campus october

IT’S EVERYTHING BUT PORN

OCTOBER 2012

Dedicated to 12 years of pure awesomeness.

The Bucket List Issue Also, we’ve been around for 12 years.

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IN THIS ISSUE

Chairman Shady Sherif

Editor-in-Chief Awad El-Ghannam

facebook.com/campusmagazine @campusmaglive

Managing Editor Wessam Sherif

Creative Director Leila Tapozada

Junior Editor

Youssef Saad Eldin

Business Development Ismaeel Khoudeir

SEPTEMBER 2010 Dedicated to Alaa Seif Sadek

Only in Egypt:

Senior Media Executive

Eshtery cutter b 75 ersh, weksab lo7a b 50 million dollar!

Zeina El Alfy

Media Executive Ghada Zayed

Financial Manager Ehab A. Aziz

Chief Accountant Sherif El Haggar

OCTOBER 2012

Accountant Ahmed Serag

Office Manager Sylvia Peter

Office Assistants Ibrahim Mansour Mohamed Eid

IT Manager Ahmed Saher

Production Executive Manager

Sherif Mahmoud Mahmoud El Araby Only in Egypt: SEPTEMBER 2010

Dedicated to Alaa Seif Sadek

Eshtery cutter b 75 ersh, Distribution weksab lo7a b 50 million dollar! Manager

Shazly Eid

Distribution

Abdelhamed Fathy Ashraf Ramadan Gamal Moustafa Karim Ibrahim Ramy Afifi Ragab Fathy Aly Afifi Mahmoud Samir

IT’S EVERYTHING BUT PORN

Sr. Art Director Khaled Khidr

Art Director Ahmed Saad

Graphic Designer Bassem Raafat

Writers & Contributors

Amy Quotb May Kamel Mohammed Adel Muhammed Abdel Aaal Ghonaim Mohammed Jamal Sherif Elmashad Sherief Hassan Summer Nazif Yasser Abbas Zeyad Salem

Cover Credits Nora El Gazzar Bassem Raafat

CTP & Printing

Sahara Printing Company

Campus Magazine's Address 24 Abdelmenim Riyad St. Mohandiseen Tel: 3749 8730/3 Fax: 3749 8736

Emails

mail@core-publications.net info@core-publications.net customerservice@core-publications.net sales@core-publications.net

Heliopolis

69, Adidas (El-Marghany), Africana Café, C&CO (Horreyya St- El Korba), Belino Café, Blueberry (Ard El Golf ), Beano's Café (British Council – El Korba – Airport – British University), Charleston Café, Cortigiano, Café Mo, Cairo International Airport, Coffee Roastery, Colors, Cat, Diwan Bookstore, Diadora, Desire, Every Man’s Bookstore, Farah Café , Flower Market, G Live, Genga Café, Gelateria Roma Café, Harris Café, Gallery Bel3araby (El Nozha St.), House Café , Hope Flowers, Hot Pink, In Flower, Hyper Original, Khodier, Rosso Cafe, IIPennello Ceramic Café, Kan Zaman Restaurant, Le Rince, Linea, La Cassetta Retaurants, Makani, McDonalds, Mobil Mart, Mori Sushi (Salah Salem), Milk, Musicana (El Korba), Munchies Café, No Name, Nuts @ Nuts, Occo, One 4 all, Polka Dolka, Pottery Café, Schatz Café, Smart Gym (Sheraton & Ard El Golf), Roma Café, Shell Mart, Salah Beauty Salon, STR8, Spicy, Style Gym, Tres Bon, Up 2 Date, Viking Cafe, World Gym, Waffle Point, Zein, L’Aubergine

Nasr City

Adidas(Genina mall), Aroma Lounge (City Stars), Beano's Café (City stars – Makram Ebeid – Abbas El Akkad), Beka, Calvin Klein Jeans (City Stars), Casper & Gambini's, C&Co (City Stars – Geneina Mall), Esprit (City Stars), Farah Café (Geneina Mall), Le Gourment Marche, Kenouz Restaurant, ISI (City Stars), Martino, McDonalds (Abbas el Akkad), Musica (Abbas el Akkad), My Day Cafe, Pascucci Café, Ravin, Spicy (City Center - Geneina Mall) ,Virgin Megastore

Mohandiseen

Adidas/Timberland (Lebanon Street, Gezeeret Al Arab Street), Beano's Café (Gameat El Dowal Street), Beau Jardin Café, Bershka (Gezeeret Al Arab Street), Café Mo, Cedars café , C& Co, Café Bean (Aswan Sq.), Cocolina (Syria Street), Ciccio Café, Cilantro, Mohamed El Sagheer, Cocolina, Dar Al Balsam Bookstore, Diwan, Eventya Flowers, Laguna Café, L`Aroma Café, Makani, Marsh Café, McDonalds, Mori Sushi, Multi Stores, Non Bookstore, Pasqua Café, Quick24, Renaissance Library, Safari Café, Samia Alouba, Silviana Heach, Solitaire Café, Shoe Room, Scoop Café, Second Cup, Spectra, Spicy, Sports Café, Tommy Hilfiger, Toy Story, Trianon Café, Tornado Café, Volume One, Zarina, Zee Lounge, P 75, Al Dar, Café De Fiori

Downtown & Mokattam

AUC Bookstore, Beano's Café, Beymen, Cilantro, Maktabet El Balad, McDonalds (Tahrir), Balady

Dokki

Ahl Cairo, Adidas, Beano's Café (British Council), Coffee Roastery, Dar Al Balsam Bookstore, Mr. Joe, Makani, Korista Café, Momento, La Boutique, Orange, Quick24, Retro, Spicy, Tabasco, Zein, Zarina

Zamalek

Al Akhbar Bookstore, Arabica, Beano's Café, Coffee Bean, Cilantro, Cocolina, Crave, Diwan Bookstore, Euro Deli, FDA, 69, Gardenia Flowers, Goal, Googan Bookstore, Kodak Express, L'Aubergine, Makani, Mezza Luna, Mobil Mart, Mohamed El Sagheer, Mori Sushi, Munchies, Orangette, Tabasco, Quick 24, Ravin’, Romancia Bookshop, Sequoia, WIF, Zamalek Bookshop, Van Gogh Bookshop, Zafir

Maadi

Adidas, Adam Bookstore, Arthur Murray, Bakier Stationary, Bander Café, Beanos, Beau Jardin, Books & Books, Beta Bookshop, Bookspot, Caj, Euro Deli, Cat, Condetti, Chilis, Coffee Roastery, Gengra Café, Greco, Costa Coffee, El Shader, Dunes Lounge, Ghazala Stationary, Green Mill, Gudy, Kotob Khan, Kiwi, Honest Bookshop , I Spot , La Gourmandise, Makani, McDonalds, Mediterraneo Restaurants, Reebok, Renaissance Library, Rigoletto, Samia Alouba, Second Cup, Shell Shop, Shoe Room, Spectra,The Bakery, Timberland, Volume One

October City

Beano's, Byblos Café (Dandy Mall), Café Mo, McDonalds, Mexicana Café, Mori Sushi (Dandy Mall), Second Cup, Shell Shop, Solitaire, Sans Soucis Café, Trianon

El Rehab & Fifth Settlment

Food Court (Le Reve Grand Café, Jounich Café, Gauchos Café, Mercato Italiano), AUC Bookstore

Giza & Haram

Beano's, Dar El Shorouk, Mexicana Café, Polo Shop

Alexandria

24Seven Café, Adidas & Timberland (Syria st, - City Center), Banna Stationary, 24/7 Café, Adidas/Timberland, Banna Stationary, Beano's, Cillomo Café, C&CO, Cilantro, Coffee Roastery, Deekom, Mazaya, McDonalds, Quiksilver, The Sixties Café, Tamarin Center, Rapo

Tanta

Axon, Pizza Station, La Plato Café

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The List.

OK, let’s take a slight existential twist.

What’s the purpose of life? Really?

The simple answer to that would be: not to die; to ‘live’. And while you’re at it, you start doing stuff to fill up that life that you have been given, painting it, giving it flavor, giving your own existence meaning. Some people just stop at the first step; the basic desire to just… ‘live’, and consequently fail to actually give character to that life of theirs.

And that’s where the idea of a “bucket list” comes from. A person who really wants to make the most of their life, that they write down a list of the things they want to do before they run out of days. Nevertheless, I’ve discovered that the greatest, most meaningful bucket list items are those that come to you unplanned, those that actually surprise you.

The point of a bucket list is not HAVING to experience certain things, it’ simply stating the desire to experience these things. And if it so happens that you don’t check everything off your list, that’s OK, at least you stretched your intellect to dream of and wish for them. That’s –to me– the point of a bucket list.

Consequently, that’s what this whole issue is about; expanding your aspirations and making you think of things you never thought possible, or suitable, for you. These are shitty times, and the only remedy I see suitable to counter the overall gloominess of this ‘phase’ is to aspire and strive to achieve. To truly live.

Read this issue with an open mind and leave no thought or experience unconsidered. You might catch yourself by surprise, or vice versa, an experience might catch you off guard. People are always far more than what they believe themselves to be.

Drop the list, drop the paper and pencil - your life itself is the list. The experiences will both get written and checked off as they happen. @Wessam_S

6 The Bucket List Issue

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IT’S EVERYTHING BUT PORN

Go to a

Cabaret

Already done that Want to do that Note to self: 8 The Bucket List Issue

BESIDES THE PYRAMIDS AND THE NILE AND ALL THAT POSTCARD STUFF, IS THERE REALLY ANYTHING SO INHERENTLY EGYPTIAN AS A GOOD OL’ CABARET ON SHARE3 EL HARAM? THERE’S A CERTAIN MYSTERY AND INTRIGUE WRAPPED AROUND THAT STRIP OF CABARETS ON THAT INFAMOUS STREET; AN INTRIGUE STARTED BY OLD EGYPTIAN MOVIES AND NAGUIB MAHFOUZ NOVELS AND THE FACT THAT CABARETS HAVE A CERTAIN SEEDINESS ABOUT THEM, AN AIR OF SEX, ALCOHOL, MUSIC, MONEY AND LATE NIGHT HOURS. GOOD BOYS AND GIRLS AREN’T SUPPOSED TO GO TO CABARETS, WHICH IS PARTLY WHY WE WANT TO GO SO MUCH. I had always wanted to go to a cabaret, to see what all the fuss was about, but never got the chance (or actually, a guy who was willing to take me there). But one summer night a few years ago, a male friend was driving me home after a night of drinks at La Bodega when I told him I had always wanted to go to a share3 Haram cabaret. It was about 1:30 am at that point, and my friend (who apparently was blessed with the gift of spontaneity and joie de vivre) was like, “Well, let’s go! The cabarets should be opening up right about now.”

Our first stop was the obvious choice -- Casino El Leil. But our hopes were dashed when we were promptly told by the bouncer that entrance was for 300 LE -- just to enter! We decided it was best to leave Casino El Leil to its regular patrons --which were undoubtedly Gulfies-- and cruise down the street in search of something a bit more budget-friendly. The further down share3 el Haram we drove, the busier and more dystopian it became, and by sheer coincidence there was a dude handing out flyers and hustling to bring customers into “Banorama 2000”.

My friend rolled down his window. “Eih nizam el dokhoul?”

“Mafeesh sharge dokhoul, el beera bi 35 geneih wenta tenawarna ya basha.”

In a matter of moments, I was following my friend through a small wooden door and down a narrow, red ‘velvet’ carpeted staircase. The first things I noticed was, “Holy f*ck, the wallpaper is that shiny silver wrapping paper!” alongside the smell of cheap perfume, shisha and hasheesh in the air.

My friend grabbed by arm and whispered, “Listen, just act like we’re a couple, OK?” At first I thought this was for my benefit --I was dressed in jeans, a lime green tank top, and my hair was long and all over the place-- but as I saw the woman at the bottom of the stairs greeting my friend with an almost wolf-like look in her eyes, I realized that our farce as a couple might be to protect him more than me.

The cabaret wasn’t that big -- a small dance floor in the middle, a little band at the back, and about ten to fifteen tables. At each table was a girl. They weren’t dressed as scantily as I expected; most were wearing tight jeans and a ‘bodji’ (that term EXACTLY describes it), with garish makeup and blonde streaks in their hair. A few were wearing shorts or skirts, a tube top here and there, but nothing scandalous. But while their attire didn’t scream “PAY ME FOR SEX”, their attitudes surely did. “Asobelak el beera walla asharabhallak?” the girl at our table breathed into my friend’s ear.

The table to my left was two teenage boys, maybe 18 years old or so, busy rolling joints. Every time they finished one, they would hand it to the girl at their table to light up. At the table to my right was a ‘ma3alem’, complete with a galabeya, clutching a shisha with one hand and his table’s ‘mozza’ with another.

Within ten minutes, the belly-dancer came out. Forget Dina, forget Fifi -- this ra2asa was the epitome of raw, dirty, ma3alem sex. She wasn’t fat but she bulged in all the right places, and she wasn’t wearing some skimpy Dina-esque badlet ra2s, but a skin-tight shiny galabeya that covered everything but left nothing to the imagination -- you could very easily imagine exactly how she would look naked.

A few men got up and the tan2eet started, and a young boy of about six or seven scurried around, collecting the money on the floor. As I watched him, I realized that although I was more than happy to finally experience a cabaret, and even though it truly was all I expected it to be, I never thought that amongst all this hedonism, music and laughter there would also be an overtone of sadness and desperation.

Leila Tapozada 9

Go Shark Diving

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

ITS EVERYTHING IT’S EVERYTHINGBUT BUTPORN PORN

Learn the way of the Samurai 1212 The Bucket List Issue ANNIVERSARY 2012 CAMPUS

IT’S 9:30 AM, I’M STUCK IN CAIRO’S TRAFFIC. I’VE BEEN STUCK IN MY PLACE FOR THE PAST 40 MINUTES BECAUSE… WELL, I DON’T HAVE A SINGLE CLUE. IT’S ALWAYS LIKE THAT IN CAIRO; YOU GET STUCK FOR AT LEAST 20 MINUTES AND FOR NO REASON AT ALL. IT’S HOT, EGG-BOILING HOT. MY IPOD’S DEAD AND I’M STUCK LISTENING TO THE RADIO. I’M ALREADY 30 MINUTES LATE FOR WORK, AND I WON’T BE THERE FOR ANOTHER 20 MINUTES. I MUTE THE RADIO, CLOSE MY EYES, AND A DAYDREAM KICKS IN: I endured enough of this bullsh*t, I’m fed up. I try to take a vacation for a year, I go book a ticket to Japan, and then tell my boss that I won’t be available for the coming year. He quickly shifts through the five stages of boss-ness (haha, yeah right- Ok Sherif, now back to work, ana mesh fadeelak – a*a? – ok seriously WTF, go home today and we’ll discuss that tomorrow- NO!), but I couldn’t care less.

I go home, start planning my year in front of Google hoping that no Japanese newspaper would post anything anti-Islamic so that I can get the visa. A month later, I’m on the plane, I arrive with as minimum luggage as possible, take a cab to the nearest Kendo dojo and get registered.

Next day I gear up, mask on, black robe on, wooden sword in hand and then discover that I won’t be holding a sword for a month. A month of tiring mental and physical training passes, in which I lose almost 1/4 of my weight. But before that, I hold the sword for the first time, AND I GET MY ASS WHOOPED FOR AN ENTITRE WEEK, and then one of the masters decides to teach me my very first lesson.

They give me this baby-sized rock and ask me to pay attention to it 24/7. I train daily on my wooden sword, enter endless fights and learn a new lesson every time. Then they decide that I enter a fight with nothing but the rock, and that if the opponent’s sword touches me, I get kicked out. I do it; I win the match, only to find out that this rock has iron in it, the same iron my Katana will be made of. They teach me how to actually make my own sword (Hatory Hanzo much?), and I feel all “LET’S KILL BILL!” 13 months after leaving for Japan, I’m back in Egypt, fighting with customs to legalize my sword, and eventually, they agree. 20 hours later, I’m on my way to my old workplace with the sword next to me in the car, and I’m just wishing for a microbus to cut me off the road or for my own boss to even have a second opinion on me getting back to work.

Oh yes, one thing I forgot to add, the 13-month period wasn’t really enough, so they taught me how to sword-fight without teaching me all the constraining morals governing the fights. Don’t you just LOVE custom-made fighting programs?

Sherif El Mashad

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

13 13

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

‫ل‬

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

Attend the Rio Carnival

IT’S EVERYTHING BUT PORN

20 The Bucket List Issue

I HATE CLICHÉS. MOST OF THE THINGS PEOPLE “THINK” THEY WANT FROM LIFE ANNOY ME FOR SOME REASON, I NEVER GOT IT AND PROBABLY NEVER WILL. HOWEVER, THERE IS ONE EXCEPTION, SOMETHING THAT YOU MIGHT’VE SEEN IN WAY TOO MANY MOVIES, AND SOMETHING THAT ONLY SOME HIPSTER MAY SAY: I WANT TO BECOME A FISHERMAN. I’m not talking about taking a day off and going fishing on the Nile, or renting a boat during the weekend. I’m talking about making this my life. Yes, I know it’s a cliché, but that’s one cliché worth living.

Do not confuse this with a life of solitude; I’d occasionally go to town to buy groceries, drinks, tobacco or even to go out and meet people. The point is, I wouldn’t be living a busy, consuming life with a boat as my getaway, but the other way around -- I’d be living a quiet, peaceful, tranquil life on a boat, and the city would be my getaway when I occasionally need my dose of action.

Picture this: I sleep on the boat, I eat on the boat and I go to the bathroom on the boat (might get a bit messy when you pee standing, but you’ll get the hang of it). I don’t need any fancy clothes, just my fisherman’s hat, a couple of shorts and t-shirts (and a raincoat just in case). I spend the entire day fishing, listening to my music, enjoying the view while having a drink.

I’m guessing after a while this could get boring, and in that case I’d start taking people for fishing trips (for a fee, life isn’t cheap there too). So I’d be meeting new people, while enjoying the life I chose and more importantly, people WILL call me “Captain”.

I know this isn’t very feasible for several reasons: • Boats aren’t cheap • It might get really boring after a while • No one would actually call me “Captain”, “ ya rayes” is the best I could hope for • If I miraculously manage to find some cuckoo girl who’d want to be part of that plan, what would we do if we decided to have kids?

But here is the thing, despite that this plan is as turbulent as peace in the Middle East, and despite that it’s probably never going to happen, I’d like to keep it on my to-do-list, because even the prospect of doing something like that with my life makes it much simpler.

Youssef Saad Eldin

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

21

Get in an Irish bar fight

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

ITS EVERYTHING BUT PORN

See All Your

Favorite

Bands LIVE!

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

24 The Bucket List Issue

Everyone loves music. Whether you’re aware of it or not, you do too.

And most of us have favorite genres, musicians and bands. We follow their productions, we listen to them when we’re down – or when we want to celebrate, all the same. Some of us get even a little bit more fanatic, and start buying merchandise, posters and such, we may even go into forums that discuss their music, day in and day out, and join their religiously dedicated fan clubs.

The List

I want to see them LIVE. I would actually travel halfway across the world to do so!

I consider myself lucky to have met and fallen in love with a man who’s as crazy as I am about music. He listens to it, analyzes it, and plays it.

I think that music is one of the biggest passions we both share, and it’s a pretty big deal! We would literally spend an hour talking about a track we heard and found interesting, this is just how we roll.

Before I got married, I wasn’t allowed to travel without my family - ever.

Needless to say, I never got to attend any concerts back then. After getting hitched, my husband and I discovered in a conversation that we both have a bunch of bands and musicians that we want to see live.

Some of them overlapped, some of them were different, but anyway, we ended up merging both of our lists and doing something about it!

Check

Of course, it takes a lot of saving up and planning, but it’s absolutely worth it! So far, we got to see Bon Jovi in Turkey, Metallica in the UAE, and Marilyn Manson in Prague! All were very different, yet extremely interesting and unforgettable experiences. And the plan is perfected through trying to actually catch these bands in countries we’ve never been to, so that the experience is new and entertaining.

No matter how much I love the band/musician, it’s always multiplied by a million when seen live. Seeing this person, displaying their genius live on stage, seeing how much the audience just worships them, and seeing how awesome they really are is just mind-blowing. Interacting face-to-face with someone you’ve been listening to and thinking about for years is just something else. Almost nirvana! (Whom I also wished I could see live!)

Making Memories

Music is part of my everyday life, and actually travelling to experience it this way with my partner makes it so much greater. I don’t know if we’ll actually get to see all the musicians on our list, but we’ll definitely try.

And when I grow older, I will always remember that the hippie part of me took me places and made me experience things out of my own little bubble.

Some of our friends just laughed at the idea at first, but it sure made great conversation material! Some of them even decided to join us next time!

PS: Cairo, please bring some of my favorite bands! It would totally help our plan!

Amy Quotb

25

‫روح‬

‫فرح شعبي‬ Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

‫السادة الصيادلة‪،‬‬ ‫تعلـن شركـة جالكسـو سميثكـالين كونسيومر هيـلث‬ ‫كـير المحـدودة عن تـوافـر مستحضـري بـانـادول‬ ‫وبـانـادول اكسـترا لدى شركـات التوزيع الكبرى‪.‬‬

‫تصنيع شركـة اإلسكندريـة لألدويــة والصنـاعــات الكيماويــة بتصريح‬ ‫من شركـة جالكسـو سميثكـالين كونسيـومـر هيلث كـير المحـدودة‪ ،‬ايـرلنـدا‪.‬‬ ‫‪PANADOL is a registered trade mark of the GlaxoSmithKline Group of Companies.‬‬ ‫‪For full prescribing information please write to GlaxoSmithKline Consumer Healthcare, PO Box 23816, Dubai, UAE.‬‬

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Sky Dive

IT’S EVERYTHING BUT PORN

Already done that Want to do that Note to self: 28 The Bucket List Issue

I’LL SPARE YOU THE USUAL CLICHÉS; WHEN YOU GO SKYDIVING, YOU’LL DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT “IT’S THE BEST THING EVER!” YOURSELF. I’LL TELL YOU THIS THOUGH: YOU PLUMMET TO THE GROUND FROM THE ALTITUDE OF 10 THOUSAND FEET, THAT’S ALMOST 4 TIMES THE HEIGHT OF DUBAI’S BURJ KHALIFA, AND THE SPEED AT WHICH YOU FALL IS AROUND 200 KM/H. IF THAT DOESN’T GIVE YOU ENOUGH ADRENALINE AND ENDORPHINS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY FOR A YEAR, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WILL. The whole process –at least for me– didn’t include the slightest bit of fear, maybe because I was too psyched and excited that I blocked out any other emotion. I was living in London at the time and I was going through a particularly rough patch in life. So I consequently welcomed the opportunity to jump off a plane, not because I had suicidal tendencies or anything, but because of the therapeutic, exhilarating effect I knew it would have on me.

I wasn’t wrong.

The jump was not only overwhelming on a physical level, it had an astounding emotional/mental angle to it. Let me explain: like I said earlier, I was not afraid throughout the entire “going to the jump site and gearing up” phase, I was not afraid as I hopped in the door-less plane, nor was I afraid when the ground starting looking more and more like a map. It was the fragment of the second right before the jump that got to me; that miniscule moment in which I was half hanging from the plane looking down at the said map. That moment was scary. As in REALLY scary. Then there was the jump.

The sheer contradiction between pure fear and the unbelievable adrenaline rush that follows is what makes the jump so mentally cleansing; one moment your heart is caught in your throat, and the next you can’t hear your ecstatic screams over the sprinting wind that almost seeps right through you. The parachute kicks in and you start gracefully gliding to the ground, and for what seems like the first time, you actually know what a horizon really looks like.

It might sound corny, but I felt like I left a big chunk of my problems and worries behind on that plane. Under that pretense, I wanted to do it again the moment I landed in hopes of leaving an even bigger chunk the second time around.

If I could describe the experience in two words, they would be: holy shit.

Skydiving was on my bucket list for as long as I could remember, which is the best part of the whole experience; the fact that I wrote something off my list, aside from how extremely fun and enjoyable the jump was.

Go jump off a plane, seriously. You won’t regret it.

P.S. It might cost you an arm and a leg, but it will still be worth every penny.

Wessam Sherif

29

PUNCH Nicki Minaj

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

High-five Barney Stinson Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

Win a IT’S EVERYTHING BUT PORN

Nobel Peace Prize

“HELLO, BEFORE I START I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT THIS NOBEL PEACE PRIZE IS FOR YOU, NOT FOR ME. WHAT MAY HAVE STARTED AS A JOURNEY OF INNER TRANQUILITY, HAS BECOME SOMETHING MUCH, MUCH MORE. EVERYONE IN THE AUDIENCE TONIGHT, EVERY PERSON WATCHING ME ON TELEVISION, THE INTERNET, TO THOSE HEARING ME OVER THE RADIO, AND TO EVERYONE WHO CANNOT BE WITH US AT THIS TIME, REMEMBER; THIS IS FOR YOU.” In high school, I had to write a speech on accepting some sort of award, so I took a look at my bucket list and naturally I picked the Nobel Peace Prize.

I’ve always wanted to win the Nobel for achieving something meaningful, not just for happening to be the 44th president of the United States and the first African-American president in American history.*Suggestive cough* Though I believe most Nobel Peace Prize winners didn’t deserve it and the committee has made itself and its peace prize irrelevant by its narrowly agendized selections over a number of years (the goal is to award people who “have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations”, and I fail to see how Shimon Peres and his likes got qualified), I find the story behind its creation immensely moving.

The Nobel Peace Prize was invented after a newspaper mistakenly reported inventor Alfred Nobel’s death. Upon reading it, he realized that he would only be remembered for his invention of dynamite, which was, at the time, the most dangerous weapon in creation. He wanted to be remembered for something more productive and hence, the now-coveted prize was created.

This is fundamentally why winning a Nobel Prize ranks up high on my bucket list: the hope of doing something so noble you get awarded for it, contributing to the process of changing the world and making it a slightly better place and being remembered as an advocate of peace in a time and place of war. Or just to flaunt my prize and $1.4 million dollars in front of my elementary school classmates with a “HA! Who’s laughing now?” on the side. Talk about making peace.

Summer Nazif

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

32 The Bucket List Issue

33

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

Maintain a healthy lifestyle

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IT’S EVERYTHING BUT PORN

Out! Move

Already done that Want to do that Note to self: 36 The Bucket List Issue

I dream of waking up to a calm, empty house, making myself a cup of coffee and smoking my first cigarette of the day in utter silence while I enjoy the blissful moments of solitude. That dream gets smashed everyday with me waking up to my mom screaming “ES7A YA ZEFT 3ANDAK SHO3’L.” It’s a dream of a haven; a refuge, a comfort zone, the one place I’d look forward to heading to after a long tiring day at work. I’d open a can of cold beer, play my favorite music and lay on my comfy couch thinking of how content I am with my life. I’d be enjoying the privacy I’ve earned, disregarding all the interruptions and not having to reply to my parents’ endless interrogations. I’d never have to deal with stuff like: “Why are you home early tonight?”, “I noticed that you shower more often these days, what’s up with that?”, “What do you spend your money on, do you smoke?” and “Who are those people you go out with?”

Having overbearing parents made me have this tremendous urge to move out of their house and get my own place. I would finally get to be the master of my life: become the one in charge, set the rules and become responsible for my place. Learning to cook and eating healthy or just living carelessly and eating junk food everyday would be my choice, I wouldn’t have to deal with someone telling me: “You’re going to get colon cancer because of those burgers you eat.”

I’d have the option to put on some music and dance my butt off without anyone judging me or asking if I’ve gone nuts. Not to mention that I’d have the option of walking around naked whenever I feel like embracing the nudist in me.

I mean, my parents are cool and all, but I would honestly love them more if we were apart, and even much more if they gave me my space and stopped being overwhelmingly intrusive. But the problem -as is the case with most Egyptian parents- is that they don’t get why one would like to move out before getting married, asking that specific recurrent question: “What do you want to do at your own place that you can’t do at our place?”

Parents don’t get the fact that moving out is not necessarily about those ‘extracurricular activities’ one would like to perform away from his/her parents’ place. This isn’t about inviting your friends over to smoke up and get drunk like the Irish on weekends; it’s about the sense of freedom one gets when independent, when one is released from all the inhibitions and chooses to live according to a set of rules that stem from individuality. Retarded as some people might be, there are personal choices that should be respected no matter how controversial they are; it’s their choices and they’ll be held accountable for it after all.

For us, it is a utopian thought that is seldom understood by parents, and whenever it’s discussed, it ends up with us being called ungrateful sons/ daughters. So parents, we love you and we appreciate everything you have done for us, but for the love of autonomy, freewill and freedom, let us move the hell out.

Mohamed Adel

37

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

‫صباح‬ Outlive

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IT’S EVERYTHING BUT PORN

Host

a Travel show I AM YET TO SEE THE PERFECT TRAVEL SHOW, WHICH IS WHY I HAVE AN IDEA FOR ONE. MY IDEA IS SIMPLE AND IS DEFINITELY GOING TO BE A MAJOR HIT SHOULD SOMEONE ENDORSE IT. AND IF IT DOES GET ENDORSED, I’D BETTER BE ITS PRESENTER!

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

40 The Bucket List Issue

This definitely goes right on my bucket list.

You see, Egyptian travel shows are an insult to travelling. Take “Ramez 7awl Al3alam” for example, I mean, what the hell?

And that’s where my idea comes in: It’s simple, really -- a presenter wearing baggy shorts, a loose shirt and armed with an inquisitive random drive, followed by a cameraman. The presenter (hopefully yours truly) would hop between villages and towns talking to real people, eating local food and experiencing new places, all first hand, taking in sincere, fresh reactions. Each episode will start at the same place where the previous one ended. The show is all about complete transparency, even the pre-visiting research will be done on camera and it has to be rather basic to take the viewer into an authentic expedition of the place, consequently making viewers relate to the presenter and the show itself.

For Season One, imagine this: a tour throughout Egyptian governorates: going to places like Kafr el Sheikh, Assiut, Behira and exploring them. Season Two, on the other hand, would be around the Arab world, and the sky is the limit from that point on.

How am I supposed to convince a producer with this simple yet epic show? I have no idea! And in the midst of overwhelming Cairo, I might not get a real chance to enhance the idea and produce a visual illustration of it.

Nevertheless, I think I’ll still give it a try, because why the heck not?

Sherief Hassan

41

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

IT’S EVERYTHING BUT PORN

44 The Bucket List Issue

THERE IS THIS ONE SCENE IN KUNG FU PANDA (IT’S ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE MOVIES… YES, BECAUSE I’M AS FAT AS HE WAS) -- THE SCENE I’M TALKING ABOUT IS THE ONE WHERE THE PANDA DISCOVERS THAT THERE’S NO SECRET INGREDIENT TO BECOME THE DRAGON WARRIOR. THIS SCENE IS PURE CRAP, THERE’S ALWAYS A SECRET INGREDIENT. THIS OUNCE IS WHAT QUALIFIES YOU TO SET THE BAR AS HIGH AS YOU WANT INSTEAD OF ALWAYS TRYING TO REACH THE BAR. My mom started reading to me when I was a year and a half old. She started with Mickey, Sameer and any book with lots of pictures and colors in it. And since then, I got hooked. I still remember how every visit to Cairo’s book fair felt like a pilgrimage; spending a whole day over there and going home with a bag full of books, looking forward to reading them in bed while other books pile up in my room.

I still remember the first time I realized that I’d spent 1000 LE in one day on books -- like a true addict. I kept piling up books inside my head, until one day, they found their way out: I started writing. I actually hated most of the stuff I wrote; they lacked creativity, style and structure, but I kept writing.

I started picking up style, I started looking back at all the stuff I’ve read all through the years and started analyzing them. I started looking for that secret ingredient inside of me, the one that speaks my print on every single phrase I write.

I started getting better and my words started getting more and more mature. I started writing for Campus, then E7na. My flow of ideas started getting smoother, my word structure a bit more complex and my style a lot more personal. I started finding comfort in writing, the same old comfort I found in reading, and a new item was added to my bucket list: I wanted to write novels that would affect people growing up. I wanted to take them to a world I’ve enjoyed since I was a baby. I want to go up on a stage, with flashing lights everywhere, a bestseller in my hand, while the speakers announce that I’m the winner of the Booker Prize for Arabic literature.

Someday, my writing will affect people. It’ll help kids explore their imagination. It’ll help teenagers find themselves and redefine the world as they grow up. It’ll help adults spend some quality time away from the distractions of life, and it will help them see life from a different perspective.

But, until that day comes, each and every day I’ll wake up, look at an empty Word document on my laptop and tell myself, “There’s always a secret ingredient. You have that ounce of talent. Question is, are you ready to fully use it yet?” and just write. Someday, I’ll win the Booker Prize.

Sherif El Mashad

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

45

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

‫اصطبح في غرزة‬

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

PATTERNS

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48 The Bucket List Issue

IT’S EVERYTHING BUT PORN

Own

an Animal Shelter!

EVER SINCE I COULD REMEMBER, I WANTED TO LIVE WITH AN ANIMAL, ANY ANIMAL. WHEN I WAS VERY LITTLE, I WAS INTO BIRDS AND FISH. IN GRADE SCHOOL, I WAS DYING FOR A CAT. IN HIGH SCHOOL I NEGOTIATED FOREVER TO HAVE A PUPPY. OF COURSE, NONE OF IT EVER HAPPENED. NOW THAT I’M AN ADULT, I WANT THEM ALL! *CRAZYDIDI SQUEAL*

No, seriously though, my bucket list has a big fat phrase, in bold, italics and underlined: ANIMAL SHELTER FOR THE STRAY AND THE RESCUED.

In Reality

There are many human rights organizations in Egypt, and that’s cool, good for them! But when it comes to the very few animal rights organizations, they are constantly scrutinized for being “out of context”!

“7o2oo2 7ayawan eh, howaaslanmafeesh 7o2oo2 ensanfelbaladdih” and “homma el bany2admeen la2yeen yaklo lama hat2akkely el 7ayawanat?” are just a couple of the numerous obnoxious phrases you would hear once you express that you’re remotely interested in animal rights, or merely, merciful towards animals.

I understand that many people in Egypt and around the world struggle to make ends meet, but this is approached differently in each country, eh? I’ve seen many, many poor, sick and even homeless people take care of animals. I’ve seen a beggar in India split his only piece of bread with his scruffy dog on the side of the road. I’ve seen videos of women in famine breastfeeding baby goats so they wouldn’t starve to death!

Believe me, being poor is no excuse to take it out on innocent, voiceless souls. Just because they can’t kick you back right away, doesn’t mean that your karma’s clear!

Why?

Animals are better than people. There, I said it. They are very basic and simple about their needs, desires and feelings. All they really want is food, peace, and maybe some companionship. If you’re mean to them, they’ll hate you, and if you’re nice to them, they’ll love you. They won’t be jealous of you, “plot” to harm you, smile at you while secretly wanting to murder you, or badmouth you behind your back.

And if you win their friendship, it’s yours forever.

Unfortunately, at this point I can’t afford to adopt an animal into my home. So, I feed my neighbors. I feed cats and dogs that live around; in the building, parking lots, and streets around my house – whenever they let me, of course. After all, most of them have bad experiences with human beings, and it takes them while to trust one. Some of them even become my friends and follow me around to play.

The Plan

I want to open and manage an animal shelter. It can be as small as a little cottage for cats and dogs, or as big as a farm that can even accommodate bigger guests like donkeys and horses!

I’ll get to share what I have with those lovely, innocent souls. I don’t know when or how I’ll ever finance that, but I know that when I do, it will be just amazing.

Amy Quotb

49

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

Attend a musical on Broadway

FOR RENT

Small Space - Big Space Size Does Not Matter!

Call: 0100 66 87 667 E-mail: zelalfy@corerepublic.net

FOR RENT

Small Space - Big Space Size Does Not Matter!

Call: 0100 66 87 667 E-mail: zelalfy@corerepublic.net

FOR RENT

Small Space - Big Space Size Does Not Matter!

Call: 0100 66 87 667 E-mail: zelalfy@corerepublic.net

FOR RENT

FOR RENT

Small Space - Big Space Size Does Not Matter!

Call: 0100 66 87 667 E-mail: zelalfy@corerepublic.net

Small Space - Big Space Size Does Not Matter!

Call: 010 66 87 667 E-mail: zelalfy@corerepublic.net

Turkish Hammam!

ITS EVERYTHING BUT PORN

Visit a

The Turkish hammam experience should absolutely be on everyone’s bucket list! You’ve probably read in a few books and seen on TV the ultimate “bath” phenomenon. You know, where a bunch of dudes are in towels, half-naked, receiving massages and coming out refreshed and relaxed. Well, if you ever happen to be in Turkey, Morocco or Algeria, you can’t leave without that experience - there is a hammam in every area so you have no excuse.

Put aside any notions of what you think a spa treatment should be, if you think it involves using creams, lotions, potions, scrubs, oils, scents and mud. The Turkish hammam is the cleanest, purest, best skin and body treatment ever. The hammam treatment uses only water and heat as means of cleansing and relaxation. It’s a traditional Turkish practice dating all the way back to the preOttoman Empire era; it’s believed that the tradition was started by Cleopatra.

Traditionally, hammams are separated into male and female sections.

Only workers of the same sex are inside and it is not unusual to be completely naked or topless. As soon as you walk through the doors, you are given a pestemal (a traditional Turkish towel), a pair of slippers and a key to a room where you can leave your personal belongings.

Once you have removed all your clothing and wrapped yourself in the pestemal, you’re taken into a warm, humid room with a raised stone platform in the center. You lay or sit on the heated platform and sweat for at least 25-30 minutes.

Afterwards, your attendant (tellak for men and natir for women) will pour hot water on you and begin to scrub every square inch of your body. Basically, every millimetre of dead and dirty skin is scrubbed off. Then you get washed with foam and water and given a full bodymassage that leaves you good as new.

A scrub and massage generally take an hour and a half, but you can take as much time as you need. You go back to your room to get dressed feeling like a million dollars; a million massaged, exfoliated dollars. I’m actually thinking of making a petition to build a Turkish hammam in every area of this city, anyone? Lord knows we need it.

Summer Nazif 52 The Bucket List Issue

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

53

Do standup comedy at the biggest theater in New York Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

IT’S EVERYTHING BUT PORN

STOP BEING BITTER! Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

56 The Bucket List Issue

HELP! I FOUND A WHITE HAIR ON MY HEAD THE OTHER MORNING AND EVER SINCE THEN, I CAN SEEING NOTHING BUT IT. IT HAS BEEN COMPELLING ME TO DO THINGS LIKE SELFLOATHING, REFLECTING ON MY LIFE AND ULTIMATELY WRITING THIS ARTICLE. I realized I’m bitter and that I’m so not over the loads of heartbreaks, disappointments, frustrations and a combo of all the things that are probably figments of my imagination that end up making me want to kill things. I AM SO NOT OVER THEM. Come to think of it, I’m not the only, on the contrary; most people walk into this life and then out of it without out letting go of a myriad of bitterness and grudges, mostly caused by failed relationships. The majority simply find it easier to remain bitter, letting their grudges slowly gnaw at their mental health. That’s why the notion of truly moving on should make its way to everybody’s bucket list, not just mine.

On the face of it, every relationship is a perfect relationship when it begins. But then we decide to leave our mark in there, bring in our expectations, burden it and watch it crash and burn. And then we complain, because why would we want to blame ourselves. I can’t even delve into details about why relationships flounder; I’m more concerned about the aftermath.

After lots of thought, this is what I concluded: for starters, we go into relationships with the sole belief that this person is the one, and we burden our entire existence with that expectation, and then we get surprised and bitter when it blows up in our faces. Instead of waiting for it to unfold as we go, we hurl it forwards to imaginary prospects.

And then there’s the “It’s not me, it’s him/her”. Relationships are not a competition. You could just be ill-matched, and that’s that. Sucks for us and all, but it isn’t an excuse to drown in desolation and bitterness over the other person.

It is always easier to focus on others when things are not working out, but, more often than not, focusing on ourselves to get the change we seek is actually the way that works outside movies and all. Blaming others is only a temporary palliative which does not make us feel any better on the long run because partners won’t respond the way we want them to.

All of this is good and dandy. I know it’s easier said than done, but now I have a malapropos white hair that I have no intention of bringing company to. I don’t want to die a bitter person who wasted her existence holding grudges and wishing other people get high-fived in their faces with a cement truck full of dead furry creatures. Nor do I want to plan the irremediable, slow, agonizing destruction of their souls and whatnot.

Being bitter just keeps us bound to the same rut and robs us of a future. We get stuck back there in the moment we decided it ruined our lives. When we’re reliving things and become bitter towards every new person and thought because of another person’s boorish behavior, let alone our naïve prospects. In the process, we become more depressing, less appealing and, the most horrid of all, we lose our “muchness”.

Using past events to fuel your vengeance doesn’t only put you on a leash, but it also makes you miserable. And miserable is bad. Mate3melsh feehashaheed.

Grave decision ahead: I WILL NOT BE BITTER! From this moment forward, I will not linger in the past. I will not blame others for stuff. I will be in charge of my own happiness.

Yalla, drop the excess baggage and be happy!

May Kamel

57

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

Vote for Baradei

IT’S EVERYTHING BUT PORN

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

60 The Bucket List Issue

THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN WHO DREAMT OF BEING RICH. ONE DAY, HE WALKED UP TO A GURU AND TOLD HIM, “I WANT TO BE AT THE SAME LEVEL AS YOU.” THE GURU REPLIED, “IF YOU WANT TO BE AT THE SAME LEVEL AS ME, MEET ME TOMORROW AT THE BEACH AT 4 AM.” Failing to get any sleep that night, the young man was at the beach at 3:30 am, wearing a full suit (he should’ve worn shorts), and the guru arrived at 4 am sharp.

The guru asked, “How bad do you want to be successful?”

“Real bad,” answered the young man. The guru then asked him to walk into the water, so the young man walked until he was waist-deep into the water.

The guru then kept on asking him to get in a little more until the young man had his shoulders under the water. Suddenly the guru held his head down and kept it down while the young man was unable to fight him. And just before the young man passed out, the guru let him up.

“Tell me,” asked the guru. “What were you thinking of while being stuck down there?”

The young man still trying to catch his breath automatically replied, “breath.”

The guru then said, “When you want to be successful as much as you want to breathe, you will be successful.”

If you have a dream, something that you want to achieve, you need to really want it, you need to want it so bad that you wouldn’t care about any distractions. You’d even go to the extent of giving up sleep (yes, that far) in order to achieve your dream.

I wrote my first bucket list five years ago. I spent days contemplating the list and finally compiled 10 points covering different fields from health (recovering from an injury) family, travel, extreme action (to have that tale to tell) to career ascendance.

I had it all covered and I promised myself that I’d pursue that list. I didn’t put a time cap (which wasn’t very wise to do) and managed to proudly tick off several points.

Now, this is not about the drive and motivation to pursue your dreams as the story at the beginning suggests, this is about what is most glorifying; it’s about rising up every time you hit bottom. It is about redoing what’s on your bucket list even after you thought that you successfully ticked it off.

Traditionally, a bucket list has stuff like skydiving, travelling or weird things that once you’re done with, it’s done for good. No one can undo what you rightly achieved. Other points like my number 10 item on my bucket list is vulnerable to backfire in your face. That point was simply ‘Finding the one that would share all these moments with me’. I did find that ‘one’, or at least I thought so, I even proudly ticked off that point on the list with her and planned to pursue the rest of the list, and my life, with her. Sadly, that person had a different plan, a different list and life to pursue and after a substantial amount of time and great deal of happy memories she decided leave.

I was left shocked. I had that moment of giving up on point number 10, but no! I knew better, that list was compiled for a reason and I chose to pick it up and carry on with it. After all, it’s the courage to continue that counts. That’s what I learned in life, it’s not all rainbows and butterflies; you need thesekind of struggles and setbacks to give you a stronger push to continue. Think of it like a bow, it has to be pulled back in order for the arrow to go far, and that is exactly what I’m intending to do. I removed the tick in front of point number 10 and I’m currently restarting the process bearing in mind the experience I got from the first tick.

When you have a dream in life you go on and achieve it. Sometimes life requests a minimum level of “growth” for you to get what you want. Go through the process, never shy away from it or make excuses or blame external forces. Just do it. Period.

Anonymous, for obvious reasons

61

Already done that Want to do that Note to self:

Meet your first childhood girlfriend

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IT’S EVERYTHING BUT PORN

Find Faith (Or Lose It)

Already done that Want to do that Note to self: 64 The Bucket List Issue

WE WERE BROUGHT UP TO BELIEVE. EVEN THOUGH THE DEFAULT IS TO BE CLUELESS AND GULLIBLE, ONLY THEN COULD WE FIND OUR WAY TOWARDS BELIEF, OR THE LACK THEREOF. I HAVE TAKEN FAITH FOR GRANTED FOR SO LONG THAT IT GREW WEAKER THE MORE MY REASSURANCE TOWARDS ITS PRESENCE IN MY LIFE GREW STRONGER. IT HAD ACTUALLY GROWN SO FRAIL THAT IT SIMPLY SNAPPED LIKE A TWIG IN THE FACE OF LIFE’S MISERIES.

And that’s when I inadvertently leaped into questioning. I ran away from the miserable comfort that my old belief system gave me towards the pseudo-pleasant, thrilling discomfort that questioning generously offered.

The thought of finding answers outside what I was conditioned to absorb and reflect my entire life was too intriguing and exciting to turn down. And trust me, it might sound like a fun thing, but it is not.

It’s probably the same thrill the first caveman got right before stretching his arms to touch a blazing flame upon seeing it for the first time. When you start questioning, you are so titillated by “finding a new meaning” to your life that you leap into oceans of questions only to start slowly drowning in a whirlpool of your own making. The whos, whys, whens and whats that once befriended you, turn their backs on you the second you actually become entirely dependent on their presence; the moral curtain that shielded your entire existence collapses.

The funny thing is, throughout my entire life I never even pondered questioning religion, or faith, but the second I found myself entangled in its shambles, I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t begun that endeavor a lot earlier. Or in other words, I couldn’t believe that I didn’t take the initiative to question, instead of being nudged by life’s cruelty into it.

And that’s just the half of it.

Needless to say, our society is a brutally judgmental one; you’ll get looks and subtle offensive comments upon “coming out of the closet” with your thought process. But that’s not what really bothers me; it’s the remnants of guilt and self-judgment that are still festering within me that really nibble at my soul. Or the fact that I could be disappointing loved ones because I decided to use my brain in a fashion that goes against what they perceive as “right”. And trust me, it takes a toll on your psychological health.

There’s also this notion that questioners are lazy or apathetic, that they simply refuse to properly look into religion and that they simply take the easy way out. That’s garbage. Do you think it’s easy for me to actually leave a comfort zone –a backbone– that I could actually rely on when I feel miserable, for a life of absolute uncertainty? When shit hits the fan, I truly have no clue what to do or who to spiritually go to; I feel like a child who ran out of his parents’ house to pursue his dreams, burning all the bridges in the process, with no option of return.

Amid the whole process, there’s also the option of coming to a conclusion where I don’t get to see my loved ones again after they pass away? How, in the name of all that is holy to you, does that make me lazy or apathetic?

I simply chose, then decided, to think my way through it all, no matter how grueling it might be.

That’s why finding faith tops my bucket list, because believe it or not, I want solace, not a life of enigmas. I want conviction; real spiritual peace.

I want to die knowing that whatever I believe is what I truly believe in, not what I’ve been trained and conditioned to believe in.

That’s what I want.

Wessam Sherif

65

IT’S EVERYTHING BUT PORN

66 The Bucket List Issue