The WrangleR Boo. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! Edition Roman Numeral Seventy-Nine Real. Comfortable. News.
Feature: “We have the best words... and lists!”
Investigation: Chairs
Five appropriate scary costumes this year
By: Shai Josephs ’23 and Jackson Bernreuter ’21 Teacher screaming, “6 feet!” A Barber If a senior can be brought to Although the Brophy the verge of tears by a friendly Administration doesn’t require reminder as he laments his bad students to wear belts, they decisions, then this costume have cracked down on their will scare anybody. second favorite rule: haircuts. Seeing a barber walking down Michael’s price tag the street on Halloween has I really don’t think there’s the potential to trigger Brophy much to be said. Just saying, students’ painful memories of I don’t even know if Bill Gates countless hours holding a sign could afford the food that they in the parking lot. put on their menu day after day. I remember going once Adirondack chair to buy a school lunch; after 20 Everywhere you look, minutes the $50 I had in my Adirondack chairs land in the wallet magically disappeared! line of sight - these things fuel
Update: As winter closes in, fall “can’t even” this year
News in Briefs nightmares! Not to mention the utter disgrace one feels when a chair breaks;unfortunately, the odds are stacked heavily against students. Football Player Visiting schools every week for the “big game” makes these athletes easy targets for COVID. With Chaparral having 22 cases and 200+ kids being sent home just a short time ago, football players are some of the spookiest people to run into for the next few weeks.
Five memories that will instantly bring back Zoom nostalgia By: Ryan Lin ’22 and Ian Murphy ’23 Waking up at 7:58 if there’s one thing Brophy Can anyone say that they students miss about online actually kept a good sleep classes, it’s being able to eat in schedule during quarantine? class. With the new schedule With class being just one click and rules this year, many of away, we were all able to catch us are left to starve during our up on some much needed sleep classes until our first break, caused by ignoring the “take lunch, arrives. For those of us a break” guy on Tiktok. Even unable to wait until then, we when we would oversleep and have found ways to circumvent wake up during the class, the the rules by hiding the food in convenient and frequent WiFi our hands and quickly slipping outages in the Phoenix area had it under our masks. However, us covered. Now, with many of this method has grown us back to in-person classes, it tedious, and eating during has become way too difficult class shouldn’t be so strategic. for us to adjust our schedules Covid, please go away; we miss to accommodate for the time snacking during class. it takes to actually get ready and drive to school. Especially Breakout rooms since we can no longer tilt our There isn’t much to say here... cameras up to hide the fact that we are nodding off during There’s always that one kid class, all we can do is fall back In every class, there’s always on the “I’m not sleeping I’m that one kid who would show just resting my eyes” excuse. up with a random green screen background ten minutes into Eating during class class and say absurdly loud It’s pretty safe to say that into his mic, “Wait, what are
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we doing?” while the teacher was talking. This usually provided a nice change in pace of the class and broke up long lectures with a brief break while the student was frantically trying to fit in with the rest of the class. No shoes, no shorts, somehow service? If there’s one rule nobody followed during online classes, it was the dress code. For most of us, our dress included a polo shirt and athletic shorts, but the best part was seeing how far people would test the limits of the dress code. For some, this meant throwing on a hoodie over their pajamas, for others it was simply tilting the cameras just below the chin. The funniest of all, however, was seeing the crazy haircuts that were very questionably inline with the dress code.
• Dejected cries of forgotten Zoom kids written off as the Air Conditioning being loud • Mr. Ryan declares Class of 2024 is unable to graduate due to lack of fundamental Brophy experience as freshman Flappy Golf is replaced by Among Us • Dean’s office considers BIGGER “do not enter” sign on Keating door • Football players lament the inability to relax in lawn chairs; reply that they are “simply built different” • Only 14 Seniors left for graduation after the rest of Class of 2021 expelled for moving chairs • Food trucks are scared away by their own high prices • Ominous amounts of sunshine and people threaten introverts • Mrs. Oldani and Coach A are bewildered by kids actually doing school work during flex • New audio released from Health class debate - Heideman: “Never use the word ‘sorry’ with me.” Freshman: “Oh, give me a break.” • Parents refuse to sign Community of Concern pledge; cite happy hour • Investigators find StuCo got a great deal; only $6 billion for three cameos from The Office and Parks and Rec stars • St. Grodziecki disappointed he wasn’t chosen as namesake for Brophy Olympics
Five ways to win the entire Brophy Olympics (EXTREMELY DANGEROUS)
By: Opinion writers 1. Ask Mr. Aston a blatantly obvious question
2. SubmitVAGUE -8 chunksBAD -11 for Mr. Middlemist ’87 3. Sit properly in an Adirondack chair 4. Spend 24 hours in the BAG while desperately clinging to your sanity 5. Read an entire Roundup edition (recycle, please)
NEGATIVE DIRECTION ON A NUMBER LINE: This QR code might connect you with the Brophy Olympic Committee so you can claim your reward for completing a task... or it might not.
Freshmen now and then
By: Haydon Evenson ’22 and Nick Hahne ’22 2020 has affected many things: teeth whitening services, live sport games, and, believe it or not, even The Freshman Experience. Yes, you heard it right! The cherished Freshman Experience at Brophy has changed in 2020. The beloved online game of Flappy Golf, which transformed and matured the hearts of so many Brophy freshmen, has been replaced by Among Us. Instead of rage quitting when your meatball with wings and a sausage link trail goes into the hole last, freshmen are now rage quitting over their friends voting them out as imposter. What effect will this dramatic gaming transformation have on the Brophy experience? Will freshmen develop into men for others without Flappy Golf? Not only has the gaming atmosphere changed but sports have as well. Without intramural sports and dutch basketball, Mr. Antonioli and Mrs. Oldani
are beginning to question what to do during lunch and wonder if they should have been more lenient toward students. The Brophy basketball program is suffering the most after the main form of recruitment, flex basketball, has fallen through. Without freshmen playing pickup 3v3s and 51, Mr. Zander has no clue who he is going to take for the season. However, most sports are still on track in 2020. Coach Heidman has already ingrained 212 into the minds of all freshman football players (Mr. Mazz has found that he doesn’t need to teach the boiling point of water in chemistry because every Brophy student already knows it). Furthermore, some things never change. Freshman football players have been seen arriving at school in not just their jersey,
but full uniforms equipped with pads. How far will they go? Will they include cleats and helmets next Friday? Brophy football mothers lament the days when their sons weren’t so taxing on their water bill via the washer and dryer. Finally, even though the freshman experience has changed, their physical appearance has not. The Class of 2024 has continued the Brophy freshman record of having a few freakishly tall students, and then the rest look like middle school students. Freshmen continue to complain about being asked if they “know where the admissions office is” or if they have “enjoyed their day so far.” Meanwhile, Brophy is left to wonder, “Will Flappy Golf ever return? Will freshmen ever not look like middle schoolers?” Only time will tell.
ADIRONDACK ATTACK!
By: Nick Hahne ’22 and Jackson Bernreuter ’21 As the title suggests, this is urgent, so we’ll be brief. At the start of the school year, not a single infectious disease expert suspected that a dire consequence of COVID-19 on school openings would be... chairs. So, so many of them. We now have reason to believe that the abundance of Adirondacks has the potential to decimate the Brophy ecosystem. The administration thought that they were buying just a couple plastic recliners to make campus more inviting - oh how wrong they were! At first there were two... then there were four, then sixteen, then 256, then 65,536 of these monsters! Once-clear, pristine fields (as seen to the right) turned into pastures for the land-sucking sitting devices. As our best and brightest parasite reasearchers journey to the front lines, we just want to warn you of the trials and tribulations to come. Stay safe out there, broncos!
EIGHT O’CLOCK: AP Biology students are studying the chairs’ mating rituals and have determined that the most common reproductive event is what they call “stacking.”
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The Wrangler is proudly endorsed by Brophy grad and off-off-broadway star Knot Faymiss ’95, who actually appeared on The Office as “Partygoer 5.” So, yeah. We have connections.
Editing Board:
SIX O’CLOCK: The chairs also seem to be developing brains in somewhat of a “sci-fi artificial intelligence takeover” manner. They’ve even started acting like Brophy students, previewing their dangerous rise as the dominant species on earth. Our photographers have gone to great lengths to capture images of the chairs without their knowledge; here, they can be seen lounging around the plaza over the weekend.
Head of Outreach:
Jackson Bernreuter ’21 Bobby Munhall ’23 Will Hays ’21 Head of Twitter: Ian Murphy ’23
Advisers: Mr. John Damaso ’97 Mr. Steve Smith ’96
Editing Coordinator: Head of Graphics: Wednesdays after school in B202. Contact an editor or adviser to get involved today.
Nick Hahne ’22 Michael DeBarros ’23 Disclaimer: All jokes are completely literal. Printed on recycled Roundup editions.