BIANCA COTTON
You are about to embark on a journey through the lived experiences of Allies and Public Allies Chicago team members individuals who courageously embraced vulnerability and transparency, inviting healing into their lives not solely for their own well-being, but as a conduit for social change in the communities we serve. How can we better serve others if we do not first pause to participate in our own healing? By doing so, we model the change we wish to see in the world.
At Public Allies Chicago, we are intentional about infusing mental wellness into our ethos. Our partnership with ConTextos has been instrumental in bringing this vision to life. ConTextos, with their powerful gift of storytelling, combined with our commitment to social justice, has created a deeper, more purposeful impact.
Public Allies is a national movement, and Chicago is one of its proud local sites. Over the past 30 years, we have cultivated over 10,000 Alumni nationwide, with more than 1,000 of them coming from right here in Chicago. We mobilize, advocate, innovate, and more. However, this time has been dedicated to healing, reflection, and rejuvenation preparing us to be stronger for the work ahead. We are committed to change, always remembering that change starts within. The power of speaking, writing, and reflecting aids in healing through art.
As you walk through a piece of our collective journeys, we hope you reflect on your own leadership, the impact you have on others, and how it creates ripples of change. Together, we are stronger. Practice vulnerability with us, and share your story!
Bianca Cotton Associate Director Public Allies Chicago
N T R O D U C T I O N
“Public Allies is a social justice organization committed to changing the face and practice of leadership by recruiting and training talented emerging leaders, with a passion for social impact, to create meaningful change in our community.” I had the pleasure and the honor of accompanying this most recent cohort of future leaders though a ConTextos Authors Circle this Spring and Summer. We met weekly on Wednesday mornings to do what it is we do during every Authors Circle. We shared stories, we reflected, we wrote, we gave feedback, and we celebrated one another.
As I got to know this amazing, close-knit group of individuals, it was quite evident that they were invested in one another’s success. They had built bonds, united by their desire to change the world. They share an earnest belief that they are uniquely equipped and positioned to do just that, in their own way, on their own terms. This was my initial impression of the group, and this impression was only reinforced as we discussed our experiences, how we see the world around us, and the impact we each hope to have.
The writing in in this book contains reflections and aspirations captured during our time together in Authors Circle. We hope that you enjoy what it is this cohort has generously chosen to share about how we see the world and ourselves.
Dimitri Hepburn ConTextos Facilitator
POLLEN INEVITABLY TRAVELS, BUDS EVENTUALLY BLOOM.
A Poem is Pouring Out of Me
the after all one is in the seed, listen and believe lilypad it may not be pretty indeed but it sure will be real i don’t have to have it all sometimes just the one step this poem, lodged in my guts,
is unpolished and drenched in stench or bring people to the full realization out all the information needed to grow into a mighty being im doubting my ability to write a poem worthy of the mic is all that's needed to begin the journey of a thousand miles and let the fertilization come through the listening and understanding but sometimes all that’s needed is to commit to saying what needs be said a poem r is ooooozing p o u i ng out of me
to i write bridge despite doubt, i write the to ease the suffering soul chasm of the canyons
Legacy…
legacy denotes lineage, connection, having a place on the whole of the plant and sometimes i feel i am fruit
Tree Tree Tree From Tree Tree
and sometimes, i am the gardenkeep, who tends the orchard and all the time i am me i cannot help but be and yet i have lamented when my tree bore oranges instead of expected apples what a disappointment, a shame, a waste - they’d say and i’d try to hide bushels of this unwanted fruit today i am happy to be a fruit salad drizzled in honey and nuts savored on a summer’s day
i am borne from… fallen
James and Marilyn
Their grandparents And their grandparents before them
They fought and taught And plowed and bowed
And came and raised and here I am standing on the shoulders of giants among the stars
oh how far, how far we've come i never forget and never regret the ones who made a way
Where I’m From
i’m from down the street round that way
just keep walkin, imma catch up witchu
i’m from smoked sausage and baked beans and white bread and molasses
im from Fridays at Grannys or Dads
im from under the porch and the patio swing from a drawing nearer dream and elements unseen
i’m from bloody accidents on the playground and the lies we used to cover up our shenanigans, like bandages
im from where they from yeah we stay out this way
i be all over though
im from see ya later alligator after while crocodile
from hymns on the piano and hums from Grandpa’s lips from the gardens that continued to bloom, even after Michael, Granny, Grandpa died
im from hallelujah funerals from folks who lived good long lives im from inside from the southside on the outside never could hide let the light shine from AJ Owusu
i
from middle school me to grown grown me:
dang, you leave and never come back
i mean you be here, we the same person technically
like forreal, slow down, try and remember
somethin you love, but do you remember
i get it, there’s more life to live once you get out, you better live
just wish you’d come sit with me for a minute
it’s hard for me to imagine what you woulda been doin
i hope - you know it’s suffocating going through the motions
it’s hard to imagine much beyond right now
the days are so slow and it feels like relief will never come
i hope you get to read this letter
the harshest voice in the room is probably your own critic, your own fear
forget about what other people think
what do you think of you?
who taught you to think that?
what do you want to think of you? be for you?
be that to yourself in your voice
Tried to hex us, but we blessed us
Can’t go against us
We in the air, we in the seas,
We inhabit the trees
At the nexus
Ready whenever
Get the stresses off my mind
I feel
I ain’t gotta hide what goes on inside
Divinely inspired so Everything ordained
Moving anything that stands against us
Summer Blessins it’s marvelous
Huh, Solar plexus
Ingenious ones rainin down &
carryin tears away in splash pad fun
Wrestle not with the mire
Set your sights on what’s higher
And once it’s all said and done
Your heart gon be lighter.
Since You Asked
Since you asked, I’ll tell you what’s happening with my art
I took a hiatus
Clarifying my intentions in private
Is my art for personal satisfaction or mass enjoyment?
I took a moment to grieve, to process the space Grandpa’s departure made
Really, I’ve been slow to unfurl from this state
I think that’s okay
Even still, tucked away creating, I’ve been laying the groundwork for a podcast, a book, a comic…
Planting seeds
Even went back spontaneously to performing, urged on by my beautiful creator friends
Love to all my supporters who encourage me
Ups to all the ones comin after me
Art led me to PA, PA led me to art
In 2024, I’m celebrating five years of music making and five years of being PA staff
I claim the role of artist boldly now, affirmed by my imagination, play, and ability to let go I reclaim those parts of me that were buried years ago, these living pulsing parts, and hold them with tender concern.
I consider myself more of a poet now
My brain processes the world in associations and makes connections between disparate entities. We need that, if we’re going to rebuild our world, remake the very foundations of the beliefs we hold.
To all the artists, and people who hold fire in their bellies, and people who are looking for where to start:
I love you, I believe in us, we are enough
Where I’m Goin
no longer holding to what does not grow me
i am rooted in love, trust, a steady confidence
i will be present
A new day begun whatever may come in my soul, all
i am ready i am grateful
I am on my way it is so
i have and have yet to behold my guides will show me undoubtedly what I’ve really already known
ashé for all it is well,
Spirit Beckons
spirit beckons, calls unto me:
you can access my creativity anytime
i am here
spirit abides
this flow is because you ’ ve tuned in you have access to spirit at all times
enjoy!
relish the goodness of this connection
embraced the discomfort of
loving admonition toward growth
propelling you to an aligned place
a divine awareness instead of tuning out
there is abundance here for you
my spirit never runs out
there is plenty, there is bounty,
there is enough for you
yes!
benevolence, kind affection toward you as you move along this opening pathway this love desires you as much as you yearn the wisdom outflow, the pouring out of grace
enjoy your journey you are worthy of this love the ancestors look on in admiration,
savor
delight and care for its love you, of you, of us
relish and cherish the goodness that rains on
in awe and majesty
beautiful and sprawling
yes!
giddy and gleeful and glib hear that calling affirmation the universe bears witness to itself
prayers in your name
yes!
oh yes... tears of joy through you indwelling you and universe to you from you to universe because you have connected with spirit
ashé
RESTING IN JOY AND BREATHING TODAY.
I am from the low end.
I am from 13 stories of red, brown and orange brick
From going to the lakefront to riding my bike with my father
From love and pain
From dreams, hopes, and a lens tainted by tragedy
I am from an apartment full of family photos reflecting back at me
And filled with meat from Mo & Oink in the deep freezer marinating for later
I am from walks near water
And climbing on huge rocks,
Running from one to the other.
I’m from the boldness of my father, and the courage of my mother.
From “Remember who you are. ” and “Don’t take no mess. ”
I’m from “I am strong. I love my family. I love my community…”
And from be Black, be Proud, and Love your neighbor as you love yourself.
I am from the womb of my mother who cares and carries me in different ways now.
I am from Mercy Hospital, the place where I was birthed.
From flamin hots with cheese, ground beef, and hot peppers.
From kosher pickles
From ribs and hot links
From deep love, fierce advocacy, and silent stillness.
I am from tests, trauma, and triumph.
I WANT THIS MOMENT FOR LIFE.
I am from 12th street,
Where I grew up in a family building
From hopscotch and jump rope
I am from Grandma Carrie
Up at 7AM in the morning cooking breakfast for both houses
From having family events and getting up early to sit around And talk about the recap of it.
I am from catching lightning bugs and putting the lights on my ears as earrings
I’m from Nene and J Dub.
From being Daddy’s little girl, going out and not doing no wrong in his eyes
From waking up every Saturday early to get
Every Mike that dropped
And from hugs and kisses and being called Dada’s girl
I’m from “Everybody ain’t your friend.”
And from “Everything that glitters ain’t gold.”
And “A little piece of leather, but well put together.”
I’m from put God first, and playing with my siblings and cousins, Sitting on the porch walking to the corner store, And getting dollars from my kool cousins, And snowball stands and ice cream trucks, And Grandma making us do math problems
And spelling bees before going off to play
And at the car wash, drinking green teas
While my grandad sells his tee shirts, pop, water, and more.
I’m from Roosevelt and Mozart.
Few blocks over from where my uncle got killed
In the same neighborhood we was all born and raised at.
I am from Chicago where they’re taking fathers away from babies daily.
I am from the heart of the hood
But it won’t stop me from being me today.
Chi Town, the city I grew up in. The place I call home. Chi Town, the city where I can wake up on July 4th and put on my brand new red and blue outfit and my red, blue, and white hair balls and bows. Chi Town, where I go to other cities and they ask “Are you from 63rd?” and “Do you know local city rappers?” Chi Town, where I can get up and walk down the street to the candy stand or corner stores. Chi Town, where they don’t want to support you until they see others supporting, and where they’d rather bash you than uplift you. Chi Town, where I meet my closest friends at our neighborhood school. Chi Town, where you set appointments and the person serving you is late, but charges you a late fee when you ’ re late. Chi Town, where we rode our bikes across the big lot with rocks, falling, busting my knee and getting it patched up and right back at it. Chi Town, where the ladies are really the money getters. Chi Town, sitting on the porch with my sisters saying “That’s my car. ” Chi Town, where as I finally see the understanding of our slogan, “ripping and running.” Chi Town where street lights on means time to go home.
They came, I changed for better.
Wake up and look in the mirror. It gets worse before the better.
Don’t be dumb. Dump that bum. I want this moment for life.
jayonna WRITE WITHOUT FEAR, EDIT WITHOUT MERCY.
Jay, Since you NEVER asked, I’ll tell you why I’m so mentally fucked up.
Because, I don’t understand how I DO NOT KNOW YOU!
Because, both my middle and last names are YOURS.
Because, OUR birthday is literally just 30 days apart, we ’ re both cancers, but again I DO NOT KNOW YOU!
Because, I see you on social media, living life, happily!
Because, life has traumatized me and the world raised me, I needed you!
Because, I have one younger sister that I wanted to meet. Because, you have one beautiful granddaughter that you will never meet.
Because, everytime you said you’d call or come but you didn’t, unless it was beneficial to you.
Because, IT IS NOW TOO LATE!
Because, I’ve cried endless nights, wondering what I did wrong, but it was ALWAYS you!
Because, you couldn’t be a man.
Because, maybe you are going through shit, but I’m done trying to figure you out.
Because, AGAIN, it is too damn late, your loss!!
Make peace. Make amends. Gain control.
Be sure to never give up.
Write without fear, edit without mercy.
Take a mental break, it’s okay.
PEACE OF MIND
LOOKING UP HIGH.
I am from the middle of nowhere in Mexico
From the side of a mountain
From a cave where a lion would roam
From dad being chased by dogs
Because he couldn’t see mom
From being sick of oranges, because that is all they would eat While heading into an unknown future.
I am from a building that had family on each floor.
I am from a revolving door of aunts, uncles, and cousins, who would stay home until they could settle.
I am from weekend carne asadas
And any excuse to celebrate and share stories.
From laughter and what feels like hundreds of kids running in and out of the house.
I am home.
To the bald baby born 16 years ago,
I remember when Mom and Dad told us we were going to have another sibling. My sister and I were bouncing off the walls with excitement. Then the arguing ensued. She wanted a little sister, and I a brother.
Later, I received the bad news... we were going to have a little sister. I was a bit disappointed, but then thought to myself “Little sister, huh? I guess that’s cool too.” It ended up working in my favor. I ended up getting my own room and you don’t steal my stuff, so thanks for that.
I remember you would scare people because they thought you were crying, and then the laughter would ensue when they realized that was your laugh. I always mention that the bald baby version of you was less of a handful, which usually leads to you and I trading playful insults and is one of my favorite parts of my day. I've loved watching you grow up to be the person you are today and I'll continue to watch your journey through life and be there for you every step of the way.
Biking up the one-way street, sightseeing all the way. Passing by kids using their scooters on the sidewalk, kicking a ball around, or shooting water guns. The familiar scent of families grilling wafting through the air, making me more hungry than I already am. I bike down a main street and see people set up shop for their businesses. An opportunity they hoped for when they moved from their home country. A taco stand here, an elotero over there, and an ice cream man not too far. Slowly, the city puts on a new face. The leaves on the trees change colors and slowly coat the ground. This is my favorite time of year. Not too hot and not too cold. It's a shame this time of year ends far too quickly. Suddenly, a long sleeve or sweater no longer suffices. All the vendors escape the harsh cold and time seems to slow down. We have to say goodbye to the sun a lot sooner and the city is blanketed by shimmering white snow. At least I have a good excuse to stay inside now. In what seems like forever, it finally seems to warm up… only to immediately go away. This happens several times until we see nature come back to life with the help of rainy days. People start to be outside more, the vendors come back, and I can ride my bike again.
Full course meal, empty dinner table.
Empty house full of broken memories.
Peace of mind looking up high.
Broken mind being put back together.
DON’T BELIEVE THEM. VISUALIZE THE WIN.
I am from the bond of Adrienne and Ronald
Where they teased about McDonalds
Because my parents were lovin’ it like no tomorrow.
From the early aughts of the 773
Where I had joy for cartoons and Neighbor who was my friend
From the Saturdays with Russell,
Learning ballet like a muscle
Twirl, twirl, twirl
To a demi plie, swirling into 5th.
Arms up, move straight
Don’t be late.
I am from Grandmere’s cakes, pies, and cobblers.
A batter so good, the thinnest pie crust,
Oh, the memories
From the many stylish gifts
From my rich Auntie, Claudette
An It Girl her whole life
She would say “See ya later, Alligator.”
To which, the sibs and I replied
“After a while, Crocodile.”
With airs scented of her light blue Dolce and Gabbana perfume
And clothes from every designer.
Claudette was truly that lit.
I
Javanna, since you asked, I’ll tell you why I’m so optimistic
Because I read Becoming
Because I won my LSC Election
Because I bonded with an Egyptian-American AmeriCorps member
Because on the same note, in the span of three days, I connected to more of the wider world
Because Just Us Sweets increased viewership with smoothies, parfaits, and a glorious return
Because I finally told my friend the truth
Because I don’t give up - I visualize the win
Because our mother survived breast cancer
Because you, me, and our mother have Masters degrees
Because it became Ready, Set, Let’s Win 2024
Because we are sisters - connected through it all
Dear My Love,
When I was younger, I had no filter. I did not realize it until I looked at where I had gone in life and where others went For years, I believed I was quiet, sensitive, and shy. But if I was all of those things, maybe I would have been less rejected by others. I had to learn the impact of my words. Through the actions, I understood that some people bruise easily; but I was not one of those people. I was strong. I was confident. I already had vision. I was going somewhere. I was being led to you. I once said that love sets us free It was too much for people Love is something talked about in lighter terms.
I always saw love in deeper forms; which is why we fell in love. For finally, I met someone who wanted to be there together as much as I did I was only able to move on from my twenties and before, when I practiced more restraint and didn’t offer feedback to others. I smiled instead of saying “Don’t do that,” because even if they couldn’t do it, who was I to break that to them?
Life was the teacher I couldn’t be for people. It was the hero, inspiration, and role model. I let go of having to prove something to someone; whether it be how black I was, how odd I was, or how Chicago I was. It really didn’t matter because they didn’t really care They just talked looking to battle I let it go. And then I found you; life works like that. I wrote this letter in 2024. You are going to read this in 2034. Ten years from today, you will read where I was and connect it to where I went
I love you always. ❤
Yours Forever, Justice
104th and Greet Street, where I was born
Wild Wild 100s, Morgan Park, I’ve been around.
Roots festival, Ada Park.
From Flamin’ Hots with cheese and ground beef, Doritos too Nachos with no name, Like Chance on the scene.
He went to Jones, Me to CHSAS
Chatham to Mount Greenwood
South Loop to Hyde Park
Taste of Chicago
Taste of Randolph West Loop changed
Call it the Oprah effect
Or move slightly west and call it MJ’s effect
From Italian beefs with Italians
To Irish people
Cops, firefighters, South Side parades, Like the White Sox games with my aunt and uncle
To Cubs games in 2003 when Sammy was playing
To movie theaters like River East 21.
Chatham to Auburn Park daycare
Chicago, a different type of cold.
Chairs out, reserve a spot.
Don’t get fooled
It could be 70 degrees in the winter.
Where? Only in Chicago.
Moody weather
When the West Loop had the starter league, Neal, Mike, Hannah to Mag Mile
To dread heads bouncing to that
Chief Keef “Love Sosa”
I don’t like.
Je M'appelle
Justice
Off to see the Eiffel Tower before getting a croissant to go and catching the train to London, London, London.
Hopeful, optimistic, international, realistic
After Allies, the world is mine. Service is like that. Changes you.
Inspires you
For I see, maybe before it all
Abundant resources for
Just us sweets
Growing my business
To one day see my fellow
Track and field runners run their hearts out Eugene, Oregon.
Niketown, US Olympic Trials
Through June, I’ll go
To making my world change. Where everyone pulls their weight
To the world at large,
Where there is less negative talk about people
Describe them nicer,
Not hateful or not enough
Because my ultimate goal
Post Public Allies
Is to keep reading books daily
Little by little
I will know everyone, And then nothing will stand in my way.
Always a changemaker, People will break their hate
And embrace joy
Through my path
Through my legacy
They will see I did it.
Hating no one
PUT YOUR HEART TO THE SOIL.
I am from traveling stones of Mississippi
To Detroit to Chicago
And Mexico to Chicago.
I am from staying down the street from Rainbow Beach and moving to the West Side on Albany
From shaky households
And going to a friend's house for a sense of peace.
I am from seven siblings and big personalities.
I am from tuna melts on the skillet
And tortillas on the stove.
I am from laughter always reaching the roofs of our mouths,
And music always being in the background.
I am from people who believed in imagination and bringing it to life.
I am from drinking whatever grandma tells you
To help you feel better.
I am from pon chungitos for well wishes and you go full 369 when being silly.
S H O R T M
As I breathe in I’m home.
Put your heart to the soil.
Your breath is a safe place.
This life is long remembering.
Never forget to remember.
Remember to restore. Trust the unknown.
You can’t control the wind.
Release to receive.
The true living is being.
Give your self room to grow.
PICKING DANDELIONS, LOSING SEEDS TO THE WIND.
kassandra
How can I miss something that many say I have no claim to
Deep within its Earth, I laid waiting, wanting... to feel the warmth of the nurturing rays, that illuminated its darkest edges
Por siglos, gente mía hay caminado la tierra que me he protegió hasta que era mi tiempo de ascender & without knowing, it became my turn to bloom on the beautiful, brown Earth I had so patiently waited to set & sink my toes into
But this was not the land I had expected to walk, to learn from, to live on
Like a weed picked from the ground, placed onto Earth sin raíces familiares
I had grown accustomed to my new surroundings learning new ways to adapt, accommodate & assimilate
Pero esta nueva tierra no era la única que he conocido
Raíces nuevas aquí, pero siempre conectado a la tierra que me formó y preparó para una vida sin sus rayos
I will connect back to the land to experience the beauty before there was me
Por aquí, y de alla, a mí tierra me regreso a segurar mis raíces y fortalecer las conexiones que han existido antes que mi
I will continue to open pathways where many have seen an ending
A promise to connect to the generations before me, y a extender mi mano a los que me siguen
Within my time & beyond my legacy will continue to be a connection
DIFFERENT, ECCENTRIC, MISUNDERSTOOD.
I am from 26th and Spaulding,
From the food joint Denny’s around the block
And life-saving store Cermak Produce
I’m from my grandmother, Raquel and mother, Marisol.
From watching horror movies and cartoons
And 70s and 80s rock and roll music videos.
And drinking hot chocolate and eating a strawberry donut on Saturday mornings. And from resilience and perseverance.
I’m from weird and stupid.
And from daydreaming.
I’m from abuse and trauma.
I’m from a God that blesses me and my life every day.
I’m from Chicago, Illinois.
From carne asada, rice, beans, and Coca Cola.
From Dulce Maria Quintero.
Chicago’s beauty is undeniable. The richness in history, culture, food, art, community, and diversity is what makes Chicago Chicago. Chicago is a resilient warrior that has overcome a great fire and ongoing violence.
I’m from Chicago
Where the streets don’t bring peace
I’m from Chicago. Chicago Ave and Long to be exact
Raised in the Windy City, known as Chicago
I’m from the home of the hustle
Where dreams grow and are lost
From the streets to the skyscrapers
From cold winters to the hot summers
I’m from Chicago, L-town to be exact.
I’m from Chicago, where we ’ ve seen too many lives taken.
I’m from Chicago, we ’ re a city full of fighters, hustlers, and dreamers.
I’m from Chicago where my spirit runs free
In the heartbeat of a city that will always be.
From the alleys of Austin to the lights of Navy Pier in Chicago
I am home. Forever near.
I’m from Chicago where there is a mother in fear hoping and praying
Her child won’t disappear.
I’m from Chicago where the streets don’t sleep
And the Devil’s work runs deep.
Kids with guns thinking that’s the way,
But all it does is cause more pain.
I’m from Chicago, where it’s time to break this vicious cycle.
I’m from Chicago where it’s time to rise and put an end to these cries.
I
Dear BMWM,
Since you asked, I’ll tell you why I’m so cold-hearted. My soul’s crying out, lost in the maze of the fights I fought. A stone cold heart turned to ice, feeling the burn in the shadows of the night.
Sadness weighing heavy on my chest, screaming to the demons in my mind. Can’t cope with this mess. Brick walls closing in, paranoia got me tweaking. Trying to find a way out, but the darkness got me slippin.
Eyes full of tears, pain seeping in my veins, haunted by memories, drowning in the pouring rain.
Mental prison got me locked. Can’t break free from the chains.
Scared of my own mind, but I rise from the ashes like a Phoenix in the night. Transforming my pain into strength, breaking down the Heaven’s gate.
I am from everywhere and nowhere at once. From soccer games on Saturdays, And raspados from the paleta man in Gage Park, From being told Gage Park is unsafe, Yet the first community where I connected with my culture.
I am from visiting the horses my dad owned down south, Spending whole days running with my little brother, In our own world, building fortresses, Not realizing we were escaping the hustle of the world.
I’m from Jori and Pascual, Weekend visits to la garra, and chicken on 26th, Loved deeply by my mother.
I’m from “You should be a lawyer since you argue so much,” And from “Girls aren’t meant to play soccer, act like a girl.”
From the freedom to choose my path, My parents, from different cultures and religions, From the mountains of San Luis Potosi (my dad), And the Austin neighborhood that raised her (my mom).
From the duality of being biracial and bicultural, Navigating worlds that sometimes clash, Finding strength in the blend of traditions and histories, Embracing the richness of both sides of my heritage. From burgers and carne asada when the weather is nice, From Jori, who gave us everything from nothing, To “echale ganas, mija,” And be humble and respectful, For it’s easy to get it and harder to keep it.
Chicago is the home of the grid system.
Don’t take the Blue Line at night.
Where you can buy a puppy on the corner of la garra on Ashland,
Home to the gentrification in Pilsen and seeing golden retrievers is more normal than seeing your old elderly neighbors.
Home to the best tacos in the back of grocery stores.
Little Village, the largest economy behind the Mag Mile in Chicago, but have to fight for clean air.
Because you sacrificed your dreams, I have a shot at mine.
Because I have a shot, the pressure to excel never fades.
Because the pressure is a privilege,
Because the privilege is a double-edged sword. I'll make it with my community in my heart.
EXPECT, ACCEPT THE UNEXPECTED AND UNACCEPTABLE.
S I N C E Y O U A S K E D
Mom, since you asked, I’ll tell you why I’m so distraught
Because you were intubated
Because you couldn’t breathe
Because your oxygen levels went from 70 to 40 to 14
Because you went through a phase of delirium
Because your family is demanding, entitled, and…
Because I had to be the mom
Because I had to be the power of attorney
Because I had to be the superior while everyone wanted to be in control
Because I couldn’t process anything, just had to keep going
Because my phone never stopped ringing
Because I have so many mixed emotions to process but I have yet to start
Because I’m angry and distraught
CRY IF NEEDED, BUT KEEP MOVING.
I am from Bellwood and Outwest
From Memorial Park and Auntie Shirley’s house
I am from “Who tryna hoop?” and “You smell like outside.”
From freshly mowed lawns and newly acquired scars.
I’m from “We moved out here for a better life.”
I’m from “Snow day thanks to channel 9.”
I’m from watching the same three things at grandma’s house
I’m from Temptations, Michael Jackson’s 30th Anniversary, And the Jacksons mini-series.
I’m from mama doing Tae Bo and “You not gone be running in and out the house.”
From “I ain’t seen you since you were this big.”
To “So when you gone have a kid?”
I’m from Chicago by birth, 52nd Ave by nurture.
I
Mama, since you asked I’ll tell you why I’m so tired
Because my first car is dearly departed
Because a stipend not gone feed me
Because I’ve had to ask for way more help this year
Because this education hasn’t broke even for me
Because these white folks at my night job be tripping
Because I need a night job in the first place
Because I got dreams I won’t achieve by being asleep
Because I’m too close to take a break
Because I’m having fun finally doing what I want
Because everything I want to do costs money, and FanDuel doesn’t seem to be on my side
Because I’m still learning to pray to God.
The Chicago I know is beautiful, but aggressive.
Lessons might be taught through experience or words.
The Chicago I know is the best in the summer and insane during the winter.
Chicago is a city that only settles for so long before it demands change, whether it’s weather or sports.
The women are bad, and the men are on defense.
The Chicago I know is the ultimate melting pot. I can get a taco and a beef without leaving a zip code.
The Chicago I know has too many outsiders with too many opinions.
The Chicago I know might as well be the United Nations.
The Chicago I know is usually duplicated, but rarely credited.
The music is always on the rise, because it doesn’t stay complacent.
The Chicago I know is always talked about, but rarely properly covered.
That’s cool, gotta keep working though.
Moved out, now I understand Pops.
Don’t ask questions, Mama. Just pray.
Life’s good, even when it ain’t.
Cry if needed, but keep moving.
I didn’t wanna come. You’re welcome.
IT’S DETERMINISTIC. LIVE THROUGH THE SOUL.
I am from Clark and Montrose
From Graceland Cemetery and Wrigley Field
I am from stone soup, the rowdiness of communal living,
But also the family present.
I am from Lake Michigan, the gentle waves at the forefront
And the vast horizon you can look out to.
I’m from Sara and Salvador.
From soccer on Sundays
And from excessive laughter
I’m from “Have you done your homework?”
And from “Remember this incredibly embarrassing story?”
I’m from agnosticism.
I’m from Chicago.
ACHIEVING DREAMS, INFINITE LEARNING, FUTURE UNFOLDS.
M F R O M
I come from the far Southside of Chicago
From pop bottles and old pizza on park benches.
I’m from, “Did the trash fairies grace us with their presence this week?”
I’m from smoke clouds, From watching old folks pass on to peace.
I’m from injustices pushing me to make a difference.
I’m from being part of Justice now, From fighting for my community and others Like mine.
I
Sierra, since you asked, I’ll tell you why I’m so proud.
With little money, I dreamed big. Black and first in my family line, I went to college to make a life for myself,
A mostly white school, I walked the halls with my head held high.
It was a climb for four years, Pushed through struggles.
I made it, degree in hand.
I walked that stage, saw my family cheering, My grandpa’s face was in the crowd.
I’m proud to be who I am and Knowing this is the beginning of my journey.
In the heart of the South Side, Chicago’s pulse beats loud, Streets tell stories that are proud and brutal, Mix with laughter and despair, Kids playing ball find hope and dreams Yet shadows await and violence commences, Mothers weep as they bury their seed, Lives cut short by Chicago’s sin, Yet resilience flows in each teardrop.
Schools trying to teach amidst war Teachers become soldiers in the classroom
From soul food to deep dish, Restaurants open 24 hours, never miss a beat.
Chicago is a place of peace and pain, A place I’ll always call my home. My home.
RELEASING WHAT DOESN’T RECIPROCATE MY ENERGY.
I am from Chicago
From tourist sites like the bean and the sears tower
I am from meet ups at the park and $5 slices of Baccis Pizza
From little league softball games and elementary volleyball games
And from smiles and giggles
I’m from being told to always carry my own weight
And from being told that I would have been given the task, if I weren’t able to handle it.
I’m from Cook County Health Hospital
From Krunchy Curls, 50 cent juices, and panics on the 4th of July
From my mom and my dad
I am from joyousness
I
Brown Eyes, since you asked, I’ll tell you why I’m so reserved.
Because my dad was dying
Because I was 164 miles away
Because I wasn’t there to help
Because YOU weren't there when I needed you the most
Because when my dad floated away it seemed as though everyone went with him
Because everyone had opinions but no one listened
Because relationships had no loyalty
Because friendships were no longer genuine
Because everything was changing
Because I was sad
Because I was miserable
Because I needed you
Because I was hurting
Because I had no one to talk to
Because I was alone
A M G O I N G
I am going to fly, like an owl in the sky. Allowing my wings to flutter. Feeling the crisp breeze as I soar. Traveling to new destinations.
I am going to pursue my education to the fullest. Displaying all thirty-two of my pearly white teeth as my tassel shifts from right to left.
I am going to advocate and educate. Addressing the ways of togetherness, exploring options to achieve universal healthcare, and a solution to homelessness.
When things are all said, I’m going to leave my peace, my thoughts, and ideas. That will influence positive change in others around.
Releasing what doesn’t reciprocate my energy.
The root of all evil, temptation.
Door swings forward, doesn’t swing back.
Scars may heal, but leave marks.
Desperation does not equate to incarceration.
To learn more about our work, read memoirs, and other compilations written by our Authors visit: www.contextos.org
Find us on social media: @contextoschi
Photography by Dimitri Hepburn
Book design by Dimitri Hepburn
