Nothing Will Never Be the Same
Jorge Gonzalez
The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.
Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.
While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.
This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.
Jorge Gonzalez Nothing Will Never Be the Same
On January 6, 2023. I woke up as usual and I called my mom. She didn’t answer. Then I called my girlfriend Meyling. She didn’t answer either so I called my sister.
When she answered, I heard it in her voice that something was wrong. I kind of felt it. I asked “Is everything okay?” She said, “ yes, mom and dad are doing laundry.”
Then my other sister got on the phone.
She told me everything was gonna be OK, and to be strong. When she said that my suspicion really gave way and I really started to worry.
This was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. I expected it, but I didn’t expect it to happen while I was incarcerated. It happened too fast for me.
My sister then told me that my father had passed away.
I started crying instantly. I felt hopeless. I had 30 more days and I was on my way home.
Due to the time I had to do, I couldn’t make it back fast enough. I was fighting to get back to my family, to my kid…to my dad. I wanted to spend time with him before he passed away.
At that moment, I just knew I lost everything, my life did a whole 360.
30 days later, I came home. I fell into a deep depression state. I stayed in the house. I didn’t want to be bothered or kick it with nobody.
I started doing a lot of drugs. I started drinking a lot. I stopped caring about the people I had to take care of. My sister, my mom, my kids.
Ifell anddidn’tknowhow to get up. Even if Idid,Ididn’t want to.
I wanted to separate myself from everyone and that’s what I did. I thought it was the best thing to do. But that only made things worse, it made me worse.
I started gangbanging and began going back to my old ways to the streets. My dad was the anchor, holding me back from going back to that life.
The crazy part about it is when he was sick. I couldn’t find it in me to look at him being that way, but I was always there.
I didn’t cry as much as I was supposed to when he died, and some people think it didn’t hurt me as much. But it did.
I was angry at the world. I wanted to hurt the world, because my sister told me my father died from a heart attack. But there was blood, a lot of blood at the hospital.
Still to this day, I will never know the truth about what happened to my dad.
I don’t know why they lied, but I blame myself for not being there.
Everything in my life was going good after my dad passed, but I wasn’t okay. I was working and everything.
I’ve been incarcerated a lot in my life, but when my dad passed, I realized that being in jail was taking time out of my life away from my family.
Nothing helped me get better but I’m okay. I feel like I owe my family the world.
So to my family I’m sorry Mom, Aracely, Norma, Adran, Meyling, Lila and Dad. I still hurt over that loss.
But I am going to continue to move forward with my pain because I can’t let go. I don’t want to let go.
I Am From
I am from Central & 23rd
I am my mother’s Baby Boy
I Am my Dad’s legacy
I am just a kid from Cicero
Trying to make it
I am from it’s a Cicero thing
You wouldn’t understand
Jorge Gonzalez
Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb
