THE DAY THAT CHANGED MY LIFE
The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.
Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.
While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.
This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.
The Day that Changed My Life
R. Banks
Pain, this was normal to me. I've been going through this as long as I can remember. It started in 2004 in the middle of July. I was 4 years old, I was at home in my crib and my younger brother was a baby. He was one-years old and he was also in his crib.
Iwalkedtothelivingroomandwestayedonthethirdfloorwhichwas threestories.
bMymotherandolderbrotherwereatthelaundromatandhadtoldmeandmydadthatwhentheyget mackwewouldgotoRedLobsterandmebeingachildatthetimeIwasamama'sboylookingformy ama, soIclimbedoutmycribandwalkedpastthebathroomandseenmydadshavinghisbeerinthemirror. Buthedidn'tseeme.
Thepatioisopentothebalconyandthescreenhadthreebigholesinthem.
I slipped through one of thebigholes and slipped through thebalconybars andfell three stories on solid concrete.Ibroke myjaw,both of mywrists and wasbleedingfrom my mouth.
When I look back, I remember falling and the air was hitting my face but I don't remember hitting the ground. After I fell I crawled to the alley and passed out. At this point my dad was looking for me. While I was passed out in the alley this man named Shorty who my Dad knew on the street, took me to the convenience store, called around the clock and told the store clerks that he had found me in the alley. The store clerks told him why would he move my body, so he put me back in the alley and I remember just going in and out of consciousness and at this point my dad was looking for me from in the building.
He told me when Igot older that he remembered looking over the balcony and seeing red spots on the ground but not knowing it was blood, because blood dries fast in the Sun. He had been calling around the building, to neighbors and friends, but nobody had seen me. He had already called my mom and she was already on her way home.
Nowto gettothe parkinglot youhadto gothroughthe same alley.I rememberbeing conscious enoughto see mymom gettingout ofthe car cryingand whenI went out thistimeI woke upin an ambulance and passed out again.Mydadtold methatI wasn'tthat responsive andIhad gotten resuscitated.I rememberbeingshocked and goingback out,I guessI was stable.Mymomtold methatIhadn't respondedto any ofthedoctors or nursesbut when she called mynameIdid.I woke upand wastrying to smilebut couldn'tbecause myjawwaswired shut.I couldn't move myarms,they were wrapped up. I was at the Children's Memorial Hospital and my parents ended up spending the night as much as they could and when they ended up leaving I threw fits.
Iwasinthehospitalforamonth.ThereweretimeswhenIdidn'twanttobeinthe hospitalandItriedtogetoutofthebedandleavebutIendedupfallingtothefloor.
A lot of people came to see me, three Navy men came to see me and this Clown. I remember crying because I hated clowns. I ended up getting transferred to Merrillville Rehabilitation Center, in Merrillville Indiana for about 4 months.
Istartedrehabilitating,IwascrawlingforaminuteandthenIhadtolearnhowtowalk againandusemyarms.Myparentswouldcometoseemeandit'llbetimeforthemto go.IwouldcryandthrowatantrumeverynightbeforeIwenttobed.Mydadwouldget onthephonewithmeandpraywithmeandsingtomethissongcalledRockinRobin.
I had to eat my food from a blender or through a straw because I had lost some teeth. The pain that I felt was there but wasn't that recognizable because I was young. I had met all types of kids from different experiences who had different problems just like me. I wasn't alone, we were all going through pain.
I met kids that had disorders, disfigurements, disabilities and their parents didn't want them or had been in an accident too just like me.
ThefourmonthsthatwentbywerelongbutIgotthroughitandlearnedhowtowalk,talk andusemyarmsagain.
gladto be home.
Then itwas time for me togo home,
Iremembergetting outofthe car andsaying Iwas
As I grew up there was something missing in my life but I really didn't know what it was. I had great parents and loving siblings, but sometimes I didn't fit in. Sometimes I felt like an outsider. But I never asked questions or complained.
AsIgotolderIstillcouldn'tprocesswhyIwastheonlylightskinpersoninmyfamily . AsIgotolder , findingoutIwasadoptedtraumatizedmeforlife .
Mydadnotbeingapartofmylifeatayoungageaffectedmebutwassuppressed becauseIdidn'tknowhimorknowofhimuntilIgotolder.
son .
Mostlybecauseshewasyoungandjustbecomingaparentasfarasmebeingherf
idn'tmovemebecauseIdidn'tknowhim .Butitdefinitelyhadaneffectonmymother .
Ifoundoutmyfatherwask illedayearafterIwasborn .Knowingthatmyfatherwaskilled
My father's death caused my mother to spiral out of control emotionally, she started using drugs and leaving me and my siblings at home while she partied and then came home for days.
Myoldersisteratthetimewas9yearsold , itwasfiveofus, fourgirlsandoneboy. She tookcareofusthosedayswhenmymotherwasn'thome.
Shemadeawayeventhoughshewasayounggirlanddidn'treallyhaveaclueonhowtotakecareofchildren.
When I got older, I wondered why my sister was mad at my mother, because of what she did when we were younger.
We ended up getting adopted when my grandmother worked for DCFS called them and reported her to DCFS.
Thestorygoesthatmymomcametothedoorwhilecarryingmysisterandshewas smokingPrimos.SheopenedthedoorandtohersurprisetheDCFScaseworkerswereat thedoor.Mymomclosedthedoorinherfaceaftersheannouncedherself.Ihappenedto beinanotherroomatthetime.Mymother 'sfriendwhowasalsotheretookmysisterandI outtheback.
Mymotherendedupgettingintoitwithmygrandmotherbecauseshewasn't tryingtogetclean.Mygrandmacalledthehotlineagainandonceagainallof mysisterswereinthesystemandIwasalsonowinthesystem.
My grandmother tried to get me to but wasn't able to take any more kids, so my mom and grandma knew some people from this church who they were close with and they had them adopt me. But from what I know my mother was supposed to get clean so she could get me back but she didn't.
When I think about my father I think about what type of man he was..
HewasbornAugust7th1946andRainbowCityPanama.Mydadalwayswantedtotravel. HerodeamotorcycleallthewayfromPanamatotheMexicoborder.Theydidn'tlethim oversohewentbacktoPanamaandsigneduprightawayandtheysenthimtoaCollege ofAmericainVirginia.
He graduated with adegreein political science and afterthattheysenthimtobasic traininginOceanside,California.He completedthattrainingandin1969he was sentto fightintheVietnam warinthe1975.Hehad anhonorabledischarge.He received a PurpleHeart.
Onethingthatsticksouttomeisthat,whenmyfatherfoughtinthewar, mymotherwasjustbeingborn.
aAsIwasaskingmymotheraboutmyfatherIaskedwhattypeofmanhewas ndshesaidenergetic ,protective , loving , courageous ,providing , humble , outstandingandhaveprinciplesthathestoodon.
Tilthis day Ilookin the mirror andremember the scars andhave to learn to love them. I don'tbelieve thatGodputs us in situations for no reason. We learn andwegrow stronger from allofour trials andtribulations.
I'm 2 years in and I have completed 22 College courses. Jail has taught me patience and perseverance, and most of all that Allah creates trials and tribulations so that you become closer to him.
The biggest turning point in my life is right now being detained and Cook County Correctional Facility. This will help me find a passion for exercise and living a healthy and active lifestyle.
My way of doing things and work ethics have helped and inspired others to do the same. People now look at me for motivation and for a healthy lifestyle.
So for the reader, judge me by my character and not by my past, judge me by who I am and who I am destined to become.
R. Banks
I Am From
I am from Howard and Marshfield
From ghettos and low income neighborhoods
I am from fire hydrants and playing in the streets
I am from where the grass don’t grow green
Cuz you jump right into the streets
I’m from my mom and dad
From watching movies late night
And from losing friends in the street
I’m from where I got something for yo ass when you yet home
And from where a hard head make a soft behind
I’m from Christian to following Islam, Inshallah
I’m from treacherousness
Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb
