Blitz Weekly by Blitz Weekly

November 7-13, 2012 VOL. 5 - ISSUE 9

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VOL. 5 - ISSUE 9

On Deck

November 7 - 13, 2012

By Keysha Hogan - @TheKeysha

will jerry jones stand by his man?

SPORTS NEWS On Deck 3 Shooting Around with Larry Brown 4 Big 12 Preview 5 SEC Preview 5 SMU Preview 5 UNT Preview 5 The Future of Josh Hamilton 6 Hoop Dreams 7 Celebrity Bowling 8 Cover Story The Cowboy Way 9 10 Reasons to Become a Texans Fan 10 Dallas Cowboys Midseason Report Card 10-11 BLITZ Entertainment Natalie 12 Jerry’s World 13 UFC Macao Preview 13 Crave DFW 14 It Girl: Olga Kurylenko 15 Super Water Sympathy 15 Gearshift 16 Movie Review 16 Blitz Funnys Jokes/Horrorscopes/Weird News 17 The CLOSER Pocketful of Peens 18 The Answer Guy 18 Publisher Kelly G. Reed Editor-in-Chief C. Patterson Creative Director Michael H. Lee Photo Editor Darryl Briggs Cover Design Michael H. Lee Staff Photographers Gregg Case, Steven Hendrix, Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, Chuck Majors

Staff Writers Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, David Goodspeed, Ethan Harmon, Keysha Hogan, Frank LaCosta, Mark Miller Contributing Photographers

Andrew Chipley, Bonnie Courchesne, Joseph Dowling, Steven Doyle, Johnny Manziel, Matt Pearce, James D. Smith Contributing Writers Arthur Bellfield, Jay Betsill, Drew Davis, Steven Doyle, Bronte Erwin, Stephen Evans, Jason Fleck, Jan Hubbard, Will Martin, Posie Pocket

BLITZ Weekly

P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029 • www.blitzweekly.com Copyright 2012 YK Publishing, LLC. No portion of BLITZ Weekly may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without the express written permission of the Publisher. BLITZ Weekly is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. BLITZ Weekly may be distributed only by BLITZ Weekly’s authorized independent contractors or BLITZ Weekly’s authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of BLITZ Weekly, take more than one copy of each BLITZ Weekly issue. Articles printed in this publication may express opinions or views not necessarily the opinions of BLITZ Weekly. The BLITZ Weekly is not responsible for the content or claims of advertisements or editorial in this publication. Story reprints are available for $1 plus postage; call the office at 214-529-7370 to place an order or check our archives at www. blitzweekly.com.

n Sunday night did you see the brain dead uniformed zombies wandering aimlessly without a sense of direction or purpose? No, not The Walking Dead, but the Dallas Cowboys. I realize that is a cruel assessment, but now that the team stands at 3-5, heads are going to roll. In the half-season after Wade Phillips was fired, Jerry Jones had to survey the field and make his choice. Jason Garrett had managed to go 5-3 in the latter half of the 2010 season with Jon Kitna at quarterback. And I’m sure Jones and Garrett had a good rapport, and he felt comfortable giving him this huge opportunity. After Sunday’s loss to the undefeated Falcons, Garrett is precariously perched at 16-16 since taking over as head coach. This may be his first time at not having a winning record, but fans are tired of stats, they want wins. The same goes for Tony Romo, we know that statistically he puts up decent numbers to be a viable quarterback, but when we watch him play it doesn’t feel that way. It’s been two long years of defending the team by focusing on individual talent, but still ending up watching everyone else in the Super Bowl. Garrett’s responsibilities with the offense have been lacking. DeMarco Murray is injured, Dez Bryant isn’t progressing quickly enough and Tony Romo is not Troy Aikman (a sin he will never fully live down). Add the player issues to gametime delays and clock management and it’s easy to see why they aren’t playoff contenders. When

so many parts of the machine aren’t working, the blame falls on the coaching. And Jerry Jones is starting to see the writing on the wall. After Sunday’s loss Jones said “…I have a lot of faith in Jason. I think Jason’s future is ahead of him. I know how hard he works.” First off, everyone’s future is ahead of them, that’s pretty much a given. And secondly, the last time I can remember Jones speaking about his unyielding faith in someone was about two weeks before Terrell Owens was cut from the team. In the coming months the pressure on Garrett is only going to increase as New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton may be a free agent at the end of the season. Jones was a clear fan of Payton’s when he served as Cowboys’ assistant coach from 2003-2005. Payton isn’t all roses, but he has won 62 games in six seasons with the Saints, including a Super Bowl. It would make sense that any owner would consider letting go a good coach in favor of one that is perceived to be better. Bottom line, if the team doesn’t improve it’s going to be harder and harder for Jones to remember all the reasons he first believed in Garrett. And no matter how much Jones tries to stand by his man, the vision he has for the franchise will cause him to be just as volatile as he’s always been and make the necessary changes.

uncle walter on

The Cowboys

I’ve smelled road kill that stunk less.

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November 7-13, 2012 VOL. 5 - ISSUE 9

shooting around with smu basketball coach larry brown By bronte erwin - @bronteerwin

You publically expressed your interest in the coaching job here. What attracted you to SMU? Larry Brown: When the job came open, after watching John Calipari, Bill Self, Jay Wright,

high school coach, the parents and the guidance counselor. And you didn’t start recruiting them as seventh graders, so that has changed a lot. But the teaching part, I’ve always enjoyed the practice part and the involvement with the kids. That’s exciting to me.

There is tremendous pull on elite players to forgo their eligibility and turn pro. Is there anything that could be done to ensure student-athletes would finish their education? LB: Yeah we should be like baseball. You can come out of high school, but if you go to school you gotta go three years. I’d love that. I don’t think it’s fair not to tell a “LeBron James” coming out of high school he’s not good enough. But if they did go to school, I’d love it to be like baseball. Go for three years and the program can get some continuity. But every kid you talk to thinks they are one and done. So I don’t want them to feel like failures if they are not. If they are good enough they’ll have my blessing. The longer they stay; Tim Duncan stayed, Grant Hill stayed, David Robinson stayed. Michael Photo Courtesy: Andrew Chipley [Jordan] even stayed for three years Matt Turgeon, all my buddies coach, I had this and that ain’t bad. itch. And I didn’t like being retired. I didn’t handle that well. Three years ago I could’ve went to Did the move to the Big East affect your Stanford, but I was afraid to move my family at interest in SMU? the time because we had moved so much. I’m not LB: That was huge. When I was a young coach saying this is Stanford, but this is a great school for Coach Smith he asked me where I wanted academically. It’s been a great place to live and to coach some day. And I said I would love to they are going in to a great conference. coach Carolina but I don’t want to ever see him step down. So I mentioned Princeton, Stanford Had you visited SMU before? and Vanderbilt as schools; great academically in LB: I played here. I played at Moody in the ABA great conferences. So I look at SMU and there against the Chaparrals. And I’m a big basketball are a lot of similarities. And I am a long time fan fan. I have a lot of respect for Doc Hayes. He of John Thompson. I saw what he did. When used to come say hello when we played and I he took over Georgetown it wasn’t the greatest admired the hell out of him. job in the world, and they went to the Big East as a great school academically in a great city. You last coached college basketball in Hopefully we can do a good job here where kids 1988. Have you changed as a coach will want to go to school. since then? LB: Yeah. I don’t look at mirrors and don’t All the schools you mentioned are celebrate birthdays. I don’t know. I hope I’m known for academics. What attracts you smarter… and I hope I’m better. I’ve learned a lot to those types of schools? since then. Coaching in the NBA, you’re around LB: You wanna coach great kids that are going great players with great knowledge. And they to school for the right reasons. And when you shared things with me. I’ve had great staffs. With walk into a home, the parents are instantly going experience you hope you get better. to have respect because you represent that school. Our problem is a lot of kids don’t think Has the college game changed since they can make it here academically. But we have you left? a great support system in place. So going into LB: There is a clock now. The kids are much a great conference will help us. We just gotta younger, and with AAU basketball they have figure out a way to get the kids in Texas. But there played so many games. Biggest change I see are so many great programs here, Baylor, Texas, is recruiting. To me, there are so many outside Texas A&M. There is a lot of competition for great things you have to be involved in. Recruiting is players. So we gotta work hard to get the kids. 24-7. When I coached before, you knew the

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VOL. 5 - ISSUE 9

November 7 - 13, 2012

BIG 12 GAME of the week SEC GAME of the week

SMU Mustangs

North texas mean green

By Jason fleck - jason.fleck@mavs.uta.edu

By Stephen evans - comments@blitzweekly.com

By frank lacosta - flacosta@blitzweekly.com

frogs keep fighting

johnny football goes to bama

a must win game

it’s win or go home

his week’s Big 12 Game of the Week will feature the Kansas State Wildcats against the TCU Horned Frogs. Kansas State is running away with the Big 12, while TCU has struggled at times especially in conference play. TCU has gone 2-3 since losing star quarterback Casey Pachall, who was sus-

Photo Courtesy: Darryl Briggs

pended and later left school and entered himself into a treatment facility stemming from a drunk driving arrest. Most would have counted TCU completely out, but they have refused to give up. These two teams are having completely different seasons but have some similarities when it comes to being counted out. Kansas State wasn’t expected to beat Oklahoma but somehow pulled it out, people didn’t really start to take their chances seriously until a few weeks ago. Now they are seen as one of the favorites to play for the national championship, most likely against defending national champion Alabama. The Horned Frogs weren’t expected to win at all after losing Pachall, but instead decided to rise to the challenge and with their exciting double overtime thriller over West Virginia became bowl eligible. TCU dealt with losing their QB and now Kansas State might have to do the same. With Collin Klein suffering a mysterious injury in their win over Oklahoma State they too might have to overcome adversity and rely on someone beside their Heisman front runner to keep their dream season alive this weekend in Ft. Worth. Instead of featuring two star quarterbacks like it was expected when the schedule came out, it might instead be two freshmen battling it out. If that’s the case this game will turn out to be another test for both schools and would ultimately crown the Big 12 champion of resiliency. It has not yet been determined if Klein will play or not, but most of his teammates believe it would be almost impossible to keep him from playing. The truth about the injury will most definitely come out soon enough. The other story of this game is that Kansas State has a chance to clinch the Big 12 with this win and an Oklahoma loss, while TCU will look to improve their position to receive an even better bowl bid than they are expected to get. A lot is on the line this week, especially for the Wildcats. Which team can pull it out and truly prove to the nation that they should have never been doubted?

Game Info: #2 KANSAS STATE vs. TCU SAT. NOV. 10 – 6:00PM / FOX AMON G. CARTER STADIUM

an the third time be the charm for Texas A&M? After competing early but ultimately falling short against two of the top three teams in the SEC, Texas A&M has one more shot to make a statement in its first year in the league, and this time it’s against the conference’s current big dog. Saturday afternoon the Aggies travel to Tuscaloosa to take on the country’s topranked team and the defending national champion. The game marks the end of a challenging gauntlet for Texas A&M that will have seen it face four ranked opponents in five weeks, but such is life when competing in the SEC. The strengths of both teams will be on display, as the Crimson Tide enter the game ranked second in the nation in total defense, while Texas A&M has the country’s fifth-best offense. Alabama also enters the contest coming off of an emotionally draining thriller at LSU which left quarterback AJ McCarron crying on the team’s bench after the game. Was so much effort and emotion expended in that contest to leave the Tide vulnerable to the A&M offensive attack? Alabama can wrap up a berth in the SEC

here was a lot riding on the UCF game for the Mustangs and they simply did not rise to the challenge. The 42-17 loss definitely stings. A steady combination of passes and runs kept the defense on their heels as the Knights found ways to score touchdowns through the air and on the ground. The offense wasn’t much better. QB Garrett Gilbert who had come off of a career passing effort against Memphis the week before, never found his rhythm and ended up being sacked three times. The good news is he didn’t throw any interceptions and rushed for two touchdowns. The bad news is he only completed 16 of 29 passing attempts without any touchdowns. The Mustangs utilized RB Zach Line as much as they could in the first half which kept the game close. Line wound up with 21 carries for 96

Photo Courtesy: Darryl Briggs

Photo Courtesy: Joseph Dowling

Photo Courtesy: Shutterbug459

Championship Game by defeating either Texas A&M or Auburn. However, Texas A&M is the only other SEC West team remaining that can mathematically play for the SEC championship. It would have to beat Alabama and Missouri and have the Crimson Tide lose to Auburn to end the regular season. While that scenario is highly unlikely (Alabama can name the score against Auburn), an A&M upset this weekend would cap off a wildly successful first season in the league. For that to happen, the Aggies will have to prove it can operate its dynamic offense for a full 60 minutes against a quality foe. Against Florida and LSU, representing A&M’s only losses and two of the best defenses in the country, the Aggies piled up a combined 466 yards and 29 points in the first half, but limped to the finish line with just 247 yards and seven points in the second half. Needless to say, a complete performance will be needed against the Crimson Tide. And a Bama hangover would also be helpful. Game Info: #15 TEXAS A&M vs #1 ALABAMA SAT. NOV. 10 – 2:30PM / CBS BRYANT-DENNY STADIUM

he game started off well for the Mean Green when on the opening kickoff the Red Wolves fumbled the ball out of their end zone. The result was a safety and a 2-0 lead for North Texas. For much of the first half it was a seesaw affair with both

yards but was kept out of the end zone. He did catch four passes for 51 yards. The “Johnson & Johnson” duo were kept at bay with a combined nine catches for 61 yards. Darius Johnson was the more productive of the two but still didn’t do enough to keep the Knights defense honest. Gilbert isn’t able to extend plays and as a result the three and outs on offense doesn’t allow the defense to rest. Look for improved play on both sides of the ball with Southern Miss coming to town. On paper the Southern Miss Golden Eagles don’t look like much. They haven’t won a game all season and ranked near the bottom of every statistical category. This is also a team that took UCF to overtime before losing 38-31 on the road. They also played #11 Louisville close at home but loss 21-17. The Golden Eagle do run the ball effectively. Their offensive line though cannot pass protect, which is why QB Anthony Alford has been sacked 11 times and has thrown four interceptions. He hasn’t completed a touchdown pass yet this season. The Mustangs won’t overlook the Golden Eagles this week. If the Mustangs execute on offense with a decent passing attack then they’ll be one step closer to a bowl bid. That has to be the team’s goal at this point. Game Info: SOUTHERN MISS vs SMU SAT. NOV. 10 – 6PM / FSN GERALD FORD STADIUM

teams scoring touchdowns and field goals. By midway through the second quarter though, the Red Wolves gained momentum scoring a pair of touchdowns that UNT never really recovered from. The Mean Green found themselves trailing 30-12 at half time. They scored in the third quarter to narrow the margin to 30-19. The Red Wolves would answer with a final touchdown of their own to end the game with a 37-19 victory. In other words, the Red Wolves spoiled Homecoming and quite possibly the season for North Texas. The turnover bug reared its ugly head again and North Texas lost the turnover battle by throwing an interception and losing a fumble while Arkansas State played error free ball. This has to be driving Coach Dan McCarney crazy. UNT managed a total of 84 yards on the ground. Antoinne Jimmerson and Brandin Byrd combined for 52 yards. This in turn created a need for the passing game to excel which resulted in QB Derek Thompson putting the ball up 47 times. The lone positive from the game was WR Darnell Smith’s 107-yard day. With the team sitting on a 3-6 record, each game is a must win for the Mean Green if they are to go to a bowl game this season. Their last bowl appearance was in 2004. They’re looking to end a string of seven straight losing seasons. This Saturday is the last home game for UNT this season. They’ll host South Alabama who is having a tough 2-7 season. QB Ross Metheny is a serviceable play caller who will look to WR Jereme Jones on passing downs. Demetre Baker who is a big bruising back handles the running duties. The Achilles heel of this team is their porous defense. They give up almost 30 points per game.

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November 7-13, 2012 VOL. 5 - ISSUE 9

The future of josh hamilton where he goes, nobody knows By jan hubbard - comments@blitzweekly.com

redicting the fate of Josh Hamilton requires only a review of recent history. The Rangers gave Hamilton a one-year, $13.3 million qualifying offer last week, which was expected because it means the Rangers will get draft picks if Hamilton signs with another team. It seems pretty clear now that they don’t expect him back. In five years with the Rangers, Hamilton has missed 163 games, even though the 148 he played last season was a career high. Texas probably would be interested in a shortterm deal of, say, three years at maybe $20 million or perhaps a little higher. But at age 31 – one year younger than Albert Pujols was last year – Hamilton believes he can get much more. But can he? And is he worth it? Let’s place aside his history of addiction for a moment. Hamilton has, for the most part, seemed to handle that

Photo Courtesy: Darryl Briggs

part of his life fairly well. He’s had a couple of setbacks, but only a couple. Then again, there is the weird Josh who has a problem with his eyes because he drinks too much coffee and energy drinks. There is the Josh who trembles in front of the Lord because he had failed to quit chewing tobacco. When that strangeness is added to the real potential of a relapse, the lack of durability and age factor, no one can blame the Rangers for walking away. Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Hamilton and his wife are confident he can get a long term deal. But, again, can he? Well, yes. When Pujols signed his 10-year $254 million deal with the Angels on December 8 last year, the general feeling among the baseball eggheads was there was no place for Prince Fielder. The other premier free agent, to go. Fielder had played out his contract in Milwaukee but despite hitting .299 with 38 home runs and 120 RBI, Fielder attracted no big early offers. When Pujols signed, all the big money teams were maxed out. The Yankees, Phillies, Red Sox and Angels had all decided to spend no more. The Dodgers had yet to be sold to new ownership and had money problems. It seemed Fielder would have to settle for a short-term deal. He might be able to get five years, but at age 27 he wanted more. In late January, however, the Tigers came out of nowhere and they came large. With absolutely no competition and no bidding war going on, they gave Fielder a nineyear, $214 million deal that no one expected – except perhaps Fielder and his agent. And therein is once again proof of the long-tested theory that it does not take a bidding war to get rich, it only takes one willing bidder – or, some might say, one complete idiot. Actually in Fielder’s case, the contract worked out – if you accept the fact that obscene amounts of money have to be judged against other obscene amounts of money and you consider only one year. Fielder hit .313, had 30 home runs and 108 RBI and the Tigers won the American League and went to the World Series before losing to the Giants. After struggling much of the year, Pujols ended with decent numbers -- .285, 30 home runs and 105 RBI. But the Angels finished third in their division. That’s not what they expected for their investment. At his best, Hamilton is in the same league as Pujols and Fielder so despite some of the distractions associated with him, the betting here is that he’ll get that long term deal – something like eight years and $200 million. From whom? Who knows? But as has been consistently proven, it won’t take a bidding war. It will take one dreamer with cash to throw away. Call him a big spender. Call him an idiot. But he’s out there.

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 9

November 7 - 13, 2012

By Geoff Case - gcase@blitzweekly.com

Mavs new backcourt are turning some heads

The Mavericks are off to a strong start without Nowitzki, who’s expected to miss at least 10 games after undergoing arthroscopic knee surgery in mid-October. Luckily for Nowitzki’s knee, the rest of the Western Conference is dealing with injuries as well (Kevin Love’s knuckles and Andrew Bogut’s ankle) keeping the Mavericks’ first round home court playoff hopes afloat. The biggest news is in the Mavericks backcourt with Darren Collison and O.J. Mayo showing some muscle in a 126-99 win against Charlotte on Saturday, as the team posted its highest point total since March 10, 2011. Mayo is averaging 18.0 points for the first time since his rookie season while hitting 63.2 percent of his 3-pointers. Collison’s averages of 17.3 points and 7.0 assists are career highs. While I wouldn’t expect this kind of production year round it does show that the young backcourt can perform in Rick Carlisle’s system, which often brings out the best in combo guards like Mayo Also, back from injury was Chris Kaman who will need to stay on the court especially with Nowtizki out to start the season. The veteran newcomer made his first eight shots and finished with 16 points in his Mavs debut Saturday against Charlotte after missing two weeks with a strained calf. He will be the best offensive center the Mavs have ever paired with Nowitzki and it will be interesting to see how they complement each other. Kaman can spot up from 15 feet with regularity and is one of the best post scorers in the league. Dallas’ frontcourt will lean more heavily on him. “I missed the last four preseason games and the first two [regular-season games], so I’m kind of like a new player out there,” Kaman said. “I’m just trying to fit in where I can and do what I can do.”

11/10: @ Charlotte Bobcats – The Mavericks throttled the Bobcats at home earlier this month and should do so again. Until the big German returns games like this should be viewed as mustwins to keep the Mavericks in the playoff picture. 11/12: Minnesota Timberwolves – No Ricky Rubio for at least a month should help the Mavs during this contest. Although J.J. Barea has shown flashes this season, his match-up against Collison’s defense should be fun to watch. 11/14: Washington Wizards – John Wall is still capable of producing breathtaking plays but can he finally get his team on the same page? The addition of Nene this season helps them get some easier buckets in the post but the Mavs should look at this game as another must-win. Transactions: The Mavericks cut Eddie Curry to obtain Troy Murphy last week. This move brings their roster back down to fifteen players. Troy Murphy has some history and familiarity with Rick Carlisle from his days in Indiana. He brings some more consistency from a shooting perspective and with Kaman’s return Curry became expendable. This could be a gamble as Curry actually provided a scoring lift in the post during his quick tenure with the Mavs and Kaman’s injury history.

U p c o m i n g Schedule: 11/9: @ New York Knicks – New York is off to a hot start and will be looking to keep the momentum going in front of the home crowd. This will be one of the games where the Mavericks will sorely miss Nowitzki.

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November 7-13, 2012 VOL. 5 - ISSUE 9

Inside an American PHENOMENON

By Drew Davis - svo1905@gmail.com

hen I think of bowling a few icons spring to mind: The Flintstones, The Honeymooners, Stanley Kowalski (from A Streetcar Named Desire) and (my favorite) The Big Lebowski. Bowling, especially league bowling is a blue-collar touchstone. Blitz Weekly’s very own Mark Miller’s new book, Bowling, America’s Greatest Indoor

Celebrity bowling the coolest thing since regular people bowling

rom time to time even members of the glitterati pick up a well-shined ball, put on the silly shoes and slum it like the rest of us.

Lil Wayne – Not sure how far bowling goes in the world of street cred, but when bowling against all those PBA dudes in the background Lil Weezy looks pretty dang gangsta.

! K N U R C POW!

Recommended by The Dude

Pastime, tackles the history and evolution of bowling sans celebrating the pop culture characters that made the sport hold a special place in our psyche. The 63-page book is packed with interesting trivia, including: bowling as a religious test, different pin counts and styles of bowling, even bowling’s ancient roots. The book begins to pick up a narrative when Miller turns his attention to bowling in the United States. Bowling’s 1950’s technological revolution gave it the look we know today with overhead scoring and automatic pinsetters (previously pin boys reset the pins – thought you have a bad job?). At about the same time, televised coverage of bowling converged with professional beer leagues (sponsored by beer companies) to cement bowling’s image in popular culture. The struggle for racial and gender equality in bowling are (rightly) prominently highlighted. In the middle of the 19th century, bowling moved indoors, making it a socially acceptable sport for Victorian-era women. More than just a rare victory for women’s equality, women helped to mainstream the sport by eliminating gambling and spittoons. Miller ends on a strong note – while acknowledging that participation in league bowling has been in decline recently, he provides hope for a resurgence. Bowling is the fastest growing high school sport in the United States. Miller speculates about the tectonic impact of bowling being added as an Olympic sport someday. Ending on a rosy note for the Metroplex he highlights the state of the art International Bowling Museum and Hall of Fame right here in Arlington. Although Fred, Barney and the “Dude” were noticeably absent, Mark picks up the spare by exposing the surprising evolution of bowling as a sport.

Chris Paul – He may be the best celeb bowler ever, but he’s still a Clipper.

Kim Kardashian – Only Queen Kardashian could roll gutter balls in such style, but then again she usually finds her balls in the gutter.

SWISH

M O O V VA

BAM! ouch!

Reggie Bush – Seeing as though Mr. Bush just knocked-up a Kim K looka-like he may pic up a pair of baby bowling shoes too.

STYLE

Charlie Sheen – If you can bang hookers, drink like you have a stainless steel liver, and snort more cocaine than Scarface while wearing a bowling shirt, you’re all right with us.

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Rihanna – This gal knows a thing or two about strikes… seriously no she’s a really good bowler.

Holly Madison – I think she’s getting the hang of it.

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 9

November 7 - 13, 2012

The cowboy way mediocrity starts from up top

By will martin - mrwill316@gmail.com

e seem to be on the heels of an- surpassed the “Playmaker” for all-time catches other déjà vu all over again sce- by a Cowboy. It still wasn’t enough in the end. nario. A game of Say all you want about ‘what if’ remains DeMarco Murray and the same for Dallas. Close but Sean Lee being out. Felix no cigar. They almost had a Jones is not the answer touchdown, went for a field offensively while Bruce goal. One more play and they Carter has been in stealth win that game. The defense just mode in Sean’s absence. couldn’t make that one stop. So once again we have Sound familiar? Has this not a scenario where the gotten old already? A few Cowboys have the football weeks ago the issue was clock with a few seconds to management and a dropped throw deep and pray for pass. When the Giants came to a miracle finish… only to Arlington, the Cowboys erased come up short. Since this a 23 point deficit and came is a team game, blame within a finger of a dramatic won’t be passed all around. touchdown and sweep of New Except for the following: York. All this despite a slew of Jason Garrett and his staff. interceptions that hurt Dallas If Jason Garrett is the dearly. problem fire him. Trying You saw this with the Chicago to be a head coach and Bears to start October. Now the offensive coordinator is Cowboys have Philadelphia to asking too much for one contend with on Veterans Day? person in the NFL. Delegate What can be done? Almost two some responsibilities to Bill years to the day a Cowboys Callahan. Think Rob Ryan team in Green Bay on a Sunday would make a good head Night was embarrassed to the coach? Who’s to say except tune of 45-7. Wade Phillips was for soundbites that won’t be gone the next day. robotic sounding. I believed that if the Cowboys People are tired of Jerry mailed it in, shot themselves in Jones and of all of his the foot or were blown out in meddlesome chicanery. Atlanta then yes, there would Jones speaks of winning be murmurs about getting rid yet is barely at .500 since of Jason Garrett and inquiring 1996. Garrett currently about Sean Payton for 2013. I stands at .500 in two years of doubt that changes anything in coaching. What’s changed? the meantime. Not one darn thing. Too Atlanta did a wonderful job many chiefs and not enough working the middle as the game Indians. This Cowboys team wound down and prevailed by reminds me of the 1989 a 19-13 count. Despite injuries Vikings with great individual the Dallas defense has been “allplayers but shoddy team world” at times. A missed tackle play. here or a stupid penalty there Here’s the midseason keeps an opponent’s drive alive answer all Cowboys fans and a victory imminent. need to know: ‘Jerry, you’re There’s been a lot of talk about no Tex Schramm! Jason, Tony and his 13 interceptions you’re no Tom Landry!’ This heading into Week 9. Not one can never work until Jerry interception was thrown Sunday Jones relinquishes some of night. Romo’s numbers and Matt Photos Courtesy: Matt Pearce his meddling ways and hires Ryan’s were even-steven except a true GM. Not in our lifetime. for the final score. As the game wound down The truth is the Cowboys aren’t a very good the Falcons receivers Julio Jones and Roddy football team. White showed they were tough to contain. The Stay the course. This is a process, right? run by Jacquizz Rogers pretty much summed up That’s football the Cowboy way and has been the Cowboys evening after a missed tackle by accepted since 1996. Oh yeah, anyone notice Orlando Scandrick. how NASCAR’s Jimmie Johnson also won in Dez Bryant was nowhere to be found. Kevin Texas on Sunday? Some things just stay the same Ogletree shined for a spell. Jason Witten heading into November…

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November 7-13, 2012 VOL. 5 - ISSUE 9

Reasons to switch from the Cowboys to the Texans #10 The suicide rate is high enough during the holiday season without being a Cowboys fan #9 Price to park at Cowboys Stadium is $75, price to park at Reliant Stadium $30

#7 Reliant Stadium roof opens and closes 5 minutes faster than Cowboys Stadium #6 The Texans mascot “Toro” would beat Cowboys mascot “Rowdy” in a WWE Cage match

By jay Betsill - @thefamousjay

hrough the midway point of the 2012 season, the Dallas Cowboys have been consistently inconsistent. They are 3-5 at the halfway point and are in the midst of a two-game losing streak. They have played well at times, such as in their win over the defending Super Bowl champion New York Giants on the NFL’s opening night. They have also been dominated in embarrassing losses to the Chicago Bears (34-18 defeat on Monday Night Football that included five Tony Romo interceptions) and the Seattle Seahawks (27-7 beating that featured Seahawks wide receiver Golden Tate decleating Cowboys linebacker Sean Lee). The Cowboys look like a team that has the talent and the ability to compete in the NFL on a weekto-week basis, only to fall prey to countless errors including turnovers, penalties and some very questionable clock management coaching decisions. The Cowboys are -11 in the turnover ratio.

#5 T he Texans owner’s first name isn’t Jerry and his last name isn’t Jones #4 Texans Cheerleader Delaney! #3 Draft Beer at Reliant Stadium $5.00, beer at Cowboys Stadium $8.50 #2 The Texans owner is less likely to fire Super Bowl winning coaches

BOOO

OO!

#1 The Texans have actually defeated the New York Giants when playing at home

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The only team in the NFL that is worse in that vital category is the Kansas City Chiefs (1-7). In other words, the Cowboys are where they usually are at this point in the season since their victory in Super Bowl XXX. Cowboys owner Jerry Jones believes they are a better team than what they’ve shown thus far. They’ll certainly get a chance to prove just how good they can be with games remaining against the Philadelphia Eagles (twice), Cleveland Browns, Washington Redskins (twice), Cincinnati Bengals, Pittsburgh Steelers and New Orleans Saints. Of their remaining games, only the Steelers (Cowboys Stadium, December 16) have a winning record. OFFENSE Grade:

Photo Courtesy: James D. Smith

#8 Most of the good Cowboys players will wind up playing for the Dallas County Correctional Facility Parole Pirates

heading down a familiar path

In spite of games that included five interceptions (Chicago, October 1) and four interceptions (New York Giants, October 28), I am grading Romo himself on a curve as several of his pics have been due to receiver error (Dez Bryant running the wrong route or Kevin Ogletree letting the ball slip through his fingers). While Romo is certainly not having his best season as the signal caller for America’s Team, he often finds himself running for his life behind the offensive line that includes the league’s two most penalized offensive linemen (tackles Doug Free and Tyron Smith) and two free agent acquisitions (guards Nate Livings and Mackenzy Bernadeau) that have failed to give much if any help on pass protection and even less on run blocking. Romo’s greatest strength is perhaps his ability to adapt and make moving parts work when plays break down and this season he has had plenty of opportunities to try and adjust on the fly as the pocket collapses seemingly the instant he gets the ball. He has also had to deal with injuries to the center position as starter Phil Costa and

Where’s Ware?

backup Ryan Cook have both battled injuries. Running back DeMarco Murray has only played in five games and still leads the team with 330 yards on 75 carries. Felix Jones has had the opportunity to step up with Murray out due to injury and has managed only 168 yards on 49 carries. Tight end Jason Witten lacerated his spleen in the preseason and still managed to play on opening night against the Giants. He went through a couple of weeks where he faced constant criticism for some key drops, but has 51 catches for 487 yards at the midway point with a good chance for another 1,000 yard season. In the Week 8 loss to New York at Cowboys Stadium, Witten had 18 catches for 167 yards to set the franchise record for receptions in a game. Last week, he passed Hall of Fame receiver Michael Irvin for the most catches in the team’s illustrious history. DEFENSE Grade:

B-

The top priority in the Cowboys’ offseason was to address its woeful secondary and they did so by signing free agent cornerback Brandon Carr to a $50 million contract and trading up in the draft to select LSU cornerback Morris Claiborne. They also bid farewell to longtime Cowboys corner Terence Newman and replaced safety Abram Elam with Barry Church. In spite of his rumored wishes to be dealt, cornerback Mike Jenkins is still in the fold as the team’s third corner and has added depth to what was previously the team’s weakness.

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 9

November 7 - 13, 2012

Injuries have plagued the defense as linebacker Sean Lee was ruled out for the season after a toe injury in the October 21 game against the Carolina Panthers. Lee’s backup Dan Connor was also hurt, forcing Dallas to sign veteran Ernie Sims. Safety Barry Church was having a solid year prior to being placed on injured reserve with a torn Achilles. Pro Bowl tackle Jay Ratliff has also been fighting injuries as he has been hounded by ankle problems since training camp. DeMarcus Ware is now in his eighth season and has 7.5 sacks to go along with 33 tackles at the halfway mark. With Lee out and Ratliff banged up, he will have to be a big force in the second half if Dallas is able to take advantage of its soft schedule and have any hope of sniffing the postseason.

Kicker Dan Bailey has been solid all season in spite of his head coach’s ineptitude at how to manage the clock at the end of games and setting him up in situations that could easily be avoided. Pro Bowl punter Brian Moorman was signed after the Buffalo Bills released him. He stepped in for the injured Chris Jones and has done an outstanding job with directional kicking and pinning the opposing team inside the 20. The return game has been a different story as Dez Bryant fared so poorly on punt returns that he was replaced by Dwayne Harris. Meanwhile, Felix Jones’ kickoff returns were possibly worse as he continually brought the ball out from deep in the end zone and failed to reach the 20 and found himself replaced by rookie free agent Lance Dunbar.

Photo Courtesy: Darryl Briggs

SPECIAL TEAMS Grade:

Looking for hope

bad situations set up by the offenses’ turnovers. Dallas’ head coach Jason Garret has left a lot to be desired in both his play calling and game management. The 31-29 loss on the road at Baltimore was a testament to the Cowboys entire season, highlighted by the final two minutes that saw the offense not hustling back to the line and Garrett opting to let time run off the clock rather than run another play and get Bailey a few yards closer for a potential game-winning field goal.

The only thing that keeps this from being an F is defensive coordinator Rob Ryan’s effort with his unit as they battle injuries and being put in

OVERALL GRADE: A Very Optimistic C-

COACHING Grade:

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November 7-13, 2012 VOL. 5 - ISSUE 9

WE ‘VE GOT

BEST

HAMBURGER! — READER’S CHOICE POLL DMN

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QUICKLY BECOMING FAMOUS LATE NITE MENU ON THUR - FRI - SAT AFTER 10PM See more of Natalie and others at Blitzweekly.com Model: Natalie Photography Courtesy: Darryl Briggs / www.darrylbriggs.com Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Natalie

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 9

November 7 - 13, 2012 Photo Courtesy: Darryl Briggs

ufc Macao preview

can chung le steal one? By brian beard – comments@blitzweekly.com

inally a free UFC match that everyone can enjoy as long as they have Fuel TV. The event will be held at the CotaiArena on Cotai Strip in Macau. This will be the first ever UFC event held in China. The preliminary fights will be on Facebook with the main card on Fuel TV. The UFC invades China! Are you ready for this? Be up early as it starts at 8am Texas time.

By Jay Betsill – @thefamousjay False hope and the philadelphia eagles

0,840 fans at the Georgia Dome and millions more on NBC watched what is basically a microcosm of the 2012 Cowboys season with the 19-13 loss. Granted there were no turnovers, but the team was plagued by mistakes including penalties, missed assignments and dropped passes. “I think at the end of the day it’s a league that’s based on wins and losses and tonight was a solid effort by this team and we did what we needed to do to come out with a win,” Atlanta quarterback Matt Ryan said. Ryan’s words can be seen as a gospel as his team overcame two missed field goals and several untimely penalties of its own to pull out the victory. He passed for a season-high 342 yards passing for the Falcons (8-0) while the Cowboys found a way to lose a game where they were clearly the better team in the first half and had a fighting chance that was all but squandered when cornerback Orlando Scandrick whiffed on a tackle and committed a costly illegal contact penalty that in both instances would have given the Cowboys offense the ball back on the heels of Romo’s drive that ended with a 21-yard TD strike to Kevin Ogletree. Next up is a trip to Philadelphia where head coach Andy Reid and quarterback Michael Vick have been under fire all season beginning with owner Jeffrey Lurie stating that missing the playoffs again was unacceptable for the Eagles. “That was an embarrassing performance,” Reid said, following his team’s 30-17 loss to Atlanta in Week 8. “I’m stating the obvious. We need to get better. I need to do a better job. This is fixable. We have the talent.” Can’t you picture Cowboys coach Jason Garrett uttering the same exact words? And while Cowboys fans look at the ‘soft’ schedule in the second half, is it not possible that their opponents feel the same way about their upcoming games with the 3-5 team from Dallas?

Kevin Ogletree Loves Playing On NBC The Cowboys third receiver opened the season with eight catches for 114 yards and two touchdowns in a nationally televised game against the defending Super Bowl champion New York Giants. This week at the Georgia Dome, he had three catches for 96 yards and a touchdown in a Sunday Night Football game in front of Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth. The six games in between? Ogletree had 13 catches for 134 yards and a whopping zero touchdowns. Clearly, it needs to be passed on or at least suggested to the much-maligned wideout that every Cowboys game will air on NBC in some form or fashion.

Rich “Ace” Franklin (29-6-0) vs Cung Le (8-2-0) Let it be known now, this is the biggest fight ever for Fuel TV. You’re going to see a battle when these two former champions get after it. Franklin is a former UFC middleweight champ and Le is a former Strikeforce middleweight champion. Franklin has a ton of experience and is one of the smartest fighters in the game. He’s smart enough to not stand and bang with Le. He’ll take Le to the ground where he’ll unleash his fists of fury on him. Le will come out swinging using the “punchers chance” mentality. He won’t be able to defend against Franklin once he’s down.

Sean Payton Available? A report Sunday by ESPN’s Adam Schefter revealed that due to proposed clauses in New Orleans Saints head coach Sean Payton’s most recent contract extension, he may not be the coach in ‘The Big Easy’ when his current Bountygate suspension expires. Depending on NFL Commissioner Roger Goddell’s final ruling, this revelation could make the former Cowboys assistant under Bill Parcells and current Westlake resident a “coaching free agent”, available to sign with any team, including a team who has tasted a minute amount of playoff success since winning three Super Bowls in a four-year span in the early-to-mid 90s and may soon be looking for a new head coach. As Saints coach, Payton is 62-34 and they have fallen on extremely hard times in his absence, making him all the more attractive. While it’s likely he will remain in New Orleans - Drew Brees and Tom Benson have to be a better option than dealing with Romo and Jerry and the swarming Cowboys media - the chatter does lead to the one thing that most fans of America’s Team have in common: False Hope.

a few years since his last victory in the Octagon actually counted (UFC 102 over Jardine). That being said, Silva is motivated like a man on a mission. Sure Silva can stand toe-toe-toe with Stucky but that’ll be his undoing if he tries. Nedkov packs a powerful punch. He’ll need to get Nedkov to the mat where he can utilize his BJJ and earn the victory. Nedkov comes in undefeated but will need a signature win over a quality opponent to join the ranks of Glover Teixeira and Jimi Manuwa. If this happens he’ll be considered a serious upand-comer in the light heavyweight division. Nedkov has had some time off since his last fight and the cage rust will show. Silva takes this in the second round and books a flight to Beijing.

Kim “Stun Gun” Dong-Hyun (15-2-1) vs Paulo Thiago (14-4-0) This welterweight fight has a strong chance to go the distance. Neither fighter is known for his striking ability so don’t look for a quick knock out in this one. Paulo Thiago is a big enough name that if the Stun Gun can get Photo Courtesy: Mike Dunn the decision he’ll be looking to become a It’ll be game over. Franklin wins via unanimous fringe contender in the division. A loss and he decision and goes out for some late night dim might as well pack it up as his career will be on sum afterwards. the downslide. Thiago on the other hand had some strong wins over Kos and Mike Swick but Thiago Silva (14-3-0) vs Stanislav hasn’t been able to maintain the momentum. “Stucky” Nedkov (12-0-0) Thiago will win this one via ground and pound in Silva needs the win over Stucky big time. It’s been the third round. Fight of the night? Probably not.

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November 7-13, 2012 VOL. 5 - ISSUE 9

CRAVE dfw

By Steven Doyle - www.cravedfw.com

This week we decided to provide you with a delicious list of enchiladas found in the Dallas area. This is by no means a comprehensive list, rather a good starting point and a wellrounded look into what the city has to offer. Some are Tex Mex, others pure interior Mexico. Enjoy this tasty jaunt around the city. Mesa Veracruz Coastal Cuisine sounds a bit high-brow, but there is nothing stuffy about these enchiladas made with a rich mole, simmered for 24 hours. Located in Oak Cliff, you will be deported to Mexico with a single order. Also delicious is anything with seafood. If you haven’t been to Mesa you are severely handicapped in all things foodie in the Dallas area.

A few years ago Komali opened and gave us a glimpse of a childhood memory, this time through the eyes of owner Abraham Salum. This particular plate of enchiladas are slathered in a rich house-made mole and served with handmade tortillas. Over the past year I have had untold plates of these enchiladas. The margaritas are literally Cuquita’s Photo Courtesy: Steven Doyle award winning. staff has regular meetings at this restaurant. The daily made tamales are also hard to beat. Another new restaurant that has captured our love for the enchilada is this version from Meso Escondido means hidden in Spanish, and that Maya. The plate of enchiladas are created with is exactly how you might describe Escondido house-made blue corn tortillas, slowly cooked the Tex-Mex restaurant located near Parkland brisket with caramelized onions, cilantro, roasted Hospital on Butler. The tiny Mexican restaurant poblanos, topped with roasted tomato guajillo ladles thick layers of chili con carne onto the sauce & crema. Try these with the avocado supple tortillas making it one of the absolute best margarita. in the area. The place is so escondido there is no website or Facebook presence. Last year Cuquita’s was named one of the top five Mexican restaurants by Texas Monthly. Naming your restaurant the “best ever” takes The tiny hide-a-way in Farmer’s Branch offers huevos, but that is just what Monica Greene did. big plates of delicious enchiladas wrapped with The BEE (Best Enchilada Ever) in Bishop Arts Cuquita’s own tortillas. So sublime that the Crave reminds us of these build-your-own burrito shops,

Mr. Mesero Photo Courtesy: Steven Doyle Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

but this plae actually succeeds where the others seem to wane. The concept allows you to select everything about your enchilada including the type of tortilla, the fillings and sauces, and bangs it out in record speed. The only decent enchilada in a fast food environment. Ever. Everything about Mr. Mesero reeks delicious. Owner Mico Rodriguez is Dallas Tex-Mex and makes contact with the ball and knocks it out of the park at the former Burger Girl location on McKinney Avenue. Go for the mole sauced enchilada for a star performance. Mia Enriquez is one happy gal and she makes what most consider the best brisket tacos in Dallas at her namesake restaurant, Mia’s Tex Mex. What she also makes is one hell of a great brisket enchilada. When visiting Dallas most tourists make a beeline to Mia’s and join the locals as we sup on amazing Tex-Mex.

CRAVEdfw

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 9

November 7 - 13, 2012

Dear Olga, You shot us through the heart in Hitman and we knew that you were the only commie for us. Although it was a bit hard watching you with Daniel Craig in Quantum of Solace, but we’ll give you a pass since he’s James Bond. Oh Olga, you are such a complex paradigm – being so beautiful with a name that is more befitting Janet Reno. Once after a late night party we went home with a let’s just say sub-par she-troll, who resembled more Hobbit than MAXIM cover girl, but by taping a picture of you to the back of her head (and the top) we made it through the night alright. Thank you the beautiful Miss Kurylenko you are our sexy Ukrainian princess. Sincerely, BW

chit-chat with super water sympathy

omewhere between performing on stage, signing autographs, doing a nationwide tour and ogling over Blue Russian cats, Super Water Sympathy’s guitarist Clyde Hargrove had time to talk to me about recording their album in England, space exploration and the bands affinity with cilantro and lime juice. Bottoms up. How was the English experience? CH: England was awesome. We tracked 12 songs with Cam Blackwood (Florence + The Machine, Coldplay, Morrissey) and we were really happy with the way it turned out and just really excited about releasing the album. I think it made our music more well-rounded. Every group or band has a wide ranging dynamic, who would you say is the most

responsible person in the band while on tour? CH: The most responsible person is Billy.

Why is that? CH: He’s like the organizer and the administrator. He pays attention to the small stuff that nobody wants to do like calendar dates and times. You know, stuff that artists usually don’t pay attention to. If Super Water Sympathy had fragrance, what would it smell like? CH: Cilantro and lime juice. That’s really specific. CH: I believe, so does the rest of the band, that cilantro and limes awakens the senses and brings out the more universal approach to life.

By c. patterson - @blitzweekly.com

Late-night band story that you hope never gets out CH: Probably when we were in some town in Indiana and Billy had too much to drink and he went swimming in a freezing pond. Pre-concert rituals CH: I like to look at Blue Russian cats a lot before I play. I am obsessed with Blue Russians. I think Ryan believes in chain smoking, Ansley believes in tequila, and Billy has a cat named Molly and that’s his go-to person. It’s kind of strange, but you develop weird habits on the road. What should your fans in Dallas expect from the concert? CH: That we believe in space exploration and that we are here to make music to make you feel like you are exploring space.

Check out S.W.S on Nov. 9 at The Prophet Bar

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November 7-13, 2012 VOL. 5 - ISSUE 9

gearshift

Start 2 Finish

VW Tiguan

By david goodspeed - dgoodspeed@blitzweekly.com

Vehicles to also consider

he compact crossover utility segment is crowded, almost to the point Tiguan was designed with driver and passenger convenience in mind. where so many competitors get overlooked to due to shopper fatigue. Flexible seating, with reclining rear seats with six inches of fore and aft When Volkswagen of America launched its entry into the segment a travel, allow for additional legroom or cargo space depending on individual few years ago they sought to bring a little fun – Fahrvergnügen if needs. The front passenger seat also folds flat for carrying longer objects. you will – in the form of the Tiguan. The interior also includes various clips and storage bins ensuring safe space Staying true to Volkswagen’s autobahn heritage, the Tiguan is truly the for all types of items that travel in the vehicle. “GTI of compact sport utility vehicles,” as it sought to bring new standards On the technology front, Tiguan features an available state of the art of design aesthetics, driving dynamics, safety features, and a host of luxury navigation system, combining a sophisticated radio with a precise touch and convenience attributes to an emerging category. screen navigation system and easy to use map views through its 6.5-inch For a mid-cycle refresh, VW gave the Tiguan a new front and rear fascia high resolution wide-screen display. The system includes a 30GB hard drive for 2012 along with some impressive 19-inch running gear, rare for the to store map data and audio files that can be brought into the device via the compact segment. optical drive or SD card slot and features voice control. Tiguan features the “fun to drive” handling and performance expected Tiguan is available in four trim levels, S, LE, SE, and SEL with pricing starting from a Volkswagen. A standard 2.0L TSI engine delivers turbocharged at $22,840. acceleration while still delivering respectable fuel efficiency. Its awardwinning turbocharged fourcylinder powerplant delivers 200 horsepower and 207 lb. ft of torque to the tune of 21 mpg city and 27 mpg highway. The combination of four valves per cylinder, direct fuel injection, and turbocharging delivers an optimum balance of power and economy. European-tuned suspension enables connected handling, while also providing a smooth and compliant ride. Both frontand 4Motion all-wheel-drive is available to suit any weather or road condition. Tiguan also is unique in the category by offering a choice of either sixspeed automatic or six-speed manual transmission options. The VW “cute ute” arrives with a host of safety equipment and received a Top Safety Pick from the IIHS. Front and side impact airbags are standard The most stylish way to pick up the groceries all around as are side curtain airbags covering front and rear passengers Our recent tester was the Tiguan SEL 4Motion with premium nav and and standard safety technologies include electronic stability control, anti-slip audio systems and came rolling in at $38,600. Fahrvergnügen never regulation, ABS, and tire pressure monitor system along with the Volkswagen felt so good in the compact utility segment. Intelligent Crash Response System that shuts off fuel, unlocks the doors, and switches on the hazard warning lights in the event of certain type collisions.

Anyone who is a fan of rap will tell you that the Wu Tang Clan is one of the best groups that the genre has ever seen. Lead by RZA, the mastermind behind the group, the Wu Tang Clan immediately grew into one of the most popular and wildly successful rap groups in history. But over time, the members of the group have gone their separate ways, releasing solo studio albums. RZA has taken a step in a different direction, becoming a renaissance man of sorts. Diving into the world of film, RZA has appeared on the hit show Californiacation, but it was just a

start for the rap icon. Acting propelled him toward directing, which has in turn produced the kung-fu epic The Man with the Iron Fists. The film has a basic martial arts movie set-up. In nineteenth century China, warring clans are fighting for supremacy and the allure of the Emperor’s gold. A humble blacksmith (played by RZA) is forging weapons for money, hoping to acquire enough to free his lover Lady Silk (Jamie Chung) from the local brothel, which is run by the ruthless Madam Blossom (Lucy Liu). Things only become more complicated when Jack Knife – the mysterious, perverse British soldier played by Russell Crowe – comes into town, showing off his unique set of tricks. The situation spirals out of control, pulling the blacksmith into a world of corruption and violence, leaving him no choice but to create the greatest weapon of them all. Like most martial arts films, the story is not going

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Audi Q5 $35,600+

Range Rover Evoque $43,995+

By Ethan Harmon - eharmon@blitzweekly.com to be the main driving force of the movie. It’s simple and it serves its purpose, and that’s all it needs to do. The acting in this film is mostly great, thanks to the incredibly strange, yet remarkably enjoyable Russell Crowe. He plays Jack Knife with flash and flair, gleefully hogging up the screen. It’s a performance unlike any other the actor has portrayed. RZA does well as the blacksmith. His character is driven, but very soft-spoken. It allows RZA to balance his directorial duties along with acting, which is good provided that the end result is enjoyable. Lucy Liu and Rick Yune are great as Madam Blossom and X-Blade, respectively. With a movie like this, audiences will not be crowding the theater for its story and acting. No. Audiences want to see some incredible fight scenes that will blow their minds. How does this movie fair in that aspect? The Man with the Iron Fists makes up for its flaws with its over-

MovieReview of The man with the iron fists

Ford Escape $22,00+

the-top, crazy fight sequences. Each scene is choreographed differently, giving each fight its own unique spin. Watching X-Blade obliterate a group of thugs with his suit of spikes will have mouths drop, and seeing the blacksmith don his weapons will stretch eyelids open. The final act of the movie will bring a smile to the face as the screen is exploding with insane martial arts ass-kicking. The Man with the Iron Fists is an admirable directorial debut for RZA. This movie will no doubt be criticized for its flaws, but a movie like this is not made to obtain awards. Movies like this are created to celebrate and show off martial arts, and RZA has done a fine job putting this on display for the world to see. Though the movie lacks depth, it is nonetheless fun to watch. Plus, what’s cooler than watching fight scenes with Wu Tang bumping in the background?

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 9

JOKES

Q: Why are condoms like cameras? A: They both capture the moment. Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? A: She knows she’s given her last blow job. Q: What did the blonde say during a porno? A: There I am! Q: What’s the difference between an apple pie and a pussy?

November 7 - 13, 2012

Man of the House Tony had just finished reading a new book entitled, ‘You Can Be The Man of Your House.’ He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, ‘From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?’ His Sicilian wife Gina replied, “The fucking funeral director would be my first guess.”

Blitz Funnys

A: You can eat your mom’s apple pie.

members of their police force had been arrested. And, with a population of only 32,000, it would be a large detriment to their community’s security and safety.

19TH HOLE-IN-ONE TAX-WASTE With New York City’s Bronx being the poorest of its boroughs, with a percapita income 70 percent lower than its neighbor Manhattan, what should a city do to help? Probably not build an 18-hole golf course there, estimated to cost the city of New York $97 million, according to the New York Times. (Without considering: in 1966, 12 NYC golf courses served 880,000, while by 2011, with 13 courses, the number of golfers dropped 36%, to 561,000.)

REFLECTING HIS LOVE LIFE, TOO? November 1, 2012, a correction in The Dallas Morning News: “In Wednesday’s SportsDay, Giants outfielder Hunter Pence was incorrectly identified as a switch-hitter. He bats right handed.” BORN WITH NO BRAIN Nickolas Coke of Pueblo, Colorado, was born with only a brain stem, a condition known as anencephaly. Most babies born this way - about one birth in 10,000 - live only a few days. Little Nickolas made it for three years, until an apparent virus took his life.

WHICH CROOKS ARE BETTER CROOKS? A spokesman for the City of Socorro, Texas, told El Paso Times, basically, four

Scorpio October 23 – November 21 Don’t be afraid to ask for help from loved ones this week after all they expect it from a screw up like you.

Aquarius January 20 – February 18 Don’t let other people get you down. They have much more important things to do.

Taurus April 20 – May 20 Being in a relationship means you have to make sacrifices. Stick to wild animals and not family members.

Leo July 23 – August 22 When people say that children are the future chances are they’re not talking about yours.

Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 You’ll soon owe the Dallas police chief and the zoo keeper a huge apology.

Pisces February 19 – March 20 The stars indicate you’ll have a new romantic interest, find financial success and will receive spiritual fulfillment. Does this finally make you happy?

Gemini May 21 – June 21 They say that hard work and perseverance never killed anyone but that was before you discovered the chainsaw.

Virgo August 23 – September 22 Getting old is never easy. Don’t worry an ambulance will soon be on its way.

Aries March 21 – April 19 Raising a family can feel like you’re part of a three ring circus especially the part where you whip the kids back into their cages.

Cancer June 22 – July 22 Don’t let anyone call you a coward this week, unless of course that person is your boss.

Capricorn December 22 – January 19 If you knew what was in store for you this Saturday you wouldn’t be reading this horrorscope!

ACROSS 1. A tart spicy quality 5. Gladden 10. Vipers 14. Dwarf buffalo 15. Fathers 16. Shower 17. A Maori club 18. A lively whirling Italian dance 20. Lithesome 22. Atomic pile 23. T 24. Garbage 25. An abrupt excited utterance 32. Suffered 33. Type of eel 34. Triangular sail 37. Violent disturbance 38. Submarine detector 39. Early 20th-century art movement

40. Cover 41. Agile Old World viverrine 42. Also called Peter 43. Unfortunate 45. Make fun of 49. Center 50. Teach 53. Kitchen set 57. Mediator 59. Unit of pressure 60. Portent 61. Construct 62. Decorative case 63. Unusual 64. Serpentine 65. Views

Libra September 23 – October 22 After all is said and done, the truth is: You’re still an idiot!

DOWN 1. Faucets 2. A Freudian stage 3. Memo 4. A glove of armored leather 5. High regard 6. Teller of untruths 7. Arrive (abbrev.) 8. Rip 9. Feudal worker 10. Betel palm 11. Preserves 12. He flies a plane 13. Trap 19. Yellowish brown 21. Deceased 25. Nobleman 26. 13 in Roman numerals 27. Lummox 28. In the midst of 29. Laser printer powder 30. Angry

31. Paddle 34. Doorpost 35. False god 36. Curse 38. Behold 39. Insulin deficiency 41. Extraordinary 42. Render unconscious 44. 30 45. Adult male singing voice 46. Swelling under the skin 47. Type of drill 48. British biscuit 51. Fastens 52. Acquire deservedly 53. Wharf 54. Carry 55. Not false 56. Twin sister of Ares 58. Orange pekoe

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November 7-13, 2012 VOL. 5 - ISSUE 9

The CLOSER

Pocketful of Peens Thorned Not Scorned

Posie Pocket has experienced some puzzling dating situations. Instead of hardening her heart, she’s reflecting on these encounters with hope and bright eyes for the future. By sharing her stories, she’s revealing the lessons learned and getting a good laugh while on the lookout for love.

I Hate This Part

With my surge in dating this past year, there are several moments in the dating rat race I loathe. Anticipating these moments upsets my stomach and makes me squirm. You’d think after all the schmucks and dicks I’ve juggled, I’d be a pro at these things. Nope - I still feel like a silly little girl with a big dumb bow in my hair. WHEN THE CHECK COMES At the end of the date and it’s time to pay up, I hate just assuming the dude will pay. I am a fan of chivalry and would prefer for the man to take the lead on the bill front. But I don’t want to be the aloof bitch who just assumes. Lucky for me, most guys, regardless of how dickish he is, pick up the bill instantly, not giving me a chance to offer. At least they’re hoping to build up e n o u g h credits to cash them in on a little sexual romp. But I hate it when a guy just sits his ass right there and doesn’t take the manly lead. Just the other day I was having dinner with a pretty decent guy. I thought he was super handsome, he was in his thirties and he seemed likely to take a wife. When the check

came, he took his sweet time reaching for the little leather booklet. When he finally did, I sheepishly said, “Do you need any help with that?” He quickly replied with confidence, “Sure.” I was shocked as shit! Yes, I offered, but doesn’t every guy appreciate a girl who offers to pay but would never take her money? I wanted to exclaim, “Keep it moving and pay for your own damn salmon.” I thoughtfully ordered the cheapest thing on the menu, in an effort to not drain his wallet. Little did I know I’d be paying for his gross, high dollar fish. I couldn’t get out of that restaurant fast enough. The whole way he drove home, I was cringing with annoyance and disbelief. I kept that toothy smile plastered on my face until I got inside. But obviously he wasn’t feeling the date either…don’t worry Buddy, your actions towered over your words. FIRST KISS Don’t get me wrong, I love a good lip-lock just as any other twenty-something, hot blooded female would. However, I hate the moment leading up to the first kiss. I never ever know how to brace myself for it. It’s like getting a shot or a bikini wax. It’s never quite as bad as you think it’ll be, but bracing yourself for that moment is pure torture. Perhaps I need to get liquored up a bit more and it wouldn’t feel so awkward. My problem is, when a guy is dropping me off, I have a track record of jumping out of the car super fast. Whether he wants to kiss me or not, he’s going to have to chase me upstairs to plant one on my lips. I was out with a guy one night and he took the lead like no other and I appreciated the hell out of it. He walked me to my door and I offered him a quick little hug and pivoted to head up the stairs. He grabbed me by my waist, (although my initial thought was “I just ate dinner and my belly might jiggle”) spun me so I was facing him and kissed me. As he was going in for the smooch, I felt the need to narrate the situation. I blurted out, “Oh you’re going to kiss me now.” Afterwards I quickly looked away and said, “Alright good kiss. Good night.” What an awkward little teen I was. These are the exact reasons why I feel overwhelmingly uncomfortable with first kisses. I can’t just let it happen without running my big mouth. Key thing

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to remember in this situation, silence is golden. I need to spy on my girlfriends when they go on dates. Perhaps I could hide in the bushes, take notes on their body language and learn the real tricks of the trade. I seem to be alone in my fear of first kisses, thinking it’s the most unnatural thing in the world. WAITING FOR HIS CALL OR TEXT I know in this day and age, a girl shouldn’t have to sit around and wait for a guy to initiate. But I’m slightly old-fashion in this respect so I want to let the guy pursue me. This makes me a nervous little twit though. The second-guessing, checking your phone every five minutes and hoping he’ll call. Then when your phone does buzz with a text, and it’s not him, watch out because there’s a bitch on the loose. But when he does finally reach out, you’re the happiest girl in the world. I can’t tell you how many times my mood has been affected by a boy not calling. I am sure I annoy the hell out of my friends, over-freakinganalyzing why he hasn’t reached out. Here’s a strong takeaway I’ve learned and need to remember it as a solid mantra: “If he doesn’t text, then he’s not thinking about you. So don’t think about him!” I am quickly realizing that even though some guy isn‘t wanting to pursue me, I’m still one heck of a catch! Same thing goes for some decent men I’ve gone on dates with. They may be super fabulous on paper, but when push comes to shove, there ain’t no fire burning in the lover department. It’s so crucial to remind myself that I can’t be everything to everyone. So if the phone doesn’t ring, don’t be wasting any tears over some guy who isn’t wasting any thoughts on you.

AnsweR Guy with

Arthur Bellfield

Dear Arthur, My best friend is plowing my girlfriend. Yep, it sucks. The worst part is that they don’t know that I know. So to get even I slept with his mom, but it didn’t really make me feel better. Now I just feel like a terrible schmuck...who slept with his best friend’s mom. How do I tell both of them that I know and by the way dude I slept with your mom? Signed, How the hell did it get to this To quote the great Johnny Drama from Entourage “Nobody appreciates their girlfriend until they get herpes from the next broad.” What that means for you is that even though your girlfriend is a cheating slut monkey, she’s your cheating slut monkey. And, cheating on her will only anger the sexual deities of the past and future, that’s the secret origin of erectile dysfunction – if you didn’t know. However, since you’ve already went MILF hunting in your best friend’s backyard and succeeded in plowing his mom: Now is the time to come clean and mean! The only way to make this situation right is to be honest with yourself and all parties involved. This is what you’re going to do. Talk to your best friend first. He will punch you in the face for violating his mother’s love box, but he’ll understand. Tell him not to tell your girlfriend that you know, until you’ve had a chance to talk to her. Now, talk to your girlfriend and tell her that you slept with another woman – the details of who doesn’t matter. Watch her face and look for any sign of resentment or shame for her own acts. Women are prisoners of their facial expressions. Ignore her words and apologies if any are given. Let the breakup sex begin!

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 9

November 7 - 13, 2012

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