Brunch 03 11 2013 by Hindustan Times

WEEKLY MAGAZINE, NOVEMBER 3, 2013 Free with your copy of Hindustan Times

indulge

VIR SANGHVI At the races

SANJ SANJOY NARAYAN

Di Disc Discovering Sam Gopal

RAJI MAKHNI RAJIV

It raining Apple products It’s

SEEM SEEMA GOSWAMI

Star afresh this Diwali St Start

BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS

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Apples and Oranges

by Shreya Sethuraman

On The Brunch Radar

LOVE IT

DIWALI AND INDIAN TELEVISION HAVE A LOT IN COMMON

Phuljari: Devon Ke Dev... Mahadev

The cracker: These balls of ﬁre keep going round and round and round. Should you light it: Each character in these shows faces a problem, and then some more. Sometimes it’s the same problem. Bad mother-in-law, who becomes nice, but becomes mean again. The lead couple don’t like each other. But then fall in love. And then fall out of love. And then are in love again.

Anaar: Jodha Akbar

The cracker: It has a slow, pretty insipid start. You think it won’t last. And suddenly, you see a spurt of bright colours! Should you light it: The show began on a dull note. It passed off as just another costume drama. But lately, it’s become very interesting, as has the chemistry between the lead couple (the dialogues deserve a special mention too).

Atom bomb: Mahabharat The cracker: The atom bomb makes a big, loud boom. It’s over before you can even ﬁnish saying ‘atom bo..’ and boom! And then you wonder if it was even worth all the hype. Should you light it: It was the ‘next big thing’ to watch out for. And then it began. You can see how the epic has been butchered. None of the characters have any layers that could make them remotely interesting. It’s just not Mahabharat.

The Book Club by Saudamini Jain

BRIDGET JONES IS BACK

We’re going to spend all day eating mithai and all night playing cards. We wish you a shiny, bright and super fun Diwali! Men At Work

by Rachel Lopez

WHAT GAUL?

The new book, Asterix and the Picts, is set in Scotland. But which one of the characters best describes you? 1. Did you have a life-changing accident when you were little? a. I’d never be that stupid b. Ohmigod, yes! c. Mmm, I caused that accident d. Don’t know 2. Do you have a taste for wild boar? a. Yes! b. Yes! c. No d. Just the bones 3. Do you think the Romans are idiots? a. Of course! b. They sure are easy to punch c. They hate my magic! d. People who cut down trees are worse! 4. What’s your ideal career? a. Warrior/adventurer b. Menhir deliveryman c. Magic potion maker d. Pretending to follow a trail, but actually following the scent of food 5. How would someone describe you? a. Tiny, brave, smart b. Big, funny, loyal c. Ageless, wise, peaceful d. Intelligent, playful, short-tempered

Mostly A

Mostly B

Mostly C

Mostly D

Obelix You’re the lovable loyal best friend who’s also the comic relief

Rocket: 24

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SHOVE IT

HAPPY DIWALI, ALL YE READERS!

Chakri: The storylines of Diya Aur Baati Hum, Bade Achhe Lagte Hai and Uttaran

EDITORIAL: Poonam Saxena (Editor), Aasheesh Sharma, Rachel Lopez, Tavishi Paitandy Rastogi, Mignonne Dsouza, Veenu Singh, Parul Khanna, Yashica Dutt, Amrah Ashraf, Saudamini Jain, Shreya Sethuraman

it’s the next cool thing. But I just don’t see it yet ■ That Luke’s so grown up in Modern Family season 5 (They grow up so fast!) ■ That Rajeev Masand thinks Mr and Mrs Iyer is our version of Before Sunrise ■ Orgasmic meditation (I’m just glad I was too young when slow sex became a movement) ■ That 23 and 69 are the happiest ages (ﬁrsthand experience says, I hope not!)

Agenda). Three generations of women have lusted after that one ■ Lou Reed. Always ■ Butter cream icing. It will make you forget chocolate, temporarily ■ The Tanishq remarriage ad (thumbs up, Gauri Shinde!) ■ Ranbir Kapoor in a superhero ﬁlm?

The cracker: It glows and glows and glows. You don’t want it to stop! You can keep looking for hours. Doesn’t hurt your eyes either! Should you light it: Each character, right from the adorable Nandi to the spiteful Indra, to the different forms Parvati has taken, to when Shiva beheads Ganesha, there’s something to learn and fall in love with, every time.

Cover image: SHUTTERSTOCK Cover design: MONICA GUPTA

■ Phones which can bend over. Yeah, maybe

■ Milind Soman, topless. (Turn to our back page, Personal

Some TV shows resemble ﬁrecrackers. We leave it to you to decide whether you want to set them alight or not! Happy Diwali!

The cracker: It’s the cracker you wait for till the end – when you’ve ﬁnished everything in your kitbag. And it’s beautiful, for the colours it sets alive in the dark, dark sky. Should you light it: 24 has done just that. Each character is a different colour, adding different shades of every colour to the otherwise mundane shows on TV.

by Saudamini Jain

Asterix You’re the warrior hero who’s the centre of all the stories DESIGN: Ashutosh Sapru (National Editor, Design), Monica Gupta, Swati Chakrabarti, Payal Dighe Karkhanis, Rakesh Kumar, Ajay Aggarwal

Dogmatix You’re the dog who’s made himself invaluable on the Asterix adventures

Getaﬁx You’re the village druid who brews the potion that makes the drinker strong Drop us a line at: brunchletters@hindustantimes. com or to 18-20 Kasturba Gandhi Marg, New Delhi 110001

Bridget Jones: Bringing hope (and hilarious insight) into the lives of single women across the world for two decades. She made the woman in her thirties an exciting being. And she gave us a modern-day Mr Darcy and we, Janeites (worshippers of Jane Austen) across the world had more fodder to feed our fantasies than ever! (Colin Firth, you beautiful, wonderful man!) Anywho, our favourite thirty-something-year-old heroine just turned 51 and Darcy’s been dead for ﬁve years. She’s a widow with two little kids. Helen Fielding’s latest, Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy, has received mixed reviews but we loved the book! She makes 51 sound fun! On “middle-aged” Bridget: She’s single and looking to get laid. She’s doing Bridget stuff again. Plus, struggling with technology – there’s texting, emailing, confusing remote controls and Twitter (“Whole point of Twitter is you are supposed to talk to people but there isn’t anyone to talk to. Followers 0. Feel lurching sense of shame and fear: maybe they are all Twittering to each other, and ignoring me because I’m unpopular”) On the late Mark Darcy: Nobody likes a dead Darcy but it’s better than a Darcy gone wrong. Besides, would you rather read about their matrimonial bliss or trouble? (On the upside, if they make a movie, they could get Colin Firth for ﬂashbacks.)

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COVER STORY

EAR ABHISHEK and Ishan: In truth, life is impossible. People will leave. Love can fail. Your job may be a bore. But if you accept this then you can have fun with the rest of it. The midnight stroll on a Goa beach. The health scare that wasn’t one. The lottery of good conversation. I’m sharing a few things that’ve held true for me: Happy Diwali.

What is pleasure? When should you give up on a friend? And what does it take to be a good lover? On Diwali, Siddharth Dhanvant Shanghvi shares illuminating insights with his nephews, Abhishek and Ishan photograph by Devendra Purbiya

1. You will be distinguished by your talent but remembered for how you loved. Your talent can be anything at all – fly-fishing, how you cast and where, or you may write a blog, be read and followed by millions. Only your talent – how you scrubbed a particular strength down to its essence – will be honestly celebrated. But to be remembered you must love well. Some people define immortality by a statue in a park (about statues in a park: only pigeons give a shit). In truth, the only kind of immortality to aspire to is how deeply you loved; if one single person remembers you fairly then you are already immortal in their memory of you. This is enough. 2. Whether you have an affair that lasts a lifetime or a weekend, know that loving someone is a largely moral act. Love is a feeling, an impulse, a behavior, even an aesthetic realising itself. But the underlying fabric of love is a moral one. To be entrusted with the custody of another life – a sibling, a lover, a parent – is a way for you to understand how your morality transacts with the mortality of the other. If you are unable to be moral, take the easier route: Be compassionate. That always works. 3. I’ve known the super rich and the very famous. And it means nothing at all. Don’t fall for the farce of associative power. You are not the people you hang with. But the company you avoid defines you. This includes friends, work colleagues, and yes, even the tiresome members of your extended family. Eliminating people gently, discreetly is an art, and you must learn this early on. Otherwise, too much of your adult life will be devoted to avoiding people you don’t like, and not enough of your hours can be spent with the ones you are provident enough to love.

The writer with Abhishek (left) and Ishan

4. The famous are given to believe that everyone wants to be with them. This, unfortunately, is most-

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COVER STORY ly true. Fame is a kind of light that obscures fact; it is also an illusion in which the illusionist loses herself. Do you really want to be with someone who can no longer see themselves? The other awful thing about fame is that it puts famous people in the awkward position to have to say aloud on occasion: Do you know who I am? You must always be gracious, and respond saying: I do, but do you? 5. The most interesting people I know happen to be famous, but their fame was accidental, incidental, or thrust upon them, and far from shying from it they use it wisely, like artillery. They don’t squander it on an airline upgrade or a dinner reservation. They use it to remind other people that being penciled out by recognition is possible only when you serve your solitude with truth and beauty; it is emergent of labour. And it is a ﬁckle thing, fame, here today, gone tomorrow. If you become famous in your lifetime accept that you will always be misunderstood, and misappropriated. Enjoy your fame but never believe it. 6. It might appear on Facebook or on your Whatsapp DP that your friends have more friends than you do. Or that, tonight, they’re having more fun than you ever will. That’s ok. They are only ﬁlling their vile hours with vodka shots at 3am; in truth, they can’t stand each other. And if it weren’t for Instagram, they’d look like a pack of raccoons. If you enter your life thinking it’s a popularity contest then you’ve lost already. Don’t fear being alone: Your company is the best gift you can give yourself. And a man who is not afraid of being alone often also has the best company to give to others. 7. Wealth does not transmit by os-

mosis. What someone has remains their own unless you steal it from them, and trust me when I say the rich will wrestle you to the ground for their last dime (as they should; who is anyone to take it away from them?) Remember that the true nature of the rich is inherently an acquisitive one: they are rich because they have practice at taking things. But never allow someone to take your best thing away from you – thefts of talent or intimacy occur subliminally, silently. And there is no court of redress when someone steals your faith or confidence, or even your affinity for a particular novel. Guard such things with your life. 8. It is okay to be thought of as a difficult person. I am. I’m considered prickly and hard. This is not a bad thing because the opposite – smooth and soft – belongs only in one place: your butter dish. When you begin to negotiate on terms that are fair to you, you will invariably be dismissed as a bitch (this word is no longer gender specific). Be a Bitch. Celebrate Bitch Pride. Get a Bitch T-Shirt in six colours. When someone calls you a bitch they are only recognising in you the ability to play it as it lays. But don’t develop a bad personality on account of a tough charm; the operative word is charm. I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve got the last cinema seat because I was charming to the usher. Never, ever fail your charm. 9. Be wary of people who befriend you for what you can do for them. The moment they extract this, the friendship will fail: the scaffolding will simply fall away. Be cautious of people who climb all over your back to know your friends; these are the worst kind of parasites, and they will think nothing of wiping their dirty feet all over you as they enter new, cold rooms with expensive lighting. Their punishment will be the later day awareness that everything they got out such violating contact was essentially worthless. They will derive no enjoyment from the wealth they make in the bargain. They will attain no pleasure from the company they form. They will be lonely, and pathetic, and their punishment is not having known better, and then of having known better when it was too late. You must always, always buy such folks a drink at a bar when you meet them again: they will need something to drown their sorrows in.

10. People will come and people will go. Ideally, you’d like everyone you like to stick around. However, this is just not going to be possible. So give someone who leaves something to remember you by. The soup you made for them when they had the flu. The stint you set up when they needed a job like a lifeline. How you turned up when their mother died, and the solace of your listening silence in which they could hide and heal. And sometimes: How quickly you slammed shut the door on their face when you realised what a sleaze they were. 11. Be a good friend. It is teething to be an excellent lover. 12. Place pleasure at the centre of your life. I don’t mean frivolous pleasure – the binge drinking or the casual sex, although that’s fine in short season. By pleasure I mean how you absorb your life – the moment-by-moment awareness of beauty, and that all this beauty will also end. I once opened a bottle of champagne and drank it with your grandmother at 3pm in the afternoon for no particular reason. That was the last time we drank together; she was gone a few short months later. Pleasure is a private language, a means of looking at things, and it is a way of enduring the essential truth that life is horrible and unfair. Pleasure is also pause and reflection, a generosity toward others and a kindness you commit to yourself. Enjoy what you are able to because what you enjoy enables you. 13. You are here for too short a while. Make your hours count. 14. Your feelings are important. But not everyone gives a damn about them. In fact, almost no one does. If your feelings – your rages, your hurt, your passions – are the only lens through which you look at the world then your world will

NOVEMBER 3, 2013

slowly become isolated, narrow and small, coloured by only by your limited and ﬂawed experience. When someone treats you unfairly go after the larger reason for it: What in your karmic hardware drew this experience out of the woodwork of humanity? The Buddhist trick is to watch all experience, know it, absorb it, and then to let it be: in order to be free of it. When you do this the friend who has betrayed you will simply vanish. His job is done. He has nothing more to teach you. Give thanks, and move on. (But remember that iPhone has call block). 15. If someone tells you money is not important you must appreciate that they’re talking absolute bullshit. You will also read a heartwarming account of a burnt-out banker now living carefree out of a trailer, old newspaper doubling as toilet paper. I will be very angry with you both if you turn into someone who uses newspaper as toilet paper. In fact, I will disown you. After love and good health, money is your most important charge. It will allow you to suffer in a climate of comparative comfort (you will better absorb the lessons of your suffering instead of being struck dumb by pain). And you will make a greater lover with bucks in your bank (and boys, give gifts – gifts of thought, deed, the odd diamond – generosity is the sexiest quality a man can have). 16. There are three kinds of wealth. You start with your credit card. Move on to wealth of mind. Finally, and most importantly, there is abundance of heart. You can impress a lover with your wheels, you can dazzle them with smart repartee, but they’ll stick around only if they bloom with your touch. Be the spring to their cherry blossom, the stamen to their butterﬂy, the green bough to their singing bird. There will be a time when you will leave it all behind, when you will be ahead of experience – but that time is not here yet. 17. Always, always pray for good health. Even a bad cold can feel like early death. Rise real early. Go for walks. Reading gives your brains killer abs. Yoga takes care of everything else. 18. Forgive everyone eventually. Shanghvi is the author of The Lost Flamingoes of Bombay and The Last Song of Dusk. Facebook.com/shanghvi

PEOPLE

Photo: SHUTTERSTOCK

ARE ALL OF YOU MBA WRITERS FRIENDS?

Not Chetan. But Amish, Ashwin, Ravinder and I talk a lot. We exchange notes. We talk to each other about promotions and what publishers are doing. In this industry, publishing bitching is very com-

What do you have in common with the other big bestsellers – Chetan Bhagat, Ashwin Sanghi, Amish Tripathi and Ravinder Singh?

Not much. But we brought in something that hasn’t been explored in the past. And, sure, all of us come from very grounded middle-class backgrounds. It brings sincerity and commitment into our work.

And you all went to B-school.

BESTSELLING BANKER

Ravi Subramanian has been in the ﬁnancial sector for more than 18 years. And he’s been writing for six of those

The Making Of A Bestseller Ravi Subramanian’s books sell like hot cakes. He tells us how and why

by Saudamini Jain

AVI SUBRAMANIAN was a bigshot banker. He knew all the deep, dark secrets of banking and so, in 2007, came If God Was A Banker. It sold two lakh copies. He then wrote six more books (most of them bestsellers), in six years. The latest, Bankerupt, is set in academia (laced with banking frauds) and features gun control. It boils down to good versus evil, greed spiralling out of control. Don’t let anyone tell you that Subramanian is the ‘John Grisham of banking’. Bankerupt is a good thriller, just written like a textbook. Even his American characters talk like Indian textbooks!

Subramanian still has a real job. He’s a CEO with the Shriram Group. It’s a high-pressure job, but he manages to write a book every year. We quizzed him on his writing, and more.

What makes a book a bestseller?

I was at a session with [writer] Shashi Deshpande. She said that an author should just write and let publishers do the rest. But the publisher has a hundred books to push! An author has to take charge of everything, including distribution. People have to see online promotions, see piles of your book in stores, and you have to make sure the guy recommends it!

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Most MBA graduates are hungry for intellectual glamour. And getting a book published is not difﬁcult, because publishers know that a few thousand copies will get sold, because after B-school, you network a lot. Interestingly, 2006-10 was a torrid phase for corporate ﬁnance in India. Amish, Chetan and I are from the same time. You can connect the dots.

Ravinder Singh has been known to say he doesn’t read. Is it okay for writers to not read?

I wouldn’t comment for him; he’s a very successful writer in his own space. But I think reading makes you a better writer.

Do you read a lot?

Writing doesn’t let me read too much. I read about two books a month. I write before I sleep. I don’t read literary ﬁction. I like thrillers, John Grisham, Jeffrey Archer and Jeffery Deaver.

You’ve said in previous interviews, that you may not be the best writer, but you’re a great storyteller. Look, I’m not a literary guy. I’m not even a commercial guy. I say I’m a good storyteller. Writing is education, it improves more and more with time. And you have a bunch of editors to improve your writing. But I have experimented with my writing. For Bankerupt, I wanted to build a car chase sequence. I read multiple books, but I still couldn’t write it

mon. Unlike the corporate world, the books’ space is not competitive. People who read their books more will not read mine less. One doesn’t have to go up at the cost of another. So there’s no politics.

the way it should have been written. So instead of writing a badly constructed car chase sequence, I dropped it and changed my story.

Did Citibank really ban If God Was A Banker from its ofﬁces? It’s true. Citibank had banned it. [A lot of people felt it was about two people from Citibank]. But it was based on many incidents in many banks, including Citibank.

So lots of severed ties?

Not at all! If someone gets upset, they’re passively accepting it. So nobody says it! You don’t make enemies in the banking world.

Did you always want to write?

I used to write short stories as a child, I wrote poetry as a teenager. But writing was never a commercial option. I come from a middleclass background. So, it was always get a good job ﬁrst, then write. When I wrote my ﬁrst book, I didn’t write for money.

You were already rich then.

But even today, I don’t write for money. The day I quit my job, I will stop writing. It won’t be exciting. I don’t want this to become my job! Saudamini.Jain@hindustantimes.com Follow @SaudaminiJain on Twitter

MORE ON THE WEB For the full interview, log on to hindustantimes.com/ brunch

YOU MAKE BANKING SEEM SO DARK.

People have lofty ideas about what they’re going to do after B-school. College doesn’t tell you that real corporate life is another version of Indian politics. And writing about the good side is boring. People remember the dark stories more. Photo: THINKSTOCK

indulge

PLAY IT AGAIN, SAM

The Psychedelic Salvage Company, which features Sixties band Sam Gopal, conjures up images of groovy bellbottoms, peace signs, and droopy moustaches

UCKED AWAY deep in the recesses of the iTunes store, I found a 2-CD compilation named The Psychedelic Salvage Company. In it was a set full of songs by bands that I’d barely heard of. Dating back to the 1960s and 1970s, these were bands that were part of the British underground wave of psychedelic rock during those two decades but not quite the ones I was familiar with. Instead of Pink Floyd, Trafﬁc, Cream or Soft Machine, this compilation had bands such as Toby Jug, Peggy’s Leg, Out of Darkness, Ptolomy Psycon, The Roland Kovac Set, and Sam Gopal. Strangely named bands all of them but with one common thread: they made music that sounds deliriously trippy. Music that immediately conjures up images of groovy bell-bottoms, peace signs, platform shoes and droopy moustaches. They have another common factor: all of those bands are among the early vanguard of the British prog-rock movement. It all began with a quest for Sam Gopal in the beautiful Swedish city of Gothenburg. Last summer, while ambling

Sanjoy Narayan

download central THE PSYCHEDELIC SAVAGE COMPANY The bands on this album were the early vanguard of the British prog-rock movement THEY DID IT BETTER The Doors’ version of Back Door Man pales before Sam Gopal’s tabla-fortiﬁed one

around in Haga, the once rough but now-gentrified suburb of Gothenburg, we went browsing in a quaint little shop called Iris Second Hand, which sells vintage second-hand clothes (great stuff, actually), where I heard something vaguely familiar playing in the background but I just couldn’t put my finger on what band it was. It definitely was psychedelic Sixties fare but what exactly was it? I went across to the two long-haired guys at the counter in front and asked and they said it was Sam Gopal. “Oh, okay,” I said, nodding my head knowledgeably in what I’m sure was a completely failed attempt to mask my ignorance. In reality, a) I had never heard of Sam Gopal; b) I simply loved the track that they were playing; and, c) it was something that I knew I simply had to have. The track, I discovered later, was called Yesterlove, and the distinguishing part of its sound was the unmistakably Indian sound of the tabla and the dreamy, transcendental vocals. The Internet led me to learn about Sam Gopal: that the band was named after its founder who was born in Malaysia and whose singer, known as Lemmy, was the same guy who founded the early heavy metal band, Motörhead; and that the band was formed in 1966 in London but was shortlived and probably disbanded by 1970. That’s about all I could find about the very Indian-sounding band and its founder. Thus, began my search for Sam Gopal’s music. I’d read that they had just one album to their credit and it was called Escalator but it was no easy task trying to get my hands on it. That’s how I came across The Psychedelic Salvage Company compilation. It was a fortuitous find but it yielded a

WITH CRACKLES AND RUMBLES Sam Gopal’s sound – mellow psychedelia with hardly a rough edge – should ideally be heard in an old-fashioned LP version whole bunch of new bands that gave me a peek into the kind of music that must’ve been playing in the UK psych circuit in the 1960s and ’70s from bands that never quite made the charts but very clearly wrote their influence on the psychedelic wave that emerged. The standouts in the compilation include, besides Sam Gopal (who have two tracks on it), the Roland Kovac Set whose two tracks have some satisfyingly fuzzy lead guitar riffs and extra length in terms of play time. Not all of the Salvage Company tracks are great, several are quite forgettable, but as a novelty piece in your collection, especially if you’re a Floyd, Cream, Traffic or even The Who fan, it’s a collectible. After a few weeks of looking around, I finally found Escalator, ostensibly Sam Gopal’s one and only album. Thirteen tracks, including Yesterlove, the song I’d heard in Haga’s Iris, of course, but also a cover of Willie Dixon’s Back Door Man. The Doors may have made that song famous but that celebrated (and over-played) version pales before Sam Gopal’s tabla-fortified one. Sam Gopal’s sound is one of mellow psychedelia with hardly a rough edge. Their traditional guitar-keyboards-bass combo has no drums but a flourish of the tabla that gives it an exotic edge. All 13 tracks on Escalator are good ones that work nicely on an audio system as well on the headphones but I think it’s the kind of music that ought to be listened to in an old-fashioned LP version with a few crackles and rumbles. After all, they’re a band from the mid-1960s. Sadly, I haven’t managed to lay my hands on one of those. It’s a pity that Sam Gopal didn’t last too long. And I don’t know whether there are any other recordings besides Escalator in existence. I’d love to know if anyone can tell me. Download Central will appear every fortnight

Sam Gopal was formed in 1966 in London and it probably disbanded by 1970

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MORE ON THE WEB To give feedback, stream or download the music mentioned in this column, go to blogs.hindustantimes. com/download-central. Write to Sanjoy at sanjoy. narayan@hindustantimes.com

indulge With the recent deluge of new Apple products, you are now spoilt for choice

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THE APPLE FLASH FLOOD

LIGHT AS A FEATHER

The iPad Air weighs one pound, making it Apple’s lightest tablet

8-inch (reviewed next week) may just be the game changer that makes almost every tablet maker go back to the drawing board. LET THE ‘AIR’ COME IN The device that created the tablet market single-handedly struggles to carve out a true identity today, and needs a compelling reason to be on top of every buyers’ list. The fifth generation iPad needed to change all that in one stroke. HEN IT rains, it pours. While I’ve never been Thankfully, it starts well, because this all-new iPad does not able to wrap my head around what that phrase suffer from a naming debacle of being called the ‘New New really means, the last few weeks in the world iPad’. It now has a very descriptive name, The iPad Air. of technology seem to warrant a whole new At 7.5mm, it is 20 per cent slimmer than the previous iPad idiom – when it rains, it pours, turns into a cloudburst and and weighs just one pound, making it Apple’s thinnest and then rages on as a flash flood. Look at the awesome devices lightest tablet ever. that have come out in a very short span of time – Samsung While the design cues are from the Mini, the screen Galaxy Note 3, Samsung Gear, Sony Xperia Z1, iPhone 5C remains the same at 9.7 inches with a 2048x1536 resolution as before. The Air also has the boosted -up performance of the A7 chip along with the M7 Rajiv Makhni motion processor. Though why this would need a special motion processor is a mystery. How many times do you see people running with the iPad strapped on to their shorts? Maybe sometime in the future! This also has better front and back optics. The shocker is that there is no touch ID fingerprint sensor built into the home button, which is a startling omission. That would have set this apart and created a major Apple Army fan base. The fact that there is no Gold iPad is also a bit of a let-down. and S, Gionee Elife E6, Micromax Canvas Turbo, Lenovo SHOULD YOU BUY IT? If you’ve been a fan of the original P780, Lumia 1020/2520/1520/1320 and a deluge of others. iPad series, this may be an attractive upgrade, but for all And just as we thought things would wind down and give others there isn’t much. While the iPad in its latest iteraeach of us a little time to catch our breath, out comes tion is quite a piece of engineering and design, it’s still goApple with a surge of new products. There’s no time to ing to falter in front of its own Mini line-up as reflect on why companies are continuing this well as the bludgeoning blows from an ‘on the barrage of tech goodness; all we can do is move’ competition. All you have to do is walk quickly reflect on what has come out hot into a store that has both the new ‘Pads’ and and fresh from the ovens of the Cupertino your mind will be made up pretty quickly. bakery. THE MINI GROWS UP THE OTHER NEW BEASTS The biggest thing that the original iPad Mini Apple seems to have retired its MacBook Pro line forever, as both the new variants of the did was to teach people what the true size of MacBook Pro now come with retina displays. an easy-to-carry tablet should be. The comThe 13-inch is lighter, much thinner (almost ing of the Mini pretty much destroyed the down to the MacBook Air) and about twice as market for tablets in the 10-inch category, infast as the previous generation. cluding its own iPad. Lugging around a 10The display is truly outstanding and razor inch tablet meant that you were carrying as sharp, battery life is incredible and prices are much weight and size as a light laptop (which much lower, the base model starts at `99,000. The 15-inch would give you far more productivity). The only hesitation variant comes with a better processor and some more addpeople would have would be when comparing its screen ons with a price base of `1,49,000 with its bigger sibling’s retina display (or the Nexus 7 and SHOULD YOU BUY IT? The 13-inch MacBook Pro is a noAmazon Kindle Fire HDX) and find the Mini slightly jaggy brainer as it’s priced relatively well, is built beautifully and and pixellated. The new iPad Mini Retina takes care of that. has a display that will bring tears to your eyes (in a good It continues with a 7.9-inch screen, but the resoluway). This beats the 13-inch MacBook Air by a wide margin tion is now 2048x1536 with a staggeringly high pixel denas you get a lot more for an extra 20K. The 15-incher is for sity of 324. This little slice of Apple pie now runs on the those who need a bigger display and more horsepower, but I A7 chipset and uses the M7 motion sensor, the same still see the 13-inch as the flagship from here on. as the new iPad Air and the iPhone 5S. Somewhat disApple has come in strong in the last month or so with appointingly (but not surprisingly), the Mini design its revamps and add-ons to its existing iPhones, iPads, and form factor remains the same but it has gained MacBook Pros and more. The rumour mill says that we a little weight and also comes with a 128GB variant. will get a new iWatch in January and a new Apple TV (the SHOULD YOU BUY IT? With its eye-popping display, size, kind that you hang on a wall) in July. Could it happen? Well, build quality, new processor, battery life and app ecosystem, looking at the current downpour of new devices, it seems I have no hesitation in calling this the best, truly portable very likely! tablet your money can buy. If Apple doesn’t Rajiv Makhni is managing editor, Technology, NDTV, and the anchor screw up the pricing in India, this will be- ‘PRO’MISING FEATURES of Gadget Guru, Cell Guru and Newsnet 3 come the de facto standard for all tablets. Hav- The MacBook Pro now ing said that, the all new Lenovo Yoga tablet comes with retina display

techilicious

MINI PLEASURES

The new iPad Mini Retina can truly become the de facto standard for all tablets

MORE ON THE WEB For previous columns by Rajiv Makhni, log on to hindustantimes. com/brunch. Follow Rajiv on Twitter at twitter.com/RajivMakhni

The rumour mill says that we will get a new iWatch in January and a new Apple TV in July

NOVEMBER 3, 2013

indulge

Photos: THINKSTOCK

LEARN AFRESH Brush up old skills; yes, the ones you barely remember you possess. In my case, it’s going to be languages. And I intend to learn how to play a musical instrument

WITH A BANG… NOT A WHIMPER

Make a fresh start as Diwali rings in a new year Seema Goswami

spectator THROW THEM OUT! If you haven’t worn the clothes languishing in the back of your closet in a year, chuck them out

IRST OFF, a very Happy Diwali to all of you. I hope you’re having a splendid morning. That you’re not too bleary-eyed after staying up into the early hours because of the loud crackers heralding the beginning of ‘chhoti Diwali’ (the prelude to the main act that starts today). That you are not hungover, having had a few too many at the party last night. That you’re not bummed about having lost money at teen patti with friends (if it helps, remember that losing means you will make much more money this year). And that you’re starting the day with a piece of mithai (kaju barﬁ is my favourite) with your morning cup of tea or coffee. If you are in business or trade, you will soon be heading to the ofﬁce or shop to conduct a Lakshmi puja, an invocation to the Goddess of Wealth, so that she continues to bless your ventures. And if you are a traditionalist, you will be starting a new book of accounts to herald the beginning of the New Year. Well, I am all in favour of starting with a clean slate at this time of year. But given that I don’t have a book of accounts to ceremonially start over, I thought that I would start with my life instead, giving it a little reboot this festive season. Out with the old, in with the new, that sort of thing. So, starting today, this is what I plan to do. If you want to join in, here is my master list. Actually scratch that. No more making endless lists of things that I never get around to doing (honestly, who was I kidding? I was never going to make it to the gym in the morning!). Instead, I will set myself one goal every month

(or every couple of months). And if I don’t achieve it in that time frame, then I will strike it right off. It’s like those clothes languishing in the back of your closet. If they haven’t seen the light of day in a year, they are likely to remain unworn forever. Just make your peace with it and chuck them out. Similarly, if you haven’t finished what you set out to do in a certain period of time, the likelihood is that it’s never going to happen. Move on. Do one new thing. And by new, I mean something that you have never tried before. Something that you never even thought of trying before. Something that is so out of your comfort zone that grown men laugh and children giggle when you say you intend to give it a go. Yes, that something new. In my case, it’s going to be: learning how to play a musical instrument. No, I have no natural aptitude. And the odds are that I will suck at this no matter how hard I try. But even so, this should be fun; though perhaps, not so much for the folks next door (it goes without saying that in the interest of good neighbourly relations, I will steer clear of drums). Brush up old skills; yes, the ones you barely remember you possess. In my case, it’s going to be languages. Having invested several months to studying French and Italian many moons ago, I am rather shamed by the fact that I have forgotten as much as I ever learnt. It’s only when I am travelling in those parts that the cadences of those lost tongues evoke something lost in me, and the words come rushing back. In a day or two, I can make myself understood, but only at the cost of doing significant damage to the language in question. The Italians are sweet and indulgent about it; the French superior and scornful. But in both cases, it serves as an incentive to dust off those grammar books and watch a bit of Rai and TV5. Or maybe enrol in a refresher conversation course. Make new friends. I don’t know about you, but I find that the older I get, the harder I find it is to make new friends. There is none of the forced intimacy of schools, where you spend the best part of the day shut up in a room with a bunch of girls (or boys). The leisurely days of college when you could while away the afternoon just gossiping in the canteen are long gone. And new, corporate-style offices don’t encourage the matiness that the casual chaos of their earlier avatars did. So, how is one supposed to make new friends? And more importantly, good friends? Okay, I concede that it’s not easy. And you will have to kiss a lot of frogs and frogesses before you find the real thing. But if you keep yourself open to the possibility of friendship. It can be quite amazing what you find out there. You might find a kindred spirit at the school gates as you drop off your daughter. You might bond with that over-muscled man at the gym (who you always thought was a bit of a freak). Or you might just meet a bunch of like-minded folk on social media (I know, I know. Famous last words…). And no matter how things work out, you will have a few laughs along the way. Meanwhile, there’s always Diwali to celebrate. Go on, light a diya and say a little prayer. And steer clear of firecrackers while you’re at it.

Open yourself to the possibility of friendship. It can be quite amazing what you ﬁnd out there

MORE ON THE WEB For more SPECTATOR columns by Seema Goswami, log on to hindustantimes.com/ Brunch. Follow her on Twitter at twitter. com/seemagoswami. Write to her at seema_ ht@rediffmail.com

NOVEMBER 3, 2013

indulge

AT THE RACES Vir Sanghvi

rude sport Formula One is more entertainment spectacle than participative sport. But what the hell? There’s nothing wrong with a little entertainment every now and then

O YOU care that last Sunday’s Indian Grand Prix may well be the last Formula One event to be held in India? Next year’s Grand Prix is off. And while there is a chance that Bernie Ecclestone and the big bosses of Formula One might relent and put Delhi back on the calendar in 2015, nobody is convinced that this is at all likely. Personally, I have always been ambivalent about the Grand Prix. If it happens, great. If it doesn’t, well then, it’s no skin off my back. My feelings, I imagine, are shared by most people of my generation. We grew up thinking of racing as one of those sports that was very glamorous (think Steve McQueen, Paul Newman, James Hunt, novels by Harold Robbins, etc.) but entirely distant. We could get excited about cricket, hockey even, but motor racing belonged to a different world. All this seems to have changed around two decades ago, one reason why there is such a sharp cleave between the sporting tastes of different generations. One of the greatest achievements of satellite television is the globalisation of sport. Take football. It really meant nothing to Indians outside of Calcutta or Goa. But, today’s kids will tell you all about the transfer fees paid by Real Madrid or the difference in United’s style now that Alex Ferguson has stepped down. Most of them have never seen Real or United play live. Nor do they have any interest in Indian football teams. As far as they are concerned, the sport feels real only because they watch it on TV every week. Formula One is another example of the same trend. A whole new generation of urban Indians will tell you the rankings of drivers and will discuss why Lewis Hamilton’s world championship was a freak event. They’ve never seen a race live. Many never will. But it’s on TV. And that makes

NOVEMBER 3, 2013

it seem real. Football is, at least, a game that any of us can play if we get two teams together and find a ground. Failing that, we can kick a ball around our backyards. But Formula One is a closed sport. None of us will ever have access to those cars or to a track. It is one of those sports that is strictly spectator-only. You can watch as much as you like. But you can never play. That, I guess, is one reason why most people of my generation never got into it. A sport that you can’t play or watch live poses little attraction to us. In fact, the notion of sport as mere televised spectacle comes perilously close to entertainment. I never went to the first two Delhi Grand Prix because, as I told the people who had invited me, the tickets would be better suited to somebody who actually understood Formula One or had some interest in it. This year, however, when Sumeet Lamba of Pernod Ricard, sent me an invitation, I was tempted. This may well be my last chance to see a Grand Prix. (Nobody in Monte Carlo or Abu Dhabi is likely to invite me.) And I would be foolish to pass up the opportunity. Sumeet is connected with the Grand Prix because Pernod Ricard owns the grand old champagne house of Mumm, which, since the beginning of this century, has been the official champagne of Formula One. (It was Moët before them.) Those big bottles of champagne you see the winners spraying each other with at every Grand Prix are always jeroboams of Mumm. Pernod Ricard had taken two tables in the lounge at the paddock. I am guessing that you know as little about Grand Prix seating as I used to, so let me explain. There is a main block where the punters, the guys who pay fabulous sums for their tickets, sit. This area also has corporate hospitality boxes of the kinds they have at cricket matches. But the paddock is another block, entirely. There are a few lounges, one of which goes to Airtel, the title sponsor of the Grand Prix. Other companies with some involvement in the event get tables in the other lounges. This year,

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Photos: GETTY IMAGES

ONE BIG PARTY

Paddock guests enjoy a carnival-like atmosphere. This year, a bhangra troupe danced around the pit (above). And Sebastian Vettel celebrates his win at the Indian Grand Prix with champagne (left)

for instance, I saw that Johnnie Walker, Mercedes-Benz, Ferrari and others had their own tables. The paddock is all hospitality; everybody is a guest of somebody. This means that a paddock invite is as much a social thing as it is a ticket to a sporting event. So you get the rich, the famous, the notorious and regrettably, not a lot of people who know anything about Formula One. Paddock guests can wander down to the pit before the race, look at the cars, talk to the drivers (if they are very lucky), and enjoy a carnival-like atmosphere. This year, for instance, a bhangra troupe danced around the pit. (I kid you not: this is Delhi, remember.) Otherwise, they can remain in the lounge, knock back the Mumm and watch the action on large TV screens. They can also enjoy the international ambience. I doubt if I have ever seen as many white people at any event in India. The stewards who check passes are white. So are the chefs who stand behind the buffet tables. All the pit crews and Formula One team members are white. And even the waitresses in the lounge are European. Apparently, in an effort to ensure a uniform experience at Grand Prix events all over the world, Formula One ﬂies its own staff (down to the waitresses) to each city. Just before the race starts, when all the cars line up on the track, everybody in the paddock rushes to the terrace to watch. The cars are right below you and the proximity is both an advantage and a disadvantage. You get to see the race from very close quarters. But you also put your eardrums at risk. Nothing you’ve ever heard prepares you for the noise of the car engines. Imagine somebody taking an electric drill and holding it by the side of your temple. They give you earplugs in the paddock but even if you use them, the noise can be terrifying. On the other hand, the noise is important because that’s how you realise that the cars are approaching. Formula One drivers move so fast that they zoom past the paddock in seconds. If you’re looking out for a particular car and you turn your head away for a second, you will miss it as it whizzes past. I have never seen anything tethered to the earth move this fast. Most people do not always realise that a Formula One race can take over 90 minutes or that there are so many laps. After the ﬁrst six laps, a certain sameness set in and the crowds abandoned the terrace to return to the lounge to

watch the race on the big screens. But the punters in the main stands who had actually paid for their tickets stayed fixed to their seats, their eyes never straying from the track. They cheered when certain cars passed and held up banners, many of which supported Lewis Hamilton, perhaps on the grounds that he seems like an outsider in a lily-white sport. As the race continued, I eavesdropped on conversations in the paddock. Only a few people seemed particularly knowledgeable. They discussed whether a Sebastian Vettel victory was inevitable. (It was.) They speculated that Mark Webber, who was in the lead, would abandon the race saying that he had problems with his car so that Vettel could storm ahead. (He did.) And they talked about the time when Michael Schumacher had benefitted from a teammate’s exit. (No idea what this was about.) I collared Hughes Trevennec, Mumm’s international events director, who travels from Grand Prix to Grand Prix. Why did it make sense for Mumm to spend so much money on Formula One when all the drivers wanted to do with their champagne was to spray it on each other? Hughes explained that champagne has always been linked to racing. The first French Grand Prix was held, he said, in the town of Rheims in the Champagne district. The association has been good for champagne because it reinforces the image of champagne as the drink for a glamorous celebration. Mumm provides four jeroboams (each equal to four bottles) for every Grand Prix, one each for the three winners and one in case somebody breaks a bottle by mistake. I abandoned Hughes when he was in full flow to watch the last 10 laps from the terrace. By then, it was clear that Vettel was going to win the Grand Prix and with it, the world championship. When the inevitable did happen, the stands went crazy and Vettel played to the gallery, jumping on to the top of his car and saluting his fans. Given that he did not bother to acknowledge us in the paddock, I guess he knew who the real enthusiasts were. And then, after some champagne had been sprayed and lots more had been drunk, I slipped away, ahead of the crowds. My feelings about Formula One have not changed. It’s still more entertainment spectacle than participative sport. But what the hell? There’s nothing wrong with a little entertainment every now and then.

At the paddock, you get the rich, the famous, the notorious and regrettably, not a lot of people who know anything about Formula One

NOVEMBER 3, 2013

OFFICIAL TOAST

Those big bottles of champagne you see the winners spraying each other with at every Grand Prix are always jeroboams of Mumm

MORE ON THE WEB For more columns by Vir Sanghvi, log on to hindustantimes. com/brunch

COUCH POTATO

Queens Of Drag

How are two men, dressed as women, making India laugh? by Parul Khanna

ES, THE TV show Comedy Nights With Kapil is on top of the charts. Comedian Kapil Sharma is the star, but where would he be without his supporting cast of two women? Viewers are treated to the coy Gutthi, with her trademark gag: repeating names during introductions (“Gutthi, Kapil, Kapil, Gutthi, audience, Gutthi, Gutthi, audience….”). And there’s the lively, tipsy Dadi in sports shoes, and with her own signature gag – the Dadi dance. Just one thing: they’re not women at all! Former RJ Sunil Grover plays Gutthi and veteran actor Ali Asgar is Dadi. Brunch meets them both.

Sunil Grover aka Gutthi What’s it like playing a woman on national TV?

Gutthi, readers, readers, Gutthi

I was playing Gutthi in a few shows before Comedy Nights With Kapil. I always knew the character had potential. I was just waiting for a platform to showcase her. When Kapil Sharma approached me, I jumped at the opportunity. But we never realised that the show or the character would become sensations.

Who is Gutthi?

I try to get into the psyche of any character I play. I come from a small town, Dabwali, in Punjab, and even though I lived in Chandigarh for a few years, I studied and grew up in Dabwali. The place was swarming with ‘wannabe’ girls (I am always attracted to wannabes). I’d observe them all the time – girls are more interesting than boys, anyway. And they are more interesting to play than any other kind of women. Gutthi is one of them.

Gutthi, audience, audience, Gutthi, Kapil, Kapil, Gutthi … and Juice Me... have become part of people’s lingo!

I thought of introducing everyone just before I was to go on stage once, I did it the second time too. But when I missed it the third time, the audience started asking for it. So, now it’s a regular trope. When wannabe girls can’t say ‘excuse me,’ they say, ‘juice me.’

Ali Asgar aka Dadi Bittu, do peg pila de Shagun ki pappi... You were hesitant to play a woman…

When I was offered this role, I had just decided to stop playing female characters, as I was playing them so regularly. But in life you have a plan, but life turns out to be something else. More than me, my children were starting to point out,

Any reservations about playing a woman?

I am an actor. It’s my job to play different characters. Sunil is part of Gutthi and Gutthi is Sunil. Gutthi sleeps with Sunil every day, she goes to the bathroom with

‘Why aren’t you doing something else?’ At one time, when I was doing Comedy Circus, I played a female character in 14 out of 17 episodes in that season – saas, bahu, gaonwali. When I resisted, the writers said, ‘bhai, you do it so well’. So there I was! And then I was doing it everywhere. As an actor, I was enjoying it as I was getting to play many roles, but I was certainly getting typecast. Plus, my family didn’t like it. I had decided that even if I stop getting work, it’s ﬁne, but I won’t play a woman any more.

You did start playing the lead in Jeannie Aur Juju...

That helped. But a lead character is restrictive. Salman Khan can do comedy as well as Johnny Lever but he’s restricted because he’s a hero. I was feeling constrained, so when the offer to play Dadi came, I took it. I ﬁgured, it’s just 26 episodes, so it will get over quickly. I never realised it would become a hit from the ﬁrst episode. In my 25 years of acting, I have never seen anything become an overnight hit. Even Kahaani Ghar Ghar Ki, in which I acted, didn’t click with the audience immediately.

Strappy kameezes, ribbons… do girls in small towns dress like that? him, they bathe together. I am not insecure about Gutthi. That’s how it is.

Gutthi has a Facebook page dedicated to her. When did you realise she had hit the jackpot?

Wannabe girls usually wear sports shoes with anything, even suits. They pick things from other people, but don’t know how to carry them off. And that’s what makes Gutthi fun and adorable. Even the introduction that I do, I remember a girl in Dabwali doing it. The team and I decide Gutthi’s clothes together, based on the theme of the episode. Since Ranbir Kapoor is young and unattached, I dressed up as a bride in that episode. To attract Anil Kapoor, I dressed as Madhuri Dixit.

Only when I went to the ﬁnale of Jhalak Dikhhla Jaa Season 6. That was the ﬁrst time I’d moved out of our set, and the moment I entered, the audience and participants started screaming. There was a frenzy after I did my ‘Gutthi, Hrithik, Hrithik, audience’ introduction, and everyone was waiting for what Gutthi would say next.

Gutthi takes 20 minutes to half an hour. Sunil takes a lot more time because unlike Gutthi, I need to be aesthetically just right – the creases in my pants, the right combination – and that takes time.

You have to love women to play one so well!

What has been your family’s reaction?

I think of them all the time. They are more interesting than men, more appealing and warm. I believe that women are meant to rule over men. Men won’t even bathe or dress up if women aren’t around. Also, we always say, ‘meri maa kehti thi’, but never ‘my father would say’. The basic software in all of us has been installed by a woman. Baaki aur mat bulwao, kuch luchi baatein bhi nikal jayengi!

How long does Sunil take to dress up as Gutthi?

The famous Dadi step…

Is the break-dance step. This is the one Western dance move old-timers know, and the only one I know.

Dadi loves her drinks, likes to ﬂirt. A dadi made in heaven, isn’t she?

I was just told to play a grandmother. Subtle or loud – I wasn’t given any speciﬁc brief. But I was tired of seeing grandmothers in movies and serials jo sirf ‘potey ka muh dekhne ke liye zinda hai’ and ‘tijori ki chabi de kar marengi’. No, no, this dadi will live her bonus life fully. She will drink, ﬂirt and do full aish. She will enjoy every moment of her life. Even if her knees are gone, she will dance. I wanted to make her zinda dil and alive.

Is your grandmother like that?

No. My maasi is (except for the ﬂirty bit). She’s not as old as the Dadi I play, but she’s just as zinda dil. I try and emulate her harkats.

Dadi is a household name today.

I know. But between shooting for a daily and Comedy Nights… I don’t

They have suddenly become very busy. All my relatives and their friends want to meet me, so they keep calling my family. My family is like, additional pressure ho gaya hai tumhari wajah se. It’s funny but people recognise me as Sunil too. I went to a chemist recently and there was this old couple, and they recognised me and wanted a picture. I asked the man if I could keep my hand on his wife’s shoulder, and he said, ‘Aap to family hain’. Isn’t that adorable?

get time to even enjoy the success. At one time, I was at a trafﬁc light, and people got me out of the car, and asked me to do the Dadi step. I was scared, but I realised Dadi’s popularity.

How tough or easy is it to play a woman?

Acting is acting, whether you play a woman, child or any other character as a man. For every role, I think, what would that person do and how would she/he react? Of course, I am no Aamir Khan, I don’t wear a sari at home and walk in a salwar suit all day to get into the skin of the role. But it’s more spontaneous, and that’s the fun part. If you give me heels to wear, I wouldn’t know how I’d walk in them, so I would ad lib and that odd bit would create fun and humour.

Are your children still unhappy about you playing a woman?

No. Thankfully, they haven’t reacted negatively to me playing a female character this time, that too of a Dadi. Their teacher tells them, ‘your father’s doing good work’. So, I am safe.

COUCH POTATO

Quick Change Artists On The Big Screen M

en playing women on Indian TV is turning out to be a successful gimmick, but Bollywood has always had actors who shaved their legs, put on wigs, slapped kilos of foundation to cover their six-‘o’-clock stubble and sashayed around in saris and skirts. Some women, er, men that we remember:

Kamal Haasan in Chachi 420

Played Laxmibai Godbole, a middle-aged Maharashtrian woman, complete with bordered saris, bindi, sindoor. He was so convincing that some innocent souls in the audience didn’t even realise Chachi was actually a man! The highly professional make-up was a ﬁrst for Bollywood.

Amitabh Bachchan in Lawaaris

Bachchan disguises himself as different kinds of women – tall, short, dark and fat – in the song Mere angne mein, tumhara kya kaam hai. But there was never any doubt that it was the Big B playing all the women – a true drag act.

Aamir Khan in Baazi

Played an inspector who goes undercover as a sexy woman while investigating a case. He also did a sizzling item number (Dole dil dole) in a bar. Aamir waxed his chest and legs for the song, to ﬁt into the revealing black dress, with its thigh-high slit.

Riteish Deshmukh in Apna Sapna Money Money

Riteish plays a conman, who dupes people by getting into different disguises. He brought all the Bollywood-style thumkas and nakhras to his performance when he disguised himself as a woman. (Actor Chunky Pandey commented on how attractive he looked).

Govinda in Aunty No. 1

He pretended to be a fake maharani, and had two men falling in love with him. Govinda looked like a drag queen, but being Govinda, he could pull it off with fabulous comic timing. (You could spot the stubble in some scenes!)

Shreyas Talpade in Paying Guest

Three friends can stay as paying guests only if they are married (the oldest cliché in a Bollywood comedy), so Shreyas plays the wife – and very convincingly too – to one of his friends. He wore sarees so beautifully that apparently his own wife couldn’t recognise him! Shreyas said that it took him hours to get ready and that he ﬁnally understood what it felt like to be a woman.

Rishi Kapoor in Rafoo Chakkar

Rishi witnesses a murder and is chased by the killers. To escape from them, he disguises himself as a young girl. He was as fashionable as Neetu Singh, in his mini skirts, leggings, and artiﬁcial cleavage.

parul.khanna@hindustantimes.com

NOVEMBER 3, 2013

T R AV E L

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TO MARKET, TO MARKET

The bazaar on Portobello Road (left) is 150 years old and is a treasure trove of antique and fashion finds; drop into stalls selling photo frames and old clocks

Portobello Road, Desi Style! What to buy, how to bargain… and how to score big at this 150-year bazaar by Amisha Chowbey

NCE UPON a time, there was a lazy tourist who’d visit London year after year, but never set foot in Portobello Market. It required of her all the things she hated: an early start, a belly packed with a large English breakfast and a bladder of steel. But one Saturday, she just upped and did. And lo, it was a sight to behold! The market on Portobello Road is a 150year-old institution and Europe’s largest flea market. On offer is just about everything: kitsch, antiques, fashion, souvenirs, décor and handcrafted design, plus street artists and musicians. Many traders run businesses that are three and four generations old. They’re are always willing to open up and chat.

START EARLY

First-movers get the best deals; late risers get crowds and crabby

traders. Reach between 10am and 10.30am so there’s scope for a cup of coffee before you start. The market begins to wrap up by 4pm. It gets fairly packed, but the crowds are far from rowdy.

KNOW WHERE TO GO

Portobello Market essentially runs between the Ladbroke Grove and Notting Hill tube stations, making the tube the most convenient way to get there. Those aiming to head for the clothing sections should get off at Ladbroke Grove while the new goods and antiques section are better off alighting at Notting Hill.

HOW TO BARGAIN

Portobello’s star attraction is its selection of well-kept antiques

At Ladbroke Grove, under the Westway flyover, is the treasure trove of younger designers and secondhand steals. This is where you can try (and most likely succeed) at bargaining. But do it with finesse. This isn’t Linking Road or Sarojini Nagar. It doesn’t help to walk away because no one is going

NOVEMBER 3, 2013

MAKE THE MOST OF IT If you’re only coming for antiques, take a taxi and get off at the crosssection of Westbourne Grove and Portobello Road. Exit the market at Elgin Crescent. If you don’t want to see antiques, head to the market on Friday. The antiques section is closed. Just across the Westway flyover is the Golborne Market which also has fashion items and better bargains. Stop at The Hummingbird Bakery, for their cupcakes. Also, Gail’s (in the antiques section) is known for its sandwiches and bread.

to call you back! Instead, strike up a conversation, ask the price and start swooning over how gorgeous it is. At the precise moment you have the trader’s attention, start low but not unreasonable, and rise up to a price that is agreeable to both. Add an elongated ‘please’, bat your lashes. If it still doesn’t work, you’re probably too much of a cheapskate for Britain. Catch the next flight home and get your precious kadipatta free with dhaniya from the local grocer instead.

SPOT AN ANTIQUE

Move quickly through the fashion section, unless something really catches your fancy. You’ll need to conserve your energy and brace yourself for Portobello Market’s star attraction: antiques! This section sprung up after the

Second World War, and was established by the ‘Rag and Bone’ men who collected unwanted household items and set up stalls here to sell them at low rates. It’s morphed into an abundant never-ending supply of bric-a-brac and second-hand stuff. A few stalls are a treat, like one exclusively for cameras, or the man selling clocks who has set up his stall every Saturday for decades and recounts tales of how “back in the day” they travelled about 1,000 km each week, looking for antiques. You can get Art Deco bookends for 150 quid and cuff links for about 25. Bargaining here is tougher, luck plays a bigger role in finding a steal; and if the item is authentically antique, expect to bargain longer and harder. Or head to a shop called Alice’s. If you’re lucky, they’ll put up an anythingfor-4-quid stall outside the shop the day you visit! For serious antique collectors, this has the potential to be paradise. For lesser mortals, it’s a treat for the eyes, at least! There are other shops selling new goods that make for better souvenirs than those Oxford Street “My aunt went to London and all I got was this lousy...” T-shirts. It costs more, but the gifts are more thoughtful, and there’s enough and more to trigger off a shopping spree. If you’ve succumbed to the charms of Portobello Road, you’re not the first and you certainly won’t be the last. brunchletters@hindustantimes.com