Hindustantimes Brunch 5th February 2012 by Hindustan Times

WEEKLY MAGAZINE, FEBRUARY 5, 2012 Free with your copy of Hindustan Times

Reality bites Feeling virtuous about your good-for-you diet? Watch out, it could be bad for your health

29, 2012 , JANUARY Times WEEKLY MAGAZINE copy of Hindustan Free with your

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T H I S

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INDULGE EAT

TOO MUCH IS TOO BAD

Serves You Right

So tell us. How many papayas do you eat every week? And how many bunches of palak? Health food junkies, here’s a warning. Overdose on the good things and they’ll bite back!

A great restaurant is one that treats every guest as a celebrity

CES 2012: The Beautiful and the Magnificent

Waterproof cellphones and more! Here’s bringing the best of the best!

True Lies

facebook.com/hindustantimesbrunch Parag Singla I like to read Brunch and its content are very useful and interesting like tomorrow's Article Life Without internet I like very much.

Sometimes lying is the lubricant that keeps our society ticking over nicely

PEOPLE

LISTEN

The Reluctant Lyricist

The Hipster Rapper

Amitabh Bhattacharya’s songs are topping the charts. He likes his success, except that he wanted to be a singer in the first place

Theophilus London is a genre-defying hip-hop artist to keep your eye on MARS AND VENUS

It’s (Very) Complicated

Namira Khan This week’s cover story was quite similar to our normal lives. It showcased what it meant to ‘communicate’ in ’80s/’90s. Our lives are getting virtually customized day by day and we are getting addicted to ‘socializing’.

Shreyas Talpade

The actor talks about his fear for toppling the No.1 actor and what would he do with a free spaceship

twitter.com/HTBrunch @anirbit Thanks Rajiv. Appreciate your column today. Keep it going please! @AbhinavTripathi It was a pleasure reading @PalashMehrotra’s experiments with #connection #overload in the latest issue of Brunch.

CHECK THAT GRAMMY!

E X C L U S IV E S L ID E S H O W

With the 54th Grammy awards just around the corner, you need to be up-to-date with the goings-on at the biggest awards of the international music industry. So get all your gossip, nomination news and who’s wearing what on the red carpet with us. Log on!

@surimanik Nice article in Brunch today on life with and without the internet. If given a choice would any day like to experience the latter.

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@iamlaksmi Nowadays people even hesitate to smile; U need a Big heart to laugh louder!Laughter is the best medicine! @Jyotijk2002 will shifted to Punjab dis weekend. will miss my brunch too much! Pls distribute it all over India!

‘YOUR FIGHT FOR LOVE’ CONTEST

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Calling All Tweeple

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BRUNCH ON THE WEB

EDITORIAL: Poonam Saxena (Editor), Kushalrani Gulab (Deputy Editor); Tavishi Paitandy Rastogi, Mignonne Dsouza, Veenu Singh, Parul Khanna Tewari, Pranav Dixit, Yashica Dutt, Amrah Ashraf

I THOROUGHLY enjoyed the cover story (The Great White Hope, January 22) which featured the views of different Bollywood directors on casting foreign actors and NRIs. I truly appreciate their efforts in making Bollywood more international. Art knows no boundaries and as long as you like the movie and the story, the actor will be in demand. So be it a fair-skinned firangi or an Indian, all that matters in the end is the appreciation for your work and not what you are and where you come from. It also depends on the director’s vision for a character and if that demands a foreign actor, I think that there is nothing wrong in casting them. — KHYATI SHAH, Mumbai BEYOND THE white ‘boldness’ and the fair skin, it is the Indian body, body language and mannerisms that seem to appeal to the Indian male audience. Indians with an Anglicised/Western sheen have always enjoyed massive mass appeal: Priyanka Chopra, Zeenat Aman, Nadira, et al. — NAVEEN SOOD , Panchkula CLARIFICATION

With regard to our cover story, The Occult Obsession, published on January 15, astrologer Pawan Mishra wants to clarify that his name is spelt with a ‘W’ and not ‘V’ and that his fee is donated to charity and the upkeep of his temple.

DESIGN: Ashutosh Sapru (National Editor Design), Swati Chakrabarti, Rakesh Kumar, Ashish Singh, Saket Misra, Suhas Kale, Shailendra Mirgal

HINDUSTAN TIMES WEEKLY MAGAZINE FEBRUARY 5, 2012

MY SUNDAY mornings begin with Brunch in hand! I’m extremely passionate about travelling and the travel stories in Brunch offer amazing insights and new, undiscovered places all the time! Your recent feature on Sikkim (In Full Bloom, January 22) was even more special to me since the North East happens to be my favourite place in India! I’ve visited it twice and have always wanted people to know what a beautiful place it is and how it is a very significant part of India. I’m sure many people were tempted to make a trip there after reading the article which described it so beautifully.

Shady business

PERSONAL AGENDA

Divya Nayak This week’s cover story: Hop On/ Hop Off is the ditto copy of our today’s life which is getting virtual day by day. Hats off to the writer Palash Krishna Mehrotra who brought it out so well.

in Is the world or your laptop your can you live the life without Internet? We tried a little experiment...

— HIRAL VASA, Mumbai

An extra-marital affair is heady and passionate. But the marriage thereafter could be a challenge

Ajay Bose We want more such advises from proffesional photographers as read in ‘How to be a shooting star’ HT Brunch please make such intractions a regular feature, keep it up.

online and offline

Pointing north east

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People

AMITABH’S HITLIST

THE RELUCTANT LYRICIST I

BHAAG DK BOSE, TERE SIVA, BEDARDI RAJA – All songs of Delhi Belly

Amitabh Bhattacharya’s songs are topping the charts. He likes his success, except that he wanted to be a singer in the first place by Parul Khanna Tewari

N HIS youth, Amitabh Bhattacharya dreamed of being a singer. So the Lucknow boy worked towards that ambition and did what anyone with creative dreams does – move to Mumbai, home of Hindi films. Today, Amitabh Bhattacharya is a lyricist. A very good one at that. He put into words (finally) the excruciating pain of a breakup with the cathartic Emosanal Atyachar in Dev.D. He made the Bengali Bose Babu famous in the peppy Bhaag DK Bose in Delhi Belly. And he wrote the anthem for all men pondering the futility of love in Ainvayi Ainvayi Lut Gaya from Band Baaja Baaraat. But whatever happened to his original ambition?

GOING BACK...

“Nowadays I do so much writing, I don’t have the time to practice my singing,” says Bhattacharya. “So sometimes I look back and wonder about my original dream.” It was not an impossible dream. Bhattacharya’s family discovered quite early that their son had a talent for singing, and soon he was singing in Lucknow schools and on local radio and television. After graduating from Lucknow University in 1999, he moved to Mumbai and, like all young, ambitious singers, began his music career by doing jingles and remixes. “I met Amit Trivedi (the composer Bhattacharya works with most often) through a mutual friend, Amartya. The two of them often pitched to do the music for TV series and so on. That meant they had to give presentations and they took me along as the dummy

singer,” says Bhattacharya. “But we couldn’t just go ‘da da da’ in the presentations. We needed words, a song. So Amit asked me to write some random lyrics. And I discovered I could put words to a tune.” This was a huge surprise for Bhattacharya who’d never been poetically inclined ever before. “I was always so reluctant when Amit asked me to write something,” he says. “I’d tell him: ‘tum mujhse singing kyun nahin karwate, bas likhwate rehte ho’. And this continued for a good five years.” In 2004, however, when Amit Trivedi and their mutual friend Amartya persuaded Bhattacharya to write the lyrics for an independent album they were composing, Bhattacharya realised that as a lyricist, he actually was rather good. But that didn’t stop him from singing – that was what he’d moved to Mumbai for. Then Anurag Kashyap and Dev.D came into his life.

GAMECHANGER

“Anurag loved the music samples Amit gave him when he pitched for the film, and obviously, Amit asked me to write. I agreed, but I was still complaining,” recalls Bhattacharya. “But as we worked on the film (in our spare time since we were involved in other projects), I started to enjoy it. And when Anurag offered us work on his film Aamir, we accepted.” Aamir and Dev.D released almost simultaneously, and the acclaim for Bhattacharya’s songs

almost knocked him off his feet. “Great work and offers followed and I was inked as a lyricist in the Bollywood directory.” A brand new career started even before the old career had taken off. “I had no training in writing, but that may be good because that means I belong to no particular school of writing,” says Bhattacharya. “Sahir Ludhianvi was a world-renowned poet and his poetry was reflected in his songs. Anand Bakshi’s stream of writing was conversational – logon ka kaam hai kehna, kuch to log kahenge – the ’70s and ’80s were his era. I don’t belong to any school of writing and I have no method. My writing is an instant reaction to the music. It just happens.” Despite a steady string of hits, Bhattacharya is not a familiar name, let alone face, to the great Indian public. Work-obsessed and media shy, he’s never bothered to market himself. “I do give interviews, but they have to be intelligent,” he says. Also, I don’t have

FAVOURITE GULZAR SONGS KAMINEY’S TITLE TRACK: Am a big fan of Gulzar’s work. So it is a little difficult to pick one song but I loved the lyrics of Kaminey’s title song; Kabhi zindagi se maanga, pinjre mein chaand la do, Kabhi laanten deke, kaha aasmaa pe tango. Most songs talk of how life is so bad or good. This one doesn’t blame life but says it is expectations that get people in trouble.

EK LAU ISS TARAH KYUN – Aamir

KAJRAARE: Simple lines like ‘Kajraare, Kajraare, Kajraare….. mere naina, judwa naina’ leave me baffled. It’s something that is so taken for granted. Everyone has a pair of eyes but it was Gulzar who made this simple fact into a hummable song.

PHOTO: PRASAD GORI

HINDUSTAN TIMES WEEKLY MAGAZINE FEBRUARY 5, 2012

AINVAYI AINVAYI LUT GAYA – Band Baaja Baaraat EMOSANAL ATYACHAR, NAYAN TARSE, SAALI KHUSHI – All songs of Dev.D ABHI MUJH MAIN KAHIN – Agneepath (2012) EK MAIN AUR EKK TU, AUNTYJI, AAHATEIN – All songs of Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu

such a great body of work.” That might change soon, because he has lots of films coming up. There’s one with Sanjay Leela Bhansali, a few songs in Agent Vinod, some lyrics for Dharma Productions’s untitled film, Rajkumar Gupta’s next, Vikram Motwane’s Lootera, and Marathi filmmaker Sachin Kundekar’s first Hindi film. Despite the lack of time, he also sings for films – sometimes. “I like both singing and writing now,” Bhattacharya grins. “Bollywood has realised that a person can have many talents.” parul.khanna@hindustantimes.com

TOO MUCH IS TOO BAD So tell us. How many papayas do you eat every week? And how many bunches of palak? Health food junkies, here’s a warning. Overdose on the good things and they’ll bite back by Kavita Devgan 8

HAT HAPPENS when Mr Z decides that fruit is the healthiest food on earth and chooses to eat fruit all the time? Or when Ms Z believes that proteins were created just to keep her thin and banishes all other food groups from her diet? “This is when good food turns bad,” says Dr Rommel Tickoo, consultant, internal medicine, Max Hospital, Delhi. “When we have too much of even a good thing, it ceases to be good, and can in fact cause harm.” In this age of health obsession, we’ve been

conditioned to think about foods as good or bad. If X is good and Y is bad, we reason, then for good health we should eat X and ditch Y. And once we’ve divided foods into good and bad, we begin to think that if a little of something is good for us, then a lot of it must be great. But that is a false argument, says Dr Tickoo. “Amounts matter,” he says. “Even when it comes to foods that are universally accepted as super good. Too much of anything is bad.” Here’s a checklist of good foods that become bad when you eat too much of them, so you can keep an informed eye on what you’re eating.

HINDUSTAN TIMES WEEKLY MAGAZINE FEBRUARY 5, 2012

FIBRE

There is absolutely no doubt that fruits and vegetables are rich in vitamins, minerals and all things good, and that they also contain fibre, which prevents constipation and other gastric problems. But too much fibre (for instance, when you eat platefuls of raw green leafy vegetables or salads like radishes day in and out) can mess things up – big time. Excess fibre often causes bloating, abdominal cramps and gas right away. In the long term, it can interfere with the absorption of minerals like iron, zinc, calcium, magnesium and phosphorus, causing some serious deficiencies. “Plus, each individual food you overdose on has its own set of problems,” says Dr Manjinder Sandhu, head of cardiology at Artemis Health Institute, Gurgaon. “For example, eating large amounts of carrots or papaya will not necessarily result in greater benefits for you. Though the body converts the betacarotene into vitamin A, it absorbs only the amount it needs, leaving the rest to stay in the system. Over time, this turns the palms of your hands and soles of your feet a yellow or yellowish-orange, a condition called carotenemia.” Carotenemia can also occur when you drink too much carrot juice or over-eat other foods high in beta-carotene, such as sweet potatoes, squash, spinach and broccoli. The PHOTOS: THINKSTOCK, MCT IMAGING: SWATI

condition, fortunately, is harmless and can be sorted out simply by staying away from vitamin A-rich foods for a while. “Papaya also has a digestive enzyme called papain which has beneficial effects in moderation, but overconsumption can cause stomach discomfort, coughs, colds and wheezing,” says Dr Arpit Jain, senior consultant, department of internal medicine, Artemis Health Institute. “Papaya, orange and kiwi are rich sources of vitamin C, very high consumption of which can cause headaches, vomiting, bladder irritation and occasionally, kidney stones too.” Finally, too many apples may cause gas, bloating and diarrhoea because of high fibre and sorbitol, and oranges and tomatoes can cause stomach irritation due to their high acidic content, Dr Jain adds. WHO’S AT RISK? Vegans or vegetarians, raw food enthusiasts, and those who eat excessive amounts of fruit while taking fibre supplements. HEALTHY LIMIT: We need about 25 to 35g of fibre daily, or about five cups of fruits and/or vegetables a day. Try to vary the fruit and veggies every day.

PROTEIN

The body needs protein to repair and build muscle, but eating excessive amounts won’t do the job better. In fact, in a diet where the protein intake goes beyond 30 per cent of the daily caloric intake, a build up of toxic ketones in the body may occur, causing the kidneys to go into overdrive in an attempt to flush them out. This may lead to a significant loss of water and calcium from the body, causing dehydration and bone loss. Symptoms include a feeling of weakness and dizziness, dry skin, loss of hair, low appetite, nausea and bad breath. In the long term, this may strain the kidneys, stretch out the liver and put stress on your heart too. “Weightloss efforts go bust too, as excess protein is converted into fat,” says Dr Tickoo. “Another problem is that while making protein into carbs or fat, the body converts the protein’s nitrogen into urea or uric acid. In large amounts, this can mess up your kidneys, lead to gout (a condition that causes your joints to become inflamed, tender and painful to move) and cause gallstones and kidney stones.” Be super careful with protein shakes and bars. The body can process only about four to five grams of protein per hour, so the 50 grams you got from that protein bar or shake will take about 10 hours to digest and absorb. Also, when you replace your meals with protein shakes, you run the risk of missing the vitamins and nutrients you get from real food.

Red meat is hard on the digestive system because it can take up to 16 hours to digest, a situation that can create a breeding ground for viruses and bacteria too. In the long run, too much protein may increase the risk of getting haemorrhoids, polyps and colon cancer. WHO’S AT RISK? Strict ‘only non vegetarians’, those who follow highprotein weightloss fad diets repeatedly, and those who try to build muscles in a hurry by resorting to unregulated use of protein shakes, meals and bars. HEALTHY LIMIT: Most people need about 50 to 70g of protein a day. Here are some measures: approximately 200g of chicken or fish or 150g of mutton provides 40g of protein, 1 egg provides 5g of protein and 250–500ml of milk provides 9 to 18g of protein. More than this means you’re in excess for the day.

WATER

Water is without doubt the most essential dietary ingredient. But too much water can increase the total blood volume and place an unnecessary burden on the heart and blood vessels. It can also lead to a fortunately rare but potentially fatal condition called hyponatraemia, in which the body’s salt levels drop and the brain swells. Symptoms of water intoxication include headaches, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, frequent urination and mental disorientation. WHO’S AT RISK? Marathon runners and athletes have problems when they drink a lot of water quickly or drink water without sufficient electrolytes. People following fad diets are at risk. People with impaired kidney functions should be careful too. HEALTHY LIMIT: We are unlikely to suffer from water intox-

“PAPAYA IS BENEFICIAL IN MODERATION, BUT OVERCONSUMPTION CAN CAUSE STOMACH DISCOMFORT”

GO EASY ON THESE TOO SUPPLEMENTS

EXERCISE

Marketing executive Neeraj was popping 15 pills in the morning and 13 pills in the evening (vitamins and other supplements) because he thought this would guarantee good health. Soon he had cardiac issues, diabetes and hyperuricaemia. “You can overdose even on vitamins if you take them long enough and in high doses. Vitamins A, D, E and K, when stored in the body in greater-thanneeded amounts, can reach toxic levels,” says Dr Rommel Tickoo, consultant, internal medicine, Max Hospital, Delhi. “If you’re eating well and not suffering from any ailment, you don’t require multivitamins. Take them only if they have been prescribed.”

THE HEALTH FOOD DISORDER

Journalist Ramaya had a densitometry test after a major fracture and found she was osteoporotic. At age 24! Even her doctor was shocked. Why did this happen? Because the exercise hours she was diligently putting in were eroding her bone mass. Symptoms of over exercising are usually fatigue, weightloss, trouble sleeping, decreased bone density, absent or infrequent menstruation, dehydration, bingeing, injury, and pain after exercise. “Thirty to sixty minutes of exercise five times a week is considered optimum,” says Nisha Verma, Reebok Master Trainer (North India).

HINDUSTAN TIMES WEEKLY MAGAZINE FEBRUARY 5, 2012

Orthorexia Nervosa is the term used for an obsessive addiction to health food. People with the disorder are obsessed with eating to improve their health. This behaviour is similar to that of people with anorexia or bulimia, except that anorexics and bulimics are obsessed by food quantity whereas orthorexics are obsessed by food quality. Studies show the disorder is slightly more prevalent in women than men, becomes more severe after age 30, and is more likely to appear in upper-class people with higher education. Patients need to work with a dietician to include a larger variety of foods in their menus, and talk to a psychologist if necessary.

ication even if we drink a lot of water, as long as we drink it over time rather than downing an enormous volume at one time. As a general guideline, most adults need approximately 810 glasses every day. But it’s best to let thirst be your guide. If it’s a hot day, drink a little more, but don’t force down gallons of water because you think you must. “Drink enough water so that your urine is colourless or light yellow,” suggests Dr Tickoo. While exercising, balance what you’re drinking with what you’re losing in sweat – and that includes sports drinks.

TEA

Tea keeps our hearts healthy, it’s soothing and stress relieving. But it’s addictive. So there is a possibility that four cups a day will become 10. Radio jockey Radhika Sharma, 36, found that out when she counted the number of cups of tea she drank one day and found it totalled 17. Tea contains around 40mg caffeine per cup. “Caffeine is thought to inhibit the absorption of iron and some vitamins and is also linked to headaches, jitteriness, digestive disruption, irritability, confusion, headaches, tremors, irregular heartbeats and insomnia,” says Dr Tickoo. “People who are sensitive to caffeine may also suffer from acidity as it leads to production of hydrochloric acid in the stomach.”

The tea in teabags is more finely cut and releases caffeine more quickly. And the longer you brew the tea, the more caffeine will be extracted. Drink too much tea and you could also take too much fluoride into your system and develop a state of fluorosis, which can cause a bone disease called osteosclerosis (brittle poor quality bones). WHO’S AT RISK? Those who are predisposed to heartburn and stomach ulcers. Diabetics and people with high blood pressure need to be careful too. In any case, addiction is bad for anyone. HEALTHY LIMIT: If you drink more than five cups a day, consider decaffeinated tea. Look at the size of your cup too. Two cups of tea a day from the neighbourhood café is more like six cups a day.

FISH

Though fish contains healthy omega-3 fatty acids that help fight heart disease, and maybe even Alzheimer’s, it also contains heavy metal toxins such as mercury (found especially in tuna, swordfish and shark). When eaten regularly, these can remain in your system and can lead to serious health and cognitive problems, including heart disease and reduced memory and concentration. “Be careful with fish oil supplements too,” warns Dr Sandhu. “High doses might reduce the immune system’s activity which would reduce the body’s ability to fight infection. They could also lead to an increase in the body’s LDL (bad) cholesterol.” WHO’S AT RISK? Pregnant women and very young children are especially susceptible to mercury, but everyone needs to watch their intake. Those taking blood pressure medications need to be careful of fish oil supplements as they may cause the blood pressure to drop too sharply. HEALTHY LIMIT: Choose cold-water fish known to contain less mercury, such as shrimp, salmon, catfish, carp, trout, squid, canned light tuna, herring and sardines, or stick to farm bred fish. Have about 20-25g per day or limit yourself to two meals of fish a week. “Fish oil supplements are safe between 3 and 5g a day,” says Dr Jain.

SOYA

The Japanese eat soya and stay healthy and live longer. It is high in protein and has zero cholesterol. So what could be wrong with that? That’s true, but what is also true is that most Japanese eat only about 8 to 10g of soy protein a

day, and even soya causes problems when eaten in excess. “If overeaten, it may promote cancer, dementia, reproductive abnormalities, osteoporosis and thyroid disorders,” says Dr Jain. “Increased consumption could also increase a woman’s total estrogen level, which is a risk factor for breast cancer.” For men, excessive soya can raise the risk of infertility, physical changes and hormonal havoc. That’s what happened to 36-yearold Gurgaon-based engineer Ramanujan Murthy. He switched to soy milk when he turned lactose intolerant and drank lots of it because he loved the taste. A few years later, he had emotional issues and his body was going through physical changes – all tracked to excess estrogen in his body, due to his excessive consumption of soya. WHO’S AT RISK? Everyone needs to be careful, particularly infants (so don’t wean them on soya formulas). HEALTHY LIMIT: “About two servings (about 25-30g) per day of soya foods is safe,” says Dr Sandhu. And eat more fermented soya products such as tempeh, soya sauce and miso soups, than non-fermented products like soy milk, tofu and so on. This is because these are high in phytic acid which causes most of the problems. Avoid soy supplements, energy bars and powders. — The author is a Delhi-based nutritionist and writer brunchletters@hindustantimes.com

FOR MEN, EXCESSIVE SOYA CAN RAISE THE RISK OF INFERTILITY, PHYSICAL CHANGES AND HORMONAL HAVOC

WHY DO WE GET SUCKED IN? There is just too much information floating about on food. Eat this, don’t eat that... You hear this all the time and read it everywhere. You even have Sakshi Tanwar, TV’s favourite bahu, telling everyone in the serial Bade Achhe Lagte Hain how healthy almonds are and how she cannot stop once she begins to eat them. And there are too many movie stars vouching for protein shakes to mention here. This avalanche of information (much of it from dubious sources) makes us believe that we know enough on the subject to know what to eat.

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But really, it isn’t as simple as that. As a nutritionist, when I ask my clients why they stick only to foods that they consider ‘good’, I’m told, “I feel safe with this.” And because they feel safe with these, they decide to eat only those foods – forgetting completely the need for moderation and the fact that good health is based on a varied diet. Unfortunately this is not how it works! Foods are not ‘good’ and ‘bad’. That’s a much too simplistic way to describe how foods work. Some seemingly bad foods – for in-

stance, fats – are essential for the proper functioning of the body, albeit in small amounts. And some super healthy foods – such as turnips – can be lethal if eaten too much as they contain psoralens, which are potent carcinogens. Even water in excess can be damaging – and the same goes for broccoli! There’s an old saying: you can’t get too much of a good thing. Reality begs to differ. In trying to eat the healthiest food, we sometimes go too far. And make no mistake: gormandising good eats is gluttony – and it’s damaging!

HINDUSTAN TIMES WEEKLY MAGAZINE FEBRUARY 5, 2012

SO WHAT’S THE SOLUTION?

It’s important not to choke on ‘facts’ because these are facts only till the next study rubbishes them. Remember what happened to fats: first there was a blanket ban on them and now some (like omega-3) are supposedly ‘essential’. So don’t blindly follow all food alerts. Stay in the know, but eat by instinct. Also, nothing is completely bad. Foods are only bad when eaten in excess. Quantity really matters. As I tell my clients, there is only one sacred rule for diets – eat in moderation and you’ll never go wrong. This way whatever research reveals or buries, you’ll be in the pink of health!

Serves

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rude food

Vir Sanghvi

You Right

| play | live | listen

Most big city restaurants don’t realise that a great restaurant is not one that treats celebrities better. It is one that treats every guest as a celebrity

PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES

indulge eat

READ IT WELL If the lighting levels are too low to be able to read the menu, then leave and go and eat elsewhere PLAYING HOST In the West, the greeter is the person who meets guests at the door and leads them to their table

T WAS a conversation with the chef Vikas Khanna (whose Junoon restaurant in New York has a Michelin star but who is probably better known in India as the star of Masterchef) that got me thinking. Vikas wanted to know why Indian restaurants do not bother with greeters. He told me about experiences he’d had at various Bombay restaurants. He would wander in looking for a table and then hang around waiting for someone to notice him. He was not the only one, he said. He had discovered, while he was waiting, that other guests were receiving the same indifferent treatment. Vikas’s bewilderment was based on his experiences in New York. In the West, the restaurant hierarchy goes something like this: chef, manager, and then, jointly in third place, the sommelier and the greeter. The greeter is the person who meets guests at the door, receives them warmly, leads them to their table, asks them if they will have something to drink and then, hands the table over to the serving

staff. Because the experience begins the moment you enter the restaurant – and not when you’re seated at your table – the greeter can make or break the evening for you. Hotels have worked out that the quality of the welcome usually determines whether or not resident guests will like their stay. So, enormous effort goes into ensuring that all guests are greeted warmly – by airport reps, doormen, reception staff, etc. It should be the same with restaurants. And that, in fact, is the attitude in the West. In India, however, even hotels who understand how resident guests should be welcomed fail to extend this principle to their restaurants. Vikas’s bad experiences related to well-known Bombay hotels and others have similar stories to tell. In my experience, however, the hotels are not the main problem. By and large, they get it right. It is the stand-alone restaurant sector that is the problem. At most stand-alone restaurants – certainly the new ones, anyway – the job of greeter is given to a girl from the North-East. Usually, the young lady in question has never worked in a restaurant before and has very little to do with the waiting staff. She

THE GOLDEN RULE

OF RESTAURANTS IS THAT THE RICH CAN’T PAY MORE THAN THE REST OF US BECAUSE THE PRICES ARE FIXED

HINDUSTAN TIMES WEEKLY MAGAZINE FEBRUARY 5, 2012

indulge PHOTOS: THINKSTOCK

what they’ll put into it because they know that you won’t be able to see it. SERVING BASICS There’s a book written by a waitress at Thomas Keller’s Per Se restaurant in New York. She explains how the waiting staff were trained for months before the restaurant opened so that not only did they understand every dish on the menu but that they respected ‘the bubble’. ‘The bubble’ is the space that surrounds each guest at the restaurant. The task of the waiter is to provide excellent service without ever entering the ‘bubble’ or invading the guest’s personal space. Diners want to feel pampered not violated; loved rather than raped. I don’t expect stand-alone restaurants to have the kind of money Keller spent on training his staff. But it’s important to explain the nature of personal space to waiters. All too often servers will lean close to guests, reach around them to clear plates or put their hands KEEP YOUR DISTANCE next to their faces while putting down the food. Others will hang The ‘bubble’ is the space that surrounds each guest at a restaurant. The task around the table, destroying the intimacy of the dining experience. of the waiter is to provide excellent service without entering the ‘bubble’ Sometimes, they will forget the basics. Any waiter who does not write down a meal order should be sacked. It doesn’t cost much to is given no training at all, is not taught how to recognise guests or give your staff pads and pencils and if they still don’t use them, then how to choose which table to take them to. Frequently, she is paid they should consider alternative careers. I’ve lost count of the numan extremely low salary and unlike the waiting staff cannot hope to ber of times waiters have forgotten dishes, have got the order wrong supplement her income with tips. Naturally, she treats the job as a or miscommunicated the guest’s preferences to the kitchen. stop-gap and spends her time looking for alternative employment TABLES Remember that most Western restaurants are designed with better prospects. for plated service. They are not designed for Indian or Chinese servIn the West, greeters are highly paid and restaurants try and steal ice, where serving bowls also have to be accommodated on the table. the best greeters from other places. When a new restaurant opens, All too often, Indian interior designers simply copy the look of Western it will be at a considerable advantage if its greeter has come from a restaurants without worrying about practicality. successful or well-known establishment. The greeter will know how This is why, when you go to so many Chinese or Indian restauto handle guests, how to welcome them warmly, and how to select rants, you discover that there is no room for the serving bowls on an appropriate table for them. the table. So, waiters will insist on serving you and will try and fill Indian restaurants don’t seem to have worked this out. Partly, this your plates at one shot so that they don’t have to come back. Or – is because there has been such an explosion of stand-alone estaband this is even more irritating – they will put your serving bowls at lishments that nobody has had the time to work out the rules and a nearby counter. So each time you feel like some dal or more fried the techniques required for successful restauranting. rice, you will first have to catch the eye of a waiter and then entreat My conversation with Vikas made me think of the other global him to bring the bowl to your table. Often you will forget what is still restaurant rules of which our new breed of dining entrepreneurs left in the serving bowl and will leave the restaurant with lots of the seem blissfully unaware. food you ordered – and paid for – left uneaten. Here are some of the lapses that I have noticed over the last year: A corollary of this phenomenon is the reluctance of restaurants LIGHTING is key to the success of a restaurant. Very bright lightto give guests larger tables. It is a rule of thumb that if two of you go ing is associated in the restaurant business with canteens and fastinto an empty Chinese restaurant, they will still give you a table for food places. Very low lighting is the hallmark of sleazy bars and dives. two and not one for four even though the larger table will remain The trick is to find something in between that suits the ambience a unoccupied the entire evening. restaurant is trying to create. Why do restaurants do this? Search me. I have no clue. Most hotel restaurants will now hire a lighting designer to plan SNOBBERY Restaurant menus are great equalisers. The man at the level of lighting and many will have three different light settings the table next to mine may be a billionaire. But for different times of day. Serious hoteliers are he is paying exactly as much for his steak as I obsessed with lights. I was once at Ziya, the am. The golden rule of restaurants is that the Indian restaurant at the Bombay Oberoi at Biki rich can’t pay more than the rest of us because Oberoi’s table. He paid less attention to the food prices are fixed. (Which is why foolish, vulgar than the lights, making the manager change rich people order expensive champagne or the levels again and again till he thought the whatever to draw attention to their wealth – balance was right. the food does not really given them that opporStand-alones can’t always afford lighting tunity.) designers so it is understandable that they don’t Of course, there are hierarchies. Not all of necessarily get it right. What is unforgivable is us can afford expensive restaurants. But once that too many of them don’t even bother to we are in such a restaurant, we are equal to experiment with lighting levels. every other guest at every other table. Any One simple test of a restaurant’s lighting is restaurant that does not recognise this and this: does the lady dining with you look better treats one table like dirt while lavishing attenor worse than normal? If she looks worse, then tion on the vulgar rich is a restaurant that is the lighting is a flop. If she looks radiant, then not worth going back to. your dining experience will probably be superb One of the saddest aspects of the big city because the restaurant has been planned by restaurant boom is that newer restaurants have someone who understands the business. not recognised this. They still don’t realise that There is a second, more basic, test. Can you a great restaurant is not one that treats celebriread the menu? If you can’t then does the restauties better. It is one that treats every guest as rant offer torches or little reading lights? If it a celebrity. We go to restaurants to feel good doesn’t, and if the lighting levels are too low to TWO MUCH about ourselves. And any restaurant that makes be able to read, then leave and go and eat elseIf two of you go into a Chinese restaurant, they us feel bad is run by somebody who has no right where. They probably don’t want you to be able will give you a table for two even though larger to look at your plate either. And God knows tables will remain unoccupied the entire evening to be in this business.

HINDUSTAN TIMES WEEKLY MAGAZINE

FEBRUARY 5, 2012

ANY WAITER

WHO DOES NOT WRITE DOWN A MEAL ORDER SHOULD BE SACKED

SPOTLIGHT At Ziya in Bombay (above), Biki Oberoi made the manager change the light levels again and again till he thought the balance was right

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CES 2012 The Beautiful And techilicious

Rajiv Makhni

The Magnificent

Waterproof cellphones, Android apps on Windows 8 and a phone with massive battery life: here’s the best of the best

ES, I know. This was supposed to be all about the best and the worst of the Consumer Electronics Show this year. It’s not! One, there were very few clunkers this year and two, all I’ve got is two measly pages to bring you the biggest consumer electronics show in the world. Forget all the bad stuff, forget the worst – it’s time to roll out the beautiful, the magnificent and the awesome: the best of CES 2012.

SAMSUNG ULTRABOOK 9

Talk about building a stunning product and also stunningly confusing people. This is the 9 series Ultrabook from Samsung, which is what it was called last year too. Why pour in state-of-the-art changes and upgrade something so significantly and still call it the same? This year’s model is thinner, lighter and more powerful. If an Ultrabook could be called an anorexic demigod, then this is it.

If you’re the chatty type, then this could well be the only gadget you need to read about on these pages. This is the Razr that has some serious battery power – 3300 mAh of it. It can give you 21 hours of talktime – that’s straight talktime, not standby. It’s still Razrthin and it’s still super good-looking. This is talking your brains out to the Maxx.

MOTOACTV

Strap it on and it gives you multiple gadgets in one. It can talk to your phone, show your messages, give you notifications and tell you the time too – but it’s the fitness part that is really stunning. It tracks your life and movement down to the point where it’ll literally tell you to move that fat a*s off the chair and onto the running track. Powerful uploads to a dedicated website to seal the deal.

LENOVO S2 TAB

At one time this company was only know for making serious, fairly drab looking laptops. Today, it seems to be churning out the most exciting looking and high performing devices one after the other. The Lenovo IdeaPad S2 is a 10.1-inch tablet with a 1280×800 IPS screen display and a snap-out laptop-to-Tablet latch system plus about 22 hours of battery life. It weighs just 580 gm. Yes, Lenovo is really doing some good things in their labs.

SAMSUNG TUBE AMP DOCKS

BELKIN STREAMCAST

The dream gadget is finally a reality and the tangled cable nightmare is finally over. No more cables, dust-gathering wires and HDMI to connect all your peripherals to your TV. A gaming console, a 3D BluRay player, your HD DTH player... just connect them to the StreamCast and even if it’s 100 feet away, it will transmit it all to your TV with zero loss of quality. Even 5.1 surround sound, thus, can be used for a full audiophile setup with no source wires. Perfection.

LG 55 OLED TV

OLED is our future. Low power, high-contrast, razor-thin, stunning images – and now it’s got a model number and a release date – just not a price point yet. LG’s 3D 55-inch OLED TV, out in September, will stun your eyes (and your bank balance).

SAMSUNG 55 OLED TV

And right next to the LG and looking as stunning was the Samsung OLED. It’s pure love and lust and absolute wizardry for the eyes. The only question is, who will be the first to take these stunners out for us to buy.

MOTOROLA RAZR MAXX

Talk about a great idea. Build some of the best looking docks and add one feature to them that makes them stand out from the rest. Samsung just did just that. They built in tube amps into a whole line up of docks. Tube Amps, which existed only in the field of pure audiophile equipment, can now be giving off a warm and fulfilling sound from your Galaxy S2 phone.

SENNHEISER RS 220

The number of people waiting in line to try this one at CES was almost ridiculous. This is where wired headphones are made to look very bad. With digital inputs, a bass that thumps right deep into your spine and clarity that blows anything with a cable out of the water – the wait for the RS 220 is over. This is pure audiophile wireless nirvana wrapped around your ears.

HUAWEI ASCEND P1 S

Here’s a company on fire that is churning out one world-beater after another. The Ascend P1 S is the world’s thinnest smartphone and it looks it. It’s 6.68 mm thick and beats the Moto Razr by a fair bit as that one is 7.1 mm. A 4.3-inch AMOLED screen, dual-core 1.5 GHz CPU, SGX 540 GPU, 8-megapixel camera and 1 GB of RAM. Now tell me you’re not salivating.

HINDUSTAN TIMES WEEKLY MAGAZINE FEBRUARY 5, 2012

indulge BANG AND OLUFSEN BEOLIT 12

SONY XPERIA S

They say that if you have to ask the price of a Bang and Olufsen product then you probably can’t afford it. This is isn’t one of those times. The Danish manufacturer has launched a new brand, B&O Play, which is for the young at heart and the light on the wallet. And one of the first out of the gate is the Beolit 12 at CES, a stunning portable Airplay speaker that delivers a serious amount of detailed sound.

ASUS MEMO

I don’t think Asus got the memo that said that you can’t make a super economical Tablet and also pack it with more power than the most expensive ones. This quad-core Android 4.0 tablet will cost just US$250 and still come with 1GB of RAM, 16GB of storage, an 8megapixel camera, HDMI output, and a 1280x800 resolution IPS screen. Go figure what this will do to the competition.

Out goes the Ericsson co-branding and in comes the best looking phone of CES. Sony Xperia S features a 4.3-inch 720p HD display, a 12-megapixel camera and a clear bar at the bottom that is truly magical. It’s also super-thin and very light and feels perfect in the hand.

LG SMART SCAN

What can I say? This is one of those why-didn’t- anyone-elsethink-of-this-before kind of devices. And it makes a lot of sense. There it is, the mouse rolling around on your desktop, covering miles and miles of distance up and down. Why not build a scanner in it and make sure that it reduces the clutter around your desk. I love it.

LENOVO ICE CREAM SANDWICH TV

Here’s a TV that can make almost any laptop or Tablet get a serious inferiority complex. The K91 is the world’s first TV that comes with a Qualcomm 8060 Snapdragon 1.5 GHz processor. And that’s why it’s also the first ever TV that comes with Android 4.0 built right in. So what does that do? Lots actually. Smart TV features, video calling, browsing, social networking, all the apps, games and utilities plus voicecontrol technology.

HP SPECTRE

It’s glass and it’s beautiful and I don’t care how many people ask me about what happens if I drop it. Who cares. This is stunning and awesome all rolled into one. Scratch-resistant black glass on the top, only 1-inch thick, a 128 GB solid-state drive and nine hours of battery life. Now would you ever drop this piece of exquisiteness?

BLUESTACKS

While Microsoft is basking in the warm glow of its Windows 8 success at CES, it’s this app that is radiating even more fire. It will come pre-installed on select Windows 8 machines and will open an amazing world of joy to you. The entire Android marketplace will be right there on top of Win 8 for you to use and play. That’s more than 4,00,000 Android apps just to get you started.

RAZR PROJECT FIONA

Here’s another company that is truly killing it with one revolutionary product after another. This time it’s a serious tablet with controls built in. And it’s made to play proper, hardcore and state-of-the-art PC games, not your fiddly diddly tablet and phone games.

NOKIA LUMIA 900

HZO

HzO uses a WaterBlock technology that is based on a thin film nano-coating that provides a layer of protection around electronic circuity and blocks out moisture. So you can literally do what you like with your phone – go swimming, take it to the beach and flush it down your toilet. The amazing thing, even with the back cover open and the battery exposed, HZO made sure the phone works.

Yes, I know this is what the Lumia 800 should have been. Creating a sensation at CES, Nokia truly pulled out all the stops with the 900 with a 4.3-inch AMOLED screen and dual cameras. It’s big, it’s blue, it’s beautiful. Rajiv Makhni is managing editor, Technology, NDTV and the anchor of Gadget Guru, Cell Guru and Newsnet 3. Follow Rajiv on Twitter at twitter.com/RajivMakhni

HINDUSTAN TIMES WEEKLY MAGAZINE FEBRUARY 5, 2012

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True Lies

WEAR LOVE! The sweater your grandmother knitted for you may be in execrable taste, but if you don't want to break her heart you better wear it when you go to visit her

There are times when lying is the lubricant that keeps our society ticking over nicely

PHOTOS: THINKSTOCK

spectator

Seema Goswami

O, HOW many lies do you get through on an average day? Less than ten? More than 20? Around a 100? Well, if you’re hitting the three-figure mark, then it may be time to check in for some therapy. But if your individual score is less than 30, don’t worry: you come well within the normal range. Because, truth be told, it is impossible to get through the day without lying to someone or the other about something or the other. No matter what you do, whom you meet, you will always come up against situations in which truth-telling is both cruel and needlessly hurtful. There will always be some situations in which honesty is demonstratively not the best policy. And that’s when you will realise that lying is the lubricant that keeps our social contract in good working order. Never mind all those moral science lessons that were drummed into you in school. Never mind what your religious texts tell you about how lying is a Very Bad Thing. Never mind the scolding you got whenever you lied to your parents as a kid. Now that you’re a grown-up you have to assess when telling the truth works; and when it is simply out of the question. While each one of us will have to make our own individual assessments as we go along, I think we can agree that there are some areas where lying is always better than sticking to inconvenient truths. First up is children. Other people’s children, that is. No matter how close you are to the parents, it is never a good idea to tell them the truth about how you feel about their kids (unless, of course, you adore them – in which case, go right ahead). But otherwise, discretion is always the better part of frankness. Going to see a friend’s newborn baby? Remember to coo and sigh and say “How cute” and “How absolutely adorable” at appropriate intervals even if she/he resembles nothing more than a shrivelled-up prune which comes with its own surround sound. Having dinner with friends with young children? Smile encouragingly when they are coaxed out of their bedrooms to regale you with the rhymes and songs they have learned at

YOUR WIFE’S ALREADY

MADE UP HER MIND THAT YES, HER BUM LOOKS BIG IN THE SKINNY JEANS. BUT IT REALLY ISN’T FOR YOU TO SAY SO HINDUSTAN TIMES WEEKLY MAGAZINE

MUST DO! Going to see a friend's newborn baby? Remember to coo and sigh and say “How cute” at appropriate intervals

play school. Clap loudly when the ordeal ends even if you are bored to death. And nod along enthusiastically when the proud parents tell you how marvellously talented they are. Nobody wants to know what you really think. Nobody wants the truth. They just want someone to validate their pride in their children. So be a pet and play along. In fact, the only way to negotiate the social minefield is to spread a few lies around strategically so that can you step on them and avoid being blown up by a hidden landmine. You may well think that your cousin’s new home is a monstrosity, a landmark to bad taste and too much money. But what’s the point in saying that (unless you want to pay him back for the time he locked you into a toilet for an entire day)? Admire his new sound system, exclaim over the Italian furniture, go into ecstasies over the Jacuzzi in the bathroom. There, it wasn’t that difficult, was it? Your boss’s wife’s home-cooked dinner may be completely inedible but if you want a raise – and an invitation back next year – then act as if you’re enjoying every morsel. The sweater your grandmother knitted for you may be in execrable taste, but if you don’t want to break her heart you better wear it when you go to visit her (and tell her how much you love it while you’re at it). Your father-in-law may be driving you up the wall by regaling you with the same stories over and over again. But don’t tell him that if you want your wife to be speaking to you at the end of the day. A friend sends you his new novel and asks for your ‘honest’ opinion. Should you confess that you fell asleep over the first chapter? Of course not. He has an editor to tell him unpalatable truths. As his friend, you need to be supportive, even if that means offering up a few white lies at the altar of truth. Your wife is getting ready to go out with the girls on their weekly night out. She pulls on her skinny jeans, pulls a face and turns to you with that old chestnut: “Does my bum look big in this?” No, wait, what on earth are you doing? You are not supposed to actually look at the bum in question. That would imply that there was something to consider; a judgement to be made. No, trust me, you don’t want to go down that road. Just look at her straight in the eye and say: “No.” If it makes you feel any better, rest assured she’s not going to wear that pair of jeans anyway. The reason she asked is because she’s already made up her mind that yes, her bum looks big in that. But it really isn’t for you to say. Yes, sometimes people ask questions not because they want to know the truth. Sometimes they just ask them to find out if you care enough about them to lie. And sometimes a lie can tell the truth about a relationship much better than searing honesty. seema_ht@rediffmail.com. Follow Seema on Twitter at twitter.com/seemagoswami

FEBRUARY 5, 2012

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THE HIPSTER RAPPER PHOTO: JONATHAN MANNION

download central

Sanjoy Narayan

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A rapper who loves The Smiths and Joy Division? Theophilus London is a genre-defying hip-hop artist who you may want to keep an eye on

IN THE MIX Theophilus London takes soul, punk and R&B and fuses all of these into the mixes he composes

particularly Michael Jackson’s Jam and Stranger in Moscow, mixes them up with his own rhymes and produces something that can be anybody’s happy, upbeat playlist and a soundtrack for anything – a party, a commute, a workout… you name it. The best IP-HOP AND rap are not a natural choice of genres for part about it – it doesn’t sound like your average hip-hop or rap album. me when I’m looking for something to listen to. In fact, I Although London is classified by almost everyone as a rapper, he find much of hip-hop’s lyrics too full of violence, sexism is most unlike one. At least not like what a purist rap and hip-hop fan and needless vulgarity. And very, very few hip-hop or rap would define a rapper as. London takes soul and punk and R&B and artists – even those whom everybody seems to laud – appear to me fuses all of these into the mixes he composes and the result is a rich to be good writers, rhymers or lyricists. That doesn’t mean I don’t and entertaining hybrid of sound and lyrics. He also cultivates a hiplike some of what the genre offers. Among contemporary bands, I sterish image – wears skinny jeans and thick-framed, really liked Das Racist, the alternative hip hop band big spectacles. And, yes, he’s a huge fan of The Smiths from Brooklyn that features two MCs of Indian oriand Morrissey and Joy Division. For a rapper, that’s gin (I did gush about them in this column in the singular, no? past). I also loved the much older Gang Starr, a duo After JAM!, I heard This Charming Mix Tape, comprising the late MC Guru and DJ Premier (I which is another experimental take with samples gushed about them too when Guru died a couple of from old familiar songs, such as Bill Withers’ 1970s years back). hit, Ain’t No Sunshine, and a Kraftwerk song. And In fact, if you want to listen to just one hip hop London, in keeping with his aforementioned devoalbum, I’d recommend picking up Gang Starr’s Daily tion to The Smiths, named this second mixtape Operation, which they released in 1992, well before after the Morrissey song, This Charming Man. In hip-hop took a headlong dive into mediocrity, unnecan interview that I watched on the web recently, essary obscenity and crassness. The 19 tracks on Daily London talks about how he thinks Joy Division and FIRST IMPRESSION Operation have meaningful lyrics dealing with racism, Timez Are Weird These Days, The Smiths were among the best lyricists ever. disenchantment with the government as well as more released in 2011, is London’s There’s a lot of melody on all the tracks that make personal themes such as drugs and relationships. Of first full-length album up This Charming Mixtape, some electro-pop and course, there is a NSFW aspect to the lyrics – it’s heavy bass and rhymes that are clever and not vulgar. hip-hop, after all – but it’s an album that I often go back to because I began warming up to London and by the time I heard his first fullof its wit, irony and, sometimes, unalloyed anger. But I can’t say that length Timez Are Weird These Days (2011), I was a fan. Well, almost. about too many other hip-hop or rap groups, which usually leave me I still like Theophilus London’s mixtapes more – they’re experimental cold and uninterested. and draw on nostalgia – whether it is samples from popular numbers So, when I first read about Theophilus London, the 24-year-old or the disco beat inflected with R&B. They, the mixtapes, perhaps also Brooklynite who, according to the buzz, is becoming a sort of a raised the expectations that fans may have had of London’s first fullsensation in rap and hip-hop circles, I hesitated from rushing to length. And while you still get the experimental fusion of funk and soul listen to him. It would be yet another modern-day rapper, I thought and street rap, you can’t be blamed if you prefer to switch back to his to myself and, in any case, not being a big fan of the genre, I earlier mixtapes. But then London is just 24 and one thing’s for sure, procrastinated. I shouldn’t have. he has lots of promise. After his name began cropping up in blogs and articles frequentTo give feedback, stream or download the music mentioned in this column, ly, I decided to take the plunge and sample London’s work. I started go to http://blogs.hindustantimes.com/ download-central, follow argus48 on with JAM!, a four-year-old mixtape on which he adopts popular songs, Twitter or visit our website:www.hindustantimes.com/brunch PHOTO: REUTERS

HINDUSTAN TIMES WEEKLY MAGAZINE FEBRUARY 5, 2012

Mars and Venus

It’s (very) Complicated O

N THE face of it, it’s romantic. Married man or woman meets someone else, falls in love, has an affair in secret, comes to the conclusion that this person is his or her real true love, and decides to stay with her or him. But is passion enough to keep the couple together? “Marriage is a difficult proposition in any case,” says Delhi-based marriage counsellor Shrishti Garg. “And when it’s a marriage between people who fell in love with each other while they were married to other people, the scenario gets unimaginably complicated.” There are many reasons for falling in love outside a marriage. Some people may be in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship and so look for love elsewhere. Some people may have outgrown the relationship and are ripe for romance with someone else. And some people may simply have fallen out of love with their original partner. Whatever the reason, say experts, the person almost always carries a hangover of the previous marriage into the new one. An extra-marital affair, say experts, is always thrilling when compared to the monotony of married life. Until of course the couple in the extra-marital affair get married and then reality bites.

Myth - It’s not my fault Truth - Somewhere in the subconscious lies the deep seeded guilt of breaking up a home. While you keep telling yourself that you weren’t responsible for the heartbreak and justify your extra-marital affair by talking of the unreasonableness of love, it’s very difficult to get over the guilt of breaking up a home. “Especially if there was really no big reason for the extra-marital affair other than just falling out of love with your previous spouse,” says Hingorrany. Lecturer Smita Marwah could never really forgive herself for destroying her husband’s earlier family life. “It wasn’t very apparent but after I married my colleague who was already married when we met, life became very stressful,” she says. “Especially because his ex-wife took it very badly. Though I tried to normalise things, I couldn’t really be happy. It was as though she was always between us. So I had to move out and now I sleep in peace. He hasn’t gone back to his former wife but at least he feels less guilty.” A relationship, say experts, needs to be handled with care. So, all judgements aside, when a relationship starts on a sticky wicket in the first place, you need to be fully padded to be able to play the full innings.

SAME OLD, SAME OLD Myth- It is full of passion and it’ll be happy ever after Truth- Every marriage falls into a routine. So will this! Journalist Ruhaan and homemaker Shweta Awasthi’s marriage was the culmination of three years of relentless pursuit, passionate rendezvous, heartwrenching partings because she couldn’t divorce her husband and his parents wouldn’t hear of him dating a married woman. Finally, the two decided they couldn’t live without each other and broke off with everyone who disagreed with them. Against all odds, they got

married. And they were deliriously happy – for exactly two years. “The mad passion just faded,” says Shweta. “It was just so regular. Ruhaan stopped making those 50 calls from the office, saying he was desperate to come to me. I wasn’t that eager to please him every time. And everything we thought we understood about each other earlier became a point of argument. Love and even lust vanished. We couldn’t take the monotony anymore.” Shweta and Ruhaan divorced after five bitter years. They do not want to see each other again, ever.

THE BETRAYER BETRAYED Myth - He/she has always loved me. I am perfectly secure. Truth - He/she ditched their partner for me. Will I be the next to be ditched? Experts say that a marriage made after an extra-marital affair is always dogged by a deep sense of insecurity. “The insecurity stems from the fact that if the

PHOTO: THINKSTOCK

An extra-marital affair is heady and passionate. But the marriage thereafter could be a challenge by Tavishi Paitandy Rastogi

SHADOW OF GUILT

person could leave his or her spouse and maybe children for you, then there’s nothing to stop her or him from betraying you too,” says clinical psychologist Seema Hingorrany. These inner demons never die and the stress can often become too hard to handle, say experts. Interior designers Neha and Amar Mehrotra fell in love while working together. Both were married, but that didn’t stop them from getting together for life. But it didn’t take long for insecurities to crop up. “Neha is becoming psychotic,” declares Amar. “She wants to know my movements every 10 seconds. She keeps telling me that if I could cheat once, I can cheat again. The fact that she is in the same boat doesn’t occur to her and I can’t demean her. So I just keep quiet. But I don’t know how long I’ll be able to take it.”

Myth- Everything becomes normal after the wedding vows Truth- Family and friends may never be able to accept your extramarital affair and marriage. In situations where people have come together by breaking hearts as well as familial and society norms, they should be prepared to tough it out alone. “The two people involved are generally prepared for non-accept-

ance from parents and immediate family. But what often comes as a blow is the unforgiving attitude of friends,” says Shrishti Garg. “Most people build up support structures with friends. So when friends take the side of the jilted spouse and do not accept the new love, relationships can break. Often this creates bitterness between couples as well, because one tends to blame the other for the loss.”

HINDUSTAN TIMES WEEKLY MAGAZINE FEBRUARY 5, 2012

PHOTOS: GETTY IMAGES

LONELY PLANET

tavishi.rastogi@hindustantimes.com

Wellness

Blow off the blues Has depression got you down? Get right up! by Dr Shikha Sharma

EELING LOW is fast becoming a rising issue among people in cities today. Many people experience mild depression for months, sometimes years, but seem unable to do anything about it. These are the signs: ■ Lack of enthusiasm ■ A feeling that everything is dull and monotonous ■ You stop taking care of yourself ■ You’d rather be alone than with anyone else ■ You eat mindlessly and without enjoyment ■ You sleep excessively ■ You smoke and drink more than usual ■ Life seems to lack joy To cope, many people watch TV or surf the Internet endlessly and mindlessly. There are numerous reasons for feeling low, but the result is always the same – a feeling of listlessness and lack of joy. Men and women respond differently to this situation. Men become irritable and incline towards addictions to cope with boredom, anxiety and depression. Women withdraw into a shell.

SOLUTIONS FOR WOMEN ■ Phone

a friend who is a positive person, and listen to him or her with an open heart instead of doing the talking yourself. ■ Play your favourite music while you do your daily chores. ■ Write down seven things that you have and that you’re grateful for. Gratitude is a major mood lifter, unlike comparisons. Studies have shown that when people compare themselves to richer and more accomplished people, they make themselves feel small and unhappy. ■ Take up an activity that gives you happiness, such as singing, painting, dance or exercise classes or gardening. ■ Spend on small self-indulgences like a body massage – especially if you have never done this before. (Small actions like this often build up a feeling of being wanted and worthy.) ■ Go to a temple, satsang, church or any spiritual place, or join a class that teaches self-healing methods. You’ll meet positive like-minded people at those places and group therapy is much stronger than individual therapy ■ Light aroma incense sticks in the evening and put on soothing music. ■ Get a book if you enjoy reading. ■ Meet an old friend for lunch and laugh over old times. ■ Take up yoga or dance aerobics. These

activities are a sure-shot way to change yourself. ■ Get a healthy cooking recipe book and start changing your eating patterns. (Unhealthy foods lead to unhealthy emotions. A vitamin B12 deficiency is also a major nutritional reason for feeling low.) ■ Become a volunteer in any social organisation if you feel up to it. Women tend to be nurturing by nature and volunteer work synergises with that basic need to help others. Volunteer work also helps you increase your sense of self-worth, thanks to your belief that you are contributing to a worthy cause. Next week: Solutions for men.

ask@drshikha.com

PHOTO: THINKSTOCK

IF YOU’RE

FEELING LOW, TAKE UP AN ACTIVITY THAT GIVES YOU HAPPINESS, SUCH AS SINGING, PAINTING OR GARDENING

PERSONALAGENDA AGENDA PERSONAL

SHREYAS TALPADE Hometown

Sun sign

Birthday

School/ college

Occupation First break Actor

The movie Iqbal by Nagesh Kukunoor

High point of your life

Low point of your life

What are you doing currently?

Aquarius

SRWS High School, Mithibai College, Mumbai

Mumbai

January 27

Corner off third lane, Opening soon Lokhandwala, High opposite High Point restaurant Point

Which character from Sholay do you most resemble and why?

Sanjeev Kumar because right now I feel like scratching and don’t know what to do.

The last line of your autobiography would read… ...Sequel coming soon. Title: Autobiography Returns.

Your darkest fantasy?

Fantasising in the dark!

The one place where you would never get yourself tattooed?

The left eye. That is the eye that will be left after trying to get a tattoo on the other one.

One song that describes your current state of mind? Zindagi aa raha hoon mein. From Mashaal. I would turn gay for..

Why would I turn gay? Life is good being straight.

The most clichéd answer you’ve ever given in an interview? “Ya, it was like one big family.”

Your most irrational fear…

...What if I topple the number one star!

Answering

You wouldn’t be caught dead wearing… ...Three condoms. If you were an ice cream, what flavour would you be? Tender coconut.

If you were given a chance to remake the movie Kites, what would you do?

I will take the money and run. That was quite a budget.

Where did you spend last summer?

I don’t remember where I was sweating.

The stupidest thing you’ve ever heard?

A fan once asked me, ‘do you guys go home after shooting?’

If you could peep into anyone’s house, whose house would it be?

My own, when my wife throws me out after a fight.

How many pairs of blue jeans do you have? Many.

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever given your date? I landed up a day later.

The one lie you got away with? Just got away with it.

— Interviewed by Amrah Ashraf

THE MOST OVERRATED MOVIE/BOOK?

I FEEL IT IS THE MOVIE RA.ONE

IF A SPACESHIP LANDED IN YOUR BACKYARD, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

I WOULD JUST SELL IT

HINDUSTAN TIMES WEEKLY MAGAZINE FEBRUARY 5, 2012