The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.
Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.
While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.
This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.
Jaran Hughes Undying Love
Imma tell yall a little about what I went through when I was young. I lost my uncle to gun violence, that changed me for life.
My behavior changed in school. I started getting into fights and getting suspended. I never knew what the reason was until I got older.
It was because my heart was broken and I didnt know how to release my anger any other way than fighting.
As I started getting older, it got to the point that people didn't want to say nothing to me because I had a short temper.
I got sent to an alternative school when I was in 5th grade because of my behavior. To my surprise, I liked that school. I was there from 5th to 8th grade. I graduated. It was one of the happiest days of my life.
For high-school I went to Johnson College Prep. They failed me because I had too many detentions for being late to school. I couldn’t go to summer school to pass, so after that I stopped liking school. That next year when my mom used to drop me off to school, I would wait til she pulled off and then leave school and go to the hood. The hood was always bussin.
The hood was where I grew up at, 61st from Wabash to King Drive. During that time, I was ditching school. I was losing myself. I was smoking weed, popping pills and drinking lean.
I was distancing myself from people who loved me. I felt like I had nothing to live for, all the drugs was draining the life out of me.
When the police shot and killed my homie Millie, it broke my heart. He brought life to the hood. He was a short dude with the heart of a lion. It left the hood devastated because it was unexpected.
Around this time Maya came into my life, she always kept my energy up. I stopped drinking lean and popping pills. I felt like I didn't need to be off drugs to be around her, she was the other half of my heart. When I got her pregnant, it gave both of us something to live for. The baby changed our lives for the better.
During her pregnancy, I lost a close friend, somebody I was hanging out with everyday (Jayskii). I started pushing Maya away, but nothing I did worked, she just wouldn't leave my side. Then she gave birth to our daughter (Malayah Hughes). It gave me a reason to love Maya even more, and that's what I did. I know I messed up a couple of times, but my love for her never changed.
Our lives was going good. I got her pregnant again. We were living our best lives, then boom, death struck again. I lost my cousin.
I tried to push Maya away again. l was hurt and she still wouldn't Ieave no matter what I did. I just wanted to be left alone. My uncle Billy died like a month after my cousin passed away.
After that I started saying stuff to Maya that I didn't mean, to hurt her feelings because I was hurt and she still wouldn't leave me alone.
I started drifting back to my old self slower and slower, I started popping pills. When I was leaving my uncle’s funeral I was high off pills doing like 115mph and almost lost control of the car.
I started looking for love in all the wrong places, instead of going back to the one person who loved me no matter what (Maya).
I just couldn't man up and tell her I'm sorry. Sad thing about it is, I went to jail before she gave birth to my daughter (Aziyah Carter).
I left her to raise our two kids by herself. She is still by my side while I'm doing my time in jail. Her and my kids help me get through my days.
When I’m having a bad day, she’s the person I call because no matter what we go through, she is always there for me. At the end of the day we only got each other.
Maya I’m sorry for everything I put you through. We were young and I had a lot of weight on my shoulders, even though it wasn't your weight to carry.
You stillhelpme getthrough withlife no matter what, soforthat you always got a spotin myheart andIlove you.
I still got other people wholove me no matter whatthethingsI putthemthrough. Most people wouldhavejust stayed awayfrom me,like some peopledo.Tothe people who stillhereIlove y’all with all myheart.
To mysiblings and even mytwo stepbrothers,IknowI'm notthebestbigbrother, butjustknowItryeverythingin mypowerto make sure y’all good.Love y’all.
Who love me when no one there? I can tell you my grandma Mary, my cousins JB, Jayball, Bribri, my pops and mother, my baby momma Maya, my brothers Darion, Lil Kay, Kavon, Devonta, Cup, Lj and Lappy, my sisters Meme and Bubbles, Diamonana, My kids Malayah, Zyriyah and Aziyah, My uncle Carl, uncle Billy, uncle Pumpkin and my aunties Boosha and Stink and my girlfriend Destiny. All the people I named show me the real meaning of undying love.
Jaran Hughes
I Am From
My heart froze, body hurt all this pain I’m going thru
Man, I just wish it will stop, I’m only 23
But feel like I been on earth longer than my pops
All this death that’s surrounding me
Makes my heart wanna stop
You can be with somebody and the same day
They might end up dead
So look around and appreciate everybody that’s still here
Cause death bring pain and pain bring more pain
Now look, I just gave ya’ll a sample
Of have I created my pain
Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb
