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Words That Improve Friendship By Dr. Paul Tripp
When was the last time you talked with a friend? I’m not sure how serious the conversation was, but one thing I am sure of is this: your words were not insignificant. There’s an amazing proverb that Eugene Peterson translates: “Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit— you choose. “(Proverbs 18:21, The Message) How do you use words to “give life “to your friendship? Does it mean that you quote Scripture incessantly? Should you continuously point out the sin in others? Are you allowed to talk about sports or the weather? There’s probably no better guide about how to talk with friends than (Ephesians 4:29): “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” This verse, and all of Scripture, doesn’t give us a preapproved vocabulary list to use or avoid; instead, it teaches us how to speak with a biblical agenda. There are three aspects of that agenda: Consider the Person “…only such as is good for building up…” Gospel-centered communication is always other-centered communication. The Apostle Paul says I should never say anything to a friend that is not helpful for them. My words must not be spoken from a self-centered agenda where I am seeking to establish my will in the friendship, but spoken from an ambassadorial agenda, where I seek to be part of what the King is doing in the life of my friend.
Consider the Problem “…as fits the occasion…” Before I speak, I must think about what my friend is struggling with and what they most need now. Do they need encouragement, comfort, hope, direction, wisdom, courage, rebuke, warning, forgiveness, patience, teaching, correction, thanks, insight, a job description, or something else? My words must be shaped by an awareness of their need. Consider the Process …that it may give grace to those who hear.” Gospel-centered communication is not just about the content of my words, but how they are spoken. Often I choose to say the right thing, but in the wrong way or at the wrong time. Confronting a teenager five minutes before they leave for school is not helpful, even if the content is accurate. Rebuking a friend for an offense in front of others is not beneficial, even if they need to be confronted. Asking your spouse to consider how they hurt you as they are trying to get to sleep might not be the best time, even if you do need to reconcile. Here is what we all must remember: God has a bigger agenda for our friendships than we do. These relationships are designed to be workrooms for redemption, not shelters for human happiness. What do your words reveal? Are you settling for your own definition of personal happiness when God’s purpose is nothing short of conforming us to the image of Christ? If we are ever going to give grace when we talk, we need grace to free us from our bondage to ourselves so that our words may be liberated to be used by God. God bless. Reflection Questions 1. When was the last time someone spoke poisonous words to you? How did that kill your spirits? 2. What did someone say to you recently that was the result of the fruit of the Spirit? How did those words give life to your soul? Think of one of your relationships where the truth needs to be
spoken in love. Consider: 5. The Process. How can you 3. The Person. What self-cen- deliver these words in a time and tered motives do you need to put manner that is most helpful? Where aside before having this conversa- do you need to hold your tongue? tion? Dr. Paul Tripp 4. The Problem. What are the This content was needs of the other person, and how originally posted by Paul Tripp on www. can you select words that are most paultripp.com" > appropriate for their need?
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One of the secrets of happy and beautiful life" By J.R. Miller As your days — so shall your strength be!" (Deuteronomy 33:25) One of the secrets of a happy and beautiful life is to live one day at a time. Really, we never have anything to do any day but the bit of God's will for that day. If we do that well, we have absolutely nothing else to do. Time is given to us in days. It was so from the beginning. This breaking up of time into little daily portions means a great deal more than we are accustomed to think. For one thing, it illustrates the gentleness and goodness of God. It would have made life intolerably burdensome if a year, instead of a day had been the unit of division. It would have been hard to carry a heavy load, to endure a great sorrow, or to keep on at a hard duty for such a long stretch of time. How dreary our common taskwork would be if there were no breaks in it, if we had to keep our hand to the plough for a whole year! We never could go on with our struggles, our battles and our suffering, if night did not mercifully settle down with its darkness, and bid us rest and renew our strength. We do not understand how great a mercy there is for us in the briefness of our short days. If they were even twice as long as they are, life would be intolerable! Many a time when the sun goes down, we feel that we could scarcely have gone another step. We would have fainted in defeat, if the summons to rest had not come just when it did. We see the graciousness of the divine thoughtfulness in giving us time in periods of little days, which we can easily get through with and not in great years, in which we would faint and fall by the way. It makes it possible for us to go on through all the long years and not to be overwrought, for we never have given to us at any one time more than we can do between the morning and the evening. If we learn well the lesson of living just one day at a time, without anxiety for either yesterday or tomorrow, we shall have found one of the great secrets of Christian peace. That is the way God teaches us to live. That is the lesson both of the Bible and of nature. If we learn it, it will cure us of all anxiety; it will save us from all feverish haste; it will enable us to live sweetly in any experience. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34)
A time to tear and a time to mend; A time to be quiet and a time to speak. – Ecclesiastes 3:7
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