN. 1 - 7:30PM - ESPN

JAN. 3 - 7:30PM - ESPN

orange bowl #15 NORTHERN ILLINOIS VS.

fiesta bowl

By Jason Fleck

he Tostitos Fiesta bowl will place two teams whose BCS title hopes came to a crumbling end on the same weekend. With two games to play in the college season Kansas State was ranked No. 1 and Oregon No. 2 and these two teams were looking to meet up with the National Title on the line. That all came to a fatal end when the Kansas State Wildcats went into Waco and were given a trouncing at the hands of the Bears. Shortly after the Wildcats shocking loss, Oregon suffered their own heart-wrenching loss to Stanford in overtime. Now both teams, who came within one loss of playing for the National Championship in Miami, will instead meet up on Jan. 3rd in Glendale, Arizona. Now No. 4 Oregon and No. 5 Kansas State will compete in their own version of the national title game. This will be an intriguing matchup since both teams feature senior, Heisman-hopeful leaders competing in their final collegiate games. Kenjon Barner, senior running back for Oregon, is the fifth leading rusher in the nation with 1,624

#4 OREGON VS. #5 KANSAS STATE

yards rushing with 21 rushing touchdowns. He also accounted for an astounding 16.5 points per game, which accounts for about 33% of his teams scoring. Collin Klein, senior quarterback for Kansas State, has 2,300 yards passing with 14 passing touchdowns while also rushing for just under 800 yards and 20 rushing touchdowns. He accounts for 10.9 points per game. That is about 27% of his teams scoring in a game. Both of these players have put up huge numbers and performances this season and will be looking to cap their senior seasons off with a Fiesta Bowl championship, look for them both to play a huge role in the outcome of this game. This game will be decided by which team’s defense can come up with the biggest stops, since both teams carry high-powered offenses. Kansas State has the scary task of keeping both Barner and QB Mariota in check, while Oregon will look to keep Klein from taking over the game. Daunting tasks for both teams, this game could turn into an offensive shootout and quite possibly an instant classic.

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By C.J. Gardner

he BCS National Championship game will take place at Sun Life Stadium in Miami, but a week before that the Discover Orange Bowl will be played there. This year’s match up will be between the Florida State Seminoles and Northern Illinois Huskies. This will be the Seminole’s first BCS bowl game under Jimbo Fisher since he took over for legendary coach Bobby Bowden. Florida State finished the regular season with two losses, one to in state rival Florida, and a one-point loss to NC State. The Seminoles clinched their place in the Orange Bowl by defeating Georgia Tech in the ACC Championship game 21-15. FSU’s offense is led by senior quarterback E.J. Manuel, who has thrown for over 3000-yards this year and racked up 22 touchdowns. But the strength of this Seminole team is on the defensive side of the ball. They only give up an average of fifteen points a game, which is seventh in the nation. One difficulty that could arise for Florida

#12 FLORIDA STATE

State is that their defensive coordinator Mark Stoops has been hired as the head coach of Kentucky, making him unavailable for the game. Northern Illinois qualified for the Discover Orange Bowl automatically by finishing at number fifteen in the BCS standings after beating Kent State in the MAC Championship game. The Huskies lost their opening game against Iowa, but went on to win twelve straight and finish 12-1. Junior quarterback Jordan Lynch is one of the most exciting players in college football. He passed for nearly 3000-yards and has over 1700 rushing yards and accounted for 43 touchdowns this season. Northern Illinois will be looking to make an impression in it’s first BCS game and show that they were worthy of getting a spot in a BCS game over some other deserving teams. This game will come down to the Northern Illinois offense vs. Florida State’s defense. If the Huskies are able to run the ball on the strong Seminole defense, they have a shot at upsetting Florida State.

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Jan. 7 7:30PM - ESPN

bcs national championship preview #2 Alabama vs. #1 Notre dame By stephen evans

t’s a battle of college football blue-bloods, and while many college football fans are still not convinced that the championship game will, in fact, feature the two best teams in America, after looking at this season’s lame slate of BCS game offerings, let’s just be thankful we got the match-up that we did. So, it will be the team that all of the SEC loves to hate against the team that most of America loves to hate in the stadium that South Florida apparently hates, if you’ve seen the attendance at Miami Dolphins and Miami Hurricanes football games lately. Putting emotions about the participating teams aside, the Alabama-Notre Dame championship game at least presents a compelling contest. Make no mistake; Notre Dame enters the game as the unquestioned underdog. The Crimson Tide opened as a 7.5 - 10 point favorite, depending on your betting service of choice. But for anyone who thinks this game will be an Alabama cakewalk, take a closer look inside the match-ups. This isn’t your typically dominant SEC champion. This Alabama team, while still tough and talented, isn’t last year’s Alabama squad and isn’t as good as the 2009 national champion Tide team, both of which were led by tenacious defenses that shut down opponents. Against the elite opponents it has played this season (read LSU, Texas A&M, and Georgia), Alabama has surrendered an un-Nick Saban-like 1,247 yards, including 830 yards through the air. As a comparison, against the three toughest opponents the 2011 national championship Alabama team played, the Tide surrendered just 557 total yards, 353 of which came through the air. Meanwhile, Notre Dame enters the game as the most underrated postseason No. 1 team in the BCS era. But don’t sleep on the Fighting Irish. Brian Kelly’s team relies on a powerful defensive front (sound familiar SEC fans?) that has led the way through a tough schedule. Though not a murderer’s row, ten of the twelve teams Notre Dame beat are bowl eligible (though Miami has decided to self-impose a bowl ban), and the other two teams on the schedule are from BCS conferences. Against that schedule Notre Dame allowed just ten defensive touchdowns. No other team in major

college football allowed fewer than 17, which sets up a strength verses strength match-up when the Alabama offense and Notre Dame defense are on the field. Alabama flexed its mauling offensive muscle against Georgia in the SEC championship game, compiling 512 yards of total offense, including 350 yards on the ground. Every time it needed a little, it gained a lot, and it seemed like there was nothing Georgia could do to stop it. Will Notre Dame suffer the same fate? Nose guard Louis Nix clogs the middle of the Notre Dame defense and will be a force for the Alabama offensive line to contain. Nix also keeps blockers off of Heisman Trophy candidate linebacker Manti Te’o, allowing him to roam around and make plays all over the field. But Georgia had an All-American linebacker and future first round draft pick of its on in Jarvis Jones, and play-after-play the Tide had a scheme to contain him. We’ll see if they can keep Te’o bottled up in a similar fashion. Finally, it’s the pride of the SEC coming face-to-face with one of the proudest programs in college football history during a time of great resurgence. An Alabama win gives the SEC its seventh consecutive national championship and an even tighter grip in its claim as college football’s undisputed king. Notre Dame has suffered through the Bob Davie, Tyrone Willingham, and Charlie Weis eras during the past two decades, leaving the program’s glory years a hazy memory. They believe they have found the savior in Brian Kelly, and an upset win in the championship game will forever imprint Kelly’s legacy in Irish eyes. Despite what these two programs have accomplished in the past, none of that will matter once all of the pregame hype comes to an end and the ball is teed up in Miami. And while this Alabama team may not be the dominant force it has been in previous seasons, it is battle tested, with come-from-behind wins away from home against LSU and Georgia, two Top 10 opponents. That doesn’t bode well for the Irish, who very well may land a few jabs against Alabama’s modern-day Goliath of a program. But in the end, it’s difficult to imagine Notre Dame coming up with enough jabs, or round house rights for that matter, to knock out the defending champions. Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

december 5 - 11, 2012

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 12

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Veronica

Model: Veronica Van Dine Photography Courtesy: Jonah Gilmore / www.studioROCKETSCIENCE.com Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 12

december 5 - 11, 2012

little bummer boy

your unofficial guide to the worst christmas songs ever By peter gerstenzang - comments@blitzweekly.com

ad Christmas songs are a lot like the herpes virus. Most of the year, they lay dormant and you think you’re free of them. Then wham, right after Thanksgiving, you break into a tropical fever, red spots appear everywhere and you tell your girlfriend you can’t have sex with her till St. Swithin’s Day. But, unlike this STD, there is no medication to stop the disgusting discharge that emerges from the blackhearted souls of Elton John and Jose Feliciano. Here are six of the most terrible tunes of the season. Creepy enough to make you check out that recruiting literature from The Church of Satan. Paul McCartney: Wonderful Christmas Time As a solo artist, McCartney has committed so many atrocities, there’s a special section about him in The Geneva Convention. And musically, this is his Pearl Harbor. The vocal is uber-wimpy. The lyrics as smart and pithy as a Hallmark Card-read by a dyslexic. The synths sound like they were made by Fisher-Price. Instead of seasonal cheer, this record makes you want to burn down your neighbor’s manger. Elton John: Step Into Christmas So that’s what he stepped into. I’ll bet that’s not it. This 12 String

Guitar-driven drivel, is really like stepping into something else. And if you hear it in the car, it’s possible to track it into the house. Since I heard it, I’ve been spraying for weeks. And nothing. A few more days and I’m calling the Orkin man. John Denver: Please Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas I’m all for drinking in country songs. Now that Taylor Swift has turned the genre into a haven for weepy girls who draw little flowers on top of the letter “I.” But this maudlin song about a pie-eyed daddy who comes in and falls down drunk, doesn’t make you cry. It makes you want to empty a bottle of Jagermeister and put on “A Death Metal Christmas.” And yep, burn down your neighbor’s manger. Trans Siberian Orchestra: Christmas Canon I hear their slogan is, ‘You think our name is bad? Listen to our music!’ But it wouldn’t fit on the T shirt. Here, doing Pachelbel’s “Canon” (the “Louie Louie” of classical music), TSO makes you long for John Denver. And if the melody

and descending chords aren’t bad enough, check out the video. Endure the horror of a bunch of kids, dressed in white and singing in those crimeagainst-nature soprano voices. It’s like a musical version of Children Of The Damned. Without the laughs. Jose Feliciano: Felice Navidad According to the new national guidelines, you’re only allowed to like one song by Jose Feliciano. I enjoy Chico And The Man, so I’m already maxed out. This repetitive, melodicallychallenged little song, raises questions so deep the Dalai Lama couldn’t answer them. For instance, why is the chorus the only part of the

song you can remember? Does it even have a verse? And, who is this chick, Felice, anyway? I’ll give Jose this: I bet you’ve never thought that hard about a Bob Dylan song. Mannheim Steamroller: Joy To The World The only band in the world who can make you long for the nuance and subtlety of Trans Siberian Orchestra. Hearing this synth-driven stinkburger brings back fond memories. But only for WWII buffs, who think it would be fun to be run down by a Panzer attack. Lots of noise, the feeling of battle, but you don’t get decorated when the song is over. Still, like war, just surviving it is achievement enough. — Introducing Peter Gerstenzang. His work has also appeared in the pages of The New York Times, SPIN, The Village Voice, Playboy and many others. Peter holds a B.A. and an MFA from Columbia University.

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CRAVE dfw

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 12

By Steven Doyle - www.cravedfw.com

In the past few months Dallas has seen a revolution of fantastic new restaurants. A few of these restaurants are on the upper end of the pay scale, while some of them are meant to feed everyone. As we made our way around these new feed troughs, we were excited to find that Dallas is undergoing an amazing transition; one that will define us more as a being a great food city on the rise.

Bucco, oysters, and lobster bisque. Be sure to order the Scallop Ravioli as an appetizer, it is phenomenal. For a festive dinner with friends order the whole Branzini which is a Mediterranean Sea Bass. Delicious. The restaurant is one of the coziest around, with a wide open door that spills the moment out into the street. Look for a huge patio that is sheltered from the elements.

One of the first strike restaurants that opened this Fall is FT33 owned and operated by chef Matt McCallister who was formerly the

Just across the street from JoJo is a cool new restaurant for everyone. The British Beverage Company, or more cleverly

Another new addition to the Dallas menu is Hopdoddy, which is a transplant from Austin. Look for amazing burgers, big and meaty. The meat is ground fresh on premises daily, and the fries are hand-cut in house. A good burger is a good find, and Hopdoddy does them very well. Look for great local beers on tap along with very doable milkshakes on this fun menu. The best burger is made with seared Ahi Tuna. Add slices of avocado for a taste very much like a California Roll. Jerry’s Wood-Fire Dog’s is located in Lakewood on Gaston where they make a pretty amazing hot dog. Look for over thirty ingredients to top your custom made hot dog that is grilled on an open hearth in the middle of the restaurant. There are also a handful of sausages that are given the fire treatment and house-fried potato chips that are thick and crispy. The most recent opening is located just across the Margaret Hunt Hill Bridge in the new Trinity Grove section of Dallas. Babb Brother Barbeque opened last week and is a huge display of smoky meat madness. The Babb’s have been catering their version of Texas-style barbecue, and this is their first brick and mortar restaurant. Babb features very tender brisket, ribs and sausages along with a home-style meatloaf. Enjoy live jazz on the weekends. Look for more restaurant news at craveDFW.com

Steven Doyle

executive chef at Stephan Pyles located in downtown Dallas. FT33 is a bit of an enigma, serving beautifully plated food that is every bit as much art as it is sustenance. Throughout the restaurant you will find signs of McCallister’s quirky personality. The restrooms are adorned in graffiti much like the food on the plates. FT33 is also home to one of the latest cheftestants on Top Chef, Josh Valentine. Valentine in most aspects is in the open kitchen, but his main responsibility is as pastry chef. One of our favorite dishes is their lamb duo, which consists of two large portions of lamb belly and a double lamb chop. The lamb belly is ever-so-tender and crispy, and the chop is cooked perfectly medium rare. The amazing food, along with a sturdy cocktail and wine program, makes FT33 one restaurant that will cause hubbub in the national restaurant community.

named the BBC, is a sprawling estate of a restaurant in the old Hully and Moe’s space. Look for 50 beer taps, and at least as many brews by the bottle. The food is pretty good Brit fare with several versions of Fish and Chips, and many uber approachable dishes. Live music is a staple at BBC, and a DJ spins nightly.

CRAVEdfw

Another newly opened restaurant, still on the high end, is JoJo Eating House located just across from the Quadrangle in uptown Dallas. Look for excellent French dishes such as beautifully presented Osso The new big dog in town Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Steven Doyle

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december 5 - 11, 2012

Hollywood profile

barry wernick & matthew spradlin

By vivian fullerlove - vfullerlove@blitzweekly.com

ix kids sentenced to a gloomy Saturday in detention…sound familiar? Well, trust me, it’s like no other movie you’ve ever seen. Bad Kids Go to Hell is set at Crestview Academy where six students serving out detention meet their untimely and gruesome fates. The question is: Are their fellow students behind their demise or something more sinister? The film stars a host of Texas actors including Ali Faulkner (Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1), Cameron Deane Stewart (Pitch Perfect), Roger Edwards (Stop Loss and The Guardian) and Amanda Alch along with Judd Nelson and Ben Browder. I sat down with filmmakers Matthew Spradlin and Barry Wernick, both of whom are Dallas natives, to discuss the film and how they turned their wildly popular comic book series of the same name into one of the most talked about indie features of the year! How did you guys meet and come to be filmmaking partners? BW: Matthew and I met in LA actually. Even though we’re both from Dallas, Matthew went to Highland Park and I went to St. Mark’s. We never really crossed paths until we were in LA. A mutual friend of ours introduced us and thought we should get to know each other being that we were in the same industry doing pretty similar things. I had just come off writing, directing and producing an independent film and doing some feature film work, and Matthew had just sold

a TV show. When we first met, he and I talked about working together on a feature film which is now Bad Kids Go to Hell. But you guys wound up taking a pretty untraditional route getting the story from script to screen. MS: We had written a script for the film, and before we could move forward with it, the writer’s strike happened, and we couldn’t do anything with it. At that point, a friend of ours suggested we turn it into a comic book; so, we did. We took the script and found an artist, an inker and everyone we needed to develop it into a comic book and pitched it to Antarctic Press, and they bit on the story; so, we went ahead and did a four issue mini series of the comic. The first issue got a really good push by Previews Magazine, which is somewhat the bible of the comic book industry. Each issue sold out quicker than the one before. When you were ready to shoot, what made you two decide to shoot in Texas? BW: We are both from here, and we knew we were going to shoot in Texas, but we were looking for the right space. We knew we were going to have to build a library because in the course of the movie the library just gets destroyed, and we needed a place large enough to build a functional library that could

handle pumping in water and everything else we needed to do. Brad (Dallas based filmmaker Brad Keller) had told us about Thunderwood Studio in Austin; so, we went to Austin to look at it, and it was fantastic! From there, we went to Elizabeth Rodriquez’ production company, and she gave us a lot of the materials we were able to use to build the set. This has been quite a journey for you two. With this being your first feature film, was the experience what you thought it would be? MS: We were expecting it to be pretty brutal, and it was just because of the amount of work that goes into shooting the film, the amount of days and time and the amount of money we had to work with. It was a grind, but everyone exceeded expectations, which was great. It was really phenomenal. It was a hard shoot, but

everyone did a great job. What can audiences look forward to when they go see Bad Kids Go to Hell? BW: I think when people leave the movie theatre they are gonna enjoy the ride they went on because it is a great ride. There are ups and downs and twists and turns, and it’s funny. You also have incredible music. Everyone is really blown away by the music featured in the film. We have some terrific music by some great artists out of Dallas and Austin like Open Hand, AWOLNATION, The M Machine, Semi Precious Weapons, Rebecca & Fiona and more. It’s a really fun ride. Bad Kids Go to Hell opens in limited theatrical release this weekend around the country. Check your local listings for show times at a theatre near you. The film is rated R.

book review: The blinding knife By ethan harmon - eharmon@blitzweekly.com

he Battle of Garriston has been lost. The Prism is losing his control of his powers and the world around him is crumbling to pieces. The Color Prince and his army of powerful drafters are marching, bringing war to the Seven Satrapies and leaving destruction in their wake. Kip, the bastard son of Gavin Guile – the Prism – is caught in the middle. His powers are growing, but he does not have the training, skill, and wit to use them properly. Gavin must venture onward to prevent a full-scale invasion and save his people, leaving Kip with his best guard, Ironfist, to train. But the shadows stretch further, covering the light that surrounds their lives. Will Kip be able to become something

more than a shunned bastard? How will he deal with Gavin’s scheming father, Andross? And why is Kip’s dagger so coveted? Brent Weeks continues to build his fantasy epic in his latest release, The Blinding Knife. Weeks laid the foundation for his master work in The Black Prism, and now he is adding to the intrigue with the sequel. Weeks has a fantastic grip on his narrative, which he weaves flawlessly throughout the course of the story. He allows the readers to experience the plot through the characters, giving a wide range of

perspective so that the story does not come off as cheap or one-sided. The author’s character work has improved greatly – not that it was bad to begin with – crafting truly magnificent, deep protagonists and malicious, cunning antagonists. The progression of the story is very balanced, with a rich plot spreading out the very exciting action-filled moments. There is much mystery surrounding this book, more so than the first volume. Seeds planted from the first novel sprout in this edition, growing into something more enigmatic and intriguing. Every

chapter will propel readers further into this mesmerizing world, not letting them put down the book, making them turn the next page to see what happens next. The Blinding Knife is a great sequel (I dare say it’s better than the first book) to the Lightbringer Series. Brent Weeks has written a book that instantly captures the imagination and dares you to try to put it down. It is a magical experience and a must-read for anyone who likes the fantasy genre. Pick up a copy of The Blinding Knife and experience this incredible story. For those who are interested in the series, read The Black Prism before diving into this book.

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VOL. 5 - ISSUE 12

drink It

WEAR It

Instead of milk with those cookies, spice up Santa’s night by leaving him some of Dallas’ very own Craft & Growler. They have DFW’s largest selection of beers to-go in growlers of all shapes and sizes. They also have 30+ taps ready for your drunken late night debauchery. Santa may not make it to every kid’s house, but it sure as hell will be entertaining!

Keep your feet cozy, yet manly this winter with L.L. Bean Wool-Blend Ragg Socks. Woven to perfection the ragg socks provide the ultimate in anti-cold floor comfort for a bargain price ($20 for two pairs). Unlike most ragg socks L.L. Bean’s are completely machine washable and dryer safe.

3601 Parry Avenue Dallas, Texas 75226

www.llbean.com

October, a great month for breast cancer awareness, sending your kids to the doorsteps of strangers and arresting pot smoking phenomenal cornerbacks that have forgone their education in exchange for further degradation. That’s right the pesky stings of the media couldn’t stop him from getting to that hive (see above reference of he takes what he wants). After a stint in drug-rehabilitation Mathieu decided the best way to celebrate his unmitigated plummet into the cavern of colossal brainlessness was to get together with a couple of other former LSU players and get arrested for marijuana possession. Brilliant. Fast-forward a month to November 29, 2012 and Tyrann “Honey” Mathieu decides that his maturity level has grown enough and it’s high time

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Checkout the hip hop phenomenon Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All more commonly known as Odd Future (you thought Wu Tang Clan had a strange name) at the Palladium Ballroom December 6. On top of having a successful music year for 2012 they also have a show on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim called Loiter Squad. Get your tickets now because this promises to be a strange experience. www.palladiumballroom.com

honey badger don’t give a sh%t

ell, it’s safe to say that LSU’s talented yet disgraced former star defensive back Tyrann Mathieu just doesn’t care. Actually let me be a bit more specific, if the subjects are weed, hot coeds, and the back of police squad cars he does in fact care very much. But should the subject matter creep into hard work, integrity, and dedication to one’s commitments well that’s when Mathieu’s similarities with the infamous honey badger begin. The 2011 Chuck Bednarik Award winner for the best defensive player in the nation was as talented as he was charismatic. The purple and gold of Louisiana State University was supposed to be just the beginning for his Badgerness, but things quickly turned for the worse. A bit of irony surfaced when the golden-striped coifed Mathieu’s career started to resemble more skunk than the hilarious YouTube creature. At the ripe old age of 20 he found himself unceremoniously booted out of Tiger country for “violating team rules” (i.e., apparently habitual drug test failures) sending a shock wave through Baton Rouge that was felt all season long. However, if you thought that something like public humiliation could stop a honey badger from getting to his hive of stupidity, then you don’t know Honey Badger – he takes what he wants.

GO THERE

By c. patterson - cpatterson@blitzweekly.com

that he outgrew his Willie Nelson-ish ways and rejoin his peers by taking his talents to the 2013 NFL Draft. Now maybe life as an NFL player may be just what Tyrann needs. Sure he is a high-risk investment for any chemicallyimbalanced GM to gamble on, but hilariously dumb antics aside Mathieu is a remarkable talent capable of Greek god-like ESPN Top 10 worthy highlights. It basically boils down to the weighing of options: incredible on the field play vs. incredibly foolish life decisions. Giving a

proven reckless time bomb a few million dollars, what could possibly go wrong? Perhaps the NFL should go the way of Colorado and turn a glazed-over blind eye to the fogged up VW van in the stadium parking lot. That way the Badger has one less thing to worry about. Maybe, just maybe this could be Mathieu’s pot-paved road to redemption – Vegas odds would bet against it, but stranger things have happened. I say we let bygones be bygones and let those among us who have not been expelled from a major university, had our scholarship revoked and been handcuffed and processed for a Schedule Class 1 controlled substance throw the first stone. The Honey Badger is a man like any one of us…ok so technically he would be some sort of weird manimal hybrid, but still if we prick him does he not bleed? Come April 25, 26, or maybe even the 27th you can rest assure that the man who takes what he wants will have a professional team take a chance on him. A kid that many believed would be the first defensive Heisman trophy winner since Charles Woodson will get his opportunity to wipe his slate clean. And then we will be left to see if the NFL’s newest wild thing will be ready to grow or if by staying true to character, still won’t give a damn.

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december 5 - 11, 2012

JOKES

alligator shoes A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!” The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!” Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge nine foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, “Damn it, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”

Blitz Funnys

COULD CAUSE HIS ACNE TO ACT UP Are you a chocolate lover? A Slovak tractor-trailer driver must’ve really been? World news services reported in November 2012, whoever he was backed his rig into the loading dock at a chocolate manufacturing plant in Bludenz, Austria, claiming his load was going to a company in the Czech Republic... then drove away with 33 pallets, containing 18 tons of chocolate. (Isn’t too much chocolate constipating, too? Poor guy.) WINNERS CAN BE LOSERS On November 28, 2012, a Powerball Jackpot of $588 million had 2 winners.

Wouldn’t it be great if you’d won? Maybe not. Denver-based National Endowment for Financial Education estimates up to 70% of people who suddenly become wealthy are as poor as ever in only a few years, some with ruined lives. Example: A West Virginia man who won $315 million blamed the money on his granddaughter’s death from a drug overdose, his divorce, hundreds of lawsuits and an absence of true friends. NEW KNOWLEDGE FROM NAVELS National Geographic Daily News reported on November 13, 2012 that Rob Dunn and his team of ecologists at North Carolina State University had taken bacteria and other residue found around 60 volunteers’ belly buttons and discovered a plethora of “life,” which they described as the equivalences of rain forests. The team found 2,368 bacterial species, 1,458 of which may be new to science. (How about noses next?)

Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 No matter which path you take or which choices you end up making, this Saturday will still end up with you on a collision course with a DART bus.

Pisces February 19 – March 20 Your work with disadvantaged youth will continue this week when you are cornered by four teenagers asking for your wallet and iPhone.

Gemini May 21 – June 21 As much as you try you will not be able to improve your mediocre golf game. Like that’s some sort of real problem you asshole.

Virgo August 23 – September 22 Brighten the lives of the children that you are babysitting by reading them Sam Jackson’s Go the Fuck to Sleep before bedtime.

Capricorn – December 22 – January 19 The kind of pressure that you will face later this week would usually cause a lesser man to drink, which for you is kind of routine.

Aries March 21 – April 19 The stars foresee a promotion this week however they should probably be telling the guy in the cubicle next to yours.

Cancer June 22 – July 22 It’s time to childproof your house the Girl Scouts are on their way!

Libra September 23 – October 22 No matter how difficult life becomes or depressed you get, you can still go home and take it out on your cat.

Aquarius January 20 – February 18 You’ve never been punctual. Keep those at work from finding out by calling in a series of bomb threats.

Taurus April 20 – May 20 Due to a legal loophole in the system your long term roommate will become your common law spouse.

Leo July 23 – August 22 Financial experts understand that there are a number of factors to blame for the current economic downturn but still blame you for starting it all.

ACROSS 1. Pariah 6. Untidyness 10. Not that 14. American aloe 15. District 16. Lease 17. French for “Morning” 18. Fourth sign of the zodiac 19. Wings 20. Mixed with impurities 22. Not a single one 23. Notch 24. Reposed 26. Probabilities 30. Euro forerunner 31. Tree juice 32. Defeat decisively 33. Unwakable state 35. Napped 39. Distinct features 41. A rapid escape 43. Apprehensive

44. An earthy deposit 46. Between the head and shoulders 47. S 49. Spelling contest 50. Tall woody plant 51. Polished 54. A territorial unit of Greece 56. Legal wrong 57. Detestable 63. Jittery 64. Frost 65. Another time 66. Harvest 67. Biblical garden 68. Diced 69. Feudal worker 70. Fender blemish 71. Adolescents

Scorpio October 23 – November 21 Hey dumbass! You can take your mask off. Halloween’s over!

DOWN 1. Tibetan monk 2. Quaint outburst 3. A Maori club 4. Wicked 5. Leases 6. Universe 7. Typographical error 8. Chair 9. Swords 10. Transfer 11. Serf 12. Absurd 13. Horse 21. Choose by voting 25. Where the sun rises 26. By mouth 27. An amount of medicine 28. Hoodwink 29. Mental representation 34. Concord 36. Pitcher 37. Rate

38. Kid 40. Vesicle 42. Lacquer ingredient 45. Belly 48. Distributed equally 51. Cubic meter 52. Ways 53. Keyboard instrument 55. Make into law 58. Remain 59. Chills and fever 60. Baseball great, ____ Ruth 61. Mortgage 62. Terminates

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december 5 - 11, 2012

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 12

The CLOSER

Pocketful of Peens Thorned Not Scorned

Posie Pocket has experienced some puzzling dating situations. Instead of hardening her heart, she’s reflecting on these encounters with hope and bright eyes for the future. By sharing her stories, she’s revealing the lessons learned and getting a good laugh while on the lookout for love.

One Last Rodeo Roundup Y’all know I got a little hankering for some Texas cowboy flavor. But how does one distinguish between lust and something that will actually last? I am wildly attracted to these cowboys, but once you get them alone, they often speak in broken sentences and have a big wad of dip in their cheek. Ain’t no one gonna put his lips anywhere on my bod with residual tobacco remnants on his kisser. So I decided to have one last rodeo ride and sew my wild oats. Although my version of sewing oats doesn’t involve a penis. Just a good old fashioned liplock. My gorgeous gal pal and I got gussied up one night to leave the bright lights of Dallas and head due west for a little close dancing with some country boys. As we made the trek out to the cow shit-ridden mother ship of honkytonks, Billy Bob’s Texas, I had a good feeling about the night. I don’t know if it was my hair teased a mile-high or because my feet were snuggled into my first pair of cowgirl boots, but I had an extra couple peps in my step! We arrived at Billy Bob’s and I could feel my excited posture deflate. Where were the cowboys with their jacked up trucks in the parking lot? Maybe I expected a “Big Texlooking statue” inviting me into the cowboy promise land. But I was underthe-hell-whelmed to say the least. The parking lot was bare and the fragrance of manure chased its way into my nostrils. I turned to my friend and

said, “How are we supposed to fall in love with the smell of cow shit in the air?” As we scurried into the bar, one boot at a time, I spritzed myself with extra perfume to mask the smell of cow dung. I may not be the best twostepper in the bar, but you can darn sure bet I was going to be the best-smelling lass. Upon entry, my spirits began to lift a bit. This place started climbing its way back towards my original expectations. My friend and I were catching glimpses from Bass Pro Shop-looking boys left and right. Perhaps it was because we looked a little out of place among the regulars. I think we were too fancy for the likes of this joint. Within the first five minutes of arrival, I was scooped up by the Cowboy Cavalier himself. He came up to me, whispered in my ear, “Do ya wanna dance with Pee-Paw?” He was grandpaish and jolly in nature so I thought, “Why the heck not?” Innocent fun and he’d be a good warm-up lap around the dance floor. PeePaw was drunk as a skunk and jabbering on about all sorts of convoluted nonsense. He offered to treat me to a beer and I soon realized Pee-Paw wasn’t as endearing as I’d thought. As I refused his booze, he leaned in and informed me “All your babies will be born naked.” Alright…and he’s off. I was scanning the room, looking for my plaid shirt lover of the night. My eyes fell on this fine-looking fella and it just so happened his eyes were already on me. As we met one another’s gaze, I sheepishly looked away. I knew I needed some kind of “meet-cute” way for me to bump into him. I am very impatient and hate waiting for the guy to make the first move. Especially when I was on the search for a G-rated oat. As I casually walked by this fella and his crew, I noticed one of them was wearing a ball cap from where I was from. I mentioned something to the friend about his hat and found myself engaged in a conversation with my new country bumpkin (I say that with affection) friends. The conversation hit a level of awkward silence and I scooted out of it slightly embarrassed. A swing and a miss, but there are plenty of Skoal cans in the sea, especially in this hillbilly honky-tonk. A couple minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder and the next thing I knew, my country boy whisked me away on the dance floor. As we scooted our boots, I felt my confidence raise back up. I guess he was interested after all! He was handsome, told me he drove a truck and

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had a country twang. Check, check, check. This oat is as good as sewn! We made our way over to the live music portion of the bar and I felt his hands all over me. First my shoulders, then my leg, then my waist. This boy sure wasn’t shy with his public displays of affection. As the night went on, I could see jealousy brewing in him if I danced with one of my guy friends who accompanied us for the night. Does a couple spins around Billy Bob’s make you an item? As the night was coming to an end, he asked for my digits. Of course I provided him with my phone number and then hugged him goodbye. He leaned his cheek into my face as if he wanted me to plant one. All my wild oat sewing notions were tossed out the window and I couldn’t even muster up an innocent cheek kiss. I whispered “bye” in his ear and left his cheek virgin to my lips. As he left, I was feeling kind of silly I couldn’t even kiss him on the cheek. I guess when push comes to shove, I am more old-fashioned than I realize. But wait…second chance for a cowboy kiss! On the last song, just before the house lights came on, he rushed towards me in a grandiose fashion. He exclaimed he couldn’t have me dance the last dance with another guy. He pulled me in close and we began swaying to a King George classic. I liked this country boy. I liked him a lot. But I knew he wasn’t hubby material for me. If I have learned anything about myself in this past year, it’s that nothing lights my fire like a bookish man. As the lights flickered on, he kissed me on the cheek. Then our lips were an inch a part and I knew this would be our first kiss. An innocent little peck and I sewed my “calm, sweet oat.” I’ll leave the wild oats to someone else. So, this country gentleman was just what I needed. I’m glad the Love Gods decided to throw me a bone to boost the ego. Peen after peen can leave a girl feeling down and disenchanted. Glad I can sprinkle in a tale of the good ones every now and then. It shines a little light of hope on us girls still holding out for a hero. Thank you Cowboy, but I will hang up my boots and anticipate the arrival of my bookish guy.

The

AnsweR Guy with

Arthur Bellfield

Dear Arthur, My husband’s always working late. How do I tell him that it is really affecting me? The cultural significance of this question hints at an even larger problem eating away at the backhands and back lots of our generation. When is TRUST going to be something that doesn’t come with a set of behavioral conditions that are governed by a woman’s insecurities when dealing with men? Or vice versa? I’ve come to realize that within any friendship, relationship, or marriage…there’s always someone who wants to be the center of attention. If you take said attention away even for the slightest moment, than the other party involved is screaming FOUL PLAY! Our failures as human beings to establish healthy and semi-honest relationships with each other is the root of the problem. We tend to want someone to validate our beliefs and bullshit, and when they don’t we hit the panic buttons on our hearts. If your husband’s hard work and dedication toward providing for you and your family is really AFFECTING you to the point that it’s causing you to have mental eruptions of low self-esteem than there’s only one solution; STOP LETTING THE CO-DEPENDENT WORLD dictate the timespan in which your husband should spend time with you! If he’s “always” working late then you should be used to it by now! If this were a new thing and he’s working unusual hours then that’s a cause for alarm. There’s nothing in your letter to suggest infidelity on his part, however I am wondering what this loneliness is doing to you? While it’s true that many men cheat with someone they’ve met at work, it’s also true that lonely housewives tend to cheat simply out of BOREDOM! Center of attention syndrome, strikes again! If you really want your husband to come home early, give him a reason to other than your selfinflected securities!

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 12

december 5 - 11, 2012

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