Fun, Facts and Filosophy ,'

THE SCOTC)HMAN'S PRAYER

Bless a' the Macdonalds and a' the Macdonalds' childer; their sons an' their daughters for a thousand years yet to come.

B'e gracious an' send doon rnountains of snuff and rivers of whuskey,-the vera best of whuskey.

An' Oh Lord, send doon swords an' pistols an' daggers, as monie as the sands on the seashore, to kill a' the Grants, the S,tewarts, an' the Macphs156n5-d-n their souls forevermore !

An' Oh Lord, bless the wee coo an' make it a grand big coo; an' Oh [-ord, btress the wee suckling an' make it a grand boar.

An' Oh Lord. bless the wee bairn, yon Jockie an' Rosie an' Maggie, an' yon Florrie.

An' O,h Lord, build up a great wall between us an' the frish, an' put broken bottles on top so they canna come over.

An' Oh Lord, if ye hae anything to gie, dinna gie it ta the lrish, gie it ta your chosen people, the Scotch.

Amen.

(From an Old Scotchman's Journal)

Evasion

First Student: Do you still go to see widow you chu,mmed with last year?

Second Student: She's married now.

First Student: ANSWER ME!

that little college

(Sing to the tune "The Good Otd Summer Time." Words and special rendition by A. L. Porter.) In t'he good old su'mmer time ln tho good old summer time, Custom,ers will sta,nd you off, With some bluff sublime; You hold their notes, The bank holds vours. And that's a very good signWhy lumbermen go nutty In the good old summer time.

Latest Scotch

Query: How much whiskey can Anslver: Any GIVEN amount.

could fail

The Chief Aim Of Man

At Four: -Io wear Dants.

At Eight: To miss Sun<lay School.

At Twelve: To be Presirletrt.

At Fourteen: To wear long pants.

At Eighteen: To harte mouogranrmecl cigarettes.

At Twenty: To take a show girl to supper.

At Twenty-five: To l.rave the price of supper.

At Thirty-five: To eat sllpper.

At Forty-five: 'Ilo digest supper.

Reciprocity

The big colored cop looked at the big jug un<ler the little nigger's arm suspiciously.

"Little m,an,' said he, "whut you got in at jug-Co'n?

"Taint hav" replied the iittle nran belligerently.

Whereat the cop grabbed him by the collar ancl hauled him into a near-by door.

"B'ig Boy," cried the little one, "\\thah you haulin me,larl !"

"We11," saicl the big one. philosophically, "Taint chu'ch."

The Smile Value

Nobody ever added u1.r

The value of a snrile :

We know how much a <lollar's worth, And how much is a mile.

We know the distance to the sun

The size and weight of earth; But no one here can tell us just How much a smile is worth.

RIDDLE a Scotchman drink?

All That I Ask

do not ask, my Gocl, for mystic power To heal the sick and lame, the deaf and blind; ask Thee humbly for the gracious power Just to be kind.

do not pray to see the shining beauty Of highest knowledge most d,ivinely true; pray that, knowing well my duty, Tliis I mav do.

I do not ask that man, with flattering finger Should point me out u'ithin the crorvclecl lnart; But only that the thought of me may linger In one glad heart.

I would not rise upon the mtn belorv me Or pulling at the robes of men above; I would that friends, a few dear friends, may know me And knowing, love.

I do not pray for palaces of splendor Or far among the world's delights to roam; I pray that I may know the tender meaning, Of Home Sweet Hor.ne.

I do not ask that lleavens Golclen Treasure

Upon my little blunilering life be spent; But, Oh ! I ask thee for the perfect pleasure Of Calm content.

(By Amos R. Wells).