Alexis Trader
Life Turning Points
The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.
Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.
While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.
This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.
Life Turning Points
Alexis Trader
WegrowupinEnglewoodmeandmy3youngersiblings, Iamtheoldest. Mymotherhas alwaysbeenaverybeautifulwoman. Soshealwaysfuckedwiththegetmoneyniggas!
GrowingupIneverreallyunderstoodwhatittooktotakecareofafamily,until itwasmyturntostepintothemshoes.Asayoungboymymotherandtheman
“fly ” asshit.
Inowcallmyfatherkeptus
BythetimeIturned8 years old,hehadbeen in mylifefor3 years now, soIkindafucked with him as mymother’sboyfriend, notfather yet.Buthehad ahomie namedGerald.He was really like a youngerbrothertohim, cuz myfathertreatedhimlikefamily.
This was the dude I really looked up to. He used to let me smoke weed with him, bring ladies around, and he had raw ass cars. And most of all he didn't tell me what I could and couldn't do. So he was the big homie/big brother I never had.
By the time I turned 11, I was stealing weed to sell from my father's best friend and right hand man, and a person I consider my unk now. I never really looked at it as I was doing something really wrong, I just felt like it was a lot of the shit around so I took some.
AndonceIgotawaywithit,IsaidfuckitandkeptdoingituntilIgotcaught.Ineverknew myfatherandunkwasinbusinesstogether.Ididn 'tknowthehurtIcaused.Myunktooka veryverylongtimetotrustmeagain.ThatwasoneofthebiggestmistakesIevermade. ThentheFEDscameinandgotmymotherandfather.
So now I'm really trying to get in the streets. I started selling drugs for real. When shoes and clothes started looking bad and my lil brothers was lookin the same, I felt like I didn't have no other choice.
Geraldshowedmehowtohustle. HetoldmeIhadtobemyownboss,sohemademe savemymoneycuzhedidn 'twantmetoworkforhim.
I saved up enough money to buy a half oz of crack.
I remember the first time I bought me and my little brother back to school shoes and clothes. I really felt like I was doing something.
My mother came home they put her on probation, but by that time I was in the mix so I wasn't gone stop. Then I helped pay a couple bills so I was feeling like a grown man.
By the time I turned 13 my mother went back to the FEDs for a VOP. We went to stay with my grandma on my father's side. She wasn't really into “kids” acting grown so she put me out.
I took my lil brother and went to stay with my favorite aunty. She treated us as if we were her kids. And as young men.
IwasstillgettingmoneywithGeralduntilonedayIwashang
ingwithmybestfriend
Theveryfirstnight
Jimmyhehadhisoldercousinsaround.Theytookustohitthetrains.
Imade$4,000,thatshitchangedmylife.
Needless to say I kept doing it. I started popping “X” pills, dealing with a lot more girls, I even started wearing a different style of clothes.
The money was so fast I completely stopped selling drugs. I was making more money than a lot ofgrown people, so you know I wasn't listening to what nobody had to say.
I bought my first car, and I had all the girls in my community on my “back.” I was a young fly dude. And the whole time I was still going to school at least 3 days out the week.
Gerald came on the Block one day and asked me how much money I had saved up. I told him nothing, he told me don't forget the reason you got into the streets and that's to make sure yo loved one is well taken care of. He said it's about the long game.
I'm 17 now and it's summer time and I got shot and then completely stopped going to school after that. I couldn't walk, talk or use the bathroom by myself.
I never really understood the effects it had on my family. I’ve never been arrested for selling drugs, but I have for the trains.
Looking back at it, shouldn’t no kid have that type of money so fast. Them trains stopped me from being a “ man ” cuz I was trying to be the “ man. ”
I want any young black readers to listen and understand something. Not having new clothes and shoes is not a good enough reason to get in the streets it builds character to go without.
Everything that's good to you ain't good for you. Never let things that can be bought define you.
My youngest child just asked me daddy where are you! I said I was on vacation. She 3 years old, I can't break her heart and tell her the truth. Remember the choices you make as a kid can and will affect you later in life.
Food for the brain
One thing always Lead to another.
I Am From
I'm from Lasonia Trader
I'm from Granny's crib
I am from strong black women
Alexis Trader
I am from where bills never paid on time
And washing clothes with my hands
I'm from playing outside
And going to school in the middle of snow storms
I'm from school lunch
And fighting for respect
I am from where one fight, all fight
I'm from, let's play “007”
And just give me a whooping I don't want to be on punishment
I am from 59th and emerald
From selling drugs, before ever touching guns
I'm from watching Friday and Lion King everyday
I'm from where everybody want to be like Mike
I'm from the struggle
Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb
