LIVING QUIETLY ISSUE #3 | NOVEMBER 2018
GARDENING - Growing culinary herbs in your winter garden - Making leaf compost
Meet the Editor Our editor tells us why she chose to live quietly
Winter Walking
Winter Skincare Tips
Why this season is the perfect time to go out walking
Help to keep your skin glowing right through until Spring
It’s November Already And other short stories Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3 | 1
Contents
6. Season’s Essentials 9. Winter Walking with Charlie Budd 16. Naked Butlers are Not the Issue Let’s Change the Narrative 18. An Antidote to Black Friday 22. Hold Tight & Let Go 26. Apple Cider Vinegar & Me 28. My Quiet Day 29. Quick Stress Relief 31. Ask Rosie 32. Growing Culinary Herbs in your Winter Garden 38. Making Leaf Compost 44. Stop and Smell the Roses
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4 Cornerstones of Living Quietly 1. Consciously choosing how to spend your energy and resources 2. Being gentle to yourself and in your environment 3. Creating a supportive space for yourself, both mentally and physically 4. Learning to say NO
PUBLISHER Blooming Fabulous Media EDITOR IN CHIEF Margaret Bligdon-Boyt EDITORIAL CONTENT Kindly provided by experts and people embracing the quiet living ethos DESIGN BloomingFabulousDesign CONTACT US www.livingquietlymagazine.com Email: bfmedialtd@gmail.com Telephone: 02380 970229 @quietlivingmagazine @living_quietly MEDIA ENQUIRIES & ADVERTISING Please refer to the media pack on the magazine website Copyright 2018 Living Quietly Magazine. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without prior permission is prohibited. Printed in the United Kingdom.
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Contents
46. Winter Skincare Tips 48. A Kilted Tommy - A Story of Remembrance 54. Stir Up Sunday 58. Let the Light In 60. Declutter - Why It’s So Good for your Mental Health 66. Are You Mentally Fit Enough to Freelance? 71. Meet The Editor 74. 4 Ways to Waste Time 76. Is It Time to Stop Reacting to Everything? 78. The Revelation of No
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Contents This Month’s Collection of Short Stories 80. From This Bench 82. A Walled Garden on a Summer’s Afternoon 85. Alone 88. November Already
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A Note From Our Editor Welcome to our third issue. If you have read our first few issues, you will notice some changes. As with any new project, it takes time to develop and grow. You will notice our improved layout and we hope that you will enjoy the increase in articles, essays and short stories by some very talented writers and authors. The excitement continues as this issue also marks our place on the Readly Newsstand. So do head over to the Readly website where you will be able to read our future issues, back issues and as many other magazines as you wish, all for a small monthly subscription. Living Quietly is not only about simplifying your life, it is also about living quietly in your head too. To achieve this we have to choose our reactions, change the way that we speak to ourselves and challenge the big questions.
Getting Personal Personalised Notebook ÂŁ6.99
Our aim is to help you do that Go well Margaret
Daisy Park Kai Leho Stein and Holz 14oz Ecoffee cup ÂŁ9.95 6 | Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3
This Season’s Essentials
Oasis Trench coat £75
V by Very Bobble Textile Tote £30
Regatta Lady Fairweather 11 Wellingtons, Navy Floral £50 Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3 | 7
4 Cornerstones of Living Quietly
1
Consciously choosing how to spend your
energy and resources
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Winter Walking
with Charlie Budd
THE TALL PHOTOGRAPHER Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3 | 9
Winter Walking
W
hy the hell would you want to go out for a walk in the winter? It’s cold, it’s probably raining, possibly hailing or snowing. In fact, it’s perfect. There is something different about taking a winter walk. It has the ability to clarify and focus, to bring a deep appreciation of being alive - all this in the season of least life. The other seasons bombard our senses: the fresh greens and tantalising bright smells of spring, the heady, floral scents, and pummelling colours of summer, and the rich, pungently-sweet decaying ochres of autumn. Winter is the Pinot Grigio of seasons - crisp and clear, it refreshes the palate of the senses. There are often few smells - aside from burning: bonfires, log fires and maybe vehicles. And on a clear day, we can see further than in any other season.
Let Go of The Chatter Our lives can be so full of chatter, natter, noise and things to do. Lists that never, ever end. It can be overwhelming. And that’s a great reason to pull on the wellies and the coat. Leave all of that behind as you close the door and get out. Whether you walk in the town or the country, it’s the getting out that matters. Leave your phone at home if you can.
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Just walk then. Just be. Don’t think about what you need to do when you get home, don’t think about anything in particular if you can help it. Just see the branches of the trees, how the sky is today, the contours of the land, and how the light falls upon it all. Listen to your tread, whether it’s the clop of a pavement, the squish of a muddy lane, the shush of a sandy beach, or the crunch of a frosty field. Every step is a different sound, a different contact with the earth. Each step is only now. The last step doesn’t exist, and neither does the next step.
Less Is Good Winter walking is different because there is less. Less to see, smell and hear. The insects, leaves, flowers and birds are mostly gone. There are fewer distractions. It’s easier to be. Feel the wind, the rain, the snow, feel gravity and the solidity of the earth with every step, or as you sit down for a break. The chatter of sound, of colour, of smells is diminished, clarity is simpler. Ignore time. Ignore words. Let your senses give to you what is in that moment with no interpretation and see how still, and calm you can be - whatever the weather. Just being in the moment can be so exhilarating you can end up smiling or
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laughing, and passers-by think you’re mad. But in those moments, you’re as sane as can be.
Heightened Gratitude
against the radiator. No electricity to brew a quick cup of tea. No hot showers, just cold water piped from a mountain stream.
Another thing about getting a little bit uncomfortable on a winter’s walk, is the feeling of gratitude of getting home to the warmth. A hot drink, dry, fluffy socks, and the tingle of skin as the capillaries open up again.
I count myself incredibly lucky in that all of the simple things of our homes heating, windows, a dry roof, a hot cup of tea, a shower… can bring me the soft joy of gratitude when I get home after a winter walk.
Imagine being in medieval times and having no welly boots, maybe just a few bits of sacking tied around your feet.
It’s only when we stop the bombardment and be alive to the now can we really know what it is to be.
In Nepal, I lived in a tiny cottage with a corrugated iron roof and no glass in the windows. No heating to put your cold bum
It’s only when we feel grateful for all we have can we really know what it is to be happy.
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So switch off the digital chatter, put on some boots and a coat, and get out there, and walk, and maybe smile a little.
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A Winter Walk Stout footwear, Layered-up clothes, On a winter walk. Let your legs yearn for miles, Stretch your thighs, Fingers and face tingle-cool. Just be, just see, just feel. A distant hum of a car or plane, Carrying warm humans, Faraway folk, Listening to the digital chatter. Metal and glass boxes leaving behind, Hot exhaust gases, cooling fast, Whipped away by neighbouring: Nitrogen, oxygen, water, carbon dioxide‌ The wind cools your cheek, Dances away to quiver a nearby leaf, Skips away again, Air, Cool molecules weave and leave, To distant parts of the Earth’s atmosphere, To caress other cheeks. Feel your contact with the Earth, Your feet, your backside, Sit, Gravity pulling through you, down, The solid planet pushes back, Connected, Solid, Liquid, Gas, Quarks, Higgs Bosons All Connected. And you can just be, Alone and connected, It just is, So be still, And feel it all, On a winter walk. Charlie Budd
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Primark
Hat £4
Raincoat £12
Coat £35
Trousers £13
Shoes £8
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Naked Butlers are Not the Issue Let’s Change the Narrative Written by Ade Holder
The hen do
T
here is no doubt we live in a world where a lot of people are trying to do the right thing, a lot people are doing the wrong thing and don’t care and there are also a huge number of people that mean well but are worried about getting it wrong. In fact, many of us are expending a huge amount of emotional energy trying to support causes and change but is this energy going to the right places? When it comes to gender equality, sexual harassment of either sex, exploitation and objectification it all gets rather complex! Obviously sexual harassment of any kind is terrible but where is the line drawn when it comes to objectification of the opposite or same sex?
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There was once a time, many years ago where the men went out on a stag do, which meant the pub and maybe something a little naughty by way of a stripper, and the hen do was basically a night in with the girls or a few drinks in the local. Since then the world has thankfully changed and a hen do is as big a deal, if not bigger than the stag and women are at liberty to do anything they feel they want to. It is as common for the girls to hit the go kart track before heading back to a hired party house as it is for them to go to a spa and much more in-between. While men these days seem to be shying away from traditional strip clubs and strippers for stag dos it seems the ladies are still quite keen on a member of the opposite sex playing some kind of scantily clad role in the proceedings and why not?
What kind of nudity are we talking about? Rather than the traditional and slightly oldfashioned male strippers of the Chippendale era, it is very popular to have naked or semi naked butlers servicing drinks and helping with party games at hen parties these days. Companies like www.butlerswithbums.com are certainly proof that this trend is only going one way. But there are also options
for a hunky chap to pose and help run a life drawing class or cocktail making. All fun and all rather naked for the pleasure of the guests.
Where does the modern woman stand on naked men at a hen do? The question is a potentially challenging one for people who are very keen on gender equality and the associated issues. While it is now considered poor taste in many groups for men to have half naked women to ogle at and flirt with in any location, is it ok for women to do the same? Are these men being objectified? Well yes. Are they offended? Well it seems not. Are they happy to do it? They certainly seem to be. Is it different for men? In many cases women are fighting for equal rights they do not yet have and as such are in a minority or at least on the back foot. Men do not suffer this problem so are, by default, one step ahead in many areas. This situation then leads to reasoning that it is OK for women to objectify men but not OK for men to do the same back because men are doing so as part of a wider power position and women are not. You may not agree with this and there are a million and one issues surrounding it, but this could be why it is OK. For many women, however, it is fine for men to look at ladies in this way and vice versa.
of an established company, are they safe, are they happy and comfortable and do they control the situation? If all of the answers are yes then perhaps women and men should be at liberty to have naked men, women and trans people in whatever clothes or state of nudity they wish to be in at their party. It is important for women to appreciate that not all men are the same just as women are not. Just because one muscle bound hunk feels confident with nothing on there are many who feel the opposite and many even feel threatened and body shamed by these chaps. Just like women, men are faced with images of largely unobtainable physiques on a daily basis. If both sexes remember this and keep it in mind, why not enjoy a hunky butler at your hen do or maybe your stag do! Ultimately should we be expending such massive amounts of energy trying not to objectify each other, be sexually interested in certain body parts or to remove images of topless men because other minorities find it offensive? Or should we be seeking out deep and hugely troubling social justice like child trafficking? Or should we be trying to address the enormous migrant issues in the middle east, plastics in our oceans, climate change and modern slavery? Perhaps it is simply easier for some people to harbour some mild outrage at a naked lady who is safe and happy doing her job than it is to address the sweat shop clothes they are wearing and the fridge full of plastic!
The “bottom� line Without disregarding the political and gender issues, it is important to tick a few boxes when thinking about this for either sex. Are the people being paid, are they part
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An Antidote to BLACK FRIDAY Written by Christina May
O
n the 23rd of November people will be logging on and queuing up to get themselves a bargain. Retailers will be pushing their wares with labels claiming great reductions and obscene amounts of money will be spent in one day. The question that an increasing number of people are asking is “are they really a bargain?” and “are the retailers just palming us off with old stock?”
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Regardless to the question of the retailers sales strategy, the question we always need to ask is “do we really need it?” If you have a working TV, why do you need to spend hundreds of pounds on another one? Even if it does have a big label declaring it as 50% off the original price. My grandmother always said that it is not a bargain if you don’t really need it. If I may, I would like to suggest a few ways to combat the curse of Black Friday.
TURN BLACK FRIDAY INTO A TRANSPARENT FRIDAY
Unless you are sat looking at a broken TV or a flash flood swept away your entire wardrobe - DO NOT LOG ON OR QUEUE UP
If you do ‘need’ an item - CHECK THAT IT REALLY IS A BARGAIN before you swipe your card.
Have your own Black Friday sale by spending the day getting rid of all your old junk and unworn clothes. List them on sites like EBay, Gumtree or your local Facebay.
“Your bank balance will thank you and you can’t put a price on the mental well-being that an uncluttered home will bring you”
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With Oxfam Unwrapped, you really can give a gift that lasts. Because when you surprise your loved one with a goat, a chicken or even a pineapple, you’ll help people around the world beat poverty - for good. www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/oxfam-unwrapped
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Hold Tight & Let Go Written by Jacci Gooding
F
inding five minutes for peaceful reflection these days is not easy. Finding reflective peace is even harder;
wherever you look there is human tragedy and suffering. It is overwhelming and it is relentless. Where then, do we place ourselves in this maelstrom of human experience without losing our sense of self?
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Awareness of the terrible things humans deliberately do to each other day after day can cause us to lose our centre of emotional gravity - that thing that fixes us in our own world, that mentally balances us - and sends us spinning way out into places, metaphorically, we don’t want to go. They are the dark places, the sad places; the home of the nihilist where the existentialist is not welcome and endogenous depression can easily flourish. No one wants to go there. No one wants to fall. So how then, do we hold on tight? Some would say by letting go. Letting go of the belief that anything we do can make a difference. But wait, you say, little things can and do make a difference. And they do. And that is the paradox of human existence. Visiting a lonely neighbour can make a difference to their world; donating to a charity that needs funds to help those displaced and starving does help. No good act or thought is wasted. Every good act or thought can help re-balance the scales and who wouldn’t want to do that? But easier said than done, right?, when the next depressing news item serves to erode the desire to change things and make that difference. During the transformative days of teenhood when for many the idea that life has no clear meaning or purpose is when this notion of ‘what’s the point?’ is purest and when we have the best opportunity to see the world realistically. Yet however our teenage brain views the world, it is, for most, a very different way to how we view it for the rest of our lives. If it wasn’t, then the world and our place in it could be very different. And that is the lesson: as long as there are humans, there will be war and suffering because it is in our nature. But we will also evolve to talk and listen and understand, to cure disease and to embrace compassion and not give up. Those good things are out there. We cannot prevent an earthquake but we can create the tools with which to help those affected by it;
quicker response tactics, better medication, advanced cleaning-up solutions. Rebalancing the scales. But what of the religious concept of moral evil - those acts of violence and hatred created by us? There’s no point kicking back against that, surely? No, you’re right. There is no point. And yet in a democracy, petitioning can bring changes in the law to empower the future. That’s good. That’s worth the effort. But murder - what about that and all the other horrors I don’t need to list here? If the horror of some things we hear about is unbelievable, then stop trying to believe. Humans are aggressive animals - we kill each other, we kill things around us and this is nothing we don’t already know, but it is something we try and hide ourselves from until it becomes too much and we begin to question the purpose of that aggression. Don’t. It won’t help. See that rainbow? You’ll never find the end, no matter how hard you look, but you always do look because that also is human nature. As creatures we are constantly evolving and the history of our species tells us quite clearly that the strongest do and will survive, and that also applies to those who want to and do make the world a better place. From the time we stood up and learnt to walk, humans have created strategies to cope with being human. We have fought and killed to ensure others acquiesced to our authority and invented religions and belief systems within which to live. Sadly it still holds true that the question of where you sit in the order of the world is different depending on your race, sex, age and ability amongst other definers, and the modern world magnifies this. We argue that the evil in world is nothing but human-made, a human construct. And it is, because we just are. But don’t let that stop you from trying to rebalance the scales.
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4 Cornerstones of Living Quietly
2 Being gentle to
yourself and in your environment
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nspa PURE range Sold exclusively at ASDA Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3 | 25
ACV and Me Written by Angie Porter
I
n February this year I felt depressed. I’d just returned from a fluey 3 weeks in Oz to land straight back into a stressful job working for someone on the wrong side of crazy. My relationship felt under pressure and I’d lost my mojo between school runs and folding washing. I knew things needed to change. I’m now feeling back in my body and the energy that had been lacking for years after having children is finally returning. Much of this I put down to apple cider vinegar (ACV). Even though my diet was pretty healthy and I did moderate exercise I still felt run down most of the time. My afternoon sugar pleasures were keeping me going. I was addicted to sweets and biscuits every afternoon. Then a friend came to visit me in Dorset from London. We went on a tour of the local cider farms. One of the sheds sold apple cider vinegar and my friend got really excited. “Organic, unpasteurised and with the mother” she declared! I raised my eyebrows. We were here for the cheer, not looking for someone’s mother. “It’s really helpful,” she said “for all sorts of things”, she went on. Oh yeah? I had nothing
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to lose and for less than a fiver I bought a bottle. Returning home I put it on my desk and the next day I added it into my water bottle. I didn’t really think anything more about it except come 4pm I wasn’t at the food cupboard looking for a snack. Hmm. Interesting. Feeling focussed. This is new. This cessation of sugar cravings continued and to my complete surprise I didn’t even feel like eating sugar. I felt more attuned to my body. Almost like a screen had been lifted. For the first time in years I felt that the nutrients I was eating were actually being absorbed by my body.
ACV with “the mother” contains a probiotic live enzyme which works naturally with your system to restore good bacteria. This is essential for a strong immune system. Probiotics also restore bowel flora and improve liver enzymes. I know this sounds a bit too good to be true but within 48 hours I really felt like my eating was back in my control and what I chose to eat made a difference. I’d gotten off the roller coaster of lethargy and sugar hits and I felt hope. I had found something low cost and easy that could make a real difference to my health. I didn’t always get around to juicing or gymming everyday and I’m getting too old to feel guilty about it. Apple cider vinegar is easy and whilst some people don’t like the taste, you can always add honey or something that you do like. If you think about it like a medicine and water it down, it tastes no worse that the white wine I had in Greece last summer. ACV balances out your blood sugars and allows your digestion to settle, aiding and detoxifying your tummy and intestine to receive nutrients
as it breaks down food. The result: regular bowel movements just for starters. It also helps me to sleep better as it generally calms your digestive system. Friends have reported success with ACV in stopping IBS, feeling bloated, skin conditions and a general improvement in health. Long term users swear by the health benefits. “I never get colds” is a commonly expressed benefit and long term users say they would not be without it. I don’t think the benefits of ACV can be overstated. If your body is a car and food the fuel then ACV is the oil. It not helps your body run smoothly and it also helps gain maximum efficiently from the food you eat to fuel it. So ending 2018, I have a new car body free from addictions and lethargy. I also ditched the stressful job in the summer and prioritised joy but that’s another story. Bring on 2019! End note: If you can’t get a local apple cider vinegar make sure its at least organic and unpasteurised and buy it from a health food shop, not the supermarket!
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K
erry Needs became a Freelance Writer after a tropical illness in Bali left her temporarily paralysed. She recognised the value of designing your own worklife balance.
How does your day start? I like to get up at about 6:30, when everyone is still asleep and it’s dark. I work well in the mornings, so I grab a cup of tea (English Breakfast or Earl Grey with oat milk) and start my day. Do you take breaks during the day? Yes, I take lots of breaks. It helps me to step back from my day and avoid getting too ‘caught up’ in my work. What is a perfect day for you? My perfect day would involve sunshine, reading, and music. Something like spending the day on the beach with friends and loved ones, listening to music, reading a good fiction book, and having a laugh with people I care about. I am very much a sun-worshipper! I think it would also involve a nice meal. I 28 | Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3
MY QUIET DAY
am a real fan of Asian cuisine, and I love dishes like Nasi Goreng, Pad Thai and Malaysian curries. So I think as part of the perfect day we would all go for a nice meal after we had spent the day on the beach. What do you think stops us from living quietly? So many things! I think our schedules for one - we are overworked, and plus we have so much maintenance and ‘life admin’ to do that we can get overwhelmed. As well as having busy jobs, a lot of us have busy social lives, or a busy home life, and this means both our minds and bodies are constantly on the go. We need to give ourselves a rest more often not just physically but mentally.
You can read more about Kerry’s experience of freelancing on page 66.
Laying with your legs up the wall is perfect for relieving the stress of the day
Elevated legs take pressure off the heart and allow it to slow down Just lay back and let the world go by for 10 minutes Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3 | 29
THE QUIET COACH HELPING YOU TO LIVE MORE QUIETLY IN YOUR HEAD, IN YOUR BODY AND IN YOUR ENVIRONMENT
Living quietly is not about becoming a hermit and cutting yourself off from everything. It is about being more connected to your life. It is about taking responsibility for yourself in a very conscious way. It is about learning a completely different thought process. If you feel that the noise is getting too loud, please come and speak to me.
www.thequietlivingcoach.com Phone: 02380970229 Email: bfmedialtd@gmail.com Skype: live:margaretboyt Twitter @mcbbhq
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Ask ROSIE Our columnist Rosie Day answers readers Questions and Dilemmas I have been reading a lot of stuff on social media about SAD because I think I might have it. I dread the winter months. I lose energy and focus and feel a bit like a shadow of the person I am in the summer. What can I do because every year I think it gets a bit worse. I would strongly suggest that you visit your doctor. Ask the receptionist to make you a double appointment as I suspect the doctor will want to talk to you at length and rule out other possibilities that could be making you feel so bad. In general terms there are things that people who suffer with SAD or just feel the gloom of winter can do to alleviate the severity of the symptoms.
some sun on your face. The exercise will also help all those feel good hormones to be released. Talk to someone - Telling someone how you are feeling is always the first step to feeling better. Don’t isolate yourself.
Make sure you eat well - adopt rainbow diet and avoid processed foods. Keep hydrated - in the summer we are more aware of keeping hydrated to combat the heat, but this often drops off in the colder months. Bring as much light into the house as possible - clear window sills, take down heavy nets. Use mirrors to bounce light around a room. Put daylight bulbs in the rooms that you use the most - do your research and make sure you are getting a quality bulb (some bulbs advertised online as daylight bulbs are not). Go for a walk - the benefits of the sun are still there on a cold day, so wrap up warm and get
Contact Rosie via our website: www.livingquietlymagazine.com Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3 | 31
Growing Culinary Herbs in your Winter Garden Written by Marie Shallcross, Plews Garden Design
W
ould you like to pick fresh herbs from your garden all winter?
Keeping perennial herbs growing throughout the winter months so that you still have fresh herbs for cooking and for brewing tisanes does not have to be difficult.
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General points for growing herbs overwinter - Although evergreen herbs continue to grow over the winter months, they grow much more slowly. This slowing down applies to both those herbs grown outdoors and those grown under protection. - The aromatic foliage of herbs derives its scent from the production of volatile oils. As growth slows, so too does this production. - Frosted leaves will lose some of their flavour. You may prefer to compost badly frosted foliage rather than use it in cooking. - Well-watered herbs are less likely to suffer from permanent frost damage. Although you shouldn’t overwater them, if you’re regularly picking evergreen herbs in the winter be sure they have enough to drink as you’re stimulating the growth hormone. - If you’ve transplanted the herb into a pot for winter or were growing it in a container to begin with, you may need to give the roots frost protection by wrapping the pot. - If growing herbs in your borders, be sure that the soil is free-draining. It is wet roots rather than cold which kills off many perennial evergreen herbs.
- You may also want to place the pot in a sheltered spot. Combining a number of pots in a group not only looks better but gives the individuals some protection. They form their own little microclimate. Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3 | 33
Which Herbs to Overwinter in your Garden The easier perennial herbs to overwinter in your garden if you live in the UK are going to be: - Bay - Chives - Marjoram - Mint - Parsley - Rosemary - Sage - Thyme - Winter Savory
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However, just because these herbs overwinter doesn’t mean that they’re going to be growing above ground without some effort from you! The following herbs will all grow in the ground in your borders. This could be in a kitchen garden, herb garden or mixed in with your ornamental plants. They will also grow in raised beds, containers and pots. Enabling you to have fresh herbs even if you only have a small courtyard or balcony!
Chive Family Bay Laurus nobilis is so often found as a formal pair of lollipop trees in pots next to a front door that people forget that it is a culinary herb. If you have a small garden, then you may want to keep your bay tree in a pot as they can grow to about 25 feet tall. Add bay leaves to casseroles, curries, sauces and milk puddings.
Mint Mint takes more effort to keep it growing over winter as it naturally dies back. I keep a pot of Moroccan mint (best for mint tea) in the greenhouse. This is from a new root cutting or a young plant. However, you may find that that patch of “garden mint” in a shady corner of the garden will keep producing green leaves all winter – result! Although coarser in texture, it will be fine with roast lamb, puy lentils etc.
Chives, Allium schoenoprasum, frequently die back except in sheltered areas. Growing a clump of chives in a pot so you can give them cover in the frosty months may help to keep them growing. However, Welsh onions, Allium fistulosum, known as chibbles in Cornwall, can and do overwinter. The variety Allium fistulosum ‘Siberian Everlasting’ is winter hardy across the UK, as you’d expect from the name. Eat both the hollow leaves and the bulb ends. Remember to always leave some in the ground so the plant can clump up and provide more chives for your table. The chive family also tolerates shade - a useful herb when you have a north facing back door!
Marjoram, Oregano Some varieties overwinter better than others and it does depend on how sheltered your garden is. The more flavoursome plants seem to be the more tender, so have horticultural fleece at the ready for a heavy frost. Alternatively, pop a small cloche over the oregano; remember to water it though.
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Rosemary An established plant of Rosmarinus officinalis, common Rosemary, is your best bet in the colder regions of the UK. Until established, by which I mean mature, not straggly, you may need to give it some protection if there’s a heavy frost. Generally speaking, in a free draining soil, most Rosemary cultivars will happily provide you with fresh herbs throughout winter. So if you have a young rosemary plant in a heavy clay soil, keep an eye on it overwinter. Or transplant the herb into a pot. Sage There shouldn’t be any issues with picking sage leaves from your winter herb garden. If your garden is more exposed, you’ll find the green leaved sage is hardier than the more
Parsley There are two popular types of this well-known herb. Curly Parsley, Petroselinum crispum, and the flat leaved variety, Petroselinum crispum var. neapolitanum, Italian Parsley. Both will overwinter. You can overwinter spring sown Parsley that you’ve been picking from all summer long. These plants will have developed tap roots and should be hardy even with some frost and snow.
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decorative varieties. Thyme Thymus vulgaris, also called culinary or common thyme, is the hardiest and the best flavour for cooking. I find a thyme, lemon and honey tisane particularly soothing when I have a cold. Creeping thymes are also fine to use in cooking, etc. Being low growing they often get natural frost protection from surrounding plants which can be an advantage. The citrus scented thymes are less hardy but can still stand a British winter. Winter Savory A herb some of you may not know, Satureja montana leaves have a flavour that combines thyme and sage. A pretty white flowered small
shrub in the summer, it comes into its own in the winter herb garden. More Winter Herbs There are more herbs which you can cultivate and use over winter. Many of these require protection and extra maintenance from you, or should have been sown in August, or are only reliable in southern Britain, so I haven’t included them. If you’re interested to know more, do please get in touch.
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Making Leaf Compost Written by Marie Shallcross, Plews Garden Design
A
re you faced with a lawn and a driveway covered with leaves? Does your heart sink at the thought of
spending the next few weeks sweeping them up only for the ground to be covered again the next morning? You may be forgiven for feeling that Americans have the right of it when they refer to Autumn as Fall! But let’s look at this from a different angle. All those leaves can provide you with delicious homemade compost to enrich your garden soil and benefit your plants. So, here’s how to go about turning annoying leaves into plant food. 38 | Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3
What type of leaves do you have? What sort of trees do you have: deciduous or evergreen or both? - Deciduous will only drop their leaves in autumn. - Evergreen shed all year round. The trees you have will give you a neutral or more acidic mature leaf compost. - Conifer trees and hedges will give you a leaf compost to use for acid loving plants such as Rhododendrons and Blueberries. Not all leaves decompose at the same rate. - For example, Oak and Holly take longer. Ideally, you’ll compost these different types of leaves separately from each other. - That way your plants will get the most benefit. And no, its not really any more of a faff. If you’ve that many leaves anyway, they’d take up the same amount of space if composted together.
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Collecting up the leaves Different techniques and equipment are available, and one is sure to suit you and your garden situation. Leafblowers - Noisy pieces of garden equipment, they are now available as battery powered, which are a bit quieter. - Useful on loose lay surfaces such as gravel for gathering up the leaves into a pile. - Can be expensive to buy (the cheaper the blower, usually the noisier it is) and you need somewhere to store it. They can be heavy to use over an extended period, so try them out in store. - Consider it if you have a larger garden, lots of trees, a long run of hedge, a lot of evergreens. You’ll certainly get the use out of a leafblower.
Leafblower B&Q, £65
Rakes and Brushes - For lawns use a soft pronged leaf rake to gather up the leaves without damaging your grass - Paths and drives with a loose lay surface such as gravel will also be easier to clear with a soft pronged rake - Hard, solid surfaces, paving and decking, are best swept with a stiff brush. However, if the surface is also mossy, you may prefer to use a soft brush to remove only the leaves. Leaf paddles - Paddles or scoops which make picking up leaves so much easier. - I have a tendency to refer to them as ‘leaf scoopy things’ and find them helpful for picking up cut debris throughout the year. - They come in different sizes, with slight permutations on handle, so again, try before you buy for comfort. - For those gardeners who are less able to bend, there is also a variation with long 40 | Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3
Hand rake Annabel James, £15.95
handles. These are also used by the more agile for reaching under shrubs, etc. - An inexpensive and worthwhile piece of garden equipment. Nets - It is particularly important to clear leaves from ponds before they decompose and release carbon dioxide into the water. - Spread a net across the pond surface in late summer, this will catch most of the falling leaves. - Scoop the leaves up and out with a long-handled pond net. You may want to leave these on the side of the pond for 24 hours in case there are any small creatures caught up in them.
What is leaf compost? Compost is decomposed organic matter which gardeners use to improve the health, nutrient levels and texture of the soil in their gardens. The basic rule for making compost is to have a roughly 50:50 ratio of green, nitrogen rich material to brown, carbon rich material. Dead and dying leaves are carbon rich as the protein/nitrogen molecules break down rapidly as part of the decaying process, leaving carbon molecules. Leaf compost is where leaves are composted separately to the rest of the organic material you’re composting. Shredded leaves will decompose faster. During the lawn mowing season, it’s useful to add dead leaves to your grass clippings as part of your carbon:nitrogen mix. Personally, I like to keep this mix in a separate compost to the general compost. Most green leaves can be added to your ‘normal’ compost. Leaves to be wary of or that need different treatment The following contain seed supressing enzymes and other potential toxins to plant life. They can be used in small quantities in your leaf compost or general compost. For larger amounts, I would recommend disposing of them at your local council facility, or using around the parent tree as a mulch, as it’s not endemic to its own species. - Acacia - Black Walnut, Juglans - Eucalyptus - Holly, Ilex - Juniper - Laurel - Oak, Quercus Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3 | 41
air to circulate. Conifers are best composted on their own. They - Leave the leaf compost in the garden can take 1 – 2 years to decompose but untouched for 12 - 24 months, depending on when they have, they provide an acidic compost tree species. The longer you leave it, the finer which is ideal for other acid loving plants and the material will be. woodland gardens. Once broken down, and composted, the leaf How to make leaf compost mould can be used in many ways in the garden. For example: - Collect your leaves into special leaf compost bags (loose woven jute) or black bin - To mulch around plants, as a soil improver. liners. - Dug into vegetable gardens. - If you have lots of leaves, or prefer to keep - Added to the planting hole when planting them tidy, then use a leaf compost bin. This is a trees and shrubs. bin made of mesh and if you’re feeling in a DIY - Finely sieved, it can be used as part of your mood, easy to make from chicken wire or other soil mix for seed sowing. mesh and some pieces of 2’ by 2’ wood. Or you could use straight (ish) branches that you’ve pruned from a tree.
...
- Dry leaves should be moistened when you’ve bagged them up. - If using bin liners, puncture the sides to allow
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Hopefully this has made you look at your leaf covered lawn with a different eye!
Garden accessories by Garden Trading Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3 | 43
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Rose Blush Fragranced Room Diffuser by Portus Cale Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3 | 45
Winter skincare tips Written by Catherine Collins
W
inter is coming… and that doesn’t just mean cosy nights in by the fire, fleece blankets, fluffy socks, boots, scarves and sweaters - the cold, crisp, dry air, along with central heating, can play havoc with skin, leaving it dry, chapped, cracked and prone to breakouts. Winter skin needs a little extra care. But fear not, our winter skincare tips will keep skin in tip-top condition, without breaking the bank, and a few simple changes will ensure your face and body stays hydrated and glowing right through ‘til spring.
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1. Drink more water Never underestimate the power of water to keep skin hydrated. You may not feel as thirsty as you do in the summer, but your body needs water and it doesn’t have to be complicated – an extra glass every time you eat a meal, or a cup of hot water with a slice of lemon when you wake will soon give you results.
2. Use sunscreen Even though the winter sun may not seem as strong and you’re probably covered from head to toe in what feels like a hundred layers of clothing, skin is still being exposed to
harmful UV rays, whether it’s 26 degrees or 12. Incorporating an SPF sunscreen or moisturiser into your winter routine is essential to prevent premature ageing, starve off wrinkles and keep you looking younger for longer – trust us, you’re skin will thank you for it.
3. Swap lather for layer Soap can strip natural oils from your skin and dry it out, which is the last thing you need if you’re already suffering – swapping your usual gel or foaming cleanser for an oil or cream based one for the winter months is a great base layer to your new skincare routine. Try a moisturising mask every now and then for an extra hydrating boost.
4. Moisturise Moisturise, moisturise and, then, moisturise again to stop the winter weather depleting your skin and drying it out. Adding a serum to your daily routine will keep skin supple and bright, and if your regular moisturiser feels like it isn’t lasting through the day switch to a richer version that will see you right through ‘til night time.
5. Night time counts We’ve all been guilty of falling into bed exhausted at the end of the day, but it’s just as important to have a night time routine that gives your skin time to replenish itself, especially when the winter nights are longer than the days. Be sure to cleanse before slathering on a night time serum or moisturiser and allowing it to soak into your skin while you sleep. A few of my favourites… It’s not the cheapest but I love Lush’s Gorgeous moisturiser and it does last a
TOP TIPS Be sure not to neglect your body, hands, feet and lips. Apply lip balm regularly, and body butter or lotion straight out of the shower or bath while skin is still damp to lock in moisture – a pair of socks on your feet overnight after moisturising will help to avoid cracked skin and keep skin soft. long time. Containing fresh fruits and orange blossom water – it soothes and moisturises leaving my skin soft and velvety, £42.50 for 45g. Their Celestial is a close second at a more reasonable £16.95 for 45g. Never one to turn down cake, Lush’s Key Lime Pie Lip Balm means I can get my fix without the calories throughout the day, £7.50 for 12g. There are so many of the Body Shop’s body butters’ scents that I love so it’s really hard for me to pick my absolute favourite, but this winter I’m using Almond Milk & Honey Soothing & Restoring Body Butter, £6 for 50ml or £15 for 200ml. Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3 | 47
A Kilted Tommy
I
t’s Remembrance Sunday time, not my favourite time of the year. Those 4 years in France seem like a different life. One I always wanted to put behind me. But I remember, I always will. The basic training, then the battles, Loos, The Somme, The Scarpe, Passchendaele, back to The Scarpe, then Soissons. We were resting at Douai when the Armistice was announced. Then waiting another 4 months before my battalion was demobbed. Being in the Army then involved a lot of waiting. What I always remember are my friends, those who lived and those who didn’t. We were more than friends, we were comrades, and those that have been in the forces know what that really means. We lived in the same place, we liked the same things, we dressed the same way, we ate the same things, we had the same enemy. We had the same friends. We were always there for each other, when we lost a comrade, when we had bad news from home, when it was too cold, when it was too hot, when we were too hungry, when there wasn’t enough water, when we were too wet, when it just became too much, which it did, regularly, we were there for each other.
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A short story based on the dramatized monologue written and performed by Simon Waterfield as Historical Interpretation
There were always changes, we had to learn make new friends on a regular basis, some of us died, some of us were wounded. Some of us couldn’t cope. When we were finally demobbed in the spring of 1919 it was so strange. We had shared the closest moments with each other, seen horrific things together, done dreadful things together. We were going our own ways, perhaps never meeting again. It was actually a very sad time. At home of course there were the reunions, tearful and joyful. There were some visits I had promised to make over the years. The families were so grateful to hear about their Johnny, but every time their front door closed behind me, I could feel their eyes on my back as I walked down the street. I knew they were wondering why I was alive, and their Johnny was not. I still reflect on that now. The war was over. I had to settIe back to ordinary life, to find a job and hold it down, to
remake relationships. I’ve been asked how the war affected me and it’s interesting and upsetting how I’ve changed. I was strong chapel before the war. But I had stopped having anything to do with religion early on. A lot of men came, like me, to the patently obvious solution in those conditions that there could be no god, certainly no god that loved us or deserved worshipping. To be honest, I think the army chaplains recognised how we felt and instead took on the role of a big brother. They were really good men. I have never set foot in a church since. I avoid Remembrance Day. I know it sounds odd, but the friends I had, those that made it and those that didn’t, deserved more than one day in a year’s remembrance. I carry them with me all the time in my head. Every day, I hear the sound of their voices, I see their faces, I hear their laughter.
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Why did I fight? Well partly it was patriotism; mostly it was because we were comrades, a close band of brothers and we fought for one another. As for our dreams, what did we want out of it all, what did we want to come home to? Well you have seen the recruiting posters of a handsome soldier, just like me, looking over the countryside? Well, I suppose the countryside summed up everything about Britain that we wanted to protect. I have heard it said that because Rupert Brooke was a Cambridge scholar he couldn’t write for the ‘common’ soldier. But let me tell you, I’ve fought with men from each end of the social spectrum. Believe me, when you are sheltering together under fire in a shell hole filled with water and the corpses of your mates, there aren’t any class distinctions at all.
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Rupert Brooke wrote this before the Great War, but it resonates with many of us who came through: “Say, is there beauty still to find? And certainty? And Quiet kind? Deep meadows yet, for to forget The lies, the truth, and pain?... Oh yet Stands the church clock at ten to three? And is there honey still for tea?”
... Excerpt from Rupert Brooke, “The Old Vicarage, Grantchester”
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Give a gift that can be enjoyed the whole year round with a subscription to LIVING QUIETLY MAGAZINE See website for details: www.livingquietlymagazine.com 52 | Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3
3
4 Cornerstones of Living Quietly
Creating a supportive space for yourself, both mentally and physically
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Don’t forget
STIR UP SUNDAY
25th November 2018
Traditionally the day that homemade christmas puddings are prepared, giving them a month to mature before the big day. Make it a family affair and get everyone to help with stiring the heavy mixture.
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Wilko Copper kitchen collection
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Let the Light In... Dunelm Leaf Mirror £28
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Sainsbury’s Heart Shaped Mirror With Stand £6
Homesense Sun Mirror £29.99
...With These Fabulous Mirrors Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3 | 59
Decluttering
Why Is It So Good for Your Mental Health?
H
ave you found yourself feeling edgy, unhappy, rushed, unproductive or just not quite yourself lately? Maybe all of the above? Try taking a look around your home. Is there chaos lurking around every corner? Are your shelves overflowing, your drawers packed to the top and your cupboards bursting at the seams? Perhaps it’s time to think about letting go of a few things and doing some decluttering. People who have too much clutter in their lives are often anxious, frustrated and feel out of control. All of the things that are going on in their lives mixed with the physical chaos, creates an environment where it is difficult for them to just sit back and relax, process the day
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with enough space to replenish physical and emotional reserves. There is an old and relevant saying and it goes a bit like this:
Problems stick to clutter. In essence, if you have a nice clutter-free table and a clear path through your home, problems will slide right through and out of the door. If you have a house full of clutter, problems will get stuck. There are many reasons why you should declutter your home for the benefit of not just your physical surroundings, but for the benefit of your mind too.
6 Reasons Why You Should Declutter Your Home 1. Create more space for your mind Decluttering doesn’t only have to mean that you clean out your home for more space. It could also mean that you are creating more space for your mind.
leave undone can be your own undoing. Additionally, it is said that clutter adds stress and wastes precious time, mostly because you have to spend so much more time searching for things. The act of organising gives you more time and more peace of mind. 4. Feel more at peace
The act of decluttering has a way of generating fresh energy, creating mental and physical space for more clarity and allows you the chance to release some of those negative vibes that you have been holding on to.
An attachment to clutter can be cause for embarrassment, stress and even depression. This is most important to mental health and more importantly your soul. Every time you start decluttering and see a more simplified room or empty shelf, you feel more at peace. And before long, you want to get rid of even more things!
3. Reduce stress and save time
5. Enjoy a better quality of life
According to experts, the things that you
A home reflects the person and all those who
2. Bring clarity and release negativity
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live in it. Tidying up and decluttering may not be all that needs to be done. Having too much clutter around the house may signify a deeper underlying issue that needs to be addressed. It may be something in the form of a life-altering occurrence like grief, loss or some sort of trauma. For a healthy mind, body and soul, you have to determine what role clutter plays in your life. People usually hang on to material belongings for security and comfort, but sometimes letting go of the emotional baggage that comes with all those material things will allow people to enjoy more quality of life. 6. Feel lighter As you declutter your home, not only do you get to clean up and create more space, you also clear your mind of all the stress that comes with it. Decluttering can become a big task if you are not willing to make the changes in your life that need to be done. Stuff has psychic weight, and decluttering will make you feel lighter. Clearing out your house creates that amazing effect of being able to think more, have a calm mind and soul to embrace everything else that is going on in your life. And don’t think that you have to do it all at once. You didn’t store up that clutter in a day — and you’re certainly not going to be able to get rid of it all at once. In fact, doing so can sometimes become painful and overwhelming. So instead, start with just one shelf or one drawer and go through that. Or set a timer for 15 minutes and finish as much as you can in those 15 minutes. And if you still feel good after that, restart the time and do another 15.
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Take it in baby steps and make sure you get the clutter out of the house in a timely manner as well (whether it’s to the bin, charity or a car boot sale) so you don’t find yourself trying to take anything back.
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4
4 Cornerstones of Living Quietly
Learning to say NO
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Are you mentally fit enough to FREELANCE? It’s a rollercoaster ride, but one that can build emotional resilience
Written by Kerry Needs
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any freelancers know there’s so much to think about when running your own business.
M
but it also offers many beautiful opportunities for you to finally get more in control of certain habits and behaviours.
Promoting yourself, managing your customers, issuing invoices - it can seem endless from a practical point of view.
As any freelancer will tell you, an average working week can range from an avalanche of tasks, deadlines and meetings to complete, to a quiet, drip-feed supply of work.
But what about the emotional side of freelancing? As a freelancer, both your patience and persistence are tested significantly more than in a standard 9-5. The nature of freelance life is not always predictable, so questions you might ask yourself regularly include: - Where will my next job come from? - Am I promoting myself enough? - Should I stop working at weekends? - Is my cashflow sufficient? When you’re freelancing, you’re on your own. You are the HR boss, the accountant, the marketing director, and the service provider. So ultimately, in order to build a thriving business, you have to manage yourself. Building emotional resilience Freelancing can teach you how to build your emotional resilience due to its inherent inconsistent nature. It’s unstable; so you have to be prepared for both the highs and the lows. Just like a rollercoaster, freelancing can be extraordinarily exciting, thrilling, and also somewhat scary at times. There’s no doubt about it - freelancing can be testing to your mental wellbeing,
Freelancing can make those who have poor financial habits more moneyconscious. Without a regular salary in place, freelancing can unnerve those who haven’t built up a strong financial cushion. Always set aside 3-6 months of income as a buffer to see you through those rainy days. If you don’t have that, those normal quiet periods as a freelancer can send you into an all-consuming panic - not good for business! Setting boundaries Freelancing also tests the limits of your boundaries. How respectful are you to your own time and your own needs? If you’re a people pleaser, freelancing can bring this painful truth to light as you put clients first and your needs last, perhaps working most evenings and weekends. Are you someone that is addicted to checking their emails? It might win you brownie points in a regular job, but if you adopt the same approach to your freelancing business you could end up getting burned out pretty quickly. Setting boundaries as a freelancer means you define how others treat you, and so it is a great test of your self worth. If you find that you’re not really getting back what you put into your business, it might be time to reassess your boundaries.
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Difficult clients In any form of work, you’re always going to be faced with difficult clients; but what can derail you as a freelancer is that you have no colleague support to back you up. If you’re chasing payments, negotiating contract terms or pushing back on a client’s opinion, this can feel tough. However it’s also a great way to build your emotional strength. Rather than feeling disheartened by these kinds of experiences, see them as a valuable learning opportunity. Difficult clients build strong freelancers. Valuing your worth If you’re a new freelancer, you’ll soon realise that confidence is everything. If you don’t have a true belief in your products or service, then neither will your clients. Many new freelancers undercharge what they are worth because they’re just starting out. This can lead to you resenting the work you once loved because the value you receive is not compensatory to the effort you put in.
Freelancing will really test your worth. It will ask you ‘How valuable do you really believe yourself to be?’ If you’re willing to stick to a sense of value, you’ll be amazed at the opportunities it provides. Confidence in yourself fosters it in others. Accountability and discipline Setting goals when you’re employed is easy. You have KPI’s to work to, you have accountability within your team, and you have a set of job criteria that is usually reviewed in HR meetings. When you’re freelancing, you’re a bit of a lone ranger when it comes to accountability. Do you want to set up a workshop this month? Well, no-one’s coming to take you to task if you don’t end up doing it. Unfortunately, freelancing can be detrimental for those who dislike stepping outside of their comfort zones.
“Difficult clients build strong freelancers”
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One thing you’ll also surely be tested on as a freelancer is your discipline. If you’re not strict enough with yourself, you might find that watching daytime TV replaces pitching for jobs or getting out to networking events. To overcome these potential pitfalls, you can combat them in two ways - find a business mentor, and share your goals on social media, so you become more publicly accountable. Involving others in your plans is a surefire way to get the help and support you need. Are you strong enough? So is freelancing right for you? Well, whilst it can feel like venturing into wild, scary and frankly unknown territory at times, it’s going to make you stronger, just like any good adventure.
See the difficulties and obstacles as opportunities to learn, and you’ll find that freelancing offers you a chance to be mentally tougher than ever before.
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National Trust Snowflake hanging decoration £5
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Meet the Editor
I
believe without a shadow of doubt, that it was learning to live quietly,
both physically and mentally, that helped me to regain my health after a stroke at the age of 45. 10 years ago I walked away from my marketing job and decided to work for myself. I was alone bringing up 8 children and getting on the train every morning was killing me. Back then, Twitter was still a baby and the concept of freelancing was just becoming an almost viable alternative to commuting. There I was sat at my kitchen table wondering how on earth I was going to pay the bills. I decided to try my hand at writing and journalism, so I took some courses and started writing. Then I realised that online PR and marketing was taking off and that there were opportunities to create a viable web-based business. So, I created a web-based business... I became a Multi-Media Marketing Consultant. A chance meeting with someone calling herself a Life Coach set me off on another path and I started coaching. Mostly, I coached people who wanted to expand their businesses. It was very clear to me that in order to grow businesses, the business owners had to change too and that there was a holistic psychology to this. I was fascinated and spent several years doing evening and online courses in psychology. I
“9 months later, I had a stroke. My life was gone.� qualified and started my psychotherapy practice. I loved it and felt that I had really found my calling. 9 months later, I had a stroke. My life was gone. I lost my mobility, my speech and some cognitive function without any warning. Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3 | 71
“There have been times when I have just wanted to lay down and stay down. To let my soul drift off.�
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“Living quietly didn’t just save my life, it gave me a completely new life.”
During my lowest points, Neville’s (my dog) companionship was comforting.
There have been times when I have just wanted to lay down and stay down. To let my soul drift off. Fortunately, there were more times when I was just so angry that I got up and fought. After a period of mourning my old life and accepting my new reality, I did everything I could to get my life back (not quite as simple as that one sentence would suggest!). It turns out that fighting was the last thing I needed to do - what I actually needed was to live quietly. To step away from all the noise that was stopping my brain from healing and to be more conscious about how I was looking after my body. My process also involved deciding which day-to-day interactions were worth my time and energy.
I have had a marvellous life, I don’t regret a moment of it - the people, the jobs the dancing, the travelling and all the experiences that have influenced me. I live very differently now, I have the space to enjoy things in a way that I never did before. I see things with more clarity. I have my voice back and my brain functions adequately enough for me to be working again. Living quietly didn’t just save my life, it gave me a completely new life. Living quietly is not about becoming a hermit and cutting yourself off from everything. It is about being more connected to your life. It is about taking responsibility for yourself in a very conscious way. It is about learning a completely different thought process.
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4
Ways to Waste Time Effectively and Why You Should
Written by Margaret Bligdon-Boyt
A
s a society, we do not spend enough time doing nothing. So here are some thoughts on purposeful time wasting. 4 ways to waste time effectively and why you should. How many hours per week do you really spend taking a real lunch break or switching off? When was the last time that you allowed yourself time to just switch off and ‘float’? What do you do for you?
When do you have time to daydream? Relaxation of the mind is essential. Have a break, just some time to stare out of the window or wander around the house aimlessly rearranging things. Your mind needs to ‘travel’. Many an answer to a tough problem has been found whilst walking the dog or doing a mundane task. When you clear your mind of all the tedium, new ideas and thoughts are free to grow.
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It is also really important for mental and physical health to give the brain some downtime. Whilst you are at at your desk or elsewhere, stressing about whatever, your brain is becoming overloaded and your body is producing stress hormones. Stress hormones, if allowed to linger, will eventually lead to a number of physical ailments. As your physical and mental health are interdependent, it is essential to employ countermeasures.
1. Take care of yourself Take time out and do whatever you need to, in order to feel that you are actually loving and taking care of yourself.
are too busy for. Think about how alive and excited that it used to make you feel.
I know ‘taking care of you’ and ‘me time’ are the new buzz words and obviously capitalised on with companies and individuals trying to sell you ‘me time’ and the tools with which to ‘take care of you’. But, things like taking a relaxing bath rather than taking a quick shower are actually quite decadent.
3. Socialise
Taking the dog for a walk in the middle of the working day costs nothing but time and I would expect you to make that up in renewed vigour and efficiency.
2. Remember your interests What are your interests and hobbies? If you used to play the guitar, maybe it’s about time to start over again! Pick something that you were interested in doing but think you
Still too busy?
You can do this through the internet and social media (because you are soooo busy), but there is no substitute for real human contact. Take part in something, from donating your time to a charity organisation, to learning a new skill. By sharing ideas, feelings and experiences with others you develop your emotional fitness and stress hates that!
4. Just do nothing Don’t even meditate. Just watch the birds out of the window, touch all the trees in your garden or perhaps, just sit with your forehead on the table. Happy, healthy people take the time out to do the things that people with ulcers and other stress related illnesses consider a waste of time. Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3 | 75
Is it Time to Stop Reacting to Everything & Just Let Some Things Go?
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H
ave you ever sat in a waiting room full of strangers, quietly listening to everything going on around you? Can you sit really still, as if to be invisible, so that you can keep listening to the conversations and the gossip that interest you? This is a skill that is essential to living quietly. You may have been physically still in the waiting room, but it’s a mental stillness that we need to practice in order to live quietly. It is the art of being aware of everything that is going on and choosing what to react to. In a room full of strangers who are not interacting with us, this is easy. In a room full of people who are all giving us their thoughts and opinions, it is not so easy. Add social media to the mix, and there are a myriad of thoughts and opinions for you to react to.
Here is the thing:
You do not need to react to everything that is said or posted. People have differing opinions - that’s ok. It is not our responsibility to tell everyone why they are wrong. Even if an opinion directly affects us, we can still choose whether it is a viable use of our time and energy to react. Do we really need to explain ourselves all the time? Would giving someone with a strong opinion our thoughts really make a difference? How many times have you got into an argument and stewed about it for the rest of the day? Was what you were arguing about important enough to ruin the rest of your day?
There are, of course, times when our voices should be heard and it is very much worth our time and energy to react. We just need to choose our reactions wisely.
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The Revelation of No‌. I learned a new word today Such a small word Such tiny letters I learned of the power The control The freedom I learned that I am not a machine Not a pushover Not superwoman I learned that I can be Not of the moment Not of the hustle I learned a new way today
Margaret Bligdon-Boyt
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A small collection of short stories for your enjoyment
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From This Bench Written by our editor, Margaret Bligdon-Boyt
I
have been sat here for nearly an hour now. In that time no one has spoken to me and I don’t think anyone has even noticed that I am here. A few years ago I would have been right in the middle of things. Now I’m just a bystander, quietly witnessing the comings and goings of life. I watch as a young mother drags her unwilling toddler behind her, her loud whispers of what I suspect she believes are encouraging words, are ignored by her child. In contrast another mother skips past with her children full of laughter. I wonder what it is that has made them so happy. Maybe they just had some good news or perhaps they are on their way to an exciting adventure. I used to love an adventure.
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Just to the left of me there is a man dressed in smart jeans and what looks like a really soft jumper. It occurs to me that I could reach out my hand and stroke the tactile fabric. Would that be weird? Probably! The man looks agitated, looking at his watch every few seconds until a woman runs towards him, shouting her apologies for being late. As she reaches him, his face softens and he leans down to kiss her. I look away for a minute, embarrassed that even if they don’t know it, I am encroaching on their moment. She has the most beautiful copper hair. I had copper hair once. Not the sort that comes out of a bottle, the sort that comes with bright green eyes and gets you into trouble, if you know what I mean? The lovers move away, fingers entwined and chatting in the easy way that lovers do. At my foot I hear a rustling. It’s a floppy eared dog, I’ve seen him before. He barks in my direction, maybe a greeting, does he remember me? Just as I put out my hand, a young girl catches up to him ,attaches a lead and starts to pull him away. Just for a second she looks at the bench, a far-away
look in her eyes then she’s gone, the dog trotting dutifully behind her. And then it’s quiet again - I can see life going on in the rest of the park but here where I sit there is a stillness. People go about their lives, full of love and disappointment. Full of family and friends. Full of futures as yet untold. There is a beautiful energy that drives people on. I can see that energy. This bench is in the perfect place to watch the world go by. I have always sat here, watching people and chatting with strangers. The people I saw and the conversations I had, inspired characters in my books. That seems like a lifetime ago. I don’t write anymore.
There is a familiar tap on my shoulder, it’s time to leave, time to move on. I don’t belong here anymore. I pause just long enough to look at the plaque on the bench - it’s my name, my family put it here after I died. I come back every now and then hoping that they will be here too. But they are too busy herding children, kissing lovers and chasing dogs, to sit and chat.
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A Walled Garden on a Summer’s Afternoon Written by Marie Shallcross
G
ardening is good for body and soul; gardeners share their garden plants with friends. True gardeners learn from previous generations and plant for those yet to be born. Imagine if you will a walled garden on a warm summer’s afternoon. Formal paths divide up borders of fruit, vegetables and flowers. Against a sunny wall is a pergola swathed in scented roses. Curled up on cushions, an elderly cat lies sleeping next to a dreaming, equally senior, human. A kitten plays with splashing water from the fountain in the pool nearby. A young gardener rises from their repose in the pergola to rescue the kitten before it falls into the pool. Cradling the kitten in one hand, they carry it on a brief tour of the garden. Padding barefoot along the stone path between borders filled with the scent and colour of high summer, the gardener mentally notes which fruit is ripening, where there are flowers to pick before they seed. The kitten wriggles and is released. Smiling, the gardener watches as butterflies, bees and hoverflies all tempt the kitten to chase. Indulging a youngster learning to hunt; a part of the constant battle between prey and predator that is carried out throughout the garden. Strolling on
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between low hedges of thyme, followed by the kitten, the gardener is heading towards the strawberry beds. Gardeners try to plan ahead, and a turquoise bowl had been scooped up before leaving the pergola. Seeing a good clump of ripe strawberries, the gardener squats; nimble fingers pick the crop. Rolling on the path, a furry tummy is exposed for tickling but ignored.
eating a strawberry, eyes wander across the garden; “Fruit does well here,” comes out as a comment to the kitten. But small felines find ladybirds more interesting than horticulture, so the gardener tilts back their head to assess the sky. Clear blue, cloudless, unlikely to rain until after sunset: a perfect summer’s day. In one lithe movement the gardener stands, pauses for a moment, enjoying the warm late afternoon sun on their shoulders, then scoops up bowl and kitten. Strolling more purposefully, the pair head towards the rose pergola, taking a different route back to check on the peas and beans which will need picking for dinner tomorrow if not today. “Pudding first though” says the gardener, referring to the strawberries. The kitten purrs.
Glancing down when toes are caught in a gentle demand for attention the fruit picker is dutifully distracted and plays with the kitten, encouraging it to chase a random hazel twig found in the border. Probably leftover from making the clematis hoops, thinks the gardener, twitching the hazel out of the kitten’s reach again. Suddenly seeing a white butterfly on the path, the kitten pounces in pursuit and the strawberry picking resumes. With the bowl full, the gardener sits back from their squatting position to watch the kitten prowl through the border like a silver tiger in miniature. Absentmindedly
Reaching the fountain again, the gardener pauses, looking towards the rose pergola. For a moment as still as statues, gardener and kitten both gaze at the sleepers. Then slowly sweeping around, the gardener takes in the sights, sounds and scents of the walled garden as if fixing this moment safely to memory. Dropping a kiss on the kitten’s head, the walker paces softly to the pergola so as not to wake the sleepers. It seems the kitten has also fallen asleep, and merely curls up when placed on the soft cushions. Placing the bowl on a small table the gardener glances down at the still dozing figures and carefully lies down, so as not to disturb the peacefulness of the afternoon. “The strawberries will keep” is the thought before sleep Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3 | 83
reaches the young gardener too. A light breeze dances delicately over the garden wall and whispers to the roses that they should sway to its tune. With a noise between a sigh and a grunt the old gardener wakes, not yet opening eyes, but testing joints for aches. Finding the cushions were as soft a bed as promised, and that the sun is still warm, eyes open. A hand reaches out to the elderly cat who pr-rps and stretches with as much care as the human. “That was a pleasant snooze, don’t you think?” The cat begins to wash. “Do you know” continues the gardener in a conversational tone, “There have been many cats and kittens in this garden before you, and probably will be after you too. Just as I’m
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not the first of my family to garden here.” Stretching some more, the gardener considers sitting up, but lies still a while longer, watching the fountain catch the sunlight. “I was dreaming about two of them just now.” The cat looks up. “My grandmother and your great-great grandmother. She created this garden you know.” A pause and a sigh. “Ah well, let’s pick some strawberries for tea.” Watched by the feline, to whom the word dinner is welcome, the gardener gets up slowly. Reaching for the turquoise bowl, the gardener’s hand stops. It is full to the brim with ripe, freshly picked fruit.
Alone Written by Simon Waterfield
O
nce upon a time, there lived a man and a woman.
They did not know each other, they were of different generations. They each had their own stories of their childhood, adolescence, adulthood, and of love, marriage, and children. It’s at this stage their stories diverge. Let us meet the woman. She loved her husband and her children, and they loved her in turn. As often happens, the children grew up and heard stories about new opportunities in far off lands. These stories were beguiling and too strong to resist, and they left home to pursue their own stories many hundreds of miles away. Mary’s story continued, intertwined with those of her husband, and their friends. However, over the years, his story ended as did many of her friends.
She hears the ghosts of her house, children’s feet running around, her husband making his way down stairs, children’s voices in the garden. Eventually she gets up. She must slide downstairs on her bum, one step at a time because the stairlift is broken. She makes her lonely breakfast of porridge, and a row of pills taken with her cup of tea. She listens to the news on Radio 4, occasionally talking back to the presenters. She washes up, its only 2 dishes, but after all, anyone could call. No one’s called for 10 days. She reads the paper aloud, as if expecting comment. She does the crossword, reading aloud the clues as if expecting help. She looks out a window, is the front garden tidy enough for a caller?
Eventually there were few people with whom she could meet and share stories. Mary has woken up this morning and lies in bed listening to the empty house, the growl of cars going past, the hum of the central heating, seagulls calling above. She hopes to hear the letterbox rattle, wanting there to be a letter or postcard from the family instead of the usual junk mail.
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Cars go past, her heart quickening if one slows down. They invariably drive on. People walk past on the pavement, older people, wrapped up in their own stories, not looking her way. Her eyes alight on a set of photographs of her children and grandchildren. She smiles and says hello to each in turn. She sits on the sofa and stares at the armchair her husband used. Eventually she starts talking to him, complaining about her arthritis, about how expensive her weekly shop is. She tells him again about her last phone call with her son and the news of their grandchildren. She moans that he still hasn’t mentioned when they are going to visit. She feels herself welling up, but she’s determined not to give in, and so starts shouting at him, blaming him for leaving her alone, blaming him for letting their children go. She finally runs out of things to say and descends into a stupor, staring at the empty chair. The front doorbell rings unexpectedly.
to other people. Why is this figure in the mirror saying, ‘I have cancer’? He doesn’t understand. He shaves, trying to make sense of it. He avoids cutting himself. He goes down to breakfast. His wife is already busy feeding the children and organising them for school. She smiles brightly at him and tells him what he can eat, provided of course he gets it himself. He wants to talk about the experience in the mirror. It’s important to him. She’s too busy, kids need to be taken to school and she to work. So, he thinks about tonight, will we get a chance to talk? He will be tired and late. She will have books to mark. One of them will fall asleep on the sofa. Its how people live these days. He’s worried about not getting the opportunity to talk, and also about whether he can talk about it.
It’s a good time now to meet the man in this story.
It always somehow ends in him welling up, unable to string two coherent sentences together.
This morning, he’s up, looking into the bathroom mirror, wondering who is looking back at him.
He feels he can’t be seen to be so weak about it, and if he’s not able to be himself about it, perhaps he shouldn’t even try.
It’s a very weird thing to see yourself say that you have cancer.
This leaves him alone, a prisoner in his own head.
The sound of his children and wife echo downstairs.
The Man in the Iron Mask.
Andrew knows it happens, but it happens
Meanwhile, inside his head, he and his thoughts live a precarious life together.
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Music can be a powerful fulcrum for his emotions. One thing can suddenly set him off sobbing. Something else can make him think how good that would sound at his funeral. He has his solitary breakfast amid the morning chaos. The whole family leaves, in different directions, and vehicles. Now, it’s his third call of the day and he presses the doorbell. He knows by now to wait and, invariably, a little old lady with a stick opens the door. ‘I’m here to fix your lift madam’. ‘Not too soon either young man’. He starts testing for a fault and finds a dead circuit board. Its quickly replaced and tested. She offers him a cup of tea and he follows her into the kitchen. She’s pleased to be able to play the hostess. Biscuits and cake are offered. The radio, so far ignored, suddenly starts playing one of ‘those’ songs and before he can disguise it, there are tears. She notices, passing him the box of tissues with his tea, without comment. He looks at her, realising she has nothing to do but listen. She looks at him, wondering if her life is going to change, at least for the afternoon “You know young man, a story is for telling”, and she passes him the plate of cake.
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It’s November Already Written by our editor, Margaret Bligdon-Boyt
It’s November already, she says. Don’t be ridiculous, I say. How can it be November? I was only splashing in the garden pool a few days ago. Don’t be ridiculous, she says. I continue regardless….. I haven’t even got my jumpers out yet, I say. Actually I had, but that nugget of information would not help my current argument. The clocks went back, she says. No they didn’t, I say . Knowing full well that all my time pieces are electronic and therefore automatically changed the hour whilst I slept. I don’t know why I bother talking to you, she says. I watch my mother walk away….. At some point in the next few minutes I shall have to follow and apologise or the Christmas plans that she was trying to discuss will not involve me eating my mother’s perfectly planned Christmas lunch. I walk into the kitchen….. I’m sorry, I say. You just want Christmas lunch, she says. Bugger, I say. My mother gives me the look. I’m sorry, I say. 88 | Living Quietly Magazine | Issue 3
Ctd. on pg. 90
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These things don’t organise themselves, she says. And she’s right, Christmas has a huge build up. So much planning, so much work, just for one day. What can I do, I say. Nothing, she says. I know that’s not true. In the coming weeks, messages containing lists will pop into my inbox and I will dutifully work my way through them. Are you sure, I say. If I think of anything I’ll let you know, she says. Hmmmm….. In answer to your original question, I say, yes I am coming to Christmas lunch. Why couldn’t you just say that, she says. Where’s the fun in that, I say. Even at the grand old age of 48 my greatest joy is winding my mother up. Life is hard, being an adult is hard, everyone expects you to be a grown up, except my mother who will always look at me and see a child and that creates a safe place for the gloriously annoying child in me to come out and play. I’m going back to work, I say. Don’t forget your jumper, she says, the November air is a bit chilly. I know, I say.
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Dunelm
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Silver Tipped Glittered Grey 6FT Tree £99 Frosted Grandis Fir Tree Green 6FT Tree £30
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