Speaking Our Truths: Reflections of Chicago Vocational Career Academy Students by ConTextos Chicago

Speaking Our Truths

Ref lections of CVCA Students

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people experiencing, navigating, surviving complex traumas in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising, and publishing memoirs, participants strengthen self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive self-projection to author new life narratives. Speaking Our Truths is a compilation of memoirs from high school students of Chicago Vocational Career Academy. Through the CPS initiative WITT, We’re in This Together, ConTextos partnered with the CVCA learning community to provide meaningful supports, connections and opportunities for young people navigating multiple pandemics in the spring of 2021 in Chicago. The memoirs in this compilation harness the power of complex truths and lift up important, authentic voices. Our thanks to everyone who made this journey possible: Chicago Public Schools, CVCA leadership team, the brave and talented authors. May Speaking Our Truths complicate narratives and embolden the vision of vibrant futures for young people of CVCA and all generations near and far in Chicago. In collaboration with

Speaking Our Truths Introduction COVID-19 has impacted life around the globe. In Chicago, students have navigated unprecedented educational and life waters. In the middle of March 2020, CPS students shifted from in person learning to receiving instruction online. This has been an unprecedented time in young people’s lives for many reasons. Students learn and grow in the daily fabric of vibrant learning communities, through ongoing conversations and interactions that take place not only in classrooms but also throughout the school day in hallways, libraries, cafeterias with all generations. These levels of connection have been challenged for fifteen months and many young people have felt isolated. Moreover the past year and a half has also seen a concentrated push for social justice, led by the Black Lives Matter’s movement, sparked by the murder of George Floyd at the hands of a Minneapolis police officer. Tension and righteous anger has become a daily backdrop of young people’s lives. Unsurprisingly, students have struggled. Human beings seek to thrive, not merely survive. Speaking Our Truths is a ConTextos Authors Circle program that focuses on healing and nurtures the human instinct to tell stories of lived experience as a way to process and overcome challenges and trauma and engage key questions about the human experience such as identity and relationship to community. Speaking Our Truths provided a platform and a gentle space for Authors to draft, revise, illustrate and publish their powerful stories while learning to give and accept feedback, strengthen reading and writing skills, build relationships with their facilitators and peers, and reflect upon the past to reimagine the future.

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Ms. Savage Zion B. Jamaria Darjae Darjanae Khaila April Christian Mr. Jon Nolan Alexiea Payton Austin Jaliayah Zion K. Charvalis Keshawnna

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121......................... 124......................... 126......................... 129......................... 132......................... 136......................... 139......................... 143......................... 146.........................

Ja’Janae Djuana “Dj” Christianah Crystal Albert Saadai Destiny K. Leonard Janaye Javontay Destiny W. Khiry Aissatou Jasmine Aquanette Andrea Miracle Faad Charles Ameris Heaven Kayla

God is real, I felt HIM. Some things don’t change, you adjust. -Ms. Savage

I Am

Ms. Savage I am from the wild wild. From Montgomery Wards and Otis Spunkmeyer 25 cent cookies. I am from a home that was a beauty shop, playground and recording studio. Clean, loud with laughter and male dominated I am from Hostas. Green and new each spring. I’m from bringing the love family gatherings and UNO card slamming. From Bruce and Bobbie I’m from hot tempers and wise cracks From being told to use elbow grease and stand up straight. I’m from Alabama, Mississippi and Arkansas Heavenly Eggs and Mama’s own chili. From my daddy driving around our neighborhood with a bat to find the person who stole my bike. The 4th of July barbecues that were held at my childhood home. T-Sharon’s backyard birthday parties. Pictures from the 70’s hanging by Granny’s stairs. Peeking into my elders’ past.

Ms. Savage’s Letter Ms. Savage

To the original circle, First of all I want you all to know I needed this time with you. The pandemic robbed me of collaborating with Chicago teens. I missed talking with young folks. I think young people think in ways that will lead to liberation. I missed those conversations. And enters Speaking Our Truths… Our time together has been brief but impactful. You each have something to say. You each have your truths. I loved hearing your thoughts on what it’s like growing up in Chicago today, on love, your stories, creating music playlists and the best part, those fun warm ups. Just when we were about to go below the surface, our time ends. WE NEED MORE TIME!!

Since we’ve run out of time, I want you all to know some hopes, I have for you: • I hope you all keep walking in your truths confidently. • I hope you realize that you are absolutely brave. You have opened up and shared real personal experiences within our circle. • I hope you will help change our world. • Every goal on your list, I hope you accomplish it. • I hope that we have another chance to share our thoughts together. Make wise decisions. Spread kindness in this world. -Ms. Savage

Keep quiet, then let it bang. I promise you I don’t care. Fat dude got tackled talking mess. Act the way you present yourself. -Zion B.

I Am Zion B.

I am from Chicago. From Trukfit and dollar bills. I am from the small apartments Broken windows, dirty carpets and loud neighbors I am from a unique flower Who rots every time she gets liquid. I’m from angry fights and movie nights. From Bennett and Harris I’m from the ragers and stoners. From “come your ass straight home” and “If you have nothing nice to say don’t say it at all” I’m from Atlanta From popcorn and deep dish pizza. From family funerals.

No education; no great success story. Why be fake? Please be direct. What don’t apply, let it fly. Be at peace, no drama needed. My honesty is my greatest strength. -Jamaria

I Am Jamaria

I am from 58th and Peoria. From chips with cheese and 50 cent juices. I am from the blasting old music in the crib Singing, dancing, ”you don’t know nun bout this” I am from sunflowers and dandelions, in my mama’s garden. I’m from barbeques and potato salad. From Johnnie and Charlene I’m from the geniuses and artists. From “you look just like yo mama” and “you’re so nonchalant” I’m from Catholic churches, bible scriptures. I’m from the Jane Addams Projects Baked macaroni and cheese and collard greens. From the New Year’s parties that turn into a celebration of me and my father’s birthday. The motivation of multiple college graduations From the accomplishments of my mother. The living room, hallway and dining room full of family photos, Showing a great family lineage.

Letter to Myself Jamaria

To the older more mature and more successful Jamaria, By the time you are 27, which is 10 years from now, you should be almost done with school. Making good money, married for a while at that point. Hopefully, you would be just after the celebration of you and Kyle’s 11-year anniversary. Hopefully, you are getting help for overthinking and up all night thoughts. Maybe in therapy to better yourself for a future of your own. Hopefully, you are about to start or are working in a career that is making big BANK.

I’m not throwing away my shot. Another day, new chapter in my life. Life is short, so am I. Hula hooping life looking for balance. Nobody love you like your mother. -Darjae

I Am Darjae

I am from the city we use crates for basketball. From ashy knees and no socks. I am from the poor but rich. Maintained, not stabled, focused. I am from peanut butter sandwiches and ramen noodles. I’m from the Hebrew man and bringing happiness. From Victor and Clara. I’m from the Black don’t crack. From pallets on the floor and tape in the drawer. I’m from that Hebrew folk, deep in detention. I’m from St. Bernard, soul food, mofongo. From the found in Dominican Republic. The mangu NY, Chicago, DR The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.

Letter to Myself Darjae

Dear Darjae, I just want you to know that you have accomplished so much in life. You got through the thick and thin all by yourself. Thank you for succeeding in life. You are doing very great in life at this moment, trying to achieve your goals and things of that nature. I’m encouraged by everybody who tries to help me succeed in life. Younger me learned a lot from the new me.

Meaning of Love; Nothing. Error Found. Beauty: Stretch-marks, beauty marks, love-scars, oatmeal creampie, tiger wounds. Whoopty damn do, want a cookie? Save the BS for the birds. Trust issues do make me uncomfortable. Aye yo what she smiling fah? Don’t let this height fool you. Uhn Uhn pooh you can’t do that. -Darjanae

I Am Darjanae

I am from tragedy From heartbreak and self-happiness. I am from gang violence Deadly, chaotic addictive. I am a flower petal from the Middlemist Red. I am rare and special, untouched, unbothered locked away from the evil of the world. I’m from small gatherings and big birthday parties. From Victor and Tine, not by blood but by love. I’m from the color purple and precious movie era. From if somebody hit you, hit them back and is you ugly doe? Okay den. I’m from love and my past. I’m from my mother’s womb, fried chicken, ramen noodles. From the man who almost took my father’s life. The mother and siblings I never met. Brother who won’t stay out of jail.

Yo I’m Khaila, call me Khaila. I can see what you’re thinking. I will keep it to myself. Always one step ahead of you. Expand myself to who you are. I know who I am. You? I’m here but sometimes I’m not. Think what you want, I know. Watch my back, I got yours. Actual silence should not be spoken. It stays with me, but you? My inside thoughts stay inside. Do you see what I’m seeing? I already saw too late. Sorry. -Khaila

I Am Khaila

I am from the living From Playstations and DS’ I am from empty halls and rooms Quiet, dark, spacious. I am from Peace Lily. Big and vibrant but grown in. I’m from Ethnocentrism and open-mindedness. From Andrew and Rena I’m from the forgiveness and judgement From to do what makes me happy and to stay where family is. I’m Christianity and their overpowering opinions. I’m from Cali, Indiana and Chicago. Marinated pan fried steak, rice. From a busy but caring father. The missing but lovely mother, I’ve heard so much about. Scattered everywhere Keeping us together.

Special Khaila

I push myself too hard I can’t help but want to succeed If I fall I fail and that’s that I really can’t help it Program after program Task after task I just want to be my best self But sometimes I wonder at what cost? My mental and physical health I weaken everyday getting worse as the days go by Sometimes it’s important to remember The body and mind you have now is All that you have as your current self I know all too well what’s wrong And how I can fix it but I can’t Bring myself to fall through with it Hard times are Hard times I tell Myself the time and feeling will pass Although it feels like an eternity passing Take A Break sometime.

Sometimes…. Sometimes I do want to take a break but I can’t bring myself to break in the first place Every waking breathing day I’m consistently Reminded of my past which only makes me want to work harder. BE BETTER THAN I think myself…? When I was young I never felt special or smart but then again around those times I was my happiest Now I’m almost as smart and standoffish as my Parents want me to be… My happiness tho….it’s not where I would want it to be. All around me people are so joyful and I can only be envious You know? If I had only took the time to work on myself and let people If only… Things could be different Things will be different soon. I swear.

-CALLMEKHAILA

Being gay is not a sin. Having a personality will change you. Home is where the money is. Get knocked down get right up. You are not alone but together. Being outspoken but quiet outside. -April

I Am April

I am from Southside (Chicago) From oiled faces and riding bikes. I am from the getting up an hour earlier Dangerous, fun, hard to protect and serve. I am from in class and still dark outside. While you walk in and out the classroom. I’m from gangbanging and just having family bbq. From bam bam and stinka man. I’m from the sleeping and loud in the house. From stay outta grown folks business and this ain’t my first bbq. I’m from no religion but my grandmother’s mixed. Also my religion is to be book smart and street smart. I’m from washing your clothes on a scrape crates and washboards Quarter juices and ruffles From the walking to the store while it’s hot outside with family. Or jumping in the snow with no clothes on Or the wall in the hallway Family is all you got at the end.

Letter to Myself April

Dear 12/13 year old self, You made it! You have made it girl. Lemme guess you never thought you would, didn’t you? It’s okay, I understand it’s a lot of stuff that was running through your head I’m sure. Don’t worry you didn’t fail no other goals. You need to be really proud of yourself. Everyone that made fun of you for failing you are now doing better than them. TRUST ME I know. So be proud even though you would never get a chance to see this, you would have a feeling in your heart. I love you and always will. Love, NaNa

I Am Christian

I am from chicken. From Iphone and Android. I am from the big inside house. I am from roses phone. Turns on and off, also dies. From Freddie and Project. From eat and sleep. From sit down and shut up. I’m from African American. I am from St. Bernard. Fish and rice.

Criticize the idea, not the person. Lead with respect, the only way. Crash rules everything around these niggaz. Had love, lost love, found again. Pain gives lessons so please listen. Never backwards, always forward, keep pushing. Love ain’t unconditional, No repeated Trauma. -Mr. Jon 33

I Am Mr. Jon

I’m from two cities midwest Best cities in the whole wide wide world From Chicago made me but Gary raised me I am from a full house and being everybody’s baby To being alone, having to hold myself down Abandoned but it’s nobody’s fault I am from car speakers blasting down the southside streets Vibrating everything in its path I am from a matriarchy, a woman led family Women blazed the trails I follow From Ruthie, Ralph and Eric I’m from my grannies stories, the keeper of family history The good, the bad, the ugly and the super ugly From “one monkey don’t stop no show” And “Never let yourself be surprised” The reason I’m so nonchalant I’m from liberation theology, Black socialists, the working class From Black and Creole folks who escaped being a strange fruit In the South

To being exploited labor building up the railroads of Chicago, They did it for me I’m from Stony Island, my heart. From “you better keep that hat straight” And “aw you folks, then spit yo lit” From imposter syndrome and survivor’s guilt Leading spaces I question I should lead Breathing when homies I used post up with aren’t I am from contradictions, fighting toxic masculinity Yet I can’t cry in front of people. Men don’t do that From I fucked up, I was being prideful I should’ve went to see you in the hospital, but now you’re gone From I had love and lost it, then found it again I am from, I just wanted to play my position But nobody stepped up, so I took the reigns

Letter to Authors Mr. Jon

Love and respect to all of you powerful authors, As I write this letter, I can’t help but think about the first day I met you all. First impressions are important, and I was nervous. I’m not typically an anxious person, but I was anxious. Not because I was afraid of meeting you, but about facilitating the process. As a Black educator, that’s still kind of young, I often feel like the Middle Child stuck in between two generations. On one hand bucking against archaic views of older Black folks who don’t hesitate to throw Black youth under the bus. But on the other struggling to prepare Black youth for the bus meant to run over their dreams, aka the world. A world that hates Black people, and hates young Black people even more. On that first day, we had a powerful conversation about sexism and cat-calling and my anxiousness turned to anticipation for the journey we would take together. Each and every one of you has made an impact on me because of your comedic relief, your

immediate buy-in to what we were trying to build. But most of all your resilience. You are beating every odd that was beating up on you. Don’t ever forget that...You all are winning. You are trailblazing. You all are builders. Building legacy, building community, building power. You all are healers in a world filled with manipulators and destroyers. You all must Speak life in a community that has been counted out and its community members oppressed and depressed. It’s a tough task, but you all can do it. Iron sharpens iron, and you all have sharpened me. I am because we are and because we are I am. Thank you for being powerful, bold and vulnerable with us. I’d like to think that we broke bread and created a community. So, I’ll end this with Community………..I GOTCHA BACK Love, Power, and Solidarity, Mr. Jon

Only looking forward, done looking back. Broken banks; stolen hearts, treasured memories. All lives matter, we are all human. -Nolan

I Am Nolan

I am from 25 cent chips From gummy worms with lights and baby phat I am from the Windy City Loud, dangerous, A beautiful City I am from “Be back before the street lights come on Around 6 and 7” I am from family road trips and iphones and androids From Nolan Adams and Nichelle Duffin I’m from spankings and whoopings From “Don’t buy friends” and “You don’t owe no one nothing” I’m from going to church every Sunday to praise God I’m from Cook County Hospital, rice and fried chicken From being snatched from my family and given a new one

Happy mindset happy life style. Loyalty says everything when you have it. Honesty is the key to success. Independent, respectful, generous, responsible, energized, entertainer. -Alexiea

I Am Alexiea

I am from the city that never sleeps. From strong winds and bipolar weather. I am from the Windy City. Loud, busy, fast. I am from big buildings and tall towers Beautiful city and busy streets. I’m from big Christmas’ and small Thanksgivings. From Marquis and Alexzyia. I’m from the Beyonce and Ashanti music lovers. From one fight, all fight and never give up. I’m from loyalty and my mother. I’m from Providence Cook County Hospital. Fried chicken makes me dance, baked macaroni and candied yams From the world that took my brother and cousin. The brother that wasn’t able to experience life. Grandma cemetery. Remembering where we all came from.

Letter to Myself Alexiea

Dear Lexii, The day you were born, January 6, 2003, was just the first beginning of your new life. You were put on this earth on that day to begin the start of something new. When you graduated June 18, 2018, that was the second beginning of your new life, aka your young adulthood. The third beginning of your new life will begin June 2022 when you are done with high school officially entering adulthood. Grade 3 of primary school was the worst for me. I experienced the worst thing ever in my entire life. I had to repeat that grade and I was devastated and didn’t feel the same. I lost my closest friend. She also repeated grade 3 of primary school but ended up transferring to a different school and we lost touch. Eventually we came back and still here strong. Middle school. Middle school I was bullied because of my size, shyness, height, kindness and skin. I would let people take

advantage of my kindness. 8th grade year came and my teacher told me I would be nothing and that I would be back in elementary school but NOPE she was wrong. I walked across that stage with the biggest smile on my face. Entering high school was no better. I was getting my quietness and shyness mistaken for weakness. I just can’t wait one more year and I’m out on my own. I honestly don’t care about people’s feelings anymore. Everything and everybody is dead to me. TO BE CONTINUED

Strength, dedication, composure, straight path ahead. Reflection on past mistakes influences anxiety. Depression feels forever, happiness is momentarily. Respect lacks for those not trusted. -Payton

I Am Payton

I am from Cartoon Network From tragedies and foster care I am from the moving from family to family Alone, quiet, going to therapy because I wouldn’t talk or eat I am from a rose that grew from concrete Listening to Tupac with my older brother I’m from going to grandma’s and the Chaos after every holiday drinking From my late mother (Anjail) and adopted mother (Maxine) I’m from the drinking and smoking From treat others how you want to be treated And respect your elders no matter what I’m from praying to God every night To questioning my belief in him I’m from Minnesota but raised in the Chi The fried catfish with the lemon pepper and steak tacos From the tragic passing of my mother my father caused The kind heart my Auntie had to adopt me The Bears games and birthdays The happiness from those memories that makes me feel I belong

Dear Mom Payton

Dear mom, I have learned and experienced a lot. I do not like pity, but it has been hard these 14 years without you. I can hardly remember you and the memory I do have are your last moments here. I remember wondering would life be different if you were still here. Crying every night not feeling like I had a family or even had a chance at a family again. In foster care, I was passed from house to house not knowing when I would finally find a home to stay. I found my home in Chicago but I’m originally from Minnesota. My auntie finally got custody of me and adopted me when I was seven and it was good. Then when I turned 10, I started battling depression. I tried to kill myself, and then I tried again when I was 13. I know it was selfish but I just felt like I hit rock bottom and had nothing to live for. My cousin Kai, who is like my sister because we live next door to each other, caught me and it hurt that I was being this selfish knowing her brother passed away a month before. I decided to live for the people I love because I can’t live for myself. My

friends Zion Khaila, and Corey also helped me get used to depression and anxiety. Through the years I learned a lot like, it’s okay to not be okay and the past is the past. It’s there so you can learn from your mistakes not dwelling on them trying to change them. Things in life happen that you have no control of but you can control how you react. It’s not about how life would be if you were still here, it’s how I overcame the fact that you are not here. I almost lost to my own selfishness and if it wasn’t for the people I love, I wouldn’t be here. I’m glad I am the person I am today. I have great friends and some family. I have something to live for. I still battle depression and anxiety, but I can still get through the day saying I did one thing to feel a little happiness. I love you and you will always be in my heart, but I am finally at peace with you not being here. I am who I am because of you. It is nothing to cry about anymore. You can now rest in peace. I am okay with not being okay. Sincerely, your son Shawn

Don’t Trust it, Love is Blind. Turn my back, Don’t stab me. I am awake, and back sleeping. -Austin

Present yourself how you see yourself. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Conquered her fear of being brave. Loyalty, says everything when you have it. -Jaliayah

I Am Jaliayah

I am from leaves that fall off the tree. From yelling outside and in the house at 8. I am from the white and clean in the inside of the house. Loud, busy, rushful. I am from flowers that grow pretty and delicate in the summer. I’m from soul food and wash your hands before you eat. From Liayah and Yonni I’m from the Micheal and Prince. From never let nobody bully you and stand up for what you believe in. I’m from Chicago, the most outrageous city. I’m from Chicago University Fried chicken makes me dance, mustard greens. From the world where they took my sister. The grandmother that couldn’t see me at my greatest. Momma always working Til sitting in the living room remembering where we come from.

To Be Continued Jaliayah

Dear Mother: I just want to thank you for everything you done for me. You struggled with me for 9 months and took care of me until I was able to take care of myself. You are one of the hardest working women I know. I know you not perfect because no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes but you taught me so much and I’m happy you are a part of my life. Most people wish for a parent like you. And I’m lucky to have you to myself! I love you so much! When people bring me down, you the only person I have by my side. You never judge me once. You always was a team player even if I was in the wrong. You will help me with all my problems. You’re easy to talk to, give good advice. My life wouldn’t be complete without you in it. To Be Continued….

Don’t cry, love yourself, you’re gorgeous. Look both ways before you cross. His abuse led to her demise. Tell your story, someone needs it. I don’t speak, I just listen. Remember that you’re beautiful. Never stop. -Zion K.

I Am Zion K.

I am from the block of 61st in Saint Lawrence From do not enter and one-way signs I am from the three-bedroom apartment Cramped, judged, Degraded I am from dirty dandelions and wet grass The site they said keep it moving. I’m from family and ostracization From Stephanie and Richard I’m from the criticized and controlled From be in before streetlights on and don’t ask for shit I’m from Christianity from my granny I’m from Michael Reese hospital, green bean casserole and Mac and cheese I’m from the apartment fire that forced me to the burbs The same burbs that brought depression and anxiety

Past Self Zion K.

Dear past self, I need you to know that you are important. You matter, you are the definition of beautiful. You are amazing. You come first, stop putting people before yourself. For years, it’s been everybody else then you. Depression doesn’t define you. Anxiety is not your life. You are intelligent, confident and courageous. You are a leader. Don’t let your demons define you. A’Kasha is your name. Importance defines who you are. Everyone is important and you must understand you are. Baby you have worth and you need to know it’s there. You are so close to finding it, don’t give up. You might have flaws and imperfections, just love them because they are there. These are perfect imperfections. Love yourself, because only you will truly understand that it’s all you got. You came in alone and you’re going out alone. Love, Znonymous

Future Self Zion K.

Dear future self, You are beautiful. As you continue this journey and finding your beauty, worth and confidence. Know that it is never too late. It is never too late to find it, search for it, etc. You might still be fighting your depression, but never lose hope. Never decide to give up or not try. Not trying is failure and we strive for success. We try and do to see results. Stop letting the bad things and memories define your life. Your life is made up of so many positives, so stop letting the negativity be your anchor. Live life on your own terms. I love you. Bye love, Znonymous

I don’t like sharing my past. I am god. Who are you? Get the eff out my face. I like to be to myself. Where there’s light, there’s also darkness. Gangs and religions are the same. I am crazier than you think. -Charvalis

I Am Charvalis

I am from a brain more intelligent than the average being. From anime and martial arts training. I am from the apartment with the studios on the 4th floor. Artistic, musical and one in the same with God. I am from melanated, gods and goddesses. I’m from fashion and intelligence. From Alex and Lawnya. I’m from work when it’s needed and being lazy otherwise. From closed mouths don’t get fed and when we walk into this store don’t ask for nothing. I’m from Christianity, but don’t go to church. I’m from Chicago, Illinois Peach cobbler and macaroni. Golden glove boxing skills of my grandfather. The martial arts of my uncle. Box of pictures my granddad took. Lack of family items. Their legacy is passed down through me.

Dear Self Charvalis

Dear Charvalis: I have known you my whole life. I feel like you are the only one that understands me. The pain in my past you know is all. It’s always me and you against the world. Both people and situations come and go but the stories always end with me and you. But not everything is peaches and cream. I love you but I also hate you but regardless I will always be with you. I will be with you till the end because you are me and I am you and as long as I exist you shall exist also, because where there is light there will always be shadows to be found as well.

Yours truly: You

I Am Endgame Charvalis

If I am death And everyone else is life Then I’m taller than everyone Because life’s short And death is forever If the start of you is everything Then the end of me is nothing I can affect the living But the living can’t affect me I am me and you are you and I am you but you are not me You have no offense and limited defense I have no need for defense and I have unlimited offense In the end I am always victorious No matter what you do or how you do it I am endgame

Once wild now tamed spots changed. Practice being bored, it builds character. So many wrongs left to write. -Keshawnna

She said no, her body said yes. Listen to others. It saves lives. Love doesn’t live in this house. Adaptation; a skill needed for survival. Waves of grief drowning my soul. No justice, no peace, no sleep. -Ja’Janae

I Am Ja’Janae

I am from everywhere. From ramen noodles and chips with cheese. I am from Aretha blasting, hinting it’s time to clean. I am from bopping and wopping And yelling “Do yo sh*t sis”. I am from roses that grew through the concrete. I am from Sunday dinners and family reunions. From Dominique and Carley. I’m from care providers and business owners. From “you’re so mature” and “you look just like yo Daddy.” I’m from 55th baptist, long church hours. I’m from Chicago’s Moetown. Baked mac n cheese and candy yams. From Granny Jill cooking for the entire block and doing It with a huge smile. The cookouts that turned into pitty pat parties at Uncle Dion’s house. From the success of all the women in my life. The hallways, bedrooms and attic filled with childhood and Graduation photos.

Dear Depression Ja’Janae

Dear Depression, I hate you! You’ve made living life 10 times harder. You leave me up until 5:00 AM crying and wanting to be anywhere but earth or in my own body. I no longer know what a genuine happy moment is. I feel like this because you’re always near. I’ve been battling you for years and you’d think I would’ve figured out how to win the fight, but you always come out the victor. We have these weird soul ties. Somehow, you’re my enemy yet my best friend at times. You’ve been with me for years and know me better than my closest friends. It feels like you’ve been with me a lifetime and in all honesty I wouldn’t know how to live without you. You’re like that weird stain we all know is there but choose to ignore until it becomes unbearable. I have so much to say to you but I’m speechless when my friends and family ask about you. Isn’t that funny? I feel like it’s time you know that I’m exactly where I need to be and you can no longer convince me otherwise! I just want you to remember that I won’t keep changing myself to meet your standards! I was blessed with a good heart in a beautiful soul and I’m done letting you stop me from showing it. Sincerely Ja’Janae

Fought, lost, learned. Rose, slayed, conquered. Introverts want to be heard too. Didn’t know then. Can’t forget now. Miseducation of the creatives. The movement. Cruising with the universe. Won’t land.

-Dj

I Am

Djuana “DJ” I am from spicy mint, from hot pickles with peppermint sticks. From Icee cups and flamin’ hots. I’m from Coolin’ off in the water from an open fire hydrant, from get’n dunked in the water at South Shore beach. I’m from eating dry choke sandwiches followed by chocolate milk at The community summer program. I am from roller skating in the living room on Christmas day, from Snow angels and fire crackers in the back yards of Altgeld Gardens. I am from dirty chipped brick and cracked concrete. I’m from back yard barbecues and the electric slide, From house music and footwork. I am from “If you don’t know the answer, go find out”. I’m From Webster’s Dictionary and Britannica encyclopedias. I am from uprooting flowers in Englewood and Sowing them in Roseland. I’m from the Sears Tower, From Heavy traffic and skyscrapers,

From political corruption and dirty cops. I’m from Riding the “L”, from the red line and The number 34 bus. From Harold’s Chicken Shack, From fried hard with Extra mild sauce. I’m from extended hood family, from Street fellas who always Showed me respect, and always made Sure I made it home safe. I am from a broken home, where lack of mental maintenance And heavy drinking collide, from separate And unattached. I’m from tenacity and optimism. From love, from forgiveness. I am from broken chains and lifting curses. I am from the past and the future, from my ancestors, From the divine.

Letter to SOT CVCA Djuana “DJ”

DEAR “CHICAGO LEGEND WRITERS” of the “SPEAKING OUR TRUTH” Writers Circle at CVCA, I want to thank you for taking the time to put your Tik Tok sessions on hold to stick around after school. I enjoyed accompanying you throughout your writing journey. Your words, your thoughts, and your experiences matter. Even though you thought it only sounded good in your head, I’m glad that you decided to share. When I look at you, I see athletes, dancers, engineers, community advocates and now, Authors! You have demonstrated a great deal of courage by writing your stories. Through your truth, you gain an understanding of yourself and the world around you.

You have taught me so much throughout our shared growth. I now look forward to this new generation of movers and shakers. Thank you for keeping me on my toes by being candid enough to correct my misspelled words, and for being patient while I shuffle through stacks of paper. I also want to thank you for being who you are. You are the truth! I extend my warmest Congratulations to you on becoming a published author. I encourage you to continue writing, keep winning and keep building. You are Legendary CHAMPIONS, LEADERS, AUTHORS! Remember to use your superpowers for good! Sincerely, Djuana (DJ)

Love is memorable when it’s cherished. Pain, anguish, frustration. Keep moving on. Weather is nice. Everyone feels good. Do you, because you live once. United stand together. Divided we fall. -Christianah

I Am

Christianah I am from clothes from jeans and big T-shirts. I am from 3 bedrooms with 5 people, quiet, big. I am from a large breezing tree, a tree where everyone sits under. I am church and opinion, from Glory and Marvellous. I am from the strict and the disciplined, from always respect your elders And do what’s right, at the right time. I am from Christianity, from my parents. I am from Ekiti, Ondo, Chicago, Amala and Ewedu From the death that took away my grandma before she was 80.

Spelling My Name Christianah

I was just a young girl of about five in my neighborhood, living my life. A girl who did not know right from wrong. It was time to write the final exam for the term. We did that to determine whether you can be promoted or not. That is when I discovered that I did not know how to spell my name. As we all know, a name is a significant part of someone’s life. After I discovered that I couldn’t write my name, I was embarrassed. It had never really occurred to me to learn to write my name. It took a lot of courage for me to raise my hand and ask my teacher to spell my name for me, which she did. Immediately I went home and told my dad that I didn’t know how to spell my name. My dad was surprised. Back then when I got back from school I’d do my homework and then go outside to play with my mate; it was like a ritual to me, but that day was different. My dad grounded me and told me that I wouldn’t be able to go outside to play with my friend. I was furious because that was my favorite thing to do after school. I thought he was being wicked.

He took out a huge book and he wrote my full name inside this book. Keep in mind that my name is a little bit long. He told me to start rewriting the names he wrote. It took me so long to finish it because he made quite a bit of pages so that I can learn to spell my name. I was writing my name so fast so that I can go outside to join my mate to play, but I wasn’t able to make it. I was so frustrated. But what I didn’t know is that, what my dad did was going to help me in the long run, because as a kid I really thought that he was just punishing me or something. Now I am grateful for what he did. THANK YOU DAD!

Don’t have nothing on my mind. I was broken, no one listened. I really need my hair done. I forgive, but never forget. Heart was red, now its cold.

-Crystal

I Am Crystal

I am from Tik Tok, from lip therapy and glue ins I am from big beds and fifty-five inch tv’s From watching YouTube and Netflix while feeling good. I am from a dark place, cold hearted, careless and angry. I am from family barbeques, happy peaceful and safe. I’m from my auntie saying “A hard head makes a soft behind” And “I don’t want to hear from them teachers.” I’m from going to church on 91st and Merrill, with loud music, Singing and praise dances. I’m from Cook County Hospital, now known as Stroger from Aunt Leona and brother Nicko. I’m from macaroni and cheese, dressing and chicken of all kinds. From watching my aunt cook and tell me to go away. From her soft voice that can sometimes be bad. I am from, the Bible and my bed, Soft, cute. Home.

My Auntie Crystal

Someone in my family that I have a real good bond with is my Aunt Ruth because she is a real strong lady. When she’s at her lowest, she moves like she’s not, so nobody would never know, because she moves like nothing’s wrong. I really love this lady with all of my heart. If it wasn’t for her I don’t know what I would do. Every time I got into a fight or something, they always called my auntie, she was there. When I went to jail for fighting, nobody else was gone come get me so I called my auntie. She was there. When I didn’t have nobody to talk to about what was on my mind, I knew I had her. She would always sit down and listen.

My heart dark, but turned gold. My colored skin, brighter than dark. A black heart can turn gold.

-Albert

I Am Albert

I am from love and lost, from bloodshed and tears. I am from the East side floor, from Italian Ice, Lily Tulips and Mary Jane. I am from homemade corn shell tacos filled with meat, cheese, lettuce and sour cream. I’m from barbecue and curly hair, from Lil’ ma and Big Pop. I’m from swoll and tall, from “Go sit down and stop running in and out of my house” I’m from being me in front of people who don’t know me. I’m from the hospital incubator and melanin kings and queens, from tacos homemade with love.

A “wild” Child, A system child. A blind mother, a seeing child. A crack baby, a college graduate. In one home, living three lives. A nice home, torn up furniture. A small world, open minded child.

-Saadai

I Am Saadai

I am from Nikky’s spot, From Chicago style hot dogs and Motorolas. I am from 63rd projects, long stretched and crowded. I am from baked potatoes loaded with butter, Cheese and sour cream. I’m from old-timers and crockpots, from Cookie and Crookel. I’m from “go get a switch” and “don’t touch my walls.” I am from being nosey in other folks’ lives. I am from Cook County Hospital, From long fields of grass and cotton. I am from sweet potato pie and pig feet, From the grandmother that killed her so-called beloved husband who caressed her daughters.

The Unexpected Birthday Saadai

My 12th Birthday I’ve been waiting my whole life for. I thought this was going to be one of the best birthdays. That day something hit me out of nowhere, like a semi-truck. A man coming through the door, posing as my daddy. I just couldn’t believe that the day had come. The man who left me and didn’t write or pick up the phone, was sitting in my face acting as if he never left. I tried my best to be happy, but inside I was just confused. I didn’t know who he was at first, so I asked him, “who is you?” I could tell he didn’t know what to say, so my aunt whispered, “That’s your daddy.” I was stuck in that moment. I didn’t move, I just stood, looking around at everybody. I had a confusing day. I didn’t know how to feel: happy, sad, mad? There were so many thoughts going through my head. After everything ended at my party, he gave me his number, and told me to call him every day and he would come and see me more. I was young so I believed every lie he told me. I called him every day for four months. No answer, no call back. I gave up and continued with the life I had before he came. Now I am seventeen years old, with the same non-cooperative “father.” When I was 12, I was a confused little girl with no answers, now I am a 17-year-old young lady with limited answers. If I keep getting answers to piece it together, the more I will understand.

Mom needs to listen to me. Mom argues, but she don’t listen. I been good, but also bad.

-Destiny K.

I Am Destiny K.

I am from Chicago, from Wendy’s and eating. I am from Florida, outside, hot beaches. I am from flowers that smell good and people Who smell like flowers. I am from family traditions, from Kilgore and Jackson. I am from daily workouts and helping people. From wash the dishes and take out the garbage. I’m from Baptist, and meet new people. I am from Miami, Florida, from New York, from Tennessee. I’m from chicken and rice, from spaghetti. From the time I went skating with my god mom For her son’s birthday. I’m from 6 Flags amusement park. I am from a 95-year-old grandmother. I am from cherishing my family.

It sounds better in my head. I’m not throwing away my shot. Not perfect, but trying my best. I always sit back and observe. Another year, new chapter in my life. Staying positive and living my life.

-Leonard

I Am Leonard

I am from Audiomack, from Hoddie and Emelauku. I am from four bedrooms with four people. I am from water, flowers, water that gives life. I am from Igbo and black hair, from Adaku and blessing. I am from distance and calm, from Christianity, parents. I’m from Imo state Nigeria, rice and suya. I am from my uncle Chukwueke, Emekuku I am from money we use to buy things.

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My Love of Soccer Leonard

I grew up loving soccer. When I was little, I loved playing soccer. I enjoyed seeing my street guys playing soccer, and my dad as well. When I got to my secondary school, I started watching soccer on the television. When I got a role-model, which was Kylian Mbappe, I enjoyed watching his matches and watching him on YouTube to check out his moves. I love the way he dribbles and his skills. All I wanted was to learn more skills from him. One day I can’t forget in soccer was when we had a competition, and I played a forward position for my school and my team. My teammates were expecting the best from me. It was a school competition, and I never took the training seriously because I feel like I can do better without the training. We lost the first match, and my coach wasn’t happy with my performance because he knew that I didn’t take the training seriously, and I really messed up during that match. Then I realized that I really messed up by not taking the training seriously, which made me become good in soccer and improve in my skills and knowledge. Everyone is not perfect, and we need to keep practicing and trying our best to make sure we fix our mistakes and things that we are not perfecting. Thanks to my coach for teaching that and making me fix my problems.

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I dance and listen to music. I love to give out advice. I forgive, I don’t get mad. I am a nice, quiet person. I cared, they hurt me. Why? I love, I don’t hate people.

-Janaye

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I Am Janaye

I am from Dubsmash, from City Sport and DTLR. I am from a nice home, light blue, red and loud music (Jhene Aiko) I am from animal, cat, female, gray, white. I am from Thanksgiving, Christmas and family reunions, From mom and dad. I’m from cookouts and ribs.

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That Change Me Janaye

My name is Janaye. I used to like hanging out with people, and having fun. I used to like to go out and spend the night out at somebody’s house. I used to have besties. I always thought they were true friends. I would always tell them everything, even my problems. I trusted them like they were my family. I invited them to my family and my birthday party. That whole time they talked behind my back. That changed me, I stopped hanging out with people like that.

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I used to be bad bad. My heart is heartless, like, careless. I don’t be giving ah shit. I be nonchalant on my own.

-Javontay

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I Am Javontay

I am from basketball, from Air Jordan’s and Balenciaga. I am from the hood, brown, purple, loud music. From ghetto and smart mouth I am from be nice to others and be mature to others

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Basketball Javontay

Um… I used to be terrible at playing basketball and then I started to love playing ball at my house. My stepdad taught me how to play ball. I learned something. Now I’m good at it. I think I want to go to the NBA. I need to improve my behavior and grades.

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Lost, blind, still found my way. Love was thrown. Never caught it. Many people around. Still felt alone. Spoke about a lot. Never heard. Thrown down. Picked myself back up. Fell. Dropped. Thrown. Never was broken. Crazy, insecure. Always kept it calm. Pain, loss, stress. Still was happy.

-Destiny W.

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I Am

Destiny W. I am from my room, from sadness, and pain. I am from darkness, where you always keep a smile. I am from Gardens of sunflowers and mint leaves. I’m from woodchucks and compost, From collecting one-hundred plus worms with my cousin And making mud pies. I’m from double dutch and chess, From staying out until the street lights come on, From running in the halls. I’m from playing hand games, to playing cards. I’m from a noisy block, from Jojis and McDonalds.

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When Will There Be a Happy Ending? Destiny W.

May 1st 2021 started off with good news, and ended with bad news. Early that day I went downtown with my friends Shanti and Anaya. We went to Millennium Park and had a picnic. I was the first to get there, then there was Shanti and then Anaya. We went to Walgreens and bought fruit, chips, water and my favorite cheesecake. We also went to Panda Express. We went back to the park and laid down the blanket and food. We had our random small talk, played with together and made Tik-Toks, enjoying ourselves. Around 5:45 I was getting ready to leave because I had to be home by 6. I went home, but I didn’t get there until 6:59. My aunt yelled at me for being late. I tried to explain to her why I was so late, but she didn’t want to hear it. I went in the house to change my clothes, and I got a call from my dad. My dad got to yelling at me about being late and I explained to him the reason behind it. We continued talking and he said, “It’s dangerous out here and when you have a curfew, you should follow it because anything can happen.” He tells

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me that the only reason he is yelling is because he was scared of what can happen to me or him. He tells me that he was going to come over, and that was the end of our conversation. A few minutes later I fell asleep. Around 11 o’clock at night my aunt gets a notification that there was a shooting on 118th and Lafayette, where my dad hang around at. She comes yelling waking me up saying to call my dad’s girlfriend. I call her and she explain to me that he had gotten into a confrontation and the man shot him. I started to cry because this is his second time he had gotten shot. She told me that she was gone call the police and see if she can get any updates. I calmed down and all I can do is just sit there and worry. Would he be ok? Minutes later we had gotten a call from my Auntie Cookie and she told us that he died on the way to the hospital. I was devastated. I felt numb and empty inside. All I can do is sit there and wonder why? What could he have done so bad that made somebody want to kill him. It’s always something when would there be a happy ending.

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Kingdom building soldier sent from afar. Hard times don’t last, Love do.

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-Khiry

I Am Khiry

I’m from Vice Lord Burgers with Mild Sauce From CD Walkmen and Creative Rec shoes I am from the 2 flats with a porch Lively, Lit, and Loud I am from lighting bugs, A beam joy really I’m from game nights and back door’n From Rosie Mae and Kishia I’m from the loving and trying From “wash yo nasty hands” and “stay in a child’s place” I’m from 5 percenters, that push knowledge of self I’m from dirty red clay, Fried catfish and spaghetti From the Land of Nay Sayers and Critics The negative Nancy and hating Heather Couldn’t cloud the fate of my weather -Kyrie Da Comic

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She always believed in herself, queen. But she never made it, sadly. Staying Positive and living my life. I’m not throwing away my shot. -Aissatou

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I Am Aissatou

I am from Senegal From air force and Nike I am from the big house, 9 nice rooms, quiet, vanilla perfume. I am from mango plant It is tall, smelly plant I am from Ramadan and work very hard From Deme and Ba I am from drama and together From “shut up” and “be careful” I am from Muslim, my mother and my dad I am from Goree Island, Yassa Poulet, Tiebou djene. From the my grandma dying My grandpa died too.

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Never sleep on yourself, stay woke. New blessings, new dreams, happy life. Knowing I’m strong but feels weak. Talking shit will get you beat. Fuck them kids, live yo life. -Jasmine

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I Am Jasmine

I am from Southside From True Religion and white ones I am from small apartment with 5 boys Loud, drama, smelly I am from sunflower Bright and smelly I am from bbq party and hard working From Greenwood and Densmore I’m from the drama and space From “do what’s right” and “stay in or out” I’m from Christianity, from my mother I’m from Chicago, cook and southside Pizza and chicken From grandma dying at home Then her son.

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I’m alive but still feel alone. Why so much hate, wassup? When I shine, I shine bright. Done letting shit get to me. Damn. Do I make anybody happy? Love me and still cross me. -Aquanette

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Purple smoke plumes, heart eyes bloom. Held responsible for others many mistakes. Piss on wind, shit in wind. -Andrea

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I Am Andrea

I am from bodies From Newport and Hennessy I am from the big house that looks warm Emotional, quiet, loud I am from a blanket of skin, incapable of care, gets bad in time I’m from the neglect and normalization From being normal and a gin I’m from sinners, the agnostic I’m from Chicago, California Cherry Pie, cabbage From the times I was controlled by some woman in my house The stern and fun, the jokes that rival none Photobooks and walls, the knick-knacks my grandma loves

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Life changes when you become brave. Be responsible for your own actions. Very much damaged but still loved. -Miracle

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I Am Miracle

I am from outsouth from watching TV and laying and my bed. I am from the hood where it’s ghetto, violent, and dangerous. I am from catching lighting bug in bottles I’m from Sunday dinners and ghettoness From Latrice and Torrence. I am from loving and crazy From “people in hell want ice cold water” & “I’m not one of yo lil friends” I’m from Racine, Wisconsin From Baked Macaroni and Pot Roast I am from the Hood that took my grandfather That still hurt the family til this day.

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Short but happy. Black but proud. “Thousand words, no way to communicate.” Just two, wish there were more. “Didn’t fit in but I did.” First friend. Bye bye. No friends. -Faad

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I Am Faad

I am from Nigeria From community like family and military perks. I am from the royal side of obgomosho Mysterious, forward, confusing I am from green as far as the eye can see Port hacourt, oyo, obgomosho I’m from muslims and christianity. From Lawals and Moshoods I am from the royalty and militants From being the next and being like dad I’m from Chris/Mus, being christian and muslim I am from 2005’s and an African home From the survivors, descendants. Jellof and amala From the long line of baba’O The first one The giant family in Jos and Lagos From political mom, super soldier dad. No importance just family I am from the dad risk taker but for the greater good I am Faad.

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Faad’s History Faad

When I say things were different in AMERICA... Hi my name is Faad Lawal. I’m a short African boy who came here last year. People call me prince because I am part of the royal family of Obgomoso. A village in the state of Oyo in Nigeria. But that’s not what my story is about. My story is really about Nigeria’s independence from the British. According to my grandma and my history teacher back home, Nigeria was colonized by the British. But we fought, fought and fought now its the most strongest country in west African. Even though the government is garbage. The people are amazing. So to all my black Americans, Chicagoans in particular, fight like Malcom X, Martin Luther King Jr and the rest. Fight so you can be happy. From Faad

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Blow in dust, exist in wind. Failure kid, to achieve goal kid. Emotion consisting of love and Heartbreaks. Fuck you, them, and the world. -Charles

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I Am Charles

I am from Juke Parties From Hot Crunchy Curls and 50cent icy I am from the small house with 8 people Fun, loud, pancakes I am from green plants my granny Water each morning When I was 12 it felt awkward But now I love my height I’m from events and hardworking From Mackies and Normans I’m from the lookouts and drama From “stop going in and out” And “Don’t look at nothing” and “Don’t ask for nothing” I’m from not being religion, But I also pray, from my Grandma I’m from Chicago, Minnesota, Mississippi Chicken and Tacos From the Age of 16 seeing my father In the hospital taking his last breath On earth The Slippery ice that my Grandma Husband fell from

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So young and yet so damaged. Don’t let depression win, fight FIGHT! Tryna maintain happiness, while fighting demons too. Really happy, but suicidal too. Judge my appearance and still approach me. “It’s a phase.” No ma. I’m gay. Life: an itch I can not scratch. -Ameris 140

I Am Ameris

I am super donuts From Air Force Ones and Nike joggers I am from 3 bedroom, 6 people Quiet, Kaos, Oder I am from Rose Red,smell, nice I’m from the hood and gang banging From Robinson and Green I’m from the love and caring From “close mouth dont get fee” and “Say something else imma give you some to cry for” I’m from no religion, but we pray I’m from University of Chicago, Soul Food, Thanksgiving From the oldest brother that gave me a 2nd Degree burn From when granddad stop breathing in front of me.

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Always angry, never really liked people. Stop the violence, Black Lives Matter! Smart mouths, get you beat up. Stop the depression by smiling everyday. Being bullied isn’t right at all. Staying fresh, dress to impress yourself. Relationships complicated, but fight for yours. Best love, is the best love. Leave all that toxic stuff alone.

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Be the best, just for you. Big accomplishment, getting your diploma. PERIOD! I’m not throwing away my shot. Staying positive and living my life. Tik Tok my only life, pid. When I’m mad, I just dance. Its fuck love but I try. Niggas aint shit, but some try. -Heaven 144

I Am Heaven

I am from Chi-raq From mixtapes and Krump(dance) I am from 3 bedroom w/ 5 people Happy, thankful, tight I am from grasshoppers Made me excited to catch I’m from playing cards and gambling(po*ke*no) From Helen and Dermot I’m from the supportive and caring From “be careful going outside” and “come in before the street lights come on” I’m from no religion, But we pray I’m from Chicago, IL Greasy food, Harold’s Chicken From the 6 shots that took my brother I MISS HIM

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Always fought, never knew how to. Stood out then, fell back now. Cleaned, broke pieces swept under rug. Fuck this lame ass bull shit. -Kayla

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I Am Kayla

I am from the 16 year old Chris Brown Era From banana now or laters And 3 hour long hair styles. I am from the basic black home. Chaotic, manipulative, suffocating. I am from Shea Butter, shinny and sweaty. I’m from BBQ at Washington Park and post office picnics. From Grandma house and pepsi in the bottle caps. I’m from the self confidence stripping and panic attacks. From “step on a crack & break yo mama back” and “step on a line & break yo daddy spine” I’m from fake Christians, sinners through the week But they a saint. I’m from southern natives but west coast tendencies. Hog head cheese, kool aid pickles From the dead grandparents but not from old age. The typical crazy uncle with sumn Loose in his brain, too scared to go in the basement not because of the dolls my grandma left but the way he cocked back The gun and shot em down and now Ian got no grandparents left.

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Nirvana’s process Kayla

What is a spiritual awakening? What is a 3rd eye? Let me tell you, with enough depression and alone time you’ll know. More than often people that has or is in the process of a spiritual awakening is linked to depression and that’s because of the shift in your moods as you are going through those changes. As a kid, 12 to present, moody has been my middle name. Puberty hit and my spirit guides aint know how to act. Along with depression, suicidal thoughts and actions followed. My depression was for multiple reasons but mainly my identity and being misunderstood. But as I get older I realize that wasn’t enough to just off myself but I just blamed it on that. When I got into high school it got worse.

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I went to a charter school with more people and less help, MORE resources but too much pride to ask. Because at home I wasn’t able to talk about my feelings so I grew mute and that scared me. (yes, I scared myself) To feel yourself change like that is terrifying because there is nothing you can do to help it. I grew weak and lonely but obviously I held on strong. Since then it’s been an on and off battle, but only shaping me for greatness. “I believe that the sun shines, If not here, then somewhere. Somewhere it rains, And things will grow green and wonderful. Somewhere inside me, too it rains, And things will grow green and wonderful. Sometimes my insides rain from the inside out and then I know I am alive I am alive I am alive.” -Assata Shakur

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I always knew I was going to be something great in life and still do. Whatever it is I can say my rain brought me greener pastures. But just to give myself hope I believe my rainbow after the storm is my spiritual awakening. And I don’t mean spiritual awakening as in god or religion, I mean my actual spirit. Fast forward to my senior year of high school I was in Hawaii and was overworked. I found solace in SZA (SIZZ-UHH) and her music. One day I stumbled upon her interview she did with Kerwin Frost and I was really into it. So much that I had watched it a good 8 times. I felt I could learn something from it because of how stressed I was. She started talking about energies and vibrations and portraying that into your music, and because I write music I REALLY learned something. After watching the video I took notes, I took more notes than I ever took on any assignment EVER! That’s how deep it was to me. After that I started my spiritual journey of enlightenment.

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I started first with my vibrations and my 3rd eye. I started reading, I felt myself power up almost like a video game. I stayed on that spiritual kick for about a month before I lost interest in it. Shortly after I started having vivid dreams that I could actually remember. They were dreams of me dying and it scared me. In one dream I got shot and killed in a hallway that I later in life walked into and recognized that from my dream. We came back from Hawaii, back to Chicago, and from there I started predicting things and having very sharp anxiety. Me predicting stuff wasn’t on purpose, it would just spontaneously come to me and anxiousness followed. For example, me knowing who and when somebody would call me before even getting the call. Another example would be me knowing my mother wouldn’t stay in Hawaii long without wanting to come back to Chicago and come to find out we did.

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Now I can just put that off as patterns and just knowing her. But the biggest of them all would be one day me and my mother was walking to family dollar and something felt off putting, which was odd because we walked there plenty of times before. So what’s wrong now? I remember crossing a dead end street and anxiety filled my lungs, but no air came out. I was very quiet and as we were crossing the street the thought just hit me, what if people started shooting where would we run to? But I think that was my brain’s way of giving reason to my worry. I had tried expressing that to my mother and after me not being able to verbalize what was wrong I let it go. The next day my auntie’s apartment caught on fire and damaged all her stuff. Spiritual awakenings also make you see things out of the corner of your eye and witnessing things flicker that you wouldn’t normally see flicker.

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Spiritual awakenings will make you moody, extra hungry, depression, fatigue, and calmness. As humans we are in 3D by default and 3D is the third dimension which consists of the basic human emotions plus limitation and very few people has “leveled up.” In the 5th dimension you experience oneness, radical forgiveness, unconditional love, manifestations and feeling like you have higher purpose and support by energies. In parting I leave you with this, Nirvana is all enlightenment and all knowing of life. We get reincarnated and get put back on earth just to figure out the meaning of life. Im going to tell you what I wish I knew. If you’re not satisfied with life and want to end it, I promise you although you may be done with life, life ain’t done with you. Just like a girl, life is complicated and you gotta figure it out. So those going through depression I suggest following the spiritual journey to Nirvana so you won’t ever have to see lifespan’s face again and be able to move on to something more than life. Buddha and God haven’t been reincarnated because they reached enlightenment, just think about it.

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