Out of the Darkness, Into the Light
by Ivory Johnson, Jr.
“Until the lion writes his own story, the tale of the hunt will always glorify the hunter.” The Soy Autor writing process was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of young people who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising, illustrating and publishing memoirs, the Authors’ Circle members develop reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie, conflict resolution and positive self-projection.This Roseland Authors’ Circle has been based at the Youth Peace Center in Roseland, as part of Chicago CRED program. In collaboration with:
Out of the Darkness, Into the Light Ivory Johnson, Jr.
Why me? Why did I become a victim of these streets? I don’t know, I was lost in my own ways. But I was dealt this hand, I don’t understand. How did I become a lonely black man?
Abandoned and Hurting
Getting into family fights ending up with me not sleeping that night. Out in the cold lonely, Sleeping in abandoned buildings and having nowhere to go at just 13.
I remember fighting with my stepsister, her putting me out with a bloody nose. I remember when I had to walk barefoot in the snow, frost bites on my feet. I had to go to the store stealing just to eat. Everybody on the corner laughing at me.
Who cares what I am going through? Thoughts of suicide, but really, I just wanted a little attention. Why did a kid have to go through this? This is something I will never forget.
Look me in my eyes, you will truly see my cries. Negative thoughts fill my mind, Darkness is winning, trying to swallow me whole. I couldn’t go, I dropped to my knees, Knowing a battle was going on inside of me. Out of nowhere an image of God came to me, Right then I knew he never gave up on me. I smiled, I cried, then I knew Why me.
Hard Times All the Time
Hard times, my name is Ivory Johnson Jr and it feels like the moment I was brought into this world I didn’t belong here. From being beat, lied on and abandoned, I felt like it couldn’t get worse and then it did.
I just want to die Split from my sisters and brothers At 10 years old growing up Going to the streets for guidelines
I feel like putting a gun to my head And just ending all this.
Sleeping in the streets Going through trash cans looking for something to eat. My Mom been gave up on me Taken by the drugs that flooded our streets.
At the same time I’m one of the dummies Selling drugs on the same streets. Heartbroken
Knowing some kid gone end up like me A crack baby.
Pain has become a close friend to me.
Hearts Break Through
After years of pain, heartbreak and loneliness I started to lose faith, My family used to tell me I’d never add up to shit.
I started to believe I would never have anybody. Crying myself to sleep thinking nobody wants me, Then came along my Angel Sheree
The moment I saw you, I knew from the smile, to the hugs I will be able to open up to you Not ashamed, Telling you all the pain I been through.
You helped me become a man Never judged me, never talked down on me You helped change me Seeing you work made me look up to you. Playing and joking, I’ll never get bored of you. I had to take responsibility and not let my past haunt me. Waking up early, going to work changing me. I became a man I can say I’m proud of. I had to let all the bad stuff go and become reborn, a new Ivory.
Just waking up to you felt safe, Safer than I have ever been in my whole life. I pray I’ll never lose you The love we have feels so good. I never had this before, not even from my own mom.
You have become my other half, my better half. You never give up on me, so you know I’ll never give up on you. Before you came in my life, I was lost, lost in darkness Not being able to trust women,
Now I feel cured from the hate that lived deep inside of me. The hole that lived in me has been filled with love. And it’s all because of you, Sheree Inspiring me to be a better me.
Just remember we will always be, forever and ever, Ivory & Sheree.
I am from Chicago, from Bears and Bulls. I am from the Dirt, broken hearts, drugs, and killings. I am from the 100’s, people taking from their own people. I’m from the streets and 113th and Carpenter, from land and Lake Michigan. I’m from nice cars and rims, from eating mice and chicken I’m from Lake Shore Drive, hot sand on my feet. I’m from the south side where we never give in and I always win.