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So, where’s “flu”?

New Name

A man from Missour i has given himself a ver y unusual name. The 44-year-old, formerly known as Andrew Wilson, has officially changed his name to the third person plural pronoun… “They”. “It all started as a bit of a joke,” Wilson explained. “I’ve always wondered who ‘they’ were when people say things like ‘They say this’ and ‘They say that’. So, I decided to change my name to ‘They’.” Apparently, Wilson isn’t the first person to be called “They”. According to records, “They” is an inventor who has 14 patents, including one for “Ground-Effect Lighting” – a neon light that fits under cars. Meanwhile, Wilson says he has no intention of ever changing his name back to Andrew Wilson.

Cat Burglar

A young woman from Br ighton made an unusual discovery in her home one night. The 43-year-old was alone when she was woken by a noise. Arming herself with a baseball bat, she went downstairs to discover a whole new meaning to the word “cat-burglar”. On entering the kitchen, she saw the head and one arm of a man sticking out of the cat-flap. “He was clearly in a lot of pain as his head was jammed in”, she explained. The police were called immediately. When they asked him what he was doing, the burglar replied that he was looking for his cat.

Chicken Killers

The Spanish government is preparing for a possible epidemic of bird flu. Some of the latest measures include the formation of a “Chicken-Killing Army”. The army consists of troops who are specially trained in the art of exterminating chickens. To assist them, members of the signals corps will be obser ving the skies with high-powered binoculars. At the f irst sign of any suspicious-looking ducks in the sky, they will immediately inform the chicken-killers. Another government initiative includes the creation of “Duck Sentries”. These are specially-selected ducks with a microchip. They will be monitored as a way of detecting any signs of Asian Bird Flu. “I am confident that these measures will provide us with the best possible solution,” said Miguel Poulet, who is in charge of the operation. “Any infected birds who do manage to breach our first line of security will face our elite bodies of Chicken-Killers and Duck Sentries.” G L O S S A R Y

a patent exp an official right to be the only person or company allowed to make or sell a new product to fit vb to attach a discovery n something you find by accident to arm yourself with something exp to take an object that you can use to defend yourself against someone a baseball bat n a bat (a wooden stick) used to play the game baseball to discover a whole new meaning to the word exp to realise that an expression or word (in this case “cat burglar”) can have a different meaning a cat burglar n a robber who enters a house/building often by climbing the walls, etc to stick out of something exp if something is “sticking out”, you can see it coming out of a place a cat-flap n a small hole in a door that a cat uses to go in or out of a house to be jammed in exp to be trapped in a place bird flu n a type of disease transmitted by birds a measure n an action trained in the art of exp taught how to do something very well the signals corps n a division of the army specialised in communications high-powered adj very powerful binoculars n objects you use to look at things very far away to breach (security) exp to pass through a secure zone without being stopped a first line of security n the first level of security to face vb to confront; to have to deal with an elite body n a group of experts and highly skilled people