Choices
D. Edwards
The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives. Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities. While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books. This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.
Choices
D. Edwards
Hello my name is Dijon Edwards. I was born in Chicago, IL on the west side. Growing up on my side of town was a blessing in my eyes. I had both of my parents, everything was going good until I turned 7.
I was 7 years old and my mom and dad took me to this store with one of their friends. At the time I really didn’t understand why they didn’t want me to go with them into the store. 20 minutes later I found out why. At 7 years old I watched the police walk my mother and father out of the store for stealing. And the friend that they left me with in the car took me to the police station and just left me there. Luckily I knew my TeTe’s number and she came and got me. That’s when my childhood started.
When my TeTe Joyce took me in we were living at 5511 W Ohio Street in a Cordway building on the 3rd floor. Next door to us was this lady that I will never forget. Her name was Mildred and she was one of the best people that entered my life. We will talk about her later.
When my real mom and dad got out of jail they had my little brother. His name was Dione. We did everything together. My mom and dad couldn't even keep him, so my other TeTe had to take him in. The only good thing about the situation was we still was able to see each other. I’m not going to lie, me and my little brother went through a lot of shit together. He would come over to my house on the weekend, or sometimes I would go over to his. But I love him with all my heart.
Then Tete Joyce took my little cousin in. But to keep it 100, that’s my sister. I don’t care what nobody has to say. I love my little brother, but me and her lived together our entire lives. So I felt like me and her had a better bond.
Me and my sister never wanted for anything. My Tete Joyce gave us the world, even when she couldn’t. Now when I was living on Ohio, our next door neighbor, the lady I was talking about named Mildred, became a big part of my life. She didn’t have a job, so when I would get out of school she would watch me and my sister, help us with our homework, feed us and make sure we had everything we needed. I love her with all my heart, I was able to talk to her about anything. She would always be there for me. Now I call her my aunt.
Once I stopped going to my aunt's house, I started going to Austin Town Hall. It was like an afterschool program where all the kids from the school would go. I was around 9 to 11 years old when I was going there. I was on the flipping team, dancing, playing ball. And had all the girls. I had a ball!
Then I turned 12 years old, I went to this school called Douglass. All my friends from Austin Town Hall went there with me. It was a middle school then it became a high school. Now this is where shit got real. This where I started the bad side of life.
Now at the age of 12, I started feeling myself. I’m going outside more, I'm still going to Austin Town Hall, but I started to leave and go on the block. That’s where all the fun was at. In a way I could say being around the hood made me think how I do. Because of things I saw, I wanted it. The money, the cars, and everything that came with it. So I started to sell drugs. It started off with weed (trees) then came dog food and C (the hard stuff).
To keep it 100, I didn’t have to sell drugs. That’s a choice I made because I wanted more things. My TeTe made sure I had any and every thing, but I wanted more.
Some people might not want to say this, but I’m going to be the one! Growing up at the age of 12 years old, I didn’t know how to be a leader. I would watch rap videos and I would see some new shoes, clothes or jewelry and I would want it. I felt like if I didn’t have it, other people would judge me. My TeTe made sure I had all of the nice things, but I wanted more. In this life when you want more, you get it.
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You would think as a kid and some of the things I went through, I would give up the street life but NO! It just became normal. Once I turned 17, I went to the County for the first time. My mother came and bonded me out, then I went again. She did the same thing again. The third time they didn’t let me out cause I had a hold. This time around my mother couldn’t come and bond me out. I had to go to the Big DOC. It was like an upgrade for jails. “SMH ''. Once I came home from the Big DOC, I was cool for a while until it got ugly. I did some shit that put me away for a long time. The crazy thing about this shit is I had a baby on the way. My Babymama would always tell me to slow down, but I didn’t. I kept doing stupid shit until it put me away for ten years.
It was the summer of 2010, July 7. I was on Menard and Chicago Avenue kicking it with my homie. I was waiting for this little female to pick me up, but she never came. So I took my homie’s brother’s bike. I was on my way home, but instead of me going home, I went on one of the other blocks in the hood. The guys were out there 100 strong. I leave my homie’s brother’s bike then started kicking it for about two hours. Now my other homie tells me he have a lick for us. I say how much, he say 10 to 15K. Now in my mind I’m rich, cause at the time I’m only 19 years old. So that’s a lot of money. So, I’m up with it, but we need a hot car. So we walk to MNM on Austin and the D. I see this fat nigga in a truck. I pull out my gun and take him out. Now that alone is 9 to 45 years, a car jacking. Then we go hit the lick. Now when we are going to hit the lick, we’re on our way back to the block. But it’s an unknown car on the side of us. At first I didn’t see it. But it slowed down and got in the back of us. Now all I see is the blue lights so I put that MF in full speed and took off. But I couldn’t get the police car off me. I turned into a T alley, that was the stupidest shit I could’ve ever done. I’m going so fast that I didn’t know that at the end of the alley I had to turn so I crashed the truck and got out and ran into this man’s house. I got away for a little while, but I did some shit that didn’t make sense. I went to sleep and woke up to a man with a dog and a gun in his hand telling me to get the fuck out of his house. As soon as I went out of the door, the police were waiting for my stupid ass.
I really believe in my heart that if I would have went home that night instead of going on the block with my homie, I would never have done 10 years. But I guess that’s life. I fucked up so I paid the price.
When I first got back to the County, I really didn’t understand what the hell was going on. All the other time I was either getting a bond or I would go to the school wing. Not this time. I went to Div 1 G4. I will never forget it. I got on the deck and said to myself, this is real jail. My cellie had two bodies. I couldn’t believe it, but that let me know how you can turn 5 seconds into 50 years. Frfr. I stayed in the County for two and half years, then I went back to IDOC. I took 21 years at 50%. I had to do 7 ½ more. My first joint was Pinckneyville. I did 3 ½ years there, then I went to Danville and did 3 there. Robinson was next. I did a few months then went to a drug joint where I came home early because of good time.
I thought I got a lot out of doing all them years, cause while I was doing my time, I went to school, read a lot of books, worked out and kept a job. But my mind wasn’t ready yet. Cause I left the streets when I was 19 years old and came out 29, but still acting like I was 19.
After I came home from doing my time, I got a job for about a month, then I’m back in the streets. Four months of being out I’m back in jail. That hurted my family so bad. My son was crushed. He couldn’t even look at me in the face. That’s not the sad part, I came back three more times and one of those times I did a year, cause I had to do parole time. Now as I’m writing this book, I’m back. “SMH”
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When I was little my TeTe Joyce would make me and my little sister go to church. It was cool at first, but once I got older I stopped going. But now I have a better relationship with God and I know he is real. He has blessed me so much, gave me a great and wonderful family. The best thing that happened was my wife and kids. I love them so much. And my Aunt Joyce, which is my mother. She made a way for me. I might have went left a few times, but I was blessed that God put her in my life.
Over the years I’ve done a lot, seen a lot and been through a lot, too. What I’ve learned is that life is too short. You could lose track of time. And one thing about time is you can’t get it back. What you can do in the future is cherish the time you do have. Make sure your family is cool. Have a plan. My plan now is to start my Tshirt line, work a 9 to 5, so I could stay out of these people's way.
We don’t go through life, we grow through life. So everything I been through, I grow from some of the situations. Now that I’m back in jail and I’m on my way back, I’ve got to make better choices in life. I was watching this movie called “A Bronx Tale.” In the movie C's father tells him that the saddest thing in life is wasted talent. That’s the realest shit ever, cause I could have played football, but I made a choice to stay in the street. The way I look at life now is I wasted my talent, but I have a family now. A family of my own, a family I have to take care of. So now I have become a real man. So please if you’re reading this, make better choices in life.
Joyce, Kenesah, Shenee, Domo, Crystal, Mack, Dione, my kids and lil Timmy. I would like to acknowledge these people cause without them I think I would have already given up. Since I’ve been coming to jail these people have been a big part of my journey. The support I’ve got from them means so much. So from the bottom of my heart I would like to thank y’all. To my real mother Loretta Mayfield, I love you. And I wish you was here to see me now, but I know you’re in a better place. Like you would always tell me, “What we lost in the fire, we will find in the ashes.” R.I.P. Mother
D. Edwards I Am From I am from the westside of Chicago From money, cars and females I am from Joyce house, the lady who gave me a second chance I am from Chicago Ave and Menard, where Coleman is The best chicken in the world I’m from Loretta and Mayfield From left and be gone And from don’t give a fuck I’m from the streets And from where it’s cold but it’s fair I’m from treat people the way you want to be treated I’m from the Austin community From Peeples Tacos, 100 people on the block From Tyilly and Kentay I am from 2:19
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