BondingXperience Richart Llover’s free e-magazine – Issue 11
Keys For Life
Touch & Play @ Solar Weekend Festival Touched by Art & Divine 9 ‐ a collaboration of Heart & Soul
Listening to the Soul i
– Xclusive interview with Markus Christian Binder
Forging Keys for our Destiny ‐ co‐created by Lilli Somdjaye & Richard T. Voller
F**k it! I Choose Life! – written by Anne van den Berg
Touched by Art guests providing article for us. for Company Team Builiding
Creative and fun way to lift employees out of comfort zone
‘Women’s Day of Love’ Workshop ‐ review by Riëtte Kantelberg 1
Dear Readers, The theme of this issue is ‘Keys for Life’. 2014 had been an absolutely fantastic year for myself and for many of my friends. It seems to be after the anti-climax of 2012, we then had a bit of a conscious depression in 2013, but 2014 is really making waves for everyone who has been doing their inner healing work. Key experiences of life to remember was the “Women’s Day of Love” organized by Riette in Eindhoven, going to Austria, Ibiza and Gran Canaria and meeting so many awesome people, as well as painting people’s energy at the Solar Weekend Festival in the Netherlands. I also wish to thank all the people who have had private ‘Touched by Art’ sessions with me this year. You are very much appreciated and thank you for recommending my services to your friends! It really helps!
And so as a true Nomad, I am leaving the shores of the Netherlands and making my way to Italy this winter. So the grand adventure continues! I trust you enjoy reading this issue of BondingXperience which has articles written by a number of different people, sharing more information about their passions and experiences in life, as well as my own. Happy reading and see you around! Very Best Regards, Richart T. Voller Editor-in-Chief
BondingXperience BA (Hons) Media & Cultural studies Southampton Solent University FaceBook: Richard T. Voller
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CONTENTS
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Dear Readers – Message from Richard
Touched by Art 12 “Women Day of Love Workshop” – Review by Riëtte Kantelberg 4
What is ‘Touched by Art’?
26 Fashion: Beatrice San Francisco dress Sold! 32 Touched by Art Team Building days for companies 34 Patrons Appreciated!
Touch & Play 14 Solar Festival Review 16 Touched by Art & Divine 9 – Collaboration with Gert Kramer of Divine 9 25 Music: True Power of Men
Touched by Love 6
Who is Talking? – A guide on how to listen to our Soul speak – An exclusive interview with Markus Christian Binder, Medical Doctor & Healer from Graz, Austria
27 Forging Our Keys – Co-written by Lilli Somdjaye & Richard T. Voller 35 F**k it! I choose Life! – Written by Anne van der Berg 20 Getting out of your comfort zone – Written by Richard T. Voller 22 Ibiza Retreats – Casa Bliss
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What is Touched by Art?
ʻTouched by Artʼ is an authentic creative and hands-on experience! It helps you to re-connect
and become re-aligned with your Source. During the session Richart gives you a short intuitive mediation to bring you into a deep inner peaceful and relaxed state of mind. He then opens your channel, connecting you with pure loving energy in the moment. When all your energy points are open and your entire body feels like it is flowing, then he softly touches you and paints your vibrant colourful energy onto your clothing. Guide for watching When watching it is important to be conscious of your thoughts and keep them positive (to observe with love and light.) Please send love and blessings to Richart and the person being touched by art. The group consciousness of love is a powerful purifying experience. Booking Please call Richart on 0031 6 339 339 01 or email: RichartLlover@gmail.com to arrange your appointment. Thank you. For more information, please visit: www.beingtouchedart.weebly.com
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Testimonial .
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Who is talking? A Guide on how to listen to our Soul speaking.
Learning how to listen to the voice of our Soul; an interesting interview with Medical Doctor & Acupuncture Specialist, Markus Christian Binder from Graz in Austria.
This year, the Grand Adventure took me to Austria where I had the great fortune of meeting a number of very interesting people. One of them was a young chap called Markus, whom I met at the lovely home of Lisa Reich deep in the Austrian forests. From the first time that I met Markus, I felt a deep heart connection as though I already knew him, although we had never met before in this lifetime. During my visit, he decided that he wanted to be touched by art and so our journey began. Months after our first meeting, we reconnected on Skype to have a chat about the meaning of our Soul Purpose and our Soul Mission. We wanted to understand how to listen to the inner voice of the Soul and not the mind (the ego). I found this one of the most enlightening and amusing interviews I’ve done since I created BondingXperience back in 2010.
THE INTERVIEW
Markus: “My Soul wants me to be in the field of healing, more than being an Medical Doctor. But I have to take it from step‐to‐step.” Richard: So what phase are you in now? Markus: “Now there has been a window opening for me. I have been meeting a mediation group who meet on a regular basis. They are centred on a Chinese Healer who has groups all around the globe, doing healing work. For me it was important to have a support group.” Richard: Why is the support group helpful? Markus: “I was always on my own. Now I am meeting people and a network is naturally forming around me. If people come to me with a
problem, which is not primarily a medical problem, but for example being a problem that stems from karmic action, I can feel this in them because I am very sensitive. So I feel if they need some karmic cleansing. And now, there are people in my network who can do this.” “So now I have more tools in my box from this support network so I can let the universal or God energy flow through me without my involvement.” Richard: So it becomes more holistic the healing that you offer? Markus: “Yes! This is a big progress for me because I felt I was this lonely fighter in the dark forest!”
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Richard: I know that feeling! got a call from a friend asking me if I wanted to Markus: “And that was actually a shitty feeling move into this flat share community. It was the because I would just feeling stuck! I numbed hints at the side of the road, stuff like that, so I myself with some other stuff. Now I have the learned to listen to that and to look at those feeling that there is a breakthrough on that little omens, the little stones that lie on the way field. So this makes me very happy. Also I think and you usually kick them away.” it is a new level, as if I was a spiral staircase, I have just moved up three levels.” Richard: Ok, so it is more about the unexpected things? “The Chinese doctor whom I am referring to is Markus: “Yes! And everyday I try to do a interesting because he is a medical doctor, he is mediation, where I let go of all the unnecessary a doctor of Chinese medicine, plus he is a things and make myself open for the wanders of Toaistic Healer from a very ancient tradition. I life. Eventually you get a feeling for the little am going to meet him in October in Munich and information that your Soul wants to bring the people from our group are his disciples. I through.” was always suspicious about these kinds of things…” “You are learning from disappointment. You are learning whether you follow from your mind or Richard: Why? ego ideas, you are not getting happier.” Markus: “Probably because I had difficulties to acknowledge that I could have this pupil‐ Richard: So in the ego, the mind, this is teacher relationship. I was refusing that for a where we have lots of disappointments? So it long time. And this goes back through many life is my mind creating something, which is times.” unrealistic to materialise? Markus: “Well this monkey mind, it always Richard: So you believe in reincarnation? wants more. But whenever I got more, even as a Markus: “Yes, definitely!” child, I got the feeling that it’s just something more of the same thing that I Richard: So reincarnation is already know and that is not “I just get the the journey of the Soul. what I really wanted to Markus: “Yes! That is it!” experience in my life. So it feeling that I am doesn’t make you feel more doing the right Richard: Ok! So Doctor can whole or fulfilled.” you help us learn how to thing. I am not listen to our Soul and not our Richard: So the Soul wants depressed any more more fulfilment, is that it? mind (our ego)? Markus: “I give you an example. and I just have the Markus: “You can’t even find a For a very long time everything word for what the Soul wants, feeling that I like I was attempting to do was ego because everyone’s Soul wants stuff.” to bring something else to what I do. “ fruition.” Richard: Ok, how do you know? Markus: “It never worked out!” “I just get the feeling that I am doing the right thing. I am not depressed any more and I just Richard: OK! I understand! have the feeling that I like what I do. When I Markus: “It was just a major operation mind listen to whispers that get through, more and fuck! I want to give you an example: as a young more, then this is it!” student I wanted to move out of my parents home and was desperately looking for an Richard: Do you find that this year there are affordable apartment or a room in a flat share. more whispers coming through than before? Whenever I was actively searching it did not Markus: “Absolutely, because three years ago I yield any results. The only things that came to had a major transformation in my life. My father me, where stuff like a friend a left me a note passed away and a 15‐year relationship went saying ‘you should check this out’. In the end I down, and it took me some time to cope with all
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the changes. But this year, I get the feeling that I am starting a new life again. I did a lot of clearing work like dissolving karmic issues and now I feel like I am getting presents from the Universe this year. I can feel that I am moving forward at a quicker pace now.” Richard: And this feeling is this what you call intuition? Markus: “Yes!” Richart: Hang on a second; let me turn the light on. (I was sitting in the darkness as the sun had gone down “ during the interview. I switched the light on). Markus: “The Sun is Shining more now!!” (On the back wall was a painting by my dear friend Jeanette Michelle of the sun radiating. Suddenly with the light on, the sun was shining again on the painting. A very funny moment!) Richard: That is intuition! (Suddenly we both burst out laughing!) Markus: “For me, as I have a strong ego. It was important for me to calm down the mind. Let go of intriguing ideas, just let go of everything. It is those soft whispers, those little things you know. If the ego and mind stands for the strong feelings in life, ‘I want to achieve that and get that!’ When letting go of this, which does involve some kind of exercise or mediation to let go of tensions, also in the body and not just in the mind, then we get to a place of stillness.” Richard: So I think of surrendering now to the moment, and being more in the flow. Markus: “Yes, but I feel it is different for each and every person. It involves different aspects. Some people need to meditate, others to do yoga or go for a bike ride. Whatever it is, just get to a point where you can keep out the load voices. So by getting to the place of stillness you are able to listen to inspiration. And this is
where I feel the intuition kicks in! If you are quiet enough to listen to what the Universe through your Soul wants to communicate to you.” “Or some people like the idea of Saints or Ascended Masters, Angels, whatever! You have to get to a point of quietness to be able to listen to all of this.” Richard: This suddenly makes me think of churches and this is why they are so quiet. Markus: “Yeah, but the church is tricky you know because it would be the ideal gathering place if it was not a contaminated experience. Because basically the church was a political programme that cut us off from the Universe. This is the reason why the rape stories and things came up, because one part of the political programme of the church is to cut us off from creative aspects, which also involve sexuality. It is too contaminated.” Richard: So when you say contaminated, you mean the conditioning of the religion? Markus: “Yes.” Richard: I love the way you explain it, so if we can all have our inner stillness, then we can have our connection with the Universe. Markus: “Yes, I think that this is what we need to establish and what is the true meaning of the word ‘religion’? Because it is Latin and it is ‘Re’ which means ‘again’ and ‘Ligio’ which means ‘bonding together’, so that we, everyone is getting the connection to the Higher Source.” [As I write up this section of the interview, I suddenly become aware of the name of the magazine ‘BondingXperience’ and it’s deeper spiritual connection. It was a lightning bolt hitting my Soul out of the blue sky!] “And what happened in religion or in the church, was you have to go to a dealer who makes the connection for you. So this is why this Role Model didn’t work essentially.”
So by getting to the place of stillness you are able to listen to inspiration. “
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“It did a bad thing to us because we were taught that we couldn’t establish a personal relationship with God or the Divine, so we needed this middle man to make the connection. And that cut us completely off, but eventually today we are overcoming this!” Richard: Yes, true. Interesting that I now want to mention about the uncovering of the 1,500 year of Bible, the Gospel of Saint Barnibus that states that Jesus Christ was a Prophet (not the Son of God) and was not crucified. What do you make of this? Basically it said that Jesus reached his Ascension during his life… Markus: “Yes, I was thinking about this too. Jesus said ‘What I accomplish, you will be able to accomplish greater things than I.’ So I was always thinking about the Ascension process, I was always very much into it, because I feel that this is a way that we can step out of all of that 3D stuff. That is the purpose of our life to reach that point.” Richard: So what do you feel the Soul Purpose is? Markus: “The Soul Purpose is …. (long wait whilst Markus tunes‐in to the Universe) … the re‐alignment ... (another long gap) … with the Source.” Richard: WOW! YES! Markus: “And we have to listen very closely to what the Soul tells us to be.” Richard: True. So this is why living in the unknown, without all these plans … (long gap) … is essential for us to be living our Soul Purpose. Markus: “YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!” “I have some resistance to your expression of the word ‘the unknown’. What exactly do you mean by the ‘unknown’?” Richard: “I am not quite sure, actually it’s unknown!” hahahaha Markus: “It is like a Cosmic Joke! Who knows???”
Richard: It is interesting though, because I notice now from interviewing you that you have a very strong connection with Source. Markus: “Yes, two weeks ago I was meeting the Leader of this group of people in Austria and she would ask me if I could express my Soul Song (produce a song version of what my Soul wants to communicate).” “I was not trained how they do it. But when I did it, it was kind of fascinating because I was completely astonished about what I was producing! What is interesting for me, is that it seems to get easier and easier to express what my Soul wants to express, but very often I am completely astonished about what it IS!” Richard: Why? Markus: “Because it is the unknown!!!!!” [more laughter breaks out!] “I think Holy shit! What is going on here?” “I was really taken by that experience, because I knew how to come to this point in my self where I could sing my Soul Song and I was completely shocked when I realised what was coming out of me! And she was too! It felt so good and it made me cry immediately when she told me what my Soul was asking me to do.” “Yes, that is the funny thing about it. Yes, the UNKNOWN! Your ego wouldn’t be able to let it happen, to let it be expressed.” Richard: Yes, beautiful. What comes to me now, is that the ego wouldn’t allow you to open up so much to let this be present… Markus: “…yes” [Long silence] Richard: Earlier we talked about the Soul Purpose, but there is also the Soul Mission. How would you describe it? Markus: “It is different from the Soul Purpose. I can explain the difference. In order to fulfil your Soul Purpose you receive the directives as a Soul Mission on how to get there.” “So think of it like someone saying ‘Yes, I want to get there!’ Then you need to coordinates or the details on how to get there and that would
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be the Soul Mission. For each and everyone of us it is different.” Richard: So how does that differ from the ego then? Markus: “Well it is very different.” Richard: “Well the ego might want to go and do that! Markus: “Yes, well I am talking about where the Soul wants to take you. So if you think of it as an ego mission, you will certainly be led astray. If you are able to hear what your Soul wants …” Richard: “Ok, because the Soul wants to return to Source, to oneness and ego wants to keep us separated.” Markus: “Yes, so the step‐by‐ step directions to Source would be the Mission.” Richard: So the Soul Mission is something that you would receive over a period of time of doing meditations and understanding your Soul Purpose? Markus: “YESSSS! You get your Mission updated from time‐to‐ time.” Richard: And this all comes from being able to be still and quiet within and be connected. Markus: “YESSSS!” Richard: Not by writing a business plan! [Laughter breaks out again!] Markus: “Actually, I am pretty bad at writing business plans. I always had big troubles with thinking that I am not earning enough money to be able to make my own living. But when those feelings or thoughts are getting too strong, I have to concentrate or mediate on the fact of how the Universe supports me.”
“You know, it is now 56 years that the Universe supports me!” [More laughter breaks out!] “This is how I can discern between the ego fears and the real stuff that is going on in my life.” Richard: So you are living proof of how the Soul wants to be. Markus: “Yes, but I am just an ordinary guy. I have my moods, my anxiety or whatever, when I feel that I am taken by this or by that, I love to sit down and relax, to centre myself and do a little meditation or just do nothing. I clear my mind from the ego stuff and then I can eventually feel, ‘what is it?’, ‘what do I have to do today?’ or ‘what is going to make my Soul happy?’ Richard: I just want to round off by saying that I don’t think you are an ordinary guy, because I don’t feel that most people live their life the way you do. I feel it is quite exceptional! So I feel that where you are and what you have achieved with your life so far is showing that you are on track with your Soul Purpose and your Soul Mission. It has really been a grand honour to speak with you Markus. Thank you. Markus: “My pleasure. Richart, you did touch me by your art! At this first meeting that we had at our friend’s place, I had this feeling that you are a special guy. I admire you because of what you are doing. Because I feel it is not easy what you are doing and I like how you do it. I am following you on FaceBook and I am seeing the crazy things that you are doing, it really is grand! It’s an honour for me too and from time‐ to‐time we will talk. Thank you.” Richard: Thank you.
“You know, it is now 56 years that the Universe supports me!”
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Women’s Day of Love Workshop
Dear Heart Readers,
On 26th July 2014, I organized a “Day of Love” for a group of woman. Special woman. Close friends of mine who are love and light workers in their roles as Coach’s and Therapists in their daily lives.
Special Women In the beginning of June 2014, I had the idea of organizing this event and invited these beautiful women for a “Day of Love”. I had the strong feeling that we were rapidly evolving in our female energy and moving forward with this in our lives. We are now giving and sharing our self-development work everyday with a lot of people. So I wanted this day to be a gift to ourselves and to each other as a celebration of the heart work we do together. I am very grateful for all the love and transformations I am experiencing and for how these magnificent women have contributed to my life over the past three years. Meeting Richart I met Richart in May this year through a mutual friend on FaceBook. From the first contact we felt ‘connected’ and talked a lot about everything! We both felt that we wanted to meet each other as soon as possible. When Richart returned from his travels, coming back from Gran Canaria, we met in-person in the beautiful medieval city of Utrecht. I had this idea to invite him for my woman’s ‘Day of Love’, but I wanted to be the first to experience his Gift.
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Pureness in Heart I booked an appointment with Richart for a ‘Touched by Art’ session at the Hapi Zen Centre in Utrecht. He touched me with Art. And he touched my heart with love; I connected deeper with my own love and we connected in pure Divine Love. The Divine worked through him and through me. The feeling of oneness and the connection of our souls again was a present I will always remember. Richart beautifully hand-painted all that love energy onto my long black evening dress. After the session was completed, I knew that I would love to let Richart come over to be part of my planned ‘Woman’s Day of Love’ and to let my friends be touched by art. With both of our Gifts and lover energy, we were excited to work together to make a fantastic love energy day! I invited Richart to come for the whole weekend so that we could work in the most pure energy with a completely open heart in a relaxing way and let the Great Spirit come to us. Richart stayed in the vacation house of Nel, one of my friends. It is situated in the peace and tranquility of nature just outside Eindhoven in the South of the Netherlands.
moment. And with the energy flowing, Richart painted their glorious radiant energy onto the black dresses they were wearing.
“It was a wonderful, blessed, loving day and after more then a month my friends and I, really can say that we can still feel our love is flowing and growing!”
Women’s Day of Love On Saturday my friends arrived and after coffee, tea, and homemade cake (made by my Senna, my daughter), it was time for everyone to meet Richart and get underway with the workshop. Linda Bergmans-van Schendel, opened a ‘heart love flowing circle’, a give and receive love meditation. When we connected in this bonding love energy, Richart took over and connected deeper with us. One-by-one my friends stood up to be touched by art. Richart spent about 20 minutes with each woman, opening up a connection with the Divine and channeling the energy through to their hearts so they could experience the feeling of pure love in the
At every touching by Richart I worked with my energy with him and the Great Spirit. It was a deep experience and my friends connected deeper and more in their entire openness of love energy. That day the sun shone as bright as our hearts did! We lunched, we cried, we laughed, we hugged, we got even more in love with the world and ourselves!
It was a wonderful, blessed, loving day and after more then a month my friends and I, really can say that we can still feel our love is flowing and growing! I would love to do this workshop more with my dear friend Richart, because love is for everyone and our Great Spirit smiles in my heart when I am writing this! With all my love for all of you,
Riëtte Kantelberg ‘Women’s Day of Love’ event organiser
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Touch & Play Perform live at Solar Weekend Festival
In August 2014, ‘Touch & Play’ performed together live on the Ibiza stage at Solar Weekend Festival in Roermand, the Netherlands.
Touch & Play consists of the infamous duo, DJ Nikos Akrivos as ‘Play’ and Richart Llover as ‘Touch’. S o la r We e k e n d F e s tiv a l is a te m p o ra ry v illa g e w h e re th o u s a n d s o f p e o p le c o m e to g e th e r. Yo u g e t a p la y fu l p a rty h o lid a y fe e lin g a t th e S o la r Ib iz a b e a c h c a m p in g a re a a n d th e p a rty in th e S o la r Villa g e . T h e b ro a d m u s ic a l lin e -u p fe a tu re s n in e a re a s w ith h o u s e , te c h n o , e le c tro , d u b s te p , h ip h o p , ja z z , re g g a e , s o u l, d is c o , p o p a n d e v e n c la s s ic a l! B u t th e fe s tiv a l is m u c h m o re th a n th a t w ith fa iry ta le-lik e p a th s th a t y o u c o m e a c ro s s a n d a v a rie ty o f a c tiv itie s o n e c a n o n ly d re a m o f in th e d e p th s o f y o u r w ilde s t im a g in a tio n . O n e o f th e m b e in g ‘To u c h & P la y ’ Richart explains, “Touch & Play is a simple way of encouraging people to open up, have fun and connect with each other. Everyone can be caught in their own little world and through our magic mix of music and art, we help people to connect and have fun!”
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‘Divine 9’ collaboration with ‘Touched by Art’ Touched by the Art of Divine 9 Music: audible light in which spirit and science unite Written by Gert Kramer (Founder of Divine 9) Some years ago, after starting to walk a Gnostic path in which I gained beautiful insights about Life and as part of that, about my Self, I created Divine 9 Music as an expression, a manifestation with which I wanted to facilitate people to be able to feel what I am feeling. Throughout time and space, Mankind has used the Art of Music in many ways. As a nice way to spend your time listening to beautiful performances but as well to meditate and be lifted to higher spheres in order to gain insights and find answers on the many questions we have. For the last hundreds of years, music in the Western world has predominantly been composed using a tuning known as the equal temperament of Bach and Werkmeister. Before this tuning was introduced and massively applied, a variety of tunings were known, each a bit different, quite often depending on the instrument that was being tuned. The reason for the development of the equal temperament was a practical one. When pianists wanted to play a variety of music during one concert in different tones, the piano needed to be retuned during the performance in order for the audience not to be confronted with false tones somewhere in the tuning. Bach decided to divide the falseness that is part of the system and known as the Pythagorean Comma over the entire octave therewith creating a completely false tuning. Yet few people hear this falseness nowadays which doesn’t mean that nothing is happening when we are confronted with it. Just look at the behavior of Mankind nowadays and its effect on the world we live in and are part of it.
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“Another Sound, Another World” is the collective theme embraced by Divine 9 musicians. Most of us are aware of the fact that we all contribute to the sphere around us. Just take as an example, the effect on people when you are mad or angry. The same thing happens implicitly when you use a certain tuning to compose various types of music with. This music creates a sphere filled with certain vibrations that your body, through a principle called resonance, absorbs. So I asked myself what would happen when you would compose music using a completely different tuning as basis? We know that the equal temperament tuning is ‘false’ or you could say non‐aligned? With the idea of using music as a facilitative tool to create a sphere that would allow people to ‘lift themselves’ so they would be able to solve what they perceive as their problems, I had to come up with a consistent framework and a set of frequencies that together could be made into an octave and through doubling and halving allow for an entire piano to be tuned. Before working on a musical tuning I found, using a simple ancient mathematical key, the evidence why number 9 is both Yin and Yang, both feminine and masculine and therewith perfectly balanced ergo neutral in the spiraling Golden Mean/ Fibonacci number sequence. The image of the wooden column with numbers shows this ancient spiral and nine based mathematical system on which many very prosperous civilizations all over the world have been built. This source code number sequence, to which many ancient and current philosophies, religions, mystic and mythological stories, symbols and rituals refer and that stands at the basis of the magicians’ infinity sign reads as follows:
1 1 2 3 5 8 4 3 7 1 8 9 8 8 7 6 4 1 5 6 2 8 1 9 I decided that I wanted to create a sphere that, because of its perfect balance and neutrality, would allow people to raise their vibrational state to a state of inner silence or motionless that, in my opinion, allows for the sharpest possible observation of the stories that we all are part of, experience through and contribute to them. Our emotional inner state determines which vibrations we radiate and contribute to what we experience as our reality. Clearly observing this process of interaction between our environment and ourselves and understanding that what we radiate determines ergo co‐creates what happens around us, and can bring the insight that through changing our inner world, our outer world will simply follow. This principle is described in the Hermetic philosophy in the statement ‘as within, so
without’ and asked in the old question “Mankind, don’t you know you are all Gods?”. As an example: just put a well meant
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and inside felt smile on your face to the So how to create that sphere? The frequencies that are used in the Divine 9 tuning are the result of a mathematical exercise. The frequencies are based on the Nineveh Constant, a long number (195.955.200.000.000) from ancient Mesopotamia that was discovered in the ruins of Nineveh written down on a clay tablet. How exactly would too long to be described in this short article. All numbers used are 9’s. For example the C of 253.125 Hz and the D# of 303.75 Hz. How do you get from these number to the 9? By summing all the ciphers. 2+5+3+1+2+5 = 18, 1+8 = 9. Because all the frequencies have the same source, they are all interrelated or in other words each frequency when played together with another one knows a common overtone. These overtones can be found in the audible part of the electro‐magnetic spectrum that we are all part of but as well in the higher realms or should I say octaves. So while each of these frequencies produces a unique sound, they are at the same time as well part of one and the same system. This to me is a beautiful metaphor for Mankind and could well be the basis of a social system in which the uniqueness of each individual is appreciated and the development of its skills facilitated in the best way possible to create the strongest global collective rather than, because of fear, trying to realize and force upon a grey Orwellian monoculture in which there is hardly any room for true individual growth. Life likes the variety to express and experience itself in many ways and therewith learn about Self. The result of the Divine 9 way of tuning is a very clear and bright sound. This is because of the strong and clear interference patterns that the one source based combined frequencies create. As we know, musicians are trying to create this brightness in the equal temperament tuning
people you meet and observe their reaction. by constantly raising the frequency now even to 442 Hz and higher. The achieved effect is quite opposite; it’s devastating to the lifetime of the instrument, only results in more dullness and can be compared to screaming. Ask vocalists how their body feels when they try to sing in these raised frequencies. Non‐natural with strong tension creating reactions in the body will be their answer.
Collaborating with Touched by Art In 2015, I shall be working in collaboration with Richart and his ‘Touched by Art’ experience. I think that the best way to explain this collaboration is for Richart to explain his vision. Richart: “I had a vision after I met you last time. I am painting the energy of people's Souls onto their clothing and the way I paint, tapping my fingers on the person's heart chakra is like tapping in a source code that unlocks the door for people to feel their true connection with Source. I feel that when instruments are tuned into the Divine 9 frequency and played to an audience, then
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the audience. This is a fun, creative and interactive experience. It is totally authentic, original and awesome! The vision is that such an occasion makes a grand experience.” Richart is a shining example of how the energy that radiates from within you, is made clearly visible to the outer world. I am very much looking forward to this collaboration between ‘Touched by Art’ and ‘Divine 9’ and we will keep you informed of when the event will take place. I am confident that you, as many before you will feel an intriguing inner change when listening to music created in the Divine 9
the audience also feels this connection with Source.” When ‘Touched by Art’ works in collaboration with Divine 9, then this will be a monumental and historic occasion. Bringing two such pioneering experiences together for people to feel in the moment. Richart continues, “I can imagine a very select audience of people who really appreciate the significance of this collaboration and the fundamental importance our event will signal to the Universe, for everyone present, who is touched by art whilst listening to music played on the Divine 9 frequency is opening the inner doorway to Source in the most profound way known to humankind. I can imagine that every guest has the opportunity to be touched by art in front of tuning. For those of you who want to learn more about and experience this phenomenon please visit the You Tube channel of TheSharingSociety or www.thesharingsociety.com. I wish you all a beautiful, pleasant and amazing journey on this wonderful planet and beyond and hope to see you on one of our upcoming events. Let the music of the spheres facilitate you on your individual and our collective Tao of Life where occasionally the Phoenix is reborn from its own ashes.
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Getting out of your comfort zone, transforms your life!
Written by Richard T. Voller
I know that when I was at school and even at University, I always felt that I didn't really fit in. When I went into my working career, I channeled this negative emotion into being the best that I could possibly be. Over 10 years, I moved jobs several times and gradually made my way from an Account Executive in an advertising company in Eindhoven, up to a Corporate Affairs Communications Specialist at a global medical company in Amsterdam. But through the 10 years I was never able to be my true self and find happiness in my work, so that was when I decided to quit the corporate life and create my life all over again. Unknown I really didn't know what direction to take, but I knew that there was another path. I had several failed attempts at doing initiatives, such as organising Black Tie events. But the experience that I gained was invaluable for getting me through what was coming next. After the death of my mother in 2006, I had really been struggling with the whole concept of 'what is life all about?' and as more information was coming to light in the world about all the corruption, I started to even question the
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consciousness of myself and humanity. That was when I decided to walk a spiritual path to obtain true happiness. Even then I had this concept that being spiritual meant that I had to dress like Jesus and give up all my possession to be with God. Well funny enough, I did that for a few years, and enjoyed the experience! I lived in the wilderness 600 days and 600 nights in Ibiza, I cycled around Europe and over the Alps on Euro 50 bike and sold all my possessions on the streets of Amsterdam on Queen's day for Euro 1 each! I even lived without any money for long periods of time. And in return I just gave love, and love and more love! As a kid, I had loved art. I also love being with people and some say I am a natural born leader, but I never felt that I had the opportunity to be it. But when I sacrificed everything in my life to be with God, then I knew what faith is! And in return, I discovered my true Gift. A totally original, authentic and unique Gift to be shared with everyone who is ready to receive it.
Touched by Art I first started painting people's energy at the 'All is One' summer festival in the Netherlands at Ruigoord near Amsterdam. Four years later, I have now painted the energy of over 700 people from all over the world, supporting people who are transforming their lives for the better. You see, the experience of being ʻTouched by Artʼ, is more than just having a beautiful peace of artwork created onto your clothes as you wear it. No! it is much more. To be touched by art is an inner experience, where I support you to re-connect with the Universe and step out of your comfort zone in a fun, creative and interactive way. I am able to do this simply because I have been through an incredibly tough experience of stepping out of my comfort zone to transform my life. And because of this experience and of knowing that there is a greater force in the world, which supports us, then I can only be happy! In 2014, I have now become a conscious businesspioneering entrepreneur with an open heart. I am traveling the world to meet people and touch them with
art, to give talks and workshops, perform live on stage at festivals and clubs, give individuals empowerment sessions and am also an editor for conscious open hearted publications. Although the journey is continuous, at this point in time, I have created my life how I wish it to be. I am truly grateful. And as such, I love sharing my life with people and inspiring them to do the same.
"Faith it until you make it!" You see after my Jesus experience, I finally understood that true spirituality is facing all the things you would prefer to ignore. It is having the courage to overcome your fears by trusting in love. It is setting a goal and enjoying the ride. It is being your true self, without all the armour. It is about knowing who you are and what you can achieve with your life. When you are ready to transform your life, then as soon as you step out of your comfort zone, I promise you that your life will get better in the long-term. Just believe in yourself as the person of your dreams and know, I am that, I am.
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IBIZA WELL-BEING RETREATS Enjoy the magical island with all your senses! With balancing yoga, mindful meditation, healthy nutrition, relaxing massages, joyful dance and energizing walks. A week retreat from €495 At a rural house at the hills of Ibiza town with sea and Mountain View With healthy brunch, diner, herbal teas and water Included all workshops (yoga, mediation, breathing, dance, walking, etc. Free time in afternoon. You are not obliged to do anything, just go with the flow!) Please Note: Transport (flight & transfers) and special private session (coaching, massage, dancing, etc.), excursions or venues (On demand we can arrange transport/car, tickets, etc.) Early bookers (6 weeks before start) receive a free massage! More info and special requests, workshops & retreats for groups on demand (min. 6 persons). www.cocobliss.org and info@cocobliss.org Mobile: +34 610 828 600 (Whatsapp) Facebook: Well-Being Ibiza
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Coco Bliss works as a Tantra and Yoga Teacher, therapist, writer and coach. She is certified as a Sivananda yoga teacher and Ayurveda massage therapist in India. She also graduated at the Pregnancy Yoga and Children’s Yoga Schools. Coco has been trained by international teachers like Shiva Rea (Vinyasa Flow Yoga), David Life (Jiva Mukti New York), Dany Paradise (Ashtanga Yoga and teacher of Madonna) Donna Holeman (trained by B.K.S Iyengar), Ana Forrest (Yoga Yournal) and Francoise Barbira Freedman (Well Being Yoga).
She studied Psychology, Business and Philosophy and works also as a coach. Coco practices Ayurveda, Chinese Medicine/Taoism, Homeopathy, Well Being and nutrition for helping with Fertility for Women and their partners. Coco loves to dance and teaches fusions of Belly Dance, Tango, Flamenco, African dance, Salsa and Trance dance. Coco travels a part of the year in India, Russia/Ukraine, Amsterdam and at Ibiza where she also teaches at festivals and gives (private) classes. She organizes Yoga, Massage, Tantra and Fertility Retreats (together with her partner Adal Origenes), workshops and private sessions at Ibiza, where she lives. Facebook: Coco Bliss, Bliss Tantra, Hippy Gipsy Ibiza and Well-Being Ibiza
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Music: True Power of Men Out NOW ! The 4th release from the awesome Duo! In 2012, Richart and DJ Nikos Akrivos joined forces to bring you 'Touch & Play: It's Magic'. Both are infamous artists in their own right. DJ Nikos Akrivos is well known in Ibiza and Belgium for mixing and producing deep a cid house and techno beats on the 528 Htz frequencies with an old skool vibe reminiscent of London and New York in the 90's. "And Richart , with a strong following in the Netherlands, is known as 'The Energy Painter' because he hand ‐ paints people's vibrant and colourful energy onto their clothing or naked body, so everyone can see their true colours shining through!" Both artists are Light Workers. So Richart 'touches', whilst DJ Nikos 'plays' and together they co ‐ create magic because the experience is pow erfully uplifting and energizing for everyone present! DJ Nikos: "I love playing! It's so much more powerful than just talking! And I love to see people happy and dancing to my vibes!" Llover : "I just love touching people with art! And making them happy!" Follow them: www.facebook.com/touchandplayitsmagic booking:contact@hontas.tv
4 th Sing le ‘True Power of Men’ released in July 2014! Click below to purchase: http://www.beatport.com/release/the - power - of - men/1332987
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SPOTLIGHT INTERNATIONAL EVENTS
Fashion: Beatrice San Francisco dress sold! In June 2014, Richart visited Ibiza and was invited to be part of the highly professional Fashion Show organized by Beatrice San Francisco at Raco. The showed started with Richart walking down the catwalk with one of the supermodels who was then Touched by Art. Richart paints with special high quality ecofriendly fabric paints, which mean that the garments become wearable peaces of high street fashion. Please note that the garments are best hand-washed and not machine-washed. The Beatrice San Francisco dress which was touched by art was sold to a very happy customer for €200.
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Co-written by by Lilli Somdjaye & Richard T. Voller
This quote imposed by Richart Llover, inspired us to explore through a Facebook chat, what it meant in the context of our life. Maybe we shouldnʼt have, cause a metaphorical ʻmemeʼ like this, is an intuitive knowledge in itself. But as we dwelled on it, we started to see together how it could be understood and seen in fiction and literature as well in our lives. Here you can see how we together dissected it. With a little of all the fragments from our Facebook chat and a mix of composing and improving it into a dialogical essay, I hope it will be as enjoyable read for you as it was for us to chat about! From Alice in Wonderland to The Trial We all know the story about Alice in Wonderland, where she fell through a rabbit hole and ended up in a dark room with many doors in different sizes. And she then had to drink a magical potion and eat from a special cake to get to the right size to unlock the door that would lead her to her The messages destiny.
I learned from the story of Alice in that room filled with doors, is that we live our life just to learn how to forge our key to the right door.
The key and the door(s) is mainly our self. Because neither the key nor the doors are to be found out there, but it is to be forged within us. We must make our own choice to unlock the door meant for us. Sometimes the key doesnʼt fit just yet and sometimes the door isnʼt made yet. But then we have to keep on forging and crafting it by collecting experiences, knowledge and wisdom. We can gain this though our thinking, feeling, drinking, eating, connecting with nature or others to make this particular key
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and door(s) meant for us. In life, we find a master who knows how to make this key, and then we learn from him or her how to make our own key. But with or without our master, it is us who has to choose to use this key when it is ready. And then what happens when we have unlocked the door and opened it? A quote from Matrix Reloaded film illuminates this. Yes, it is a little bit out of context, but it explains what I mean about finding the key: "Key maker: There is a building. Inside this building, there is a level where no elevator can go and no stair can reach. This level is filled with doors. These doors lead to many places—hidden places; but one door is special—one door leads to the Source. This building is protected by very secure system. Every alarm triggers the bomb." -- The Matrix Reloaded
The man from the country had not expected difficulties like this, the law was supposed to be accessible for anyone at any time, he thinks, but now he looks more closely at the doorkeeper in his fur coat, sees his big hooked nose, his long thin tartar-beard, and he decides it's better to wait until he has permission to enter. The doorkeeper gives him a stool and lets him sit down to one side of the gate. He sits there for days and years. He tries to be allowed in time and again and tires the doorkeeper with his requests. The doorkeeper often questions him, asking about where he's from and many other things, but these are disinterested questions such as great men ask, and he always ends up by telling him he still can't let him in.
So after you have found the key, are you ready to enter the door leading to the Source?
So after you have found the key, are you ready to enter the door leading to the Source? In the Trial by Franz Kafka, there is a similar story about entering the door. The story is told by a priest to the protagonist K. I have chosen to include this as it gives more insight as to going through the door: «. In front of the law there is a doorkeeper. A man from the countryside comes up to the door and asks for entry. But the doorkeeper says he can't let him in to the law right now. The man thinks about this, and then he asks if he'll be able to go in later on. 'That's possible,' says the doorkeeper, 'but not now'. The gateway to the law is open as it always is, and the doorkeeper has stepped to one side, so the man bends over to try and see in. When the doorkeeper notices this he laughs and says, 'If you're tempted give it a try, try and go in even though I say you can't. Careful though:
I'm powerful. And I'm only the lowliest of all the doormen. But there's a doorkeeper for each of the rooms and each of them is more powerful than the last. It's more than I can stand just to look at the third one.'
The man had come well equipped for his journey, and uses everything, however valuable, to bribe the doorkeeper. He accepts everything, but as he does so he says, 'I'll only accept this so that you don't think there's anything you've failed to do'. Over many years, the man watches the doorkeeper almost without a break. He forgets about the other doormen, and begins to think this one is the only thing stopping him from gaining access to the law. Over the first few years he curses his unhappy condition out loud, but later, as he becomes old, he just grumbles to himself. He becomes senile, and as he has come to know even the fleas in the doorkeeper's fur collar over the years that he has been studying him he even
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asks them to help him and change the doorkeeper's mind. Finally his eyes grow dim, and he no longer knows whether it's really getting darker or just his eyes that are deceiving him. But he seems now to see an inextinguishable light begin to shine from the darkness behind the door. He doesn't have long to live now. Just before he dies, he brings together all his experience from all this time into one question, which he has still never put to the doorkeeper. He beckons to him, as he's no longer able to raise his stiff body. The doorkeeper has to bend over deeply as the difference in their sizes has changed very much to the disadvantage of the man. 'What is it you want to know now?' asks the doorkeeper, 'You're insatiable.' 'Everyone wants access to the law,' says the man, 'how come, over all these years, no- one but me has asked to be let in?' The doorkeeper can see the man's come to his end, his hearing has faded, and so, so that he can be heard, he shouts to him: 'Nobody else could have got in this way, as this entrance was meant only for you. Now I'll go and close it'." What I understood from this story, , is that there is a door for all of us. And yes, there are hindrances, maybe a doorkeeper both outwards and inwards that keeps us from entering. But the worst hindrance is our Self! The doorkeeper is just a projection of the doorkeeper that we have within us and that blocks us from going through our doorway. The doorway can be the dream, which we have always wanted to manifest in our lives but have not had the confidence, experience and/or courage to live it. Existing Doorways It seems to me that most are compelled to walk through doors already opened by others. And sometimes they are right to do so; why make a new key to a new door, when there are already some open? Like an open heart. And through some of these doors, the path
 
and the road are well wandered by others who succeeded before them. Then why not go through these doors? But can it be that these doors lead us into dreams manifested by other people? And can it be that by living in a dream world of someone else, we do not find our fulfillment and live our true purpose? We simply cannot succeed the same way as if we walked though our own doorway, using our own key! No keys needed! There are some doors that do not have a keyhole or need to be unlocked to pass through them. These doorways may look closed, but in actual fact they are open. We have to be more aware of these doors and be grateful and be appreciative of their presence in our lives. These doors are therefore part of our existence because we do not need to forge a key to open them. They are in essence part of us and could be described as Soul Mates, because the energy of the other is the same and you get a powerful feeling of being one. When you connect with people who have this doorway within them, as you do, both doors naturally open, as you are already the key since birth. Pioneering Doorways Pioneers are the ones making new doors that needs to be open, like a new description, new path, new universe of knowledge etc. Someone has to be the first to create these kind of doors. So sometimes we need new keys and doors. But the one and most important key and door to open, is the Source Door within us; not out there. Energy transforming Pioneers forge a powerful key within them that can unlock many doors. This one powerful key makes us the (w)hole in the door and leads us to our destiny. For when this one key unlocks the door to Source within all people, then we can transform our shared reality because the doorkeeper is no longer blocking our way. When we become aware that our key, is part of the One Key and we are all doors, then when we are ready to unlock and open, we can re-connect with Source.
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The Matrix Reloaded (2003) The Key Maker: I've been waiting for you. The Key Maker: We do only what we're meant to do. Agent Johnson: Then you are meant for one more thing: deletion. The Key Maker: There is a building. Inside this building there is a level where no elevator can go, and no stair can reach. This level is filled with doors. These doors lead to many places. Hidden places. But one door is special. One door leads to the source. Trinity: Where are you going? The Key Maker: Another way. Always another way. The Key Maker: Only the One can open the door. And only during that window can that door be opened. Niobe: How do *you* know all this? The Key Maker: I know because I *must* know. It is my purpose. It is the reason I am here. The same reason we are *all* here. The Key Maker: If one fails, all fail. Key Maker: [Shows a key on a chain] It's a very special key meant only for The One. Will you bring it to him? Ghost: What does it unlock? Key Maker: The future.
[after Cain and Abel stole the key meant for Neo] Key Maker: You must stop them! They'll ruin everything! Niobe: What is so important about that key? Key Maker: The key is integral to the path of the One. Ghost: Why don't you just make another one? Key Maker: Once it is used, it cannot be used again! They will bring about the end of everything!
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XLive
“Cosmic Flower” Original by Richart Now available as a limited edition canvas print: 100 cm x 100 cm - €399 150 cm x 150 cm - €499 If you are living outside of the Netherlands, the canvases will be sent to you on a roll, please note that specific costs for postage and packing depends on which country you live in. Please me a message for more information: richartllover@gmail.com
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Team Building for companies!
their comfort zone in a fun, interactive and creative way."
To be honest, for a long time after I left the corporate world, I never thought have that I would be interested in working in such an environment again.
Richart gives a short introduction to what it is like to be an artist and the importance of creativity in people’s lives as well as in society as a whole. This light-hearted and entertaining introduction to art and creativity helps to break the ice.
But everything happens for a reason and there is reason why I worked in the corporate world for 10 years, with special focus on internal communications. In today’s world, with more people communicating through computers, more people than ever are finding it difficult to get out of their comfort zone and simply engage and interact with each other in constructive and motivating ways that inspire each other to unlock their true creative potential. ‘Touched by Art’ is currently experiencing a dramatic rise in requests from companies who are looking for fun, interactive and creative ways to uplift their employees and help to get them out of their comfort zone. Selena Chan, the Global Head of Lumia, social marketing planning at Microsoft Mobile describes it as “"To be Touched by Art, lifts people out of
Workshops
Content The team-building workshop is cleverly designed in such a way as to slowly open people up and gently lift them out of their comfort zone, so that they really enjoy the experience and feel safe. Employees also have the opportunity to speak within the group about their experience and learn how to connect with their intuition and receive inspirational creative thoughts. This is especially helpful for when working on projects after the workshop. The team building session is particularly useful for marketing teams who need to be more creative and find inspiring ways to connect with their customers. For more information please contact Richart: +31 (0)6 339 339 01
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Patrons Appreciated: For a Visionary & Pioneering Artist To be a pure visionary and pioneering artist, as I am that, I am, is to totally live and breathe my ‘calling’. I have given up everything to live my mission; my home, my possessions, my family life. All to walk my path, which I knew I had to walk and I love walking! I think that this is not a way of life that 99% of the world’s population can live, because it means that you have to have 100% faith and have total commitment to your mission. The Mission always comes first. Someone once said to me that I arrived on planet earth 500 years to late! Maybe so, or maybe this is simply part of my mission.
What is the Mission? Before you can truly understand what the mission is, you first have to experience what it is to be touched by art. Once you have had this experience then you will simply know what the mission is. You see, the work that I am doing is a ‘Calling’ not a profession or a career. This means that my Patrons are very, very important to me. Simply put, you are a Godsend to me and I appreciate and love you very much for wishing to support the mission.
Who Are Patrons? Patrons are people who can see me for who I am, without judgment, as I can see you. You have your own home or residence with space to share. You are openhearted and conscious-minded. You are going through a transformational experience and would like to share it with me because I fully understand what you are going through and can offer guidance, love and attention when you need it most.
How can you Support the Mission? You can support by giving me by offering a place to stay at your home whilst I am on my journey around the world. Please feel free to connect with me on FaceBook and send me a message and let’s have tea and a chat, when you are ready of course
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I choose Life! By Anne van den Berg, f**kiteer, writer and journalist
I stared at the box of pills in front of me. It read 'Venlafaxine, retard'. I chuckled and thought 'this is ridiculous'. I have resisted taking medication for so long and now that I had it in my hands, even the box of antidepressants was calling me insane. 'No,' said my mom, who is a doctor. 'It's not retard, but rétard, meaning 'slow release' in French.' It didn't make it less funny. You might wonder why I chuckled. Depressed people don't laugh, right? False. First of all, laughing doesn't always mean joy. This was a laughter of sarcasm. Something I excel at: sarcasm. It's my distinctive trait to be able to make jokes and take it to a dark side. Second, and far more important, depression is not the same as pessimism or sadness. Depression is a lack of energy. A lack of energy to get up; to meet people; to get out of bed; to pretend you are okay; to be positive; to laugh of joy; to hold back the tears; to feel anything; but most of all a big lack of going somewhere other than inside yourself. My family has a heritage of depression and a history of taking all kinds of medication. The amount of sternness
that they imposed upon themselves, they projected on to the family; they possessed intelligence of the highest ranking, being social was one of the biggest traits and emotional stuff like depressions, were not discussed very well. Of course in reality, it was much more grey than this black and white image I had created in my head. But all you have is your own perception of the world, right? Since my adolescence I have been trying to out perform my family, because I am not the smartest. Neither am I the most social and heck, I have been an emotional girl since my birth. I have been crying on and off since I came out of my mother’s womb.
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Taking the pills, the retard pills, would definitely make me one of them. Claiming the bad genes, as I saw it. I resisted for a long time, years, but in the end it was a choice I had to make: go down this path of inescapable and fast approaching death or take the pills. I took the pills. I returned to my family. The crazy bunch. After the first weeks of feeling like throwing up, a nice side effect of Venlafaxine, I still wasn't sleeping, which I hadn't been doing for months. My psychiatrist wanted to try Mirtazapine on top of the pills I was already taking. These made me eat like a horse, I could eat three meals before 10 am and still be hungry. A nice side effect of Mirtazapine. As you can imagine, I didn't feel any better during these first weeks. I felt nauseous or hungry and I slowly gained a lot of weight. I felt even more a zombie than I did before the pills, but it was all part of the process, I was told, promised even. A few weeks after taking that first pill, all of a sudden I started getting up in the morning, after sleeping complete nights, I went to work almost without effort. I was still afraid to go anywhere else but inside my head, but at least my body was making improvements. Slowly, my psychotherapist persuaded me to let her into the dark parts of my brain where nobody had ever been. It was hard, even with these first layers. You know, the brain is much like an onion. The top layers are shown to everybody, but the more you peel off, the darker and untouched it is. Sometimes fungus is growing or severely neglected parts have almost rotted away. Onions come in all sizes. Mine was huge, but even peeling off these top layers made me see life in a whole different perspective. I came to see myself in a whole new light. I might say, a little bit of 'me' returned to the
surface, not bothered by layers or conventions. Just popping up, saying 'hello'. It was the summer after the first weeks of taking these pills that some of my spirit for adventure returned. Holidays are a luxury in some people’s lives. In mine they are mandatory. Depressed or not, holidays have to be taken. Earlier that year, one of my best friends recommended this book called 'F**k It'. I laughed about the story and I saw myself in it, but I wasn't able to accept anything in my state of depression. It was a great story but nothing more than that. The funny thing is, that even though the first impact was limited, I did become interested in the retreats of F**k It after the same friend said: 'Why don't you go on their retreat for your holiday?' It was expensive for me. I booked it anyway. I signed up for the Stromboli location, but hell, the route to the island involved cities, boats, trains and I could travel, but not like that. Not then. So I e‐ mailed the headquarters. Couldn't I come in September to Puglia instead, so travelling would be easy? Rachel, from the F**k It HQ, wrote back: 'This is your first step towards your F**k It Life, asking what you want. Well done.' I cried reading that e‐mail, but I felt proud too. I had learned at least this one little thing. In September I left for Puglia, Italy, for my very first F**k It Retreat with John Parkin, the author of the book, and his Italian wife Gaia. I arrived in the afternoon. I drove with a few other f**kiteers, under which name the F**k It visitors go. to the venue, a beautiful hotel in the southern Italian hills. The apartments were little white houses with pointy roofs and below a bright blue pool awaited our arrival. I shared the room with two ladies and that first night we were introduced to the life of F**k It with a grand dinner of four
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courses consisting of pasta's, meats, greens and of course gelato. F**k It is not some strict cult where the outside world is your enemy, where you can't drink alcohol and where you have to get up at five. Instead, the lessons start at 10 am, a respectable time for a holiday. John, the dry humoured Brit with the relaxed look, told us during that very first meeting: 'You don't have to do anything. If you fancy lying in a corner, please do so. We only ask you to attend, because that's what you paid for.' That first meeting I discovered the real reason why I had booked the retreat. During the conversations with my therapist I figured out that trust is the big issue for me. I didn't trust anyone and most of all not myself. How can you live with someone when you don't trust that person at all? Gaia stood up after John had finished and started talking softly with a genuine warmth to her voice: 'Trust is very important if you want to open up and learn something. Don't worry, though, this week you can trust on us. At the end of the week, we hope you can trust yourself and when the time is right, you can trust life.'
BOOM. The tears filled my eyes, my voice started to shake. In front of the whole group, dammit. Gaia reassured me later: people open up and there is always one who starts the disclosure. As we moved through Qigong movements, breathing sessions and trust exercises, strangely, sadness wasn't the emotion that came up for me. I didn't cry for the rest of the week. I started laughing, real laughter, not the laughter of sarcasm. I experienced joy. I, who had been unable to feel anything but pain for two years, felt joy. I laughed. Because in these trust exercises and the Qigong movements, more layers of the onion peeled off. The wall that I had built, crumbled one brick at a time. Beneath these bricks wasn't sadness. I still couldn't believe what was happening to me. Joy, go figure. I didn't understand at first, I didn't want to because, seriously, I felt good. In time, however, it was important for me to understand, because, and this is different for everybody, I need to understand what went wrong, what patterns are holding me back. Seeing these patterns that I can influence, makes me aware of where I can make improvements. It allows
me step out of the ritual, to break free, to not go to these dark places anymore. For me, I figured that all my patterns strongly connect to conditional and unconditional love. Society, as I see it, is mainly based on conditional love. Only if you are skinny, are you to be loved. Only if you are smart, are you to be loved. Only if you fit in with my theory, are you to be loved. Only if you behave exactly the way I tell you to behave, are you to be loved. In the past I have lived exactly to these rules. Having had a boyfriend who made even more rules did not help. Telling me that he wouldn't love me anymore if I didn't live according to these rules, made me even more vulnerable. The funny thing is of course that in the end, even though I did everything exactly as he told me to, he stopped loving me. Why? Because I wasn't the girl he fell in love with anymore. You can call it what you want, but I was a pleaser, and in some respects still am. I pleased my parents; pleased my friends; pleased potential boyfriends; pleased colleagues; pleased acquaintances; pleased
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the people I interviewed. All to receive love, or at least, something, like kindness, that resembled love. The other person wanted me to be. All to be 'loved'. But love is not something you can condition. Love is there, or not. If it's conditional, it shouldn't be called love, but conditional kindness. The whole thing is: I am not perfect, you are not perfect. I don't know who came up with that f**king word, but it's bullshit. Nobody is perfect. The only way forward is to love all the imperfections and just be. That's unconditional love. It's hard to explain the complete process I went through during that week in Italy, but also the weeks prior and the weeks afterwards. My psychotherapist noticed the difference. I was now keener on living than on dying, and that's the main thing I established that week. Let's make this clear: if it wasn't for my friends, family, but mostly my therapist and psychiatrist, I wouldn't have been able to make it. The retreat was a turning point for me – the catalyst. From that moment on I could take the advice, the help, the
only one I didn't please was myself. In this pleasing behaviour I let people step over my friendship and let love in. It made me ready to heal. It's a big deal realizing this. I really lost all ability to let anyone in. Any kind of love, most of all my self‐ love, was completely outside myself and since I had built a thick wall around my heart. Nobody was coming in or going out. Not even me. So it could be that during the last two years I have learned more than the past thirty, including two university studies. I tried so hard to fit into everyone's picture of how you should be a citizen: boyfriend, successful career, house you can call your own, do interesting things, make enough money. I realized that all I wanted, was to be free. I didn't want to be in my job anymore, I didn't want a boyfriend. I don't care about money, I don't want to do stuff because it's 'interesting' to everybody else, I want to do stuff because I feel like doing it. I did buy my own house and that was truly me. It's my safe haven. I never regret that.
boundaries, I lied to myself about what I really wanted, I shape shifted into a person that the During these two years I quit my job, I decided it was time to travel for a few months on my own and I started my own company. I cannot say that I have sailed through these years. Quitting a good paying job with lots of potential at a place with great colleagues, is not easy. I wanted to because I had outgrown the job. I wanted more. Different. Hell, I still don't know what I really want, but I am much happier now than I was at the time I quit my job. Now I rely on my parents for support, I am poor, my business is growing, but without a significant other and with a place of my own, I have to do everything by myself. It's fun, I enjoy it, but it's hard. These are all first world problems. I really don't want to complain and I even find that I am more grateful than ever: I have a roof over my head; I have loving friends and family; I still get more work every day; I see the beauty in a lot of situations and things. At the same time I still cry. I feel sad. I am scared of the future. I stutter, fall and disappoint people or
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Picture of Strombolito, which is a little island in front of Stromboli.
myself. The key is that it is part of life. I am still an onion and there are different layers to my life. There is no such thing as a perfect onion, we all have our I was the Maid of Honour at my friend's wedding in Tuscany, heading for Italy anyway. The week prior to the wedding, there was a Gaia's Magic Movement, now called F**k It Magic, week at Stromboli. The Stromboli I didn't go to before. We refer to the F**k It week with Gaia as our pink bubble. Unfortunately you can't stay in this pink bubble forever. Even if you would try, it would turn colour in time because life wouldn't stay this pretty forever. In the end it would even burst when you try to stay too long. But it definitely felt like a pink bubble when we were there. I have never met a group that instantly moved so naturally together. Of course, it partly has to do with the purpose of the people coming there, but it has also to do with Gaia, a centre of love and our guide for the week. Only when you are in a bubble of safety and freedom, you can really open up. To be honest, I felt this urge of going there, but when I arrived on the island, I couldn't remember why. Why did I have this need to come here? What else did I need in the process? Didn't I do enough during the last two years? It would be a
greenish, rotten layers, but we can't throw it all away. The ups and downs are part of life, part of the onion. wonderful week, I was sure of that, but what was my purpose? What if there was nothing left to discover? Boy, was I wrong. Of course life slaps you in the face when you need a reminder. The energy of the universe (or give it any name you prefer, like God) made me come to Stromboli for a reason. Even though I couldn't figure it out before, I sure did when I was there. All these traumatic memories from my childhood came pouring out during one of the first meditations. Shit, I thought, no, not this crap. I became angry, I cried. Where was my f**king joy? I experienced joy the first time, no, no, no, this is not happening. I thought I dealt with this shit. In my head I screamed, no, no, no, but on the outside I became silent. During the sharing I stayed quiet. I knew what I was feeling, but I sure as hell didn't want to talk about it. The whole week was a festival of crying, feeling the old pain moving through my body and releasing it whenever I could through screaming, breathing and even throwing up. It is funny how a skeptical and sarcastic Dutchie like me, can surrender when the time is right, when
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the atmosphere is accepting and the people around me love me unconditionally. The thing however with F**k It is that pain is only so much. You are not your trauma, you are not your pain. Pain is something you have. Gaia encouraged me go through this John and Gaia from in an (2012) exercise where at one part of the space I felt the pain, but when I stepped into a space towards the sun that felt good for me, I felt joy. Exactly the same joy that I felt when I went to my first F**k It retreat. I stepped into the sunlight and underneath all this pain that had moved to the top layers of my onion, I felt the upmost joy and fun. I smiled. After the crying and screaming sessions the group always gathered at the terrace of the hotel. We ordered Italian Prosecco and dough balls. Followed by pasta's, meats and fresh fruit. We talked about our swims in the sea, the gelato we had in the town and the strolls we took. All took place with the backdrop of the sun setting and wine was poured until the bottom was reached. In the tranquil nights we walked quietly to our rooms where we shared one last thought before turning in.
What did I tell you? A f**king pink bubble. Back in reality I am not miraculously cured. Not at all. I returned to my therapy, which I had not gone to for almost a year. Do I think it's a step back? No. Was it useful to bring up so much old pain? Yes. Would I ever go on another F**k It! retreat if this was the outcome? Hell yes! The trauma's from my childhood were the most painful moments I can remember, but it was something I had to re‐visit in order to rise above and be able to get rid of old patterns. To be clear: the patterns that underlie the trauma's are much more important than the trauma itself. You are to be loved, that's a fact. Work on that, instead of going back to those painful moments when you were put out of your place, out of the love you deserve. Make patterns that restore the love, rewrite your story to make sure you are loving yourself first. I still take my retard pills, but I am not my retard pills. I feel blessed more than ever to be part of my crazy family, but I am not my family. I realize that I still have these patterns of pleasing people, but I am not my pattern. It makes life less about pain and more about happiness, gratitude, joy. The only thing that is true is that unconditional love for yourself makes
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you feel all that you are. No matter what I feel, if I am sad, mad or happy and joyful, I can feel it, without being swept away. Even if I don't have enough energy to get out of bed, I can accept it and trust that if I stay present and open, I will recognize the moment I want to get up again. Death was not the answer, life is. But only the life where unconditional love for myself is a reality.
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