Passion by ConTextos Chicago

Passion

LeRoy L.

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people who are at risk of, victims of or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high-quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives. Since January 2017, ConTextos has collaborated with the Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Division X of Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narrative about violence and peace-building, and help author a hopeful future for these men, their families, and our collective communities. While each memoir's text is solely the work of the Author, the images used to create this book's illustrations have been sourced from various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering, and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into fully illustrated books. In collaboration with

Passion LeRoy Lewis

My palms are sweating. My heart is racing. The song “Hello” by Lionel Richie is going through my mind. “Hello, is it me you’re looking for? ‘Cause I can see it in your eyes, and I can see it in your smile.” At the moment, I was playing basketball. I kept losing the ball and passing the ball to the wrong players because I kept looking over to her on the sideline.

There she stood, a ray of sunshine. Shining all alone with her pretty smile and her pretty, long, black, silky hair partly over her eyes looking like an angel. I was thinking, “What are my chances of meeting this girl?” I didn’t know the whole time she wanted to meet me.

At that moment, I’ve become an investigator.

I wanted to know who she hangs around and what’s her favorite food, color, likes and dislikes. I was even asking where she was going to be and the time so I can arrive there late or earlier than her so I can act like I was already there or I had plans on being there. Some of the other youth members questioned me about her, asking me do I like her and what do I like about her? Me not knowing they all were setting me up.

The church planned a trip for the youth members. I went; she didn’t go. We arrived in Gary, IN. The coach asked me to do something for him. I said, “Sure.” He said, “I will call you later when I am ready for you.” I said, “Ok.” Now, I am standing around waiting on this phone call.

Wow, the beauty in my eyes made me freeze up with a good fear. I tried to exit the room, but I couldn’t leave. The angel called my name, “LeRoy.” I thought to myself, “Yes God, what have I done now.” I was surprised that the angel knew my name. Again, but louder, “LeRoy!! Come here.” I slowly turned around and gazed into the light. She appeared in front of me, as beautiful as a fresh bloom red rose with a summer breeze. “Whaaattt, how do you know my name?” She looked at me with a smile, with her cute dimples on each side of her face. Then she opened her mouth to speak and it sounded like a beautiful melody to my ears. She said, “I’ve been asking about you.”

I asked, “Why?” She said, “You seem different from everyone I have met.” I responded with confidence saying, “Yeah. I know there’s only one me.” “LeRoy, come here please.” Remind you, I’m still standing at the door sweating like I just got out the shower. I started moving slowly over to her. I’m looking down at my feet because they were not moving. My feet felt like I had on some concrete shoes. Where seconds turned into minutes. She reached out to me. I reached back and grabbed her hand. I shocked her from dragging my feet across the carpet. “Ouch,” she replied. “I’m sorry,” not knowing that I was holding her hand. Then I realize what I am doing.

My knees became weak and I said, “I need to sit down.” She asked me, “What’s wrong?” I replied, “Why you ask?” She said, “You don’t look so good.” I said, “My heart had stopped for a minute because you’re here with me.” She smiled. I noticed a spark in her eye. I said, “I’m glad you’re here.” She asked why. “Because I was just talking about you.” She said, “I know. I heard.” I said, “Really?” Wooow! That’s cool.” She asked was I mad. “Nope. I’m just lost for words.” Then I said, “So, while we are talking, may I please have your name?” She said, “Dameia.”

I repeated her name and said, “Dameia, there was nothing wrong with the lights.” “Nope. That was one of the ways to get you to come down here.” “Yeah, ok. Answer this question for me. How did you get here without me seeing you?” “Good question. Do you remember going back into the church making a last check?” “Yeah.” “Well, I was on the side of the church when you went in. I jumped in the other van and when we arrived here, coach asked you to check the rooms with him.” “Yeah.” “That’s how I got out and to the room without you seeing me.” I was thinking to myself “Damn, yall got me.” I said, “Cool, I’m glad that you came.” We went into the hallway to finish talking. We talked for at least forty-five minutes. Well, that’s what I thought. But it was for hours.

We decided to finish talking the next day. Well, it was the next day; it was time for breakfast. I went in and took a bird bath and got dressed. I guess she did the same. I met her in the hotel lobby, and walked to breakfast together. I pulled out her chair for her to sit and placed a napkin across her lap and asked her what she would like to eat. I served her and then made myself a plate. All the girls were like â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ooooh, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s so sweet,â&#x20AC;? but the guys had their little jokes. After breakfast, it was time for church.

We sat together in the van. She laid her head on my shoulder and I laid my head on top of hers until we arrived at the church. I woke up in time to spot a flower shop across from the church. I sat and wondered how I would be able to get her some flowers without getting into trouble.

Then â&#x20AC;&#x153;Bam!â&#x20AC;? I came up with an idea. I sprung into action.

I said to Jason, one of my teammates, “I need your help. I need you to be my lookout, man.” He said, “For what?” “I’m about to go across the street.” He said, “Man, for what?”

I said, “Man, just lookout.” “Ok,” he said, “Yeah, alright.” I ran across the street and got the flowers and ran back to the church. I asked Jason to help me find the van so I could put the flowers on the seat. Dameia asked me why I was out of breath and sweating. I lied to her in the church. I said, “I’m hot.” The service had ended, and we all walked to the van. When she seen the flowers, the look on her face was speechless. She wouldn’t stop smiling.

We went back to the hotel to relax. Dameia and I went to our rooms to put on some shorts and I went down to the pool to talk and relax. Dameia asked me a very important question that made me feel like I was drowning. She asked me what I like about her. I wanted to walk away but I didn't. I manned up and said, “I like the way you pull your hair back off your face so I can see the beauty of your face, and I like when you smile at me. Your smile brightens up my day like the sun that can make a blind man see. And when you walk towards me the world comes to a pause.” She smiled and said, “Thank you, LeRoy.” I looked back at her with the Rock look and said, “No. Thank you.”

For the rest of the day, we sat holding hands. The next day the trip was over.

We’re back in Chicago on the north side at Uptown Baptist Church. I walked Dameia home, then I went home. When I got home, I told my mother about the trip. As I was telling my mother, my phone rang. I answered it. “Who this?” It was Dameia. “Is that how you answer the phone?” “Sorry. Hey you.” “Hey yourself. What are you doing?” “I’m chillin’, talking to my mother. Why? What’s up?” “Would you like to hook up later?” “Sure, why not.” “I’ll call you back when I’m ready.” “Cool,” and I started running through the apartment shouting, “Yes!! “My mom asked me, “Who was that?” I told her it was a friend.

My mom said, “Boy, right. Who were you talking to? Because that sounds like more than just a friend.” I said, “Yeah, you’re right mom. It’s a girl named Dameia that I met at the church.” Dameia called back and asked me where I stay. I told her that I stayed on Lawrence and Winthrop. She said, “Ok, where?” I said, “4848.” She said, “Ok, I’m on my way. I will call you when I’m downstairs.” I said “Cool.” She called back about twenty minutes later. She said, “I’m downstairs.” I said, “Come up. I’m in apartment 515.” She came up and I introduced her to my mother. After that we left my crib to go for a walk to talk. So we headed toward the lakefront.

I saw someone I went to grade school with at Florence B. Price on the south side of Chicago. We stopped and I spoke with him for a few minutes. My stomach made a noise and they heard it. I felt and heard it. He asked me if I was hungry. I said, “Why you ask?” He said, “I’m about to go grab me something. You are free to join me.” I said, “Sure, why not.” We walked towards the “L” on Lawrence Avenue where there was a chicken shack. He bought us something to eat. I saw the bank roll he pulled out. I pulled him to the side and asked him what he did. He told me. I asked how can I get down? He replied, “Holler at me tomorrow after one pm.”

D’s cell phone was ringing. She looked at her phone and saw the number. She had this look on her face that made me worry. All I heard was a loud voice from a woman. I gave her some space to talk. Two minutes later Dam eia said, “Yes, ma'am. I’m on my way.” I didn’t ask or I didn’t need to know. Dameia said, “I have to go home.” OK, so I started walking her home.

We walked down Sheridan to Wilson. She was quiet so I asked her what’s wro ng. She said, “Nothing. Why you ask?” I said , “Because you aren’t smiling anymore.”

We turned down Wilson towards Clarendon. I’m dancing around her to make her laugh as we got closer to her apartment building. Dameia looks up and said, “Really?” I asked her what was wrong. She said, “My mother is in the window,” so I looked up. I saw a couple of people in their windows. I asked which window. She said, “In the corner window. The third from the top.” Then her phone rang again. She looked at me and said, “I will call you later.” I said, “Ok,” handed her food to her and asked for a hug. I stood there and watched her walk away until I couldn’t see her anymore. I turned around and walked back home.

Twenty minutes later, my phone started ringing. I recognized the number. It was Dameia. I answered the phone, “Hey you.” She said, “Hey yourself. What are you doing?” I said, “I’m chillin.” She said, “Do you have time to talk?” I said, “Yeah, for you, anytime.” Then I heard a voice in the background. The voice said, “Give me the phone. I told you to call him, not ask if he had time to talk. Hello?” with an angry sound. I said, “Yello.” Then the voice introduced itself as Dameia’s mother. I responded back with “Hello, ma’am.” She said “Fine,” in a monotone voice. She started asking me questions, and before I could answer any questions, she was saying something else. So I was just quiet and listening. I heard her say “My child never acts like this. I want to meet you.” I said, “Sure, whenever you’re ready ma’am.” She said that Dameia’s father would be here the following week and asked if I would be available. I responded with a “Yes, ma’am. I will be available whenever you need me.” Then she said, “You will not be hearing from my child for a while.”

I said, “Wow, for real? May I ask why?” She said, “Dameia left the house without doing her chores. I don’t play that.” I said, “Yes, ma’am, I understand. I’m sorry if I had any part in that, ma’am. How long will awhile be?” She said, “Two weeks.” I said, “Ok ma’am. Nice talking to you,” then I heard Dameia in the background saying that she is sorry and she misses me. Her mother said, “Girl, shut up. I will call you next week, sir. Bye and see you then.”

The next day, I received a call from a number I didn’t know so I answered in a different voice. “Yeah.” “Dameia, did you give me the wrong number?” “See. Hello, hello? Who is this?” “Hello, is this LeRoy?” “Yes, this is. Who is this?” She said for me to hold on. Dameia got on the phone and said, “Hey you.” “Hey yourself. Who was that?” She said that she was a friend, and she used her phone to call me. “Ooh, ok. So what’s good, beautiful?” She asked me what I was doing that day. “Chillin, why?” She said that she was going to stop by on her way home. “Ok, cool.” Hours went by. She called me from the same phone number. “Hey you,” “Hey yourself.” She asked, “What are you doin?” “Chillin, why?” “Because I’m at the “L.” “Cool. I’m on my way.” I arrived at the “L”. she was standing there waiting on me. I hugged her and asked her why she was there.

She replied, “I wanted to see you.” I said, “Yeah. I want to see you, too, but you have to go home and do your chores.” She said, “I am.” So we started walking down Lawrence towards the lake. We’re walking. It started to rain. It only lasted for a few minutes. It was one of those it’s-too-hot rains. But anyways, we ran under a tree laughing. She looked at me. I looked back at her and said, “Well, I guess we’re stuck here for the moment.” Dameia looked at me and smiled and kissed me on the lips. I asked, “What was that for?” She said, “Because I wanted to.” It had stopped raining and the sun was shining on us like we were in the spotlight. We came from under the tree and started running towards her apartment. I gave her a hug. She kissed me, then we departed from each other. I walked back to that tree where we kissed and took my knife out of my pocket and carved our names in the tree.

As I was carving our names in the tree, my phone rang. It was an odd number that I had never seen before, so I hesitated to answer it. Then I thought about Dameia calling me from different numbers, so I answered it, “Hello.” A voice answered back, “Hello?” To my ears, it was a man’s voice. It was the dude I went to grade school with. He called and said, “Leroy, things changed. I need you today.” He asked me if that would be a problem. I said, “No. I’m not doing nothing. Where do you want me to meet you?” Dude said, “Meet me on the block in ten minutes and make sure you have on some gym shoes because we are going to be moving around a lot.” I replied, “I’m good. I’m ready.” He pulled up in a navy blue box Chevy with wishbone rims and two females. He got out and walked up to me and said, “I need you to do me a favor.” I said, “What’s that?” “I need you to keep the other girl busy.” I said, “Man, I just left my girl.” He said, “Please.” I said, “Ok. I got you.” I had to change into a different person to make it happen.

come e gave me a day and time to Sh . me lled ca r the mo ia’s me to be there. The Two days later, Da because I know when I have us rvo ne I’m w No nt. me eating art by her ap and boy was I nervous. I am sw ts ren pa ia’s me Da et me to day came for me “Why are you doing this?” lf, se my g kin as pt ke I ia. me r might more than I was to talk to Da father and the things the mothe r he t ou ab nd mi my gh ou ep thr Thoughts running standing at the door, but I ke I’m nt. me mo the s re’ he ll, y heard have said to the father. We the door. Dameia called me; the d an tor va ele the to rd wa for walking back and y didn’t I turn off my phone?” wh n, am “D , ing nk thi I’m . ay uld kill. my phone ring in the hallw re. She gave me a look that co the s wa r the mo ia’s me Da . The door opened

e I was, standing there with She looked at me up and down and said, “Hum.” Ther s and standing six feet two some baggy clothes on, a baseball cap turned backward r and said, “Come on in.” I inches tall. She stood back and opened the door wide door closed. It sounded like a felt I was walking into a trap. I slowly walked in. The a seat. Dameia’s father will be bomb went off. “Boom!!” I jumped. She said, “hHave back, “Hey you.” I said, “Hey right with you.” I said, “Ok.” Dameia yelled from the yourself.” Then she asked if I was okay.

The mother responded, “Girl, shut up, nobody touched that boy yet.” I’m thinking, “Yet? What she mean ‘Yet’?” So, now I’m on pins and needles. I put my hands in my pocket on my knife, thinking: --“How am I going to get out of here? Man I shouldn’t have come.”--was running over and over in my mind. Dameia yelled again, “LeRoy, you’re ok?” I said, “Yes.” The mother got up from the table and walked to the back. I’m thinking to myself, “Good, here’s my chance to get out of here.” As I was getting up to exit the apartment, I heard a toilet flush. Then a few seconds later, the door opened. I heard a man’s voice that sounded like Barry White. I quickly sat back. He’s asking what’s going on. Dameia’s mother is explaining what’s going on. She said, “That boy is up front.” He said, “Ok.” I’m thinking to myself, “Why was I moving too slow? I should have left your scary ass.”

I see the dad’s shadow walking up front to where I was. The shadow was huge. I took a swallow to clear my throat. He’s getting closer and closer; I’m shaking. I put my head down and said a prayer, then he spoke to me. He sounded like a hungry bear, ready to attack. “Young man, how are you doing?” I slowly lift my head and set my eyes on him. He was a little dude, about five feet four inches. I jumped up from the couch, “Fine sir, and you?” I’m not shaking anymore. I’m thinking to myself, “Man, I can take this dude with no problem,” so now I’m relaxed.

He’s asking me questions. I’m answering him with no problem. Dameia yelled out again “LeRoy, are you ok?” I looked at the dad and he said, “You can answer her.” So I yelled back, “Yes, beautiful, I’m ok.” Then he yelled to her, “Baby, no one is going to hurt this boy,” then he said, “Baby, come here.” Dameia walked to the front where we were, hair all over her head. The father looked at me. I’m smiling from ear to ear. He asked me a question: “Son, what do you like about my daughter?”

I looked him in the eye and said, “Sir, that’s easy.” “So, what’s the easy answer?” he replied. I walked over to Dameia and said, “Sir, I love the way she pulls back her hair off her face to show off her light brown eyes and her cute little dimples when she smiles.” The father looked over to the mother and said, “Yeah, he knows my baby.” He stood up to shake my hand and said, “Son, I don’t have a problem with you seeing my child.” We all looked at the mother. She said, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.” The father grabbed his things to leave because he had somewhere to be in the morning, so Dameia and I walked him to the elevator. He gave her a hug and shook my hand and said, “Son, please take care of my child.” I said, “Sir, you have nothing to worry about. I promise you.”

I walked back to the apartment with Dameia to grab my things. As I was grabbing my belongings, the mother stopped me and said, “Since you are here, you can stay for a minute, but she’s still on punishment.” She walked to the back and left us up front. We sat on the couch and watched t.v. A few hours passed. Dameia’s mother came back to the front and said, “Son. You still here?” She asked me, “Do you know what time it is?” “No ,ma’am.” “Son, it’s late. You have to leave.” Dameia and I were watching Def Comedy Jam with Martin Lawrence as the host. I called my mother and let her know I was on my way home. When I made it home, I called Dameia and her mother to let them know I made it home safely. The next morning, Dameia called. “Good morning, you.” I said, “Good morning yourself.” She said, “So what are we doing today?” I said, “We? What do you mean we?” She said, “Boy, you know what I mean. What are you doing today?” I said, “Chillin. Why you ask?” “Because I want to see you.” I said, “Ok. Call me when you get out of school.” I put on some clothes to go to the store. As I’m about to walk to the store, my phone rang. As I answered the phone, I opened my door. My beautiful caramel skinned angel Dameia was standing there. I jumped back and I asked her, “What are you doing here?” She said that there was no school that day for seniors. She asked me where I was on my way to. I said, “I’m about to head to the store for some milk for breakfast, but now you’re here I guess we can go out for some food.” We talked about what’s going on with us, then she told me that she was going to Washington D.C. to her father’s house for the summer. I will miss you. She said, “I will miss you too.”

Well, the summer is not here yet. She said that she was going to NIU that weekend to view the school. I asked her where the school was located. She said, “About three hours from here.” I said, “Three hours where?” She said, “Dekalb. Me and my mother are going. Do you want to go?” “Naw. Go on, spend time with your OG. I’ll be here when you get back. When are you coming back?” She said that she would be back on Sunday. “Damn, a whole day.” She said that she would call when she got back, “I promise.” “Ok, I’ll be here waiting on you.” She said, “LeRoy, promise me that you’re going to be good.” I said, “Yes, boo. I’m not even going outside until you get back.”

oking s prom time. I’m lo tie, It’ . od go g in go p was f white and the relationshi ue shirt and an of by bl l t ya en w ro e d an tim e were es rip om S it with pimp st buckle, my socks su n te lio hi ld w f go of a d an ha ith s so fly w match. My shoe had on a royal blue to he s S ck lt. so be d y an m s ed ’t tell at match with the shoe shoes. You couldn e in gold letters th m ue bl na l y ya m ro ith d w an s ue royal bl e eye and pinned f white stocking of on g ith w rin s, ve ke co t fla fla ld ht ir straig dress with go with gold ay she had her ha w e th d ve lo that clear lip gloss to take off I ith g. w in ul tif au us noth be so er lips looking ver wanted her back off her lips. H wanted to marry her right then. I ne weeks later she went off o ,I tch her beauty. Tw flakes. Oh my God ca en ev ’t onths, two weeks m dn o ul tw co r a fo er t m gh ca ni e y lked ever anything, Th her father’s. We ta to . .C D n to ng hi to Was and three days.

Dameia came home. I had a week with her before she left for college at NIU. I went down there the second week she was there. I was there so much, people started thinking I went to school there. I stopped going so much because my street life started getting in my way. Dameia noticed me pulling back off her because I went from coming every weekend to every other weekend to once a month. She asked me what was going on. I explained to her. She grabbed me by my face and looked me straight in the eyes and said, “I want to help you.” I asked her, “How are you going to do that?” She said, “I will take a break from school.” I looked her in the face and held my head down and lied to her and said, “There is somebody else I have been fooling around with.” She said, “LeRoy, look at me.” I said no, and she started crying and slapped me. I walked out of the room and went to the bus stop. Man, my heart was hurting. I had to make that decision because I didn’t want her to give up her dream for me and the streets. Until this day, I still think about her.

Leroy Lewis I am from the world. From Love and Pain I am from the wind that blows from the sky Summer, Spring, and Fall I rise. I am from dark green grass, That stands tall at times I’m from love and pride. From Bev and Herb. I’m from the caramel cakes and apple pies. From Mobile, Alabama and North Carolina. I’m from Baptist, where we always sing. I’m from South where time moves slow, “We Fall Down to Get Up.” I’m from the South, where time moves slow Jerk chicken, dirty rice. From the place where you kick rocks and roll in dirt. The Auntie Lela grey hairs of love. Family bible, that goes from generation to generation To show love and pride.