The WrangleR Where school life can still feel like summer Edition Roman Numeral Eighty-Seven
Feature: See how Brophy students are adjusting to on-campus learning
Real. Comfortable. News.
Investigation: Update: Survey shows how Will masks prove effective students are able to catch against senioritis? up on sleep during the year
New year, new me
By: Nick Hahne ’22 First month back and the Dean’s Office is already flooded with calls from students at 7:58 saying that they are going to be “online today” because they forgot to set an alarm on their phone. In all honesty, it has been a whopping 29 months since some students had to set their alarms more than ten minutes before school starts so...is it really their fault? On the first day, teachers are standing outside trying to help the freshmen to their first-period classes, and every single time, the freshmen avoid the teachers and ask upperclassmen instead. That’s a mistake. Remarkably though, it is not the freshmen that need the most help. Sophomores, juniors, and
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News in Briefs even some seniors are having the most trouble finding buildings on campus. They keep mumbling around, saying, “I need to take a nap,” “Why can’t I eat during class?” and “What did you get on your AP tests?” Although, teachers aren’t surprised that upperclassmen are only worried about sleeping, eating, and test scores. However, the biggest change by far will be the attendance at football games. Coach Jewell and the football program have been working all summer long to put together a winning team for the upcoming season. After Coach recruits the most massive freshmen from his Intro to Strength classes, he promises that his full
attention will be on the team. Some freshmen feel they have been snubbed of their rightful place on the football team after squatting 135 with spinal cord damage-inducing form. The football team hopes that the Red Army ...err the Stampede, (or is it the Corral?) ... well whatever it is … they hope that the energy will be high for their first game against their old rival ... St. Marys.
Top 10 summer vacation spots
By: Ransom Kaul ’24 This past summer, our Broncos have certainly embraced their adventurous side, as shown in their many responses to the Wrangler’s yearly “Not To Be Nosy But Where Did You Go, What Did You Do, And Who Did You See This Summer???” Survey, or NTBNBWDYGWDYDAWDYSTS??? survey for short. This year, our expert sophomore data analysts put their quickly-forgotten Algebra 1 skills to the test to compile a conclusive list of the top 10 most popular summer vacation spots given to us by our (hint) BEACHY Broncos. So, without further ado, here are the top 10 most popular, UNIQUE, DIVERSE, and INTERESTING places that our Broncos visited this summer:
1. Coronado, California 2. Santa Cruz, California 3. Encinitas, California 4. Mission Beach, California 5. Huntington Beach, California 6. San Clemente, California 7. Newport Beach, California 8. Del Mar, California 9. Laguna Beach, California 10. Moscow Russia Dana Point, California (Editor’s Note: Seriously guys? California is great and all, but there are other fun, exciting options like, uhh, Prescott? Wait, never mind. I just figured out why SoCal is so popular.)
• Seniors confused why 800 freshmen were in summer school, later realized Brophy has summer enrichment programs. • Rising APUSH sophomores spend the last weeks hours of summer finishing homework while rising seniors skim their 150-page book in two hours. • REPORT: Summer Enrichment student banned from Brophy after receiving an “F” in his Movie Cinema class. • Coach Hooten renames freshman basketball practice “The Graveyard” after seeing the “skeleton” arms of the new players. • Brophy responds to the increased level of broken adirondack chairs by introducing new, stiff chairs that will break your back. • Dean’s Office makes history by scrapping the strict hair policy — immediately regrets decision, as mullets make a comeback. • BREAKING: After the steep curve on Mr. Aston’s first calculus test, some students speculate that he bases it off of the double black diamond slopes at Snow Bowl • Dean Pidgeon ’08 hands freshman a JUG; student responds, “A JUG is strong, but not as strong as family” — immediately receives another one.
The effectiveness of masks on slowing the spread of senioritis
By: Ryan Lin ’22 School is back in session, and for Brophy’s newest senior class you know what that means: application season!!! As most of you know, college applications are important and the amount of time you spend on them can have a direct impact on your admission decisions. However, everyone also knows of something that comes to haunt seniors during this stressful part of their highschool careers. That’s right, it’s senioritis! Senioritis tends to begin its annual spread at the beginning of the school year, and early symptoms include exhaustion and laziness, making it difficult for family, friends, teachers,
and even doctors to distinguish it from the average behavior of teenagers. However, as this disease festers within seniors, it becomes more apparent; symptoms progress from lethargy to outward and explicit annoyance towards work. Just when things couldn’t get worse, senioritis reaches its final stage, medically referred to as the “whatever” stage. Surprisingly, the culmination of this disease is expressed by an unsettling sense of calm within the victim. Dr. Lacey Ness has researched this disease for ten years, and after many experiments, has come to the conclusion that, “They just don’t care
anymore,” stating that, “Failing a test or being marked as an unexcused absence becomes irrelevant.” This year however, she has hope for Brophy’s senior class: “I have concluded that this highly infectious disease is airborne, thus, Brophy’s mask mandates might help slow its spread. I guess the only thing left to do is to just wait and see.” Now, normally I would come up with some clever way to end this article, but Netflix is calling my name; I mean, it’s whatever.
Summer sleep loss By: Holden La Voy ’24 and Ransom Kaul ’24 Many Broncos looked forward to a relaxing summer this past year without having to worry about tests or school, but for athletes, this dream was unobtainable. Practices were often held early in the morning (as early as 5:00 a.m.) to beat the heat — the midday Arizona sun would be far too dangerous. With the addition of summer school, these Broncos would have to endure 4 hours of mind-numbing classes on top of their exhausting workouts. For Broncos who would stay up late the night before gaming and procrastinating homework, the little amounts of sleep they were actually able to get just didn’t cut it. When this sleep deprivation caused athletes’ performance to suffer, their coaches would take notice, yelling at them to “toughen up.” You want to know what’s actually tough? Pulling off an all-nighter to sharpen your Minecraft skills (which many athletes would undoubtedly do). Thankfully, many of these Broncos will have a chance to catch a few Z’s throughout the year to make up for all the lost sleep caused by sport and academics. In fact, here’s a helpful chart to showcase when is the best and worst times to take a nap:
Game time
By: Henry Wagy ’24 and Nick Hahne ’22 In the 70s through early 2000s, The Brophy v.s. St. Mary’s game used to be the event of the year. Better than Homecoming. Better than Hoopcomeing. And EVEN better than the Back to School Dance. But, why did such a heated rivalry freeze over? Why did such a jaw-dropping spectacle of godliness (where even the Bishop of the Dioceses of Phoenix would attend) switch to a regular Friday night game? Brophy dads are wondering the same thing:
An oldie but a goodie
By: Ransom Kaul ’24 and Ryan Lin ’22
With the implementation of the new hair policy, many Broncos were overjoyed about the prospect of growing out “the flow,” but the Dean’s Office was not too pleased. They had spent days crafting a visual guide to help Broncos understand and respect the recently discarded hair policy, showcasing that it really wasn’t that strict. By acknowleding all of the hard work of our beloved Dean’s Office, we at the Wrangler managed to get our hands on this guide — really, it’s just too good to not to be recognized by the Brophy community. It fully encapsulates the modern aspects of hair design while still following guidelines set in the early days of Brophy. So, without further ado, here is their masterpiece:
Join The Wrangler! Welcome back Broncos! Is your back-to-school workload and daily sports practices consuming all of your time? If you answered yes, then what harm would adding just 30 more minutes to your schedule do? Tuesdays after school in B202. Contact an editor or adviser to get involved today.
The Wrangler © 2021 Editing Board:
Advisers:
Ryan Lin ’22 Nick Hahne ’22 Bobby Munhall ’23
Mr. John Damaso ’97 Mr. Steve Smith ’96
Disclaimer: All jokes are completely literal. Printed on recycled Roundup editions.