My journey through selfawareness and discovery.
How I Broke Up with Myself By Emily Orth
Fashion Thomas Richards, Emily Orth Model Emily Orth Collage Zhiyuan Xie
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What does it mean to be toxic? The oxford definition simply puts it as poisonous. We use toxic as a word to describe actions or beliefs that are seemingly very complex, but maybe it all boils down to anything destructive or poisonous. Destructive behavior is typically something people point out in others, especially in past relationships. This kind of behavior can make people feel manipulated, judged, attacked, used, underappreciated, violated—the list goes on.
I took some time during quarantine to write out the way some of my past relationships had made me feel. While writing out what I experienced, thinking of situations I thought to have healed from, I became extremely upset. Sometimes a wave would hit and it felt like I was experiencing these situations for the first time all over again. I’d be angry at myself for feeling this way because I had thought I had found peace with these situations, and that’s when I realized: I was not upset with all the people I had toxic experiences with anymore, I was upset with myself. I was bearing the weight of these self-destructive thoughts without evening flinching. Could I be my own worst enemy?
CULTURE
