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JuLY 4 - 10, 2012

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VOL. 4 - ISSUE 43 juLY 4 - 10, 2012

On deck

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Photo Courtesy: Coolspotters

Tony romo: the audition

O SPORTS NEWS On Deck Bad Boys Bad Boys M.A.S.H. Rangers Report State of the Mavs Draft Dodgers Bring On De’ Funct NFL Aerial Assault 2012 Eat it. Wear it. Go There.

Cover Story BBQ Sauce Showdown We Rock, U Suck Best BBQ in DFW The BBQ Rules For the Love of Grills BLITZ Entertainment Brooke Rock on Mike Schoder The Black Prism Hollywood Shuffle Roy Wood Jr. Interview Movie Review Auto Review Gadgets Blitz Funnys Jokes/Horrorscopes/Weird News The CLOSER Weekend Relaxer The Answer Guy Charles Barkley Publisher Kelly G. Reed Editor-in-Chief C. Patterson Graphic Designer Michael H. Lee Photo Editor Darryl Briggs Cover Design Michael H. Lee Staff Photographers Gregg Case, Steven Hendrix, Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, Joe Lorenzini, Chuck Majors

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Staff Writers Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, David Goodspeed, Keysha Hogan, Frank LaCosta, Mateeka Lanee, Mark Miller, Tommy Smith Contributing Photographers Chuck Arlund, Gil Elvgren, Chuck Majors, Damien Martin, Bits & Pieces, Butterfunk, Coolspotters, Jayaxer, kromespawn, Tlakwa

n the NFL Network they often air conversations between legends discussing their outlook on the year’s major players. Last week, Deion Sanders and Brett Favre sat down for a chat that didn’t include the juicy stuff like their divorce proceedings and naughty texts. Instead, Sanders questioned Favre on the current big name QBs. Favre proclaimed that the “GM on the field” is Peyton Manning and Drew Brees is in “a league by himself.” But his most interesting declaration came when talking about Dallas’ own, Tony Romo, as the player he most relates to.

“Romo is probably more like me than any of those guys,” says Favre. “Way too much is cast upon him. Good and bad. At times he’s underrated.” Favre goes on to explain how he has watched Romo make something out of nothing, even though he is struggling to get his teammates in place right before the snap.

First off it’s a shame Romo has been working with a less than stellar offensive line.

But are Romo’s and Favre’s experiences really that similar? Favre was adored in Green Bay, win or lose. Local fans even tolerated him while in New York and Minnesota.

Around DFW if you mention Romo, you’ll get a mix of conversation that ends with “he better do something or he’s got to go.”

After years of playing well, there comes a point where stats no longer matter. Just ask LeBron James.

By Keysha Hogan – @TheKeysha

The only missing pieces to a great legacy are the championship titles. The 2011 season was the best statistical season of Romo’s career. And I bet you didn’t know that because he wasn’t in the playoffs.

The entire situation is frustrating because while we see glimpses of greatness, we are haunted by the memories of lost opportunities. And I’m afraid that if he doesn’t march his team into postseason success he’ll be shipped off somewhere else, and we’ll be going through this all over again with some new unsuspecting QB. Being the starting quarterback here in Dallas is easily the most pressure packed job around. Fans will never stop expecting astronomical results in a small window of time. If Romo can continue playing hard and learn to make those muchneeded adjustments in the second half there is a good chance there can be another playoff win in his future.

Jerry Jones and company picked five defensive players in the 2012 draft, in hopes that these young players will hold off the opposition so Romo can shine.

Jones will end up either growing tired of defending his QB and make some serious changes or he’ll be in his element as he reassures the world that he is the great and powerful Oz who always knows best.

Basically this is it. Romo will be held responsible for every win or loss this upcoming season.

But the fans are weary, and fair or not, the buck stops with him. This is the last act in the longest audition.

Uncle Walter on: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Divorce Maybe it was Scientology, or then again maybe it was Rock of Ages…that sh*t was terrible.

Contributing Writers Cote Bailey, Arthur Bellfield, Fil Chapa, Scott Free, Ethan Harmon, Henry Jenkins, Frank LaCosta, Johnny Reeves, Aeryn Ripley, Danny Woodley

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What an Airhole Michael Jordan’s habitual screw-up son Marcus found himself in cuffs this past weekend in Omaha, Nebraska. Mike’s youngest son appeared to be drunk outside a hotel at 2:10 in the morning. He was uncooperative when approached by the cops so Yay, you’re famous!

So your cellmates they took him in for resisting will know your name! arrest and disorderly conduct.

Bully Backlash The infamous “Bus ride bullies” that tormented 68-year-old bus monitor Karen Klein and went viral have had the mighty hand of the school board slap them with one-year suspensions. The bullies can’t go to school or ride the bus for a year and they have to complete 50 hours of community service. The 10-minute bullying video showed that even seventh graders can be d-bags.

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JuLY 4 - 10, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 43

M.A.S.H.

injury bug biting the rangers pitching staff

T

hrough the first month and a half of the season, the Texas Rangers were relatively healthy. Since the end of May, the injury bug has suddenly taken a bite out of the Rangers, especially to their pitching staff.

The first casualty was Neftali Feliz, then Derek Holland, Koji Uehara, Alexi Ogando, Colby Lewis and Mark Lowe. This is not good for a team that has any hopes on having the best record in the league and putting themselves in the best shape to win the World Series. Fortunately for the Rangers, they have one of the deepest pitching staffs in baseball that has helped them to stay afloat and currently own the best record in Major League Baseball.

The injury to Neftali Feliz appears to be the most serious of them all, at the moment, as he will be out past the All-Star break. He suffered an injury to his right elbow in May and was originally supposed to miss a month. The Rangers put Feliz on the 60-day disabled list and he is not eligible to return until July 18th. In the last couple of weeks, Feliz has been throwing off the mound without suffering any setbacks. “Every day I’m working a lot. I’m feeling better and better,” Feliz said according to cbssports.com. “I’ll try to go to Chicago and throw a bullpen. I don’t know what day it is, but I’m going to throw a bullpen in Chicago,” as Feliz continued. If Feliz comes back, he will move back to the bullpen due to the acquisition of Roy Oswalt taking his spot in the starting rotation.

Starting pitcher Derek Holland was put on the 15-day disabled list due to fatigue in his left elbow early last month. The Rangers are hoping that he will be ready to return after the All-Star break, assuming he does well in his rehab assignment down at Triple-A Round Rock. Reliever Koji

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By Martin Iheke - miheke@gmail.com

Uehara hurt his back in San Francisco last month and was put on the 15-day disabled list, last week. He probably will not return to the team until after the All-Star break as the same can be said for Alexi Ogando. He suffered a muscle strain in San Francisco and was supposed to miss 4-6 weeks. Apparently, he seems to be getting healthier to the point that he can throw off the mound in the next week and be ready to return when the unofficial start to the second half of the season begins.

So you would think that if the Rangers can make it to the All-Star break without suffering any more injuries to their pitching staff, they would be okay.

Unfortunately, that is not the case because now starting pitcher Colby Lewis and reliever Mark Lowe have joined the disabled list. Lewis has tendinitis in his right forearm and was put on the 15-day disabled list, but general manager Jon Daniels does not believe the injury is serious. “He suggested it would be best for him to skip his next start,” Daniels said according to ESPN.com. “And being that he only has two scheduled starts before the break, we decided to play it safe and shut him down for this 10-day period here before the All-Star break,” as Daniels continued. Mark Lowe was put on the 15-day disabled list as well due to an injury to the muscles that form the chest wall.

The Rangers do not think the injury is serious, but they want to see where he is until after the break.

So the overall theme here is none of these injuries appear to be very serious and that after the AllStar break, the Rangers are hoping they will all be back ready to help the team. Hopefully, this is as worse as it gets for the season if the Rangers want to achieve their goal.

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 43 juLY 4 - 10, 2012

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Photo Courtesy: Darryl Briggs

Upcoming Schedule: 7/4 @white sox 6:10 p.m.

7/5 @white sox 1:10 p.m.

7/6 twins 7:05 p.m.

7/7 twins 6:15 p.m.

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7/9 All-Star Break 7/10 All-Star Break

Rangers Report more winning despite injuries

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By Mark Miller – mmiller@blitzweekly.com

ven with the disabled list becoming (.356) and Adrian Beltre (.343). Beltre led in RBI more crowded, the Texas Rangers con- with 18 and tied with Murphy, Nelson Cruz and tinued finding ways to win again last Hamilton with four home runs each. week.

On the mound, Texas had a team earned run While injuries forced starting pitcher Colby Lewis average of 3.73, fifth best in the AL. Starter Matt and reliever Mark Lowe to join starters Neftali Harrison was 5-0 with a 1.29 ERA while Robbie Feliz and Derek Holland, relievers Alexi Ogando Ross didn’t yield a run in 10 relief outings, Mike and Koji Uehara and first baseman Mitch Adams gave up just one in 11 games and closer Moreland off the roster, the Rangers still won five Joe Nathan two in 12 while earning saves in all of seven games. That left them 5.5 games ahead eight of his chances. of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

Big offensive production proved crucial again Ahead: All-Star break on horizon as the Rangers scored at least four runs in an The first half of the season ends after the Rangers inning in all five consecutive wins. The offense play Wednesday and Thursday at Chicago, only sputtered in the 8-2 and 3-1 losses June 25 then come home for a weekend series against and Sunday to the Detroit Tigers the Minnesota Twins.

Photo Courtesy: Darryl Briggs and Oakland A’s, respectively.

That leads to the All-Star “We don’t expect to have huge break with at least seven innings, but we expect to score and Rangers – starters Mike to put pressure on the other team Napoli (catcher), Beltre consistently throughout the game,” (third base) and Hamilton second baseman Ian Kinsler told (outfield) joining reserve mlb.com. “Once or twice a game infielders Ian Kinsler and that can possibly turn into a big Elvis Andrus and pitchers inning.”

Harrison, Nathan and Kinsler was instrumental in two of possibly Yu Darvish in the victories with two hits in a 7-5 the July 10 game in win in the middle game against the Kansas City.

Tigers and four hits in a 7-6 triumph in the opener Joining them there will be pitcher Chris Sale against the Oakland A’s. David Murphy’s two who led the White Sox in June with a 3-0 record home runs and five runs batted in fueled a 13-9 and 2.15 ERA to help Chicago maintain the AL outcome in the finale against Detroit.

Central Division lead at 42-37 after dropping the Craig Gentry’s three-run triple sparked the 4-3 final two games against the New York Yankees. decision over Oakland on Friday night while Josh Closer Addison Reed converted five of six save Hamilton’s three-run home run and four RBI overall chances. Center fielder Alex Rios ended June keyed a 7-2 win over the A’s on Saturday. with a .346 average with six homers and 16 RBI. Joining Sale in Kansas City will be first baseman The Month: Stellar June nets 50th win Paul Konerko and designated hitter Adam Dunn.

Texas finished June with a 19-9 record to become For the Twins, who entered this week with a 33the first team in the major leagues with 50 wins. 45 record after sweeping Kansas City, catcher Still, they gained only two games on the Angels Joe Mauer hit .397 followed by outfielders Ben who shined with a 17-9 mark.

Revere (.330) and Trevor Plouffe (.327) with Offensively, the Rangers had a collective .277 Plouffe hitting 11 homers and driving in 21 runs in batting average, third in the American League June. Starter Scott Diamond was 4-2 with a 2.90 behind the Angels (.299) and Minnesota (.278). ERA during the month. Mauer will be Minnesota’s Leading the way were Gentry (.455), Murphy lone All-Star representative.

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JuLY 4 - 10, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 43

Anthony Davis’ eyebrows are getting a little ridiculous!

State of the mavs

Draft Dodgers

By Geoff Case – @GeoffCase

By Johnny Reeves– comments@blitzweekly.com

NBA Stars that went under the radar

mavs off-season rides on snagging deron williams

Lamar leaves Dallas behind Clippers guard Mo Williams officially picked up his option for next season, which cleared the way for a three-team trade that will send the Mavericks’ Lamar Odom to the Clippers and Williams to the Utah Jazz. The trade allows the Mavericks to relieve themselves of Odom’s

salary. They originally had until June 29 to either pay $2.4 million to buy out Odom’s $8.2 million salary for next season or have him on the books for 2012-13 but the deadline was extended to June 30 to finalize the trade. Lamar Odom never stepped into the role the Dallas Mavericks had envisioned for him. While the Mavericks didn’t give up that much to get him, Lamar Odom will go down as the worst trade in franchise history.

Mavs draft notes The Mavericks initially believed they could get a rotation player at No. 17, where they were set to pick in the NBA draft, their highest spot since 2000. However, when Mavs went on the clock, two of their top targets were off the board and their third target, Oregon State guard Jared Cunningham, was likely going later in the first round.

The scenario for a trade emerged and Dallas picked North Carolina center Tyler Zeller and sent him along with small forward Kelenna Azubuike to the Cavs for the No. 24, 33 and 34 picks.

Scouting the picks G Jared Cunningham (6-5, Oregon State, first round, No. 24) was chosen for his athleticism and tenacious defense. This could be a potential gem in the Mavs draft. His speed and athleticism are something that the Mavericks will need in spades this season. He could become even more crucial if the Mavs strike out on free agent Deron Williams.

C Bernard James (6-10, Florida State, second round, No. 33) is an excellent shot blocker and defender in the paint, two areas the Mavs need immediate help. If Haywood ends up being amnestied for Deron, he will get significant playing time.

F Jae Crowder (6-7, Marquette, second round, No. 34) is a tough, hard-nosed defender with high activity. He’s undersized but makes up for it with his strength and enjoys doing the dirty work.

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The NBA doesn’t exactly adopt the Marine’s motto of “never leave a man behind” because the NBA draftees often leave behind a lot of their classmates. Just this past week great players like Scott Machado out of Iona, Henry Sims from Georgetown, and West Virginia’s Kevin Jones found themselves without a handshake from David Stern. So we had our Thomas Edison light bulb moment and thought, “Who are the best undrafted players of All-Time?”

Avery Johnson

Year His Phone Didn’t Ring: 1988 Reason They Regretted It: Avery spent 16 years in the NBA as a player winning one championship.

He has coached the Mavs and is the current coach of the Brooklyn Nets.

Udonis Haslem

Year His Phone Didn’t Ring: 2002 Reason They Regretted It: The 2x World Champion has shown true grit in his years in the league remaining with the Miami Heat since 2003.

Darrell Armstrong

Year His Phone Didn’t Ring: 1991 Reason They Regretted It: The floor general raked up 7,712 points, an NBA Most Improved and an NBA Sixth Man of the Year Award.

Armstrong is currently an assistant coach for the Mavs.

Mavs off-season needs Number one on the Mavs list of needs is a dynamic point guard who is not about to turn 40. That list starts and ends with Deron Williams.

The playoffs shined a bright spotlight on a lack of activity on the interior defense specifically the center position. Dallas must find an athletic big that can protect the rim and rebound, two things with which the 7-foot Dirk Nowitzki needs the most help. Basically, they need to find a center in the mold of Tyson Chandler. Active, defensive, and isn’t scared to scream and direct his teammates. Dallas will still be making a run at Dwight Howard, but his decision not to opt out of the final year of his deal in Orlando scuttled those plans. The Mavericks should also be taking a look at veteran Marcus Camby who has included the Mavericks on his preferred list of teams.

The Mavericks are “all in” going after top free agents this off-season. The Mavs basically gutted their roster after winning the 2011 title in pursuit of Deron Williams who became a free agent this off-season. The result of those discussions will determine if the Mavericks foray under the cap will reap rewards. If the Mavericks do get Deron Williams they will be getting one of if not the best point guards in the league. There is no question Deron Williams will be the best player Dirk’s ever been teamed up with and vice versa.

Williams has said he would like to choose between the Nets and Mavericks before heading to Las Vegas this week to train with Team USA. So in the next 48 to 72 hours, (as of press time) the path of the Mavs’ franchise could turn in several directions.

Ben Wallace

Year His Phone Didn’t Ring: 1996 Reason They Regretted It: Let’s see…4x Defensive Player of the Year, 2x Rebounding Champion, 2002 Block Leader, 5x All-Defensive First Team and an NBA Championship may be a good place to start.

John Starks

Year His Phone Didn’t Ring: 1988 Reason They Regretted It: One of Reggie Miller’s biggest nemesis, Starks was an NBA All-Star and Sixth Man of the Year. He is also the Knicks’ all-time leader in threepoint field goals with 982.

Jeremy Lin

Year His Phone Didn’t Ring: 2010 Reason They Regretted It: LINsanity, ever heard of it?

Honorable mentions: Bo Outlaw, J.J. Barea, Brad Miller, Bruce Bowden and Raja Bell

Photos Courtesy: Butterfunk

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 43 juLY 4 - 10, 2012

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Bring on De’ funct

teams that just couldn’t stick around These teams had to change hands or go away all together leaving their fans wondering what to do with their season tickets:

By Cote Bailey – @BlitzWeekly

St. Louis Gunners This long lost artifact of the NFL’s past played just three games at the end of the 1934 season before returning to the independent sector.

NFL Aerial assault for 2012 most exciting qb/wr tandems

New Jersey Generals This USFL team with Herschel Walker and Doug Flutie merged with the Houston Gamblers then went belly-up in 1986 after the NFL refused to merge with the fledgling league.

Montreal Wanderers One of the first NHL teams wandered off of the ice and into the history books calling it quits after only six games due to a lack of players during WWI. Pittsburg Pirates No, not those guys, the other Pittsburg Pirates. In 1925 the NHL introduced the Pittsburg hockey Pirates but they only lasted five seasons.

Providence Steamrollers Rhode Island had its first and only NBA team start in 1946 and fold in 1949.

The team still holds the record of fewest games won in a season (6).

New York Cosmos The Big Apple’s soccer club that included Pelé went the way of the Dodo a full year after its original league (NASL) dissolved in 1984.

Seattle Pilots This 1969 MLB expansion team hightailed to Milwaukee at the end of its very first season and has enjoyed being the Brewers ever since.

2012 NFL Training Camps will be underway in a few weeks and NFL fans are already salivating at the prospect of their favorite team producing big plays through the air. The days of grinding out wins via the running game are in the past for the most part. Last season was a first for the NFL with three quarterbacks passing for more than 5,000 yards. Congratulations to Tom Brady, Drew Brees and Matthew Stafford.

Additionally Brees broke Dan Marino’s 1984 record for yards passing in a single season with 5,476 yards through the air. Aaron Rodgers’ passer rating of 122.5 set a single season record as well. Here are five can’t miss tandems for the 2012 season to watch: 5) Eli Manning to Victor Cruz Once the Giants were able to overcome the injury bug last season and got their house in order they were able to make a run to the Super Bowl. We all know the results. With another year under their belt Manning to Cruz will be seen on SportCenter Highlights this fall.

2011 stats: 82 catches, 1,536 yards, nine touchdowns 4) Matt Schaub to Andre Johnson Due to injuries to both players these two only partnered up in seven games last season. This year they’re both back and healthy which can only mean bad news for opposing defenses.

Schaub has the potential and we know what Johnson brings. Look for Houston to actually win a playoff game this season.

2011 stats: 33 catches, 492 yards, two touchdowns

By Frank Lacosta – flacosta@blitzweekly.com

3) Cam Newton to Steve Smith Even the harshest of critics must admit that Newton surpassed all expectations last season.

With his rookie season in the rearview mirror Newton will become a better passer. Steve Smith has the experience and the moves to take big plays up a notch. The Panthers offense will be more lethal and this tandem will receive more recognition.

2011 stats: 79 catches, 1,394 yards, seven touchdowns 2) Tony Romo to Dez Bryant Romo put the team on his back last season and almost willed the Cowboys to the playoffs.

Dez Bryant is entering his third season. Jerry Jones has made some moves to shore up the offensive line. This should allow Romo more time in the pocket to connect with Bryant. Big play potential has fans excited.

2011 stats: 57 catches, 866 yards, nine touchdowns 1) Matthew Stafford to Calvin Johnson

Megatron discovered new heights with Stafford playing in his first full season under center.

Stafford has already proved that he can hang with the best of them by putting up 5,000+ yards last season. As their rapport strengthens expect even more big plays. The Motor City has got to be excited for 2012!

2011 stats: 96 catches, 1,681 yards, 16 touchdowns

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JuLY 4 - 10, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 43 Photos Courtesy: Tim Gravens

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VOL. 4 - ISSUE 43 juLY 4 - 10, 2012

Eat It

WEAR It

Wrap your lips around the Softshell Crab PoBoy from Wicked PoBoys in Richardson.

This new restaurant packs a whole lot of New Orleans flavor between two pieces of French bread.

1811 N. Greenville Ave. Ste. 400 Richardson, TX www.wickedpoboys.com

Show your support for the U.S. and grab the Ralph Lauren Team USA Olympic Ringer tee.

The red short-sleeved t-shirt is 100% cotton and the official gear of Team USA 2012.

GO THERE

9

Check out the Geeks Who Drink at House of Blues on July 9 at 8pm. If you love trivia on pop culture and have always had fantasies of playing jeopardy while semi-inebriated, this is the pub quiz for you! And whenever you think you don’t know the answer just keep drinking until you do. www.houseofblues.com

www.ralphlauren.com

Slather Brand Slatherin’ Sauce The Cure for boring BBQ. $26.99 ½ Gal.

Sweet Baby Ray’s All the way from Chicago. $7.19 a bottle.

Salt Lick’s Spicy Recipe Finger licking great. $19.95 for the gift box.

Kansas City’s Cowtown Thick, hearty and delicious. $6 a bottle.

Meet Me at the

Sauceroads

By Cote Bailey - comments@blitzweekly.com

The battle for the best barbecue sauce could have you buying plane tickets and traveling down back roads all over the country. Luckily we have the Internet and a valid credit card.

Budweiser’s Beechwood Aged Prepare to be impressed. $3.95 a bottle.

Bone Suckin’ Sauce The name says it all. $6.79 a jar.

Garland Jack’s He’s got four flavors – all awesome. $3.39 a bottle.

Austin’s Own Original A little taste of Heaven…and hickory. $3.18 a bottle.

Jack Daniel’s Original No. 7 Ain’t no better than Jack. $6.99 a bottle.

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JuLY 4 - 10, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 43

Best BBQ in DFW

By Blitz Weekly Staff - @BlitzWeekly

, SUCK! 11 things that make America Great

By Scott Free - @BlitzWeekly We believe “Occupying” vacant parking lots and sleeping in tents changes the world We can play video games, text our mom, check the weather, buy stock, send an email, and watch porn on one device Chuck Norris We feed pink slime burgers to kids but remember to recycle cans We totally b*tch-slapped England Beer Pong is a sport

Baby Back Shak www.babybackshak.com The BBQ that makes you happy. Baby Back Shak has been bringing Memphis style ribs with their signature rub to hungry Metroplex residents for over 15 years.

Cousin’s Bar-B-Q www.cousinsbbq.com Since 1983 “Boots” and Beverly Payne have been making Texans including President George H.W. Bush fall in love with their BBQ.

Pecan Lodge www.pecanlodge.com Pecan knows BBQ and they know awards because they win a lot of them. From the Mesquite Smoked brisket to Hill Country sausage people just can’t seem to get enough.

Lockhart’s Smokehouse www.lockhartsmokehouse.com No forks and no sauce are needed for their fall off the bone meat. The “Barbecue Capital of Texas” gives you that distinctive Texas post oak flavor.

Peggy Sue BBQ www.peggysuebbq.com Opening their doors in 1989 Marc and Susan Hall wanted to smoke some of the best meat in Dallas and they’ve done just that for over 20 years.

Mike Anderson’s BBQ www.mikeandersonsbbq.com The hickory fire masters over at Mike Anderson’s have been creating sauces and making great BBQ since 1981 and have served well over a million customers from one location.

Rudy’s BBQ www.rudysbbq.com Rudy’s “country store” has been helping Texans get all sauced up on their brisket, sausage, chicken, ribs, and turkey slathered in their signature sauce since 1989.

Off the Bone BBQ www.offthebonebbq.com Eddie and Marilyn Brown have been perfecting “Texas Style” barbecue and homemade desserts for over 26 years. And their customers say, “You don’t need no teeth to eat their meat.”

American Anthems Wave your flags and grab your beer it’s time to celebrate America!

“Born In the U.S.A” by Bruce Springsteen Fun Fact: Bruce sported a pair of Levi’s 501 jeans on the album cover.

Having a sex tape and big butt can make your whole family rich

You can laugh at anything as long as it’s on South Park or Family Guy

Outlaw’s Bar-B- Que & Grill www.outlawsbbq.com Satisfy your ‘cue tooth with Outlaw’s famous ribs, brisket and sauce. Whether you want to go to them, want them to come to you, or you need an event catered, Outlaw’s got your back.

Hard Eight BBQ www.hardeightbbq.com This family knows their way around the grill.

With some of the best meat, sandwiches and fixins’ in the Metroplex Hard Eight should be an easy choice.

Never having to wake up in Slovakia

We invented “sexting”

GraEATTI

“The Star Spangled Banner” by Jimi Hendrix Fun Fact: After finishing his set that day at Woodstock, Hendrix

We speak English everywhere we go: Detroit: Gimme a cheeseburger Paris: Gimme a la cheesburgeria Mexico City: Gimme el cheeseburgerio Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

collapsed from exhaustion.

“Living in America” by James Brown Fun Fact: The song was also a top five hit in the UK…go figure.

“Red, White and Blue” by Lynyrd Skynyrd Fun Fact: Lead singer Johnny Van Zant dedicated the song to the troops.

“America the Beautiful” by Ray Charles Fun Fact: The song was originally a poem written in 1893 by Katharine Lee Bates.

“American Bad Ass” by Kid Rock Fun Fact: After the bombing of the USS Cole the song was played on the ship’s PA system.

“Rockin’ in the Free World” by Neil Young Fun Fact: The song has been covered

by Pearl Jam, Van Halen and Maroon 5.

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 43 juLY 4 - 10, 2012

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Photo Courtesy: Chuck Arlund

How Not to Get Burned When Out at the Grill

By Danny Woodley comments@ blitzweekly.com

Photo Courtesy: Bits & Pieces

Now that summer’s officially in full swing you’re sure to be spending some time in front of the grill. Now whether or not this grill is in the park, at the beach, or in your backyard there are certain rules of engagement to make sure the hot dogs are the only things getting grilled at the end of the day.

Rule No. 1 Read your sunblock to see if it’s flammable Nothing ruins a cookout faster than the kids having to tell dad to stop, drop and roll. God forbid grandmas got to run and get the hose.

Rule No. 2 Survey the landscape For married guys this means make sure there is no beautiful “scenery” within your line of sight that the wife will accuse us of ogling. For the single guys make sure there is plenty of scenery to ogle. But be discrete…nobody likes a weirdo.

Rule No. 3 Only use grills that you are familiar with The quickest way to become a laughing stock is to not even know how to get your grill started.

If you’re a novice remember basic is better. No need to attempt to fire up the ole’ boar roaster 3000.

Rule No. 8 Have something for the kids to do

Those pestering snot factories will be bothering the hell out of you with “is it done yet?” if you don’t keep them preoccupied. A football, Frisbee, or a dirt bike with no brakes pointed at a ravine will work.

Rule No. 5 Bring enough beer If you are a mediocre griller this is an absolute essential. The fastest cure for terrible barbecue is to get everybody drunk. Everything tastes better drunk. Don’t believe me; think back to every time you’ve ever eaten Taco Bell…exactly.

Rule No. 9 Don’t feed the animals Awww look dear the little fella is hungry… c’mon buddy…oh my God he’s eating my arm!

Oh the horror! I shouldn’t have fed that coyote brisket! I shouldn’t have done that at all! Get the point?

Rule No. 6 Don’t dare speak of barbecuing anything in the oven Making S’mores while wearing a tutu and a rhinestone tiara may actually be manlier than making barbecue in an oven. Oh, you don’t think so? Are you willing to risk it?

Rule No. 10 Don’t claim to be the BBQ king unless you can back it up In Texas we take those words real serious and you better bring your A-game or be prepared to deal with some serious repercussions and some really upset eaters.

Rule No. 7 Don’t forget the bug repellent One surefire way to ensure everyone at the family barbecue has a horrible time is to have them leave with West Nile Virus.

Rule No. 4 Fuel tastes horrible on steaks I believe it was Confucius who said, “lighter fluid is for setting trash piles on fire, not making BBQ” Confucius Johnson, who works at QuikTrip on Beltline.

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JuLY 4 - 10, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 43

By Mateeka Lanee’ – Mateekalanee.wordpress.com

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See more of Brooke and others at Blitzweekly.com Photo Courtesy: Chuck Majors / www.shotbyephoto.com Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Brooke

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 43 juLY 4 - 10, 2012

For the love of grills

13

A guide for what you need

I

t’s been said that no self-respecting, true-blue barbecuer would be caught dead with a gas grill in his backyard. But it’s also been said that convenience is king. So what’s a barbecuer to do? He usually ends up with more than one grill.

So check out the choices and get some gear. Oh and remember this Blitz ManLaw: No man shall touch another man’s grill…unless it is his desire to meet an untimely a*s-whooping.

Napoleon Mirage Cabinet 485 Series Cart Infrared Grill Start the ignition and you’re off. The infrared side burner sears meat to perfection while the stainless steel sear plates vaporize drippings. It has a ceramic infrared rear rotisserie burner for the beans. It rocks 74,000 BTU’s and with three burners this grill has no Napoleon complex. However like your girlfriend it does weigh in at 200 meat loving pounds! www.napoleongrills.com Price: $1,172.00

BeefEater Signature Series 6 Burner SL4000 Be the envy of your’re neighborhood with this bad mofo!

This dream grill has all the high-tech specs and stunning looks to top it off. Apart from the cooking surfaces, every single part has been dipped in 24 carat gold (take that Mr. T!). The grill boasts six burners plus a wok burner. The viewing window proudly displays your meat. This is for the man who has money to burn. www.beefeaterbbq.com Price: $12,500.00 Grill Daddy GD12952S Pro Grill Brush Keep your grill clean with the most incredible grill brush available on the market today using the power of steam.

When filled with water, it creates enough steam to loosen grime, grit and food easily. When finished throw it in the dishwasher and you’re good for the next cookout. www.grilldaddy.com Price: $22.00 Swashbuckler BBQ Sword Stave off marauding hordes and protect your domain with your own sword! This’ll be one of the most important weapons in your arsenal. You’ll have 19 inches to work with thus bringing adventure to every meal. Mask included! www.thinkgeek.com Price: $24.99

By Henry Jenkins — @BlitzWeekly

Personalized Branding Iron Nothing says “My Meat” like your own brand. You have pride and you should feel free to show it off when at the grill. Perfect steaks need your approval. Note to self: Use on meat, not on the new intern. www.personanlizedbbqset.com Price: $39.95

7HB?D=JED 9EC?D= IEED

Grill Sergeant BBQ Apron Enough cold ones to get you through your mission.

Check. Condiments at your side. Check. Tools to cook meat. Check. One size fits most. Check.

When preparing meals for the troops you must be in uniform. www.neatoshop.com Price: $19.95 Grill Cover When not in use one must protect one’s grill.

Weather is the enemy. The grill cover adds

weight and offers protection on the cheap. Show your pride for your favorite college or pro team, NASCAR driver and this just in…

WNBA team (angry Amazon woman not included). Wrap up your grill today. www.sportsgiftstore.com Price: $38.85

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JuLY 4 - 10, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 43

The Mind Behind the

the Music Going Big Bright Sign Keeps

S

ome people listen to music and others live the music. Many of us, myself included, are quite content with hearing our favorite music blaring from the fine acoustics of iPhone earbuds but not Mike Schoder. When Mike hears the music from our favorite playlists he is hearing it live, in-person. And eight years into his ownership of the famous Granada Theater the music has never sounded sweeter. He has become as necessary for Dallas’ music scene as a guitar pick. It wasn’t enough to head the marquee music venue in town, Mike also wanted to revision the way you eat with Sundown at Granada. One could assume that power like that could easily corrupt but in Schoder’s case you’d be wrong.

The fearlessness and humility of the city’s most laidback music guru made our conversation one that I won’t soon forget. How could a man with so much responsibility be so carefree? For Mike it’s all about staying in tune.

Talking Heads style of music.

What was the moment that you sat back and thought to yourself “I have the coolest job ever”?

It started when I was a kid working in the resort business 31 years ago. Being in that setting working to create that perfect environment where people can relax and enjoy themselves has been my motivation with the Granada.

Best way to get backstage passes?

[Laughing] A lot of time and hard work supporting an artist when you were one of 10 that was there at their first concerts. The really hardcore fans. Generally who I see backstage are really old friends of the artists, but sometimes we do contests on Facebook and giveaway some passes if the band is okay with it. That way you get to go backstage and sort of circumvent all the hard work.

What’s one band that stepped onto the stage and truly surprised you?

I would say !!! (Chk Chk Chk) [Chick Chick Chick]. That band reminds me of the funkiest

Coolest piece of memorabilia that you own?

I own a plaster cast of Ozzy’s tattooed hand and you can hold a CD in it. It was a promotional piece when Ozzy’s Greatest Hits CD came out.

I also have a pretty cool promotional mushroom from the Allman Brothers.

Weekly

By C. Patterson - @Blitz

With Hollywood’s eyes set on making money off of music, who would play you in the film about your life at the Granada?

Man, I dunno. I haven’t been to the movies in years. If the movie doesn’t have a guitar in it, I haven’t seen it.

[Laughing] Okay, so what rocker would What did you want to bring to the city you want to play you? with Sundown at Granada?

Someone that never likes to sit still and has East Dallas. It’s always been very comfortable an insatiable passion to pursue music and and artsy in a non-pious type of way. You just entertainment. come and be yourself. Julie [Garcia] and I have worked to make it an extension of our home. We Well said. want you to bring the finest ingredients Mike Schoder - owner of the Granada that you can consume with your mouths slash Sundown at Granada. and your ears and for you to just have a great time.

LIterature spotlight The BLACK PRISM

T

he world has been recovering from a terrible war; a war that took many lives and destroyed countless villages. But with the tyranny of one man halted, the leader is showing the people a path to peace, allowing the land to prosper yet again. Built on the backs of drafters – humans with the ability to manipulate the color spectrum and bend it into physical objects – the economies are recovering.

But the magic comes at a cost; every time it is used, it brings the user closer to their end. Only the leader of the freeworld can use this without paying the ultimate price, and that man is Gavin Guile, the Prism. Seen as a god-like being, Gavin oversees the workings of the villages and cities, using his power to bring balance. But every powerful man has his secrets, and Gavin’s are about to come into light very soon.

Brent Weeks has created a fantasy world unlike any other in his novel, The Black Prism. Detailing each scene and character with his robust vocabulary, Weeks is able to easily captivate readers Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

By Ethan Harmon

By Mateeka Lanee’ –- blackstar4556@gmail.com Mateekalanee.wordpress.com with this realm where magic flows freely. Readers are taken on a trip through poor villages, port towns, and cities built out of pure magic.

The story hooks readers by the first chapter. The magic and concept of drafters alone are enough to warrant a read, but Weeks pulls in readers with the mysterious Prism, his dark secrets, his bastard Kip, and idea of inevitable battle. Conspiracy builds quickly and tensions rise, giving this book intrigue and style.

Secrets unfold, lives are twisted, and the Prism is at the core of it all.

What truly shines in this book is the character work. Weeks has an amazing ability to describe each character without giving away everything about them. He is able to explain how they feel and how they act, what they are thinking about, what they want, and still leave the reader in the dark about specific traits, adding a mysterious ambiance around these magic wielders. Instead of putting the reader to sleep with technical explanations about magic or backstory, Weeks allows the story to unfold through the character interactions. Detail is only given when pertinent to the narrative.

The Black Prism is only the first entry of the Lightbringer Series. The sequel, The Blinding Knife, will be hitting shelves at bookstores later this fall. Author Brent Weeks has crafted a masterful story, and the future of the series looks very promising. Readers would do well to pick up this book. It will immerse your mind with its magic.

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 43 juLY 4 - 10, 2012

15

HollywoodPROFILE - Roy wood Jr.

By Aeryn Ripley– @BlitzWeekly

Ann Curry – Won’t need to hit the unemployment line even though she was given the unceremonious heave-ho from the Today show in favor of Savannah Guthrie. Ann will be pacified with $10-20 million as a parting gift for her pain and suffering.

When I was fired from McDonald’s I just got a Big Mac. Celine Dion – Might want to change her name to Celine Deville after being accused by a former employee of having Cruella-ish ways.

Keith Sturtevant, a former warehouse worker, is suing Dion for never being paid overtime…for three years. The singer offered to pay him $10K but he refused it.

With impressive showcases on television, radio and in the realm of prank calls, Roy Wood, Jr. is becoming much, much more than just a comic.

Having Chelsea Handler, Craig Ferguson, and David Letterman all thinking you’re hilarious doesn’t hurt too bad either. And now the Twitter-holic comedian/actor with shows like Def Comedy Jam, Chelsea Lately, and Comedy Central’s Premium Blend already under his belt has set his sights on sitcoms. Cast as “Roy” in the new TBS comedy Sullivan & Son, Roy looks to be on your screen and DVR for years to come.

So I thought it was time to pick up the phone and chat it up with the scene stealing funny man and see how life has been with on the set of the new show. He dares you to change the channel.

What has the experience been like so far with getting everything ready for the premiere of Sullivan & Son? It’s fun yet hectic. We work an average of 8-10

RGIII – Just got a little wiser about the ways of the world. The Heisman Trophy winner and Redskins quarterback was the victim of an extortion attempt. A former Baylor basketball player tried to extort Griffin, but was arrested. Griffin refused to comment directly on the arrest.

hours a day rehearsing and doing all of our walkthroughs for the show. And then on the 5th production day we tape that episode in front of a live audience. It’s been a rush to do shows live in front of people. In that regard it makes this aspect of acting feel a lot like live-stand-up.

My only concern is that my mom approves of the crazy two button polo shirts and khakis my character has to wear. People who know me, know that is an outfit they’d NEVER see me in.

And they damn sure wouldn’t see me tuck my shirt in.

How did you get involved with the show?

The usual audition process. It’s funny how in LA an audition for a role that you’re not right for can easily lead to a role that you are right for.

The casting directors for this show remembered me from a previous audition and called me in for this project. I ended up auditioning three or four times for the project before landing the part. The other stand up comedians on the show (Steve Byrne, Ahmed Ahmed, and Owen Benjamin) I’ve known from past TV gigs and festivals, but this was my first time working with comics in a capacity other than straight up performing.

What similarities are there between you and your character?

In the sense of needing a drink now and then to navigate through life I think in that regard we’re the same. What I can’t relate

doom for this quirky foreign comedy. That is if it were not for the incredible chemistry between Francois Cluzet, who looks like Dustin Hoffman’s long lost twin and the charismatic Omar Sy. Although both are unknown actors here at home, they are veterans of the stage and screen in their native France.

When tragedy strikes, it is often the victim’s response to their unfortunate circumstances that will eventually define them. There are certain characteristics that have been medically proven to help adapt and eventually overcome the anguish associated with severe conditions. A sense of humor and a childlike, sometimes naïvly optimistic outlook will usually help maintain sanity.

to is the cause of his drinking. My character runs a home video store that still rents VHS tapes and sells electronics. Now THAT is a depressing life. Even for a comedian that’s a hard life.

My character is married but I am not. That’s probably the biggest difference.

The show is executive produced by Vince Vaughn. How hands-on has he been and what has it been like working with him?

Vince has been extremely helpful along with other executive producers Rob Long (Cheers) & Peter Billingsly (Ironman). Taping days go about 7-8 hours and on those days Vince Vaughn is right there in the thick of it all making decisions on camera angles and giving actors notes between takes. Considering that he’s gearing up to promote his own movie this summer (the Watch).

What are some big dates coming up in your calendar?

Well this summer myself and the other aforementioned comics on this show will be on tour through September on the ‘Sullivan & Son’ tour. Dates are on my website (roywoodjr.com).

Outside of that I’m preparing for the release of my first ever comedy album this fall as well as my final prank call CD. Sullivan & Son premieres on TBS July 19 at 9pm CST.

By Fil Chapa - chapa71@yahoo.com When Philippe suffers a tragic loss followed by a connect as well as identify commonalities. near death experience leaving him paralyzed, he Driss reveals a sincere willingness to learn about somehow soldiers on and manages to maintain a Philippes’ disability, breaching taboo subjects of somewhat normal life. He keeps most people how he is able to satisfy his sexual appetite and around him at arms length, rarely complaining pointedly joking about invalids. Drawing intense although he is in almost constant pain and often bouts of laughter from his older normally straightstruggles to catch his breath. In order to win his laced employer. Driss is not without his own daughters love, he prefers not to interfere with emotional demons. He is the product of a broken her life. home with many brothers and sisters and a single Dealing with demoralizing situations can often mother struggling to make ends meet. lead to family members and close friends wanting The reason why this film works so well is because to avoid the subject of illness or disability in order Philippe and Driss both display what so many to protect their loved ones from unnecessary people miss, the juice of life. They aren’t afraid to embarrassment. This type of behavior, while laugh out loud, dance wildly or keep searching rooted in good intentions can stifle frank and open for love no matter how painful it is to move on. discussions, which can in turn reduce the ability to

MovieReview of The Intouchables An unlikely friendship develops when Philippe, a wealthy nobleman recruits Driss, a commoner from the projects, to be his personal assistant.

Philippe and Driss are both French and that’s about where the similarities end. The older Philippe is a jet-setting aristocrat who enjoys fine impressionist paintings and the haunting music of Chopin. The smooth talking Driss prefers hanging out on the street corner with his “friends in low places” along with the soulful sounds of the Studio 54 era.

The Intouchables is based on a true story, which is usually enough to pique the interest of skeptical American audiences. But the fact that it’s heavy on dialogue and subtitles and has almost no massive explosions might have spelled certain

Photos Courtesy: Turner Broadcasting System, Roy Wood, Jr.

By C. Patterson — comments@blitzweeky.com

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JuLY 4 - 10, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 43

AuTOReview: 2012 JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE SRT8

Chief of the tribe

Photos Courtesy: Chrysler Group LLC

By David Goodspeed - dgoodspeed@blitzweekly.com

W

ith gas prices continuing to drop across the U.S., perhaps it is time to start thinking about that “impulse” purchase you put off when a gallon of the precious fuel rose to near 4-bucks-per. I recommend Jeep’s new “MUV” or Musclecar Utility Vehicle.

Recently we spent a week in the Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT8, the most powerful production Jeep on the road, period. SRT has released an SRT8 Grand Cherokee previously but for 2012 the hot rod gets the beefier 470hp 6.4-liter V-8 HEMI that also delivers 465 lb. ft. of torque.

And get this – the new Jeep still offers four-wheel drive but for this application makes it one really sick track vehicle thanks to a new Selec-Track system that allows the driver to select one of five driving conditions with the stability control, adaptive damping, transmission shift strategy, transfer case torque proportioning, electronic limited slip differential performance, throttle control, and cylinder de-activation all tailored for each specific setting. The settings are Auto, Sport, Tow, Snow, and (my fave) Track.

Speaking of track, the new Grand Cherokee SRT8 will pull up to .90g on the skid pad thanks to the new SRT adaptive damping suspension system mated to new split 5-spoke 20-inch forged aluminum wheels wearing P295/45ZR20 Pirelli tires. SRT offers owners a choice of all-season funflat tires or stickier Pirelli P Zero three-season tires.

While tempting this beast to get rolling is an effortless feat, bringing it to a halt is no problem either thanks to high-performance Brembo brakes on vented rotors at each corner.

Philips Shoqbox If you’re going to have a Bluetooth speaker, why not have a really cool one? The sleek yet rough-and-tough Philips Shoqbox packs quite a punch with two 4-watt neodymium speaker drives, dual bass radiators, and Bluetooth for those wire-free moments in life. It’s also waterresistant, shock and splash-proof and compact enough to wear on your belt. Making it easy for you to blast Demi Lovato as loud as you want. ($180)

Google Nexus 7 Tablet The mega search engine has just stepped its game up in the device department with the release of the Nexus 7 Tablet. It lets you utilize a 7” 1280x800 IPS touchscreen, a Tegra 3 CPU, 8-16GB storage, and Andriod 4.1 Jelly Bean.

Gentleman, search your engines! ($199-249)

Henry U.S. Survival AR-7 Rifle Okay, it’s a gun that has “U.S.” and “survival” in the name of it…we’ve got to have it! You could definitely do some survivin’ with this baby. This compactable zombie eradicator has an eight-round .22 LR magazine that can be broken down to fit the receiver and barrel into the stock, which is also impact resistant and waterproof. You’ll be praying for an apocalypse. ($275) Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Setting the SRT8 Grand Cherokee apart from the rest of its factory stablemates is the body-color wheel flares and side sill cladding along with the SRT tuning that lowers the vehicle by an inch thus enhancing its sweet look. The 2012 models get new front and rear fascia with the exhaust tips moving outward of a “Viper-inspired” splitter/ air diffuser. The 2012 rigs even get the benefit of enhanced downforce and reduced drag via new liftgate spoiler.

Inside the look and feel is just as dynamic. The new steering wheel feels magical in the hands of the driver and seating is supportive yet comfortable. I especially enjoyed the front seat ventilation as we have already seen temps soaring well into the 90s here lately.

The electronic driver information center provides instant feedback on steering input, horsepower and torque output, 0-60 mph times, braking times, g-forces, and even 1/8- and 1/4-mile run times. It’s like having a dyno at your fingertips.

The 2012 Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT8 features a five-speed automatic transmission and offers steering wheel paddle shifters for full manual control although I found myself needing to use it little when driving in Track mode on the Selec-Track system – the computer does just fine.

Pricing for the new SRT8 family member begins at $54,470 with our loaded tester coming in at more than 65 grand making this the most expensive Jeep as well. Fuel economy, if you must ask, is 12mpg city and 18 mpg highway but nobody; NOBODY buys an SRT vehicle for fuel economy, right?

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 43 juLY 4 - 10, 2012

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?

A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: What’s the definition of macho?

A: Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q: What’s in the toilet of the Starship Enterprise?

A: The captain’s log.

The Talking Parrot A man went to a pet shop and bought a talking parrot.

He took the parrot home, and tried to teach the parrot how to say a few things, but instead the parrot just swore at him. After a few hours of trying to teach the bird finally the man said “If you don’t stop swearing I’m going to put you in the freezer as punishment.”

The parrot continued, so the man put the bird in the freezer.

About an hour later the parrot asked the man to please open the door. As the man took the shivering bird out of the freezer he asked the bird if it had learned its lesson. The parrot said “I sure did. By the way, what the f*ck did that turkey do?”

17

Blitz Funnys

YOU BELIEVE THIS? From an Associated Press report: June 14, 2012, doctors at La Raza Medical Center in Mexico City, spent 10 hours removing a tumor from two-year-old Jesus Rodriguez. Reason this procedure took so long, after surgery, the child weighed only 26 pounds.

Before surgery, he’d weighed 59 pounds. Meaning, that small body had been “feeding” a 33 pound tumor.

PRE-EXISTING HOMEWRECKERS John and Jessie Bates and their 7-yearold son, Tyler, were very happy to live in the house they’d purchased in Suquamish, Washington. At first, that is, until all three developed illnesses.

It was little Tyler’s breathing problems first, then his mother’s strange rash, and his father’s... “perpetually sickness.”

Why? Their neighbor explained by saying the last occupants operated a meth-lab, which had saturated eachand-every-nook-and-cranny inside their entire home. (Bates paid an additional $184,000 to have the house torn down and rebuilt.)

THEY’D MAKE ‘LOUSY’ POLITICIANS On June 23, 2012, Kenneth Allen and his wife, Kristy, pulled into a convenience store in Clarksville, Tennessee, to purchase a cream soda when, according to the Leaf Chronicle, they noticed a paper bag setting on top of a trash can. Looking inside they found a nice bottle of cologne and ...almost $13,000. What’d they do with all that cash? They gave it to authorities, who soon returned it to the “rightful owners.”

Cancer June 22 – July 22 The stars indicate that this is a magical time in your love life. Be sure to stalk a few more “girlfriends” before they end up “missing.”

Libra September 23 – October 22 You will realize a lifelong dream this week when you are finally able to get that annoying guy with glasses fired from Chipotle.

Capricorn December 22 – January 19 A new television series will start this week based on your life. Unfortunately the show’s title will be How In The Hell Did I End Up This F*cked Up!

Leo July 23 – August 22 Avoid fortune cookies this week for their cryptic messages have no relevance in your life at this time. This includes winning lottery numbers.

Scorpio October 23 – November 21 Achieve balance this week. When someone asks how you’re doing, reply with “I’ve had better days and I’ve had worse ones.”

Aquarius January 20 – February 18 Your last words will become famous worldwide next Tuesday.

Taurus April 20 – May 20 Your crime of passion will have you banned by PETA when they find out about your special cat compilation.

Virgo August 23 – September 22 You will be reassured of your spouse’s love for you this week when she manages not to complain about your erectile dysfunction issues for the third straight week.

Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 When the boss mentions that he would like to have a word with you, let him know that you have two for him!

Pisces February 19 – March 20 Due to budgetary constraints your Horrorscope will be the same as Capricorn’s until further notice.

Gemini May 21 – June 21 You will bring joy and laughter to many this week, but it will stop when you turn around to see what’s so funny.

ACROSS 1. Lummox 5. Tablet 10. Swear 14. Assistant 15. Even 16. Savvy about 17. Coalition 18. Eclipse 20. Sinewy 22. Quantify 23. A leguminousplant 24. Horse 25. A magicalspell 32. King 33. Creepy 34. A thick flat pad 37. Winglike 38. Area of South Africa 39. Tibetan monk 40. Cunning 41. Aspect 42. A seal

43. Sexual stimulant 45. Adjust 49. Eastern newt 50. Not analog 53. Sidelong 57. Deductive 59. Part in a play 60. Contest 61. Give a speech 62. Greek letter 63. Twin sister of Ares 64. An essay 65. Out of control

Aries March 21 – April 19 The patience and sympathy that your parents have for you will end on Sunday.

DOWN 1. Taxis 2. A jaunty rhythm 3. Smell 4. Decrypt 5. Motto 6. Tax 7. “___ Maria” 8. School session 9. If not 10. Seashore 11. Unwarranted 12. Shop 13. Scattered, as seed 19. Urgency 21. Close 25. Historical periods 26. Nonexistent 27. Kaolin 28. Instruct 29. Gauge 30. Muse of love poetry 31. Zero 34. Wise men

35. Dogfish 36. After-bath powder 38. Short sleep 39. A certain bacteria 41. Not lean 42. Sieve 44. Trader 45. Maxim 46. Kuwaiti monetary unit 47. A long-legged S. American bird 48. Heaps 51. At the peak of 52. Former Italian currency 53. Tardy 54. Space 55. Countertenor 56. An escape of water 58. Type of hat

Solution on Page 18 Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

18

JuLY 4 - 10, 2012

VOL. 4 - ISSUE 43

The CLOSER

The

AnsweR GUY Dark Ale Brewed by: Fort Garry Brewing Company Ltd. ABV: 5.00% This Canadian specialty is an English Dark Mild Ale that pours dark ruby red in color with a small tan head and not much lacing.

The scent consists of caramel, roasted nuts and malt. The taste offers chocolate with molasses and some light sweetness. It has medium carbonation providing a smooth finish.

Oliva Nub 460 Maduro Wrapper: Brazilian Maduro Binder: Nicaragua Filler: Nicaragua Strength: Medium-Full This stick has a toothy appearance with an oily wrapper and not many veins.

It cuts easily and has a deep rich cedary sweetness prelight flavor. Starts off mild but is full on flavor from the initial draw. By the second third the sweetness subsides and the tobacco spice comes through. In the final third the espresso flavor is more prevalent and the coffee hints are scaled back. The ash burned evenly throughout the smoke and this cigar is well constructed. A great affordable smoke!

Kentucky Hot Tub Ingredients: 1/2 oz Jim Beam bourbon whiskey 1/2 oz Cointreau orange liqueur 1/4 oz Blue Curacao liqueur 3 - 6 drops Tabasco sauce Mixing Instructions: Shake all ingredients over ice in a cocktail shaker and strain into a shot glass.

with Arthur Bellfield

Dear Arthur,

I think I married a douchebag. My husband seems to be morphing everyday more and more into a monument of all things douche.

Don’t get me wrong; he wasn’t always like this, he used to be a great guy. Now he can only wear Italian designer label clothes, eat at specific restaurants, and he talks to people like he’s related to Gordon Gekko. Divorce was never an option, but I never thought I’d have to flush him down so to speak. Is there any other way?

Signed, Margaret Massengill

You’re right! Divorce shouldn’t be an option within a healthy relationship!

However if someone is modeling himself or herself after a fictional character like Gordon Gekko from Wall Street than there’s absolutely something going on akin to a Marital Armageddon going on!

On the surface your husband is experiencing either a mid-life crisis, in which case after he blows some money on an expensive car and has a quick affair he’ll revert to normal. Or, worse he’s trying to redefine himself by engulfing himself within the upper levels of the social caste system. My money is on the latter!

I say this because within these harsh social economic times people of various fields and pedigrees are being forced to compete for even the smallest of jobs and opportunities. You have Harvard grads flipping burgers alongside high school dropouts. I’ve even seen people switch religions and political factions in hopes that perhaps on the other side they could have a better life. We have all had to come to terms with this new reality and reinvent ourselves.

Like you said, your husband used to be a GREAT GUY: That man still exists!

He just needs to find the right social network to stay not just EMPLOYED, but RELEVANT!

Chucks Courtesy: Damien Martin

3:08 seconds with Sir Charles The Dallas media caught up with Mr. Barkley while he was in town for Dirk Nowitzki’s Heroes Celebrity Baseball Game. And the little less Round Mound of Rebounds (thanks to Weight Watchers) gave us his view on a couple of topics.

On Dwight Howard Dwight needs to make a decision. I’m sick of hearing about it every year where he’s going to go. He needs to grow up and make a decision. I don’t want to hear this stuff every year coming up on the trade deadline. Make a decision and live with it.

Still thinking about running for office?

No, I don’t think so. I’m not going to run for office right now.

On if the Mavs don’t get Deron Williams Well, it won’t put them obviously in a good situation. But I’m not sure even if they get Deron. They have to get bigger too. That was the difference last year when they had Tyson and Deshawn Stevenson and those guys. They were much bigger. The reason they lost to the Heat the first time [was because] they were too small, too [dependent on] finesse. If they get Deron will they be better? But I’m not sure they can beat the bigger teams out West.

On joining his own “Big Three” out in Houston to win a championship We [Clyde, Hakeem, and myself] were too old. We were all past our prime.

On NBA Big Three powerhouse teams I like a competitive balance from the fans standpoint. You don’t want [the NBA] to be like baseball where you’ve got five legitimate teams and the rest stink. I don’t want that in basketball.

Is it headed that way now?

Well, I think you have to wait. I think commissioner Stern did a lot of good things in the collective bargaining agreement to try to make it a more level playing field. It’s going to be interesting because they’re in trouble in Oklahoma City because I don’t think they can pay all of those guys. It’s going to be a very interesting next few years in the NBA. On who he had picked to win it all I had Miami winning it all. It was an easy pick too.

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VOL. 4 - ISSUE 43 juLY 4 - 10, 2012

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