Flyer Leo Fraiman n.12 April 2019 Eng

n.12 - April, 2019

A Day at Chapel with Leo Fraiman

Psychologist Leo Fraiman spent a whole day at Chapel interacting with For students of grades 4 to 7, feelings and types of students from grades 4 to 12, teachers, assistants, and family members human intelligence in four different and exciting lectures on topics such as social intelligence, life project, purposes of education, and little emperor syndrome.

The first activity of the day was a lively conversation about feelings with students in grades 4 through 7. As soon as Chapel superintendent

By Paula Veneroso Lucy Nunes presented the guest, Leo Fraiman started a lively chat with students. He began the conversation by asking about the different types of intelligence a person could have, and the audience responded The gray and rainy dawn of March 21 foretold one of those humdrum and participated. Next, he talked about feelings such as anger, sadness, days in the city of Sao Paulo, with traffic, a fine drizzle, and a sour and shame, highlighting for the children that no feeling is either only mood. Chapel, however, was warm and sunny. From the early hours bad or only good, and permeated his talk with stories that kept the of the morning, when he arrived, until almost eleven in the evening, student’s attention and provoked reactions in the audience. when he said goodbye, Leo Fraiman made the day special for the school community, which was enchanted with his lessons on happiness, One of the most interesting moments was when Fraiman proposed entrepreneurial attitude, empathy, and parenting. an activity with colored balloons - each person wrote on a little piece of paper three things that he considered necessary to feel good at For each audience, the psychologist focused on one or more themes Chapel, put it inside the balloon and filled it with air. Then the balloons and the result could be seen on the face of each person in the audience, were randomly exchanged between the students and then popped, paying close attention to the guest’s words and participating in the as if at a party. After that, each student read the feelings of another conversations and activities proposed by him. “I believe that Leo colleague. After hearing what several students wrote, the psychologist Fraiman managed to transform a little bit the life of each one with commented that the most admired and loved people, whether in the whom he spoke today in Chapel,” commented librarian Fernanda world or in each family, are those who listen to the feelings of others. He Caires, who had the privilege of attending all the lectures of the day. said, “The socially intelligent person does not want attention only for himself or herself, is not the one who only wants to speak, but instead, is the one who listens to others, who asks for help and who also offers help to others, he or she is the one who reaches out to friends.”

a purpose in life, by turning that dream into a project, have a real chance of achieving success and therefore, happiness. To this end, it is essential for a young person to know himself, to know who he is, to forgive himself and to be kind to his fears and weaknesses. “One of the decisions we need to make is to define how much light we want for our lives,” he said.

According to him, it is common for people to stray from their dreams by wasting time distracting themselves on social networks - seeing, enjoying, sharing content of others, and caring about the opinions of others. “So the great ideal of life is no longer to become important and then famous. No, the great ideal now is to become famous to then become important,” he warned, noting that such an attitude generates unmeasuremable unhappiness.

Fraiman pointed out that small decisions are what make people into what they are, and addressing the students, he concluded: “You are not ready yet, you are growing and getting ready for life. And to become people who are happy, successful, full of pride, people who make a difference in the world, my invitation for you today is that whenever you are in front of someone, stop and think , how is this person feeling? What difference can I make in her life? Because the size of the world has two letters, U and S. Us “.

Educational Counselor for ECEC till 4th grade Cristiana Cavalcanti pointed out that what most caught her attention during the lecture was when the psychologist emphasized the importance of small decisions. “It was important to show children that they make decisions and that such decisions, no matter how small they seem, make a lot of difference over the course of their lifes,” she said.

Fraiman recalled that to settle and become confortable is dangerous because things change very quickly in the world and the comfort that some people have today may end someday, hence the importance of having entrepreneurial attitudes in life. “The stories of all entrepreneurial people have one thing in common: when they were tested, when they were provoked, they overcame themselves, they undertook new projects, and went beyond,” he highlighted. Then, using an analogy with the fingers of a hand, the psychologist shared five attitudes characteristic of successful people: attention to detail, cultivation of friendships, search for unique strengths, maintenance of focus, and validation of the other.

The psychologist ended the conversation with students by reminding them of the power of words and the importance of exercising the ability to think about the consequences of their choices “What we say to others and to ourselves makes all the difference. Never forget that life is made of decisions and that the answer to everything in life is in your hands. Whoever does not leave their comfort zone becomes a worm, never a bird, because in order to fly the bird must leave the nest Entrepreneurial attitudes and life project for students in and take a risk,” he said. grades 8-12 According to the director of the Brazilian Chapel Program, Daniela Gattai, It was by sharing the anguish he experienced at the age of 16, when he Leo Fraiman’s lecture provided an inwards reflection for the students, found himself lost in deciding which career to follow, that Leo Fraiman who paid close attention to the psychologist’s talk. According to her, began his talk with classes from grades 8-12, the second lecture of the “It touched the feelings of the young students, so that they may think day. The lack of encouragement he heard when expressing his dreams about the range of possibilities they have for your future. It was exciting”. and the reading of the book The NeverEnding Story (by Michael Ende) led him to a major in Psychology: “I wanted to work with people’s For teachers, motivation and internal reflection dreams.” However, the fear of professional failure hung in the air. It was then that he decided to do some research on professional success. “And Leo Fraiman’s lecture to Chapel teachers was a dedication of caring and I discovered that professional success is the opposite of selfishness. attention to the “self” of each person present in the auditorium. “We Success is making the world better,” he said. learned about a lot of things in undergraduate, graduate, and masters level education, but how long has this academic system allowed us to The psychologist shared with students other books that contributed reflect on our inner world?” asked the psychologist. Based on the fact to his professional choices, notably his decision to work with life that only recently have social-emotional skills acquired social visibility, projects. “He who has a life project, who has a ‘why’ to live, survives Fraiman discussed with teachers the importance of each person to any ‘how to’ live,” he said, citing an excerpt from the book Search for value their inner purpose, its intentionality, in order to not belittle Meaning, by Viktor Frankl. According to Fraiman, all those who have themselves or to shrink before life.

In view of the fact that human beings are shaped throughout life by innumerable external references, it is important to understand that the ability to create habits - or mental schemes – may serve to make life easier on the one hand, but may imprison our existence on the other, leading us to a state of voluntary servitude, as discussed by philosopher Etienne de La Boétie. “Voluntary servitude means you give to another - whoever it may be - the key to your existence and purpose.

And so, instead of serving to learn and grow, you serve to frighten, instead of serving to enjoy, you serve to suffer,” Fraiman explained.

The psychologist invited participants to take a “position of filter rather than open tap” in their lives, stressing the importance of people freeing themselves from the marks left by negative stimuli during life and focusing on their own potential for achievement. “To that end, it is fundamental to dedicate a little time to know yourself in order to take ownership over your life and to stop thinking once and for all that the life you have is a given and that nothing can be done to change it,” he said.

Ending the conversation, Fraiman said that everyone is where they put themselves. “The teacher, for example, can see his profession as a sacrifice or as a ‘sacred office’. And those who reap results are those who really give themselves, those who offer light,” he said.

According to high school director Paula Moro, Fraiman’s recommendation for teachers to have moments to think about themselves was very important. “Since all the work that the school does is student-oriented, it is difficult to have time for us teachers to connect to ourselves, and this positive message, with reflection tips to think of oneself, was very exciting, it was a gift to teachers. No wonder he received a standing ovation,” she said. “It was very generous on the part of Chapel to offer this moment to talk about the teacher, to remind them that they are not condemned to anything, that we are beings in process, and that it is possible to have a good life, full of learning,” commented Leo Fraiman after the talk.

To parents, empowerment tips to overcome the little Because of brain plasticity it is possible to develop the nine types emperor syndrome of intelligence described up to date, regardless of age. “It is now scientifically proven that the brain changes, that people change. The final lecture was dedicated to parents, who filled the auditorium However, this human process of change only occurs for two reasons: despite the cold and the rain that went on into the night. Leo love or pain,” he said. People change through pain because they are Fraiman began his lecture by talking about some of the experiences forced to, by suffering a setback, a betrayal or a disease, for example. in his psychologist practice, in counterpoint to the way adults of his On the other hand, to change for love means to change for a cause or generation were raised, which caused laughter in the audience. And a purpose. “It means changing for me, for my children, for people I it was in this manner, in a light and casual way, that the psychologist love, it means putting the ‘us’ above the ‘me’, it means connecting with dealt with a problem common to many families today, lack of authority something bigger than ourselves, with a purpose of life. It is because over children. “What is going on? The children have become the alphas of this that each has the power to define their existence at all times, of the house, and the parents are the betas. And in this world, without this is possible,” he explained. leadership things do not work,” he insisted.

To (re)take control over their children, it is necessary, according to the psychologist, to build familiarity, which is quite different from

kinship. While kinship is a blood tie, familiarity is true involvement.

“The greatest authority of a father or mother is his or her presence. The trust that a child places in their parents is not automatic, it is earned.

When the son realizes that the father does not really care about him, he will find a way to be seen, even if he himself (the son) gets hurt,” said Fraiman.

The consequences of perpetuating the cycle of spoiling a child are psychological immaturity, intolerance of rules and limits, irritability in the face of frustration, emotional insecurity, widespread dissatisfaction, ungratefulness towards others and life, inadequacy in the labor market, and finally, unhappiness. Before doing something for their children, parents should ask two questions: is this good for them?

Is it healthy for them? And according to Fraiman, parents must learn The professional’s lecture was divided into three moments: a brief not to fulfill all the desires of their children. “To love is to stimulate the overview of modern life, which is becoming more accelerated, other to arrive at the best version of themselves,” he adds. connected, and competitive, the trends for the future, and how parents can prepare for tomorrow in regards to the education of their To wrap up, the psychologist invited parents to educate their children. According to him, much of the overprotection that parents children to acquire the mindset of entrepeneurs, and not of heirs. To exercise over their children is pure narcissism, since parents elect the do so parents must empower themselves and this can be achieved child as their narcissistic totem - not surprisingly, it is common to see through the following attitudes: presence, organization, discipline, in the profile of an adult’s social network not the photo of the person engagement, and resilience. After all, “raising a child is the most themselves, but that of their children. difficult task a human being can take on in life, making it important to show empathy and love to build a legacy,” he concluded with applause By highlighting three attitudes that hinder a child’s education - neglect, from the audience. authoritarianism, and permissiveness - Fraiman explained the cycle of spoiling a child with gifts and how it contributes so that the child does “Today’s talks generated a lot of excitement in the audience. I believe not become adult, but rather adulterated. “The moment you do not that through empathy and humor Leo Fraiman managed to show accept that your child gets frustrated, you intercede - not infrequently parents how to make children feel able to be independent.That’s attacking the school and the teachers - and solve problems for him, our big goal: to get children, our students, to feel their power to thus passing on the information that he is therefore incompetent,” he accomplish, discovering their capabilities,” said Luciana Brandespim, said. To break such a cycle, which produces intolerant, ungrateful, and Socio-emotional Curriculum Coordinator at Chapel. “I believe that by constantly unhappy children, the psychologist proposes that parents implementing these practical tips many parents surely will notice practice what he calls the “lap with a spring”. “It is developing with changes in their family dynamics,” she added. the child empathy along with autonomy. You understand your child’s problems and encourage him to seek solutions, but do not solve them for him. The lap with a spring humanizes the other, because it respects their integrity,” he explained.