RemarkS (Wise and Otherwise) RegardingHoarding-..

The men who fix rationing rules and prices to try and prevent inflation, and then see the price of unrationed and unpriced food go sailing into the sky, must feel like the committee that used to go uP from the audience to see that Harry Houdini was securely tied and locked in the iron-bound trunk. !F {.

And what are we going to do to stop the singing of that good old colored gospel hymn that says: All God's chillun got shoes?

How do you suppose the farmer feels who now gets fertilizer to raise more crops from the same fellow that used to send him checks for not planting them?

!t {3

During the first World War, President Woodrow Wilson's Fourteen Points had the whole world talking. Shucks ! We get SIXTEEN points a week, just for meat and sich like'

Anyway, it looks like the world is in one heck of a fix when Little Johnnie Jones has to have a ration card to get ammunition for his pea-shooter.

If a man tells you he is suffering from food-poisoning today, you naturally respond-"Why, you rich so-and-so !" IJnless, of course, he meant poisoned by too little food. **

Anway, no fair minded man can say this nation isn't making prog'ress. Three years ago it was proclaimed that our population was one-third ill fed' Now it's three-thirds. **

Statisticians say that fifty thousand small food merchants are going out of business before the food shortage ends. Sort of out-pointing them, don't you see? rl. *

And some wag has remarked that before the rationing thing is over millions of us will be more willowy than billowy. Not bad. * {.

A gambler is a man who spends his entire 48 points the first week of the month, and then sits back and waits for something to happen. Still and all, as they say, a lot of women rushed out and bought prunes at twenty precious'points a pound-and something happened. And did it make them mad ? Maybe the gambler is right'

A spendthrift is. a man who spends his whole 48 points for two cans of pineapple. Either that or the pineapples have got him. * *

, ett this criticis'in of the efficiency o'f our national planners is unfair. Getting the - best-fed 'nation on earth into the .fi1 1y6f1s::,fo", inrthe.tinae it took them to"get us there, is not efficiency-it's simPlY genius.

By.I. C. D.

And someone writes in that whenever you hear some guy griping about some vagary of the rationing program, and loudly declaring: "They can't do this to me"-you can be certain of two things: they've already done it to him, and there isn't a cussed thing on earth he can do about it.

And then there was the Scotchman who said he didn't really mind because gas rationing had forced him to lay up his car and ride to town on a bus; it gives him a chance to read the morning paper in peace; that is, if the guy he sits with will just hold it still. ,l*

If you've got enough red points, you can order meat. But if you order blue points, you still get oysters. **

And them thats in the know do say that horseburger on rye with plenty of horseradish, is going to be very popular before the summer season is over. **

And the waiter who takes your order for a T-Bone and then calls into the kitchen for a "porterhorse," may know exactly what he is talking about. rf {.

A lot of the old race horses who were always out of the money are now reported to be sorta ,cutting up for cash. And they say it is best not to blow the race-call on a tiugle when you get a steak on your plate nowadays; the steak may jump up and start for the barrier.

You don't suppose it J". ,i" ,u, lobby that brought about the rationing of rat-cheese, do you ? And what are the rattrap manufacturers going to do to overcome the handicap of scarce cheese? It may be true, as the philosopher is alleged to have said, that if you make the better rattrap the world will make its own way to your door to get it ; but what good is a rattrap without cheese ?

A man who rushed outlna Jougtt a bread knife when they stopped the slicing of bread-thereby contributing to the steel shortage-says he thinks the boys in a certain city on the Potomac are just making monkeys out of us so we can eat nuts when the other stuff runs out. In other words, he thinks it's just nuts to us. However, the two bucks he wasted on the knife may have prejudiced him.

And the papers ."y th.i "r.*or"rr. on foot in Washington to put Frankfurter, and all the little Frankfurters, on the hot grill; and not because of the meat shortage, either.

Which reminds us of the critical guest in the cafe, who, when the manager 5aid-r'ftsrn'ember, food will,, wirr the 11rs1"-lsplied with considerable acidity (not one of the rationed acids) ; "It sure would if we could get all the Axis to eat here."