Campus December 2012 by Campus Magazine

DECEMBER, 2012

THE MOST IMPORTANT MONKEY IN THE REGION

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888 DECEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

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CONTENT’S

IN THIS ISSUE

Feature 8 Metal in Egypt: Fighting Intolerance and Ignorance 12 Egypt’s “Most Powerful” Monkey! 20 What if the Brotherhood Are the Good Guys? Underscore 24 Filth Filter: On... Filth Filter: Off 26 2012: Tying the Loose Ends! 28 El Nahda: Taking Us Back to the Dark Nineties 30 New Year’s Resolutions for Dummies Center Stage 34 Ahmad El Esseily: Talking with the Man Behind the Online Philosophy Show 36 Zanad: You’ve Probably Seen Their Work, You Just Don’t Know It’s Theirs! Opinionated 42 The Time is Now! 44 My Life in Grunge

2 DECEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

46 The Unforgettable Night Trip on Bus N13 48 Angry Birds: The Rant to End All Rants Bare Naked 50 7asheesh is Now Digital: Egyptian Entrepreneurship at its Finest Patterns 54 Trends 56 Made in Egypt Screens, Shelves & Speakers 58 Fifty Shades of Screwed Up The Green Passport 61 Sunrise Over the Himalayas Balls 64 The Do-It-Yourself Guide to Living Healthy

Chairman Shady Sherif

Editor-in-Chief Awad El-Ghannam

facebook.com/campusmagazine @campusmaglive

Managing Editor Wessam Sherif

Creative Director Leila Tapozada

Junior Editor

Youssef Saad Eldin

Business Development Ismaeel Khoudeir

Senior Media Executive Zeina El Alfy

Media Executive Ghada Zayed

Financial Manager Ehab A. Aziz

Chief Accountant

DECEMBER 2012

Sherif El Haggar

Accountant Ahmed Serag

Office Manager Sylvia Peter

Office Assistants Ibrahim Mansour Mohamed Eid

IT Manager Ahmed Saher

Production Executive Manager Sherif Mahmoud Mahmoud El Araby

Distribution Manager Shazly Eid

Distribution

Abdelhamed Fathy Ashraf Ramadan Gamal Moustafa Karim Ibrahim Ramy Afifi Ragab Fathy Aly Afifi Mahmoud Samir

IT’S EVERYTHING BUT PORN

Sr. Art Director Khaled Khidr

Art Director Ahmed Saad

Graphic Designer Bassem Raafat

Writers & Contributors Amy Quotb Hend Ghorab May Kamel Mohammed Adel Sallie Pisch Sara Adel Elkerdani Sherief Hassan Sherif Alaa Sherif Elmashad Summer Nazif Zeyad Salem

Cover Credits Ahmed Saad Bassem Rafaat

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Heliopolis

69, Adidas (El-Marghany), Africana Café, C&CO (Horreyya St- El Korba), Belino Café, Blueberry (Ard El Golf ), Beano's Café (British Council – El Korba – Airport – British University), Charleston Café, Cortigiano, Café Mo, Cairo International Airport, Coffee Roastery, Colors, Cat, Diwan Bookstore, Diadora, Desire, Every Man’s Bookstore, Farah Café , Flower Market, G Live, Genga Café, Gelateria Roma Café, Harris Café, Gallery Bel3araby (El Nozha St.), House Café , Hope Flowers, Hot Pink, In Flower, Hyper Original, Khodier, Rosso Cafe, IIPennello Ceramic Café, Kan Zaman Restaurant, Le Rince, Linea, La Cassetta Retaurants, Makani, McDonalds, Mobil Mart, Mori Sushi (Salah Salem), Milk, Musicana (El Korba), Munchies Café, No Name, Nuts @ Nuts, Occo, One 4 all, Polka Dolka, Pottery Café, Schatz Café, Smart Gym (Sheraton & Ard El Golf), Roma Café, Shell Mart, Salah Beauty Salon, STR8, Spicy, Style Gym, Tres Bon, Up 2 Date, Viking Cafe, World Gym, Waffle Point, Zein, L’Aubergine

Nasr City

Adidas(Genina mall), Aroma Lounge (City Stars), Beano's Café (City stars – Makram Ebeid – Abbas El Akkad), Beka, Calvin Klein Jeans (City Stars), Casper & Gambini's, C&Co (City Stars – Geneina Mall), Esprit (City Stars), Farah Café (Geneina Mall), Le Gourment Marche, Kenouz Restaurant, ISI (City Stars), Martino, McDonalds (Abbas el Akkad), Musica (Abbas el Akkad), My Day Cafe, Pascucci Café, Ravin, Spicy (City Center - Geneina Mall) ,Virgin Megastore

Mohandiseen

Adidas/Timberland (Lebanon Street, Gezeeret Al Arab Street), Beano's Café (Gameat El Dowal Street), Beau Jardin Café, Bershka (Gezeeret Al Arab Street), Café Mo, Cedars café , C& Co, Café Bean (Aswan Sq.), Cocolina (Syria Street), Ciccio Café, Cilantro, Mohamed El Sagheer, Cocolina, Dar Al Balsam Bookstore, Diwan, Eventya Flowers, Laguna Café, L`Aroma Café, Makani, Marsh Café, McDonalds, Mori Sushi, Multi Stores, Non Bookstore, Pasqua Café, Quick24, Renaissance Library, Safari Café, Samia Alouba, Silviana Heach, Solitaire Café, Shoe Room, Scoop Café, Second Cup, Spectra, Spicy, Sports Café, Tommy Hilfiger, Toy Story, Trianon Café, Tornado Café, Volume One, Zarina, Zee Lounge, P 75, Al Dar, Café De Fiori

Downtown & Mokattam

AUC Bookstore, Beano's Café, Beymen, Cilantro, Maktabet El Balad, McDonalds (Tahrir), Balady

Dokki

Ahl Cairo, Adidas, Beano's Café (British Council), Coffee Roastery, Dar Al Balsam Bookstore, Mr. Joe, Makani, Korista Café, Momento, La Boutique, Orange, Quick24, Retro, Spicy, Tabasco, Zein, Zarina

Zamalek

Al Akhbar Bookstore, Arabica, Beano's Café, Coffee Bean, Cilantro, Cocolina, Crave, Diwan Bookstore, Euro Deli, FDA, 69, Gardenia Flowers, Goal, Googan Bookstore, Kodak Express, L'Aubergine, Makani, Mezza Luna, Mobil Mart, Mohamed El Sagheer, Mori Sushi, Munchies, Orangette, Tabasco, Quick 24, Ravin’, Romancia Bookshop, Sequoia, WIF, Zamalek Bookshop, Van Gogh Bookshop, Zafir

Maadi

Adidas, Adam Bookstore, Arthur Murray, Bakier Stationary, Bander Café, Beanos, Beau Jardin, Books & Books, Beta Bookshop, Bookspot, Caj, Euro Deli, Cat, Condetti, Chilis, Coffee Roastery, Gengra Café, Greco, Costa Coffee, El Shader, Dunes Lounge, Ghazala Stationary, Green Mill, Gudy, Kotob Khan, Kiwi, Honest Bookshop , I Spot , La Gourmandise, Makani, McDonalds, Mediterraneo Restaurants, Reebok, Renaissance Library, Rigoletto, Samia Alouba, Second Cup, Shell Shop, Shoe Room, Spectra,The Bakery, Timberland, Volume One

October City

Beano's, Byblos Café (Dandy Mall), Café Mo, McDonalds, Mexicana Café, Mori Sushi (Dandy Mall), Second Cup, Shell Shop, Solitaire, Sans Soucis Café, Trianon

El Rehab & Fifth Settlment

Food Court (Le Reve Grand Café, Jounich Café, Gauchos Café, Mercato Italiano), AUC Bookstore

Giza & Haram

Beano's, Dar El Shorouk, Mexicana Café, Polo Shop

Alexandria

24Seven Café, Adidas & Timberland (Syria st, - City Center), Banna Stationary, 24/7 Café, Adidas/Timberland, Banna Stationary, Beano's, Cillomo Café, C&CO, Cilantro, Coffee Roastery, Deekom, Mazaya, McDonalds, Quiksilver, The Sixties Café, Tamarin Center, Rapo

Tanta

Axon, Pizza Station, La Plato Café

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SECTION NOTE EDITOR’S

The Woman Who Taught Me How to Be a Man Decision-making is one of the most difficult endeavors you’ll ever have to go through. You see, I have had a lot of time to think about the decision-making process, because I’ve been abruptly put in a position where I had to make tons of responsible decisions, despite my will, and, perhaps, my capacity. Anywho, I thought about it a lot. And I came to some conclusions. I won’t bore you with my theories. Instead, I’ll exemplify my take on decisionmaking through the following example. You’re sitting in a café, or a bar or wherever it is you prefer to have a drink. And you order a soda. The waiter hands you your soda and an empty glass. You start pouring the soda into the glass nonchalantly, but through a common miscalculation, the soda overflows and spills out of the bottle, getting your hand wet and sticky. That was a decision that you made; because the risk was so small, it didn’t really matter how you poured the drink in the glass. I mean, the worst case scenario was you getting your hands sticky. So, you take it for granted. It didn’t seem like a decision at all, did it? But it was. To us, the magnitude of the decision is entirely dependent on the risk it entails; the smaller the risk, the easier, or perhaps even non-existent, the decision. But then there are times when the risk is so high that you’re hit by how hard making a decision really is, because it may be so grand that the consequences affect your loved ones, your country, or they may simply take a chunk out of who you are. And, only then, do you become aware of every single call you make. Education and upbringing don’t prepare you for daunting scenarios like these. And the result is that a lot of people panic and start dealing with life-changing decisions the way they would when pouring soda in an empty glass; casually and carelessly, consequently affecting their loved ones and themselves negatively. And that’s the line that separates a truly responsible human being, from an inconsiderate assh*le. My mother, the greatest woman I know, taught me to look into people’s lives before looking into mine. And her life was all the inspiration I needed to truly realize the kind of man I need to be. Empathize. Be responsible. Be a hero, if you could.

@Wessam_S

6 DECEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

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] FEATURE ]

Fighting intolerance and ignorance By Sallie Pisch

8 DECEMBER MARCH 20122012 CAMPUS CAMPUS

The initial buzz from the September accusations has fizzled out and some members of the metal scene have put it behind them. Others, though, expect that the combination of a conservative Islamic government and lack of understanding of – and tolerance for – young people wearing black and listening to strange music means they may face such accusations again. They worry about the possibility of the sort of crackdown the Egyptian metal scene saw in the 1990s, when similar accusations led to a wave of arrests and effectively crushed the metal scene until the mid-2000s. The most recent accusations were filed by a lawyer working for the Freedom and Justice Party, the political wing of Egypt’s Muslim Brotherhood and the majority in the country’s first post-revolution parliament. The report filed to Egypt’s Attorney General accused El-Sawy Culture Wheel (Sakia) of hosting “Satanists,” just days after a metal music concert. The report said a client of lawyer Ismail El-Weshahy, who was covering an event at Sakia the same day as the concert, claimed to have seen “young people wearing t-shirts adorned with what he described as Satanic shapes and symbols. The lawyer said that his client had also filmed a group of people who he said were performing satanic rituals in the centre,” according to state newspaper Al-Ahram’s online English portal. Sakia, of course, denied the accusations. In a statement posted on the center’s Facebook page, it asserted that the event was merely a metal music concert that “did not cross any ethical lines,” adding, “In our ten years of activity, the Culture Wheel has not hosted any kind of practice that could be called Satanic.” The statement then went on to question whether there were any Satanists in Egypt in the first place. Egyptian metal musicians have made the same argument, some insisting that they are faithful Muslims and others that Egyptian metal music has nothing to do with Satanism. “I defy anyone to find a single Egyptian metal song that glorifies the devil and if there is one, it will not represent the people who listen to metal songs in Egypt,” said Wael Osama, a member of Egyptian metal band Enraged, in a video posted on YouTube. In another YouTube video, metal musician Ehab Fawzi said, “A word from one of the Satanists in Egypt: I prayed at Zamalek Mosque Al Maghreb prayer before heading to stage wearing a galabiya. Why don’t you go after thugs and criminals instead of us!? Stop these 1990s actions.” So what were the ‘Satanic rituals’? Mark LeVine, a social scientist and author of the book ‘Heavy Metal Islam,’ suggested in a recent opinion piece for Al Jazeera English that what was mistaken for ‘Satanic rituals’ was, in reality, moshing. Metal and punk fans are likely to be incredulous at such a notion. Sakia is the only venue of its kind in Egypt, hosting events from cultural discussions to art exhibitions to concerts featuring everything from traditional ensembles to rock and metal. That the accusations are leveled against Sakia is somehow ironic, firstly because the center is considered to be conservative. No smoking is allowed, films and plays have been censored, and musicians are required to submit lyrics for approval before performing. Additionally, when founder Mohamed el-Sawy was briefly appointed as Minister of Culture by Prime Minister Ahmed Shafiq in 2011, many intellectuals objected to his appointment on the grounds that he was too conservative.

“WE ARE NOT SATANISTS” – THE WHITE TEXT WAS SCRAWLED AT THE TOP OF THE PROMOTIONAL POSTER FOR A RECENT METAL SHOW. WHILE LIBERALS AND ISLAMISTS BATTLE OVER EGYPT’S FUTURE, YOUNG METALHEADS IN THE COUNTRY’S CAPITAL FACE A DECADES-OLD ACCUSATION: THEY’RE SATANISTS.

FEATURE

10 DECEMBER MARCH 20122012 CAMPUS CAMPUS

Additionally, Sakia, which opened in 2003, was the first venue to offer a stage to hard rock and metal musicians in Cairo after the 1990s crackdown effectively crushed the scene. In 1996, an inflammatory article accusing Cairene metalheads of worshiping the devil and drinking cats’ blood spurred a witch-hunt against metal musicians and fans. Dozens of young people landed in prison, although most were released after a few days. “After months of media controversy, the defendants were eventually released due to a lack of evidence. Nevertheless, given local sensibilities, many Egyptians continue to associate so-called ‘black metal’ music with Satanism,” reported Al-Ahram later. In the 1990s, metal fans were not only accused of worshipping the devil but also of sacrificing animals, using drugs, sexual deviance, and defaming the “heavenly religions” (a reference to Islam, Christianity, and Judaism). The 1990s accusations were very much a reaction to a conservative political climate at the time, with hardline Islamists accusing youth with long hair and black t-shirts of being Satanists. Many see September’s accusations in a similar light, especially as they came not long after Islamist President Mohamed Morsi came to power in Egypt. In reaction, the FJP has pointedly distanced itself from the accusations, telling state-owned Al-Akhbar newspaper that “the Brotherhood has nothing to do with the ‘Satan-worship’ case,” saying the actions were wholly Weshahy’s, and expressing the FJP’s “full respect” for the center’s founder and owner, El-Sawy. Weshahy himself has clarified that he did not file the case on behalf of the FJP but rather for his two clients. Even so, the case itself does little to assuage fears that the party aims to curb civil and personal liberties in an attempt to bring Egypt more in line with conservative Islamic ideology. Longtime Egyptian metal fan and progressive rock musician Aly Hassab El-Naby told Campus that, in his opinion, the accusations of Satanism “come from a place of ignorance which no one ever attempted to eliminate over the last 15 years” after the 1990s crackdown. “To anyone who has never listened to metal before, please keep in mind that it’s just another form of music that tackles the everyday problems of people like you and me,” he said. “The method is different from rock, jazz, blues and tango and that’s why metal is unique. There’s a lot of honesty, modesty and creativity hardly found anywhere else.” Yet there has been wider public outcry against the accusations than there was in the 1990s. An article in al-Tahrir newspaper titled ‘Music

doesn’t lead you to worship the devil or SpongeBob’ urged readers not to point fingers at metal music or to demonize fans. According to LeVine’s article in Al Jazeera, El-Sawy threatened legal action against the complainants, police helped bands file a complaint against the original complainant, and Weshahy himself admitted regret for filing the case and stopped doing interviews. What’s more, the metal scene this time around is far from crushed: just a week after the report filed in September, the female-fronted Egyptian post-hardcore band Mascara (Massive Scar Era) played a show at Sakia. The group’s drummer, Maged Mohsen Faltas, told Campus there were no major changes for the band other than a few extra restrictions on the day of the show. A few weeks later, this reporter was surprised to discover cameras were not allowed into another metal show without prior permission. Anyone with a camera was stopped at the door and politely told that they could not enter with a camera. After discussions with the show’s organizers as well as Sakia management, it was discovered that the band itself had asked that no cameras or reporters be allowed into the show without prior permission, out of fear that one Islamist group or another would send a reporter to try to support the ‘Satanist’ accusations. This reporter, however, did not see anything remotely resembling Satanic rituals – just a bunch of young people listening to music. Attempts to reach the band for comment after the show were unsuccessful. Regardless, it is clear that metal musicians are not going to be stopped by one accusation. “It’s heartening to see Egypt’s metal community, long among the most powerful in the Arab/Muslim world, refusing to be cowed and instead meeting the attacks head-on,” wrote LeVine in his opinion piece. Some members of the metal scene now believe they have seen the last of the accusations. “I don’t expect any more accusations because the case was defended by all the people that want to support our metal scene,” said Faltas, who has been involved in the local metal scene for

the last five years. He said that the accusations were proven to be false, and added that other concerns seemed to have shifted attention away from the metal scene. “My reaction to these accusations was being somehow angry at the beginning,” he said, but then became “completely sarcastic” after realizing just how ignorant of the metal scene were the people making the accusations. Others, however, expect they have not seen the last of the accusations. “I will not be surprised if more of the accusations appear,” El-Naby told Campus. “The root of the problem, which is ignorance of the matter at hand, hasn’t been dealt with. As long as people don’t understand what they’re dealing with and keep shunning it, ignorance will prevail.” Neither Faltas nor El-Naby, who played with a metal band from 20052007 and now plays for prog rock band SimpleXity, see the Satanist accusations as the greatest problem facing the metal scene in Egypt. For them, the greatest problem facing the metal scene in Egypt is the same facing many other musicians. “The biggest challenge is the very small number of venues available for this kind of music and the very small number of concerts going on,” said Faltas. “There are 3 places at best in the whole country that can allow a metal band to play,” said El-Naby, adding that the lack of venues discourages musicians from playing. “It’s a vicious cycle that has to be broken somewhere.” “I would be surprised if metal got mainstream acceptance in Egypt but I’m not asking for that,” he said. “A little tolerance goes a long way.”

SECTION FEATURE

CAMPUS EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW By Wessam Sherif

12 DECEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

FEATURE

Egypt ’s “ Most Powerful ” Monkey

I HAVE TO ADMIT, GUYS, I’M SICK OF HUMAN BEINGS; WE’RE MEAN, SELFISH AND SELF DESTRUCTIVE. I’M GIVING UP ON THE SPECIES, KHALAS. CONSEQUENTLY, BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME AS CAMPUS’ MANAGING EDITOR, I HAVE DECIDED THAT WE SHOULD FROM NOW ON SHIFT TO INTERVIEWING SIMPLER, YET MORE HUMANE BEINGS.

14 DECEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

At first I thought about interviewing our office kitten, Andy, but she kept scratching the hell out of me right from the first question, plus she was smelly, so I decided to postpone that interview till she grows up a bit. I also considered interviewing this street dog next to my place, thinking that he must have a struggle to share, but it turned out that he’s actually a pet that ran away from home seeking independence, so that ruined the point of the interview.

Me: Ok. That’s super creepy, Mr. Monkey. Why don’t we change the subject a bit? Monkey: Go ahead.

Then one day I was passing by the Giza Zoo, located next to Cairo University, when I saw this monkey wandering about, followed by a group of other monkeys that looked like his bodyguards. The fact this monkey was walking the streets surrounded by an entourage intrigued me to say the least. I intercepted him only to be affronted by his guards who started yelping monkey lingo and throwing feces on me.

Me: Seriously? Monkey: Yes! It’s one of the few good things that your kind brought to

“I only want a word with you!” I shouted amid the monkey-beating. He looked at me inquisitively, rubbing his white scruffy beard, and ordered his guards to let me go. Covered in monkey poo, I approached the old ape and explained my intentions in both English and Arabic, and he seemed to understand both. After thinking for a significantly long time, he said “OK. But you interview me at my palace. Come.” The process of getting to his palace was fairly simple, except for the part that where I had to jump over the zoo’s fence as the primates laughed. Anyway, we go to the said “palace”, which turned out to be a “gabalaya” full of food remains and poo (big surprise) and headed towards the highest rock so that we could have the interview in seclusion.

Me: Thank you for having the patience for this interview. Monkey: Yes, yes. I’m a very patient man. Me: Man? Monkey: You know what I mean! Me: Right, but why would you want to be like us. Monkey: Make no mistake, I know that we’re far superior to you; I’d rather die than be like you people. I was just trying to get down to your level, that’s all.

Me: What’s your favorite food? Bananas, I suppose? Monkey: Oh dear, you poor fool. You really know nothing about us, do you? I, dear homo sapien, like spaghetti.

this world.

Me: Do you have a favorite animal? Monkey: Well, I’ve always been fond of sheep. They’re so fluffy and cute! (Screams out a bunch of monkey sounds). Plus, they’re very organized. I like order.

Me: I noticed. Is that how you got to be this tribe’s chief? Monkey: More or less. In addition to being organized, you have to be very cunning and strategic to reach my position. You see, it’s not all about brute strength; you need to let your competitors tear each other apart first, and then strike.

Me: Isn’t that a bit sleazy, though? Monkey: Not at all! The end justifies the means, my friend. Others’ stupidity is hardly my fault.

Me: Right. And is it hard being in charge of so many other monkeys? Monkey: Not really, the second you hop on the highest stone (their throne, apparently) they follow you without question.

Me: But that doesn’t mean that all your decisions are correct. Monkey: The fact that I’m chief of this tribe is proof to the contrary. Me: How is it that you speak English? I mean, you’re an Egyptian monkey. Monkey: I spent some time in the San Diego Zoo in California. It’s a pretty decent zoo, but their culture and habits are quite different than ours.

Me: Hold on, you’re a primate. If anything, I’m the one who’s doing you a favor with this interview!

Me: Is that why you returned to Egypt? Monkey: Yes, in addition to the fact that I missed my tribe back here.

One of the guards quickly jumps at my throat. “You dare?!” he howled, baring his fangs (coupled by drool and bad breath). My interviewee looks at me with obvious pleasure and signals to his guard to let me go.

Me: Ok, one last question. Why were you roaming around Cairo University when I met you? Monkey: I heard a lot of noises and senseless chatter, so I automatically

Monkey: This was the first and last offense your blasphemous mouth

thought it was some of my distant, dumber cousins, so we went to investigate.

will utter. Repeat your mistake and you shall be made an example of. I’ll let it slide this one time because you were unaware.

Me: Excuse me? Monkey: I am the chief of this tribe. When in my presence, you should

Me: I’m done with the questions. Do you have anything to add? Monkey: Have you seen Planet of the Apes?

act with humility and respect. You are not allowed to speak ill of me at any given time, and you should most certainly obey me.

Me: No, why? Monkey: No reason, just asking.

Me: What? Obey you? I just met you! And newsflash: I am not a part of your tribe! Monkey: You don’t have to be.

Me: Right. Thank you for the interview. Monkey: You’re welcome.

Me: That’s absurd. No offense intended, but according to pure facts: you’re backwards thinking, less developed beings. Compared to humans, you’re practically living in the Middle Ages. Monkey: Again with the foolishness. During the past few hundred years, we have deliberately shied away and isolated ourselves from your wasteful, inconsiderate lives. We’ve taken heaps of humiliation from your kind, putting us in cages, ogling us as we mate, poking us with sticks and throwing stones at us. But our time will come very soon. Our time will come.

PRESS RELEASES SECTION

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN EGYPT, VODAFONE SPONSORS IMAX TECHNOLOGY

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN EGYPT, AND IN COOPERATION WITH MISR INTERNATIONAL FILMS, VODAFONE EGYPT SPONSORS THE LATEST IN CINEMA TECHNOLOGY WORLDWIDE, NAMELY IMAX, LOCATED IN AMERICANA PLAZA, SHEIKH ZAYED. Vodafone is keen on supporting the cinema industry in Egypt as part of its strategy to meet its customers’ demands; therefore, it took the initiative in presenting all that is new to its customers including IMAX, which is considered as the latest in cinema technology. IMAX technology offers its audience a mythical experience combining reality and imagination, giving them the best experience in watching films in Egypt. IMAX technology entails four basic components giving viewers the ultimate movie experience. These components include a giant screen, three times larger than regular ones, measuring 13 meters in height and 24 meters in width. This new experience allows Vodafone to communicate to cinema fans in Egypt who seek enhanced entertainment options through IMAX, which Misr International Films managed to obtain its rights in Egypt exclusively, and through which it can mark itself as the leader in the movie industry, and Vodafone’s support and sponsorship is considered a new phase in the history of 7D development technology.

McDonald’s Egypt Organizes a Trip for the Children of Ezbet Khair Allah in Celebration of World Children’s Day DURING A PERIOD WHERE SADNESS HAS INVADED THE LIVES OF EGYPTIANS NATIONWIDE DUE TO THE HORRIFIC TRAIN ACCIDENT IN ASSIUT WHICH CLAIMED THE LIVES OF 52 OF EGYPT’S YOUNGEST CHILDREN, MCDONALD’S EGYPT IS TRYING, AS PART OF ITS COMMITMENT TO WORLD CHILDREN’S DAY, TO DRAW A SMILE, HOWEVER SLIGHT, ON THE FACES OF CHILDREN LIVING IN EZBET KHAIR ALLAH - THE LARGEST DEPRIVED AREA IN EGYPT - AND WHO NEED AID THE MOST. McDonald’s’ decision to sponsor a trip for the children of Ezbet Khair Allah to the kids playing area in Dandy Mall was made alongside the Peace and Plenty Association in the World Children’s Day Occasion. The event featured entertainment shows, which the children enjoyed greatly, and they were especially excited when Ronald McDonald made an appearance and joined the children in the fun and games. McDonald’s management present at the event made every effort to ensure that the children were happy and had a fun day, and joined in the contests and games and presented Happy Meals to the children to add an extra element of joy and happiness into the lives of these children, who are a sample of the large number of Egyptian children who live in deprived areas. Children are at the forefront of McDonald’s priorities when it comes to social activities and initiatives, and McDonald’s Egypt has allocated 25 piasters from every Happy Meal since 2009 in addition to donation boxes that are placed across most of its branches - collecting a total of EGP 3.5 million - for the renovation of 24 nurseries in Ezbet Khair Allah and Batn el Baqar. Additionally, through its initiative “From Our Children…For Our Children”, McDonald’s has successfully worked to improve education in a number of areas most in need.

16 DECEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

Circus: Nightlife will Never be the Same!

Circus is a mind-blowing event thrown once a month by Junior Music and Cavallini, hosting the best DJs and musicians in Egypt! The event’s playlist features massive performances such as Junior, Switch and Karim who play live electronic music aided by special visuals on a huge screens and acrobatic performances carried out by dancers from Ibiza armed with nitrogen guns! The first Circus night was held on the 23rd of November and it was a huge success! The crowd enjoyed the roster of shows in the amazing indoor and outdoor venues. The music kept everybody on edge the entire night, in addition to the additional entertaining events that took everybody by surprise! It almost felt the whole thing was being held in Ibiza itself! The second episode of Circus will be held on the 2nd of December, be sure not to miss it!

SECTION FEATURE

What if the Brotherhood are the

good guys? By Youssef Saad Eldin

ALBEIT BEING COMPLETELY AGAINST THE MUSLIM BROTHERHOOD, I BELIEVE IN TRYING TO UNDERSTAND THE MENTALITIES OF THOSE YOU OPPOSE, GIVING THEM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT THEY NEVER EARNED. WE, THE CAMPUS TEAM, BELIEVE THAT UNDERSTANDING HOW THEY TRULY THINK WILL LEAD TO A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF HOW TO COUNTER THEIR NEVER-ENDING SLEAZINESS.

20 DECEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

So the second you start looking through new, entirely objective eyes, you might start seeing why they actually believe that they’re the good guys, and that to them, you have it all wrong. I won’t be getting into ideological disputes, that’s unquestionably subject to your own background and preference, what I’m referring to is some of the incidents where the MB were accused of being “Machiavellian”. However, before I start, there are several facts concerning the MB that should be carefully considered. First of all, the MB is over 80 years old, making it one of the oldest political movements in Egypt, in addition to being the Arab world’s largest Islamic movement. Secondly, for more than 20 years, the MB was pretty much the only political movement carrying out real work on the ground, providing the public with a wide range of social services. Now, for some of the most notable points of criticism against the MB:

The Herd Mentality True, each and every single official decision taken by the MB is binding to all its members, ranging from joining a simple protest to voting for a specific candidate in any given elections. However there are two vital points that you seem to be missing. The first one is that the MB is a democracy. Most of the MB’s decisions are determined by voting in their Shuraa council, and even decisions taken by their highest executive body, the Guidance Bureau, are democratic, seeing that members of the Bureau are elected by the Shuraa council as well. So, in a way, all MB members get a say in how things turn out. The second thing is that the aforementioned could be looked upon as a form of unity. I seriously doubt that the MB would have survived that long if it wasn’t for that trait. How else would you explain that throughout 80 years the MB remained as one political force whereas other movements like 6th of April got split into two different fronts, and political parties like Al-Ghad and Al-Wafd got torn apart

due to internal power struggles? The fact is, the reason people claim that MB’s members are passively obedient, is the same reason why the MB survived for 80 years and later on emerged as the single most powerful and organized group in Egypt.

Mohamed Mahmoud Clashes As much as I hate to admit it, everybody was out on a wild goose chase back then, including me. True, the army and the police had it coming, but throwing stones at buildings and soldiers wearing armor doesn’t accomplish much. I realize that it was done out of conviction, out of a clear distinction between what’s right and what’s wrong, and the belief that laying down and taking crap from SCAF was plain wrong. However, the MB was one step ahead of us. They realized that there is no winning when you get into a fight with a man in a tank (and make no mistake, if they would’ve entered that battle, this was how it was going to be). Instead, they chose to fight through the legitimate way; the parliament. Securing their seats to the parliament wasn’t done out of being selfish, but rather as means to acquire the tools necessary to go on with the fight. In fact, several MB members have previously stated that they have information that those clashes were specifically designed to drag the MB into a fight.

Morsi’s Constitutional Declarations Yes, the declaration would turn Morsi into a pharaoh, no argument here. But this is not the point; the point is that it enables him to sack Abdel Megid Mahmoud, the General Prosecutor. Keep in mind that all police officers accused of killing protestors got acquitted on Mahmoud’s watch, plus the fact that Mahmoud is actually the last man appointed by Mubarak who’s still in power. Let alone that this man was responsible for jailing and allegedly framing countless members of the oppositions including MB members during Mubarak’s era. When it comes to making Morsi’s decision immune against judicial supervision, it’s only fair to say that throughout the past year, the Supreme Court was somewhat sketchy, with several rulings that seemed relatively political rather than strictly legal.

Akhwanet Al Dawla I’m not even debating whether this is happening or not. Let’s assume for argument’s sake that it is, wouldn’t you do the same? Since Mubarak was overthrown, people have been arguing that only the head of regime has been removed. Let’s get one thing straight, people didn’t vote for Morsi, they voted for the MB, so it’s only natural for Morsi (or the cabinet) to appoint MB members in key posts in order to implement the MB’s vision. If Sabahy had won the elections, you wouldn’t have expected to see an economic professor with capitalist tendencies as finance minister. The fact that an MB member won the presidential elections makes it OK for him to appoint other MB members where he sees fit. Apart from the aforementioned points, I want you to picture this: You’re the most powerful political player in Egypt, your ability to mobilize and organize is unmatched by any other group or party and you have been oppressed, jailed and killed for 80 years. Now you are the most experienced player in the field; you have a very clear and set agenda along with the means and tools necessary to achieve it, which is far more than you can say for any of the other players out there. On countless occasions, your rivals have proved to be nothing more than a bunch of elitists who can’t take one single step without jumping down each other’s throats. At the end of the day, you care about your country and you have a vision that you can carry out to make it better, the question is: Would you actually waste time to try to include and talk some sense into the seemingly helpless, so-called “political elite”, bearing in mind that they have nothing to bring to the table?

Also, while I do admit that declaration could also lead to a skewed constitution coming from an invulnerable, one-party founding committee, it isn’t completely the MB’s fault. Why did the other parties withdraw from the committee, leaving the decision to the MB alone?

Gaber Salah 25 November 2012

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FILTH FILTER: ON... FILTH FILTER: OFF And a Pornified Society Trapped in Between

By May Kamel

human trafficking and entertainment (Hollywood) in lists of the world’s most lucrative business markets. Avenue Q has put it perfectly, and we have to concur: the Internet is for porn! Before judging, let’s talk digits. As per Google’s Double-click Ad Planner (uses cookies to gather information about users), an estimate of 30% of ALL Internet traffic directs to porn. Not swayed yet? The biggest websites notch thrice the number of page views of CNN for instance, owing to some 4.4 billion views per month! What seals the deal, however, is this piece of info: porn has an upper hand when it comes to the staying power. Typically, a person visits a website for 3-6 minutes, but porn websites have been recorded to have an average visit time between 1520 minutes.

Trendy *ehem* SIX?!

I’M FULLY AWARE OF OUR RECENT “EVERYTHING BUT PORN” PROMISE TO YOU GUYS, AND DESPITE BEING A FAN OF KEEPING MY WORD, I’D VERY MUCH APPRECIATE IT IF YOU EXCUSE THIS ONE-TIME VIOLATION. No, I’m not even remotely affected by the recent porn ban talk. Yes, I know it has all been said and done. And yes, I’ll still discuss it. Mind you, it’s not the ban that I’m interested in, but rather the mere annotation of pornography, for the sake of sparing this nation the interminable, selfperpetuating debates once and for all. Honored (technologically-challenged) judiciary... Esteemed (unmindful) government, what follows is a near-decent, fact-based thought process of how decisions, in general, should be made.

Naked Capitalism As an industry, the production of pornography has essentially surfaced in the latter half of the 20th century. Primarily, home video players were the medium of choice, and later on when the Internet found its way to homes, it became the medium of choice, helping better propel the pornography industry. And when I say propel here, I’m talking about a multi-billion dollar industry that ranks above pharmaceutical industry,

24 DECEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

Moving from general to specific, let’s take a look into our facts as Egyptians. First and foremost, we are proud top 10 rankers for searchers of the word “six”… yes, that’s what we’re fond of in here… which, if you’d ask me, renders the whole discussion pointless for it shouldn’t be graced with a discussion to begin with. Kheiba te2eela aside, ekhbato doul. Among the top 100 visited websites in Egypt, ranks 15, 23, 29, 67 and 83 are all pornographic websites. It doesn’t stop here; we’re the numero uno searchers for “fat sex” (yemaseeha bel kheir Hayatem) AND *drum roll* “bird sex”, which places us, as a nation, at the bottom of the totem pole and is yet another reason why we really shouldn’t proceed with this discussion. As a nation. Ever. And die. Animal sex, children sex and butt sex are all other fields of expertise where we happen to come second after Pakistan at. Worthy to mention also is the postulation that a certain segment of the population was exposed to technology and the Internet primarily to have access to porn; think your local cyber café.

Filter: ON Earlier in November, now-ex General Prosecutor Abdel Megeed Mahmoud, in an act of desperation, decided to enforce the law regarding banning porn websites in Egypt, building on a 2009 verdict from the Administrative Court to put the same law to function.

Given the current circumstances, as soon as the news was leaked, people engaged in an array of comments, from mocking the decision to calling for freedom to growing ultra-concerned and starting to download whatever their eyes laid on to actually supporting the act. We even had a group of Salafis demand banning medical websites, claiming that the drawings of reproductive organs arouse “people”. GOD, HAVE MERCY ON US!

Literal Fifty Shades of Grey In our society, where individual freedom is outside chance, one is often left fighting the windmills when trying to make a proper argument about freedom, especially when the matter in hand is religiously reprehensible, but I’ll take my chances anyway. My concerns are plenty, first of which is our definition of “porn”. It’s often hard for people to look past the double standards and admit to the fact that we are a pornified society. We have no clear boundaries to differentiate between what’s porn and what’s not to begin with. For all we know, a girl’s bare shoulder or silhouette of the legs accentuated in leggings is enough reason to turn guys on the streets on! And yes, this is the same society that has sky-high rates of teenage pregnancies in slums among girls who are forced to wear their veils too. And the very same society that watches Qanat El Tett and other video clip channels that have risen to the heights of legal qualified porn/erotica productions elsewhere in the world, only under a more decent naming: clips. For God’s sake, even our so-called lingerie shops in Downtown are screaming manifestos of sex shops; they reflect the society’s very distressful deviance! How in tarnation do we disregard all what’s happening on the streets, and instead of figuring out that it’s the taboo that is making people hornier by the minute and unable to tolerate the mere sight of a girl’s shoulder or arm, you insist on imposing even more barriers on what is, at the end of the day, an individual freedom and right that a person may or may not choose to watch in the comfort of his/her own home?! What really grinds my gears is the fact that the government is working hard on accustoming the populace to the suggestion that part of the state’s role is filtering what people are to consume. They tend to enforce the censorship using open-ended phrases like “supreme interest of the state”, “inconsistency with traditions and values”, just to name a few. Mind you, many refuted, saying that allowing censorship now can extend to censoring whatever the government doesn’t deem fit and can affect freedom of speech… etc. While this holds as a major concern, it’s not the only one. What about people’s RIGHT to watch whatever they want?

Building on this, the pornography industry is one of supply and demand. Translating this to facts and figures, there are around 327 million pornographic pages on the Internet, contributing to around 12% of the website visits and 35% of downloads as parts of Internet usage. To block all of those by local Internet service providers (el khebet-hom te2eela aslan), not only will the filtering system require humongous loads of money and manpower, but it will also strangle all Internet in Egypt. That being said, we need to bear in mind that new sites are created by the minute, so it’s practically uncontainable. We also need to take into consideration that Egyptians are persevering when it comes to their needs! The proxies used to unblock those websites would, alone, burden the networks!

Victory Over Vice? You know what the most pathetic aspect of all is? It’s what this whole porn ban fiasco says about us. Instead of focusing on propelling ourselves as a nation with economical and educational strengths, and catering to people’s basic needs, we choose the shallowest of all matters and attend to it, not bearing in mind that it violates individuals’ freedom as well. If it says anything about the floundering, decaying thing that is our national identity, it shows that we’re ignorant, infantile and oozing of hypocrisy. It’s untoward how ignorant our power-to-be are so technologically challenged to understand that the process of banning in and of itself is futile. It’s pathetic that after our online revolution, they assume that curtailing cyberspace is an option. It’s unacceptable that they think they can steer the masses the way they see fit. Internet is not a notorious cradle of filth. You know what rather is? The minds that attempt to control the masses. Dear government: this is not a victory over vice. It rather is a spotlight shed on our most rotten of practices.

Redundancy 101 According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, sex comes third in the bottom category of the pyramid – physiological needs – the most basic and fundamental of them all. It is a need. It is there, not matter how much we try to suppress or oppress it. In fact, the more we promote it as a taboo, the more appealing it seems to people, who will then channel it in all the wrong ways.

Dear people: you are a law unto yourself. Watch what you see fit, and do what you see fit as long as it doesn’t affect others. The consequences are all for you to decide whether to handle or not. And for the sake of all what’s holy, whoever is making websites of the sorts of ispornblockedinegyptyet.com, help us help you. Ento 7alal feeko 2at3 el net asasan!

2012

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By Sherif Elmashad

Tying the Loose Ends!

26 DECEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

SO ACCORDING TO MAYANS, THE WORLD ENDS IN 2012. ACCORDING TO THE EGYPTIAN PRESIDENT, MOHAMMED MORSI, THE WORLD HAS YET TWO MONTHS FOR THE CONSTITUTION’S COMMITTEE TO FINISH WORK, A MONTH FOR THE REFERENDUM, THEN A MINIMUM OF 2 MONTHS FOR THE PARLIAMENT ELECTIONS, THEN 7.5 MORE YEARS FOR HIM TO START ACHIEVING ANYTHING AND 27 MORE YEARS FOR “ELNAHDA” TO ACTUALLY HAPPEN IN EGYPT. AND ACCORDING TO MOUSTAFA SHA’BAN, THE WORLD WILL NEVER END AS LONG AS THERE’S A NEW WOMAN HE CAN MARRY IN HIS NEXT SHOW. ANYWAY, NOW THAT THE WORLD IS ENDING, NO ONE ARGUES THAT THERE ARE A LOT OF LOOSE ENDS THAT HAVE TO BE TIED ONCE AND FOR ALL, JUST AS FOLLOWS: • Bolbola and Nadiolla, the two Egyptian movie icons since the 1970’s, discover that their endless fight over who’s the biggest female star in Egypt is mainly due to an unsolved sexual tension between them. Days later, Egypt witnesses the release of the first celebrity sex video that no human being on Earth ever wants to watch. • Scientists discover that they’ve been all wrong about Sabah from the very start. They’ve always been regarding both Sabah and Mubarak as immortal people. However, modern science suggests that they’re both primal elements on earth, probably the first to have ever witnessed the start of the universe. • Mr. Mansour Elessiawy still insists, there was nothing in Tahrir. • Mido’s career transforms into something really amazing, after he actually makes peace with his kersh and settles for returning to Egypt, again. Some say he’s the mountain keeping Egypt still, or at least as heavy as that mountain. • Christopher Nolan announces he’s shooting the end of the world in IMAX, with his entire favorite Inception cast dying, alongside Leo. • After scoring 6 goals in a match, people kneel before Lionel Messi. With this, he comes forward as the Anti Christ, and they worship him happily ever after. • Messi’s first decisions as he is crowned king of the world, is to kill everyone named Pepe or Mourinho all around the world in exchange for a free access to heaven. • Real Madrid, being the greatest club in the century wins the Champions League, La Liga and all other galactic cups and is declared the best club mankind ever thought witnessed. • Samsung brings down the iTunes store by releasing an application that projects a fixed message on every Apple device’s screen: “The only difference between this device and the one before it, is the extra $100 you paid, dumbass.” This application can’t be uninstalled. • Apple retaliates by releasing a YouTube video that goes viral claiming that it’s within the Samsung devices’ contracts that you can hug/kiss any fellow Samsung device owner under the term “xoxo”. Sexual harassers decide it’s a national holiday. • Essam Eleryan dies without a parliament.

• After 8 years of waiting, the season finale for “How I Met Your Mother” finally shows. Ted’s wife is a dude. His kids find out they’re adopted. The audience finds out that Ted’s wife is no one but Mitch, the naked man from Season 4. • After several strange sightings (one of them being the word “walker” being written all over the moon) followed by several musical icons mysterious murders, at a Lady Gaga concert a Michael Jackson zombie attacks her and eats her brain. He then starts singing Thriller and Bad, and vows to bring back good music again. • An old manuscript by Leon Trotsky is found. It states that he was just trying to start a career as a standup comedian and that his books were his raw materials. • Gemma Arterton becomes my girlfriend and my recurring one night stand. • You didn’t read the previous point. • The human race finally figures out the whole point behind ties... Nothing! Absolutely nothing! • Dr. Mohammad El Baradei’s twitter account is hacked. The hacker starts posting videos of belly dancers. Surprisingly, his followers count jumps from a million+ followers to a number that the Twitter board prefers to call “Twitter population”. • After being married to a man, a 9-year-old girl escapes her house, wandering into a nearby cave. She crawls into it, and actually discovers the last discovered portal to Alice’s Wonderland. After learning about what’s happening in Egypt, the Queen of Hearts comes out of the cave, marches to the presidential palace and gets shot in the head. All investigations indicate a third party killed her. • On the 21st of December 2012, all machines go rogue and turn off. The Obama administration accuses Bin Laden’s ghost of haunting the internet. The only guys supporting this theory on the Internet –besides the usual Islamists– are the 9Gag admins, who later stated that this was the joke that saved the internet from the Egyptian Yao-Ming abuse. • Bassem Youssef’s remix of Khairy Ramadan’s “Masr betet7ara2, heeh” becomes the national anthem of the whole planet. • In the British TV show, Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson finally comes forward and confesses his favorite car isn’t an Aston Martin or a Land Cruiser, it’s actually a FIAT 128 turbo charged, with a dog dummy shaking its head in it. • Elnahda Project, aka Mashrou3 el Nahda, takes its place as one of history’s biggest hoaxes, alongside Warda’s so-called sex tape and Qnet profit margin. • Upon world destruction, this page of Campus is the only thing that will remain of Earth. It’ll tour the whole universe, and in a galaxy far far away, in a time after our every memory has gone, some alien life form will find this page and will work on translating it. To these aliens I say, we’re an amazing species. We’ve brought wonders to this world. But, we’ve only done one thing wrong. We’ve endlessly overrated the chick that Mila Kunis is, and have repeatedly ignored the awesomeness of Monica Bellucci. Yes aliens, the answer to life, the universe and everything isn’t 42, that’s a lie. The answer to everything is Monica Bellucci’s boobs.

• “The Voice” ends with Shereen being kicked out of it for good. • Justin Bieber is abducted by aliens and anally probed to finally decide whether he’s female or male. They left laughing and gave no answer.

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El Nahda:

By Zeyad Salem

SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO MY SCHOOL ORGANIZED A TRIP TO CAIRO AND FAYOUM, AND BACK THEN, MY MOM WOULD NEVER ALLOW ME TO SLEEP OVER ANYWHERE, BUT SINCE IT WAS MY SECOND YEAR IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, SHE ALLOWED IT. I REMEMBER HOW EXCITED I WAS TO BE PACKING MY OWN BAG AND CHOOSING THE OUTFITS FOR A TRIP ON MY OWN IN A DIFFERENT CITY. ON THE BUS RIDE TO FAYOUM I WAS WEARING A BLACK IRON MAIDEN T-SHIRT (IT WAS HIP BACK THEN AND YES I AM THAT OLD, PLEASE DON’T JUDGE) AND AS SOON AS THE DRIVER LAID EYES ON IT, HE SAID “YOU COULD GET ARRESTED FOR WEARING THAT, THEY ARREST EVERYONE WEARING BLACK, THEY SAY IT’S THE SATANICS’ OUTFITS”. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THAT WAS, SO HE KEPT ON TELLING ME THAT THEY ARE A GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO WORSHIP THE DEVIL, WEAR BLACK, LISTEN TO METAL AND DRINK CATS’ BLOOD IN THEIR GATHERINGS. 28 DECEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

I brushed him off, doubtlessly sure that I’ll never hear of this “cult” again. ‫ ‏‬eventeen years later, I read in the news that an Ikhwangy lawyer filed S a case against El Sakia Culture Wheel for hosting a concert for…wait for it… Satanists! At first I thought it was a prank or parody news, since we’ve been getting lots of those lately, but it wasn’t! This was all aided by the Freedom and Justice media thoroughly discussing the disaster that is the reborn satanic rituals in Egypt, aka rock concerts. ‫ ‏‬week or so later, we hear more breaking news claiming that our A glorious security forces –who’ve been known for nothing but torturing and framing people- succeeded in arresting a terrorist cell in Nasr City! A few explosions later, they come out saying that they managed to get the guy who killed the American ambassador in Libya! *Standing ovation* ‫ ‏‬hese are the same security officers that fail day after day in returning T stolen cars, securing the streets or even stopping a man from riding the women’s car in the metro. But papers still find no shame in emphasizing how great our security forces are, how tough the times we are living are and how the whole society should be worried but thankful for our watchful saviors. ‫ ‏‬hen, when Eid was just around the corner, they arrested a T “homosexual organization”, yes you read that right. And here’s the evidence state security decided to share with us: ‫ ‏‬They were rich • ‫ •‏‬They were wearing necklaces ‫ •‏‬They had alcohol in their apartment ‫ •‏‬They had wigs and makeup ‫‏‬ So of course, they are homosexuals and definitely a threat to the society. ‫ ‏‬o in two months, our beloved Ikhwangy government succeeded S in reproducing the nineties from the Satanists (watch Nadia ElGuindy’s ‫ اإلمبراطورة‬to get the gist of it), terrorists (Adel Imam’s ‫ )اإلرهابي‬and homosexuals (look up the Queen boat case).

‫ ‏‬hy, you might ask. Well because all these cases instill fear, and fear is W the number one rule in the Idiots’ Guide on how to rule. Not only that, but by describing specific details of how “those devious evil” people dress and act, you get a society of skeptical beings looking at everyone with a black T-shirt or a necklace as either a blood drinker or a horny infidel who’s only interested in sleeping with his guy friends. ‫‏‬You see, that’s how it starts; it’s a cycle. ‫ ‏‬eople will talk, and talk shows will prosper as these issues, along with P camel pee remedies, are considered the bread and butter of exploitive media, which unfortunately is all over the TV lately. Loud TV hosts will talk about how the internet ruined the society and bearded two-legged creatures will talk about the bad influence of Western books and culture, so the normal reaction will be internet censorship. ‫ ‏‬eanwhile we have citizens who can’t practice their religious beliefs, M citizens with no clean water or humane housing. We have a constitution that talks about women rights in the context of Shari’a law andfreedom of speech within the context of social traditions, all to be surely approved by the majority in an upcoming referendum. ‫ ‏‬ut come on, did you expect from El-Nahda project anything less than B inventing the time machine and taking us all back to the dark ages?

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New Year’s

Resolutions for Dummies By Summer Nazif

30 DECEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

THE YEAR IS COMING TO AN END AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS: NOSTALGICALLY LOOKING BACK TO THE PAST 11 MONTHS MAKING RESOLUTIONS! MAKING RESOLUTIONS IS AN EASY TASK – KEEPING THEM? NOT SO MUCH. THINK BACK TO LAST YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS – CAN YOU EVEN REMEMBER WHAT YOU RESOLVED TO ACHIEVE? ME NEITHER. It is a yearly ritual; we write down our resolutions and then we put the paper away to work on them later, and then we forget where we put them. While most of us kick off the year with the best intentions, we often find ourselves floundering come March or sooner. Usually this is because we set ourselves up to fail by compiling a list of resolutions we probably will never do. And since doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity, time to change our ways. So, how do we make this year different? Here are tips that help make resolutions stick: • Start with a clean slate. Most people set up their new year’s resolutions based on failures from the past year. Not very motivational. Instead, write down all your breakthroughs, breakdowns, and think of why you didn’t accomplish things you thought that you would. Forgive yourself for failing and start anew. • Prioritize. First things must come first. Choose the most important things that need immediate attention and start work on them, right away. • Be realistic in setting actionable and objective goals. An actionable goal is something that’s easy to make part of your everyday routine. Objective goals are the result of your actionable efforts, like shooting for an amount of weight to lose, or maintaining a specific body weight. Make sure your resolutions include both types of goals.

Haven’t decided which new year’s resolution you want to focus on this year? Here are five ideas for you to try:

1. Be More Productive At work, have you finished all your tasks on time? In school, have you performed efficiently to have good grades? A good resolution is to avoid procrastination. Why do tomorrow, what you can do today? Use your time wisely. It’s a great start for your resolutions.

2. Focus More on Something You Love

Is there a hobby that you are passionate about, but have been neglecting? This year, make the change; start where you left off. When you enjoy what you do, you are in a more passionate state of mind, and always doing your best because you enjoy what you do. You’ll be able to handle obstacles because you enjoy the day-to-day activity of doing what you love.

3. Quit Something That Isn’t Working

“Winners never quit, quitters never win”? Wrong. To stick with something in an absence of further progress is a waste. Reflect on your past year. Is there something that you have put a lot of time and energy into, but still don’t end up anywhere? This upcoming year, consider creating a New Year’s resolution to quit something that just isn’t working.

4. Break a Bad Habit

• Limit your scope. What sounds easier – sticking to one or two resolution, or seven?

Have your bad habits become an automatic part of your daily routine? For example, you may often wake up in the morning thinking negative thoughts, which puts you in a bad mood throughout the day. For this upcoming year, make a resolution to break a bad habit.

• Make it a game. Reward yourself when you do well, kick your own butt when you don’t.

5. Boost Your Confidence

• Get some perspective. It’s a good idea to have your list of resolutions vetted by someone else. A “perspective person” should be someone who knows you well and who can be honest with you.

Personally, this one is pretty far up my resolutions list. Enhance your social skills by developing your confidence. Believe in yourself. Gain more knowledge, it would help you establish your stature. Have faith in your abilities. A good resolution would enable you improve your hidden talents. It is a good foundation in establishing your future.

• Repeat, repeat, repeat. In order for a resolution to work, the new behavior has to become automatic. And the only way to make a behavior automatic is to do it over and over again -- until it sticks. • Get others involved. Letting friends and family in on your plans will help keep you accountable and persistent.

The beginning of every year brings in new hope; we like to forget about our past and its daunting memories and wish for a new start. Hence, it can’t hurt to plan ahead. With enough preparation and persistence, this time next year you will look back at 2013 as the year you finally brought change to your life.

Islam Masoud 25 November 2012

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Ahmad El-Esseily: Talking With the Man Behind the Online Philosophy Show By Youssef Saad Eldin AHMAD EL-ESSEILY IS A WRITER, SHOW PRESENTER, AND MOST RECENTLY, A SELF-PROCLAIMED PHILOSOPHER! AND THAT LAST PART IS WHAT THIS INTERVIEW WILL BE ABOUT, BECAUSE ESSEILY ACTUALLY RECENTLY LAUNCHED AN ONLINE SHOW THAT DISCUSSES PHILOSOPHY AND ONLY PHILOSOPHY! EL 7ALAZONA, ESSEILY’S LATEST SHOW, IS BASICALLY A PHILOSOPHY ACOURSE IN THE FORM OF FIVE-MINUTE ONLINE EPISODES ON ELGOMHOREYA.TV. WE NEVER THOUGHT WE’D BE ASKING THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS IN AN INTERVIEW, BUT APPARENTLY EVERYTHING IS A LITTLE DIFFERENT WITH ESSEILY.

34 DECEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

Campus: OK, getting right to the point, when did you start getting interested in philosophy? Esseily: Actually, I’m a self-made philosopher. I’m a very bad pupil, I hate academia and I never studied philosophy. But I found myself philosophizing, it’s who I am. People who approach philosophy in an academic manner might be a bit uncomfortable with my approach, because I define things the way I want to rather than sticking to academically agreed upon definitions. Another reason why I don’t like philosophical academia is that I want to reach my own conclusions, even if they’d already been made thousands of years ago. So I think philosophy scholars might find me a bit annoying, despite that this was not the feedback I received from my encounters with philosophy teachers and professors. But I know that this is an issue that I’ll ultimately face.

of how to approach people with these types of ideas. I didn’t notice it at first, but then I realized that I’m using a very similar approach. Then I thought to myself if he’s talking about justice in philosophy (which is my thing) and his approach is compatible with me, then why not use his curriculum!

C: Some of our friends, the type who never take interest in anything serious or complicated, are somehow really into El 7alazona. We think it’s because of the way you deliver your material. What do you think? E: I think that the ability to simplify things and turn them into simple

C: Have you perceived everything in a philosophical manner?

words is a gift. And the type of people you’re referring to is one of my targets. I believe that people, by nature, seek answers, even those who seem to lack intellect. It’s just that those answers are not delivered in a language that’s suitable for them. I believe that if a “potato couch”, someone whose ultimate satisfaction is watching a match, is aware of how an intellectual idea might change him, pursuing intellectualism will be his main goal.

E: Yes, I mean when a musician sees a certain scene, music plays in

C: So does that make the “potato couch” your main target?

his head and when a painter listens to a piece of music he visualizes a painting. The same applies to philosophers, when they observe ordinary things, they see something different than what everybody else sees. You can’t help it, it’s basically who you are.

C: People with an exceptional way of thinking and processing are a bit… crazy, why is that? E: A philosopher is an idealist, he is usually driven by a will to change something. Philosophers are often detached from reality if it doesn’t reflect the philosophies they believe in. The wider the gap between a person and his community (on an intellectual level), the more detached he becomes, and ultimately turns into a black sheep within the community. Most philosophers died before witnessing the effect of their ideas, but whoever lived long enough to see the change his/her ideas brought is one lucky bastard.

C: Does this apply to you? E: The Egyptian community is killing me! I find many of the community’s actions unacceptable and it’s driving me crazy. That’s why I try to stay home most of the time, I don’t leave the house unless I absolutely have to. This is how I shield myself from the depression I might go through whenever I witness how things really are out there.

C: Have you ever felt that philosophy can affect religion negatively? E: If someone’s faith gets broken the moment he starts asking questions then it’s not really faith to begin with. Some people argue that you shouldn’t ask questions in order to preserve your faith. However, my faith is a result of asking questions and contemplating. Philosophy trains your perception and it was through that perception that I reached faith. Philosophy might make you lose your faith and it might also make you see God in a way you never imagined. It really depends on what type of person you are.

E: Honestly, no. My main target is the “good student”, talking to someone with sound instincts is completely different from talking to someone with mutilated instincts. There is a type of people I can’t help, and there are others who are already on stable philosophical grounds but don’t know where to start, and this is the type I can help, just like Sandel helped me. But keep in mind that the distinction between those two types has nothing to do with social, financial, or educational background. What I’m referring to is their instinct and sensibility. I mean, a taxi driver could have a better philosophical instinct than a college professor. When I started El 7alazona I knew that it wouldn’t be getting millions of hits, I knew it woould only be 30 or 40 thousand hits, but it will keep building up audience throughout the years and it will be the Egyptians’ Michael Sandel.

C: And that’s your ultimate goal as a philosopher? E: All philosophers want to change the world, but this is only true on an outer level. What all philosophers are really after is themselves. You do not choose to “unphilosophize” things, it’s not a matter of choice; you get philosophical because this is who you are. Philosophy is searching for what is better, truer, and more beneficial. I’m doing this because I have to. But on a more practical level, there are two achievements which a philosopher can accomplish: the first is to reach a valuable philosophical product even if no one believes or understands it, and the other is to change people. You’re in heaven when you achieve both; having an original and valuable philosophical idea and finding someone to adopt it.

C: This was one of the most interesting conversations we’ve ever had, thank you!

C: What led up to the point that you decided to dedicate an entire show to philosophy? E: Well, looking back, El 7alazona is not the first philosophical thing I do. The approach I used when I did “7aba Esseily” was a bit philosophical, and my first book was philosophical too. I remember when my friends used to come over and we’d watch “7aba Esseily”, they’d keep commenting and joking during the show and I’d feel that they are missing out on important parts of the show. And it was at that point that I felt that a book would be a better one-on-one approach. El 7alazona was a bit different. A couple of years ago, I stumbled upon a series of online video lectures by a philosopher called Michael Sandel and I thought to myself “that’s it”. If I ever knew that you could get an education like this I would’ve signed up a long time ago. Despite that this was several years ago, it inspired and provided me with the methodology

SECTIONSTAGE CENTER

Zanad You’ve most probably seen their work, you just don’t know it’s theirs! By Youssef Saad Eldin ZANAD IS THE BRILLIANT ANIMATION STUDIO BEHIND SOME OF THE COOLEST 2D AND 3D ANIMATIONS OUT THERE. WE INTERVIEWED TARIQ, ONE OF ZANAD’S FOUNDERS. AS SOON AS WE WALKED INTO THEIR OFFICE, WE UNDERSTOOD WHAT THESE GUYS ARE ALL ABOUT. USUALLY, PEOPLE COMPLIMENT CAMPUS’ HEADQUARTERS, BUT THESE GUYS TOOK IT TO AN ENTIRELY NEW LEVEL, THE PLACE OOZES CREATIVITY, WHICH IS AN INDICATOR TO WHAT THESE GUYS HAVE TO OFFER WHEN IT COMES TO MEDIA! HERE’S INSIGHT ON WHAT MIGHT VERY WELL BE THE BEST ANIMATION STUDIO IN EGYPT. Campus: Tell us about Zanad, what do you guys do exactly? Tariq: We’re a 2D and 3D animation studio, we started in 2007. We work on branding identities but we mainly specialize in animation. 90% of the work we’ve done was for TV commercials, but we sometimes work on opening and closing credits for shows. We work with multinational advertising agencies, production houses and clients. Sometimes we work on startups and corporate identities for businesses. In other words, if there’s anything to do with visuals and we find it interesting, we’ll do it. As a matter of fact, a couple of years ago, we worked on the movie Genenet El Asmak’s poster because we simply liked the idea.

C: Was that your plan all along or did you guys want to work on stuff like short movies but got sucked into the advertising business? T: Not really, we’re a bit realistic and we knew what we were getting ourselves into. We just wanted to start an animation studio, and in order to do that you have to be commissioned. Of course, we’d love to make a short movie, but that sort of thing needs funding. On the other hand,

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it’s not like we’re making a fortune now or anything, because people here underestimate the importance of animation studios. You see, when clients don’t have the time and are constricted by a tight budget, they think “let’s do animation”, but it actually is the other way around; animation takes A LOT of time.

C: How did you start? And how many of you guys are working at Zanad? T: Tariq Amin and I started Zanad, back then there were 3 of us, now we’re 12. We started as a 2D animation house, but the demand is pretty high on 3D in the market so we started working on that too.

C: What drove you to decide that this is what you want to do? T: I’ve worked in cinema, TV and I was also a consultant for a TV channel. It took me 10 years to figure out that I wanted to do my own thing and that what I’m good at is graphics, so I decided to give it a shot. It was about time. But what made me take the risk was the thought of doing something new. There are many graphic studios here in Egypt, but most of them consider their employees as operators rather than artists. They settle for mimicking foreign advertisements and don’t give much room for creativity and free thinking. This was getting to me; I specialize in animation and I spent 10 years not working in animation, so I decided to start a small studio where people would actually work on what they love and drop that whole “sanay3eya” deal. We’re even doing our best to have fixed working hours at Zanad; a 9 to 5 sort of thing. One time, this caused huge clash with a client; the client called and was asking me to finish up some work and I told them that it was the weekend, and they replied, “We’re not asking you to work, only your employees.” I told them that I don’t refer to them as “my employees”, we’re a bunch of people who work together. Some clients accept this and respect it, while others think that we’re a bunch of lunatics.

C: Do clients ever ask you to replicate an ad that has been done abroad? T: We never actually had to do that, everybody wants to do something new and original, so even if clients ask for that, we provide them with a better alternative and they end up choosing it. And after a while, clients got a better understanding of our work and started giving us the space to do our own thing.

C: Did you ever get the feeling that this whole thing is not worth it and that you’d rather just shut down, pack your things and leave the country? T: Every other week, man. But what stops me every single time is the people over here; every single person is quite a character! Every time we’re recruiting at Zanad, I don’t consider the applicant’s actual work as much as I consider his overall character. I believe that the most destructive thing to any work environment is having people with issues. People who have hidden agendas who go behind each other’s backs would compromise the entire project. I always think about the people at Zanad as a football team, chemistry is the most important thing. If everyone is great at what they do but are unable to work together, the output won’t be any good. The greatest thing about Zanad is the spirit, and I guess that’s what keeps us all going.

C: Do you take up projects outside Egypt? T: Yeah, we’ve done some projects in Dubai. But honestly, we haven’t been giving this aspect enough attention. Nevertheless, we want to focus more on that now and start expanding and taking up projects in the region and maybe even Europe and the United States. Actually, we took up a project in Canada but weren’t able to go through with it because it was during the revolution and you know how hectic it was back then.

C: What is the thing you’re hoping would change the most? T: People’s mentality; sometime people’s perception of animation is pretty frustrating. I mean if you tell someone let’s go see an animation movie and he’d give you the usual “la ya 3am da cartoon”, people also assume that animation is easier, cheaper and faster and that’s as far away from the truth as possible. I would love to see the day when that changes, but this is one of the reasons why we always try to raise the bar and further improve our work.

C: Thank you for your time and keep up the good work! 37

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The Rise of Online Video Platforms THROUGHOUT THE PAST FEW YEARS, THE ONLINE VIDEO PLATFORMS USER BASE HAS GROWN EXPONENTIALLY. THERE ARE CURRENTLY 74 MILLION INTERNET USERS IN THE MENA REGION, AND THIS NUMBER IS EXPECTED TO EXCEED 100 MILLION USERS BY 2015. MOREOVER, 60% OF THE PEOPLE WHO SEARCH GOOGLE FOR ENTERTAINMENT ARE ACTUALLY SEARCHING FOR VIDEOS, MAKING THE FACT THAT ONLINE VIDEO PLATFORMS ARE TAKING OVER FROM REGULAR ENTERTAINMENT MEDIUMS INEVITABLE. Online video platforms offer users the luxury of choosing what they want to watch whenever is most suitable for them. Some heavily funded online video services like OSNplay and MBC’s Shahid air the same content aired on OSN and MBC networks, making them the online version of cable networks, while self-produced video services like ELGTV, Kharabeesh and Disalata produce their own content. Unlike regular television viewers, who occasionally flip through TV channels indifferently, the viewers of online media platforms carefully choose the videos they watch, which is why most self-produced videos contain a certain level of depth in order to convey a specific message. Ahmad El Esseily’s show El 7alazona, which airs on ELGTV, is a very good example to the aforementioned. The richness and depths of shows like El 7alazona helped ELGTV become a main competitor in terms of viewership in the online video services field in an extremely short time; ranking 3rd after OSNplay and Shahid. There are also several videos produced by ELGTV that went viral, like ELGTV’s interview with Ahmed Spider and Evon’s Bent bet3akes welad fl share3. In light of ELGTV’s belief in the power and creativity of youth, not only does it offer opportunities for young talents to take part in the media revolution, but it also –unlike many other production houses- does not monopolize its talents.

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PRESS RELEASES

‫‏‬Nahdet El Mahrousa Celebrates Egypt’s Young Innovators Nahdet El Mahrousa celebrated the success of past winners of its Young Innovator’s Awards (YIA) program at the American University in Cairo’s downtown campus on Monday the 19th of November. ‫‏‬W ith Egypt ranking at 39 of the top 40 countries by number of published scientific research papers in 2011 with only 5,592, the Young Innovator’s Awards addresses a pertinent need and aims to make a positive impact on Egypt’s scientific culture by supporting and developing innovative research among Egyptian students. ‫ ‏‬ver the past eight years, the program has supported students in O all national Egyptian universities, in all 87 faculties of Engineering, Agriculture, Sciences and Computer Science, and has implemented partnerships with numerous businesses, government agencies and educational institutions. ‫ ‏‬he event, which called for entries for next year’s program and T highlighted the new YIA program model, was also attended by a distinguished group of YIA program partners from the civil and private sectors to support Egypt’s young scientists. ‫ ‏‬he event showcased an outstanding group of young Egyptians T who believe in scientific research and knowledge as a road for progress, and have devoted their time and effort to search for new ideas and formulas in the areas of science, engineering and agriculture for the development of Egypt.

A New Fragrance “I have a woman in mind when I design: she is a positive person, cheerful, joyful and confident, has glamour in her veins, is a master of her own destiny. I love women who are independent and free, strong willed and stubborn. A strong personality is the sexiest thing to me” -Roberto Cavalli The Roberto Cavalli perfume belongs to the ambery floral family. It is an exuberant and sunny fragrance whose top notes, lit by pink peppers, exude a genuine strength of character. Vibrant and sensual, it exhilarates and mesmerises from the very first contact. At the heart of the Roberto Cavalli perfume one finds all the majesty of the absolute of orange blossom. It is a colour as much as a scent that reveals an ultra-feminine trail and leaves no-one indifferent.

The bottle slides into a golden case enhanced with flamboyant reflections. Roberto Cavalli’s signature stamp is printed in relief on the front. The case is shaped like a seamed sheath dress with a turquoise hip-belt, typical of the unique colour work offered by the Florentine fashion house for over forty years. Elisa Sednaoui naturally embodies the Roberto Cavalli woman, this indomitable woman on whom all eyes focus. Her feline eyes, her elegance and artistic talent express themselves in fashion, film and music making her a unique woman. Elisa is the image of the Roberto Cavalli perfume in a campaign directed by Johan Renck (film) and Steven Klein (photography).

This sensuality finally wraps itself into the captivating base notes of the Tonka bean that leaves an appetizing imprint on the skin... essentially addictive. Louise Turner, perfumer at Givaudan, created the Roberto Cavalli signature fragrance. The artistic line of the Roberto Cavalli perfume bottle recalls the voluptuous curves of a sensual woman. The solid glass base evokes the strength and the power of its character. Crowned by a tiara-shaped cap formed by Roberto Cavalli’s golden seal, the bottle is adorned with a tiger-print necklace reminiscent of its creator’s emblematic animal prints.

Assiut Train Crash 17 November 2012

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The Time Is Now!

Admit You Were Wrong and Start Over! By Sarah Adel Elkerdani ADMITTING YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING ISN’T EASY FOR MOST PEOPLE. ON THE OTHER HAND, I FIND IT AN EXTREMELY INTEGRAL, MATURE AND RESPONSIBLE ACT. IT WAS NEVER HARD FOR ME TO TELL PEOPLE HOW WRONG I WAS, EXCEPT WHEN IT COMES TO THIS ONE THING: THE EGYPTIAN REVOLUTION. I HAVE BEEN AGAINST MUBARAK SINCE FOREVER. I have been longing for a revolution since I was in high school, and I was one of the first people on the streets on Friday, the 28th Of January 2011. The tear gas and loud chanting crept beneath my skin, then struck bolts of hope and faith that tomorrow would be far better than today. The 11th Of February changed me forever. I felt like a human being who was worthy of a good life for the very first time. I wanted to go to all my moronic Facebook friends who were against the revolution and rub it in their shocked faces… I was never more wrong about anything. I never had a problem with Salafis because I never knew they existed. I never had a problem with Ikhwan because all I knew is that they had been screwed for 80 years by the regime and it made me feel sorry for them… I shouldn’t have felt sorry. I went to clean Tahrir the day after Mubarak stepped down and nothing felt more liberating. I was so romantic and naïve that it makes me want to puke! How did a bunch of idiots fool us all? How did they steal the most beautiful thing that has happened to millions of people? And how did we not know that they were the bad guys? We all know the horror story that happened between the 11th of February to this day, leading to ‘Morseeko’ being Egypt’s president… EGYPT, for God’s sake!

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Dear protestors, You must admit that we failed miserably if you ever want this to be a better place. Don’t be too proud to make peace with the fact that the revolution has been hijacked, none of its goals have been achieved and that life at the moment is much worse than life as we knew it under Mubarak. He saved us a big load of shit; you have to at least give him that. No woman had 20 cm of her hair cut by a niqabi in the subway. Nobody was accused of being a non-believer; the economy was doing much better. Oh, and Sinai was ours. And in case you haven’t heard, some of them plan on bringing down the pyramids and the Sphinx because they are apparently ‘worshipable’! This revolution that is on the verge of happening for real is the spark, waking us all up. If you don’t participate now, you will lose the right to be a human being for at least the next 30 years. I would rather have an evil leader than a stupid one who will eventually ruin everything. And who says it has to be the evil vs. the stupid? After hearing the news that there will be million man marches on Friday the 23rd of November, that bolt of hope struck again. I had truly missed that feeling. Nobody’s moving to Canada and we will not be ruled by Ikhwan. And even though Friday didn’t fully turn out as I expected, I know that it’s only the beginning. The time is now!

“Don’t be too proud to make peace with the fact that the revolution has been hijacked, none of its goals have been achieved and that life at the moment is much worse than life as we knew it under Mubarak.”

FOR RENT

Small Space - Big Space Size Does Not Matter! Call: +2 02 3749 8730/3 E-mail: ghadazayed@corerepublic.net

FOR RENT

Small Space - Big Space Size Does Not Matter! Call: +2 02 3749 8730/3 E-mail: ghadazayed@corerepublic.net

FOR RENT

Small Space - Big Space Size Does Not Matter! Call: +2 02 3749 8730/3 E-mail: ghadazayed@corerepublic.net

SECTION OPINIONATED

My life in grunge I’M NOT A TEEN ANYMORE SO I CAN’T WEAR BLACK ALL THE TIME, RENOUNCE SOCIETY AND GAZE AT THE SKY WHILE SMOKING FOR HOURS. I KNOW FOR A FACT I’M NOT HAVING A MIDLIFE CRISIS; I’M IN MY EARLY TWENTIES FOR GOD’S SAKE. AND I’M DEFINITELY NOT SUFFERING FROM CLINICAL DEPRESSION SINCE I’M A DOCTOR AND I WOULD KNOW. SO WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH ME? UGH, DAMNED IF I KNEW! BUT HERE’S THE DEAL.

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By Mohamed Adel

Lately, I tend to be sad. Yes, ‘sad panda’ sad. So much so, that I keep getting asked “What the hell is wrong with you and your emo tweets?” My classic answers have been “I’m having a bad day”, “I’m fat”, “I’m going through a bad break-up”, “My best friend is going through a bad break-up” or any other lame reply I can come up with, at the time, to excuse my halo of melancholy. Truth is, I don’t consider myself particularly whiny; I just say what I think, and it just happens that I don’t have many happy thoughts to share. I would love to be that hubblybubbly person who spreads love and positive energy among his friends, but I just ain’t. I find comfort in sadness; I love staying in the fetal position for hours, I love my long naps, I google baby panda pictures to feel sadder, I enjoy staying up late visiting the fridge to keep me company, stuffing my face with food whenever I feel like and I love my sad suicidal music so much that Bon Iver and Sigur Ros are becoming my religion. I even forced myself to read Tolstoy and trust me it doesn’t get more frustrating than Russian literature. Regardless, God knows I’m not trying to be emo, I don’t even find emo-ness remotely cool. I just have a tendency to reply to existential questions with pseudo-intellectual depressive shit that I find poignant but most people think as repugnant. Exhibit A: I’m in one of those sessions and we’re asked to mention one reason why we think we exist. My answer: ‘to depress people’. Awkward silence and sideways glances ensue. Exhibit B: I find ‘what are you up to?’ an incredibly annoying question. See, I never know what to do or where to go next. So ‘dying alone’ tends to be the most appropriate answer that comes to my mind. But saying that out loud scares people off while that’s exactly how I feel about my life; wording it any differently would be sugarcoating. Some people accuse me that I like to be sad, heh! As if I get a doughnut for free when I pass by TBS with a sad puppy face. Sadness ain’t a walk in the park, f*ckfaces; sadness is a dark place you should be happy you’re not stuck in. So stop asking me to snap out it, like anyone wouldn’t want to snap out of it after Lykke Li horrifyingly redefined sadness with her song Sadness Is A Blessing, I mean, she literally sang ‘For sorrow, the only lover I’ve ever know’ AND I DON’T WANT SADNESS TO BE MY LOVER! WHO THE HELL WANTS TO SLEEP WITH SADNESS? I’d really love to be one of those colorful sons of guns who jump off bridges for kicks, hug trees, run naked in the desert or get wasted on weekends like there is no tomorrow, but I can’t. I find every single bit of life tremendously depressing; waking up is a terrible thing to do, leaving home to work and meeting people is beyond painful, smiling is basically impossible in this country, talking to most people is unbearable and can give you cancer, food is disappointing, the streets are ugly and then came Morsi calling us “ahoy we 3asherty”! And I sincerely recommend that we steer clear of love matters, because I might flip. Life is pointless, we all know it and everyone is tired of hearing that. Most times, I don’t vocalize my gloomy thoughts (and for that you should be thankful); I’m just trying to cope with the pains of my existence by embracing sadness, instead of running away from it. Trying hard not to shove this abomination down your throats and avoiding rubbing my constant blues in your faces. This being said, I also need you to understand that it’s hard to hide it especially that, whoever you are -unless you’re a burger- your presence makes me sadder.

SECTION OPINIONATED

Unforgettable Night Trip on Bus N13

By Sherif Alaa

“Oh look at your hair!” she loudly said to me. She started making comments about how “fluffy and soft” my curly hair looks. She asked me if she could touch my hair to see how it feels. She was flirting with me in a way that made me uncomfortable; something that seldom happens, I give her that! I was ridiculously shaking because of the cold; I looked like one of the survivors of Titanic. She kept asking me what’s wrong with me and why I’m shaking. “Apparently I’m feeling cold,” I replied with an astonished look on my face. “Oh no, you’re hot!” she answered with an if-you-know-what-I-mean facial gesture. I didn’t reply, as I was busy picturing my hands surrounding a cup of hot tea under my blanket. A couple of silent minutes were interrupted by her voice. “Do you want to put on my scarf until you or I leave the bus?” I nodded in agreement without hesitation. “This is an offer you can’t refuse,” Marlon Brando advised me in my head. Putting the long scarf around my neck and ears gave me a momentary orgasmic feeling of warmth.

IT WAS ONE OF THOSE COLD AUTUMN SATURDAY NIGHTS IN LONDON, AND I WENT TO A HOUSE PARTY IN THE SOUTH EASTERN PART OF LONDON. I LEFT BY 2 IN THE MORNING, HEADING BACK TO WHERE I LIVE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN, THE NORTH WEST. THE WEATHER WAS TERRIBLY COLD, ESPECIALLY WITH THE FEW LAYERS I WAS WEARING AFTER COMING BACK FROM SUNNY CAIRO THE NIGHT BEFORE. I TOOK THE FIRST BUS HALFWAY THROUGH AND RAN QUICKLY TO HEAT UP MY BODY TO ANOTHER BUS STOP TO GET ON BUS N13, WHICH DROPS ME RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE. I SAT NEXT TO THIS YOUNG WOMAN; WELL, NOT THAT YOUNG, WITH THE WRINKLES ALL OVER HER FACE AND THE BLACK SPOTS AROUND HER EYES.

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“How was your night?” she asked me, and my answer was as short as “fine”. Then, without asking her, she started telling me about how bad her night was at a club where no one approached her. “But then I met you!” she said. I looked at her showing no signs of interest whatsoever and she continued, “Well, but I don’t want to know you, and also you don’t want to know someone like me. I’m a worthless piece of shit, I’m pathetic, and I’m even talking to you about how pathetic I am without knowing you, Mr…?” “Sherif,” I answered, “My name is Sherif”. Well it sounded like “Bond, James Bond” in my head but maybe it’s the Skyfall-IMAX effect. She said her name is “Sue-May”, or at least that is how I’d pronounce it and I have absolutely no idea how to spell it. Her tone started to fade out. “I think I’m going to start crying Mr Saleef, is it Saleef?” She sadly wrapped up her sentence with some tears in her eyes. “Why are you going to cry?” I asked. “And it is Sherif, and don’t call me Mister,” I whispered. “Look Mr Assef, it’s not your issue, it is my very own problem and I am going to solve it!” she screamed while exploding with tears, well and some spittle, splashing my face, which I then wiped with her scarf. She was collapsing. I didn’t know if I should immediately give her back the scarf and leave the seat to one of the people standing on the bus to share some of this, hmmm interesting, experience, or if I should try to talk to her. I’ve never

seen someone who looked as miserable before. “What is wrong with you, Sue-May?” I asked with genuine interest in knowing what is going on. “Mr Chavez, I told you, this is my issue. You have no idea about my life. But I’m going to end my misery tonight, no one will even notice,” she said before she started to blow her nose. I was freaking out, disregarding the very distracting fact that she kept calling me other Pakistani and Latino names, anything but “Sherif”. “Are you talking about suicide?” I asked. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, there must be other other solutions to your problems.” She looked at me, and after a few seconds she answered, “Well, my bus stop is approaching Mr… How do you say it again?” I was in a shock. “My name doesn’t matter, but I’ll write it down for you,” I answered. She gave me her smartphone to write down my name for her. I tried to make up stories about how awful and sad my life was, and that I was thinking about suicide as well, but apparently my short speech wasn’t very effective. “Here’s my bus stop, was nice to meet you,” she said as she left the bus after taking her scarf. The driver closed the doors and started moving. “Pull over here please, it’s my stop,” I shouted so that the driver could hear me. It was less than 10 meters after her stop. I left the bus and I started following her unnoticed; or so I still believe. She stood by the edge of the sidewalk without moving, although there was no traffic at all; something that was both fishy and scary. “Is she going to throw herself under a car?” I asked myself while moving towards her. A bus was approaching and she seemed to be ready to throw herself under London’s famous double-decker. I pulled her arm while she was leaning forward and her head was really close to the fast bus. “Who are you? Why did you stop me?” she shouted at me while crying. “I thought you said no one will notice,” I answered like a smartass, “This way all Londoners are going to notice”. She cried in a hysterical way that I’ve never seen except in movies; well, isn’t this a movie scene itself? This is why I decided to be Hollywood’s cliché “anonymous good-doer”. I felt an adrenaline rush as if I was doing paragliding from the Himalayas, or driving a Porsche on 260 km/h; not that I’ve done any of this before, but one can imagine. “I think you need a shoulder to cry on,” I said in a wise voice, and in two seconds she was literally crying on my shoulder. “I think I should walk you home Mr...” she said. I can’t even remember which name she used this time, but luckily she looked at her mobile and said with a smiley face, “Oh shit I’m terrible, it’s Sherif.” Of course I was questioning her IQ at that moment, but then I was thinking about how sad her life could be, and that to her, being squeezed under a double-decker seemed like a better idea than living until tomorrow. “Well, yeah let’s go to my place, but I think taking the bus sounds like a better idea,” I replied. We waited for 10 more minutes until the same bus N13 came again; I’m glad she went on the bus not under it. At that time I couldn’t feel or think about the cold or anything else but what was happening. On one hand, I felt obliged to take this stupid idea off her mind, but on the other, I was thinking how stupid I am to go home with a suicidal 32 year-old woman; I can’t remember when exactly she told

me her age. A few minutes later it was my stop; we alighted and, very carefully, crossed the street heading to where I live. “What is this building?” she asked me. “Well, I live here, it’s my college residence.” I answered. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry I put you through this, you’re too young for this crap. How old are you? 25?” I nodded. “But I’m not going through anything; you’ll wash your face, drink a cup of tea, go home and then I’ll go to bed and nothing happened,” I replied trying to make her feel that she didn’t involve me in anything. “Can I use your bathroom?” she asked as we entered the very warm house where I live, although it looks like a mental health institution. She went to the bathroom, locked herself and then I put my ear on the door to make sure that nothing wrong was going on. My biggest fear was to have a suicide in my bathroom. For the first, and probably the only, time in my life the sound of another person peeing made me feel good; it was an indicator she’s still alive. As I heard the flush and the hand dryer noise, I ran away from the door and waited for her in the corridor. We went to the kitchen for two minutes to prepare one cup of tea for Sue-May, and rushed back to the room. She started telling me about her problems, which I couldn’t understand because she was not making sense as she was weeping out loud. What I understood, after almost 70 minutes of listening, is that she sees a shrink who advised her to take antidepressants and that, needless to say, she needed someone to listen, just to listen. The last thing I said before she started putting on her coat was, “I think taking antidepressants would be good for now. I think you need that.” We left the room and the building and I walked her to the bus stop. We stood in silence for three minutes until we saw a bus approaching, it was N13 again of course. “Thank you, Mr Sherif,” she said as she hugged me. “Goodbye and stay alive,” I replied. I thought about making a joke telling her, “No, it’s Lateef not Sherif,” but then I thought that such an out-of-place terrible joke would actually give her more reasons to kill herself; so I just waved goodbye. I went back home, I in denial, pretending that nothing happened and it was just a normal night, until I found her empty pack of tissues on my desk and a used tissue that had some marks from her lipstick. I put my head on the pillow; I opened my eyes and it was “tomorrow” already. I don’t know if she ever witnessed the next morning.

OPINIONATED SECTION

Angry Birds The rant to end all rants NOW THAT I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION: I DON’T OWN ANGRY BIRDS, NEITHER DO I PLAY IT. I JUST FIND IT AMUSING THAT A GAME CALLED “ANGRY BIRDS” IS SO POPULAR. I THOUGHT THE TITLE WAS RIDICULOUS, BUT THEN AGAIN I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN ANGRY BIRDS. SO… By Amy Quotb

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Moving on…

I Think We Are Angry Birds

People repeatedly ask me, “Why are you so angry all the time?” (Pronouncing ‘angry’ like a four letter word.) And I always respond with, “Everyone is angry, I just find it okay to express my anger while other people suppress it. In fact, I think those people will end up massshooting random passersby on a sunny Sunday morning!”

Generation Angry

Earlier this year, I spotted the phrase “Generation Screwed” on the cover of a magazine, I don’t remember which, but it was a major global publication. And it hit me; I’m not the only one who feels so screwed! The whole generation IS in fact screwed. Big time!

The State of The World

One of the greatest quotes from Fight Club goes: “We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised by television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.” I think it’s pretty self-explanatory there, and it made so much sense in its time. But now, there are tens of cherries to top all of that and some, making it much more aggravating. We ARE falling into a great depression, fast, or so claim the experts. We are slowly sliding back into the dark

ages, where religion and politics are so tangled up that we don’t know our heads from our asses.

Angry Me

Now that this is happening and piling up, and with my dark, pessimistic view of the world, it doesn’t get any brighter in my head. The light at the end of the tunnel is neither a way out, nor a freight train really; it’s the flames of all the explosions that happen around me. I’m in the tunnel and I’m too hesitant to get out, for fear of contributing to the explosions. Because hell, I WOULD. I’m angry because I know that luck DOES exist. That hard work and blood and tears won’t necessarily guarantee your success, despite parental teachings. I’m mad because I hoped to live in a country where your religion, color or sex had nothing to do with the way people evaluate you, which is not happening. On the contrary, it’s leaning more and more toward these judgments, and fast. I’m angry because I can’t do what I love, because I’m too busy doing what I hate to make a living – because I HAVE to make a living. And because I feel absolutely alienated and out of place ALL the time. I’m mad because I don’t fit in, and from the minute I open my eyes in the morning, I have to pretend I’m somebody I’m not, just to power through the day. I’m angry because authorities think it’s okay for me to breathe smokeladen air, smell shit –literally, poo– in every street I step foot in, and drink water that tastes questionable. I’m angry because everyone seems to be okay with the fact that the majority of the population has no access to clean food, and that they live half their lives almost dead with terminal diseases, and with no means to get better. I’m angry because I live

among those zombies who still think they have the right to eye me from head to toe, spurt offensive sexual phrases into my ears, and even grope me as I walk down the street! THEY ACTUALLY THINK THAT’S OKAY, like I’m some kind of socially shared goods! It’s a vicious cycle, and it makes me angrier by the minute.

Anger Management

And because I believe that human beings have the right to be angry in general –let alone all the factors listed above– I also think it’s perfectly okay to express it. I think it’s healthy that, when angry, you act accordingly. Listen to loud music, sing out loud like you want to tear your vocals to pieces. Dance, punch some pillows, CRY. Write, write whatever you feel like writing and just send it out into cyber space. Who cares? You’d be surprised to realize that there are people out there who relate to your anger – specifically and generally. You will not completely fit in, but you’ll realize that everyone feels the same way. Because, much to your surprise, they all see everything that’s wrong in the world just the way you do.

FEEL

In the end of this brief surge of anger, I say… FEEL. Feel angry and alone, but remember, everyone is angry and alone… with you!

] BARE NAKED ] SECTION

7asheesh

Is Now

DIGITAL! Egyptian Entrepreneurship at its Finest By May Kamel

AS OF TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 20TH, 2012, THE INTERNET AS WE KNOW IT HAS CHANGED. WELL, AT LEAST FOR US EGYPTIANS. I’M NOT GIVING INTRODUCTIONS AND I’M NOT CREATING A BUILDUP. HELL, I’M NOT EVEN EXPLAINING WHY I NEED NOT DO THAT!

50 DECEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

Mohamed and Shady (full names censored due to obvious reasons) decided to combine two things they know best -web designing and 7asheesh- with the determination and usefulness of the Egyptian masses, and BAM, el7asheshbkam.com was launched! It is moments like these that make us, as a nation, acknowledge it with a grin: ana men el balad di. The website is basically a focal point that tells you the prices of 7asheesh all over the city and the prices are fed by the users themselves. I couldn’t wait to interview the masterminds behind this full-fledged online presence, and this is how our conversation went. (P.S. I’ll try and be comprehensive about how my conversation with Mohamed and Shady went like, because, you know, amid all the laughing, things just get lost!)

May: I’m ready whenever you guys are… M/SH: Tayeb ne2oom ne3mel shay w neegy! (10 minutes later, over 3 virtual cups of tea)

May: So, eih ba2a! How did you manage to come up with something so simple yet so brilliant? M/SH: (Bursting into laughter) Rabena yekhaleeky. It really was as simple as this: on Monday night, we decided we wanted to start a project. 7asheesh was the first thing to come to mind, obviously. At 12 am, we started working on the website. 9 hours later, it was ready, and by 12 pm on Tuesday we were up and running. Bas keda!

May: You guys really do spontaneity well. As far as I’m concerned, the feedback on El7asheesh Bkam was majorly positive. What have you guys been receiving in the past 24 hours?

M/SH: We’re not overstating, but really most of the feedback we received is positive. Like 99% of it! There was this comment we received on Twitter: “battalo hayafa”, but yeah, fair enough. Nothing we can’t deal with. El yegheez ba2a, one guy at work, of course unaware of our identity, threw in a comment and we were so angry we couldn’t reply to that!

M/SH: It’s all in the making. But we don’t recommend. We create playlists and you listen, bel 3afya! And in case you were wondering, yes, we were watching “El Keif” while working on the website!

May: That’s the spirit! Brilliant movie. Can we expect a Google+ hangout tayeb? You guys are fully utilizing social media and we love it.

May: Fame comes with a price, sir. Technically speaking, what are the numbers looking like?

M/SH: It’s all in the plan.

M/SH: We don’t like to brag, but in 14 hours, 3500 unique visitors

May: Have you considered the delivery option? Egyptians LOVE delivery!

have been to our website, with a total of 7500 page views. 7elw awy. Facebook and Twitter are going slow and steady, but given the fact that it’s 7asheesh that we’re all about, people can have some concerns regarding privacy. But again, there’s no kink that we can’t iron. Kollo hayetzabbat.

M/SH: Of course we have! But along came the security issues. We’ve been trying to figure out a way around that. It’s going to happen eventually. We just need some time to work it out.

May: We’ve been studying this website of yours thoroughly and we have questions; el gamaheer betes2al! This one seems very compelling, at least to a 7asheesh noob like myself: howa el soba3 da ma2aso ad eih?

May: What about the quality of the 7asheesh?

M/SH: (A fit of hysterical laughter). Generally, soba3 is quite bigger than

May: Would we be seeing the el7asheeshbkam.com team rallying to legalize 7asheesh any time sooner or later?

the 2ersh. Or as a brilliant dealer once told us “ya basha el sekeena heya el bet2atta3”!

M/SH: We are people of taste. We would appreciate if users give us more insight on quality. Maho akeed mesh hangarrab kol 7aga; nemoot!

M/SH: No. Hell, no! The best part about the whole thing is the scoring.

May: Allah! Spoken words of wisdom, for real.

We won’t dare deny people this pleasure.

M/SH: But we’re planning on adding a parameter to perhaps rate the

May: I noticed some discrepancies in the prices, and some people even claim it’s more expensive than in real life. Ento betakhdo darayeb walla eih?!

dimensions of the soba3: tamam, 7alawa, 2ella… the sorts. We hate to see people getting ripped off. We’re here to help.

May: You mentioned something about privacy and sorting this out. What do you have in mind?

M/SH: Walahy mesh benbee3! It’s the government, my dear. In Egypt,

M/SH: As you have seen, the website now runs per entry; there are

May: With all the buzz you guys have stirred in just one day, are you satisfied with the outcome? Is this what you had in mind?

no accounts for users. Very soon, our users will be able to sign in via Facebook/Twitter and will be identified on el7asheeshbkam.com via a nickname. Their original Facebook/Twitter will essentially remain anonymous. We believe that people just need some time to ease into the whole thing. For all they know, momken nekoun mokhbereen w nesallemhom! (Yet another bout of laughter).

May: So you guys really have future plans for this. Have you started receiving advertising offers or anything of the sort? M/SH: We don’t do this whole advertising business. We are not

kollo bel qanoon.

M/SH: We surely are grateful for the love (la7za sha3ereya). Yet, we were shocked at people’s general attitude. When we first started this, we wanted people to express freely. 7asheesh is something that most of the people use and we wanted them to feel ok about expressing that. Break the taboo, if you may. Bas el nas mesh bete3raf tel3ab! Perhaps, as a nation, we need to loosen up a little bit. Wennaby ed7ako. Or as we like to put it: estmorning ya regala.

interested. Let us stress on one thing again; we do NOT sell. Think of us as a fa3el kheir.

May: What is it with you guys and tea? The website’s branding, and the 10 minutes before this interview… I’m curious.

May: Indeed! Then what makes you think that this project is sustainable?

M/SH: Bossy ya May, bosso ya Campus readers: kobayet shay sokkar

M/SH: The need, my friend. The thing about 7asheesh is that it’s a national commodity. It is, perhaps, the only thing that doesn’t stratify people. And as long as there is demand, we’re here to stay.

May: Feekom el kheir walahy! So, tell us, what are we to expect in the near future? M/SH: Right now, we’re working on this profile thing we told you about. We are also working on some daily tips, music playlists… You guys are in for a treat. Et2alo shwaya bas.

May: I also noticed that you guys have a YouTube channel, yet it has no videos. Aren’t you considering making 7asheesh tips for dummies or something of the sort? M/SH: (Okay, now that is some serious laughter). 7elwa di awy ya May,

zeyada betefre2 awy ba3d segara 7elwa. We live by that, and we pay tea tribute as well.

May: Ya mazago. Do we expect a facelift on el7asheeshbkam.com soon? M/SH: Indeed. Lots of cool stuff are in the making, so stay tuned. We are also preparing a series of other surprises for you guys. 7asheesh is just the beginning.

May: Looks like you guys are all focused on taking the Internet by storm. We can’t wait. M/SH: We just hope that people go with the flow and play along. We’re all in this for the kicks. And of course the good deals; we hate to see you get ripped off. But basically the kicks.

we’ll use the name! This is exactly what we had in mind regarding the daily tips. We told you, you really are in for a treat.

May: Mohamed and Shady, I really enjoyed this interview. Thank you for the time and the laughs. Fi ay 2aqwal 3awzeen tedeefooha?

May: Speaking of entertainment, how about you recommend some music and/or movies to go with the 7asheesh mood?

M/SH: Ah, el 7asheesh da mesh beta3na! No, seriously, thank you for interviewing us. Stay tuned for the latest updates and our next big hit. Smile and doos ya 7alawa.

PATTERNS

‫ ‏‬ello, W H ] PATTERNS SECTION

]

Women

‫‏‬Penneys - Faux fur trim wrap coat

‫ ‏‬SOS- CutA out mini dress

‫‏‬H&M- Assymetrical black coat River IslandWilliam Tempest for River Island

‫ ‏‬inter W Coats

Christmas & New Year Nominations Missguided – Black chiffon dress

‫‏‬River Island – Tweed burgundy coat

‫‏‬HOBBS- Milan coat

‫ ‏‬EXT - Black N and gold dress

‫‏‬H&M- Suede burgundy boots

‫‏‬Monsoon- Andred Wedge ankle boot

Urban Outfitters Cambridge satchel

‫ ‏‬inter W Satchels

River IslandPrinted satchel

‫‏‬Booted ‫‏‬Office- Great Rocker boots ‫ ‏‬EXTN Riding boots

Debenhams- Patent and suede satchel

54 DECEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

‫‏‬Accesorize – TBC bag

, Winter! Men

‫& ‏‬M- Maison H Martin Margiela Coat

‫& ‏‬M- Maison H Martin Margiela half-half blazer

‫ ‏‬iver IslandR Nautical coat

‫‏‬Blazered for the New Year

‫‏‬Coated

‫‏‬H&M- The classic jacket ‫ ‏‬onsoon- Terry M tuxedo jacket ‫& ‏‬M- Maison H Martin Margiela Coat

‫& ‏‬M- Wool H duffle coat

‫‏‬ASOS- TBC blazer

‫ ‏‬SOS A Fairisle jumper

‫ ‏‬atalan- Olive M knitted sweater

‫‏‬Knitted ‫& ‏‬M- Beige H knitted sweater ‫ ‏‬rban OutfittersU Knitted jumper

SECTION PATTERNS

Become instantly fabulous with Nana Jewelry’s Lotus necklace made of goldplated brass with multi-colored enamel ovals. Get warm and cozy with a black Nazeeka Sabina jacket, made from a soft viscose coupled with an Islamic pattern in non-shiny black sequins and neon pink accents.

Funk up any outfit with a Nazeeka Sabina clutch in lime accent with synthetic leather colors and embossed crocodile print.

Have a Masryat Denim Burqaa Satchel on while you’re shopping, jogging… you name it!

‫‏‬M ade In Egypt

Support local talent by rocking Amna Amer’s asymmetric vest with silver leaf accents on a cotton vest

Get hip in a pair of water snake flats from SAFIR

Get in touch with your heritage with a pair of Pharaonic Legend earrings from Nanas Jewelry

56 DECEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

] SCREENS, SHELVES & SPEAKERS ]

By Amy Quotb

Fifty Shades of Screwed Up

Believe it or not, this review is actually in favour of the book. By Amy Quotb

58 DECEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

LIKE MILLIONS OF WOMEN AROUND THE WORLD, I WAS CRITICIZED AND BERATED FOR EVEN CONSIDERING READING THE FAMOUS AND INFAMOUS “FIFTY SHADES OF GREY” – AND ITS SEQUELS. On the other hand, here we are, faced by the fact that, according to The Telegraph, “Fifty Shades of Grey” is now THE best-selling book OF ALL TIME in Britain – with all its great writers! Worth analyzing, isn’t it? I’m also aware that we’ve reviewed this book in a previous issue, but trust me, this one will handle it through completely different, and slightly non-objective, eyes. Perspective, if you will...

Analyze This…

And though critical reception of “Fifty Shades of Grey” has mostly been negative, with most reviews noting poor literary qualities of the work, opinions have varied left right and center. The Telegraph criticized the book as “treacly cliché” but also wrote that the sexual politics in Fifty Shades of Grey will have female readers “discussing it for years to come.” The New Zealand Herald stated that the book “will win no prizes for its prose” and that “there are some exceedingly awful descriptions,” but that it was also an easy read and if you “can suspend your disbelief and your desire to – if you’ll pardon the expression – slap the heroine for having so little self respect, you might enjoy it.” Entertainment Weekly gave the book a “B+” rating and praised it for being “in a class by itself.” Princeton professor April Alliston wrote, “Though no literary masterpiece, Fifty Shades is more than parasitic fan fiction based on the recent Twilight vampire series.” (I’m putting a pin in this one.) The Guardian wrote, “It is jolly, eminently readable and as sweet and safe as BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism) erotica can be without contravening the trade descriptions act,” and also praised the book for being “more enjoyable” than other “literary erotic books”.

The Ledger-Enquirer described the book as guilty fun and escapism, but that it “also touches on one aspect of female existence (female submission), and acknowledging that fact – maybe even appreciating it – shouldn’t be a cause for guilt.” I can go on and on about all the professionally written reviews of “Fifty Shades”, but regardless of the fifty shades of reviews it received, pun intended – and like many people out there – I was curious to know what the fuss was all about. So, allow me to share with you why I – Amy Quotb – think this less than perfect piece of literature came to be the best-selling number in the history of Britain. Here, I give you my personal, humble, so-utterly-nonprofessional review…

Remember the pin?

That pin we put in the matter of “Twilight” up there? Time to take it out. Other than the fact that the man was older with much more experience and money than the girl, and the fact that he would enjoy nothing more than to physically hurt her, I didn’t see the resemblance that made it a “Twilight parasite.” There are thousands of books out there featuring powerful, wealthy and dangerous men with young, naïve and gullible girls. So, as I read the book(s) I honestly didn’t think about Twilight for a heartbeat. This could be just me though.

Fifty Shades of Spontaneous Simplicity

I adore British literature, I really do. But this one was so badly written that I found it amusing! Let’s just agree that E. L. James is no Jane Austen, she’s an amateur. I have read many books for the sheer sake of literary value and good writing – this isn’t one of them. Reading Fifty Shades simply felt like reading someone’s personal journal; with incoherent writing sometimes, and even a few spelling mistakes! Being British – with obviously poor exposure to American slang – the writer miserably failed at Americanizing many phrases and expressions, giving the dialogue a confused background of both American and British origins. Regular folk that I am, and not a professional critic, I sort of found that endearing and easygoing. I didn’t have to bother “delve into the world of majestic use of words” but rather enjoyed what the story was really about, and how the characters really felt. I deliberately ignored the linguistic shortcomings.

Fifty Shades of O

Erotic novel, we’ve established that. But what kind of man has to work with multi-million worth of companies, yet has enough time to chase some chick around and have sex three or four times a day? Now THAT was annoying, I have to admit. I found it exaggerated and utterly unrealistic. But then again, I constantly reminded myself that it was meant to be an erotic novel, so I let it go. And since this was my first erotica, it wasn’t all bad. At least I lost my erotic novel virginity to a global best-seller! Not too shabby for Amy. Now I can say “one more genre examined.”

Tell me you’re not in love already. Again, once you establish that this guy is beyond any power’s ability to create, feel free to love him to bits. Sweet, guiltless escapism at its best.

Fifty Shades of Human

And because this character is fictional, the writer took the liberty of making it beyond perfect. In case shiny pretty boys are not your cup of tea, this beautiful package also comes with an assortment of everything messed up. From scary sexual preferences, to a tortured childhood and dark, deep-seated psychological disturbances that would make any girl “run for the hills”. From sweet, dreamy tenderness that makes a girl melt, to harsh jealousy and almost barbarian aggression that make you wonder how this man is not in the criminal records already. Grey is literally Fifty Shades of Human. He has his insides so twisted up in a way that scares you so much you want to push him out of your conscious mind, yet makes you want to cry and physically hide him under your own skin, all at once. Though badly written, the writer managed to create a character so interesting, so deep, and so complex that it takes you forever to wrap your head around. It’s so perfectly imperfect and flawed, that anyone can relate to even a part of it. Personally, I understand. I believe that I am more than just one Amy. I am human; accordingly, I am capable of anything. Every feeling, every action, every good deed and every sin known to man; I can own. The creation of Grey is undoubtedly my favorite aspect of the book. And while critics assume that women will talk about the sexual politics of this book for years to come, I know that Christian Grey – and all his fifty shades – will stay with me forever.

Fifty Shades of Messed Up

So, there you go. I am defending a badly written book because it holds the most interesting character I have encountered in my limited readings to date. I love the “Fifty Shades” trilogy and I bet that most people who say that “this book is shit” haven’t even read it. Judging a book by… whatever. The oldest mistake in history. I can shock all of you who made Harry Potter the bestselling book of all time (formerly, giggles) by informing you that I have read only HALF of one book, and found it utterly uninteresting. This is not me attacking your books; I know they must be good. I’m just saying that people have different tastes, and they’re all justified. You are in no position to make anyone feel bad for liking a book, or ashamed of saying it out loud, just because your taste doesn’t agree with theirs.

Fifty Shades of Dreamy

A girl who tells you that she wouldn’t love to meet a handsome, sculptured man who does pretty much everything PERFECTLY is a girl who lies, my friend. Once you make peace with the fact that Mr. Grey does NOT and can NOT exist in real life under any circumstances, you’ll get to enjoy him magnificently. Spoiler Alert: Besides his “experience” that makes him a Sex God – Grey looks perfect, talks perfect, loves perfect, flies planes, sails boats, plays the piano, listens to all kinds of music, very well read, and speaks multiple languages. He’s a gazillionaire with perfect manners, social popularity through the roof, and owns a chain of… everything!

2005 - 2012

The legacy will never end.

Sunrise over the Himalayas An unforgettable trip to Nepal with Wild Guanabana! By Wessam Sherif

THE GREEN PASSPORT

Did you know that the Nepali flag actually looks like this? I first saw it as a kid during some class and I found it to be quite interesting, because I mean, look at it; it is nothing like a conventional flag. And to me, that said a lot about the country as a whole, how its people think, act and coexist with one another. I was under the impression that Nepal is an isolated piece of land that practically lived in the medieval ages. And as of then, I became quite interested in the country, never imagining that I would ever get to find out whether the fantasies I had woven were true. Well, I did go to Nepal! So, it all started out like this: everybody I knew was travelling for Eid and I was faced with the looming prospect of having to stick to a slightly pleasanter Cairo (being traffic-less and all), or another long weekend doing God knows what in Ras Sheitan. The idea of yet another redundant holiday pissed me off so much that I actually started pacing back and forth in my room in an attempt to stretch my brain, thinking of a way to travel abroad in a matter of two weeks. And you know what? I did find a way. Wild Guanabana: these guys organize the most adrenaline-inducing trips. And the best thing is, they literally take care of everything. They basically organize the entire trip from A to Z (hotel bookings, transportation...etc.), making sure that every moment is actually filled with a new, and preferably blood-pumping, experience. So, in short, and to spare you the logistics, I took a look at their website and the first thing I read was “Trekking and Paragliding in Nepal”, and that was that. I called them and the trip was on! So, before I tell you how it all went, I believe I should tell why you this trip was especially outstanding: it gave me perspective. It wasn’t just a trip to an “exotic” country that you get to show off about later upon your return, no. It was an eye-opener on so many levels. So, this will be more about how I perceived and saw this trip than your average travel article. After a long a flight, we landed in Kathmandu, Nepal’s capital. And as soon as we got out of the airport, we were literally greeted with flowers by Gyani, Wild Guanabana’s guide, and we headed to the hotel. On the way to the hotel, I couldn’t help but notice that every single shop was closed, not to mention that the entire city was engulfed with an eerie darkness, and it was only 10 PM. Anywho, we got to the hotel only to be advised not to go out at such a late hour (according to them, of course), but being Egyptians, we checked in and headed towards the touristic area, Thamil. Here’s where “perspective” really struck me: throughout the 15-minute ride to Thamil, it really hit me how poor of a nation Nepal was; most of the roads were unpaved with an alley-like feel to them and there was not a single lamp post. Medieval, like I once envisioned it. Consequently, I didn’t expect much from Thamil, the supposed center of town, but I was gladly mistaken. Thamil was bustling with life! In fact, it has a night life that could easily trump the one we have here in Egypt; the whole area is a bunch of venues that mostly feature live music and entertainment (some of which would never be allowed in Egypt). In short, Thamil is a bar hopper’s dream. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. The following day, we headed out to Pokhara to do what went there to do: mountain trekking and paragliding. One would never think that a 6-hour ride could ever be enjoyable, but this one was. The scenery kept me hooked the entire time. You see, the country is basically a bunch of mountains covered with greenery, in the middle of which run a bunch lakes and rivers. Holy sh*t. Pokhara is a lot prettier than Kathmandu. The touristic spots there are all overlooking a gorgeous lake and there are plenty of shops, bars and restaurants for you to buy souvenirs (slightly more expensive than Kathmandu) or have something to drink or eat. The thing is though, you can’t stay much later than midnight, not because it’s unsafe, but because that’s as late as the ‘wildest’ night spot stays. But trust me, given the hour at which we had to wake up to do mountain trekking or sightseeing, we were all practically dead by 10 pm.

62 DECEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

I was extremely excited about mountain trekking. It was a steep 900 meter climb (which is relatively simple) and the estimated period of reaching the summit is three hours on average. I was entirely convinced that I could do it an hour and a half, but we still did it in three. I had completely underestimated the climb; it does need a certain degree of fitness and stamina. So if you’re going to do trekking at any point in time, get in shape and expect a few cramps, and if you’re out of shape or a smoker, you’ll be doing a LOT of panting. Nevertheless, trekking your way up a mountain surrounded by “the wild” is a ridiculously fun experience. Not to mention how rewarding it feels the second you reach top and look at the stunning view and think to yourself “I made it all the way up here!” We stayed at a mountaintop hotel, had a decent meal and called it an early night, for the next day awaited us the trip’s main event: paragliding! We woke up at 5 am to catch the sunrise over the mountaintop. But, mind you, this is not just any mountaintop, it overlooks the Himalayas. So I’ll leave the rest to the pictures and your vivid imagination, because no matter what I say, I’ll never do it justice. Already in awe, we headed to our jumping site. The moment I set foot there and saw people literally running off a cliff, I felt a rush like none other, and I thought to myself: “This is what the guys from Wild Guanabana have been telling me about all along. That’s the rush!” Make no mistake however, I have gone skydiving before and this kind of exhilaration was not foreign to me, but having gone through so many different experiences in a few days made paragliding feel like the sweet, sweet cherry on top the Nepali endeavor. Then came my turn, and I ran off the cliff.

Things you should know about Nepal: • The country is SUPER cheap! You won’t need to spend any more than 20 bucks a day. • Nepali food is terrible; they put this weird ingredient in almost all their food that just makes anything taste horrible. Stick to the basics. • People are incredibly friendly, when you ask them for something, they reply with “yes sir, please”! • Electricity is out for around 12 hours a day! That’s why it’s always so dark at night around there. Touristic spots have generators, however. • I have seen some bathrooms with SHATTAFAS! • There is NO harassment in Nepal. NONE. • The majority of the population is Hindu, but there are is still a considerable amount of Buddhists. And they exchange heaps of respect towards one another. In fact, you can buy Buddhist souvenirs from Hindu temples. I’m actually very happy that Wild Guanabana planned a number of visits to the Nepali temples; they gave me quite a lot of insight about both religions. Did you know that many Buddhist temples were actually based on and based inside Hindu ones? I didn’t. • Overall, the country looks like nothing you’ll ever see. On first sight, it might put you off because, like I said, it is like a country in a time that is 70 years before ours. But, the moment you interact with the people and see the beauty that is the country’s nature, you’ll be forever mesmerized. And that’s why this trip gave me perspective. An impoverished nation that is stripped of so many rights, yet its people still maintain a good spirit, they manage to enjoy themselves, and above all, they have ethics and tolerance. These are people who learned how to live, regardless of the circumstances, and I think we could pick up a thing or two from them. www.WildGuanabana.com GetMeOnAPlane@WildGuanabana.com

] BALLS ]

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The Do-ItYourself Guide to Living Healthy By Sherief Hassan

I AM AN EX-TAEKWONDO PLAYER. FOR OVER 16 YEARS IT WAS MY SPORT; I WON NATIONAL TOURNAMENTS AND JOINED THE NATIONAL TEAM UNTIL I RUPTURED MY ANTERIOR CRUCIATE LIGAMENT (ELROBAT EL SALEEBY). I RECONSTRUCTED IT, WENT THROUGH MY REHAB PERIOD AND DECIDED TO QUIT. TAEKWONDO IS A VERY INTENSE SPORT ON THE KNEES AND I WASN’T WILLING TO TAKE THE RISK OF UNDERGOING ANOTHER OPERATION. NEVERTHELESS, I WANTED TO STAY HEALTHY, OR WHAT I SOMETIMES REFER TO AS IMPROVING THE QUALITY OF LIFE, SO I HAD TO RESORT TO METHODS OTHER THAN TAEKWANDO. What I’m about to share here is nothing professional; it’s purely based on personal trials and tribulations (as they say here in Egypt, es2al megarrab). This is my tried and tested, revised and revisited, taught and researched simple manual for staying fit and living healthy. Leading a healthy lifestyle couldn’t be simpler. Stick to the basics and prioritize. The basics are: exercise and eat clean food, and I like to add rest well to the mix. Easy, right? But it’s definitely easier said than done. Here’s the truth that you know well yet still hide from yourself. You say you want to lead a healthy life and remain fit but you don’t really want it, you just kind of want it. If you really want to do something you have to make sacrifices for it, you have to challenge yourself a bit, get out of your comfort zone and just start making a difference in your life. What is needed of you is nothing radical, nothing shocking. You only need to start making gradual change, bit by bit, and the results on the long run will be of a scale that will make you stand proud. Just create a timed goal for increasing your physical activity and improving your eating habits and stick to it. After all, what comes easily goes away as easy and almost everything in life that is worth having is hard to get.

64 DECEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

So here’s my take on each factor (exercising, nutrition and resting) in a nutshell.

Exercising:

• Find a physical activity that you enjoy doing and do it. • Go an extra mile every now and then; that’s where improvement happens. • Exercising for 45 minutes 3-4 times a week is perfect to maintain your form. • Overtraining is a myth. • Gradually increase the length and intensity of your workout routine. • Diversify and change your routine every now and then. • Stretch.

Here’s what I do:

There’s always the problem of finding time, and in our beloved Cairo and its traffic, time becomes even scarcer. So I personally build my days around the avoidance of the most catastrophic driving times. So what I do is that I wake up early around 6 AM, go to the gym, work out and do cardio for an hour to 90 minutes total, shower and head to work fresh and at the peak of my output from minute one, whereas everybody else is still reaching out for coffee to sober up. It was a bit tough for me to get used to that system at first but after the first week it was free sailing. If your work location or gym timings aren’t helping, then I suggest heading to work with your gym bag then hitting the gym directly after work. Don’t go home first or you’ll end up doing nothing.

Nutrition

• Eat more meals but smaller portions. Aim for 6 small to medium meals a day. • Don’t deprive yourself from anything. But generally, no soda or salty snacks and extra sweets. • Drink water forcefully. Winter is coming and not feeling thirsty doesn’t mean that your body doesn’t need water. • Fruits instead of desserts, baked better than fried (try not to do fried food at all). • ‬L‫‫‬ose the salt shaker.

Here’s what I do:

I always go for whole foods over processed ones. Picture this: a tomato vs. tomato paste. Read the ingredients on the pack of paste and you’ll find plenty of stuff that your body will have to process and sometimes fail at processing, whereas the tomato has only one ingredient, tomato. The same dilemma strikes me with soda and diet soda, I believe that the body is better equipped to process the sugar than the chemicals added to maintain the sweet flavor. One thing I never do is count calories; of course common sense dictates that if you burn more than you take in then you’ll lose weight, but not all calories are created equally. 500 calories obtained from a bar of chocolate aren’t the same thing as 500 calories obtained from a meal consisting of spinach and grilled chicken. So instead I concentrate on eating clean, whole foods, and accordingly get the protein, carbohydrates and fats my body needs in a balanced fashion (30, 40, 30 percent roughly).

Rest

Here’s what I do:

Don’t plan your resting days; train every day if you can, because at the end there will be days where you won‬’‫‫‬t be able to train and these will be your rest days. I do that and I find myself training 4-6 times a week, never more than that. Finally, don’t major in the minors, keep it simple and stick to what is more important. The recipe for healthy living is easy, just take it step-by-step and you’ll get there. You’ll be fit, healthy and happy.

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