My Small Expedition
Thomas Gutierrez
The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.
Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.
While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.
This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.
Thomas Gutierrez My Small Expedition
I want to thank my mother for all that she has done for me. Because of her I am still holding on to hope. She has kept me positive. She keeps my heart from going black.
I want to thank my friends and family for their continuous support. I am grateful for all the prayers they have said for me. Also for keeping me in their thoughts through this nightmare.
I want to thank my children for being good boys and girls. For being good to their mothers.
And most of all I want to thank my future wife to be. She has been my anchor through it all. She’s done more than I could ask. I hope to be able to fulfill her dreams.
Psalms 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil…
Isaiah 43:26
Put me in remembrance, let us argue together, set forth your case that you may be proved right.
Isaiah 54:17
No weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed and shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the lord and their vindication from me, declares the Lord.
How do I start? Where do I start? As of right now freedom does not seem close. Facing a charge of a sentence of 10-45 years, this is terrifying. I have been sitting for 2 and a half years and I still can't see an end to this. But here I am writing a book.
I have written letters before, short stories and essay papers, yet never a book. Never about myself at that. My mother had repeatedly told me to write, put things on paper. You never know, you can make a book out of it someday. I took a mental note of it. ConTextos came, the first time I was able to dodge the first class. When they came the second time I had no choice but to write.
If you would have ever asked me if I wanted to write a book I would have laughed. But to be honest I want to and I am going to, especially because of my situation. I would have never believed that I’d be in jail. Not for something of this magnitude. I still can't believe this nightmare. I still wake up and feel lost. I am innocent, and I am not a monster.
I was born in Mount Sinai hospital on July 3, 1991. My mother and father were happy to see me. I am a rainbow baby. One small spec in this universe and I made an impact on so many people's lives, even from a baby’s point of view.
My biological dad left and my mother remarried. We moved to the South Side when I was a small infant. 49th & Marshfield. In this neighborhood of Back of the Yards where I have seen some horrific events. Growing up, the streets were not safe. When the lights came on the light post, it was time to go in. Because at night you had people that killed and hurt others.
When I was a child I used to get yelled at a lot, to get away from the windows. As a child I saw things that I wish I didn't. Our neighborhood was split half Black and half Mexican and 1 white couple who became my god-parents.
I have never let my past dictate my future. I smile and laugh everyday even through bad times. I wasn't always a straight A student. I hated school but I was smart. Growing up I always liked watching car shows, movies with cars, and those race cars like Daytona on tv.
I was going through a rough time when my parents were getting divorced. I was home alone and my mom called my biological dad to come get me. I was 17, a junior going into my senior year. I left Chicago and moved to Bolingbrook. I had a second chance to start fresh, work hard and clean my attitude, so I did.
I worked, I went to school and I went to the park to run. My senior year was short. I graduated in 2010. But not before getting my girlfriend pregnant. Knowing that I would be a father, I turned it up a notch. I was able to get a job as a janitor for a few weeks.
I would watch the mechanics work on my free time. One day it was 20 minutes to 6 and their was a big rush of business. The manager asked me if I knew how to do an oil change. Of course I said yes, even though I have never touched a car other than getting in and out of it.
I did what I have been watching people do for a couple of weeks. When it was all done Al asked where I had gotten my experience. I told him, just now.His face was priceless. A little mad, but he knew I did a good job. He actually offered me a job as a lube guy.
David at the time was a mechanic there and my mother’s new boyfriend, (they are married now). He was good to my mom and siblings so I couldn't complain. He has taught me a lot of what I know about cars.
You can almost say that the only reason I got this job was because of David.
After some months I was doing just about everything. I was 18 and making $1000 a week. I had an apartment, my spouse, my kid and a dog. I was entrusted to the valvoline next door to the Goodyear when the owner took it over. He sold the building/business and the new management brought new people. They fired everyone but me. I knew how to work all the equipment and I had my own tools. Plus I was the least paid. Mark the owner liked me but I needed insurance.
A friend of mine referred me to Westfield Ford where I had an interview and was promised $13.50. I started 2 weeks later only to be given $10.00 an hour. I was angry because I took a pay cut for the union, now they cut me even more so I quit and applied at Rizza of North Riverside. The manager hired me on the spot, I didn't disappoint. He made me semi-skilled through the door. I had made up $14.50. When he was let go the new manager made me an apprentice at $16.50. When he was let go the new manager did not like me. He said to me, I don’t like smart asses. He also refused my union pay. So I quit. I ended up at an interview at Fox Ford Lincoln, where my previous manager was waiting to interview me.
I was expecting to ask for a low ball for myself. I had broken my hand 2 days prior to the interview. With a broken hand I shook Jim’s hand, expecting to ask for 18 and hour. He said before you ask, let me offer you $27 an hour in a journeyman position. I was speechless. What would have taken people 10 years, I did in 4. I met lots of people and taught lots of people. I even had the pleasure of working with Ford engineers. But I wanted more. I needed more.
I left Fox and went to work for my mother for a few months. I then applied at Fair Oaks Ford where I was given the opportunity to work for the region's best dealer. At this facility I loved to work sunup to sun down. All I wanted to do was work to provide for my children. I lost track of time. The years passed. I lost sight of why I worked.
I was supposed to work to spend time with my kids, not kill myself working. This caused issues with my wife but we always fixed it. It was never something I couldn’t fix. I thought my life was ok until I got arrested September 8, 2021.
My life unraveled and was so off track that it smacked me so hard that it derailed all my plans. I am in Cook County Jail, where you are guilty until proven innocent. A place where they are to destroy your individuality. Where being right will cause you disciplinary actions. Speaking up, correcting an officer will offend someone even if they are wrong it will not be tolerated. It’s a shame that the department of corrections is only there to hold people and cares not if innocent or guilty, you sit here no matter what. The courts, jails, and investors of these facilities know that the system is broken. Jails are filled with black and brown women. Where is the outrage? There is none. People’s unity is gone.
There should be more to help poor areas, schools, stores, mental health programs, and drug programs. We live in a city where police shoot first and ask questions later. I have learned so much while incarcerated. I have read so many books. When my time comes for me to go home, I would want to help those who need it. Maybe a non-profit. As for this book, I have no idea if I did what I was supposed to. I just know that one day I will do what needs to be done. I will help those who need it.
This is a place where people plead guilty even when innocent, because they want to go home. Because they know the courts care nothing of the truth. They care about prosecutions and filling the jails. Once the conviction is done, they do nothing for the victims. Once a conviction takes place, they go to the next file. They speak of justice, yet they tip the scale of liberty.
Guilty! Until proven innocent, officers' words. Not guilty. Doesn't matter. In jail.
I Am From
I am Chicago Mt. Sinai.
Thomas Gutierrez
I am from Chicago South Side, Back of the Yards.
I am from Cesar Chavez Elementary School on Marshfield.
I am from where colors can dictate where you ’ re from.
I am from abandoned buildings and lots where we played Where we ran and played soccer and hide and seek.
I am from Elizabeth Mendez and Delia Gallegoes. From where my mother took us out of these slum neighborhoods. And from her love for me and my siblings that drove her to divorce my dad for a better life.
I am the black sheep, who’s ambitions drove him to young success. And I am a loving father who devotes his life to his children.
I am from Jesus Christ and the beautiful Virgin Mary.
Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb
