PERIOD SURVIVAL

THESE AREN’T YOUR BASIC SURVIVAL SKILLS. DON’T GO TO WAR UNPREPARED.

Now, I know you’re not going to like this one soldiers but it’s time to say bye-bye to chocolate. A lot of sources say to eat chocolate because it brings you happiness during that time of the month. And although that is correct, I’m being completely honest when I say that sugar doesn’t help at all. You need to avoid it. Trust me, your body will thank you for it. The reason I’m saying this is because your body is more sensitive to the increase and decrease of blood sugar levels when you’re on your period. Sugary foods get into the bloodstream quickly which causes a change of hormones, leading to the highs and lows in your blood sugar levels. So, the next time you walk into that shop and pick up that gorgeous-looking chocolate bar, think twice and remember what I said.

Fancy a swim on your period? Most of us grew up with our mother’s telling us that we couldn’t swim when it’s that time of the month because it would look like Jaws had a wail of a time in the local swimming pool. However, that’s not actually true as the pressure from the water stops anything like that from happening. But if you are going to take a swim, don’t use pads because they soak up the water and become ineffective to use. Instead, use a tampon. That way when you get out of the pool it’s much less of a nightmare situation. There’s also a bonus to this. Exercising on your period helps to reduce cramps. This is becuase the movement helps with blood circulation. So, next time you’re booking your holiday, don’t plan around your period. Make it work around you.

Menstrual cups! I used to turn away from these; just seeing a photo of them made me go, ‘Nope, no way am I sticking that up my hooha.’ BUT they may actually help you out if you just give them a try. Menstrual cups are a one time purchase; they can last up to ten years. Have I got my broke girlies listening now? Imagine how much money you would save. The small cups can hold up to 3 super sized tampons worth of blood, and the big one can hold up to five! Another great thing about them is that you can keep ‘em up there for 12 hours. No more always having to go to the toilet to change or worrying about when to take your tampon out! Life saver.

It’s time to orgasm baby! You heard that right, the best way to get rid of those horrible cramps is to have sex. But make sure your man can make you finish though otherwise there’s not much point. When you orgasm, it releases chemicals into the brain that help with the pain. UHHHH she’s a poet and she didn’t even know it! Sorry, back to the point, I was just super proud of myself with that one. I know some girls get a little bit embarrassed with the mess it can make but it’s completely normal. Having periods is completely normal. We’re women! Let’s feel empowered on our period and not like a deflated balloon. Lay an old towel down just in case it gets a bit too messy; it helps to not stain your bed sheets. It also helps if you don’t go on top, the blood tends to go all over yourself and your partner due to gravity doing it’s thing but being a pillow princess cancels this out. When you’re finished, it’s best to throw those panties back on and clean up in the toilet.

As soldiers it’s a given that we’re going to get a little bit of blood on our uniforms. I know we all use our old underwear as period panties but what if I told you there was a little hack to be able to make them last longer and not look so stained? So, when you get a new stain on your underwear, all you have to do is rinse it under some cold water and wash with soap. It’s something so easy that I never knew of. The amount of underwear I have thrown away because there were so many stains it was too much to look at. And all along all I had to do was give them a little hand wash? Consider me baffled.

Leading on from this point, we don’t have to use pants at night. Have you ever woken up and there’s blood on the sheets? So you then have to clean up the mess which ruins your start to the day? You may have noticed this already but it’s because your underwear can move in the night so it’s not all that stable causing a leak. Instead, we can use biker shorts or boxers - anything tight fitting. This way it stops the pad from moving and you’re in for a much more pleasant morning. Hopefully these tips will help you on your next mission team. But for now, stay hydrated, stay warm and keep your hands off of the chocolate! That’s an order.