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VOL. 4 - ISSUE 42 june 27 - july 3, 2012
On deck
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Original Illustration by Michael Lee
stern v. goodell
E SPORTS NEWS On Deck 3 Bad Boys Bad Boys 3 Rangers Report 4 Our Boy Roy 5 Best Wrestlers 5 Free Agent Frenzy 6 The LeBron Legacy 7 Eat it. Wear It. Go There. 9 Cover Story The Blitz Olympics 10-11 BLITZ Entertainment Lilia 12 Best Burgers in DFW 13 Vanguard Art 14 Dark Knight Rises 14 Hollywood Shuffle 15 Andrew Garfield Interview 15 Movie Review 15 2012 Ford Edge Review 16 Gadgets 16 Blitz Funnys Jokes/Horrorscopes/Weird News 17 The CLOSER Weekend Relaxer 18 The Answer Guy 18 2-Minute Drill 18
Publisher Kelly G. Reed Editor-in-Chief C. Patterson Graphic Designer Michael H. Lee Photo Editor Darryl Briggs Cover Design Michael H. Lee Staff Photographers Gregg Case, Steven Hendrix, Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, Joe Lorenzini, Chuck Majors
Staff Writers Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, David Goodspeed, Keysha Hogan, Frank LaCosta, Mateeka Lanee, Mark Miller, Tommy Smith Contributing Photographers Keith Allison, Joseph Dowling, DvYang, John Heringer, Lorne Marcum, Zach Primozic, Rick Star, Dustin Watson, Jagknight, memorypalace, Menco Contributing Writers Cote Bailey, Arthur Bellfield, Drew Davis, C.J. Gardner, Ethan Harmon, Martin Iheke, Angela Navins, Johnny Reeves, Tyler Rhodes, Aeryn Ripley, Danny Woodley
CONTACT US Phone: 214-529-7370 • FAX: 972-960-8618 Email: kreed@blitzweekly.com
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By Keysha Hogan – @TheKeysha
very year we hear gripes from NBA and NFL players and owners about the untrustworthy, overreaching and downright baffling calls these commissioners make in the name of their respective sports. Let’s see who’s the worst around.
During this year’s collective bargaining talks, Stern shocked the union by saying that he “knew where the bodies are buried (in the NBA), because he had buried them himself.” These reckless comments only fueled the players’ distrust and led to the lockout.
NBA Commissioner Stern In fairness to Goodell we’ll disregard 19842005 for Stern. He was busy suspending everyone and possibly fixing drafts, but it’s hard to compete with a two-decade head start. So, in 2006 Stern backed a new “microfiber” basketball for use in all games. After evidence the ball was more erratic, Stern still
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell Before Goodell took over in 2006 there were few fines in the league. But he’s managed to fine more players and coaches in the past six seasons than any other commissioner, ever. And currently he is the only person who makes decisions about fines. Goodell created a culture where he is the judge, jury and executioner. Everyone
pushed for the use of the ball until he had to admit he made a p o o r
choice and the league switched back. At the same time, Stern forced his way into the battle over the relocation of the Seattle Supersonics. And although the Thunder made it to the Finals this year, there is nothing but contempt in the great northwest for moving the team from the country’s 14th largest market to the 45th. Dallas also felt the sting of Stern’s choices. This past December he vetoed the 3-team trade that would have sent Pau Gasol to the Rockets, Chris Paul to the Lakers and Lamar Odom to the Hornets. He said the veto was due to “basketball reasons.” Meanwhile we had to live with Odom struggling to get by and a Kardashian invasion. Not cool Stern…not cool.
remembers watching players spike the ball in the end zone, trash talk and leap into the stands. But now, Goodell has turned the NFL into the No Fun League. The game is emotional and turbulent, but he has worked hard to erase the flair. Players have even begun to express skepticism over his talks of player safety while asking for more regular season games. His refusal to listen illustrates how his ego and bravado has clouded his decision-making abilities. This is evident in his labor negotiations. The Cowboys and Redskins were punished for contracts before the uncapped 2010 season. There was no set cap that season, and it’s confounding that there was still a penalty in place two years later for spending more. Folks, this one is a dogfight. Neither of these commissioners has risen to the occasion. Has either done anything substantial in their tenure to improve the fan’s experience? Tell us your thoughts @BlitzWeekly.
Pole Control Umm..actress Jenna Jameson was charged with DUI this past weekend after pole vaulting her vehicle in Orange County. The bombshell blew a .13 and had Ambien, as well as, Suboxone in her system. Oh yeah and her license was also suspended at the Yay, you’re famous! So your cellmates time. She faces up to a year will know your name! in the slammer.
Uncle Walter on: BCS Playoff System I’ve been saying for years the national champion should be decided the oldfashioned way…with knives, sticks, and broken Bud Light bottles in the Billy Bob’s parking lot.
30 Socked The always amusing Alec Baldwin gave us yet another candid gem last week when he clobbered a NY Daily News photog. The actor claims he shoved the photog, Marcus Santos, in retaliation for the cameraman nearly hitting him and excessively baiting him. The photog insists “Alex Baldwick” came at him like a raging bull. Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook
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June 27 - july 3, 2012
VOL. 4 - ISSUE 42 Photo Courtesy: Darryl Briggs
Upcoming Schedule: 6/27 Tigers 7:05 p.m. 6/28 Athletics 7:05 p.m. 6/29 Athletics 7:05 p.m. 6/30 Athletics 6:15 p.m. 7/01 Athletics 6:05 p.m. 7/03 @White sox 7:10 p.m.
Rangers Report things continue to look up for the rangers
Y
our Texas Rangers have been on quite a run over the last two weeks winning 12 out of 15 games. They continue to play very good baseball despite a few injuries. Last Wednesday, the Rangers completed their three-game sweep of the San Diego Padres by winning, 4-2. Yu Darvish was on the mound for the Rangers pitching yet another stellar game. He went eight innings, giving up two runs on five hits and struck out eight while walking three. He leads the league in wins amongst rookie pitchers at nine. After a day off, the Rangers returned home to face the Colorado Rockies. They had not faced the Rockies since the 2006 season. Roy Oswalt made his Rangers debut, and he was outstanding. He went 6 2/3 innings, giving up one run off nine hits as the Rangers won, 4-1. It was Oswalt’s first win since last September and his 160th win of his career. “I won’t tell you I wasn’t nervous,” Photo Courtesy: Darryl Briggs
Oswalt’s said according to ESPN.com. “If you don’t have butterflies, you might as well get out of the game,” as he continued. “He was ready to pitch and he pitched like Roy Oswalt,” manager Ron Washington said according to ESPN.com. The next day, the Rangers saw their sevengame win streak snapped as they lost, 11-7, to the Rockies. Colby Lewis had a rough day only going four innings and allowing seven earned runs off twelve hits as his record fell to 6-6 on the season. “Hard day at the office,” Lewis said via ESPN.com. “They put the bat on the ball and Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com
By Martin Iheke – miheke@gmail.com
made key hits when they needed to. They took advantage of mistakes. That’s the way it goes,” as Lewis continued. On Sunday, the Rangers bounced back with a 4-2 win over the Rockies to take two of three in the series. It also concluded their interleague play for the season finishing with a league’s best 14-4 record. Matt Harrison got the start and picked up his 10th win of the season. He only went five innings but had to leave the game because of tightness in his lower back that caused soreness in his left hip according to ESPN.com. Leonys Martin, one of the players mentioned before the season to watch for, was superb in this game. He had two extra base hits with three runs batted in. The Rangers record is now 45-29, which is the best in Major League Baseball. They lead the Los Angeles Angels by 4.5 games in the division. Josh Hamilton Movie Set Josh Hamilton has overcome a lot from drugs to alcohol, but no one would have imagined just a few years ago that he would go from being out of baseball to one of the best players in the league. Not only has Hamilton written a book on this, now a Hollywood producer wants to do a movie on his life. Casey Affleck, the brother of actor Ben Affleck, is interested in writing and directing a movie on Hamilton’s life. “Josh and Katie Hamilton are pleased to announce that they have been approached by Casey Affleck and Thunder Road Pictures and have agreed to the creation of a feature film about their lives,” the statement said according to The Dallas Morning News. “While they are not involved with the actual Hollywood pitching process, the Hamiltons will be an integral part of the film’s creative direction and accuracy as the project develops,” as the statement continued. Hopefully, this will not be a distraction for Hamilton as he continues to recover from a viral infection and gets back to playing his best baseball of his career.
VOL. 4 - ISSUE 42 june 27 - july 3, 2012
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Photo Courtesy: Lorne Marcum
Photo Courtesy: memorypalace
Best wrestlers ever kings of the ring
John Cena In the ring: 10-time champion and all-around ass-kicker, you just can’t see Cena.
Our boy roy
rangers welcome Veteran roy oswalt to the fold
Appearance: Clean cut and only has one accessory…his championship belt.
By C.J. Gardner - cjgardner80@ou.edu
R
oy Oswalt made his debut as a Ranger last Friday and showed he’s already in midseason form after missing two months of the season. Oswalt was rumored to be a Texas Rangers target since the end of last season. It was believed that Oswalt wanted to sign for either the Rangers or the Cardinals. The offseason came and went with Oswalt still on the market, but the Rangers didn’t have a spot open in their rotation. After spending over $100 million to sign Japanese pitcher Yu Darvish, the Rangers were ready to head into the season with the starting five of: Yu Darvish, Colby Lewis, Derrick Holland, Matt Harrison and closer turned starter, Neftali Feliz. Oswalt decided that he would be open to signing in the middle of the season and as it so happens in every baseball season, injuries started to plague teams throughout the league. Oswalt became a hotter commodity as more starting pitchers began to get injured. The Rangers were one of those teams, as they
had to put Neftali Feliz on the disabled list and on May 29, the Rangers signed Roy Oswalt before any other team with pitching injuries could. Rangers’ fans are excited to have a pitcher of Oswalt’s pedigree, but there is one big question that most Rangers’ fans have about the signing. How long will it take the former Astro to get up to speed, after missing spring training, as well as nearly two months of the season? The ace did not put up great numbers in his four minor league starts, but improved with each one. He felt he was ready to pitch in the majors and proved that when he got back on the mound. He only gave up one run over 6 2/3 innings pitched and showed his arm was still strong. As long as Oswalt, who has a playoff ERA of 3.73, is in top form come playoff time, the Rangers will be happy they made the midseason signing. With the Rangers making it to back-to-back World Series, Oswalt will be judged like Cliff Lee; how he pitches in the playoffs, is more important than the regular season.
Oswalt’s World: Can He Pitch His Way Back To The Top?
YEAR
WINS
LOSSES
ERA
SO
2001
14
3
2.73
144
2004
20
10
3.49
206
2008
17
10
3.54
165
2011
9
10
3.69
93
Photo Courtesy: Jagknight
Flare: He has a contagious personality that everyone loves. He’s just so damned wholesome.
Bret “The Hitman” Hart In the ring: Bret tasted the sweet victory of the WWF Championship five times.
By Johnny Reeves – @BlitzWeekly
Appearance: The tattooed blazoned heartthrob took wrestling and Hollywood by storm. Flare: His incredible mic skills and larger-thanlife persona made it real easy “to smell what The Rock is cooking.” “Macho Man” Randy Savage In the ring: Absolutely one of the most talented athletes to ever jump between the ropes. Appearance: From tassels to tiger print Randy knew how to dress. Oh yeah! Flare: The guy who made the phrase “snap into a Slim Jim” a part of the vernacular was a marketing genius and kept us glued to the screen for decades.
Appearance: What can you say about a guy that wears hot pink and sunglasses that can kick your butt? Whatever you say, you better say it softly. Flare: He was cooler than the other side of the pillow and every wrestler and elementary school Photo Courtesy: Menco kid wanted to be him. The Rock In the ring: Mr. Royal Rumble has been pinning opponents to the mat for some time now. And trust us you want no part of “the People’s elbow”.
Hulk Hogan In the ring: The quintessential champion. The Hulkster has been a maniac since 1977. His Hall of Fame career is without a doubt the greatest in history and certainly without rival. Appearance: Bandana and blonde goatee; as synonymous as Allen Iverson and IRS debt. Flare: “Whatcha gonna do, brother, when Hulkamania runs wild on you?” Run like hell, that’s what.
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June 27 - july 3, 2012
VOL. 4 - ISSUE 42 Photos Courtesy-Dustin Watson, Zach Primozic, Keith Allison, Joseph Dowling, DvYang
Free agent frenzy
These NBA Players Will Be Up For The Big Bucks
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Deron Williams (G) The top shelf grab for this year’s free agency, Williams may very well be creating plays in Big D and dishing to Dirk. Fingers crossed. Price Range: $$$$$ Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com
By Cote Bailey - comments@blitzweekly
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VOL. 4 - ISSUE 42 june 27 - july 3, 2012 Photo Courtesy: rhurst Original illustration by Michael Lee
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By Danny Woodley - @BlitzWeekly It use to be that a lone superstar could carry a team, then teams had to have a dynamic duo, now we live in the era of triumvirates. Observe the progression:
There
Lone Gunman Wilt “The Stilt” Chamberlain Before he teamed up with the Lakers at the end of his career, Wilt was a one-man scoring machine. But it came naturally, the Stilt claimed to have scored with over 20,000 women.
will
Dr. J For years Julius Erving II put up his Hall of Fame numbers with little more than a mediocre cast until Moses Malone gave him a kindred spirit in points scoring.
BE MORE
Michael Jordan Air Jordan was a one-man wrecking crew for three years before the Bulls drafted Scottie Pippen. And I think it’s pretty safe to say he was fairly amazing before then.
THAN ONE
Two-doo Stockton & Malone John Stockton and Karl Malone teamed-up as the greatest NBA tandem ever, with Stockton dishing off 15,806 assists many of which to Malone.
Robinson & Duncan The Admiral couldn’t win squat as far as championships go until the arrival of the second half of the Twin Towers. Duncan won two with David, then found a new best friend named Tony and won two more with him. Make Shots à trois Allen, Pierce, and Garnett The three-headed monsters of the hardwood reached their peak in 2008 with a championship and have been trying to relive it ever since. Bron, Bosh, and Wade The new world champs made sports fans stomach’s turn when they assembled. They are branded with ruining sports, but we’re pretty sure Terrell Owens did that already. Durant, Westbrook, and Harden Okay, so it would be hard to argue that Harden is a superstar but he was a major reason that the Thunder were in the Finals this year.
The Lebron Legacy
They Should Have Left Him Alone By Tyler Rhodes– comments@blitzweekly.com
P
erhaps LeBron James is a secret agent. Have we ever even considered it? Look at all the similarities between Jason Bourne and James: The both were hated and hunted men, they both are really hazy on the details of their past actions, and they both have 11 letters in their names. Ok, so they don’t have a lot in common. But they received retribution at the end of an arduous journey. Identity There was little LeBron James would not have done to attain basketball immortality. Through scrutiny, backlash and sometimes even forwardlash LeBron seemed unaware or dare we say aloof of the fact that, for a while at least, the entire country (save for city of Miami) hated him. They say “heavy is the head that wears the crown” well LeBron James’ was the weight of Louis XVI’s. It appeared as if the former golden child could do no right. Every word he uttered only made his actions resemble those of a cold and callous individual, who even had the verbal balls of delivering his damning blow in the tongue-and-cheek manner of saying. “I’m going to take my talents to South
Kobe & Shaq The only reason we didn’t say Penny & Shaq is because Kobe & Shaq is the duo with championship rings. These guys were inseparable…that was until their very bitter divorce.
Beach.” D*ck. Perhaps, we were justified for our anti-James rhetoric. We may be on the right side of opinion in thinking that James was insensitive and worthy of every piece of negative press and hate mail we received as the equal and opposite reaction to his catalyst. But James didn’t seem to care or mind whether or not we had an opinion. He just kept working.
him a lazy defender; he’d go get nearly two steals and a block per game. We told him he’d never win a championship…well, you know where this is going. With each criticism he became more and more like Jason Bourne, ready for anything that came his way.
Supremacy
That’s where LeBron’s legacy resides today - in his inherent and almost unbelievable ability to not give up. Always one move away from the basketball, one step away from a block, one play away from winning, and one game away from glory. I actually found myself taken aback by the humility in James’ reaction to finally finding the end to his NBA rainbow. He gave a primal yell and then surprisingly a calm peace. He reached his career nirvana. There was no need to gloat or showboat. It was as if he finally understood. The years will and continue to pass and will LeBron go on to win his 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, or 6th as promised? Maybe, maybe not. But you will watch him play or you will miss seeing one of the greatest to ever play the game.
Through all the bitter and scorned woman-like venom that was spewed his way, James kept his testicular fortitude and practiced more, trained more, and fought more to inch ever so closer to his goal. And for a while it made me dislike him even more. The guy just would not lose or give in to the intense amount of pressure that we thought we placed on his chest everyday. LeBron refused to give us the attention that we so wanted from him, because to look at us he would have to take his eyes off of his goal. Night after night, there he was on Sports Center highlights in blatant insubordination of our not-so-well wishes, winning. We’d call him a ball-hog; he responded with racking up over six assists a game. We’d call
Ultimatum
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VOL. 4 - ISSUE 42 Photos Courtesy: Tim Gravens
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VOL. 4 - ISSUE 42 june 27 - july 3, 2012
Eat It
Peanut Butter & Jelly Wings at McFadden’s in Addison. This unlikely duo combines two favorite comfort foods into one salty sweet dish. They even anticipate your squeamishness and offer the option of getting the sauce on the side. You only live once, why not add eating peanut butter and jelly wings to your list of accomplishments. 4050 Beltline Rd. Addison, TX 75001 (469) 206-3610 www.mcfaddensaddison.com
WEAR It
Levi’s 501 Red Tab jeans – The original. Tough, dependable, and comfortable denim from the company that started it all. You can dress them up or down meaning that whether you’re on McKinney Ave. or in the stockyard your 501’s will be right at home.
GO THERE
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Kaboom Town – It’s big and awesome and FREE! On July 3rd – 5pm to midnight at Addison Circle Park check out one of the absolute best places to watch fireworks in the entire country. There will be a 30-minute fireworks show, a Warbird flyover, and much more for the whole family. www.addisontexas.net
www.levisstrauss.com
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CELEBRITY MELTDOWNS GOLD MEDAL Alec Baldwin – He turned his runway super meltdown into an endorsement deal and endless jokes with his Words With Friends. While boarding an American Airlines flight Baldwin refused to turn off his
model Linda Evangelista where she reportedly will receive $46,000 a month in child support. Silver Halle Berry – The A-List actress has to pay her baby daddy, Gabriel Aubry, $20,000 a month in child support. Bronze Antonio Cromartie – The Jets cornerback has 12 children with eight different women… and surprisingly the only thing he’s caught are interceptions.
BIGGEST DOUCHE GOLD MEDAL Joseph Kony – This D-bag extraordinaire is responsible for atrocities that have devastated entire regions of Africa. But his douchebaggery was spotlighted in a viral marketed campaign that made the world see the real a-hole behind the legend.
phone and stop playing his favorite game. What came next was utter comedy as the 30 Rock star was booted off the plane and tweeted, #nowonderamericanairisbankrupt. Classic.
Silver Scott Disick – This Kardashibag makes everyone hate him just a little bit more with every episode.
Silver Lindsay Lohan – Pretty much her entire life after the age of 16. Bronze NBA Commissioner David Stern – When Jim Rome criticizism struck a little too close to home with the Commish he asked Rome, “Have you stopped beating your wife yet?” #BaZinga YOU BIG DUMMY
The BLITZ Olympics By Blitz Weekly Staff - @BlitzWeekly
GOLD MEDAL François-Henri Pinault – The man behind Gucci, Yves Saint Laurent, and about ten dozen other companies and husband of Salma Hayek reached a settlement with baby mama/super
We are one month away from the Summer Olympics in London and while sitting at the office with a three quarters empty bottle of Jack Daniels we started thinking, “what would it be like if we awarded medals for all the dumb, idiotic, and absolutely terrible things we see on a daily basis?” Well you get the BLITZ Olympics, our salute to the blunders, goof-ups, and the down right epic people and events of this past year that would win medals in achievements in both hilarity and stupidity. Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com
MOVIE FLOPS GOLD MEDAL John Carter – This Disneyendorsed cinematic turd needed more than Charmin to wipe away its $160 million loss. Before its Titanic-like descent to the bottom of the abyss Disney thought that this movie would set box office records…turns out they were right. Silver Battleship – Although it stayed afloat thanks to the overseas market, domestically this battleship sunk.
Bronze Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – Cost $90 million to make took in $13 million opening weekend. Bombs away!
Bronze Donald Trump – Sue a Miss Universe contestant, become a douche…simple as that. LUCKY S.O.B. GOLD MEDAL Kris Humphries – Why? Because if he had not married a certain Kardashian this guy would be just some mediocre NBA player. Now he has some extra cash and a whole lot of extra name recognition (The guy has even been in GQ).
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Silver Mike Tyson – He’s managed to get his career back on track. From proclaiming to want to eat babies and ear biting, to Vegas and now to Broadway…now that’s progress. Bronze Roger Clemens – The Rocket skated on all charges of juicing up and perjury proving once and for all pretty much nothing. FAIL OF THE YEAR GOLD MEDAL New York Post’s Tiger Woods Cover – Let’s just say the NY Post wasn’t too subtle with their double-entendres when they were writing the headlines for Tiger. Silver Tanning Mom – Lady that looks like rawhide, we no likey. Bronze Octomom bares all – Wait she had eight kids at once and has six more at home? File that under the “Never Watch This” section of our video catalog.
PLASTIC DISASTERS GOLD MEDAL Big Ang – This VH1 Mob Wife has been under the knife more times than the main course at Houston’s and now her face looks like the backend of a Mastiff. Woof. Silver Bruce Jenner – Poor guy; from Olympian, to Kardashian, to surgical nightmare all in one lifetime. Bronze Lil’ Kim – not now, we just ate.
SUPERZEROS GOLD MEDAL Green Lantern – Ryan Reynolds never met a script he couldn’t massacre and the latest film adaption of the super hero the Green Lantern was no exception. Reynolds and director Martin Campbell made sure any sequels to this franchise will never see the green light of Sector 2814 again. Silver Ghost Rider – Spirit of Vengeance was more like Duration of Crappiness. Bronze Dredd – It hasn’t even come out yet and it stinks all the way from here. Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook
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By Mateeka Lanee’ – Mateekalanee.wordpress.com
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See more of Lilia and others at Blitzweekly.com Photo Courtesy: RickStar Photography Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com
Lilia
VOL. 4 - ISSUE 42 june 27 - july 3, 2012
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Move on out to the ‘burgs DFW’s best burgers
W
e’ve been on a burger pilgrimage across the Metroplex and this is our sacred list of burgers that are to die for:
Angry Dog www.angrydog.com Blitz-Wor thy Burger: “The Burger” Angry Dog’s simple-named, mega-award winning halfpound calorie buster keeps things classic and delicious. Order one and you’ll know what we’re talking about. Burger House www.burgerhouse.com Blitz-Worthy Burger: Chili Double Cheeseburger Bring on our favorite… MmmmMmmmm! Seriously this burger is so good you should actually choose your next home in relation to its proximity to Burger House.
Hunky’s www.burgerhouse.com Blitz-Worthy Burger: Hickory Cheeseburger You would be hard-pressed to find a burger that could match the smokehouse flavor of this one. It is a southwestern masterpiece. Jake’s www.jakesuptown.com Blitz-Worthy Burger: Mushroom Swiss Burger Undo your top jeans button and sit down to this one. The experience is euphoric. The fresh, warm and flavorful poppy seed buns help to make this one of DFW’s best.
By Angela Navin — comments@blitzweekly.com JC’s Burger House www.jcsburgerhouse.com Blitz-Worthy Burger: ToddZilla You can’t fully experience JC’s without taking on their famous triple/triple. It’s All-American cuisine in its purest form; good old beef and cheese goodness. Kenny’s Burger Joint www.kennysburgerjoint.com
Blitz-Worthy Burger: Black & Blue Burger This wood grilled burger from artisan Chef Kenny’s kitchen is the type of burger that Shakespeare could write a sonnet about. Ketchup Burger Bar www.ketchupbar.com Blitz-Worthy Burger: The Roadhouse The down home yet sophisticated enticement of this burger is an indulgence that must simply be gratified. Ketchup Burger Bar, its where the chic eat. Maple & Motor (214) 522-4400 Blitz-Worthy Burger: Bacon Cheeseburger with grilled onions and jalapenos Pull up and order it if you are ready to take the spice in your life up a notch. It was love at first bite. Village Burger Bar www.villageburgerbar.com Blitz-Worthy Burger: The Champagne & Cheddar Burger When in West Village one must order like a West Villagian and that means order a burger with champagne…champagne mustard that is. Photo Courtesy: JOHN HERINGER
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June 27 - july 3, 2012
VOL. 4 - ISSUE 42
Art IN The Works Amon G. Carter Thrives
Photos Courtesy: Kuhn Plumes PR
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riginally designed to house Amon G. Carter’s collection of Remington and Russell paintings of the American West, the Amon Carter Museum might be more known as the “yee-ha art art museum” than as the “WTF!!! art museum.” American Vanguards, an exhibition focusing on a well known group of American artists between WWI and WWII, blends representational pieces with work that anticipates that classic of WTF art move-
ByMateeka Drew Davis By Lanee’— –svo1905@gmail.com Mateekalanee.wordpress.com ments: Abstract Expressionism. The first half of the 20th century was a really crazy time in the art world. Picasso was inventing new art movements every time he seduced a new woman, literally. In the U.S., art started to become more focused on societies’ problems more than its previous ‘land of opportunity’ display of American prosperity. America wouldn’t become the art capital of the world until after WWII, until then Paris was the hub of the art world – the real vanguard. Often critics are credited with naming art movements (Impressionism & Cubism ) but it isn’t just sour grapes that I read the exhibition intro about the self-named Three Musketeers (John Graham, Ashile Gorky and Stuart Davis) with eyebrow raised. When a fourth member was added to the group (Willem de Kooning) it was lamely changed to the Four Musketeers – cue other eyebrow. When I think art museum exhibition, I think museum plaques telling you what you are supposed to learn or this is what you are supposed to see. That isn’t the case with American Vanguards at the Amon Carter. This is more of an interesting ‘hey, check this out exhibition’ than a heavy ‘here’s why you should care’
exhibition. On display are a lot of the important European art movements of the day with these American artists adding their own innovations. Everybody knows Salvador Dali’s melting clocks -- pretty moody stuff. There is a whole series of these surrealist themes all smashed up by incredibly bright colors. (See Jan Matulka’s “Composition.”) If you are familiar with the artistic movements piling up on top of each other in the first half of the 20th century, you are going to see a lot of art that looks awfully familiar. But you will also see a lot of original twists. For example, sand helps create an unusual texture in many of the paintings in the second gallery. The way American Vanguards is organized is kind of tricky. The exhibition isn’t telling a story or digging deep into a period or a school. On the plus side, there really is something for everyone in American Vanguards. On the minus side, because the artists and the artistic movements are all mixed together, it is easy to walk through the exhibit and then wonder – uh, what did I see? It’s not a bad idea to wander through the exhibition twice. Focus on an artist, a style, even color that interests you (Graham and Davis seem to prefer a lighter palette while de Kooning and Levy prefer a darker palette). Even though this group of artists were a part of the same circle, it is much easier to see what one artist is working through, than it is to get your head around the evolution of the whole group. Too many artists is a problem with American Vanguards. But a bigger problem is not closing the loop by displaying the mature styles these artists evolved to – their own post-Musketeer styles are hinted at, but unfortunately aren’t displayed in this exhibition. American Vanguards is on display through August 19, but my advice is to hussle over to Fort Worth as soon as possible. The Amon Carter is always free. It is open from 10-5 Tuesday through Saturday and is open until 8 on Thursdays.
PREVIEW
The Dark Knight Rises
By Ethan Harmon By Mateeka Lanee’ –- blackstar4556@gmail.com Mateekalanee.wordpress.com
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T
his summer is the summer of the superhero flick. The Avengers has already dominated the box office worldwide and has shattered records, now holding the title of the third highest grossing movie of all time. The Amazing Spider-Man is next up to the plate, bringing the crew of Marc Webb, Andrew Garfield, and Emma Stone to reboot the wall-crawler with more emphasis on the comic book source material. But the third film, which will be headed to theaters within the next few weeks, is probably the most anticipated (outside of The Avengers). Batman will return for his final outing this summer, and audiences are already purchasing tickets online in hopes of gaining a good seat to witness the event. Director Christopher Nolan has put countless hours into this film to ensure that it is everything a superhero movie should be as well as serving as a great ending to his fantastic trilogy. This Batman trilogy has prided itself on how well grounded and realistic it has been, utilizing some very plausible plot devices to drive the narrative. The team of Christian Bale, Michael Caine, and Morgan Freeman
Photo Courtesy: Warner Brothers
return, accompanied with Anne Hathaway, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Tom Hardy. Hathaway takes on the role of the scandalous femme fatale Catwoman, an anti-hero that plays both sides of the law to get what she wants. Tom Hardy will take on the villainous role of Bane, the masked menace that is hellbent on destroying Gotham and Batman. Bane is a villain that is unknown to most, striking many as a strange choice for the antagonist for the final Batman film. But put any doubt to rest, for Bane is
probably one of the most dangerous and sinister villains that have ever emerged out of Batman’s rogues’ gallery. The villain – in the comics – is credited as the only man to cripple Bruce Wayne (by breaking his back) and topple the mantle of the Dark Knight. Such a foe, one that is both physically intimidating and mentally challenging, will prove to be the ultimate counterpart to the Caped Crusader. The Dark Knight Rises will be a sendoff for the Nolan trilogy and the last time we get to see Christian Bale under the cowl. But the film promises to be the ultimate movie, packed with great action, a fulfilling story, and a character arc for the Dark Knight that will be coming full-circle. Do not hesitate to purchase your tickets for this movie, and do not miss out on this cinematic experience. As Commissioner Gordon may put it, “It is the movie that we need and the one that we deserve.”
VOL. 4 - ISSUE 42 june 27 - july 3, 2012
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HollywoodPROFILE - Andrew Garfield By Vivian Fullerlove — vfullerlove@blitzweeky.com
Kris Jenner – Was allegedly accused by her soon-to-be former son-in-law, Kris Humphries of directing Kim Kardashian’s (in)famous sex-tape. This according to his post Kim fling, Myla Sinanaj. Kris claims Kris Jenner directed the tape then re-shot it because it wasn’t pretty enough. Myla will be called to testify in Kim and Kris’ divorce case. Octomom – Now has so much money she wants to loan you some at 600% interest. Octo just inked (ha ha get it?) a deal with a loan company named OctoLoan to be the spokeswoman for their dangerously high interest loans. Seems like a terrible job? Well remember her last two gigs were porn and stripping – so this is a step up. Ashton Kutcher – Is one bad mamma-jamma because he is suing the pants off of the California DMV for reneging on a reality TV show. Ashton’s production company signed a deal with the DMV to do a show to capture the “…dramatic, moving, humanizing and entertaining” things that happen there everyday. The CA DMV pulled out at the last minute and Kush & Co. want 1.4 million for their troubles.
How about the first time you put on the costume? I would imagine that’s when it really hits home? When you first wear it, it’s like, “Okay, here we are. I better savor this moment.” And it is a surreal thing when you see yourself embodying something that’s meant so much to you. But then there is a really interesting thing about it because it doesn’t belong to you. You very quickly realize that it isn’t you in the suit, it’s just you doing your job. It actually has nothing to do with you. The
For six-year-old Hushpuppy, the way of the universe breaks down simply: everything just has to fit together. If one part’s broken, the whole thing falls apart. In Beasts of the Southern Wild, the first feature film from acclaimed indie writer/ director Ben Zeitlin, this falling apart is kicked off by a torrential hurricane that tears through “The Bathtub”, a fictional island off the bottommost edge of Louisiana. The Bathtub is removed from both the mainland and from contemporary society, and, says Zeitlin, is inspired by “on this island called Isle de John Charles, which is all the way in the marsh, and the population there is basically a Native American population that, over the last 40 years, has shrunk from 200 families down to about 20.”
To Hushpuppy and the others of The Bathtub, the bayou is all that exists. She and her father, in the unexplained absence of her mother, occupy homemade shelters in the forest, living as one among the animals they claim both as pets and meals. Hushpuppy is on a perpetual search for her mother, whose absence has removed much of the warmth shared between her and her father, Wink. He suffers in strained privacy from a fatal heart condition, and strives in vain to keep this big secret from his little girl. When a monstrous storm strikes, the people of the Bathtub refuse to leave, and band together to face it. The hurricane brings with it more than just devastating wind and rain, however. With the fallout, prehistoric boar-like animals called Orox
suit is what people love and whatever body is in that suit doesn’t really matter. That’s what I find so wonderful about this character is that he is everyone’s and he is everyone. Was it surreal when you found out you’d gotten the gig as Spidey? I [felt like I had] won the lottery, in a way, that I actually get to play an extended game for a couple of years. And like any game, sometimes you get hurt and sometimes you have a little cry and you get back up and you start playing again. It was just a long playtime. Young Peter has some pretty heavy issues to deal with in this story. In this version of the Peter Parker story, the focus is on him being an orphan and him searching for his identity and never really having a sense of it up until this point where he gets guided to Oscorp and ultimately being bit by this radioactive, genetically engineered spider. I was watching some of the behind the
scenes and set footage, and there were a lot of pretty extreme stunts that you did yourself. Was that the hardest part of making the film? The physicality was just so fun because I felt so safe with that aspect of the movie making process because of Andy Armstrong and the stunt team. They were so encouraging and inclusive, and they didn’t treat me in any different way than they did each other. That’s what I love is when you feel part of the community and part of a tribe, and you’re all going for the same goal. That’s how I felt with those guys; so, that wasn’t the hardest thing. What do you hope audiences take away from this Spidey tale? What I wanted for the movie was [to show] the humor and the joy of Peter Parker and Spiderman and the resilience of an orphan. He’s not a victim, in my opinion, and that’s what I tried to achieve. Orphans are the most resilient of all people and that I really wanted to achieve. He’s got such a core of good. That’s what he’s always been. He has heroic impulses without being a hero, even before he obtains his powers; so that, when he does they are very confusing at first but ultimately he becomes who he was meant to be. So the idea of destiny [along with the] humor and lightness is something I really wanted to achieve. The Amazing Spider-Man opens in theatres nationwide July 3rd. The movie is rated PG-13 for sequences of action and violence.
By Mateeka Lanee’ Quinn - Mateekalanee.wordpress.com emerge from their centuries-long sleep to kill the ideas are totally respected, because she’s sort of weakest of living creatures. the wise woman of the movie.” Zeitlin, on speaking of his vision for the film, Although much of the history and deeper said he wanted to explore the “holdouts” of the connections among Hushpuppy, Wink, and most recent hurricanes that terrorized Louisiana, the rest of the Bathtub clan are left unrevealed, Gustav and Ike. He was most interested in telling “Beasts” is never unsatisfying. The mystery--and the story of the “holdouts”, who “were standing mysterious hope presented through Hushpuppy’s by their homes despite the fact that they could get eyes--leaves us with a feeling meant to suggest wiped off the map at any moment”. The film makes that, really, there is no definite end, or “truth” to a commentary on issues with industrialization, the story. coming-of-age themes, and what it means to Beautiful, lyrical, and engaging, Beasts of the be a family, pulling from traditional folklore to Southern Wild ranked as an acclaimed winner create a modern-day myth with otherworldly in the film festival circuit, and looks forward to a vision. Zeitlin explains, “I wanted to make a film brilliant reception in theatres, when it is released that really respected the reality of being six […]. I July 6th. wanted it to be something where [Hushpuppy’s]
MovieReview of BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD
By Aeryn Ripley– @BlitzWeekly
One of the world’s most popular characters is back on the big screen as a new chapter in the Spider-Man legacy, which is revealed in The Amazing Spider-Man. The new movie stars Andrew Garfield and his real life love Emma Stone, and focuses on a different side of the Peter Parker story. Like most teenagers, Peter Parker is trying to figure out who he is and how he got to be the person he is today. He is also finding his way with his first high school crush, Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone), and together, they struggle with love, commitment, and secrets. As Peter discovers a mysterious briefcase that belonged to his father, he begins a quest to understand his parents’ disappearance – leading him directly to Oscorp and the lab of Dr. Curt Connors, his father’s former partner. As Spider-Man is set on a collision course with Connors’ alter ego, The Lizard, Peter will make life-altering choices to use his powers and shape his destiny to become a hero. I sat down with Garfield who talked about the film and what it was like to be tapped to play the high-flying superhero!
Photo Courtesy: Sony Pictures
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June 27 - july 3, 2012
VOL. 4 - ISSUE 42
AuTOReview: 2012 FORD EDGE ECOBOOST
LIVIN’ ON THE EDGE
Photo Courtesy: Ford Motor Company
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he Edge crossover utility vehicle paved the way to a new segment for Ford to compete in and since its introduction several years ago the model line has proved very popular. Last model year, Ford raised the bar a bit higher by updating styling and technology while also adding the Edge Sport model aimed at customers wanting a fresher, hipper crossover. This year, Ford gives consumers a broader choice for powering their Edge by adding EcoBoost technology to the model lineup. For 2012, Ford drops a 240hp turbocharged 2.0-liter GTDI four-cylinder engine under the hood bringing near V-6 performance with the economy not commonly found in this segment – try 21 mpg city and 30 mpg highway. Ford still offers the base 3.5-liter V-6 engine delivering 285hp at 19/27 mpg and Edge Sport models come with the 305hp 3.7-liter V-6. All Edge engines are backed by Ford’s slick sixspeed SelectShift automatic transmission and the automaker even throws in steering wheel paddle shifters in the Edge Sport. Also in every Edge is the SYNC/MyFord Touch
By David Goodspeed - dgoodspeed@blitzweekly.com driver infotainment technology that takes driver/ vehicle interaction to the next level and almost every function in the new center dash is accessed or controlled via touch screen, touch panel or voice activation. We’ve been impressed with the Ford Edge since its introduction to the marketplace. Styling is fresh while remaining this side of polarizing and for 2012 the Edge is quieter and safer than ever while also offering the greater choice of powertrains. Pricing for new Edge models begins at $28,465 with our Edge Limited FWD with EcoBoost coming in at just under 39 grand when a few convenience items are added in. In contrast with the EcoBoost V-6/AWD combination in other Ford automobile and crossover models, the EcoBoost 4 is only available in front-wheel drive on Edge models. When friends and coworkers ask about crossover purchase options I usually include the Ford Edge when listing good choices available on the market today. And following up I have found that all who have purchased one have not regretted their purchase.
Iron Man Xbox 360 Quite possibly the coolest Xbox ever built, the Iron Man Xbox 360 is custom built by Zachariah Cruse and has a 120 GB hard drive. The extreme cool factor was the fact that it was made to look like Tony Stark’s arc reactor. All the geeks in the room may now leave to change your underwear. ($300)
Darwin Briefcase BBQ Never – we repeat, never – has there been a cooler way to show your buddies that you are king of the grill than to show up to work with a grill in your briefcase. Inside the briefcase are a triangular platform, grate, and ash pan with enough surface area to cook four burgers. Every lunch break is now a vacation. ($40)
GlowDoggie LED Dog Collar Make sure you can keep an eye on your pooch when he’s under the shade of darkness. These waterproof collars use Superflux LED technology that keeps them lighting bright for 17 years. And a dog with a glowing neck makes him quite visible to passing drivers as well. ($65)
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VOL. 4 - ISSUE 42 june 27 - july 3, 2012
Q: What do blondes do for foreplay? A: Remove their underwear. Q: Where do you find a one legged dog? A: Where you left it. Q: Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? A: They couldn’t close his casket. School Days A young college girl went to see a doctor
complaining of a rash on her chest. Examining her, the doctor found a rash in the shape of a perfect “O” on her chest. After several questions he discovered her boyfriend went to Ohio State on a football scholarship. After some thought the doctor asked, “Does your boyfriend leave his letter sweater on when you have sex?” When the girl replied, “Yes” the doctor told her that she was allergic to the sweater and to have her boyfriend remove it when they were intimate. The next day another girl came in complaining of the same problem. When she removed her blouse she had a large “P” on her chest. The doctor said, “Don’t tell me your boyfriend goes to Purdue.” “Why yes” the girl replied and he gave her the same advice. The following day a third girl came in complaining of the same problem. When she removed her blouse she had a large “W” on her chest. The doctor said, “Your boyfriend goes to Wisconsin right?” “No…” the girl replied,” but my girlfriend goes to Minnesota.
Cancer June 22 – July 22 Your lifelong battle with genital odor will be won this week. Thanks to the heaping help of lye and wire brushes. Leo July 23 – August 22 It’s been a really tough week at the office. Lighten the load a bit by releasing a few hostages. Virgo August 23 – September 22 It is time to show some humility after it is discovered that you really cannot stop a drill bit from turning with your mouth.
17
Blitz Funnys
MAYBE SOME “HOT BUNS” TOO? What would you do to get free groceries? For the grand opening of a supermarket in Süderlügum, Germany, manager Nils Sterndorff offered the first 100 “totally nude” shoppers the equivalent of about $275 in free food and wine. When over 200 showed up ready to get naked, employees kept the event under control by allowing only 20 birthday-suited folks in at one time. HE CAN CONTINUE HIS HOBBY Remember Anders Behring Breivik, the Norwegian sociopath who confessed to killing 77 people, including many
Libra September 23 – October 22 Since you are the type who faints at the sight of blood, you should go ahead and plan on spending all of next week unconscious. Scorpio October 23 – November 21 Financial rewards are yours for the taking. As long as it’s emptying out those “take-a-penny” trays at gas stations along 75 north bound. Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 Avoid the trap of being known as a tattle-tail at the office. Instead become known as the one with a pick axe who kills people.
children, in 2011? Well, perhaps he’ll be sentenced to more of a bed-‘n’-breakfast, than a chain-gang type prison? Norway has probably the most inmate-friendly prisons in the world. And, since Norwegian law forbids solitary confinement as cruel punishment, if Breivik decides to add to his 77 murders... MAYBE LOVE DOES STINK? Would it not be wonderful to fall in love, and have that same person fall in love with you, too, for the rest of your lives? Well, two match-making groups, one in New York, one in Los Angeles, believe pheromones are the ultimate answer. So, those wishing to meet the right person must, the night before, sleep wearing a T-shirt next to their skin, then bring that “dirty” shirt to class, allowing possible partners to rub and sniff this same shirt …to know if it stimulates their deeper urges.
Capricorn December 22 – January 19 It looks like travel is in your future. Pass an entire bicycle through your body and then ride it across the nation.
Aries March 21 – April 19 You should get a pet this week since they are a great source of companionship and cheap meat.
Aquarius January 20 – February 18 You’ll meet a beautiful young woman at a wild party and end up making passionate love. Shortly after you’ll be run over by a dozen water buffalo.
Taurus April 20 – May 20 Break the ice on your next blind date by showing off that homemade necklace of census taker’s ears.
Pisces February 19 – March 20 Your financial outlook is brighter than even before. Be sure to cash in that jar of pennies on Friday.
ACROSS 1. Daisylike bloom 6. Bygone era 10. Doing nothing 14. Rental agreement 15. Matured 16. Mangle 17. Collection of maps 18. Formally surrender 19. Rumple 20. Shield 22. Initial wager 23. Bran source 24. Shabby 26. In a forward direction 30. Sudden burst 32. Crystal-lined rock 33. A guest cabin 37. Space 38. Without company 39. Hawkeye State 40. Gift 42. Stares
43. Poverty-stricken 44. Assault sexually 45. Extraterrestrial 47. Average 48. Blockhead 49. Astounded 56. Hindu princess 57. Razzes 58. France’s longest river 59. Chocolate cookie 60. Stringed instrument 61. Move forward suddenly 62. Small slender gull 63. Hearing organs 64. Eagerness
Gemini May 21 – June 21 Your newly invented sexual aid will doom in failure when you discover the market for synthetic foreskins just isn’t ready yet.
DOWN 1. Wings 2. Collections 3. After-bath powder 4. Brother of Jacob 5. Repair 6. Luxury boat 7. Curved molding 8. Start over 9. Without teeth 10. Extraneous 11. Intimidate 12. Vigorously passionate 13. If not 21. Knave 25. Consumed food 26. Monster 27. A noble gas 28. Comes from trees 29. Rebuke 30. Obdurate 31. Breathe hard 33. Sleigh
34. Exude 35. Is endebted to 36. Spar 38. Willing to comply 41. Tiny 42. Big ape 44. Adult male 45. Cognizant 46. A protective covering 47. Models 48. Gait faster than a walk 50. Kind of bean 51. Unit of pressure 52. Not sweet 53. Posterior 54. Therefore 55. Bambi was one
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June 27 - july 3, 2012
VOL. 4 - ISSUE 42
The CLOSER
The
AnsweR GUY One Eyed Jack Brewed by: The Brew Kettle Taproom ABV: 4.70% An American Porter that made its way down from Ohio. It’s pretty dark as it pours and not much head which quickly dissipates. The chocolate aroma is really strong and dominates the senses. The roasted coffee bitterness continues throughout the entire bottle. This beer definitely smells better than it tastes. There are better porters out there. Arganese Maduro Wrapper: Brazilian Binder: Indonesian Filler: Dominican Strength: Medium-Full Real estate developer Gene Arganese searched for a cigar maker for a private label and ended up buying his own factory and releasing his own cigars. The dark and oily deep brown wrapper does have a few prominent veins. Pre-light there are notes of oak and hay as well as raisin and burnt coffee flavors. Initial draw releases black pepper spics and coffee aroma. The flavors are wellbalanced and it’s an enjoyable affordable smoke. Polar Bear Martini Ingredients: 1 Part Creme de Cacao 1 Part Creme de Mente 1 Part Vodka Mixing Instructions: Mix drinks over ice before serving in a candy cane rimmed martini glass. Tastes like a York Peppermint Patty.
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with Arthur Bellfield
Dear Arthur, Is there any recovery from emasculation? My girlfriend beats me at everything: carnival games, arcade games, heck she even beats me at tic-tac-toe. She is so used to beating me that she even challenges me when we go to work out on who can stay on the treadmill the longest – and she wins…always. I feel like she doesn’t respect me as a man. What can I do to change her mind? Signed, Defeated Dave Thanks for writing Dave! The emasculated male ego seems to be a reoccurring theme lately as the mainstreaming of the so-called Drake metrosexual persona takes hold upon our collective consciousness. I firmly believe that at the heart of this emasculated culture exist one truth: Men have become so far removed from the “cave men” mentality of the past that the following has occurred: Fantasy football leagues have replaced actually playing the sport, fixing things around the house has become “I’ll call a guy!”, and worst of all drinking with the guys has become sipping wine with the lady friend before bed! Simply put men have stopped being men! And, your girlfriend is taking full advantage of this! The battle of the sexes apparently ended without us even realizing it, which might explain a lot. You are right when you said she doesn’t respect you! How could she? You’re letting her best you at every turn! Please tell me you’re at least taking command in the bedroom? On second thought keep that to yourself! Since you can’t beat her at things like board games or childbirth, let’s try a different route! Play some more physically demanding sports like co-ed soccer or softball. It’s a healthy competition, which is also a bonding experience that may bring you closer together. A healthy rivalry commands respect!
JASON SMITH How You Know Him: Senior Wardrobe Consultant at at D. Jones Tailored. Collection. Jason makes you look good at all times. His style sensibility puts him in a master class of his own. Get ready to look good. What sparked your interest in fashion? I’ve always been interested in style and fashion. How one can introduce themselves to the world with a simple piece of cloth. Your style is yours...find it and embrace it. I live by this motto of my own inward style...“Fashion fades. Style is eternal.” – Yves St. Laurent Most Stylish man ever… There are many iconic figures out there that are extremely stylish men. From Paul Newman to Sean Connery, George Clooney to Andre’ 3000, Muhammad Ali to David Beckham...I would say for me and my generation Tom Ford has done a ton for fashion and is widely recognized everywhere he goes as the most stylish man around. One shirt every man should own… Long sleeve button down Gingham Shirt. It adds so much character and is extremely versatile. You can wear it with a suit and wool tie for a classic look or jeans and a vest for a night out. Great addition to any wardrobe. Thing that the average guy has in his closet that he should throw away right now… Anything that isn’t well fitted...the days of MC Hammer pants and big balloon shirts are in the past. Your go-to designer… I’m biased for sure! There’s nothing out there like custom clothing from D. Jones Tailored Collection. Any style and always the PERFECT FIT! The easiest way to transform your style from Al Bundy to James Bond… Fit, fit, fit! I can’t express this enough...when your menswear fits properly it goes a long way to transforming your look. Whatever your body type, fit the body you have and fit it well. Think about this; the iconic figure that is James Bond is known for that classic black tux, white shirt and black bow tie. Simple yet clean look, always looking fantastic! Why? It fits amazingly! Read the rest of the interview at BlitzWeekly.com
VOL. 4 - ISSUE 42 june 27 - july 3, 2012
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