campus september isuue

SEPTEMBER 2012

Dedicated to Yasmine, we couldn’t have gotten here without you!

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Iran is stealing our electricity!

“

An Interview with an Employee fe Masla7et El Kahraba!

SECTION

888 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

889

CONTENTS

IN THIS ISSUE Feature 8 An Exclusive with an Employee fe Masla7et El Kahraba 12 Memoirs of a Doctor: Part II 16 The Road to Hell is Filled with Good Lemons Center Stage 18 CAMPUS Exclusive: Tawfik Okasha_EN Underscore 22 The Day an Airhead Ruled Egypt 24 Nile University Vs. Ahmed Zewail 28 Relapse: Depression Strikes Again 30 Islamic Banks... Bema La Yokhalef Shar3 Allah?

Opinionated 32 “Matsoomi Ba2a” and Other Obnoxious Things I hear in Ramadan 34 Ramadan: The Aftermath 36 Beautiful Strangers 38 I Don’t Want to be Forced into Worshipping Ants 40 On Winning Campus Quiz 42 Mazinger and Aphrodite Sitting in a Tree Patterns 48 Trends 50 Fashion Bulletin 52 Made in Egypt 53 Ghadir: The Talent behind the Hot New Line 54 Fashion Bio: Elsa Schiaporelli The Gay Section 56 The Fight Article Screens, Shelves and Speakers 58 Book Review: The Fifty Shades of Grey Balls 60 The 2012 Olympics in Cairo

1

Chairman Shady Sherif

Editor-in-Chief Louis Greiss

Creative Director Leila Tapozada

Editors

facebook.com/campusmagazine @campusmaglive

Wessam Sherif Yasmine Zohdi

Junior Editor

Youssef Saad Eldin

Business Development Ismaeel Khoudeir

Senior Media Executive Zeina El Alfy

Media Executive Ghada Zayed

Financial Manager Ehab A. Aziz

Chief Accountant

SEPTEMBER 2012

Sherif El Haggar

Accountant Ahmed Serag

Office Manager Sylvia Peter

Office Assistants Ibrahim Mansour Mohamed Eid

IT Manager Ahmed Saher

Production Executive Manager Sherif Mahmoud Mahmoud El Araby

Distribution Manager Shazly Eid

Distribution

Abdelhamed Fathy Ashraf Ramadan Gamal Moustafa Ramy Afifi Ragab Fathy Aly Afifi Waleed Gilani Abdel Aziz Abdel Rahman Mahmoud Samir

Art Director Ahmed Saad

Graphic Designers Bassem Raafat

Writers & Contributors

Ali Al Taweel Amy Quotb Eman Omar Hend Ghorab May Kamel Mohammed Adel Muhammed Abdel Aaal Ghonaim Sarah Elkerdani Sherif Elmashad Sherif Hassan Sherif Nakhla Summer Nazif Tarek Samhan Zeyad Salem

Cover Credits

Heliopolis

69, Adidas (El-Marghany), Africana Café, C&CO (Horreyya St- El Korba), Belino Café, Blueberry (Ard El Golf ), Beano's Café (British Council – El Korba – Airport – British University), Charleston Café, Cortigiano, Café Mo, Cairo International Airport, Coffee Roastery, Colors, Cat, Diwan Bookstore, Diadora, Desire, Every Man’s Bookstore, Farah Café , Flower Market, G Live, Genga Café, Gelateria Roma Café, Harris Café, Gallery Bel3araby (El Nozha St.), House Café , Hope Flowers, Hot Pink, In Flower, Hyper Original, Khodier, Rosso Cafe, IIPennello Ceramic Café, Kan Zaman Restaurant, Le Rince, Linea, La Cassetta Retaurants, Makani, McDonalds, Mobil Mart, Mori Sushi (Salah Salem), Milk, Musicana (El Korba), Munchies Café, No Name, Nuts @ Nuts, Occo, One 4 all, Polka Dolka, Pottery Café, Schatz Café, Smart Gym (Sheraton & Ard El Golf), Roma Café, Shell Mart, Salah Beauty Salon, STR8, Spicy, Style Gym, Tres Bon, Up 2 Date, Viking Cafe, World Gym, Waffle Point, Zein, L’Aubergine

Nasr City

Adidas(Genina mall), Aroma Lounge (City Stars), Beano's Café (City stars – Makram Ebeid – Abbas El Akkad), Beka, Calvin Klein Jeans (City Stars), Casper & Gambini's, C&Co (City Stars – Geneina Mall), Esprit (City Stars), Farah Café (Geneina Mall), Le Gourment Marche, Kenouz Restaurant, ISI (City Stars), Martino, McDonalds (Abbas el Akkad), Musica (Abbas el Akkad), My Day Cafe, Pascucci Café, Ravin, Spicy (City Center - Geneina Mall) ,Virgin Megastore

Mohandiseen

Adidas/Timberland (Lebanon Street, Gezeeret Al Arab Street), Beano's Café (Gameat El Dowal Street), Beau Jardin Café, Bershka (Gezeeret Al Arab Street), Café Mo, Cedars café , C& Co, Café Bean (Aswan Sq.), Cocolina (Syria Street), Ciccio Café, Cilantro, Mohamed El Sagheer, Cocolina, Dar Al Balsam Bookstore, Diwan, Eventya Flowers, Laguna Café, L`Aroma Café, Makani, Marsh Café, McDonalds, Mori Sushi, Multi Stores, Non Bookstore, Pasqua Café, Quick24, Renaissance Library, Safari Café, Samia Alouba, Silviana Heach, Solitaire Café, Shoe Room, Scoop Café, Second Cup, Spectra, Spicy, Sports Café, Tommy Hilfiger, Toy Story, Trianon Café, Tornado Café, Volume One, Zarina, Zee Lounge, P 75, Al Dar, Café De Fiori

Downtown & Mokattam

AUC Bookstore, Beano's Café, Beymen, Cilantro, Maktabet El Balad, McDonalds (Tahrir), Balady

Dokki

Ahl Cairo, Adidas, Beano's Café (British Council), Coffee Roastery, Dar Al Balsam Bookstore, Mr. Joe, Makani, Korista Café, Momento, La Boutique, Orange, Quick24, Retro, Spicy, Tabasco, Zein, Zarina

Zamalek

Al Akhbar Bookstore, Arabica, Beano's Café, Coffee Bean, Cilantro, Cocolina, Crave, Diwan Bookstore, Euro Deli, FDA, 69, Gardenia Flowers, Goal, Googan Bookstore, Kodak Express, L'Aubergine, Makani, Mezza Luna, Mobil Mart, Mohamed El Sagheer, Mori Sushi, Munchies, Orangette, Tabasco, Quick 24, Ravin’, Romancia Bookshop, Sequoia, WIF, Zamalek Bookshop, Van Gogh Bookshop, Zafir

Maadi

Adidas, Adam Bookstore, Arthur Murray, Bakier Stationary, Bander Café, Beanos, Beau Jardin, Books & Books, Beta Bookshop, Bookspot, Caj, Euro Deli, Cat, Condetti, Chilis, Coffee Roastery, Gengra Café, Greco, Costa Coffee, El Shader, Dunes Lounge, Ghazala Stationary, Green Mill, Gudy, Kotob Khan, Kiwi, Honest Bookshop , I Spot , La Gourmandise, Makani, McDonalds, Mediterraneo Restaurants, Reebok, Renaissance Library, Rigoletto, Samia Alouba, Second Cup, Shell Shop, Shoe Room, Spectra,The Bakery, Timberland, Volume One

October City

Beano's, Byblos Café (Dandy Mall), Café Mo, McDonalds, Mexicana Café, Mori Sushi (Dandy Mall), Second Cup, Shell Shop, Solitaire, Sans Soucis Café, Trianon

Bassem Raafat

CTP & Printing

Sahara Printing Company

Campus Magazine's Address 24 Abdelmenim Riyad St. Mohandiseen Tel: 3749 8730/3 Fax: 3749 8736

Emails

mail@core-publications.net info@core-publications.net customerservice@core-publications.net sales@core-publications.net

El Rehab & Fifth Settlment

Food Court (Le Reve Grand Café, Jounich Café, Gauchos Café, Mercato Italiano), AUC Bookstore

Giza & Haram

Beano's, Dar El Shorouk, Mexicana Café, Polo Shop

Alexandria

24Seven Café, Adidas & Timberland (Syria st, - City Center), Banna Stationary, 24/7 Café, Adidas/Timberland, Banna Stationary, Beano's, Cillomo Café, C&CO, Cilantro, Coffee Roastery, Deekom, Mazaya, McDonalds, Quiksilver, The Sixties Café, Tamarin Center, Rapo

Tanta

Axon, Pizza Station, La Plato Café

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8/9/12 10:15 AM

EDITOR’S NOTE

Dear readers, This issue marks the last issue Yasmine Zohdi, my partner, contributes to because she’s moving on to doing awesome things with her life (not more awesome than Campus though). It also marks Karim El Degwy’s last issue as E7na’s (our beloved sister publication) Editor-In-Chief. So, this specific editor’s note will be slightly more personal than usual.

So please bear with me and embrace my mushy, sentimental side.

KARIM AND YASMINE, I’m terrible with goodbyes and I despise endings; I just never know how to handle them and they truly render me both helpless and very nervous. Not to mention what each of you means to me, so that makes this all the more difficult.

Just know that I love you both very much, and it that it sucks a*s that you guys are going other places. I’m happy for the both of you, but that doesn’t make it any less sucky for me.

So instead of whining about you guys leaving, I’ll provide you with a list of how I’ll be coping with your absence: • In commemoration of you, Yasmine, I’ll be taking over your office space, merging it into mine to create one BIG office space. Think of it as a tribute to you.

• Degwy, you shall no more be known as “Abu Treka Al Sa7afa”, since I have taken the liberty of claiming that title as my own so I can continue your journey. The mantle has been passed down to me and I’ll make you proud.

• Yasmine, I shall refrain from eating junk food for an ENTIRE day in mourning of your absence, since you were always the first person to encourage me to eat “lazaleez”.

• I shall continue the habit of scheduling meetings and then NOT holding them just like you and I used to, Degwy. The legacy lives on.

• I shall ask for a pay raise that equates both your salaries combined, to keep the Core Publications’ budget balanced and to make sure that the money that used to be yours still goes to someone you love and trust.

You both are so lucky to have me as a friend.

“‫ آخر وداع‬...‫”هودعك‬ 4 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

27600 SD Sony Xperia Campus 33x24cm E.indd 1

8/9/12 10:27 AM

EDITOR’S NOTE

(My Last)

Editor’s Note IT WAS THE NIGHT OF JANUARY 26TH, AND THE EXCITEMENT OF THE DAY BEFORE HAD NOT YET WORN OFF. WE WERE IN ALFY’S OFFICE. THE LIGHT WAS DIM AND SMOKE WAS RISING SLOWLY FROM HIS CIGARETTE. HE HAD THAT LOOK ON HIS FACE; HIS EYES GLINTING BENEATH BROWS FURROWED IN DEEP CONCENTRATION. HE WAS HUMMING A BOB DYLAN TUNE, HIS CATERPILLARS DRUMMING AGAINST THE FLOOR IN TIME WITH THE MELODY. FINALLY, HE LOOKED UP AT US.

laughed. Campus is a challenge. Campus is where I got to explore and discover. Campus is the one medium in my life where I had total liberty. Campus is where I found out what I wanted. Campus is the freedom to embrace who you are, and the space to strive for more.

Campus is where I faced my fears. Campus is more than a trend; it’s a culture. Campus is where it’s OK to make mistakes, so you could pick yourself up. Campus is taking risks. Campus is where I met the most passionate, most creative people I know. Campus is two and a half very special years of the twenty-four I’ve lived.

“The voice of reason?” he asked, “Or the voice of revolution?”

Campus has transformed me.

Wessam and I answered unanimously; without a second’s hesitation: “Revolution.”

Campus is the only reason I have mustered enough courage to leave Campus, because Campus is where I understood that sometimes, the best thing to do is to just stop thinking, take a deep breath… and jump.

We had not yet made sense of anything. We did not understand what was happening, nor could we predict what was going to happen. We kept hearing of people getting arrested. Earlier that day, Sondos had walked in with a bloody arm and tears in her eyes. “They’re killing it,” she had said.

I’ll miss my spacious office and the sunlight that filters through the large windows. I’ll miss thinking who we should dedicate the issue to every month, and the clever randomness and flexibility I know I will find nowhere else. I’ll miss writing this note, although I threw a tantrum each and every month, wondering what it should be about.

We didn’t know then that they wouldn’t be able to, or that we were only 48 hours away from the most glorious victory we will ever get to witness.

But we knew it was right. And that was all we needed to be sure of our response when Alfy asked us what direction we wanted the magazine’s February 2011 issue to take.

Above all, though, I’ll miss sitting across from Wessam – my brilliant, insightful partner, my friend, and one of the few people who have an exceptional ability to make me double over with laughter at almost everything he says… these past two years of my life make absolutely no sense without his presence. And I’ll miss the philosophical conversations one can only have with a smart person like Joe, and working with him, and the heated political arguments that always ended with laughter. I’ll miss being in the same room with both of them every day; their jokes (although I’m the butt of many), their music… even their endless bickering over who kicks more ass: Batman or Max Payne.

Had it not been Campus we worked for, though, it would not have been enough. We would have had to get our boss’s approval; we would have had to make sure our clients were OK with it; we would have feared crossing the censors. Had it not been Campus, we would not have included the protests in our issue in the first place, because nowhere else would we have been allowed to cancel out the full content of the magazine - after we’d had all of it ready - and start from scratch on the 25th of the month, devoting the whole issue to the rebellion, knowing that meant we were going to be late, which in turn meant we were going to lose lots of money.

But it was Campus, so knowing it was right was enough.

Campus is my comfort-zone. Campus is where I lived and learned, and

6 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

I’ll miss everything about this magazine and all the little details involved in making it - even the ones I complain about right now.

I can only say I’m incredibly grateful I got the chance to absorb enough Campus to take along with me.

]FEATURE ]

“Iran is stealing our electricity!”

An exclusive with an employee fe Masla7et el Kahraba!

By Youssef Saad Eldin 8 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

ENG. MAMDOUH ABDEL REHIM IS AN ELECTRICAL ENGINEER WHO HAS BEEN WORKING FOR THE MEE FOR THE PAST 15 YEARS. ALTHOUGH ENG. MAMDOUH UNDERSTOOD MOST OF OUR QUESTIONS, HE HAD A PROBLEM EXPRESSING HIMSELF IN ENGLISH SO WE HAD TO TRANSLATE HIS ANSWERS. NEVERTHELESS, WE FELT THAT SOME OF HIS STATEMENTS WOULD BETTER BE LEFT UNTOUCHED AND UNEDITED.

Campus: First of all, we’d want to thank you for clearing up your busy schedule and making time for us.

Mamdouh: Ta7t amrak. I had nothing better to do anyway. (chuckles) C: Really? I thought you guys would be busy with the blackout crisis?

M: What? I knew it! Kont 3aref ennoko gaybeny hena 3ashan kda! Homa el masreyeen kda, 3awzeen kol 7aga me2ashara, ma7adesh 3awez yeegy 3ala nafso. 3ala fekra, this happens everywhere, mafeesh balad mabye2ta3sh feeha el kahraba. We ba3deen ana maly, shayefny wazeer el kahraba? We’re done here, I’m leaving, we mafish salamo 3aleko!

He starts getting up to leave, but I interrupt…

C: Wait! Aright, forget it. Just calm down and tell us about yourself; we want our readers to get a glimpse of the personal life of an esteemed governmental employee such as yourself.

M: Fine, but no more questions about work. My name is Mamdouh Abdel Rehim we Muslim el 7amdolellah. I graduated from Cairo University’s faculty of Engineering in 1995 and now I’m an engineer in the Egyptian Ministry of Electricity and Energy.

C: Are you married? Do you have any kids?

M: 7ad yo3od kol da men 3’er gawaz? El gawaz nos el deen ya ostaz.

I’m married w 3andy Mohamed w Ahmed w Mamdouh Junior.

“

“

THE POWER BLACKOUTS IN EGYPT MADE OUR LIVES A LIVING HELL FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS. YES, IT CERTAINLY GOT BETTER DURING THE PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS BUT YOU’D BE DELUSIONAL IF YOU THINK THAT WE WON’T SUFFER THE SAME PROBLEM WHEN THE NEXT HEAT WAVE STRIKES, OR AT BEST, NEXT SUMMER. THOSE BLACKOUTS LEFT A HUGE QUESTION MARK THAT COULD ONLY BE ANSWERED BY THOSE WHO HAVE APPARENTLY BECOME THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES; OFFICIALS IN THE EGYPTIAN MINISTRY OF ELECTRICITY AND ENERGY (MME). WE INTERVIEWED ONE OF THE MINISTRY’S EMPLOYEES TO FIND THE REAL REASON BEHIND THIS CRISIS.

Homa el masreyeen kda, 3awzeen kol 7aga me2ashara, ma7adesh 3awez yeegy 3ala nafso. 3ala fekra, this happens everywhere, mafeesh balad mabye2ta3sh feeha el kahraba

C: Do you spend a lot of time with your family?

M: Da so2al? Da 7ata we eat all our meals together, even breakfast.

Everyday Mohamed and Ahmed take turns and get us some breakfast, fool we ta3meya we neftar m3 ba3d. Mamdouh doesn’t join his brothers however; 3aref enta akher el 3an2ood ba2a w metdala3. Nothing is better than a3det Safaa wel 3eyal. Bas beny w benak, bardo a3det el 3asary fl balacona ma3 7eteteen bateekh bl gebna teswa el donya we ma feeha! Especially lama Safaa takhod el 3eyal we teroo7 tezoor ommaha. But still, maye7laleesh el forga 3al telefezion el ma3 el 3eyal.

C: Do you work out or try to exercise at all?

M: Shoof ya beh, ana el 7amdolelah ragel motadayen w bashta3’al w metgawez w 3andy 3eyal, ya3ny 3ayesh mastoor wel 7amdolelah. I have no time for el gym w kalam el 3eyal da. Tool ma fee satr, yeb2a ana msh 3awez 7aga men el donia. We ba3deen el kersh 3ezz ya gada3! (chuckles) C: What are you scared of?

M: Rabena sob7anoh wa ta3alah.

C: Wa ne3ma bellah! What else?

M: El sayed el mohandes wazeer el kahraba.

C: And how did you meet your wife?

M: Safaa is my cousin.

C: How come?

M: Da wazeer ya gada3! Fahem ya3ny eh wazeer? WAZEER!

C: So it was an arranged marriage?

M: Mesh fahem!

C: Speaking of which, tell us about your job, what exactly do you do at the Ministry of Electricity and Energy?

M: I’m an engineer in the research and development department.

C: Did your parents set up the marriage?

M: Aaaah, gawaz salonat ya3ny? La, ana we Safaa wakhdeen ba3d 3an 7ob. We got engaged when I was a senior in college and we got married as soon as I graduated. Bas etmarmat 3ashan ala2y sha2a, fel akher khalty (Safaa’s mother) told me about this area in Maadi, it’s called Saqr Koreish. Akhadt henak sha2a 7elwa w ba7ary. Rabena mabyensash 7ad.

C: What about Safaa? Did she graduate from college?

M: Of course, she graduated from Tegara Kharegeya Helwan. We got married when she was in the third year of college year we gebna Mohamed when she was in the fourth year.

C: Does she work?

M: No, bas ana ma2a3adthash fl beit! I have nothing against women working as long as enaha tkhaly balha mn bet-ha w goz-ha. Bas Safaa ba2a 7abet tetsatet w alet to3od fl beit a7san.

C: Could you tell us more, how does your day go?

M: Mafeesh, baroo7 amdy 7odoor esa3a 8 w enseraf 3al sa3a 3, and I try to stay out of El ostaz Salah’s sight for as long as I could. Ostaz Salah is the head of the department w b3eed 3anak ragel keshary w sharany, byetkhane2 m3 deban wesho. We ye7eb el khosomat zai 3eneh! Tel3ab kalemat motaqat3a yekhsem, tenam yekhsem, tet2akhar yekhsem! Eh ya 3am el eftera da!

C: Obviously there isn’t much to do in the research and development department, but what is that department theoretically supposed to do?

M: I don’t know, bas wallaho a3lam, something to do with researching alternative energy sources and calculating projected energy consumption or something. Mesh 3awez afty.

9

FEATURE

C: This might sound a little dumb, but dare we ask: why aren’t you doing your job?

M: La ya ragel mat2olsh keda, it’s actually a very good question. Look, I do whatever my boss tells me to do; writing reports and the likes. Mn el akher ana 3abd el ma2moor. Plus, we’re all underpaid. We bezemetak ya ostaz, what would possibly be the use of calculating projected energy consumption? Di shaklaha eshte3’ala kda 3ashan ne7alel lo2metna ya3ny.

C: Don’t you think that calculating the projected energy consumption could’ve prevented the blackout crisis?

M: Howa el n2oolo ne3eedo, msh olna balash el 7owar da? We Kaman ana maba7ebesh atkalem fl seyasa.

C: I understand, but an esteemed employee like yourself must have something to share with the readers, we know you’re influential enough to know something. Mateksefneesh.

M: Ok look, there are some rumors going around in the office and I’m not supposed to say anything bas shaklak ebn 7alal wana erta7telak. Ever since Morsi became president and something strange has been going on in here… el wezara ba2et labash ya beeh; El Ikhwan beysaytaro.

C: Are you saying that the blackout crisis is due to political reasons?

M: Ya beeh el sabr! Give me a chance to explain. Msh sa2alt? Yeb2a sebny agaweb. Shoof, elly 7a2oolo da 7at7aseb 3aleh odam rabena.

Mn sa3et Morsi we fee 7agat moreeba bete7sal; nas 3’areeba dakhla w kharga el wezara. Sanadee2 maktoob 3aleha b lo3’a 3’areeba… I think it’s Farsi, w gowaha mo3edat 3’areeba ma7adesh shaf zayaha abl kda.

C: So there is an Iranian presence in the ministry?

M: Omal ana ba2ool eh mn el sob7? Elzaher wallaho a3lam, en el gam3a el Iranyeen dol gaybeen mo3edat mn 3andohom 3ashan yakhdo el kahraba mn 3andena w yesadarooha le Hamas f Gaza. Asl el nas el 3’areeba el beteegy di, fee menhom byetkalem farsi w fee byetkalemo 3araby, bas msh el 3araby beta3na; 3araby men beta3 Gaza.

C: But I thought that you can’t just “export” electricity that easily; don’t you have to like build stations and stuff?

M: And this is how the Iranians fit in with their fancy equipment.

C: Have you actually seen any of this?

M: No, but word all over the Ministry is that this is happening; a couple of guys swore that they’ve seen it. W Kaman msh 3awza mokh, el hadaf el wa7eed le el Ikhwan enohom yezabato Hamas, f tla2y masr dalemet w Gaza nawaret.

C: So if Shafik had won the elections, none of this would’ve happened?

M: Ella el sawra we shabab 25 el taher! Balash seeret folool we araf.

C: Calm down, Mamdouh. Tell me why haven’t you done anything about it so far?

M: Mana mara ro7t akalem ma3 el bashmohandes Salah, and he said “kol 3eish… kol 3eish ya Mamdouh” - wana ya beeh 3andy 3eyal 3awez arabeehom.

C: So what do you think is going to happen next?

M: Msh 3aref w msh 3awez a3raf.

C: Well, you’re a very brave man, Mamdouh, we wish you all the best.

Thank you for your insight.

Disclaimer: This interview is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons and/or events is coincidental.

10 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

FEATURE

a

Memoirs

of 12 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

Doctor:

Part II

By Dr. Ali AlTaweel

been denied to most, if not all patients at Al Kasr Al Ainy. A child might go into surgery and his parents would have no idea why, an elder patient might be admitted and his whole family would never get told why. Never underestimate the panic and fear produced by not knowing, especially when it comes to people and loved ones. Depriving a mother, father, son or daughter of such a simple thing does not only show that we’re unable to show sympathy, but also that we are no longer human.

I remember when an old lady came in with her family complaining of chest pain; she was crying because none of the doctors in the ER would see her and she was worried that she was dying. She didn’t want medication, she just wanted to know whether she was dying or not. It took me exactly ten minutes to do an ECG, chest x-ray and a cardiac and chest exam, only to find that she only had a simple case of mild myositis (muscle inflammation). When I told her that she was going to be all right, she started to cry (tears of joy) and hugged me. I have -thank God- saved patients while doing CPR, but nothing touched me like this before. 10 minutes, it only took me 10 minutes, is that too much to ask?

I have had children die in my arms, and sometimes people die because there are no vacancies in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit). I’ve seen old patients dying from chronic liver failure, drowning in their own blood. I do not question the mercy or wisdom of God, I do not question who lives and who dies, but what I do question is how do we console a parent who’s about to bury his child or inform a son of his parent’s death? Well, we show sympathy, it’s that simple.

Chapter II: A helpless doctor

LAST ISSUE, WE PUBLISHED THE FIRST OF DR. ALI’S TWO-PART MEMOIRS. THE FIRST PART COVERED DR. ALI’S EXPERIENCE AS A MEDICAL STUDENT, WHILE IN THIS PART DR. ALI TALKS ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCE AS AN INTERN AND A RESIDENT ALSO AT AL KASR AL AINY.

It certainly has been a long year as an intern, and here I am now; a fullyqualified doctor... well, supposedly a fully-qualified doctor. For one must admit that our internship had been nothing more than a complete waste of time. Nothing medical was taught, no experience was passed on, no skills were groomed, and here I am now, in the eyes of this country and the whole medical institution, licensed to practice safe medicine without supervision... haha, suckers!

After 6 years of medical school, nothing had prepared us for what we were about to face during our intern year. Although some of us were physically and academically adept, we all failed abysmally in the psychological aspect of our internship. Being both underpaid and overworked, we failed to understand and develop a doctor’s most important skill... sympathy. We failed to sympathize with people, and not just any people, but people who are largely in pain, terminal patients with only a few days to live, or worried parents who brought in their child with a simple case of common cold.

Despite that I did vow never to set foot again in Al Kasr Al Ainy, I found myself 4 months later right back where it all started, only this time as an orthopedic resident. Finally some authority to make a few vital changes, practice medicine the way I saw fit. But alas, I should have foreseen that being a resident would be just the same. Despite how prestigious the title seemed and despite the number of times younger interns called me “Dr. Ali”, I still couldn’t mask the fact that even as a resident, I was not getting any medical experience nor practicing medicine as I should. It wasn’t until recently that I discovered that this was not due to the corrupt system, but due to the fact that there was no bloody system to start with, only a monster of chaos feasting on energy, time and a lot of tax-payers money.

And here we are, wandering this barren wasteland, ageing prematurely as we go along.

Bit by bit, we lost the very essence of medicine, which most people might think is “making people better” or “saving a patient” but I say no!

That is not it; healing, life and death are things controlled by much higher forces, our job is merely to bring peace of mind to a worried parent, words of comfort to a man and ease the pain of suffering. We can never be doctors if we don’t feel our patients’ agony.

Most interns have forgotten the one thing that makes them doctors, their ability to show sympathy. And I have discovered that many patients may come through the hospital doors not looking for a potential cure, but sympathy. Give all the medications you want and the patient will still be unsatisfied -although he might be physically better- but he will still feel ill, weak and vulnerable.

We all, or most of us, started out our careers as doctors with high hopes and dreams of becoming something great, and slowly -but surely- we wither from the inhuman working hours and the frustration from coping with the “system”. One day at a time, our dreams die, and eventually we reach a point where nothing is left except for the idea that such a dream can be dreamt. And bit by bit, every virtue that we once held dear, every value that we were ever taught will be lost. We turn our frustration towards ourselves and sooner or later towards our patients and finally towards our fellow colleagues, eventually becoming ourselves, monsters.

How many patients have died over our monstrosity? How many could’ve still kept their limbs if it wasn’t for our bickering? And more importantly, how many will have to die before we can admit that there’s something seriously wrong with Al Kasr Al Ainy?

Chapter I:

Prologue

What patients are really afraid of Man always feared what he does not understand, and that includes illness. A patient may have a disease for years and instead of seeking a cure, he seeks an answer. The simple answer (which is not always that simple) to what’s wrong with him, and yet even such a primitive right has

Chapter III: On pulling the plug Every day in life we are faced with various choices; from choosing between full-cream and half-cream milk at the supermarket to lifethreatening decisions concerning ourselves or other people. Some

13

choices we make are rational, built upon logical thought, reasoning and conclusion. But occasionally we act out of emotions. As humans, not only does our ability to reason logically make us human, but also the vulnerability of our complex psychologies affected by various emotions, and how we react towards such emotion make us human. I remember a night where I witnessed an event, a dilemma: logic versus emotion.

A young man came into the ER suffering from severe head injuries requiring ICU admission, and of course, the usual problem of “sorry, no available beds” arose. And there he was, in the resuscitation room, incubated and bagged. 12 hours later, I was in the ER responding to an orthopedic consultation and the poor bloke was still there and his father was next to him. After I finished my consultations I discovered that amidst the hustle and bustle, the father had removed his son’s tube, said his goodbyes and covered him with a sheet. I was too shocked to move or find anything to say, the boy had had a heart rate of 140, making him more than alive when I last checked. After absorbing the shock and calling security I asked the father why he did what he did, he simply said “he was dead; he was dead the moment you couldn’t find an ICU bed for him. I have been standing here for the past 12 hours, watching him die.

Let me take my son home and bury him.”

“How many patients have died over our monstrosity? How many could’ve still kept their limbs if it wasn’t for our bickering?”

I went home that day trying to find some reason for what I had seen that day. In a pure medical sense the boy was alive, but with such a severe head injury, it was most likely that he would have remained in a coma or suffered severe disabilities if he came out of it. But as a father, science counts for shit, if he’s alive then there is hope. Why would a father give up hope was the question that I wanted answered. Was it complete loss of faith in our medical system? Or was it more merciful than watching him suffer for several more hours, go into cardiac arrest, try to resuscitate and finally tell him that “sorry your son’s injuries were too severe, we did everything that we could, but he died”?

I have gone over the scenario over and over again in my head, trying to visualize myself in that father’s shoes: would I have hung onto hope or would i have “pulled the plug”… what would you have done?

Chapter IV:

Why Doctors Don’t Care “A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows public opinion.” As much as I dislike how things are run at Al Kasr Al Ainy, one must admit that the establishment cannot be solely blamed, for we, as residents, interns and other medical personnel are part of that very system, thus accountable for the fall or rise of the establishment.

We always have a choice in life; we can choose to follow and abide by the system, or we can set our own standards and act accordingly. Either way, in the end, the choice does exist. So the question I want to ask is not how we came to this, but why. Why did we forget our responsibilities towards our patients? Why did we forget that we are still accountable?

And why oh why did we stop giving a sh*t?

In my opinion, the answer is quite simple, you gave up seven years and a half of your life (and god knows how many years still to come), sacrificed your entire social life (which is actually why doctors end up marrying doctors) and in the end you discovered that this isn’t what you really signed up for. It came down to nothing more than long working hours, a joke of a paycheck and virtually no medical education. Thus our boyish dreams of a fancy car and a fat bank account went right down the drain. Not to mention that some who signed up for reasons other than helping people (which I assume is about 60-70% of applicants) found themselves left bitterly frustrated, robbed of their dream of power and fame. Some doctors vent by taking up sports, finding God (which I think is a good thing), doing drugs, etc., while others take it out on patients or personnel lower in the food chain, and of course violence breeds only more violence.

I have tried to make a change -even a small one- but I must admit that I have failed miserably, people just don’t want the change, I never did understand why all the residents bitch about how things are done, yet will do nothing about it. It’s like sitting cross-legged for too long till you get pins and needles and then complain that you’ve got pins and needles but you still won’t stand and stretch your legs. It’s either that they enjoy being miserable, or that they’re deluded and actually think that they really are

14 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

“

“

FEATURE

doctors, thinking that they’re practicing actual medicine. Or maybe they have lost hope; simply counting the days till the end of their residency.

Those are the doctors that have a look in their eyes like that of a caged tiger, all hope of freedom and roaming in the jungle as a king, gone, only the idea that such a dream could exist remaining.

Epilogue

Why did we stop hoping for something better? If there’s a will, there is a way, and in the wise words of Dumbledore: “Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light.”

We all carry that light within us, it’s the light that makes us wake up every morning and come to work, the same light that gets you through the day and the same light that keeps you human.

And again, as Dumbledore said, “Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.”

Indeed that time has come, now choose whether to follow suit, or assert the vows that you took, be the doctor that you dreamed to be. Let us show them that change is possible; that we shall not pass quietly into the shadows of chaos; we will choose what is right, so, God help us, our light shall burn strong.

‫السادة الصيادلة‪،‬‬ ‫تعلـن شركـة جالكسـو سميثكـالين كونسيومر هيـلث‬ ‫كـير المحـدودة عن تـوافـر مستحضـري بـانـادول‬ ‫وبـانـادول اكسـترا لدى شركـات التوزيع الكبرى‪.‬‬

‫تصنيع شركـة اإلسكندريـة لألدويــة والصنـاعــات الكيماويــة بتصريح‬ ‫من شركـة جالكسـو سميثكـالين كونسيـومـر هيلث كـير المحـدودة‪ ،‬ايـرلنـدا‪.‬‬ ‫‪PANADOL is a registered trade mark of the GlaxoSmithKline Group of Companies.‬‬ ‫‪For full prescribing information please write to GlaxoSmithKline Consumer Healthcare, PO Box 23816, Dubai, UAE.‬‬

‫‪7/20/11 3:19 PM‬‬

‫‪21604 Panadol Extra Press 33x24cm Campus A.indd 1‬‬

SECTION FEATURE

THE

road to

hellis

filled with good lemons

By Sherief Hassan

I LOVE HISTORY. IT’S A MAGICAL CRYSTAL BALL THAT ENABLES YOU TO READ THE FUTURE. SO IT TAKES A WELL-TRAINED AND SEASONED READER TO READ INTO HISTORY CORRECTLY AND PREDICT THE FUTURE CLEARLY. SO ALLOW ME TO UTILIZE MY LOVE FOR HISTORY AND WEAR MY SEER GOWN TO EXTRACT A TINY CHAPTER OF A RELATIVELY NEAR FUTURE.

16 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

Our tale starts some odd 33 years ago in a land once known as Persia, a beautiful country with beautiful youth calling for freedom and social justice to prevail in their lands. That was the backdrop for the following scene: an airplane landing in the airport of Tehran carrying a grand Ayatollah coming home from exile, arriving with him on the same flight is his son and four other influential figures in Persia-soon-to-be-known-as-Iran.

The grand Ayatollah is none other than El Khomeini, the spiritual leader of the Iranian hijacked revolution, with his son Ahmed; the four influential figures are Ibrahim Yizdi, Abou el Hassan Bani Sadr, Sadek Qutb and Dariush Frohu. Ibrahim Yizdi went on to become foreign minister, Abou el Hassan Bani Sadr became the first President of Iran, Sadek Qutb Zada became a minister in the first republic and Dariush Forhu was an Iranian nationalist who didn’t get a formal position but was a big enough public figure to be reckoned with.

El Khomeini formed an alliance with nationals, liberals and leftists, like the four gentlemen mentioned above, and later, he decided that he didn’t quite need them. Having already been crowned as supreme leader he started to see them as a surplus to the state being created and a dangerous one too, and thus he started eliminating them; each one met a different damned fate. Yizdi, the once foreign minister, served as a leader to the Freedom Movement of Iran, which is now considered as an “illegal party” and potentially terrorist by some factions within the Iranian government. Abou el Hassan Bani Sadr, the first president of Iran, is now in exile in Paris. Sadek Qutb Zada, once a minister, was executed after being prosecuted for opposing the holy revolution.

Dariush Forhu, however, was slaughtered in his house in Tehran with his wife on a cold evening in 1998.

Alas, activists were never sure of what they are supposed to do, always cornered in the ‘reaction’ corner ever since the 18 days were over, never taking a ‘proactive’ stand against the lurking powers of the dark, catching them off guard; never uniting but always dividing themselves as leftists, liberals and ‘whatevers’; wanting to gain more spotlight, more Twitter followers, seeking a louder voice to reach more and affect less. They managed to define an enemy or two but kept a blind eye towards their foe-for-a-friend, always echoing the witty thoughts coming out of that friend’s informal media beacons.

I can understand some of the reasons behind all that. First: the absence of a true leader to that revolution, someone who would unite the divided brothers. Second: the temptations of personal glory, a man walks this earth with a tag on his forehead yelling “recognize me”, a big following on Twitter, hundreds of retweets, your opinion echoed many times and becoming mainstream is a recognition that we all seek, a temptation only a few of us can fight. Incorporate both reasons and you get a weak body that any organized entity can beat.

The outcome of our beloved activists has been a big fat zero; a shy representation in the dissolved parliament, a comical existence in the founding committee of the constitution and a lemonade parade in the presidential election, leaving the Egyptian population to choose between the two main enemies of the revolution of Jan25. The revolution that was kidnapped twice thus far, and that second time was with the aid of the activists infamously claiming to be choosing the one closer to the revolution and easier to oppose later.

His Excellency The elections are done and dusted and the president won by more lemons consumed than those in all the Pril bottles ever sold and what is equivalent to all Egypt’s lemon production for the season, leaving us with an ominous winter filled with antibiotics and influenza. His Excellency embarked on his mission to make sure his state is being correctly constructed, removing the real threat to his doctrine in abolishing the constitutional decree and performing a soft coup in the army to castrate its ability to perform a coup of its own.

My seer gown suggests that those who came off that plane in Tehran with President Morsy will meet a similar, but not so bloody, fate. The notso-bloody fate is only due to different circumstance between Iran then and Egypt now, different times and different cultures. But the ideology is similar and whoever isn’t with us is against us and “we” are representing a holy plan designed by God.

The once-great activists This article is not about history, it’s about the present and the future being formulated now by our activists, the activists who came off the plane with President Morsy having squeezed a record-breaking ton of lemon on themselves (derived from the Egyptian idiom) to help him reach the presidential seat without having as much as a written promise or even “wasl amana” to guarantee that the president won’t throw them in the first trash bin when his use for them is done.

Our great activists are great people in fact; they are formed of what remains of the Kefaya movement, whatever 6 April has become and some other similar civil movements. The ideologies of these activists are mostly leftists with some liberals to go with them and the reason I call them great is that they managed to make a historical breakthrough in the Egyptian political scene by starting the Jan25 revolution and leading the way for the Egyptian people to voice their opinion for the first time. This is where the greatness ends.

Activists in Egypt are the only faction with a true pure heart and honest intention. But like Madonna famously sang, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions”. It is never enough to do your best in order to succeed; first you need to know what to do then do your best at it.

Then came the turn of media. El Fara’een, a popular channel among the masses but with an unpleasant reputation among activists was closed, in addition to jailing its owner and lead anchorman TawfikThe Duck-Okasha. The next victim was the Editor- in Chief of a mediocre newspaper that is considered a darker shade of mustard-yellow, a newspaper that manages to give tabloids a bad name, who’s now being prosecuted for insulting his Excellency’s person. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize his Excellency’s stand on freedom of speech.

One would say that those who helped the president reach office will be rewarded in any form. A prominent figure in his Excellency’s clan called Essam el Erian (literally translated into Essam the nude dude) came out with a Twitter scathing attack on the leftists of the country calling them a group funded by foreign enemies of the state, divided, religion-haters and arrogant. Ironically all that could be directed towards El Erian’s clan but for being divided, which verily is the leftists’ biggest sin. The leftists are a small number themselves but at the same time, these radicals have the strongest mass mobilization ability among all the potential opposition of his Excellency’s new-founded state. That step outraged many commentators in the Middle East and even enraged the Food and Agriculture Organizations’ representative in Egypt, crying about the amount of lemon wasted during the elections not a month ago, saying it’s all been squeezed in vain!

Lemons aside, the amount of challenges ahead is huge. The intention to turn this country into something that is the opposite of what was called for during Jan 25 is out there. And that requires a united opposition to lead the fight and form a front calling for preserving the identity of the state and the freedoms of the people. The ball is still in the field of the activists to undo what was done, and rewrite a history for them, a more glorious history than that which is currently being stolen from them and tampered with.

17

SECTIONSTAGE ] ]CENTER

18 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

CAMPUS EXCLUSIVE: TawfikOkasha_En: “Faraeen will open again after we erase Ikhwan with rubber in August 24 revolution” WE’RE THE FIRST MAGAZINE TO INTERVIEW @TAWFIKOKASHA_EN, THE FUNNIEST NEW PARODY TWITTER ACCOUNT! Interviewed by Leila Tapozada

19

CENTER STAGE

I DON’T REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I STUMBLED ACROSS @TAWFIKOKASHA_EN ON TWITTER; I JUST REMEMBER BEING HORRIFIED BY THE MASSACRE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE THAT WAS GOING ON IN ONE OF HIS TWEETS. BUT WHEN I CLICKED ON HIS PROFILE, THE HORROR IMMEDIATELY MELTED INTO LAUGHING MY ASS OFF, COMPLETE WITH A ‘TA3ALA TA3ALA ESMA3 DIH!’ TO WHOEVER WAS IN THE VICINITY AT THE TIME. TAWFIKOKASHA_EN, IS, OBVIOUSLY, A PARODY OF TAWFIK OKASHA (NO INTRODUCTION NEEDED), BUT WITH HIS OWN SPECIFIC KIND OF ENGLISH. HE QUICKLY GARNERED OVER 10,000 FOLLOWERS WITH HIS VERY UNIQUE BRAND OF HUMOR, AND I WAS ONE OF THE VERY FIRST PEOPLE TO INTERVIEW HIM (HE REFERS TO ME AS HIS ‘SEKRETERRA’ ON TWITTER, SCORE). SEEING AS TAWFIK OKASHA IS SO BUSY THESE DAYS, AHEM, I MANAGED TO SET UP THE INTERVIEW OVER G CHAT. PLEASE NOTE: NOTHING THAT TAWFIKOKASHA_EN SAID WAS CHANGED, EDITED OR CORRECTED. WHEN HE USES ‘:@’, IT MEANS ‘ANGRY FACE’.

(Okasha was a few minutes late responding to me on G Chat) Okasha: Sorry i was at toilet and i have catching :S Leila: Salamtak alf salama. First of all, thanks Doctor for taking time out of your busy schedule --especially in light of ‘certain’ events involving you-- to answer a few questions for Campus.

Okasha: At the beginning this, I want to greet the Campus magasine and president the editing in this great institution and I want to greet you and all the colleagues and workers in the campus, what mean campus?

Leila: Well, since it started off as the first English magazine for university students, the name came from the university ‘campus’.

Okasha: I’m very good on english but speak english make me feel like spy. are u spy? i thought u r honors egyptian and u should speak our great old strong easy difficult arab language. u can write arabic in english words i understand everything.

Leila: 7ader ya Doctor, 3andak 7a2. How many languages do you speak, by the way?

Okasha: mmm.. I can’t count may be 13.

Leila: Masha2allah. But wouldn’t that make people think YOU were a spy?

Okasha: No I took a PhD from amreekah to useful the country not like Elbaradei who spend this all age in amreekah to destroy the country. my eyes drop a tear on Egypt.

Leila: We actually do have a question about El Baradei, but maybe we’ll start with some easier questions so that you don’t get upset men awelha.

We noticed that you always look very, uh, interesting on TV. Where do you buy your suits from?

Okasha: My suits, mmm I know that I look sexy on the screen many girls and womens told me this. i have a lovely wife but i might marry another three bcos of there are millions womens like me. my suits are expensive very very, i buy them from germany by delivery. planes come and planes leave carrying great okasha suits.

Leila: Oh, that explains why they’re so special. Tell us ya Doctor, where do you live in Cairo and what kind of car do you drive? Many people are interested in these small details about you.

Okasha: i will not answer this question bcos u didn’t put “s” prular beside “car” u made me felt like i is the katatny tar the mud and u made me angry so i will not answer this question.

Leila: 7a2ak 3aleiya ya Doctor, mish 3arfa kont bafakar fi eih. What did you used to do before you opened the Faraeen channel?

Okasha: as you know we are a very very very very very very very rich and famous family in mansoura, we have many farms and palaces and animals and cars and carts so i was busy to take care about all this things also i went to amreekah to bring the PhD. i opened faraeen to serve egypt mother of the world country the pyramids and the nile and Omar Suleiman.

20 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

Leila: I see. Doctor it was brought to my attention that kelmet ‘Faraeen’ is actually slang, not correct classical Arabic. Did you know this?

Okasha: who is the stupid and not educated who told this. i studied arabic language all i’m one of the 13 best person on arabic in the universe.

Leila: I’m sorry. I will fire my source. Doctor ma3lesh 7adretak 3amel PhD in what exactly?

(at this point my Internet connection cuts quite abruptly, interrupting our conversation for a few minutes.)

Leila: Sorry Doctor, ever since Morsi came el nour wel internet zai el zeft.

Okasha: never blind. ikhwan will destroy the coumtry.

Leila: Who do you prefer, Tantawy or Morsi?

Okasha: they are two asses in one knickers.

Leila: Is it true you were trying to encourage people to assassinate Morsi? You were very sad when Sadat was assassinated.

Okasha: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? you put Great Sadat and Morsi in one line i want to end this interview now.

Leila: Khales ya Doctor, I only put them in one line to show the great DIFFERENCE between them!

Okasha: ok then take care honors egyptian next tome.

Leila: Like putting you and Baradei in the same line... no comparison ya Doctor!

Okasha: ok, i want to get rid of mursi but without merder but if they will excute me i will kill hm.

Leila: Do you believe they’ll try to execute you or just put you in jail?

Okasha: no they will not excute me bcos i will fire thw whole world and amreekah and the mothers the united are scared.

Leila: And if it makes you feel better, a lot of your respected ‘friends’ are in Segn Torra, so you wouldn’t feel lonely. Anyways, moving along, please Doctor do you mind explaining to your fans and viewers what is your relationship with Hayat Al-Dardiry?

Okasha: i don’t have friends in torra :@@@ i was oppositioning mubarak and all of them all the time, my voice went bcos of egypt

Leila: Yes, yes that’s what I meant. I was, uh, being sarcastic.

Okasha: i have only one comment about my relationship with my intelligent student Hayat “penetrating milk” pls don’t ask this silly question again.

Leila: Doctor, I’m afraid to ask what penetrating milk means because you use this phrase a lot but shout at anyone who asks you what it means. Wouldn’t you like to answer once and for all exclusively with your great fan magazine, Campus? WHAT IS PENETRATING MILK?

-pause Okasha: excuse me Hayat is on mobile, wait Leila: Take your time ya Doctor!

Okasha: ok she went.

Leila: Doctor if you don’t mind, I’m going to give you a few names and you tell me your thoughts on each. First person: El Baradei.

Okasha: the great mason who lived in amreekah to learn destroy egypt and he don’t know anything about egypt as i challenged him to tell ppl how forcefeeding ducks or count match stick rocket bunch he couldnt answer bcos he breakfast kafyar and dinner kalamata.

Leila: Second person: Bassem Youssef.

Okasha: shankahawy zaabalawy who is servant Sawiris to take money.

Leila: Third person: Ahmed Zbaydar.

Okasha: revolutionary youth and he’s the future of the egyptian honors struggeling against masons and international sohyouneya and i growing him on my hand.

“

No I took a PhD from amreekah to useful the country not like Elbaradei who spend this all age in amreekah to destroy the country.

My eyes drop a tear on Egypt.

Leila: Last person: el mozee3a 2alaa2 Nour.

Okasha: one of the great experienced well educated polite honors fationable intelligenet atteractive announcer, i grow her on my hand also.

Leila: Thank you for your insights ya Doctor. Your fans refer to you as “el Oksh”, do you like that nickname or do so7abak el anteem aw Mrs. Okasha use a nickname you prefer?

Okasha: no, just wriet “Dr. Okasha PhD” Leila: Doctor, now that el Faraeen is closed down and you’re under investigations, what do you do in your spare time? What will you do with the Faraeen building?

Okasha: i don’t have spare time i have many communications and relationships and business all over the world i’m not empty at all and faraeen will open again after we erase ikhwan with rubber in aug 24 revolution.

Leila: ...I see. Well ya Doctor, thank you very much for your time. Is there anything you’d like to say before we end the interview? Anything you’d like to share with our readers?

Okasha: yes i want to obviousation that mursi was wearing condom bullits in tahrir when he open the jacket like super man, ikhwan will destroy the country with coopertaon with the international sohyouneya and masons. honers egyptians disappointed me but i will still behind them until they wake up .. i love egypt and hate israel hate ikhwan hate amreekah hate masons hate iberals hate seculars hate islamists hate communists hate leftests hate boudists and hate the elephant father mustache i hate u too :@ Leila: You hate me ya Doctor?

Okasha: u r mason?

Leila: No, but I’m liberal and secular.

Okasha: i have to hate u exept u will marry me or work in faraeen i’m liberal also but liberal who don’t destroy and middle and love islam middle.

Leila: Very well said ya Doctor, as always. Again noshkor 7adretak gidan w netamana neshoof 7adretak menawar el shasha qareeban.

“

Okasha: NO.

Some of TawfikOkasha_En’s most memorable tweets • I’m sick honors egyptians, i have coff • Squar Tahrir teach egyptians youth the sexual harrasment after the relationships sex complete happened as Mr Talaat Zakareya lighten us.

• No honors egyptians I didn’t run away to Deutchland and hide in my multimilioner palace there. I sent uncle Abdo to clean it.

• Khirat Alshater called me today and told me that they will open Faraeen great channel again if it will be a big mouth for Ikhwan. I said a7a • Assigning Hisham Qandil as a PM gives honors egyptians a great hope that any one could be a PM even Abdel Basit Hamouda.

• When I know that Hisham Qandil is the next PM I get tired from the surprise and my eyes drop a tear.

• When I saw Hazem Abo Ismael the fatest politician and Emad Eldeen Adib the fatest announcer in one studio I felt like it’s narrow world.

• Order of known group attacked me today and tried to cut my ears but honors egyptians stand with them by home work.

• When I saw Morsi praying in Azhar and yawning and adjusting his glasses I remembered Sadat and exit a loud voice from my nose.

21

]UNDERSCORE ]

The Day an Airhead Ruled Egypt!

By May Kamel

THE DATE AND TIME ARE NOT EXACT, BUT THE FASHIONTV-MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND CAN DEFINITELY TELL YOU IT’S THE 21ST CENTURY. AND YES, FASHION TV MUSIC IS NOW A GENRE OF ITS OWN, TOPPING ALL THE CHARTS. THE PLACE, OF COURSE, IS EGYPT. THE EVENT IS NOTHING SHORT OF PLUSH; AFTER ALL, IT’S PRESIDENT DIJA’S BIRTHDAY. NOW A NATIONAL HOLIDAY AND A CALL FOR CELEBRATION AND FESTIVITIES, AUGUST 20TH IS THE DATE EVERYBODY LOOKS FORWARD TO. AS PART OF THE NEWFOUND DEMOCRACY, CITIZENS VOTE FOR THE PARTY THEME IN LARGE, CROSS-NATION REFERENDUMS, THE OUTCOME OF WHICH GRANTS THE PARTICIPANTS THEIR PASS TO THE DIJA FEST. Reporting to you from this year’s Dija Fest, I’m May Kamel.

For those of you who are not aware of who she is, Her Gorgeousness President Dija was born Khadija El Fale7, the eldest daughter of three to leading public figure Khairy El Fale7. She was born in a posh Cairo neighborhood on August 20th (year to be censored for being a felony).

She studied Economics and earned her PhD at a very young age.

The Road to the Throne President Dija’s rise to fame was not unforeseen, for she has been president of the now-ruling party for eight years. Under her reign, the party has gained lots of momentum, bringing about major changes to the lives of the common Egyptian and, most importantly, paving the way for her to be Egypt’s first female president. Perhaps many of you young Egyptian ladies owe her for passing the bill to give you the right to have a fully paid essential mani/pedi session once a week as per your work contracts state. She was also the mastermind behind the three years maternity leave period.

Perhaps her most controversial was her “Roamer, Wanderer” bill that restricted men from driving during rush hours, a fact that she deemed “an extreme measure that serves a greater good”, that greater good being better driving experience. Despite creating lots of negative feedback initially, her decision was, later on, proven effective as per the latest reports issued by the Ministry of Transportation under her rule. The report clearly states that, while the streets remain to be a literal jungle, and fatality rates are increasing by 39%, this had nothing to do with the all-female rush hours, but was rather blamed on poor infrastructure.

Sentiments also indicate higher driver satisfaction and an overall positive experience, with drivers’ creativity and well-being boosting above 46% as compared to the previous year, all thanks to the newly adopted “all direction” roads law.

Ever since assuming power, President Dija has taken it upon herself to provide better lives for children. As per the latest reports, the mandatory supply of Nutella and cotton candy to kids between the ages 3 to 12 has reflected positively on their overall lifestyle, with them achieving better at school and in sports.

The Diamond Fist As we all know, President Dija assumed the presidency in unfavorable times. But it was her unparalleled wit and her flawless vision that earned her the nickname “The Diamond Fist”, iron being very passé, rusty and un-chic. Thanks to the master plan laid out by her government and under her direct supervision, our “rims” are now safe, with no Egyptian soldier slightly injured for over 15 years.

22 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

Her “We Ain’t No Holla Back” Accord is perhaps the highlight of her achievements. Being taught now to political science graduates all around the world, her strategy with neighboring countries has proven “classy and to the point”. We all recall her inspiring speech where she boldly stated that “Not to talking to other countries is no way for humanity to move forward. I say we pull ourselves together and b**** it away! There’s nothing that confrontation can’t do!”

Aiding her throughout this all was the oh-so-brilliant Minister of Foreign Affairs, Farida Mo, whose exquisite negotiation skills and unprecedented class left foreign affairs ministers of other countries speechless. Literally.

Attaboy!

While Her Gorgeousness’ development plan sees to including all the segments of the society and erasing gender barriers, the Attaboy!

Movement is a success story. Men empowerment has been given much attention during the last few years, with NGOs and other local development initiatives breaking new grounds and showing the world that Egypt is not a place where a man will be stripped of his rights based on who he is!

In the 12 years during which the initiative was adopted by the government, and under patronage of Her Gorgeousness, the unemployment rate of men has decreased by a staggering 28% and domestic violence is reported to have decreased by 18%, with more men being educated about their rights and given the necessary psychological support to go through such experiences. Harassment, however, remains to be a mighty challenge that faces society, with more men increasingly suffering from not being able to lead normal lives. “Men are an effective part of this society and their rights to do whatever they want should be conserved by law. We can be whatever we want. We can be doctors, engineers, or lawyers,” commented Mr. Hamada El Zareef, leader of the Attaboy! Movement in the annual movement conference, among cheers from many men who were bold enough to face the society’s taboos and put an end to the “woman’s world” perspective of the society.

DijaFest 2012! YOU GUISE!

Egyptians En Vogue

• Extreme punishment shall be applied against anyone who is seen or heard using the words “toppling the regime”. The state remains very clear about the health of its citizens and their regimes are not to be messed with under any circumstances. The use of variants of the word “regime” such as: diet, routine…etc also requires equivalent measures.

While drinking is regarded as a taboo, and extremists pushing to pass a bill to ban alcohol, partying however is highly practiced in the open. “It’s every person’s right to feel glamorous. No one should take that away from you,” commented Vice President Farah El Helw when asked about the state’s stand on partying.

And despite her constant reassurance for all those years that the state will forever remain civil and that the freedom of religion and thought are innate rights, people remain skeptical about the changes that could occur at any moment, given past experiences with the party and its policies.

“We are here to coexist. What have you seen from the ruling party to hate it? ” said Mr. El Fale7, current president of the party and father of President Dija at the opening of the latest chain of his Egyptians En Vogue stores that provide the common Egyptian with his/her needs of stylish attire, now regulated by the law as per Article 3 in Chapter 4: “Appearance is Key” in the constitution. “Citizens, at all times, shall abide by stylish attire. No Egyptian is allowed to be out of style for more than 24 hours per week – sleeping hours excluded.”

Healthcare and Well-Being The watertight plan to revive the healthcare system is the pride of every Egyptian. With health insurance covering all expenses for citizens, and with success rates of 99.99% in plastic surgeries, we have yet given the world another reason to drop their jaws.

Initiatives like “orientations to mani/pedi at home” and “down with the toilet seat” have gained a lot of momentum ever since the Ministry of Health started running them, with a fleet of 1000 cars roaming the streets of the county, educating people about how to lead a healthier lifestyle.

And with the implementation of the Bottle Up law, which requires citizens to walk around at all times with bottles of mineral water in their hands, other rather chronic diseases have been decreasing immensely. This, of course, put an end to the unnecessary opposition to the president’s decision to buy the Evian company 8 years ago, which was called “hayafa”, “mal sayeb”, “habal neswan” and “haaaaar eswed”, among other things by opposition newspapers. The president’s office had only one comment on these accusations after the latest reports by the health ministry: “BURN.”

Last Year and the Turmoil It’s noteworthy to also highlight the role of President Dija in containing last year’s turmoil brought about by the masked Bandana movement and the “Nazeloohom” act, which later on proved to be funded by foreign parties. Her record cooperation with the Ministry of Interior and the army was a way to show them all who is boss! “We want the people from Nazeloohom to know that the presidency is a responsibility and, should we fall, el felool haye7komo masr,” said the president’s spokesperson in memory of the events.

Citizens are given the choice of how they want their gollash; they can either eat it, take it (home, that it is), or just enjoy spending the day of festivities surrounded by never-ending layers of it.

This year’s celebration will also witness applying the following amendments to the constitution.

• The color red is to be removed from the flag, for it is so horribly out of style. The flag shall bear no fixed color code or design, but shall rather be altered every year as per the recommendations of the Minister of Interior –Department of Marketing, Section of Country Brand.

People shall vote on these two amendments by the show of hands during the celebration.

Now back to entertainment; designer Fawaz El Sayad will be showing his Winter/Fall Collection “A7ebboush”, a line-up of the world’s most acclaimed DJs will provide the beats and Pussy Riot will close the curtains on this lavish night.

“

High profile guests including presidents, prime ministers and other political figures who are then invited for the traditional sleepover at Her Gorgeousness’ house. Details are to be kept highly confidential.

That’s it for now. We hope you enjoy the DijaFest 2012. Reporting live, I am May Kamel.

Note to self: Never write again when fasting. Or when the power is out. Or when hungry.

“

While President Dija comes from a rather conservative background, her feminine side keeps things in balance, with her promoting an overall moderate lifestyle without compromising on style.

This year’s DijaFest is, hands down, the “it” place to be in August!

To match the current political and social atmosphere, the theme this year is the “gollash”, where it reflects the delicacy of our forever young Gorgeousness, Dija, together with the necessary class and chic-ness to complement such an event.

Harassment, however, remains to be a mighty challenge that faces the society, with more men increasingly suffering from not being able to lead normal lives.

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Nile University Vs. Ahmed Zewail When the National Hero is in Fact the Bad Guy

By Yasmine Zohdi

24 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

YOU MAY HAVE HEARD ABOUT THE DISPUTE BETWEEN NILE UNIVERSITY AND THE NEWLY-REVIVED PROJECT KNOWN AS ZEWAIL CITY FOR SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY, OVER A PIECE OF LAND HOUSING A NUMBER OF BUILDINGS IN 6TH OCTOBER. HOWEVER, CHANCES ARE, YOU’VE HEARD IT FROM ZEWAIL HIMSELF IN ONE OF HIS MANY TV APPEARANCES, OR READ IT IN THE WORDS OF SOME SEVENTY-SOMETHING WRITER WHO BELIEVES THE REVERED NOBEL LAUREATE COULD DO NO WRONG. Here’s your chance to know the other side of the story; the story of the students, researchers and professors of Nile University; how much they believe in what their university stands for, and how far they’re willing to go to save it.

The students, professors and researches are currently holding a sit-in in front of their buildings - taken over by Ahmed Zewail after the revolution in Sheikh Zayed, demanding they regain access to the facility and to their labs and equipment.

“I’ve spent three precious years in this university and there’s no way I’m leaving, no matter how much we’re bullied into it,” says Nancy Mustafa, third year Industrial Engineering Student and Editor in Chief of ‘Step in’, the official Nile University magazine, “I’m going to see this through to the end.”

How it all began Back in 2003, the Ministry of Communications and Information Technology bought a piece of land (127 acres) in Sheikh Zayed in order to build a research-based university specializing in technology. Nile University was established as a non-profit university in 2006, and went on to make a name for itself as a an exceptional educational institution, both locally and internationally, with its unique master programs (some of them unavailable in other universities around the region) and its impressive array of selected Egyptian scientists who conducted 700 researches over the past six years, some of them receiving prestigious international awards.

Up until 2011, NU operated from temporary headquarters in Smart Village until its main campus in Sheikh Zayed – which includes all the labs, equipment and other facilities – was ready to operate in full-capacity.

Students still used the Sheikh Zayed campus frequently, though; for lab work, conferences, graduation ceremonies, and on many other occasions.

The post-Jan25 dilemma In February 2011, Prime Minister Ahmed Shafiq announced that the piece of land previously allocated to Nile University by the Ministry of Communications is now property of the Education Development Fund (a subsidiary to the Council of Ministers), and will be put to use when resurrecting the so-called ‘Zewail City for Science and Technology’ project that had been put on hold for years. Students, professors and researchers were denied entry to their campus.

Curtly, Zewail informed them that they will be ‘integrated’ into his project, and that they should study hard because he will only accept ‘outstanding students’ in his university. When they complained that they hadn’t been inside their labs for a year, he told them it was their fault for joining a university whose buildings were not yet completed (leaving out the fact that they had had free access to their labs until he had kept them out).

He also added, in a somewhat threatening tone, “Talking to the media will do you no good; I’m telling you, neither will protesting and holding up banners against me.”

Tug of war In 2000, the government had in fact allocated 300 acres of land to the Zewail project, and on Juanuary 1st, the cornerstone was laid. However, in the period from 2000 to 2003 (the year the land to house NU was purchased) no work was ever done on Zewail City. Not to mention that throughout the years NU has existed, Dr. Zewail never objected to part of the land being allocated to NU. Moreover, the students of Nile University have used Google Earth to determine the exact location of Zewail’s cornerstone and the NU buildings, and they are in fact a fair distance apart.

And so, in an attempt to resolve the issue, NU management proposed that Zewail take the land and the buildings for his project and name it ‘Zewail City’ as he wished, as long as he included all NU members: staff and students. Zewail refused, stating that he was only willing to enroll researchers and graduate students but not undergraduates, which – of course – the NU management did not accept. As negotiations continued, he agreed to include undergraduates but not those studying Business Administration, and that, to the closely-knit team of NU, was also unthinkable.

Faced with Zewail’s lack of cooperation and unwillingness to compromise, the students’ and management’s desire to maintain Nile University as an entity independent from the Zewail project was growing stronger. They offered him the rest of the 300 acres allocated to him and access to their facilities until his city’s buildings were ready if he would leave them only the 30 acres that housed their buildings. Again, he rejected the offer.

Nile University under Pressure Meanwhile, the university was subjected to different forms of pressures from various sources. Investors offered to buy the university for huge sums of money, turn it into a private institution and move it somewhere else, but the offer was refused. The university received warnings from the Ministry of Communications and the Ministry of Higher Education threatening to shut the University down on the grounds that it had no fixed headquarters. Students were offered to study at the AUC if they would stop fighting with Zewail over the buildings, and professors were offered legendary salaries to go work in Zewail City, but chose to stay.

They tried to meet with anyone from the Cabinet so as to figure out what was happening, but never succeeded. After organizing several protests in the hope of garnering attention from the government, they did manage to get through to some officials, but were always met with the same answer: “You need to wait until Dr. Zewail comes to Egypt.”

The first confrontation with Zewail After many attempts to get in touch with the Nobel prize winner through e-mail and trying to meet with him and failing every time, a meeting was finally scheduled to take place at the Smart Village building. However, Dr. Zewail refused to meet any students and sat only with members of management.

The students, however, frustrated as they were, stopped him on his way out. They complained that their research was being stalled, that they were not having the required quality of education without access to their labs, and that they needed to know how this whole episode was going to end.

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A classic case of ‘baltaga’ During the show, Zewail said that he had had a meeting with some of Nile University’s students earlier that day and that they were all ‘very enthusiastic’ to join his institution, which is far from the truth of what had actually happened. The fact is, NU students had been protesting in front of the Sheikh Zayed building when a sharp exchange of words had taken place between Zewail and some of them. “He told us that if we don’t stop ‘causing trouble’, he’ll speak negatively about the university in the media, and that people will believe him while no one will listen to us,” says Ahmed Nassar, fourth year Computer Engineering student and President of the NU Student Union.

“We do not want to stand in the way of Dr. Zewail’s project,” says Nancy, “He has his name; money; he influence; and the backing of the government… why is it so hard to establish his city anywhere else?”

I can’t help but wonder the same thing.

Because of a purely executive decision by Ahmed Shafiq (said to have been taken after an elongated meeting with Zewail), the buildings that had taken years and magnanimous effort by NU workers and staff to be constructed and adequately prepared were left unused for months on end. The labs became infested with rats that fed on computer wires, and most of the equipment remained in unopened boxes or covered with layers of dust, while students and researchers had to rent learning spaces and laboratories in other universities.

Not only that, Dr. Zewail (accompanied by Dr. Essam Sharaf, who ratified the Shafiq decision), shamelessly inaugurated the NU buildings as Zewail City in November 2011. The buildings were also used as those of Zewail City in the Ramadan commercial calling for donations to the project.

A television interview conducted by Magdy El-Gallad with Dr. Zewail also took place in the Sheikh Zayed building, and although he El-Gallad promised he would do a segment of the show with the students, he never did.

Will Nile University, in fact, survive?

Well, it certainly seems so. But, it was decided, without having anything to do with Zewail.

As part of their struggle to keep Nile University intact, the students had created a strong “Save Nile University” campaign that drew considerable attention, especially online. Zewail, presumably wanting to put an end to the hype, got in contact with NU himself this time, offering to integrate the whole institution; post-graduate students, undergraduates, staff members and all, into his project, under one condition: the name Nile University ceases to exist; and it all becomes part of his Zewail City.

Although those were the same terms they had first proposed, this time the NU management refused, and has since then cut off all communications with the scientist. “We suggested that option when we still saw Zewail as the respected scientist we used to believe he was,” says Mariam Ibrahim, third year student majoring in Industrial Engineering as well, “but now we don’t want anything to do with him.”

Speaking to students in Nile University, you can’t help but feel energized by the positivity they radiate. They’ve been through horrors these past two years and have been faced with the weight of an uncertain future every day, yet they continue to put up a strong fight. As for the doctors,

26 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

not only are they refusing offers from other places and staying in NU, but they are currently working for free; giving up their salaries as donations for the university.

The University filed a lawsuit in June 2011 against the reallocation decision made by Shafiq. They are currently waiting for the verdict, and are trying to make the best of their temporary Smart Village headquarters; seeking to purchase more buildings and depending on sponsorships to enhance the facilities currently present. “It’s been very hard to focus throughout all of this; sometimes I felt like I was on the edge of a break down,” says Mariam, “but it’s definitely worth it.”

The students are still not giving up on the Sheikh Zayed campus, though.

“We’ll be there every day, making a lot of noise, until someone listens,” says Nassar, “we’re not leaving this sit-in until our demands are met.”

However, even with a new president and a new government now in power, the students aren’t really expecting much change. “Nobody likes to get on Zewail’s bad side,” says Nassar, “and the Muslim Brotherhood especially are in a tight spot; they don’t want anyone accusing them of being the ‘narrow-minded fundamentalists who undermine the value of scientific progress’.”

The ultimate disgrace Nile University provides a genuine chance for bright, hardworking individuals to make things happen right here in Egypt rather than pack up and leave; students are empowered; they have a voice, and they receive a quality of education that is unprecedented in history of this country.

Yet nobody seems to care if the university closes down and all those students resort to poorer sources of education or run off in search of opportunities elsewhere. And then everybody whines about the sad state of education in Egypt and wonders why we never seem to move forward.

Well, this is why.

“

“

More than once, students and staff members from NU were supposed to appear on TV shows but were notified in the last moment that ‘something had come up’, or, quite frankly, that ‘we have received orders not to air our report on Nile University.’ On the night Zewail was scheduled to appear on Yosri Fouda’s show on OnTV, students got in touch with Fouda on Twitter, asking him to host someone from the university with Dr. Zewail so that viewers would get to hear both sides of the story. Zewail stubbornly refused, but agreed to receive a live phone call from someone representing NU during the show. However, the person planned to call was notified by the show’s producers that “Dr. Zewail threatened to leave the studio if we went through with the call”, and so the call never took place.

Those kids are fighting relentlessly for a just cause when everyone – the state, the media, and society – has turned their back on them. They represent everything that keeps me from losing faith in this country, and for that they make me prouder than a Nobel laureate who failed to adhere to the most basic principles of integrity ever will.

Zewail told us that if we don’t stop ‘causing trouble’, he’ll speak negatively about the university in the media, and that people will believe him while no one will listen to us.” (Ahmed Nassar, President of the NU Student Union)

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SECTION UNDERSCORE

Relapse

Depression Strikes Again

By Sarah Elkerdani

I HATED THE FACT THAT I SAW A PSYCHIATRIST. I HATED THE CLINIC AND I HATED MY MEDICATION, WHICH I HAD TO KEEP A SECRET, BECAUSE “EL OSOOL” HAVE A SAY WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR HEALTH TOO. It is not okay to be psychologically ill in Egypt. It’s actually a very big deal. A terrifying secret that must be kept to oneself at all times! A lot of patients go to their therapist appointments in disguise and never tell a soul, for fear they will end up being the butt of a joke or the center of endless gossip. Shrinks are only for frail and crazy people; normal people like us never need them and if it is ever known that you’ve visited one even once, it could destroy your future. Your relatives will become suspicious and your friends will start to fear you. Your colleagues will tell your boss, who will not tolerate a mental case on their team, and prostitutes will have a better chance landing a husband than you ever will! So, I hated the fact that I’m sick. My mind refused to believe that what I had is a disease. ‘It’s just a temporary condition’, I repeatedly said to myself.

When I first started dating my husband, I told him about that “condition” of mine on our first week and I will never forget a thing about that moment. It was about 9 pm and I was walking on the beach, barefoot with my sandals in my hands. It was chilly, which made me even more anxious. I did not hesitate and spilled all the beans, waiting nervously for his response. ‘Nothing can scare me away’ is all he said.

I was truly happy with Rami, and as we were planning our wedding, my life was nothing but peaches and cream (leaving out the recurring bridezilla outbursts). So, I thought to myself, ‘why not quit my medication? Life’s great. I’m great. It’s completely useless to be on drugs when you don’t need them’.

And so, I did, despite everybody’s disapproval. Life continued to be perfect, until I found myself hitting rock bottom without notice. Relapsing, especially in cases like mine is a catastrophe. My OCD was thankfully gone, but I was l left with a ruthless depression. It was nothing like anything I’d experienced before. You wake up and you feel empty! You feel utterly hopeless; worthless. Nothing can get you out of bed because you have lost the will to live and even if you want to, you can’t because it feels like you’re on a roller coaster and any attempt to set foot on the ground will make you vomit. People with depression suffer from either insomnia or hypersomnia and in my case, my body chose to sleep my life away. Being awake was a form of torture. Eating became the hardest chore asked of me and guilt was feeding on my brain. I seriously wanted to put my never-ending pitifulness to an end, once and for all.

My family and husband fought with me on a daily basis to go see my psychiatrist, who I knew I desperately needed. But my mind despised the thought of her. I believed that seeing her meant giving up. ‘It’s just a phase and it will pass,’ is what I kept telling them. But one day, my husband snapped and took me to the clinic, the last place I wanted to be. I will never forget the look on her face when she saw me. People usually greet you with a ‘Hi’, but the first thing she said was, ‘What happened to you?’ I had lost a lot of weight by then, my hands were shaking; my eyes were wide and I didn’t blink normally. I cried, and then stopped crying for no reason at all. I yelled every time I tried to speak.

And the look on her face as she listened to me revealed how crazy I must seem to everyone.

‘Do you know what depression is?’ she asked me.

‘Can’t you see me? This is depression. I am depression. But it’s fine; I’ll beat the sh*t out of it.’

28 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

‘No, you won’t,’ she said calmly as she took a sip of her tea.

My blood boiled and I wanted to smash her head against the wall.

How dare she say that? Out of all people, she was the last one who should say that to me. She just wanted to prescribe me pills, as was her job, but she didn’t give a sh*t. I didn’t want to take the easy way out again. No more meds.

‘I know you don’t like where you are now and I can’t argue with that, but you’re not helping yourself. I would like to explain to you exactly what’s going on in your head, then you can decide,’ she said.

her once a week for psychotherapy. She saved my life, and I’m thankful. Not because I have depression, but because I chose to face it and defy society’s refusal to treat it as a real disease. It’s a very serious and dominant one indeed. I am neither spoiled nor weak. I’m a very strong person who will let no one who hasn’t a clue about what they’re talking about affect my life that way again. For God’s sake, Abraham Lincoln, Isaac Newton, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Ernest Hemingway and many more suffered from depression… those people were not weak and they were definitely the farthest thing from crazy!

Here are some facts about this underestimated disease otherwise known as depression:

I didn’t say a word.

‘And why is it that I have this chemical imbalance?’

-340 million people around the world suffer from depression, and the number is rising.

-One out of four women will suffer from depression at some point of her life.

-As many as two thirds of people don’t realize they have a treatable illness and do not seek treatment.

“

-The risk of suicide in people with major depression is about 20 times more than that of the general population.

-More than 90% of people who commit suicide were suffering from depression among other mental disorders at the time of their deaths.

“

‘Everyone suffers from occasional depression for all sorts of reasons.

Everyone can feel sad and pessimistic, but when those symptoms last for two weeks or more, it becomes a clinical disorder (Major Depression). In that case, the structure of the brain undergoes physical changes due to the reduced levels of chemicals we call neurotransmitters. They are the messengers that allow communication between nerves and most importantly, they are responsible for mood regulation. In your case, those neurotransmitters are facing great reduction, specifically the serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine,’ she explained. ‘You have very low levels of serotonin (the feel-good hormones), which causes depression. We call that a chemical imbalance.’

‘Your brain is simply not producing them. Have you ever heard a diabetic ask why they don’t have enough insulin? You tell me why some people have heart conditions and others are perfectly fine! You are suffering from a common disease that many others are suffering from. The good news, though, is that you can live a happy and healthy life, not having to worry about it for one more second.’

-Depression is among the most treatable of psychiatric illnesses.

Between 80% and 90% of people with depression respond positively to treatment.

‘I don’t want any more meds.’

I don’t want to leave the impression that meds are cool, especially if you’re asked to take them for the rest of your lives. Meds can have serious side effects, but those side effects cannot be compared to the state I was in. I still get angry about my condition from time to time, I manage to make peace with it eventually.

Depressed people who seek therapy are stronger than you think. I know very successful adults, who are clearly suffering from the most severe sorts of depression, but haven’t the guts to face it. Those of you who have opened the closet and let the skeletons out: be proud; you are more special than you know.

‘Anti-depressants increase the numbers of neurotransmitters that you lack. And, if you want to feel normal again, you need to take them.’

Silence.

‘Sarah, I will prescribe you the meds. And, I will need to see you once a week. Do we have an agreement?’

I nodded.

Rami was waiting for me outside, and as we headed to the car, I threw the prescription paper in the nearest trash bin. There was my answer, loud and clear. How dare he treat me like I’m crazy and convince himself that meds are the only way to fix my condition? ‘I am not crazy!’ I insisted. I was an angry girl, who now felt extremely hurt and insulted.

As you could effortlessly predict, I got way worse. I quit my job, switched off my phone and never left my bed. All food tasted the same, so I depended on water to stay alive. My tantrums were more frequent and more aggressive than ever. By that time, I was completely isolated from everybody else, because I didn’t have the energy to talk or even see anyone anymore. The only thing I did other than sleep was cry and cry and cry some more. It went on for a month!

Then, one day, my mom asked me to go shopping with her (which is normally my favorite thing to do), but I couldn’t care less. I walked indifferently through store aisles and didn’t buy a thing. When I went back home, I felt an excruciating pain in my chest, only it was not physical.

I’m not sure how I can explain it, but I started screaming my lungs out and banged my head against the wall until I was out. Stars were all I saw as soon as my eyes opened (just like the ones rotating around Tom’s head after Jerry had hit him with something).

I picked what was left of me up and rushed to my doctor. I had no appointment and was the first one in the clinic so I went straight in. ‘Help me,’ is all that came out of my mouth. And help is what she’s given me. I took my meds regularly and went to see

-Studies indicate that the best way to prevent suicide is through the early recognition and treatment of depression and other psychiatric diseases.

You wake up and you feel empty. You feel utterly hopeless; worthless. Nothing can get you out of bed because you have lost the will to live, and even if you want to, you can’t because it feels like you’re on a roller coaster and any attempt to set foot on the ground will make you vomit

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Islamic Banks: Bema La Yokhalef Shar3 Allah?

By Tarek Samhan

BANKING INSTITUTIONS HAVE EXISTED SINCE THE 15TH CENTURY, WITH THE MAIN PURPOSE OF FILLING THE VOID BETWEEN THOSE WHO HAVE EXCESS MONEY AND THOSE WHO NEED IT. A BANK SAFEGUARDS OUR MONEY AND LENDS IT TO THOSE NEEDING IT WHILE CHARGING A PRICE UPON RETURN. THAT PRICE OF BORROWING MONEY HAS MANY WAYS OF BEING CALCULATED. THE MAIN TOOL BANKS USE IS CALLED THE INTEREST RATE. BY DEFAULT, INTEREST RATES WILL ALWAYS FAVOR ONE PART OVER THE OTHER, AND BELIEVE OR NOT IT’S NOT ALWAYS THE BANKS THAT COME OUT WITH MORE MONEY. DEPENDING ON THE TERMS, WHERE THE DEAL IS DONE, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY THE LENGTH OF THE DEAL ITSELF, WE CAN FIND A FEW SCENARIOS WHERE THE BORROWER WILL END UP PAYING LESS IN “REAL VALUE” THAN WHAT HE TOOK IN THE FIRST PLACE.

30 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

“Non-‘riba’ Banking” This is considered “evil” in Shari’a law because it is ‘riba’, or a “surplus value without counterpart”. It is important to know that modern day Islamic banks have only surfaced in the last century; almost five hundred years after conventional banks were created. Add that to the “‘riba’ is evil” argument and you’ll find that any and all banking transactions by all Muslims or Muslim countries prior to the 20th century are a sin. Now that is just an unpleasant thought to begin with. As we so often find in our religion, there is yet to be any absolute consensus on what is to be considered non-‘riba’ banking. The reason being there is no single entity with enough power to regulate Islamic banking and set very clear guidelines on which are acceptable practices and which are downright rejected.

So what makes an Islamic bank different from any other bank? In one word: restrictive. An Islamic bank really is like every other bank, with the purpose and intent to profit from lending money. Although as you will see, they never call it “lending” because that would implicitly mean they are charging interest, and again you will see they never use the word “interest”. Because, as mentioned earlier, interest is ‘riba’ and ‘riba’ is evil, being Islamic banks one would think their main goal was to abide to Shari’a and not make economic profit. But the fact is this is never the case.

How Islamic Banks Operate One of the biggest lending markets you can find is in mortgages. A mortgage is simply a loan you would use to buy a house, while putting the house as collateral. In case you are not able to pay back the loan plus any accumulated interest, the bank will then have the right to evict you, reclaim the house, and then sell it in the market. But as long as you are paying back the loan, the house is yours to do as you see fit.

Now in order to avoid the lending part and the interest part of a mortgage, the Islamic banks have a very creative approach. They will buy the house from the seller first, then resell it to you at a higher price than what they paid for it, but you will get to pay it in installments over a long period of time.

This is a simplified view of what takes place in this sort of process. First they will avoid lending you money by buying and then selling you the house. Second they avoid charging interest by selling you the house at a higher than actual price (which makes up for the interest of course).

Third – and this is my personal favorite – they will keep the house in their name in order to avoid having to set any collateral. So in conclusion, you buy a house at a higher price with money you don’t own, and you never get to own it until you pay the price in full. This seems like a legitimate deal alright! It doesn’t only happen with houses too; this sort of loop can happen with any type of good. Take a car for example, we could redo the exact same process and still it won’t technically be a loan even though in essence it is almost exactly the same.

As noted earlier, this is one of the simpler ways that these banks circumvent ‘riba’. There are of course much more complex and elaborate methods to accomplish this. They all revolve around technicalities and how you might label some kinds of deals. But to my knowledge there is no 100% Shari’a abiding bank, and they will never be able to exist as long as we wish to interact with the rest of the world and handle their “tainted” money.

The Rules The idea of outlawing ‘riba’ has several reasonable origins. It mainly aims at eliminating any injustices where one party gains any unjustifiable benefits, which makes them come out wealthier than the other. By that same idea of justice, it also forces these banks to have a 100% reserve ratio; this means that at any point in time the bank can instantaneously give back all the money people have deposited, or the money it owes people. That sounds great in theory, but if you do a bit of searching you will never find any bank with a 100% reserve ratio. Again, this means that Islamic banks are not 100% Shari’a following institutions.

This could open up a whole new area of taking the time value of money into consideration. This means that when taking out a loan, you can only pay interest equal to the exact amount of inflation that has occurred during that time. The principal does not lose value this way when paid back to the owner. If this is applied, then it will open up a whole new controversy of whether it should be a “pure” loan, or should it be backed by the price of some goods so it isn’t technically a loan in the common sense. Again, there are no standard rules to use if this is applied.

An Islamic bank is also not allowed to invest in any immoral activities such as pornography, gambling, alcohol, etc. Even though this could be considered great by some, if the bank wants to do business with any non-Shari’a compliant bank this would mean the money going back and forth between them will almost always be “polluted” with such activities.

Given that Islamic funds only constitute about 0.5% of the world’s total assets, not dealing with conventional banks can become quite tricky.

Shari’a also mandates a risk sharing criteria in any transaction, where there should not be complete deferral of risk from lender to borrower.

This is to provide enough incentive for the bank to make sure the project is successful and profitable in order to share those profits. The problem with risk sharing is the lack of guidelines surrounding it, there are no rules saying how the risk should be equitably divided, it is left to the discretion of the people involved in the deal. This happens because of the lack of any governing religious body.

The Search for a Loophole Surprisingly, it is also against Shari’a to offer someone a lower price for a good if they pay immediately or a higher price if the payment is deferred.

So it’s not just interest that is evil here; this is a lot deeper than most people think. And the main problem is there is no religious governing entity to explicitly label certain types of lending or investing to be good or bad. Each bank is only required to form its own committee of religious experts to supervise the bank’s activities. But of course in these sorts of situations just as in many others in our religion there is never one unanimous decision over the religious acceptability of these issues, because each committee can have its own separate opinion. And since the committees themselves are hired by the bank, it is very likely for a conflict of interest to arise since the bank is the one hiring. So it would be beneficial to hire those who would deem the more profitable banking activities as safe and not the ones who would blatantly outlaw certain endeavors and drive the bank into bankruptcy.

The truth is nobody really bothers with all the technicalities because the law is not specific enough to have a set of unified and agreed upon rules for everybody to follow. There will always be ways to circumvent it and find loopholes where interest can be considered administrative fees (as a spokesperson of the Nour Party has recently called the interest rate that comes with the World Bank loan the government is planning to borrow), or an agreed upon amount of profit for any loan can be seen as rent since it does not fluctuate with time. All these excuses have been given before and are still being used to justify the actions of Islamic banks.

A Premature System In the end, my belief remains that Islamic banks are still banks; their sole purpose is to profit. However they do have stricter rules to follow which are supposed to be socially beneficial even if they are not profit maximizing. There are also no studies to unequivocally prove Islamic banking is more economically sane than conventional banking.They do eliminate any direct speculation or immoral investments. Still they should not claim adherence to Shari’a, because they simply do not adhere completely to it. And even if they did follow the advice set by their religious committees, there will probably be another bank with stricter or more lenient policies that will also claim to follow Shari’a. The scene is too vague and needs some serious intervention and regulation if it will ever establish itself as trustworthy or honest enough to claim such a powerful adherence.

Still, the notion of interest in not wholly rejected since the main purpose is to pay back the exact real value of the loan, or not to lose value. It is very important to note that this only applies to physical goods and not money.

31

]OPINIONATED ]

“Matsoomi Ba2a!” And Other Obnoxious Things I Hear In Ramadan

By Leila Tapozada

32 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

I HAVE DONE IT, I HAVE SURVIVED ANOTHER RAMADAN. NOW OBVIOUSLY I DON’T SUFFER QUITE AS ACUTELY AS MOST, SEEING AS I DON’T FAST, BUT I DID HAVE TO ENDURE A LOT OF OTHER NERVETAXING THINGS DURING THIS HOLY MONTH. NOW DON’T GET ME WRONG, I HAVE NOTHING BUT UTMOST RESPECT AND ADMIRATION FOR PEOPLE WHO NOT ONLY FAST DILIGENTLY, BUT REALLY TRY TO USE THIS MONTH TO IMPROVE THEMSELVES AS PEOPLE AND TO BECOME CLOSER TO GOD. THAT IN AND OF ITSELF IS A BEAUTIFUL THING. BUT WHAT REALLY BURNS MY COOKIES ARE THE PEOPLE WHO USE THIS MONTH TO BECOME EVEN MORE HYPOCRITICAL, AND CLIMB ONTO THEIR HOLIER-THANTHOU HIGH HORSE, JUDGING AND CONDEMNING OTHERS WHO DO NOT COMPLY WITH OR PRACTICE (OR EVEN PRETEND-PRACTICE) WHAT THEY THINK IS RIGHT.

I do not fast because I do not believe. It’s as simple as that. I try my best not to eat or drink in front of people who are fasting, out of respect, but I will not be shamed into or forced to pretend I’m fasting, as many Egyptians I know do. Plenty of Egyptians hide the fact that they’re not fasting from not only their parents, but their friends and co-workers as well, because somehow during Ramadan (more so than the rest of the year) it became OK to critique and censure others’ religious practices.

But this article isn’t about kowtowing to religious peer pressure and other ailments of our society. It’s purely about obnoxious people and their equally obnoxious comments. It’s basically just an ode to the expression I have come to love and adore: “Khaleek fi 7allak.”

• “Matgaraby tesoomi yom keda, yom bas, mish sa3ba!”

Obviously you are missing the point. Fasting to me isn’t like dropping down and giving you 20 push-ups, with an astonished “Oh my God, I CAN do it!” upon completion. I don’t doubt I could do it, should I want to (uh, the fasting, definitely not the 20 push-ups) but I CHOOSE not to. Trying to convince me of how it’s easy once I get used to it is not going to get this debate anywhere.

• “Matsoomi ba2a! Mish e7temal allah yekremek?!”

First of all, howa ana a3da 3ala albak? Why do you care if I fast or not? Second of all, just because YOU believe that doesn’t mean I believe that. Now get out of my face.

• Guy on street: “Enti mish sayma? Labsa keda leih?”

My automatic response was: “Enta mish sayem? Betboseli leih?” I shared this little anecdote on Twitter, and while I was applauded by many, there was the inevitable question of: what were you wearing for him to say that to you? Really, people? I’m not new to this country, I know how to dress for the streets, and I think at this point we’re a little past “well, what were you wearing?” considering women in 3abayas and women in tank tops get harassed just the same.

• “Asl fi ‘rule’ gedeed eni mayenfa3sh a2adem alcohol law fi masreyeen 3ala tarabeza” I was at a venue that serves alcohol to foreigners, and since I have a foreign passport, I asked the waiter (who knows me well and has served me booze many times in previous Ramadans) for wine. He hesitated, looking at the table at my Egyptian friends (who were all drinking tea and Seven-Up) and told me that although he can serve me alcohol, he can’t serve me alcohol if there are Egyptians at my table. What? I mean, I always rant that drinking, whether in Ramadan or not, should be between a person and God, not a person and the law. And it’s bad enough that Christians aren’t allowed alcohol either during Ramadan. But now I can’t even drink in the presence of Egyptians, who are my friends and don’t give a flying freak if I drink or not? What is this new BS?

• “El nas eli mish beysoomo… it’s like they’re almost bragging about it, it’s really sad.”

This was said by a girl who apparently was offended by people announcing, or as she put it, “bragging” that they weren’t fasting. I guess she thought that they (we?) were trying to be ‘cool’ or ‘rebellious’. Bitch, please. You go on and on about your praying and tarawee7 and no one says you’re bragging. A person who states that they’re not fasting is just speaking out against this yearly charade. If I were you, I would save the judging for God on Judgment Day. Look, I could go on and on with this, but I just want to make a quick point – Ramadan being a holy month should not mean that people have extra leeway to judge and make inappropriate and ignorant comments. Because just like it’s completely unacceptable for me to waltz into a friend’s fitar 3ozouma and say, “What, you guys are fasting? That’s pretty f*cking stupid”, it should be equally unacceptable for you to say to me, “Matsoomi ba2a 3ashan allah yekremek.”

Just another brick in the wall until we can all sit around the campfire together as a nation and sing kumbaya.

33

SECTION OPINIONATED

Ramadan: The Aftermath In fact, DO THE MATH!

By Amy Quotb

NOW THAT RAMADAN IS OUT OF OUR WAY AND EVERYONE IS BACK TO NORMAL, I CAN VENT A LITTLE. EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME, FOLLOWS ME ON TWITTER OR READS MY BLOG KNOWS THAT RAMADAN AND I REALLY DON’T GET ALONG. PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

AND HERE’S WHY:

“A cup of coffee, a cigarette, and a good conversation”

And the Oscar goes to… Ethan Hawke! For best line in Reality Bites.

But really, this is all I need to get by through my day. Ramadan takes that away from me! I don’t get my three-cups-of-coffee-before-noon dose, I don’t get my cigarettes, and I’m absolutely incapable of forming a complete sentence, let alone a conversation or a work meeting! It’s the ultimate 30-day Armageddon for someone like me. I transform into Forrest Gump for a month, and it’s not pretty.

Consequently, I hardly get any work done. I’m glad they didn’t fire me this Ramadan, but it will remain a yearly “fingers crossed” situation.

34 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

Sleepless in Cairo

Because for some reason, everyone feels obliged to stay up until the fat lady sings (3:30 in the a.m.) – I am also forced to follow. Don’t ask, but somehow I always end up sleeping as late as everyone else, yet have to be at the office before 11 a.m.

Na3am?

I’m the kind of person who needs to sleep for a MINIMUM of 8 hours.

MINIMUM ya kafara!

Needless to say, my BBM display picture of Fight Club’s Edward Norton with the caption of “everything is a copy of a copy of a copy” is nothing of exaggeration. I’m pretty sure that one of these Ramadan’s I’ll form my own Fight Club.

Soo2 3ala Mahlak Soo2

If you think about it, that’s all you CAN do in Cairo traffic, tesoo2 3ala mahlak 3ashan el donya wa2fa ya 7abeeby. But in Ramadan? IT’S WORSE. IT’S BIGGER. AND IT’S PISSED. Since everyone wants to be home early enough for a nap before Iftar, EVERYONE decides to rush out of their office almost at the same time. If you only see streets that are usually congested at “rush hour” you haven’t seen it all. Try Ramadan around 3 to 4 p.m.

Oh, and by the way, “allahomennysayem” now qualifies as a four letter word. So, people who think that just because YOU chose to fast, WE have to tolerate your rudeness, you’re the perfect target because I CAN use swear words, and they’ll be aimed at your sh*tty driving, short tempers and utter disrespect to others.

Face-off

Hypocrites kill me. Listen, I dress the way I want to dress, not the way you want me to dress. And I’m not going to change my wardrobe just because “it’s Ramadan”… So, dear horny bastard who wants to harass me down the street but “can’t” because you’re fasting; telling me

“allahomaennysayem” is not fooling anyone here. You see food, but you don’t eat it, you see water but you don’t drink it. Period.

Al Dawa2 Feeh Sommon Qatel

Ever tried getting sick in Ramadan?

DON’T. You’re a big boy! You can hold it in!

Stores and even pharmacies close at weird times – in the middle of the day – because they, too, want to spend Iftar with their families (no moral code is applicable for them during Iftar) so emergencies are not an option.

I once had stomach flu and had to spend four hours in the bathroom waiting for the pharmacy to open (at 8:00 p.m.) so that I can get any medication. Dehydrated? Who gives a sh*t.

“I am the hostess!” – Monica Geller

During Ramadan, and for some odd unknown reason, people feel compelled to invite other people over – be it for Iftar, sohour, or anything in between. Now, I don’t mind having people over, apsolotly, but it’s nothing like your once-a-year Thanksgiving dinner where it’s a one-time thing, one group of guests and you’re done. NO… This has to happen REPEATEDLY. Throughout an ENTIRE MONTH.

So it’s not bad enough that you’re starved, caffeine-deprived, nicotinedeprived, dehydrated and sleepless. You have to clean the house, tidy up the place, and prepare food for people while smiling.

Battle of the Scales

My normal eating routine is, I eat dinner before 5 p.m. and anything that follows is merely bread and cheese, noodles, crackers. NOT dinner. In Ramadan your only option is to have your “dinner” (which is also your first meal all day) after 5 p.m., and this year it actually went all the way to 7 pm.

Needless to say, eating so late in the day is neither healthy nor scalefriendly. I gain weight EVERY RAMADAN and am forced to make up for it the month after.

Speaking of which, isn’t Ramadan all about doing good deeds and walking a mile in a poor man’s shoes? What’s with the gluttony, people?

What’s with racing to prove who serves more food at their “3azayem” and who has more dessert and who makes better 2atayef?

So, give me a reason

When I was little, and they were teaching me about Ramadan they tried to convince me that “we should fast through Ramadan to be in touch with our spiritual side, to know how the poor feel so it urges us to help them out, also, fasting is good for our health.”

Great, why not...

Maybe to Walk a Mile in Their Shoes?

Maybe the whole “to know how they feel” thing was applicable back then, when people rode camels and slept in tents and didn’t know much about what was happening two acres away. But now we have the internet and we’re always connected! I for one know how everyone feels, from how people in Yemen dying of hunger on daily basis feel, to how my spoilt friend feels about her red velvet cupcake on a Tuesday afternoon!

Blasphemy

If you think that I’ve crossed a line in this article, that means we’re even.

People have been crossing the line with me about this whole Ramadan thing all my life. Nobody has the right to force me to perform certain religious rituals, not through preaching, emotional blackmail and definitely not by scaring me into doing them. I thought that these had to come from believing, not just the mere practice. Because everyone knows that being forced to do something never works.

35

OPINIONATED

Beautiful strangers

By Mohammed Adel

I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO SPEND THE PAST MONTH DOING AN INTERNSHIP IN SPAIN AND GOT SOME FREE TIME TO TRAVEL AROUND, VISIT A COUPLE OF FRIENDS IN DIFFERENT CITIES AROUND EUROPE AND PRACTICE MY FAVORITE HOBBY OF MEETING RANDOM PEOPLE. OUT OF THE ENDLESS BENEFITS OF TRAVELING IS OVERCOMING THE FEARS OF REJECTION AND EMBARRASSMENT WHILE TALKING TO PEOPLE, AS WELL AS FINDING GOODNESS IN STRANGERS, EVEN THOUGH WE’VE ALWAYS BEEN WARNED AS KIDS BY OUR MOTHERS WITH STATEMENTS SUCH AS “EW3A TEKALEM NAS MAT3RAFHASH YA 7AMADA”, “MATKHODSH AY 7AGA 7AD YEDEEHALAK”, “EW3A 7AD YESHARABAK 7AGA, DEEH KHAMRA” AND SO ON AND SO FORTH. BUT PERSONALLY I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT I FIND COMFORT IN STRANGERS, STRANGERS WHOM WE TALK TO ABOUT INTIMATE DETAILS OF OUR LIVES WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING THEIR NAMES, WHERE THEY COME FROM, OR THEIR RELIGION; SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T KNOW YOU, WON’T JUDGE YOU AND MOST IMPORTANTLY WON’T EVER MEET YOU AGAIN. 36 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

An American couple in Barcelona: So there I was waiting in THE longest queue ever to get into the Picasso museum, alone - since my friends decided to ditch the museum as the queue was taking forever to move - when this mid-fifties lady in front of me looked back and said (surprisingly in English) “You can go sit and I’ll keep your place for you if you want.” And here started one of the best conversations I’ve had in a really long time, with the sweetest American couple who were visiting Barcelona for vacation.

We discussed basically everything: Joan Miró’s art, Picasso’s erratic paintings, Woody Allen and his movie ‘Midnight in Paris’ - which had some scenes where Picasso was impersonated, and Gaudí and his unique architecture. Among other subjects discussed were their careers as teachers, my life as a doctor, the saddening fact that we ‘orientals’ usually live with our parents until we get married and so many other topics that I can’t even remember because of the randomness of the conversation. But what I do remember the most was the ease of the conversation throughout, how we connected over art and how we came along discussing our daily activities in the US and Egypt, and complaining about nuances of the European culture while simultaneously loving similar things about Europe. It was like we’ve known each other for a long time but didn’t get the chance to meet often. It felt perfectly normal and not remotely perverted when they asked me to join them for the rest of the day and have ice cream while watching the Magic Fountain Show together (an offer that would have normally freaked me out and sent me screaming “serial killers and perverts” in my head).

Ironically, after an hour-long conversation, I didn’t get to know their names and they didn’t know mine either; such an irrelevant piece of information would have ruined the fleeting charm of our encounter. Sadly, I didn’t go to the show with them because I had already seen it and we didn’t even say goodbye, thinking that we’d meet afterwards but we never did; leaving the perfect memory of incredibly sweet strangers who I enjoyed my time with and never knew their names.

At the bus station in Granada: After an eight-hour bus ride, I was waiting at Granada’s bus station for my friend who I was visiting to pick me up, but she was late (as the usual case with Egyptians). Bored as I was, I thought I’d buy a map until she arrives but the only map I could find actually cost 4 euros, which is pretty expensive, given that maps are usually free at tourist information desks. My Egyptian “tawfeer genes” decided to wait when suddenly out of nowhere came this young, gorgeous girl in green shorts and long dark hair and said “sbhhsjacmmmzjhlmnlljgtyeuiskmj” (something in Spanish that I obviously couldn’t understand) so I answered with a stupid smile and my English version of “kan 3ala 3einy ya lemby” and said, “No Español, only English.” She replied, “I’m leaving the city now and I don’t need my map, don’t buy a map, you can have mine,” and I replied, “Are you sure it’s okay?” and she said, “Sure,” and handed me the map and that was that. She left, speeding to catch her bus. Without asking for anything in return and without knowing anything about me, she made an unexplainable act of generosity, banishing all preexisting notions of strangers I might have had and leaving me with the decision to reciprocate whenever I get the chance to do a good deed to a stranger.

At the Opera House in Paris: Alone on my last day in Paris, it was raining like crazy when I decided to walk around the city and not take the metro to see more of the Parisian architecture, which is not the smartest idea when you’re wearing your brand-new white sneakers, but it’s Paris so one should never complain.

The problem with traveling alone is when you want to take a picture of yourself somewhere you either have to take the photo yourself (and such photos usually end up with your nose taking up most of the photo) or asking someone to take your photo (but you have to wait for someone who wouldn’t be too grumpy to do so). So there I was by the opera house, impressed by how absolutely gorgeous it looked at night, and

I decided to go for the first choice and take the photo by myself which of course ended up with several horrendous shots of my nostrils and just bits of the building. A big, dark-skinned guy with a big professional camera hanging on his neck approached me, doing a hand gesture like capturing a photo and he asked “Would you like me to take your photo?”

All I could think of that he’s a thief and he’ll take my camera and run away that I actually told him “Ohh, thanks, it’s okay,” but then I realized how sh*tty my camera was compared to his and he’s obviously just trying to help me so I finally agreed and he took the photo, asked me if I liked it or if I want another and that was that. He left without stealing my sh*tty camera, to my surprise.

Back in Cairo, when I checked the Opera photo this guy took of me, I realized that I looked worried/ready to chase the guy if he tried to run away with my camera, which made me laugh hysterically, considering the misconception we’ve always had about strangers and the stereotyping that they’re going to harm us, steal our things and exploit us (unless you met Christian Bale in American Psycho, which is usually not the case).

I’ve been helped by numerous strangers from different backgrounds, races, cultures and religions in so many countries and they never want anything in return. Goodness can always be found in people, interesting conversations happen when you least expect them with people you’d never think you’d talk to. It’s really sad when you think of all the interesting conversations and generous gestures we miss when we choose not to approach people we don’t know. What a waste.

37

OPINIONATED

“I don’t want to be forced into worshipping ants!”

38 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

A retrospective look at what seemed to be the happy ending

By Zeyad Salem

MARCH 2011, THE TIME WHEN WE BELIEVED AN OPPRESSIVE REGIME COULD BE TOPPLED IN 18 DAYS, WAS ALSO THE TIME WE BELIEVED THAT THE REFERENDUM ON THE CONSTITUTION WOULD BE THE HAPPY ENDING TO OUR TAHRIRIAN STRUGGLE. CONSEQUENTLY, A BUNCH OF THE “EDUCATED” ONES DECIDED TO GO AND ENGAGE THE PUBLIC AT THE POLL STATIONS IN HOPES OF SPREADING AWARENESS. WE WENT TO ONE OF THE POLL STATIONS TO TALK TO THE PEOPLE AND SEE WHAT THEIR VOTES WOULD BE, IN WHAT FELT LIKE THE LAST BATTLE. A GROUP OF THREE MEN IN SHIRTS AND PANTS WHO LOOKED LIKE THE MAJORITY OF THE EGYPTIAN PEOPLE; YOUR AVERAGE MOE, THE MAN YOU’LL SEE SWEATING IN LINE TO GET GAS, BREAD, OFFICIAL DOCUMENTS OR EVEN A TRAIN TICKET. THE SAME MOE WHO YOU WOULD FIND FLOATING OVER MASSES OF PEOPLE IN A PUBLIC BUS, THE ONE YOU ALWAYS COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT USING DEODORANT… YES, THAT’S HIM.

For some reason he came and told me, “You look like someone who would vote No,” to which I replied, “And you look like someone who would vote Yes.” With an exchange of glances, a long talk was in the making.

Me: So why did you choose “yes”?

Moe: Because the sheikh in our mosque told us that “No” stands for El Baradei and his acquaintances, and that they’re evil anti-Islam deviants who come from a country called Libralia in Europe and they want to spread homosexuality and worshipping ants.

Me: Ants… what?! (In what felt like a cold shower in one of those sweat-tilyou-vanish power-cut days)

Moe: I am not against people worshipping what they want except for the ants, because they are too tiny and bowing to them would be an insult to the human mind.

Me: Your sheikh is an insult to the human kind, I thought to myself. Ok, but how would amending a preexistent constitution help with that?

Moe: Because of the second article. I hope they turn Egypt to an Islamic state so that we won’t have ant worshippers and homosexuals.

Me: This has nothing to do with that, give me examples of Islamic countries that do not have homosexuals or ant worshippers in their land, how about Saudi Arabia, Iran? Are you a Muslim because you believe in Islam or because of the second article?

Moe: They do have them, but not in public. Are you a Muslim?

Me: Yes. Moe: Why did God send us the Qur’an?

Me: You tell me.

Moe: So that we spread his word and talk people into good deeds.

Me: Agreed, but if it is an Islamic country where people are coerced into religion and cannot say otherwise or else would be punished, who would you talk to? For example, now that you know that I’m Muslim, if I came and proposed to your daughter you might give her to me only to find out years later that I’m deep down an ant worshipper and that your grandkids have consequently become ant worshippers as well. What would you do then?

Moe: (His face starting converging into what seemed to be the modern day Kraken look) Dear God that would be a disaster.

Me: See. But if we lived in a country where every citizen gets to be himself, you would know who is Muslim and who is not, and you would be able to go to the ant altar or house of worship, use your logic to talk people into Islam and once they become Muslims you will get tons of Thawab and fulfill God’s orders.

Moe: Yes but the sheikh told us that if we voted No, those liberals will set some law where I will have to be homosexual. (“Yerdeek anot 3ala zemeely ya basha?” he asked, pointing at a specific zemeel of his.)

Me: No, this could never happen, it is not how things work, a secular nation is where you get to do what/whoever you want without coercion into anything, as long as you are not harming someone else.

Moe: Then it is better to vote No, I guess.

Fifteen months later, I have no idea what he chose, I don’t know how he told that story to his sheikh who probably told him that I am one of them, the deviant liberals. However, I can see him celebrating Morsy’s win, I see him on the street during major events, decisions and ideological fights, I visualize him frowning upon reading a list of demands that we have written about freedom of speech and belief because he is afraid that he might be forced to have sex with his coworker as per his sheikh in the nearby mosque.

Meanwhile we, the “deviant liberals”, are very busy tweeting.

39

On Winning OPINIONATED

Is it enough just to be a nice person?

By Eman Omar

WINNING! A VERY INSPIRATIONAL CONCEPT THAT HAS BEEN THE CORE AXIS ON WHICH THE LIVES OF SOME CULTURES REVOLVE. FRANKLY SPEAKING, I AM JEALOUS OF THOSE CULTURES. I WON’T BEGIN TO LIST THOSE COUNTRIES, AS YOU CAN EASILY WATCH THE OLYMPICS OR THE SCIENTIFIC AND TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGHS IN THE PAST FEW DECADES TO KNOW WHICH ONES I’M TALKING ABOUT. NEEDLESS TO SAY, THIS CONCEPT DOES NOT DOMINATE OUR CULTURE HERE IN EGYPT; AT LEAST NOT FOR MOST OF US.

40 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

I guess the problem is that we define winning differently. It is more like: just be a good citizen! If you are a nice person, an average student or have a stable job, you’re making “not-bad” money, you’re married with kids and have an okay social life, then you’re doing great. And if you happen to play a sport on the side in which you rank 400th on the world then you are rocking this world! We just stop asking for more, we are satisfied with much less than we deserve and much less than we can get.

Well, let’s try and see how winning gets shaped...

When we were toddlers, winning was simple, we had to take our first step or utter a word or two to feel our mothers’ pride and hear some cheering from the family. We grow up a bit and it starts turning into a cute little competition between kids in a nursery, each trying to finish his drawing or his food first for no other reason than to say: “Miss, I finished FIRST!” (Notice how the need for winning shows at such an early age).

We go to school and it takes different shapes. Some of us want to get the biggest star-shaped sticker on their hand, some enjoy the big group of kids tagging along them in the playground, while others are thrilled to go to their first sports practice and impress the coach with the striking move their daddies had taught them at home. You can think of all of that as “child’s play”, when in fact it gives a hint on how the rest of your life might turn out to be.

As the time flies, people keep changing; our values and perspectives, our priorities and most importantly how we view winning. One makes it his one and only goal to be the highest-ranked academic achiever. He would dream, study, stay up late, visualize and achieve! Another wants to be a world tennis champion. He understands that school is important but decides he’s going to be an average student if that’s what it takes to win a gold medal. He practices night and day, studies just to keep from failing, shuts out all other distractions… and score! Others may take to music or charity or something totally unique that no one else would think of.

And then there are people who are caught in the middle, people like me actually, wanting a bit of everything, wishing against all odds to be good at each, but ending up only average. They want the high academic scores, try sports, love music and can’t let go of the regular social outings while of course attending to family and keeping their religious and spiritual level to a good degree. These people are interested in almost everything they see, they are always curious to know more and they have many talents. Shamefully though, this is exactly where their problem lies.

They lack focus and the right amount of drive that should get them to what/where they want. And the problem is, most of the time, they are never satisfied with what they do. They want more out of everything. They want to do many different things, and seek greatness in all or most of them. It just can’t happen!

Here is a personal experience with this dilemma:

I used to think it was perfectly okay just to be a nice person, with a good social life, good grades, a so-so sport and an average level in everything else. I even used to fight with my dad who was always pushing towards excelling at one specific thing and sacrificing one’s leisure time and many other things in order to be the best at it. I used to argue that I am also “winning” when I’m achieving a life balance that few people can do.

But during my late teens I started to develop a certain interest for movies and books (mostly American), that have sort of a personal challenge to the characters, whether in the sports, music, academics or a certain field of work. Really, the thrill, excitement and pride of achieving something – even in a movie – gave me chills! I realized after a while that I almost never had that feeling in my own life before. Few are my times of glory, or pride of something that I did myself and that is truly worthy. It was a very disappointing feeling to be honest. I was reminded of a famous cliché proverb, “Jack of all trades, master of none”, or our Egyptian version, “sa7eb balein kaddab” and I give in to the fact that they are actually true.

I am rarely satisfied with what I am doing or what I have reached in life and want more from it; which of course I can’t get because my mind is wandering in a gazillion other directions trying to see if there’s an opportunity there as well. It was just too exhausting to bear!

I’ll be honest, it took me a long time to figure this nice conclusion out and an even longer time to find that “thing” I might be really good at. It is not easy at all finding yourself, it’s more difficult being good at what you do, and indeed very challenging to be a real winner at what you do. I have not yet reached that last part, far from it in fact, but I know I’ll keep trying until I get there.

I also know this: I, as a person, wanted to experience this thrill and the goosebumps that come with winning. This does NOT mean that this should be the rule. It is still perfectly normal to be a nice person and lead a good balanced life; in fact this country could really use nice people. But what I’m saying is that we could also use this little urge of wanting more from life than being average. We could use some winners here and there.

Winning doesn’t have to be against someone, it doesn’t have to be personal at all. You could win against your own self; you could win against science or against human nature (in a good way please) or you could win with or for other people. Just try to find what you’re good at and be a winner at it!

41

SECTION QUIZ ] ]CAMPUS

Mazinger and Aphrodite sitting in a tree…

The quiz that puts all quizzes to shame.

By Sherif El Mashad

AS A KID, I HAD A SPECIAL ADDICTION TO ROBOTS. THE IDEA OF A GIANT FIGHTING ROBOT WITH GREAT POWERS GAVE ME SHIVERS. I ADORED EVERYTHING THERE WAS ABOUT GRENDIZER, HATED EVERYTHING THERE WAS ABOUT MAZINGER, WAS FASCINATED BY OPTIMUS PRIME, WAITED FOR MY FRIENDS TO COME FROM KSA WITH VIDEO TAPES OF JUMARO, AND THE LIST GOES ON AND ON. I was sitting at the beach when I suddenly remembered Aphrodite, the robot from Mazinger and her boob-missiles that seemed utterly useless, yet subconsciously taught us innocent kids that boobs are a woman’s most powerful weapon and that they can literally knock you out. And I thought -and I’m sure many of you gave it a thought one day- what if under that pool, Mazinger used to bang Aphrodite, or Aphrodite used to seduce Mazinger in those red panties of hers?

42 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

And this led me to today’s question: did Mazinger have a sex life, and if he did, how did he manage to hide it? Consequently, the following quiz was structured to determine the kind of sex life you’d have if you were a robot. Here goes: • Why does Faiza Abulnaga wear that shawl of hers every single time she’s on TV? a) She’s hiding a light saber underneath in case someone attacks her.

Preferably from the future on a mission to kill her. b) Hiding a Voldemort infant. c) “Aphrodite boob-missiles” d) On the back of the shawl, she’s inscribed her end-of-days prophecy that we’ll know of only when –or if– she’s dead. e)None of the above • After stating he shouldn’t be called ‘the special one’, but rather ‘the only one’, what do you expect Mourinho’s next nickname to be? a)The 0.01 b)He who shouldn’t be named c) “Aphrodite boob-missiles” d) Pep Guardiola e)The meh

• How will the word end? a) A Blackberry virus spreading via BBMs causing all the nice passively aggressive teens to go ballistic b) Zamalek wins… ANYTHING c) “Aphrodite boob-missiles” d) Mubarak dies e)Who am I kidding, Sabah dies • The solution to the Palestinian tragedy will be a) Please stop all of Sacha Baron Cohen’s movies. HE IS NOT FUNNY! b) Magical gay unicorns –only type there is- c) “Aphrodite boob-missiles” d) Fateh and Hamas will be united by Bane. e)...not be anytime soon • Where do you stand on industry? a) Well, Japanese industry is the best there is. Technically advanced, extremely creative with a tendency towards perfection. b) ET technology. Only drawbacks to this though is the complete lack of technical support and spare parts. Also there aren’t any consumer support reps who you can call or bash, that’ll cost a fortune. c) “Aphrodite boob-missiles” d) “Egyptian industry” – No one e) I’m vegan. I grow my own utensils on trees.

• Whether he’ll win the next presidential elections or not, what do you think Barack Obama’s job should be a)The first African American to actually portray Superman b) An Egyptian political activist/analyst c) “Aphrodite boobs-missiles” d) He should take on @elbaradei in a Twitter name-calling argument e) Be a part of SNL’s not so funny sketches. Maybe play the role of Barack Obama.

• The next 57357 commercial will probably show this to gain even more compassion and more donations a) Footage from Mubarak’s trial and nose picking b) An altered storyline of Cinderella where she’s being harassed in the Zoo in an 3eed outing c) “Aphrodite boob-missiles” d) A Sergio Busquets/Dani Alves dive. e) Tamer Hosny’s chest hair in 10 years from now*. *Computer-generated images.

• He’s fast. He’s strong. He’s in blue and red. He crawls up buildings. Why do you think there’s a remake of The Amazing Spiderman? a) Money laundering b) We had to see the Lizard Man. Why should the Green Goblin, Doc Oc., Sandman and Venom be responsible for all the failure? c) “Aphrodite boobs-missiles” d) It’s a plan by Nolan, just so the audience will clearly believe that Batman is the most awesome superhero ever. e) Option D is clearly either a joke or a fraud; everyone knows Superman is the awesomest superhero ever.

• Since it’s all “El3eed far7a” in Egypt, who of these would you gladly harass if you had the chance? a) Scarlett Johansson. b) Monica Bellucci, even a pixilated picture of her. c) “Aphrodite boob-missiles” d) Tito Vilanova’s eyes (Answer yes only if you’re Jose Mourinho) e) Michael Phelps’ abs (Answer yes only you’re either a girl or gay)

Ok, so the quiz is over. This quiz has been created by an astounding league of strategically enhanced monkeys alongside a brilliant team of Japanese pandas, all of whom are known as Egyptian fattayeen. And this the way to calculate your scores –no calculators needed-:

If 70% or more of your answers are A, then you’re a moron to take a test that discusses robots’ sex lives.

If 70% or more of your answers are B, then you’re as “brilliant” as the team behind this test for thinking that robots actually have a sex lives.

If 70% or more of your answers are C, then dude, wtf? Why do you keep picturing Aphrodite’s boobs? What happened to normal boobs?

If 70% or more of your answers are D, then you’re just like Mazinger. A lone, asexual machine that hides in a pool and has no social life.

If 70% or more of your answers are E, then you’re awesome. Your mojo tops that of a 30 year old Roshdy Abaza. Your muscle structure is Greek god-like and every single club in Egypt won’t start partying until you confirm whether you’re coming or not. And no, these gentlemen putting you in a beige jacket mean you no harm, they’re just taking you for a walk outside, and it’s a bit cold where you’re heading.

• What’s the fastest thing on earth? a) The Flash? b) Our chances of qualifying for a World Cup going away c) “Aphrodite boob-missiles” d) Political promises e) How one presses “ctrl+s” after you’ve mistakenly pressed “ctrl+a” followed by “Del”

43

PRESS RELEASES

‫ ‏‬hmed El-Sabbagh Travels to Alcatraz Island to Run for A the International Red Bull King of the Rock Finals After exciting dual matches that reflected advanced individual skills in local basketball, Ahmed El Sabbagh from Alexandria managed to win the title of “Red Bull King of the Rock”, thus becoming qualified to represent Egypt in the international finals of the competition in San Francisco, USA. The Egyptian champion’s winning came as a coronation for consecutive “one on one” competitions which brought together 32 persons with special skills in basketball. Heliopolis Sporting Club in Cairo last Friday was a theatre for dual matches whose players had been qualified from the two qualifiers stages that gathered 64 participants at Cairo Sporting Club and Alexandria Sporting Club.

64 players from 49 countries all over the world will participate in “Red Bull King of the Rock” finals. The international qualifiers will be held side by side with the Egyptian and the American qualifiers in the following countries: UAE, Jordan, Kuwait, Lebanon, Dominican Republic, Georgia, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Check Republic, Germany, Lithuania, Slovak, Austria, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Jamaica, Italy, Romania, Serbia, Macedonia, the Black Mountain, Spain, Turkey, Brazil, Canada and Ukraine. The competition is also characterized with the participation of Isaiah “Clutch” Bowman (the title’s winner of 2010) and Baby Shaq (the title’s winner of 2011).

The Adidas Fall/Winter 2012 Collection Is Out!

Etisalat Egypt Launches its Own Android Powered Smartphone

The new Adidas collection inspired by Ivy League universities is nothing short of fantastic. The items are a brilliant combination of elegance and practicality, and can be found in all Adidas stores starting this month.

In an innovative step, establishing it as the leader of the smartphone sector in Egypt - especially the Android-based mobile devices segment - Etisalat Egypt launched its exclusive first 3G Android-powered smartphone. Combining beautiful shape, high quality, and affordable prices, the smartphone bears Etisalat’s name and ensures high quality performance.

The new Etisalat Smartphone has a 3.5” touch screen and a highly sensitive 2 Mega Pixel camera. It comes loaded with many advanced applications necessary to users, such as Office and PDF, in addition to Wi-Fi and GPS services, radio, and a front and back camera with flash and zoom that make using the phone a unique experience. The mobile is also equipped with road maps through Wasalni application, in addition to social communication programs like Facebook, Twitter, and You Tube.

The device is also enhanced by Qualcomm’s advanced Snapdragon S1 processor, which combines high speed and energy efficiency to give users faster downloads and longer battery life.

The launch of the device is the first step in Etisalat Egypt’s plan to provide several smartphones that will all bear the company name to meet the needs of the various sectors of the Egyptian society in terms of the smart look and applications alike.

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EngineerexCairo -Red Carpet Edition; 2nd Round of Egypt’s First and Largest Engineering Recruitment Event ENGINEEREXCAIRO 2012 WAS DUBBED THE RED CARPET EDITION AS IT WAS VERY SELECTIVE IN THE CANDIDATES’ QUALITY SO AS TO MATCH THE REQUIREMENTS OF THE TOP ENGINEERING COMPANIES IN THE MARKET; THIS GAVE A BETTER OUTCOME FOR EVERYONE. VODAFONE WAS FEATURED AS THE “EMPLOYER OF CHOICE” SPONSOR AND OLYMPIC GROUP - FOR THE 1ST TIME AFTER ITS ACQUISITION BY ELECTROLUX – TOOK PART AS “PLATINUM SPONSOR”.

Engineerex was pleased to offer 4,000 engineers the opportunity to be exposed to this huge array of recruitment options and offer them the needed guidance. The usual friendly spirit of Engineerex guaranteed that everyone had a beneficial experience. There were also many entertaining activities like the Procter & Gamble (one of our main sponsors as well) Lottery, Red Bull Energy Hour and the Nesquik creative machine. All of this helped Engineerex achieve the highest ever rate of on-spot interviews (by Unilever, General Motors, IBM and Nestle), while others employers scheduled interviews right after Enginieerex.

The Engineerex Red Booklet caught the attention of many and made it easier for participants to share the job openings with their friends. The Red Booklet will be available for free at Alef Bookstores and Bikya Café during this month.

For more updates check out www.facebook.com/EngineerexCairo Other sponsors: ExxonMobil, Henkel, Unilever, Edita, General Motors, Emaar Misr, Raya

45

PRESS RELEASES

The Quadro 350D:

Believe it or not, there is such a thing as a safe motorcycle IF YOU THINK THAT THE QUADRO 350D IS JUST A NEW MOTORCYCLE DUE TO HIT THE STREETS OF EGYPT IN A FEW DAYS THEN YOU’RE WRONG. THE QUADRO 350D ISN’T YOUR AVERAGE “IMPROVED” MOTORCYCLE; IT IS IN FACT TAKING THE MOTORCYCLE INDUSTRY TO A COMPLETELY NEW LEVEL. Before getting into any details about the technical specifications of this distinctive new generation of motorcycles brought to you from Italy by Saxxs Bikes, let’s shed some light on the reason why it’s so special.

The Quadro 350D combines the fun of motorbiking with the safety of three-wheel-vehicles, but not in the traditional sense. Unlike traditional three-wheel-motorcycles, the Quadro 350D is equipped with two wheels in the front of the motorcycle and only one wheel in the rear.

With its exclusive hydraulic tilting system, the Quadro 350D’s two front wheels actually tilt to the left and right to an angle of up to 40 degrees, offering more stability, maneuverability and safety. In addition to that, this bike is fitted with three disc brakes which can reduce the breaking space in the trickiest conditions, taking safety to a whole new level.

On a more practical note, this bike contains two storage compartments; the under-seat compartment which can fit up to two full-face helmets and a bag, in addition to the front compartment which has a cigarette lighter socket for connecting accessories while driving.

With its brilliant power-weight ratio, low center of gravity and tall wheels (14-inch front and 15-inch rear), the Quadro 350D offers an exceptional experience to bike riders.

Fulfilling its Promise, Pepsi donates EGP 1 million to support the Egyptian Food Bank IN LINE WITH THE SPIRIT OF GIVING AND SHARING DURING THE HOLY MONTH OF RAMADAN, PEPSI HAS DONATED 1 MILLION EGYPTIAN POUNDS AS A FIRST PHASE TO SUPPORT THE EGYPTIAN FOOD BANK PROGRAMS DESIGNED TO PROVIDE RAW FOOD MONTHLY PACKAGES TO UNDERPRIVILEGED FAMILIES THROUGHOUT EGYPT DURING RAMADAN WITH THE GOAL OF ELIMINATING HUNGER IN EGYPT. Pepsi has a rich and far-reaching tradition of giving back to the communities where it works through long-lasting CSR programs in the focus areas of education, health services and environment and community development.

“We’ve been proud to join hands with the Egyptian Food Bank throughout the past years in its valuable mission of addressing food insecurity and breaking the poverty cycle in Egypt,” said Tarek Mansour, CEO of Pepsi Cola.

He added, “In this context, Pepsi has many on-going initiatives such as the Food-For-Education program which has achieved remarkable results in promoting children school attendance rates through providing daily school meals in Upper Egyptian community based schools to children as well as offer monthly rations they can take home to their families.”

Niazy Sallam, Chairman of the Egyptian Food Bank, expressed his pleasure for Pepsi’s continuing support to the Food Bank, “Pepsi’s partnership is a shining example of how the business world and civil society can make a difference by working together towards the welfare of the country.”

Through its “Karam” campaign, Pepsi calls out on its fans to participate in supporting the Food Bank by sending a text message including the word “Karam” to 6060, the cost of which will be covered by Pepsi with the objective of raising 2 million Egyptian pounds.

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PATTERNS

Go Hipster!

]PATTERNS ]

THE HIPSTER TREND IS TAKING THE WHOLE WORLD

BY STORM, EGYPT INCLUDED. WHEN WE SAY HIPSTER WE ARE REFERRING TO THE INDIE STYLE THAT’S COMPRISED OF MIXING AND MATCHING DIFFERENT STYLES, COLOURS, FABRICS, AND PATTERNS.

en m o W

For the girls, the hit is the ‘dainty hipster’ look. That’s pretty much wearing funky outfits that have at least one piece that is delicately feminine; for example, pairing a black studded shirt with a floral skirt, or a pretty lace blouse with dark and dusty boots. A pair of eye glasses (particularly with a coloured frame) always adds to the allure.

ASOS

Outfit 1 ‫‏‬River Island

‫‏‬River Island ‫‏‬Accessorize ‫‏‬Accessorize ‫‏‬Accessorize

Outfit 2 Robert Geller

Outfit 3 ‫‏‬Accessorize

‫‏‬Accessorize

ASOS Urban Outfitters

‫‏‬River Island

‫‏‬Accessorize

ASOS ‫‏‬Next ‫‏‬River Island

48 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

n Me

There are two hot hipster looks when it comes to men: The first is the punk classic or punk emo, the punk classic look relies on the usual punk elements; black and studs, but worn in a sharp and clean manner, while the punk emo style is wearing several colors together with pants fitted and coupled with oversized sweaters or shirts. The second look is the vintage meets new; for example, a plain shirt and jeans finished off with a vintage pair of shades, shoes, or a retro bag.

Outfit 1

Republic

‫‏‬River Island

‫‏‬River Island ASOS

Outfit 2 Ray Ban ASOS

‫‏‬Next

‫‏‬Next

Republic

Outfit 3

Republic

‫‏‬Next Republic ‫‏‬River Island

‫‏‬River Island

Famous people with hipster taste

Gwen Stefani

Ryan Gosling

Zooey Deschanel

Johnny Depp

Shia Labeouf

49

SECTION PATTERNS

Lily Donaldson Kate Moss in Alex

twood in Vivienne Wes

ander McQueen

Fashion Bulletin Photoshoot of the Month: Olympic-themed shoot in Vogue UK This award goes to the Vogue UK spread that has taken utter advantage of the Olympics being held in London. These gorgeous photographs were shot by Nick Knight and include world-famous faces such as Kate Moss, Lily cole, Lily Donaldson, Karen Elson, Jourdan Dunn, David Gandy, Georgia May Jagger and Naomi Campbell. The striking pieces worn in the shoot were worn during the very much anticipated Olympics closing ceremony on August 12th.

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Elson

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Karen

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Georg

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Everyone can own Karl Lagerfeld if they want to Yes, this statement is true. Karl Lagerfeld is for sale, but he’s plastic and can fit in about every handbag (except some clutches). The German artist Mari Kasurinen has created a series of celebrity My Little Pony dolls. This little pony has got his infamous ponytail, his trademark sunglasses, and of course his signature black suit. Now you can finally restyle Karl as you wish.

Carine Roitfeld opens CR Fashion- Book Carine Roitfeld was the editor in chief of Vogue Paris from 2001-2011, and now she has decided to do something that many editors in chief have not had the ‘balls’ to do: opening their own fashion magazine. It started off as a rumor, but she has finally come out and stated loud and clear that it’s true. Her new magazine, CR Fashion-Book, is going to launch this September. Until now we have seen only two sneak peek shots of the magazine, and we’re already mind-blown.

To see more go to: crfashionbook.com/

Ridiculousness redefined: The Nail Polish that costs $250,000 People drop big cash for manicures and pedicures, but this time it’s being taken too far. Azature has launched a unique nail polish called Black Diamond that is sold for $250,000 PER BOTTLE. This nail polish bottle is said to contain 267-carats of diamonds and has officially beat the price of the previously most expensive nail polish bottle (sold for $130,000). Who are the pathetic people who buy this stuff?

Brad gives Angie a very expensive gift!

Brad Pitt’s recent gift to fiancee Angelina Jolie has made headlines.The Patek Phillippe Minute Repeater watch, which normally requires a twoyear waiting list, costs almost $400,000. It’s beautiful and custom-made, is made of gold and mother of pearl, and takes about two months to make. Each piece manufactured is checked by a member of the Stern family, who own Patek Philippe, in Geneva, Switzerland.

51

PATTERNS

Into the skull trend? This dainty yet detailed Ayten 2 skull leather bracelet is for you. And it comes in a large array of colours too

These crescent earrings from the new collection by Nana’s jewelry are to die for, with their unique half-moon shape and Swiss Zirconias.

Stand out in this Simply Moka Lolita drape tunic with Turkish coins. This is a masterpiece that can be worn both by morning and by night.

Your phone will make a statement in this iPhone cover with silver spikes

by Louli

Made in Egypt

Our favourite piece this month is this Nuniz Revolution tote; super original and great publicity for Egypt too!

Also totes are environment-friendly, and it’s always good to go green.

This pure cotton tie dye top from B Designs is cool, comfortable, can match with all your shorts and even be paired with some funky accessories for a night out.

This 100% cotton wife-beater dress

by El Horreya’s is one of a kind with its spectacular Afghani handmade beading embellishment.

This El Horreya leather jacket – with its genuine leather, leopard lining and stunning patchwork – would make a magnificent addition to your wardrobe

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Ghadir

Interview by Hend Ghorab Photography by Sherif Nakhla

The talent behind the hot new line To start off, tell us why you decided to settle for ‘Ghadir’ as a name for the line, rather than come up with some new, catchy title?

Well, it’s simple, really. I didn’t see the point of putting effort into coming up with another name for my line when I could just name it after me. I think the fact that I create each piece and my energy goes into that, is reason enough for me to have my name on it.

Where did you study? And how did you first get into fashion?

I went to college in Hong Kong, actually. You see, I’m Egyptian by blood, but I grew up literally everywhere. Both my parents are diplomats, and so they took me on lots of exciting rides with them. I started in Cyprus, moved on to Denmark, then Mauritius, followed by Hong Kong, most recently Beijing and now Egypt. I graduated from the University of Hong Kong with a degree in Journalism, a major in Politics and Public Administration. My interest in fashion started off as a hobby. I loved experimenting with my clothes, trying out new things, matching stuff together, and I gradually started making outfits for myself. Thinking of it now it all sounds so ridiculously random, but I wouldn’t have done it any other way.

After experiencing living in so many places around the world, what do you think the advantages and disadvantages of starting up a line in Egypt are?

The advantage is that I get to do this in my home country at a very interesting/challenging point in time; the disadvantage is that the pace here is just a little bit slow and I’m very impatient for the future!

What are your fashion inspirations?

The countries I’ve lived in have been the most influential in terms of inspiration for my personal wardrobe and designs. Mauritius introduced me to Indian fabrics and saris, Copenhagen taught me the importance of practical simplicity, and Hong Kong enlightened me on how to modernize cultural heritage with an eccentric approach to fashion.

What about fashion designers who have influenced your work? If you could meet one, who would it be?

This really isn’t a fair question because I admire so many different designers. I’m mostly attracted to designers who know how to make simplicity intriguing. And there’s quite a few of those. Simplicity really is the key for me.

What’s the best part of being a fashion designer to you?

I love seeing my imagination come to life; it’s such a thrill.

What’s been your proudest moment so far?

I don’t think one can narrow down a single moment and say “that was my proudest moment ever!” - At least not me anyway. I’m too young to even have the proper hindsight of saying ‘this moment beats them all!’ - I think pride is a state of being in touch with who you really are, and being okay with it. Does this make sense?

It does, actually. Speaking of which, what made you confident that your line was going make it amidst all the designers already on the scene?

The fact that this question never crossed my mind.

So if you could describe your line in one word, what would it be?

Rawrrrrr! (laughs)

What advice would you give up and coming designers who want to start up a fashion line in Egypt?

Ask me this question in twenty years.

Do you plan to open up your own store at some point?

I would say a little boutique first, then a store, and then who knows what could happen? It’s not so healthy to think so far ahead planning everything, every move. Just go with the flow of things that come your way; that is my philosophy.

-Ghadir’s Spring/Summer ‘12 collection is available at Rania’s Corner (3 Amman Square, Dokki

Have you faced any obstacles since you started ‘Ghadir’?

Nothing major, but it’s always hard to deal with this bittersweet feeling of saying goodbye to my pieces after they’ve been sold – I’m very attached to my creations.

-For more on Ghadir’s designs and inspirations: ghadirmahdy.blogspot.com Ghadir, @ghadirmahdy

-For appointments, inquiries or special orders, you can contact Ghadir on ghadirmahdy@gmail.com

53

PATTERNS

Elsa Schiaparelli with Salvador Dali, Lobster Dress

Dorian Leigh, Rhinestones by Schiaparelli, Paris, 1949

Elsa Schiaparelli, Excelsior Modes, 1936

Dress by Elsa Schiaparelli, 1936, The Victoria & Albert Museum

E

Elsa Schiaparelli by Horst P. Horst

Head concepts by Elsa Schiaparelli and Miuccia Prada from the Impossible Conversations Exhibit at the Met

‘Shocking’ by Elsa Schiaparelli

Elsa Schiaparelli – The forgotten name that rocked fashion long before Chanel

B

ORN IN 1890, ELSA SCHIAPARELLI IS AN ITALIAN FASHION DESIGNER WHO’S HAD A VERY REMARKABLE IMPACT ON THE WORLD OF FASHION. ALTHOUGH SHE DIED MORE THAN 25 YEARS AGO, IN 1973, TODAY SHE REMAINS ONE OF THE FEW FIGURES IN FASHION WHO TRULY DESERVE TO BE DESCRIBED AS AN ARTIST RATHER THAN MERELY A DESIGNER. Schiaparelli gained her fame through her peculiar yet appealing shapes, cuts and designs which were mostly inspired by surrealist artists like Salvador Dali and Alberto Giacometti. She was quite ahead of her time, not only in her approach to fashion but also as a character; she was a progressive female in a time where many of her ideas were considered shocking.

54 SEPTEMBER 2012 CAMPUS

Zsa Zsa Gabor in the 1952 Moulin Rouge movie, wearing dress by Elsa Schiaparelli

To understand what led Schiaparelli to live in Paris and become a designer, one must dive into her personal life and study the events which lead to her bizarre sense of fashion.

Schiaparelli was born to a family of intellects, her father being the Dean of the University of Rome and a renowned curator of medieval manuscripts, and her uncle being the astronomer Giovanni Schiaparelli who discovered the Canali of Mars. After graduating from the University of Rome with a major in philosophy she shocked her conservative family and the world by publishing a book of sensual poems. This led to her being sent to a convent until she went on an actual hunger strike at the age of 22, and was only let go after she was found a job as a nanny in London. But given that her family’s well-known name in around Europe still provided her with wealth and a high social status, she felt she couldn’t just embrace life and let her creativity in writing and art flourish unless she moved farther away, and for that reason she left to New York City, and then to Paris, where she finally combined her love for art and design by becoming a couturier.

Paul Poiret, father of fashion houses and haute couture, encouraged her and she was able to start her own business in 1926. But her dream was short-lived as it shut down by the end of that year. But Schiap, as she affectionately became known, did not give up. She launched a new collection of knitwear in early 1927, adopting a double-layered stitching technique created by American refugees. This line was her first launch into surrealist art, as she included surrealist trompe l’oeil images on her sweaters. The collection was such a big hit that by the following year she included bathing suits, linen dresses, and even skiwear. The divided skirt, a forerunner of shorts invented by Elsa and worn by athlete Lili de Alvarez at Wimbledon in 1931, took the tennis world by storm. By that year, Elsa finally added eveningwear to her collection, and that’s how her line really became a hit. This lead to booming sales and the opening of the renowned salon of Madeleine Cheruit at 21 Place Vendome, which was nicknamed the Schiap Shop (the place is still visited up until today).

The glory days did not last long, though, as France declared war on

Evening Dress, Elsa Schiaparelli, 1948, The Metropolitan Museum of Art Ensemble, Elsa Schiaparelli, 1940

Elsa Schiaparelli, Shoe Hat, in collaboration with Salvador Dali

Sunglasses by Elsa Schiaparelli

Germany in 1939. Throughout World War II Schiaparelli remained in New York. She returned only to find that her designs and approach to fashion had become out-dated with Christian Dior’s ‘New Look’ trend, rejecting pre-war styles. Elsa struggled to keep up or try to rejuvenate her line, but she finally shut down her business in 1954, the same year that her biggest rival Coco Chanel returned to fashion.

Schiap’s mind-blowing creations and collaborations with world renowned artists remain enshrined in the history of fashion. Elsa introduced to the fashion world never before used wild prints that included body parts, food, and many other unique themes. She was the first to use fancy buttons that looked somewhat like brooches; they came in all type of shapes from peanuts to bees to ram’s heads. She invented culottes, the origin of loose, skirt-like trousers/shorts. She introduced to Parisian fashion Arab breeches, wrapped turbans, embroidered shirts, pompomrimmed hats, barbaric belts, the “wedge” heel, and mix-and-match sportswear. She was the first to use brightly coloured zippers (she dyed her zippers to match the material and colour of the garment).

And, above all, her biggest contribution to fashion is her idea of runway fashion shows. Yes, believe it or not, she is the woman behind the notion that a fashion show should take place on a runway with music and art all over the place. She was also the first to introduce skinny, shapeless models to the runway world, as she believed that this somewhat androgynous figure would make the best display for clothing.

Throughout her career Elsa thrived on collaborations, and some have impacted the world up until today. For example, in her 1937 Autumn collection, she worked with artist Jean Cocteau on a very remarkable jacket and evening coat; the jacket was embroidered with a female figure with one hand caressing the waist and her blonde hair falling down one sleeve, while the coat had two profiles facing each other creating the optical illusion of a vase of roses.

However, when looking back what stands as the most aesthetically brilliant collaboration was the one between Schiaparelli and Salvador Dali.

They have worked on many unique items together, but the four of them that have resonated the most in fashion history are:

Elsa Schiaparelli with Salvador Dali, Tears Dress Lisa Fonssagrives wearing hat

by Schiaparelli, Harper’s Bazzar, October 1948

Elsa Schiaparelli, Evening Dresses, photographed by Cecil Beaton, 1936

Elsa Schiaparelli with Salvador Dali, Skeleton Dress

The Lobster Dress: It was made in 1937, and it was merely a simple white silk evening dress with a crimson waistband and a lobster painted

by Dali on the skirt. Wallis Simpson wore it.

The Tears Dress: It was made for the 1938 Circus Collection. This piece was a slender pale blue evening gown with a printed design of Dali’s trompe l’oeil rips and tears, and it was coupled with a thigh-length veil with ‘real’ tears cut out and lined in pink and magenta.

The Skeleton Dress: Made for the 1938 Circus Collection as well, this piece was a starch black crepe dress that utilized trapunto quilting to create padded ribs, leg bones, and spine.

The Shoe Hat: This piece was inspired off of a photograph Dali took in 1933 with his wife, Gala Dali, balancing one of her slippers on his head.

Later, in 1937, he sketched the designs for Shciap and she featured it in her Fall-Winter collection of 1937-1938. This hat was worn by many important figures such as Gala Dali, Schiap herself, and the heiress and editor of French Harper’s Bazaar Daisy Fellowes.

On a final note, Schiap also ventured into the perfume-making world and was known for her unusual packaging and bottles. The bottle of her perfume “Shocking”, released in 1936, was sculpted by Leonor Fini in the shape of a woman’s torso, and was inspired by Mae West’s tailor’s dummy and Dali’s paintings of flower-sellers.

Despite the failure of Schiaparelli’s business and the fact that designers like Chanel are definitely more famous then she today, that’s not how things always were. In 1934, Time magazine placed Chanel in the second division of fashion, whereas Schiaparelli was one of “a handful of houses now at or near the peak of their power as arbiters of the ultramodern haute couture....Madder and more original than most of her contemporaries, Mme Schiaparelli is the one to whom the word “genius” is applied most often.

The legacy of Elsa Schiaparelli lives on.

55

]THE GAY SECTION ]

The Fight Article

By Amy Quotb

THERE HAS TO BE A CERTAIN PROTOCOL WHEN YOU’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP… YOU CAN’T LET ANYONE KNOW THAT YOU TWO HAD A FIGHT, OR THAT YOU DISAGREE ON ANYTHING OR THAT YOU’RE EVEN SLIGHTLY TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE, GOD FORBID, AND YOU MAY HAVE OPPOSING OPINIONS REGARDING SOMETHING. OH NO!

…Yeah, no.

Let’s Fight!

As a human being, I always argue with others. No, really! How much can you know about yourself if you’ve never been in a fight? With all due respect to the Fight Club genius, it doesn’t have to be a physical fight, but you know what I mean. There’s nobody on earth EXACTLY like you, right? You can’t possibly agree on EVERYTHING with someone, even if they’re your best friend or even your “soul mate” – it just doesn’t go down this way.

So why deny it?

We argue, we try to make a point, we get mad, we say things we don’t mean, we fight, but it’s never the end of the world! We’re driven by our own unique cerebral cells! IT’S OKAY.

The Pretenders Oh that sounds like a name for a band. Ha! Well I grew up in a typical family, where everyone fights but should NEVER tell. If we have a fight at 4:45, we meet people at 5:00 acting to be the perfectly happy family that just gets along to bits.

Mashy, I get it, you’re parents now and conformity is crucial to your social image, but C’MON! Do you REALLY think that this other pair of parents at the other end of the table believes your act? Do you think they don’t know the truth? OF COURSE they know! Because they’re doing pretty much the same thing, probably even this same instant as you!

Everyone fights! It’s only human!

Happily Ever After So I grow up, a different generation, hell, a different millennium even, and I get into relationships of my own… I hang out with other couples, who all just seem perfectly normal on the outside, just a bit too “happy” if you

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know what I mean. And, okay, sure, good for them, but… once they fight, holy mother of passive aggression!

No Means No Because our generation is not exactly the same as our parents’, we don’t tolerate things the same. Let’s face it, concepts of freedom and gender equality were a “fad” back in their day, but a “fact” in ours. So it’s only logical that a girl my age won’t just be as accepting to the status quo as her mother used to be. It’s NOT okay to mask my emotions because YOU want to look perfect in front of your social circle. I have feelings, and they’re hurt.

So when we get into a fight, and we need to socialize with others, it’s only natural that it will result in one of two things: Either me ignoring you all evening (because, hello? We just had a fight and you acted like a total a**hole/bitch) or me dealing with you in the most douchebaggy way I know, to punish you for making me feel bad… resentment is not going anywhere dear!

And it is now public.

Why So Serious?

Naturally, when that happens, the Good Pretender gets even madder at the Bad Pretender for revealing the holy secret of their fight. Of course, indirectly, everyone noticed that they had a fight. OH MY GOSH, HOW COULD YOU? I say : So freakin’ what? You think all those happy couples out there NEVER fight? Oh you’re so cute! Please don’t tell me that you actually believe this? They fight, you know and I know that they fight. And if you guys have a “thing” against talking about your fights with your partners, too bad, GIRLS TALK. So, you see, I know for fact that I’m not making this up. All these girls fight with their partners.

I Am Fart-Free!

Why do some people (typically, one person in every couple, if not both) feel the urge to hide the fact that they had a fight like it’s a social stigma?

I personally always say that pretending to be a couple that never fights, is like pretending to be a person who never farts! IT IS UNBELIEVABLE TO EVEN SEVEN YEAR OLDS! It is not logical and I refuse to buy it.

I’m Healthy and I Know It I don’t feel “awkward” when a couple starts fighting in front of me, because I know everyone fights. (Yes, I don’t find it weird when people fart in public either, because I know the biology of the process and sometimes you just can’t help it.)

Accordingly, I don’t – ever – feel this unexplainable urge to pretend to be in a good mood when I’m not. If we had a fight, that’s okay, there’s no need to pretend otherwise. This too shall pass! I’m not saying that we should air our dirty laundry in public; people don’t need to know “why” we had a fight or who’s wrong. The simple statement of “we had a fight” should suffice, and it will very conveniently justify why we’re both in a bad mood and need to be entertained.

Trivia Remember that FRIENDS episode where Ross and Chandler discovered how “women talk… about everything” – well almost everything?

Apparently, a lot of you boys out there are missing out on A LOT. You’d be surprised at how supportive and entertaining your friends can be if they just knew that you’re being cranky not for the purpose of being a jerk to them, but because you simply had a fight with your significant other!

Something to think about…

57

]SCREENS, SHELVES & SPEAKERS ] To be fair, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with Fifty Shades of Grey as a concept; erotic fiction can be, and often has been, beautifully written.

It’s the book’s execution that’s problematic. Well, the execution and the characters. And the writing. Also, the plot.

So because the book is fan fiction you really can’t read it without thinking of the original Bella and Edward and how similar the characters are; we have a clumsy beautiful girl with a dash of a naive/innocent wonder thing going on, and a guy who is impossibly handsome, ridiculously rich, completely overbearing and controlling and a bit of a creeper.

Fifty Shades of Grey follows recent college grad Anastasia Steele as she ventures into a hardcore sexual relationship with older billionaire tycoon Christian Grey. Grey is at once taken by Steele and resolves to have her for himself. But the relationship has a twist; Grey is into sadomasochism and wants Steele to play the submissive to his dominant sexual nature.

He even comes up with a contract for her to sign. The contract has a list of rules that Ana will be required to follow. She must workout, eat regularly, maintain her health and hygiene, wear the clothing he provides, obey his every request, and spend every weekend with him for a period of three months. She also is forbidden to touch Christian or make eye contact with him. The contract is negotiable, so she opts to change the mandated number of workouts from four-times per week to three. This is completely logical; I mean what normal girl wants to touch or make eye contact with her lover anyway?

The dialogue is stilted, the descriptions of place overwrought, and the characters and plot so predictable that a reader could skip several dozen pages of text and still be unsurprised by new developments. (Hey, what do you know? They’re having violent sex again. And both appear to feel vaguely conflicted about the violence aspect, but apparently not conflicted enough to actually stop doing it). I bet this book could be edited down to 200 pages if we cut all the scenes where Ana goes to work/sleeps/sits in her apartment and thinks about Mr. Grey: Ana cries for unspecified reasons, Ana drinks tea, and Ana comments on what her subconscious and/or “inner goddess” are doing. For an English major, Ana surely has poor vocabulary for she has used words like “Oh My” (79 times), “Crap” (101 times), and “Holy (sh*t/f*ck/crap/hell/cow/Moses)” (172 times).

The ‘Fifty Shades’ Phenomenon

By Summer Nazif

NEVER ONE TO RESIST THE HYPE OF A GOOD READ (TUMBLR TEENS WITH LONG BANGS AND EYELINER KEEP MAKING POSTS ABOUT HOW CHRISTIAN GREY IS THEIR DREAM MAN, SO I FIGURED IT MUST BE GOOD), I DOWNLOADED E. L. JAMES’ FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, ANTICIPATING AN ENTERTAINING PAGE-TURNER, A MODERN-DAY LOVE AFFAIR. HAVING NO FURTHER BACKGROUND THAN THE EROTIC TWILIGHT FAN-FICTION REFERENCE, I WAS STUNNED – SHOCKED – AT WHAT WAITED IN THE PAGES BEFORE ME. NOT BECAUSE OF THE EXPLICIT SEX SCENES, BUT RATHER THE TERRIBLY UNDERDEVELOPED PROTAGONIST, THE UNREALISTIC STORYLINE – AND ABOVE ALL ELSE, THE BITTERLY DISAPPOINTING MESSAGE THIS NOVEL SENDS TO ALL WOMEN. Why has this book caused such a sensation? Why are so many people — mostly women — reading it? I’m not sure. Whatever the cause of the book’s popularity, one thing seems certain: It has nothing to do with the book itself.

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Now I’ll be honest, the biggest issue I have with ‘Fifty Shades of Sh*t’ is neither the sex nor the below-average writing. Besides the fact that the book is so poorly written, the characters wooden and unbelievable, there’s a real evil - the destructive message they’re sending to women.

The plot, thin as it is, is still there, its core message being that, given enough time, you can change someone. I don’t have any problem with this if all you’re trying to do is help them to lose weight or quit smoking, but when you’re talking about an emotionally and (dangerously close to) physically abusive relationship, sending that kind of message is ridiculous. Christian is controlling, possessive, condescending, and cruel.

He doesn’t allow Ana to behave as she normally would, and Ana just puts up with it, insistent that if she can give him what he wants, when he wants, as often as he wants, she can eventually begin to pull his strings.

Will it work? In the books, probably. In real life? No. Almost never.

Christian stalks Ana, and whispers things to her “threateningly”. She’s constantly afraid he’s going to beat the crap out of her, and with good reason as he, on more than one occasion, tells her he’s going to/wants to. Christian tells Ana that he gets off on having complete and total control over another person. This is not just in the bedroom, but in Ana’s overall life. On several occasions, he fails to yield when Ana says no, plunging on regardless, assured she’ll like whatever he does, anyway, so why bother stopping? Oh, I don’t know. That doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship to me. In fact it sounds a lot like potential rape. Yet there are women out there who think it’s romantic.

Women who defend this book are, however unwittingly, participating in some of the most blatant misogyny I’ve ever witnessed, giving the impression that some women enjoy being debased, abused, and controlled (outside of a consensual dom/sub relationship). This is not a book about BDSM; this is a book about one sick, abusive man and his obsession with a young, naive invertebrate. It’s a book about a girl who has absolutely no sense of self, who sacrifices any pretence of individuality in order to hold onto a man who doesn’t even show her the faintest glimmer of respect. I fear for any impressionable young woman who reads this and thought that this is how an ideal relationship should operate. If nothing else, it should be issued as a guidebook to mothers around the world to show their daughters the kind of man to avoid at all costs.

SECTION ]BALLS ]

CAIRO olymbics 2012

The 2012 Olympics in CAIRO! The Olympics that never were and never will be

By Youssef Saad Eldin

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AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW, THE 2012 OLYMPICS TOOK PLACE IN LONDON. HOWEVER, YOU CAN’T HELP BUT WONDER WHAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE IF EGYPT HAD HOSTED THE 2012 OLYMPICS. I MEAN HOW HARD COULD IT ACTUALLY BE? THE FOLLOWING IS WHAT I THINK THE NEWS HEADLINES WOULD HAVE READ IF SOME DIMWITS DECIDED THAT CAIRO WAS THE PLACE TO GO.

Ramez Galal Kidnapps the Jamaican handball team

The Jamaican handball team fails to show-up for their first match. It turns out that their bus was hijacked by Ramez Galal as a part of his new prank show ‘Ramez: EL Deeb El Se7lawy’, which is due to air next Ramadan. Ramez Galal refuses to apologize to the team and simply stated that “el gomhoor bey7eb el 7agat di.”

Met’eb costs the Egyptians their match Two days before their match with the Egyptian team, the entire New Zealand football team suffer from a mild case of food poisoning as a result of eating kebda we sogo2 from 3abdo Talawoth. The New Zealand team, however, insist on playing their match with Egypt, and despite their poor performance, they manage to win as the Egyptian team manages to pull-off an even more disgraceful performance with Emad Met’eb missing two sure goals.

The Israeli basketball team gets mugged and stripped down in downtown Cairo The Israeli basketball team gets mugged by a group of thugs in downtown Cairo. The victims were found stripped down to their underwear and tied up to Talaat Harb’s statue.

The relentless efforts of the police lead to the arrest of the thugs who stated during their interrogation that they were inspired by Adel Imam’s TV series “Fer2et Nagui Atallah”.

Kiprotich falls into a man-hole In a tragic accident, Stephen Kiprotich of Uganda falls into a man-hole while running the men’s marathon. City officials deny that there was any negligence from their side, stating “we had reports suggesting that man-hole lids are being stolen, but we never expected a Muslim to steal a man-hole lid during Ramadan”, adding that “di msh akhla2 welad balad.”

Harassers attack the women’s marathon In one of the worst incidents to hit the Cairo 2012 Olympics, a mob of male teenagers, grown men and senior citizens, attack athletes participating in the women’s marathon. This is believed to be the worst case of sexual harassment the country has ever witnessed.

Sexual harassment has been a growing phenomenon in Egypt but was never expected to reach that limit.

The Iranian Water Polo team gets ambushed The Iranian Water Polo team gets ambushed by an angry Salafi mob led by Sheikh Mone’im

Al Shahat who had announced 2 weeks prior to the incident that the Iranian athletes heading to Cairo were undercover Iranian intelligence operatives on a mission to spread Shi’a faith in Egypt. He also urged the good citizens of Egypt to step up against “the Shi’a invasion of Egypt”.

The British boat flips over in the Nile The British rowing team suffers a dreadful accident when their boat flipped over due to its collision with the corpse of a dead cow floating in the Nile. The accident resulted in one death which could have been prevented, had the paramedics been able to reach the site on time.

Sadly, the ambulance got stuck in traffic due to a matter concerning fishing a corpse out of a man-hole.

The Italians withdraw from archery The Italian archery team withdraws from the competition as one of their members got severely injured. While Michele Frangilli was stuck in traffic with the rest of his teammates, a young boy handing out “7adramout” flyers threw a flyer into the taxi hitting Frangilli in his right eye. Frangilli was rushed into the hospital were doctors said that with years of treatment and dedication, Frangilli might be able to regain partial vision in his right eye.

Black-outs cause the cancellation of the Fencing final For the first time in history, fencing gets cancelled from the Olympics. During the final match between China and Egypt, the electricity was cut off, making it impossible to go through with the match. The match was re-scheduled to the following day where the electricity gets cut off again. The match is cancelled and when a member of the Olympics committee is asked why the match wasn’t simply rescheduled, his reply is: “it’s just not worth it, man. I just want to go home”.

It is also noteworthy that none of the medal winners received an actual medal, seeing that they were all stolen. While many Egyptians seem to believe that the Israeli Moussad is behind this crime in order to embarrass Egypt, government officials accused Islamic Jihadist movements in Sinai of being responsible for the theft, vowing to resort to “whatever means necessary” to return the stolen medals to their rightful owners.

The Olympics 2012 closing ceremony was held next to the pyramids where spectators enjoyed the dazzling performance of Hamada Helal, who sang his new hit single “Ana Sponge Bob… asfar kamoony”. Helal concludes his performance by stating that the Cairo 2012 Olympics took place in Cairo.

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SECTION

‫البرنسيسة‬ May 2010 - September 2012

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How to follow Campus for dummies: 1. Get your phone out.

2. Log on Twitter.

3. Search for @CampusMagLive 4. Follow! ...geez.

@CampusMagLive 64 September 2012 CAMPUS

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