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june 2013

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VOL. 6 - ISSUE 5

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“Like Minds”

ou must forgive me if I choose to borrow a phrase from 1985 and the early peak of David Lee Roth embarking on a solo career. You see if you’re a fan of something chances are you always will equate the individual to the group, team or band with which they currently or once played. In 1973, I became enthralled with a band named Montrose. It was quite the year for rookie music as Montrose with Sammy Hagar, Queen, Aerosmith, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Kiss, 10CC, and the Scorpions had debut albums. I liked Sammy Hagar as a solo artist. Some fans think of him as the vocalist from Montrose or Van Halen or these days Chickenfoot. Time and again you will hear countless discussions/arguments/agreements/discourse over how much influence a certain individual

Editor-in-Chief C. Patterson Copy Editor Mark Miller Director of Art Michael H. Lee Editorial Staff Arthur Bellfield, Geoff Case, Peter Gerstenzang, Ethan Harmon, Keysha Hogan, Amber LaFrance, Will Martin, Mark Miller, Posie Pockets Photo Editor Darryl Briggs Cover Photography Jonah Gilmore

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By will martin - mrwill316@blitzweekly.com

has in their band or group. Occasionally there also is that added caveat of being a lone wolf and having more success in a solo career. Gerry Rafferty comes to mind for ‘Baker Street’ in 1978. I wonder how many people remember in 1975 his vocals to ‘Stuck In The Middle With You’ as a member of Stealers Wheel? My point exactly. What if you are the perceived rock star agent who can give an athlete anything he wants? What if you have a reputation for being a tough negotiator and get your clients the best contracts available? In so doing you raise the bar that much more to help the next free agent when it’s time to negotiate. Jay-Z and his Roc Nation Sports have yet to be licensed as agents with the National Football League (which will one day come to pass). In the last year no less, Robinson Cano and Victor Cruz have both said ‘goodbye’ to their agents and gone to Jay-Z via CAA Sports. In fact, his latest acquisition to the budding imprint, newly drafted Jets’ QB Geno Smith, has garnered Mr. Z a bit on unwanted attention - namely an investigation from the NFL Players Association due to the nature of the signing. I’m sure it also helps that Jay-Z is married to the one and only Beyonce, a fellow mover and shaker in the music, fashion, and endorsement lines. If you are a talented young up-and-comer and are properly represented when it’s time to shine would you not want a bad-ass with influence to assist? I recently read where Jay-Z wants to represent the soccer phenom Neymar due to his marketability. If you have the ways, connections, and means to have access to a superstar then why the hell not? When you agree to go into a partnership with someone you’re essentially saying that, ‘I have something to bring to the table. Now you go figure out how big that table is going to be.’ Be sure to read the fine print and have a lawyer present to double-check everything. Then proceed to scale the mountains and see what kind of history you make. One decade ago Boras was deemed ‘The Satan of Sports’ due to the contracts he commanded. If an owner is dumb enough to pay why blame Scotty? Time and again I have stated how “competition breeds a better product!” If my numbers and hard work dictate I am paid x amount of dollars in a certain field then why should it matter who your agent is? On June 30 the talk will be hot and heavy for American hockey phenom Seth Jones to be a part of Roc Nation Sports. People who want to bag on Jay-Z for wanting to build an arsenal of great athletes should consider the following: UNTIL he is licensed to be an NFL agent, Mr.

Beyonce (meant in a good way!) isn’t even the problem or issue. The CAA is where the teeth and grit and muscle will come from. Jay-Z is in the middle of the action. So what’s the problem? The American way is all about trying to build your brand, your base, and to hopefully produce a long line of greatness. Supply and demand and create jobs and opportunity. A pedigree of persistence and execution. If the said goals are met, then you have a great relationship. In life you meet people, you have relationships. Sometimes they go south and sometimes they grow and continue for life. There are no guarantees and no blue print on how it’s done. Maybe you’re nice and proper or cold and ruthless. If your end result is reached then the situation is win-win. So in the end if Jay-Z is one to exert too much pressure/influence to represent athletes, young athletes about to flourish, while netting a wonderful result for market value, side gigs, endorsement deals, and create an environment for more talent to come on board - EXERT AWAY! Bill Gates may not be the most popular guy in the techno world because of the whole monopolistic approach taken by Microsoft. Look at all the jobs he created. Alex and Eddie Van Halen had issues with Sammy Hagar and David Lee Roth. After 35 years the band and the legacy endures. Fans love the music and happily quibble about if VH was better with DLR or the Red Rocker. Some 40 years ago George Steinbrenner became the Yankees owner (by way of Cleveland) and made waves for some expensive free agent signings. Several titles later, Yankee fans learned to adapt as George played by the rules of “what the market will bear”...so much to be made about the art of the game. When you have access, amazing things can happen. Jay-Z is all-access. In a way who better to fight your battles in the art of negotiation? With so many crazy requests written into musician contracts, I already can imagine what future sports superstars will demand on a deal. Jay-Z: I know very little about you. This is America. If being a slick agent for the up-andcomer is what you want to do, then go for it. Just make sure you do what you say you’re going to do. And while you’re at it, can you bring a pro baseball team back to Brooklyn? You do that and Flatbush will have your back...for life! And you’re producing ‘The Great Gatsby?’ Well done. Sport!

VOL. 6 - ISSUE 5

june 2013

Life of Ti The Rebirth of A Champion “W

Have a suggestion for Blitz or simply want to challenge the editor to a drunken boxing match? Go to blitzweekly.com/contact-us/

By jay betsill - @thefamousjay

e just go out there and play,” said Tiger Woods following his May 12 win at the Professional Golfers Association Players Championship. “I had an opportunity to win the golf tournament when I was tied for the lead today, and I thought I handled the situation well and really played well today when I really needed to. And that’s something I’m excited about it.” Woods won the Players for the first time since 2001 joining Fred Couples, Davis Love III, Hal Sutton and Steve Elkington as the only two-time winners at TPC Sawgrass. It was the 78th career win on

Hobbes gives Tiger some advice

the PGA Tour for the world’s No. 1 player, four short of Sam Snead’s all-time record. Woods finished at 13-under-par 275 and earned $1.71 million, putting his season total to more than $5.8 million in only seven tournaments. It was Woods’ 300th PGA Tour start and interestingly, he also won in his 100th and 200th events.

“You have to be on top of your game and hit all the shots,” said Joe LaCava, Woods’ caddie, who also won here with Fred Couples in 1996. “There was no fear at all. He was hitting the exact shots that were called for. He’s driving it better, his iron game is more precise. He’s working it both ways. He’s putting well, but honestly he didn’t make a lot of putts this week. He missed some putts or it wouldn’t have been close.” This is the 12th season Woods has won at least four times (he won earlier this year in the Farmers Insurance Open at Torrey Pines, Cadillac Championship at Doral and the Arnold Palmer Invitational at Bay Hill). Before Woods joined the PGA Tour at the 1996 Greater Milwaukee Open, winning four events in a single year was the gold standard of a good season. This also is the quickest he has reached four wins in a year. The only other time he did it before June 1 came in 2000, when he went on to win the next four majors for what became universally known as the “Tiger Slam.” So now comes the question that pops up every time Woods is in the PGA Tour winner’s circle: “Is Tiger back?” The answer is still the same. When Tiger wins another major, it can be said that he has fully recovered from the fall from grace that began with the Thanksgiving 2009 scandal

and also has included injuries and changes of caddies and swing coaches. With his last major victory coming at the 2008 U.S. Open at Torrey Pines, there are those who say his chance of chasing down the great Jack Nicklaus’ record of 18 major titles are over. Others say it is still possible, but having sat on 14 majors for so long, it is highly unlikely. Then there is CBS broadcaster David Feherty. During a recent interview on Jim Rome on Showtime, the golfer turned announcer told Rome he fully expects Tiger to be “back and better than he was before.” After watching Tiger during the Players, considered by many a PGA Tour marquee event and by most golf fans the ‘Fifth Major’ with its strong field, it is hard to disagree with Feherty. It certainly had a very familiar vibe to the big events Woods won in his glory days as he was playing smart. Those who had a chance to challenge him simply crumbled in his presence, in this instance Sergio Garcia and Jeff Maggert who each hit in the water on the famed No. 17. If Feherty is indeed correct about Tiger, it is good news for the networks. The final round of The Players drew the highest overnight rating (5.9) for a non-major PGA Tour telecast since the 2006 Buick Invitational, also won by Woods. The previous high this season was 4.4 for the final round at Doral, where Woods notched the second of his four wins. That Sunday’s overnight matched the 2001 Players (won by Tiger) as the highest tournament rating since 1991. The Sunday rating was up 68 percent from last year (3.4), when Matt Kuchar won by two shots. While those PGA Tour players not named Tiger made the trek to DFW in May for the HP Byron Nelson Championship in Las Colinas and Crowne Plaza Invitational at Colonial in Fort Worth, Woods was preparing for his next major test, the 2013 U.S. Open scheduled June 13-16 at the East Course of the Merion Golf Club just outside of Philadelphia. After closing out the Players on Mother’s Day, should Woods be victorious on Father’s Day at Merion, it will be safe to say the world’s top-ranked player is indeed back.

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By jan hubbard – comments@blitzweekly.com No matter what, the Rangers are some tough hombres

s best I can determine, the term “Hot Stove League” was coined around the turn of the 20th century, although the origin is uncertain. I saw one reference that said it probably was a sports writer who made up the term and that was an uplifting thought. It’s great to know that sports writers have been accused of making stuff up for more than 100 years. What a great tradition. At one time, the Hot Stove League was pretty tame. That was in the days before talk radio and the Internet. Breaking news during the baseball offseason usually originated in The Sporting News, which for a century or so was known as the “Bible of Baseball” and was printed once a week. But now, the Hot Stove League constantly roars out of control, burning like a monstrous bonfire because of the world we live in. A result of the relentless chatter in the off season -- which has made baseball, and for that matter, all the other sports a 12-month news operation -- is that there is an overreaction to everything. And I literally mean everything. The result is that once a thought is made public, it becomes a debate. And the debate is not confined to a weekly magazine or daily paper. It is splashed across blogs, gurgled on radio and intensified by the Worldwide Leader in Sports. Too often, even if the thought is misguided, it becomes the foundation of the debate, which leads us -- in a long winded way -- to the Texas Rangers. How much optimism did you hear or read in the offseason? The Rangers lost Josh Hamilton, Michael Young and Mike Napoli. They were going to start the season without the rehabbing Colby Lewis and Martin Perez. They were noticeably quiet in the offseason. Even when they signed Lance Berkman, they were panned for paying a 37-year-old hitter with bad knees $10 million. Signing A.J.

Pierzynski produced a shrug. And that was before opening day starter Matt Harrison had back surgery, which will keep sidelined for three months. But Rangers GM Jon Daniels never panicked, which, perhaps is a result of having a memory that is longer than a Twitter message. Whenever he was grilled about not replacing departed players, Daniels would say something like, “We like what we have. We like our team, and we want to give some of these young players a real opportunity. Some of the guys, we believe, are winning players, and we want to take a good look at them and see what we’ve got.” Last October, Daniels watched as his team fell apart late. At one time, the Rangers led the American League West by 13 games. With nine days left in the season, they led Oakland by five games. But Oakland swept the final three-game series, forced the Rangers into playing a onegame wild card game against the Orioles, who ended Texas’ season with an easy 5-1 victory. Here is the key stat that everyone should have taken from last year to this year: A’s 2012 payroll: $55 million. Rangers’ 2012 payroll: $120 million. It wouldn’t seem that hard to connect the dots. If Oakland can compete with only top-flight young players who are making less than their counterparts, why can’t the Rangers with Ian Kinsler, Elvis Andrus, Adrian Beltre, Nelson Cruz, etc., still compete? Yes, they lost a lot of home runs when Hamilton went to the Angels, but they also lost a lot of distractions and airhead play in the field. This was a team that still had major players from the two World Series teams, so the idea that they were going to plummet in the standings was hysterical in a bad way. The Rangers also had quality pitching in the form of Yu Darvish, who simply has been the best in the Major Leagues this year. Derek Holland and Alexi Ogando (before he went on

the disabled list) may not be sure things, but they are quality pitchers and they’ve performed well. And Joe Nathan is at the top of the list of great closers in baseball. Some of the same critics who were so negative about the Rangers are the same people who praise the Texas farm system, but Daniels was apparently the only one who believed the young talent was capable of coming through. Rookie starters Nick Tepesch and Justin Grimm have been, at times, brilliant and second-year pitcher Tanner Scheppers has embraced the setup role like a 10-year vet. The bottom line is that one-quarter of the way into the season, the Rangers had the best record in the American League and were tied with the St. Louis Cardinals for the best record in baseball. And at some point during the season, Lewis – the Opening Day starter in 2012, Perez and Harrison should return. In August, Neftali Feliz, who had Tommy John surgery, could also be back. Meanwhile, how are those Angels doing? One quarter of the season does not a season make. The A’s once again have a low payroll but a competitive team. The Angels at some point have the talent to put together a long win streak. A lot of time remains. But as strange as it sounds, the Rangers have a winning pedigree. It wasn’t that way for the first 37 seasons when the Rangers were the Clippers of baseball. They now have established players, excellent pitching, a manager who is great at getting maximum effort from his players and there is no reason not to be optimistic. The Rangers may not win the AL or the World Series, but if healthy, they will remain competitive at the very highest levels of baseball. And they will prove that sometimes the predictions from the Hot Stove League are nothing more than ice cold.

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By brian beard – comments@blitzweekly.com

Roy “Big Country” Nelson (20-7-0) vs. Stipe Miocic (9-1-0) Big Country Nelson isn’t sitting back and admiring his work. He just dusted Kongo last month and is already stepping back into action, facing the up and comer Stipe Miocic. We all know what Nelson is about so who is Stipe Miocic? He is a former collegiate wrestler with good takedowns and very solid stand up. On paper I see Stipe taking this one. He will have the reach and he is a taller “more athletic” fighter and his strong wrestling could be the difference in this one. I don’t think so though. My prediction: Nelson is a beast and will pull out a TKO in the third round. Stipe will be surprised by Roy’s strength and athleticism.

Rashad “Suga” Evans (22-3-1) vs. Dan “Hendo” Henderson (29-9-0) Suga vs. Hendo! These are two phenomenal wrestlers with very dangerous punching power. Rashad has the advantage in the quickness department but Hendo will have the power advantage. Hendo is very quick in transition as well. This really is a tough one to call. I think these two will push the takedown attempts but not sure either will be successful. Rashad has lost his last two fights and he really needs a win. Look for him to fight like it. He will be looking to make a statement. Hendo is not the best guy for him to try to do that against but he is capable. I don’t look for this one to go the distance. My prediction: Henderson will win via TKO in the second round.

Mauricio “Shogun” Rua (21-7-0) vs. Antonio “Minotoro” Nogueira (21-5-0) Two legends will face off again! This time it will be in the cage rather than the ring. Their last meeting was in 2005, in Pride, where Nog won a decision. It’s hard to believe that these warriors are still competing at the highest level after all these years in the game, but they are and doing it well. I am generally a fan of legends getting out of the game before their legacy is ruined. These guys are still among the best in the world after more than a decade of competing on the world’s biggest stage. Nog has been looking a little better than Shogun as of late and is really fighting well. Shogun will look to capitalize on kicks and Nog will be working the hands. My prediction: I don’t really see this one going to the ground. Nog will win a stand up war by decision.

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By Mika Bradford CN, CPht

ll energy drinks are not the same and while they all profess to give you that extra boost of energy to get you through your late-night work deadline or increase your endurance for a grueling workout their ingredients can be extremely different. The labels and breakdown of ingredients can be confusing since some energy drinks actually provide two servings per container, however, the ingredients typically are listed per individual serving. For example, the amount of caffeine they contain can be as low as 79 milligrams per 8.4 ounces, similar to your average 8-ounce cup of coffee or as high as having 316 milligrams per 16-ounce can. Other ingredients commonly found in energy drinks are the amino acid Taurine, B vitamins and herbs like Guarana, Panax Ginseng and Yohimbe. Knowing your energy drink’s ingredient profile can help you better choose the drink that fits your energy needs depending on what activities you have planned, your tolerance to caffeine and any medications you may be taking. The type of sweetener used can directly impact the flavor of the drink and any possible after-taste.

Here is a quick reference to help you choose the right pick-me-up drink:

‘

Alternative Energy

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Red Bull Sugar Free 80 milligrams of Caffeine per 8.4 ounces has Taurine with B vitamins. This energy drink has a distinct after-taste with a nice balance of carbonation. By itself or in a mixed drink it provides a moderate amount of pick me up.

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AMP Energy Sugar Free 71 milligrams of caffeine per 8-ounce and 142 per 16-ounce can. AMP offers a similar ingredient profile to the Monster formulations having Guarana Seed Extract, Taurine, Panax Ginseng Extract and B vitamins. This drink has a citrus flavor and look to it similar to noncaffeinated sports drink.

Monster Lo-Carb 70 milligrams of caffeine per 8-ounce serving and 140 milligrams per 16-ounce can. It is a little sweet because glucose is one of the sweeteners. It also has Panax Ginseng, L-Carnitine, L-Tartrate, Guarana Extract and B vitamins.

Robust Sugar Free 79 milligrams of caffeine per 8.4-ounce can with Taurine and B vitamins. This drink is crisp in flavor, does not have a strong artificial aftertaste and has just the right amount of zing. Robust can be used in place of a cup of coffee, as a quick source of energy that won’t make you wired or jittery. And it gives a natural and unique blend of flavors when paired with mixed drinks.

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VOL. 6 - ISSUE 5

ks Thanys u g

By mark miller – mmiller@blitzweekly.com

t was the second inning of a Saturday night home game in April when Nick Tepesch received an unplanned visit from someone all baseball players dread. The same thing happened to David Murphy late on a Tuesday night in May in Oakland. After being hurt in different ways, the Texas Rangers pitcher and outfielder were quickly tended to by Jamie Reed, the team’s senior director of medical operations. Better known as the trainer, Reed had to quickly assess the severity of the situations. Tepesch immediately left the game with a scrape and swelling just above his right wrist after being hit by a line drive by Seattle Mariners catcher Jesus Montero. Later

said. “They always know what they’re doing. They always have your best interests and what goes unrecognized is if we get to the park around 2 o’clock for a 7 o’clock game they’re always here before us. They’re probably here at 12 or 1 every single day.” “These guys do a great job and most teams don’t skimp when it comes to their medical staff and the Rangers are no exception to that,” said designated hitter Lance Berkman. “We have an outstanding strength coach and an outstanding training staff and they do a lot to help us on the field, get us back on the field when we get hurt or keep from us getting hurt in the first place.” The medical staff includes team physician Dr. Keith Meister, assistant team physician Dr. Shane Seroyer and internist Dr. David Hunter, and athletic trainers Kevin Harmon and Matt Lucero. But equally important is Jose Vazquez, who oversees the major league team’s strength, conditioning and nutrition programs. He also works closely with Reed’s staff to ensure the best for all players. “We work as a team,” said Vazquez, now in his eighth season with the organization. He also helps hire full-time strength Trainer Kevin Harmon makes sure Adrian Beltre is good to go Darryl Briggs coaches for each minor diagnosed as a contusion, he not only made league affiliate. “We talk about the players’ his next start but also won it. Murphy didn’t miss strengths and weaknesses and what kinds of any time after crashing hard into the left-field injuries they’ve had in the past. wall trying to field a long fly ball. “It has to be a team approach where we Rangers’ fans seeing Reed on the field for the communicate and share as much information on past 11 years may think he’s the only person each player as we can and then either develop looking after the physical well-being of their ways to rehab them, strengthen them and figure favorite players. Truth be told, he’s part of a out what they need as a group.” team of professionals whose job it is to keep the No offense to Reed, who was unable to players healthy and in shape to meet the rigors comment by press time, but the players clearly of the long season. would rather work with Vazquez. “You really appreciate those guys because “If they are with me they know they are they take care of you on a daily basis,” Murphy healthy,” Vazquez said. “If they’re working get blitzed

with Jamie, there’s some issue going on.” First baseman Mitch Moreland put it even more simply. “If you can stay out of the training room, you can stay on the field,” he said. While Reed and Vazquez work virtually yearround, the main part of their work begins before spring training in Arizona. “Spring training is part of the continuation of the offseason,” Vazquez said. “Nowadays every player comes in in some kind of shape for the most part. It’s not like the old days when players came to spring training to get in shape. Now they’re in shape. So my job is to try to continue that conditioning they’ve had in the offseason, continue on the physical goals the players have set for themselves and come up with a program that I know they are going to benefit from throughout the season.” Such plans are individually based and

having to take care of the pitchers. They’re always having to go through some exercises or they need ice. A big part of the trainer’s job is the health of the pitchers.” Exactly what do these people do for the pitchers? “They do everything in between starts like shoulder maintenance, ice and prevention stuff after games,” Tepesch said. “There’s all sorts of things they do in between games.” “They’re huge,” said pitcher Derek Holland. “They help us out, keep us healthy and on the field. That’s the main thing. They deserve a lot of the credit. They keep us on the field, that’s the main thing.” After the season, Reed and Vazquez stay in touch with players either in-person for those who remain in the Dallas-Fort Worth area or by phone or e-mail for those players who don’t. And they know enough colleagues across the nation to provide referrals when needed. While trainers like Reed have been “Truth be told, he’s part around seemingly forever, coaches Vazquez have not always been of a team of professionals like a big part of baseball. He said that’s dramatically the last few whose job it is to keep the changed years. “The biggest change has been players healthy.” the acceptance of strength and conditioning in the game,” he said. “Weight training, strength and developed after talking to the players and conditioning training weren’t as big in baseball observing their workout habits. Vazquez said as much as other sports. Lifting weights in it can take several weeks to create ones for baseball was kind of a taboo thing. Over the new players while veterans usually just need to years despite the steroid issues and all the other refresh existing offseason plans. stuff, weight training is the way to go to give you “It takes communications,” said catcher A.J. the best chance to stay healthy because it makes Pierzynski. “You have to be willing to talk to muscles, tendons, joints strong.” guys and know how they’re feeling. And it has Vazquez is just happy the Rangers believe to work both ways. The players have to stay in what he does and glad he has such a great ahead of it. You can’t just say to the trainer, ‘this relationship with Reed and the medical/training hurts or that hurts can we do something about staff. it.’ It’s a two-way street so it always helps when “It’s a must that the trainers and strength and there’s an open line of communication between conditioning coaches work together otherwise the two parties.” you aren’t giving your players the best service Vazquez said during the season, it’s a process you can,” Vazquez said. “The best way to of eliminating some things, cutting back on keep players on the field is for the trainers and others and finding the right amount of work to strength and conditioning coaches to work match up with the demands of the long season. together. That doesn’t happen with all teams. “With 25 guys on the rosters, there’s always In some cases they are separate departments. going to be someone going through something,” They don’t talk. They co-exist somehow but the Murphy said. “There’s always going to be players suffer because of that relationship.” someone who is needy in the health department and they’re going to need some attention. “Their job is never laid back and simple. Even if the team is relatively healthy, they’re always

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JUNE bugged: movie guide By gary dowell - www.movieink.net Job Woes

The Internship: Eight years after The Wedding Crashers (yeesh, has it been that long?) became a sleeper hit, Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn re-unite to play two salesmen struggling to work in the digital age, who bluff their way into internships at Google, where they have to compete with tech-proficient young geniuses. Most under 35 are likely to find it a hoot; the rest of us will likely find it depressing. Release Date: June 7

Obligatory Post-Apocalyptic Sci-Fi Action

After Earth: Post-apocalyptic sci-fi is par for the course this summer and M. Night Shyamalan hasn’t made a decent movie in years, but the trailers for this science fiction drama look promising, and the director is working from someone else’s script for a change. Will Smith and his son Jaden star as father and son stranded on Earth 1,000 years after humanity has abandoned it; since then, the flora and fauna have mutated to new levels of dangerous. It just might make Avatar look like a Boy Scout camping trip. Release Date: June 7

Date Night for English Lit. Majors

Much Ado About Nothing: For what it’s worth, this is Avengers writer-director Joss Whedon doing Shakespeare. Granted, there won’t be any spandex, aliens, superheroes, or explosions added to it, but Whedon has always had a knack for ensemble stories and light comedy, which makes this low-budget project an inspired choice for him and a great way for newbies to experience the Bard. Whedon shot it in gorgeous black and white and changed the setting to suburban California for a twist, and the cast includes Whedon-verse regulars Nathan Fillion, Amy Acker, and Clark Gregg. Release Date: June 7

For a Night of Heavy Drinking

This Is the End: In one of the wildest premises for a movie since Inception (well, sorta), James Franco, Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Jonah Hill, Danny McBride, and a slew of other celebrities play offbeat -- and often unflattering -- versions of themselves as they are faced with the apocalypse during a night of heavy partying. It sounds alarmingly close to this summer’s The World’s End, but the recent red band trailer looks promising -- and hilarious. Release Date: June 12

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Geek is the New Cool, Embrace It

Man of Steel: Zack Snyder (300) and Christopher Nolan (the Dark Knight movies) attempt to re-invent Superman for the modern age, with Henry Cavill donning the cape as the last son of Krypton, Amy Adams as Lois Lane, Russell Crowe as Jor-El, and Michael Shannon as General Zod. It’s been a while since a decent Superman movie was in theaters, and a lot is riding on the success of this one. Initial skepticism is giving way to healthy buzz, and Lord knows we’re just happy to see Supes on the big screen again. Release Date: June 14

So Far, Zombies are Still Cool

World War Z: We figure the zombie subgenre will jump the proverbial shark any day now, and can’t help but wonder if this troubled adaptation of Max Brooks’ cult-favorite novel could be the turning point. Its curious choice of director (Marc Forster, Finding Neverland), out-of-control budget, massive mid-shoot script rewrites, and delayed release date are bad signs; but, if it’s as intense as the trailer makes it out to be, then we’re in for a treat. Release Date: June 21

If You Have to see a Chick Flick...

The Heat: Yep, it’s another buddy-cop action comedy, but the fact that this one stars Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side) as an uptight FBI agent and Melissa McCarthy (Bridesmaids) as a cranky Boston cop, and is directed by Bridesmaids helmer Paul Feig, suggests potential. McCarthy is hot right now, and Bullock is poised to have a good year between this and the upcoming sci-fi drama Gravity. Release Date: June 28

Political Theater

White House Down: If Olympus Has Fallen didn’t quench your thirst for D.C. action follies, consider this similarly themed flick from Roland Emmerich (Independence Day). Channing Tatum stars as a Washington, D.C. cop who has to save his daughter and the POTUS (Jamie Foxx) from homegrown terrorists. (It’s like real life, but with fewer gun nuts.) Unlike the self-serious Olympus, White House Down seems aware of its own silly premise and willing to run wild with it, injecting some much-needed humor that Olympus sorely lacked. Release Date: June 28

Men Eats

Dallas

Slow Bone

Barbecue By

Stop & Smell The BBQ M ove over slim, there’s a new BBQ sheriff in town and his name is Slow Bone! Don’t let the moniker fool ya though … he’s real quick on the draw! Jack Perkins is a Texas character with a colorful past, and his diversity in life definitely shines through in his culinary endeavors. The author, ex-computer tech, English teacher, football coach-turned restaurateur, grew up in Dallas and after a tour in the Navy, he learned the ins and outs of the restaurant trade by working at such Dallas high-end eateries as Landry’s, Morton’s, Chamberlain’s, Sullivan’s, Mi Piaci’s, and Roaring Fork Steak House. “I had always wanted to own a restaurant,” said Perkins, who was looking for something a bit more accessible to the general public than where he had been previously employed. The result? His insanely popular burger joint Maple & Motor. Neighbor and partner-in-crime Austen Wright had a big hand in inspiring the development of Maple & Motor. After locating a very old flattop grill at a defunct restaurant in Vernon, Texas, months of long, hard grilling and beer-drinking in Perkins’ garage ensued, and that grill turned out to be the key to making the perfect burger. The rest is history! The success enjoyed by M&M made additional locations a real possibility, but it was decided that “watering down the concept” was not an option, so the Slow Bone idea quickly came to fruition. I spoke with Wright, who was instrumental in the creation of Slow Bone, and reclamation and recycling were at the forefront of the construction agenda, for both cost and aesthetic reasons. They wanted the place to have a comfortable, lived-in feeling without “junking” it up. The slat wood above the counters came from the dining hall of the South Dallas Camp Wisdom Boy Scout Camp. Old Dallas Trolley tokens are embedded in the concrete tables. A motorcycle dangles from the ceiling, vintage signs dot the walls, and the bar is crafted of old window frames from the Cisco Systems’ building in North Dallas. Slow Bone sits at Wycliff and Irving Blvd., directly across from Off Site Kitchen, and seats almost 100. It’s run like Maple & Motor, with the “No sitting before ordering” rule intact. The Trinity Strand Trail route runs directly behind Slow Bone, and the guys are planning a large deck, akin to the Katy Trail Ice House patio in the near future. Meat is smoked on “Miss Jessie,” a huge hickory-fed (NO GAS!... until after the meal, that is…),

greg holman

rotisserie Oyler pit that holds up to 1,000 pounds of meat. She’s controlled with blower fans to keep a consistent temperature during the extensive18-hour brisket cooking process. The pit’s name has racy origins, as “Miss Jessie” Williams was the proprietor and original Madame of the infamous Chicken Ranch in La Grange, Texas (listen to the ZZ Top song). It was the oldest continuously operating brothel in the nation when it closed in 1973. And as the boys say, “Who better to smoke your meat than Miss Jessie!” Service is cafeteria style, on Melamine school lunch trays from Texas Ware. Chalkboard menus display meats and sides of the day. The brisket is amazingly tender, juicy, and just smoky enough, with a pronounced black crust (ask for it lean if you prefer the flat to the point). St. Louis Cut Pork Ribs are well, but not overly seasoned, and a bite pulls away cleanly, without taking the rest of the rib meat with it. The chicken is cooked competition-style, brined, then rubbed and smoked, giving it a succulent and moist, fall-off-the-bone tenderness. Three sausage options are available; a jalapeno brat, an old-style red, and a cilantro (my favorite!). The pork loin is wonderfully done and is stuffed with a caraway-seasoned ham/sausage mixture. Both Perkins and Wright are adamant that if you’re served a cut of meat not to your liking, just ask and it will be corrected. There are two sauces; both thin and vinegary. One is served warm and has a distinct cumin flavor; the other is served cold and is extremely spicy. They also make their own pickles, chowchow, and pickled red onions. The sides are all made in-house and include tasty pinto (borracho-style) beans, jalapeno and green chili mac and cheese, a great green bean casserole topped with crispy onions, Brussel sprouts and cauliflower au gratin (stellar!), fried okra (crispy and sweet), pea salad, mustard greens, whipped praline sweet potatoes (amazing!), and more. Bread options are a semi-sweet cornbread and giant crispy hush puppies. A wide beverage selection includes beer, imports and domestics, bottled, canned, and on tap. Non-alcoholic offerings include regular, sweet, and apple-mint teas. Sodas represented are of the traditional ilk plus Abita Root Beer, Big Red, Mellow Yellow, and Grape Nehi, on tap. The thing that strikes me the most about Slow Bone is that it’s atypical of most Dallas BBQ joints, with its diverse and regularly changing side dishes, its competition-style que, a relaxed atmosphere, and friendly and accommodating staff; it kind of feels like going over to your buddy’s house for an afternoon of beer drinkin’ and great BBQ. So stop by the “Bone,” say “Hi” to the gang and let Miss Jessie smoke your meat! Hey now!!! You won’t be disappointed.

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The Fine Art of Getting

the Words Wrong

By peter gerstenzang - pzang7@optonline.net

’ve had my share of troubles over the years, trying to understand lots of complicated ideas. Like politics, Algebra and why they keep creating new shows for Fran Drescher. Arguably, the most difficult subject of all is rock lyrics and how many times I’ve thought something was funny, until I actually ‘got’ it. A scenario not unlike Herpes Simplex 2. I thought it might be fun to discuss how I’ve misinterpreted lyrics over the years and how, in retrospect, once I understood certain lines by Scott Stapp, I shouldn’t have written that article comparing him to Lord Byron. Now, I don’t really consider myself to be a pervert. Then again, neither do those guys who get entrapped on To Catch A Predator. So, it’s surprising that my first lyrical misinterpretation involved kinky sex. I remember being little and first hearing The Rascals song, Groovin’ which seemed to contain the couplet: “Life would be ecstasy/You and me and Leslie.” Now, at 8, I was too young to know what a threesome was. But it still sounded hotter than the 7th Circle of Hell. And the lyric provoked

Mick Jagger is another guy whose diction is really bad. He slurs his words so much, you want to drag him to the doctor for a brain scan before his next mini-stroke. In 1973, I wondered why he kept singing the refrain, “Heartbreaker, with your bowling ball.” As a young teen I heard this and thought, ‘Is this the scariest piece of sporting equipment your character can carry? Not even nunchucks?’ I finally figured out the correct words were, “With your .44” and thought, ‘so much better!’ Sometimes, when you have the words straight, you just need one friend to screw you up. Take the lyrics to Every Breath You Take which aren’t exactly on the same level of complexity

"my pizza's burning” questions as deep as anything asked by Kierkegaard. Who was this Leslie chick? Did she perform this service for anyone? Soon, I found out they actually said “Endlessly.” But the game was on.

SU T YOURSELF

as The Canterbury Tales. My pal, John, loved this desolate love song but wondered, “why is Sting bragging that he’s a ‘pool hall ace’ in the middle?” First I told him the words were, “How my poor heart aches.” Then I bought him the same hearing implants Rush Limbaugh wears. Finally, you wouldn’t think Paul McCartney could cause any more controversy than a Yorkie with his hair in a pigtail. But in 1989, my then girlfriend heard his newest song and called him a “sexist.” Why, I wondered. She then said, he keeps yelling at Linda for “My Breakfast!” When I told her, Paul was actually saying, “My Brave Face,” she turned bright red. “Oh,” said my girl. “That’s different.” To keep peace, I said nothing. Misinterpreting lyrics is a fun indoor sport. But, then again, so is sex. And I didn’t want to mess up one. Just so I could discuss the other.

Smarter, Sharper Men

By Dwayne Williams blitzsuityourself@gmail.com

hat type of suits should I look for to beat the summer heat but still stay in style? There is one suit that is by far the most refreshing and liberating. It is one that gives you unparalleled freedom of movement; however, it can only be worn indoors. If you want to venture out and about, I recommend a proper covering up with garments. There’s nothing like the easy breezy comfort of a linen suit. Linen keeps you cool while giving you swag like Don Johnson on a beach stakeout. Many people choose to shy away from linen because it wrinkles, but I think the wrinkles are what make the fabric so richly unique. Lightweight cotton can be a great option to stay fly but cool. Being freshly dipped in a well-fitted

cotton suit will take you from the Kentucky Derby to a swanky uptown soiree. Are my blazer and suit jackets interchangeable? Yes, if you are on your way to your second interview and you wore the complete suit on the first interview. But as soon as you get the job, come see me immediately for a proper wardrobe. Suit jackets are for suits and blazers are blazers. If you don’t know the difference, definitely don’t try this at home. For best practice, take a look at the fabric and if it looks like it belongs to a suit, don’t wear it as a blazer. I’m packing for a weekend business trip in LA, what should I bring along? Depends on if you’re headed to Rivabella for appetizers and cocktails or you plan on swinging by a familiar spot near Florence and Normandy. If you opt for Rivabella after your

a good conversation. D Martin

meetings then plan to pack a sports coat, a few nice wovens, two matching ties, a pair of dark jeans, a dress shoe, and a driver moccasin. This should take you virtually everywhere in LA to blend in…except Florence and Normandy. What is the right watch to complement a suit without drawing too much attention to it? The watch is one of the last pieces to boost your swagmeter. Never wear a watch that isn’t well crafted. The best watches are the ones that resemble your personality. Family heirlooms are also cool to wear. Vintage classics can be a perfect extension to a wide lapelled, chalk stripe, super 150’s, and double-breasted number. We’ve all heard that a watch can be quite the conversation piece…just make sure it’s

The Numerology Of Suits $402 Billion - Projected menswear World Market earnings in 2014 50 Million - Number of men’s suits sold in the U.S. in 2012 64 - The percentage of American men that don’t own a single suit 1 - Number of television shows named Suits

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hindsight: I like it from behind

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don’t know if there’s some paralyzing spell rumbling in the streets of Dallas, but there are a lot of ladies fixated on relinquishing past lovers. Or should I say not relinquishing past lovers. I can identify these women spot on because I have been one of these needy exes before. Out of all the times I’ve had my heart ripped, tangled, shaken and stirred, I always feel better with time. It’s a simple fact that humans are basically resilient and although love doesn’t always conquer all, the human spirit does. Sure heartbreaks are miserably excruciating and in the moment feel paralyzing. But when the heart and soul are mended, watch out world because

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you’ve got a brand new woman on the run. I wish I could bottle up the gift of hindsight and sprinkle it over my next breakup. Some of my friends who are in the midst of sloppy, toxic breakups right now can’t even look past today to get to the hindsight phase. I feel kind of bossy and harsh, trying to convince them to leave the ex-boyfriend alone. No calls. No texts. No closure. Cut them off completely. Sever any tie that could give his face a chance to creep into your head. Y’all remember good old Mr. Shitty Sheets. I can see myself bawling in the shower night after the night when we broke up. Although I initiated it, I craved the comfort of his presence. It infuriates me when I think back to those broken and weak moments where I wilted at the thought of him. I also regret the desperate attempts I made at the time of departure. So many times my mother, father and all my friends told me to just leave it alone. Walk away with the power shift on my side. I knew what I had to do, but was drunk on the thought of his love. So if you’re reading this and are pissed off and broken-hearted from a breakup, you know what you need to do too. You know that each day get blitzed

creeps by slower than the one before because the so-called love of your life no longer is in it. Perhaps this won’t yank you out of your stupor, but I’m sure going to do my dandiest to try! If you’re at the point of the breakup where you know in your heart of hearts it’s over and it will never work, then walk away. Be the “one” who “got away.” Don’t be the crazy ex who won’t stop contacting him in fits of gloom. There is no reason in hell you need to be contacting him if a breakup is fresh. Cut it off. And when I say cut it off, I mean cut that shit completely off. Delete his number. Hide his status updates on your newsfeed. And for goodness sakes don’t keep haunting photos in your apartment of him. Lock all those memories away in a box and place it under your bed. A year from now you can look at the box when you have reached a place of contentment. Here’s the silver lining: somehow or another, they always will come back. You may bump into him at the grocery store when you are sloppy, sweaty and smelly. Or you may run into him when you’re a complete knockout on a Saturday night. He may even text you on your birthday, or out of the blue. Nearly every single guy I’ve dated, whether it was one date or a love-infested romance, has resurfaced in some shape or form. After Shitty Sheets, I took a vow that I would never be that bat-shit crazy person I Anton Emdin transformed into. And here’s the thing, even Shitty Sheets has reached out to re-enter into my life. I said a big hell no. There is no way I’m letting those toxins back in. I remember looking back on the crumbling of our roller-coaster relationship and I always regretted that I didn’t have the last word. I always thought he was the one up in score. Although I can’t erase the history between us, I certainly can control my future with him. It’s back in my hands and I chose to keep him right where he is: out of my life and out of my mind. So perhaps this is a plea to all the girls who are toying with the idea of keeping communication open with a guy they know they shouldn’t. Walk away and get as close to hindsight as you can. It’s incredibly tempting to initiate a text or a call to him “just because.” But it’s not going to be worth it in the long run when you‘re curled up on your living room floor crying like a baby. Having the hindsight I have now, I know exactly how I should have played my hand. Looking brightly into the future, hindsight has my heart guarded and hopeful, never hardened or defeated. ut

o k us Checacebook on F

hard 8 By mark beneventi

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june 2013

1. I remember when picking up a pair of 40s meant it was party time. Now it just means I’m getting new pants.

5. Why would I want to download Paris Hilton naked? I’ve seen better-looking asses carrying tourists down the Grand Canyon.

2. For the sake of honesty and accuracy, let’s change the Dallas Police’s slogan from “serve and protect” to “fine and harass.”

6. Why are there 20 mph speed limit signs by Catholic Girls Schools? Do they want me to speed up?

3. Sony will be introducing its new heavy metal super-group: Anger Grave Black Death Evil Hate Hell Kill. The CD release party will be at the Have A Nice Day Café.

7. Can’t decide between a piercing and a tattoo? Get the piercing. At least you can remove it and not look like an idiot when the fad passes. Cigar and a swing dance anyone?

4. Not to be outdone, Murder Records just signed a new band: The Cannibal Necrophiliac Vomitorium Dismembered Bleeding Fecal Matters. CD release party at the Arboretum.

8. FYI for those who say ‘life sucks.’ It ain’t life that sucks, it’s you.

Gemini May 21 – June 21 Later this month three people will wish you happy birthday: Google, your insurance company and the place that you leased your car from. Cancer June 22 – July 22 You will try to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It’ll latch onto your face and spray ink everywhere. Your boss will tell you to quit playing with the animals. Leo July 23 – August 22 Soon you will start the bleaching treatments that your dentist recommends. Your two front teeth will have ultra-white spots while the rest of your teeth will remain yellow.

against him in a sex assault case but denied killing a bystander.”

By Andrew J. Hewett www.chewednews.com ONLY COINCIDENTAL, HUH? Galveston, TX - April 30, 2012, quote from the Associated Press: “A Houston man accused in a shooting rampage outside a Beaumont courthouse admitted Monday that he opened fire on his daughter for testifying

GOD’S POPULATION CONTROL On May 2, 2008, Cyclone Nargis hit Myanmar, causing an official death toll of 84,537, with 53,836 listed as missing. What’s your problem? MR. NO-BIG-DEAL WFAA-TV (Channel 8), May 8, 2013, reported Kemp, Texas, Police Chief Jimmy Council was investigating a report of loose cattle in a pasture, when he fell 15-20 feet down a well. And, though he had a cell phone, and could brace himself enough to called 911, instead he elected to simply text City Hall, apparently to hide his embarrassment?

Virgo August 23 – September 22 This month your stalker ex-girlfriend will show up to your wedding…uninvited and wearing a wedding dress.

Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 Your girlfriend will force you to do some stretching exercises before and after sex as a “safety precaution.”

Libra September 23 – October 22 After a heavy night of drinking you will wake up handcuffed to your bed. Your friends who did this will find this hilarious and post your pictures on Facebook.

Capricorn December 22 – January 19 This month you will find out that your wife is having an affair with the same guy your ex-wife left you for.

Scorpio October 23 – November 21 You will try to do your part to help the environment by hanging your clothes outside to dry. The birds will show their appreciation by crapping on them.

Aquarius January 20 – February 18 Your new roommate will bring home a lifesize cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber and start having conversations with it.

Pisces February 19 – March 20 The next girl that you ask out on a date will agree since she could use a free meal. Aries March 21 – April 19 Try and spice things up in the bedroom this month by actually inviting someone to go in there with you for some hot sex! Taurus April 20 – May 20 Congrats! You still have a long life ahead of you, even if the best part was over years ago.

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june 2013

VOL. 6 - ISSUE 5

By amber lafrance - alafrance@blitzweekly.com

THE TOP 10 DIVE BARS IN DALLAS Do you like getting wasted where no one will notice? Do you yearn to spend Saturday night in a tee shirt and jeans? Are you willing to take a chance on late night bar food?

are the perfect alternative for a city full of Sfuzzi’s.

I, for one, absolutely love dive bars. As soon as my behind touches the duct-tape-ridden booth, a sense of nostalgia flows over me. When the jukebox starts playing “Pour Some Sugar On Me,” I’m sold. Guys, girls dig dive bars too. Why? We don’t have to try so damn hard. Sometimes I just want to channel Madonna and dance like I just don’t care.

Black Swan Saloon - Deep Ellum Five words, pecan and vanilla-infused whiskey. Enough said. They infuse vodkas too and it’s the teeniest bar hidden away in Deep Ellum. There isn’t even a sign outside.

What makes dive bars so endearing? • As soon as you step in the place, it’s midnight- no matter what time it is. • Bartenders pour the stiffest drinks at the cheapest prices in town. • You can act like a fool and no one will care, or remember the next day. • Places like these foster new and random friendships. • The food, though sometimes iffy, is dirt cheap. • The bar “regulars” have the most awesome stories, because the ages in these joints range from 21-61. Once you visit these 10 places, you’ll never forget them. Dark, a little crusty and cheap, dive bars

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Adair’s Saloon - Deep Ellum This probably is the closest I’ll get to going to a full-on country dancing bar. It’s definitely a dive, in the heart of Deep Ellum, with great drink prices. Live bands play here most nights and I always end up two-stepping before the night is through. Pick up a Sharpie from one of the tables and sign the bar, the wall, or the person sitting next to you. Lastly, try the burger. You’ll thank me later.

Cock & Bull Neighborhood Pub - Lakewood A friendly establishment, this gastropub has a seriously laid back atmosphere and delicious grub. I came here to drink, but ended up taking a chance on the food and it was fantastic. The Bull Burger was tasty and full of beefy, bacon, mushroom and avocado cheesy goodness. Cosmos - Lakewood This unique spot has the most awesome vintage decor. Full of groovy lamps, colorful furniture and even a faux fireplace, Cosmos is a great place to just hang out and have a drink. There’s the largest VHS collection ever, I swear, and sci-fi movies from the 80s constantly are playing. It’s a little off the beaten path, but it’s rarely crowded and full of cool people and great tunes.

The Goat - Lakewood This was the first place I ever sang karaoke at and now, well I’m hooked. The bar is partially held together with duct tape, but I don’t mind. The drinks are strong and the Sunday night karaoke is…legendary. Once I mustered up the courage to belt out Pat Benatar’s “Heartbreaker” and realized I’d made a room full of fans, I vowed I would always return to this loveable little spot. It’s full of good vibes. The Grapevine - Oak Lawn Quite possibly my most favorite dive bar, this is the only place I’ve ever been where you can play basketball with a guy in high heels while drinking. Did I mention they have crawfish boils on Sundays, a diverse crowd and Everclear Bellinis? Post up at one of the outdoor (or rooftop) patio tables and make some new friends. Lee Harvey’s - South Dallas Channel your inner hipster at this neighborhood favorite that’s been around for nearly 50 years. Pabst Blue Ribbon seems to be the drink of choice here, where Dallas in-the-knows come to cozy up with a beer (and their dog) on the patio. My favorite memory at Lee Harvey’s? Chillin’ in a vinyl booth against the wood paneling, getting lost in The Rich Girls’ rendition of “Maneater.” The burgers are heaven. Magic Time Machine - Addison As you’re reading this, I know you’re feeling confused. After a friend told me his incredible tales of singing karaoke at this “haunted” bar, I had to try it out. I’ve spent countless nights downing $2 you-call-its here, while singing

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everything from the Talking Heads to Lion King. My favorite moment? A 50-year-old man dedicating the Backstreet Boys’ “I Want It That Way” to me on my birthday and singing it on one knee. Ships Lounge - Lower Greenville No joke, this place has a “no cussing” policy. Put on something slightly fancy, maybe a polyester suit, and enjoy the year-round Christmas lights. Only beer and wine is served, so make sure you bring your own liquor and buy your mixers at the bar. Post up at one of the open pool tables and enjoy what I like to call “Margaritaville Christmas.” The Slip Inn - Lower Greenville What happens at The Slip Inn, stays at The Slip Inn. No cover, no dress code and red lighting to boot. Don’t be scared, once you’re inside grab a strong drink from the bar and shake what your mama gave you. Hey, you may not know who you’re dancing with because it’s so dark in there, but who said to “never trust a big butt and a smile.” They play the best mix of old school hip-hop I’ve ever heard. Have a favorite dive bar you think I should check out? Tweet me @AmberLaFrance and give me the scoop. Enjoy the scenery, make some new friends and don’t be afraid of a place that’s a little grimy.

Amber

VOL. 6 - ISSUE 5

june 2013

Big Mikeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s House of Glass

Your One Stop Smoke Shop

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june 2013

get blitzed

VOL. 6 - ISSUE 5