A Letter to My Son
Allante Anderson
The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.
Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.
While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.
This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.
A Letter to My Son
Allante Anderson
THIS IS DEDICATED TO MY SON
ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU ARE THE FUTURE
I remember it clearly, the first day I saw you. May 8, 2009, I walked into the room and saw your mother on the table huffing and puffing with a look on her face that made me want to run up outta there.
I was standing by the door with no plans of going any further, and then the doctor asked me to come hold your mom ’ s hand and leg. I looked at her and in my mind, I was like “Nah. I’m cool.”
But you know I didn’t leave her hanging.
When you entered the world, I literally held my breath until you took your first one.
I breathe for you, my boy.
I always knew I wanted to form an unbreakable bond with you. So when you would sleep, I’d put you on my chest and let our hearts beat together until it felt like they were in sync.
I don’t know why I thought it would work, but I hoped it would.
I was so proud to be a father I used to take you everywhere I went, until the reality of my street life caught up with me.
I got shot and it was no longer safe to have you with me.
After that, everything started moving so fast for me that I didn’t notice that day by day I was starting to spend less and less time with you.
I was young and in the streets heavy. Your mom used to be on my back about spending time with you and her. I used to feel like she was tripping because she knew I loved y ’all and in my mind, you was too young to notice.
One night I was peeking through the window and I don’t know what made me do it, but I was just watching you through the window. I watched you walk up to my sister and ask “TT, where my dada at?”
I was shocked like “DAMN…” Made me feel like shit.
I used to always promise your mom that I would do better and, honestly, every time I said it I meant it.
I wanted to be a complete family, but the problem was that I didn’t know what that was. I would do good for a while, and then the streets would call and I’d revert back to my old ways, and it hurt your mom every time.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT, I AM SORRY FOR EVERY TIME I MADE YOUR MOM CRY.
YOUR
MOM’S A SUPERHERO!!!
She loves you so much, and to be honest, I’m proud of the young man she’s raising you to be. Because of her, you will never know what it’s like to miss a meal or not have clean clothes. She works hard so that you never have to suffer the things we suffered or do the things we had to do to survive.
When you were born, I promised you that I would never abandon you because I know how it is to feel abandoned and unloved by the person that made you.
Even though I would never purposely leave you, I still hope that one day you can accept my apology and forgive me for all the time I’ve missed.
I was so caught up in the streets because it was the only thing I knew for real. I was birthed into street life. The streets is how I ate. It’s how I bought clothes and shoes and cars.
The problem with the street life is it’s easy to get in, but it’s almost impossible to get out. It’s like a dangerous addiction that will cause you to lose everything you love, even your life.
Yourfirsttimeridingabike.
Yourfirstkiss.
I never imagined the choices I made back then would cause me to miss so many precious moments of your life.
Your first day of school.
Yourfirstgame.
I look at your pictures every night, and it trips me out. It’s like looking at my reflection in the mirror.
You my twin for real.
You look like me, but I never want you to attempt to be like me.
I been gone since you were two years old. You’re a teenager now. I don’t want you to ever have to suffer through the hardships that I’m living through.
While I’m gone, do me a favor. Make sure your sister is protected, loved and respected.
Always respect women. Don’t allow music or how you see other men treat them have a negative influence on how you handle women.
The truth is every woman is a queen of the Earth, and without them, there is no us. They deserve to be respected at all times.
In life, you ' re going to run into people who don't believe in you, and want to see you down. They will try to influence you into going the wrong route. They will probably laugh at you and call you scared. Never fold to peer pressure, never follow fools until foolishness.
I'm impressed by your maturity level, you inspire me to be the best version of myself that I can be.
I’M PROUD OF YOU.
Always respect yourself by staying true to who you are. Never be a follower. Be your own man.
Always follow your dreams.
Strive hard for the things you want. And believe that you can be anything you want to be in the world.
You’re a natural athlete, but you have to work hard to get what you want.
The time and effort you put into something will determine what you receive from it.
You’re my son. I just want you to shine like one.
You are a black boy born into an oppressive system, you will face many adversities.
NEVER LET THEM STOP YOU!
There is no way I can make up for the time that I missed and I will never forgive myself for it. It's a regret I have to live with.
Every day I wake up, I’m thankful because every day I wake up puts me a day closer to getting back to you.
You’re the reason I survive, and as long as I have breath in my lungs, no matter how hard the obstacles, I will do everything I can to show you love and support, and I promise I will make it back to you. No mountain known to man is high enough to keep me from you.
I didn't write this letter to tell you that I'm a perfect father. I wrote this letter to tell you that…. you have one.
One that loves you.
I Am From
I'm from a city of sin
Allante Anderson
I am from where boys wait too long to become men
From where we grind hard to make a dollar
So we can buy gifts for our daughters
From where we hustle all night till we see the sun
From where we leave mothers to raise our sons
I am from where they lock us up without bond
Just to break our family bonds
From where young boys have dreams
To be all they can be
I am from where kids are everywhere
But fathers you rarely see
Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb
