Roots to G-fly
Anthony "Ghost" Wallace
African Proverb
The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.
Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.
While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.
This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.
Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter
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Anthony "Ghost" Wallace Roots to G-fly
Dear Myself,
At first I thought writing a letter to myself would be crazy but I know I need to write to myself to help me improve my writing skills. Doing this letter I will be giving myself a reminder of what to focus on and not to lose track of. The first thing is to obtain a GED diploma while I’m being detained. When I wrote this letter I was in county jail. Incarcerated or being detained, I will never receive my time back that I spend fighting my case or serving my time The best thing I can say is to utilize my time the best I can
I know there will be times things will not go as planned. Remember always there is a good and bad, light and dark, and Yin and Yang. There will always be a person, persons, or thing trying to stop or postpone me on my journey. I know I know myself better than any other person. I love movies so think of Lawrence Fishburne in Biker Boyz. He had tunnel vision. All he saw was the finish line. The key thing that I should get out of that movie is that if I never give up, I never will lose. I know the man upstairs is watching over me. Looking down on me, giving me the opportunities, but he has left the choices of what I do up to me. The time is now for better choices.
In my earliest memory, I was attending a carnival with my dad, the man who helped bring me into this world, and I believe with his girlfriend and kids. I remember he had got mad at me because I would not eat her homemade sandwich, but I drank her $.25 juice which she brought from the store. You know what’s crazy that’s the earliest memory I have of my dad but also the last time I saw my dad. Since 1994, he’s been serving a 60 year prison sentence. He will be home in 2024 after being in prison for 30 years.
I was five years old with that memory. I’m going to be 35 years old in July 2023. That right there will let you know how pivotal a father is to their child. That is the only memory I have of my dad, not in jail. That is why I believe every time I leave someone I care about I say “love” because I want the last time you remember seeing and talking to me you know I love you and care about you. When I think about the free world, I think about the simple things to me: a porterhouse steak or short ribs with baked macaroni, with a tall glass of Sprite, and after that a cold cup of Patron, with no ice, on my porch in the Chi-town summer.
Elementary/Middle School
Growing up on the south side of Chicago, Illinois in the Englewood area I attended a grammar school at the time named George Gershwin. It was named after a pianist; it was a performing arts school. The school mascot or logo was a gladiator; the school colors were green and white. At the beginning of fourth grade, the school changed its name to Granville T Woods, a famous black inventor. The name change was the graduating class gift. The mascot became the wolves.
At that time I was a good student in the books, just not that good in class. My name was called numerous times on the intercom for winning Awards and being in trouble. At the end of my 5th grade year my teachers and vice principal told my parents that they think I will be better at another school to challenge myself.
So my parents enrolled me into Walt Disney, a magnet school up north, a very nice distance from Englewood. They said they would establish a pickup and drop off spot on the school bus route because the bus company will not come that far south to pick me up. But school was right around the corner from starting. So my father (grandfather) brought another Plymouth Voyager after his last one was stolen just to take me to school until the bus service situation got handled. That is one of the reasons I know God has blessed me with good parents.
At Disney they did not have classrooms, they had pods (cubicles). It was an old office building turned into a school. Sometimes in writing class I can hear the math class. After a couple of weeks I found out the bus service was not going to be available to me. I live too far South and the school had changed bus companies They were not doing pick up and drop off locations other than your home address
When my father (grandfather) first van got stolen he could have easily bought another van but he said it wasn't like they needed two cars. When it came to my education he wasted no time getting another car and he took me and picked me up everyday from school at 10:00 a.m. and 3:30 p.m. at Walt Disney. It was the first time I was the minority in the school population and having a problem staying focused on lessons.
When I used to get home and do my homework and go outside I would only get a couple of hours to play with the same people I used to be around for countless hours. It had got to a point where sometimes I would lie about homework to get to go out quicker. After a couple of months I had got a transfer to Florence P Prince, another performing art school named after a Pianist and guess what their school uniform colors was green and white. I went there to finish up my 6th grade year. One thing I can tell you about being a handsome young man is that it has its pros and cons. LOL.
I transferred back to my roots for my 7th and 8th grade years. I had average grades and above average test scores. I did my best for me and my mother and father (Grandmother and Grandfather).
Post High School/Teenage Years
Being a teenager I believe is somewhat a difficult time for a lot of people. A lot of bad and wrong choices in life I believe the first choice was choosing Neal F Simeon High School as the school I would be attending, when I had a lot of other choices to choose from. Following behind someone else's footprints. My mother always told me not to be a flunkie, be your own self.
I used to sneak outside to parties that used to end too late to be coming to my parents house that I did not pay bills in. I used to steal my parents' car when they were asleep. That's how I learned to drive. Watching them in the day driving at night. Lying to get out of trouble and stayed getting into bullshit in school. I know for a fact I was a handful.
When I reached that age for Simeon (Jr. Year) to put me out they wasted no time. The next school I went to was Ada S. Mckinley (alternative high school) the place that started my road to Crook county Jail. They sent me there for criminal trespassing on school grounds because they said I was suspended with no paperwork and I had already been to 3 classes When you think about criminal trespassing that's a misdemeanor charge I should have been let go. But it was my first adult charge so you know what that meant: let me get my slavery paperwork started.
My teenage years was not very pleasant until my last teen year. I had my lovely daughter Ainyah B. Wallace on June 1st 2007, one of the main reasons that I'm very focused on going home. I also lost my job in ‘08. After that I started researching the Army, finding out about the resources they offer: schooling, pay, housing, and health benefits. I started to go to an Army recruiting office located on 55th and Wentworth.
I talked to a sergeant of the Army and he explained real Army living. I also learned more about family benefits (wife children). So I took a drug test (passed). Took the aptitude test (passed). The next step was to get a GED and marry my child’s mother and signed my name on the dotted line When I told my child's mother about the choice I was learning towards, she told me she was not willing to relocate somewhere she didn't know anybody or the chance of me being deployed overseas.
So I didn't sign. Guess what me and my child’s mother are not together and now she lives in the suburbs where she don't know anybody when she first moved there and how can you act the way you do towards a person you have a child with and once said you love them. Her answer is I was young and dumb. I believe that should be somewhat with my answer for not taking my path that I wanted to go, not setting my own footprints.
You know what’s crazy to me, sometimes my child’s mother speaks down on me to my daughter. When my daughter and her mother are having problems I tell her, “No matter what’s going on you always give your mother respect.”
Loss of Time
The loss of memory can be a very difficult problem. Things will come in and go for a while. That’s what the doctors told me. There will be no specific time that your old memory will come back or short-term memory will have an effect on you. I was diagnosed with TBI (traumatic brain injury), which was caused by bleeding on the brain. In the hospital, I was put into a medically induced coma to slow the bleeding on the brain to hopefully make it come to a stop. When I awoke, I was approached by a nurse and she asked, “how are you doing?” I replied, “good.” “Honey you are at Rush Hospital, can you drink a cup of water for me?” “Yes.” Next thing I remember is waking up again to a different nurse, saying, “good morning, I see you are finally up from all that sleeping you ’ ve been doing.” Then while she was checking my IVs, she made a statement saying, “I like your tattoo on your forearm. She asked me what was the name? I looked at it and replied with “I don’t know.” She then pointed at the other name tattoo on my other arm. She asked the same question and got the same response, “I don’t know.” The next question was “what is your name?” I told her “Anthony Eugene Wallace.” She replied, “things will get better just give it time. You’re a strong young man. ”
The craziest thing is that I had a family member or friend or a family member’s friend by my bedside every day. They would tell me stories of how I used to wake up and look right at them and then go right back to sleep. Most of them had photos of me on their phones. I had a lot of people praying for my recovery and I’m blessed and thankful for that. Love y ’all very much. It was hard leaving the hospital. I tried to break out or walk out twice with no success. I had to pass certain tests before they released me. Some of the tests were questions about facts that a person should know like who is the president of United States? What time does this clock say? Common sense questions.
At the end of 2014 in November I had lost my father (grandfather) to cancer. He was at the hospice at Holy Cross. Even though I knew death was coming I was thinking my father is very strong, when he leaves me it will be of old age. I remember when he first found out he had cancer, he started chemotherapy. It was working, after a while the cancer came back quicker and stronger than before
I remember it wasn't anything my father could not do from plumbing, to electrical, to even automotive. The only thing I didn't see my father do on a car was put a motor or transmission in and I believe that’s only because he didn't own a crane. I have seen my father put in a full bathroom and our half done basement. Almost every electrical problem we had in our house he fixed.
My father (grandfather) only had a high school diploma from Dunbar High School in Earle, Ark. He is one of the reasons I know anything is possible when you set your mind to it. I remember seeing him reading books from Home Depot; they were how to books, so every problem he ran across he would see if he could perform the type of work that was needed. For the automotive situation he told me he learned that growing up. He told me I will get tired of paying and will learn how to do it. Now that I think about it there are a lot of tutorial videos on youtube. Lol.
My father (grandfather) was a strong man and a great father. He did a lot for me and a lot for others. I remember we used to go to Earle, Ark. every year to visit my great grandparents. He and my mother (grandmother) will fix any problem that they were capable of fixing. One thing I can say about the small town was that it was kind and quiet, something different from the Chi.
When my mother chose not to follow the book publishing company she worked for to another state, she was out of work for a while. She started to volunteer at the local 16th ward alderman’s office as a receptionist for a couple of months until she was hired full time. After a couple years there, she applied to be a Cook County forest preserve Administrative Assistant She got the job and retired from there in 2013. Both of my parents were trying to teach me, do not let nothing stop me from conquering my goals.
To me they were the real Bonnie and Clyde, minus breaking the law. My mother had the beauty and passion and father had the brains and muscle. All the work they put in together I never saw them over stressed or overworked. When my father retired from work, me and him became closer together by the time I was in fifth grade.
When I was in my teenage years I'm doing what was not tolerated and at their house my mother would put me out at the drop of a dime. My father would allow me back after a couple of days when my mother was gone to work to wash up and eat a homemade meal They will come to an agreement on when they will let me back in to live there.
In January 2015, I was facing multiple charges. The main one was home invasion 6 to 30 years at 85%, one was robbery 2 to 4 years at 50%. Right after my preliminary hearing the state offered me 6 years at 85%. Which meant I would have to serve 5 years and 1 month. My heart and head will not allow me to take an offer like that knowing I did not commit a home invasion. My public defender said at first my case had a lot of holes in it. The same thing my bond lawyer said. My bond lawyer said if they were not charging me with a class X home invasion he could have got me house arrest.
My bond was set at 10,000 to walk. I was about 6 months in, when I requested a speedy trial. My public defender said she could beat my home invasion charge because the officer on my case statement helps us. Now I'm a year in.
My public defender comes back to the holding cells and tells me that, “they have moved her to another courtroom.” I asked her, “what does that mean?” She said, “if I don't get the case handled today you will be appointed a new public defender. I will give you a couple of minutes to think about it.” When she came back she stood next to a slim new man about her age. Next she tells me, “there are four Witnesses against me out there.”
I started to indulge in drugs (PCP) and drinking a lot of alcohol. When I was under the influence I would forget about how much pain I was in and what I was doing to myself. Something was telling me to slow down before something happens to you.
Then in January 2021 my mother was hospitalized. She never came back home. She passed on Mother's Day, a few days after her birthday which was on May 7th. I also lost a brother Larry Green Jr (Mike doo doo), put the basketball in his hands and watch what he do with it!!! I was a wreck, I felt like I was in my sixties or seventies all the people I grew up with were dying all around.
Then in October I was shot five times for mistaken identity. I started to do drugs and alcohol the same as I was before. The pain would go away for a while but the next morning they would resurface. One time when I was getting out of the shower and I slipped due to the wound I have from one of the gunshots. I grabbed a shower curtain, down came me, the shower curtain, and shower rod. I was looking up at the ceiling and I let out a slight laugh and screamed very loud why me!!!
I had no one to help me up, but I got up. I had no one to help me change my bandages. Then out of nowhere I ran across a girl I had talked to right before I got shot. She had experience in wound care.
You know what's crazy not long after I lost both my parents at different times. I ended up here. I know right from wrong. I'm glad and upset that I have been getting to have a Moment of clarity, glad to be away from the drugs and alcohol that had me not being the person I know I am. I'm upset about being away from my daughter and being somewhere that the majority of the people don't want to see you progress to something great. To them, we aren't shit. Detainees and correctional officers, some lift you up some pull you down.
You know what surprises me damn near everyday in jail, there are a lot of talented individuals here. My old cell mate helped bring in third place in an international chess tournament. The Cook County chess team had their picture taken and placed in the newspaper. A grandmaster in chess gave away a wooden chess set to the individual he believed played the best, which was my cellie “Check-o”. Some of the best artists are in jail. We are always analyzed based on our past presumptions but never analyzed on our present conditions.
When you are in a County jail you are being detained so you have the right to vote. I did the best I could to tell the younger crowd to vote telling them that every vote counts a lot of them did not believe me but voted to see. The next morning we saw the man we voted for was elected mayor of Chicago. I believe County jail detainees help that cause.
Being a prisoner and IDOC you lose a lot of rights. In the County jail you still have a lot of rights on paper, but this County jail is unlike any other County Jail in illinois. A lot of people don't understand how fucked up it is here. The first thing people think is well the person should have never committed the crime. The County Jail is a Detention Center holding individuals until they are found guilty or not guilty. To tell you the truth all suspects are guilty until proven innocent, unless the bank account has a large amount.
There are people here in this County Jail that have been here 8 to 10 years fighting a crime they have been charged with. So you telling me that the state's attorney had enough evidence to charge them, but not enough evidence in years to convict them. Make it make sense.
I was told by a man of his story of being here for a nice amount of time, 8 years for a murder he knew he didn't commit. He said he went through about three or four public defenders. Now he said it was trial time, he had one eyewitness saying he was a killer. He said the person pointed right at him in the courtroom. Deep down I know it felt odd knowing a person is lying about him and his life is hanging in someone else's hands His public defender pulled out evidence showing the murder and the murderer's face which was not the man in court.
It's sad that if the public defender didn't find the evidence in 8 years the man would have been gone for even longer. But just think about it, a person pointed him out and said he did it. There is always a good and a bad, I think sometimes bad knows how to hide its plot very well. This man was very inspirational to me, standing up not falling down. Trusting things will get better in due time.
You know what hurts me very much is that more than half of the people who cause a lot of problems are people of color, people of your own kind not caring. Only caring for the color of green knowing but not knowing that our ancestors sung the same songs; We Shall Overcome.
Writing things of interest I believe is hard for me. I don't think I have anything interesting to tell people. Right now I'm sitting here in jail. To me for defending myself to the system that gets and makes money off criminals I'm here for attempted murder and many other accounts. My lawyer, who is a public defender, responded with the reasons the system she works for charges you with so many counts so at least one of them will stick. Sometimes I think about how many employees the system employs and also how many people in the world make money off people in jail. I remember when the Trump Hotel had a contract with Cook County Jail to clean their white linings. Labor for a cheap price. When people learned about it it stopped.
My ID number reads 2022- 03-17099. Today marks a full year I have been in custody. I called my lawyer to get a check on my status of my case. We talked about an hour and a half. At the end of our conversation she asked me, “do I know anything about my so-called victims?” I told her I believe one of my so-called victims has a history of violence. So she began to look up one of my so-called victim’s criminal history. She stated that one was recently released on probation for possession of a firearm. The next thing I hear is the operator saying you have 60 seconds left on your call. My lawyer said to call her when I get a chance.
It has not happened so far with me having limited time with my lawyer but I will never give up on myself. One thing I would like to tell my lawyer and other lawyers y 'all should come up with a better line than I need you to hang in there. This is not spending the weekend at your uncle or auntie house, or even being at summer camp, this is jail. I know a lot of people in jail are names and numbers on a piece of paper (docket) that stays on a person ' s desk until their boss tells them or the judge tells them what is the holdup.
Today is April 12th 2023 I was told by my lawyer to contact her whenever I can and she was scheduled at least to visit before my next court date so we both can go over the rest of the discovery(evidence). She said the best time to contact her was between 7:45 a.m. to 8:30 a.m. and 12:30 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. I have been calling whenever I get a chance but I keep getting an answering machine. I have left about four messages. I don't want to leave a lot of messages because her message states do not leave numerous messages and she will get back with you as soon as she can. It has been almost a month and I haven't heard from her yet. I hope for the best outcome at court, as if the state had chosen to drop off the charges against you in this case.
Most of us have come to find faith through what would be considered normal like circumstances so it is exciting to learn how God also sometimes uses unusual experiences to show lifechanging transforming power. One day I was listening to the radio and Steve Harvey came on a quick skit and he said “people always talk about they found God in jail. What's wrong with that? I have found God multiple times, when I lost everything twice, when I was living in my car. Love God bless you on your life journey.”
There's 24 hours in a day The average person sleeps 8 to 10 hours The average person lives to 80 That means the average person is really only conscious for 40 years.
Letter to Self
I know anger sits in you very deep. It's like a volcano waiting to explode or a fire starting as smoke waiting to become a blazing forest fire very hard to control and put out. During our time in jail we have run across a lot of inspirational Vibes and knowledge. One thing I have been using a lot is what I learned from Johnny Page. What you feed grows, what you starve dies. We now use it both ways We never feed the negative, we starve it until it dies in our heart and mind Everything negative, I feed to the positive in our heart and mind to keep us moving forward. “Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love could do that.” MLK. We have set a goal to accomplish and achieve: GED, temporary housing, job, pay debt (rebuild my credit), permanent housing, going to get my daughter, associate's degree in warehouse and distribution, bachelor's degree in business ethics, starting my own business, doing enough things. Somebody will want to write a book about me. The first people I would like to thank are my loving parents Lonnie and Laverne Wallace. Without y 'all being behind me I have no idea what would have happened to me. Teaching me to never give up on self. I will also like to thank Miss Hailly, Erica from Northwestern University, and the ConTextos team Miss Lisa, SLM, Jay Rock, and Johnny Page and also Chris and the students from DePaul University. Last but not least, my loving daughter Aniyah Wallace.
Forever Fly High
Anthony "Ghost" Wallace
I Am From
I am from Englewood
From shooting dice and pitching quarters.
I am from where you hear more sirens than anything else.
I’m from the concrete jungle where some people bite the curb.
I am from where gladiators and wolves run in packs.
I'm from when one door closes we are not scared to open another. I am from where people use the front door and not the back.
I am from where if you don’t stand for something You will fall for anything.
I’m from 63rd.
Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb