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September 26 - October 2, 2012

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 3

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VOL. 5 - ISSUE 3

September 26 - october 2, 2012

n OD eck Adding Insult To Injury

By Keysha Hogan – @TheKeysha

O SPORTS NEWS On Deck 3 Upon Further Review 4 Big 12 Preview 5 SEC Preview 5 SMU Preview 5 UNT Preview 5 MLB Awards Predictions 6 Out of Left Field 6 Jerry’s World 7 Best Dressed Athletes 8 Eat It. Wear It. Go There. 9 Cover Story Guide to Looking Good 10 -11 BLITZ Entertainment Taylor 12 Hollywood’s Most Stylish 13 Doctor Who Is Back 13 Sea Breeze 14 The IT List 15 Starting From Scratch 16 Blitz Funnys Jokes/Horrorscopes/Weird News 17 The CLOSER Pocketful of Peens 18 The Answer Guy 18

n Monday September 17th, Rangers’ outfielder and hometown favorite, Josh Hamilton appeared on an episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live and on the very next day removed himself from the lineup after suffering from blurred vision due to possible sinus issues. Critics from across the web began chastising Hamilton for his decision and stated he lacked “mental toughness.” To those who are rushing to pass judgment, I respectfully offer a WTF. It seems that people are still submersed in the idea of the indestructible strong man. And often it’s players that are perpetuating this viewpoint. Just a few weeks ago we witnessed Cowboys’ tight end, Jason Witten, fight his way back onto the field after suffering a lacerated spleen during a preseason game. Every clip of him showed doctors and trainers wringing their hands as Witten paced before them making his case. Thankfully he healed up before being cleared to play because a tear in the spleen can cause a deadly amount of internal blood loss. And remember a few years ago when the

demands of two very different sports. But the point is that I trust the longevity and acumen of players that are smart enough to take their health seriously. Sitting out a few games for a battery of tests is worrisome for an organization and fans, but it must be the most painful of purgatories for the athlete. Vision problems are a serious safety hazard and directly affect game-time performance. Even manager Ron Washington said, “He took a ground ball, catch and spin, and lost his balance. We’re not messing with that.” Anyone who honestly thinks Hamilton lacks toughness must have forgotten that he battled through last year’s postseason while the abductor muscle group in his inner left thigh had almost completely detached. He has tried to live up to the ideal, and after all these years it’s getting tougher to keep going. Or is it possible that this is all just bluster from why Hamilton appeared on Jimmy Kimmel in the middle of a push to the playoffs? Or could it be that fans are just anxious because he’ll be entering free agency quicker than any of us

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workhorse of the Cowboys’ was Marion “The Barbarian” Barber? I loved watching him play, but it was obvious that there was limit to punishment that his body could withstand. He left Dallas for Chicago after being plagued by injuries and only lasted one season. With these kinds of players in the forefront it makes Tony Romo’s hand injury and Hamilton’s sinus problems seem like nothing. And I already know you’re thinking that I am comparing the

care to acknowledge? No matter how fierce a fan you are, you must realize that these players have dedicated their lives and bodies to games of luck and chance. Bad things will happen and evaluations must be made, but that will never excuse doubting the tenacity or grit of an athlete that pushes the limits to bring you home a championship.

When I sleep on park benches, I only cover myself with the Wall Street Journal… I’ve got class!

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September 26 - October 2, 2012

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 3

Upon Further Review By Jan Hubbard - comments@BlitzWeekly

A Look At The NFL Replacement Referees

f you’re an NFL fan, you might have heard that those who officiate and referee games have been in a contract dispute with the league. You know this because each week, a galaxy of experts – some highly compensated; the rest simply high volume – tell us replacement officials are not as good as regular officials and their inconsistent calls are ruining the fine game of professional football. First of all, we should address the notion that replacement refs are inferior. Yes, it is true. They are. This, however, is not a revelation on par with, say, water is wet. Without any shrieking from voices on the TV or writers in print, the average fan is well aware that you can’t take 121 of the top football officials in the world and replace them not with the next tier – because the next tier of top NCAA

that the regular officials are perfect is silly. This is a group that once produced a top referee who could not discern the difference between “heads” and “tails” during a coin flip of a Pittsburgh-Detroit game that was going into overtime. Because he made the wrong call, the Lions got the ball instead of the Steelers, took the kickoff, went down the field, kicked a field goal and won the game. The league and the union have had their share of criticism for the stalemate. In the last year, the NFL has signed new TV agreements that average $3.1 billion per year. That is a large increase from the $1.9 billion they received under the last contract. Before the 2011 season, the players signed a new 10-year deal with the league and they obviously got more money. So now it’s the officials turn, and they want their share, too. While that makes sense, the fact is that NFL

officials have commitments and are not available –but with lower level college division and high school referees and have the same level of competence. But let’s get past the rhetoric and finger-pointing between the league and the officials union and make several points about replacements.

officials are all part-time workers. Depending on their seniority, they received anywhere from $78,000 as a starting official to $149,000 for a veteran. That’s not a bad part-time job. One of the problem areas in negotiations is pensions. The NFL wants to transition to a 401K for officials while union members want to keep their current pension program. Andrew Brandt, who is a lawyer and also former NFL general manager and player agent, is the guru of labor issues for ESPN and makes the best point, which is “why anyone working a once-a-week job for less than half the year gets a pension at all.” Why would officials expect it? And why did the NFL agree to it in the first place? In the world of labor disputes, this is a dumb one. Both sides are right. And both sides are wrong. But I do wish they’d settle for one reason, and one the two sides might not expect. It is quite a burden to continue to listen to “experts” badgering us with the obvious.

Photo Courtesy: Shawn Campbell

1. They are not at fault for this situation. 2. The referee is paid $3,500 for each game and the other six officials are paid $3,000. Why would they turn the money down? 3. There is a notion that because of their inexperience, the officials are not trying hard enough. That is idiotic. Without the benefit of being able to interview them, I’d still wager that each of the replacement officials is a proud man who is trying to get it right. They, no doubt, do not want to embarrass themselves. Some of the criticism is obviously accurate. Players have found areas of inexperience and exploited those areas. But let’s get something clear. The assumption

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VOL. 5 - ISSUE 3

September 26 - october 2, 2012

North Texas

SMU SEC BIG 12 Game of the Week Game of the Week By Jason Fleck – jason.fleck@mavs.uta.edu

Bears on the Mountain Path

his week’s Big 12 Game of the Week will match up the No. 25 Baylor Bears against the No. 9 West Virginia Mountaineers. It will be another week where both teams will be opening up their Big 12 seasons against each other. In this game everybody will be talking about the two quarterbacks who both are associated to the Heisman in different ways. Nick Florence is taking on the task of living up Robert Griffin III’s 2011 campaign, not only did he win the Baylor’s first ever Heisman trophy but he also put Baylor on the map for football. Florence has so far lived up to the expectations with a 3-0 start this season, which includes a win over the Louisiana-Monroe team that upset the then No. 8 Arkansas Razorbacks. In just three games Florence has passed for over 1,000 yards with 11 TDs. West Virginia will be starting star quarterback Geno Smith who so far this season is seen as the Heisman favorite also passing for over 1,000 and throwing 12 TDs. It is always hard living up to the Heisman talks, but with a big game this weekend against No. 25 Baylor could definitely help his case. Both teams are off to 3-0 starts and have had no real problems getting to that point. This week is looking to be an offensive shootout, matching up two teams that know how to put points on the board and also struggle with keeping opposing teams from doing the same. Baylor will bring their No. 5 ranked offense scoring an average of 51 points per game while West Virginia has the No. 10 ranked offense scoring 47 points a game. With both teams allowing over 22 points a game, it is looking as though this game will be won by the team whose defense can get the most stops against the others’ potent offense. Now this is the

Photo Courtesy: Matthew Lynch

new look Big 12, so there is definitely no telling what this game will bring. Game Info: #25 BAYLOR vs #9 WEST VIRGINIA SAT. SEPT. 29 – 11AM / FX MOUNTAINEER STADIUM

By Stephen Evans – comments@blitzweekly.com

Battle for the SEC East

hings are getting exciting in Georgia. The fifth-ranked Georgia Bulldogs have a potential top-10 showdown looming next week against the No. 6 South Carolina Gamecocks, a battle that could have national championship implications and put the winner on a fast track to the SEC championship game. But standing in the way of that tilt is a pesky Tennessee Volunteers team that would love nothing better than to derail Georgia’s best laid plans and place itself in the middle of an SEC East free-for-all. In order to pull the upset, the Vols, who previously lost to Florida in their only other SEC action of the season, must find a way to slow down a steamrolling Georgia offense (47.50 ppg and 530.00 ypg). QB Aaron Murray ranks second in the SEC and eighth in the nation with a 182.43 passer efficiency rating and finally has a ground game to match his talented arm. Freshman RB Todd Gurley continues to impress and is stirring memories of Hershel Walker in Athens as he leads the

Photo Courtesy: Tennessee Journalist

league in all-purpose yards (164.25 ypg), rushing yards (101.5 ypg), and scoring (10.5 ppg). For Tennessee to survive, it may well have to make the game a shootout. The Volunteers have the horses on offense to put points on the board. While QB Tyler Bray and the Tennessee offense lead the SEC with 341.25 passing yards per game, the key will be whether a depleted, but improving, Georgia secondary can cover Tennessee’s stable of tall, rangy receivers. Help may be on the way for the Bulldog defense, as safety Bacarri Rambo and linebacker Alec Ogletree are likely to return from suspensions stemming from offseason violations. Georgia has few “big” games on its schedule this year, thanks to an abnormality that has it avoiding Alabama, LSU, and Arkansas for the second consecutive regular season. A win against Tennessee sets the ‘Dawgs up for a huge showdown at South Carolina. However, if Georgia shows up Saturday afternoon with an eye on the Gamecocks and is overlooking the Vols, Tennessee could have just enough firepower to turn Georgia’s championship dreams into a nightmare. Game Info: TENNESSE vs #5 GEORGIA SAT. SEPT. 29 – 2:30PM / CBS SANFORD STADIUM

Mustangs Mean Green

Frank LaCosta – flacosta@blitzweekly.com

The Iron Skillet Returns

On The Road Again

he rivalry game that pits Dallas against Ft. Worth is this Saturday. East versus West. Cosmopolitan versus Country Witticism. The series originated back in 1915 and the two teams have faced each other ever since only missing six meetings. TCU currently leads the series (44-40-7). SMU comes into the game with a 1-2 record and has been on a Southwest Conference “memory tour” this season facing former foes Baylor and Texas A&M. They lost these games by a combined score of 107-27. Former Longhorn quarterback Garrett Gilbert hasn’t performed well for the Mustangs. He has completed a little more than half of his passes and has more interceptions than touchdowns this season. He isn’t a dual threat by any means. Learning the new playbook was supposed to be an easy process but the June Jones offense has presented its share of difficulties. This has allowed defenses to key on RB Zach Line. Line is a beast and when opposing defenses have to be honest, he can rush for big gains. He’s rushed for over 100-yards twice this year and has the ability to catch the ball out of the backfield. The receivers will have tough match ups as well. Don’t’ expect big games out of Keenan Holman or Gehrig Dieter. The Mustang defense will have its hands full if the offense isn’t able to play keep away. It won’t be pretty for the Mustangs. TCU on the other hand is a well oiled machine that continues to dominate its opponents. Fresh off of a 27-7 thumping of Virginia the Horned Frogs are looking for payback from last season’s overtime loss in the Iron Skillet game. Junior signal caller Casey Pachall has improved from last year and is completing over 76% of his passes. He is efficient and can make the long pass when asked.

Photo Courtesy: Joseph Dowling

RBs Waymon James and Matthew Tucker will look to run through the porous Mustang defense. WRs Brandon Carter and Josh Boyce should also have their moments. TCU has given up a total of 13 points this season and will present nightmares for the Ponies. TCU will dominate in this one. Game Info: #15 TCU vs SMU SAT. SEPT. 29 – 6PM / FSN GERALD FORD STADIUM

he loss this past Saturday to the Trojans of Troy stung a bit more than normal. The highlight of the night would be the lone scoring play in the first quarter when Mean Green QB Derek Thompson hooked up with WR Brelan Chancellor on a 50-yard pass play resulting in a touchdown. From that point on it would be a long night. There were missed field goal opportunities, missed scoring chances, muffed trick plays and the inability to execute inside the redzone. One might say that Troy didn’t win the game in as much as North Texas found ways to lose it. Upon reflection of the Mean Green’s most recent outing, head coach Dan McCarney summed it up best: “It’s a tough loss. Before you start winning you have to stop losing. It has nothing to do with preparation or effort or any of that. We’ve just got to execute better. When you lose, everybody has to share the blame. It sickens me to lose tonight. How we handle the adversity of this game

Photo Courtesy: Joe Lorenzini

will go a long way in showing what this team is all about.” It was a long night for starting QB Thompson who completed 12 of his 28 passing attempts for 236 yards and a TD. WRs Ivan Delgado and Chancellor were the recipients of all but two passes. The ground game was handled by the two-headed attack of Antoinne Jimmerson (who is coming into his own) and Brandin Byrd. Together they had 31 carries for 131 yards. Next up are the Florida Atlantic Owls who with a matching 1-3 record will provide another test for the Mean Green. They are more of a ground and pound offense that will rely on the legs of sophomore Damian Fortner. He has yet to break the century mark and only has one rushing TD for the season. Senior QB Graham Wilbert is mediocre at best and will target WRs William Dukes and Byron Hankerson. The Owl defense gives up plenty of points and the Mean Green must take advantage of this weakness to get back in the win column. Game Info: NORTH TEXAS vs FLORIDA ATLANTIC SAT. SEPT. 29 – 4PM / ESPN3 FAU FOOTBALL STADIUM

Photo Courtesy: SMU Athletic Dept.

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September 26 - October 2, 2012

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 3

And The Award Goes To...

Photo Courtesy: Darryl Briggs

Upcoming Schedule: 9/26 Athletics 7:05 p.m. 9/27 Athletics 1:05 p.m. 9/28 Angels 7:05 p.m. 9/29 Angels 3:05 p.m. 9/30 Angels 2:05 p.m. 10/1 @athletics 9:05 p.m. 10/2 @athletics 9:05 p.m. 10/3 @athletics 2:35 p.m. End of Regular Season

MLB Predictions

By C.J. Gardner - cjgardner80@ou.edu

ith baseball’s regular season coming to a close soon, baseball fans are wondering two things: which teams will make the playoffs and which players will win the end of season awards? The three big player awards that MLB gives out are the Rookie of the Year, the Cy Young Award and the Most Valuable Player Award. There is an American League and National League recipient for each award. In the AL, it seems to be a two horse race for the MVP award, and it might come down to who can lead their team to the playoffs. The two players that lead the race for the AL MVP are Mike Trout and Miguel Cabrera. In what has been a disappointing season for the Los Angeles Angels, Mike Trout has undoubtedly been their shining star. Trout has had the AL Rookie of the Year award wrapped up since early August with his outstanding season. The three things that might hurt Trout’s chance of winning both the ROTY and MVP are that he has slowed down after getting off to a fast start, it looks like his

has not been as dominate this year as he was last year, he still has had a great year. With an ERA below three and over 200 strikeouts, he could win the award back-to-back years. David Price and Jered Weaver are options for the Cy Young as Price currently leads the AL in ERA and wins. One thing that hurts their chances is that they have been injured, but when they have been healthy, they have pitched very well. In the end, any of those three would be good options for the AL Cy Young, along with Felix Hernandez and Chris Sale. As for the NL, in the MVP race, it seems that Buster Posey is the favorite as his Giants head to the playoffs. His offensive output as a catcher is great and he also provides good defense behind the plate. Ryan Braun and Andrew McCutchen are also candidates for the NL MVP, but I think the fact that Posey will be in the playoffs, while the other two will not, sets him apart. For the Cy Young in the NL, there are many options, but I think the feel good story of R.A. Dickey is the favorite. Clayton Kershaw, Gio Gonzalez and

By Mark Miller – mmiller@blitzweekly.com

The West Could Be Won This Week

Photo Courtesy: Roar of the Tigers

team will miss the playoffs and he is a rookie. As for Miguel Cabrera, he is in contention for the AL Triple Crown and has been the hot bat around the MLB. These contenders for the AL MVP would be worthy choices for the award and the thing that might set one of them apart is if they are able to lead their team to playoff baseball. If they are unable to do that, you might see Adrian Beltre sneak up on them as he has been on a tear for the past month and leading the Rangers to the playoffs. The AL Cy Young race is more open than the MVP race. There are four or five candidates that you could point to that have had Cy Young worthy seasons. The debate for the AL Cy Young has to start with the reigning AL MVP and Cy Young winner, Justin Verlander. While Verlander

Johnny Cueto are also pitchers that have put up big numbers and are capable of getting the award. In the NL Rookie of the Year race, it seems like it is Wade Miley’s to lose. Mike Fiers and Todd Frazier have also put up good numbers for rookies, but Miley has set himself apart in the NL ROTY race. My Predictions AL MVP: Miguel Cabrera NL MVP: Buster Posey AL Cy Young: Justin Verlander NL Cy Young: R.A. Dickey AL Rookie of the Year: Mike Trout NL Rookie of the Year: Wade Miley

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espite their worst week in more than a month and without their best hitter for more than four games, the Texas Rangers still put themselves in a position to win their third straight American League West division title this week. Thanks to a 3-2 victory Sunday in Seattle, the Rangers entered the final full week of the regular season four games ahead of the Oakland Athletics with four games between the teams at home through Thursday. Should the Rangers sweep, they will be the best in the West again. “We’re not looking too much further ahead than Monday,” third baseman Adrian Beltre told mlb. com Sunday. “We just want to finish with a nice push.” Texas reverted to its July form last week with only three hits in 36 at-bats with runners in scoring position. It didn’t help that A.L. home run leader Josh Hamilton missed the final five games with sinus-caused vision problems. But Texas received a two-run home run by Beltre to break a 1-1 tie last Thursday against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Strong starting pitching came from Derek Holland, Yu Darvish. Ryan Dempster and Matt Harrison also helped the team split its six games. By so doing, the team won for the 90th time in 152 games, the third straight year with at least that many victories but the fastest in team history. It also kept Texas two games ahead of the New York Yankees for the best record in the American League. Even though the Rangers won two of three games in Anaheim, they clearly missed Hamilton’s output as they scored just six runs in the three games at Seattle. “Without him in there, we get pitched differently,” manager Ron Washington told mlb. com. “Pitchers are always aware of where he is in the lineup. And he puts more stress on them when he walks to the plate. Having him out of the lineup makes a big difference.”

Trying their best to make up for Hamilton’s absence was Michael Young, who hit .435 for the week, Nelson Cruz with seven hits including three doubles, and Craig Gentry with a .308 average. On the mound, Holland yielded two earned runs in seven innings and Darvish a run on four hits with one walk and nine strikeouts in eight innings in wins over the Angels. Dempster gave up just two runs in 6.2 innings Sunday after being roughed up by the Angels last Tuesday. Harrison should have won after giving up just a run in eight innings and closer Joe Nathan earned saves in both of his chances. Angels loom on the horizon If the Rangers are unable to end the division race against the A’s, they can still do so at home this weekend against the Angels. What they don’t want to do is wait until they finish the regular season in Oakland next week. “These are big games,” shortstop Elvis Andrus said. “We’re ready. We’re glad to be playing at home.” Oakland stumbled into Texas after losing two of three at Detroit and at the Yankees last week. The A’s did salvage the final games of each series to keep their chances alive. The Angels are hanging around after sweeping the Chicago White Sox, staying 2.5 games behind Oakland for the second wild-card spot and trailing Texas by 6.5 games. Seattle will play in Anaheim before the Angels travel to Arlington. Even if the Rangers have clinched, there’s still the top record in the league which guarantees home field advantage for two rounds of the playoffs. “It’s not about the wins now; it’s about getting to the playoffs,” Washington said.

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 3

September 26 - october 2, 2012

Photo Courtesy: James D. Smith

By Jay Betsill – @thefamousjay

Cowboys Prepare for Monday Night Football

fter winning at the defending Super Bowl champion Giants and suffering a 20-point loss at Seattle, the Cowboys welcomed the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to Cowboys Stadium for their home opener and escaped with a 16-10 victory. The offense sputtered as Tampa Bay’s defensive line pressured Tony Romo all game long and their only touchdown came on an 11-yard run by DeMarco Murray in the first quarter. “To win this game, with the way our defense played, and grind it out,” Romo said. “This is a very, very satisfying win, even though it will kind of get lost in the shuffle as you move into the season. ...These are the kind of wins you have to have.” Dallas continued its sloppy play with 13 penalties for 105 yards, including four against right tackle Doug Free. There were also more dropped passes, including a likely touchdown that went off the fingers of tight end Jason Witten running alone on the final play of the third quarter. While Witten is undoubtedly still recovering from the lacerated spleen he suffered in the preseason, Free’s play has simply been less-than-stellar since signing a four-year, $32 million deal with $17 million guaranteed. While the offense struggled, the Cowboys defense thrived against Josh Freeman and the Bucs. Dallas’ defense held the Bucs to 166 total yards (the fewest allowed by Dallas since 2005), with most coming on the final drive in the fourth quarter. However, Dallas lost starting safety Barry Church for the remainder of the season with a ruptured Achilles tendon. “The game was far from artistic,” coach Jason Garrett said. “I was proud of our team when you don’t have your best fastball and don’t have your best stuff to find ways to win the game.” The hard-fought victory put the Cowboys in a first-place tie with the Philadelphia Eagles and New York Giants at 2-1 atop the NFC East. “The big thing is we won one, even though there were a lot of things that could cause you to lose one,” owner Jerry Jones said. “Romo told me that was a Pittsburgh game out there, not looking pretty but finding a way to get a win. The defense bailed us out.”

Next up for the Cowboys is a Monday night home contest against the Chicago Bears. Chicago is coming off a 23-6 victory over the St. Louis Rams that saw its defense dominate the game while its offensive unit is still struggling to find it identity...sound familiar? Running back Michael Bush has filled in for the injured Matt Forte admirably while quarterback Jay Cutler has been reunited with his former Bronco teammate, wide receiver Brandon Marshall. The lingering question for offensive coordinator Mike Tice is to decide if they are a grind it out running team or a team that is going to win through the air? The Bears defense sacked Rams quarterback Sam Bradford six times, 2.5 of those courtesy of veteran defensive end Israel Idonije. Cornerback Tim Jennings has been playing great all season and recorded his fourth interception of the year with a pick against the Rams. Look for the Bears defense to use Tampa Bay’s plan as a guide to pressure Romo while Chicago’s offense will likely lean on Cutler’s arm to try and take advantage of the Cowboys depleted safety position. CARR GETS PLAYING TIME AT SAFETY Prized free agent cornerback Brandon Carr played free safety for several snaps in the Cowboys’ victory over the Bucs on Sunday. The move came as a result of the injuries to Barry Church (injured Achilles during the game) and Gerald Sensabaugh (missed Sunday’s game with a calf injury) and the extended playing time of cornerback Mike Jenkins. Mana Silva originally replaced Church at safety and was called for a pass interference penalty on his second snap. The Cowboys did not have any other active safeties after cutting Mario Butler to make room to sign linebacker Orie Lemon from the practice squad. “I was for it,” Carr said. “Whatever it takes coming in they talked about if it comes down to it, they got me back there. I was working my butt off in practice and I was working with the scout team back there just to get a feel for how it is because it is different.”

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September 26 - October 2, 2012

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 3

Stylin’ and High Profilin’ Athletes By Cote Bailey- @BlitzWeekly

Deion Sanders – The man wasn’t just one of the best cornerbacks of all-time, he also was an excellent selector of hair care products.

Serena Williams - Tight clothes, lots of grunting, and Serena Williams…we can really get into this women’s tennis stuff.

DwyaneWade–ThehipsterhooperisVogue alum, dating an actress, and is a South Beach resident. Of course he knows how to dress. Hope Solo - Sure she’s beautiful, but don’t expect to score with her, get it? She’s a goalkeeper…and also not promiscuous.

LeBron James – Bron Bron sure likes his fancy glasses. They help distract you from the fact that his hairline is nearing retirement age.

David Beckham – We hate this guy like seriously hate him.

Derek Jeter – “The Captain” keeps his style classic and with a dating resume that includes Mariah Carey, Adriana Lima, Vanessa Minnillo, Jessica Alba, and Jessica Biel. We like his style.

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VOL. 5 - ISSUE 3

Eat It

September 26 - october 2, 2012

WEAR It

The most grandiose of DFW junk food traditions is back again! The Fletcher’s Corny Dog is ready to be devoured at the Texas State Fair starting September 28! Enjoy the golden brown, cylindrical goodness that would make Tori Black blush (feel free to Google her now). And before you take your first bite observe a moment of silence and reflect upon the millions who have stood there before you with that corny dog in their hands. Well done Flecther, well done.

Since we have summer for ¾ of the year here in Dallas we can pretty much buy sunglasses all the time. Behold the Woodwear Malibu Tortoise. These babies have handmade bamboo temples on their tortoise-shell frame and will go great with that whole “I Love Jimmy Buffett” ensemble you have tucked away in the closet. Now everywhere that you go is an island…awww yeah. ($85)

www.fletcherscornydogs.com

www.woodwearsunglasses.com

GO THERE

Where can you find Kellie Pickler, The Commodores, Kevin Fowler, Uncle Kracker and the Rebirth Brass Band? The Texas State Fair! They even have friggin’ Kevin Costner – that dude was Robin Hood! There will be the Midway, football, the Chevrolet Test Track, BMX, a Celebrity Kitchen, a Wine Garden, and more stuff than we could possibly name for you and the little ones to enjoy. It will be epic. www.bigtex.com

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September 26 - October 2, 2012

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 3

By C. Patterson cpatterson@blitzweekly.com

Being that many of us are here at Blitz Weekly are – how can I put this delicately? – fashionably challenged or sartorially delayed, we thought it best to recruit the help of some of DFW’s most style conscious individuals. Our Justice League of Swagger is made up of luxury publicists, fashion photographers, skin care experts and reality TV stars. Prepare yourselves to read the cold hard truth about what your corduroy slacks, that Pink Floyd t-shirt, and sandals with socks says about you because our crew of closet commandos is going to get gutsy and they’re going to tough. Consider this your punch list to get you off of the chump list. A couple of you are probably going to cry a little. A change is coming.

Amber LaFrance

Marketing guru and super-publicist for Abstract Method Marketing

ashion trend that is back from the dead?

Jonah Gilmore

Style-junkie, fashion & editorial photographer with studio ROCKET SCIENCE

or accessories or against For... to a degree, scarves are great, but if the climate doesn’t match it’s just ridiculous, chains are so pass’e, cuffs, leather/ threaded bracelets are cool, rings if they are not too obnoxious, messenger bags are still cool I think, got to have the right sunglasses. Worst current fashion trend Can’t stand not wearing socks. Essential fashion advice Whatever you wear - Own it! Find what you like and make it your own! Your must have fall item I have a terrible time finding the right semi-casual button down shirt that looks and fits right. What matters more in a watch, the name or the style? If you’re lame, the name. If you’re cool, the style.

The ‘90s are back! As we all know, fashion trends always come back around, and two trends I’m keen on for men’s fashion in Fall 2012 were quite popular in the ‘90s. Look 1: The Kurt Cobain Though plaid and flannel shirts have been back “in” for the last few years, they continue to be one of my favorite fashion trends for men. When out-andabout, I tend to be drawn to a man wearing a classic, plaid or flannel shirt. Experiment with different colors and fabrics and throw it on underneath a blazer, with a pair of jeans, unbuttoned over your favorite band t-shirt, underneath a fitted sweater or choose one with pearl snap buttons (my personal favorite). Look 2: The Double-Breasted Look Making a slight comeback in Fall 2011, doublebreasted tailoring was once again very popular at this year’s Fashion Week in NYC. Power dress for work with a double-breasted suit, or keep it casual and pair a double-breasted blazer or overcoat with dark washed jeans, a fitted sweater or button-down and a printed scarf. Fit

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is key to pull off this trend. Another tip for pulling it off at work: add a colorful, patterned pocket square. Rule of style that should never be broken? You should always match your belt and shoes. A brown leather belt should not be worn with black shoes, and vice versa. A few other faux pas that are not cool: pants that are too short, unless you’re successfully pulling off a ‘50s trend; oversized clothes; socks with sandals; and what I call “Jerry Seinfeld jeans”. Clean shaven or scruffy? I have a soft spot for a good looking five-o-clock shadow. I’ve also been known to date guys with pretty huge beards from time to time (mostly when I lived in Austin). I did go through a beard “dry spell” recently though, where I spent most of the last two years dating guys who were very clean-shaven. With that being said, if I had to choose one, I would probably choose scruffy. I’ll deal with the consequences of kissing someone with a face that feels like sandpaper if it makes them look like a sexy lumberjack. What items are ok for unisex? Scarves, definitely scarves. I love a man in a good scarf. As I mentioned before, I’m a big fan of plaid and flannel button-downs. Let your girlfriend borrow your favorite button-down, just make sure you get it back!

Matt Nordgren

TV Personality, philanthropist, and President of NORDCO, Inc.

hen is it ok to wear a vest? Only with a suit, a three piece. It’s ok to wear the vest without the jacket but only if it starts with

a jacket. When at a party a stylish gentleman drinks... Vodka water, scotch, or red wine. The perfect belt A black Gucci belt goes with anything. Best place to get your hair cut in the city Chad Rookstool Salon at the W residences. What is an acceptable pair of tennis shoes that you can wear to a party and not look like a slob? Converse Chuck Taylors

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 3

September 26 - october 2, 2012

Michele Kreider

Social Venture Capitalist & owner of FACE Eco-Certified Skin Care

hat should be in every man’s routine for his skin care?

Skin, the largest organ of our body, made up of several components, including water, protein, lipids and different minerals and chemicals. Skin is ever changing, for better or worse. Your skin will regenerate itself about every 27 days. Proper care and treatment is essential to maintaining the health of this crucial organ.

Quoc Cong

Adventurer, Editorial & fashion photographer for XO Photography

rticle of clothing every man should own? A lightweight leather jacket.

Your go-to clothing store Diesel The perfect watch Rugged, non-scratched face, leather cuff. What’s your classic look? White T’s, black vest, black jeans and Converse would do it for me.

Say Cheese

The demands of your skin occur daily. Each day make certain to provide your skin with

•

Plenty of water.

•

Balance nutrition – develop nutrition strategies.

•

Toning – after you cleanse with your choice of cleansers, make sure to use a nourishing toner to remove fine traces of oil, dirt and old skin cells you may have missed when cleansing.

•

Moisturizer – this is a necessary step even for those who have oily skin.

•

Sun-Block every morning.

Pay close attention to all parts of your skin. Familiarize yourself with it, so you’ll notice any changes that might occur and require further attention. Best Style Blogs For every style blog I’ve listed… I’ve eliminated others. This list is compiled from first hand searching – with the ever-sneaking feeling that I’m missing something fabulous. MY Top Ten

7. Advanced Style www.advancedstyle.blogspot. com 8. From Me To You www.annstreetstudio.com 9. Nerd Boyfriend www.nerdboyfriend.com 10. Atlantic - Pacific www.atlantic-pacific. blogspot.com The tie that makes any suit look good? So many men do the tie wrong. Today, both bow ties and neckties are becoming more popular. “There are few enough excuses for a man to wear colored silk around his neck without fear of ostracism. Take advantage of it.” -Permanent Style Michele’s Picks 1. Elmley Navy and Lilac Seersucker Stripe Handmade Tie by Charles Tryhitt 2. Thomas Stripe Woven Tie by Vineyard Vines 3. Coral and White Striped Skinny Tie by Billy Reid 4. Woven Silk Tie and Cotton Tie by Facconnable 5. Woven Silk Tie by Theory As for the designers you can’t go wrong with? I assure you it is possible to go wrong even with the best designer… However for an updated men’s suit choice I’m going with J.Hilburn. The suit is called Wall Street and is a timeless slim cut. Great suit guys! Other picks:

1. Refinery29 www.refinery29.com

•

Ralph Lauren Black

2. Fashionista www.fashionista.com

•

Katie Holmes

3. High Snobiety www.highsnobiety.com

•

Victoria Beckham

4. Stylist www.stylist.com

Three most important things regarding your image.

5. The Man Repeller www.manrepeller.com

1. Set your intentions.

6. Jak & Jil www.jakandjil.com

2. Radiate confidence, smile, polish yourself. 3. Be interested and interesting! Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

September 26 - October 2, 2012

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 3

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Taylor

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 3

September 26 - october 2, 2012

Hollywood’s Most Stylish

The Best Dressed Stars

n celebration of The Blitz Weekly’s fashion issue, I thought it might be fun to take a look of some of the big screen’s most fashionable characters. There were literally hundreds to choose from, but I narrowed it down to the five characters whose performances were only out shined by their wardrobes.

room wearing an impeccably tailored two-button charcoal grey pen-stripe suit by Giorgio Armani, it was clear that he WAS Bruce Wayne. The billionaire designer said he wanted to create a “classic look that projects strength and consistency in Wayne’s edgy, mysterious world.” I’ve never seen Armani look so good. #4 Janet Jackson as the powerhouse magazine editor Joanne in Tyler Perry’s For Colored Girls. She dazzled in a fitted leather couture two piece ensemble that was as fierce as her nononsense character. Her sassy cropped coif and blood red lipstick perfectly complimented Ms. Jackson’s edgy look.

Photo Courtesy: fashionfoiegras

#5 Christian Bale as playboy bachelor Bruce Wayne in Batman. The first time he entered the

By Vivian Fullerlove - vfullerlove@blitzweekly.com

#3 Bond, James Bond...the Daniel Craig Bond also makes the list. Turnbull & Asser has been the official and bowtie outfitters for 007 since the 60’s. And the tuxedo, who else, Mr. Armani makes the list for a second time. Bond’s wardrobe oozes a refined, timeless elegance one would expect from the world’s most high-profile secret service agent.

Christian Louboutins the must have item of the decade! She made paying $1500 for a pair of shoes seem like the most normal thing in the world. She dazzled in Dolce & Gabbana, was glorious in Gucci and fabulous in Fendi. A style winner by all accounts. #1 Meryl Streep as fashion magazine editor (not so loosely based on Vogue’s editor-in-chief Anna Wintour) Miranda Priestly in The Devil Photo Courtesy: paracbench Wears Prada. The title #2 SJP-That’s Sarah Jessica Parker for those says it all, right? Meryl exuded class, style and of you missed the Sex in the City juggernaut. elegance in every single frame of the film. With Parker played the fashionably flawless Carrie a wardrobe estimated to have hit the $1 million Bradshaw, a New York newspaper columnist, mark, it’s no surprise that Miranda tops the list of socialite, fashionista, and later, freelance writer film’s most fashionable. for Vogue. Let’s face it, Carrie and the gang single handedly made those flashy red soled

Doctor Who is Back! By Ethan Harmon - blackstar4556@gmail.com

llonzy! Grab your sonic screwdriver and jump into the TARDIS, it is time to travel with the Doctor yet again to explore the time stream and save the universe from evil. The Doctor and his faithful companions Amy and Rory return for another season of amazing science-fiction adventures, all of which are bringing back the terrifying aliens from previous seasons. With each episode promising to be just like a blockbuster summer movie, this season of Doctor Who just might be the perfect viewing for any Whovian. For all of those who may be a little lost, allow me to fill you in on what you have been missing. The Doctor is a Time Lord, the last of a time-traveling superior race. Equipped with a sonic screwdriver (a device allowing the Doc to analyze, hack, and unlock anything) and his not-so-trusty TARDIS (time and relative dimension in space), the Doctor travels through time and space with his friends to combat the evils that threaten to alter time, destroy the universe, or usher the end of the human race. Using his immense intellect and cunning – and sometimes uncanny improvisational skills – the

Doctor rights all the wrongs in the universe, whether it is in the past or the very distant future. Actor Matt Smith, the current iteration of the Time Lord, carries the show on his shoulders, grabbing audiences with his wacky, yet brilliant performance. Pulling on the strings of pathos, Smith knows just when to create a moment in which to pull the audience in completely, immersing viewers into the story. Actress Karen Gillan portrays the Doctor’s companion, Amy Pond, with intensity and flair. She easily captures the hearts of viewers with her strong determination, stubborn sensibilities, and warm, charming personality. And let us not leave out Rory, Amy’s lovable, Photo Courtesy: BBC squeamish husband, played by Arthur what has been shown so far, it seems that he Darvill. was not lying. For those who have kept current Doctor Who, the longest running sci-fi show in with Doctor Who, I do not need to tell you twice history, is now starting its seventh season (since to tune in. Anyone who has not seen the show its resurgence) and it is pulling all of the stops. would do well to turn on BBC this Saturday and Stephen Moffat – the current showrunner – has see what you have been missing. If you are still promised big things for this season, and from unsure if this is the show for you, then this should

be the very thing that will make you start watching: “Dinosaurs, on a spaceship!” Doctor Who is on BBC, Saturdays at 9PM.

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September 26 - October 2, 2012

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 3

(Not So) Old Men And The Sea By C. Patterson - cpatterson@blitzweekly.com

Mark Alterman and Rich Oruch of Sea Breeze Fish Market and Grill undo the ordinary

hile prepping for their wine dinner, two members of the master class of metroplex restaurateurs sat with me in their brightly lit home away from home to discuss their success, their journey, and how a business model that had them going deeper into the ocean ultimately landed them on top. What prompted the entry into the restaurant business and seafood in particular? Mark: The restaurant business is something I had a life long dream to have and seafood because of Rick. Rick is our 25-year veteran of the seafood business. Rich: There are not a lot of people serving fresh seafood in Dallas on the restaurant side of it or on the retail side of it. Many years ago the opportunity came about, it’s kind of a niche that we found. Eating seafood is obviously very good for you, but a lot of people don’t know how to cook it so we offer all of those tips. We bring in fresh seafood from all over the United States and all over the world to accommodate the needs of everyone that has moved into town from everywhere else. So, it’s fun and nobody’s doing it. A lot of people shy away from the fresh seafood business because of the connections it takes to get the best seafood. What went into your career or your life that made those connections accessible to you? Rich: It’s all about those relationships and working with people to develop those relationships, which I have done over the past 20-plus years. It also takes trusting people. We have sources on the east coast, west coast, gulf coast, and all over the country and we fly everything in whole and filet it here. The secret is flying it in and getting fresh product – when you’re out, you’re out.

Your Favorite Publication Has Gone Mobile BLITZ-To-Go

Photos Courtesy: Darryl Briggs

What makes people love Sea Breeze so much? Mark: Freshness, variety, the friendly easy-going atmosphere and getting a high-class piece of fish for a moderate price and the location.

Mark: As an independent restaurant it takes on the personality of the owners.

Rich: With the quality of product we could be anywhere in Dallas with white table cloths on the tables, but that’s not who we are. But the quality of product can command that type of price range. Because of the way we buy it, store it, and handle it we have the freshest fish in town.

Rich: Just to bring in some different kinds of wines. Wine and food are kind of like peanut butter and jelly – one makes better than the other and when you pair great wine with great food it’s a fabulous experience. So on October 2 that’s what we are looking forward to doing.

What was the first rule of owning a restaurant that you guys learned? Rich: You’ve got to be here. You’ve got to be here, work it, and develop it.

Mark: We have always offered a nice by the glass wine list so this is the introduction to a little nicer quality by the bottle product.

Tell me what you’re most looking forward to for the wine dinner?

Mark: And knowing how to handle it. That’s what most people don’t understand. If you go to a place to buy fish the day it comes in it’s a pretty reasonable bet that you’ll get a decent piece of fish. If it’s the next day they may have not stored it correctly or not have kept it at the right temperature and there’s no telling what you’re going to get that second day. Outside of the restaurant do you guys consider yourselves foodies? Mark: Food is part of the deal, you know. Do I study food? No. Do I enjoy food? Absolutely. Rich: Same thing. I enjoy it, however, I wouldn’t call myself a true foodie. I am more of a seafood…I don’t want to say snob [Mark burst out laughing]. I am more of a seafood person.

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Cedar Planked Wild King Salmon with grilled corn and sweet red pepper relish

Sea Breeze Fish Market & Grill • 4017 Preston Rd. #530 Plano, TX • www.seabreezefish.com

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 3

September 26 - october 2, 2012

The IT List

Photo Courtesy: Driven

hese Dallas designers and boutiques will make sure you always make the bestdressed list. No need to do the research we did it for you.

THE BOSS

Culwell & Son

6319 Hillcrest Dallas, TX 75205 www.culwell.com

Stanley Korshak

500 Crescent Court, Suite 100 Dallas, TX 75201 www.stanleykorshak.com

Daniel Taylor Clothier

3699 McKinney Ave., Suite 313 Dallas, TX 75204 www.danieltaylorclothier.com

THE GENTLEMAN

THE LIFE OF THE PARTY

J. Hilburn Men’s Clothier

Forty Five Ten

www.jhilburn.com

www.fortyfiveten.com

D. Jones Tailored Collection

Centre

2601 W. Mockingbird Lane Dallas, TX 75235

Cowboy Cool

3699 McKinney Ave., Suite 407 Dallas, TX 75204

4510 McKinney Ave. Dallas, TX 75205

www.cowboycool.com

REUSE Jeans

3010 LBJ Frwy, Suite 1228 Dallas, TX 75234

5307 E. Mockingbird Lane, Suite 140 Dallas TX, 75206

www.djones.com

www.gottocentre.com

Lombardo Custom Apparel

Nicolas Villalba

www.lombardocutomapparel.com

www.nicolasvillalba.com

Q Custom Clothier

Indigo 1745

www.qcustomclothier.com

www.indigo1745.com

17604 North Dallas Pkwy. Dallas, TX 75287

85 Highland Park Village, Suite 303 Dallas, TX 75205

2366 Irving Blvd Dallas, Texas 75207

8188 Park Lane Dallas, TX 75231 www.reusejeans.com

Gregory’s

13350 Dallas Pkwy, Suite 1365 Dallas, TX 75240 www.gregorysshoes.com

370 W. 7th St. Dallas, TX 75208

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September 26 - October 2, 2012

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 3

Gearshift: Starting from Scratch Awesome Trike Built In One Day

By Jimmy Connolloy - @BlitzWeekly Photos Courtesy: Steven Hendrix

his past Saturday, bright and early at Dallas Harley-Davidson Parts Manager Derek Bishop and his crew prepared to build a 2013 HarleyDavidson Trike from the ground up. It was a big day for everyone. In addition to the Tri Glide Ultra Classic, there was a Poker Run and the 12th annual car and motorcycle show honoring fallen Garland police officer Ronnie Lerma. The crowd showed up early and grew throughout the day. Breakfast was being served by the staff and riders were getting new patches sewn on their jackets. The weather was perfect for a day of fun filled activities. There was so much hustle and bustle going on and right in the middle of it all was Bishop and his crew consisting of Jesse Bunch and Tim Rhyse. General Manager Sean Steimel was on hand as well. It would take a group effort to pull off the trike build successfully. Every year Dallas Harley-Davidson showcases their efforts with a bike build. They want to show customers that their bike can be customized and personalized to their taste. Working on tight deadlines, there is a lot of prep work involved. Once the process begins even with thorough planning, there are snafus that must be overcome. At the end of the day and eight fast paced hours later, the trike starts up and becomes available for sale. Derek Bishop isn’t some sort of novice straight out of ATI. He’s been at Dallas Harley-Davidson for over three years and with the company over six. The bug hit him when he was young. His dad rode and being from Hollister, California aka The Mecca of motorcycling there was no looking back. He says out west that the rides and the clubs are different from here in the metroplex and even out on the east coast. That’s not a bad thing. Different parts of the country have different styles. He’s proud to be a part of Dallas Harley-Davidson and looks forward to helping customers personalize their ride no matter how extravagant that might be!

The Cheat Sheet 2013 Harley-Davidson Trike Tri Glide Ultra Classic Length: Seat Height: Wheelbase: Fuel Capacity: Engine: Displacement: MPG: Transmission: Base Price:

105.8 inches 27.1 inches 66.6 inches 6 gallons Air-cooled, Twin Cam 103 103.0 cubic inches 38 6-Speed Cruise Drive $30,999.00

Customized:

Priceless

.com Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 3

Q: How is a thong like a barbed wire fence? A: It protects the property without obstructing the view. Q: Why do women fake orgasms? A: Because they think we care. Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. They’ll just let their children take care of it.

September 26 - october 2, 2012

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had passed away, a woman went to her grand parents’ house to visit her 95 years-old grand mother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.” Obviously surprised, the woman told her grandmother that two people having sex when they are nearly 100 years old would surely be asking for trouble. “Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was on Sunday morning when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm – nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the ding and out on the dong.” She paused to wipe away a tear and continued, “He’d still be alive today if that fucking ice cream truck hadn’t come along.”

Blitz Funnys

The Ice Cream Truck

MANY WERE REHIRED A Los Angeles Times review of 1,600 files kept “quietly” by the Boy Scouts of America, concerning dismissals related to child molestation accusations, found many contained the following promise: “We are making no accusations and will not release this information to anyone, so our actions in no way will affect your standing in the community.” (Is a name-change needed? Boy Abusers of America?)

16, 2012, after disappearing the previous April. Owner of the park, Gary Saurage, had no idea what this 16-foot snake had been doing for the last five months. NOW, WOULDN’T THAT BE AWFUL Poor Ronald Post. Not only does he weigh 480 pounds, but the state of Ohio is planning to put him to death January 16, 2013, for murdering a hotel clerk almost 30 years ago. Post’s attorneys have appealed, saying penetrating his arm with a lethal injection needle, due to “…his weight, vein access, scar tissue and other medical problems...” could lead to a “torturous and lingering death.” (Darned!)

MAYBE VACATIONING IN EUROPE? Beaumont, Texas – “Banana,” a yellow python, returned to her Jefferson County wild life park home September

Libra September 23 – October 22 Although many folks say that you’re an awesome person, that’s only what they say to your face.

Capricorn December 22 – January 19 Your exciting new job in the hospitality industry will lead you to handle more luggage than you were led to believe.

Aries March 21 – April 19 Try to put things in perspective, no matter how bad things are right now; you’ll be dead in a hundred years.

Cancer June 22 – July 22 You will gain sight into a new dimension after donning a new pair of red-andblue lensed spectacles.

Scorpio October 23 – November 21 You’ll be the envy of the bar when you harness your inner power to down a Duke’s Original Roadhouse Tower of Power in less than five minutes.

Aquarius January 20 – February 18 Though you thought it was just a figure of speech, you will actually have that shit eating grin smacked right off your face.

Taurus April 20 – May 20 Go to Dick’s Sporting Goods this week and purchase a new paddle for the stars predict you’ll be going up a creek soon.

Leo July 23 – August 22 Your love is a burning love which is why you should go to the STD clinic immediately.

Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 It’s true: Nobody enjoys a breakfast taco more than you.

Pisces February 19 – March 20 Love is in the air and a must for many. Enjoy watching others experience how great it really is.

Gemini May 21 – June 21 Take some time out for yourself this week. Five or ten minutes should do since you aren’t worth that much.

ACROSS 1. Rise 6. Ends a prayer 10. “Wise” birds 14. Located near the poles 15. Portend 16. Poop 17. San Antonio fort 18. Poems 19. Ice cream holder 20. Rancor 22. Ancient Peruvian 23. Twin sister of Ares 24. Boarder 26. Impetuous 30. Picnic insect 31. French for “Summer” 32. Found in some lotions 33. Not nights 35. Deduce 39. Drop sharply 41. Feeling 43. Lofty nest

44. Arab chieftain 46. Wings 47. Unhappy 49. Gorilla 50. Extend credit 51. Mainstay 54. Religious sisters 56. Arithmetic 57. Found on cave ceilings 63. Competent 64. Greek letter 65. Radiolocation 66. Fly high 67. Cooking fat 68. Fragrance 69. A flexible pipe 70. Tall woody plant 71. Burrowing mammals

Virgo August 23 – September 22 Your migraines will soon go away, along with all other associated nerve activity.

DOWN 1. Box 2. Lacquered metalware 3. “Oh my!” 4. What a person is called 5. Pilotless plane 6. Find repugnant 7. Propriety 8. Biblical garden 9. Get cozy 10. Not oriental 11. Not right 12. Javelin 13. Lance 21. Exchange 25. Ear-related 26. Sexual assault 27. Friend 28. Not sweet 29. Half of a sphere 34. Specify 36. Dossier 37. Distinctive flair

38. Marsh plant 40. Lunch or dinner 42. Sporting venue 45. Sea cow 48. Abstain 51. Demolish 52. Forbidden 53. Collection of maps 55. Leave in a hurry 58. See the sights 59. Tropical tuber 60. False god 61. Docile 62. Historical periods

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September 26 - October 2, 2012

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 3

The CLOSER

The

Pocketful of Peens

AnsweR Guy

Thorned Not Scorned

with

Arthur Bellfield

Posie Pocket has experienced some puzzling dating situations. Instead of hardening her heart, she’s reflecting on these encounters with hope and bright eyes for the future. By sharing her stories, she’s revealing the lessons learned and getting a good laugh while on the lookout for love.

The Married Rotten Scoundrel Some times little girls come across big bad men. These little girls may wrap up their naïve souls away for safekeeping. But these big bad men are relentless and will try to bust a way in. This peen is definitely not someone I considered knocking boots with. Oh no, not at all. Even though he had a strategy in mind for knocking my boots clear off. I like to consider myself a savvy business woman, eager to network with appropriate individuals I come across. I had switched jobs, but kept running into a gentleman my previous employer had done business with. It was one of those scenarios where I knew who he was, but he had no clue who I was. One night, I saw him out and I introduced myself and asked what he’d been up to. We hit it off in a completely professional, platonic way. I was actually out with a guy I was dating. The business guy and I made small talk, traded business cards and agreed to meet up for coffee to talk shop. Fast forward a month and we established a comfortable rapport and were pursuing business ventures together. Now I must mention, this chap is probably 10-15 years older than me, married and not a bang-able specimen in my eyes. It honestly never crossed my mind to think of him as a sexual being. One night I was coming home from dinner and I receive a text from him telling me he was in my neck of the woods. I think nothing of it and join him for a harmless drink while he ate a pizza, to recap some business items. Looking back now, I am seeing the flashing lights screaming, “Don’t go you naïve little girl! It’s a Friday night!” Completely blind and dumb as hell, I join this scoundrel of a man at a local joint. The night comes to an end and he walks me home to make sure I wasn‘t abducted by

Photo Courtesy: farm4.static

some strange man in the dark. Still not thinking anything of it, we make our way down the street to my place. The entire time I’m rattling on about different ideas for the business venture we’re working on together. We get to my door and I offer him, “good night” and start to head inside. As I’m scampering up the steps, I hear him say, “Is that all?” My first reaction was, where are my manners? I ask him, “Did you want a bottle of water for the road or need to use the restroom?” Then he shot me a creepy little smile and inferred he wanted to come inside and upstairs. My heart sank all the way down to my toes. My entire demeanor changed as I stiffened, “Excuse me, aren’t you a married man?” He inched towards me and argued, “Does that really matter?” I scoffed, “It most certainly does! I believe in the sanctity of marriage! Go home to your wife!” I spun around as fast as I could, ran inside and slammed the door. I felt violated, disappointed and heartbroken for his wife. How could I have not seen the signs? I only saw this guy as a mentor. Someone who could really help me have my big break. The only thing he wanting was to break was his back from too much “hot, young girl sex.” Literally 58 seconds after entering the front door, I get a string of desperate texts. He kept rattling off that he “knew I wanted this” and “we should be naked by now.” First of all, you are a married, rotten dick. Second of all, don’t be sexting me that shit. I am not some common street whore who will turn tricks. Especially with your married, semi-old ass. These texts continued to roll in deep into the night. I finally turned my phone off and threw it across the room. I was feeling so disturbed and paranoid, I was afraid his gross face would pop

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out of the phone! I of course was alone in my home and scared he’d bust his way through a window and try to sex me in the night. As the initial shock and fury escaped my body, I tried to put him out of my mind. Soon enough, his texts diminished and it’s almost as if his campaign for our sexcapade didn’t happen. I’m sure he was trying to carry on his attempt at infidelity, ready to stick it to some other 20-something girl. Then about a month later, he started an alternate form of communication since the phone only got him silence. He started emailing me, masking the conversations with business. As my inbox continued to be flooded with his unwanted emails, I finally replied. Here’s the email correspondence: ME: “After your inappropriate and unsettling solicitation for sex, a business relationship with you makes me uncomfortable.” HIS JACKASS RESPONSE: That’s precious... lol. Definitely don’t want you uncomfortable. Have a great one. That got my blood boiling. That’s not precious. You’re a bona fide prick who dashes around town in an overly expensive car with frosted blonde tips. Your wife is probably home masturbating because you’re out, gallivanting around town like an idiot, trying to screw innocent young girls. Stay home, get your Johnson stroked by your own wife and respect the vows you pledged to her.

Dear Arthur, My long time pale now super spray tanned girlfriend really wants fake boobs and I am totally against it. She has been hanging out with a group of girls that I think are bad news (as in skuz buckets). Is it true that once good girls have gone bad there’s no coming back? Signed, Hitting the Road Jack Thanks for writing Jack! I was just reading an article about a woman named Cristal Paulette Richardson, who allusively killed her boyfriend and cut off his penis in a Motel 6 here in Dallas in April of this year. Now, that’s a good girl gone bad! Your girlfriend-turned-Barbie doll is facing more of an identity crisis more than anything. Here are a few things that I’ve learned during my thirtysomething odd years that may help you deal with the newest member of the “skuz bucket” crew. One, sometimes women like a bit of change in their lives. Some women will change their hair or OBGYN, and others may change their friends or the man in their life. Two, if a woman has truly gone over to the dark side of the force and started stripping for profit, dating gangbangers with would-be rap careers, and hanging out with trailer trash gone wild, then the best advice I can give you is to jump ship! And, third, stay away from girls who take psych meds. I once dated a bi-polar woman who stopped taking her pills for a week and got mad at me one day and trashed my apartment. Once a girl breaks your Playstation 3 there’s no reconciliation! Trying to save a girl once she decides that she wants to join the Bad Girls Club can be an emotionally draining thing. Make sure she’s worth the stress! Submit your questions to Arthur: arthur@blitzweekly.com

VOL. 5 - ISSUE 3

September 26 - october 2, 2012

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